188

Check
Posted on July 30, 2014 by David M Willis

188 thoughts on “Check”

  1. An Average Loser

    Worried Walky worries me.

    1. Maveric1984

      Worried Walky worries while wily women wander while waxing wonderfully

      1. JimmyMcNuggets

        Sure, joke it up. Not like an old friend’s having a crisis or anything.

        1. dailybrad

          Don’t take it too personally. Hell, look at any given Danny strip, and you’ll see people are here for puns, jokes and alliteration as much as actually paying attention to the context. I don’t think any disrespect to the situation is intended.

        2. RevenantBacon

          Yeah, besides, there’s ALWAYS a problem in a Danny strip. It’s always a mystery(and usually quite hilarious) to find out what he’s gonna “Dan” up next.

        3. Led

          He’s the Eric Forman of the dumbiverse 😀

        4. ShaggyDonahugh

          Oh please don’t say that. It’s depressing.

      2. Anon

        Siege of Avalon? :O

  2. Jen Aside

    Don’t forget the finger thing

    1. Tom T.

      Foolproof birth control indeed.

      1. Kennerly

        That depends where the finger’s been.

        1. Robert

          Possibly the birth canal?

  3. Yotomoe

    Her panties have a Retina scan.

    1. Yotomoe

      Fuck, the Alt Text beat me to it!

      1. Arkadi

        Wherever you go, the Alt Text’s already been there. Of course that includes Dorothy’s panties.

        Also, your mom.

        1. Ocbrad1

          Your comment made me giggle. +1 internet for you.

    2. Doctor_Who

      You need presidential clearance to access.

      That’s why she needs to become president, it’s getting frustrating.

      1. Cheryl

        AHAHHAHAHAAHHA

      2. LeslieBean4Shizzle

        There’s a comic on Slipshine that says otherwise.

        1. Blob Marley

          Unless Walky is a time traveler!

      3. Arkadi

        Flawless reasoning is flawless ^^

      4. StClair

        Well played.

  4. Nono

    Joyce in a new outfit!

    It looks… pretty good actually.

    1. Yotomoe

      She’s dressed to match Walky.

    2. Camachri

      It’s so odd seeing Joyce in a cool-coloured ensemble, but it works.

    3. Björn

      Joyce needs to keep her hair in a ponytail. Always.

      Also, that jacket. Yes.

      1. StClair

        Yes, always.
        </brain>

  5. sps48

    And Walky has only one key

    1. Maveric1984

      Danny has the other.

      1. timemonkey

        They have to use their keys together to enter Dorothy. But they can’t let the keychains touch, that’s gay.

    2. Ivan

      I wonder if he points a gun at Dorothy and tells her to turn her key if she hesitates???

      1. tinfoil theory

        Like this?

        1. Dorje Sylas

          That sequence always gives me terror chills.

      2. StClair

        Was totally thinking of that also.

  6. Tacdud2

    A worried Walky keeps the doctor away.

  7. Doctor_Who

    The chastity belt is a bit overkill…it’s an Everlast!.

    1. Opus the Poet

      I did a vendor search for that… 😛

      1. Shawn L.

        Vendor search, hell. You need an IMDB search for that joke.

        (Though, it was better when it was a visual gag. Doing the joke verbally for a 2nd time in the film highlighted how weak a joke it was to begin with)

        1. Opus the Poet

          Well searchin Everlast’s online store led me to a link from the scene in Men in Tights, so it’s not like I didn’t get it eventually.

    2. JaneDoe

      Uh oh, it’s stuck. Call a locksmith!

  8. Hoboturtle

    Where would the keys go into?

    1. Yotomoe

      I’ll tell you when you’re older.

    2. Bill

      Think “Goldeneye”:

      Ourumov walks toward a large control panel and slides the GoldenEye in a slot, and hands a key to Xenia.  They slide the keys in…
      Ourumov: “On my count… 3… 2… 1!”
      They turn the keys at the same time.  It activates the electronic map on the wall.

    3. Rutee

      Walky. He’s got some interesting kinks.

  9. Plasma Mongoose

    Dotty’s womb is at DEFCON-4.

    1. Gka

      So, it has only minimal additional intelligence and security efforts above the norm? DEFCON-5 is the lowest alert level, and it scales up to 1 from there (DEFCON-1 meaning imminent nuclear war).

  10. Mkvenner

    Why does joyce think Dorothy being pregnant would be a bad thing?

    1. Yotomoe

      Because they’re not married, dude. That shit’s Blasphemy apparently!

      1. SUGauthor

        Also they’re both 18/19 and it would effectively ruin Dorothy’s future career.

        1. Wack'd

          Not necessarily. Depends on Dorothy’s stance on abortion and how accessible that kind of thing is in the fine state of Indiana.

          And even then there’s still adoption and such to consider.

          I mean, I’ll grant that if anyone ever found out there’d be problems with her running for office. But not ones that are necessarily insurmountable.

        2. dailybrad

          True, but Joyce would not for a moment consider abortion a possibility, probably, certainly not as the first option to come to mind. That’s how she is.

        3. Wack'd

          I wasn’t suggesting she would, only that SUGauthor’s assertion that Dorothy’s career is “effectively ruined” should she get pregnant is a false one.

        4. begbert2

          The girl’s also an atheist. An atheist getting elected president in America is already such a long shot, having it widely known that she’s a baby murdering atheist would pop that soap bubble with extreme prejudice.

        5. kelticat

          Not necessarily, considering that Millenials are getting turned off of religion by religious conservatives.

        6. Betty Anne

          Nah, she just needs to run in a conservative state. Fifteen million kids starting at age 18 to parade around seems to be their thing. :/

    2. jose231ful

      Premarital hanky panky!!

      1. JessWitt

        D’aww, Little baby boy/girl “Premarital Hanky Panky” Walkerton.

        1. Arkadi

          P.H.P. Walkerton! Yes. It has a nice ring to it ^^

    3. Maveric1984

      While pregnancy I of itself isn’t a bad thing, it would really put a damper on her plans for the future.

      1. Ivan

        It seemed to work well for the stupidest VP candidate ever put on this earth!

        1. Catullus

          Dan Quayle got pregnant?!?

        2. Ivan

          That man was a genius by comparison. I’m from Indiana, and I remember the day… He was a lousy speaker, but at least he knew what he was talking about on committee (the Chicken-Hawk Committee).

          If Dan could have gotten pregnant from watching Murphy Brown, it would have happened – that I’m certain of.

        3. Maveric1984

          No, Gerald Ford.

        4. Mkvenner

          Most VPs after the 12th amendment would fall in this category.

        5. Bill

          Catullus, I award you ALL the internetz.

    4. Plasma Mongoose

      Cos it’s not hers? 😛

    5. newllend

      Not to mention I don’t think they would be able to handle raising a baby at this point of they’re lives.

      1. jose231ful

        newllend that’s where your wrong 3 easy rules to follow
        1. Keep it right in front of the tv everyday for at least 3 hours.
        2. If it cried shake it!
        3. Babies are attention hungry so ignore it 😀

        1. Ivan

          Bah…

          Bus station toilets or convenient dumpsters are popular in the midwest.

  11. AgentKeen

    Wow, no one made this joke yet?

    Did you have trouble turning her key, Walky? Do you turn yours first?

    1. newllend

      Well done Agentkeen well done we almost lost an opportunity on that Mission accomplished.

  12. newllend

    Well fuck you Joyce automatically assuming shit.

    1. insomniac

      Well, she knows that Walky and Dorothy are doing the PMHP.

      And I doubt that she’s been raised to know that modern technology allows for a sex life with minimal risk of complications, as long as everyone’s minimally careful.

      I mean, I went to public school, and sex ed still boiled down to “if you have sex before you’re married, there WILL be pregnancy and death from horrible, horrible STIs.”

      1. lizza

        Dang, I went to public school and they were like, “Abstinence is the best, only 100% foolproof way to not get pregnant. But if you DO have sex, here’s what you can do to keep yourself safe and hopefully not pregnant. Oh and by the way, here are the consequences if you have unsafe sex.” It was pretty comprehensive and informative.

        1. Blob Marley

          Yeah, I went to high school in Maryland and they gave us the lowdown on various safe methods. THEN they scared the piss out of us with STD pictures.

    2. Carriethedragon

      Kind of harsh? She’s naive, has an overactive imagination, and has been taught her whole life that if you engage in premarital hanky-panky there DEFINITELY WILL be negative consequences. Plus, she cares more about Dorothy than Walky, so of course her mind jumps to Dorothy.

    3. nekobawt

      hey now, her faith in god leaves little to no room for faith in anyone else (least of all herself).

    4. newllend

      Out of all things that could be wrong why does she assume that its a little Rude.

      1. Gigafreak

        If she knew what was and was not rude, she might not be so mean to Dina.

      2. Betty Anne

        Haven’t you heard? God only allows sex for having babies, so of course you get pregnant every time you have sex.

        Or, at least, that’s the case in half the fanfic on FF.net. 😐

        Considering my husband and I had basically given up after two years of trying before we were able to conceive, I have my doubts about this theory.

        1. Bagge

          Fanfiction.net LIED to us about sex. They LIED!!!

          I’m sorry about your situation – media are really, really bad at representing people who have difficulties to conceive.

      3. Arkadi

        I suppose Always Assume the Worst (for those who follow Ungodly Ways) must be Fundie 101. Joyce is probably amazed that the people around her aren’t stricken by the righteous fury of God on a daily basis.

        1. Gigafreak

          I just did a few quick Google searches. 48% of the United States are not Protestant and therefore damned in Joyce’s eyes.

          The odds of being struck by lightning in the United States each year are 1 in 700,000.

          I wonder which is the more amusing mental image:
          1) The Lord being far more chill than Joyce believes, relaxing on a big fluffy cloud and shaking Leonardo Da Vinci’s hand, completely oblivious that one of His followers is trying to ‘fix’ another gay dude
          2) The Lord seething with rage at all the stuff Joyce keeps pointing out, throwing a whole bunch of lightning bolts at sinners, being repeatedly foiled by lightningrods, trees, and the Faraday-cage protection that automobiles provide, and then running out of ammo after being able to successfully smite, like, ONE guy

        2. Bill

          Or 3) God reclining on his Golden Throne, secure in the knowledge that they’ve all gotta come past Him in the end and at that point He will definitely fix their little red wagon.

      4. PlainMarie

        That was my reaction too. It’s a little offensive to assume the most scandalous thing you can imagine. There are so many *other* things that could go wrong, and none of them involve PMHP.

    5. Jen

      Joyce is also currently very obsessed with thoughts of pre-marital hanky panky (and wanting to do it with Ethan but feeling guilty for wanting it) and relationships in general, so if anyone else is having issues, her mind immediately would jump to that. Plus, that’s the big drama in her life right now. It may have happened over a month ago in real time, but in DOA time, she just found out they’re having sex and is still processing the info. 🙂

  13. Emperor Kiva

    YAY, JOYCE IS BACK!

  14. Wonder Wig

    “Basically the path to her ovaries is the long hallway of doors from MST3K.”

    1. Stevecharb

      AAAH WE GOT OVARIES SIGN

    2. Tom T.

      Those of us who are a little older picture instead the hallway of doors from Get Smart.

      1. nekobawt

        now i’m picturing walky saying “missed it by THAT MUCH”, which i guess could be a joke about accidental anal…

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          “Would you believe…”

        2. nekobawt

          that actually happened to me, or it would have if my pointing out the error in his trajectory hadn’t undermined my partner’s sexual confidence. for several months. (my being asexual-and-unaware-of-it-so-i-couldn’t-be-straightforward-about-it didn’t help anything, but dude had so many issues…)

        3. kelticat

          That just made me think of the time my dad gave my mom a suppository and her response was “You put it in the wrong hole.”

        4. Roborat

          Why do you know that???

  15. Stephen Bierce

    Nuclear Family Way?

    1. Opus the Poet

      OK I tried to post a link to the chapter of PS 238 about the Nuclear Family, but the dang thing didn’t post.

  16. Scott

    Now, the intelligent person says “I went to bed alone last night and when I woke up Billy was there.” It’s an unambiguous statement that also negates you of any wrongdoing. How will Walky screw this up? Let’s watch.

    1. jose231ful

      I woke up to see Billie in my bed. As many misunderstandings as possible is always better 😀

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Don’t forget to mention the lack of pants.

      2. Deanatay

        Maximum misunderstanding? That would probably be:

        I slept with a hot asian chick last night. Now, I can’t get her out of my mind. I’ve known her for years, but, after last night… I just can’t stop thinking about her.

        1. Deanatay

          I really need to see her again!

    2. Yotomoe

      I woke up right next to a cute, asian,well endowed, hung-over chick. Dang, I should’ve just called her Billie.

      1. Gigafreak

        The line-break after “hung-” makes it parse as “Well endowed, hung.” Suggesting that Billie has a huge penis.

        Perhaps someone viewed the majesty of the thing and decorated the Clark wing whiteboards with illustrations of it so that all might bask in its glory?

    3. Kathleen

      You miss the point: the social dilemma is whether or not you tell someone that you’re worried about your friend’s personal emotional stuff. Billie probably wouldn’t want Walky telling people. Even if you said “I need to check on Billie” for vague reasons, it’s still cause of alarm.

  17. liahansen

    JoycexWalky friendship is my favorite thing

  18. GoogerGeiger

    Walky just needs to make sure the cat didn’t tear up all his furniture.

  19. -Sentinel-

    Until/unless he gets oficially named, I’m gonna assume the guy at the far right of the first panel is me.

    1. Ivan

      You are “IU Crowd Scene GEEK #12” ??

      1. Wack'd

        HE IS NOT A NUMBER, HE IS A FREE MAN

        1. tinfoil theory

          His number is not connected.

        2. gwalla

          If a student tries to escape from Indiana University, do they get assaulted by a screaming weather balloon?

  20. Khaner

    He takes regular pills and has to see the school infirmary because perscription drugs are reguarly banned on campus?
    Also, can hipster guy in panel 2 get a name and backstory? I bet he’s a weed smoking, guitar playing TV Production major trying to create work to fight the system, man!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      He doesn’t want one as backstories are sooo mainstream. 😀

    2. Wack'd

      Creating work to fight the system with a television major? Hah!

      1. Khaner

        He’s not a very good hipster…

        1. Roborat

          Well, being a good hipster is soooo mainstream.

  21. JessWitt

    These DoA expressions will never get old, just like the characters themselves.

  22. FuryOfFirestorm

    The best birth control requires the President to scan his handprint and enter an encrypted code that changes every 24 hours.

    1. newllend

      No wonder Dorothy wants to be President.

  23. newllend

    So what the is up with Walky anyway still shaken up about the Billie thing?

    1. Maveric1984

      They did grow up together after all. Imagine if your sister was obviously hurting, and you couldn’t help.

      1. Gigafreak

        This. Their relationship practically IS brother-and-sister. To the point where even SHE forgets she isn’t the Walkertons’ kid sometimes.

    2. Tom T.

      Emotional reactions in general are kind of a new thing for Walky. He doesn’t have them well calibrated yet.

    3. dailybrad

      Billie and Walky go way back, and Walky is a blunt guy who can be inconsiderate, but he isn’t heartless, especially given he doesn’t know if Ruth got through to Billie or not, assuming Billie didn’t text him or anything to let him know she was alright. It’s reasonable that Walky would want to know her wellbeing

      1. 4th Dimension

        Yes, but where is he going? They are leving the dorms.

        1. Blackbird

          They’re leaving the building where their math class is. Thisis after class and Walky’s headed back to the dorms.

  24. Ivan

    I think Walky just said “Dorothy only takes it in the butt, Bob!”

    1. Maveric1984

      I have seen pictures that show that’s not the case 😉

  25. Maveric1984

    This punch line is obviously a response to all the people who were predicting that Dorothy was going to get pregnant after WPAS isn’t it?

    So we know they use condoms, and that Dotty is on birth control (per Willis’s comments), so there’s two layers. Does she take a Plan B afterwards too?

    1. Ivan

      That would be a horrific way to live your life – Plan B each time you get laid?

      1. Maveric1984

        I never said it was pleasant, just effective.

    2. Carriethedragon

      How many birth control methods could Dorothy use at once? Having consulted the Planned Parenthood website, about 7: implant, patch, pill, shot, cycle-counting, condom, spermicide. (It’s 8 if you think it’d be possible for her to have an IUD at 18/19, which I doubt. And I’d be awfully surprised if WPAS included her using any female condoms or the like, so I haven’t included that.)

      1. Tom T.

        Plus, she has Walky pull out and finish in one of Sierra’s shoes. That’s why Sierra goes barefoot all the time.

        1. Ivan

          WINS THE THREAD!

        2. Roborat

          The second judge agrees.

      2. Roz

        These days IUDs are actually recommended even for adolescents, so 8 is totally possible 🙂

  26. Matt

    Is there a way to view the alt text on an iPad? I always feel like I’m missing half the joke…

    1. tinfoil theory

      Yes.

      There is a retina scan involved, though.

    2. Loki

      Yes – touch the blank area left of the “First”/right of the “Latest” button.

  27. Kernanator

    Currently they’re using a fingerprint scanner.

    1. Maveric1984

      If Walky is a good student, maybe they’ll change that to a tongue print scanner

      1. Boomwolf97

        weird considering they already skipped to a phalic scanner… we’re still talking sex right?

        1. Maveric1984

          Yeah, but that sensor wouldn’t be effective as he was wearing a condom

  28. Catullus

    I don’t even want to imagine how long a pregnancy storyline would last, considering DoA’s pacing.

    1. Maveric1984

      Considering the characters will never age, Dotty will likely never realize she was “late”. So if it floats your boat, she *is* pregnant, and just hasn’t found out yet.

    2. jose231ful

      That would eat up a few years seeing how they are in about a month or two after almost 4 years :p

  29. Wack'd

    I like the detail that Joyce and Walky tend to get lunch together after class. It keeps their arguments from feeling too mean-spirited.

    1. dailybrad

      They’re such odd friends, but it works for them.

  30. MrSirk

    Pregnant Dorothy is probably Joyce’s ultimate bittersweet nightmare. Less time with Dorothy yet the possibility of a tiny future president to hurl effection at, and still the very real probability that it would be half Walky! Spoooky stuff.

  31. Mike

    Given the scandals in American nuclear forces over the past year, Walky is not giving any reassurance here.

    1. Ivan

      Everyone open their envelopes to set the PALs.

      Ready?

      :::: 0-0-0 ::::

  32. shietka

    No matter how many times I look at that last panel, I can’t help but see it as a panel from some cheesy action or sci-fi comic. “He’s not moving. What did you do, Walky?” “I did what I had to do.”

  33. chris73

    Would it have been a tad crass for Walky to say “up the bum means no babies” in response to Joyce?

    1. Ivan

      It would give her something new to focus on, since she’s probably still trying to figure out the whole Ethan deal and the Unicorn headband!

  34. JoeMerl

    Five minutes later, I bet Joyce would have bypassed the “shameful sin” stage and gone right to “picking out baby names and planning their wedding.”

  35. Just Me

    Last panel Walky looks so much more mature than he usually does. Guess there’s hope for him yet.

  36. Idon'tcarenomore

    I missed something. What is he in such a hurry to get where ever he’s going?
    Last I knew, he left Billie with Ruth, so he has that more less under control. He was heading for class, and running late, so how would that be a problem to tell anyone?
    Lastly, Dorothy is in class by now, so he wouldn’t be running to her to tell her what he just did….would he? Why would he do that? Not exactly something his GF wants to hear…ah say, I woke up in be next to Billie this morning???

    1. Camachri

      Just leaving Billie with Ruth isn’t a guarantee that things turned out hunky-dory. After all, Ruth wasn’t exactly enthusiastic when Walky asked her to talk to Billie. And from being in similar situations, I assure you that the anticipation that something’s gone horribly wrong is enough to make you hurry on your way faster.

    2. dailybrad

      Dorothy would probably know Walky enough to know that it is far more likely they woke up next to each other due to some binge eating induced coma than sex. Walky is a lot of things, but he isn’t a philanderer, particularly with someone he has said is like a sister to him.

  37. Idon'tcarenomore

    Agree, leaving Ruth with Billie is not guarantee, BUT Walky doesn’t know that. He has no idea of their relationship as it now stands.
    He just did the only think the could think to do, that would in ordinary circumstances, be a good thing. He got the RA.
    So, I’m still wondering why he just doesn’t say “I’m late for class”.
    I think even Walky should know better than to “feed the Joyce”.

    1. David M Willis

      Walky’s next class is with Joyce. They get lunch together in between them, as the second panel reminds us. I am pretty sure “I am late for class” will not fly with her, for those important reasons.

    2. Wack'd

      Because she knows he doesn’t have class now. They usually go get lunch.

    3. dailybrad

      if he was going to feed the joyce, they’d get lunch, silly.

  38. gbshane

    How do I access the alt text? I swear I’ve searched this site up and down but I couldn’t find anything so is it just some sort of running joke between people who know it really doesn’t exist?

    1. tinfoil theory

      Try looking at the source code.

      If that doesn’t help, read the documentation and peruse the source again.

    2. Loki

      Move your mouse cursor over the image and wait a few seconds, or if you are on a touchscreen device, do this: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/check/#comment-245140

      1. tinfoil theory

        Sure, if you want to make it easy.

  39. Kol

    Am I the only one who thinks Joyce is adorable right now?

    1. begbert2

      Joyce is pretty much always adorable unless something horrible is falling out of her mouth or she’s reacting violently to hanky-panky.

      1. StClair

        This.

        (Also, the opportunity for icon triplets was too good to pass up.)

  40. Artemis

    I miss Dorothy and Walky soooooo much<3

  41. Arkadi

    Walky, DON’T give people ideas. Seriously, don’t.

  42. Orangey

    I’m half hoping that Walky manages to tell Joyce that he’s worried about Billie without mucking it up somehow, because I’m certain Joyce will come with to try and make her feel better. And what Billie needs is her friends right now, even if she thinks she doesn’t have any.

  43. Bagge

    That’s the Dorothy we know and love. She doesn’t leave important things to chance and Amazi-condoms alone.

    I bet Joyce is trying to figure out if “turning the keys” are some sort of hanky-panky euphemism and if she should be embarrassed.

  44. timemonkey

    For absolute birth control just do it in the ass.

    1. TFC

      I hate to burst your bubble, but that method ain’t aboslute.

      1. begbert2

        For absolute birth control, move to another country and only communicate by carrier pigeon.

        1. Jen Aside

          I heard there’s this thing called “homosexuality” that works

          …unless you do it all wrong like AU Robin and Leslie…

      2. timemonkey

        If you let something that was in your ass get in your vagina you deserve to be pregnant from poor hygene alone.

  45. Animal

    When our daughters were growing up, Mrs. Animal’s late Grandmom (a self-described “tough old broad” who outlived five husbands) described the only sure-fire, 100% birth control method she knew of: “Take two aspirins, and hold them between your knees.”

    With that said, I bet anyone here five bucks that Mrs. A and I have also achieved 100% prevention without the necessity of doing without.

    1. Doc

      I was helping my mother clean up my family’s section of a cemetery. I found a grave where the gravestone said “Survived five husbands”. I asked my dad about the woman. He said “I met her once. You know why the husbands all died? Because they wanted to”.

  46. Reltzik

    Regarding the simultaneous key-turn… Willis, you should NOT be deliberately invoking Rule 35 like that.

  47. Roborat

    I thought both partners turning the key at the same time was the best way of finishing the process. That is what the youngsters are calling it nowadays, right?

  48. Regalli

    Walky, you continue to be awesomely concerned about your friend’s wellbeing and the boundaries about telling people about it. Go you, Walky.

    1. Bagge

      Hear, hear!

  49. halcyon1234

    My mind skipped ahead of the punchline there.
    “The only way her birth control methods could be more secure is if we both had two X chromosomes.”
    Which would make him Sal. Which I’m sure is well-trod ground in the fanart community.

  50. Some Dude

    Wait… is a shaven version of the dude who tried to assault Joyce?

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