A girl
Posted on January 1, 2026 by David M Willis

262 thoughts on “A girl”

  1. NGPZ

    hahahaha WALKY NOOOOOOO

    dont do that ya dumbass!!! X-X

    smh

    1. Stormtide Leviathan

      Well in this case being awkward and making his conversation partner feel uncomfortable was the point

    2. Dara

      Are you kidding? That was perfect. Confusing and leveraging cop homophobia and contact discomfort. Not just drove off the cop but made him actively not want to think about what just happened. 10/10 for young Walkerton!

      1. NGPZ

        the butt stuff was really going over into the danger zone tho

        I know this is a comic and what not, but we can’t forget that cops are basically a gov-funded street gang, dangerous fuckers who’d more often than not take that opportunity to taze em in the ass just for kicks or even worse ?

        1. Clif

          Walky’s but has been a continuing topic of conversation. I feel he was on safe ground.

        2. deliverything

          I hate to agree, but… it could just as easily have turned into that so-called “gay panic”.

          Speaking of panic, though: I’m pretty sure Walky doesn’t know what’s going on but suspected that, whatever it was, adding cops would probably make things worse, so he did the first thing he could think of in his uninformed state. Fortunately, it worked.

          To borrow from another webcomic: Maxim 43: “If it’s stupid and it works, it’s still stupid and you’re lucky.”

        3. deliverything

          To clarify the “I hate to agree” part:if he’d been sensible, we wouldn’t’ve had this wonderful cop confusing moment.

        4. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Also, if people were sensible, this wouldn’t be Dumbing of Age and Earth wouldn’t look like the worst case of acne ever documented.

        5. Decidedly Orthogonal

          And *I* wouldn’t have screwed up the simple task of linking to Willis’ own comic. ?

        6. JC

          They’ll never expect this!

      2. Nymph

        I replied agreeing with you. However, a perfectly chill comment got reported into moderation lmao. People are so silly.

        1. Nymph

          Since my comment is stuck in waiting-for-moderation hell (as usual) despite being harmless (again as usual) here it is again!

          “Yeah, I think he handled it great. Weaponized his goofball tendencies for good.”

    3. Bobby

      confuse into deescalation is a tried and true method wym

      1. Al

        It’s both an art and a science

    4. DJTsurugi

      he got the guy to flee by making him gay panic. ~<3

      1. Adept

        The origin of ”gay panic” is way darker.

        1. Lysbeth

          Never thought I would see “~<3" following these words tbh

        2. Nymph

          The meaning of the phrase has changed (the way English language does) and now encompasses someone panicking/acting awkward/getting super nervous/fleeing because they are gay.

          These things happen, but I do hope everyone who uses the phrase understands the origin of it when they choose to use it.

        3. C.T Phipps

          It’s not even gay panic because it’s Walky talking about his heterosexual love affair and making it uncomfortable for the man. If he’d actually claimed to be gay and brown, it could have gotten violent.

          Mind you, that’s because the absolute bottom of ACAB is the new norm.

        4. NGPZ

          what do you mean “new norm”?

          bruh cops in our country have ALWAYS been murderous bastards

          it’s only fairly recently that a significant part of the white majority actually started to catch on after decades of being conditioned by copoganda ?

        5. Nymph

          Yeah, if you think police violence is the “new” norm you just haven’t had a reason to pay attention until recently.

        6. C.T Phipps

          If that’s what you took from what I wrote, I clearly failed to convey my point. Which is that the cop is probably racist and homophobic.

        7. Nymph

          “Mind you, that’s because the absolute bottom of ACAB is the new norm.”

          I’m just responding to the actual words you used.

      2. zee

        Better than getting shot because of gay panic ig

    5. anon

      imean he wouldn’t be lying lol, imagine if he went into details about the 2.5 girls he hooked up with haha

  2. Taigan

    To hear Walky talk like that, I have to remind myself that he actually isn’t a virgin.

    1. Effie

      Cop is super rude to be like “you? You’re a joke, you don’t have a girlfriend”

      1. JC

        Rude authority figure? Never!

  3. Bill Erak

    You know, Walky would act the exact same if Jennifer came around to ask the same question.

  4. Mr. Random

    … such an awkward and strange conversation.

    Happy New Year!

    1. Madock345

      Happy New Year!

    2. Thag Simmons

      awkward and strange conversations are in the spirit of the holiday

    3. SunflowerBanjo

      Yeah, sometimes there are individual panels that feel a little awkward or ring pretty hollow, but this is the rare Entire Strip that just reads very….. Odd. (And imo tonally out of place in the story happening around it.) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      1. Clif

        Please enjoy whatever comic you are reading.

      2. SwampGoblin

        idk if it IS tonally out of place. Walky wasn’t at the protest, Walky hasn’t seen Amber since the protest, I’m pretty sure Sal’s “Ah’m no snitch” policy includes not telling her brother about his ex girlfriend’s escapades that require veterinary intervention.

      3. deliverything

        I’m pretty sure Walky was intentionally being “tonally out of place”. Compare his panel 2 expression (realising he doesn’t know what’s going on, but that it’s probably best he not reveal that to the cop) with his subsequent exaggerated goofiness.

        1. Throwatron

          whole lotta people shocked that the guy who avoids problems with humorous non-sequitrs employed his primary and most common strategy for conflict deescalation

  5. IntangibleMatter

    Walky, why’d you stop that cop? He’s genre-savvy! He would’ve actually gotten along with Amber, or at least have had an interesting interaction!

    1. Steamweed

      Walky knows that all cops are bastards. Not willing to take any chances.

    2. 3oranges

      Genre-savvy doesn’t help if they’re the bad guy!

    3. zee

      All cops means ALL cops, man

      1. Taffy

        Though I’ll admit, it’s pretty sad we have to include Major Motoko Kusanagi in that slogan.

        1. Tequila Mockingbird

          Nah, I think she’s fine. Way I see it, just like we can stretch our imaginations to conjure Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark as billionaires who aren’t amoral monsters, so too should we be allowed to fantasize about something equally as far-fetched as a cop you can actually trust.

        2. StClair

          As long as we recognize it’s as unrealistic as being able to pick up big heavy things by one corner, or radiation giving you amazing powers instead of just cancer.

  6. Sirksome

    Don’t trust Walky’s butt?

    1. thakoru

      That’s okay, he’s got citations.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Other cops have issues citations for his butt?

      2. Steamweed

        APA system citations, I hope.
        (though, i’ll grudgingly accept MLA)

        1. Owlmirror

          Keener, D. & O’Malley, A. pers. comm. 20??

          (I cannot recall at this time if Lucy commented on Walky’s butt)

    2. Yumi

      I’d trust Walky’s butt with my life.

      1. Rose by Any other Name

        … hot?

    3. NGPZ

      especially not in front of a cop

      i dont even wanna think about all the dumbass youtubers and tiktokers who had to learn that the hard way X-X

    4. Spacie

      Especially after what he has been eating.

  7. M!a

    Nozy-ass pig… donut shop’s THAT way, motherfucker.

    1. Tequila Mockingbird

      See, I said something like this but took way longer to say it. Your version, however, is exponentially more efficient and effective. Absolute master stroke, well played.

      1. M!a

        Well thank you! ?

        And, to be fair, your drag name is far, far better. ❤️

        1. Tequila Mockingbird

          Ha! Never done drag, but if I ever do, guess I’ve got a name picked out for me already. Thanks for the suggestion. ?

  8. Cattleprod

    I compared the cops to the stormtroopers searching Mos Eisley a couple days ago and Walky just mind-tricked that guy.

    1. StClair

      He can go about his business.

    2. butting

      this isn’t the butt you’re looking for

      1. Steamweed

        I think Walky’s trick was more like “This isn’t the girl you’re looking for.”

        1. Throwatron

          “Could a dangerous woman love a man with such a bubbly butt? I think not, good sir.”

  9. StClair

    Says the guy who doesn’t even have a name.

  10. Lumino

    You know that test where you should be able to read dialogue out of context and know which character it is?

    Tell me the difference between Panel 4 Walky and Joyce.

    1. RassilonTDavros

      Joyce would’ve said the “d” at the end of “and”.

      1. Clif

        Also Joyce would have been serious, while Walky is deploying a strategic mindfuck.

    2. Astariel

      Walky and Joyce are much more alike than either of them would ever admit. There’s a reason Dorothy fell for both of them.

      1. Clif

        Also true.

    3. Jo_cubstar

      LOL that’s a good point. I could see Joyce saying that haha

    4. Steamweed

      Joyce wouldn’t say “Naw.”

    5. YourCousinJay

      Joyce wouldn’t say naw or sexy-sexes

      she’d probably have said hanky-panky, the sex or just sex. or hell maybe she’d say something dumb like “we’re definitely both sex-havers”

    6. John Campbell

      Skill issue.

      The sentiment is kind of Joycey — as Astariel says, Joyce and Walky are more alike than either of them are willing to admit — but it’s not at all how Joyce would say it.

  11. Cholma

    Later:
    Cop: “Hmm, he *did* have a nice ass . . . I wonder if he & his girl would be into a polycule?”

  12. RassilonTDavros

    Happy Arbitrary Number Rolling Over Day! Hope it goes at least somewhat better than this last one.

    Kinda love the characters just squicking the cops the fuck out to get them to screw off.

    1. John Campbell

      Welcome to another year of the stupidest dystopia.

      1. Pappenheimer

        Unfortunately, I fear you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet. Wait until 2027, with ‘for sale’ signs on all federal monuments and national parks, and US military units rented out as Hessians*.

        *No insult meant to any modern-day inhabitants of Hesse

        1. thejeff

          It’s definitely going to get worse this year.

          By 2027, we’ll know if we still live in even a nominal democracy or not. If so, Dems will almost certainly control at least one House of Congress and be able to limit the damage somewhat.

        2. NGPZ

          you’re saying that as though we’ll still be a single country by then o3o

    2. NGPZ

      arbitrary number rolling over day is honestly right

      ever since Jan 2021, Ive been just thoroughly disillusioned with any notion that things magically get better for us because of some special number on the gregorian calendar

      it didn’t make the pandemic any less scary or devastating to deal with, that much is certain ?

      the need to gather and celebrate to disconnect and all?

      thems valid as fuck, but dont need no special day to do that, at least i sure dont

      for me, a “holiday” is whenever weed, alcohol, erotic anime, video games, etc can successfully disconnect me from the taxing reality that’s living as a disabled person in California’s corporate hellscape, i dont need no rigid ass calender to tell me when that should happen XD

      in the end, honestly screw new years and new years resolutions and that corny shit

      if brotha MLK got anything to say about it, ANY time is the perfect time to stop living by some mythical concept of time

      alright rant over, time to get stoned! XD

      1. Clif

        Not completely arbitrary. By my calculations we are about 10 years out from the singularity.

        1. eh, whatever

          You still believe in the singularity?

        2. Adept

          The Singularity is a dream of the fascist tech bros. Damien Walter has a great video on Youtube about it, which I recommend.

        3. Taffy

          If there’s gonna be any kind of singularity, it had better be the sexy robots kind. I’ll commit provable murder if the robots aren’t sexy.

    3. Taffy

      These cops are hilariously pathetic. Defeated by a post-it note and a mildly awkward conversation, they’re an embarrassment to the concept of law.

      1. Steamweed

        I’m guessin’ they’re sensitive to bein’ on thin ice with their raid.

        1. Throwatron

          I think they just don’t want to do their jobs that badly

    4. Thag Simmons

      Yeah, Auld Lang Syne and all that jazz.

  13. shadowcell

    the Great Faz! and the Great Wen! they live!

  14. NGPZ

    for reals NEVER do that butt stuff in front of a cop

    some of them have killed for far less

    1. zee

      They’re also like, mega rapists. Theyre racist rapist murderers. I’m fully confident some of them freaks would try that old “buck breaking” shit

      1. Tequila Mockingbird

        ☝️☝️☝️ Very much this. I’m a cishet suburban due whose ass is pale as freshly fallen snow, so you’d think I wouldn’t be so wary around ’em… but I could only read so many news stories before coming to one inescapable conclusion. I steadfastly refuse to trust a single one of them. Finish the phrase, it’s “one bad apple spoils the whole bunch.”

        1. Tequila Mockingbird

          *dude

  15. Smithy

    Shows what that cop knows, the person who was the most similar to Walky I ever met (kinda babyfaced, lanky despite terrible diet, nerdy and a bit goofy) was also by far the most popular and sexually active man I’ve ever met.

    1. Holly

      Yeah sounds p attractive. Also reminds me of the Eddie Cochran song Skinny Jim!

      https://www.eddie-cochran.com/songs/skinny-jim-song-info/

  16. tim gueguen

    Officer Fred still hasn’t dealt with his feelings for the officer he had the hots for when they were rookies.

  17. DinaJoyce

    This is an excellent start to the new year!

  18. Terah

    Good job, Walky

  19. P!enapple

    So much for the cops raiding Reed ( Read? ) Hall and not Clark, so Clark Hall isn’t safe either. Hats off to Walky for stepping up and being intelligent! ?

    Happy New Year, everybody!

    1. John Campbell

      Read is the building. Clark is the girls’ wing. The boys are in Beck. (There are two other wings, but no one we know or care about lives there.)

      1. HueSatLight

        Raidah, Asma (and Angie), and probably Char are Readites that don’t live on Clark 3, so maybe they’re in Curry/theotherone.

        1. John Campbell

          Don’t care about Raidah. Definitely don’t care about Char, whose only appearance in the last eight years was in a flashback. And I was pretty sure that Asma lived behind the front desk…

  20. Sirksome

    How much can these cops get away with? You’re searching the girl’s hall for Amazi-Girl right? Checking the boys rooms feels like really pushing the bounds of this likely very illegal search. I hope someone at Read has a good lawyer available.

    1. Bill Erak

      They can call Sarah in five and a half years

    2. John Campbell

      Someone in Read does have a good lawyer available!

      1. Anonymous

        (Thank you for that link! Going off on a tangent, thanks it to I ended up reading
        https://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-10/01-birthday-pursuit/workedout/
        which prompted some much-needed laughter at the line
        “That’s… not a great precedent to set.”
        when considered in the context of current Joyce-Dorothy interactions.)

    3. Nymph

      I mean, if you’re already breaking the law…

    4. Lee

      IANAL, but this was very likely legal. It’s very reasonable to think the police asked the University (or judge, of course) for access to every hall in the dorm, not just the girls’ halls, in case the costume and such got handed off. If they had that permission, standing in one of those hallways looking through an already-wide-open door at who/what is in plain view inside is not an illegal search.

      Now, the University can’t give them permission to open closed doors, enter, or search places out of plain view like closets, like they were yesterday, so THAT was an illegal search if they didn’t have the warrant I’m still annoyed Ruth didn’t more forcefully demand to see (though I get her fear).

      1. Lee

        “enter the actual rooms”, that was supposed to say.

      2. NGPZ

        in any case cops really dont follow laws, and here they would likely lie later and claimed these doors were already open or “smelled like marijuana” or some shit 9-9

        1. deliverything

          There’s not a whole lot of difference between something being legal and something being illegal but never prosecuted.

      3. Andrusi

        Today, Walky also ANAL.

    5. thejeff

      If it’s already illegal, I’m not sure checking the boys wing changes anything.

      And there’s more than one person here with the resources and connections to bring lawyers into play.

    6. HueSatLight

      Cop is trying to create reasonable suspicion by making Walky defensive.

  21. ValdVin

    Cop doesn’t realize Mr. Non-Threatening Comic Relief Guy is about to be on his third girlfriend in like a week.

    1. thejeff

      Why wouldn’t girls like “non-threatening comic relief guy”?

      Funny guy who isn’t scary? Certainly better than the reverse.

      1. ValdVin

        Eddie Valiant: “Seriously, what do you see in that guy?”

        Jessica Rabbit: “He makes me laugh.”

      2. thakoru

        I think “non-threatening” in this context means “not threatening to other guys”. Because toxic dudes view relationships as competitions between men where the only the strongest, manliest, alpha-est men get the girl.

      3. Throwatron

        people constantly wonder how Pete Davidson (assuming I got his name right) constantly beds the most consensus attractive celebrities at the height of their fame, and it’s like “I don’t know, man, have you ever tried being enjoyable to be around?” Guys think that being more attractive will solve all their problems, but it’s way easier to just be decent, safe, and a little bit fun.

        1. ValdVin

          As so often turns out, there’s an SMBC for this.

          https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/hey-3

  22. Alongcameaspider

    Walky used awkwardly talking about sex stuff!

    Its surprisingly effective!

  23. Taffy

    Pretty groovy of him to invoke the classic Obfuscating Stupidity trope. He’s a good egg.

    1. Bill Erak

      ?????

      1. Taffy

        They’ll never suspect that the link goes directly to TV Tropes. Yet another epic prank, don’t forget to like and subscribe.

        1. Clif

          Carla would be proud of you.

    2. Poppakat

      Good job, you just distracted me for a good 20 minutes with TV Tropes.

  24. Lanz

    “The moment he heard Walkerton say ‘genitalia’ out loud was the moment Ron had realized he had made a significant mistake. In his day, in his career, in his life choices, the cop could feel it pierce through every one in short succession, leading him to question his very being and the path that brought him to this moment.”

    1. Taffy

      Dude’s gonna move to a town with three waterfalls and start over.

      1. Clif

        So basically we’re talking about Gorham, New Hampshire or McCloud, California or Rochester, New York. Technically we might include DuPont State Forest in North Carolina were it not for the fact that the town is missing in action.

        1. Taffy

          In about 7 years, California will be underwater (good riddance to Hollywood, condolences to everyone else), so that list is gonna get smaller.

        2. NGPZ

          so I basically gotta live as a stateless pirate for a while, is what you’re saying o3o

  25. Lilliam

    Cop too self aware. UNREALISTIC

  26. DiDi

    I think it’s odd that cop is just randomly peeking into doors like that…

    But Walky is a quick thinker and I love him. So all is well.

  27. Minivet

    Reminds me of the bit from Walter Koenig’s memoir where some cops wanted to question him over a suspected case of procurement (I don’t think he was suspected, just something in his vicinity) and when hearing the topic he responded “Aw jeez, I don’t even have a girlfriend” and it came off so pathetic that the cops just looked at each other & went on their way.

    1. Svankensen

      What is procurement? Not familiar with US legal slang. Google shows some corporate acquisition stuff.

      1. Agemegos

        “Procuring” is basically legalese for pimping.

        (Said he, praying that he got the HTML right.)

        1. Minivet

          Yep.

  28. Astariel

    Gah, cop jump scare! Just glad the homophobic reaction wasn’t a violent one.

    1. NGPZ

      oh my god im still worried as fuck and shakin in my boots ???

      1. Astariel

        Yeah, I don’t think Walky really understood how potentially dangerous that was.

  29. Icalasari

    Good job, Walky!

  30. Lanz

    Also wait does this cop have Osborn hair

    1. StClair

      and a Jameson mustache.

  31. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    FWEET!

    Fourth Wall Violation!

  32. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Cop is rightly afraid of catching Butts Disease.

  33. Qube

    starting the year off with butts disease huh

    1. John Campbell

      The beginning of one year is the butt… er, end of another!

      1. NGPZ

        mmmmmm, butter

      2. Morhek

        It’s a shame this wasn’t yesterday’s comic or you could have called it the butt-endd of the year.

  34. Dot

    Happy new year yall!

    1. Dot

      Also I won’t repeat my complaints from the patreon but in general I think this police raid sequence is not threading the needle of serious drama and necessary levity as well as I would have wished

      1. NGPZ

        yeah honestly the butt thing Walky did really pushin it,

        but imma let Willis cook for now, specially since we have yet to see our STAR CROSSED LOVERS interact with the pigs

        hella fuckin worried for them honestly

        cops… aren’t exactly known for being kind to autistic folk ?

      2. shepsquared

        Yeah, this is deeply uneven and it’ll be difficult to take the cops seriously if there’s another attempt at drama.

        1. Big Z

          I’m kinda on the far side of that, in that I’m fine with “campus cops are kinda dorky and ineffectual” because that rings very true to life for me, but as you say it’ll be hard to make them dramatic if and when it comes to that.

        2. Yumi

          Unless we see another cop established in a different tone. Which could be something in itself, because I think a lot of people have benign interactions with cops and then either think they’re all like that or just forget to have their guard up as much. Then you encounter one who has decided you should have a really bad day. (And then he calls for backup and Mr. Dorky and Ineffectual shows up and seems more intimidating now that he’s following this guy and pointing a gun…)

        3. thejeff

          The problem for me is that these cops are introduced as if they’re a real threat. They’re implied to be here illegally. One is even shown bandaged, which implies he’d been hurt by AG and thus had a personal grudge.
          But when they’re searching, they’re just barely interested. Like they’re just going through the motions, with no personal stake.

        4. Lexi

          To be fair, there are A LOT of dorm rooms to search. They probably had more of a grudge in the first 40 rooms they went through, but after going through a couple hundred kids’ personal belongings, they’re probably starting to just get bored.

        5. Throwatron

          They don’t let you be a cop if you have an IQ above room temperature, so “half of them just got bored” is fully acceptable reasoning to me. I’ve never met a cop who wanted to do their job. All the one that want to be there, are usually there for the perks and benefits, i.e. bullying with impunity. Actually respecting their own processes isn’t that high on the priority table.

        6. thejeff

          I could see that more if this was just routine police work, but isn’t this supposed to be personal? Them coming after AG because she beat them up?

        7. Big Z

          Something that starts as “personal” can get tedious MORE quickly than something that’s a routine part of your job. Those first 40 rooms are going to be boring enough if you’re just doing the work, but if you spend the first 15 on an adrenaline high because you just KNOW you’re gonna bust the chick who kneed poor Ricky Bob in the face, the subsequent adrenaline crash is going to make the next 25 feel like water torture.

  35. Steamweed

    1. If I had a nickel for every time Amber was part of a scheme pretending romance, I’d have two nickels. Which is now the smallest minted US coin.
    2. Happy (I dearly hope) New Year!

    1. Nymph

      With Walky both times, too.

      1. Steamweed

        Was thinkin’ of the Danny episode for the first.

        1. Yumi

          So you’d have three nickels. Far too many nickels.

        2. Nymph

          omg you’re rich!

        3. Clif

          just not a rich as Mike.

        4. Steamweed

          Mike wasn’t rich. He was always giving nickels to everyone’s Moms. Poor fellow never could save up. (all these moms; so demanding)

        5. Clif

          I have always preferred to believe that Mike received the nickels.

        6. thejeff

          Mike went both ways. Some of the mom’s paid him and he paid some of them.
          Whichever way caused the most damage.

          And he kept track. “I gave his mom the nickel I got from your mom.”

        7. Yumi

          Just an entire nickel and banging based economy.

        8. Steamweed

          Meh. In this economy? “Fifteen cents” is the new “two cents.”

  36. ADLegend21

    ahhh my favorite type of cringe, life saving cringe!

  37. SvenTS

    Jedi butt trick

    1. Bobby

      this got an actual laugh out of me, thank you

  38. darkoneko

    ….W O W

  39. Amós Batista

    Walky still dealing the life as he always gets Natural 20 in Luck

  40. DashWallkick

    Walky has enough instincts to recognize a cop looking for Amber isn’t good and he needs to run defense, and he does it in the most Walky way possible.

    1. SwampGoblin

      Important to remember that even though he lacks her rizz, he IS Sal’s twin.

      1. DashWallkick

        Sure, but he’s forever been petrified of authority figures. If he can’t deflect he freezes.

        1. Throwatron

          That’s precisely why the deflecting kicks in automatically

  41. Matrix

    Jennifer and Walky for the save!

  42. Quinn

    He should have showed off his impressive midriff.

  43. Heavensrun

    Today I discovered that John Ratzenberger is cast as a shitty cop in the Dumbingverse.

  44. Kyulen

    It seems kinda odd to me for a cop to be so surprised to see a girl in a college boy’s room, as if college students of the opposite sex never hang out in each other’s rooms, whether they’re dating or not. And while I’m glad Walky got the cop to go away, surely he could’ve talked a bit less weird to do so.

    1. ZombieKyrik

      He was intentionally talking like that in order to make the cop uncomfortable, and it worked like a charm.

    2. Taffy

      Have you never acted strange and off-putting in an obviously harmless way to get somebody to fuck off?

      1. Bittersweet

        Actually, I’d never thought about it before, but no. Kinda seems like a thing that mainly happens in fiction.

        1. 3oranges

          Not something that happens with everybody, but something that has happened with people I know. Walky is of course the perfect type for it.

        2. Taffy

          I do it a lot in public IRL, because I’ve just stopped giving a shit what strangers will think of me once I’ve turned around and they’ve despawned from existence.

        3. Clif

          There was a time when I would invite visiting Mormon youths in to witness to them about the lizard people, but I don’t do that sort of thing any more because it annoys my wife.

        4. Doopyboop

          One time I didn’t know how to say no to a couple of proselytizing Jehovah witnesses so I agreed to meet up with them for a single bible study sermon or something and actually showed up, let them read bible shit at me and preach for probably an hour and at the end they were like “So? What do you think, do you wanna join us?” and I replied “No thank you” and left. Your lizard people thing is hilarious, if I was your wife I’d join in with a lizard costume.

        5. John Campbell

          I went to high school in a blue college town in the Bible Belt. We’d go and hang out downtown on Friday nights, and we’d get fundies coming in from the vast ungodless wastes around us to evangelize at the college students, and we’d entertain ourselves by harassing them.

          One of my favorite tricks was when one of them approached me and put his hand out, I’d grab it in that weird two-handed clasp-shake, and say, very earnestly, “Hi, my name’s John. Have you been saved?” Which would throw them, because that was their line. And then no matter what they said, I’d tell them that if they didn’t accept Eris Discordia into their hearts, and possibly other parts of their bodies, they’d end up spending all eternity in Thud, which was kind of like Cary, but somehow even more boring.

          I got exorcised more times than I can count. We exorcised them one night. We had candles and a chant we made up, and we drew a big pentagram around them on the pavement with a piece of bark from a planter. They left, so we figured it worked, which meant our gods were more powerful than theirs.

        6. Tequila Mockingbird

          May the Flying Spaghetti Monster bless you for doing your part to make the world a weirder place.

        7. John Campbell

          These shenanigans were… gods, 14–13 B.F.S.M. The Web was still just a prototype at CERN. André the Giant was still alive. We didn’t have to disambiguate “President Bush”. Return of the Jedi was the worst Star Wars movie. David Willis had not yet started drawing Roomies!.

        8. Yumi

          When we were in college, a close friend of mine became Mormon (and I got queerer and now we don’t talk anymore), so I’d learn something specific things from her. Then when missionaries came up to me on campus, I’d ask really specific questions about their religion. This often confused them. The they’d ask if I was interested in learning more about their faith, and I’d say no, it was just that one thing I was wondering about. This confused them more. (I aimed to be polite, because these were, like, my friend’s friends, but also odd because I didn’t like what they were doing.)

      2. Kyulen

        As an autistic person, I’m sure I’ve acted in ways that most neurotypical people consider strange and off-putting a lot, but not usually intentionally to get someone to leave.

        1. Taffy

          As another autistic person, I encourage you to embrace the off-putting vibe and use it to your advantage as often as possible. You can achieve a lot that way.

        2. Throwatron

          It’s not something I set out to do deliberately, but by the time I realize it’s happening, it becomes a potential out to that situation, and so it gets real desirable from there.

        3. Holly

          As a different autistic person, people have probably acted as strange and “offputting” to me, but if I picked up on it at all it might have been to think the person is awesome and we get on really well and caused me to wish to befriend them more. It amuses me to think someone trying to manipulate me could have it backfire spectacularly, at least.

      3. eh, whatever

        For starters, it hasn’t occurred to me that I could.

        1. Taffy

          Now that you know, you can go forth and be weird and vaguely upsetting.

      4. Yumi

        One time when I was maybe 14, I was walking down the beach at night (on vacation with my parents, I had just run off ahead of them on our way back to where we were staying) and some guy came up to me and offered me shrooms. I just babbled at him in a made up, French-inspired language with a somewhat apologetic tone and then kept going.

        1. Taffy

          Now that you’re an adult (age 33 if I had to guess), you can get your own shrooms. An important milestone.

        2. Yumi

          31… and not personally interested in psychedelics, but I can say that now that I’m an adult, about half my friends have done shrooms. In the future, I could go with, “None for me, thanks, but could I grab a baggie for a friend?”

        3. Taffy

          Huh. For some reason I thought you were slightly older than me. Shroom-wise, I’m actually pretty curious about psychedelics lately, but my living situation doesn’t allow inebriation in the house, so it’ll be a while before I can actually try it.

        4. NGPZ

          Damn i gotta try shrooms sometime in the near future

    3. Doopyboop

      It’s also noon on… I believe it is Monday, definitely a day where there are classes, so the cop might be thrown off by the fact that neither are in class, in addition to having hang out time so early on a school day. Also I remember my dorms being iffy about having someone of the opposite gender over at your place for too long. One time a dormmate’s boyfriend kept hanging at our place and my roommate seriously considered getting the RA involved because she was sick of him bumming at our place. I managed to talk her down by suggesting we talk to our dormmate before talking to the RA and it did work, he went back to… wherever the hell he lived at.

      1. Nymph

        I don’t think it’s unusual for a college student to be out of classes at noon on a Monday and hanging out instead. My schedules had classes dotted all over the place rather than some kind of regimented “school day” but I know it varies by college.

        1. Doopyboop

          My campus was pretty big so unless there was a significant gap of time between classes (like an hour), then I would just park my ass outside the next building while waiting for class to start. Also the 10 am to 2 pm block was pretty full up with classes for me, I remember that time period usually being two classes back to back.

        2. Big Z

          It really depends on your major and class schedules — I remember specifically my sophomore year that my “lunch break” was about 2.5 hours, because that was the year I got obsessed with Super Metroid and would routinely speed-run it inside of that gap a couple times a week.

        3. Nymph

          Like I said, this varies by college, and as Big Z said also by major and class schedule. I literally never had classes between 11-2pm because I scheduled around enjoying a nice break every day, but there were also days I just didn’t have a class some semesters.

      2. Kyulen

        Wouldn’t it be normal for lots of students to have no classes at noon? That is when most people tend to eat lunch.

        1. Doopyboop

          And here is Walky, very much no eating lunch. And like I said above, I almost always had a class around 12 noon because the 10 am to 2 pm block was incredibly busy with back to back classes.

        2. Yumi

          He might be going to his room to eat lunch. But also it might not be common but also not exactly rare. I mean, Walky truly is coming back to his room at this time as part of his normal schedule. I feel like I often had a decent midday break either on M/W or T/Th (not both in the same semester, but my classes were generally M/W/(F) or T/Th, and one pair of days would usually be busier than the other).

  45. ZombieKyrik

    Using awkwardness to make a cop want to leave without getting arrested? Walky my boy, you are a genius. Now if only he would use that genius more often.

    1. Tequila Mockingbird

      He knows not the potential he has. Should he ever learn to tap into the true extent of his power, he shall be unstoppable.

      1. thejeff

        But then people would expect things of him and he’d have to put in effort regularly.

  46. Morhek

    Who could have guessed the most heroic thing Nightguy has done was asking a cop to touch his butt?

  47. Shogo

    So this whole thing was a waste of time then?

    1. Taffy

      Well yeah, she’s just Walky’s girlfriend he has sex with on purpose, not a suspicious fugitive.

  48. Arianod

    “You’re cop. Don’t you wanna cop one?”

  49. Needfuldoer

    Aging Cop Avoids Butt

  50. Acher4

    Happy New year!

    A new year with Walky’s bubble-butt to the rescue!
    A butt that all the girls (and some guys) want. 😛

  51. Holly

    “I am a superhero – I save the day”

  52. Zamperla

    walky my fellow Just To The Side Of White Passing mixed man, god bless your charismatic willingness to just say Whatever.

  53. Adept

    Feel my firm, round butt!

    1. Keith

      While it still is. because a times a comin’ when it won’t be so round, so firm, so taught.

  54. Keith

    Oh, walky. Who knew you could be so utterly, catastrophically vicious to a fragile white male ego.

  55. Alan in DC

    Unless she repaired it, doesn’t Amber’s closet just forcibly eject all her crimefighting junk when activated?

    1. John Campbell

      All of Amazi-Girl’s crimefighting junk is in Billie’s room now, not Amber’s closet, so, no.

      1. thejeff

        Though you’d think just finding the secret compartment clearly designed to hide a costume and paraphernalia would be enough of a clue.

        1. John Campbell

          Just put some weed in there to throw ’em off the scent.

  56. Vulcanodon

    Well DONE, lad… well done!

  57. Poppakat

    Well played Walky, well played.

  58. Tequila Mockingbird

    I know this is a work of fiction and none of these people are real, but my honest reaction to this fictional cop’s behavior is “fuck this fucking asshole.” Not only is he trying to barge into a room without warrant or even probable cause, and then when Walky is like “she’s with me,” this guy has the absolute gall to make a comment on Walky’s personal life and appearance?! “You seem sexually unthreatening,” and that sounds like sexual harassment, ya’ fuckin’ creep. How about you piss the Hell off, Officer Karen?

    1. thejeff

      Part of what’s throwing me with this whole scene is that we don’t know what if any legal authority they’re using here. Do they have a warrant? Do they need one if the university allows them? Did the university allow them? What are the limits on what they can search, if any of this is legal?

      What do they think they’re doing? Are they looking for legal evidence? Just to find and beat up Amazi-Girl? Do they know she’s injured? If they’re actually here for the vigilante who beat up a whole bunch of cops a couple days ago, including some of them, why aren’t they taking this more seriously? Do they care about finding her? What would any of these idiots do if AG was waiting behind one of these doors and had to fight her way out?

      1. VicMortimer

        There’s no such thing as a valid warrant to search all the closets in an entire dorm. No vaguely competent judge, even in Indiana, would have signed such a thing.
        Warrants have to be specific. Every closet in a dorm… ain’t that.

  59. YourCousinJay

    Willis drawing the most thumb shaped cop dear god lol, even his hairline looks like it could just be part of the thumbprint

    1. Stormtide Leviathan

      You’ve heard of Toe Dad, get ready for Thumb Cop

  60. Mr D

    Are these cops the only characters to show up on more than one strip to not get tags?

    1. thejeff

      No. With only a few exceptions, unnamed characters don’t get tagged. Tags also get added retroactively when a name does get used.

  61. noisy

    Walky took offense at “sexually-unthreatening”

  62. Nevermaker

    Walky that’s not what “fuck the police” means

    1. Tequila Mockingbird

      This painted a grin on my face worthy of the Cheshire Cat himself. Have an internet for your contribution.

  63. Kitschensyngk

    “Hey! Hey! Whatcha got in there? What is that? Is that a girl? You got a girl in there? Can I see? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?”

  64. CianM1301

    What a way to ring in 2026: Walky offering a touch of his firm bubble butt.

  65. UrsulaDavina

    Offerin up a bubble butt is great way to start 2026!

  66. yak

    Listen cop guy, if you ask stupid questions like “why is a girl in your room”, you’re gonna get stupid answers.

    1. Taffy

      Every question a cop asks is a stupid question. Never give them an intelligent answer.

  67. JC

    Should have taken it a step farther and mentioned pegging. The cop would have left faster, or Amber could have found an entirely new way to take out some aggression.

  68. Juanoku

    Why is he acting like he’s never had sex before

    1. Taffy

      Because it’s funny.

  69. Bicycle Bill

    I know these officers are probably just gonna be walk-on roles and we’ll never see them again, but mustache-guy deserves a name.   I mean, you gave a name (‘Lon’) to the bald-headed guy who was in Malaya’s room asking his partner about Fuckface’s box.

  70. Dwampre Scorrigank

    Walky using his dorky sluttiness to get out of a police encounter is something I knew I needed, but I didn’t know just how much I needed it right this second. [gesture indicating approbation for execution]

    1. Dwampre Scorrigank

      Phrasing edit: “using his dorky sexiness to get out of a police encounter” would have better communicated what I was trying to say, and why I appreciate it (the concept that someone with features like Walky’s can be sexy in ways not controlled by culture trying to pigeonhole him for his body, brain, and skin as represented by the cop’s line in panel 3)

  71. wakeangel2001

    nice job with the “nothing at all” pose

  72. C.T Phipps

    I don’t think the cops are here for a legitimate warrant because they’d have to admit a 5’2 100lb woman beat up multiple cops.

  73. Bryy

    I think I called this like, what, three years ago?

    1. Yumi

      That Walky would talk about his butt to scare off a cop?
      If so, nice.

      1. Bryy

        Oh yeah, no, yeah, that’s totes what I meant.

    2. apocryphascribe

      They’re not ready for the truth.

  74. sickolesbian

    awwww, sweet walky moment

  75. apocryphascribe

    Scrolled the entire comment section and not a single one mentioning that first panel? No? Not one? Okay.

    Just gonna add that to my ever-growing “Walky is trans” folder and keep it moving.

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