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Cocktail
Posted on April 12, 2024 by David M Willis

Dumbing of Age Book 13 Kickstarter update!

It's true!  We've passed $35K, so if you pledge for any tier that involves you getting mailed something (basically everything except the DIGITAL ONLY tiers), you now get a FREE LUCY MAGNET!  I'll tuck that magnet right into your Book 13 or stamped envelope! If you pledge only for a PDF, my apologies, but I can't fit a magnet in there.  Everyone else, though!  They'll get one.

261 thoughts on “Cocktail”

  1. NGPZ

    *plays “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC on hacked muzak*

    1. True Survivor

      Great song, great band. My dad absolutely loves them. One of his favorite activities is to shut him self up in his TV room and just absolutely blast them on his surround sound like disgruntled teenager in an 80s movie.

      1. Hexx

        Isn’t that how you’re supposed to listen to them? Or have I been doing it wrong?

        1. clif

          No, no. Not at all. Crank it up so that you can feel the music.

          Hearing is overrated anyway.

        2. NGPZ

          You think you’re joking, but like.

          I’m an autista who lives in a pair of noise cancelling headphones who has multiple times contemplated deliberately damaging her eardrums and inducing the need for a hearing aid just to get the noise to fucking stop T_T

        3. clif

          Where is a hug emogi when you need one?

        4. NGPZ

          If you are on Windows 8+, type (windows key + period) to bring up the emojis screen

          Also I used to use this website: https://emojiterra.com/emoji/

          Either way, hug reciprocated ?

        5. Myth

          I absolutely feel you on that, as an extremely noise-sensitive autistic. But please remember that hearing damage can also result in tinnitus, AKA constant noise that you can’t get rid of even with the strongest noise-cancelling headphones. So, please try to resist the bad thoughts, okay? ?(The emoji screen refused to find the hug emoji for me)

      2. Roborat

        I also do this on occasion. One time my wife came home from work and yelled at me that she could hear it two houses away. I had just purchased the AC/CD Live at River Plate DVD and was blasting it on my surround sound system, trying to get the sonic blast to approximate the AC/DC live experience.

    2. raultsi

      aw man, ain’t got no emojis to show how much I love this

  2. Ana Chronistic

    Dumbing of Age Book 14: Shrimp?!

  3. Doctor_Who

    Joyce: “The Cran doesn’t touch the Grape, does it?”

    1. NGPZ

      As long as it’s a homogenous mixture, eh, she probs don’t care

    2. Mark

      Imagine that it’s the juice of the fruit of the crangrape bush.

      1. clif

        You mean crangrapes don’t grow on trees?

        1. Pergola

          Vines. Vines that are supported by bushes.

        2. Casi

          and are harvested by flooding the bog they are growing in

      2. David DeLaney

        ‘when i was just a lad of ten
        my father said to me’

    3. Hambone Jones

      The blessings of Ocean Spray allow it to be both and neither at the same time.

  4. IntangibleMatter

    This storyline is either going to end with them getting into legal trouble or in bed with each other I’m calling it.

    1. Rose by Any Other Name

      Or both.
      But yeah, I’m hoping for in bed. Joyce is LONG overdue for a Slipshine.

      1. Amelie Wikström

        It gives me no pleasure to say it, but I think Joyce is straight. I’m pretty sure the story here is Dorothy struggling to admit to herself she’s attracted to Joyce, which in Dorothy’s mind is a problem because it can only get in the way of their friendship, unless Joyce reciprocates which is an even bigger problem because then it’ll definitely get in the way of Dorothy and Becky’s friendship and probably Dorothy and Joyce and Joyce and Becky and Joyce and Joe too. Not to mention out lesbians don’t become presidents.

        1. BarerMender

          Willis has worked hard to convince us Joyce is bi. I think Dorothy is the one that’s straight.

        2. eh, whatever

          Willis has worked hard to convince us Joyce is bi- or panromantic but heterosexual. Remember the “everything below the neck” scene?

        3. Schpoonman

          Yup.

        4. anonymsly

          Also, Joyce is in an exclusive relationship with which she is happy. Straight or not (and I am one of those who believes Joyce when she says she’s heterosexual) I simply don’t see Joyce as someone who would betray Joe’s trust like that.

        5. Amós Batista

          Everybody forgave Joe’s sexual shenanigans. I can forgive the Joyce ones.

        6. Nymph

          Joe’s “sexual shenanigans” weren’t happening in the context of a committed relationship. Everyone involved consented, no one got hurt.

        7. Li

          Joe continues to not actually be relevant in any way to people shipping Joyce with other folks.

          Also honestly the drama of his heartbreak is a plus, not a minus, for loads of readers.

        8. Mark

          But can Joyce forgive Joyce’s sexual shenanigans?

        9. Amós Batista

          ??

        10. BarerMender

          Remember “I could crawl up in them and be warm and safe forever”?

        11. Taffy

          Remember “A fighter pilot who has her own cartoon show and comes home every night to our children and makes Kraft Macaroni & Cheese”?

        12. Li

          I mean.

          In the original Walkyverse, pre-Shortpacked, everyone was straight, at least on the page.

          Then Willis kept writing and drawing, their views of the real world and their characters changed and evolved, because it had been like a decade.

          It’s been at least a decade since Willis had Joyce think briefly about being bi and dismiss the possibility because her attraction to Ethan felt different (which, jsyk, is an extremely common experience for people who later realize they’re bi).

          Even if you’re right that that was intended at the time to be a hard, clear “no” on her feelings, is it not okay if Willis decides to revisit and recontextualize that?

          Are they forever beholden to what they intended in 2014, just because that comic was part of this continuity while other old comics were in a different universe?

        13. Nothri

          I haven’t seen any evidence that Joyce is panromantic. I don’t think she has shown any interest in Greek mythology at all let alone being attracted to the god of fauns and satyrs.

        14. PedanticJerkass

          *Price is Right sad tuba*

        15. someone

          What about cookware?

        16. HueSatLight

          There’s a possibility that Joyce is bi, but that Dorothy missed her chance. Their dynamic feels like it’s been changing. And maybe Joyce moving on is what got Dorothy’s attention. The whole “Bring me to Life Drawing Class” chapter is good for Joyce+Joe and Joyce+Dorothy changes, but https://www.dumbingofage.com/disappear/ is a good summary strip.

      2. zee

        My guess is Becky 2.0 situation. It’s fun to joke about them hooking up and I would’ve been rooting for it when Joyce was single, but I like JoJo too much. Joe has trauma with cheating, and he spent so much energy trying to avoid becoming his dad that I think finding himself in his mom’s position would hit him like a freight train

    2. Kim

      It really feels like it’s building up to Dorothy realizing she’s having romantic feelings towards Joyce.
      Looking forward to it! 😀

      1. clif

        I have no idea where we’re going.

    3. PirateTawnee

      Be crime, do gay!

      1. Mr D

        Take drugs, kill a bear.

  5. darkoneko

    ON THE HIIIIIIGHWAY TO HELL

    1. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Similar enough signs are here in Ontario, Canada too.

      1. David DeLaney

        And in TN as well.

        Plus the annoying variety that say “THERE IS EVIDENCE FOR GOD” – um, no, not a replicable shred of it. undetectable with the finest instruments, God and God’s actions are; no violations of conservation of mass-energy occur – scientists would get SO MANY papers and quite definitely Nobel Prizes, multiple, if God could be shown to be real and repeatable.

        Alas, He is firmly confined to the imaginary axis, watched over closely by the Riemann zeta function from just 1/2 away.

        1. Mark

          No; scientists would be jumping out of windows. Science doesn’t work when Someone has His thumb on the scale. Science only works when all agents can be controlled.

        2. Tan

          A God that can be proven can be accounted for. While there certainly might be some fist-shaped holes in walls and some dollars added to swear jars, no scientist worth their salt is going to end their life over knowing more about what exists.

          Science works. Period. If it turns out God exists, that means science works while God exists. The idea that science does not work because God is a nonsense claim that fundamentalists use to control their followers.

        3. Mark

          “Knowing more about what exists”: you are correct. The philosophers will be happy.

          The physicists will now know that e.g. conservation of angular momentum could be abrogated by an omnipotent supernatural being at any moment. Or He might be introducing new, unknown laws from time to time. Maybe dark matter only existed until we began to look for it. How can we know?

          Science works where it works. When experimental subjects can change their minds about how they behave, it doesn’t work. That’s why psychology doesn’t have anything like Boyle’s Law, let alone Ohm’s. [bows in apology to Hari Seldon]

        4. Casi

          God can exist and also not be omnipotent.

        5. HueSatLight

          a lot of scientists are religious. like they tend to recognize that no gods are intervening in the things they study, but the idea that “scientists would be jumping out the window if any gods were shown to be real” is creationist lies.

          The astronomer who proposed the Big Bang theory was a Catholic priest, and he warned the pope not to say it was proof of the Biblical god. (Lamaitre and Pius XII)

          The universe, as so far observed, doesn’t require any gods. So if gods do exist, are they deceiving us intentionally and why? What are their properties? Mysteries are for solving.

        6. HueSatLight

          addendum to the Lamaitre story, a lot of scientists were skeptical. The name “Big Bang Theory” is a pejorative one of them came up with (Lamaitre called it a primordial atom). When he was able to provide evidence, they didn’t jump out of windows, they came around.

          A god that introduces new laws-how-could-we-know sounds like Descartes’ evil daemon.

        7. ValdVin

          Evidence…

          St. Peter asking those billboard people “Do you know you’re supposed to just trust us on this?” is what I want in the afterlife.

    2. Reltzik

      Oddly enough, the municipality of Ferno, in NW Italy, has no such sign located in it.

      1. clif

        Italy is located at the junction of U.S. Highway 77 and Texas State Highway 34, just off Interstate 35E, approximately 15 miles south of Waxahachie and Ferno is in Ohio some 1,000 miles away (or a kilomile for you furriners). Haven’t been anywhere near Wilmington in years, so I couldn’t tell you about the sign.

        https://www.tripadvisor.com/Tourism-g56033-Italy_Texas-Vacations.html

        1. clif

          I think I should warn you though that Italy isn’t nearly as exciting as Paris where they’ve got the Eiffel Tower sitting out in front of the courthouse.

  6. Bootshivers

    Ah, my favorite part of the drive to Cincinnati

  7. HueSatLight

    communion if Jesus had a UTI

    1. NGPZ

      If we drinking Jesus’s blood does that mean we vampires? :p

      1. Reltzik

        Nah, for the metaphor to work we’d need for drinking the blood to be the key to immortaliohwait.

    2. HueSatLight

      Jesus’ first canonical miracle is magicking up some wine. The important message from the story is drink the good stuff first because you won’t be able to taste as well after you’ve been drinking. Amen

      1. NGPZ

        I don’t think the purpose of alcohol is to taste good. At least not usually.

        I’ll swallow bitter stuff like malt liquor if it’s cheap enough and it’ll get me drunk when i need it to.

        1. HueSatLight

          I wasn’t kidding, it’s John 2:10.

          Jesus is at a wedding with his mom, and the couple runs out of wine. Jesus’ mom pulls him aside and says to do something because otherwise the couple’s family will be embarrassed. So he has the waiters fill some jugs with water, and take it to the MC. Where the MC says:
          “A host always serves the best wine first,” he said. “Then, when everyone has had a lot to drink, he brings out the less expensive wine. But you have kept the best until now!”

        2. HueSatLight

          and not to get into the same discussion as before, but there’s alcohol that doesn’t have hops or bitters in it at all. It’s not the alcohol that’s bitter.
          The purpose of some alcohol is to taste good while it gets you buzzed. Like if sherry wasn’t supposed to taste good, people wouldn’t also use it for cooking.

        3. NGPZ

          True dat.

          Shao Xing Hua Tiao cooking wine is essential for Orange Chicken when I make it :9

        4. LiamKav

          I’d also say that it’s a bit more complicated than “tasting bitter” = “not tasting good”. Sometimes people do want a sharp or bitter taste. Different flavours are good! When I was younger I tended towards sugary alcoholics drinks, but I couldn’t drink them now as the sweetness makes my teeth itch.

          Also, alcohol-free spirits are becoming a lot more popular.

        5. Azhrei Vep

          I would definitely disagree that alcohol itself isn’t bitter. I’ve never been subjected to an alcoholic beverage that wasn’t undrinkably bitter and … whatever word accurately describes the smell of nail polish remover, but as a taste. There’s usually a faint aftertaste of something else that varies from specific drink to specific drink, but it’s almost impossible to taste under the vileness that permeates all alcoholic beverages.

          And this stays consistent from wines to fruit cocktails to beers and various harder liquors.

        6. HueSatLight

          Maybe it’s like cilantro, where some people have different receptors. Or maybe some people use a different definition.

          The smell in nail polish remover is either acetone or rubbing alcohol, there’s another, but it smells like sweet things smell and is mixed in one of the others. More broadly, nail polish remover smells like a solvent.

        7. HueSatLight

          After reading a little about bitter taste receptors, I’m right back at “maybe it’s biological, maybe it’s people defining ‘bitter’ differently”. with some “maybe a combination of the two” thrown in.

        8. PigmyWurm

          You do not have to enjoy alcohol and there are definitely people who just drink to get drunk, but lots of people do drink at least largely for the taste. All those artisanal wineries and craft breweries exist for people who enjoy those flavors. I have been in situations where I wanted to try more new drinks and the fact that alcohol gets you drunk was an active detriment.

        9. Roborat

          I am one of those people. I am allergic to alcohol, I just drink it for the taste.

      2. PedanticJerkass

        Jesus’s first canonical miracle was being born to a virgin mother.

        1. HueSatLight

          I was not just making it up. It’s canonically called his first miracle. Because that’s what John 2:11 says.

        2. thejeff

          In John’s gospel, there’s no discussion of his birth at all, so in that version of the story, there was no miraculous birth.

        3. HueSatLight

          if you have a problem with Jesus turning water into wine being canonically Jesus’ first miracle, don’t argue with me about it. Get in a time machine and go back to the council of Nicaea or whatever.

        4. thejeff

          I don’t have a problem with it. I’m commenting on the differences between the stories in the various gospels. John doesn’t write about his birth. The other three don’t have the story of the water into wine.
          I find those differences and the reasons for them interesting. That’s all.

        5. Roborat

          She wasn’t a virgin, that is a mistranslation.

        6. thejeff

          The story was likely based on a mistranslation of OT prophecy, but in the stories about Mary it’s not a mistranslation. It’s quite clear.

  8. Nathan

    The Jesus billboards have crept their way up north from the Pennsylvania Turnpike to inside NYC itself in the last few years, which strikes me as an ominous development.

    1. True Survivor

      Metro-metastasis of missionary memetics? That does sound ominous. I thought you might maybe able to escape those outside the bible-belt, but if they NYC it is basically game over man.

      1. PedanticJerkass

        “Metro-metastasis of missionary memetics?”

        That sounds like SCP Foundation technobabble.

        1. Roborat

          To me, it sounds like the narrator of the 1960s Batman series summing up the episode ending cliffhanger.

    2. BarerMender

      Ominous development for the Christians. The know their religion is fading away and they’re doing everything they can think of to pump life into it. Nothing they’re doing will work, because nothing they’re doing is the right thing.

      1. David DeLaney

        “… is the proof for God in the room with us? right now?”

        –Dave, because dark matter almost certainly is, and a SLEW of neutrinos

      2. Reltzik

        That scares me. Without any right things to do, a sizable chunk of them are likely to try doing wronger and wronger things out of desperation.

        In that context, seeing them waste time, energy, and money on billboards is kinda reassuring.

        1. morleuca

          Just ask the trans community

        2. Nymph

          As a rep of the trans community –

          Sadly yes. They do keep doing wronger and wronger things instead.

        3. morleuca

          Hugs if you are ok with them. We’ll win out in the end. Not a great comfort while we are under fire, but some day maybe we won’t have any names for TDoR.

      3. DorJoJo

        Genuinely don’t want to rain on the parade, but 1/3d of the entire planet identifies as Christian, literally billions of people, and that number unfortunately hasn’t moved an inch in this century so far (it has actually *increased* slightly iirc), so saying it is anywhere even remotely close to “fading away” is just patently untrue by any metric unless we want to pretend that America is the only country in the world, in which case, sure, yeah.

        You’re not about to find me arguing in favor of any religious institution, obviously, I’m just saying let’s not break out the champagne quite yet. Maybe in a few decades. Unless of course some kind of very obvious liar who purports to be a Good Christian(tm) ruins everyone’s lives so badly that large portions of the population seek respite in superstition to avoid the horrible reality that they live in a failed state.

        …I’m gonna go back to thinking about this fun story arc because I just made myself sad. Go Dorothy! Go Joyce! Hopefully Joe is understanding when he hears about their inevitable makeout sesh.

        1. Woop de doop

          Username checks out!

        2. Li

          Not denying the overall grip of Christianity, but a lot of those surveys just ask people to check a box, and a bunch of Americans check Christian while casually believing things that are the literal antithesis of it.

          And I don’t mean that in the way you’re thinking — that’s true too but I’m talking about people like my mom who self-identified as Christian for decades and had me baptized but also doesn’t think Jesus was the son of god, and isn’t fully sure there even is a god. She had my much younger sister baptized too, but only because she didn’t want my sister to feel weird later about being the only one who hadn’t been.

          (This sparked a big argument lol, I hadn’t realized I’d been baptized until that moment.)

        3. Li

          More succinctly: we’ve got a lotta lapsed Catholics in the world, but even more people who vaguely self-describe as Christmas despite never going to church or caring about the Bible or having any kind of concrete belief in god. I’d wanna know how much of the 1/3rd of supposed Christians fall into this category before I made a claim about it dying out OR still going strong.

        4. dneus

          Sub-Saharan Africa is where Christianity is expanding; it is now the majority religion throughout the region and overwhelmingly dominant (80-100% of the population) in many countries. This is what is balancing out the decline of Christianity in its historical core countries. Elsewhere, there are also major changes going on within Christianity, like the increasing displacement of Catholicism in Latin America with US-style charismatic evangelicalism.

      4. Roborat

        I have been watching the decline of religious influence for the last 50 years, and I figure another two generations or so and they will be essentially extinct.

    3. John Campbell

      This is the real reason Vermont bans billboards. They say it’s to preserve our scenic outlooks. Really it’s inoculation against the cult advertising.

    4. Needfuldoer

      There’s even some of the less overt ones popping up in the Boston area.

      I always make sure I flip off the tug-on-your-heartstrings anti-abortion ones I drive by.

  9. DailyBrad

    I love the exchanged look in panel 2, along with the sassy one from Dorothy in panel 2.

    1. Schpoonman

      Dorothy’s sass in panel 3?

      1. DailyBrad

        Yeah, I meant 3, typo.

    2. Coatl

      Heh, the loose strands of her hair are also standing out.

    3. Dara

      Dorothy Panel 2 is rather hot.

      1. Needfuldoer

        I like 3 better.

        1. Dara

          Appropriate icon is appropriate.

          Panel 3 is also very nice for the same reasons.

  10. jeffepp

    “Listen, Joyce. If you don’t start drinking, we’re never going to start drunkenly making out.”

    Joyce: Chug!

  11. Coatl

    Joyce… first drink it, then question everything you want

    1. anon

      she’ll get over it halfway through the 2nd drink or two and a half cocktails in maybe lol

  12. Schpoonman

    Love the little detail of Dorothy’s hat hair.

    Joyce is going to stare at her cup unable to process why she won’t just drink it until she needs to take Dorothy home, isn’t she?

    1. Coatl

      Yes and no..I guess

    2. True Survivor

      I also like the hat hair detail.

    3. Tanglaar

      personally i’m thinking we’re going to see her stare at her drink while dorothy starts to quickly get drunk, decide to try it and join the fun, only to find that it’s not affecting her the same way bc she’s not a light weight

      1. Mark

        Or she’ll eventually take a sip, and nurse that one drink for three hours, while her liver mutters, “this is almost too easy.”

        That’d be me….

  13. RassilonTDavros

    God, I hate those highway signs. The fucking worst, aside from maybe those “my heartbeat starts at six weeks from conception” signs that show a baby who has clearly been out of the womb for longer than six weeks.

    Anyway who else thinks Dorothy is totally gonna confess to/make a pass at Joyce at some point “tonight?”

    1. Rose by Any Other Name

      The heartbeat argument is just annoying anyway.
      Hearts pump fluids. Most animals have something similar. It means nothing.
      Might as well equate bowel movements with the spark of life. It makes as little sense.
      If it was brain function, then at least I would understand the argument. I still wouldn’t agree with it, but I’d understand the logic.

      1. True Survivor

        I think the heartbeat sings may just be going for pathos and not logos. It seems to me that the idea is to give human qualities to the fetus (and a child’s heartbeat is strong in-grained emotional trigger) to elicit instinctive empathy. In that sense, I think those signs at least bother to employ a real persuasive technique.

        I have no clue what the Fire and Brimstone – Jesus is the only way type signs are going for. Why would somebody who does not believe be scared of hell? At that point it just seems like the sign makers are being snoody or insulting – why would I want to go hang out with those people?

        1. Jeff K!

          Those signs are to convince the believers to not question things, they have no effect on nonbelievers.

          A visible show of “we’re trying to save everyone” is necessary to keep the people you have in line.

        2. Reltzik

          I think they’re there to target wavering believers (because they want to stay with people who threaten hellfire?), lukewarm Easter-and-Christmas believers (guess that’s one way to light a fire under them), and apostates who still haven’t fully excised the brainwashing and still suffer what they rationally know to be irrational panic attacks (because nothing draws evangelists like vulnerability).

          … or maybe they’re put up by the sort of Christian who thinks “everyone knows deep down it’s true, they’re just denying the truth in their wickedness” or something like that.

          … yeah, probably that.

    2. HueSatLight

      I think she’s going to realize she’s bi simultaneous with confessing her feelings.

  14. Rose by Any Other Name

    … I’m having a brain fart here.
    Does Dorothy know that Joyce is now an atheist yet?
    I feel like I should know this, but I can’t remember.

    1. Taffy

      She knows

    2. Coatl

      She found out when Liz was visiting.

    3. Mark

      I think she also knows that you can’t just switch off a lifetime of training in one moment of clarity.

    4. HueSatLight

      Yes, she’s making a joke about it.

  15. Francoinblanco

    you better start learning the violin and run away to Georgia, just In case

    1. True Survivor

      Hell hath no limits, nor is circumscribed
      In one self place; but where we are is hell,
      And where hell is, there must we ever be
      -Christopher Marlowe

      1. Zach

        Christ, the BIBILE isn’t that grim.

        I should like to meet this good doctor.

        1. NGPZ

          Leviticus 26:29 begs to differ ?

        2. thejeff

          To be fair, that’s Mephistopheles speaking. It’s not saying we’re all in hell, but that for the damned, the physical location doesn’t matter.

      2. foamy

        Hell is other people.

        – J. P. Sartre.

      3. David DeLaney

        Why, this is hell, nor am I out of it,. – Faustus

    2. Francoinblanco

      I joked about d-d-duel with the devil in Georgia. Why did i get some quotes from neon genesis evangelion or black lagoon?

      1. Aura

        I’ve seen both of those but it was a looong time ago, what’s the connection here? Do those quotes sound like the sort of thing a character in one of those shows would say?

        (Btw just in case you didn’t know, Doctor Faustus, which both David and True Survivor were quoting, is one of the really influential deal with the devil stories and so is very apt here! Along with other variations of the Faust story that’s why it’s sometimes called a Faustian Pact/Bargain.)

      2. Taffy

        If it’s a d-d-duel you’re after, you’d be better off in Japan or Egypt.

        1. Mark

          I dunno; this one is pretty good.

        2. Taffy

          Some people didn’t grow up with the cultural touchstone that is Yu-Gi-Oh! and it shows.

        3. PedanticJerkass

          “””””cultural touchstone”””””

        4. Taffy

          Hm, looks like you got some dust on your post. ?️

        5. Mark

          So stipulated.

  16. BohNo

    love joyce going from cute to smug and sexy to cute again panel to panel

  17. HueSatLight

    I would have sworn there was commentary that one of billboards was a “Hell is real” sign. Maybe it was on twitter.

  18. Pocky

    In my experience, the fruity drinks are what I had the most people I served overdo it on.

    They just down ’em without thinking about it.

    1. Laura

      Ooh, yeah. I’m thinking screwdrivers at 17…

      Man, was I dumb, back then… It’s a little hard to believe…

      1. NGPZ

        What’s a screwdriver? and why do earthlings call it that? 😮

        1. Laura

          OJ and Vodka. Very simple cocktail. Back when I drank it, it was mixed in a bucket, swirled with an actual screwdriver tool.

          So, yeah — just like drinking orange juice. One doesn’t taste the vodka.

          Such a strange situation…

        2. NGPZ

          Oooo, interesting! I heard of mimosas, which are OJ + champagne but are often watered down whenever they served at brunch places or wherever.

          Either way I’m more fond of the taste of saki and rum (specially when they mixed with kool aid or other sweet liquid i got laying around)

        3. eh, whatever

          sake, with e as in meh

        4. morleuca

          Mmmmmmmm…..mimosas……I swapped out the oj for guava juice once. Can’t go back

        5. RassilonTDavros

          I was kinda expecting to see the word “OJ” in the comments tonight, but not in that context.

        6. David DeLaney

          he got recalled the same day as the Ford Bronco, I hear

          –Dave, have not yet checked Twitter to see how many are vowing to find the REAL killer

        7. Proxiehunter

          Where as vodka a prune juice is a pile driver.

        8. Laura

          Ooh, that’s a nasty pun! xD

        9. Daibhid C

          I’ve seen recipes for some drink that combines vodka, OJ, and some vividly cerulean liqueur that gives the whole thing a bluey-green glow. This is, of course, a sonic screwdriver.

        10. Laura

          Ha, ha! xD

        11. StClair

          possibly blue curaçao, an orange liqueur (originating from the island of the same name) which would fit with the flavor profile.

        12. Laura

          Glad your Pikachu is happy. For a while I wasn’t sure if Pikachu was holding an AK-47 or a giant toy… finally figured out it was a guitar. Best choice!

        13. NGPZ

          Well that’s because I currently tispy right now. Went hiking real far and at the end got myself some liquor at a convenience store.

          Additionally payday for a commission I worked on (inventory system for a pixel art game) came sooner than expected!

          Still waiting for my discord support to respond, but hey at least I have an insurance plan in the case that I can’t get my account back.

          All in all, rather even.

        14. Laura

          The hike sounds fun. Glad you enjoyed your day!

          …Just thinking of alcohol makes me sad and nauseous, these days. It’s a funny thing — just after a certain moment I realized I couldn’t stand even the thought of it.

          Odd…

        15. StClair

          Orange juice and vodka. So basically it tastes like orange with a bit of a kick. Dates back to the 40s; the origin of the name is unknown/contested.

        16. Aura

          A screwdriver is the handheld tool you use to affix screws to things by turning them. They’re made of a handle, then like a metal rod with a shape on the end that can be inserted into grooves in the head of the screw to grip it.

          A screw is the little metal thing that’s kind of like a nail but instead of being a straight piece of metal you can just bash into something (or two somethings) it’s got like this spiral shape and a point on the end so you’ve got to use a screwdriver to screw it into the screwee.

        17. Aura

          Alternative meanings:
          The source of someone’s libido
          A crazy motorist
          The person responsible for transporting prison guards
          Some kind of alcoholic drink (see above comments)

        18. Laura

          Very helpful! Thank you!

          I love a good “explain xkcd” style explanation. Complete with wordplay!
          ;-D

        19. Aura

          Yay! I’m glad someone enjoyed it and also glad that others had given the proper answer already so I could do the silly ones without feeling bad 😛

  19. BBCC

    Yeah, you might need those reminders for a while, Joyce. It’ll be okay.

    1. anon

      luckily other than mary most ppl would go around proselytising or whatever to her during a normal college class/day

  20. David DeLaney

    Joyce’s slowly-shrinking blue-pils as she considers ramifications & consequences

  21. june gloom

    I’m so fucking sick of that sign. I see it everytime I drive back across the river. Now I’m seeing it on this side of the river too. Hate it.

    1. Taffy

      There’s no harm in tearing it down.

      1. Reltzik

        Further proof of the horrific degree to which Christians are persecuted in this country!

        1. Taffy

          If they were treated as terribly as they pretend, it still wouldn’t be half as bad as what they do to the rest of us, so I’m honestly fine with it.

    2. anon

      i wonder if someone will graffiti/spray paint it but might make the original ppl double down on the message lol

      1. NGPZ

        “Hell is real <fun!" XD

  22. John Campbell

    The Bible doesn’t say one word against drinking cocktails, Joyce. That’s just the crazy cult you were raised in.

    Shrimp cocktails, on the other hand, are detestable, per Leviticus 11:12.

    1. Mark

      I’ve not researched this, but I’ve long suspected that some folks’ religious animus toward drink comes from Gen 9:20ff when Noah got drunk. The lesson I take from that passage is not about drink, but about drowning one’s wits.

  23. Aura

    Fucking mood, Joyce.

    Although if something as ridiculous as a shrimp cocktail exists, maybe we’re already halfway there…

    1. Taffy

      Reverse the words, cocktail shrimp. Shrimp with a cocktail sauce (no I do not know what is in this sauce), sometimes arranged in a circle around the dipping dish.

      1. Axel

        I always assumed it was kind of a sweet marinara,* but the recipes I saw from googling say it’s a mixture of ketchup and seasonings.

        *before someone who knows lots about marinara, cocktail sauce, or both comes to yell at me, I haven’t tasted it in over 15 years

        1. Taffy

          I’ve tasted it at some point in the last few years, and I don’t know (or give a fuck) what’s in the sauce, but I know it’s not a flavor I enjoy.

        2. Mark

          I’ve never tasted it, but I’m told it’s a tomato sauce with mildly hot spice.

        3. Bittersweet

          It’s ketchup and horseradish

        4. Taffy

          Oh, everything is ketchup to Sauce People™.

        5. clif

          Can I yell at you for not tasting it for 15 years? I mean ketchup is just filthy red ichor but the horseradish sauce and whatnot they put into cocktail sauce actually makes it taste good.

        6. Taffy

          There are thousands of sauces in the world. One person not eating one sauce in that amount of time isn’t worth inhaling about, let alone yelling.

        7. David DeLaney

          but but but this is the INTERNET
          if we stopped to think whether it was worth it
          before posting, we’d never get anything DONE

      2. Daibhid C

        Called prawn cocktail in the UK, although I was in my twenties before I learned this was an actual thing, and not just a flavour of crisps.

  24. staszu13

    Joyce, it WAS your idea to get drunk

    1. Taffy

      Having an idea and being fully 100% ready to follow through on that idea without the slightest hesitation are not the same thing.

    2. Nymph

      So? She’s allowed to change her mind, to pause, and to have feelings about a thing even if it was her idea.

      1. Amós Batista

        … and it’s even easier to starting something without that pressure.

  25. Taffy

    Joyce, liking shrimp is the same as being pro-abortion.

    1. clif

      I must admit, I never thought of it that way.

      1. Taffy

        Every shrimp is a life, so if you don’t eat all of your shrimp, each one you didn’t eat is literally an entire life being wasted for nothing. And if every life matters, even the ones that barely started forming (“BuT mUh HeArTbEaT!”), if you enjoy shrimp and eat them, you’re directly supporting an industry that willingly and knowingly wastes probably millions of those pwecious wittle lives every year. Fussing over the human ones is exactly as silly as fussing over the shrimp, and we can’t afford to be so picky.

    2. HueSatLight

      Not to start a theological discussion again, but not the same thing. Yahweh tells Moses not to eat shrimp, but does tell him how and when to induce abortions.

      1. Taffy

        It’s definitely not a hill I’m willing to die on. I made it up as I went, so if it’s even coherent it’ll be a miracle.

    3. thejeff

      As it is written

      1. Taffy

        At least they’re consistent, I guess.

  26. Needfuldoer

    Cranberry? Ew.

    1. Pergola

      Does it make you think about hell too?

  27. Da Boy

    Out of curiosity, what Does the Bible say about consuming alcohol by minors? I mean, diluted wine was a pretty common drink back in those times, no?

    1. Reltzik

      I think it’s just that (1) everyone’s required to drink wine in communion, and maybe every meal, and (2) if your kid turns into a drunkard, you stone them to death in front of the rest of the village.

      … I’d say that putting those two together is disturbing, but the Bible also has the Book of Revelation in it. “Disturbing” is a relative measure.

      1. eh, whatever

        Joyce’s denomination does not drink wine for communion, but unfermented grape juice. A heresy made possible by the invention of the refrigerator.

        1. lyzyrdwyzyrd

          Made possible by Thomas Welch

        2. Roborat

          Thomas Welch invented the Refrigerator? I always thought it was William Cullen.

    2. eh, whatever

      what Does the Bible say about consuming alcohol by minors?

      Absolutely nothing, and use boldface for emphasis, y’know, <b>like this</b>.

    3. Mark

      I’m not sure the Bible says anything about minors, per se. It occasionally talks about things that others did to minors. Paul talks about maturity by referring to his own childhood vs. manhood. Moral wrangling over centuries has produced a lot of fine distinctions that are mighty hard to find in the Bible, even with a powerful lens.

    4. HueSatLight

      Since the Bible says contradictory things about drinking, some protestants pretend that “oinos” translates as juice, to make it so it says don’t drink alcohol at all.

      I know a joke or two about that, but they’re not that funny and one takes too much explaining. Anyways, here’s one: Always go fishing with two Baptists, because if you go with just one, they’ll drink all your beer.

  28. Da Boy

    I’m really blown away by the variety of alcohol experiences here. All those cocktails and stuff… then there is me whose experience with alcohol is either drinking beer, or throwing back shots of vodka or moonshine until everyone is ridiculously drunk.

  29. CianM1301

    Dammit, now I want a shrimp cocktail too.

  30. Derek

    if Joyce was Catholic, would she have hang ups about drinking wine outside of communion?
    actually, why DOES she have hang ups about this? underage drinking is not something the bible cares about, so this is strictly a US law thing

    1. Da Boy

      Aside from that it is possible that she is just over-correcting for the whole “Restraint in drinking and eating”.

      1. Mark

        Randall Garrett gave me (well, everyone) the useful notion of “a typical Satanic exaggeration of a virtue.” You can make someone miserable using his own rules for himself by driving him deeply enough into them. It’s a great way of corrupting someone who holds tightly to his beliefs.

    2. Taffy

      She’s from a bizarre fundamentalist niche of Christianity. Regardless of what’s in the Bible, the expectations of that cult are more relevant to her behaviors and hang-ups.

    3. Aura

      A lot of varieties of christian hold that breaking secular laws is a sin except when that goes directly against God’s law. If she were somewhere drinking was legal at her age she might not have any issue with it, but because it’s illegal christian!Joyce would also likely see it as sinful.

      There are also varieties of christian that believe drinking alcohol at all is a sin, and speaking from experience a little too personal here even if you don’t believe that yourself it can still be pretty hard to shake and get comfortable with drinking alcohol after:
      a). a lifetime of believing you weren’t allowed to
      b). knowing that many of the people around you believe you’re committing a sin, especially given
      c). some of good ol’ Paul’s teachings (1 Cor 8:9-13) are generally interpreted as saying that even if you know something’s not wrong, if that might cause problems for someone else who believes it’s wrong then that makes it wrong.

      1. Da Boy

        To be fair, considering how much violent crime is committed by intoxicated people (up to 48% or so the google tells me) it’s not like those Christians don’t have a point.

        1. Daibhid C

          So 52% of violent crime is commited by sober people? Sounds like they’re the realproblem…

        2. Taffy

          Only 14% is from sober people. The other 38% is from random alien attacks that are mysteriously stopped by time travelers or teams of people in colorful spandex. It’s getting to be a real problem.

        3. Da Boy

          The point is basically that if they weren’t drunk they wouldn’t do it. You could cut violent crime by half by preventing people from making themselves stupid/violent through alcohol consumption.
          Obviously I won’t suggest that because we all know how That particular experiment ended. It’s more of a thought experiment than anything.

    4. Schpoonman

      At the party when she was attacked by Ryan, she says that she doesn’t have any intellectual issues with drinking, she’s just not of legal age yet. The bit about needing to remind herself hell isn’t real is probably a confluence of her natural desire to follow rules and a childhood of being told that sinners (which definitely includes rulebreakers) will go to hell.

  31. Chris

    Don’t know if there is one of those billboards in Michigan, however there is a:
    Hell, MI 48169

    1. Mark

      So the Highway to Hell (MI 36) runs through nearby Pinckney?

      1. David DeLaney

        and it’s go-in dooowwwwnnnn

        (here, all three of o, w, and n are vowels)

  32. DorJoJo

    I love this arc and also the fact that I have no clue where it’s headed.

  33. Auroki

    I always suspected this comic took place in Ohio. I think Willis is from this evil state as wel. Ohio, where we get drunk to forget that we live in Ohio

    1. Taffy

      You suspected the comic set at Indiana University, located in Bloomington, Indiana, was taking place in Ohio?

      1. M!a

        Ohio, Indiana; same thing. America’s Northernmost Southern State.

        1. Taffy

          Nice try, but they both border Texas.

        2. J.Gawain

          I’m used to people getting Indiana and Iowa mixed up, then claiming that whichever one they think they are talking about makes great potatoes.

      2. PirateTawnee

        They don’t call him Damn You Willis! for nothing you know.

        1. Taffy

          Playing the long game by outright lying about where the story happens. Definitely a move I wouldn’t have seen coming.

      3. Daibhid C

        In the Dumbiverse, Indiana University was founded in Bloomington, Ohio in 1827 by proud Ohioan Steve Indiana.

    2. PedanticJerkass

      The fact that John Scalzi lives there is one of the very few good things about Ohio.

  34. M!a

    Now if only they could remove those fucking “He Gets Us” ads from behind the backstop at my beloved Sox games…

    1. Needfuldoer

      Maybe we can send Wally to go tag it.

  35. Dafydd

    I thought Hell was in Michigan, why are there signs for it in Indiana?
    …
    …
    oh

    1. David DeLaney

      because they both share a border

      with Heck

  36. Erinaceus

    Can someone give me a photo of one of those signs? Here in Germany, the signs on the Autobahn only show where to go for which city and those brown tourist signs.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      https://www.flickr.com/photos/aloha75/4919161548

      Or just put “Hell is real” billboard into your preferred search engine. The quote marks are important.

    2. Da Boy

      I think they mean billboards by the side of the road rather than the signs on the road itself.

  37. goggleman64

    I once missed my exit ’cause I was zoned out, driving miles further south than I’d been before, and the thing that snapped me out of it was that massive “HELL IS REAL” billboard. I thought I’d driven into an episode of The Twilight Zone.

    1. Erinaceus

      This sounds really weird. A “hell is real” sign on the highway seems to imply “and it’s right here”. Not a good way to advertise your town.

      1. David M Willis

        well the sign is facing you on the way out of town, actually

    2. Yumi

      On one route I drive fairly regularly, there’s a part where, just after I change expressways. there’s a church billboard with a picture of Jesus and the words “Are you on the right road?” And it’s a very helpful landmark, especially when the drive was new to me. Every time I pass it now, I think, “Yup, I am, thanks for checking, Highway Jesus.”

  38. Suet

    Ooooo, shouldn’t have jogged what was suppressed… bottoms up!!

    Book 14: Despite What That Sign on the Highway Says, Hell isn’t Real (but this? is)

  39. Amós Batista

    Yes, Joyce, this flinch is real.

    My religious trauma (baptist christian) is so real that I refused to drink in my entire college period.

    I only started to drink only 3 years ago. I feel i have cut a lot of things in my youth. Yes, it’s drink, you should be warned it’s dangerous, but…

  40. Alan in DC

    Panel 2 … where’d Joyce learn to make those FM eyes? Zowie…

  41. Hof1991

    Joyce is looking on her phone at Tristan, a symbol of the life she’s left behind.

  42. Alan in DC

    The notion that there is a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell suggests that someone’s done a study of the traffic patterns and built the infrastructure accordingly.

    1. Serendipity

      so heaven is ableist got it

      1. David DeLaney

        well, there’s an elevator from Purgatory
        but it’s been declared non-cannon

        1. Lawzlo

          Of course, there is a cannon to launch you out of Purgatory and into Heaven, but it’s a pretty inefficient system, and mostly just used by stunt performers, circusfolk, and Miss Rita Thunderbird.

  43. C.T. Phipps

    Oh it is, Joyce.

    It’s other people.

    1. vlademir1

      I literally came to comments to make a comment about Sartre…

  44. Hambone Jones

    Based on the drink description, I’m guessing Dorothy is smart enough to read the drink specials on the wall and order one of those instead of making up a weird drink that doesn’t specify the liquor.

    “I’d like some Ocean Spray with liquor, Ma’am/Sir.” just doesn’t roll off the tongue.

  45. Hydrohead

    I think I also saw that same sign all over Idaho, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas.
    (Recently made a road trip)

  46. PedanticJerkass

    I’m not sure what’s more inane, the “Hell Is Real” billboards, or those yellow “Thank You Jesus” signs which I usually see placed right next to Trump campaign signs in most of the yards in which I have ever seen them.

  47. Yeet

    I really hope they know how strong cocktails can be

    1. HoopsieDaisy

      Dorothy might be aware in an academic sense, but they definitely have no sense of limits or any kind of tolerance.

  48. Red

    In Montreal there’s a church with a neon sign in front that says “the salary of your sin is hell” (very near the gay village) here’s the French version for those who can appreciate it “le salaire de ton péché c’est l’enfer”

  49. Kazuma Taichi

    this arc is rather interesting for me, just due to it’s incongruity with my reality (which I acknowledge is less likely anything being made up here, and more local legislation)

    first off, I’ve never been at an establishment that has a bouncer
    but second, everywhere I’ve been that serves alcohol has a strict “if you look under 30, you’re getting ID’d, heck sometimes we’ll ID up to 40 just because some people look older than they are” so these two would need to show ID before they get stamped or served, one or the other
    I think the liquor board used to come down hard on establishments for it because there’s def a sense that the places are genuinely concerned it can happen to them

    also third, local drinking age is 18. Joyce and Dotty would have 100% been ID’d before getting their cocktails, but they would have gotten their cocktails

  50. C.T. Phipps

    Just once I’d like to see signs that say, “Hate is a sin.”

    And “Love thy neighbor.”

    1. Steelbright

      That’d be so refreshing, right?

  51. Adam Black

    Im liking this storyline. It’s good to see Joyce loosening up. Taking charge. Partial role reversal with Dorothy. ( Is this going to end with Dorothy kissing her and she feeling something) Will Dorothy get laid. Maybe Joe will show up to escort them home safely

  52. Steelbright

    I AM really loving their teasing dynamic here. I do kind of have the hope that tonight will ultimately be good for them. Or at least good in the beginning and then good at the end, with probably some normal, regular ol’ misery in between.

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