226

Back
Posted on September 14, 2011 by David M Willis

226 thoughts on “Back”

  1. Deuecebag

    And Jesus will always have your back Joyce. Always.

    1. David Herbert

      He’s also at the front, to punch those frat boys in the FAAACE.

      1. Blob Marley

        And hit them with their own femurs.

        1. Pat

          That doesn’t sound like something Jesus would do.

        2. Loki

          It’s something JESUS CHRIST, VAMPIRE HUNTER would do.

        3. lokitsu

          That must be made into a movie.

          Now.

        4. Sammael

          http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311361/
          Thine wish was granted. You only get one, for entire life.

        5. RandomPerson12

          Well then, time to waste mine: I wish for a B.L.T. that ,when eaten, makes Transformers real and gives the person who eats it superpowers (preferably Wolverine’s).

        6. N0083rP00F

          It is if Jesus went in disguise and called himself “Mike”.

        7. SgtNumnum

          You’re right, he’d probably scare the hell out of them though

    2. Jenny Creed

      It’s great to know, when you’re on your back passed out without clothes and being filmed while a long line of college boys come on you while laughing at you, that Jesus always has your back.

  2. Plasma Mongoose

    You don’t mess with Christn you know.

  3. Jen Aside

    I’ve given Joyce that–she realizes she’s naïve, but she also wants to fix that. Going with Dorothy means she doesn’t have to be chewed up and spat out.

    Maybe just mind-broken by PREMARITAL HANKY PANKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

    1. Henry

      In the FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCEEEEE!!

      1. Rosie

        With my penis.

        1. Fred

          For a nickel.

        2. Rikushadow5

          with FEMURS

        3. Henry

          But she needs her femurs to live!

  4. Akari

    That last line actually made me laugh out loud. Not in a disrespectful way, but in a ‘Joyce, never change’ way. 😀

  5. Wackd

    Jesus went to frat parties for our sins.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Jesus was always great at parties, turning water into wine tends to win over crowds after all.

      1. George

        To quote Ansem Retort:

        “How insane must those Old Testament parties have been if they could turn your blood into booze?”

  6. iSaidCandleja-

    Wait, why is Sarah opposed to Joyce getting laid? I can see an opposition to substance abuse, but this is new. Did Sarah also have a bad experience with premarital hanky panky (and what freshmen hasn’t)?

    1. Henry

      I think she objects to Joyce getting laid against her will and having to deal with the resulting emotional baggage.

    2. herpderp

      I’m guessing she’s not as worried about Joyce getting “laid” as “raped.”

      1. Henry

        Hence “laid against her will.” Same thing, different way of saying it.

        1. Izzy

          i’m not sure he was replying to you…but to her.

        2. Henry

          True, true.

        3. Zanosuke_Kurosaki

          Also, rape is seriously not “laid against her will.” “Getting laid” generally involves some form of desiring and enjoying it. Rape tends to only hold that for the rapist – the raped just feels violated.

        4. gangler

          Wordplay. By adding a qualifier to the phrase used in the original post one can bring to light how the original wording was inaccurate, and by extension how the situation is different from that which was originally stated.

          The fact that the word “Laid” immediately stood out to you as dramatically out of place, incorrect, and possibly even made you feel a little uncomfortable is the entire reason it’s worded that way. All the things you immediately thought of when you saw that word followed by “Against her will” are the problems that are being pointed out in the original statement.

          It lays out more clearly and concisely what’s wrong than direct speech, and convinces more effectively because ultimately you came to the conclusion independently in your head, with Henry merely pointing you in the right direction.

          There’s probably some literary term for all that, but I can’t think of what it would be at the moment.

        5. Henry

          QUICK! TO TV TROPES!

        6. gangler

          That avatar just fits you like a glove doesn’t it?

        7. Henry

          Perhaps?

    3. Shade Tail

      She (quite selfishly) wants Joyce to stay naive and innocent because it means a relatively quiet and calm room for the year. She says so quite explicitly in this comic.

      1. iSaidCandleja-

        I don’t think she was ever explicit in the link between Joyce being innocent and the room being quiet, but I do see the logic.

      2. calendarman27

        Its not selfish, I suspect she might have once been like Joyce but became jaded along the way and honestly doesn’t want her to turn out the same way. Unfortunately she only speaks crankyese

    4. gangler

      It’s all one beast. Drugs, alcohol, sex, partying, fights. It’s all just delinquency.

      This being said I don’t think she actually said anything against Joyce getting laid. “Some frat-boys trying to rip off your shirt” doesn’t exactly sound consensual to me. The notion that Joyce would be calling people in this situation further reinforces the notion.

  7. Rikushadow5

    Joyce, you’ve gained a Level!! Would you like to put that in “Badass”?

    >Yes

    Cool beans!

  8. Grimlockimus

    Little does Joyce know that Jesus is in fact directly related to Mike, Jesus too is a very happy drunk, and with wine for blood….it says it all right there.

    I’m going to hell for that.

    1. Shade Tail

      Nah, you’re just confusing him with Dionysus. Don’t worry, he understands.

    2. Mr.Morningstar

      Raptor Jesus turns fossils into pudding.

  9. Ragnal

    Wow.

    Score one for the homeschooled girl.

    1. begbert2

      She only gets to *keep* the point if she gets out of the party sounding as cool as she is here going into it.

      1. G.S.Mercs

        No, the point is her’s to keep forever. However, surviving the party gives her bonus points for being right, which gives her the ability “I was right, and you were wrong Sarah” when she returns.

        1. Mr.Morningstar

          BUT knowing Willis that won’t happen will it?

  10. Asuka L.S.

    A—nd Sarah just became a lot harder to defend. Good news, though? Joyce is exercising free thought and standing up for herself more than ever! Yay!

    1. ryan

      those awful spider-man college kids did this to her.

  11. narmenduke

    Joyce, you rule. Way to stand up for yourself.

  12. MM

    Gah, Sarah. If you’re going to be self-righteous, at least leave open the option of being able to say “I told you so” when you come to rescue Joyce.

  13. Kaylee

    My respect for Joyce just went up about 200%.

  14. Bobnotk

    Joyce was able to stand up to Joe. Hopefully Mike will be there to punch people.

    1. Another Commenter

      I wouldn’t put it past Joyce to punch people, if she had to.

      1. invisiblemoose

        She didn’t have to, and she still punched them.

  15. NF

    Is it wrong that I thought Joyce would be fine until her last comment, and now I’m absolutely horrified?

    1. ryan

      it is wrong, because jesus christ really does have her back.

      1. NF

        Thank you, I am very reassured now.

        1. Blob Marley

          There’s a reason True Faith is something like a five-dot Merit.

        2. Jetstream

          I’m pretty sure that’s because it allows you to cause immediate and direct difficulty to Vampires.

        3. Blob Marley

          And you just blew the lid off of Joe’s best-kept secret.

      2. begbert2

        I’d rather have Santa Claus have my back, personally. He at least cuts an imposing figure.

    2. Tara

      You are not wrong. When reading that last line, you either think she totally won that argument, or totally lost it. Personally, since Jesus doesn’t have a car, I think she just lost.

      1. begbert2

        Personally, since Jesus doesn’t exist, I know she totally lost it.

        It’s like somebody saying, “I don’t need a parachute – Jesus’ll catch me!”

        1. Mr.Morningstar

          See that? That right there? Religious argument in the making.

        2. Allen

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus#Chronology

          It’s generally agreed upon by scholars that there was a dude named Jesus during the period in which he was said to exist. Whether or not he was the son of god is a different thing entirely.

  16. alicemacher

    You tell her, Joyce!

  17. Futabakun

    I dunno, I think Sarah just got the first hint of a wake-up call. I think she is caring for Joyce more than she planned, maybe failing to see her as an equal in the process. Sarah may be the most complex of all David’s cast – her story is just beginning.

    1. George

      Agreed. She’s got the least “growing up” to do but I feel like she’s going to have the biggest shift in character over time because of how she got there. Very interesting stuff.

      1. Sempiternity

        Her and Billie.

  18. Joe H

    Joyce is wonderful.

  19. PAC

    The faces for this comic are awesome. Both Joyce and Sarah each have a different detailed expression for their respective panels.

  20. Robert

    So now the first time that she see’s college penis, joyce will scream “Jesus Christ!!!” and the dude will be like “Yeah, I know right?”

    1. Ragnal

      I love this comment.

    2. Valdrax

      Too bad it takes three days to get back up again.

      1. LWS3

        Not necessarily, he was capable of raising the dead…

        1. Robert

          I was just doing a joke about the length and the girth…you guys are going completely in the wrong direction here,

  21. Andy

    Hey, Sarah? You damn well better pray that nothing happens to Joyce. Because if it does, I don’t think you’ll survive the wrath of the fans long enough to regret turning off your phone.

    It really seems like Sarah’s problems are related to what other people do and more to the fact that they even exist.

    1. deepblueink

      I’m just impressed by the matching purple phone. And yes, Sarah does seem rather driven by her superego.

      1. Andy

        I think it’s an iPhone case.

  22. Henry

    And Joyce shuts down her roommate.

    Hot damn.

    1. Caffienated

      Hot damn indeed!

  23. Joebo

    Called it.

  24. Tekkactus

    Sarah got told. I like it.

  25. John

    I’ve got more faith in Amazi-Girl, personally.

    1. Fauxlosopher

      Ultra-Car hasn’t been introduced yet. How do we know he’ll be at the party? He has to be if Amazi-Girl is going to show up.

      1. ryan

        but amazi-girl has already shown up twice without ultra car appearing. there’s no reason amazi-girl can’t make another appearance.

  26. Jimmy

    I really hope Sarah’s wrong about this party. I know Joyce can be annoying, but I do like her and would hate for anything like that to happen to her. Although she did seem to handle Joe pretty well. Maybe she’ll hire Mike for this party too? That would be lots of fun.

    1. Henry

      Or hiring Ruth for the same reason.

      BTW, has it occurred to anyone that since Ruth and Mike seem to enjoy causing terror and/or destruction in lives around them (probably with slightly different motivations) that we might see…

      RuthxMike?

  27. fishamaphone

    Okay, so as much as Sarah is really turning into a sympathetic character here, someone who wants to do the right thing but doesn’t really know how, I still can’t goddamn forgive her for the whole Bart O’Ryan incident. But that was in a different continuity altogether!

    Am I petty?

    1. SolegitRR

      Nope, I’ve thought Sarah was a huge bongo ever since then. I will admit I am massively guilty of letting my opinions of characters in It’s Walky! and Joyce and Walky! guide my opinions of characters in DoA. Although they all seem to at least be shades of “their old selves” so it hasn’t presented a huge issue so far.

      1. Henry

        I’ve found it’s helped that I didn’t read through It’s Walky and everything until after I started reading DoA, so my first impression of all the characters is as their DoA-selves instead of their Walkyverse-Prime selves.

  28. iggzy

    And the award for the snarkiest use of Jesus goes to…

  29. Croaxleigh

    “Dear Joyce,

    Please stop drunk-dialing me.

    Sincerely,

    – Jesus”

    1. Henry

      Win.
      Your gravatar just made that more perfect, btw.

      1. Jetstream

        I disagree. I think my Gravitar would make it perfect… Assuming I still have Sodomuffin…

        Do I?

        1. Jetstream

          Booo, monkey master.

        2. Henry

          Not a monkey. An ape. 😀

  30. Bickendan

    Oh, Joyce…

  31. Leon

    Careful now Joyce, you don’t want your parents angry because you’re rebelling…

  32. Filthy Pazuzu

    Boy, Sarah sure is self-important to the point of narcissism. Joyce isn’t going to the party alone. Plus, she may be sheltered, but she’s no shrinking violet.

    1. taekwondogirl

      Uhh, she shouted “Pre-marital hanky panky!” at Joe and was almost seemingly broken by that. That’s more than just a bit sheltered.

      1. Liberal1337

        She also hired a thug (otherwise known as the right hand of god) to beat the crap outa joe if he even eluded to hanky panky. I think she’ll be just fine.

        1. begbert2

          You see any indication that Mike is coming along this time? Dorothy strikes me as a little less violent, and she’ll be distracted trying to secure her story besides.

        2. Henry

          Dorothy will have pepper-spray.
          And Joyce has indicated that properly provoked, she will punch guys.

        3. begbert2

          The effectiveness of this punching against people who are not already down has yet to be determined. And whether Joyce’ll be sober enough to think straight when the groping starts has also yet to be determined. How much alcohol resistance do you suppose she’s built up?

          However, I’m pretty confident that Willis is not going to send the comic down the fast-track to date rape, so based on that alone (and not on the distracted Dorothy’s presence) I am fully confident that Joyce will get out of this with the more vital parts of her dignity intact.

        4. Henry

          That too.
          And Joyce seems like she’d have a mean right cross, when called on.

        5. Kitsuki Noriyuki

          In regards to Joyce’s alcohol tolerance. What denomination is she, cause I can’t remember. Cause us active/former Catholics, drinkings what we do. I was getting wine regularly from second grade on since that’s when Catholics typically take first communion. And while I didn’t do the normalish teenage drinking I promoted myself straight to Scotch at 21 with no ill effects.

          Joyce just has to remember to pace any drinks she has and not to drink anything she’s handed and didn’t watch get poured.

        6. Kitsuki Noriyuki

          aww damnit I got Ethan now

  33. RachelEvil

    You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

    1. badkane

      “With God we thrust”

      1. Shade Tail

        I, on the other hand, insist he pay cash in advance.

    2. Fauxlosopher

      If someone tries pulling a gun on Joyce, he’ll take it away, stick it up their ass, and pull the trigger ’til it goes -click-.

    3. Menamebephil

      He’s a pederast, dude.

      1. Blob Marley

        Eight-year-olds, dude.

    4. begbert2

      Except, you know, the Romans.

      The idea that Jesus would be handy in a fight is kind of an odd one, given the claimed history and all.

      1. fellixe

        Unless you go in for the Book of Malachi account of a young Jesus striking a person dead.

  34. Charlie Owens

    JOYCE! I’ll take “OWNED, you antisocial bongo!” for 2.8 million, Alex.

  35. R.J.

    Yep, Jesus has her back.
    But… who’s grabbing at her FRONT?

    1. Alex Stritar

      Budda?

    2. Bill M.

      Moses. He’s used to “parting the Red sea.”

      1. Jack

        This…
        I….
        You won the internet.

        1. Blob Marley

          Dat Gravatar…

        2. Jack

          It just fits, don’t it

  36. lightsabermario

    Partying? Drinking? I think it’s just about time for someone to die in a car wreck in a final act of redemption! Let’s see, who’s the most cynical here?

  37. Henry

    Looking at it again, it seems like Joyce’s last statement might even be sarcastic, given that she knows that Dorothy is going with her.

    Amazing. The girl may be learning the Art of the Snark.

    1. Charles RB

      ….bloody hell, you’re RIGHT.

  38. Rosie

    But the important question is – will she still bring Apples to Apples?

  39. Jade Margery

    As a humanist and a life-long atheist, I’ve never liked or sympathized with fundamentalist christian characters.

    Until now.

    Damn you Willis! Damn you and your excellent writing and three-dimensional characters!

  40. Chazz

    Well she can hire Mike or even Ruth to guard her goods I suppose.

    1. Wix

      Mike’d do it just to be the cock block and to hit people, but also because at the end of the night he could ‘fail’ for the right person when he thinks there’s nobody left to strike for the night. Crush all the men, and then crush the person who contracted him. Fun times.

  41. TemplarKnight

    Wait. . .What has Sarah been wrong about? TO THE ARCHIVES!

    1. It’s okay to Blow off the R.A. meeting = Sarah Wrong
    2. Some magical guy won’t walk around the corner = Joyce wrong, that ended HORRIBLY for everyone involved.
    3. That Joyce could convert Joe= Joyce Wrong.
    4. Joe would eat her alive= Sarah wrong.
    5. Billie isn’t a good influence= Sarah Right
    6. Sarah thinking Danny is into Roz= Sarah wrong, but it doesn’t count, joyce wasn’t around.

    That’s all I’ve really got. I don’t think Joyce’s speech was really all that great. Yes it points out that Sarah is stuck being alone despite Joyce’s efforts, but really, after all the crap that Sarah had to deal with last year and the backlash she’s receiving because of her actions(which I think were right) it’s understandable that she’s not willing to deal with other people.

    1. Charles RB

      And let’s face it, JOYCE may think it’ll be okay but WE know Sarah’s going to turn out to be right. Because it’s a Roz-style party involving Joyce and Billie in a Dave Willis comic. There will be blood. (And puke)

      1. Twinsnake

        At least Joyce takes chances, which is more than I can say for Sarah.

        1. begbert2

          “Taking chances” is a good thing? She’s not here to party. She’s here for the education. Remember the education thing?

        2. Asuka L.S.

          As I recall, Joyce is going to college to find a man with a degree, not to get an education.

        3. begbert2

          I was talking about Sarah, who was the one being criticized for not taking (unnecessary, counterproductive) chances.

        4. Andy

          To learn, you must take chances, make mistakes, and get messy. After all, college is as much about learning to be an adult as it is about learning whatever you’re majoring in.

        5. Rex Hondo

          Exactly, and drunken frat parties are about as far from adult as you can get. On the other hand, it looks like Sarah has already learned very well that, to an adult, doing what is right is often more important than what is popular.

    2. Twinsnake

      I think is referring to Sarah being wrong about her; how Joyce is defenseless against the world. But as it turns out, Joyce is doing quite well. She even knew how to hold agianst Joe. Sure, she used a rather antiquated method, but it still counts.
      As for Sarah. She went through a lot of crap, but the fact is that she’s just scared. More than that, she’s a coward; too concerned with the people that treat her as a pariah to seek out those who might look at her eye to eye.

    3. ryan

      i think it’s too early to make a call on #5. we haven’t seen billie change joyce for the worse yet.

    4. Wix

      Actually Ryan’s right, Billie might NORMALLY be a terrible influence, but Joyce is a person who needs real life experience. Billie is without a doubt one of the perfect people when it comes to that. Billie also mildly cares enough to recognize and cover somebody when she sees something wrong is about to happen, and would probably help Joyce if the girl was in too deep.

  42. Liberal1337

    Jesus and his holy fist otherwise known as mike!

  43. Azukar

    1) Nah, what Joyce believes in is still wrong.

    2) Joyce’s expression in that last panel is my favourite thing right now. Made me giggle like a schoolgirl.

    1. G.S.Mercs

      How is what she believes wrong?

      1. Eolirin

        She’s a fundamentalist Christian, objectively, her belief structure contradicts verifiable reality; for instance, she does not believe that evolution is real. She’s literally wrong in her beliefs. Whether those beliefs still have value despite that is an open question though.

        1. G.S.Mercs

          Where have we heard her say she doesn’t believe in Evolution? I for one do not remember her having said that.

        2. fellixe

          True. She is a sheltered Christian. This doesn’t mean she has to be a fundamentalist. The leader of Americans United For Separation Of Church And State is a reverend.

        3. Andy

          It’s generally a given that Christians believe evolution is wrong, whether scientifically or actually. Myself, I believe in a creation where everything was made to look old already, which contradicts nothing except people who refuse to believe they might be wrong.

          I will say, though, that the comment “What Joyce believes in is still wrong” is inflammatory and not designed to be helpful in debate of any kind. At best, it vaguely says that Joyce is wrong in the beliefs espoused in this strip; at worst, it says her entire belief system is wrong. The former is a defensible position, the latter an attack on the beliefs of millions that will likely end in a flame war.

        4. David

          It’s not always a given that Christians believe evolution is wrong. I know several who don’t. Possible theological complications aside, these people do exist, and in not unremarkable number. The Catholic Church’s official position, for example, is one of harmony between the idea of a creator and evolution.

          That said, Joyce believes the Bible is infallible, and thus believes in Young Earth Creationism.

          I don’t disagree that attacking the beliefs of Christians will likely result in a flame war. It’s a volatile topic. But disallowing that while allowing people to attack the beliefs of, say, Roz would be pretty hypocritical. Way more than simply “Roz is wrong” has been said, as a number of colorful words were employed. Hell, Billie’s beliefs were attacked yesterday. As long as people attack the merits of each other’s beliefs and not each other as human beings, I think that should be allowed. “What Joyce believes in is wrong” is absolutely within those boundaries.

        5. Andy

          Oh, I know there are Christians who have no problem with evolution. I’m one of them. What I should have said is that “It’s generally taken as a given that Christians believe…”

        6. airfox

          The Catholic Church’s official position, for example, is one of harmony between the idea of a creator and evolution.

          Hey! Didn’t know that, and I’m catholic. No wonder the creation vs. evolution argument has never been an issue in my country (where close to 96% of the population identifies themselves as catholic).

          -airfox

        7. Azukar

          You’re right; it was inflammatory and to keep the peace I probably shouldn’t have written it.

          But, I’m sick of the fact that people who do believe in God can write about God as a given fact (the very first comment here, for example), but a comment written to suggest that God is fiction is inappropriate.

        8. G.S.Mercs

          It wasn’t that you wrote about Christianity as fiction that was a bit of a problem. That’s your right to believe what you want, and I fully support that right even though I am Christian. The problem was you said that someone’s belief is wrong.

          As Willis has wrote, you’re allowed to do that. After reading his rational for it, I have to say I agree given the situation. But, if your only point was to show that you should be allowed to write about God as fiction without getting in trouble, there were other ways you could have done it. I’m not condemning you in any way. I’m just saying based on what you were trying to prove/show, just throwing “I believe” in the sentence makes it so anyone who gets offended by it is a prick.

          Sorry if it sounds like I’m telling you what to do. I’m just trying to give suggestions so that you won’t have people at your throat for writing what you believe.

        9. gangler

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/05-media-rumble/tracts/

          It’s not a denial of evolution specifically, but it’s close enough. At the very least it seems a pretty strong indicator that her beliefs are contrary to established science, which is really what’s being discussed.

  44. creatorx2

    Yerp, saw that coming.

  45. Scot

    It’s weird seeing the sad expression on Sarah in the third panel.

    1. Henry

      Yeah. Someone actually (briefly) cracked through Sarah’s cynicism.

  46. Izzy

    Tell her, Joyce!

  47. aaron_bourque

    Joyce, if you lose your shirt, even Jesus won’t be at your back. He’ll be at your front, trying to catch the view.

    1. Izzy

      <..>

    2. Izzy

      0.o

      1. Wix

        … The perfect combinations of avatars and lines.

        1. Izzy

          oh goodness lol. I didn’t notice 😀

        2. Wix

          Could’ve been worse, could have been actual foreshadowing.

        3. Izzy

          who’s to say it still couldn’t be
          ;^)

        4. N0083rP00F

          Just need to have an “angel” notice her and take things from there ……. otherwise, get yer own roomie XD

  48. Julia

    Last panel Joyce face is best Joyce face

    1. Jack

      No, my gravatar is.

  49. NobodySpecial

    Joyce used Truth on Sarah!

    It’s super effective!

    1. Wix

      Sarah used Cellphone Block

      It’s not very effective…

      1. begbert2

        And Joyce used Imaginary Protector on Sarah!

        It’s…whatever the Pokemon term is for turning victory into pathetic failure. (It’s weird to me how many people here seem to think that Joyce ‘won’ the exchange, given the utter fail of her final comeback.)

        1. Blob Marley

          Just to play devil’s advocate here (ha), but that comeback is only fail if you don’t believe in Jesus. For Joyce, that’s like saying “Oh no, how will I get down to earth without you to pull me? Oh, wait, gravity.”

        2. begbert2

          Right, but “I win this argument because dumbo is a documentary and elephants CAN fly! The voices in my head say I’m right! Hee hee hEe hee HeE hEeE!” is only a valid debate victory if you follow it up by killing you debate opponent with an axe. (Eating their spleen afterward is optional.)

          Nothing can stop Joyce from thinking she won the argument, but from an objective perspective, she just threw in the towel after setting fire to it. You can’t win an argument with false facts – and even most Christians wouldn’t say “hoping for divine intervention is an excellent total plan for avoiding rape”.

        3. Shade Tail

          But what was the “argument” in question?

          Sarah: I hate you for challenging my self-righteous egotism and will therefore turn off my cel phone!

          Joyce: Oh yeah? JESUS!

          I gotta say, she did at least as well as Sarah in that exchange.

        4. Blob Marley

          Hoping for a giant hand to literally descend from the sky is, yes, a little on the cloudcuckoolander side of things. But she didn’t say “Jesus will appear, shout ‘WHO ORDERED THE WHUPASS FAJITAS?’ and gun down the rapist.”

          To a believer, there are a lot of ways for “divine intervention” to occur without the personal manifestation of a deity. Maybe the guy who might have taken advantage of Joyce suddenly feels an overwhelming urge to puke and pass out. Maybe another person butts into the conversation at just the right time and prevents a potential disaster.

          Now, an atheist like myself (and presumably you, judging by your stated opinions so far) might say “But Joyce, that’s not God, that’s just what happens when people get drunk. They puke sometimes.” To her, that’s like saying “But Joyce, that’s not Gravity. That’s just what happens when things aren’t on the ground. They fall.” It’s one and the same. Until you can empirically disprove God, you cannot say that she is objectively wrong.

          Basically, you and Joyce are operating under totally different assumptions – you, that God doesn’t exist and any argument featuring him is a lost cause; she, that He does exist, and that He has a vested interest in taking care of His people.

  50. Shifty

    Actually, Sarah was kinda right about Joe. He DID want to have sex with Joyce purely for the sake of sex.

    But still, I can’t believe I’m saying this: Go Joyce. That was actually a fantastic response.

    1. Izzy

      fantastic response is fantastic

    2. Kaci

      Agreed. I heartily approve of Joyce’s response. Makes me feel like I’m gonna have a good day.

  51. Sempiternity

    And even mundane Joyce is still a force to be reckoned with!

  52. Menamebephil

    You don’t fuck with the Jesus.

  53. Menamebephil

    Damnit, someone else got there first.

  54. Mkvenner

    But Christ is unrelible!

    1. G.S.Mercs

      I’m pretty sure he’s more reliable than Billie, and that’s basically the only other option here since Dotty will be busy trying to find/interview Roz.

      1. Aslee

        At least Billie exists.

        1. Izzy

          Let’s not go there, please. this is not the place for that.

        2. begbert2

          Sure it is! Swamping the entire comment section with pointless flametastic unresolveable argument is awesome! Whee!!

        3. airfox

          Does she?

          -airfox

        4. G.S.Mercs

          So does Jesus. He has successfully been proven by historical texts to have existed. Now, whether or not the whole religious element is true is another question, but we do know that Jesus the person did exist.

  55. goatman95111

    Joyce does have a point on this. Even the most jaded people on a college campus who can’t stand the idiocy need some kind of friends to keep their sanity. Studying and hitting the gym (my only salvation during corporate tax and audit, along with the Miami Vice marathons) are not exactly enough.

  56. Seyran

    You cannot enter heaven, unless Jesus enters you… in Joyce’s case, from behind.

    1. Henry

      Brain Bleach. Please.

  57. Robert in San Diego

    “I’m just a HOMESCHOOLED girl.” That’s an interesting self-applied term of deprecation there, Joyce. Did her homeschooling include high doses of formal rhetoric? I further note Joyce, in this continuity, has a marked tendency to have support or backup or a guide in every new situation she encounters. Right down to hiring Mike to bodyguard her date with Joe. So yes, she’s latching onto Dorothy as her guide to her first party experience. Since Billie’s coming along, this may be a very good thing for Dorothy. It’s been years, but in in my experience, when transporting an over-indulging drinker via shopping cart, it’s helpful to have more than one person controlling the cart and mollifying the police.

    1. begbert2

      You have this curious idea that Dorothy will take personal responsibility for either Joyce or Billie. My memory’s bad – is she actually friends with either of them? And isn’t she only going to the party to secure an interview? She’s going to be spending her time hunting for and sticking to Roz, not wheeling Billie around in a cart or making sure nobody spikes Joyce’s soda.

      Joyce’s ‘backup’ this time will be distracted and drunk, respectively. Not exactly the same on the same level as a punch-happy Mike.

      1. Henry

        Well, Dorothy and Joyce agreed to go together because Joyce was worried about Dorothy; Dorothy was likewise concerned about Joyce going. They’ll probably at least sort of watch each other.

        1. Izzy

          ^This is valid

    2. moh!

      I think Joyce’s “just a homeschooled girl” comment was a reference to her not being well-socialized/having a lot of experience making new friends. Like, she was saying, “hey, I’ve never had to make friends before, but I’m doing it, and you can’t, nyah nyah.”

  58. SolegitRR

    And my favorite character just gained another level of awesome. Way to go, Joyce! Also, new favorite Joyceface.

    1. Izzy

      I think Joyce is my favorite female character right now…Mike being my favorite male

      1. Wix

        *Fully agrees with Izzy on ‘favorites’* Though that leaves us with the question of ‘best vehicle’ between Super Car and Sal’s motorcycle…
        I’m in favor of the biped, mostly to avoid the pies.

        1. Izzy

          Having only experienced DoA….I’ll have to go with the ‘cycle outta those two.

        2. SolegitRR

          As a motorcycle enthusiast myself I have to go with the bike. I’ve actually had debates with friends trying to figure out what real-world model it most closely resembles. And I’ll admit Joyce has been my favorite character since back when It’s Walky! went all deep and semi-meaningful on us.

  59. Paul1963

    But, Joyce, The Jeez is busy in the kitchen turning water into Jagermeister…
    (One day I will actually draw the strip I wrote that gag for. Honest.)

    1. Izzy

      Where is the “like” button for your comment?

  60. Acey

    Am I the only one who likes Sarah because of her cranky aloneness?

    1. Izzy

      nope…the odds of that are way too high, your monkeyness

      1. N0083rP00F

        An that’s why I don’t gamble.
        Just because the odds are high against does not make something impossible.
        Improbable maybe but not impossible, just like having an idiot elected for … anyways…. Go Sarah … someone has to play the part of OscarTheGrouch.

        1. begbert2

          I would have called her Only Sane Man – though Sal seems quite level-headed too, albeit with different reasons and objectives.

  61. tom

    Does the sign on the bathroom door say “poop”? I WANT.

    1. N0083rP00F

      I put up one of those fluorescent orange Biohazard Lab Signs on ours. 🙂

      1. Izzy

        I put up a sign that said poop on my neighbors front door…with superglue. they weren’t happy when they found it…I helped them try to find the culprit

    2. Moonshine McGee

      http://www.poopsign.com/ It can be yours for the low, low price of ten beans!

  62. Mr.Morningstar

    Wow joyce! That’s kinda harsh for you!

    Oh well.

  63. Kernanator

    I’m gonna put up a sign I got from Alcatraz. It says, “You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention. Everything else is a privilege.” I have another sign that says, “I serve three meals: Frozen, microwave, take-out.”

  64. moh!

    I wonder what Sarah’s favorite color is?

  65. Blob Marley

    S-stupid Joyce! It’s not like I like you or anything! (Sarah is friendship tsundere)

  66. Eve

    Eh. Sarah has no right to boss Joyce around but honestly she’s probably right. And Joyce just sounds petulant. And holding up “I’ve made friends” as some sort of awesome thing when Sarah has flatly said she doesn’t want friends doesn’t make sense. That’s like waving a great steak dinner in front of someone who hates steak, why should they care?

    1. Spatzist

      Who has Joyce really made friends with, anyway? Walky?

      I like her, but if Joe genuinely freaked her out, an entire room full of drunk Joes (who might not take no for an answer) is definitely going to overwhelm her. Especially considering Mike won’t be there to provide backup, with his batman-esque beating-sensing powers.

  67. Kernanator

    Aww, Grumblebum, you’re so cute when you pretend you don’t care.

  68. Jason

    “Every single time, you’ve been wrong, Sarah! In the entire 5 and a half days I’ve known you! Every time!”

  69. Vee

    Wait – Joyce thinks she has actual friends? I’m such a mistrustful and hermit-like person that I can count my friends on 1 hand. Sure, I have 20+ acquaintances… but true friendship? I’d rather cut a bongo!

  70. Automne

    I wouldn’t say Joyce has made friends. She’s just kind of too pathetic, naive, and sheltered for anybody to say anything and feel some sort of responsibility to keep her out of the trouble she doesn’t know how to avoid, so they let her tag along. I mean, if Joyce hadn’t been in earshot, do you think she would have gotten an invitation to the party?

    Sarah might be a crankypants, but she’s right. For anybody without scruples, Joyce is a bright neon target. She’d take a drink from a stranger frat boy thinking that he’s just being so nice…

  71. Archivist

    “You’re…still alone.”
    It’s been a week.

  72. Wackd

    In retrospect, this makes what’s coming even better.

  73. Maycroft

    insert religious/sex joke here.

  74. dusk

    I’m sorry but, did she just go “oh noes?”

  75. MarkReed

    *Skips all the religious discussion he’s sure that the strip started*

    BEST. COMEBACK. EVAR!!!!!!!!

    I’m not even a for-real Christian, and I have to admit that THAT one was solid gold. Score one for Joyce!!

  76. RandomPerson12

    Okay, that’s pretty awesome. Jesus is in the top 3 people I’d pick to have my back in something (likely a fight), the other two are Wolverine and Batman.

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