188

Carbs
Posted on October 26, 2020 by David M Willis

188 thoughts on “Carbs”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “Ma’am, this is a Wendy’scollege cafeteria”

    1. clif

      Also macaroni is not noodles.

      Noodles, unlike bells, are never tubular.

      1. Ohmsford

        The Ninja Turtles would say noodles are totally tubular

      2. fridge_logic

        Wait, are you referencing that song by Alan Rickman?

        1. Daibhid C

          No disrespect to Mr Rickman, but that feels a bit like calling “We Built This City” a song by Les Garland.

      3. davidbreslin101

        I wanna play the noodular bells!

      4. Daibhid C

        I’d say that macaroni is a form of noodles, but noodles, without futher context, does not mean maraconi.

        Like a lion is a cat, but if I told someone I was thinking of getting a cat, I wouldn’t expect them to give me a lion.

        1. The WonderRabbit

          Macaroni and noodles are both types of pasta, but macaroni are not a noodle.
          Lasagna sheets are pasta but not noodle also.

      5. Demoted Oblivious

        While I fully support relying on the Ninja Turtles for the definition of noodles, I also would like to contribute a descriptivist definition of noodle that, in some regions, supports tubular noodles, and in other regions does not.

        i.e. I say tom[ā|ă]toe and you say it wrong.

      6. DSL

        This is eerily reminiscent of the whole dustup over what to call Pluto, except it’s about pasta.

        1. Agemegos

          Pluto is plainlyk a dog. The question is: what is Goofy?

        2. The WonderRabbit

          Also a dog, in the sense that gorillas and humans are both apes.

  2. Doctor_Who

    Does Beckyism offer any literature I could peruse?

    1. clif

      I’ve got some old Church of the SubGenius pamphlets that could probably be edited to contain Beckyisms.

      1. Deanatay

        Church of The SubBecky?

    2. Felis Dee

      I dunno, but her “This mac and cheese is my parents’ body” is right out of the Church of the FSM. Maybe start there?

      1. NelC

        Ooh, schism in the Church of Becky. This can only mean holy war.

    3. DSL

      If Cherry Coke is the blood, what is the tomato sauce?

  3. Sirksome

    It’s really hard to read whether this is a troll or not.

    1. clif

      Becky is collecting Joyce faces, confirmed.

    2. Pablo360

      This is just what progressive protestants are like.

      1. clif

        As long as they show proper respect for the Cheese.

        1. Dara

          The cheese is wise. Embrace the cheese. Smear it all over your face.

        2. Deanatay

          The Cheese is applied to The Noodles
          And eaten, in Remembrance of His sacrifice

        3. Charles Spencer

          Is noodle worship part of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

        4. Jinx

          It *is* the Church of the Flying SPAGHETTI Monster. Does noodle worship sound out of the question?

          And, yes, the followers of quob are into noodles and pirates.

        5. Demoted Oblivious

          What in the name of all that is wholey molely did I just watch?

        6. Needfuldoer

          Who knows, maybe in Beckyism, all mentions of The Cheese have been removed or retconned. You could say they cut The Cheese.

    3. Keulen

      I’m pretty sure Becky is trying to troll Joyce here.

  4. Beau Kirin Maysey

    Starring:

    Joyce, the most Christian athiest!

    And Becky, the most athiest Christian!

    1. MK15

      Nailed the cognitive dissonance in this one.

    2. Pablo360

      Nah, this makes sense. Progressive Protestants are more sacreligious than the loudest, proudest, most petulant atheist could ever hope to be.

      1. abysswatcher1993

        So you have seen the Skeptics of youtube like that guy with armor ande shoeonhead?

        1. Beef

          I don’t think shoeonhead really makes religious videos does she? Last I saw her videos were about liberals and pedophiles. Maybe AS went back to making videos about religion but I haven’t seen his videos since my weird right-libertarian phase when all the youtube “skeptics” were making videos about “tHe SjWs”

      2. Deanatay

        Well, Mac ‘n’ Cheese IS sacrelicious…

  5. Diner Kinetic

    I’d normally try to say something substantive here, but just… Becky, dramatically speaking these lines, is the greatest thing that has happened in this strip

    1. Leorale

      This assertion is…. substantiated

      1. Jeff K!

        Ba-dum tssh!

      2. Khyrin

        one might even say, as this scene represents Becky exercising her change of position from freeloader to student, it has been transubstantiated?

        Yes, it was a reach for that pun, but I had to go for it.

        1. Stanistani

          Nothing but net.

        2. Moonie

          10 internets for you good sir/ma’am/human

      3. Proxiehunter

        I think we need Carla to substantiate this.

  6. Leorale

    Evidence suggests that she can get indignant, Sarah!
    Anyway this is the best.

  7. Tarpo

    Forgiveness of sins can give you diabetes. But it would be totally worth it

    1. Pablo360

      Fun fact: In the early Church, there was one city that started turning communion into an excuse to have a party and drink a bunch of wine every week, to the point that Paul’s reprimand of this is in the Bible. I don’t remember where though.

      1. MaximumZero

        This reminds me of my boxing coach getting me rip-roaring drunk because of a Mel Brooks skit. See, he was also a rabbi in upstate NY, and this was the day after Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of Atonement. That day also happened to be my birthday. He handed me a bottle and said, “We’re not training today. We have to make sure we have something to atone for next year!” I am not only not Jewish, I’m openly a hard atheist. He didn’t care. We still blessed everything with that wine.

  8. GutterChick

    Been a lesbian for a few months and she’s already leaning into the vampire thing

    1. Doctor_Who

      Maybe she got a copy of Carmilla for Christmas.

      1. Mariah Hardnett

        Or you know watched the web series

  9. butts

    old habits die hard, huh

  10. Suet

    But for how much longer can their toils and agony sustain ya? Why must we eat?

    And thus, I propose another circle of hell: borborygmus. *scarfs down all the communion wafers*

    1. Suet

      Cherry Vanilla Coke does not even taste like Cherry or Vanilla

      the true sacrilege

    2. Geneseepaws

      You can listen to the rumble, the rattle, and the roar…
      Of Borborygmus!

  11. timemonkey

    I will be surprised if someone doesn’t throw something at Becky while yelling at her to shut up.

    1. Doctor_Who

      I saw weirder stuff in the dining hall at college.

      I like a bit of cabaret while I eat.

      1. clif

        I first went to college in the late 60’s and saw and heard weirder stuff in the Student Union cafeteria. Also in the elevators.

        1. clif

          Though in fairness, every year the drama department would have a class on performance art, and once the class got settled in they would invariably go into “freak out the mundane” mode.

        2. Dara

          I went to art school. The other students would come over and watch us during final projects week for weirder stuff than this, it’s true.

    2. Keulen

      It’s college, people are doing weird stuff all the time.

      1. timemonkey

        Yes, exactly, it gets annoying after a while and this hasn’t been a quiet uneventful campus.

      2. DSL

        I went to a boring campus (We even called it Boring Green). There was (and still is) a campus-sanctioned group that runs around in boiler suits and various full-head masks, taping up rigidly-formatted but meant to look crudely hand-lettered spirit signs and that’s about as rambunctious as things usually get there. An anti-apartheid protest was vandalized with the explicit support of the student government, on the grounds that it would look shabby during Parents’ Weekend. One of the professors who was on campus in The Sixties, Man! called it a “hotbed of rest.”

  12. Stephen Bierce

    Useless Fact: the former carpet mascot of what is now Flooring America was named Berber Ann.

    Get Out Of My Dreams, Get Into My Carb….

    1. Stephen Bierce

      I just had to look up the Gotham Girls series because of this strip…

      HARLEY QUINN: I’m with you, Red! Let’s make like a Church bell–and peal! Like the Red Sea–and SPLIT!–
      (leaving out the punchline because it’s not particularly funny without the setting and situation)

    2. Geneseepaws

      That was brilliant!
      Also, “Ber, Ber, Ber, Ber, Ber, Bodhran,
      You got me rockin’ and a’rollin’Berbodhran.

    3. clif

      What? No Ber-ber-ber Ber-Ber-Beran on the hacked music thingy?

      1. clif

        Ninjas.

  13. BBCC

    Watch her, Sarah.

    Also, cherry coke, if it tastes anything like the jelly hearts flavoured as cherry coke, tastes the way cat piss smells. Why would you drink it? (though, on reflection, that might have been the cherry kiwi flavour. It’s been a few years and I don’t intend to buy them again).

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      In my experience, anything flavored like soda that isn’t actually soda, tends to taste disgusting. So while I haven’t tried cherry coke, it probably isn’t that bad.

    2. woobie

      Cherry coke is good, but more vanilla is too much.
      Cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper is awesome.

    3. meanderling

      I’m not big on soda but I’ve always thought cherry coke tastes pretty nice. I don’t know how they flavor candy but it’s not a very medicinal syrupy cherry. Kind of more like a back-end flavor.

      1. Roborat

        I love cherry coke, and somehow manage to live in an area that doesn’t carry it (Alberta). I have been known to bring 8 or 10 cases back from Arizona when I visited my parents.

    4. Doctor_Who

      As someone who is on a diet right now and can only have diet sodas which are cat piss as far as I’m concerned (why did you think “natural flavors” is such a vague ingredient), I would tapdance barefoot across Lego bricks for a real Cherry Coke right now.

    5. Skater Girl

      I am of the opinion that all soda tastes like liquid garbage.

    6. Keulen

      I prefer Cherry Coke to regular Coke. Though I prefer Pepsi over both of them.

      1. Suet

        After once trying Cherry Vanilla Coke and Cherry Vanilla Pepsi side-by-side, I can only conclude that I need to taste Cheerwine sometime

        (or any other better cherry sodas that I don’t know)

        1. JaneDoe

          Thomas Kemper black cherry is a favorite of mine. It can be hard to find, at least where I’m at, but it’s quite tasty imo.

          (Admittedly, I also enjoy a good old cherry coke though so ymmv.)

        2. Geneseepaws

          Super fan of IBC Black Cherry soda. Well, and their root beer, too, but IBC black cherry!

    7. Needfuldoer

      I can’t stomach anything artificial cherry flavored, so no.

      Vanilla Coke is good. Lime Diet Coke is okay. Diet Coke is fine if you want the nostalgic hit from aspartame’s metallic aftertaste. Cherry Coke is a waste of Coke.

    8. Diane

      Cherry coke is good. I am a very avid pop drinker, but I’m normally trying to stay away from caffeine cause I become jittery and tend to feel very bad afterwards. But my partner loves all things cherry, and prefers cherry pepsi to cherry coke, but will drink both. But as woobie above said, cherry vanilla dr. pepper is his savior.

      It ain’t Faygo, so it’s not THAT amazing though.

  14. Subjektivity

    Sacrilicious

    1. Doctor_Who

      I think “Sacridiculous” is actually a pretty good description of Becky, and one that she would heartily approve of.

  15. Reed

    as a cherry coke devotee i support this and am glad we have someone rad like becky to count amongst our ranks

  16. Kyrik Michalowski

    I love how Becky is still religious but also doesn’t take it overly seriously. That being said, I hope she doesn’t say this on a constant basis.

    1. Icalasari

      She’s Becky. She’ll run it into the ground with a smile

      1. Pablo360

        From orbit. Just to be sure.

  17. Derek

    I don’t like Becky for making light of her mother’s suicide and I don’t like Sarah for hammering in what’s obviously a sore point for Joyce

    1. clif

      I like you in spite of the fact that I think you’re missing the point.

    2. Mariah Hardnett

      I think shes making light of her dads death more than her mothers.

    3. Smithy

      I think if anyone has a right to joke about her own parents death, it’s her. Dark humor can be very cathartic and healthy

    4. Sirksome

      I think this is how she copes from what is obviously a very depressing fact of her life. Both her parents are dead and all she got was this lousy id card. I prefer it to her being super depressed and praying to a shrine of the them everyday. It’s better to remember them in joy even if that joy comes from stupid jokes .

    5. Zee

      She’s allowed, it’s HER mother’s suicide. She’s the one who was most traumatized by it, she can joke if she likes

    6. DSL

      Anyone who tells someone else how they _should_ be grieving, is wrong.

    7. leaf

      I don’t like Becky being obnoxious as fuck about being a Christian the same way she used to be obnoxious about being gay, and everyone being like “yaaas Becky u go girl” like no Becky, shut up

  18. Dave Van Domelen

    Mmm, Carb Station.

  19. Dracke

    Respect for the death has nothing to do with religion though
    And here is a one really interesting thing

    There is this funny thing called “Crisis of Faith” Joyce might have said she has gone Atheist from being a celot. But People can have several levels of belief, heck doubt is healthy in any religion. Only Extreme atheists and Extremist religious people believe that Feith never wavers.
    We are not perfect…the world is not perfect, our faith will and should waver.
    I’m not a really religious person but i know the comfort of believing in something.

    (also im tired that only my relion can be moked oppenly, Christinism, catholicism and any other related religion even if they are quite different and they have no political connection or organisational…are the only religion that can be mocked and that it’s openly insulted: Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Atheism, ec…all others with their flaws and good points they are A-ok to Society but people can insult and Mock the biggest religion in the planet (that most of Latin America (where I live) belives in)

    1. jmsr7

      It’s called kicking up, and it’s what comedians do. Tweaking the nose of authority is funny. Kicking down is what oppressors do, and isn’t funny.

      1. clif

        It’s all hilarious as long as, you know, I’m not the one getting kicked.

    2. Skater Girl

      The fact that it is the dominant religion and holds unspeakable amounts of power is exactly why it is okay to mock it. It is always the right of the marginalised to openly mock the marginalising.

      1. davidbreslin101

        THIS.

        Mocking Islam as a person of Christian cultural descent in a Christian-majority country is punching down.

        Mocking Islam as a person of Islamic cultural descent in an Islamic-majority country is punching up.

        1. Mikey

          Though it’s always important to differentiate between mocking Islam in general and mocking specific Islam-related organizations or people. For instance, if a person of Christian cultural descent in a Christian-majority country mocks the Iranian government, or ISIS, or any other organization that tries to force Islam onto people and , that’s clearly punching upwards.
          That’s mocking an oppressor, after all. That’s different from mocking Islam/Muslims in general.

        2. Mikey

          (Oh, forgot to mention: there can be other factors too, of course–for instance, if you’re gay and mocking homophobic Muslims specifically. Or a woman mocking misogynist Muslims specifically. And so on. That’s still punching upwards. You’re mocking people who oppress you, or want to oppress you.)

        3. thejeff

          Though doing so in a Christian dominated country still needs to be done with care, since it has the potential to spill over into general prejudice against the minority group.

      2. Sam

        This exactly. You punch upwards at those that are on top and seeking to oppress you or are oppressing you. Jesters made fun of kings and nobility, not people they oppressed.

        Christianity is very integrated into Western society, into holidays, into calenders, into media, into language. As the ‘top dog’ as it were, it is perfectly fine to mock it and point out its flaws because even afterwards, it is still respected for its merits and it is seen as a perfectly valid belief to hold that God exists by many people. No one is going to go out attacking Christians because of it.

        While if you look at the Greeks, the Egyptians, the Norse – these ideas are readily treated as just myths and dead practices, when there are people worshipping these Gods today. Christianity also is at fault for squashing out the way they used to be practiced and absorbing them into itself too. While other religions such as Judaism, Hinduism and Buddhism are often misrepresented, not presented with complexity, or only have the same limited number of events or facts stated. They aren’t as respected and are already looked down on by plenty of people or disregarded as silly ideas.

        There is room to debate about mocking of certain *specific* subsections of Christianity such as Irish Catholics which were persecuted for quite a long time, but I doubt Willis is going to be introducing an Irish Catholic character just to mock them, so I’m not particularly concerned about that.

        Punching downwards also empowers the already oppressive to be more oppressive, to act more boldly, and validates that they are right to do so. If you punch up at Christians, no one is going to go out and attack a Christian. You can’t say that is true if you punch down at Jews or Muslims. Empowering people lacking power is different from empowering the people that already have the power and may see validation as encouragement to exert it against those they see as beneath them.

        1. Regalli

          I’m pretty sure Stacy is both Catholic and of Irish descent (Catholic coming up a couple times between universes, ‘Brannan’ as her maiden name being Irish,) and by extension so is Amber, at least culturally. So yeah, not super-concerned on that front. The only specific branch of Christianity that’s actively been the butt of jokes (as opposed to ‘Joyce’s horror at exposure to differing sects,’ which is aimed on her rather than the sect itself) is really the sort of hardcore fundamentalists Joyce and Becky were raised as – and that Willis was, as well. Not only does that Intolerantly Asshole breed of Christianity have a shitload of power in the US right now (thus, punching up,) it’s also both a form of self-deprecation and exorcising some personal demons. (In case you haven’t read Roomies, let me assure you: They did in fact actually believe that going into college, they were pretty much Exactly That Repressed, and it did not survive contact with other people. There is an actual paper trail spanning decades of comics charting Willis’s crisis of faith, Edgy Atheist days, and development into the person writing this particular comic.) ‘I was raised this way and it fucked me in particular up’ is usually fair game for comedians because of the focus on self. Given the only truly fabricated Disturbing Aspect of the congregation was the kidnappings (and even then, the first one’s basically the threat all queer kids in that environment grow up in, while the second one actually does seem to reflect that ‘Evangelicals selling their souls to back Trump thinking they’ll get what they want, get screwed over in the process’ reading given Willis alluded to it on Twitter themself at the time,) it’s not offensively pulling things out of whole cloth when they bring things up, just exposing stuff that is inherently pretty disturbing and sometimes ridiculous. (Seriously they’ve pulled SOURCES on occasion. Frequently back on Tumblr in the earlier years.)

    3. drs

      “Joyce might have said she has gone Atheist from being a celot.”

      I now demand fanart of Joyce as an ocelot.

    4. Rycan

      There’s a certain sense that it’s okay to mock the group that one belongs to, but not the groups that one doesn’t belong to. Not sure how justified that is, however.

    5. thejeff

      In addition to what others have said, the idea that “only Christianity can be mocked openly” is absurd. Open mockery (or even blatant attacks without the pretense of humor) of minority religions and other minority groups are common. They may be condemned by left leaning people, like most of the readers here, but that certainly hasn’t made them go away.

      And it’s the very same groups that make such attacks who are most likely to complain that their group is the only one “allowed” to be mocked.

    6. Demoted Oblivious

      A person cannot properly claim to be an atheist if they beleive that doubt never wavers. I suspect you are thinking of (or at least are describing) an anti-theist.

      n.b. ‘properly claim’ vice claiming without regards to facts or meaning.

      1. jmsr7

        An atheist is just someone who doesn’t believe that any gods exist; or someone who cannot agree with the claim that “one or more gods exist.” This is different from the claim that “no gods exist” which is a separate claim that requires support on it’s own. For example, if i claim that “this jar of gumballs contains an even number of gumballs” you are not claiming that it contains an odd number if you say you don’t believe me.

        The status of doubt or the degree to which one’s belief or lack thereof waivers has no bearing on what your beliefs are. Just how much time you spend holding said beliefs.

        Anti-theism is the belief that religion and religious beliefs are harmful and undesirable, and that we’d be better off without them. Speaking as an antitheist myself, i look forward to the day when the last person finally dumps their religious beliefs. Which could happen, ya know. There are more dead religions practiced by no one than there are currently being practiced.

        Btw, some religions are atheistic in that they have no gods, and some religions that do have versions that don’t. Just being an atheist doesn’t mean you’re not religious. It’s just one position on one belief.

  20. Kravis

    Since this Mac & Cheese is “YOUR PARENTS BODY”, don’t go getting scared when you find a TOE in there!

    1. Needfuldoer

      Plot twist: there’s a toe-like cocktail weenie hiding in that bowl of mac and cheese. (It accidentally spilled over from the adjacent tray in the steam table.)

    2. Demoted Oblivious

      If y’all ain’ ever had ha’-dogs and ‘chup in yo mac-n-cheeze, ya hav-na LIVED!

  21. Someone

    Initial read:

    Becky has sussed out Joyce’s doubt and is doing everything she can think of to make her speak up about it.

    1. clif

      Well, not everything. But it’s definitely escalating. She’s known Joyce half of forever and knows something is bothering her.

    2. Axel

      Or the opposite; thinks Joyce hasn’t chilled out on the cult stuff as much as her

      1. Needfuldoer

        I get the feeling Becky was always more “yeah, sure, uh-huh, okay” about the cult stuff.

        In contrast, Joyce lapped it all up, so she has more internal conflict over their upbringing.

  22. UrsulaDavina

    Working in food service or retail would have infinitely more tolerable if every 10th or 20th customer was like Becky.

    1. jmsr7

      But instead we get Karens. When the Robot Apocalypse arrives, it will be because we made them work in customer service; and will be completely justified.

    2. clif

      You say that, Ursula. But I’m suspecting that after the 99th Becky you might be ready to start rolling your eyes.

      One Becky is perfect.

  23. Axel

    I don’t know why she’d WANT the flesh of her parents. Either she’s eating them in a religious or absorbing their powers way, and ew, her dad, or it’s a vanquishing way, in which case, I thought she liked her mom.

    1. clif

      It’s not really about her parents (I think). It’s about Joyce.

      1. Axel

        fair

  24. Bagge

    Say what you will about the church of Becky. It’s sure rad.

  25. Bicycle Bill

    Sure sounds an awful lot like the church I went to when I was kid.

    Qui prídie quam paterétur, accépit panem in sanctas, ac venerábiles manus suas, et elevátis óculis in cælum ad te Deum Patrem suum omnipoténtem, tibi grátias agens, benedíxit, fregit, dedítque discípulis suis, dicens:  Accípite, et manducáte ex hoc omnes, HOC EST ENIM CORPUS MEUM.

    Símili modo postquam cænátum est,accípiens et hunc præclárum Cálicem in sanctas ac venerábiles manus suas:  item tibi grátias agens, benedíxit, dedítque discípulis suis, dicens:  Accípite, et bíbite ex eo omnes, HIC EST ENIM CALIX SÁNGUINIS MEI, NOVI ET AETÉRNI TESTAMÉNTI:  MYSTÉRIUM FÍDEI:  QUI PRO VOBIS ET PRO MULTIS EFFUNDÉTUR IN REMISSIÓNEM PECCATÓRUM.

    Hæc quotiescúmque fecéritis, in mei memóriam faciétis.

    1. jmsr7

      It sure sounds like he’s being symbolic there, but Catholics literally practice cannibalism when they take communion. Well, believe they are, anyway. Scientifically, it’s just a cracker.

  26. abysswatcher1993

    Why is Becky not a pagan or a satanist? She blasphemes enough to make Lucifer from Helltaker be impresed. Can we have Becky cosplay as Helltaker?

    1. Sam

      Because Becky’s version of Christianity is that you are allowed to be a fun person and that God isn’t easily offended. And she is comfortable enough in her beliefs, she has no desire to seek alternative ones.

      1. Mikey

        I always did like the idea that God has a sense of humor.

        1. thejeff

          It is the only explanation for the platypus.

        2. Demoted Oblivious

          And life

        3. Bogeywoman

          And my face

  27. Peregrinus

    I am an orphan, as will you all be, if you’re lucky, and I endorse this message.

  28. Robbie

    Becky is facing the wrong way. She’s missing the Joyce Face(tm)!
    Maybe she is tuned in enough that just knowing she’s horrifying Joyce is enough.

    1. Regalli

      She has a sense for it. She Knows.

  29. Council

    Nothing could be possibly added to enhance this

    except maybe more of it

    Glorious

  30. BenRG

    Sarah, that isn’t ‘sacrilege, it’s just ‘bad taste’ and Becky takes a level of joy in it that I think will make lots of people think twice about being around her.

    1. CJ

      That.
      I needed panel 4 to get the reference but would have tried to interfere in Parnell 2, cause crazy talking people in the cafeteria are never of the good.

      1. Zaxares

        That was my thought too. I do find Becky’s antics amusing, but I would still want her to rein it in. She would DEFINITELY make people uncomfortable with that kind of talk, if only from a “Oh God, it’s that freaky girl who talks about eating her parents again” perspective from the hapless fast food worker trapped behind the counter.

        1. Demoted Oblivious

          Absolutely not! Forcing or even asking someone to rein it in, in a public(ish) space is far to close to curtailing free expression. If we don’t explore what is uncomfortable, we can’t figure out if we need to fix something external, or grow our internal.

          Now if the cafeteria is supposed to be a safe space (quiet, a la, a library) then sure she could take it outside, but asking her to stop is arguably significantly more problematic.

          This is why freedom of speech *has to* supercede freedom of religion. Else a particular relgious idea seek to restrain freedom of speech.

        2. BenRG

          I do think that this is where the ‘shouting fire in a crowded theatre’ concept applies. Becky’s behaviour can cause disturbance and distress to people without knowing it. She’s okay with her parents dead (or is at least coping by being an ass about it) but what about other orphans who could be sitting there? What about other people who may just be so repulsed by the thought of cannibalism that it impacts on their ability to enjoy their lunches? Freedom of speech does not and will never trump responsibility to the wider community.

        3. Ryek Hvek

          disturbance and distress are different than danger of loss of life, so the “crowded theater” metric is not present, at least not in the form of a situation that requires freedom of speech to be overridden by protection of life

        4. Sam

          I… what. Is this a joke? Asking Becky to rein it in isn’t about freedom of speech or expression so much as it is about the fact it is a weird thing to announce loudly, oversharing personal details to complete strangers, and just embarrassing for the people around her.

        5. CJ

          Sorry, no, Freedom of Speech is about the right to utter political statements, it’s not about the right to behave like an asshole without consequences.

        6. Justin

          Free speech is not limited to political statements: that might be a more important aspect of free speech and its valued more highly in constitutional systems that use a proportional approach to the right but it isn’t the entirety of the freedom or else it would be a-okay to arrest people who write bad romance novels or whatever. Still, asking someone to dial it down is absolutely not an infringement of that freedom unless you have the power to arrest or fine her if she doesn’t. In fact, telling someone they’re being a jerk and maybe they should shut up is exactly the kind of thing freedom of expression exists for.

        7. Demoted Oblivious

          Just to follow up, yeah, I was writing quickly, asking to rein it in is fine (again freedom to express).

  31. Makkabee

    Becky is the raddest of vampires.

    1. K^2

      Also, reddest.

    2. RowenMorland

      Oh! She’s a cool vampire. It wasn’t some Fallout monster I haven’t heard of.

      1. Deanatay

        Becky can rent cheap and spacious apartments located uncomfortably near nuclear reactors.

  32. Reltzik

    Joyce, if you don’t get indignant over sacrilege the way Becky’s expecting, she’s going to figure out something’s wrong.

  33. FacelessDeviant

    Ew. Vanilla coke tastes like cough medicine.

  34. DBS

    “I Am But A Lowly Orphan Whose Meager Inheritance Has Been Liquidated Into Various Meal Plans” had BETTER be the name of the next volume!!

  35. ndgmtlcd

    This is what transubstantiation is all about. (See Wikipedia for more)

  36. Geneseepaws

    at first I thought is said Beuller’s Desserts, but the alt-text dismissed that.

  37. Sombrero

    …and thus started Beckyanism, the religion that quickly became the main global cult because its rituals (already familiar to followers of some other older religions) could easily be performed in any fast food joint, cafeteria, food truck or wherever you could get something resembling a burger.

    1. Demoted Oblivious

      You mispelt ‘quirkily’ as quickly.

      1. Sombrero

        Well, it all happened quirkily fast.

  38. Sirksome

    This actually makes me wonder what Becky’s financial situation is now. Doesn’t she own a house now? Did that get foreclosed on or something? Even if we optimistically say she did own the home she probably couldn’t afford the property taxes on a college student salary right? What about all the shit that was inside? That adds up y’know. Ross seemed pretty blue collar but I have no idea what kind of money he was pulling in. Do you think he had life insurance?

    Becky claims here that her “Meager inheritance was liquidated into various meal plans” but she can from a middle class family. Ross doesn’t inspire any confidence that he was someone with proper financial planning but that’s either a lot of mac n’ cheese and cherry coke or this is actually really sad.

    1. Regalli

      Between whatever-she-did-for-funerary costs (often devastating if not pre-paid,) Bonnie certainly not working (which is… tricky in a lot of the country,) and college housing and meal plans being GROTESQUELY expensive, plus necessary supplies (I don’t think she had a laptop before this. We KNOW Ross didn’t let her have a cell phone,) I could see the money from liquidating the family home going pretty quick. I don’t know what Indiana cost of living’s like, but I’m going to guess that while the Macintyres were financially stable, there probably wasn’t a ton of leeway. Especially since Bonnie’s death was implied to be relatively recent and involved a hospital stay.

    2. Segnosaur

      Would there be any sort of life insurance payout for Toedad if he was killed while in the commission of a crime? I’m not sure if insurance polices have that sort of thing in place.

      Of course, there is also the possibility that he may not have even had life insurance… after all, its a form of gambling, and he should expect the lord to provide for his family.

  39. Rabisch

    It’s an old joke, but still good.

  40. Mobcat

    Damn you Willis muscle memory!

  41. Needfuldoer

    Okay, I had a huge write-up guessing how much Becky’s inheritance might amount to, based off some data, a lot of assumptions and a few numbers pulled out of thin air. Here’s the TL;DR version though:

    We don’t know how much money Toedead was taking home, and we can presume Bonnie was a SAHM. Let’s guess he made the median income for Indiana, $55,000. It appears they lived modestly, well within their means, so it’s not implausible they’d have at least $25,000 in the bank and at least $150k in a 401k.

    Becky and Joyce grew up together, so let’s assume Toedead and Bonnie bought the house twenty years ago. We know they still had a mortgage (from one of Becky’s comments over dinner last time they went home). To keep the numbers simple, let’s say the house cost $100,000 on a 30-year fixed mortgage at 10% down and 8% interest (the median for 2000 according to Freddie Mac). That would leave 10 years and $54,000 in principal left on the mortgage.

    According to Zillow, modestly sized, move-in ready, single family homes in the La Porte area have recently sold for anywhere between $100k and $200k. Let’s presume the house sold for $150,000.

    If Becky had an estate liquidation firm handle the sale of the house and its contents, they’d probably take about 25% off the top as their fee. Closing costs on the house would probably be around $5k.

    So where does that leave us?

    + $150,000 (house sale)
    – $37,500 (estate liquidation fee)
    – $5,000 (closing costs)
    – $54,000 (remaining principal)
    + $25,000 (Liquidity)
    ————————-
    $78,500 Cash value

    Again, that’s a rough guess built out of made-up numbers and implied details about Becky’s parents’ financial state. It also doesn’t include any stipulations Toedead may have left in his will, for example leaving a percentage to the church or putting the money in a trust.

    Toedead’s 401k would come back to her in monthly installments as taxable income. We’ll ignore that because all these numbers are already hurting my brain enough as it is, but that would be kind of like a paycheck.

    We can get real numbers off IU’s admissions site, but Robin is bankrolling Becky’s education so that’s kind of irrelevant. (For curiosity’s sake: tuition, housing, and the middle meal plan come out to roughly $22,000 for the year.) Even if she was paying that herself, she’d more than likely take out student loans (“financial aid”).

    1. bunivasal

      Don’t forget this comic takes place in 1971.

      No it doesn’t, I’m just messing with you.

      1. Needfuldoer

        86 the numbers, they’re going to drive me 5150.

    2. Sirksome

      I think this is a pretty fair estimate. I was actually gonna low ball it to sub 50k cause honestly I don’t trust Ross. I figure Becky would be lucky to break even on the house sell (if it even is sold in this market but we’re pretending the last year didn’t happen) I wonder who she trusted to handle her finances on that end.

    3. Regalli

      Ooh, thanks for the breakdown!

      I do think we can assume Becky also got rid of the other things in the house (Ross’s workout equipment and the like,) but we don’t know how or if there were fees associated.

      Based off Becky’s lines here, it also seems reasonable to guess that whatever scholarship Robin set up for her covers tuition, probably textbooks and supplies, possibly housing, but not meal plan. I could also see her budgeting for an actual phone plan (though pay-as-you-go seemed to be working for her) and a laptop, but those would be in the less than a thousand dollars combined range.

      So probably at least somewhat-exaggerated, but hey. Gallows humor.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Yeah, the original version turned into a rambling mess trying to account for everything, like a wall covered in newspaper clippings, thumbtacks, and red string but in word form. Honestly, the $25k in savings feels low for a couple of homeowners in their mid to late forties, so all the unknowns could be accounted for by that “missing” money.

    4. Segnosaur

      I am not disputing your estimates. (They appear to be well researched.)

      The problem is, we don’t know what Toedad was doing with his money or his will. Perhaps he left a larger chunk of his estate to the church. Or maybe there was a much higher remaining principle because he was donating more of his income to the church while he was alive.

      1. Needfuldoer

        I tried to account for that.

        The mortgage estimate assumes he made only the minimum payment every month. If he was paying less than that, the house would have been repossessed by now. (Unless he had one of those funny-money mortgages with variable interest rates or interest-only payments, which would have probably bankrupted him in the real world.)

        (Always try to get your mortgage payment at a level where you can comfortably afford it, and make sure there’s no early repayment penalty. That way you can chip away at the principal in chunks when you can, but if you need to reallocate that extra money for a month or two you’re not completely sunk or at as much risk of falling behind.)

        1. thejeff

          He could have refinanced for repairs, additions or some other expenses – though there’s no particular reason to think he would have.

          Medical costs, maybe?

    5. Agemegos

      25% agent’s commission? Holy Dooley! It’s 4.4% here.

      Does it occur to anyone that the financial services industry in the USA is grossly exploitative?

      1. Bathymetheus

        Not just financial services. The Ferengi, as described in Star Trek: Deep Space 9 were a lampoon of modern America, but as far as I can tell, very few Americans “got” it.

      2. thejeff

        That’s not the normal agents commission on a home sale – that’s for having them handle the entire thing, including selling off possessions and the like. No idea if it’s reasonable or not, but it can’t be compared to the usual real estate deal.

        1. Needfuldoer

          I found estimates ranging anywhere between 10% and 35%, depending on how much work the company had to do. (A plain house with regular stuff that could all be donated to charity for a tax write-off would take less work than a mansion full of antiques that would all have to be catalogued and auctioned.) As with all the other figures, I threw a reasonable-sounding middle ground into the equation.

  42. Alan in DC

    Maybe its her way of dealing with all that’s happened, but following the time-jump that got us into the new semester, Becky went from a curiosity to being flat out annoying as balz.

    1. thejeff

      Maybe it’s you.

      This seems like how Becky has always been to me and there have always been people finding here annoying.

  43. bunivasal

    I came to the comments to say the same thing, but after considering it, I’m kind of glorying in how annoying she is. Allowing characters to build big personalities that we don’t personally like or agree with is a good way to keep a comic from stagnating into some kind of sweaty morass, like Funky Winkerbean.

    And what college dorm experience would be complete with a self-consciously wacky kid who always speaks in capslock?

  44. Marsh Maryrose

    Mexo Loco!

  45. Eric

    ‘Cannibal Cult’ sounds metal, but it’s really just mainstream Christianity.

  46. J

    The guy behind the counter stands and watches silently, disinterestedly, for sees this sort of thing all the the time. This is his “normal”.

  47. DarkoNeko

    can’t have the cake and eat it too, Joyce~

  48. goki

    I wouldn’t be surprised if Becky already knows and is messing with Joyce.

  49. RedCat

    Wee bit morbid.

  50. JA

    Cashier: Ma’am, this is a dining hall.

  51. Lucy

    This made me happy. As someone currently locked away with Covid, I needed this.

    1. PB

      Get well soon. <3

  52. PB

    As a Catholic, it always pleased me to know that vampirism is accepted by our church (but only Jesus’s blood).

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