381

Sell
Posted on June 1, 2023 by David M Willis

381 thoughts on “Sell”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    IMAGINE, not knowing things after NOT BEING TOLD

    Joyce getting better at one-handed typing? :u

    1. Ana Chronistic

      alt: Joyce chat icon should now be Joyce-aghast face lolololol

    2. Maveric1984

      she doesn’t wear the brace any more, so it’s bound to get better

    3. Laura

      Maybe that’s what Jocelyne was calling Joyce about. If the timeline checks out.

      1. RassilonTDavros

        Preeeetty sure that timeline checks out perfectly.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Yup. That was just about a week ago, DoA time.

    4. Lumino

      “Hey mom, meet my Jewish boyfriend!”

      *Carol explodes*

      1. GholaHalleck

        Just like Jesus!

        1. Yotomoe

          And he does rise every 3 days.

        2. Florens

          Pretty sure Joe’s refractory period is shorter than that.

        3. Casi

          well he’s never had joyce, so who knows. He may actually die from their first encounter and then rise again in 3 days

        4. Psychie

          I’d hope he’d have at least a *little* death

        5. Proxiehunter

          Joe rises several times a day.

        6. NGPZ

          And he just wants to spead his love!

          He like Jesus only better! XD

      2. Matthew Davis

        That’s what I keep thinking. Poor Joe. That said, if he steps up for Joyce that’ll hopefully stop some of the self-loathing he has.

      3. Reltzik

        “Don’t worry, I’m only ETHNICALLY Jewish. Not religiously Jewish.”

        “Oh, okay.”

        “I’m an atheist.”

        1. Needfuldoer

          We’d finally see the Carol Shocked Face!

          (Hey, Joyce had to get it from somewhere!)

      4. JasonAW3

        As long as it happens before the house sale is finalized, Joyce inherits the house!

  2. DailyBrad

    Joe came to Joyce in a dream once. Had to wash the sheets.

    1. shrub

      Whose dream?

      1. AeromechanicalAce

        Yes

      2. RassilonTDavros

        Strangely enough, it was actually Blowjob Cat’s.

    2. GholaHalleck

      Joe HAS shown up in one of joyce’s shame dreams, as a shadowy figure.

  3. AKP

    Did she just get the entire house in the divorce?

    1. Thag Simmons

      I guess so?

      1. Amaya/Polaris

        (It’s way too easy to hit them flag button while scrolling with this system. I know nothing bad will happen probably but I still feel obliged to say it was a mistake, bleh ^ ^’)

    2. Switchchris

      It looks like she also got the Car since she was able to bring stuff up to joyce. The Courts probably sided with her since the Husband was the one who sought the divorce and it wasn’t because of Marital Infidelity or Abuse, and they live probably live in the Bible Belt.

      1. Carms

        Also if she’s been a housewife for a long time, and he’s a dentist, he has more earning potential than she does. Which he in part owes to her managing the unpaid parts of their livelihood.
        Just cos she’s AWFUL doesn’t mean it’s just that she should suffer disproportionately from a divorce.
        on a cosmic level maybe, but not on a judicial one.

        1. Angel

          i’d imagine she could’ve met with a realtor or gotten a direct check from someone but idk if hank would think it’s worth it to go to court over it, or have enough saved to give joyce an apartment to stay at after graduation if she doesn’t move in with him

      2. Bryy

        Yes, but KIDNAPPING and MURDER.

        1. Tan

          She did not participate in any of those acts, just tacitly approved of them. Legally, she bears no responsibility.

        2. Bryy

          Yeah, but I also have got to wonder what the fuck Carol would have said at court.

        3. Tan

          She participated in her church’s perfectly legal fundraiser to raise bail for a member of her community who she has known for the better part of two decades, who is innocent until proven guilty.

        4. Ed Callahan

          Darn that Bill of Rights.

      3. DailyBrad

        It’s possible, though she also could be borrowing the car from someone in the congregation.

      4. danimagoo

        All states, including Indiana, now have no-fault divorce as an option. Indiana is not, however, a community property state, so when it comes time to divide property in a divorce, the courts will do so “fairly”. Assuming Joyce’s mother was a stay-at-home mom, because super religious, the courts would probably award her the home because her ability to earn a living after 20+ years of not being employed outside the home is limited. It doesn’t really have anything to do with the courts taking her side because it’s in the Bible Belt. It’s more about not wanting to leave a spouse homeless and poor just because their contribution to the marriage was through taking care of the household.

        1. Joy

          Yeah I don’t think that the ruling is unfair per se just that Carol is a very fucked up person.

        2. Joy

          Well, character. This scene feels a lot more… Real? Than most scenes in this story?

        3. Comic.phile

          It’s based off something that really happened to the author, unfortunately, with his own mom.

        4. thejeff

          We also know nothing about how the division was reached. What other assets they had or how they might have been divided. Whether any alimony will be paid, etc.
          It was a quick divorce apparently, which suggests that Hank might not have fought very hard.

      5. tunasammich

        From my experience as an old person, people often work this stuff out between themselves and courts don’t always get involved to divvy everything up. I’d venture a guess that Hank may have just not fought for these things knowing he could rebuild more easily

    3. Vanessa

      Or she thinks she does! Because Jesus told her so.

    4. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      I’m just going to assume that giving her the house and the car was in exchange for her not claiming an interest in his dental practice or something.

    5. Needfuldoer

      Hank may have just signed whatever they handed him just to expedite the process. And since he’s the one who’s employed for monetary gain, he has the resources to get his own living arrangements and another car.

      The value of the house and car probably also came into play when the court decided on alimony.

      1. Bryy

        I didn’t even think of that, either. His look of pure horror when hugging Joyce as it all hit him spoke volumes.

    6. Decidedly Orthogonal

      The financial/asset side of a divorce is actually really simple (except where places enjoy the needless drama of arguing over numbers). First subtract everyone’s assets from before the marriage, that shit remains the property of whoever it came with. Then add up everything accrued during the marriage. Divide by two. That’s how much each party gets. The calculations for alimony and child-support (if applicable) are also pretty solidly laid out. So it’s not “Carol got the whole house” so much as “the house represents part of Carol’s share of the division of assets.” She could very well owe Hank money to buy out his share of the asset. If the parties can’t agree on how to divide up the material assets to ensure the division of wealth proceeds, the court orders the assets under dispute sold, and the profit (if any) divided. Hank likely didn’t see the point of haggling over a house he didn’t want to live in anymore, and/or wanted to be decent and try and make sure, despite needing to seperate, that Carol would be ok. At least he can sleep well knowing *he* didn’t make her homeless.

      Anyways, yeah. Don’t fight over assets in family court. It’s a solved problem, and it’s dumb. Fight tooth and nail for your kids though, if you’re stuck dealing with a toxic as all get out other parent. Or you’ll never have a decent sleep again, knowing your kids are being abused and you’re helpless to do anything about it.

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Damn. Sorry for the wall o’ text folks.

        1. AKP

          No, thank you for the wall of text. I appreciated the wall of text.

    7. Kyle Voltti

      It’s also possible that Joyce’s dad didn’t contest the house.

  4. DarkoNeko

    oh you gotta be f*cking kidding me

    1. Bryy

      That “I think” IS DOING A LOT OF HEAVY LIFTING.

  5. butts

    knowing that this is more or less a true story doesn’t make it feel any less whackadoo

    1. DarkoNeko

      yeeeep

    2. Azhrei Vep

      Quite the contrary, in fact. Jeebus Crimmus.

    3. nicoleandmaggie

      Word.

    4. MoreWLessG

      I honestly am getting nervous that this is the incoming dark twist. Is Joyce’s mom gonna be the next villain? Eeeek! (Dang it sorry I hit flag. Didn’t mean to.)

  6. NGPZ

    Wherever you are JoJo, you better hurry!!!! ?

    *plays “Tension” from JoJo StarDust Crusaders OST on Joe’s phone*

  7. Mr. Random

    …yeah.
    She’s looking for any excuse to not be in her current situation.

    1. Laura

      True. Kind of like how Becky was OK with letting the bank take her father’s house. Too many memories and associations.

    2. Arawn

      It’s funny how God always seems to say what some religious people want him to say.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Their magic book does, too.

        Isn’t that convenient!

        1. Laura

          It’s like a Rorschach inkblot. Or a scrying bowl. Or a deck of Tarot cards.

      2. Daniel M Ball

        I’d say such people aren’t really Religious so much as ‘Virtue signaling assholes’. (*yes, I know, the term’s been abused.) They ‘signal’ their ‘virtue’ by rationalizing the Word to whatever they want it to mean, in order to justify whatever it is they want to do, while appearing virtuous to gullible people around them. (and to themselves, since that level of delusion REQUIRES a certain level of Narcissism.)

        In the process, giving people who actually KNOW what they believe and have actual faith a bad name.

        1. Laura

          I dunno about that. One could say the same of Universalists. Or liberal and open-minded folks of any faith. It’s about finding the faith practice that one can live with, that works practically for one’s own life, and figuring out a way to nestle it within cultural and literary tradition. I don’t see anything particularly wrong with that. It doesn’t change what’s bigotry and what’s inclusion — just because it happens to be faith based.

  8. Stephen Bierce

    —So when you’re near me, darling can’t you hear me? S.O.S.!
    The love you gave me, nothing else can save me! S.O.S.!

  9. TulipKitten

    … Is Carol going nuts?

    1. Yotomoe

      Going?

    2. Laura

      Hmm. Maybe. Lots of people make drastic changes to their lives based on words heard in dreams, though. It happens.

      1. Warcodered

        If she thinks God specifically spoke to her to tell her to sell her house that is not good.

        Though I do wonder how he phrased it. “Carol sell the house, it’s a great time now it’s a sellers market.”

        1. Vanessa

          She’s always been an extreme cultist though. Maybe she is doubling down without Hank to exert a moderating influence.

        2. Clif

          Hey, the church has legal bills on account of being sued by a crazy lady.

        3. Needfuldoer

          Who also just so happens to be in Bloomington today!

          This could get interesting…

        4. MoreWLessG

          “CaaaAAArroooooll! The housing market in your area is SO goOOOOooood right now! I, Jesus, do want you to know you’ll probably get $50k over asking price! …OOoooOOooOOooo!”

      2. Laura

        Group I grew up with, that would have been considered a perfectly normal and valid thing to do. I’ve done similarly bizarre and untenable things, when I was younger, with no more “leading” than Carol shows, here.

        …A friend recently wrote in his autobiography that he and I grew up together in a “fringe Christian sect”. I never would have described it that way, but it does make a certain kind of sense, looking back.

    3. True Survivor

      I’m not sure if grief and denial are driving her crazy or just indoctrinated to believe crazy things (such that God, should he exists cares deeply about her house and that dreams are you know more than dreams). Plenty of cultures have believed deeply insane things on mass (slavery is ok, this or that race is inferior or out to get you, you can read the future in animal guts, etc) it doesn’t make the individuals within mentally unstable.

    4. hastur

      Going?

    5. Bryy

      Carol belongs to a cult.

    6. BarerMender

      Nah. Carol is just a slinky little weasel that uses God to excuse everything.

      1. Vanessa

        And her entire church is enabling that. It isn’t just her.

    7. Keulen

      Implying she wasn’t before.

      1. Wizard

        Nuttiness is something of a sliding scale, not either/or. It can range from “believes a few things most people don’t” to “a danger to self or others”, with many steps in between. Carol does show signs of sliding towards the more negative end of the scale.

    8. Skeptible

      I thought that in American culture talking to god barely warrants an eye blink. Being talked to by god (in a dream or otherwise) is less common, but is generally accepted and not considered a sign of mental illness. (unless it is frequent and intrusive I suppose).

      1. thejeff

        How many politicians have claimed God told them to run for office?

    9. Dr Sharks

      I feel like “nuts” is an oversimplification. The church is a big part of her life. She just got divorced and is wrestling with less-than-savory things that she’s done. The idea that her life has some grander meaning, that this is all happening for a reason, is an attractive fantasy. It makes sense that something that is an attractive fantasy in your waking hours might show up in your dreams. It’s not farfetched that she’d dream about God telling her to do something, especially something that gets her away from a place that holds all these negative connotations for her.

      But the thing is, if you start from the presupposition that God is real, has a plan for everyone, and is capable of doing something like altering your dreams, it isn’t a stretch to assume that any dream featuring a command from God is legitimate. After all, if the god-command dream was random and not in God’s plan, he would have changed what dream you had. Hell, I’m an atheist, but if I woke up from a vivid dream where God told me to do something, it would at least give me pause when I woke up.

      This line of thinking isn’t even my own. My grandmother lives alone on a ranch. She’s very religious, and had an abusive ex-husband. She sometimes has dreams about someone sneaking onto her property at night with plans to attack her or steal from her, but they are driven away by her guardian angel. She believes these events to be real. In almost every other way, she is an extremely sensible and levelheaded woman. She’s just convinced that dreams about God enacting his will in some way MUST mean something, because God could have had her dream about something else if it didn’t.

    10. Mturtle7

      To clarify: making huge life decisions based on a dream you had once isn’t necessarily a sign of any literal mental illness, anymore than buying a bunch of lottery tickets, going on a hiking trip in search of Bigfoot, or believing a politician’s campaign promises when they’re running for a second term. It IS, however, an EXTREMELY VALID cause for concern, especially when it happens very suddenly. So, uh…yeah.

  10. Maveric1984

    But why wouldn’t Hank get a part of the profits from the house? Surely his lawyer wouldn’t be that incompetent.

    1. Laura

      Yeah. I smell legal shenanigans.

      1. Laura

        …Unless Hank got something big out of it, like, “No alimony or child support but you get the house,” or, “You get the house and the second mortgage on it that we took out to pay for the kids’ education.”

        Or maybe Hank just has an overdeveloped sense of chivalry… “I’ll give my poor, defenseless, abandoned wife the house so she’s not left destitute to beg in the streets…”

        1. Nono

          Would they even need to pay child support at this point? All their children are legal adults.

        2. Alongcameaspider

          Maybe it was in exchange for not pulling Joyce from IU

          Which is why she’s here to try to convince her to voluntarily withdraw

        3. Proxiehunter

          Carol has no authority to pull Joyce from anywhere as long as Hank or Joyce can keep paying the tuition.

        4. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          My parents did a deal where my father didn’t have to start payments to my mom for her half of the house until I graduated from college.

        5. Insanenoodlyguy

          You don’t bring people stuff and take away the home they could come back to if your trying to get them to leave.

          Carol is not in a great place right now, what with making these extreme decisions that can’t be undone, but I imagine there’s a sort of numbness to the overall “WHAT THE FUCK” this should all be. “God” came to her and told her to sell the house, probably very much related to saving the church from going completely under, and so now she has all this stuff. So of course she’s going to give her daughter her stuff, she is after all an excellent mother.

        6. Taffy

          Through some quirk of legality, my girlfriend gets back-pay on her child support from her deadbeat sperm donor, and she’s only a couple years younger than me. It’s not a lot of money but it’s there.

        7. thejeff

          Not strictly child support, but Joyce’d be kind of screwed if she lost all financial support from her parents at this point.

          But yeah, none of that should go to Carol. It would make more sense for Hank to agree to continue covering whatever they’ve been covering for college costs and to make sure she has a place to live on breaks than to give money to Carol to do so.

        8. Needfuldoer

          Joyce might still be considered a dependent, since she’s enrolled as a full-time college student.

        9. MM

          Or “fine, whatever, I don’t want the place; let’s just get this over with.”

        10. Sirksome

          I mean divorces are inherently muddy and I don’t think Carol works. Giving her the house might have been Hank’s way of assuring she’d be okay. Selling it or subletting it would insure some income for her while Hank assumedly still has a job to support himself. Divorce or not it’s kind of messed up to leave the mother of your kids destitute.

        11. Laura

          That’s a good way to think about it. Thanks, Sirksome. I appreciate that dose of perspective.

    2. Nono

      Depends how stressed out he is.

      Depends if John is on Carol’s side and lobbying for her.

    3. Dave

      This part of the story is completely autobiographical so this is effectively speculating on the terms of Willis’ parents’ divorce

      1. HueSatLight

        Instead of paying for an auditorium or whatever, Carol’s church probably has a lawsuit to pay. To Linda. ahahahaha. so awkward. Imagine if Joyce had been Walky’s new girlfriend, finding this out.

        1. Needfuldoer

          They have lawyer’s fees for defending themselves against Linda’s lawsuit, plus whatever bond they paid to bail out Toedead is now gone.

          That’s got to be where the money’s going though.

        2. Mark

          They probably have fees for a lawyer to spend an hour or so in discovery with Linda’s lawyer laying the church’s books open and showing that the church did no such thing. No point in going to trial where there’s no evidence.

        3. Needfuldoer

          If they were smart, they gave the money to Blaine off the books. (And any money they did provide from the coffers was accounted for elsewhere, with accounting that can stand up to scrutiny.)

          That money’s still gone, and I doubt all involved participants would be okay having nothing to show for their “investment”.

      2. jpnr

        https://twitter.com/damnyouwillis/status/651206355454291968?s=20

        maybe the whole dream thing is bullshit

        1. Needfuldoer

          You found it! Good to have a primary source for all of our theorizing!

          Curse the transient nature of social media…

    4. Proxiehunter

      If the divorce is finished and she was awarded the house in full there’s no reason he would get a portion of the sale.

    5. Jaime

      When my mom and dad got divorced, my mom got the house but very little else. My two sisters and I were all under 18 and we REALLY didn’t want to move. In order to keep the house, mom had to give up any possibility of alimony (at the time mom had just gotten her doctorate and was making substantially less than my dad), accept the bare minimum of child support, and give my dad most of the stock portfolio they’d accrued during the marriage. This was in a Northeastern state and the judge didn’t want to kick a mother and her three children (my youngest sister was about 7 IIRC) out of their house. The happy ending is that my dad went on to do fine and marry another wonderful woman and now lives in one of her houses (she owns more than one) and my mom and her new husband still live in my childhood home! I’ll be visiting there for the second half of the summer because I miss her and my “stepfather” (she married him when I was an adult and I feel a little weird saying I have a stepfather when I’m in my 30s) AND the house has an inground pool!

      My mom, my sisters, and I sometimes have “prophetic” dreams BUT there is NO WAY any of us would do something like sell property (not that my sisters and I own any – we all rent) just based on a dream!

  11. Yotomoe

    He also came on me in a dream. But that was a very different kinda dream.

    1. Miri

      One hopes. If Jesus came on Carol in her dream while two thieves on crosses watched from the sides, then told her to sell her house, she is very thankfully editing it for her audience…

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Everything I know about the two thieves I learned from Uncharted IV.

        1. Miri

          I think mine’s from the previous comic, unless Life of Brian can be considered a reliable source ??

  12. Nono

    Was it Rich Mullins?

    1. Yotomoe

      It was actually the lesser known Poor Mullins.

  13. William

    Joyce’s mom has gone completely off the deep end.

    1. Bryy

      I don’t see how what she said here is in any way different from how she normally acts.

      1. SeanR

        Her comments about the crucifixion art is milder than what we’ve seen from her in the past.
        Less passive-aggressive, more own little world.
        That IS a change, if likely a short-lived one.

  14. Serendipity

    [external screaming]

  15. HueSatLight

    Just getting this link in now, Jocelyn calling last Friday: https://www.dumbingofage.com/scanner/

    1. Wraithy2773

      Joshua, not Jocelyn… but yeah, I wager Joshua’s call would be about this. The sort of “holy shit what the fuck all hands on deck” sorta thing.

      1. Doopyboop

        Joshua is Jocelyne’s assigned name at birth, it’s Jocelyne now.

        1. Wraithy2773

          Gaaah, thought that was Joyce’s pastor-type brother. Derp.

        2. Wraithy2773

          I blame the parents for naming them all J-something, really annoying habit >_<.

        3. Doopyboop

          Especially since Jordan is still a ghost, ooooh~ Can’t wait for him to eventually show up! And not just J names like James and Jacob, but JO names at that! John, Joyce, Jordan, Jinglehimer shmidt

        4. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Which I’ll note is a real thing, I had a friend in school who initials were the same as both of his parents and all of his siblings.

        5. Doopyboop

          I had a friend in school, he and his brother both just straight up had the same first name, which was the same as their father’s. The younger had the same middle name as the dad, so they considered him the junior. Imagine how confusing it’d be in THAT house.

        6. Needfuldoer

          “I’m Larry, this is my brother Daryl, an’ that’s my other brother Daryl.”

          https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5yyB06HvAjI&t=170s

        7. Azhrei Vep

          Oh yeah, naming schemes in families is definitely a Thing. My great-grandfather, my grandfather, his two siblings, all five of his children, and me, all share the same set of [i]initials[/i].

        8. Dr. Sharks

          That makes more sense than my family. I, my mom, my dad, my biological father, and my two half-brothers all have different last names. And so does my wife, partly because I didn’t want to inflict this madness on her.

        9. Ray Radlein

          Hey, my dad and brother were both Robert Radlein, my mom was Ruth, and my sister is Robin. And mom and Robin basically had the same middle name, and all three males had the same middle initial

        10. Ed Callahan

          My spouse has a set of nieces whose initials are KJ. They’ve been known as The KJs since childhood, sort of like the AMA or the ACLU.

    2. Angel

      even if they aren’t a ‘texting’ kinda family/siblings, (unless joyce is using some kinda app/messenger thing to avoid it being billed/tracking who she contacts), you’d think it’d be something important enough for jocelyne to send a follow up text as a heads up

      1. Vanessa

        Yup. Why aren’t all the siblings texting her like mad?

        1. HueSatLight

          Possibly winter break drama (she didn’t go home). I don’t think she’s talked to Jordan in a year or two. And maybe Jocelyn was going to wait a week before trying again.

        2. Doopyboop

          As far as Jordan goes, he’s been lowkey confirmed as basically being persona non grata for the family for unclear reasons. Whatever happened, Joyce is definitely NOT in contact with him and probably has no clue how to get in contact with him anyway.

        3. Thag Simmons

          John’s older and also an asshole, Jordan doesn’t seem to be in contact with their siblings and Jocelyne did try and call Joyce about a week ago

      2. Sombrero

        Many of us don’t like to communicate bad news by text or voice messages.

        1. thejeff

          Don’t like to, but you can at least drop a “Call me, it’s important”.
          Or if it’s important enough and they’re still not responding, tell them anyway. It’s not great, but it’s better than not knowing.

        2. Sombrero

          Agree, but we don’t know if someone sent that and Joyce decided to ignore it. We just saw her choosing not to answer the call and one possible interpretation is that Joyce is purposefully trying to separate herself from family drama.

      3. Azhrei Vep

        I don’t see why they would? I understand why this would be a problem for Joyce, because of her issues with change. But there’s no reason anyone else would even care, assuming they know in the first place.

        It’s not like they live there any more. It’s not their house. It’s not their business.

        1. Taffy

          Yeah, why would they care that they can never go back to their childhood home? Apathy all around.

        2. Azhrei Vep

          Yeah, exactly. It’s just their childhood home, not something that actually matters. Nothing to get worked up over.

        3. Taffy

          I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not. I was.

        4. Azhrei Vep

          No, I’m not, and I didn’t realize you were. I’m curious, why do you think it would be a problem for the kids other than Joyce, who’s well established as having problems with things changing on her in general.

          None of them live there, it’s not like it’s taking anything away from them. It’s entirely their parents’ place to do with as they please.

          Heck, she maybe going about it in the shittiest way possible (because that’s what she does), but she’s even making sure stuff that got left behind is getting given back to (AKA forcing it on) its owners, so there isn’t even that reason to be upset.

    3. PigmyWurm

      I do wonder why her dad didn’t try contacting her? I know Joyce has been avoiding a lot of contact with her family recently but this seems like something you might repeatedly call/text/ and email over.
      Also didn’t she go home for winter break?

      1. Psi baka onna

        She stayed with Becky (and I guess Robin?) over winterbreak so probably had no idead just how strained her parent’s relationship had gotten…

        1. thejeff

          She knew they were separated. Knew the divorce was happening. Just not that it had finalized.

  16. NGPZ

    In more positive news, it’s Pride Month and I’m brain pregnant with a totally gay game baby!!! ?????

    1. True Survivor

      Brain pregnant, like Zeus? You see, this is why the sex-ed teacher told you never to devour Titans without protection.

      1. Dana

        All my sex ed teacher did for me was skip the clitoris when going over the parts labeled on the diagram and act uncomfortable when I raised my hand and asked what it was for. “Sensation” apparently.

    2. Bryy

      Radical *and* Tubular!

  17. Warcodered

    Well that’s usually not a good sign.

  18. Kitschensyngk

    HLKEP!
    I need somebody
    HELP!
    Not just anybody
    HHL[P!
    You know, I need someone
    HLPPP!

    1. Nep

      ???

    2. StClair

      I lvue that sing.

  19. Animedingo

    Red flags

    1. jeffepp

      Red Flags
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFokXnCCMf8

      1. AGV

        “She said: ‘god told me in a dream’ “

  20. Raja

    I’ve known people like this (usually by extension, people parents know) and its just as yikes as this is displaying

  21. Erica

    Gosh, if only there could have been a better way for Carol to have this conversation

    1. Wraithy2773

      There’s a good way to have a conversation about how god told you in a dream to sell your house?

      1. Dana

        I’m thinking before selling the house instead of after.

      2. Angel

        i wonder if it rly was a dream versus the church asking her, , probably upsetting to joyce either way though it woudl be an odd part of the story to lie about versus “the church requested it of me, who am i to deny them”

        1. StClair

          I think it absolutely was a dream. We’ve seen that Joyce has a lot of … very interesting ones.

    2. Insanenoodlyguy

      To be fair, she very well may have been trying to reach Joyce only to have been blocked.

  22. Jamie

    I refuse to believe this is how her phone’s keyboard works.

    1. UrsulaDavina

      It happens to me alot where my phones autocorrect adopts to my dyslexia and the predictive text is just spelled wrong.

  23. Suet

    If there could ever be a time for Joyce to blurt out the F-word, it could be now…

    Wait what happens to SNOOP?!

    1. bemisawa

      I’m wondering about Snoop, too. Hope they’re okay.

      1. anonymsly

        I hope Hank got Snoop in the divorce and their new apartment has a dog park very close by.

    2. MoreWLessG

      Before I remembered the dog, I thought you were talking about the Dogg and that this was just an excellently weird reference.

  24. UrsulaDavina

    Are you sure it wasn’t Satan Carol?

    1. True Survivor

      In her mind, Satan should be after souls not houses, so why would he care. Then again, if the Devil had a side hustle odds are it would be as a real estate agent. Maybe, he’s drumming up business? Gotta pay for all those souls somehow.

    2. Reltzik

      Of course she’s sure.

      … she’s got absolutely ZERO REASON to be sure, but of course she’s sure.

  25. Carms

    fuuuuuuk meee it took my parents FIVE YEARS.
    I mean, five years and counting, cos the divorce STILL isn’t final, but at least the main assets have been divided, so I no longer live with both of them in my childhood home.

    And like. they should have already been divorced TEN years ago.

    Jealous of Joyce rn. Sad facts.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Divorce can be pretty quick if the two people can come to an agreement about what they want, or if one just ignores it so the other gets whatever they ask for. As I said above, I assume that Hanks and Carol or their lawyers hammered out a deal where she gets the house and car, and he get other things such that they both consider it an acceptable deal.

      1. SeanR

        As I said in the comment section of a previous strip; there’s a good chance that Hank’s personal and professional life are over in their hometown. If anyone needed to leave, just to be able to rebuild their life and career, it’d be the person who their church is mad at. There’s a good chance that he got many of his clientele through their church, and, when they side with her over him, there’s a really good chance that he lost most of his clientele, through their church, and individuals within it discouraging anyone else in the community from going to him for dental care.

        I could easily see her getting the house, because he’s in the process of moving to a little college town, not far from where his daughter is attending to become a school teacher, to try to rebuild his practice, (in his forties or fifties; ouch).

        Hopefully, he got out clean. Leave her the house, but keep his future earnings.

        1. Thag Simmons

          I don’t know, I kind of think either it’s a big enough town that he’s getting clients who aren’t from his church, or it’s so small he has a functional monopoly on dental services

        2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Town is 21K, county is 111K. The US has 1 dentist per 1700 people, roughly. Would the church as we’ve seen it be that big?

        3. Mark

          La Porte, IN: population around 22,000. I reeeally doubt they all go to that one middling-sized church. (I’d guess 6-700 listed members, about 200 active.) Maybe there are people who would be glad to throw business to a good dentist who escaped from it.

          A quick glance at “churches in la porte indiana” on Google Maps shows at least a dozen.

        4. Owlmirror

          I seem to recall Joyce saying that they switched churches a lot when she was younger.

          There might well be churches whose congregants are sufficiently sick of that particular church’s shit that they might well view breaking with them in a positive light.

          I mean, loyalty is highly regarded, but so is appearances; “face”. There are probably at least some churches where they would say something like “Ross McIntyre makes God-fearing Christians look bad!” — and consider those who bailed him out in a similar light.

        5. RocketRelm

          Except that, given we’re talking a seriously zealous religious community, they could just unironically go without dental services if need be. It’d be bad for them, but hardly the worst bad choice they’ve made this decade. At least until somebody else starts up, or they go out of city to somewhere.

        6. Amós Batista

          The church clientele thing is so real. As the church friends, too. I wonder if Hank will left his faith behind, after all this.

        7. Nobody

          This kind of two faced tribal behavior in church communities grosses me put so bad. Even as a kid it was so obvious slimey and gross, I was an atheist before finishing my catholic churches Sunday school education for communion. Then several years of akward church takijg communion around two faced people, watching them be completely deplorable to ‘others’, and then turn around and be disgustingly sweet to you because you’re ‘in the tribe’.

          Could not drop my religion fast enough the second I got out of the house.

        8. BBCC

          Hank is 60 – double ouch.

      2. Needfuldoer

        We’d also never see the resolution if the process took that long in-universe. It’s been over a real-world decade and only about two months have passed on-screen.

  26. True Survivor

    You know I’ve been thinking about Carol’s earlier comment that the dorms seem smaller each time she visits. I think that has to do with Joyce, who I believe has always been standing in the dorm at the time. The dorms aren’t getting smaller her daughter is growing – metaphorically not literally (though she has gained some weight now that she doesn’t have to compete with a thousand siblings for food.

  27. Rikunda

    And what did he say to do? Was it to move to Antarctica and teach the bible to penguins?

    1. nobodybasically

      Well yeah, someone needs to convince them to stop being gay!

      1. True Survivor

        This made me laugh. Thank you.

    2. Yotomoe

      They already have those little black dress clothes. They’ve got their sunday best on every day of the week!

    3. RassilonTDavros

      Please, this is Carol we’re talking about. She’s going to move to Antarctica to teach the Bible to polar bears.

      1. NGPZ

        Noooooo don’t let her colonize the poor polar creatures. ?

      2. butting

        Nobody’s ever done it before. It’s a completely open mission field.

      3. JBento

        There are no polar bears in the Antartica.
        …
        Wait, was that the joke?

        1. Taffy

          Well yeah, but Carol doesn’t need to know that.

        2. RassilonTDavros

          Yes. Yes it is.

    4. OBBWG

      Maybe go to Sri Lanka and teach the bible to Komodo dragons?

  28. Sirksome

    Did god tell her that or did her pastor tell her god told her that?

    1. Warcodered

      God needs your help to buy the Church a G5 Airplane.

    2. Sajuuk-Khar

      I have had for a while now this sneaking suspicion that Carol and Pastor “Beardo” Landrum were carrying on some sort of affair or cahoots or something even pre-divorce, and it’s getting unfortunately stronger legs, which are grotesque

    3. Reltzik

      There’s a difference?

  29. GholaHalleck

    I wonder if that’s a group chat, of if she really went to Joe first before Dottie or Becky.

    1. Doopyboop

      Carol doesn’t really have a good relationship with either Dottie or Becky, aka THE ATHIEST TEMPTER WHO HAS NO GOD and THE LESBIAN TEMPTER WHO HAS NO GOD so Joe is actually a pretty good neutral choice! He’s Jewish, but Carol doesn’t know that! Yet…

      1. Techhead

        Becky is pointedly THE LESBIAN TEMPTER WHO DOES HAVE A GOD, it’s (from Carol’s POV) heresy not apostasy.

        1. Doopyboop

          Silly Techhead! Clearly, if Becky has chosen to become a lesbian, she has spit in God’s face and denounced him! You can’t be gay AND Christian!!

          Obviously that’s now what I think, but that’s likely how Carol views the situation. I’ve met many Southern Christians like her and the idea that someone can be LGBT and Christian at the same time is mind boggling.

        2. Doopyboop

          *NOT what I think

        3. woobie

          Yes, one can be gay and Christian.
          People are supposed to not act on it, but Jesus died for the sins everyone has, so there you go.

          Anyone who says God hates gays is a shitty person.

        4. thejeff

          Even “not supposed to act on it” and the idea that it’s sinful is not something held by all churches. There are denominations with married gay preachers.

      2. Needfuldoer

        And his name starts with J too, so he’ll fit right in!

      3. Reltzik

        Yes, Joe might be a good choice. But if we pro-con it out, Sarah has the added pro of a baseball bat.

    2. RassilonTDavros

      It makes total sense for her to pick Joe over either of them, actually. Dorothy’s an atheist who Carol has hated and accused of corrupting her daughter from the beginning, and she wasn’t exactly very good at helping Joyce with her crisis of faith. And bringing in Becky would be a total disaster, considering Carol’s attempt to collude with Ross to kidnap her is what got the church into this mess in the first place.

    3. Warcodered

      Joe’s been her secret text friend while she’s been dealing with her family for a while before this more recent relationship change.

    4. Angel

      Joe is the largest in her group and will have the easiest time picking Carol up and throwing her out the door.

      1. Vanessa

        We can hope!

        1. Vanessa

          Or maybe she can text Amber next for some costumed heroics.

      2. butting

        Dina’s waiting patiently for just the right time to open it.

      3. Needfuldoer

        Why does Joe, the largest friend, not simply eat the future mother-in-law?

      4. Mark

        Why waste a door, when there’s a window right there?

      5. Azhrei Vep

        If only she had Ruth’s number as well…

        1. thejeff

          Was gonna say. Ruth has practical experience in this field.

        2. Azhrei Vep

          https://www.dumbingofage.com/2020/comic/book-10/04-is-a-song-forever/instructed/
          Damn right she does!

    5. Alex

      Oh, Dorothy would be a disaster. And seeing Becky might kill Carol, which… uh… is a bad thing for reasons I’m sure will occur to me at some point.

      1. Miri

        It would make Becky feel guilty? It might upset Joyce?

    6. Rogue 7

      I think there’s several reasons:
      1. Joe’s been upgraded to “boyfriend” status, which probably carries notions that he is now Joyce’s problem solver, because that’s what a Good Boyfriend does.
      2. As mentioned, he’s been Joyce’s vent for all this shit for a while.
      3. His parents are divorced so he has experience.

  30. RassilonTDavros

    Ah yes, God came to you in a dream, perfectly believable. Totally not just trying to get out of actually explaining what you’re using the money for, i.e. keeping the church afloat after you caused a mass kidnapping and a death (or three). Fuuuuuuuck I hate this bongo

    1. Bryy

      I mean, both can be the answer, and probably are.

    2. Alex

      Oh, that wacky, wacky God. What a prankster.

    3. Wraithy2773

      People keep saying this, but honestly, I don’t see how the church, or anyone really, could be held liable in any legal sense for what happened. It’s not like they took custody of Toedad and promised not to let him do anything bad, it’s bail, the only rule is that you have to show up to court if you want the money back.

      (and this is one of those “it sucks in this specific case but is a good thing in general that the law works this way”. Bail is a fucked up system as it stands, lets not make it any worse please)

      Then again, if there were strings attached to getting the money for bail, like taking out a loan with certain organized crime rackets…

      1. SeanR

        Well, depending on how deep the Walkertons’ pockets are, they may be facing lawfare, not a lawsuit.

      2. BadRoad

        There’s other conditions for bail. Usually you’re not supposed to leave the state, sometimes the county. The court can forbid you to associate with certain people (usually alleged accomplices or victims) or stipulate that you do or don’t do other specific things.

        But if you don’t meet those conditions, the penalty is that they put you back in jail.

        1. Wraithy2773

          Right. The penalty for breaking the conditions of bail is that the accused is put back in jail and the money is forfeited.

          But its not that the people who contributed to bail can be sued into oblivion for it.

        2. Yeet

          Bailing someone out also means you’re legally responsible for them meeting the conditions of bail, in some jurisdictions.
          Taking on a legal responsibility you provably didn’t attempt to keep is a pretty good way to get sued.

        3. Taffy

          I’m not a legal expert, so this isn’t legal advice unless it’s funnier that way, but I don’t think Indiana has the rule you’re talking about, based entirely on one half-awake Google search.

    4. Dara

      God came to her in a gas leak more likely

  31. Grimey

    The second I saw the comic I said audibly to myself with the bleakest tone, “And there it is.”

  32. newlland(Henryvolt)

    Who wants to bet Carol sold the house for 30 pieces of Silver?

    1. SeanR

      No. One troy ounce of silver is, currently, about thirty dollars. Thirty ounces would only be around nine-hundred dollars, if they were one-ounce rounds.
      You can figure for larger pieces of silver, but you’d still be WAY below market value.

      1. drs

        And the most likely coins for “pieces of silver” were

        ‘ tetradrachms of Tyre, usually referred to as Tyrian shekels (14 grams of 94% silver), or staters from Antioch (15 grams of 75% silver), which bore the head of Augustus.[11] Alternatively, they could have been Ptolemaic tetradrachms (13.5 ± 1 g of 25% silver)’

        Or, possibly a drachma or denarius, at 3.5-4.5 grams of (at this time) mostly silver.

        So at best half your value (troy ounce = 31 grams) and possibly around 1/8

  33. BBCC

    Joe you get your ass there now and tell Carol ‘Thanks for the update, now hasta la bye bye.’

  34. Angel

    lol that’s pretty close/impressive for doing it with not looking at your phone lol

    1. Reltzik

      I used to be able to do it with a flip-phone… where I could actually identify the individual buttons by touch. Yeah, not so easy with modern touchscreens.

  35. Vincent

    Eyebrows achieving Space Shuttle Status.

  36. Megan Rivera

    ……………..oh no. Poor Joyce…..:-(

  37. Net-Zero Joeyce Shipper (no engine, slowly following the current)

    expression of mild concern save for the eyebrows leaping above your head reflects how I’ve felt since Joyce’s mom’s appearance. “I am surprised. I am concerned. I am not making any sudden movements.”

    Glad that Joyce is lighting up the Bat Signal for Joe, esp. since he has an established track record of helping Joyce navigate parental conflict.

    (As much as I don’t want Dorothy to continue taking on the burden of being the Mom friend, I would absolutely be okay with Dorothy offing Mrs. Brown and supplanting her once and for all as Joyce’s True Mom.)

  38. Alex

    While Joe does have a good track record of helping Joyce out in personal things, and is her boyfriend, and all sorts of things… I am not sure he will be helpful here.

    I am very eager to be proven wrong, however.

    1. Steelbright

      I feel this comment. I’m worried.

    2. Net-Zero Joeyce Shipper (no engine, slowly following the current)

      obviously this isn’t a problem that he’s going to be able to solve for her, but just being present so Joyce isn’t alone with the unstable lady will be a huge comfort and a great starting point. Even showing up with an easy excuse for Joyce to leave–“study group is starting in the library! Come quick if you don’t want to fail The Big Test tomorrow!” would be fan-fucking-tastic.

      1. k

        Joyce was literally on her way to class when her mother showed up, and she still guilted her into helping. I don’t think any excuse would work in this situation.
        The best bet for Joe might be to just show up and refuse to leave Joyce alone, providing a witness and hopefully intimidating her mother from doing anything drastic to Joyce.

    3. Inahc

      my only concern is that with such a vague message he’s going to jump straight to “kidnapping/murder attempt” based on past experience, and be a whole lot more freaked out than he needs to be.

      well, that and him showing up being super worried about her might lead to joyce’s mum doing something else inappropriate.

  39. Proxiehunter

    So Carol is batshit batshit. Like edging into danger to herself and others territory. If you’re making decisions like that because your god came to you in a dream then what won’t you do if you think your god is telling you to do it?

    1. AbacusWizard

      “And in this dream God told me that you and I should travel to Mount Moriah together to, uh, make an offering. It’ll make sense when we get there, I promise.”

      1. Rotunda

        Can someone tell me whether Joyce is likely enough to have studied the Old Testament as well as the New to get this reference?

        1. Steelbright

          I wasn’t close to fundie and I knew this story, so I’m sure Joyce would get it

      2. Laura

        Norman Morrison actually referred to that particular passage before he… did what he did.
        He said words to the effect that “like Abraham, he dared not leave his child behind.”
        I’m actually find it rather chilling the kinds of situations that I was raised to believe made sense. Even today, it’s difficult to wrap my head around how truly abnormal they were.

      3. HueSatLight

        Carol Brown née Jephthah

    2. Mr.Morningstar

      I think she is long past edging when she willingly helped get the dude who brought and fired a shotgun at her daughters college out of jail

      1. Taffy

        Someone always points this out (like it matters), but it wasn’t a shotgun. It was an M202 FLASH, and he crispy-crittered about a dozen passing students.

  40. drs

    URL:

    but-dont-give-yourself-away/sell

    “Don’t give yourself away! Sell yourself!”

  41. VinzKlortho

    I want a jump cut to Hank just having a nice, low key, crazy-free day.

  42. Sporky

    Okay, so Carol has just totally lost touch with reality now. Lovely.

  43. StClair

    Dang, Joe is going to wonder if Joyce is being assaulted.
    (And she is, in a way.)

  44. Sajuuk-Khar

    “Mom, have you ever heard of Joan of Arc and how this sort of thing turned out really, really badly for her?”

    “Oh, sweetie, Joan of Arc was a Satanic witch. She didn’t really see any divine visions.”

    1. BBCC

      Well, DUH, she was Catholic aka the whore of Babylon.

      1. Sajuuk-Khar

        EXACTLY! That’s what Carol’s saying here, people! Bad things only happen when the God you’re talking to is actually Satan because reasons! 😉

  45. APW

    Random Joyce fact: she doesn’t use autocorrect.
    (Otherwise she’d send something more along the lines of
    Hello bro po help HTML ok)

    1. APW

      Nope, not ths avatar

  46. Jon

    People have been predicting that this will turn malicious and I certainly do see that as a potential direction — Carol is a horrible person after all.

    But this strip just adds fuel to my personal theory that she’s not here as part of some nasty scheme…she’s just broken. She lost her husband and at least one of her kids, has few prospects, probably has been preyed on by the church (betting they have something to gain from her house sale)…I think Carol is spiraling.

    My guess is that she’s not here to truly interfere in Joyce’s life again…she’s just narratively here to show us the fallout of their divorce and remind us how badly organized religion can prey on the weak.

    1. thumb

      Very much agree

    2. Needfuldoer

      That tracks, given the everything we’ve heard.

      She’s been oddly wistful since she showed up.

  47. Steelbright

    Ack. Now I’m worried that sudden Mom crisis is not only going to be trickle for Joyce but also trigger Joe’s desire to emotionally distance himself… Hope it isn’t so

  48. Pocky

    “It’s free real estate”

    – God, probably

  49. Azu

    Oh no.

  50. BOOSTER SHOT

    Oh hell yeah, Carol rules

  51. DudeMyDadOwnsADealership

    Carol had her chance to divorce her husband earlier so she could elope with Ross. Guess she’s just trying to settle for acting like him until it gets her peen hammered to death just like his squat ass. Poor Joyce…

    1. Bryy

      wait i faintly remember
      did she actually try to get with Ross?

      1. thejeff

        No.
        No evidence for it that I can see. Other than they’re both on the worse side of their church.

        1. DudeMyDadOwnsADealership

          Although Carol IS starting to sound like him when he was stalking Becky, using God as a means of self-importance and to justify less than pride-of-the-community actions…

          Hope Carol thought beyond what God told her to do in that supposed dream with her actions as of late.

          Selling the house might be the best move now that she’s without a husband’s dentist income. Living in the suburbs isn’t cheap, and all the little birds have left the nest.

          But given that church family of hers seems to limit their support to discrediting each other’s critics, I’ll doubt they’ve even offered her a chance to crash at one of their places, now that she’s both divorced and no longer comes with the coattails of her husband’s good job and her youngest’s basic people skills/college material prospects to ride…

        2. thejeff

          She does have her oldest son’s missionary work and grifting to fall back on if necessary.

      2. RassilonTDavros

        I believe that was a fan theory, but AFAIK it was just that and nothing more.

    2. shellshockbp

      doggy doggy what now?

  52. Acher4

    I fully expect that Carol gave all the money to her church?

    And now I do wonder if ‘god’ was the pastor of her church, whispering through the windows in the night.

  53. AGV

    Yeah, it might be a good idea to salvage as much as she can before Carol gets Ani more enlightened

  54. Raen

    Is it in her name, then? Et vir?

  55. BadRoad

    I’ve participated in a few real estate transactions in my time, and a week seems… fast. Especially when the house is part of a divorce settlement.

    (It was likely sold as-is, with no mortgage, with no more than one real estate agent involved. Inspections, due diligence, loans, and title research/insurance all take time.)

    This probably means she got a real lowball price, because of the rapid turnover and since the buyer bears 100% of the risk.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      So did she call one of those phone numbers from a plastic road sign “I buy your house for $CASH$”?

    2. Amós Batista

      oh, so all family has lost A LOT of money

    3. Masumi

      Also possible that Carol isn’t exactly being accurate here, and actually gave the house to the church to be sold at a less low-ball price. Either way, house money likely lost.

    4. Needfuldoer

      If you’re wondering how she eats and breathes gets a divorce and sells her house so fast, and other science facts,
      (La la la)
      Just repeat to yourself “it’s just a show comic strip, I should really just relax.”

  56. chuckroast

    His eyebrows say he’s extremely alert, but the rest of his face says “Man, I wonder if I left the stove on.”

  57. Now

    OH WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW this is turbo ultra worrying and Joyce being eighteen she absolutely cannot deal with this, poor baby

  58. Amelie Wikström

    A likely scenario:
    Hank: “I want out, and I want us to keep paying Joyce’s tuition. You can have everything else. (And if we go to court that’s probably exactly what they’d judge.)”
    Carol: “Fine, tell me where to sign. Quitter. (Dear God the church needs money so bad.)”

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      No idea if it would apply, but it is possible that Joyce’s education fund could have been put in her name. There are tax advantages to doing so in some places. I know this because I had to wangle the transfers of the money my dad gave to his grandchildren.

    2. thejeff

      Also, Hank keeps his business – assuming he’s got his own dentist practice, which isn’t unlikely.
      That actually makes the division of assets look a lot more even.

  59. Sombrero

    I’m not being manipulative, I’m just following things I heard in a dream.

  60. Amós Batista

    Now, the things will get interesting in this point of history.
    I wonder how much Willis will integrate his own history with DoA. The mom, the car, the faith.
    I like to think this storyline will be a turning point.

    1. Needfuldoer

      Too bad Walky can’t have a mini-pickup because freshmen aren’t allowed to have vehicles on campus. Maybe Linda could pull the string that gave Sal’s bike a pass…

  61. The Jighole Man

    run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, and furthermore, RUN!

  62. thumb

    You know, in this context, it does sound like someone having a breakdown. In the middle of the hardest period in her life, she gets a dream from god? And the dream is to get rid of the place that holds all the memories of her now broken family? And she shows up here delivering all these news so calmly and matter-of-fact? Yeah. She’s in trouble. Joyce needs help, but Carol also needs help for sure.

    1. Masumi

      You make a good point there. Problem is, I don’t think she’d accept help – except maybe from the church.

      Which made me think – what if she did go to their pastor for advice, and he was like ‘Oh that painful dream you had? Definitely means you need to sell the house.’? That seems like a level of awful well within expectations.

      1. RocketRelm

        Specifically because, as her dream (and from what I know, the real life incident it’s based on) was to sell the house “and give the proceeds to the church”, there’s definitely incentive for him to go “wha-hey, free money? Sounds good to me, yeah, you go do that”.

  63. OnyxIdol

    I would have expected Hank to tell her at least.

    1. Axel

      wouldn’t be surprised if she was like “I’ll tell all the kids, they won’t want to talk to you after this anyway,” or something, and then neglected it for an entire week specifically so that she could show up at Joyce’s (and maybe does-his-own-thing-siblings’s) place(s)

      1. Axel

        (but that’s why you inform your kids even if the other parent says they’ll do it. better they hear it twice than never)

        1. Insanenoodlyguy

          Honestly I expect she tried. I also expect Joyce hung up and didn’t check messages every time, unless she outright blocked her.

          On Hank’s end, he probably A. Correctly assumed she’d do it, and B. Is so sick of fighting her that he didn’t go out of his way to make a new point of contention.

          They have several kids. They will have to keep interacting with each other on some level. He’s not going to start crap when he has no reason to believe she isn’t doing it (and again, may have actually attempted to do it)

    2. Reltzik

      Does Hank know?

    3. Proxiehunter

      We know Jocelyne tried to call. It’s possible Hank was calling all of their kids to tell them and for some reason Jocelyne told him that she should be the one to tell Joyce.

      And then Joyce didn’t answer when she called.

  64. Plaaaa

    Isn’t it normal for women to believe things they see in their dreams are real? Most of the fights I get into with my wife start with something horrible she says I did in her dreams. My mom and sisters are like that too.

    1. Morenin

      Um…nope. That is not normal. That is blending dreams with reality. With the caveat that level of confusion frequently might be a sign it’s time to work things out with a psychologist, because that’s inching towards some serious issues. Source- I am a mentally ill under treatment lady who has not confused dreams with reality since I was 8.

      1. Miri

        Yeah, sometimes if dreams are realistic, it can be difficult to sift between real memories and memories of dreams (but memory is weird and reliably unreliable in some significant ways), but if you weren’t angry on going to sleep, and are on waking up about something uncharacteristic that has “occurred” then you should be able to quickly work out it was a dream, and that the real, actual person in front of you is not responsible for a manifestation of your subconscious, your anger is misplaced and unwarranted, and you should let go of it because the horrible thing has not actually happened!

    2. Nicoleandmaggie

      Is it normal for men to make generalizations about women from a small highly related sample?

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        83.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

        1. asmodai27

          With 85% of made-up statistics between 80% and 90%.

      2. Big Z

        I don’t know if it’s PREVALENT, but it is certainly (and sadly) NORMAL.

    3. Taffy

      Yeah, they usually do it when their uterus has detached and is bouncing around inside them, causing them to act irrationally. That’s what the latest science says, anyway.

    4. BBCC

      No, it’s not, although my boyfriend and I tell each other when we have dreams with each other in them. Sometimes those conversations start with “Hey, I have a bone to pick with dream you!” Those conversations end with laughing not fighting.

    5. milu

      obviously your claim (oh i’m sorry, your honest question) is ridiculous and super sexist.

      but here’s a serious thought though.
      what if your wife is actually just bringing up stuff that she needs addressed. perhaps the fact that she uses a nightmare as a springboard is trivial and beside the point, and you’re not actually hearing the much more important and real-life issue she’s trying to get through. you wouldn’t be near the first to use the “are we actually having an argument over X” defence when X was never the point, only the trigger.

      now obviously i don’t know you or your wife, so the keyword here is “perhaps”. i sure hope you(‘ve) consider(ed) that possibility

    6. june gloom

      No.

    7. Bryy

      …. I hope this is a bad joke.

    8. C.T. Phipps

      No more than it is for men.

  65. vulcanodon

    Joe, get moving…

    1. k

      He’s gotta build some joementum first…

    2. Proxiehunter

      Give him a panel or two he just got the text.

      But yeah, given Joyce’s past history that he’s aware of a text like that is drop what you’re doing and bolt from the classroom explaining to the professor later territory.

      1. Proxiehunter

        And maybe text Sarah on the way there asking her to bring the bat. And Ruth telling her to get ready to collect some femurs.

    3. Amós Batista

      He even didn’t kissed her, and already have a huge fire to put down…

  66. AlaninDC

    Many years ago, Jesus came to me in a dream as well, but he was a vaudeville song-and-dance man with a straw hat, striped jacket and a cane, doing his act. This was long before Jesus Christ Superstar, so I wasn’t influenced by any outside media, other than what I already knew about vaudeville.

    That was the start of my questioning my religion, which took more than a decade to work through.

    1. Needfuldoer

      But did he have a white robe and blue sash? Those are important details.

      1. AlaninDC

        Nope, would have clashed with the jacket.

    2. vulcanodon

      I’d see that musical!

      1. GossamerWillow

        In Godspell, there’s a whole scene set up like that where Jesus and Judas do the “splinter in your brother’s eye,” scripture like they’re a vaudeville duo setting up a joke. A lot of times while wearing straw hats and carrying canes.

  67. Chasey

    So does that mean Joyce is homeless once she graduates? Or as soon as summer comes along? Which parent expects her to come to their new place?

    1. Miri

      Becky!

    2. Needfuldoer

      “Which parent expects her to come to their new place?”

      Both of them.

    3. Marrow

      She’s gonna live with her beautiful husband Joe at his place

  68. Zaxares

    I remember somebody here yesterday mentioned Neon Genesis. I blame them for now having that song with the lyrics “It’s all tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling DOOOOWN!” playing in my head during this strip. XD

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      DYW is the one who started it, the mouseover alt text is “so many crosses in that bin it looks like end of evangelion in there.”

      But it will all return to nothing.

      1. woobie

        MY plan to turn us all into yellow glop is completely different from THEIR plan to turn us all into yellow glop!

  69. Rabisch

    It looks like no longer sleeping next to Hank allows Carol’s subconscious to go into the wildest fantasies she didn’t even dare to dream before. How sad…

  70. Nyx

    I love how Carol just ambushed her DURING HER CLASS TIME

    1. Big Z

      That’s part of the deal. “Without ever outright asserting my continued dominion over you, my child, I’m going to PROVE I still own you by implicitly forcing you to deal with me when you had prior and important commitments.”

      1. Taffy

        That’s not in-character for Carol. She’d never think someone else’s commitments were important.

        1. Sombrero

          Unless they are Bible-related commitments (or at least, related to whatever whacky version of the Bible Carol is following).

  71. Paprikahoernchen

    Oh well Carol

    That’s.. a lot

  72. foducool

    did god also tell her to give all the money from the sale to the pastor?

  73. Ntrovert

    Joyce / Mr. Willis,
    You have my deepest sympathies.

    1. vulcanodon

      Same.

  74. Hinoron

    I once had a dream I was part of the crew in Oceans Eleven. At no point did I consider it might have been God telling me I was supposed to rob a casino (or to become an actor, for that matter).

    That said… I don’t actually believe her about the dream; I think she’s just really used to lying to her daughter’s face, and a much younger Joyce probably would have bought this one.

  75. Tsa

    Willis came to her in a dream like “yo I need you to move the story along.”

    1. raultsi

      Bwahahahaha

    2. Marrow

      Laughed out loud reading this

  76. Caninse

    Carol, just because a dream tells you to do something doesn’t mean you do. I’ve had dreams where people were injured or died by my actions. Doesn’t mean I went out and killed them. You should never, ever listen to your dreams unless it’s something like “I need to find a bathroom quick” or “I’m running late to an appointment.” Not something world changing like selling your fucking house.

  77. pope suburban

    Joe, I know you will have an impulse to play the good sedate boyfriend for Joyce here, but resist it. Joyce needs to let her anger, as mentioned and treasured by Dotty and Becky alike, shine here. Back her up and screw Carol’s good opinion – it’s not worth having in any case.

  78. Rocketboy1313

    I commiserate with those young people who are finding out who their parents are as adults and realizing they are not the rock you had seen them as when you were a child.

    Since my grandfather died this year I have learned how much of an evil bastard he often was and even the property and money he left behind does not do much to counter that.

    1. Azhrei Vep

      Oh god, yeah. Learning the truth about relatives you were previously close with and thought highly of suuuucks. Especially when it only happens after (especially immediately after) they’ve died, and you can’t even confront them about it.

  79. Adept

    Ok, Joyce’s mum has always been a nutcase, but this is really blowing up now. Poor Joyce.

    (I hope this isn’t one of those autobiographical things, because… yikes)

    1. BBCC

      Sadly it is. Willis’ mom sold their childhood home and gave the money to the church based on a dream. Coincidentally at the time she was trying to blow through his dad’s savings in a divorce.

      1. Sol

        And the Church still went under anyways IIRC, right? Higher ups probably absconded with the money and laughed their way to the bank…

        1. C.T. Phipps

          That is just extra disgusting.

      2. Adept

        Fucking hell o.O

  80. Jennifer Bak

    I have to admit, it’s been fascinating watching Carol go off the rails in this universe, though super sad for all the family members effected by it. o_O

    I never watched Tiger King, but I feel like Carol is the train wreck I’m watching instead.

  81. John

    A dream told me spend $9000 on an office chair, and you don’t see me doing that, Carol!
    Pull your head out of your ass!

  82. Juanoku

    Oh God the more she talks the worse it GETS

  83. Yakumo

    Not getting the alt text. Maybe I’m missing something, but it’s a Joyce head, smiling and sans glasses, but very much Joyce as she still is. Update to what? By the minute facial expression? With glasses she only recently got? I mean, I’ve seen people use photos for too long, but c’mon now…

    1. angie

      I don’t have any links to back this up, but I think that’s the exact same joyce image that’s been copy/pasted as her icon for many irl years

    2. Azhrei Vep

      I’m just wondering what she’s texting with that has pictures for texters in the first place.

  84. Marrow

    Man I hate this God character

  85. Allandrel

    I notice that Carol is looking away from Joyce as she speaks. That’s not a good sign.

  86. Yoursmoreisburning

    Can any of you lore scholars/archive divers point me at the comic or general direction of when Joyce started texting regularly with Joe? Back when the identity of the texter was still unknown?

    1. HueSatLight

      https://www.dumbingofage.com/roundtheclock/ I think. Reveal is at the end of the day.

      1. HueSatLight

        oops, started on the day before. https://www.dumbingofage.com/complain/
        including foreshadowing, since it’s not clear its the same chat. https://www.dumbingofage.com/sorry-3/

        1. Yoursmoreisburning

          Thank you!

          Been lookung for this since they got together in the recent arc.

      2. HueSatLight

        June 2016 First Bonus strip shows the beginning of the chat, but patreon has made it illegible. https://www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-strip-june-5864148

  87. Kazuma Taichi

    Called it

    also shuddering from the whole “god told me to sell the house”, reminds me of the “would you jump off a bridge” line my parents’ generation loved to use

    1. Felian

      indeed…..

      “god told me to“ is the scariest argument. It doesn’t even matter whether someone genuinely believes that God spoke to them, or just say so to get away with whatever they *want* to do… it’s scary either way.

  88. Squishy

    Swyping really is the alternative to old flip-phone texting by remembering how many presses per button each letter and punctuation mark is. Should actually practice emergency messages doing that…

  89. Amós Batista

    Wait a minute: In churchs, in evangelicals one, there’s a pastor, right? I believe the pastor would give some counselor about a couple that wants to divorce.

    Sooo, Pastor Landrum, the man who authorized the bail for Ross, he should knows that Carol and Hank are getting divorce.
    At least, he should know that there’s conflict in Brown’s family.

    … he just accepted Carol offering they house, knowing all of this??

    No, there’s something strange here…

    1. HueSatLight

      It’s not confirmed yet, just a very popular speculation because of similarities to Willis’ life. Maybe he’s going to throw a curveball, and she has given all the money to the Trevor Project.

  90. cmd1095

    Oh so now she’s horrible AND crazy. Lovely… I don’t know if Joe can help here.

  91. C.T. Phipps

    Willis: Sell the house you evil bongo!

  92. Hof1991

    In churches that preach a prosperity gospel, giving until it hurts is considered a good investment. God loves you and your devotion and will pay you back a thousand fold. Bullshit of course, but very American.

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