Depressed
Posted on August 9, 2014 by David M Willis

287 thoughts on “Depressed”

  1. Jen Aside

    BILLIE STOP BEING HORRIBLE SO YOU CAN BE AWESOME AND NOT DEPRESSED

    1. Lord Geovanni

      When I’m sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead.

  2. Friday

    BAD JOYCE! NO!

    1. Hyperstar96

      Says the guy with Walky as his picture.

      1. Rachel Roth

        Oh, you mean the guy who is currently HOLDING JOYCE BACK?

  3. Mr. Random

    Horrible people get depressed too.
    Probably.
    They just use Ben’s face for tissues.

    1. Yotomoe

      Mike has never felt awful in his entire life.

      1. EvilPenguin

        Are you insinuating that Mike is anything other than a charitable and virtuous young man?

        1. No

          I take offense to that.

        2. Dibullba

          Well he is always giving to the mothers for a nickel. I would say that qualifies as charitable. He was also a hero in the war against the Head Alien. Thus, qualifying him as virtuous.

      2. Mr. Random

        But Amazi-girl didn’t tie him up and leave him for the police.

        1. No

          …and I took offence to that.

        2. Mr. Random

          That she didn’t or that I think he did?

        3. No

          I’ve got a thing for ropes. Amazi-girl wasn’t interested. The world will pay.

      3. newllend

        If mike is able to feel anything.

        1. No

          …

        2. Rachel Roth

          The name says it all.

      4. nothri

        Sure he has. In any universe in which Dina does the best she can do Mike feels really awful.

        1. Yotomoe

          Except the Universe where Mike is a Villain and is the one who does her in. Or the universe in which DINA is a villain and the best she can do is kill Mike. Or in Cowboy Universe where they’ve never met each other.

        2. Doctor_Who

          I like the Pirate universe where Mike is Dina’s first mate.

        3. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          I bet their figurehead is a tyrannosaur eating a mermaid.

    2. shietka

      Ben?

  4. Liahansen

    RED ALERT THE ALT TEXT IS JUST THE TITLE RED ALERT WHAT YEAR IS IT

    1. Mr. Random

      2014… Last I checked.

      1. Mr. Random

        Yeah, 2014.

  5. licoricepencil

    Even the alt-text is depressed.

    1. licoricepencil

      …and now my joke makes no sense.

      It is for the best.

  6. John

    Hovertext is too depressed to be funny.

    1. MrSirk

      I’ve heard mention of alt text more than a few times now and have no idea what it is. Please tell me what it is?

      1. Carriethedragon

        If you hover your cursor over the image for a moment, you’ll see it. If you’re on a touchscreen device, there’s another way to see it, which I totally forget how to do.

        1. nekobawt

          tap the screen next to the navigational buttons under the comic, if i remember right.

          that being said, i have no idea how to make the alt text that appears under those conditions GO AWAY.

        2. saltchocolate

          Just tap anywhere inside the darkened screen.

        3. epershannd

          If I remember correctly you can see it if you tap the space to the right of the “latest” button

        4. Mr. Random

          I KNOW! I KNOW! There are little sub-buttons under the comic.the spaces far to the right and left of the navigation buttons. ( the last, first, next, previous buttons) hitting one of those two reveals the alt-text on mobile devices.
          Also, most first comers who checked saw that the alt-text was the same as the title, a trend that started since the comic began. Willis only began to add alt -text, sometime last year.

        5. John

          The beginning of regular hovertext was Valentine’s 2013, though there’s one earlier one the locating of which I will leave as an exercise for the reader.

        6. AndromedaRage

          Why has this secret been so well guarded for so long?! All the missed inside jokes, so much opportunity! Eh, I probably just didnt pay attention when the mobile hovertext button was first implemented

        7. Roborat

          Go over it with dry-erase marker?

    2. John

      Hovertext is fixed now, so I’ve gotta change my joke.

      I thought the hood was for keeping beer in.

      1. butting

        Nah. Stuck in a queue behind a loyalty-cards-are-how-the-Man-keeps-us-down ranter in Pittsburg, it turned out the point of a hoodie is so that when someone needs a smack around the ears they won’t see it coming.

  7. Wonder Wig

    Chick-fill-a has filled Joyce with vigor.

    1. Yotomoe

      Chick-Fil-A, For people who love chicken and hate gay marriage.

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        …but I’m fully in support of gay marriage, and their chicken is delicious…

        …what do?

        1. Opus the Poet

          Just have the Waffle Fries.

        2. Aubri

          Oh man, their waffle fries. I feel so bad when I go there but those things even taste good ice cold. It’s magic.

        3. Opus the Poet

          I know, it’s like they made a pact with the devil or something. Where is the Devil Emoji?

        4. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          Oh man, the waffle fries are the best part. I know a bunch of people who go to CFA just for a large waffle fries and nothing else.

        5. Disloyal Subject

          I go because, of all the places across the street from my school, they’re the only one that sells chocolate shakes.
          The other deliciousnesses are just a bonus.

        6. Twirls

          Raising Canes?

        7. Ocksgrough

          GOD no. McDonald’s has better chicken than that.

        8. spriteless

          Chik a Fil went waffled (fries) away from hurting gay marraige, now they donate to no charity more anti-gay than the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, which doesn’t allow gay sports leaders. They mostly donate to people who don’t care about the gays one way or another, like children’s shelters.

        9. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          so what you’re saying is, we can all enjoy waffle fries without guilt now?

          *sheds tear of happiness*

        10. Anarchy 101

          Unless if your a vegan or vegetarian, then you will realize that they serve meat there and cry a tear of utter guilt

        11. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          I hear a lot of places use animal fat to flavor their fries, too. So that’s double-guilt.

        12. saltchocolate

          Not sure they should be let off the hook. But I must add that I’m willing to bet this prominent “product placement” is mainly given to us to set up the major confrontation Ethan is going to have with someone in the coming months, in which he’ll have to decide whether to out himself.

        13. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          well, that’s certainly something to think about. Maybe he goes on a rant about Chick-Fil-A when Joyce wants to go? Or otherwise feels conflicted?

        14. Gigafreak

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-2/01-pajama-jeans/extolling/
          Ethan has already discussed it.

          I don’t understand how a chicken shop like Chick-Fil-A can hate gay people when their job description is “people pay us to put very literal cock into their mouths.”

        15. Dreizehn

          A friend of mine will make a donation equal to however much they spent at Chick-Fil-A to a pro-gay marriage charity.

          If going that route, make sure the charity isn’t using the money they get to pay themselves administrative fees though.

        16. OldFart

          Eat actual food.

      2. Hyperstar96

        Those are the best kind of people! But I don’t like their chicken all that much… How do I fix that?

        (because “what do?” was already taken)

  8. Plasma Mongoose

    Typical Joyce, blaming everything on this God fella.

    1. Mkvenner

      That’s one way to put.

    2. tinfoil theory

      That’s what God is for: To take the blame for everything.

      Got a depression? It is God’s will.
      Failed a test? God works in mysterious ways.
      Conquered your enemies, took away their possessions, and clasped their wives into your arms? God made you do it.

  9. Justnobody

    No witty alt text?

    1. Van Dyne

      Even the alt text is–wait– (looks up)

      damn, never mind.

      1. licoricepencil

        Muahahaha.

  10. Yotomoe

    God only makes us weak so we’ll stop killing his other creatures, planet, and each other.

    1. newllend

      WOOPS !

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      God made seven days to make one weak. 😛

      1. Yotomoe

        Well played.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          I try. 😀

        2. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          what character is your avatar this time, Plasma?

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          It’s one of my original characters where I attempt to emulate Willis’ style.

        4. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          You did really well, I think!

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          Willis could draw a comic strip in several minutes, I took over an hour of fiddling around with Corel paint just to draw this character.

    3. timemonkey

      God’s the one who made us have to destroy the other creatures to survive in the first place. And we’re not killing the planet, we’re killing things ON the planet, the planet couldn’t give two shits what we do, we’ll be extinct before it cares.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Unless of cause you believe in the Gaia hypothesis.

        1. HMRC4EVR

          Now I’m imagining some of the DoA cast as The Planeteers.

          Dina-Earth
          Ruth-Fire
          Walky-Wind
          Billie-Water
          Joyce-Heart

          or in some horriblly awesome mistake Mike gets the Heart power. Could go either way.

          Go Planet??

        2. AgentKeen

          We should hope Mike doesn’t get Heart, that’s the mind control power.

          Though that would make it kind of appropriate.

      2. OldFart

        We choose to destroy the other creatures. It’s not a necessity, it’s a choice, at least when you talk about directly eating animals. Meat is a completely optional part of the human diet-we are omnivores, not obligate carnivores. Blaming a god is just a way to deny responsibility for our choices. We do destroy creatures incidentally as a result of food production, of course, and if you include non-animal life forms in the definition of “creatures”, then, yeah, our biology requires us to destroy. That what you meant, timemonkey?

  11. Tandel

    Dear God don’t let Joyc- wait, NOT dear God. This is all your fault/plan! *shakes fist*

    1. Mkvenner

      No it isn’t. Free will remember.

      1. Anarchy 101

        Thats the big question: God’s plan vs free will, if there is one the other can’t exist.

        1. Sam

          Unless both are mixed together e.g. part plan, part free will or if the plan is for them all to act solely on free will.

        2. begbert2

          At some level I feel like I should get all debatey about this, but, meh. Energy levels low. So, abridged version.

          Ability to predict the future means the universe is functionally deterministic – so no free will. Or alternatively, in the presence of free will it would be impossible to predict manmade events like wars millennia in advance, as the bible is claimed to. So forget about plans: either you can throw out large chunks of the bible, including every time when a prediction is fulfilled by biblical events, or this “free will” thing is a figment of your imagination. Your choice.

        3. thomas0comer

          I disagree with that way of viewing it. Such a god, when acting as an observer, isn’t taking away free will by knowing what you’ll do; they just know how you will exercise your free will. If you decide to jump off a cliff and god knows you’re going to in advance, that doesn’t lock you into jumping off the cliff or anything, but if you exercised your free will and decided to not jump off the cliff, god would know that’s what would happen.

        4. begbert2

          Ah! The interesting part of the discussion!

          It depends on what you mean by free will – whether we’re deterministic or not. As in, whether we’re computer programs/wind up toys or not. As in, whether given a specific situation, set of stimuli, and precise condition and mental state, whether we will always, always react in the exact same way. If the same person in the same situation will react in the same way, then they can be predicted with 100% certainty presuming all the previously mentioned factors are known (and we’re going to assume God does know all that).

          Note that I’m not at all opposed to saying that a deterministic individual has a meaningful form of free will – as it happens I believe that peoples’ behavior clearly shows that they do have deterministic free will and that’s A-OK. There’s nothing wrong with that at all.

          Unless you’re trying to make the argument that free will absolves God of any responsibility, that is. If I know with absolute certainty that a virus’s program is going to make it jack your computer up, I can’t put it on your computer and then claim that it’s the virus’s fault that bad things happened. Similarly, I can’t put a hungry cat in with a bunch of mice and then claim innocence as to their deaths. And similarly, God can’t be absolved of anything that happens if we are deterministic beings.* Only if we have non-deterministic free will would he have even a tenuous argument that things aren’t his fault – but if he can predict our actions then he doesn’t get that pass either.

          * Actually God could (obviously) be absolved of problems if he had no way to intervene, but I’m assuming that all three forks of the Problem of Evil are in play here.

        5. tinfoil theory

          Such nonsense.

          Fee will means you are free to decide for yourself. This does not mean the universe cannot be deterministic.

          Point in case: If free will was not deterministic, there could not be a theory of mind.

          In other words: If you think a deterministic universe prevents you from having free will, you are a sociopath.

        6. Ocksgrough

          I agree with your first two paragraphs, but “nondeterministic” doesn’t mean “no regular structure to model”, and even if it did, surely noncompatibilists would mostly be people who failed to see your supposed contradiction between the theory of mind they actually do have and noncompatibilism, or people who thought indeed that the universe was deterministic and there was no free will, not theory-of-mind lackers.

          And *furthermore* plenty of sociopaths have a theory of mind for others. It just doesn’t necessarily have much emotional salience.

        7. tinfoil theory

          Nondeterminism is an information theoretical sense still requires an underlying model, which restricts the supposed arbitrariness of free will. But you have a point in that I was exaggerating. Of course our models of our own behaviour as well as that of others can only be stochastic, because we don’t have perfect information.

          That there are sociopaths that have theory of mind is irrelevant, because my point was that not having it makes you one. It is an injective relation, not a bijective one.

        8. Tandel

          Unless God isn’t omniscient. Then he can have a plan, and then things don’t go according to it.

          God could be the dungeon master and we’re the PCs.

        9. tinfoil theory

          Joyce is of the firm opinion that we are the NPCs.

  12. Emperor Kiva

    If only shit were that simple, Joyce.

    1. Yotomoe

      But it’s not. Fecal matter is in fact a complex bi-product of the human excretory system.

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        poop is actually quite interesting… too bad it’s so disgusting.

      2. nekobawt

        god only makes us shit so that when we overextend our reach we fall back onto the toilet

        1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          this right here is why we need a Like button.

        2. Emperor Kiva

          My god you guys are idiots!

        3. Yotomoe

          God only makes us idiots so that we can overextend ourselves and fall back into various comment sections.

        4. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          please don’t be the next overused meme please don’t be the next overused meme…

        5. Opus the Poet

          Did you know you can erase permanent marker…

        6. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          God makes us all use permanent marker so that we can overextend ourselves and fall back into shouting methods of removal at fictional characters.

        7. Opus the Poet

          And we have a winner!

        8. Anarchy 101

          God makes us use a knife so that we can overextend ourselves, kill everyone overusing memes, and fall back into a life sentence in jail.

        9. Yotomoe

          I hate Danny because he has an ugly FAAAAAAAACE and won’t overextend himself so that he can fall back into being sculpted out of caramel.

        10. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          And because of this, Ruth wants his FEMURS so she can erase permanent marker off a whiteboard!

        11. John

          With his penis.

        12. Drakey

          This. All of these comments.

          all of them.

        13. Kryss LaBryn

          For a nickel.

        14. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          YES

        15. Rachel Roth

          It can’t be a meme, there’s no picture. . . yet. I’ll send you the finished template.

        16. BalRog gets a "D"...and PASSES!!!

          Contrary to popular belief, a meme does not require a picture. All it needs are words.

          Simply put, a meme is an idea that is so compelling that it seems to propagate itself. The concept was invented by Richard Dawkins as a way to explain biological gene propagation by analogy.

          Some examples of very successful pictureless memes among DoA fans include:
          — “Danning it up”
          — “For a nickel”
          — “Amazi-squirrel”
          — “The next slipshine comic”
          — “How to erase permanent marker from a whiteboard”

          Memes are everywhere if you just know where to look.

        17. Rachel Roth

          http://crazyhead42.tumblr.com/post/94274817295/you-asked-for-it 😀 (Don’t worry about following me, I NEVER use this site.)

        18. nekobawt

          it’s mildly disturbing that i feel genuine pride in inspiring that. i’ve always known my priorities are off, but wow.

  13. Sionyx

    Something that even Walky’s realizes is a bad idea. Speaking as someone who deals with depression, this is the first time I’ve actually wanted to smack some sense into Joyce.

    1. Yotomoe

      I’ve wanted to smack sense into Joyce for a WHILE.

      1. newllend

        Everybody has, unfortunately I can’t break through the fourth wall of time and space to actually physically do it

        1. Emperor Kiva

          Not me, dude

      2. Sionyx

        Oh, there’ve been times when I’d like to give her a smack. But that usually passes quickly as a “Well, she’ll learn” moment. This is the first time I’ve wanted the ability to actually reach through the fourth wall, though.

    2. nothri

      To be fair I think Walky just assumes that everything Joyce does or says is a terrible idea.

      1. begbert2

        Walky has demonstrated a slightly-stronger-than-most negative reaction to Joyce’s religious comments. I’m not sure if we’ve heard a reason for this yet; I wonder if it’s somehow related to the fact his parents used a religious school as a prison for his twin.

        1. tinfoil theory

          It may stem from his brief stint as a church mouse.

    3. astraea

      To be fair, she does just want to help. But I find it’s the most well-meaning people who can do the most damage to someone in that state, especially when they have no idea what’s *actually* going on.

      1. chris73

        The road to hell is paved with good intentions and all that

  14. Kernanator

    Nonono, let this happen, I want to see what happens.

    1. Yotomoe

      “Here lies everyone.”
      Cause of Death
      Stabbing.

    2. timemonkey

      Technically Billie does share Joyce’s faith so it’s not completely absurd. I mean it’s not like she’d be using this logic on Walky or Dorothy.

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        You don’t know Joyce if you think she wouldn’t try to help Dorothy by using religion, were Dorothy in a rough spot.

        1. timemonkey

          That wasn’t the point.

      2. begbert2

        Billie only shares Joyce’s religion in the loosest of senses. Joyce is part of a very fervent and opinionated sub-sect whereas Billie clearly has been allowed to stop caring or even thinking about the subject at all.

  15. WeezerLuvr3030

    Is Joyce wearing Uggs?!

    1. Catullus

      She is. Those are the Uggs she bought in Book 2, Chapter 5

      1. Opus the Poet

        Can’t spell ugly without the Uggs. Too bad they’re so damn comfy.

  16. newllend

    holy shit Joyce.

  17. MrSirk

    Damn..if what Joyce said is true then god’s kind of a prick.

    1. Yotomoe

      If you believe MOST things some Christians say, it becomes clear that God is…kind of a jerk about stuff.

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        It’s only the fundies! I swear, most of us try to be nice about it and don’t believe God is a total jerk!

        1. Mkvenner

          And we just assume they’re making it up/pulling it strait out of their rectums.

        2. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          That’s a safe assumption for the people who made up that decidedly un-christian (seriously compare fundamentalist message to the bible) drivel, but I really feel bad for the kids who learn all that stuff from the bigots who try to justify themselves with religion. Such as, well, Joyce.

        3. Opus the Poet

          To be fair Joyce has been sheltered from knowledge all her life, so she doesn’t know how bad some of the things she is saying really are. I could draw a parallel with the part-time cop that got fired last month for making the video telling people to go out and run over cyclists. She honestly thought it was funny, satire and all that. I have no way of confirming the story, but I was told she read a transcript with the word “cyclist” replaced by “bongo” or “whore” at random and was asked if that read like satire now. She has since seen the error of her ways.

          But seriously, since Joyce has never had her biases challenged because most of the people in her dorm are nice and can see she is just sadly misinformed instead of a raving bigot, she still carts around a metric buttload of Stupid and drops some in conversations by accident every now and then.

        4. begbert2

          Um, the God as described in the Bible is an absolute prick, and doesn’t make much of an effort to hide it or deny it. Back in the good old days (read: horrible primitive tribalism), a good god was one that could kick ass. And thus you find that God’s default interaction in the bible is to kill people – floods, burning and collapsing cities, inciting wars, salted fields, angels of death sicced on firstborns, that sort of thing. The modern concept of a hippy-dippy friendly God is based on focusing very hard on the Jesus thing to the exclusion of all else, while carefully ignoring that even the Jesus thing boils down to a human sacrifice to mollify God’s explosive fury.

          This is not to say that fundies have a nice religion, but I at least give them credit for making a token attempt at consistency with their own holy book. This is more than I can say for those who say the Bible describes a loving God that will give everyone a pony.

        5. tinfoil theory

          I never understood the Lamb of God thing. God specifically told Abraham that he doesn’t want human sacrifices. And then he goes and sacrifices himself in human form to himself. Because fuck you, I’m God.

          If I have to worship a greater power, I’d rather worship the competition. The Prince of Lies at least has always been true to his word.

        6. Crimson Magick

          The irony is delicious

        7. Ocksgrough

          …divine jerkiness can be a bit more subtle. Definitely-non-fundie denominations (especially Catholicism!) have plenty of it; it’s just hard to notice if you’re inside, since your beliefs are also full of “God is love”-type platitudes, and your epistemology is all fucked up on trust, so you go with those regardless of their contradictions with the more… specific things about God.

        8. Ocksgrough

          Ooh, and not just trust, but (psuedo-?)Aristotelian booleans! See http://slatestarcodex.com/2013/08/06/on-first-looking-into-chapmans-pop-bayesianism/ for a more eloquent and less late-night-rambly discussion of this.

    2. Opus the Poet

      +1 for realization.

  18. AgentKeen

    Oh look Joyce said some more things…. -sigh-

    1. Opus the Poet

      Yes, but to be fair to Joyce she has only been in college not even 30 days yet, and she has a lifetime of BS to un-learn. Remember Joyce is the Willis stand-in character, she is what willis was like as a frosh, and we all know what he’s like now as a sane and rational cartoonist.

      1. Drakey

        I’m pretty sure almost all webcartoonists would be vaguely offended if you called them “sane and rational” to their face, without modifying it with something like “on the outside” or “when it’s important.”

        That or I just read all the good ones…

        1. Opus the Poet

          How about “relatively sane and rational”?

      2. AgentKeen

        I know all of that, but that doesn’t make it any less facepalm worthy.

        I know there are people that actually think these things, but that doesn’t make it any less soul-crushing to me.

      3. OldFart

        It took years of questioning and challenges from other worldviews to pull me out of fundamentalism. It happened in college, and it was devastating, destroying everything my life was based on. I am still reclaiming and rebuilding my life,20 years later. Give the girl some time.

    2. Hyperstar96

      Oh look you won’t stop complaining about good things… -sigh-

  19. Jay Eff

    I’m getting an ad for a church under the Patreon banner.
    Joyce is actually affecting the ads, now.

    (it’s directly across from an ad for porn, naturally…)

  20. ShaggyDonahugh

    I’m not sure if I’m more disturbed by the fact that Joyce spouted this abomination of an opinion or by the fact that she’s totally happy about it.

  21. Marc in MN

    Ha! Good move, Walky. I’m a Christian and even I hate hearing things like what she was going to tell Bille. =P

  22. Opus the Poet

    Walky just saved Joyce’s life!

  23. epershannd

    The chick-fil-a background is here!

    Despite her other comments, it’s actually really really sweet that Joyce thinks all those lovely things about Billie.

    1. nekobawt

      too bad that “esteem other people have for us” isn’t the same as “self esteem”

      billie does seem to be at an inverse sense of self worth from where she was at the beginning of the comic, though. like, before, she thought she was mega rad, and other people didn’t think much of her, and now, she doesn’t think much of herself and at least one person thinks she’s mega rad.

    2. Bill

      Is there actually a Chick-Fil-A store in the dining area of IU, or is it just off-campus like Galasso’s?

      1. David M Willis

        It is in the basement level of the main library (the building Amazi-Girl jumped off from onto the truck), as part of the cafeteria down there. Today’s background is drawn from photographs I took of the area, just before getting in trouble for it.

        1. ninja_jesus

          You are a rebel for your art and I respect you. Just please don’t get caught and go to jail. We’ll need you to continue for 10 years into the future.

  24. fabforest

    Being an alcoholic, and knowing other alcoholics, I can assure that helpful and talented people can get really, really depressed. Alcool is deadly but also really fucking good…

  25. Vincent Storm

    I’m still not used to Walky being the mature one of the group. It kinda freaks me out.

    1. Anarchy 101

      Walky being matire!? Run for the fallout shelters, the world is ending!

      1. Rachel Roth

        Fall out shelters? TRY SPACESHIPS! Whatever it is that’s pulling the world appart is going to be ON THE PLANET ITSELF!

  26. AustKyzor

    Walky, I am telling you right now: You have made the correct choice of action in grabbing Joyce’s hood. DO NOT LET HER APPROACH BILLIE. Seriously, if Joyce tries to do that whole “well, stop being depressed!” crap on Billie it will end horribly for /everybody/, not just her.

    1. tinfoil theory

      She’s not saying “stop being depressed”, she was about to say “it’s a good thing you are depressed”. Which is agruably worse.

  27. Ben

    Joyce, I love you and all, I do. If met you in real life, I would probably do my best to ease you into the real world of the course of hanging out together for a couple years (beginning with getting you to swear properly). BUT! The last thing Billie needs right now is religious mumbo-jumbo. What she needs is good friends who can be there silently supporting her since she seems to not be in a head space to believe them if they tried to say anything to cheer her up. So go hug her, invite her to hang out and go see a silly movie of some sort, anything. Just not the religious mumbo-jumbo.

  28. Idon'tcarenomore

    Yup. Most people want to shake Joyce up now and then, with a good punch.
    The road to Hell is paved with good intentions right?….well, meet Joyce capt. of the paver crew.

    As to God being a jerk, don’t know about that: but there is a definite albeit twisted sense of humor there-he invented the platapus didn’t he. And Mike.

    1. tinfoil theory

      Also nuked a couple cities.

      1. ninja_jesus

        And the plagues.

  29. boomwolf

    first off BILLIE STOP BEING SO DEPRESSED DARN YOU! Seoncd off, to counter act Joyce being… herself, I’mma just leave first Corinthians 10:13 there, to show that not all Christians have that mentality. Also, how do I change my avatar, or am just gonna be stuck with whats-his-face for ever?

    1. fabforest

      You can’t just tell someone to stop being depressed, it just doesn’t work that way. If it ever work that way, you would have a lot less suicide and the world would be much better.

    2. Opus the Poet

      I believe you’re Jason. You can change by using a variation of your e-mail addy that still works to get a message to you. Google lets you do this by adding .1, .2, .etc, to your addy to help you for sorting incoming mail by whom you give your addy to so you don’t get spam from web sites that require a valid addy to post, as this one does.

    3. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      I love all these hidden philosophical and religious gems in the Bible.

      I really need to read it sometime.

    4. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      I love all these hidden philosophical and religious gems in the Bible.

      I really need to read it sometime.

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        crap double post, sorry

        1. Rachel Roth

          Odd, why did it catch my accidental double post, but not yours?

    5. tinfoil theory

      Are you saying depressed people aren’t really depressed, because some old letter said that no challenge had been too big yet for the good people of Corinth?

    6. David M Willis

      it’s been discussed

  30. Yotomoe

    Btw, I started a tumblr for Dubbing Of Age. Right now I’m just kinda chilling for a while while I wait for people to give me voice clips.
    Here’s the site
    And here’s the avatar that I did in like…5 minutes (That I’m super proud of).

    1. Opus the Poet

      Tumblr link broken, imgr link good.

      1. Yotomoe

        Try this

        1. Yotomoe

          Ugh…just go to dumbingofage.tumblr.com

        2. Opus the Poet

          http://dubbingofage.tumblr.com/

    2. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      that is not a thing that can be done in 5 minutes, Yoto!

      So talent

      can’t fathom

      wow

      1. Yotomoe

        It was probably more like 15 minutes. When I get in the zone I lose all concept of time.

        1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          I’m the same way when I’m writing up a character backstory. Hours fly by and it feels like just a few minutes.

  31. motorfirebox

    So, wait… God negs on us?

    How many angels can dance on the edge of God’s popped collar?

    1. Mkvenner

      The same as the head of a pin, narwhal.

    2. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      he also rides a chariot made out of angels. He’s a pretty strange guy when you think about it.

  32. newllend

    What will take for her to wise up ? Does Jesus Christ need to come starts the second coming early to literally slap some since into her ?

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      her parents will probably start worshipping Him, realize that His message is totally different from their beliefs, and call Him a manifestation of the devil.

      Then, Joyce will realize how bullshit her parents are and finally start changing for the better rather than repress herself deeper and deeper.

      1. timemonkey

        Joyce is already having realisations that her parents’ beliefs aren’t as solid as she thought.

  33. Brigid Keely

    Points In Joyce’s Favor:
    *She recognizes that Billie has a real problem
    *She’s put a pretty accurate name to that problem (Depression, which it’s super common to self-medicate with alcohol)
    *She recognizes Billie’s good qualities
    *She wants to reach out and actively help Billie

    Points Not In Joyce’s Favor:
    *Everything Else

    1. Yotomoe

      I know, Right? Uggs!? What the heck, Joyce?

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        I like Uggs. They’re comfy and easy to wear.

        (it’s too bad there aren’t many designed for men, though.)

        1. Yotomoe

          Can’t wait for THAT pokemon trainer to come out.

        2. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          “I like fuzzy boots. They’re comfy and easy to wear.”

          And after the battle, he gives you a pair of Uggs to customize the PC with.

        3. Yotomoe

          Actually, yeah! Some NPCs give you berries. They should have NPCs that give you trendy clothes.

        4. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          I bet it’s gonna happen in the 7th gen, or even in OR and AS.

          And some NPCs already do give you trendy clothing, just not trainers.

        5. Nono

          I always figured it would be Sailors who would be the first to come out. maybe Hikers.

        6. chisci

          well, i guess you’d be right about the hikers, considering that one hiker in… black and white was it? that you could go on the ferris wheel with as a dude. i think there’s also a couple of trans npcs like a beauty (girl) trainer who admits to having been a karate KING in the japanese version (as opposed to a karate GIRL)

          what joyce is saying is pretty dark tho. sounds like a meta reason why religion manages to catch so many people, like pickin em when they’re vulnerable or something

    2. Mkvenner

      And that’s why it is so infuriating.

    3. Anarchy 101

      Add the hoodie vest into the points for her, and then i’ll be fine

    4. Drizzle My Kizzle

      *She wants to help Billie in a way that has worked for herself her entire life

      1. Brigid Keely

        I know a lottttttt of people who WOULD be comforted by her preaching, and it’s something Joyce finds solace in at least sometimes (although she’s also grappling with URGES and DESIRES).

        But dang there is a time and a place.

  34. Reltzik

    No, Joyce, no! Billie’s not yet down enough to be in a suitably vulnerable place for this buzzardlike brand of witnessing! Try Ruth instead!

    (Because bad ideas make for awesome stories, that’s why.)

  35. Mkvenner

    Bad, Joyce! Leave mental health issues to the professionals. Also not everyone (including Christians) would appreciate your approach.

  36. -Sentinel-

    Holy crap, ALL THREE are wearing hoodies.

  37. NF

    Joyce is wearing a hoodie vest. I think she needs professional help for her vest obsession.

    1. AgentKeen

      I would buy the heck out of a hoodie vest.

      “What, is it summer on your arms and winter on your body (and head)?”
      Yes, yes it is.

      1. Anarchy 101

        What’s next, a hoodie bikini!?

        1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          https://www.etsy.com/listing/152462009/assassins-hoodie-bikini

        2. Anarchy 101

          Goddamnit!

        3. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          The Internet is a giant melting pot of ideas, almost none of them good.

        4. Darth Cariss

          That looks pretty awesome. If I were a woman I’d totally want that.

  38. shietka

    1st panel: Joyce is worried about Billie, how sweet!
    2nd panel: Concern about possible depression–Joyce is being sweet and kinda smart.
    3rd panel: Joyce is so nice. Go Joyce! Tell Billie how great she is! Give her the cheering up she needs!
    4th panel: Go Joyce go! You know what to do!
    5th panel: *facepalm* No Joyce STOP! You DON’T know what to do!

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      for added hilarity, just remember that Willis was a lot like Joyce when he was in college. So… imagine him in Joyce’s shoes. For the entire comic.

      1. Anarchy 101

        You sir just made everyone who read your comments’ heads explode due to laughter

        1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          and you, sir or madam, have an amazing Gravatar.

          …unless that’s a default, in which case I must stop using this one immediately.

        2. Rachel Roth

          We get whatever the system assigns us. I wish I could change it within the site though, I wanna be a Dina!

        3. begbert2

          Allegedly you can make a custom one for yourself, with all the Dina or Cool Joyce that you want. (You could even make a Cool Dina gravatar! The images exist!) Myself though I prefer the randomity of the lottery, because it’s the lazy approach and that’s my primary characteristic.

        4. Rachel Roth

          Yes, however if I make a custom one, it’ll mess with my picture on other sites, so if I read an article that uses Gravitars in the comments, I’ll be Dina, which will make absolutely no sense! What I really want to do is reassign myself for the page, so I don’t have to be Dina on a comment on a comic about evil teddy bears.

  39. Stephen Bierce

    “I wonder if Kubrick ever gets depressed.”–Roy Scheider in ALL THAT JAZZ

  40. Haintsu

    Am I the only one who’s bothered by the sentence “Horrible people should be the depressed ones”?

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      but they should be. Horrible people should be the depressed ones, good people shouldn’t have such problems.

      …of course, there is the question of what constitutes a horrible person, since Billie was one (in my opinion) up until recently.

      1. Haintsu

        …or maybe we could just not wish serious mental illness upon anyone?
        Look, I’m not arguing with the part that “good people” do not deserve to suffer from depression. In fact I don’t want anyone to, not even “horrible people”.

        1. Fit-to-freak

          Yeah, mental illness isn’t a punishment. It’s not something you earn, it’s just something you have and it usually sucks.

          I mean, granted, I don’t think we’re supposed to be agreeing with Joyce. She has a habit of saying not okay stuff. It’s nice to hear her talk about Billie that way though. 🙂

        2. Haintsu

          Couldn’t have said it any better. =)

          Yeah, of course we’re not supposed to agree with Joyce here. Maybe I’m just overly sensitive when it comes to this topic, but it kinda bothered me that while everyone seemed to acknowledge the craziness in the last panel, noone had pointed out how wrong the sentence in panel three is before I did.

        3. Haintsu

          Well that didn’t work the way it was supposed to… imagine what you said (“Yeah, mental illness isn’t a punishment. It’s not something you earn, it’s just something you have and it usually sucks.”) at the beginning as a quote.

        4. Fit-to-freak

          Nah I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive at all. I reacted the same way and I was glad to see comment that brought it up.

        5. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          Sorry about my comment earlier… It’s just, I’m suffering from a low-level type of depression, and my close family ALMOST said to my face today that it’s not a real illness, so… yeah. Sorry.

        6. Rachel Roth

          Part of the problem is that it’s less the flu and more ad-wear: incredibly annoying, obviously existent, and extremely difficult to remove while lacking the common decency to make symptoms in a way that would tip off everyone that the advertisements DON’T belong to the page/person.

      2. Kryss LaBryn

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03bOrvlAyeQ

        “You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.”
        -Marcus Cole, Babylon 5

        1. Haintsu

          I don’t know what Babylon 5 is, but i love this quote!

        2. Opus the Poet

          One of the greatest science fiction shows of all time…

        3. MichaelHaneline

          I’m actually kind of curious, from a philosophical perspective, how a universe would turn out if karma was clearly a real thing and good things happened to you for doing good and bad happened to you for doing bad.

        4. tinfoil theory

          Watch this. It should answer your question. Be warned though, it takes almost an hour.

        5. begbert2

          For the TLDR types, it’s a (rather old) video about tit for tat and the viability of nice strategies in game theory and, theoretically, real life. Unfortunately it’s not what I was hoping for: a video showing a world where bad deeds are met with bad outcomes and good deeds lead to success.

          And now I realize, if I want to see that, I just need to go watch a movie. Easily 90% of movies include a universe that eventually punishes evil and rewards good. (Ignoring certain oddities in movie morality like how liking sex is the worst evil possible.) Admittedly this only functions for named characters, but if you ignore the horrible deaths of the red shirts and bystanders, movies show you a world where crime and evil actually don’t pay.

  41. GrumpyPanda

    You know, I’ve actually heard this said before, in the real world. I responded with more angry.

  42. Nena

    This can not end well….

  43. FuryOfFirestorm

    So basically, God is Annie Wilkes from Misery?

  44. Dave

    Discussion of God’s Plan in a Chik-Fil-A…

    1. begbert2

      So it’s about how we should kill, um, chickens?

  45. PockyPuck

    Damn, Willis, some of Joyce’s ‘Jesus Loves Me’ maxims are oddly specific. I gotta wonder: how much of what she and others like her say is stuff you’ve personally heard? Morbid sense of creativity or you-can’t-write-this-shit bad luck?

  46. Drakey

    “Also, god doesn’t let us talk to other religions, because then we might be tempted to worship them.”

    Huh. Um… I was comparing her comment there to god being a controlling, abusive boyfriend, and I got halfway through and went, “hey, wait…”

    This is why dogma is scary…

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      Also, Christianity is technically a doomsday cult, waiting for the earth to be bathed in fire so that we may be sorted and sent to the place we deserve.

      Just food for thought.

      1. Mollyscribbles

        The dude who does the page-by-page dissections of the Left Behind books to point out how they are without question the worst books ever written made a comment about how rapture-obsessed Christians are basically like Buffy villains, actively hoping to bring about the end of days.

        1. Regalli

          … Please give me a link to that.

        2. Mollyscribbles

          Terribly sorry, I didn’t see the response until now. Here: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/2003/12/08/lb-welcome-to-the-hellmouth/ It’s from . . . wow, over a decade back. But yeah; Slacktivist is a blog run by an evangelical Christian who makes other Christians mad ’cause he thinks the bits of the Bible about helping the poor matter more than the bits about hating gay people.

  47. Orangey

    OH JOYCE. At least she’s trying to help…? I love seeing Joyce and Walky interacting together in DOA haa. It would be nice if they could help Billie out, but only if Joyce doesn’t start being her cheery christian self.

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      *Cheery dogmatic fundamentalist self. There is a big difference.

      1. begbert2

        Well, one is subset of the other. She definitely still qualifies as a Christian.

  48. Derek

    So can someone tell me what the original hovertext was? Because otherwise all the comments about it are just a damn tease

    1. Fit-to-freak

      It’s like ‘I’m pretty sure hoods exist for exactly this purpose’ but I’m paraphrasing

    2. Opus the Poet

      Original alt-text was the date of the comic because The Willis forgot to load the alt-test in the img html statement.

    3. John

      The hovertext at update-time was just the default, the title of the strip. i.e. “Depressed”. Willis fixed it a few minutes after update.

  49. Tenn

    “Why does God make us weak, Master Bruce?”

  50. Raibean

    uh
    why did I get a video ad on this page
    what

  51. MsSchiff

    Just pipe down and eat your homophobic chicken, Joyce.

    (I swear, there are times I just want to shove a sock in her mouth.)

    1. tinfoil theory

      Oh, you said sock. Nevermind.

      1. Gigafreak

        Well if it were the other thing, you could use the same sock on the doorknob instead.

        …After receiving proper consent of course.

    2. Hyperstar96

      How DARE Joyce try to help!

      … Is that what you’re saying?

  52. Darkflame

    ..and this is why Joyce should never write Batman.
    ” And why do we fall, Bruce?
    So we can learn that god makes as weak to we run to him for comfort”

  53. Pyr05

    “Plus, Billie needs to see I’m wearing my hair like her. We’re hair sisters now!”

  54. Mollyscribbles

    Remember: If you have any problems, just pray about them — God may not answer your prayers directly, but you’ll be filled with God’s love, and this will give you the strength to handle whatever might come your way.

    * this is not something I believe but something I was told as a highly depressed and bullied teen. Tried it out of desperation and got bupkis, leaving me with the impression that God was just another authority figure who talked a good game but did nothing to help when I asked.

  55. lordhaw

    AAHHH!! Joyce is reminding me of my mom! She sounds just like that. Every time Joyce talks about God I’m reminded of my mom.

    Hold her back Walky!

  56. Otera

    *sigh* for some reason the comic isn’t showing up for me. and none of my tricks that have solved this in the past are working!

  57. Rachel Roth

    Comics like this make me wonder. . . Wills, exactly why do you make Joyce this way? What exactly are you saying, and is it about yourself or everyone else? Or is that something you reveal somewhere in the plot that you don’t want to reveal yet?

    Also, who could she possibly grow into that would display herself in such light?

    1. timemonkey

      Wills used to be exactly like Joyce…only a boy.

      1. Speedball

        I know he says he was as fundamentalist as her but was he also so ridiculously cheery?

      2. Rachel Roth

        Yes, but the light in which he shows her. . . that doesn’t seem like something one would do to oneself.

        1. begbert2

          It’s almost as if Willis has changed and now thinks that the things he said and did when he was younger were horrible!

          What Willis is doing is showing that a person who has been raised with this kind of warped, diseased upbringing can both be warped and tainted by it and still be a fundamentally good and decent person who genuinely wants to be nice and kind to people. He’s actually carrying out a miracle: taking a character archetype that many atheists would automatically make a cardboard villain (see Mary for the type) and instead show her as a well-rounded person with some hope of eventually entering the well-adjusted sector of humanity. It’s actually a pretty epic accomplishment, in its own way.

        2. Hyperstar96

          I agree, but…

          “with some hope of eventually entering the well-adjusted sector of humanity.”

          What exactly do you mean by that?

        3. Rachel Roth

          I meant that he clearly portrays her as annoying, uninformed, and socially unaware. He also emphasizes that by giving her a number of confrontations with other characters in such a way that makes her look . . . challenged. (Remember the Joyce-Dina combos where she simply tells Dina that what she believes isn’t true?)

          Oh, and I am NOT a gateway to a “well adjusted sector of humanity”. I know it’s hard since I got walky as my picture, but remember, I”M DINA! (after some lessons in social behaviors, but still)

        4. begbert2

          I mean that fundies are horribly maladjusted, and she is horribly maladjusted. Thought I was pretty clear on that, with the whole “warped, diseased, tainted” business.

  58. Nobody

    Are you sure that hitting Joyce for saying that won’t cheer Billie up? It seems like it could be cathartic.

  59. Kathleen

    So no one told you life was gonna be this way…
    You’re life’s a joke, you’re broke, you’re in love with the RA!
    Seems like your mind is stuck on highschool cheer
    Cuz it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year….

    1. xKiv

      And I’ll be, therefore, you.

      1. Kit

        When the booze starts to pour.

  60. Jackson

    No, no, Walky, don’t stop her. I want to see this.

  61. Mattyos

    as much as i would LOVE to see billie kill joyce…walky made the right choice here

    1. Mattyos

      which is saying something ’cause walky is…well…walky

  62. man in black

    Yeah telling her that, isn’t going to improve her mood

  63. Wes

    Soooo, a little late here, but did anyone’s mind go directly to the friend’s theme song? “It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
    When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year”

  64. Jason

    Oof, reading that 3rd panel now … after Robin Williams passed….ouch.

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