159

Boytoy
Posted on July 20, 2011 by David M Willis

159 thoughts on “Boytoy”

  1. Jen Aside

    Classy, indeed.

    1. iSaidCandleja-

      I do love that shirt.

      1. NCP19

        No shirt could be more perfect for this exact moment.

        1. David Herbert

          What about ‘Boy toy’?

      2. Bishop

        I would buy a shirt that said “CLASSY” on it.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          How about a CLASSY CONDOM?

        2. Kernanator

          …I think I love it.

        3. Uorem

          No avatar could be more fitting than the one you were dealt.

        4. Uorem

          IT’S SO META.

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          Yes, the condom hat is like a miniture top-hat, only naughtier.

        6. Kernanator

          It makes every comment classier and sexier.

        7. Plasma Mongoose

          Not to mention ribbed for your commenting pleasure.

        8. Kernanator

          Because she’s worth it ;P

        9. ViviWannabe

          T-Shirt Hell has one that says “fucking classy.” Would that work? I’d offer a link, but it’s NSFW.

        10. ViviWannabe

          Wait, here it is:

          http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/fucking-classy/

          Thanks, google, for bypassing the work computer’s filters!

    2. Radome

      Cracked up when I read that shirt.

  2. Mkvenner

    Why, just why?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Why not? 😀

    2. Cozworth

      why? because it’s Joe, it’s how he’s been in all the realities so far, it’s a winning formula 😀

    3. Aizat

      Why, Why, WHY?

  3. Plasma Mongoose

    Boy Toy? Is Roz a lot older than I think she is or Joe is much younger?

    1. Darththoth

      Well, Robin is a senator, so I’d assume that everyone else is just younger.

      1. Mkvenner

        Robin’s an MP not a senator.

        1. milk experiment

          Unless this alternate universe is even more alternate than we’ve seen thus far, I doubt its United States is a parliamentary democracy. Robin is a Representative, or at least she was in Shortpacked!.

        2. Mkvenner

          A man can dream can’t.

        3. CWR

          We’re all forgetting that the identity of Roz’s relative in politics has not been definitively revealed. Yet.

          It could be someone else, but whoever heard of a plot-twist in a Willis comic?

        4. Mkvenner

          I used the term “MP” because it is more commonly used than “Member of Congress (MC)” and is universally more recognized.

        5. iSaidCandleja-

          The US doesn’t call anyone a “Member of Congress” (MC). Instead we tend to call them Representatives. Or maybe congressmen, if it is a mixed group of Sens and Reps. America truly loves to be different.

        6. Mkvenner

          That is not always a good thing.

        7. Jamal K.

          It’s NEVER a good thing. Except in hockey, I guess.

    2. Aizat

      Joe’s not a boytoy. He’s a sexy boy.

      1. daddy_shelton

        A Shawn Michaels reference, yes!

        1. Haituri

          That song is awesome. I’m still hoping for an opportunity to embarrass a friend with it.

    3. iSaidCandleja-

      I don’t think “boy toy” is a term associated with age. At least not where I’m from. It has more to do with disposability.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Never thought of it that way, usually when the media mentions toy boy, it usually means the guy is much younger than the gal.

        This saves me from either viewing Joe as jailbait or Roz as a couger.

        1. taekwondogirl

          Nah, boytoy is definitely meant more as a disparaging term to devolve the relationship and those involved. Usually the term is used with males who are younger but not always.

      2. Michelle Alford

        Yeah, I’m with you. I actually refer to anyone that my friends are dating but isn’t yet an official “boyfriend” as a boytoy.

    4. Dierna

      Roz isn’t older. She’s just richer. *lol*

    5. Shifty

      Boy toy can often just mean using the boy for sex. Essentially a human sex toy. Bust it out, use it to get off and discard it. Age, wealthy and stuff don’t need to apply.

  4. PleasingFungus

    Classic Joe.

  5. Aizat

    Yay! Joe’s back!

  6. Lee

    This strip is perfect.

  7. Mr. Cat

    The way Joe sees it: There’s no such thing as bad publicity, and the ladies now know his name. Attention women! Want to be famous? Then take a ride to Joe City, population: hot! You too can be in the paper!

    1. iSaidCandleja-

      Specificially mentioning that the relationship is open is certainly meant as an invitation.

    2. Aizat

      The major attraction at Joe City: Space Mountain.

      1. Mkvenner

        Which is closed. Apparently someone’s limb got caught on something or other, long story short they are suing Joe City.

        1. Aizat

          Darn it. I was going for the women are willing to wait for a long time just to get on it joke.

        2. Mkvenner

          Splash mountain is also closed.

      2. |Agent

        Do you mean SPAAAACE Mountain?

        Hah! I kill me! (Someone should, anyway.)

        1. Mkvenner

          please don’t tempt me. 😐

        2. Aizat

          Sure, where do you live and how would you want to die?

        3. TheBenenator

          *knocks your femurs out through your FAAACE with your penis . . . .whether you have one or not*

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      Will Joe end up having a “You must be this tall to be entered” logo on his shirt?

      1. Ancestral Hamster

        No. A woman’s height doesn’t matter to Joe, just how willing.

        1. MM

          Maybe not height, but I can see something along the lines of “Your waist must be this small.”

        2. Aizat

          Or “Your boobs must be this big”

        3. taekwondogirl

          Nah, he doesn’t seem to have a thing against those who aren’t smoking hot. He’d obviously prefer hotties but he’s all about scoring as much as he can.

        4. Ancestral Hamster

          Joe doesn’t seem to be that picky. His criteria is:

          1. Same species.
          2. Still breathing.

        5. Kernanator

          Presumably, his third criteria, now that he’s an adult is:

          3. Legal.

        6. Mkvenner

          4. No dudes.

        7. Aizat

          5. No punching.

        8. iSaidCandleja-

          I’m pretty sure it is:

          4. No dudes… yet

        9. lord of dance

          at least until his second bottle of hard liquor

        10. Phillip Wilde

          And not Robin. He wouldn’t even Joe her in the butt.

        11. Shifty

          Joe might be 17 years old. If that’s the case, legality need not apply yet.

        12. Mkvenner

          I’m pretty sure that Joe is of voting age.

        13. Shifty

          What makes you say that?

        14. Mkvenner

          The vast majority of college freshman are 18 or older.

        15. Shifty

          No they’re not. College freshmen can enter college between the ages of 17 and 18. I myself, my college roommate, my ex-boyfriend and several friends were still 17 when we first entered college, but turned 18 soon after. Joe could fit into this group, until Willis clarifies it.

        16. Mkvenner

          If turn 18 before election day, you are of voting age.

    4. Shifty

      Unless Joe plans to go into teaching or a political career of some kind. That kind of publicity isn’t usually looked upon positively as Senator Wiener can attest. 😛

      1. Mkvenner

        Yet if you assualt someone nobody hears about it.

        1. Shifty

          What does assault have to do with this situation? We’re talking about sex scandals and publicity.

  8. Jimmy

    YO JOE! (couldn’t resist) 😉

    1. Daeva

      Upon reading this comment, I have come to the decision that Joe utters this phrase in some way every single time he climaxes. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

      1. iSaidCandleja-

        Keep it down! Some of us are trying to masturbate!

        1. Jimmy

          *cough* <.<

        2. CWR

          As the actress said to the Bishop, “Sorry, am I keeping you up?”

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          and he replies, “No, I got alter boys for that sort of thing.”

        4. CWR

          and she says “In what manner do you alter them, you naughty man?”

        5. TheBenenator

          Or in my case, masticate.

          Tasty pizza.

  9. Vivvav

    Joe classes it up all the time.
    With his penis.

  10. iSaidCandleja-

    Dorothy chose the picture for the article, right? It’s like she wanted to feature him with as smug a face as possible.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      That’s not exactly hard, he wears that face a lot.

      1. Aizat

        That’s his Joe Face.

        1. Kernanator

          It’s the face he makes when he wants to Joe somebody. With his penis.

        2. Hannover Fist

          Will we ever see his Rape Face?

        3. Kernanator

          He doesn’t have a Rape Face. Even Joe has standards.

  11. A. Colunga

    How long can a freshman boy toy remain… fresh?

  12. Daeva

    The extension of Danny and Joe’s eyebrows seem to be inversely proportional to one another.

  13. Lis

    Right back atcha Joe. A classy ladies man if I ever saw one.

  14. sammy

    danny just has that look on his face that says, “omg i will kill you”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I imagine him saying “YOU EEDIOT, I WILL KEEELL YOU.”

      1. Aizat

        I imagine him saying “I’ll kill you and clone you and kill all your clones.”

    2. Chiatroll

      I honestly just don’t get danny or why he’d be angry and joe but I know there are people like that.

      I’d probably have the exact same headline but my friends would give me a congratulations instead of an angry look and we are nerds not bros.

  15. Ancestral Hamster

    Danny, if you want to get back at Joe, remind him that he’s a failure as a wingman!

    1. MM

      To which Joe will respond that with all the tail this article’s guaranteed to bring in, there’s bound to be one or two girls left over.

      1. Ancestral Hamster

        Point. However, Joe was crushed last time: apparently being a good wingman is part of his self-image.

        1. taekwondogirl

          Well in order to be a “player” as Joe thinks of himself, you have to be good to your bros. It’s imperative that you’re a good wingman for your bros. He let Danny down.

  16. Cholisose

    Drastically more interesting than the newspaper my college put out.

    1. iSaidCandleja-

      *snicker*
      “put out”
      *snicker*

  17. Kernanator

    Wow, does NOTHING faze Joe? Also, I bet Joe got wiener mange from Roz. He’s going to end up dickless after all.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I’m sure that a visit to the VD clinic can sort that out.

    2. MM

      Actually, given Roz’s Planned Parenthood involvement, any VD issues are probably going to be entirely on Joe’s end.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        That is where you usually find VD, on your ‘end’. 😀

        1. Kernanator

          …Do you enjoy making me want to give myself a concussion?

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Everyone has to have a hobby. 😛

  18. NF

    At least he still believes in justice!

    Also, Joe’s shirt is hilarious.

  19. DT

    Oh lord, Joe’s t-shirt just makes this all the funnier!

  20. NF

    Am I the only one who thinks that Joe and Billie are looking at each other in the banner picture, and then imagines Joe hitting on Billie.

    1. Daeva

      You are in excellent company, mon frere.

    2. Jackson

      And then Billie hitting Joe.

      In that scenario, such an outcome seems all but inevitable.

      1. Aizat

        Hitting as in flirting or as in beating Joe up?

  21. Undrave

    That last panel is HILARIOUS! Look at Danny’s face!

    1. Kernanator

      He seems to be making that FAAAAAACEEEE a lot.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        That FACE pops up whenever he sees a chance to use his PENIS!

  22. Ivory

    I have no clue how to express my happy. So…

    heifua lscnernc sdcserfglero gssssss

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Is that Welsh?

      1. taekwondogirl

        I just spit out my drink. Good one.

  23. Shifty

    I think what really makes me laugh about this is the fact Danny actually THOUGHT this outcome could be avoided. I mean it’s Joe. The only head he is capable of thinking with is the one in his pants and logic never applies down there.

    But what I’d love to see is how Joe’s family reacts to this news. I mean, Joe is still 17 or 18 years old. I can’t imagine most parents being very happy that their barely legal child is essentially amateur porn star. Unless one or both of them is as big of a horn dog as he. Either reaction though I bet could prove comedy gold.

    1. Daeva

      Honestly? I can already think of a few dads who would scold their sons for this kind of behavior in public, then high-five them once nobody was looking. Hell, I can think of a few moms as well.

  24. James Rye

    “It´s an open relationship, ladies.”
    ….
    “With my penis!”

    Come on, i wasn´t the only one who thought of that reading the article´s title, ne? XD

    1. NF

      It may be that there are things one cannot write in a student newspaper, even in a quote for an article about a sex tape.

      1. goatman95111

        I agree. This wouldn’t be something the campus newspaper could get away with, especially with the political ties. I mean, they would write it anyway, of course, but the university backlash would be imminent.

  25. Animal

    I can only say that being an older woman’s boy toy is a huge, glittering pile of purest awesome.

  26. Rin

    LOL. I wonder how robin is in this universe, she is probably either super serious and calm. Especially since she wasn’t made super hyper by the aliens. 🙂 Please please David please make it so that Robin comes to see her sister some time through this series. I want to see what she’s like.

  27. nothri

    Cutting away before either Joyce or Billie hop in the shower. Willis, how could you? There were uh…vital plot points that needed to be explored! And character development! You’ve robbed your own characters of important opportunities to grow! Or something….

    1. begbert2

      Robbed the readership of opportunities to grow, you mean…

      1. Izzy

        with their penis…es

    2. David

      I don’t plan on showing any boobies, but we’ll be seeing Walky’s penis every Thursday.

      1. TheBenenator

        It’s Lil’ Walky!

      2. Rachel

        Willis is breaking the mold- serving the ladies first.

      3. Noel Schornhorst

        I fully support this decision.

      4. Mkvenner

        You’re going to due it whether we like it or not, right? 😐

      5. nothri

        Willis, how could you? You lied to us!

  28. NinjaNick

    Just stay classy. 😀

  29. Rachel

    Joe always seems to have the perfect shirt for each occasion.

  30. LeaLeonis

    It’s no wonder Joe has trouble satisfying Danny as a wingman. The guy just can’t appreciate anything he’s achieved!

    (…with his penis.)

    Maybe Joe just needs to show his penis in a better light, especially when relating to his Roomie. 😉

  31. Moofin

    Oh Lordy! Another last name!

    1. Mkvenner

      What?

      1. begbert2

        Some people are keen, but only a few people are Keener.

        (For those unaware of the cast pages, this can be a revelation.)

        1. Mkvenner

          Ooooohhhh.

  32. Sophia

    Awesome. I hope that Joe always lives up to this classy, classy standard.

  33. Robot Monkey

    Why does this seem like something my cousin would do? (He’s the kinda guy to walk into an abbey and come out with a Nun in each arm.)

  34. thatgirlwiththeglasses

    Billie beat Joe? :O

  35. Dahlia

    OH JOE. *lols to death*

  36. Kamino Neko

    Is the paper really called the Daily Student?

    Seems…uncreative.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Student no less uncreative than advertiser, news, world, planet, star or gazette.

      1. Kernanator

        Planet….Dorothy….Glasses….Amazi-girl.

        GUYS, I’VE FIGURED IT OUT!

        1. Robot Monkey

          Well of course! Ya got your thinking coc– er, cap on!

        2. Kernanator

          Sorry, that’s condom cap to you. 😛

  37. Kernanator

    That’s condom cap to you. 😛

  38. Kelsey

    You shouldn’t be wearing that shirt, Joe.

  39. Matrix374

    I would like a shirt with “Your Mom+A nickle=Prostitute”

  40. newllend

    You take that fucking shirt ooff now

  41. Rob Carlson

    This is still my favorite DoA strip. The text on the newspaper is perfect, and Joe’s thumbs-up is priceless.

  42. SgtNumnum

    If Danny wasn’t such a wimp, Joe would probably have a fist shaped dent in his face

  43. asmcint

    I just realized that Dorothy’s last name is Keener, which is hilariously ironic, as keener is Canadian slang for someone who studies way too hard and often shows it off in the classroom.

  44. Vile Gamer

    I would so buy that shirt.

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