149

Anti-Joyce
Posted on April 3, 2023 by David M Willis
The Dumbing of Age Book 12 Kickstarter has breached $40K!  And that means more magnets! Celebrate Halloween year-round with these HALLOWEEN JOYCE and HALLOWEEN DOROTHY character magnets!  Dorothy is 2″x4″ and Joyce is a little taller (‘cuzza the lizard) at probably 2″x4.3″.  You can now pledge at the HALLOWEEN JOYCE or HALLOWEEN DOROTHY tiers if you want either along with your book pledge, or you can back the HALLOWEEN JOYCE *AND* HALLOWEEN DOROTHY tier if you want both magnets together! Just click through and look for one of the graphics featured below in the big ol’ column of tiers! it's my birthday today btw so it's a good day to pledge

149 thoughts on “Anti-Joyce”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    I feel like the Texas Face Massacre would’ve been a lot less deadly

    1. Ana Chronistic

      …ok I read that as “I wanna murder it with my face” but I guess my statement is still correct anyway?

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        I’d say, “I’ll allow it.” But who am I to judge?

    2. cbwroses

      That would depend on how gassy the tush in question is and how easy it is to sink into the cheeks and be unable to pull your face out.

      I will say having a killer named Leather Ass would be a totally different movie.

      1. LaGrosseLegume

        I think there is a film with that name…

        1. Opus the Poet

          Gay porn IIRC.

    3. KiaStirling

      TexASS Face Massacre

  2. Doctor_Who

    The laundry room won’t be able to sate this urge, until someone invents a washing machine with a butt.

    …I bet Carla would invent a washing machine with a butt. In fact, she probably already has blueprints and a working prototype, just because it’s hilarious.

    1. Dana

      She did, but then she realized people might use it for gross sex stuff.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Little does she realize, getting hit with literal pies is some peoples’ actual fetish.

        (Plot twist: it’s Mary’s)

        1. Zach

          It’s ok. We all know she hates herself for it, so the prank just worked better than anticipated.

        2. butting

          That’s why Mary was undressed in her room in the middle of the day that one time: she was just finishing getting cleaned up after getting splattered with custard and whipped cream.

          (whipped cream. WINK.)

  3. Sirksome

    I honestly don’t know who said what anymore.

    1. Decidedly Orthogonal

      No. Who’s on first, what’s on second.

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Well that’s new. I just flagged my own comment by tapping to respond to a pop-up message that shaded just as I tapped my screen! ? Sorry for the false alarm Glorious Provider of Teh Funnies!

      2. Needfuldoer

        I dunno? He’s on third.

      3. Mturtle7

        That’s what I’m asking you!

  4. Thag Simmons

    So Dorothy is like, right behind them right? What’s the absolute worst thing they could say right now for her to overhear?

    1. Cattleprod

      She’s hiding in the next tree over, at the time when she hid there she didn’t think she would be directly in Joyce’s line of sight as soon as she turns her head.

      1. Bryy

        We all know this is how it is going to happen, too.

    2. Holly

      Hmm the worst thing for Dorothy to overhear… maybe if Joyce said something like “*You* should get away from *me*” and Dorothy could misinterpret it to think Joe was threatening to Joyce, rather than realising it is only Joyce trying to repress her desires.

    3. Tan

      I remain convinced that Dorothy is going to come up and start saying things to Joe, not realizing Joyce is up the tree

    4. Shadowsnail

      They could inspire Anti-Dorothy to share her (completely non-Dorothy-related) feelings with Walky.

  5. NGPZ

    Anti-Joyce’s power is sky-rocketing!!! Aye aye aye…. ✌?

    *plays “Awaken Pillar Men” on passing car radio*

  6. Marvelman

    This isn’t going to happen, is it?

    1. justin8448

      It’s going to take some time, is all.

      Joyce admitting what she wants is just step 1. And we’re not even through that one yet until she claims ownership of Anti-Joyce.

  7. Shorduie

    I feel very ambivalent about that conversation. It is very good that they are having a nice honest conversation but damn it dudes you need to resume your walking NOW

    1. Taffy

      The walking was an illusion.

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        What was it alluding to?

        1. Taffy

          Walking. Ask a better question.

        2. Amara

          It was alluding to the presumption of getting to class on time. An ceaseless folly.

    2. insertname

      Dorothy creeping up. Cues in Jaws music

  8. NGPZ

    ??? ?? Happy Birthday Willis!!!

    Happy birthday to you!!!
    The world is a zoo!!!
    We wish you a great party!!!
    And some new Transformers stuff too!!!

    1. Jo_cubstar

      Is it Willis’ birthday? If so, Happy birthday to my fave webcomic writer! Whoo!

    2. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Is it wrong to flag this *just* to bring it to their attention? Let’s find out.

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        By which I should have added HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thank you for another year of bestowing your gifts upon us!

      2. NGPZ

        That’s not how flags work, but I love your excitement! XD

    3. Amós Batista

      Happy birthday, Willis

    4. Kimi

      Happy birthday Willis!

      1. Clif

        Have a more than adequate day!!!

    5. Max

      Another year of greedy corporate assholes dumping toxic chemicals into the environment, bringing the world one step closer to death and destruction with every passing minute.

      Eat at Arby’s.
      I mean Happy Birthday!

      1. Morleuca

        …welcome to night vale

      2. Opus the Poet

        Thank you for channeling Nihilist Arby’s twitter.

    6. Stephen Bierce

      WIIGIIs and Salutations!

    7. Mark

      [applause]

    8. Keulen

      Happy Womb Escape Day!

    9. Paradox

      Every year I am surprised that Willis and I share a birthday, one of these days I’m gonna need to remember that

      Happy Birthday Willis!

      1. milu

        Happy 3rd of April to all who partake!

        1. Taffy

          …Fish Fingers and Custard Day?

        2. NGPZ

          ☺ Splendid.

          I take it you’re enjoying Dr Who very much?

        3. Taffy

          For the past decade or so, yeah. I specifically had to look up the significance of April 3 (aside from Willis’s birthday), and that’s the only result I thought might apply.

  9. Rocketboy1313

    Joyce, maybe wait until you have had regular sex before you jump to tossing the salad. I know Nicki Minaj has written a few songs about it, but she is a bit more experienced.

    1. Yotomoe

      Naw just jump in the deep end! Why not. Ass Eating, that’s a meal I can get behind!

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Incorrect. Eating ass is a behind you get as a meal!

        1. Plain Marie

          Bwahaha! A+

        2. shoopdawhoop

          A nice hearty ass salad, with dressing

    2. insertname

      To be fair, it’s a popular advice for religious virgins to use the backdoor as to not have their “virginity” taken awau

  10. Yotomoe

    Yeah True things honestly hurt the worst.

    1. anon

      hopefully some are delivered in a kind tone, i’m sure there are ppl who remember insults from being 13, that kinda age you’re at ur most vulnerable and sharp tongued/clawed

  11. Bittersweet

    I’m getting sad feelings about this convo. I still feel confident that they’re probably endgame, but I’m worrying that this is gonna throw a really bad wrench in things and all I want them to do is hug. Or, at this rate, get hugs.

    Gonna wait to see how the rest of the convo goes before I feel comfortable trying to analyze anybody’s feelings though.

    1. Meagan

      Sad? To me it seems like they are working through stuff.

      1. justin8448

        We’re still far away. But every step forward counts as progress.

      2. Bittersweet

        I think I may have misread it given that I forgot she literally said “libido with a face” the day or two prior in-comic. I’d thought he was shorthanding what “Anti-Joyce” said yesterday, but if it’s asking about the literal comment she’d made then I feel quite a bit better.

    2. huesatlight

      Each of their insecurities are getting in the way. Joe is trying to have real human feelings, despite his fear that he hurts the people he’s close to. He doesn’t want to just be his horndog mask. And Joyce is trying to be ok with being horny. They’re getting close, but it does feel like this could end up with uncomfortable silence.

      If it does, Becky and Dina could help. Becky understands Joyce’s hangups, and has already helped some. And Dina is friends with real Joe, not the mask.

  12. anon

    if they weren’t late for class already they are now lol

    1. anonymsly

      Joe was like an hour early, and they were taking the scenic route, it could still be fine!

      Of course, if they’re late, Joyce might need to explain to Becky that she is a School Misser because of a conversation with Joe about his delicious rear end. (Oddly for me, I suspect Becky would/will be more genuinely supportive and helpful than Dorothy on the topic of murdering faces with Joe’s butt.)

      1. justin8448

        If I may attempt to quote a previous commenter on the subject:

        “Ewwww, gross! But hell yeah, get some girl!” -Becky (possibly)

    2. Vanessa

      Joe admitted to showing up an hour early so I think they are Ok.

    3. Taffy

      Fuck class, they’re here for more important things.

      1. Amós Batista

        If it was me, in Joe or Joyce’s place, losing a class may be the last of my worries. My belly should be exploding with butterflies…

      2. thejeff

        It’s the fuck class they should be going to.

    4. Plain Marie

      I’m more worried that Dorothy will catch up to them before they finish, er, resolve the conversation to a good place. She might see Joyce up a tree and assume the worst.

  13. jeffepp

    I think her ward against his manly wiles has worn off, and gone into reverse.

  14. BBCC

    Sometimes the terrible true thing needs to be said. Not necessarily here but sometimes.

    1. Clif

      Wisdom isn’t usually something you can fit on a bumper sticker. – Bumper sticker inspired by Chaucer59

      1. JBento

        Why not? Wisdom is only 6 letters.

  15. Warcodered

    Joyce has the weirdest way of out awkwarding Joe’s confession.

  16. Qube

    irony is a mug’s game, joyce

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Iron mugs tend to rust…

      1. Clif

        Rusted mugs make terrible irons.

  17. BOOSTER SHOT

    I can’t believe I didn’t see Anti-Joyce coming, it makes so much sense in retrospect

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      The Anti-Joyce is moving backwards in time, so you can never see her coming, you can only see her going.

    2. Skater Girl

      If you wanted to see her coming, you should have bought the Slipshine

  18. StClair

    And thus we are reminded again that while Joyce has great enthusiasm and thirst, er, desire that she is finally beginning to express, she still has no clue how any of this actually works.

  19. V

    Found the page where Joyce calls Joe a libido with a face.

    1. k

      Hero of the hour! Many Thanks

    2. RassilonTDavros

      Re-read that scene and this strip makes a lot more sense now that I can remember what Joe’s talking about.

    3. System_Anomaly

      Thank you.

    4. justin8448

      I was flipping back through the past few comics of them talking, wondering if I had missed something! Thank you for linking to this.

    5. Hazel

      Wow, that’s really recent (for them). I thought it was something she said after that disastrous date (87 years ago, or so).

    6. ESM

      I don’t get what Joyce is apologizing for, then. Joe was being a dickhead and Joyce’s response was clearly sarcastic.

      1. HueSatLight

        Joe was being evasive by using his mask, and I think Joyce’s sarcastic response was to say “you have to decide to be the mask or be real,” but it stung, and she feels bad about that.

  20. Taffy

    It was Dismissive Sarcasm Joyce, the most nefarious variant of Joyce.

    1. Taffy

      Not exactly the most sought-after Fucko Pop, though.

    2. huesatlight

      Dismissive Sarcasm Joyce kills with a thousand dismissive cuts, https://www.dumbingofage.com/glances/

    3. Needfuldoer

      Joe must fight all of Joyce’s evil alter-egos before he can date her?

  21. Nenja

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILLIS!!

  22. Throwatron

    It’s a nice tush

  23. Dday

    Ok for real now, for not even particularly horny reasons I legit need to see what the hell (Anti)Joyce is even describing. Does she like, jam her face in when the butt is relaxed, and then he suddenly clenches his cheeks really hard? So when he unclenches her face is a flat plane with a perpendicular flat plane down the middle?

    1. Schpoonman

      Like the still of Squidward after Bubble Bass sits on him?

    2. Zaxares

      She wants to smoosh her face repeatedly into firm, manly ass to the point where she can barely breathe but she can’t stop because it’s so GOOOOOOD. ;P

      1. Dday

        That sounds possibly closer than what I said, she’s describing herself as the more active party. In that case, I suppose Joe would have to keep his glutes flexed while Joyce performs some kinda face first kneading motion against them

  24. Amós Batista

    The “libido with a face” just entered inside Joe’s mind, isn’t?

  25. Flygod

    Joyce eats ass confirmed

    1. Rose by Any Other Name

      … I was gonna say “Joyce is into ass play confirmed.”

      … I don’t know how to feel about what you said. Guess I’ll have to…

      …

      … sit on it.

      1. Schpoonman

        YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

  26. JA

    I’m with Joyce on this one. There are a few butts I’ve seen that I’d want to murder my face with.

  27. ian livs

    Ah, Joyce has entered the face where she’s becoming (a little) more willing to acknowledge she *has* desires, but every time she opens her mouth, the people around her can immediately clock that she doesn’t actually have a smidge of practical knowledge about how sexytimes actually work.

    (Like mine, this phase of hers will forever be memorialized in her writing, lmao)

    1. ian livs

      *phase. Guess I was really hung up on that last panel, huh?

    2. StClair

      Yep.

  28. The Lurker

    Happy Birthday David. Many happy returns on the day.

  29. DailyBrad

    Happy birthday, I love Dorothy’s Amber costume in the magnets.

    Seriously, though, I am loving this storyline. I love Joe and Joyce’s dynamic. I mistyped Joe as “Joy” at first, and I think I am actually liking that as the ship name, rather than Joece, JoJo, etc.

  30. Ophidiophile

    I think this conversation would be easier to follow if they simply declared today to be ‘Opposite Day’.

  31. Rabisch

    Looks like Joe isn’t too happy with how Joyce seems to see him mostly as an object of desire / a libido with a face. I hope they clear up about this and Joe doesn’t leave annoyed after helping her go down the tree.

  32. DarkoNeko

    The areas less affected by sunlight still have some snow, nice

  33. CianM1301

    When Dorothy does eventually arrive on the scene, I can see her interpreting this as Joyce being so disgusted by Joe’s sexual advances that she’s fleeing up a tree to get away from him.

    1. shrub

      All jokes aside thats a big possibility

  34. Needfuldoer

    Happy birthday, Willis!

  35. jpnr

    oh while we wait for Dorothy to keep giving-underhanded-good-advice to Walky I found this

    https://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-9-comic/01-flyin-to-the-red/propriety/

    1. spriteless aunty

      … Ouch…

    2. HueSatLight

      wow, just two strips before Billie said that thing that turned on crush-mode.

    3. bemisawa

      Oooof. Yeah, that’s rough.

  36. Suet

    There’s saying what you want to say and hearing what you want them to hear.

    Joyce is neither, grab the spray bottle.

  37. Yeet

    joe is really struggling with the idea that he can want someone romantically and not just sexually huh
    in a way he might be one of the least romantically experienced people in the cast

  38. vulcanodon

    They still haven’t had a slice of pizza together without someone interfering. Maybe start there

  39. AlaninDC

    Maybe it’s just because I have cartoons playing in my head 24/7, but I’m imagining if Joyce actually bit Joe on the ass – owing to his general level of fitness – it would be accompanied by the sound of a loud metallic clang, like a wrench banging on a metal beam.

    Watch any old Three Stooges film where Larry gets hit in the head with a hammer or pipe… THAT’S the sound im talking about.

    1. Dday

      She turns towards the camera and her teeth fall out like a broken xylophone

    2. Opus the Poet

      You mean where they actually hit the steel plate in Larry’s head, creating the deafening “BONG”?

  40. bagge

    …communication?

  41. Adept

    Murder my face until I pass out… what? Joyce is confusing me. I have no idea what she’s even alluding to. I wonder if she does.

    1. DailyBrad

      Basically, she’d want to nuzzle/grind her face against Joe’s ass until she ran out of air, I figure.

    2. shrub

      I think she has her wires slightly crossed mixed in with some things shes heard other people say but maybe doesn’t quite understand it was probably not to be taken literally

      I’m sure that, eventually, if their relationship moves to the next level after a respectful amount of time has passed (maybe with a ring involved) Joe will be more than willing to educate her on such matters

    3. Taffy

      She wants Joe to jump and press the Z button to ground-pound her in the face, flattening it like a pancake.

      It’s a surprisingly common fetish/kink/third thing, I’ve found.

  42. Dday

    Btw it should be noted that Joyce is rockin some *serious* lat strength to have scampered up that tree so fast

  43. NameLips

    OK who wants to place bets on how long till Joyce does some sort of sexytime with a partner? (I’m counting the washroom incident as solo, though I could see the argument otherwise).

    1. GholaHalleck

      I’m fully expecting her to WANT too, then the untreated assault trauma hits her like a truck and sends her into a another comic entirely.

      1. thejeff

        Not sure if it’ll be the assault trauma or the childhood sexual repression trauma.

        1. Opus the Poet

          Po-TAY-toe, po-tah-TOE, Joyce is just full of recent, past, and ongoing traumas. SOMEthing is going to nail her right between the eyes, psychologically speaking.

      2. NameLips

        I forgot about the assault trauma.

        Joyce really needs a shrink. I wonder if they’ll introduce a new character with that skillset, maybe he could be a sort of replacement Mike?

      3. Needfuldoer

        If it’s with Joe, his encounter with Liz will have served to teach him to look for early warning signs.

  44. HueSatLight

    “I want to bite your tush” was an appropriate level of not-the-whole-truth. And the reason she’s hiding is because she spent her childhood/adolescence being trained to have a shame reflex to horniness.

  45. Schpoonman

    I didn’t realize that comment got to Joe so badly, not after he admitted his anxiety.

  46. Kazuma Taichi

    happy birthday Willis

  47. Amós Batista

    I’ll be sad if Joyce starts to fell guilty for assert herself, like she have apologized today.
    In the life class, she was just complaining because Joe, didn’t took her conversation as serious like she wished.

    It was not as terrible thing as she may think…

    1. thejeff

      Sure, it wasn’t meant to be terrible on her part, but it still hit right in his insecurities. That’s worth apologizing for.

      1. DailyBrad

        Right, she said something hurtful in the moment, so she apologized. The moment passed, so, yeah, that’s pretty normal to apologize for, especially since she regretted that it hurt him enough to stick with him.

  48. The Jighole Man

    this girl just went from “i don’t masturbate” to “I wanna shove my face into your @$% like an emotional teen shoves her face into a pillow” real flippin’ fast.

    I’m glad she is finally starting to be able to express her desires, but boy howdy is she moving fast.

    1. Taffy

      You censored “ass” but not “masturbate”?

      1. NGPZ

        Maybe because “masturbate” isn’t in the bible /j

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