208

Brood
Posted on December 26, 2017 by David M Willis

208 thoughts on “Brood”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Boxing Day with Malaya, amirite lolololol

    *fisticuffs commence*

    1. Ana Chronistic

      wait would you seriously make Fucking of Facethat many Fuckface strips, Willis

      1. Cholma

        Animal Hater. ;p

      2. Reltzik

        Only if you challenge him to do so.

        ….

        Do NOT challenge him to do so.

        1. efin98

          Aw, but we could have made it a game to spot the scaley beast! Our own version of “Where’s Waldo” only actually cool.

        2. Chronos

          …

          (looks one way)
          (looks another way)

          I CHALLENGE!!!!

        3. Deanatay

          I volunteer as tribute.

  2. Ivy

    Wouldn’t both of these girls be happier if they left each other alone?
    You! Don’t! Have! To! Interact! With! Each! Other!

    1. StClair

      They’re roommates. They do.

      1. Ivy

        Ignoring your roommate is easy. I do it. I don’t hate my roommate but we still hardly interact and it works out pretty fine.

        1. Mandy

          Yeah, my freshman roommate and I had pretty much the same relationship. We just kind of realized early on that we weren’t going to be friends. We were cordial, and would like let each other know when we needed something or were going to be gone overnight, but we barely spoke. Just existed in a comfortable silence. It didn’t bother us, but when our friends came in our room they were weirded out.

        2. Koms

          I’m only good friends with one of the five roommates I’ve ever had. I was good friends with the rest of them in college. Or so I thought. After college they hardly had anything to say to me. Makes me think I should have kept my interactions to a minimum. Roomies do not always equal friends.

        3. Kinoko

          Guys, I’m really glad for this thread.
          My freshman year roommate and I barely spoke to each other. We never argued, but we realized pretty quickly that we had nothing in common, every conversation I tried to initiate would trail off awkwardly, and hearing everyone else around me talk about how they and their roommate were BFFs made me feel like a failure of a human.
          Then I lived with different roommates / housemates, and we would cook together, watch movies, and stay up late laughing. So yeah, not everyone is compatible.

        4. Daibhid C

          I think not interacting with your roommate is easy because you don’t hate her. As Sir Terry Pratchett put it “Hate is an attractive force.”

      2. Delanoooooo

        Only for the most minimal reasons. I barely talked to one of my roommates all year.

      3. drs

        From what little we’ve seen, Mary and Roz have a better non-aggression pact than these two.

      4. DrWattson

        My first semester of college, I went probably the first two months without even talking to my roommate more than once or twice. Not out of avoidance or anything, we just didn’t talk.

      5. Aeron

        What is this? A comic called “Roomies!” Or something?

      6. Kaunisenkeli

        I ignore my roommates 99% of the time, but we have an apartment not a dorm.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      But if they did that, new ships centred on hate-fucking cannot be built.

      1. Reltzik

        …..

        … you DO know that wouldn’t actually stop the hate-fucking ships, right?

        1. tyersome

          So … to get aboard a hate-fucking ship should I contact the Dis-me Bruise Line?

        2. Renshear Blade

          Thumbs up!

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Maybe not but it is far easier to build ships with actual material.

    3. Reltzik

      See, that sounds like a Sal train of thought rather than a Malaya train of thought.

      Malaya’s pissed off by what she sees as Sal’s “I’m superior because I’m cool and broody” attitude, when what Sal really wants is to be left alone with the people she likes. So Malaya’s mission is to puncture that perceived arrogance, and leaving Sal alone doesn’t do that.

    4. BigDogLittleCat

      Sure they don’t *have* to interact (much), but Malaya seems to have no purpose in life other than to piss off Sal.

    5. BenRG

      In her weird, diseased way, Malaya genuinely thinks that she’s trying to help Sal.

    6. Thrabalen

      But the thing is, Malaya is a loathsome creature that exists for the sole purpose of making everyone else miserable so she doesn’t see how empty her existence is. She *could* co-exist with Sal without pissing her off, but then the only person she’d have to interact with is someone devoid of any redeeming quality whatsoever: Malaya.

      1. timemonkey

        Aside from Marcie whom she gets along rather well with and Carla who she’s sprat friends with.

      2. Deanatay

        Malaya has exactly one redeeming feature. Two syllables, first one starts with ‘f’, second one starts with ‘f’, and is most awesome part of comic.

    7. Deanatay

      It’s pretty clear to me that Malaya LIKES interacting with Sal. She prefers having an aggressive foil as a roommate, rather than a sunny wet dishrag. Malaya NEEDS confrontation and antagonism in her life.

      In fact, wouldn’t surprise me if one day Sal realizes this, and gets her back by adopting a sweet, accepting facade, calmly accepting and agreeing with whatever Malaya throws at her. Malaya’d probably crack in a few hours.

      1. geno

        That is a super mean way to refer to Lucy. She is a lovely ball of sunshine not a dishrag.

      2. BBCC

        That would be an absolutely delightful way for Sal to annoy her. It spells shenanigans.

    8. geno

      Malaya needs attention. She couldn’t function without it. She just hates positive attention for some reason

      1. TemperaryObsessor

        Sal could unofficially switch with Joyce for a few days. Convince Joyce that Malaya needs the type of help only Joyce can provide.

        1. Jordan

          Sarah probably wouldn’t be opposed to that. It’d give her a bit more quiet time to study since Sal would never be in the room.

  3. Ragnarok101

    This is why I dislike Malaya.

    1. Mr. Mendo

      Testify!

    2. adjudicus

      Seconded.

    3. Keulen

      In the other universe Malaya had a few redeeming qualities, but so far I’ve seen none from her in this strip.

      1. Kater

        I disagree. Certainly, Malaya’s been nothing but a jerk to Sal but she got Marcie into roller derby and started learning sign language for her. She also facilitated Sal seeing Marcie again when they were moving her in. Even not liking Sal, Malaya cared enough about Marcie’s happiness to bring the teo together. I find her abrasive personally but it’s not true that she has 0 redeming qualities.

        1. BigDogLittleCat

          I don’t think it was a redeeming quality of Malaya’s that got Marcie into roller derby so much as her cute ass.
          I’m also highly suspicious of her bringing Sal and Marcie “together.” Looked to me like an opportunity to show off that she’s got Marcie and Sal doesn’t, with the added bonus of needling Sal to bring out her worst side in front of Marcie to cement Marcie’s anger at Sal.

          I’m waiting for the fallout when Malaya realizes why Marcie likes her. I can’t see that going well for Marcie, as I think Malaya’s primary reason for liking Marcie is that Marcie likes her. That is, Malaya seems much too self-centered to like anyone for their own sake.

          I like Marcie, but she’s flat-out said she’s likes Malaya because she wants in her pants and now she’s playing the Nice Guy(tm) game of pretending to be just a friend in hopes that she can persuade the object of her lust to decide she lusts her back. To be honest, her friendship with Sal has been her best wuality so far.

    4. ProfessorDetective

      Amen.

    5. Reltzik

      … JUST this?

    6. BigDogLittleCat

      Yep. There are times it seems like Sal is the source of friction with her unprovoked hostility, then you see this and realize that that hostility is provoked, that Malaya has earned every bit of it.

    7. Jason

      Ohhh yeah. Malaya’s basically just antagonistic. She doesn’t show any level of empathy or respect for others.
      I really, REALLY dislike her. I didn’t much like the original incarnation but she was pretty much immediately out of her comfort zone and we saw a level of vulnerability from her that made her more tolerable. Here she’s this arrogant vile person without any noticeable vulnerabilities, redeeming qualities or anything else to help us connect to her.

      …I don’t want to start sounding like that Walky-hater though…

    8. geno

      I like her when it’s just her and Marcie.

    9. Godfather

      Yes.

  4. StClair

    And shining a bright light in people’s faces doesn’t make you edgy or superior, it just means you’re an asshole.

    1. K. Ivan Ruppert

      I think Malaya is one of those people who thinks being an asshole makes you inherently superior. Pick your reason.

      1. StClair

        ah, like the entire fandom for Black Hat Guy @ xkcd.

        1. Reltzik

          Nah, Black Hat Guy is actually clever. He’s a sadist who makes train wrecks, and that’s awful, and he’s awful, but at least those train wrecks are food for thought. Malaya lacks even that (not-really-)redeeming quality.

        2. Socks

          The redeeming quality of black hat guy in a more meta sense is that he is entertaining to read comics about; I am not entertained by Malaya. Maybe because I have known people who are needlessly antagonistic and think that makes them better than me, but not people who put landmines under cars? It’s like an Umbridge vs Voldemort thing. One of them would realistically be worse, but it’s not the one that gets way the fuck under my skin on a visceral level.

        3. Zach

          Black Hat Guy conceives of new ways to be a dick. He isn’t really ‘evil’, either. More amoral, bored, and totally lacking empathy.

        4. TemperaryObsessor

          Umm unless you happen to not want things that cause other people trouble that kind of makes you evil.

      2. tim gueguen

        Which of course leads to the question of who would win the ultimate battle, Malaya or Mike?

        1. Undrave

          Mike. No doubt.

        2. Clif

          Ditto.

        3. Reltzik

          I call third act anti-hero teamup.

        4. BigDogLittleCat

          oh my god, I never imagined a situation in which I’d be rooting for Mike.

          I also think he’d win. I think he’s a lot smarter than her, and his defensive position is much stronger, so even if she managed to land a hit, he’d be able to absorb it with negligible damage.
          On the other hand, she is so self-centered it borders on oblivious, so she might not even realize it when he takes her down. “Look, you stupid bastard, you’ve got no arms left.” “Yes I have.”

        5. GoblinScribe

          Pssh. Malaya would curbstomp Mike. Emotionally, I think he’d find her confounding.

        6. begbert2

          I’m no Mike fan, and I don’t subscribe to the “Mike is a saintly therapist in disguise” theory, but I still do think that Mike is discerning enough to read the obvious signals and fully understand Malaya with seconds of meeting her. And if she turned *any* of her piss-people-off attentions toward him, he’d dismantle her emotionally with such thoroughness that there would be nothing of her personality left.

        7. Clif

          Either that or he’d fall in love. See Walkyverse Amber/Mike

        8. Pl0x

          The easy answer is neither. It’s mutually assured destruction.

        9. All-Purpose Guru

          Mike puts a lot of effort into being a dick. Malaya just likes to piss people off, she doesn’t really WORK at it.

        10. geno

          Personally I like Mike. I could never see Malaya sacrificing herself for someone else, or being in a normal functional relationship. Not to mention grieve the loss of someone. Granted those were alt universe Mike’s accomplishments, but at least it means this universe Mike is capable of it. Even with Marcie I really don’t see Malaya working out. Eventually she’s gonna be a jerk to Marcie, and Marcie won’t take that shit.

        11. BBCC

          Even if she does, if Malaya upsets Marcie, Sal will gut her like a fish.

        12. Jordan

          Mike. @begbert2 is absolutely right. He’d figure her out within a minute of meeting her and destroy her emotionally and mentally. Probably by destroying her friendship with Marcie in front of everyone in the dorm.

      3. Arawn

        “Because sh#$ting on other people means you’re not gonna get S#@t on.”

        “What if somebody is pooping on you while you poop on someone else?”

        “What is this, German porn?”

        1. Chris Phoenix

          Two guys, one cup.

  5. Passchendaele

    “SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR IGUANA”

    *gasp* “dieeeeee”

  6. Badgermole

    Is Malaya tsundere for Sal or what?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Sal is the tsundere, Malaya is the sadist character

  7. Keulen

    I don’t understand why Malaya (or anyone really) would think shining a bright light in someone else’s face is a good idea.

    1. BBCC

      When I grew up, my mom told me you could go blind that way.

      Internet says that ocular damage doesn’t work that way, but retinal damage, potentially.

      1. Needfuldoer

        You’ll shine your eye out, kid!

      2. Delicious Taffy

        I occasionally spend upward of 20 minutes deliberately shining a bright LED or laser pointer in my own eye. So far, the biggest damage is an inability to read street signs from a quarter mile away.

  8. Zaidyer

    I bet Malaya thinks she’s doing Sal a favor by keeping it real for her in the most flippant, jerky way imaginable.
    I can attest that this is not a viable strategy.

    1. StClair

      I don’t think she cares about Sal that much.
      Or that she’s doing a ‘public service’ by keeping others from being taken in.
      I think she just believes that Sal is ‘fake’, and that should be torn down/away for its own sake.
      (Malaya, herself, is totally real and not at all hypocritical or “fronting”, ever. Really.)

      1. Andy

        I’m not sure she really even believes that much. Malaya seems to Malaya because fuck everyone else.

      2. StClair

        actually, now that I think about it…
        She’s probably going after Sal for two reasons:
        As a surrogate for all those others who have used their social position against her in the past; and
        Because she (consciously or otherwise) wants Marcie all to herself, and doesn’t want to share – especially not with someone who is so obviously fake and undeserving of Marcie’s friendship.

        1. BigDogLittleCat

          I would add that Sal’s everything she wants to be: sexy, cool, admired by all, feared by many.
          Malaya wants to be the awesome rebel outlaw, but really she’s just a selfish bongo.
          The irony is that to an extent she’s right: Sal’s not as detached and above it all as most people think she is. What Malaya doesn’t understand is that Sal isn’t “cool” to be superior; she’s cool to keep people at arm’s length so she doesn’t keep getting hurt by them.

        2. timemonkey

          Or, you know, she’s still pissed about that time Sal called her a cumstain, threatened her life and then attacked her because she was jealous that Marcie was spending time with Malaya.

          Marcie may have intervened and stopped the physical confrontation but that doesn’t mean Malaya has forgiven or forgotten.

        3. BigDogLittleCat

          the first time Malaya appeared, it seemed there was already a history between Sal and Malaya, so I took it that Sal’s threatening her was a result of Malaya’s crap, not the cause of it.
          Not denying that Sal has made little/no effort to disguise her dislike, but as we’ve seen Sal can be kind, insightful, and conflict avoidant, and we’ve never seen Malaya not being an asshole – to everyone, not just Sal – Sal gets the benefit of the doubt and I assume Malaya started it.

        4. Sam

          This.

          We have seen that Sal can be tolerant of people, aware and can care about people even if she is in conflict with them (Amazi-Girl) but she also challenged AG to a fight eventually when she was tired of her nonsense.

          Almost like when someone does a series of horrible things to you, you eventually lose your temper and have difficulty being kind to them.

          I would also like to point out that Sal before that fight did enter that conversation wanting to learn to tolerate Malaya better, and Malaya chose to, in response to being insulted (Sal didn’t enter the conversation well as she didn’t mask her hatred of Malaya), escalate, provoke Sal and provoke a physical fight. She wasn’t an innocent victim that was just attacked by Sal for no reason as she definitely helped provoke and instigate said fight for her own purposes as well.

      3. Jamie

        Is there a word for rebelling against rebellion?

        I mean, besides Kylo Ren.

        1. Cephalo the Pod

          I think that’s just a roundabout way of describing the status quo.

        2. Jason

          “Status Quo Warriors” comes to mind. The people who are so angry at the idea of change they lash out at anyone who supports it.

        3. StClair

          Ah, when you put it that way, there IS a word for it: “reactionaries.”

  9. Bicycle Bill

    WTF is a “copy-paste hot topic drone”?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I learnt that Hot Topic is a giant corporate retail chain that sells anti-establishment clothing, so I’m guessing she’s accusing Sal of being a rebel poser.

      1. ProfessorDetective

        Pretty much, yeah.

      2. tim gueguen

        Which is always amusing coming from Malaya, who isn’t exactly Miss Original herself.

    2. StClair

      Someone whose coolness and attitude are fake and copied from popular media, brands, etc.
      Not like YOURS, of course. YOU are an individual. You’re the REAL rebel, rejecting all that stuff. Yeah.

    3. Undrave

      Which begs the question… does Malaya knows about Sal’s criminal past?!

      1. Reltzik

        Given that she isn’t doing the sledgehammer equivalent of needling Sal with it sixty times a day? No, she does not.

    4. DailyBrad

      I have to wonder if Malaya thinks Hot Topic sells a bunch of biker shit. I uhh, don’t think they do.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Oh there’s plenty of stores that sell poser biker shit. Just look at all the fake club vests out there. (I don’t mean Sons of Anarchy merch or leather vests with the Harley-Davidson logo on them, I mean fake club jackets with rockers and 1% patches.Never wear those around actual motorcycle clubs. If you’re lucky, all they’ll do is laugh you into the next county.)

        Hot Topic might carry costume poser biker stuff, but Sal’s riding outfit is legitimate safety gear. (We’ve only ever seen her with that blue set, so presumably it was expensive at a motorcycle shop at some point.)

      2. Socks

        I needed a cheap goth accessory for a party a few years ago, so I went to my old high school standby, hot topic, to pick one up… Man, it’s JUST fandom stuff now. Literally couldn’t find the gothy thing I was looking for (a choker maybe? I don’t remember). Not even the vaguest hint of edge in sight.

        But then I got some really cute, like, skater dresses there, so I’m kinda okay with this change. But now I have no idea where to buy tacky, mass-produced mallgoth gear :/ It comes up sometimes!

        Sliding timescale-wise, I feel like Malaya has probably never been to a hot topic that ACTUALLY tries to sell edgy stuff in her entire life, now. They’ve just been nerd stuff for years. Damn that inevitable passage of time and how it impacts perpetual college freshmen in comics?

  10. Stephen Bierce

    *plays Stevie Nicks’ “Blue Lamp” on the hacked Muzak*–my favorite Christmas song!–Damn You Willis.

    1. Chris Phoenix

      Blue suede Christmas shoes.

  11. Mr. Mendo

    For all Malaya gives Sal crap about her supposedly fulfilling a role, she certainly does give Sal a lot of power over her in the name of trying to expose this supposed hypocrisy.

    Almost as if her entire “real” shtick is itself an act! 😉

    1. PB

      … I hadn’t considered this! Maybe it’s because Sal still has people willing to tolerate her and people who worship her (however unwanted that worship is), and Malaya is envious because the only people who like her are Marcie, Carla and Fuckface.

  12. Danni

    malaya needs to stop being a total dipshit.

    1. Reltzik

      But then what would she have left???

      1. Danni

        fuckface

        1. Arawn

          Fuckface is definitely an improvement.

  13. Stu

    If she hasn’t already, this is guaranteed the moment that Sal wishes Billie was her roommate still.

    1. Jason

      The moment Malaya turned up she wished it!
      Sal and Billie actually got on pretty well, considering the complete gamble that is roommates. (Seriously can’t believe this is a thing university’s think is a good idea, what the hell.) It didn’t hurt that Billie spent little time there- or, presumably, their prior acquaintance.

  14. Lapin

    I deeply love Malaya. I probably would have been in Marcie’s boat, way back when, and hella in love with her.

    1. Woobie

      why?

      1. Mr. Mendo

        …I have several questions.

      2. Arawn

        Some people just like getting s#$7 on.

    2. Kernanator

      Of all the Malaya strips to say this on, you said it on the one where she’s being a total asshole for no reason other than to be an asshole.

      …You do you, I guess.

      1. Some1

        Hey, some people find assholes attractive, and some people find assholes attractive

      2. Stu

        Maybe he’s just a big fan of anal?

  15. Mr. Random

    Putting people in situations where they have to disagree with you doesn’t make you observant or intelligent, it means you’re being an ass.

  16. BBCC

    Does Hot Topic even sell motorcycle gear? Because aside from that, most of Sal’s stuff is pretty ordinary – shorts, tank tops, sport shirts with things like ‘slim’ or ‘fitness’ on it. Nothing especially Hot Topic-y.

    1. StClair

      in one of those cases of nested irony, it’s lazy shorthand for lazy mall-bought “rebellion” (merchandise).

      1. BBCC

        I did know that, but I can’t think of anything Sal wears that would give off a Hot Topic vibe.

        1. Socks

          She wears tights with holes in them sometimes? I feel like that could be a hot topic thing.

        2. BBCC

          I thought those were cut-outs which are pretty normal nowadays for college students.

  17. newllend(henryvolt)

    Being a dick 101: lesson #1- poking the bear.

  18. Undrave

    Maybe Malaya wouldn’t think Sal is a poser rebel if she knew she held up a friggin’ convenience store… ‘Cause I don’t think she knows.

    1. CoMa

      I think nobody besides Marcie, Walky and possibly Billie knows (on campus. Well, and Amber). Though I can’t remember if we ever got to see a hint of Walky or Billie knowing about it, I just assume they do because of having been close in childhood and family and all that.

      1. TemperaryObsessor

        You forgot Ethan he knows cause Amber told him.

        1. CoMa

          Oh yeah, somehow I forgot about him. I think he also never really interacted with Sal, so maybe he slipped my mind because of that.

        2. TheKelliestKelly

          I don’t know if they interacted otherwise, but Ethan and Sal met at Joyce’s party. Also, Amber didn’t tell Ethan about the event cuz he was there. Sal took him as a hostage and put a knife to his neck

        3. Jason

          I feel like Amber spelled out to him that she was in college with them. I don’t recall him ever actually realising that was Sal.

        4. BBCC

          He hasn’t yet. Also, Walky knew (since he presumably couldn’t tune that out) but Billie didn’t know until this year.

    2. Woobie

      That shouldn’t impress anyone, though.

  19. TemporalShrew

    So… when is Malaya going to have that petty, vengeful demon currently inhabiting her body exorcised and act like a normal human, not completely oblivious to every single social norm?

    It can’t be healthy to feel this much constant, unrelenting pity for a character every time they say *any*thing.

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      We need to duct tape Joyce to her for a week or two, either the demon will escape screaming or Malaya will.

  20. Nono

    Counterpoint is that Malaya only shone the light in Sal’s face once she walked in saying loudly, ‘GEE I WISH YOU WEREN’T HOME RIGHT NOW’.

    1. Pl0x

      That’s not nearly as bad as almost blinding someone.

    2. BigDogLittleCat

      I could accept that reason if Malaya owned it, but she doesn’t. If she had said, you piss on me, I’ll piss back, then it could be counterpoint.
      Instead, she proves Sal right by acting like an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.

    3. Shiro

      But she had to have already been holding it, and there are very few reasons to be sitting at height advantage holding a heat lamp.

      1. Liliet

        To be fair she COULD have been doing the exact thing she said she was doing – basking Fuckface.

        The thing that pisses me off here is, if you want people to cover for you having a secret pet, you REALLY SHOULDN’T blame this pet’s existence for deliberately hurting them. Malaya acts as though Fuckface has some inherent right to be there, even though Sal is doing her a FAVOR by not tattling on her. I mean, not to mention she blames him for her own jerkish behavior, and that would be kind of terrible even if Fuckface DID have a right to be there, but given it doesn’t, it’s just… augh. What the fuck. Malaya shoudn’t be allowed to have pets, ever.

  21. DT

    You can write out Malaya and still have Fuckface in the strip, you know.

    1. ValdVin

      Let the “Garfield without Garfielding” of Malaya .commence!

  22. Roger Sterling

    Sal: “I’m serious, Malaya. One more word, and they’ll be finding pieces of fuckface in 900 strips.”

    Malaya: “Fuck you.”

    …

    Fuckface’s last scale
    by David M Willis on December 26, 2020 at 12:01 am
    0N-The Punchline

  23. newllend(henryvolt)

    Hmm granted she does come off as a try hard to me at times though she lacks the right amount of black eyeliner and Gothic wear to be a Hot Topic drone.

    1. ValdVin

      We should bring her over to Coffee of Doom. They’ve got the ultimate authority on who is or is not an HT drone.

  24. tirachokko

    i like how malaya seemed genuinely surprised at sal’s immense fury at having blinding lights in her eyes

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Maybe that’s how she makes friends?

  25. newllend(henryvolt)

    ….wait is this DoA’s 900th comic strip ?

    1. BBCC

      2378th.

    2. Needfuldoer

      Joyce has been in 923 comics so far, and Fuckface has been in six. Only 918 to go until he passes her!

      1. ValdVin

        How many Fuckface comics can we have without Malaya?

        (I imagine the answer is “Fewer than the readership desires.”)

  26. Br44n5m

    My family has turtles who also enjoy a bright light. You know what we don’t do with it? Shine it in peoples faces. If you truly dislike somebody just holding a turtle near their face will result in more injury than a damned light!

  27. GoblinScribe

    Okay, time for a brief Malaya Defense (because I don’t have time for a frickin’ essay, people):

    1. Malaya is extremely untrusting, reckless, and unperceptive. Remember, this is the girl who rushed Amazi-Girl solo.

    2. Malaya has decided, due to her cynicism and excessive skepticism, that Sal is an extremely artificial, arrogant person. She sees Sal as a toxic and controlling friend because of that, treating Sal essentially like a cult leader. Remember, the point isn’t that Malaya is being fair—it is that Malaya is both a poor enough judge of character and *slightly* enough on the money (Sal’s charade *is* a bit of a charade, but not for the reasons Malaya lazily ascribes) to stick to this assumption viciously.

    3. Malaya actually likes Marcie, and cares about Marcie and Sal resolving their issues. She has clearly decided that the way to do this is to get Sal to stop being so “artificial” and “arrogant”.

    4. Malaya is kind of a jerk.

    I think Malaya is an incredibly endearing character—a more entertaining Mike, if you will, due to her extreme fallibility and being slightly more realistic. We must be patient with her.

    1. BBCC

      Honestly, I really love Malaya, good intentions or no, but I DID get a little annoyed because the line at the end wasn’t as entertaining as she usually is. Come on, Malaya, I expect more entertaining brattiness than THAT.

    2. TemporalShrew

      Which of these things is endearing or deserving of defense, exactly, though…? It just reads like a long series of character faults with so, *so* few redeeming traits to counterbalance them.

      My problem is that she’s not only cynical and judgmental to a fault, but also a massive hypocrite. She judges Sal for being “artificial and arrogant” – leaving aside for a moment that she doesn’t bother to second-guess that assessment for a second – while also being a paragon of those characteristics herself. Her cynicism, skepticism, recklessness, and simplicity all come together to form a perfect picture of arrogance, incapable of responsible self-reflection, and she’s so shallow she doesn’t see anything wrong with any of it. And frankly if she’s not artificially going out of her way to be as perpetually obnoxious as she is, she’s just an awful person.

      I also think the only reason she cares at all whether Marcie and Sal get along is for Marcie’s sake. She doesn’t give a shit about Sal’s side of the issue. And the fact that she’s so unapologetically petty about all of this makes it impossible for me to even regard her as “an interesting character” in spite of her faults, because neither her motivations nor the actions she takes as a result of them are rational or defensible in any way. Or at least, no evidence to that effect has yet been presented.

      1. GoblinScribe

        Caring about Marcie is a character flaw, now?

        Malaya’s kinda a dumb jackass. She fits right in with this comic. Sal’s a stubborn jerkass, but she doesn’t get anywhere near the level of hate Malaya acquires.

        (As for the “Why do we hate Malaya but love Mike?” question, well, I have two theories.)

        1. Jhon

          Do either of them involve butts?

    3. Huehuetotl

      Maybe the difference between Malaya and Mike is that Malaya seems to be instinctually antagonistic, but for Mike it is a conscious choice. She apparently irritated many of the folks in Forest too. She’ll eventually do that in Read too, but hopefully that will lead to some self-reflection.

      1. Socks

        I think I pinned it down earlier, that the reason mike entertains me but malaya makes me want to punch through a wall is that I’ve known people who are like malaya, but never actually personally known any who were like mike. It’s the Umbridge vs. Voldemort thing, kind of. Of course I have personal experience with people who are selfish and thoughtless, and who subsequently act like dicks in pursuit of their own personal whatever it is they’re trying to do. But I’ve never actually met someone who keeps a list of people’s weaknesses in a knowing and intentional effort to perform evil for evil’s sake. One of those is just a much more realistic sort of asshole, and Malaya’s familiarity makes her WAY worse (to me) than Mike and his cartoonish supervillainy.

        1. Pl0x

          I’ve never been able to figure out why I hate Malaya so much but feel pretty neutral about Mike (leaning towards dislike), considering they’re both asshole-ish. I think your comment largely nailed it for me, so thanks.

        2. Zach

          Mike isn’t that inconceivable. His hate is all consuming, and it includes himself.

      2. 3-I

        What the fuck did Mike even do in this comic?

        1. Fart Captor

          He told Amber she was going to become her father, tried to get Walky dumped by Dorothy, helped chase Ethan back into the closet, mocked Billie for sleeping with Ruth the very morning after Ruth was hospitalized, tried to intimidate Joyce into telling him about Becky’s situation when she was hiding from Toedad, and has been plotting to try to seduce Ethan just to mess with his head.

          I can understand people liking Mike. I enjoy him too at times, but while he and Malaya are both unapologetic assholes, Mike tends to not only punch down, but punch down hard, in ways that cause lasting harm to people who inexplicably tolerate him as if he was their friend.

          Malaya on the other hand, is just extremely abrasive most of the time, and we haven’t seen her cause (or attempt to cause) anything worse than short-term irritation and/or people not trying to talk to her.

          In short, Mike is a more aggressive asshole who won’t leave people alone, while Malaya is a passive asshole who seems to want to be left alone. Sal is the only person she seems to actively seek to irritate so far. Anyone else who gets sick of her shit can just not hang around Malaya, but with Mike, you have to constantly be on your guard to fend him off.

        2. Fart Captor

          As an addendum, I don’t actually dislike Mike as a character. Teenage Mike being needlessly antagonistic, self-aggrandizing edgelord totally makes sense to me (maybe he’ll grow into deserving the friends he has, hopefully). I’ve known people who were like that before college, and I was more like him myself than I care to think about.

          I love that there is such a wide variety of assholes in this comic. Mike is just one of the ones I would punch in the face if I met him in person.

    4. Liliet

      None of this excuses the following sequence of actions:
      1) Bring an illegal pet into the dorm;
      2) Get your roommate to help cover for it;
      3) Use the pet’s equipment to deliberately hurt aforementioned roommate;
      4) Blame the animal for your actions.

      Like… what? Malaya is like, THE reason pets are banned in this dorm, probably. What the fuck.

  28. Bagge

    Yeah, I’m with Fuckface

  29. BenRG

    There are some people who, by their behaviour, show that they literally want to start a conflict. Malaya is one of those people. Oh, she dresses it up in nice-sounding reasons but, ultimately, she despises Sal’s behaviour and is punishing her for it. The problem is that anything Sal does in retaliation, she will see as ‘validation’. She’s the worst kind of bully in that way.

    1. timemonkey

      Sal started the hostilities, Malaya just hasn’t backed down. I’m not saying it’s right but Sal isn’t an innocent victim.

      1. Jengoci

        Just because Sal start it, doesn’t justify the constant hosrility for every little thing she does

        1. timemonkey

          Considering the starting it involved attacking her, it absolutely does.

        2. Sam

          Sal being the initial aggressor doesn’t justify Malaya’s active bullying and harassment now or false claims that she is an ‘animal hater’ for not wanting light shined directly in her face (this is rude in general, but if Sal had an eye condition, this could also cause a flare-up so it isn’t really something you should be going around doing to people you hardly know).

        3. BBCC

          They already didn’t like each other before that. That was not the start of hostilities.

        4. timemonkey

          Not liking someone isn’t the same as hostilities.

        5. BBCC

          I think we have different definitions of hostilities then. Because the way those two carried on at each other definitely counts in my book.

  30. CJ

    shouldn’t we see Ruth pestering those two about a roommate agreement?

    Malaya is much worse than Joyce in processing new information. She has her preconceived notion about who Sal is and ignores reality to prove it (and yes, you can hurt someone’s eyes by shining a too bright light into them. Besides, it’s a tactic of torture (the comparatively harmless kind if this can be said in this context).

    OT:I might be out of touch for part of January because I just moved and don’t have a landline yet. And the mobile volume runs out faster than anything. How did the internet ever work with a 64 Bit connection?

  31. SDGlyph

    Ooh, nice lighting work in this one, Willis!

  32. JessWitt

    Get your sunglasses out, guys. Next best solution to turning off the darn lamp.

    1. Jason

      Having the light on isn’t a problem. Having it shining directly at someone’s face is the problem.

  33. TemperaryObsessor

    If Marcie really cared about Fuckface she would instantly turn off the lamp and apologize, then she would try to find a place to shine the light which is both not visible from the door and not in anyone’s eye. You know cause when you make caring for an animal your not supposed to have maximally annoying for someone else you can make them dislike the animal as well.

    1. CoMa

      Slight correction: Malaya not Marcie

      1. TemperaryObsessor

        Thanks

    2. Khyrin

      No… whether or not she really does care about Fuckface. She’s using Fuckface as a shield to excuse her bad behaviour.
      “Oh, you want to break this uncontextualized light that I am blinding you with? that makes you an animal-hater because it’s for taking care of my pet!”

      malaya is being B O N G O of the highest order, and Sal can’t do anything about it because then she’s just whining.

      I wonder if the scar on her hand would change Malaya’s tune.

      1. Liliet

        ^^^ T H I S

        Malaya deliberately antagonizing Sal would have been actually entertaining, funnier-Mike-style, if she wasn’t involving Fuckface in it in an incredibly jerky manner, GIVEN SAL IS GIVING HER A FAVOR BY LETTING FUCKFACE BE THERE AT ALL. That just makes me see red >_<

  34. Bast

    New censorship idea.
    When someone writes Donald it should change to Harry.
    When someone writes Trump it should change to Potter.
    When someone writes Hillary it should change to Hermione.
    When someone writes Clinton it should change to Granger.

    “Why?” I hear you ask, because funny.

    1. Jhon

      I believe there is a Firefox add-on that will let you do just that.

  35. Just Me

    A. Shining a bright light in someone’s eyes can be dangerous. B. Just because the person having the light shined in their face is annoyed, doesn’t make them an animal hatted – false equivalence, C. If Mayala really wanted to help the Sal/Marcie situation she would try to make friends with Sal, not enemies. D. Sal should apply for room reassignment.

    1. Just Me

      Typo: it’s supposed to read “Animal Hater”

    2. Nemirthel

      It’s not like that lamp does Fuckface any good when it’s pointed at Sal’s face instead of him. Malaya is just being an asshole. Which isn’t going to help anything with Marcie.

      1. TemperaryObsessor

        The light was aimed at Fuckface you can tell looking at panel three by the light circle and Fuckfaces shadow and by the way the lamp is pointed in the last panel, but it either casts a wide enough circle to hit Sal’s eyes as well or reflects harshly enough to still hurt her eyes. But Fuckface a few minutes with it off won’t hurt him.

        1. thejeff

          In the last panel, the light is no longer aimed at Sal, that’s how we can see it, rather than just the bright circle. She turns it back to Fuckface when she says “fine”.

        2. Kernanator

          Yeah, no, that’s not what’s happening.

          The thing is, Fuckface is clearly seated to Malaya’s right side on the bed. But in panel 3, Malaya appears to be holding a bright circle.* The only way she can be aiming it at Fuckface in that panel is if it is less of a lamp and more of a super bright lightbulb/orb that shines in all directions at once. But as panel 7 shows, it’s a standard lamp. She is very deliberately shining it in Sal’s face to antagonize her.

          *Technically, the art shows a bright circle attached to Malaya’s arm where her hand should be, but that’s a trick of perspective.

  36. DarkoNeko

    Animal ? I only see a future handbag.

    1. Deanatay

      Hey, hey, HEY! Hate the Malaya, NOT the Fuckface!

      1. HMH

        Dafuq? Obviously he was talking about Malaya, how could you possibly take that any other way?

  37. Koms

    And by the way, I must say I love the play of light and shade in this strip.

  38. Liliet

    Malaya, honey, you really really didn’t need to shine that lamp AT SAL. Demanding that you point it where it belongs (at the animal) and not at your roommate while the animal sits there confused, does not in fact make Sal an animal hater. It makes you a terrible pet owner.

  39. ValdVin

    The Boondocks’ most unique character (among many) is Uncle Ruckus.

    Somewhere in the third or fourth season, the show devoted an episode to his backstory, and it did the nigh-impossible: It explained how Uncle Ruckus became who he is. Not that it made him everyone’s favorite character, but it did a great job of showing how an ordinary boy was raised into the distempered, cranky, self-hating adult Uncle Ruckus. In turn, I (and some other viewers) felt a bit of…compassion…for him. I had to marvel at how that was accomplished.

    I wonder if Willis has any tricks up his sleeve for Malaya.

    1. PB

      I’d like that. Something to make her less one-dimensional. Also that’s my favorite episode besides the Bob Ross one.

      1. ValdVin

        The one where Riley is taken under the wing of a painting instructor? That had some great moments and also we saw parts of Riley which are often hidden.

  40. Nep

    Malaya is a dirtbag and I love her. I hope she never changes.

  41. Ryek Hvek

    Well, pardon me all the way to East Saint Louis. I need my heat, what can I say?

  42. PB

    Seriously though, even with my comments on others’ theories above, I have to wonder: what the fuck is Malaya’s deal?

  43. bleepbloop

    As much as I usually dislike edgel0rds, Sal really…isn’t one? Which makes Malaya constantly badgering her for being so fake edgy really annoying and unnecessary…like she’s trying way too hard and getting mad at Sal over nothing. Hopefully that was the intention?

    1. bleepbloop

      Nvm, just read through the comments. I was trying to be gentle because I was afraid Malaya was one of those characters that readers like “””BECAUSE they’re an asshole””” and didn’t want to ruffle any feathers. Fortunately she’s not and for the most part everyone agrees she’s awful! I’m also glad people have pointed out the hypocrisy of her “anti-edginess”. “You’re fake because you pretend to not care about anyone ((even if Sal doesn’t…)) but I’M super 100% #real because I’m an asshole :)”. She’s like one of those people that’s like “I’m not a bongo, I’m just honest” and they use that as an excuse to be terrible. Sorry, end rant, Malaya just really pisses me off.

  44. John

    Goddammit Malaya.

  45. dralou

    Welp, it seems it’s back to square one for me when it comes to see Malaya’s appearances. I didn’t care for her in “Shortpacked!” for a very long time, but she eventually became tolerable and I’m fairly certain Willis will make her interesting to read again, but currently… Yeah, I’d rather see Ninja Rick’s adventures.

    Even if the little we’ve seen of her does show her as three-dimensional character, and there really was not that much showtime so I shouldn’t be bothered that much. Yet she makes me shiver with rage.

    I really don’t like feeling I’d beat someone up on the spot but about every time she appears (there are exceptions), she looks more and more like a punching bag to me. And again, this is a part of my personality that I hate and I try very hard to keep in check, I know it’s wrong. I can’t wait for the story to go somewhere else because I’m already mentally exhausted.

    1. PB

      … I miss Ninja Rick.

  46. Parzival

    Malaya has never been pleasant to read, not in Shortpacked, not here. I get that that’s sort of the point, but she’s like Mike without the redeeming qualities.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      Mike has redeeming qualities?

  47. Josh Spicer

    Oh great…more Malaya bullshit.

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