127

Bartender
Posted on April 29, 2018 by David M Willis

127 thoughts on “Bartender”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    how Jason fell into a bartending job

    1. Nomothehomo

      he already has the looks

      1. Needfuldoer

        He already dresses for a job at that fancy pub from QC.

    2. DarkoNeko

      …you know, the more I think about it the more I’m convinced that’s exactly what’ll happen

      1. LeslieBean4Shizzle

        Agreed. That was also my take on this.

      2. pissynomad

        Really? At this point I feel like this night is going to end up with them both in jail getting bailed out by Sal.

        1. JetstreamGW

          It’s Galasso’s. Galasso will appreciate his spirit. This strange-speaking fellow will make an excellent minion, once he is molded.

    3. Doctor_Who

      Can we be sure this wasn’t some sort of intentional trap? I can see Galasso recruiting people through abduction.

      Conquest isn’t even his daughter in this continuity, she’s a wealthy heiress he kidnapped. But her parents have refused to pay the ransom, and she needs to earn her keep.

    4. Pablo360

      Shortchanged! A Minimum-Wage Webcomic By David M Willis follows the wacky adventures of Becky, Sayid, Jason, Conquest, Pamela, and Galasso as they struggle to find meaning, pizza, and WORLD DOMINATION in a small pizza parlor in Bloomington, Indiana.

      1. Ana Chronistic

        like, realistically I know from working in immigration that his student visa will get revoked and he’ll have to be deported

        –but since he’s white ¯\_(ツ)_/¯?

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          His job as a TA has been terminated, and he can’t legally work in the U.S., but he’s still matriculated at IU, right?

          So if I’m understanding correctly, until his current visa expires, he can still attend IU, as long as his savings and income sources are sufficient to keep him out of vagrancy and/or starvation.

          Which, given his hollow leg and the cost of booze, is probably not a realistic scenario.

        2. Jaime

          That is my understanding as well. But, like you said, without his TA income he’s unlikely to be able to afford rent and food for much longer.

        3. JetstreamGW

          Unless his family is rich and he just had the TA job for spending money and/or because he liked doing it?

        4. Jaime

          It doesn’t exactly seem like Jason is on good terms with his family.

          U.S. universities have a REALLY bad history of “pawning off” teaching jobs on graduate students and paying those students a fraction of what a full-time faculty member would make. While I think Jason did a lousy job as a TA, I also know how hard it is be be barely scraping by on a TA/adjunct salary at the same time that you’re also trying hard to do well in your grad classes and start trying to establish yourself in your field.

          Not that I’m *bitter,* or anything… ?

        5. LeslieBean4Shizzle

          Tru dat.
          **fist in the air**

        6. CJ

          Given his family is stinking rich (they live in Knightsbridge) and Jason’s comment about having to go back, I think he’s financially on his own as long as he stays in the US.

        7. Jaime

          Yeah, that was my impression too.

        8. Needfuldoer

          But has his job been terminated yet? All the board has so far is hearsay from Penny that he was banging students.

          Yes he actually did, but does the board know that? They probably just started investigating.

        9. BBCC

          He doesn’t seem to plan to fight the accusation.

        10. Jaime

          Well, he DID do it and, if fraternizing with a student is against the rules at that school, he has no defense.

          I guess he could make a case for “mitigating circumstances”…I’m aware I’m probably over-sympathetic to Jason because I was once an over-worked, under-paid, struggling graduate student. (But I NEVER had a thing with any of my students!)

        11. thejeff

          Well, he’s got the defense of “Prove it. Penny was lying. She just wanted to smear me, since she was being kicked out herself.” Lots of people would give that a go and quite likely succeed.

          OTOH, he did do it. And he seems to feel guilty enough about it not to want to fight it, which is something at least.

      2. Jimi

        Ah, but before that, first the Dumbiverse must go through years of It’s Joyce! and that can also spin-off into Joyce & Jacob or whatever.

    5. Yet_One_More_Idiot

      He is Beauty,
      He is Grace,
      He fell on his
      Stupid Face! :PPP

      1. Deanatay

        Rita Heyworth
        Gave good FAAAAACE

        1. Deanatay

          Ladies with an attitude
          Fellas who were drunk on booze
          Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it
          Strike a pose! Jason, you blew it
          VOGUE

  2. King Daniel

    Jason, invisible? Pfft, everyone knows you’re only invisible if you strip all your clothes off.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Order of the Stick references are always appreciated.

      1. jeffepp

        Well, he is a blond dude. And, we got lots of redhead rogues (I think that’s the right spelling) chicks. Dina as the elf. Joe as the dwarf? Eh, why not. “Jakes” is clearly Greenhilt.

        1. Doctor_Who

          That leaves Belkar. Who could we possibly find that’s a violent sociopath who’s angry all the it’s Mike isn’t it.

        2. Arian

          *applauds*

        3. Sunny

          IIRC, Jason also has 18 charisma “under the hood” according to Sal.

    2. Dafydd

      I thought it was “you’re only invisible if nobody’s looking”…

      1. thejeff

        More useful than you think in these days of automated surveillance.

      2. Deanatay

        Elan, OOTS’ profoundly stupid bard, was told that removing his armor would decrease his encumbrance penalty to Sneak. He extrapolated this to mean that removing all of his clothes would make his Sneak roll so good, he would effectively be invisible. Hijinks ensued.

        1. brotato

          He’s not STUPID, he’s just INTELLECTUALLY CHALLENGED in COMEDIC FASHION.

      3. Deanatay

        It didn’t hurt that, while INT is Elan’s dump stat, he has a very high CHA. Certain members of the party did not mind him traipsing around naked.

        1. thejeff

          Others of course comically overreacted in the other direction – closing their eyes to avoid seeing a glimpse of the horror of male nudity.
          Which kind of means it sort of worked after all.

    3. Pablo360

      No, you’re only invisible if you’re bisexual, asexual, aromantic, nonbinary, or transgender.

      1. Jaime

        ?

      2. Jaime

        (I am bisexual and I laugh because this is true.)

      3. StClair

        *slow clap*

        1. Jaime

          ?

    4. ValdVin

      To pile on what others said, +1 for OOTS. Where is the like button?

  3. vividgrim

    nailed it

    1. vividgrim

      and by ‘it’ i mean ‘the bar’

      1. Pablo360

        and by ‘nailed’ i mean ‘dry-humped’

  4. Yumi

    Yes, this seems like a good restaurant to mess with.

  5. Haven

    same

  6. newllend(henryvolt)

    Why do I feel like someone is dangerously close to a downward spiral.

    1. Doctor_Who

      “Close to”? Walky is now his best friend. By Jason’s standards, that’s rock bottom.

      1. Pablo360

        That just means it’s time to break out the sledgehammer.

  7. Stephen Bierce

    *plays The Beatles’ “Hippy Hippy Shake” on the hacked Muzak*

  8. foamy

    *looks at alt-text*

    He’s Miss United States?

    1. Joner

      I think he’s Miss United Kingdom!

      1. Ana Chronistic

        “–he has fallen on his face”

        Miss Knightbridge

        1. The Golux

          I was hoping someone had already commented this so I didn’t have to.

  9. Passchendaele

    silent as the wind

  10. TrueVCU

    Bartender: What the fuck are you do-
    Walky: I DON’T KNOW HER *flees*

  11. butts

    he is beauty, he is grace

    he just fell flat on his face

    1. Lingo

      Dang, beat me to it

    2. JessWitt

      FAAAAAAAACE

  12. Pidgey

    He is beauty
    He is grace
    He is completely
    Off his face

    (the proper aussie version contained cusses so here, cleaner)

    1. Inahc

      aww, I want the ‘proper’ version. 🙂

      1. Pidgey

        sugar honey iced tea faced

        though i’m just realising with the beat of it ‘off his face’ works better

  13. Watson the Snail

    Alternative title: Jason’s Bartending Adventure: Bottle Tendencies.

    1. Angel

      Your next line is “I’ll have a rum and coke, light ice!”

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Yes plz

    2. Mr D

      IS THAT A JOJO REFERENCE?

      1. Mr D

        (Man this used to be a lot more fun when Jojo was relatively unknown)

        1. Ana Chronistic

          it’s easier if you use JoJo, and yes

          (JaSo’s Biz-Bar Adventure: Bottle Tendencies lolololol)

  14. BBCC

    This, ah, seems like a good way to get in trouble.

  15. Reltzik

    Absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan, and I unreservedly endorse it.

    1. Deanatay

      Your avatar (at least, until it changes) is perfect for your comment.

  16. Archivist

    I…love these two. I love this arc.

  17. Joner

    He’s Miss United Kingdom

  18. Bagge

    I love how happy Walky is that there is shenanigans at last. He knows how to handle shenanigans.

    1. Pablo360

      If Mike is fueled by the sadness of others, Walky is fueled by juvenile chicanery.

  19. brasca1

    Jason why are you trying to impress this Walkerton with reckless abandon?

    1. JessWitt

      Why question the inebriated Englishman?

    2. Dean

      Unresolved sexual tension, obviously.

  20. Lingo

    Boy that hair really does wonders for him, doesn’t it.

  21. Nobody

    “So far so good”

  22. JessWitt

    That is going to be one steep check by meal’s end.

    1. foamy

      Cheque, damnit.

      1. Agemegos

        Bill.

        1. JessWitt

          Ted.

        2. Pidgey

          Monetary invoice

        3. StClair

          Tab.

          (“How can I give ya a tab if ya haven’t ordered anything?”)

    2. Deanatay

      Waiter, Check Please!

    3. HeySo

      Guys, guys, stop arguing.
      It’s time to turn the other check, and just let it go.

      ..hopefully towards buying me some drinks.

  23. Keulen

    Jason’s as graceful as a bull in a china shop.

  24. Delicious Taffy

    [Jason yells like Arthur does at the end of the theme song]

  25. Plasma Mongoose

    He puts the DIS into graceful.

  26. LovelyMonsters

    HORRORS!

    Jason would say “We’re still paying the cheque“, not “We’re still paying the check”.

    This will burn in my brain forever.

    1. Agemegos

      “Paying the bill”. A cheque is the thing in your chequebook that you fill out and sign and use to pay the bill.

      Or used to, before EFTPOS.

      1. SpaceshipPilot

        I guess he’s picked up some Americanisms.

        1. Agemegos

          Fair enough, too, especially as he is speaking to an American.

      2. DSL

        “Bill.” Do you mean that slip of paper the server hands me that says “Guest Check” across the top?

        — Check, please.

  27. Jaime

    Been there, done that. I am very sorry to say that more than once I’ve drunk enough to know that feeling when you don’t actually *think* you’re drunk – until you move too quickly or turn your head too fast. And then…fall down go boom. ?

    But given the situation he’s facing, I definitely can’t blame Jason for getting so drunk. Not only is he looking at the end of his job, and maybe his career depending on who finds out about what he did, he’s also not from the U.S. and doesn’t really have a home to which he can go back.

    (As a side-note: different schools have different policies about TAs and even professors dating students. It was actually perfectly “okay” for professors to date students at my school until administration changed that policy about 5 years ago. (I have NEVER dated a student, BTW.) But what Jason did isn’t automatically considered “wrong” everywhere.)

    1. CJ

      I wouldn’t have called Jason’s and Sal’s interaction “dating” exactly.

    2. Vulcanodon

      What he did is pretty much wrong everywhere, but some places it isn’t against the rules yet.

      1. thejeff

        Apparently it’s not considered wrong everywhere though.
        Not surprising, I suppose, but damn.

        1. Inahc

          Yeah… I’m rewatching Cardcaptor Sakura, and it turns out Sakura’s mother got married, at 16, to her highschool teacher. Eew.

        2. TheKelliestKelly

          In Fruits Basket, Tohru’s mom married her middle school teacher at 15 or 16. I think he was a student teacher though. So, uh, less squick I guess

      2. Jaime

        To be clear, my school doesn’t have dorms and has a large number of “non-traditional” students, many of which are older people (as in, not teenagers or twenty-somethings) returning to school. I have had many students who are older than I am. So the situation at my school isn’t exactly the same as what’s going on in the comic.

        And, when you talk about college students, you’re talking about *adults* who can legally consent to sex and/or a relationship.

        I…can kind of see how a professor might make friends with and even be attracted to someone in their classes. However, I won’t deny that there is an imbalance of power there – the *very few* fellow faculty members I’ve known who got involved with students didn’t do so until the class was over.

        While I often have students with whom I would like to be friends, I’ve learned that it’s really important to maintain boundaries. A number of years ago I accidentally landed up hanging out with one of my former students during a show at a club. A (non-student) friend of mine invited me to the show and she also was apparently friends with my student and invited them as well (my friend didn’t know this person was my student). We all hung out and moshed and had a couple of drinks together. After that, this student *really* tried to take advantage by repeatedly asking for special treatment in our class and even asked me to deliver a recommendation letter to their home.

        If I was ever in that situation again, I wouldn’t “hang out” with any student – I’d find a way to politely excuse myself and leave. Ethically, what Jason did with Sal wasn’t okay, but IMHO it IS kind of understandable, especially because he’s going to school very far away from his home and seems lonely (he wouldn’t be drinking with Walky if he had a good support system and/or friends at his own academic level).

        This stuff gets complicated… ?

        1. thejeff

          It is complicated. But so’s life. With the age difference out of the picture (like with older non-traditional students or possibly with new grad students and older undergrads) it’s essentially like any workplace romance. Which generally comes with strict (if not always observed) rules about no sex with people under your authority. It’s the same with teachers and students. The power differential gives a lot of opportunity for abuse. Don’t do it.

        2. Jaime

          I agree.

          I also feel like there’s a larger issue here, which Willis is kind of referencing – being a teacher or a professor in the U.S. is kind of a thankless, under-paid, under-valued job right now. One of my colleagues just forwarded an article from “The Atlantic” about how little college professors make compared to professionals with equivalent degrees in business or STEM fields.

          I am about $100,000 in debt because of student loans – and I DID get scholarships and grants for college. I’m not comfortable saying how much I make per year, but it is LESS than $100,000. I could have bought a HOUSE for that much.

          Also, many college professors (myself included) basically have no “life” outside work. (My mom and my sister also teach at the college level, so I am speaking with some authority here.) I work, if I really break it down, close to 80 hours/week. This includes NOT ONLY teaching hours, but hours I have to spend in my office for office hours, advisement hours, ALL the meetings I’m supposed to attend, and all the class prep work I do and all the paper correcting I do. PLUS “professional development,” which includes writing ane submitting articles, attending conferences, and applying for grants. (I have over 100 students per semester and I mostly teach intro and developmental classes. It takes me about 15-45 minutes to read and mark each student paper. Do the math.) And my situation is NOT unique – in fact, I am much “luckier” than a lot of other professors teaching elsewhere, as I heard from a professor from Colorado that attended the same conference as me last weekend.

          I barely have time to eat, sleep, and take a shower sometimes. I have NO TIME to make friends or have a social life. A lot of my colleagues at my school are in relationships with/married to each other. I understand that. It…gets overwhelming. And maybe it feels “easier” to be with someone who works with you or even, in the case of Jason, to be with a student. Because it is SO MUCH WORK to try to have a social life outside work, especially because you’re exhausted ALL THE TIME.

          And yes, commenting here is kind of my “social life!” I’m currently avoiding work that I *desperately* need to do, including marking student papers. POOT.

        3. thejeff

          No real argument with much of that, from what I know from the outside. Though I’ll mention the increasing use of non-tenure track faculty who generally get treated even worse and paid less.

          Still, I’ll emphasize again that Jason didn’t “date” or have a social relationship with Sal. This wasn’t a matter of falling for one of the few people he had social contact with or anything. They fucked. The first time because she thought she could get a better grade out of it – though she didn’t make that clear.

        4. Jaime

          NO disagreement about the sad state of non-tenure-track faculty. I help run the Adjunct Committee at my school and know how much adjuncts struggle (I was one once). The Graduate Center branch of my union just voted to strike unless they get more money per course (which they DEFINITELY deserve). This *might* translate into a university-wide strike. And, as a school with a strong union, we are all VERY worried about the results of the Janus Supreme Court case. ?

          I guess I’m seeing Jason and Sal as having a “relationship” because I am personally not really emotionally capable of having s3x with someone about whom I don’t care. I don’t do “one night stands” and I feel *terrible* about the VERY FEW times I’ve “hooked up” with someone when I didn’t plan to be in a long-term relationship with them. ?

  28. Woof

    I don’t want to get off Jason and Walky’s wild ride

  29. Classic Appa

    He just gets cuter and cuter.

  30. CJ

    Jason is going to be the new bartender at Galasso’s?

    1. JessWitt

      Nah, the janitor. Or the caretaker according to the UK English dictionary.

  31. BenRG

    That’s the thing about getting intoxicated: You think that you’re the smoothest, most intelligent and most skilled person on Earth… when, in fact, you can barely walk without snapping both ankles.

  32. AGV

    He is beauty
    He is grace
    He will steal your drinks in font of your face
    (Subtlety not included)

  33. Nenja

    These two drunks are very entertaining. I’m enjoying these last strips a lot. XD

    1. Pidgey

      The avatar adds a slightly different tone to your comment 😀

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        It gives me this “Oh those sexy sexy drunks” feel

  34. Deanatay

    Panel 3 Smug Jason is now my favorite Jason face.

  35. StClair

    ah, the stages of drunk as they were once explained to me:

    1. I’m smart
    2. I’m good looking
    3. I’m bulletproof
    4. I’m invisible

    1. StClair

      (alternate version)

      “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”

      1. thejeff

        “My name is Tequila Montaya.
        You killed my bottle.
        Prepare to die.”

    2. Agemegos

      I learned them as

      1. jocose
      2. bellicose
      3. lachrymose
      4. comatose.

  36. Dave

    I did this once at a movie theater. Nobody was behind the counter, so I walked back there and scooped up some popcorn. They came out midway and got on me to get out from behind the counter. One of my friends pointed out they probably had to throw that whole batch away for sanitation reasons and I felt a bit bad but… still got popcorn.

  37. stoodmuffin

    This is amazing

  38. MIB4u

    … This page seems broken …? No forward button …

    1. MIB4u

      great. NOW it works …

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