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Choices
Posted on April 20, 2021 by David M Willis
The Dumbing of Age Book 10 Kickstarter passed $55K this morning, which means that the CONQUEST MAGNET pledge tier is unlocked!  If you’ve gone in for a COMPLETE MAGNET POWER tier, consider her added to your ginormous pile of magnets.  If you want her and only a handful of other magnets, there’s PICK THREE and PICK FIVE MAGNETS tiers available! Three Twitter polls this weekend (it’s complicated) all indicated that who you want to see at $60K for the twelfth (and final??????? maybe???? we’ll see) magnet is Eric, aka the fingerguns guy.  To be honest, if you list four options in a poll and one of them’s marked “the fingerguns guy,” that’s probably going to be the winning option, huh. One week left!

240 thoughts on “Choices”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    I want to say He was wrong about Mary but even Jesus won’t speak about Mary

    1. Proxiehunter

      There’s just something about her.

      1. Gabriel A Klonoski

        Are you trying to say There’s Something About Mary? Is it her hair gel?

      2. Demoted Oblivious

        He just wanted her to nail him, but he just couldn’t put his holy hands on how to approach her. In the end he decided he was too cross and would wait for a second coming before asking her.

        1. Demoted Oblivious

          Credit to Milholland for really driving home the theme with S*P: Nailed – The Musical

          I would pay to see that actually produced.

        2. Clif

          I think we’re missing the point here. Mary has obviously been examining her identity and changed her name to Jesus, and we should respect that.

        3. ktbear

          Theres something about that family and Marys huh? I mean his old man already got a Mary pregnant which is how we ended up with Jesus in the first place.

      3. Deanatay

        “You know I’m fucking with you, right?”

    2. Gabriel A Klonoski

      Which Mary, there are a lot of them to choose from.

      1. Demoted Oblivious

        I heard they’re quite contrary.

        1. Ana Chronistic

          She had a little lamb,
          Pudding, and jelly

    3. russellmz

      i also want to say “jesus!” as well but for an entirely different reason

  2. Thag Simmons

    Mary I’m pretty sure you just did a blasphemy.

    1. Disastromatic

      No no no, it’s only a blasphemy if someone less holy than you does it.

    2. Deanatay

      Nah, it’s only a blasphemy if you believe in that stuff. And not that many people do, right? According to their religious doctrine, Christians are a persecuted minority, so by that reasoning, there can’t be enough of them to worry about.

  3. Sirksome

    I guess this is technically a better read than the last time we saw Mary but that bar was set pretty low.

    1. Clif

      The last time we saw Jesus. Respect the name change.

      Though I see Willis hasn’t changed the tags yet.

  4. ian livs

    Take her femurs. It’ll be a birthday present for you AND the rest of the world, Ruth.

    1. The Other Mike

      Considering that it actually IS my birthday, I’d gladly accept such a gift.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Happy birthday!

  5. Proto_Eevee

    How could your day be bad when you’re wearing a sweater that good looking?

  6. Kyrik Michalowski

    I hope when the apocalypse inevitably happens, I can only hope Mary suffers.

    Unrelated to that, what are we hoping for with Daisy and Ruth?

    1. Marisa Mockery

      A good Slipshine?

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        Well obviously 😛 But what about after that?

        1. Jamie

          A second good Slipshine.

        2. Clif

          And after that, the apocalypse.

    2. Sirksome

      I’m hoping they have a nice date. Don’t know if they’ll be compatible but Ruth deserves to have a good time on her birthday and it would be nice for some different characters to get panel time and development. Why not Daisy?

    3. Jane

      It doesn’t work out in the medium term, but they part amicably. Having had a girlfriend for a time helps Daisy unwind a bit, and she finds someone new in a relatively short timeframe. Jennifer and Ruth get back together, after having had enough time apart to rebuild with a healthier dynamic.

    4. Yotomoe

      See I don’t wish death on Mary. Cuz like everyone dies. I hope Mary survives an apocalypse. There’s just nobody around to hear her blame the sinners. Everyone else gets to party it up in the afterlife.

      1. Arian

        Yes! The Rapture comes, and everyone else gets taken up, including the people Mary despises. Only Mary is left.

      2. Demoted Oblivious

        Oh man if heaven does exist, I guess then I’ll thank god I’m going to hell. All the cool people have been dying to get in.

      3. Needfuldoer

        “It’s not fair… There was time now!”

        1. StClair

          “See you later.”

  7. RassilonTDavros

    The fact that Ruth is agreeing with Mary that this is her fault is a really bad sign. I hope we find out what happened soon.

    1. Bryy

      Mary’s not talking about The Incident. She just thinks gay people deserve to be killed.

      1. He Who Abides

        Queer people, not just gay people.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Everybody to her political left.

    2. SuperZero

      Mary is not referring to any of Ruth’s choices. Ruth is.

      She’s not agreeing.

    3. Deanatay

      Ruth did not use the word ‘fault’. She agrees that she is unhappy because of her choices – which is often true. Doesn’t mean she regrets them, or believes any of them were wrong (although Mary may think she should). She is accepting responsibility for her situation, which is the first step towards changing it.

  8. Wagstaff

    Of course you know that for a fact mary. Those were Jesus’s own words, so we have to take them at face value…

    You see where I’m going with this?

    1. Clif

      Of course. Mary is Jesus.

      But only after the name change.

  9. Newllend(henryvolt)

    You know there’s this scene in a 2004 movie called “Saved” with this psycho religious mean girl, when I saw it the first fictional character I thought of was Mary.

    Basically it’s the girl going crazy screeming “I am filled with Christ love!” As she chucks a bible at the back of another girls head as if it was a brick and I’m thinking yeah that’s Mary. Most Ironic thing about it was that the name of the girl they were hassling was Mary

    1. darkgloomie

      Ooh, Saved was a good movie.

    2. Makkabee

      Saved was a fantastic film. I haven’t watched it in ages, but I think now I’ll have to dig out my copy and give it another look.

  10. Mr D

    Mary, do kindly fuck off.

    1. Keulen

      She could even unkindly fuck off.

    2. Makkabee

      Mary doesn’t do anything kindly.

  11. Jane

    For some reason, the look on Agatha’s face is deeply amusing to me.

    Not really sure what Jesus has to do with Ruth’s life choices or Mary’s inability to be a decent person, though. /deliberately-missing-the-point

  12. Cephalo the Pod

    …is Mary calling herself Jesus?

    1. Newllend(henryvolt)

      I can’t be the only one who hasn’t notice her unchecked vanity growing lately right? Plus it always seems like certain conservative religious fanatics who seemed a little bit unhinged are always looking for someone to make into second coming of Jesus Christ.

      1. Leah

        And it will Mike, returned friom the Dead.

    2. James

      She’d say she’s not- but she is.

      1. annarchy

        Jesus hand puppet. Well, one with hiarchy of holyness On the brain, so everything is a contest of who can be the best and who can be identified as the bad.

        Like Goku her holyness power level is over 9000, which totally justifies looking down on it and judging and treating everyone else badly because of how amazing Mary is, right?

    3. NotThatDrew

      Nah. Mary may be more of a narcissist than Carla (at least in some ways), but I doubt she’d resort to blasphemy just to pump up her ego

    4. Reltzik

      Nope! She’s just saying that saying she’s wrong is equivalent to saying Jesus is wrong. COMPLETELY different thing! HONEST! That type of right-wing (sorta- and maybe fully-Evangelical) Christian would NEVER mistake the words of modern day humans for, say, the words of Jesus, or actual inerrant prophecy.

    5. SuperZero

      Yes.

    6. Tan

      No, Mary is stating that she speaks for Jesus.

  13. Wagstaff

    Mary, do us a favor and go back to hanging out with the Three Busy Deborahs instead.

  14. BBCC

    Any chance Mary can be chased away and Sierra and Agatha can take Ruth out for her birthday?

    Speaking of – for today, at least, Ruth and I share a birthday. I’m 25 though, not 21. XD

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      Gods know that we’d love to get rid of Mary, the question is: how?

      And Happy Birthday BBCC, hope it is a great one.

      1. BBCC

        Chase her out. Exit stage left, pursued preferably by a bear.

        And thank you! We’re gonna play a board game, watch a movie, and order in from my favourite place and eat homemade ice cream.Should be nice and chill.

        1. Norah

          Happy Birthday, BBCC!

        2. BBCC

          Thank you!

        3. Clif

          Happy Birthday, youngster. Some people know how to celebrate.

        4. BBCC

          Thank you! I think it’ll be fun.

        5. He Who Abides

          Happy birthday!

        6. BBCC

          Thank you!

    2. sultryglebe

      Happy Birthday BBCC!

      The date with Daisy could be good, but alternative: Carla skates up with a birthday pie for Carla, and it accidentally goes in Mary’s face.

      1. BBCC

        Thank you!

        Pieing her again would be good. And there’s no reason she can’t have a date with Daisy and have a girls day with Sierra and Agatha first.

      2. Regalli

        Happy birthday!

        Also now I want Carla to give Mary a pie in the face for all birthdays. She’s earned it.

        (In the real world, this would be awful. On the other hand, Mary blackmailed Ruth until she was in an active suicidal state, and then tried to continue blackmailing her even once the degree of Ruth’s condition came out with the dorm’s approval. By that metric, the pie is letting her off easy.)

        1. BBCC

          Thank you!

          The day after she learned Ruth was suicidal, she also asked Billie to let her ‘have’ Carla and ‘get rid of her for Billie’. Pie is the least she deserves.

    3. Sirksome

      Happy birthday! At least you were probably younger than Ruth when you started reading!

      1. BBCC

        I was. Ruth is a national treasure so I won’t complain.

    4. Delicious Taffy

      Congrats on making your first quarter-century.

      1. BBCC

        Thank you!

    5. SuperZero

      Toddlers should not be up at this hour.

      1. BBCC

        >:)

        1. Deanatay

          Happy BBirthDDay, BBCC!

        2. BBCC

          Thank you!

    6. I am Nothing

      Happy Birthday!

      Enjoy that ice cream.

      1. BBCC

        Thank you! I’m gonna throw chocolate chips in it and make chocolate chip ice cream.

        1. milu

          oh my god that is an excellent birthday idea.
          ~*✫happy birthday✬*~

        2. BBCC

          Thank you!

    7. Needfuldoer

      Happy birthday!

      1. BBCC

        Thank you!

    8. zee

      Happy birthday BBC!! ??

      1. BBCC

        Thank you!

  15. plasticwrap

    God, Mary, you’re kind of a bongo.

  16. Stephen Bierce

    *cues up the Aerosmith…*

    1. Demoted Oblivious

      I mean, awesome, but I’d kinda like to know which Aerosmith song(s)?

      1. Roborat

        Guess I just missed, my birthday was on Saturday. Hope you have a great birthday.

        1. Roborat

          This was supposed to be a reply to BBCC.

        2. Roborat

          But since I am here, in response to Demoted, All of them.

        3. milu

          i just assumed Dream On mostly because that’s my one instantaneous association with Aerosmith. and it kind of works i guess?

  17. Cross

    Jesus is never wrong. Except in Matthew 21:18-22 where he accidentally gets tricked by a tree (which Jesus curses).

    1. Reltzik

      Wasn’t there also something where someone asked what crops to plant, and Jesus gave a bad answer?

      1. Needfuldoer

        That’s why you don’t ask a carpenter for agricultural advice. Now if they needed input on a new barn or grain silo…

        1. Reltzik

          Carpenters know a lot about grains. And since grain is input for a grain silo, ask a carpenter.

        2. Roborat

          He wasn’t actually a carpenter, that is a mistranslation, he was a labourer.

  18. mrj

    I read Mary’s dialogue before seeing her and momentarily assumed it was Rachel. Somehow it feels -less- judgmental coming from Mary (which is a high achievement, given that it’s Mary we’re talking about…)

    1. Reltzik

      It IS less judgemental coming from Mary.

      When Rachel says that short of thing, she’s completely and fully evaluated Ruth’s character and judged it as deeply lacking.

      When Mary says that sort of thing, she hasn’t done any evaluation of anyone’s character, but instead condemns without exercising the least shred of judgement.

  19. Sirksome

    I don’t want to defend Mary here, but I feel like Ruth got off easy running into her. Like Ruth HAS made some bad choices and I feel like if Rachel were here instead, Ruth would’ve gotten eviscerated. Mary’s typical self-righteous judgements can be ignored pretty easily like the white noise it is.

    1. Some1

      This pretty much false under right for the wrong reasons.

      1. Clif

        If a tree false in the forest, is it’s life true?

    2. Joyfulldreams

      Look, I don’t like Rachel either, but I think if Rachel were really THAT much of a bongo to just walk up to Ruth on her BIRTHDAY to rip into her completely unprompted, she’d reach Mary-levels of utterly unwarranted bongoiness.

      Mary-levels, you see, because Mary is the only person awful enough to do that. Walk up to someone on their birthday to insult them completely unprompted, that is. Rachel would probably require prompting, at least, beyond “overhearing somebody wishing Ruth happy birthday”. Rachel would probably just walk by in a huff or something.

      1. Regalli

        Yeah, the difference between Rachel and Mary is that Rachel’s willing to make her snide comments to someone else – not-infrequently in Ruth’s earshot, but still not directed TOWARDS Ruth unless prompted.

        The other difference between Rachel and Mary is that Rachel was disgusted by Mary’s attempt to blackmail Ruth and get dorm buy-in while Ruth was suicidal, because Rachel may hate Ruth but she has STANDARDS. (Not all that many, granted, but I don’t think Rachel recognizes her behavior immediately post-hospitalization into antidepressants working was uncomfortably close to ‘bullying a suicidal person,’ and if asked she would probably point out that she doesn’t benefit from it the same way a blackmailer would.)

        1. Needfuldoer

          Rachel also would’ve made judgemental comments about Ruth’s past behavior and attitude in general.

          Judging by her past behavior and attitude, it’s probable that Mary’s primarily taking another jab at Ruth’s sexuality.

        2. Regalli

          Also true! It was early enough in the morning I forgot to mention/considered implied the ‘also Mary is a hateful bigoted piece of shit, whereas Rachel holds a grudge but doesn’t appear to be judgmental in that particular respect.’

      2. Sirksome

        I don’t know. Admittedly it’s pretty hard to get a good read on Rachel since she’s a side character but I do remember stuff like this.
        https://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-10/01-birthday-pursuit/unredacted/

        Which seemed like a pretty unprovoked, “Good morning, remember how you’re a horrible person? I do!” to me. Also I’m not sure if Rachel would even know it’s Ruth’s birthday. Are birthday’s common knowledge to people you live with even if you don’t really associate with them?

        But again it’s kind of hard to read Rachel’s deeper personality traits. She’s a lot like Mary in that way. She has her one thing and sticks to it.

  20. Some1

    At this point, I feel like Willis either needs to give Mary character development or get rid of her. She’s not smart or evil enough to be a threatening antagonist anymore and just seeing her show up and say something mean or homophobic isn’t entertaining.

    1. Sirksome

      I doubt Mary will get much focus. I feel like there was a moment or two that could’ve been developed like her art, but it got dropped and she’s done some stuff that can’t really be forgiven without a major story arc. Anything’s possible especially with a comic running this long, but I think Mary’s carved out her niche in the side cast. Not everyone is likeable or interesting. It’s not a glamorous role, but her presence adds to the world as a whole.

    2. Nono

      I think we just need more Malaya casually dunking on Mary to balance this out.

      1. Reltzik

        I feel like I want to see Booster dissect her.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          I thought they were a psych kid, but I suppose they might have amateur surgery as a hobby.

        2. Needfuldoer

          Who said anything about reassembly?

    3. Thag Simmons

      She can be fun. Watching an unpleasant person with a completely unwarranted confidence in their own charm and skill fail can be amusing

      But yeah, she’s too much of a joke at this point to be a threatening antagonist

    4. brute

      also it’s a semi-autobiographical comic and Willis grew up in the midwest (i wanna say he went to IU but i can’t really remember) so i’m guessing she represents a very real presence that he had to put up with then (and that people still have to put up with today).

    5. Spencer

      I like this particular take on Mary in the sense that she’s just this minor annoyance instead of causing actual harm, because Mary’s never going to actually meaningfully hurt anyone in any way since she has zero power over them.

      Strips like this capitalize on Mary’s most effective use as a character. She’s loathsome enough that it’s funny to see her defeated or demeaned, just not loathsome enough that reading about her is just a slog where the only payoff is seeing her get punched.

      I remember really liking that escalating prank war she and Carla had. That shit was hilarious and then it just went into a really bad place.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Carla’s finishing move with the Rube Goldberg contraption was perfect.

      2. thejeff

        I mean that’s true, other than the actual meaningful hurt Mary did do.

        She’s mostly harmless right now, but if she learns anyone else’s hidden secrets, she could be a problem again.

        1. Spencer

          Mary blackmailed Ruth so badly that it lead to Ruth going on medication and her and Billie being able to date openly.

        2. Regalli

          I mean, Ruth DEFINITELY needed therapy and likely antidepressants either way, but she might have been able to avoid hospitalization, even a very short-term stay.

      3. Bryy

        Mary’s anything but harmless. She actively tries to get people killed via bullying and blackmail.

  21. Bladeglory

    She’s right, but she shouldn’t say it.

    1. SuperZero

      She’s wrong, but she tried to twist it around and accidentally said something true.

      1. thejeff

        Right. Mary’s thinking choice to “defile the cheerleader”, while Ruth is thinking about the choices that led to the breakup.

  22. crow

    Since you’re here Mary, maybe you should elaborate on what those choices were. Just to really double down.

    1. Bryy

      oh don’t worry, she will.

      1. thejeff

        Though she doesn’t realize it, it’s more painful if she doesn’t.

        Once she elaborates everyone will just turn on her.

  23. acebender

    good to know she’s still terrible after the timeskip

  24. Mordecai

    For a second I was kind of happy (!?) to see Mary. I felt like we hadn’t seen her in a long time (only actually 6 months) so it kinda felt like a cameo or something.

    1. Yotomoe

      She comes on screen but instead of applause it’s like 3 or 4 empty claps and a loud audible cough.

      1. Reltzik

        Now that’s just pathetic.

        *hands out a few hundred graggers*

  25. Bagge

    agatha’s expressions is the best.

    1. milu

      She’s like, “oh god, Ruth is doing worse than i thought”

      1. Lux

        I thought it was a response to Mary’s comment, but that works too.

  26. Insanenoodlyguy

    Mary is always right. She jills it to Ronald Reagan and doesn’t afraid of anything.

    1. NotThatDrew

      Now I’m imagining Mary trying to track down ole Ronnie in the Shortpacked universe just to jump his 100+ year old bones *shudders*

      1. Demoted Oblivious

        SLIPSHINE

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Truly, a monthly fee I cannot bring myself to regret.

        2. Deanatay

          Mary Does A Boning: A Dumbing Of Age Necrographique

  27. Smooti

    Ruth, cmon, I know you’re going through a lot but you’ve got enough self respect to not agree with Mary, right?

    1. SuperZero

      The thing is, Mary tried to tell two different lies at the same time.
      The stuff she’s talking about is unrelated, but none of that was choices Ruth made anyway.

      Her two lies cancelled out, and her actual words are literally true because they don’t resemble what she meant. People like her actually do that… a lot.

      …until she referred to herself in the third person and claimed to be Jesus.

      1. Clif

        if Mike can become Jennifer , then surely Mary can become Jesus.

  28. Merle

    You heard it here first folks, Mary ships Ruth/Billie.

    1. milu

      yep that’s definitely what she meant by that

  29. Bryy

    I sense a Mary arc coming up. I’m really interested in how she reacted to the deaths and kidnapping. As much as it will probably disturb me.

    1. Needfuldoer

      I expect her to be a mini-Carol, sympathetic to Toedead’s cause and seeing Blaine as a means to an end.

      1. Bryy

        Throughout the comic, we’ve seen her armor dented again and again, with visible reaction from her, so I’d feel a bit cheated if there is no pay-off for that. Plus, Willis did include her in the Villain Globe image. Either way, I can only take Mary in small doses, so I usually steer clear of strips with her in it for a few weeks until I can do a binge.

  30. Yotomoe

    https://i.imgur.com/0QEaNdL.png
    The latest chapter of Walky’s harem. I wonder if anyone guessed this would be the next character. Also I apologize for the messiness, I was running a bit late.
    (Also I’ve been compiling all of these into imgur links you can look at by clicking my name :P)

    1. Newllend(henryvolt)

      The rate your going at in which your making these is astounding. Makes me a tad bit envious how much you have and are continuing to hone your skill as an artist

      1. Newllend(henryvolt)

        Also looking at the past drawings I almost thought Joyce was Ruth because of the scowling look on her face but then I remembered Ruth is taller than walky.

    2. brionl

      I’m mean, you’re not wrong about that.

    3. bleepbloop

      Now I REALLY want to see Danny’s reaction to Walky

      1. Clif

        So say we all.

    4. milu

      bahaha that one was excellent!! there was a hint of this in there

      1. Yotomoe

        Haha I legitimately was wracking my brain to try and remember if Danny and Walky had met before.

    5. Spencer

      I mean I knew I lowkey shipped Danny/Sal, but wowzers.

  31. Yotomoe

    I mean Mary’s got a point, Ruth. You CHOOSE to root for the Leafs.

    1. Rabid Rabbit

      Not to mention that she chose to wear that godawful cardigan. At least Billie would probably have spared her from that.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Yeah, I don’t think the yellow really works for her.

    2. Andy

      Obligatory reminder that the Leafs currently lead the North by 4 points and have the 3rd highest odds of winning the Cup, according to moneypuck. Also, just as a fun fact, if they lose to Vancouver tomorrow, it’ll be the Canucks’ 69th win over Toronto, and it will occur on 4/20.

      1. Yotomoe

        God…I’ve never hoped for a team to lose this much.

        1. Clif

          But which one?

        2. Demoted Oblivious

          For the first time in NHL history, both teams manage to lose the game. (0-0 in double overtime, so many penalties that no players are on the ice and the game is called)

      2. Demoted Oblivious

        Something cool happens if Canucks win? Well they’ll lose now for sure.

    3. AGV

      This is just too in character

  32. Delicious Taffy

    Look, she can be right all she wants, but the fact is that she literally pushed Ruth to within an inch of suicide. Mary gets no points for anything and she can go take a nap under the plate of a hydraulic press.

    1. AGV

      Now that’s a video I’d watch

      1. Delicious Taffy

        “1000° Hot Knife VS This Asshole We Found In The Hallway” and it’s just Ruth chasing Mary around with a toy lightsaber. 20,000,000 views.

        1. Needfuldoer

          “I’ve always wanted to try my hand at video!” shouts Booster as they chase Ruth and Mary, DSLR in tow.

  33. brionl

    You can’t win Pontius. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

    1. Demoted Oblivious

      To be far, Obi-wan took a young boy, orphaned by an imperialist force, indoctrinated him into a religious sect, and radicalized him. Then on matyring himself, Obi-wan guides Luke on a suicide attack against a military installation then ultimately turns Luke loose to continue teaching the religion.

  34. Mydnyt

    :best Sam Wilson impression: She’s out of line but she’s right.

  35. NinjaNick

    Mary, you’re going to be wrong as soon as Ruth could be in for a pleasant birthday surprise.

    1. Clif

      And I thought I was an optimist.

  36. Stifyn Baker

    “Jesus is never wrong.”
    What, not even in Matthew 16:28, when he tells his disciples some of them won’t die before the judgement day happens?

    1. Demoted Oblivious

      Well… if Momma Mary was there he wasn’t technically wrong… or if he just meant a broader “them”.

      1. Clif

        Who could have imagined it would take Thanos so long to snap his fingers?

        1. Clif

          Also Peter never actually died, he just went into the witness protection program.

        2. King Daniel

          I thought that was John, not Peter? Peter had one of the more memorable martyrdoms (crucified upside-down at his own request), as I recall.

        3. John

          Yup, Peter was crucified upside down. That is why I always laugh at the teenage edgelord “satanists” I come across, proudly showing off their upside down crosses. They get so pissy when you tell them its actually a St Peter’s Cross, or Petrine Cross, and is often a symbol of the Pope as he is the successor of St Peter.

        4. Demoted Oblivious

          Like Davan MacIntire holding some anarcist’s hands, slapping their face, and saying, “why are you hitting yourself.”

        5. Clif

          John is the one who is still wandering around today. Peter is the one who faked his own death and went into witness protection and changed their name to Jennifer .

    2. HeySo

      “Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death [le petite mort?] before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”

      Sometimes I feel a porn parody of the bible would be a little too easy..

      1. Clif

        Not if you have to illustrate it.

  37. Varangian

    Ha ha ha! It’s funny because if you have any kind of sincere belief in Christ, Mary, you would know Jesus absolutely is telling you “I never knew you; depart from me, ye accursed.” Ha ha ha!! Fuck you, Mary, you awful piece of shit!

    1. Arian

      I thought of that too.

    2. Arianod

      Mary has a 100% sincere belief in Jesus.

      Her own personal Jesus, that is.

      1. Varangian

        Her own personal Jesus
        Someone to hear her prayers
        Covered in hair
        And rising out of the sea with ten heads crowned

        Yeah I stopped quoting Depeche Mode and I’m just saying it, the “Jesus” Mary worships is the Antichrist

  38. Ray Radlein

    For instance, the choice not to throw Mary off the roof

    1. milu

      terrible choice, dire consequences

      1. Clif

        Indeed.

  39. AGV

    Good thing lowly earthlings like you can’t speak for him, eh mary

    1. Needfuldoer

      She’s not lowly by any means, as she’ll gladly reiterate.

  40. darkoneko

    what are you doing her, Mary ?

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Wait, I thought Ruth was going on a date with Daisy, not Mary.

  41. Rabisch

    Ruth agree with her? The end of the world is near! But it’s nice to see Mary, and her peculiar fashion style, again.

    1. milu

      i love how you’re so enthusiastic and positive every time xD
      …and actually, i wouldn’t have noticed but Mary’s outfit is kinda rad

      1. Rabisch

        It’s my favorite style of dress. Just add the goggles and the scarf and then she could go on her plane and hunt down the Red baron. Mary is the worst, but there’s always something in her that is interesting.

      2. Jhon

        The commentariat has always agreed on Mary’s fashion sense.

  42. Tan

    The decisions you make and the actions that follow are a reflection of who you really are.

    1. Clif

      But what if they point in different directions? The decisions I’ve made have frequently been questionable to crappy, but the actions that follow have almost always been fortunate.

      Maybe who I am is incredibly lucky.

    2. Bryy

      I’m not sure if you’re agreeing with Ruth or Mary, but that statement is untrue and a cop-out.

      1. Tan

        Between the two, if I was going to agree with one, it would not be Mary.

        Mostly I’m just quoting Samurai Jack

  43. Amos Batista

    Oh no, bad christian approach to someone problems.
    Here we go, I’m used to.

  44. Keulen

    Even when Mary’s right, she’s still wrong.

    1. milu

      even a bigoted clock will say true things occasionally by pure accident!

      1. Clif

        A stopped clock is right twice a day, but one which is perfect but biased five minutes in the past is never right.

        1. milu

          *ding* and that is this metaphor’s terminus, all passengers please go find another household item to over-invest with flimsy symbolism

  45. darkoneko

    Anywya, it’s nice to see some people on the floor warmed up to Ruth somehow

  46. milu

    “hi everything’s great”, said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this.

    1. MightyPinto

      “Christianize ALL the Kingdoms!”

      “Which brand would you like?”

      1. King Daniel

        Mine’s better

        1. Clif

          Mines almost as good.

        2. Demoted Oblivious

          Almost the same as mine. Die heretic!

        3. milu

          the christians are doing a great job reconquering Iberia, which will soon be called Spain and Not-Spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you’re still christian when you least expect. *SPANISH INQUISITION*

  47. Azhrei Vep

    God, will someone just kick Mary right in the dick already?

  48. Josh Spicer

    Oh Mary.

    Please change.

    1. Zaxares

      The weird thing is that Mary looks like she has a sorrowful/regretful expression in Panel 3, like despite her words she actually does feel sympathy for Ruth.

      1. Clif

        Sorrow is always appropriate when discussing someone else’s sins.

        Occasionally, it may be because you missed the chance to commit them yourself, but it’s always appropriate.

      2. Yotomoe

        “I don’t want to say these lines, they’re just what I’m scripted to say”

        1. Clif

          Poor Mary.

          Or maybe poor Yotomoe.

          Do you want to argue about predestination and free will?

          “I don’t want to say these lines; they just fell out of my mouth by blind chance.”

        2. milu

          listen, i’ve made a very deliberate choice never to talk about my extreme deterministic views

        3. milu

          btw this in just now, the picture and caption for the Wikipedia article on Free Will is hilarious

        4. Jhon

          Up here on the bridge, I am in control. Those guys in the engine room and after steering can do as they please.

    2. Dara

      I’ve known a few… what’s the plural of Mary. (Marys? Maries? Marys.)

      They don’t.

      And if you’re queer, they will go at you with anti-queer Jesus shit at any time they perceive you as vulnerable.

      The last one I kicked out of my life, I told her, “I have thought many things of you, but I never really thought you were cruel – until now. Never speak to me again.”

      They are truly horrible, horrible people.

  49. Brighter Side

    Mary is Jesus?
    Wait, I’m even more confused now that I put that into a sentence.

    1. Clif

      Mary has been examining her identity and discovering that she is not who she thought she was. To mark her transition into her new life, she has changed her name to Jesus.

      See, it’s not that difficult.

      No more nice Mary, From now on, it’s full bongo.

      1. Brighter Side

        Noted. Really curious how Carla reacts to this new development.

      2. milu

        ?creepy?prophetic?delusions?are?valid?

  50. UnDrewsual

    “Strike me down, and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine” – Jesus, probably

    1. Demoted Oblivious

      But… but.. is that why they nailed him up instead?!

  51. Freya Liu

    OH NO RUTH BABY.

  52. Needfuldoer

    Honestly I’m just disappointed Meredith didn’t make an appearance on 4/20.

    1. Seregiel

      They’d have to be on the roof to find her.

  53. Alan in DC

    So Jesus walks into the Days Inn on Rt 45/46.

    Says, “I brought three nails; can you put me up for the night?”

    (I’m go-ing to Hell-ll, I’m go-ing to Hell-ll…)

  54. ValdVin

    Sierra or Mary. Who to side with, who, indeed?

  55. nicoleandmaggie

    I feel guilty just reading the hover text. #raisedCatholic

  56. C.T Phipps

    Mary will walk away at the end, the sole survivor.

    Singing, “Time is on my side.”

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