146

Backwards
Posted on June 26, 2024 by David M Willis

146 thoughts on “Backwards”

  1. NGPZ

    *plays “Thriller” by Michael Jackson on hacked muzak*

    1. Amós Batista

      Shivers? Yeah I got it too

  2. Ana Chronistic

    then it turns out Amber has moved on to practicing speedrunning Ocarina of Time

    (safe territory, Sal can’t be THAT bored lolololol)

    1. Phil

      At this point, OoT speedruns are shorter than SMB speedruns.

      1. Taffy

        Yeah, but we might get to see them talk about Zelda, which has never happened once in the entire comic.

        1. Ana Chronistic

          funny thing is when my parents came to visit recently, Dad mentioned he had tried The Legend of Zelda, which BLEW MY MIND bc he never ONCE played any vido gaem during my childhood D=

    2. Kazuma Taichi

      moving backwards is optimal in OoT

      1. Ymbrael

        Humanly optimal, continuous repeated side-hops are technically faster, but not worth it outside of TAS. Also, because of the time it takes to orient the camera for a backwalk, distances less than 4 rolls are usually faster to roll forward. For very long distances, if you have explosives on hand, (Hyper-Extended) Supersliding is optimal, which involves basically locking your momentum from a bomb recoil by grabbing the bomb at the same time as shielding it. This technique does technically count as “moving backwards”, since Link will be facing the opposite direction of the HESS, though honestly if Amber could HESS in real (comic canon) life, that would pretty much earn her “actual super-powered superhero” credentials pretty fast…

  3. Rectilinear Propagation

    See, I knew that was a look of horror in the last panel yesterday.

    How long is Amber going to be able to NOPE backwards?

    1. Rachel McCall

      Depends on how many more nopeable situations she runs into.

      1. zaratustra

        next is Ethan and Asher

        1. Mturtle7

          Oh, this is actually VERY likely, isn’t it.

    2. JA

      Look of horror? Why?

      1. eh, whatever

        Tiny eyes.

    3. Needfuldoer

      She’s going to backwards long jump the hell out of there.

    4. ValdVin

      She’s gonna walk back for so long Carla’s gonna offer her a pair of rollerskates.

      1. Mark

        spins Walking Backwards Down the Road on the dusty old turntable.

    5. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Through every possible madness including her mom getting back with the Thing Faz created by re-animating Blaine’s corpse.

  4. DailyBrad

    She’s practicing her Korean backdashes for competitive Tekken.

    1. NGPZ

      considering the kinda stunts AG can pull off, she pretty much living Tekken

  5. Animedingo

    Backwards long jump

    1. Needfuldoer

      She’ll noclip into the Galasso’s about five parallel universes over.

  6. shadowcell

    face your dorm room and walk backwards into hell

  7. Sirksome

    On the plus side Amber’s Michael Jackson impression is bound to improve!

    1. Schpoonman

      Ow!

      1. jeffepp

        Are you OK?

        1. k

          They’re fine, they were just possessed by the spirit of MJ for a second there. Happens to the best of us.

        2. GoblinBagsSumo

          Hee hee!

        3. Needfuldoer

          Shamoneh

        4. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Jeffep may have been asking Annie if she was ok.

        5. Cybersnark

          They’ve been struck by a smooth criminal.

  8. MM

    This is the start of Amazi-Girl’s villain arc, isn’t it?

    1. Sirksome

      I’d argue she’s already had a villain arc but I guess she could do another.

      1. Nymph

        as a treat

  9. Kitschensyngk

    I didn’t know she could moonwalk.

  10. Suet

    Careful, any faster and you could go back in time… Which may be a good thing now.

    Don’t walk back in anger, I heard you say

    1. NGPZ

      Oooooo! Perhaps she finally realizes Dina has the right idea, and is going back to visit the dinosaurs? ?

    2. AbacusWizard

      If she goes back far enough she’ll start seeing people with yellow stripes on their shirts!

  11. Dara

    AG, please prevent Amber from falling backwards down some stairs thank you

    1. Opus the Poet

      I endorse this comment, at this point AG is about the only person, other than maybe Dina, that can prevent Amber from falling backwards down stairs.

  12. John Campbell

    Just ask ’em if they’re down for a threesome, Amber.

    If you need to sell it, promise Dorothy that Joyce can watch.

    1. True Survivor

      I don’t think Amber swings that way. She uses a grappling hook.

      1. RoyanRannedos

        ba dum…tsss!

        1. True Survivor

          Thank you; thank you very much. I’m here all week.

    2. Reltzik

      I think an easier sell would be Walky+Ethan+Danny, with Amber watching.

      …

      Well, it’d be an easier sell for Amber.

    3. DailyBrad

      I don’t think Amber’s into gals, is she?

      I mean, I genuinely forget if it’s come up specifically. And Dorothy was pretty sure she was straight, and yet has some really questionable dynamics with Joyce sometimes, so I mean, people can change.

      1. Taffy

        She doesn’t need to really touch Dorothy anyway, she can focus on Walky the whole time. It’s a thing.

      2. John Campbell

        Yeah, I’m pretty sure Amber’s straight. And Dorothy appears to be only gay for Joyce. So really, it’d be more of a “half a Walky’s better than none” situation. Since Dorothy’s got the whole Walky now, she’s the one who’d have to be sold on it. Thus throwing in “Joyce watches” to… how’d she put it? “Sweeten the deal”.

      3. JD

        while i can’t remember for sure if she’s ever expressed attraction to any women in dumbing of age specifically (though that one interaction between carla and amber kinda had vibes, imho) willis has said that sexualities are consistent across universes and in shortpacked! there was an alternate universe amber who was attracted to rachel so that would suggest that it’s not impossible. but i guess we may never know for sure unless she sees rachel, like, fire a bow or something.

        1. Whirlakitty

          Amber wasn’t into other women. Other women just kept kissing her.

      4. Akane

        Dorothy is clearly into Joyce, but is currently hiding it behind an obsession with Joyce watching, and I believe this “reunion” with Walky is her settling with her ex (for now) and her not realizing poly relationships are a thing.

        1. Sere

          There is no way Dorothy is ignorant of poly dynamics between her classes last semester and already knowing the kinsey scale… and being friends with Amber.

        2. Nymph

          There’s a polycule in their extended friend group. Literally on the same floor as them I think?

  13. Francoinblanco

    No slashfic heal that damage

    1. True Survivor

      One minute you have it all, the next life Walkertons all over you.

  14. Shay Guy

    Pivoting to SM64 speedrunning, I take it?

  15. Puppeteer Nessus

    Too many revelations! This is what happens when you stab a Mary Sue and sleep with the future First Husband of the US

    1. Opus the Poet

      The protocol for the husband of a Madam President is to refer to him as The First Gentleman.

    2. Akane

      Walky is not the future first Husband. These two won’t last long in their rebound relationship, and Dorothy doesn’t want to be president anymore.

      1. thejeff

        I haven’t given up on Dorothy’s ambitions yet and she’s basically been pining for Walky since they broke up.

        They might find they’ve changed enough to not do well together, but I don’t think the relationship is inherently doomed.

  16. Johan

    Idk what’s happening. Can someone explain to me, I’m scared.

    1. NGPZ

      Dorothy seems to be healing with cartoons and comics (Yippee!!!!)

      But of course she is accompanied by Walky,

      Amber defs has not the spooons to deal with that baggage, so is speed-moonwalking to NOPE outta there.

      XD

    2. DailyBrad

      Amber is backing away quickly because she overheard Dorothy and Walky very blatantly flirting and using innuendo on Dorothy’s part. Amber is presumably caught off guard because that’s some pretty fresh news.

    3. BarerMender

      Amber is numbly backing away from Sal, and then is backing away even harder from Dorothy & Walky.

      1. Nathan

        Thank you! I was so confused, I didn’t realize she was backing up in the earlier panels (and the fact that she’s still backing away from Sal wouldn’t have occurred to me)

        1. Mark

          Yeah, I spent a moment wondering what is that stuff on the floor and why is there more of it as she progresses? Is Carla up ahead, engaged in a major pie battle, and fleeing survivors have been tracking the debris down the hall?

    4. Bryy

      The Reality Bus is hitting Amber and then backing up and running her over again.

      1. NGPZ

        Sal’s brain got ran over by the Fuck Truck,

        was only a matter of time before it hit Amber too

    5. Adam Black

      Shes rewinding time until Mike is alive

  17. Reltzik

    So, what’s the new development in this strip again? Amber was ALREADY doing retro speed-running.

    1. John Campbell

      Bah, you call that retro? I’ve been (seriously, not joking) speedrunning the Colossal Cave Adventure.

      (350/350 285 turns.)

      1. Arian

        Amazing! 🙂

  18. AbacusWizard

    Holy wiigii, Batman, I haven’t thought about the Sensitive Scanner in… probably almost 20 years?

  19. Schpoonman

    Not a good morning for Amber, is it?

    1. NGPZ

      if ya got PTSD and emotional lockup, it hardly ever is 🙁

      as glad as I am Sal got a win, Amber needs one too.

    2. Needfuldoer

      But for everyone else, it was Tuesday.

    3. Nicoleandmaggie

      Was about to comment this but you beat me to it

  20. HueSatLight

    The doors in Beck could use some decorations.

    1. Schpoonman

      The tenants have decorated them exactly as much as they wish them to be.

    2. Taffy

      Decorating doors is weird and stalkerish, and I won’t explain why because that’s unpaid emotional labour.

      1. Nathan

        How is it stalkerish to decorate one’s own door?

        1. NGPZ

          I think Taffy is joking,

          eh, i everything just hits better when you like me and also do them tree star medicinals ??

      2. HueSatLight

        ok, if you want to talk weird and stalkerish. I’ve got a list (but not with me, I don’t cloud) and sometimes some background doors in Beck have decorations. None of main three rooms (Walky/Mike/Booster, Ethan/Jacob, Danny/Joe) have had visible door decorations, as far as I’ve noted. Door decorations are inconstant, sometimes they’re left out, I assume because too much detail makes it cluttered.
        But all that’s moot, I was just thinking identical door decorations in panels 1 & 2 would have been a bit more clear she was walking backwards. But most folks figured it out, or got clued in, so not a big deal.

        1. HueSatLight

          oh I had a old copy of the list laying around. https://www.dumbingofage.com/waitup/ and https://www.dumbingofage.com/interrogation/ (featuring everyone’s favorite character, Arnold)

  21. Amós Batista

    Are they already holding hands?!

    1. NGPZ

      Yee, on top of Dorothy getting into comics and cartoons!!!!

      She starting to heal, with Walky’s life blood!!! ?

      *plays “Defying Gravity” on hacked muzak*

      1. Nymph

        Dorothy was already into comics and cartoons before she ever met Walky.

        1. NGPZ

          Yeah, but not nearly as hyperfixated as when her whole thing was all about becoming president.

        2. Nymph

          I very much disagree with you. The first time they watched cartoons together she said she could recite the episode line by line.

    2. Akane

      If so, they’re really rushing this rebound relationship. Almost like it’s only done to create drama and end quickly.

      1. Johan

        Rebounding a relationship that lasted 3 dates over the course of like 2 weeks?

  22. morhek

    Amber, catatonic, mumbling “it was me, it was me, it was me” as the credits play.

  23. BBCC

    And the blows keep coming!

  24. Juanoku

    She’s like “ahhh HELL NAH”

  25. Taffy

    It’s fucking impossible for a woman to walk backwards like that. Their quadruple-jointed knees only spin forward, never back. The pistons would break, the axles would break, the goddamn springs would uncoil, it’d be a complete fucking disaster. I can’t even begin to comprehend how the cartoonist could have possibly made such a massive mistake.

    1. 3oranges

      I think this is hinting that Amber is actually an Elf, something she’s denied just a little too strenuously.

    2. Francoinblanco

      Its about message about Amber that she nope out of everything. Thats Wills world, maybe here its possible for everybody or maybe we get blue retrospection that she fell into a cauldron during Sal robberry.
      Funny that in free web comic with good fundamentalist and ethical jocks reverse joints are over the top

    3. Dday

      There was no training arc, no examples of her trying and struggling to master backwards walking, no mentorship under the ghost of Michael Jackson. Amber just picked it up right out of the box, because *of course* she would. TOTAL Mary Sue of walking backwards.

    4. Bittersweet

      0/10 Immersion completely broken, I’m frickin done with this comic, burn it down, worst strip of anything in 1000 years, negative five stars, I’m calling corporate and I’m going to sue. Actively crying and eating my keyboard as wel speak.

    5. Mark

      🙂

    6. Monito

      Its because of this grievous error that I am never reading this comic again until I read it again tomorrow, and that’s a fact!

  26. Kyrik Michalowski

    I know the focus is on Amber right now, but I need to know who was right: Dorothy or Walky?

    1. Wren

      Walky’s said she knows it better than he does- and between “I remember seeing it” vs “I didn’t see it therefore it wasn’t there”, well, I’d go with Dorothy. 🙂

    2. HueSatLight

      Maybe they’re both right. It’s arguable if the sensitive scanner being visible in a corner of one panel is “in” it. I’d lean yes, especially if they’re talking about earliest appearance or character that only hasbackground cameos in that continuity.

      1. Mark

        Hey, just the other day somebody’s arm got credited (and someone else’s arm appeared uncredited in the same panel).

      2. HueSatLight

        ooo, maybe the germane thing, to Amber’s story, is it doesn’t matter who’s right, it doesn’t matter to that comic book if the Sensitive Scanner is in it, it doesn’t really matter if she’s in it at all. The current record holder for doing that level of super mario brothers doesn’t think it matters, it doesn’t really matter at all. Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.

  27. TrueVCU

    Oh Amber is going to IMPLODE

  28. Steelbright

    Of everybody who’s on the list to have the next existential crisis, for some reason i didn’t expect Amber to be next….

  29. DashWallkick

    This Amber has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down.

    1. Laura

      In more ways than one!

  30. ESM

    Having lost in regular Mario, Amber is practicing her backwards long jumps for Super Mario 64

  31. Vukodlak

    So will Dorothy’s reward be cunnilingus or getting to peg Walky?

    1. Akane

      Perhaps it’s getting that three way with Joyce.

    2. HueSatLight

      coupon to taco bell. or he stops almost comparing her to Lucy for a day.

  32. GUIGUI

    Amber is prepping herself to jump into parallel universes.

    1. Mark

      Or she’s wondering where the dimensional gateway was and why she didn’t notice walking through it.

      1. GUIGUI

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpk2tdsPh0A

  33. Acher4

    Oh no!

    Is this Tuesday going to be Amber’s “Just one bad day”?

    1. Needfuldoer

      One terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

  34. Arianod

    Dumbing of Age: The Backtrackening II: Backtrack Harder

  35. IntangibleMatter

    You cannot escape the horniness, Amber, you may as well not even try.

    1. Akane

      So she should steal Walky back from Dorothy (and possibly Lucy)?
      Perhaps she should seek Booster out.

  36. Mr D

    I hope this is a wake-up call for Amber. For most of the past year she’s been very obviously depressed and spinning her wheels in place (Which, y’know, makes a bit of sense when you realize her college degree is *not* teaching her anything she is interested in learning right now, has to be pretty frustrating) (also because of all the events happening this year good fucking christ), she had 2 things she actually cares about snatched away without anyone even trying. The speedrunning record and whatever you want to call what she had going with Walky.
    I just hope it leads her to go and keep improving herself, find more things to care about, rather than her going further down the depression hole.

    1. Adam Black

      she hasnt lost him tho. She could have dated walky anytime in in 3 months, if she wanted.

      ( i think shes feeling what Dorothy did seeing her two exes with someone else. Not quite jealousy, but alone )
      her two exes she dumped ( like Dorothy )

      She still has Room of Nothing, but she’ll have to put on pants.

      1. DashWallkick

        It’s kind of the recurring consequences of Amber hating Amber that she has yet to resolve. Rather than reckon with her self-loathing she puts her nervous, neurotic energy somewhere else. Now leading to when those things she pushed away (Walky) are denied to her and the thing she focuses her endurance into (Mario speedruns) is robbed, leaving her again with nothing.

  37. darkoneko

    Someone’s having a Bad Day

  38. Da Boy

    If she keeps that up she might just break into the time stream and arrive at the moment she stabbed Sal

    1. Mark

      Then Amber’ can argue with Amber” about whether it makes sense to dissuade Amber from knifing Sal. A scuffle ensues, knocking Amber into the portal and starting(?) the whole thing off.

  39. Bittersweet

    Aww this strip is still funny because Amber’s motions and things she does look ridiculous, but I feel bad for her. We’ve all had those days where you just want to retreat, poor girl looks like she’s just losing it internally.

    I wonder where this is going for her character though. Usually I have a pretty decent eye for tracing where plot threads are leading, but I’m genuinely without ideas here. I don’t think I was right in my previous read being that it’s going to spur her on to try harder speedrunning through hijinks or what have you.

  40. TheCozburger

    Trust Amber O’Malley could have a second reverse gear…

    1. TheCozburger

      to have*

  41. Yeet

    …I bet one of the science-y departments has something that could count as a sensitive scanner also

  42. C.T. Phipps

    On a related note, did Ruth’s brother ever get to watch Game of Thrones?

    Or is he a fan of House of the Dragon now?

    1. Jeremiah

      If it has boobs probably.

  43. SailorCakes

    Amber about to backward walk off a bridge with how bad this day is going poor girl 🙁

  44. FacelessDeviant

    Poor Amber, today is not her day :/

  45. Proto

    Amber, panic moonwalking never helped anyone

  46. Alan in DC

    Amber certainly has those Joyce “dead eyes” down in the 4th frame.

  47. Amós Batista

    off: ok who asked for a plot in QC?

    1. Yeet

      anyone else betting this links back into steve’s visit to canada?
      also would be really funny if it somehow linked into faye’s cameo here but that’d be way too wild

      1. Needfuldoer

        I think it’s a way to tie Cubetown in with Northampton, now that the former is more than just a bus to put Claire and Marten on.

  48. thumb

    If she retreats fast enough, she can spin the earth backwards and rewind time. I saw that on a documentary once.

  49. anon

    lol what kinda reward

    wonder why passing the mwould make her go fastr tho

    1. Yeet

      her ex getting back together with his ex before her? seems reasonably clear to me why she’d nope out a little harder

  50. Roe

    I cant believe i’ve been reading this comic for 14 years

  51. Daibhid C

    One for all the Goons fans out there. (There must be some. Possibly.)

    I’m walking backwards through Clark Hall,
    As everyone can see.
    I’m walking backwards through Clark Hall,
    To avoid Dotty and Walky.

    I’ve tried walking sideways,
    And walking to the front.
    But Sal just broke my record,
    In some bullshit Mary-Sue stunt.

    I’m walking backwards through Clark Hall,
    To pretend it’s all not true.

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