209

Benevolent
Posted on September 14, 2013 by David M Willis

209 thoughts on “Benevolent”

  1. Bob

    “Well, she’s basically a clone of Dorothy. That’s nice.”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      A clone that mutated into a costumed superheroine.

      1. Leorale

        Really a step up, then.

        1. GoldStarz

          “And she’s the one who takes the initiative in our relationship so I don’t have to really do anything at all for it.”

        2. AgentKeen

          Yeah, pretty sure Mr. Wilcox would give Danny a high-five for that.

      2. Fred

        No, she only cosplays as one. Everyone knows Sal is Amazigirl.

  2. Gottawonder

    Typical Dan.

    1. Keroshino

      Dan-ing it up as usual!

      1. Nathan

        Could be worse. He could be Walkying up. Throwing pizza at Amber sounds more awkward than being oblivious.

  3. thecanvashat

    Danny, you can do it!

    Maybe?

    1. Doctor_Who

      Even someone with a low Charisma score can roll the occasional 20.

      1. Jeffrywith1e

        Crit

    2. Yotomoe

      Do what? Fail.
      Yeah he can do that.

      1. Kevin

        Nah, Danny-boy’s got this one.

        …actually, I want to see him idly spin such a flattering and elegant compliment that Amber gets an irresistible lady boner and can do nothing but grab him and bury her tongue in his tonsils.

        Probably more elegant than how I worded that.

  4. Doctor_Who

    “She’s the only girl in my CS class…and she’s good at killing spiders!”

    1. The Candyman

      “I had to fight off dozens of mouth breathing undergraduates just to get this far.”

      1. thecanvashat

        “It was a glorious battle; a day that shall live in infamy.”

        1. Yotomoe

          I actually cowered in the corner until the battle ended.

        2. Aizat

          Isn’t that what Starscream did in the 1986 movie? I mean how else did Starscream became the leader of the Decepticons when Soundwave was cleaning house?

        3. Corsair114

          Chain of Command. In the end, Starscream was Megatron’s second-in-command which means he replaces Megatron regardless of the capabilities of other Decepticons as a bulwark against chaos and mass confusion following the loss of the leader.

        4. Aizat

          Chain of command? At that point, no Decepticon even gave a shit about chain of command. How do you think the brawl in Astrotrain began?

        5. John

          The Decepticon Chain of Command is like the Autobot Matrix of Leadership.

          Except it’s a chain that Megatron beats you with if you don’t obey his commands.

  5. The Candyman

    Holy crap, Danny’s parents are being nice for once.

    1. Kernanator

      Are we in a bizarro world?

      1. AJBulldis

        Are we? Danny’s parents have already established that the only thing they think he did right was dating Dorothy. Now that he has a new girlfriend and she’s not awful, they want to do anything they can to make sure he keeps her.

        1. Yotomoe

          Danny is only worthy if he’s got a better half.

        2. AJBulldis

          Though in his case it’s hard to think of a worse half. I wonder if they’d be happy with Mary.

        3. Yotomoe

          They’d be happy if it was a rock with glasses.

      2. Roborat

        Don’t think so, nobody there has a goatee

    2. John

      Maybe it’s not that Danny’s parents are awful. Maybe they’re just awful to Danny. Because he’s Danny.

      And, no, Amber, you don’t deserve Danny. No one does. Have you considered instead dating…

      Uh…

      *contemplates the DoA guys*

      … Have you considered playing for the other team?

      Or maybe Buckets of Blood Guy is worth a second look?

      1. Paul

        That’s not fair! I mean, Wa… Actually, maybe Jo… Well, I’m sure Eth…

        You know what, screw it. And by it, I mean Mike. Mike is the obvious answer.

        1. Mr. Random

          Well. That actually fits. Quite well.

        2. vsophi

          I thought Willis wasn’t repeating ships.

          …Then again, Robin and Leslie…

        3. DEG1377

          Only because there is NO BETTER SHIP. Seriously. Don’t mess with perfection, man.

        4. Elva Rodríguez

          I know xD I was ok with pairs of dumbing of age, THEN I read the other comics and… just… PERFECT

        5. Nicholas

          **Especially** if Robin call Leslie her lesbian.

        6. The Candyman

          It’s so endearing you forget that it’s vaguely offensive.

      2. vsophi

        Guys, what about Jacob? I could ship that.

        1. Khantalas

          All aboard SS Jamber.

  6. Wonder Wig

    *Pedro voice* I like her bangs.

    1. Aizat

      I like her huge…..vocabulary.

      1. Yotomoe

        I like her glasses.

        1. Kavonde

          I really like her mane.

      2. Robin

        She has huge… tracts of land.

    2. John

      A proscenium to stage a face that needs no makeup.

  7. Plasma Mongoose

    But the asshole look is in this season… 😛

    1. thecanvashat

      Look at Mike!

      1. The Candyman

        He was being an asshole before it was cool.

        1. Doctor_Who

          So he’s an asshole hipster.

          That phrase may be redundant.

        2. Bickendan

          I live in Portland. I assure you, it’s redundantly redundant.

        3. Em

          He thinks he’s with a friend pretending to be his girlfriend not his, you know, ACTUAL GIRLFRIEND. So I guess how I can see how he would screw up and not gush about her wonderful qualities.

        4. Em

          WELP that got posted in the wrong place.

        5. Rani

          That leaves us with the conclusion that Danny’s sole exceptional characteristic is that he’s even shit at trying to hide the fact he’s so unremarkable. And yet Amber still chases him, like the hapless punchline of a dumb blonde joke (And Amber’s not the dumb one).

        6. REDWOLFORDIE

          Portland, OR?

        7. REDWOLFORDIE

          After looking it up and realizing a suprising lack of Portlands in this world, i hereby establish Portland, Arkansas.

        8. awnman

          There needs to be a Portland in every land locked state. It’s only sensible

        9. Roborat

          I thought that honor was reserved for Springfield.

    2. Aizat

      Yeah, remind me again why people love assholes?

      1. Thor

        They keep you from exploding before you reach age 30

      2. Yotomoe

        Because without one, life would be hell.

      3. Plasma Mongoose

        They allow you to poop and poopingis better than constipation.

      4. Ancestral Hamster

        Because otherwise you’d have to regurgitate your bodily wastes, and that would be disgusting and unhygenic.

        1. The Candyman

          Eh, it works for the jellyfish.

        2. DarkVeghetta

          And owls!

        3. DarkVeghetta

          (mostly)

    3. Scott

      Then have I got an insult for you.

  8. Aizat

    Don’t screw this up, Danny. Your parents already like her, now make this count.

  9. Lucas

    Maybe this is Danny’s chance to redeem himself from all of his Dannying?

    1. Yotomoe

      Or will he INCREASE THE DANNING.

      1. AJBulldis

        http://s11.postimg.org/tlb7avcoz/danning_intensifies.jpg

        1. Wack'd

          That….that’s as intense as Danny can manage, really.

  10. Kernanator

    Okay Danny, you’ve gotten a second chance here, so I’ll say this again:

    DON’T DAN IT UP.

    1. Yotomoe

      AND HE DAAAAAAAAAAAN HE DAN SO FAR AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
      AND HE DAAAAAAAAAAAAN
      HE DAN ALL NIGHT IN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
      couldn’t get away.

      1. sarahlost36

        +1 flock of seagulls

  11. Pyr05

    Nah.. No need to elaborate Danny! Be a cool guy with a simple “Yup” and leave it at that! Let the imagination of clean and filthy minds run free!

    1. Aizat

      Well, he sorta have to “sell” her good quality…or that’s what it says in the manual.

    2. mechaqua

      Problem is Danny isn’t Fonzie hell not even Richie he is more like Ralph.

      1. Thor

        I wish he was more like Chuck Cunningham.

        1. Roborat

          What, go upstairs for a shower and never seen again?

      2. The Candyman

        I think Walky is more like Ralph, to be honest, with both Ethan and Danny showing shades of Richie.

  12. dailybrad

    Dannying it danny danny dan dan dan dannio. Am I doing it right?

    Now that I have that out of the way, this is where Amber could use a pico hammer, if this were a cartoon and not an especially creative one.

    1. Aizat

      Or this is where Amber would kick Danny under the table.

  13. mechaqua

    Once again Danny has danny’d the situation.

    1. Aizat

      Let’s check the “Is this situation Danny’d?” list.

      1. mechaqua

        Obliviousness: Check
        Sudden realization of Obliviousness: check
        realzation that he may be an asshole: check
        Bizzare facial feature: check
        Awkward speech that was probably best left in the confines of his Broca’s area. Check
        Someone pointing out that he is an asshole: check

        This situation is officially Danny’d

        1. Yotomoe

          Dann’d was Danny’s spinnoff of Punk’d.

  14. GoSpeedRumpist

    Can we rethink using Danny as a verb? Me and the English language have a close, personal relationship and I don’t think Danny has a place in it.

    1. Aizat

      Well, the phrase “fucking things up” could be used.

    2. Leorale

      The English language and I have been seeing each other, too. But it swore it was an open relationship.

      1. Wack'd

        “It’s a fucking open relationship, you shiteating dickweed!”

    3. vsophi

      I like Joe’s version better (just ‘dan’).

    4. Bill

      Can’t be all that close a relationship or you would have said “the English language and I.”

    5. DSL

      Even if you’re faithful and true, the English language will cheat on you. See James Nicoll quote about alleyways and loose grammar.

      1. Leorale

        “The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.”

  15. xain

    I do think I what Amber sees in Danny, he is kinda the polar opposite of Blaine

    1. Yotomoe

      I do what Amber sees in Danny, now that you mention it.

      1. DEG1377

        You’re my favorite person.

  16. AI

    “she has a large posterior. and she knows lots about … dinosaurs?”

    1. Yotomoe

      “She likes mcnuggets and Beer and I think she’s the RA.

      1. AJBulldis

        “She got her roommate kicked out for drugs and her sister is a Congresswoman.”

        1. Paul

          “She rides an awesome motorcycle, and TAs math classes.”

        2. The Candyman

          “I’m pretty sure she’s a former cheerleader and is also a fundamentalist.”

        3. TPman

          She watches Game of Thrones and takes work as an overly violent chaperone.

    2. John

      I have heard that some men are predisposed to such.

  17. Shade

    Okay, taking bets now:

    a. Danny says the wrong thing, and screws up.

    b. Danny says the right thing by accident, thereby further endearing him to his new ‘girlfriend’

    c. anything else that someone can come up with, because I’m sure there is a third option, but I’m tapped out for tonight.

    1. Leorale

      Danny is an idiot in the moment, failing in front of his parents, but later, he comes up with something actually good, which either makes it up to her, or only serves to push her even further away.

    2. Yotomoe

      I like that Danny doing the right thing has to be prefaced by “Accidentally”.

      1. Shade

        Well given his track record, I kinda doubt that it would happen on purpose. Danny’s a nice guy, but he’s not that savvy.

        1. Aegon01

          I think he’ll blurt something out and stammer an explanation that makes it worse. But it’s possible he’ll figure out a diplomatic thing to say.

        2. Shade

          Sooooooo…………making another Dan?

    3. etyb

      He does both: first B, then A. Book it.

    4. showler

      Danny describes his actual girlfriend, Amazi-Girl and expects Amber to go along with it.

      1. sarahlost36

        this, i actually think he will come clean only it will be about dating a superhero… and the parents will now wish that Ethan was their son, and all they had to worry about was the Gay…

  18. AlsoSprachOdin

    Probably just my autism, but I don’t see that Danny would look like an asshole if he kept to that succinct “yup”. Because he wouldn’t be an asshole.

    1. Leorale

      Asshole is too severe. But he would be missing an obvious request to say something nice about his girlfriend.

      1. AlsoSprachOdin

        Less obvious if you’re a Danny or aspi. Myopic, maybe, but it’s annoying when you’re expected to act on unspoken cues and rules you never agreed to. I’ll stop whining now, it’s just a little cathartic.
        (And don’t you just love how the aggression our avatars inject into the conversation?)

        1. Paul

          I dunno, completely failing to elaborate on any positive qualities of the person your dating (or “dating”) when clearly prompted by your parents? It wouldn’t be intentional, which is mitigating, but it’s clearly asshole-ish. And with social cues, much as with the law, ignorance is not a very good excuse.

        2. AlsoSprachOdin

          That’s just it. To some of us, it’s *not* a clear prompt.
          “Don’tcha son?”
          “Yup.”
          Query addressed and done. Communication by context and body language has yet to be learned, because he wasn’t born with it and nobody took the time to teach him.

          Non-intentional asshole: I admittedly have a hard time wrapping my head around this: I’ve always associated asshole behavior with intent and malice, and never met anyone using it of someone who fails a particular task. Particularly tasks assigned by others without agreement.
          Danny fails to recognize that his friend wants him to praise her MORE in front of his parents, as she wants him to. In his mind, he has already vouched that she is good people.
          To him, Amber has no particular for need for his parents to like her, as she is not his girlfriend, and in my mind at least, she *still* wouldn’t: It’s none of their business whom he dates. Again, IMO.
          For all Danny knows, *Amber is using him, lying to get free pizza.*

          There is no moral excuse for not knowing unwritten rules?
          I don’t know how to make the basic illogic here any more apparent.
          There is no *moral* excuse for not catching a hint? Harsh.
          There is no moral excuse for not following the law, even if the law to execute witches? Or to wear your seatbelt? There are plenty of laws to be contested on moral grounds.
          Or are you simply stating that those who fail socially will be swiftly punished, and those with power will not care about fairness? Because that I would agree with.

          Well, if you were trolling, good job. Clap yourself on the back. You got me good.

        3. Commoyojimbo

          I honestly think you’re missing the point. Granted, the point I believe Paul was making is an annoying one for me because I find myself in the same boat a lot of the time as far as not understanding non-verbal cues, and taking things out of context because I frankly just don’t get the unwritten laws of interaction. However, while it is important that people get the fact that you didn’t sign on for all of the implied bullshit that is just assumed by most folk in any interaction it is also important to understand that to other people the unspoken cues are an actual thing. It is completely justifiable that they’d be hurt, because feelings are dumb. Three and a half decades and I’m just starting to figure out that accommodation for how we’re wired works both ways…So if this seems fractured it has a lot to do with the fact that it’s something I’m still working through.

        4. AlsoSprachOdin

          I’m not saying other people’s feelings aren’t valid. Just that misunderstandings do not make people assholes.

        5. Commoyojimbo

          Not at all. However, before something is identified as a misunderstanding you can definitely come off as an asshole. If you never have the conversation that identifies it as a misunderstanding then someone thinking you’re an asshole is a valid, if mistaken, assumption.

        6. Paul

          Well, didn’t intend to be “trolling,” but I’ll still give myself a clap on the back.

          I should say that maybe I misspoke. What I was saying was that missing a social cue can make you look like an asshole, because most people will assume that you’re just ignoring the social cue. It doesn’t make you an asshole, but it can definitely come across as asshole-ish to everyone around you. Basically what Commoyojimbo said.

          Also, speaking as someone who misses his fair share of social cues, I still don’t think “I didn’t realize” is a valid excuse when someone gets upset about it. Is that annoying, sure, but it’s the world we live in.

        7. John

          As far as Danny knows, Amber is doing this solely to help him out of the awkward situation he got himself into by claiming to have a girlfriend that his parents couldn’t meet and whose name he wouldn’t even tell them – which seem like clear signs of, “I’m making this girl up so you don’t think I’m such a loser”.

          But instead of helping her help him, Danny is being sullen and stupid, ignoring his parents’ clear prompts to tell them something about this strange girl he’s picked up and why she’s now his girlfriend, and (yesterday) conversely telling them personal details about her that she was clearly trying to avoid talking about. I’m not sure I’d call today’s behaviour, in isolation, assholish – though yesterday’s definitely was – but it’s sure not earning him any points.

          I think he doesn’t want to go along with it – I doubt he thinks she’s just there to cadge free pizza, but he may suspect that she’s trying to sneak into actual girlfriend status by the back door – so, being Danny, instead of telling Amber, “I’m not really okay with lying to my parents and semi-cheating on Amazi-Girl like this,” or even, “I’ve seen this sitcom plot a dozen times; it never works,” he’s passive-aggressively putting in the minimal possible effort that lets him pretend he’s cooperating while setting it up for failure and incidentally embarrassing Amber in front of his parents. And that is assholish.

          Then throw in the constant background radiation of, “How dense is this guy that he doesn’t realize that Amber is his girlfriend?” No one else does either, no, but Danny’s had extended contact with both of her identities, the only character who has. (Except maybe Mike and Ethan… and Ethan, at least, knows.)

        8. AlsoSprachOdin

          Yes, I forgot the “girlfriend for the afternoon”. Point.

          Wouldn’t go so far as to call him “sullen”, or even particularly reticent. I just don’t see that. “Stupid”, arguably, but not the point. “Ignoring” is exactly what he’s trying not to, and “clear” is what I keep contradicting.
          When Amber says her family’s fine, Danny adds what he considers to be completely harmless and factual info, which, for Amber’s purported intentions of giving a good first impression, it is. As for her discomfort on the subject on her father, I don’t think Danny should be expected to figure this out, though I don’t remember if Amber has given many hints, or if she’s tried to keep this issue to herself.

          As for your suspicions, the scheme you describe here seems out of character for Danny, and it wouldn’t serve the motive of convincing his parents he has a girlfriend.

          Lastly, who knows? Clark Kent effect in full force? Again, dense does not equal malice.

        9. Oldfart

          You live in my world. I do not like being held to incomprehensible social cues either. It’s like losing a game because the rules are kept from you. Or, the Jim Crow “literacy tests” where they would show Black people something in Chinese and not allow them to vote if they could not read it.

        10. Paul

          Well, I suppose the internet is a place for hyperbole, so yes, it’s *exactly* like that. There’s a huge conspiracy intending to ostracize people from society for being socially awkward. …yep.

        11. DEG1377

          Personally, I hate the whole “say good things about why you’re dating me” stuff.

          If I didn’t think you were worth dating, why would I continue to date you? Please don’t make me actually examine your character and come up with specific examples of why I like. Is it not enough to know THAT I like you?

        12. John

          S’worth noting that this particular case isn’t Amber fishing for compliments (though if she’s there, and she brought her tackle box…); it’s the Wilcoxen fishing for information about this new girl who is suddenly dating their son.

        13. Bix

          That’s the thing in relationships though, you can’t just assume that the other person just KNOWS how much you like them. Yeah you’re with them but if you never tell them why you like them, if you never make them feel good about themselves or secure in your affections it can leave them going “Do you really like me? Is this one sided? Are you just with me because you’ve got nothing better going right now?” If you never tell your boyfriend or girlfriend “oh you’re so good to me, oh you’re so beautiful, oh I love the way you talk, I like watching you read etc.” or anything then how exactly do they KNOW that you really like them? Because you’re going out with them? Lots of people go out with other people to have something to do or just because they maybe enjoy their company in some way. That’s not really a deep connection there. How can someone know how you feel if you won’t communicate it? I direct you to the song “How Does She KNow” from Enchanted

    2. Quinctia

      If I were dating a guy who could do that “yup” with the right timing/delivery, I could see it being hilarious rather than an asshole move.

      But this is Danny.

    3. Bix

      The situation here is that Danny’s father gave him a verbal prompt in a question. He asked him what it is he likes about his girlfriend. He phrased it differently, but the question is still there. Danny would look like an asshole, not because he answered his father’s question with a blunt “yup.” but because Amber just gave him this glowing review of all of his traits that she finds admirable and all he can summon up is basically “yup I like her.”

  19. scabbert

    And there it is. The point where Amber falls out of like with Danny.

    1. Salmo

      Well, she already knew he was kind of an idiot.

      1. Yotomoe

        She finds his stupidity endearing like every animated sitcom wife.

  20. Yotomoe

    Danny has looked like an asshole since September, 10, 1997

    1. Bilfred

      And yet, he is so not assholish.

    2. Wack'd

      No, on September 10, 1997 he looked kinda like deformed mushroom on top of a pear.

      1. TPman

        And eyes, he had eyes.

  21. TheStranger

    Love the fourth wall reference to Shortpacked! with “almost as if I were cheating, somehow.”

    Awesome.

    1. Yotomoe

      That-…I’m not sure if that’s necessarily what that was but maybe.

      1. Wack'd

        Yeah, it’s more likely a reference to her dual identity, but the idea of Walkyverse!Amber feeling a twinge of cosmic guilt over all this amuses me.

        1. Bill

          Dammitall, Willis has said over and over that this is a stand-alone comic and other than recycling the characters has no connections with any of his other webcomics.  So why do you people keep trying to make those connections anyway?

        2. TheStranger

          Just because there’s no literal connection doesn’t mean the author can’t use the fourth wall for his amusement.

        3. TheStranger

          Seriously, look at how she describes Danny before she makes the throwaway ‘cheating’ reference. How would that relate to her dual identity as Amazi-Girl? I could see a case for ‘honest,’ as in she isn’t because she hasn’t told Danny her identity (although hasn’t he said he doesn’t want to know?)

          I could kind of see one, if you stretch it, for ‘benevolent,’ but ‘respectful’? Not seeing it.

        4. Wack'd

          You act like Dumbing of Age has never in any way tipped its cap to its forerunners. Which isn’t true at all. It’s done it plenty of times in occasionally subtle ways. This could be one of them. It might not be, but it could be.

    2. Roborat

      I interpreted that as a reference to herself/amazi-girl. However, I could go with your take on it also.

  22. saltchocolate

    “She gives great advice about how to impress girl-superheroes!”

    Amazi-girl, 1(hundred); Amber, 0.
    (Danny, -15.)

    1. Yotomoe

      I honestly thought that’d be lower.

      1. saltchocolate

        Somehow, I’m not surprised! : )

  23. John

    haHA, Amazi-Girl! Your cunning plan has a fatal flaw! To wit, it relies on Danny not being an asshole.

    1. AlsoSprachOdin

      Is Danny an asshole?

      1. Wack'd

        Yes, but he’s not wrong.

        1. AlsoSprachOdin

          How does that work?

        2. The Candyman

          Brutal Honesty.

      2. John

        I prefer the term “douchecanoe”, myself, but… yes.

        1. AlsoSprachOdin

          Hmmm, somehow I’m not surprised…

  24. nothri

    Fortunately for Danny, being dumber than a box of hammers is apparently a turn on for Amber.

    1. Bilfred

      I don’t know, Danny appears to exhibit the intelligence of at least a box of staplers.

  25. EvergreenFir

    “She’s like my girlfriend… I mean Amazi-Girl… but not as good”

  26. Rani

    Danny still has yet to show any characteristic that isn’t defined by his break-up with Dorothy or his not-relationship with Amber. He’s like a Bechdel test on two legs and a Y chromosome.

    And Dr. Rosenthal and Amber’s mom are still going at it in a utility closet. I think they’re destined to do this forever.

    1. AlsoSprachOdin

      Nice Dark Knight reference.

  27. HAB

    He can be taught

  28. Kaci

    I have a theory.

    All of the awkward from people like, oh say, Mike, which are not a part of that person’s personality… It had to go somewhere.

    Danny’s not being annoying! He’s helping even the universe’s equation!

    1. Kernanator

      Balancing the Universe’s books, huh?

      I like it.

      1. Bill

        silly question, but where did your gravatar illustration come from?  The condom hat is Roz’s gig, not Joyce’s.

        1. Dragon_Nataku

          Kern photoshopped it months ago

    2. Aizat

      So, Danny is the anthropomorphize form of the Universe’s awkwardness?

      1. The Candyman

        Unfortunately, being an awkwardness sink is a first come first serve kind of deal. Which is how we get people like Mike mixed in with people like Walky, and Joyce.

  29. Pie

    Danny really likes that soda. If he didn’t speak in the last panel, I’d wager that the straw was actually glued to his mouth.

  30. Sammie1053

    He just noticed he did something stupid, which means…
    HE’S LEARNING?!
    Isn’t Danny learning to behave in a socially acceptable manner one of the signs of the apocalypse?

    1. Yotomoe

      Now we just need to figure out if he’ll use his knowlege for EVIIIIIIIIIIIL.

  31. Orangey

    Dan, dan, dan… why do you have to Dan up every strip that you’re in?

    1. xKiv

      What would be left for him to do if he couldn’t even Dan?

  32. NF

    When this strip was loading I only saw the top half at first, so I assumed that the last panel was just Danny being a jackass/dumbass, then I saw the bottom half, and it’s like he went from 0 to freakout in less than a second.

  33. Paul

    Amber, you magnificent bastard… I read your BOOK!

    1. Commoyojimbo

      So…Erwin Rommel is actually Amazi-girl?

      1. The Candyman

        Reincarnated as an 18 year old American girl with an urge to fight crime.

  34. Tenn

    “Don’t worry about first impressions, Amber! We’ve never been bound by first impressions. I mean, when Danny was born, we thought he was lovable!”

  35. RobHagen

    Alt text reply: Apparently Amber read Danny’s book.

    *has been watching too much Linkara this evening while drink whiskey and beer*

    I do so like this ship…

  36. Sir Robin

    Is Amber’s Mom STILL getting Joe’d?

    God damn

    1. John

      No, it’s Joe’s father, Richard. She’s getting Dicked.

  37. Jack

    Mike’s love, much like his hate, obviously transcends dimensional boundaries.

  38. Sterling

    So… wait, I’m not sure I get it.
    Why does the fandom hate Danny? I mean he’s not exactly a genius, but does that really make him worthy of all this scorn?

    He’s OBLIVIOUS, but I don’t see how that makes him a jerk?

    1. AlsoSprachOdin

      I’d like to know, too.

    2. Super Duper

      He’s too fucking normal.

      1. The Candyman

        Yep. Plus, it’s fun to single out one character for hate, regardless of whatever they’ve actually done.

      2. AlsoSprachOdin

        What would improve that condition?

    3. Jack Finch

      He is a fanservice zero is part of it.

    4. vsophi

      In-joke.

  39. NerdHerder

    “Well, dad, she looks GREAT in spandex.”

  40. Super Duper

    Amber… you magnificent bastard I READ YOUR BOOOK!

    1. Milosh

      The one with the sexy mummies and stuff!

  41. Thasvaddef

    She sure is making it awkward for the poor fool.

  42. Jeffrywith1e

    No need to sell it, Danny. I think your parents are completely sold already. They want it to be true so badly they’ve elaborated enough for themselves. Stick with the “yup”

    1. Jack Finch

      That’s what I’ve been saying. Amber get’s the sentences. Danny gets the monosyllables. It’s a good plan. Talk about school you two.

      Also I have a question. Amber told Danny she could be the girlfriend he needed to placate his parents. How did she know he needed that?

      1. Riku

        I’m guessing she just overheard

      2. showler

        She chipped him so she gets text alerts about his life, same as the text alerts about fires.

  43. The Candyman

    Reading through it again, Amber is actually being pretty passive-aggressive in the last panel.

  44. Baker

    “She buys comics with me.”
    “She’s, um, all curvy.”
    “She uh, OH GOD I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE I’M DATING A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON YOU’LL NEVER MEET BECAUSE SHE’S AN AWESOME SUPER-HERO! I’M SORRY I LIED, I ALMOST DATED AMBER BUT THEN I REALIZED ALL I LIKED ABOUT HER WAS THAT SHE WAS JUST LIKE DOROTHY!”

  45. vsophi

    I like how the strips with Ethan and Joshua have approx. 100 more comments than the strips with Danny in them.

    1. vsophi

      er, 100 more per strip, I mean.

  46. Gold

    How is Danny “Dannying” the situation? Dorothy can say those things easily becasue her feelings are genuine.

    Quite frankly, if a friend put me in a situation such as this, I wouldn’t have very passionate things to say about hem when I don’t see them in their intended light.

    If he were talking about Amazi-girl he’d could easily spill the same drivel as Dorothy.

    1. vsophi

      Uh, what does “Dorothy” have to do with this? Are you talking about Amber?

      1. Gold

        I immediately noticed my grave error and then realized there was no edit button.

        Speaking of which, Shortpacked! uses Disgus, but not here.

  47. The_Master

    Man, if he falls in love with her and goes out with her “instead” of Amazi-girl, I would laugh so hard.

    1. Maycroft

      I know right? it’s just watching 1990’s Sipderman again!

  48. Maycroft

    “Yup dad, that’s all you need to know”

  49. nothri

    But really, who doesn’t like to look like a total asshole?

  50. Lord Geovanni

    DAT ploy to get Dan to like her as she is

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