I mean as a man I can say men don’t normally pop night boners. If you do you’re probably awake already and horny. Unless Joe’s packing some major size I think Joyce would be okay.
No… they literally do… multiple times a night.
It’s not an ‘aroused’ or ‘not aroused’ thing. It’s basically a ‘maintenance/test mode’ that happens during a normal sleep cycle – making sure the ‘plumbing’ still works. Since most people have multiple sleep cycles a night… ergo.
Biologically, it’s an important part of anatomy needed to further the species, so keeping it up and running (no pun intended) is a part of the species’ subconscious Biological Imperative.
Kyrros
Most males are not even aware of it when it’s happening. Again, it’s not an arousal thing – it’s simply a case of the body making use of the downtime caused by sleep itself to get some of its checklists taken care of. Whether one has ‘The Wood’ when they wake is simply a roll of the dice as to when in their sleep cycle they wake up combined with when the actual ‘testing’ takes place.
Slartibeast Button, BIA
I’ve heard that if you go to a doctor for impotence, one of the first tests is for night boners*. If you don’t have them they look for a physical cause. If you do they look for a psychological cause.
* They give you basically blank postage stamps to wrap around it. If the strip is broken in the morning, you had a night boner.
Sirksome
I guess I’ll take an “L” on this one, or maybe a “D” would be more appropriate in my sexual education. Everyone seems to know more about boners than I. Weird considering I have a functioning penis but you learn something new everyday.
Kyrros
LOL, ‘D’ is better than ‘F’. (Maybe?)
Honestly, willing to learn/accept new knowledge is much more important than already knowing all the things!
David DeLaney
well, this is the sort of thing they literally don’t TEACH you in US schools
until you get to some specialized college courses
which most folks don’t take anyway
one of my old friends is closely associated with the Penis Museum
so yes, it’s possible to learn about on the Internet
down various rabbitholes, so to speak
Proto
I didn’t know a Penis Museum existed but now all I want to see is an episode of Scooby-Doo where the gang has to find a ghost that’s haunting the old abandoned penis museum.
Honestly I’d rather have that than the new Velma. -_-
Psychie
I learned about it in middle school sex ed, and I’ve lived in Indiana since just before I turned 4. Some districts are woefully lacking in proper sex ed, but thankfully not all. IIRC I read a statistic once that 40% of US districts had an abstinence only curriculum, and like 15% has fully comprehensive sex ed, with the remaining 45% falling somewhere in between the two extremes (often covering the basics of STDs and birth control, but leaving a lot of stuff that isn’t directly about the consequences of sex and how to protect against them out). If I’m recalling those numbers accurately (I could very easily not be, and they could have changed since then since it’s been like a decade since I read that), it’s still pretty terrible, but not quite as bad as some people like to make it out to be.
Psychie
It’s worth keeping in mind that A, just because you HAVE something as part of your biology in no way means you actually understand it or know much about it, look at the entire history of medicine and all the nonsense people used to believe (and many still do) about various body parts for evidence of that, and B, when you are asleep you are by definition not consciously aware, and as such you are literally the least qualified person to report about what you do when asleep, look at the people who claim they don’t snore immediately after being informed by someone who spent the night in the room with them that they were snoring as evidence of that.
“I should know, I have a penis” is really just not great reasoning. It’s kind of like when I talk about publicly available historical information with my mom about the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s and she’s like “I was actually alive then, and that isn’t true” as though her personal experiences and recollections are somehow more valid than articles written by people who were directly involved in the matters in question, or by historians who spoke to a large number of people involved, or actual recordings made at the time.
Imogen
Interestingly, I think girls might experience morning wood less often? I can’t remember the last time I’ve had it since starting HRT.
GoodbyBallad
Has it altered your sleep cycle at all in other ways? Are you still waking at the same times as previously, and so not likely to be randomly missing it?
Imogen
I’ve been on HRT for, like, four years. My sleep schedule’s gotten around just about everywhere over such a long period of time. Not randomly per day, just, you know, normal oscillations over the course of 48 months.
Jay
Yeah, it’s a testosterone thing.
Sucks, if you like your D and like your E, because it’s a lot harder to avoid shrinkage, and then when you *do* have a use for it, it becomes a blivet ?
Imogen
From what I understand, the more you use it, the less it shrinks. It definitely varies, too!
Eff M.
I’ve been wondering about that a bit. I’ve been on HRT for about 2 1/2 years now, but know it still sometimes happens, just not like it did a decade ago. Of course I’m also in my 50s, so HRT or age — take your pick!
David DeLaney
Never been on HRT – but diabetes drugs, I’m looking at YOU, Lyrica (with a sideeye at metformin), can totally drain one’s physical libido, so that while the view is still quite appreciated, the fire doesn’t start in the belly, the steam boiler doesn’t fire up, and nothing goes SPROING without a good bit of effort
this is not a “don’t get old, kids”, it’s specifically a “stay away from diabetes, kids”
I know everyone corrected this message in the replies already, but nobody wrote that this is called “nocturnal penile tumescence” so obviously I have to.
Actually, it is pretty common, if you are asleep, you are going to have erections, seems to be tied to the parasympathetic nervous system. By the time you are awake enough to get up and walk around, it usually goes away. Women do it as well, just not as noticeable.
Indeed, that is not a horny boner that is just a free neutral boner all cis dudes get every morning
Sirksome
Where did this every dude gets a boner every morning belief come from? I feel like I just got gaslight from my own life experience. Like I woke up this morning boner free as I have every morning for years. Am I just old? I feel like I’d remember if I was plagued by boners in my teen years and I was as horny as the next guy.
cbwroses
I had morning wood often for decades.
What I never had was a wet dream.
I think people are just different and the “everyone has it/does it/gets it” stuff is nuanced enough to know, yet doesn’t get mentioned often enough in sex ed classes or The Talk with parents.
Esolo
I also never had wet dreams, but definitely get morning wood.
Slartibeast Button, BIA
Based on a “Biology of Sex” freshman course decades ago, nocturnal emissions happen because a prostate is always producing fluid, about a milliliter a day.* If the tank gets too full without being otherwise drained**, a wet dream results.
* Production increases greatly when you are aroused, but it never completely stops.
** Which need not involve other people, of course.
HueSatLight
that’s a lot more academic how I was going to say, “blue balls cause wet dreams”
I also generally don’t get morning wood. It’s certainly a pervasive idea, but it’s definitely not universal.
Kyrros
It’s not an ‘every morning’ thing… it’s a ‘multiple times while asleep’ thing. It’s just luck of the draw whether one just happens to wake (or be woken) up at the same moment one of those times is happening.
Dee
Vascoconstriction in genitals happens to everyone during a full sleep cycle, but whether it results in a noticeable erections depends on different factors. Age is one, blood pressure, how well you’re sleeping, some medications affect this, even temperature of the room you’re in can have an impact (yes, there may be too many studies on sleep erections). Along which part of the sleep cycle you wake up in, there are many factors which mean you don’t experience morning wood.
David DeLaney
}- there may be too many studies on sleep erections)
i did not understand these words in this order
Adam Black
Maybe you wake up right after.
Testostorone cycle peaks right before waking and is often the trigger
eh, whatever
You just sleep enough, so you wake up after it’s all over. If you used an alarm clock and a cup of coffee every morning, there’s a good chance you’d wake up with a raging boner, and no arousal whatsoever, every morning.
VicMortimer
I’m over 50, and I still have morning wood almost every day. It’s been that way my whole life. It’s got nothing to do with actually being aroused, I even have it after waking up from a completely non-sexual nightmare.
I’m not saying something is wrong, you could be absolutely fine. But you might want to talk to a doctor about it.
thejeff
As others have said though, it’s more likely that you’re just not waking up in that part of the cycle as that it’s not happening.
Taffy
How’d you take it from “Yeah, it happens” to “All cis dudes every morning”? That’s a really silly leap.
Myth
Sirksome was replying to TrueVCU, who said, and I quote, “Indeed, that is not a horny boner that is just a free neutral boner *all cis dudes* get *every morning*”, emphasis mine. (This is meant in a neutral tone, hopefully not coming across as rude.)
Sirksome
It’s not rude. At least not to me. I really try to take each comment in the best light possible. Most people try to correct or inform before insult. I only asked a follow up question based on my own narrow perspective.
Sirksome
Oh, you’re not TrueVCU the Becky grav through me off. Disregard my previous comment.
Myth
Ah, my bad, I thought you were replying to Sirksome, but I think you actually were replying to TrueVCU. Gosh, this comment section is a mess.
eh, whatever
…One idea is that it happens to ensure oxygen supply. So, if it’s not happening, that’s actually a problem.
TrueVCU
Sorry, it seems like a widely-shared enough experience that I didn’t feel the need to qualify it further. I just meant to convey a morning boner is fairly routine, and not really tied to arousal, for those who experience them
216 thoughts on “Avert”
Ana Chronistic
surprised she didn’t feel it once or twice during the night
Doctor_Who
I’m surprised she put together what he was talking about so quickly. Old Joyce would have had a strip or two of comical misunderstanding.
Steelbright
In my headcanon Joyce knows about morning wood from Amber’s slashfic
Freemage
Honestly, that’s the only option that makes any real sense.
ian livs
She put it together faster than I did, and I’ve had 2 very serious relationships which should make me more familiar with the concept than her… RIP, me
Doopyboop
My guess is she knows because she has two older brothers (and a sister who she grew up thinking was a brother).
Doopyboop
Similar to how, if a boy grows up with multiple sisters he’s likely gonna become aware of periods and PMS.
Mark
Or is it working diligently to misunderstand something that was understood correctly?
Steamweed
Remember that Joyce was the Ding Dong Drawing Bandit.
Rose by Any Other Name
I mean, given how she was sleeping, she almost certainly did. She might have been too sleepy to register it at the time.
NGPZ
Imagine if both of them had wet dreams at the same time…
a/snow/mous/e
They might leave a leaky puddle on the sheets… eheh~ ^//^
Sirksome
I mean as a man I can say men don’t normally pop night boners. If you do you’re probably awake already and horny. Unless Joe’s packing some major size I think Joyce would be okay.
Dante
He’s tall and built. And look how much that thing still juts out.
David DeLaney
“i’m lookiting! i’m lookiting!”
–Dave, identify the classic comic reference
PASchaefer
Peanuts, said by Charlie Brown.
David DeLaney
i’m glad to know i’m not the only one
who has that entire canon stuffed
inside a brain lobe somewhere
–Dave, … not a haiku
HueSatLight
during puberty, 2-3 hours of sleep boners a night. Decreases with age.
HueSatLight
They mostly coincide with REM during puberty, so if you didn’t ever wake then, you might not have noticed.
HueSatLight
hm, my brother apparently never wakes up during REM, but we’re not a “tell me about your erections” type of family, so it will remain a mystery.
Huttj
Eh, “morning wood” is pretty dang common. Bladder can press on stuff triggering erection which annoyingly involves a valve that blocks urine.
Kyrros
No… they literally do… multiple times a night.
It’s not an ‘aroused’ or ‘not aroused’ thing. It’s basically a ‘maintenance/test mode’ that happens during a normal sleep cycle – making sure the ‘plumbing’ still works. Since most people have multiple sleep cycles a night… ergo.
Biologically, it’s an important part of anatomy needed to further the species, so keeping it up and running (no pun intended) is a part of the species’ subconscious Biological Imperative.
Kyrros
Most males are not even aware of it when it’s happening. Again, it’s not an arousal thing – it’s simply a case of the body making use of the downtime caused by sleep itself to get some of its checklists taken care of. Whether one has ‘The Wood’ when they wake is simply a roll of the dice as to when in their sleep cycle they wake up combined with when the actual ‘testing’ takes place.
Slartibeast Button, BIA
I’ve heard that if you go to a doctor for impotence, one of the first tests is for night boners*. If you don’t have them they look for a physical cause. If you do they look for a psychological cause.
* They give you basically blank postage stamps to wrap around it. If the strip is broken in the morning, you had a night boner.
Sirksome
I guess I’ll take an “L” on this one, or maybe a “D” would be more appropriate in my sexual education. Everyone seems to know more about boners than I. Weird considering I have a functioning penis but you learn something new everyday.
Kyrros
LOL, ‘D’ is better than ‘F’. (Maybe?)
Honestly, willing to learn/accept new knowledge is much more important than already knowing all the things!
David DeLaney
well, this is the sort of thing they literally don’t TEACH you in US schools
until you get to some specialized college courses
which most folks don’t take anyway
one of my old friends is closely associated with the Penis Museum
so yes, it’s possible to learn about on the Internet
down various rabbitholes, so to speak
Proto
I didn’t know a Penis Museum existed but now all I want to see is an episode of Scooby-Doo where the gang has to find a ghost that’s haunting the old abandoned penis museum.
NGPZ
Honestly I’d rather have that than the new Velma. -_-
Psychie
I learned about it in middle school sex ed, and I’ve lived in Indiana since just before I turned 4. Some districts are woefully lacking in proper sex ed, but thankfully not all. IIRC I read a statistic once that 40% of US districts had an abstinence only curriculum, and like 15% has fully comprehensive sex ed, with the remaining 45% falling somewhere in between the two extremes (often covering the basics of STDs and birth control, but leaving a lot of stuff that isn’t directly about the consequences of sex and how to protect against them out). If I’m recalling those numbers accurately (I could very easily not be, and they could have changed since then since it’s been like a decade since I read that), it’s still pretty terrible, but not quite as bad as some people like to make it out to be.
Psychie
It’s worth keeping in mind that A, just because you HAVE something as part of your biology in no way means you actually understand it or know much about it, look at the entire history of medicine and all the nonsense people used to believe (and many still do) about various body parts for evidence of that, and B, when you are asleep you are by definition not consciously aware, and as such you are literally the least qualified person to report about what you do when asleep, look at the people who claim they don’t snore immediately after being informed by someone who spent the night in the room with them that they were snoring as evidence of that.
“I should know, I have a penis” is really just not great reasoning. It’s kind of like when I talk about publicly available historical information with my mom about the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s and she’s like “I was actually alive then, and that isn’t true” as though her personal experiences and recollections are somehow more valid than articles written by people who were directly involved in the matters in question, or by historians who spoke to a large number of people involved, or actual recordings made at the time.
Imogen
Interestingly, I think girls might experience morning wood less often? I can’t remember the last time I’ve had it since starting HRT.
GoodbyBallad
Has it altered your sleep cycle at all in other ways? Are you still waking at the same times as previously, and so not likely to be randomly missing it?
Imogen
I’ve been on HRT for, like, four years. My sleep schedule’s gotten around just about everywhere over such a long period of time. Not randomly per day, just, you know, normal oscillations over the course of 48 months.
Jay
Yeah, it’s a testosterone thing.
Sucks, if you like your D and like your E, because it’s a lot harder to avoid shrinkage, and then when you *do* have a use for it, it becomes a blivet ?
Imogen
From what I understand, the more you use it, the less it shrinks. It definitely varies, too!
Eff M.
I’ve been wondering about that a bit. I’ve been on HRT for about 2 1/2 years now, but know it still sometimes happens, just not like it did a decade ago. Of course I’m also in my 50s, so HRT or age — take your pick!
David DeLaney
Never been on HRT – but diabetes drugs, I’m looking at YOU, Lyrica (with a sideeye at metformin), can totally drain one’s physical libido, so that while the view is still quite appreciated, the fire doesn’t start in the belly, the steam boiler doesn’t fire up, and nothing goes SPROING without a good bit of effort
this is not a “don’t get old, kids”, it’s specifically a “stay away from diabetes, kids”
Esolo
As a man I can say I definitely do pop night boners.
morleuca
Actually you get several a night (on average) as your body works to keep things from atrophying. You just sleep through them.
Florens
I know everyone corrected this message in the replies already, but nobody wrote that this is called “nocturnal penile tumescence” so obviously I have to.
Adam Black
https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/narnia/images/8/8a/Ftum1.png/revision/latest?cb=20170522125002
David DeLaney
BAND NAAAME
Roborat
Actually, it is pretty common, if you are asleep, you are going to have erections, seems to be tied to the parasympathetic nervous system. By the time you are awake enough to get up and walk around, it usually goes away. Women do it as well, just not as noticeable.
Bash
I did not expect this comment section to be so educational.
Doug D
Thrice. Maybe thriceteen.
Amós Batista
Joe should have “retreat” it, when he figured out Joyce was sleeping with him.
David DeLaney
at college age, they’re still not always voluntary
NGPZ
*plays “Filthy/Gorgeous” by Scissor Sisters on hacked muzak*
Lee
Chef’s kiss
IntangibleMatter
Joyce please stop demonstrating how I socialize I read webcomics for escapism not to be called out every other day.
Sirksome
So is this like confirmation Joe’s into lady poop smell? I think it is.
Schpoonman
Just morning wood, I think.
TrueVCU
Indeed, that is not a horny boner that is just a free neutral boner all cis dudes get every morning
Sirksome
Where did this every dude gets a boner every morning belief come from? I feel like I just got gaslight from my own life experience. Like I woke up this morning boner free as I have every morning for years. Am I just old? I feel like I’d remember if I was plagued by boners in my teen years and I was as horny as the next guy.
cbwroses
I had morning wood often for decades.
What I never had was a wet dream.
I think people are just different and the “everyone has it/does it/gets it” stuff is nuanced enough to know, yet doesn’t get mentioned often enough in sex ed classes or The Talk with parents.
Esolo
I also never had wet dreams, but definitely get morning wood.
Slartibeast Button, BIA
Based on a “Biology of Sex” freshman course decades ago, nocturnal emissions happen because a prostate is always producing fluid, about a milliliter a day.* If the tank gets too full without being otherwise drained**, a wet dream results.
* Production increases greatly when you are aroused, but it never completely stops.
** Which need not involve other people, of course.
HueSatLight
that’s a lot more academic how I was going to say, “blue balls cause wet dreams”
sdrainbow
I also generally don’t get morning wood. It’s certainly a pervasive idea, but it’s definitely not universal.
Kyrros
It’s not an ‘every morning’ thing… it’s a ‘multiple times while asleep’ thing. It’s just luck of the draw whether one just happens to wake (or be woken) up at the same moment one of those times is happening.
Dee
Vascoconstriction in genitals happens to everyone during a full sleep cycle, but whether it results in a noticeable erections depends on different factors. Age is one, blood pressure, how well you’re sleeping, some medications affect this, even temperature of the room you’re in can have an impact (yes, there may be too many studies on sleep erections). Along which part of the sleep cycle you wake up in, there are many factors which mean you don’t experience morning wood.
David DeLaney
}- there may be too many studies on sleep erections)
i did not understand these words in this order
Adam Black
Maybe you wake up right after.
Testostorone cycle peaks right before waking and is often the trigger
eh, whatever
You just sleep enough, so you wake up after it’s all over. If you used an alarm clock and a cup of coffee every morning, there’s a good chance you’d wake up with a raging boner, and no arousal whatsoever, every morning.
VicMortimer
I’m over 50, and I still have morning wood almost every day. It’s been that way my whole life. It’s got nothing to do with actually being aroused, I even have it after waking up from a completely non-sexual nightmare.
I’m not saying something is wrong, you could be absolutely fine. But you might want to talk to a doctor about it.
thejeff
As others have said though, it’s more likely that you’re just not waking up in that part of the cycle as that it’s not happening.
Taffy
How’d you take it from “Yeah, it happens” to “All cis dudes every morning”? That’s a really silly leap.
Myth
Sirksome was replying to TrueVCU, who said, and I quote, “Indeed, that is not a horny boner that is just a free neutral boner *all cis dudes* get *every morning*”, emphasis mine. (This is meant in a neutral tone, hopefully not coming across as rude.)
Sirksome
It’s not rude. At least not to me. I really try to take each comment in the best light possible. Most people try to correct or inform before insult. I only asked a follow up question based on my own narrow perspective.
Sirksome
Oh, you’re not TrueVCU the Becky grav through me off. Disregard my previous comment.
Myth
Ah, my bad, I thought you were replying to Sirksome, but I think you actually were replying to TrueVCU. Gosh, this comment section is a mess.
eh, whatever
…One idea is that it happens to ensure oxygen supply. So, if it’s not happening, that’s actually a problem.
TrueVCU
Sorry, it seems like a widely-shared enough experience that I didn’t feel the need to qualify it further. I just meant to convey a morning boner is fairly routine, and not really tied to arousal, for those who experience them
Taffy