They should switch to the Juices of Sappho. Oops, I mean, the Juice of Sapho. Otherwise known as Caffeine. Enough of that stuff, and you’ll get your IBS (or some unreasonable faxmachine-ily) back.
(for riff purposes, i’m guessing the caffeinated juices of sappho would be…tea? lady grey, maybe?)
i feel like even the ‘spice’ themed places might have a ‘mild’ option or like the sauce on the side so you can control the amount (tho i’d rather it have taste too rather than being a ‘kick’ for those challenge places but i guess i just don’t like vinegar? based sauces, i’ve had like korean? wings with like spiced/sauce that was alright,if a level or two higher than i’d prefer). i just don’t like the places that’s like “level 1 to 5” and like “Level one (wimp!)” as a condescending kinda thing
Although maybe something ‘spicy and sweet’ might be good, i’d be interesting in a ‘spicy ice cream’ although i don’t like ‘sweet and meat/savory’ together as a combo, did try some mexican chili? chocolate friend brought back as a souvenir that was pretty good
I always recommend sriracha or crystal for people starting out. It’s got the spicy taste without the heat. Spicy ice cream is also good because the chill of the ice cream counters the heat so you get the feel but it goes away quickly without torturing you.
GreyICE
Start with ghost peppers. They’re called “ghost” because the heat fades and quickly.
not someone else
Now that might get mean /hj
Disastroid
It would definitely be mean to give a ghost pepper hj.
Spicy ice cream sounds like a total betrayal to me. I use the ice cream as an escape from the cheap heat at certain places, so combining the two is like putting roller skates at the bottom of a walker.
Once, for a chili cookoff at his work, my partner and I made chili ice cream. We created 2 different recipes. They both showcase a ribbon of jalapeno jelly. The Mexican chocolate base went really well with it.
Everyone brave enough to try it, loved it.
Yeah, that’s Indiana. Any non-specialty place, despite their “Spicy!” or “!Caliente!” name, is going to have several non (or very, very low)-capsaicin options.
Proxiehunter
And if they’re anything like Michigan you have a 50/50 chance of their “Hot and Spicy” option that tops out their list of how spicy their offerings get being in fact milder than tobasco sauce or being undiluted ghost pepper.
Plain Marie
My FIL once asked the very tame Indiana Mexican restaurant if they had a milder salsa. They said, Uh… no? ?
Steamweed
Mom and Pop type place? I love the places that have their own salsa recipes.
Thing is, most places that serve spicy East Asian or Mexican food feature things like burritos and stir-fry. All of these would be unacceptable even without spice, as they still entail different types of food not only touching, but deliberately co-mingled.
For the autist in need, “crab” Rangoon is a good neutral ground. It’s typically just a crispy shell with cream cheese inside, at least ’round Little Egypt.
eh, whatever
You’ve overlooked how disgusting all rotten milk products, including cheese, are.
VicMortimer
The best cheese is the moldy cheese.
(And now I’m craving a nice Stilton.)
butting
“I’m looking for real Stilton. It is not a banned substance, Sebastian. Look, I’ll level with you. I do Stilton now and then. I can handle it… I know it’s the bugs, that’s what cheese is: gone off milk with bugs and mold. Cows and bugs together have a good deal going down. Why can’t people grasp this?”
I don’t know when but a new world will open up for Joyce when she overcomes her food barrier.
Nymph
If. If she overcomes it. There’s sadly no guarantee that she will.
Laserbeaks Fury
I think it’ll come. For me, when I realized I didn’t have to justify *why* I disliked any particular food, it got way easier to try things to find what worked.
Gigafreak
I’m approaching my 40s and still can’t stand anything spicier than cheese Doritos. I, too, would walk right past those two shops, as I am woefully underequipped to withstand Mother Nature’s chemical warfare.
It took me a very long time to get around to trying pizza. (Not “almost 40 years” long, but I think I didn’t dare until my early teens.) Because its sauce is red, and red is the color of several spicy sauces.
Joyce may well have already had a food breakthrough, if pizza is an option to begin with. I wouldn’t hold my breath expecting more.
Jeremiah
It literally doesn’t matter. If she is happy with it, she is happy with it.
Sirksome
I never said it mattered. Nor was I dismissive of her preferences. It’s fine if she doesn’t like spicy food. I didn’t know I had to clarify that.
My mom’s averse of anything hotter than a steamed carrot, so I only realized what I was missing when I started ordering take-out and cooking for myself.
Now I find it disappointing when a restaurant says something’s “hot and spicy” but it turns out mild. (I’m looking at you, local Chinese restaurant. General Tso’s Chicken isn’t supposed to just taste like duck sauce!)
on a college students budget? …ah, right i guess jen’s parents are rich but idk, but idk if they’d be concerned if she bought like 400 bucks worth of food/whatever would be an unusual amount for a regular college students
unless they literally never check/care unless she spends like 5k in an hour or think it’s some party/networking/catering thing
The dining hall cards at my university were literally like “swipe as you come in, eat as much as you like from as many stalls as you like, do not take any off premises OR WE WILL KNOW”
They never knew.
Steamweed
I’ve visited one of those. Most campuses I’ve been to, though, had cashiers.
Mano308gts
My undergraduate university had the stay & eat as long as you like style. I lived off campus, but I knew people who would swipe in for lunch, do their classwork, and then eat dinner on a single ‘meal swipe’
Yumi
Mine was also similar to that. If you lived in the dorms, you had to have a meal plan, and all the meal plans were unlimited for the dining halls (meaning number of times you could go). When I lived off-campus senior year, I’d sometimes do what Mano said, go to one (you could pay to enter if you didn’t have a meal plan) and then stay for multiple meals.
I also learned which ones you could reasonably lie your way into getting in for free.
They’re friends, they can make out. Maybe bang once.
Freemage
Only after she bangs Joyce, first, because then Joyce would allow Joe and Jennifer to bang because that would be fair, in her mind.
Steamweed
Welp, I guess if Joyce ain’t gonna get sex ed by watching (with one eye closed) while Walky and Dorothy go at it, then she can get some ed by watching Joe and Jennifer go at it. Girl’s gotta get some learnin’ somehow.
honestly when i was younger i used to eat pizza w/o the sauce (can now tho still not that fond of tomato and occasionally put ketchup on fries but would prefer the ‘seasoned’ fries or so)
i do like peperoni, i wouldn’t mind eating it by itself but we don’t rly buy those/make our own ones, tho i have seen like ‘pepperoni snacks and cheese’ wraps/sticks’ tho
We have a place here that does cold cheese. So any slice of pizza and then when they take it back out of the oven, they throw a handful of the mozzarella on top of it. So good
EVERYTHING is wrong with a plain cheese pizza. And by “everything” I mean it doesn’t have pepperoni, beef, Italian sausage, bacon, anchovies, onion, green peppers, black olives, green olives, banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, spinach, artichoke hearts, and feta.
(It’s really hard to get most places to make a good pizza these days. Most don’t have the anchovies, you have to bring your own. And they whine about “too many toppings”. Fools.)
299 thoughts on “Caliente”
NGPZ
“The Spice! She knows about The Spice!”
Michael Steamweed
“The spice must flow…away from Joyce.”
TrueVCU
The Spice extends life. The Spice expands consciousness. Without it, there is no irritable bowel syndrome in the Empire.
Steamweed
They should switch to the Juices of Sappho. Oops, I mean, the Juice of Sapho. Otherwise known as Caffeine. Enough of that stuff, and you’ll get your IBS (or some unreasonable faxmachine-ily) back.
(for riff purposes, i’m guessing the caffeinated juices of sappho would be…tea? lady grey, maybe?)
Plaaaaaa
Look at those blue eyes.
Sirksome
I like spicy food. Joyce is missing out.
anon
i feel like even the ‘spice’ themed places might have a ‘mild’ option or like the sauce on the side so you can control the amount (tho i’d rather it have taste too rather than being a ‘kick’ for those challenge places but i guess i just don’t like vinegar? based sauces, i’ve had like korean? wings with like spiced/sauce that was alright,if a level or two higher than i’d prefer). i just don’t like the places that’s like “level 1 to 5” and like “Level one (wimp!)” as a condescending kinda thing
Although maybe something ‘spicy and sweet’ might be good, i’d be interesting in a ‘spicy ice cream’ although i don’t like ‘sweet and meat/savory’ together as a combo, did try some mexican chili? chocolate friend brought back as a souvenir that was pretty good
Sirksome
I always recommend sriracha or crystal for people starting out. It’s got the spicy taste without the heat. Spicy ice cream is also good because the chill of the ice cream counters the heat so you get the feel but it goes away quickly without torturing you.
GreyICE
Start with ghost peppers. They’re called “ghost” because the heat fades and quickly.
not someone else
Now that might get mean /hj
Disastroid
It would definitely be mean to give a ghost pepper hj.
morleuca
Serrano bj’s are pretty fun
`
Are we thinking of the same bj’s?
Yumi
Yes. Just maybe not the same “fun.”
Laura
Depends whose fun it is…
9-:
Freezer
And here I thought Altoids beejs were racy…
Taffy
Spicy ice cream sounds like a total betrayal to me. I use the ice cream as an escape from the cheap heat at certain places, so combining the two is like putting roller skates at the bottom of a walker.
Opus the Poet
My walker has inline skate wheels under it at all 4 corners. It really helps me have a smooth stride. 🙂
Li
Japan has created some quite weird ice cream flavors. I am told shrimp ice cream tastes the most like what you’d expect.
Li
(I’m pretty sure this is a case of the weirdness being on purpose, too, so I don’t feel bad calling it that ?)
Nono
I always say start with Japanese curry because that’s sweet, and you can slowly introduce spice to it.
Lokitsu
I think what Joyce wants is the bland option.
Arioch
Once, for a chili cookoff at his work, my partner and I made chili ice cream. We created 2 different recipes. They both showcase a ribbon of jalapeno jelly. The Mexican chocolate base went really well with it.
Everyone brave enough to try it, loved it.
Steamweed
Yeah, that’s Indiana. Any non-specialty place, despite their “Spicy!” or “!Caliente!” name, is going to have several non (or very, very low)-capsaicin options.
Proxiehunter
And if they’re anything like Michigan you have a 50/50 chance of their “Hot and Spicy” option that tops out their list of how spicy their offerings get being in fact milder than tobasco sauce or being undiluted ghost pepper.
Plain Marie
My FIL once asked the very tame Indiana Mexican restaurant if they had a milder salsa. They said, Uh… no? ?
Steamweed
Mom and Pop type place? I love the places that have their own salsa recipes.
Freemage
Thing is, most places that serve spicy East Asian or Mexican food feature things like burritos and stir-fry. All of these would be unacceptable even without spice, as they still entail different types of food not only touching, but deliberately co-mingled.
Taffy
For the autist in need, “crab” Rangoon is a good neutral ground. It’s typically just a crispy shell with cream cheese inside, at least ’round Little Egypt.
eh, whatever
You’ve overlooked how disgusting all rotten milk products, including cheese, are.
VicMortimer
The best cheese is the moldy cheese.
(And now I’m craving a nice Stilton.)
butting
“I’m looking for real Stilton. It is not a banned substance, Sebastian. Look, I’ll level with you. I do Stilton now and then. I can handle it… I know it’s the bugs, that’s what cheese is: gone off milk with bugs and mold. Cows and bugs together have a good deal going down. Why can’t people grasp this?”
(Lenny Henry in Chef!)
Taffy
Why would you put rotten cheese in your crab Rangoon? That’s just silly, let’s not invent things to be wrong with our food.
Nymph
Well NOW what am I going to do on a Saturday?
Nymph
loveloveLOVE your gravatar, Taffy!
Deanatay
“What did you just say?? ‘Chai tea’? Chai MEANS tea, bro! You’re saying ‘tea tea’ who says ‘tea tea’ do you like milk milk in your coffee coffee?”
And that AFTER the whole “ATM machine” and “PIN number” between Miles and Spot…
Nymph
I don’t think you meant to respond to me.
Jeremiah
No that is a relevant response it is a quote from the character in the profile pic, it’s from the second spider verse movie.
Nymph
Ahhhhh okay that makes so much sense now. Thank you.
Sirksome
I don’t know when but a new world will open up for Joyce when she overcomes her food barrier.
Nymph
If. If she overcomes it. There’s sadly no guarantee that she will.
Laserbeaks Fury
I think it’ll come. For me, when I realized I didn’t have to justify *why* I disliked any particular food, it got way easier to try things to find what worked.
Gigafreak
I’m approaching my 40s and still can’t stand anything spicier than cheese Doritos. I, too, would walk right past those two shops, as I am woefully underequipped to withstand Mother Nature’s chemical warfare.
It took me a very long time to get around to trying pizza. (Not “almost 40 years” long, but I think I didn’t dare until my early teens.) Because its sauce is red, and red is the color of several spicy sauces.
Joyce may well have already had a food breakthrough, if pizza is an option to begin with. I wouldn’t hold my breath expecting more.
Jeremiah
It literally doesn’t matter. If she is happy with it, she is happy with it.
Sirksome
I never said it mattered. Nor was I dismissive of her preferences. It’s fine if she doesn’t like spicy food. I didn’t know I had to clarify that.
Needfuldoer
My mom’s averse of anything hotter than a steamed carrot, so I only realized what I was missing when I started ordering take-out and cooking for myself.
Now I find it disappointing when a restaurant says something’s “hot and spicy” but it turns out mild. (I’m looking at you, local Chinese restaurant. General Tso’s Chicken isn’t supposed to just taste like duck sauce!)
Amós Batista
Hang it there!
Jeremiah
Well if she doesn’t like spice then she just missing out on something she wouldn’t enjoy.
Kyulen
I like to be able to taste my food without most of the taste being horrible burning.
Nono
Psh, the true way to do it is to order from every place once so you can sample and judge them for future meal planning purposes.
anon
on a college students budget? …ah, right i guess jen’s parents are rich but idk, but idk if they’d be concerned if she bought like 400 bucks worth of food/whatever would be an unusual amount for a regular college students
unless they literally never check/care unless she spends like 5k in an hour or think it’s some party/networking/catering thing
Needfuldoer
Everybody enrolled as a student more than likely has a pre-paid meal plan, which should cover most of the food sold in the dining halls.
They have to pay for their off-campus outings to Target and Galasso’s out of pocket.
Nymph
The dining hall cards at my university were literally like “swipe as you come in, eat as much as you like from as many stalls as you like, do not take any off premises OR WE WILL KNOW”
They never knew.
Steamweed
I’ve visited one of those. Most campuses I’ve been to, though, had cashiers.
Mano308gts
My undergraduate university had the stay & eat as long as you like style. I lived off campus, but I knew people who would swipe in for lunch, do their classwork, and then eat dinner on a single ‘meal swipe’
Yumi
Mine was also similar to that. If you lived in the dorms, you had to have a meal plan, and all the meal plans were unlimited for the dining halls (meaning number of times you could go). When I lived off-campus senior year, I’d sometimes do what Mano said, go to one (you could pay to enter if you didn’t have a meal plan) and then stay for multiple meals.
I also learned which ones you could reasonably lie your way into getting in for free.
DailyBrad
I am liking the dynamic right now, honestly.
God, imagine if Joe of all people ends up being a good friend for her right now. You know, that’d track, actually.
anon
as long as jen doesn’t chug an ’emergency’ flask and try to make out with him lol
John Campbell
They’re friends, they can make out. Maybe bang once.
Freemage
Only after she bangs Joyce, first, because then Joyce would allow Joe and Jennifer to bang because that would be fair, in her mind.
Steamweed
Welp, I guess if Joyce ain’t gonna get sex ed by watching (with one eye closed) while Walky and Dorothy go at it, then she can get some ed by watching Joe and Jennifer go at it. Girl’s gotta get some learnin’ somehow.
Armadillo
Joe’s friendship game is pretty on point these days, wouldn’t surprise me.
Animedingo
Their shoulders are touching. Scandalous
Wendy
You can’t go too far wrong with a plain cheese pizza.
anon
honestly when i was younger i used to eat pizza w/o the sauce (can now tho still not that fond of tomato and occasionally put ketchup on fries but would prefer the ‘seasoned’ fries or so)
i do like peperoni, i wouldn’t mind eating it by itself but we don’t rly buy those/make our own ones, tho i have seen like ‘pepperoni snacks and cheese’ wraps/sticks’ tho
morleuca
I dated a girl who always ordered her pizza without cheese. the way the sauce gets caramelized was yummy
Miafillene
Cheddar cheese on pizza. My school used to do that.
morleuca
We have a place here that does cold cheese. So any slice of pizza and then when they take it back out of the oven, they throw a handful of the mozzarella on top of it. So good
VicMortimer
EVERYTHING is wrong with a plain cheese pizza. And by “everything” I mean it doesn’t have pepperoni, beef, Italian sausage, bacon, anchovies, onion, green peppers, black olives, green olives, banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, spinach, artichoke hearts, and feta.
(It’s really hard to get most places to make a good pizza these days. Most don’t have the anchovies, you have to bring your own. And they whine about “too many toppings”. Fools.)
HueSatLight
The ice cream is cardamom flavored.
Van Jealous
ICE CREAM VINDALOO!!!!
Taffy
I’ve never even had prawn.
Steamweed