166

Absorbing
Posted on May 11, 2023 by David M Willis

166 thoughts on “Absorbing”

  1. Doctor_Who

    Danny, tomorrow: Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

    1. UrsulaDavina

      What was the coaxb thinking, sending Marcie on that early?

      1. Savail

        I know this is probably a typo for “coach,” but now I’m imagining some weird hybrid mashup of a coax and usb micro b cable.

        1. Dana

          Pretty sure they only finalized the coax standard for macro USB B.

        2. Needfuldoer

          Neutrik makes some oddball connectors.

        3. Chris Phoenix

          https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/Category:Cursed_Connectors

        4. Chris Phoenix

          (That’s a link to XKCD’s “cursed connectors” series, including the “Universal Seat Belt”)

        5. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Macro-USB. When you need a petawatt capable connection with a hectare cross-section.

        6. UrsulaDavina

          My autocorrect is drunk sometimes it corrects sometimes it doesn’t. Really though I have big thumbs and use a phone to post here.

        7. someone

          It’s the gender-neutral spelling of coach.

    2. Psi Baka Onna

      That’s the problem with (insert team name), they always try an’ walk it in!

    3. MIB4u

      ♥♥♥ for IT crowd reference

  2. Ana Chronistic

    wrestling on wheels

    1. I Know Why the Mowed Lawn Screams

      “And here we see jammer 87 Carla Rutten complete a successful one-foot spin right before landing the DDT”

      1. Wizard

        I tried to picture that in my head, and was a little surprised when it totally worked.

        1. I Know Why the Mowed Lawn Screams

          I’d just came back from watching the newest episode of AEW Dynamite when i first posted this comment, so i guess i had fresh examples on the brain when thinking about “things that would look so cool on rollerblades”.

    2. CianM1301

      “And it looks like the opposing team’s jammer is about to score the winning point, this looks like it could be all over, and–BAH GAWD, HERE COMES AMBER O’MALLEY WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!”

      1. Wizard

        Business is about to pick up!

  3. NGPZ

    ROLLER DERBY OH YEAH HERE WE GOOOOOOO!!!!! ?? ??☄?

    *plays “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen on hacked muzak*

    1. True Survivor

      It does look like they are the Champions.

    2. brionl

      Akshually, the proper music for roller derby is J.S. Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.

      https://youtu.be/qu1cDksmwKs

      1. Clif

        I endorse this theory

      2. deliverything

        Although Danny’s understanding of roller derby might have been better illustrated by Garfunkel and Oates:
        https://youtu.be/2fraSdN-PG8

    3. Needfuldoer

      Why not Zoidberg Jim Croce?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD7UqK2GZko

      1. Stephen Bierce

        Hacked Muzak Approved!

  4. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    I’m thinking of the “Applause” knob in that old Star Trek show with the Roman Arena on TV.

  5. UrsulaDavina

    I learned Roller derby rollers from King of the Hill
    https://youtu.be/F_7B1HJsB40

    1. UrsulaDavina

      *rules

    2. Needfuldoer

      I learned from that one episode of Psych and the last time we saw Malaya’s team in DoA.

      (Assuming we won’t see #31 this time because they’re up against a different team.)

      1. Daibhid C

        I learned from the Harlem Heroes strip in 2000AD. Since Aeroball is in no way like roller derby, this may have been a mistake.

    3. Scoops!

      I learned from Whip It

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajILNbKvpBU

    4. Roborat

      I learned from watching it on TV about 40 years ago, still remember Skinny Minnie Miller. Took a while and still not sure I figured all of it out. Reminds me of when I first got cable television (I grew up in remote air force bases in Canada, cable wasn’t a thing back then), watching Australian Rules Football, we spent months watching it on ESPN trying to figure it out, took months. We did like the guys in white raincoats signaling goals.

  6. Yotomoe

    Nobody actually knows the rules. The rulebook has been lost in the annals of time. But nobody wants to admit that they don’t know, so the players, coaches and judges are all afraid everyone will find out and are just making it up on the fly.

    1. Rose by Any Other Name

      That’s certainly my assumption.

    2. RassilonTDavros

      Perhaps the same could be said of all sports.

      1. Thag Simmons

        Fencing is very simple, poke the other guy before they poke you.

        1. Dinajoyce

          Epee is that simple. Foil and Saber are much more complicated.

        2. morleuca

          Nothing like scoring a point because your opponent kept backing up instead of partying. I mean, you end up stretched out lying on the ground looking ridiculous, but a point is a point.

        3. morleuca

          “Partying”? Really? That makes me sound awful. Parrying for gosh sakes!

        4. Clif

          Never underestimate the power of partying.

        5. Wizard

          Partying can be a very effective defensive technique. Just ask Slurms MacKenzie.

      2. butting

        See especially: Brockian Ultra-Cricket and Calvinball.

        Rosalyn playing Calvinball is one of the greatest Calvin & Hobbes storylines of all time. So so so good.

        1. butting

          Fortunately, we can always return to the sanity of Farnarkeling.

          (damn, but John Clarke was a genius.)

      3. Taffy

        Your calls are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a referee such as you!

        1. Felgraf

          AND WHAT IS A REF, ANYWAYS! A MISERABLE PILE OF BRIBE MONEY.

          But enough talk. HAVE AT YOU!

        2. RassilonTDavros

          Relieved to see someone got my intended joke!

    3. Doctor_Who

      That’s why the sport is so violent. It’s like natural selection.

      Who are the judges going to be most scared to question, when they themselves don’t actually know the rules? The most violent players. So over time, the more violence you do in the game, the more scared the judges are to call you out over any of it, so the game drifts more violent over time.

      It’s like natural selection.

      1. True Survivor

        Or state legislatures.

      2. Yotomoe

        It’s a sports based form of Survival of the Fittest. American Football was once a gentle sport full of handholding and flower collecting, but evolution turned it into what we know today.

      3. milu

        Natural selection is not the same as rule of might. You can be selected for being sneaky. Or cooperative. Or sexy.

        I assume all of these traits have played a part in the evolution of Roller Derby

        1. Opus the Poet

          That is why the men’s game is almost extinct, while the ladies’ game is flourishing in the backwoods and rural areas. It’s a mating ritual now.

    4. Dday

      Look, it’s not that hard: The Knockers try to knock down the Hobnobbers, who defend themselves by throwing the Fallers in front of the Trippers. It’s fairly inconsequential though, the game ends when the Roller rolls under the Derby and picks up the Golden Snitch

      1. Roborat

        I read that as golden snatch, and my mind went off on a very disturbing tangent.

    5. Needfuldoer

      Ah yes, Calvinderby.

    6. findus

      Seriously though, there are SO MANY rules for this sport… I joined a team a few months ago, so I’m still in the newbie group and don’t play any matches. But our coaches decided that to move on to the advanced group, you not only have to be able to skate well enough but also have to pass a theory test about the rules, including a bunch of complex game scenarios. That’s how they try to ensure that what you described doesn’t actually happen 😀

      1. findus

        Oh, I got Ethan… hmm… alright, I’ll keep that avatar for now

      2. Athedia

        Learn to NSO, you learn a *lot* of the behind the scenes work. There is so much that goes into the sport beyond rules. The paperwork alone…..

        1. polerin

          NSO’s are heroes.

          That said I can explain the basics of derby in 16 seconds… and have, many times.

        2. Athedia

          Yep, basically “The ones with the stars are trying to lap the other team and get points for each person they lap. The other ones are trying to slow down and stop them. And occasionally the star will get handed to the person with the stripe and *they* start trying to lap the other team.”

          That is all folks really need to know.

        3. Taffy

          NSO?

        4. findus

          Non-skate official.

          There is a whole team of judges (called officials) in Roller Derby, because so much is going on at the same time. There are some referees on skates, who e.g. pay attention to one jammer indicating how many points they scored and stuff like this. And there are NSOs, who do stuff like timing, whistling for a jam to start, keeping track of which player got how many penalties, recording the official score, etc.

        5. findus

          I certainly will at some point, because teams here are always short on NSO’s 😀

      3. polerin

        If you want to have a brain break, ask someone about why knee starts worked, and about the jam(s) that weren’t.

        Gah, that makes me feel old.

  7. HueSatLight

    It’s after midnight, technically now Friday and Danny’s weekaversary.
    Also last Friday:
    Liz shows up.
    Joyce unintentionally outs self as apostate and deeply insults Becky, while blowing off steam
    Joe nearly has sex with Liz, thinking it will make him get over Joyce
    Joyce gets comic into paper, Walky foiled.
    Jocelyn calls Joyce, sent to voicemail.

    1. True Survivor

      Wow, these kids need some time to have a break from drama and breathe (and also do homework). Thanks for the recap – I had forgotten a ton of this stuff.

    2. Miri

      That’s all been in the past week, in comic?!! Dang!! Also: Dorothy teaches Joyce to ride washing machines to release tension; Joyce finds out she may be autistic; Carla feels ignored by Booster’s spacey twin, Charlie; Dorothy spirals, most likely letting go of her dream of becoming president of the USA, trying to split Walky and Lucy and getting him back and failing, then persuades Ruth to get her pass-out drunk; Joyce starts birth control and life drawing lessons and dating Joe; Joe considers cocaine to cope with a sexless relationship (I hope he was joking) but they are mostly adorkable together…

      1. HueSatLight

        Everything I listed was on last Friday, during “Sister, Christian”.

      2. Taffy

        Is the cocaine in the room with us right now?

  8. Dave Van Domelen

    Zhu Li, do the thing!

  9. RassilonTDavros

    Haha, I know that feeling. I was in marching band in high school, and even after four years of going to games and playing whenever our team did A Good Thing I still have absolutely no fucking idea how football works beyond the basic idea of scoring goals by kicking it through the thingy at the end of the field. And I grew up in Texas. Granted, trying to learn the rules of football by watching our team play is like trying to learn the rules of hockey by watching the Lea–

    (femur breaking noises)

    1. HueSatLight

      They’ve managed to not be eliminated from the playoffs yet this year.

      1. Casi

        Don’t worry, they won’t disappoint, they’ll choke like they always do

        1. Casi

          okay while i miss carla, this was the perfect grav for that comment

      2. Roborat

        Don’t worry, they still have three games left to accomplish that.

    2. CrazyJ

      I was videographer in college, so half my job was recording these games, and I am not a sports fan. Football, volleyball, soccer, wrestling, softball, baseball, etc. Half of them I don’t know what the hell the rules are and none of them do I know all the rules of the game.

    3. Savail

      It finally clicked for me around 5th or 6th grade after the fiftieth time we were tested on it in PE with an assistant PE teacher. I went home and tried it out on an NES copy of Tecmo-whatever we had and was surprised I finally understood it.

  10. Nono

    I never attended college sports but gotta ask, is there actually a crowd for nighttime amateur women roller derby’s?

    1. UrsulaDavina

      Probably

    2. Thag Simmons

      Crowds can be relative. A few dozen spectators in a small venue can feel pretty crowded but isn’t really that many people.

      1. Clif

        Collage age women being physically violent with one another? Of course there’s a crowd.

        1. Opus the Poet

          Take my imaginary upvote!

    3. AlexanderHammil

      Do they serve beer? Then yes.

    4. Athedia

      During home games the team I NSO for draws 100+ people each game. To the point one game was standing room only. And we are not a top ranked team even.

    5. polerin

      I’ve skated in front of thousands of people for a regular season game, and more than that during tournament season where a lot of the teams stay and watch, in addition to the people that travel to just spectate. Crowds vary, and it really depends on the city and when you were talking about. There were far larger crowds right after whip it.

  11. Dean

    I’m amused by the idea that people are shouting “Ambient cheering noises!”

    1. woobie

      It feels like the Order of the Stick when someone “says” AOO…

    2. Thag Simmons

      Weird sound effect gags are usually at least chuckleworthy.

    3. milu

      Though not seen on screen in this scene, they also periodically shout “foot thumping on bleachers!” And “ear-piercing whistles of encouragements!” And “occasional random booing and heckling!”

    4. Mark

      Honestly that was the funniest bit of this strip, for me. Danny is being so painfully like me, at any sporting event, that it’s hard to find the humor….

  12. Axel

    on one hand I relate, I don’t get pretty much any sports

    on the other hand, Danny not knowing much about his girlfriend’s interests/activities (outside of those they already share) is kind of a pattern

    1. Zero

      They’ve been dating for a week and he’s actively sharing her interests while trying to learn about them.

      1. Axel

        I do have a bad grip on the passage of time

        1. Otl1973

          This comic encourages readers to have a bad grip on the passage of time.

        2. Clif

          It kind of depends on it, in a way, to make the floating time-line work.

    2. DailyBrad

      He knows a lot about her, like that she’s a sucker for flowers, that she doesn’t wear on her sleeve, give him a chance to play catch up.

      1. Axel

        re catching up, I meant to disclaim (but the wording felt awkward) that maybe that’s what he’s trying to do in asking that stranger, but that it still feels kind of weird to me in that he could have tried to learn (incl. from Sal) before going here today

        1. Yotomoe

          Maybe he just didn’t wanna seem lame in front of her.

        2. Clif

          It’s really too bad there isn’t something like the Internet where he could just Google Rutten the rules.

        3. Archivist

          That’s why he has his phone out. “Having trouble absorbing the rules” means research has left him confused so he’s asking around. Normal behavior.

        4. Axel

          I took it more as absorb = osmosis way, like he thought he’d learn by seeing them (which isn’t the worst assumption, though if one has seen any sport I feel like they’d realize that doesn’t work well)

        5. Axel

          zoomrr the rules.

    3. newlland(Henryvolt)

      They share a similar taste and interests on music, thanks to him she picked up an interests in video games and this could count as him trying to learn more about another one of her interests.

  13. newlland(Henryvolt)

    Boiling it down it’s like a team triathlon but on Roller skates. Also people are always pushing and tripping over each other…atleast that’s my assessment of it.

  14. Cattleprod

    Me relearning the rules of curling every 4 years for the Winter Olympics.

    1. Roborat

      Curling is just an excuse for people to get drunk, with occasional breaks to throw large rocks at each other.

  15. Suet

    The only rule is don’t do any cheap trick…s

    Just watch, Dan.

  16. Dara

    YAY Amazi-Girl tag!

    1. Dara

      Hilarious Jennifer frown aside I am not being sarcastic I’m just glad to see Amazi-Girl being around. (And still wearing the mask. ^_^ )

  17. Angel

    “ambient cheering noises” should be on a shirt or so to wear when ur supporting a friends team so you don’t constantly have to shout lol

    1. Clif

      Yeah? I want an recording of ambient cheering noises set to play whenever I actually manage to get out of bed in the morning.

      Even if it didn’t improve my mood, it would mask my moans and groans, so there’s that.

      1. Angel

        technically you could probably set an alarm ringtone to that, but good luck lol

  18. DailyBrad

    I admittedly know fuck-all about roller derby, too, but I do dig the aesthetic a lot.

  19. SvenTS

    ‘Ambient cheering noises’ is my favorite thing to yell at an event.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      In the days of live radio dramas, when random crowd noises were required, cast members would step back from the microphone slightly and repeat “applesauce” and “rhubarb” over and over.  The microphones of the day weren’t all that sensitive, so they would pick up the sound, but not well enough for the words to be clearly understood, so by the time it made it out over the air it was that same kind of low, dull murmur you often hear when large groups of people are gathered and talking amongst themselves.

      And that is your dollop of didactic discourse for the day.

      1. Plain Marie

        I’ve also heard that “rutabaga” works to create those ambient crowd noises. Sometimes I use it if I’m playing an in-person game when one team has to consult without the other team hearing. Not sure if it works, but it gives some sound cover, and it’s fun to say. Rutabaga, rutabaga!

  20. NGPZ

    Come to think of it, Roller Derby with a ball does sound really fun hehehe… ?

    1. Bicycle Bill

      See “Rollerball”, a movie where a sport similar to roller derby is played using both a ball as well as team members on motorcycles.  I’d advise you to fuhgeddabout the 2002 remake, and seek out the 1975 original with James Caan, John Houseman, John Beck, and Maud Adams.

      1. morleuca

        I mean, the remake did have Jean Reno in a biiiiig fur coat

    2. Angel

      i’d love to go on a platonic friend/group date of just chilling at a roller rink, no tackling but that does seem like quite the sport to watch during school/college days lol

  21. OnyxIdol

    … how *does* it work though?

    1. Masumi

      That’s what I hoped to find out in the comments… I did look it up the first time it got brought up in the comic, but somehow it entirely slipped my mind.

      Cute profile pic!

  22. brionl

    One of my cousins is a genuine hippy, lives in Santa Cruz, CA and everything. And her daughter was into roller derby while she was in high school and college. It’s been a few years, I’m not sure if she still does it or has gotten a real job or what.

  23. Needfuldoer

    Okay, is there any song this chapter’s title could be referring to besides Surrender by Cheap Trick? Because that’s got me low key worried.

    1. NGPZ

      Can you maybe elaborate please? I’m not familiar with the song or band

    2. Bicycle Bill

      The line “Don’t Give Yourself Away” (without the ‘but’) turns up in “Both Sides Now”, written by Joni Mitchell and recorded by Judy Collins.

      Although since this song was popular about ten years before Willis was even born, I doubt that it’s where the reference comes from.  I’m inclined to go with the Cheap Trick song, since it’s basically saying that your parents and elders may be more ‘hip’ and ‘with it’ than you think they are, so it’s OK to ‘surrender’ and accept their advice… but don’t let yourself become carbon-copies of them.

      Further

  24. CJ

    Just watch the Charlie’s Angels episode on it.

    1. Rognik

      The 1970s series, or is there a newer one?

      1. CJ

        1970s Fahrah Facett on wheels, weeeee
        https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0539193/

  25. poofdepoof

    Anyone read Girls With Slingshots?

    https://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1784

    1. Roborat

      I suspect there is a pretty big overlap between the two.

      1. Angel

        There WAS a guest strip about Hazel’s mom being a secret roller derby member lol

    2. Blue

      I’m not the only one thinking of Thea it seems. Maybe it’s even intentional?

  26. Amós Batista

    “cut ’em off!”
    ok, when they will use the knives?

  27. Rognik

    I also don’t get the rules, but I think it’s something like get more laps than the opponent, do whatever it takes to stop the other team.

    1. polerin

      surprisingly close, though the jammers (ones with the star helmets) are the ones who need to lap the pack.

  28. Allison Branford

    Danny, precious cutie, you have a phone. Google it. Watch an informative Youtube video for it. You could’ve asked Sal when she first mentioned it, but you screwed up there.

    1. morleuca

      That’s why his phone is out. He just is absorbing rollerderby rules like most americans absorb cricket rules.

      1. Mark

        You mean, the same way wax absorbs water?

    2. Reaver

      It’s barely been 2 weeks! Give him some slack

    3. zee

      He did, his phone is out. He’s saying he doesn’t understand

  29. Sombrero

    The first rule of Roller Derby is you don’t explain the rules of Roller Derby. Never. To no one.

  30. Alaric

    Is the guy Danny’s talking to older Danny from the future?

    1. Keulen

      I was thinking the same thing. He definitely looks like it.

  31. Tesset

    How did Willis manage to make our two main entry points into the roller derby team both straight girls?

  32. Yeet

    Now I’m wondering if Danny and Sal have watched whip it (2009).

  33. Stephen Nedland

    Go Team, sports harder than the other team! Do the thing! Score the points! Gooooooooooooo team!

  34. Archivist

    Why does this dude look like the bread to Danny’s raw dough.

  35. zee

    Why have only two people so far pointed out that this random dude is tan Danny
    Tanny if you will

  36. Taffy

    Danny’s really giving himself away as a shitty boyfriend, here. What, he couldn’t research Sal’s sport of choice before they even got together? He knew she played. He’s just out here showing his entire ass in public, and I wouldn’t be super shocked if Sal dumps him outright for emotional neglect. I hate Danny now, fuck this jerk.

    (Lol jk, the stakes couldn’t be lower)

    1. HueSatLight

      He was going to look up the rules, but ended up reading the page for Rollerball (1975) on tvtropes.

      1. Taffy

        That explains the first 10 minutes. What’s his excuse for the rest?

        1. HueSatLight

          sorry, I got sidetracked with a “toccata and fugue in d minor – ukulele lesson” youtube. I still haven’t figured out Rollerderby rules, but I’m pretty sure that their derby names are more important than the rest of it. And so far we’re 1/5: Amazi-girl is Slamber.

          Since Danny hasn’t turned to the fourth wall to say Sal’s derby name is, to demonstrate he knows it, she should leave him.

  37. Paprikahoernchen

    Ohhhh Marcie <3
    I missed her!

    1. Paprikahoernchen

      omg she appeared in 2021 the last time

      1. Taffy

        How the fuck has it been 2 whole years since we’ve seen Marcie? That should be illegal.

        1. BBCC

          Right? We gotta see her more.

  38. Dot

    He’s supportive 🙂

  39. Amós Batista

    I’ll gonna name this other guy as Bernard.

  40. Hof1991

    Huzzah? Huzzah!!

  41. kaitou

    “Ambient Cheering Noises” is my new band name.

  42. HueSatLight

    prediction: Untagged cameo by Guns on the opposing team.

  43. shoopdawhoop

    There’s one rule

    SURVIVE

  44. Ymbrael

    Perhaps the most important thing about Roller Derby to know is that active play is officially referred to as JAM TIME.

  45. Hoop

    113, huh? Heh.

  46. HoopsieDaisy

    Come on, Danny. Roller Derby’s point-system is the easy part. It’s the fouls that are confusing as hell.

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