245

Broken record
Posted on June 23, 2024 by David M Willis

245 thoughts on “Broken record”

  1. NGPZ

    aaaaaah here we goooooooo

    boss fight time!!!! XD

    *plays “Calzonification (The Vigilante)” by McSauce on hacked muzak*

    1. HueSatLight

      the final panel does make me think a JRPG battle screen should be next.

  2. Golden Yak

    “This is by far the worst thing you’ve ever done to me! By far!”

    1. Adam Black

      Same thought

  3. Nono

    Maybe “Salvatore’?

    1. Cholma

      Ha! I had the same memory!

    2. RassilonTDavros

      Eh, some dead jokes should stay dead

      1. Clif

        Meh, it’s three syllables anyway.

        1. lur

          it’s four, though

    3. Furie

      Salbo!

  4. Dara

    “Hey, Amb. You ever played this game? It’s pretty cool.”

  5. butts

    sal could make bank off this honestly

    1. Needfuldoer

      Breaking the record, or streaming games in her underwear? Because that second one would probably break Twitch.

  6. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny?

    1. JA

      Old Godzilla was hopping around
      Tokyo City like a big playground

    2. Emperor Norton II

      Good gals, bad gals and explosions

      1. StClair

        and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be

        1. Proxiehunter

          This the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

    3. Osopescado

      WOW. that reference stabbed me right in a spot in my brain that I guess is earmarked for…. 2008? 2009 at the latest???

      1. Osopescado

        2005 Holy shit

        1. Dante

          You can’t to this to me D:

          (God I felt old.)

        2. Schpoonman

          Trogdor turned 21 in January.

          Suffer with me.

    4. Kimi

      Flash back from the past. I still like their bad idea song too.

  7. JA

    Turn and face me, fiend!

  8. Yeet

    did amber throw her jacket on the ground behind her

    1. Anon A Mouse

      Looks like it. From the way its falling, she threw it off dramatically as she pushed the door open.

    2. Decidedly Orthogonal

      looks at username

      I mean, you’re the expert on throwing. You tell us.

      …

      (and yes, it doth appear to have been yote thusly)

      1. Yeet

        that’s not really a yeet, it’s more of a drop than anything
        yeet implies more force and distance

        1. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Perchance t’was yote violently afore the portal was similarly openned?

        2. Radiance

          Huh, I didn’t know Urianger read DoA.

      2. eh, whatever

        Yitten!!!

    3. Kamino Neko

      She’s an adult!

      (…Sorry, binged a bit of Lonely Island earlier…)

      1. a/snow/mous/e

        you can’t BUY me, hep-cat DAN

    4. KiaStirling

      Got hot from legging it to Danny’s dorm and didn’t have time to stop and take it off properly. But also failed to actually get it off until the last possible second.

  9. Stephen Bierce

    Games People Play/you take it or you leave it…

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Games Without Frontiers

      1. Proxiehunter

        Jeux sans frontière.

        1. someone

          That actually existed on French TV from the 1960s to the 1990s.

  10. Jesse

    A knife fight is one thing, but this? BLOOD FEUD.

    1. True Survivor

      Ironically, it appears that if Amber did not injure Sal’s hand, she would have simply been fiddling with Danny’s ukulele. However, because her hand was messed up she became frustrated with the lack of dexterity for fretting and moved onto the next interesting item in the room – the Switch.

      1. Michael Steamweed

        “I made you; you made me first.”

        1. Jesse

          “But a society made us live in it.”

      2. Fay

        Since the last time we saw Sal she was switching hands to try and play Danny’s uke, I’m guessing her ability to beat the record is going to have sometime to do with her holding the controller unconventionally.

        1. KiaStirling

          or like her fingers got frozen in such a way while playing a key part that it did the skip perfectly maybe?

  11. Emperor Norton II

    Just look at Sal still have that afterglow you only get from truly good sex with someone you care about.

  12. Qube

    WELP they’re feudin’ again

    1. Decidedly Orthogonal

      It was fun while it lasted. That’s why they’re bringing it back.

    2. anon

      at least she’s unlikely to stab her other hand lol

      1. Jamie

        Yeah. New Amber can aim for lethality.

  13. Chiatroll

    This is when the new third villain personality emerges.

    1. Fay

      Instead of being superhero themed, this personality is basically Wario.

      1. Schpoonman

        Amber styled herself as the AG’s Wario (kinda), I wonder what her Wario is like.

        1. Qube

          waluigi

  14. morhek

    “By some miracle of medical science, while the stab wound to delivered to my hand may hinder my dexterity in practically all ways, it has made me vastly superior to you in this one, hyperspecific circumstance JUST AS PLANNED! BWAHAHAHA!!!”

    “NOOOOOO!”

    1. HueSatLight

      I can see her being unusually knowledgeable about nerves and muscles in her hand. The commenter who was actually stabbed in the hand would have a better idea than me, but I have done finger PT.

  15. HueSatLight

    Her coat hasn’t even hit the floor.

  16. IntangibleMatter

    Turns out she didn’t actually break the record, she just got into TASing back in Catholic School

  17. Coatl

    Here we go

  18. Taffy

    Why would Danny be logged into Amber’s stream on his laptop? Does he use her account? And how would he be playing her game with his phone? What streaming service are they using, anyway?

    1. DailyBrad

      As in, viewing the stream, I assume she means by that, asking questions in chat.

    2. Reltzik

      I think he was logged into her stream as an audience member, not logged directly into her account.

      1. Taffy

        I’ve never heard it phrased that way, so I guess that clears up the confusion. Specifically, I’ve never seen or heard somebody refer to watching a stream as “logging into” that stream.

        1. Bash

          How is it usually phrased, when someone is part of a chat?

        2. Taffy

          “in chat”

        3. eh, whatever

          You don’t need to be logged in to anything to watch a stream on YouTube if it isn’t set to private or age-restricted to begin with.

        4. Taffy

          Not to watch, no. Same with Twitch. Pretty sure you have to have an account to leave comments on both sites, though.

        5. Dedlok

          I chalk it up to Willis being an oldhead in Internetery who knows video game streaming enough to know it exists but not enough to know specifics and takes his knowledge of Internet Chatrooms back in the day and transposes it to the chat rooms in video game streams because they must be the same, right?

        6. Taffy

          Could be worse. Sal could have secretly been a fetish v-tuber this entire time, without anyone ever noticing.

        7. Schpoonman

          I think that explains Mary and her boyfriend.

          She did expose him to Becky and Dina.

        8. Taffy

          It’s a shame, really. Mary’s got a lot of wasted potential, and Peter is enabling her instead of helping elevate her.

    3. lur

      “you asked questions in chat” meaning he logged as an audience member to amber’s stream, also why amber says “your username” and not “my username”, can’t be using amber’s account with a different username
      “everyone followed you to your stream” is another hint in that direction, if he was using amber’s account it wouldn’t be a different stream

  19. Opus the Poet

    How long has Sal been playing this version of Mario?

    1. Taffy

      About ten minutes.

    2. Reltzik

      A split second less than everyone else, apparently, and I think that’s going to be a problem.

    3. HueSatLight

      She hasn’t even heard of mario or video games. This is like a complete novice picking an olympic sport at random and then getting the world record first attempt, I’ve heard.

      1. Taffy

        I’m pretty sure the exact quote was “This is like Jaleel White performing a drop dash IRL”.

      2. Decidedly Orthogonal

        What? No. Sal has been into Mario Kart since early in DoA.

        1. Taffy

          That doesn’t mean she’s heard of it.

      3. Needfuldoer

        She hit the Switch with the side of her fist and won instantly.

        1. StClair

          “Eyyyyy.”

    4. anon

      about half a class /period’s time? but it would be interesting if she found some other games to speedrun if not her and amber teaming up or doing more mario kart together

      or her ending up ‘ ilike laid back easy going games like animal crossing’

    5. Dedlok

      About the amount of time Danny and Amber were in the class. Strip on June 5th showed Sal eyeing up an NES controller during Danny and Amber’s conversation about Amber fiddling around with an NES controller while they were walking into the building.

  20. RocketRelm

    I can’t believe it took me a whole day to realize what should have been obvious, and what might not be obvious until a day or two later for everyone else reading and within the comic itself:

    Sal got twitch chat to troll Amber by all gushing about the speedrun record being broken. She did not *actually* break the speedrun record. That is absolutely something a crowd would do to meme on their streamer. It took me until the whole talk about what she did and interacted with the stream to realize this and I feel got.

    1. RassilonTDavros

      …yeah, that’s probably a lot more plausible than Sal suddenly beating it on day one.

    2. Jeremiah

      That will be funny because it means everyone got mad yesterday over nothing.

      1. Wraithy2773

        I don’t think many were getting “mad”, so much as going “…wait, what? I actually know something about this subject, and it makes noooooo sense at al”.

        If anything, the people offended that others were struggling with their suspension of disbelief over the topic seemed the angrier group on the whole.

        1. Nathan

          Some individuals are FURIOUS about the possibility, and saying things that sound to me rather insulting toward the author because of it. Not the majority of commenters who find it difficult, but certainly the most memorable.

        2. Wraithy2773

          Aye, and those people need to calm the hell down. Assuming that Sal really did break a speedrunning record, its something that I would prefer wasn’t in the comic, or done in a slightly different manner to at least be a fair bit more plausible (99% of the issue I have is that its specifically SMB, one of the most heavily analyzed and choreographed speedruns in existence).

          But I’ve seen when the comments section has gotten really incensed about a topic. Yesterday’s was barely a sunburn by comparison.

        3. Needfuldoer

          “Um, ACKshewally” ruins everything once again.

        4. VicMortimer

          So silly.

          Of course Sal really broke the speedrun record. Why wouldn’t she have?

          Plausible? Of course the fuck not. This is a comic where she’s an ex-criminal who occasionally cosplays as a crimefighting hero with her friend Amber who is the infamous Amazi-Girl. They both frequently enter and leave their upper floor dorm rooms via the window. Conveniently, they’ve also both fucked the same guy.

          It doesn’t have to be realistic.

      2. Yotomoe

        Naw I still don’t like this. But I’m not gonna dwell on it more cuz it’s what’s happening.

    3. Rabbit

      I’ll admit if thats the case it’d be funny. Somehow I doubt it despite it being infinitely more realistic

      1. HueSatLight

        finitely.

    4. Wraithy2773

      I’m not sure its really Sal’s way to troll Amber like that, though? Like, Sal misunderstanding how much this record means to Amber, sure, but she hasn’t really felt like the pranking sort.

      That said, one aspect of this is that, if I recall correctly, the thing that Amber’s been trying to do is literally impossible to do with the original NES hardware, which Amber has been trying. And we’re talking about “people have looked into it carefully, and confirmed that the way the controller is constructed is the limiting factor, and can’t be overcome”.

      This could be Sal doing a wake-up call of sorts. Telling Amber “this thing you’re trying to do is impossible” tends to lead to the reaction of “JUST YOU WATCH ME”, after all. But getting her to admit that the thing is impossible might be a way to get her to open up about why she’s doing this literally impossible thing in the first place.

    5. Icalasari

      Oh my god that would make way more sense. ESPECIALLY as Sal has out right stated that her knife wound affects her motion capabilities – Going for something that intense on the hands would 100% cause debilitating cramps for somebody with such an injury

    6. APersonAmI

      Oh that’s funny.

      Super out of character for Sal?

      But a twitch chat would go for it in a heartbeat, yeah.

    7. Thag Simmons

      I think Sal doing it legit is still a possibility, that would not be the wackiest hijinks a character has pulled in this comic, but since the comic recently called attention to her severe nerve damage that would be a severe impediment it would not surprise me if this was the explanation

      1. anon

        @thag : i mean sal beating a speedrun record is more realistic than amber doing some ‘amazigirl’ vigilantism, even if she ‘disassociates’ during it

        1. thejeff

          Kind of. Though this particular record really shouldn’t be possible to stumble into.

          But more importantly I think, AG’s vigilantism (and Sal’s bike exploits along with it) fall into common genre tropes and thus aren’t necessarily as disruptive to our sense of belief. Still are for some, if they don’t accept that the comic includes action movie as part of its genre assumptions.

          There’s no real equivalent here.

    8. anon

      would amber rly jump to conclusions? idk if she mentioned the chat flipping out versus “x player beat your score” or something as a notification

      tho it might be a tad more realistic if it’s like “sal beat amber’s score specifically” rather than a huge speedrun thing if it was a new? level she was practicing on getting right but she was still in like, the top ten ppl attempting it

      1. Jamie

        I mean, there is a verification process. You have to submit recordings to a community and they have to acknowledge its legitimacy.

    9. Larathiel

      This makes a lot more sense, well done.

  21. Newlland(Henryvolt)

    “Khaaaaan!”

    1. Decidedly Orthogonal

      .com

      1. eh, whatever

        SEC_ERROR_REVOKED_CERTIFICATE at khaaan.com (3 × a)

  22. Dday

    This confrontation is one billion times better if Sal is still not wearing pants

  23. Tomn

    The day that Sal broke Amber’s record was the most important day of her life. But for Sal, it was Tuesday.

    1. Dante

      Storyline Title Drop ™ of Doom.

      Clearly it had to have happened, then :’33

  24. C.T. Phipps

    It would have been better if Joe had done it.

  25. Francoinblanco

    Good thing new champion live near in your campus, you can congratulate in person maybe get autograph

  26. saltchocolate

    “SALLY”

    1. Shadowsnail

      SAL KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

      (wait, that would be for calculus class)

  27. William

    Let the Games Begin =D

  28. sdrainbow

    I continue to be willing to suspend the possibility that we are being hoodwinked within my belief system, but as far as what we are obviously supposed to infer: fuck off, that’s some lazy shit

    1. Bash

      You are suggesting that someone else broke the speedrun, or that this is a misunderstanding somehow?

      1. sdrainbow

        I am suggesting that the obvious read is that Sal picked up the controller and instantly broke amber’s speedrun in what was accurately referenced yesterday as the Bested by the Inexperienced trope – I find that grossly lazy writing, particularly since (as someone ELSE pointed out) it plays into the “Sal exists only to take from Amber” thread that I particularly dislike.

        I am simultaneously suggesting that this read is SO obvious, Willis may be setting us up for a fakeout to make us feel oh so silly for our outrage. I about 55% believe this to be true.

        1. Needfuldoer

          When has Willis ever passed up an opportunity to subvert our expectations?

        2. Taffy

          Laziness is when I don’t like something.

        3. sdrainbow

          that’s not true, I don’t think you’re lazy!

        4. Taffy

          See, this is an odd response. Nobody said you thought I was lazy, but you’re refuting the claim anyway. It smacks of a guilty conscience, as if you’re confessing you do think I’m lazy, like you’re under some duress and being compelled to reveal this information.

        5. Axel

          pretty sure they’re saying (jokingly) “I don’t like you, but I don’t think you’re lazy”

        6. Taffy

          That doesn’t make any sense at all.

        7. sdrainbow

          not joking, but otherwise correct

        8. Username Taken

          I think the implication is that they believe you exist in a state of not liking things despite not perceiving you as being lazy? Idk, it’s hard to tell

          I think it’s a fair criticism is someone finds this trope to be lazy writing, but personally idgaf, this should provide hijinks. Shenanigans, even.

        9. Taffy

          I guess if I had enough energy to constantly dislike things, it could be seen as not being lazy. I like way more things than I dislike though, so it would be strange to get that impression in the first place.

        10. Username Taken

          Yeah, I’ve seen you snark at the readership’s overreacting ways (including me lol), but you don’t strike me as the hater type.

    2. Monito

      I’m sincerely sorry you are being forced to read this at gunpoint. I hope you escape your captors soon and return to whatever media you actually enjoy.

      1. Nymph

        lmao, they were so pressed about this comment the immediately repeated it to someone else like a sick burn with yours sitting right above.

    3. zee

      It’s a videogame speed run in a daily webcomic. Who cares

      1. sdrainbow

        I’m sincerely sorry you are being forced to read comments at gunpoint. I hope you can escape your captors soon and return to whatever comments on media you actually enjoy.

  29. Justnobodyfqwl

    I don’t know why this surprises people so much? “Stubbornly breaking time trial records of Mario games she’s never played before” is literally an almost decade-old established plot point and character trait of Sal, next to “extremely stubborn when she puts her mind to something” and “somehow always accidentally upsets Amber”. This is just all three at once.

    1. Svankensen

      Against a casual vs against the best in the world

      1. APersonAmI

        Yup! Except it’s even more than that. Against the best *computer* performance.

  30. M!a

    ….and all without even putting her pants back on, I’m betting ?

  31. C.T. Phipps

    This plot has hit a lot of posters hard.

    1. Shakes

      Gay Laundry Storyline currently breathing a sigh or relief and tugging at its collar.

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Well… tugging at something

        1. Aura

          lmao omggggg you can’t just leave that sitting there in the comment section without any warning, what if someone walks in unexpectedly?

  32. Reltzik

    … so, I think Sal might have some untapped career prospects in e-sports.

    1. anon

      i mean i’m sure there’s some overlap but isn’t e-sports more about competing in teams/against certain games versus a ‘speedrun’ thing. tho i’m sure she’d be badass in a fighting game but prefer irl fightingl ol

  33. APersonAmI

    Good morning! I hope you all had a good night! <3

  34. APersonAmI

    … I’m confused. If this is true, her friend has achived something genuinely impossible. Like, physically impossible, a warping of reality. Why is Amber upset? That’s cool as hell. Speedrunners get crazy excited for way less reality-warping achivements than this.

    1. HueSatLight

      implausible.

      1. APersonAmI

        Bless you.

      2. HueSatLight

        People keep saying “impossible” when it’s clearly a feat that Amber believes is possible because she was attempting it. She is reacting like Sal has done something possible.
        If Sal were to do something impossible, or practically impossible, like fly, she wouldn’t be reacting like, “oh, that’s cool as hell”. She would be wondering if she was hallucinating. If do-video-game-faster were genuinely physically impossible she would more likely be wondering if she was having some sort of episode.

        1. Axel

          this yes

    2. Bash

      Those achievements weren’t accomplished by their childhood nemesis who they have an uneasy friendship with as an adult.

      1. APersonAmI

        Hm. Seems weird to me, she was shouting angry at Danny, too.

        1. thejeff

          And if had been Danny, he knew she was working on it and would have had to have been secretly practicing and trying to outdo her the whole time without even letting her know.

    3. Aslan

      I mean the implication is that Amber thinks Sal just picked up the game and accomplished something within a couple hours that she’s been working at for months. Regardless of how impressive it is, it’s not unrealistic that she’d feel indignant about it

  35. Pergola

    It was Joe.

  36. Derek

    What’s Sal short for anyway?
    According to wikipedia “Sally is an English language feminine given name that originated as a hypocorism for Sarah.” (hypocorism meaning pet name)
    So is Sal a Sarah? or I guess Sally is its own proper name now?

    I guess it can be, the way Sandy is a proper name even though it started as a pet name for Alexandra

    1. Derek

      also according to wikipedia, Sally can be a nickname for Salome. Fascinating (though probably just a coincidence) that both Sarah and Salome are of Hebrew origin

    2. Bash

      Her parents have said “Sally” but not Sarah, so I’m thinking her legal name is Sally.

      God that sounds weird just typing it out. She is clearly not a Sally.

      1. eh, whatever

        …why would anyone’s legal name be Sally? Of course she’s a Sara(h).

        1. thejeff

          Because her parents named her that?

          It’s how names work. Pet names or nicknames take on lives of their own and kids get named them,

        2. VicMortimer

          Because it’s not Moon Unit or Exa Dark Sideræl?

          This is set in Indiana, not Iceland. There are no rules about names, Sally is a fairly common legal name in the US. And I’ve NEVER heard of anyone named Sarah being called Sally.

        3. Taffy

          No, her name definitely isn’t Sarah. That’s a different character entirely, and it’s weird you’d get them confused like this.

        4. HueSatLight

          Sally Ride’s legal first name was Sally. Non-zero chance lil’ Willis named her after the astronaut, and also DoA Linda and Charles doing the same.

    3. GLaDOS

      But not so Sarah! Not so Sal! She was a most uncultured gal.

    4. Schpoonman

      It’s short for “Sally” (which Sal despises, probably because it’s what her parents call her).

  37. Suet

    It’ll always be a plucky upstart that beats the game, like that Tetris boy (who is somehow named Willis)

    That font size must be a DOA-record

    1. a/snow/mous/e

      (i don’t think your font shenanigans have worked this time)
      I wonder if any of the other Tetris players hoping to be the first to trigger the killscreen cried out “DAMN YOU WILLIS!”… 😛

  38. AbacusWizard

    THE SHOWDOWN WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

    *Street Fighter II music intensifies*

  39. Kenny Williams

    And that rivalry has resumed!

  40. Lightweight Baybee

    Guessing that sal’s hand injury actually makes her the perfect person for this specific speedrun
    It would fit with Amber’s usual streak of what the fuck?! Luck

  41. Kitschensyngk

    She did Rainbow Road in 1:38. What did you expect?

  42. Matt

    That is my guess. Something about how her hand tremors lets her do something with the controller that can’t be done on purpose. (I think Amber mentioned something about having to press both directions practically at once?)

    1. Taffy

      Some people (wrong people) believe it’s physically impossible to press two directions at once on a Nintendo Entertainment System controller, die to the way it’s constructed. Those people are cowards who fear what they don’t understand.

      1. Bruno

        I don’t want to be a coward, so you must be correct here.

      2. Thag Simmons

        Maybe Danny’s is mildly broken in just the right way that you can

        1. aelfwine

          Merely breaking the current human apeedrunning record isn’t the same as Amber’s impossible goal of reaching TAS.
          The human speedrecord was broken again irl, just nine months ago.

        2. Taffy

          If it wasn’t before, it is now.

    2. Dante

      Dude that would be so cool

  43. Shakes

    The only thing that could have made this better was if Sal was using a Power Glove.

    1. Proxiehunter

      It’s so bad.

      1. Francoinblanco

        I love it

  44. jeffepp

    Another Slipshine already?

  45. a/snow/mous/e

    tbh with that smashcut to Sal when Amber mentioned defending her record, it was just a matter of time before this happened. you’ve been thwarted by foreshadowing, Amber!

  46. Madock345

    It works if you do it like your best shatner KHAAAAAN!

  47. Fuzzy

    I’m having trouble finding the comic where Amber talked about doing the speedrun and how hard it is. Can anyone else find it and link me?

    1. Fuzzy

      Oh I found it! It was earlier than I thought it was. I don’t know if there’s any other strips that talk about it but here’s the first one (I think): https://www.dumbingofage.com/2021/comic/book-12/02-ill-leave-you-a-phantom/getcherself/

      1. APersonAmI

        Oh neat!

        Wow, the goal Amber was trying to was even higher than I could recall. She’s not even trying to beat a human record, she’s trying to beat the best time ever recorded by computer.

        Thanks for finding the reminder.

        1. Fuzzy

          It’s actually a lower accomplishment than I recalled, at least in-universe. When I read it back in 2021, I think I was like “wow that’s a not very reasonable goal” so I remembered that being Danny’s reaction too. But Danny is just supportive and thinks it’d be neat. In-comic there’s not a big deal made out of how unrealistic and difficult this is like I had remembered, so it does lessen one of the complaints I had yesterday (that when the storyline was introduced it was set up to be Amber-has-unrealistic-expectations-for-herself vs Amber’s-not-good-enough).

          Now I’m mostly just like, the goal didn’t HAVE to be beating a TAS to be impressive, which is normal levels of the comic breaking suspension of disbelief, because I can see a narrative reason for it even if I personally disagree it’s necessary, which is pretty similar to how i feel about most of the immersion-breaking things in the comic.

          Still don’t think it had to be SMB1, though. There’s been no narrative reason for that.

      2. HueSatLight

        And here’s the one where Amber says it’s not only possible, but at least somewhat plausible for a “newbie upstart” to break the record she’s trying to break.

        1. Fuzzy

          Yes thanks I remembered that one since it was a couple weeks ago.

        2. Fuzzy

          For clarity I’m replying to you with annoyance not because of the comic link but because of the comment that went with it. You’ve been really snarky every time you talk to or about anyone who isn’t a fan of this over the past two days and I don’t appreciate it. You’re one of the people creating hostility in the comment section during this, and you seem to be doing it to everyone you disagree with who you think you can get a low-effort “win” against. People-who-disagree-with-you aren’t a monolith. You don’t have to treat all of them as if they’ve personally wronged you.

        3. HueSatLight

          ok. That strip is more explanation for how hard it is. I haven’t personally wronged you.

  48. ADLegend21

    I cannot explain it, but the last panel is just so sexy.

    1. Matt

      I can explain it for you… Sal is in it.

  49. foducool

    gonna get her hand stabbed a second time lmao

  50. darkoneko

    Yo.

  51. Da Boy

    I wonder if narratively this is taking away the one thing Amber is proud of, her only coping mechanism and will force her to face her issues.

    1. anon

      she still has her fanfic too

      smash cut to sal writing some erotica that somehow wins some newbie author award lol

      1. Da Boy

        And that’s when Evil Amazi Girl is born

      2. Francoinblanco

        the song “you’re only second rate” begins

  52. Bogeywoman

  53. CianM1301

    Round 2! FIGHT!

  54. Bogeywoman

    Amber: You broke the speedrun record?
    Sal:

    1. Bogeywoman

      What, like it’s hard?

      1. Bogeywoman

        I can’t html for shirt

        1. eh, whatever

          If you’re trying to link to a picture, right-click on the picture and copy the URL of the picture, not the URL of wherever it links to and certainly not the URL of the whole social-media post that displays it.

      2. zee

        Just picturing the people losing their minds over how “uNrEaLiStIc” this is having an aneurism trying to watch legally blonde

  55. anon

    i wonder if her rage will dissipate after she’s like “i was trying to practice doing things with my hand, you know the one you stabbed through” tho idk if sal would bother bringing that up as a way to throw it back in her face/passive aggressively make her guilty lol tho it is impressive she did it after a day seemingly lol unless it was partially luck

  56. Ray Radlein

    Congrats to everyone who called this back when Sal picked up the game

  57. Adam Black

    I think Amber will want to coach her, get her on her stream for a one to one , and get her using her own name.

  58. C.T. Phipps

    Sal: I have taken away the last thing that gave your life meaning. Now only now, do I give you permission to die.

    Amber: What?

    Sal: Sorry, I was briefly possessed by Thulsa Doom.

  59. Ophidiophile

    Sal really is “just better”.

  60. ValdVin

    I’m greatly relieved this happened well after the time Amber and Danny were together.

  61. Rabisch

    This is extremely good. Having a rival will help Amber to come out of her apathy and return to have something she wants to do day after day. Or course, if this will remain under control and in a friendly conditions.

  62. staszu13

    Amber: Let’s see if you can break the record with a scar on the other hand!

  63. Matrix

    And here we… Go

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      While it would be better is they settled this with a Go tournament, I don’t think that is likely.

  64. Lieutenant Dan

    “SAL?!”

    1. Proxiehunter

      “Amber?!”

      “Danny?!”

      “Doctor Scott?!”

  65. HueSatLight

    As the good book says, the race is not always to the swift, nor battle to the strong, nor super mario brothers level 8-4 speedrun record to the person who has been practicing hitting buttons for a week or so, but time and chance happen to them all.

  66. zee

    Why the fuck does anyone care enough about this to get angry? Like I get having passions and caring a lot about a seemingly trivial topic but this is such a non issue. “Oh no its unrealistic”. I’m not even gonna bother to list all the impossible bullshit AG has done. It’s a fictional speedrun record in a fictional comic. The irl records are safe. You’re fine. Chill the fuck out. No one should be getting pressed over “girl in comic beats video game record”.

    1. Taffy

      Yes, but what you don’t seem to understand is that gamers (and nerds in general) are defensive and reactionary over the least serious thing in the world. Their toys are more important to them than anything else, and if somebody deviates from their knowledge and understanding of those toys, it’s a direct insult, an attack that needs to be defended against. It doesn’t matter if it didn’t really happen, and in fact it’s even more upsetting in that case, because of they confront the reality of it not happening, they’ll have to admit they got upset and combative for a silly reason. That would be embarrassing, and they don’t know how to handle the embarrassment in any way other than bulling up and sputtering out justifications for it.

      1. Drakkin the Alien

        that sounds a lot like religion… just saying…

        1. Taffy

          Religion and video games don’t usually mix well. I’ve yet to play a good Christian game, to grab the closest example.

        2. C.T. Phipps

          KINGDOM COME: DELIVERANCE is awesome.

        3. zee

          I think Faith is pretty cool but i can see why it wouldn’t be for everyone. Do Pony Island and the other Daniel Mullins games count?

      2. Xujhan

        I hang out in a lot of nerd spaces, and the DoA comment section is one of the only ones that regularly devolves into arguments and hostility. I think perhaps the glass houses principle should be invoked here.

        1. Taffy

          Pointing out the house is made of glass doesn’t actually count as throwing a stone.

    2. Fuzzy

      Who are you even talking about? Give examples. I don’t see anyone who’s more angry than you are about people being angry.

      1. Taffy

        Hey now, that’s unfair. If you want examples, that’s reasonable, but now you’re moving the bar up by tacking on a quantitative measurement and demanding for that measurement to be exceeded. It’s like someone saying wild cats are fast and then demanding that person find cats specifically faster than you are.

        1. Fuzzy

          I dunno, I get your sentiment but I think it is fair in this case. To tweak your analogy, I think it’s like someone saying wild cats are TOO fast and me asking them to find a cat faster than they are. (Which would be an easy task so I’d be a little ridiculous to ask that. :P)

          People usually try not to be hypocritices, so someone who is criticizing someone else for being pressed over something pointless probably doesn’t think they themselves are being pressed over something pointless. The baseline is, then, that their own behavior is within acceptable bounds. Does that make sense?

    3. Nymph

      The thing that makes me laugh after all this ruckus is: The SMB1 record was broken recently. Like 9 months ago, recently. Like ~maybe around the time this storyline was actually being written~ given the buffer, but people are calling it “impossible” and complaining that there are no more shortcuts/glitches to be found.

      Source: (I don’t want to include an outside link, but google is free – look up Niftski speedrun super mario bros)

      1. Nymph

        “unrealistic” and “lazy writing” and “physically impossible” tho

      2. Zamperla

        Literally this stuff happens all the time!

      3. Xujhan

        I’m not looking to get involved in the ruckus, but just in case anyone else is curious: it’s not the raw difficulty that makes the achievement impossible, it’s specifically the achievement being done by someone with little or no knowledge of the game. It’s just not the kind of thing you can stumble into by luck or intuition. As an analogy, it’s a bit like suggesting that someone with no knowledge of the English language could have written The Lord of the Rings by hammering their face against a typewriter. Technically yeah, practically nah.

    4. Mark

      Sounds like you’ve never attended a sporting event or watched one on TV with fans in the room.

      1. zee

        You’re right I actively avoid those things

  67. zee

    Anyway hide the knives she’s gonna go for sals other hand

  68. Taffy

    Amber is wrong to be so upset about this.

  69. Jerach

    Y’know, of all the crazy things that have happened in this comic, Sal casually beating a speedrun record on Super Mario Bros. might actually be the thing that most breaks my suspension of disbelief.

  70. Jennifer Bak

    For once, I disagree with the floater text – a one-syllable name can be very satisfying to shout in this manner. As proof, see Star Trek and the yelling of “KAAAHHHHNNN!!!!” (either version) 😉

    1. Chronos

      Also, you can *so* stretch out a single syllable to be treated as effectively multiple syllables, just like Kahn, as you mentioned.

      1. Aura

        I’m glad someone else has pointed this out so I don’t have to (especially because all my comments are still ‘awaiting moderation’ … 🙁

  71. Juanoku

    Amber left her coat which means she stopped by her room to leave it and that is a hilarious visual

  72. Zamperla

    Honestly I love this for her.

  73. Mr. Random

    Two syllable names get you that drop in pitch on the first part that allows the second syllable to feel that much more impactful when you raise both pitch and volume.

    That being said, the one syllable names DO allow for you to put everything into that one phrase.

  74. Dante

    TBH I enjoy how “SAL” is “get out” in Spanish. As in, the imperative for “OI YOU!”

    That and also “salt.” Both of them appropriate as hell.

  75. StClair

    Zuko: “Why did you do it?”
    Azula: “… You’re going to have to be more specific.”

  76. JoeCovenant

    So…

    “Sal’s” FULL name is actually “Sal”?
    Not “Sally”?
    #noted

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