319

Cocktail
Posted on February 9, 2018 by David M Willis

319 thoughts on “Cocktail”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    so FAZ is Satoshi Nakamoto!

    1. tim gueguen

      Mike is. Just wait until he unleashes the hidden backdoor that makes all the Bitcoins disappear.

      1. Clif

        I choose to believe this.

      2. Some1

        Honestly Faz going back to being an evil genius would be fucking amazing.

      3. James

        There’s no need for a back door. When setting up the Bitcoin network Nakamoto gave himself roughly a million Bitcoin (i.e. billions of dollars worth), which has remained unspent. Since they aren’t circulating in the market, they effectively don’t exist as far as people are concerned when valuing the currency.

        If Nakamoto suddenly appeared again and decided to offload it all in one go, it would likely cause a crash in value for everyone else.

        1. Marcus Darkstar

          That reminds me of a children’s book where there is this island of diamonds or gold that a group of people discover by accident. Rather than offloading all of the precious gems/metals in one go they decide rather to let it trickle off the island. For the life of me I can’t remember the name of the book but I read it when i was like 10 years old. It had an eccentric rich british man and a monkey I think but I might be wrong.

          Anyways that is probably why Nakamoto made the million bitcoin. He can trickle the stuff into the market if he ever needed to.

        2. Dark

          The Twenty-One Balloons.

        3. Sambo

          I’m impressed

        4. Marcus Darkstar

          Thank you Dark one.

        5. George W Harris

          By William Pene duBois, IIRC. The island, unfortunately for the protagonists, was Krakatoa, and the book was set in 1883.

        6. Andrew_C

          Also the concept behind the de Beers diamond cartel.

        7. Ana Chronistic

          THAT reminds me of The Bad Place, which had a really lame side bit that doesn’t establish anything but the heroes’ reward at the end for being the heroes (huge mason jar full of pure gems worth millions *a piece*)

        8. James

          It’d be pretty obvious if any of Nakamoto’s wallets started making transactions though. It’s not like gold where it is mostly untraceable. The mere idea that those Bitcoins might enter the market would probably be enough for a crash.

  2. Doctor_Who

    You know that weird screeching sound you get in movies and video games when a jump scare happens?

    That sound follows Faz everywhere he goes.

    1. tim gueguen

      Nah, more like vinyl screeching to a halt as he sucks all the good vibes out of the air.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqgW-2orQQg

      1. Badeyes

        But you’d think that sound would herald the approach. Here it’s like a ninja dropped him in without even a ploink.

        1. tim gueguen

          You have to notice him first for the sound to appear.

      2. Emperor Norton II

        Nahh, I’m pretty sure it’s -this- sound.

        (For those not instantly reckognising this sound: It’s a sound effect used in RuPaul’s DragRace, and it’s put in either when someone throws some real shade, or when someone says something particularly baffling and stupid that just leaves the others speechless, quite possibly in disgust.

        Faz’s comments usually belong in that second category.)

  3. MM

    NO

    1. Clif

      The horror. The horror.

    2. starkruzr

      Have we seen Faz in this universe before?

      1. Jamie

        Yeah. Click the tag and it’ll show you previous appearances.

        Dina is also present in some.

        1. begbert2

          Not counting a flashback, Faz was last seen being handed of to Ruth by Dina tied up in Amber’s grappling hook. Which means we never actually saw him leave the campus. There’s a possibility that, having spent time with Dina, he has learned her ways, and has been lurking in the background of strips all this time.

          All the strips. Quietly watching. Just watching.

          Naah, just kidding. He was only in the background of the strips in the women’s shower area, since until now he hasn’t left that room.

    3. saltchocolate

      Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    4. Charlie Spencer

      So I can assume I’m not the only one who finds this character incredibly annoying? I’m sure he’s intentionally written with that intent, but there are characters one loves to hate, and characters one just plain hates.

    5. Sunny

      Yes!

  4. AnvilPro

    Faz is good for bitcoin.

    1. Reltzik

      I knew the explanation for bitcoin’s rise had to be something insane.

      1. CJ

        The strip is a bit late, as it’s falling right now.

        1. Needfuldoer

          The strip was probably drawn about 3 months ago.

      2. Emperor Norton II

        Strangely enough, it’s not that far off, as it’s basically the real-life versions of Faz that keeps Bitcoin going.

  5. Aggrax

    Faz where the piss did you come from?

    1. MM

      I’m half-afraid Amber’s taken a turn for the worse and has started hallucinating him.

      1. Some1

        Given that her previous hallucinations included Blaine, wouldn’t this technically be an improvement?

        1. MM

          …I’m thinking. I mean, yes, Blaine is definitely nastier and more disturbing, but Faz is more likely to just pop up without warning.

        2. Some1

          Faz is good because he can appear randomly and freak people out without making the audience think the characters are in any real danger.

        3. Reltzik

          You misspelled “Dina”.

        4. Needfuldoer

          Her appearances aren’t entirely random; she needs an open door to spawn behind.

        5. Reltzik

          On the other hand, Blaine’s appearance represented a coherent (if dark) thought process that was logically connected to the events of the moment and expressed a rational (if extremely twisted) view of the world. If it was just an artistic rendering of imagining what her dad would say instead of just an illusion, then it would say nothing about Amber’s psychology save that she was in a dark place.

          Meanwhile, FAZ’s comments will be stream of nonsense from start to end with bizarre and random sexual fetishizing. For THAT to be a product of Amber’s mind would mean that she was really going crazy.

        6. Chris Phoenix

          Amber’s fanfic, on the other hand, is nothing remotely like “stream of nonsense from start to end with bizarre and random sexual fetishizing.”

          (For one thing, the fetishizing probably isn’t random. And yes, Amber probably doesn’t write nonsense.)

          (On the other hand, I do wonder whether Willis was thinking about alt-coins when he wrote this, or if he was trying to make up something utterly ridiculous. Is it possible that Faz’s comments are not actually a stream of nonsense?)

      2. Needfuldoer

        If he’s Amber’s hallucination, why is Becky looking right at him in the last panel?

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Obviously Amber’s hallucination conviently took up the space Becky was staring into so it could better trick her and the readers that it was real.

        2. Ed Rhodes

          It’s a trick, like various moments in “The Sixth Sense.”

    2. tim gueguen

      Under Amber’s bed. Or maybe Mike has been keeping him in a locked steamer trunk in his dorm room.

    3. jeffepp

      The air ducts.

    4. thejeff

      He’s been in the postal system these last weeks. Ruth mailed him back at Dina’s request, but the address couldn’t be found and the package was eventually sent back to IU.

  6. Luzahn

    Noooooooooo

  7. Cattleprod

    Every Faz dollar will be worth five British Pounds.

  8. wheelpath

    Every Faz Dollar will be worth 5 British pounds once Faz seduces their queen.

    1. StClair

      Now you two have to fight.

      1. wheelpath

        I mean, mine is superior for it references the great Faz’s latent sex appeal, but they did “post first”.

      2. Clif

        Now you two have to kiss.

        Fixed that for you.

        1. Playmaker

          Now you two have to kiss while fighting.

          Fixed that for the both of ya.

        2. Unusually Angry Hippie

          As a romantic masochist(in every meaning of the phrase) that’s my fetish.

    2. Sambo

      I’m only aware of this reference because of VG cats

  9. Twirls

    N O .

  10. Tacos

    Alright, who let Faz in the building?

    1. Doctor_Who

      You don’t let Faz go places. He just shows up if you don’t take preventative measures.

      He’s basically mildew.

      1. Reltzik

        Wait, there are preventative measures? Is there a Faz vaccine?

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          From your mouth to $deity’s ears.

        2. MM

          Much like mildew, you have to use a strong cleaning solution. Preferably in a squirt bottle.

        3. Alan

          Lions. Big, huge ones with sharp, nasty teeth. 95% guaranteed.

        4. Reltzik

          That was tried ONCE, and it resulted in Faz standing triumphant over the lion pit, wielding a smallish knife and clothed in a trophy pelt. That’s a 0% success rate, not 95%.

    2. Psyme

      Faz let Faz into the building.

    3. Koms

      Who let the Faz out… Who who who who… hacked the hacked muzak.

    4. CJ

      There obviously are lists of people who shouldn’t be in the dorm – Blaine is on one such because Ruth knew of him – but I haven’t seen signs of the entrance to the dorms being actively monitored.
      Faz must be delusional, the last time he showed up in Dinas room, he ended up trussed up and removed off premises, there is no sane reason to think Dina will act any differently when he shows up again.

      1. Kamino Neko

        That’s why he thinks she likes him.

    5. Freemage

      My concern is that Faz has transferred to the school, with money from Blaine.

      1. thejeff

        I believe Faz is too young, though I’m not sure where I got that impression.

        1. Jason

          Pretty sure you’re right. I have 15 in my head although I’m not sure if I pulled that number out of thin air. But no, DW has said that Faz is under 18, that I’m sure of.

  11. NF

    No

  12. Shadowypenguin

    Why is Faz here WHY

    1. Reltzik

      The story title demanded it.

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        The narrative arc is inexorable! All will bow before it!

        ALL HAIL THE CURRENT NARRATIVE ARC!

        1. Sunny

          IT IS ALMOST AS GREAT AS FAZ HIMSELF!

    2. Deathjavu

      List of good reasons…0

      List of bad reasons…many

    3. McBogue

      No Good Will Come Of This

    4. Deanatay

      Oh, I get it, so i’ts JUST fine if, say, Riley shows up unannounced to spend the day with her sister, but not Faz?? Bloody favoritism…

  13. Passchendaele

    *falls on knees*

    *screams in horror*

    1. Passchendaele

      “DO NOT WANT”

      1. King Daniel

        Faz: “My power has always been to have no like!”

  14. Laladoria

    Run, run while you can!!

    Also: worried this means Amber’s dad is nearby… or maybe Faz has a message from him??
    Please dont let him be, like, moving into this dorm or something for some reason…

    1. Doctor_Who

      Yeah. Having Faz show up is like like your planet getting an unexpected visit from the Silver Surfer. He is merely the herald of something much worse.

      1. Playmaker

        A crappy movie? If Faz only is the sign of a crappy movie, then it shouldn’t be too bad.

        Unless of course he has an advanced release of the TTG movie. In that case, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

  15. SailorCakes

    Why is their room so easily accessible? xD

    1. Ivy

      The doors have locks, guys! Use them!

  16. AeromechanicalAce

    If Faz is about, Blaine has to be close by.

    It’s like Faz is an incredibly disturbing version of the Silver Surfer, the herald of something apocalypticly terrible.

    1. Some1

      Does that mean the Faz will betray Blaine and be exiled to I.U?

      1. MM

        And then possibly acquire a dot-themed sidekick.

        Wait…dot…Dotty…Oh, no. Run, Dorothy!

        1. Commentary Ver.2.72

          Good thing she took cross country and runs frequently (oops she’s been skipping the running))

  17. BBCC

    Lord help us all.

  18. Lingo

    Wow he didn’t take long to show up!

    1. Lingo

      It’s weird to see Faz in regular clothes, rather than a Shortpacked uniform.

  19. Dean

    It’s true, according to FAZDAQ, Fazcoin is incredibly firm right now.

    1. JetstreamGW

      … And… and by fazcoin… he means his penis?

      1. Reltzik

        No. Its intrinsic value is in futures on usage of his penis. You can cash out by having his penis in you for a fixed length of time per Fazcoin. This is why he has so many Fazcoins in hand.

        1. Bagge

          …I have a headache

        2. Emperor Norton II

          According to Faz, that means you are in fact showing your willingness to receive a Fazcoin.

        3. Bagge

          …please tell me he’s not talking about his penis.

        4. Emperor Norton II

          …When is he ever not talking about his penis?

        5. Reltzik

          Aside from a surprising number of times where he isn’t talking at all, in this comic he is talking about his hypothetical muscles instead.

      2. Kamendae

        Only in gronch form.

    2. Keulen

      “As you can see here in this graph, Fazcoin is continually rising in FAZDAQ.”

  20. Nono

    FIVE BISON DOLLARS

    1. Amazi-Stool

      So is it Tuesday already?

      “For you, the day Faz graced your dorm was the most important day of your life (as seen on this chart). But for Faz …”

  21. Rukdug

    Seriously, does no one know how to close a damn door behind them?!? Also, I can only assume that the only reason he got past Ruth and Asma is because they’re at class.

    1. Yumi

      Haven’t you people ever heard of

      closing a goddamn door

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

        1. HeySo

          I chime in.

        2. Amazi-Stool

          You misspelled “poison”.

        3. ruhrow

          I have spent 13yrs thinking that line was “with a sense of poisoned rationality.” Mind. Blown.

        4. SgtWadeyWilson

          I had that problem for about a year, you’d be amazed what you catch after speeding up all the songs on your MP3 player for shits and giggles, then slow it ack down.

          …what? Is that not the normal way?

    2. Nono

      It’s not like the dorms have a bouncer. Unless they specifically have a picture of you with ‘DO-NOT-LET-ENTER’, I doubt they keep that tight of a security to screen anyone who wants to go to a dorm.

      1. missilentmurmur

        Ours had 0-24 reception service and only those having their entry cards could enter. I’m not sure anymore, but I seem to remember not being able to take the keys away with me, but having to exchange them for my entry card on entry. Visitors had to fill out a form, accompanied by the person who they visited. Still, some girls managed to sneak boys in for the night, I’ll never know how

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Windows? Distractions? Perhaps a large box?

        2. ruhrow

          Ugh, that sounds awful. We just had a swipe card that let you into any ‘open’ college building (read: any college building except the English/Languages building because god forbid students study outside of business hours outside of science quad.)

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      When Faz encounters a door that is closed, he takes that as a sure sign that his presence is desperately wanted by whoever is on the other side of it. He is never wrong in his own mind.

    4. thejeff

      I find it mildly amusing this comes up everytime someone unpleasant comes in, but is completely ignored the rest of the time. There’s never been any indication the dorms have any serious security. We know from the stabbing incident that the dorms are locked after hours, though it’s hinted that any students can still get in.
      Other than that, during the day, people wander in and out frequently. Case in point, that no one complains about: Becky.

      Which honestly matches my memories of college – except that the doors were often propped open at night. 🙂

      Now it’s a slightly more valid complaint that Amber could have left her door shut, and in fact we see Becky opening it a few strips back when she shows up looking for Dina – which is likely why it’s still open for Faz to walk in.
      I would normally not expect dorm room doors to be locked when both residents are in the dorm and one has gone to take a shower – probably only when both have left.

      1. Minder

        Becky may have a key to Dina’s room if Dina’s in the shower or just asked for an extra copy.

        Becky also seems like exactly the type to forget to lock the door behind her as a passive invitation for wacky shenanigans to waltz right in after her.

        1. thejeff

          It would seem very weird behavior for someone to come into my room, greet me and immediately lock the door behind them, even if they had a key. More likely, they just don’t lock the room doors the vast majority of the time when people are there and not sleeping (or having sex or otherwise having reasons not to be disturbed.)

          People walk in and out of all these dorm rooms on a regular basis. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an indication they were locked. This isn’t bad some weird bad behavior on Becky’s part.

        2. Minder

          Not saying it’s bad behavior, just typical to forget to lock the door behind you if you’re someone with a mind racing a million miles a minute that isn’t locked into a solid routine.

          And idek what goes for normal nowadays. The doors to our rooms were heavy and built so it was difficult to shut one and remove the key from the inside without remembering to turn the lock. Locked doors was the default because it was either that or just leave the door actually open, which some girls did. But we were really encouraged not to.

    5. geno

      At least when I lived on campus it was as easy as following someone in. They would just be nice, and the hold the door open for you and use their card on the elevator. I can see now why this process is dangerous, but at the time it was certainly convenient.

      1. thejeff

        That’s still more security than we had or than IU apparently had. The outer doors are locked at night. No indication of a need for a card for the elevator or anything like that.

    6. Bagge

      Becky has a thing about doors

  22. Doctor_Who

    Oh, Willis changed his twitter handle to Spider-Man 3.

    I wondered why I got an email saying an 11 year old movie has updates for me.

    1. HeySo

      It’s a topically relevant change, though. See, Spider-Toby and The Faz are actually the same individual. I mean, consider it- they’re both self-absorbed, whiny, and prone to dubious acts like taking Saturday Night Fever-type strolls in random places. Clearly the same person or, at the very least, dopplegangers.

      1. HeySo

        Though, I actually find Spider-Toby far more annoying. Though, even he isn’t near as annoying as the implausible plot concepts in the most recent animated Spider-Man series. About as annoying as the Spider-Man from the series before that, though.

  23. Stephen Bierce

    The lad possesses the timing of Lenny and Squiggy.
    *plays “Night After Night” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Stephen Bierce

      Who Wants to Sleep With the Same Broad?

    2. Deanatay

      Mike: Don’t eat chips in bed, Walky, the crumbs will just attract –
      *door slams open*
      Faz: Hello! *applause track*
      Mike: Yeah. Those.

  24. JetstreamGW

    Kill it. Kill it now.

  25. Derek

    to be fair, we never saw Faz exit the building
    he’s been living here the whole time, eating pickles Joyce won’t touch

    1. jeffepp

      As I said. Air ducts.

    2. thejeff

      Dina asked Ruth to return him to sender in one of my all time favorite strips.

  26. Smiling Cat

    makes as much sense as bitcoin, really.

    1. podian

      That’s literally the story of Bitcoin’s creator.
      The madman pre-mined like a million BTC, so he is indeed incredibly wealthy in a currency he has created, and since he invented cryptocurrency in general, it is (was?) indeed trending favourably in the financial market he has created.

  27. Varius

    I just threw up in my mouth a little. Tastes better than knowing of Faz.

    1. Ivy

      But now you have the taste of puke AND the knowledge of Faz

      1. Clif

        Good point.

  28. Throwaway Name

    I’m picturing Amber making the Metal Gear Solid sound effect noise once she heard Faz.

  29. Mr. Random

    Oh yes, our favorite punchable fazce is back again.

  30. Danni

    order out, play video games for a few hours, then sleep. that should be good, probably

  31. Nono

    Y’know, between his use of the third person and delusions of grandeur…

    …Is Faz related to Galasso?

    1. geno

      Just Blaine

  32. Johnnyo

    I thought we were rid of him.

    1. Reltzik

      The Faz came back/
      The very next day/
      The Faz came back/
      They thought he was a goner/
      But the Faz came ba- *vaudeville hook*

  33. Victor Riley

    Faz is here… that means A-hole Dad is not far behind.

    1. Reltzik

      He might not be far behind, but he is far and away ass.

    2. podian

      I really hope this storyline is only about Faz’s bullshit, not adding Blaine to the mix.

      1. Mitsukara

        Blaine returns to break Toedad and Ryan out of the hospital in a team-up of Amazi-Girl’s rogues gallery that sends her on a heroic quest to rediscover herself.

        Also Toedad still has a broken neck because it’s been like three days, and Ryan is still bleeding profusely and moving around makes both of these problems worse, plus Blaine is barred from entering the dorm, so this wasn’t the best of plans to begin with honestly.

  34. Some1

    1. This strip is amazing

    2. Why are people so surprised? The name of the chapter is called “Faz is Great”

    3. Your despair fuels me.

    1. Reltzik

      QUIT SIPHONING OFF OF WILLIS’S GAS TANK!

      1. Some1

        nah, I want Willis’ despair as well.

        Hey Willis’ Spider-Man 3 is terrible and you know it. They made Venom into whiny piss boy and Spider-Man into a whiny piss boy and Harry into a whiny…did that film just make everyone into whiny piss boys?

        1. David M Willis

          You can’t wrangle up despair just by concocting some easily shrug-offable lies. I’m not gonna be all “oh no, i suddenly don’t like eddie brock the most now that you’ve attached some random negative adjectives to him.” This is amateur hour here.

        2. Some1

          Someday you will die, and your children and wife will watch crying as your lifeless body is lowered into the ground to be fed on by the worms and the maggots. Not soon after your wife will die, and then later on your children will die and their children will die and their children will die, until your entire legacy will be lost to time.

          The worst part being that despite how terrible it is to realize this simple truth of life, the fact remains that the alternatives would push you into a despair so deep that even I fear to mention it as a possibility.

        3. Reltzik

          Could you imagine if everyone’s legacy was remembered? That’s billions upon billions of humans, including back to the dawn of the species, that we would be forced to have some record of today. Most of them uninteresting.

          “Thog bad with ladies and really bad with men. Thog wished he invented fire like his friend Oogah. Invented ice instead by carving stone mold, filling with water, letting freeze. Got three spearheads before mold cracked. Spearheads melted. Everyone laugh. Thog leave tribe. Eaten by wolves.”

        4. King Daniel

          “Thog”…is that a reference to a certain half-orc?

        5. Joe Covenant

          People saying “Is Thog, Orc?”
          Thog NO Orc!
          What become of Thog legacy if people think Thog ORC!?

        6. Reltzik

          Huh.

          Okay, I was looking for “generic cavemanish name that no one would question if he was talking in generic cavemanish English”. And my brain immediately thought “Thog” and didn’t place the reference.

        7. HeySo

          Ugh, noone liked Oogah, though. Thog at least had personality.

        8. Roborat

          Well, we know Thag got a dinosaur part named after him.

        9. SgtWadeyWilson

          I mean, you really want despair, try pointing out that Spider-Man 3, despite being my least favorite Spider-Man movie for various reasons, at least got the basic premise of Venom right. (Premise being: evil Spider-Man that’s one part resentful and possesive symbiote suit, one part jerk who hates Peter for… doing his job right instead of letting his alter ego get framed.)

          …whereas Sony now has the opportunity to screw up Venom so bad that Michael Bay adaptations look faithful, yet we’ll still watch, desperately hoping that it’ll at least be a good movie. (I mean, they might be able to do the symbiote right-ish, but having Venom without being able to connect directly to any Spidey canon… doesn’t amount to the same character. Heck, why would he even have a spider on his chest?)

          That got a bit… ranty.

  35. bryy

    I choose to interpret Amber’s “NO” as meta.

    1. Mitsukara

      She’s quoting Gordon Freeman as he angered it back to John Freeman about the button and glowing. (It’s in the fanfic she’s been writing.)

  36. Reltzik

    Cue the Bitcoin references in 3… 2…. ….. oh, of course they’ve already started before I even post.

  37. Keulen

    How the fuck did he get there? If Faz can teleport that’s frightening.

    1. Some1

      Well Joyce can teleport as well, perhaps it’s just a thing some people can do in this universe.

      1. Keulen

        And here I thought superpowers didn’t exist in the Dumbiverse. It appears that I was wrong.

        1. Some1

          Joyce also has a psychic connection with Dorothy. The general rule is that Willis can only go so long before the need to give all his characters superpowers becomes too great.

        2. Mitsukara

          Walky also has the superpower of eating almost 50 McNuggets by himself in one day and still being skinny.

      2. tim gueguen

        Joyce has the same subspace access ability as her cousin, Ramona Flowers. The local route passes through Walky’s head.

  38. Architex

    That “No” definitely needs more umph, like a black word bubble dripping with dreaded realization.

  39. EvilMidnightLurker

    no

    why

  40. Raibean

    Me: No! Faz is here! This is terrible!
    BF: Who is Faz?
    Me: An Asian neckbeard

    1. Ivy

      We get it, you have a boyfriend

      1. Skart

        Is there some history behind this comment?

        1. TheHorseCouncil

          I’m imagining a zoidberg type of thing.

  41. Kyrik Michalowski

    I know it would be stealing/borrowing from Jeph and no one is supposed to die in this universe but would it be too much to ask for an Allosaurus to eat Faz? Every time I see him the hate only grows stronger; something has to be done both for my punching hand and because I’m running out of monitors.

    1. BigDogLittleCat

      Your avatar is perfect for this comment.
      Also, I agree.

    2. MM

      Dina might also die of joy from the appearance of a real live dinosaur, so…

    3. Chris Phoenix

      Or steal from Randy, and let a trapdoor alligator eat him.

    4. King Daniel

      So you want Faz to join the President’s Cabinet?

    5. geno

      Normally I try to find an argument why every character adds something even if it’s just an antagonist to be overcome or a love interest for a secondary character, but other than awkward humor I have no idea what Faz adds to this story line. I miss HunBunz. He was fun

      1. David DeLaney

        He adds antagonism, someone everyone can dislike. (Hate is not the opposite of love; both are passions. Apathy is. Willis is showing his genius by having a character get universally disliked without actual violence or physical sexual creepystuff, just verbal and visual {as shown on this chart} total disregard of boundaries. And presto, everyone’s emotionally invested!)

        –Dave, okay, so the paren part was several times as long. will adjust next time.

  42. void

    NO

  43. Reltzik

    No, Becky, no. Dina has trouble with too many faces. SHE DOES NOT WANT PARTIES, COCKTAIL OR OTHERWISE.

    Instead, ask her what she would like to do for the day. … and be honest about the five dollar limit, she already knows about your financial straits and isn’t the type to be unhappy about it.

    1. Ivy

      Prediction: Dina wants to smash

      1. Reltzik

        Prediction: Dina will want to experiment with sexings.

        Becky will not want to, but also very much want to.

        Faz will find some way to make this worse, because FAZ.

    2. timemonkey

      Parties don’t have to be big.

    3. geno

      Lol I still don’t see why people want these characters to no longer be awkward young adults who make mistakes. The comic would be boring if everyone suddenly started making correct decisions.

  44. Robbie

    Those of you who can interpret expressions: is amber angry or frightened or do we not have enough information?

    As someone with family I… avoid… this would be terrifying.

    1. Meta

      Horrified, I think. Frightened, but also finding it impossible to believe that this is happening.

    2. Clif

      Unfortunately, the answer to your question is an unfavorable yes.

  45. Fart Captor

    Now, you see, if dorm access was on the block chain, this wouldn’t happen.

    1. Clif

      《Insert bad cryptography joke here》

      1. Reltzik

        That might close all the front doors and back doors, but the dorm still has old versions of windows that they haven’t updated in years.

        1. David DeLaney

          Yeah, I hear Sal can access those as herself AND as Amazi-Girl!

          –Dave, well, we’re pretty sure she’s not Carla, though there WERE those rollerskates

  46. Nono

    How long has Becky had a job? Even if she’s been earning minimum wage, if she doesn’t have to worry about rent as long as she’s gotten her first paycheck she should have more than five bucks even considering meals.

    1. timemonkey

      I think she’s only been employed for a few days now.

      1. Catullus

        She got the job during the Glower Vacuum storyline, which was 8 in-comic days ago.

        1. Reltzik

          If they get paid biweekly, she might not have had her first paycheck yet.

        2. thejeff

          Even paid weekly, she probably wouldn’t have gotten paid yet. Generally you get paid at the end of a week for the previous week’s work. Time to process payroll and all.
          If she’s actually being paid under the table, who knows?

      2. McBogue

        According to the timeline, she was hired 8 days ago.

    2. Fart Captor

      Well, she had to buy a phone, and odds are pretty good that the pay is not amazing. She’s being paid under the table though, so whether she’s even been paid yet is up to Galasso

  47. inspector Whatevsman

    i suppose it has been a while since something terrible happened

    1. Emperor Norton II

      It’s been three days since the strip showing Walky waking up feeling like shit after going on a pause with Dorothy.
      It’s also been three days since last we saw Mike.

      It’s been four days since the strip where Danny had to ruin the moment he had with Sal by singing Tubthumping.

      It’s been seven days since Marcie walked past Sal and still not talking to her.

      It’s been eight days since the motherfucking ref clearly needed to shut his motherfucking face.

      I’m submitting that each of these strips are showing incidents at least as or more terrible than Faz showing up.

  48. Bagge

    No need to overthink it, Becky. Just bring her to the museum.

    …and maybe throw in a “special” gift if you want to make it memorable and feel you are up for it…
    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/sinproofed/

  49. pjeseb

    So, guess who just now noticed the title of this storyline?

    1. MM

      noooooo

  50. kitty

    here is kitty’s finnish word of the day!

    koira (dog)

    whO let the dogs out?? hey yippi yi oh

    have a nice day!

  51. Parzival

    I hate Faz. Please make him go away.

    1. ValdVin

      I’m rooting for Dina and the grappling took + rope device. Dina has wrangling skills and they’re needed again.

  52. vlademir1

    *does some quick math* It’s been not quite four character time weeks since we last saw Faz. Last we saw him he was being turned over to Ruth, so I have to wonder what’s happened in the intervening time.
    Faz is bad enough for Amber here, emotionally speaking, but I really hope this isn’t an indicator that their father is anywhere close because with where she and AG seem to be I suspect that she’d out and out murder him this time, and neither really deserve what would come of that.

    1. Clif

      Being turned over to Ruth? Now I’ll have to check. I recalled him as being tied up and ready to be mailed out.

      1. thejeff

        Yeah, that’s the scene. He’s been bouncing around the postal system ever since. No one has accepted delivery.

    2. BenRG

      Wasn’t there a few months’ time skip a couple of chapters back? I think it’s closer to four months since we saw him last.

      1. Kamino Neko

        No, we’re only in mid-October. I think the longest timeskip was a week.

    3. Emperor Norton II

      I maintain (and I don’t care if this is not correct vis-a-vis the “actual” timeline in the comic) that Ruth sent him down the garbage chute, and he was the reason it was cluttered up so that Billie had to kick it loose.

  53. Bagge

    In Shortpacked, Faz was a genuine nuisance and sometimes even a threat. Here he is a kid, about as threatening as Howard babbling about boobies.

    And just like Howard, he is under the heel of a tyrant and would desperately benefit of a way out. Given the titel, I think this chapter will be more about him than about Blaine. I really look forward to where this is going.

    That said… FAZ IS GREAT AND SO IS HIS PENIS!

    1. BenRG

      FWIW, I’m wondering if this chapter will be the college and, more importantly, the main characters through the eyes of a true outsider – Faz.

  54. Bagge

    I love Becky’s expression in the last panel. “Huh, now what is this? I don’t think my textbooks have covered a ‘Faz’ yet.”

  55. Wraithy2773

    ………so, Faz made a cryptocurrency?

    Please tell me he made a cryptocurrency. It’d be much less creepy.

    1. DinaWho

      The hovertext references ‘Fazcoin’, so that is a very likely scenario.

  56. Bicycle Bill

    Feb 6th … first strip of the “Faz is Great” story-line
    Feb 7th … second strip of the “Faz is Great” story-line
    Feb 8th … third strip of the “Faz is Great” story-line
    Feb 9th … Faz appears

    It’s official. Faz is a demon, like Beetlejuice, and invoking his name three times will summon him.

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      We have a solution then, let’s feed him to Shai-hulud may his passing cleanse the world.

  57. Bagge

    Also… awwww, insecure in her relationship Becky is adorable (just as insecure in her relationship Dina is adorable). I love that BOTH of them confide in Amber who is about as clueless about relationships as them.

    Don’t worry, Becky. Dina doesn’t want a millionaire. She wants a rad, loud, bold, forward and loopsidedly orange LESBIAN she can sweep off her feet and save from ignorance and bring into the wonderful, magical land of science, dinosaurs (and possibly sex). You’ll do fine.

    In short: Dooooooofuses.

    1. BenRG

      I think that the whole point of Becky and Dina’s relationship is that Becky is the first person who didn’t treat Dina as if she was ‘special’ but instead treated her as special – Who appreciated Dina rather than just tried to tolerate and understand her. I don’t think that you can overstate how important that must be to her.

      1. Emperor Norton II

        Amazing how a person is much more likely to like you if you treat them with base respect*, especially when hardly anyone else does.

        *”Base respect” is the type of respect you should treat people with until they do something to lose it. Just in case someone talks about the “earned respect” type, which is a different type.

  58. DrunkenNordmann

    There is a disturbing lack of charts on this page. 😛

    1. Bagge

      Personally I’m mostly worried that the page layout does not let me know if Faz wears pants or not…

  59. Playmaker

    Oh my Willis! Faz has returned! I knew he would based on the title of the chapter, but I’m not prepared! Quickly, someone fetch me my shotgun! I got me a bongo to hunt, and no amount of FazCoin will be able to stop me.

    Or Robin from Shortpacked can grab Sarah Palin again and do the job for me.

  60. brasca1

    Faz! You’re late. You were supposed to enter when Amber said sickest fucking shit.

  61. nightsbridge

    Fuck.

    Amber’s Dad’s back, isn’t he?

    1. Andy

      Probably. This is not going to be good, with Amber’s unsettled concepts of Amazi-Girl and herself. It probably won’t be good for Ruth either, if Amber goes to Ruth to evict Blaine from the dorms. There’s just so many ways for this to spiral in Very Bad Things.

  62. Icalasari

    QUICK, PUNT IT OUT THE NEAREST WINDOW!

  63. BenRG

    The truly tragic thing about Faz is that the genuinely believes these things he says are profound and that there is nothing ridiculous about his boasts at all. I don’t know if he’s stupid or really poorly educated. One thing is certain: He’s totally oblivious to others’ reaction to him.

    I’m guessing he was in the half-bath connected to Amber’s room. I wonder why he’s visiting her?

    1. thejeff

      Judging by Amber’s reaction, she had no idea he was there. I assume he’s just shown up unannounced. Walked in the door Becky left open behind her – like you do when you visit a friend’s room.
      As for how he got in the dorm – same way Becky did?

  64. Liliet

    I absolutely LOVE that Becky immediately rejects the ‘she will be mad’ perspective. This is not something she ever expects to run into in their relationship because they both accomodate, trust and care about each other. Sure they might well fight sometimes, but it’s not something that’ll come up THIS easily.

  65. Dave

    The buffer hasn’t been kind to the punchline of this strip, has it? Life comes at you(r cryptocurrency) fast, Faz!

    1. Clif

      On the contrary, current events have made the punchline better.

  66. Eldritch Gentleman

    And you did it Becky, you summoned a demon. Quick go grab a bucket of holy water and smack him in the head with it, as often as possible until he decides to run away.

  67. Zellgato

    I forgot it existed

    1. PB

      I almost – ALMOST – hate Faz enough to use “it” as a pronoun for him forever. But “it”s don’t deserve that much hate. Only people do.

  68. PB

    … They say it better than I could.

  69. Cerberus

    Comic Reactions:

    Panel 1: It is tragic that due to her past as a reckless time warrior, Kaitlin has had all trace of her birthday unwritten from the space-time continuum. RIP Kaitlin’s past-future birthdays.

    Like, I know the meaning is that Kaitlin wasn’t ever really a girlfriend, just a one-time makeout partner, but I like to imagine my time-orphan backstory instead.

    Panel 2: I love Becky’s view of Dina, how proud she is to have her as a partner, how much happiness it brings her, how much she wants to do right by her. It’s so intensely sweet and it’s so apparent on the bright spot on her face.

    Panel 3: But the downside of that and what it’s getting mixed in is seen in this little breaking of the mask. She believes so strongly in Dina, but that’s mixing in with her own self-esteem struggles and it’s hard to see herself as worthy of Dina’s love.

    She doesn’t see her strengths, she sees what she lacks, what’s been stolen from her. A full education, most of her past, a loving family, and so on.

    She’s found stability, but that can be a bad thing sometimes, because in stability, the nervous energy that keeps you moving can be swamped by all the PTSD and fear that’s been waiting in the wings for the moment you slow down to pile on top of you.

    And that’s the breaking smile. The weight of everything starting to claw deeply at her and getting her to doubt herself and what Dina could see in her. In her depression’s eye she sees herself as too undereducated for her brilliant scientist of a girlfriend, too poor to deserve love, too messed up to really be worth that sort of connection.

    And she’s not, but depression and PTSD don’t play fair and I guarantee the culture she’s stemming from hasn’t helped either, what with its intense association of poverty with moral and personal failure, making it feel like her extreme financial situation is somehow her fault.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      Panel 3: Becky and Walky seem to be more and more alike every time a new facet of them is revealed. Both like to show up a “silly” facade all the time to hide their struggles, both like to mess around with Joyce’s zealotry, and now it turns out both of them think they have to meet certain expectations from society* before being able to “deserve” having someone who likes them in a romantic fashion.

      I think that Becky and Walky opening up to one another would possibly be one of the truly Best Things. Because if, say, Walky talked to Becky about how he would never deserve someone as great as Dorothy, Becky would probably be the first person to set him straight on how that is not how it works! And then odds are she would then realise that this also applies to her…. Boom, epiphany moment right there!

      *Just to be clear, I’m not talking about the “don’t be a jerk” expectations; but rather the “be successful as per a very narrowminded view of success” expectations. The former is entirely reasonable to expect if you’re going to have a proper relationship.

      1. geno

        As cute as that sounds. I would be amazed to see anyone say that without the cognitive dissonance. There wouldn’t be an epiphany, because Becky would think their situations are different.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Why do you have to break up my completely impossible delusions? *disapproving Joyce face*

    2. Bagge

      Becky is AWESOME in a crisis, but I think you are right that she has much more trouble with slow and steady times*. It’s very sad how she feels she is not worthy of her awesome little dinosaur chick… but there is also something endearing (as in the “wanna shake them and shout at them to talk through their shit”) how those feelings are mutual.

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/02-that-perfect-girl/riddles/

      To be fair, Kaitlin now lives in a nice condo hidden outside space and time in a committed lesbian relationship with 34 cats (and sometimes a Blue phonebox is there as well, for some reason).

      *Possibly her new job will help her avoid those.

  70. Cerberus

    Panel 4: And we see insecurity opening up that crack. She diminishes her own value by her job and her housing status, because both it’s an easy thing for PTSD to exploit and because as noted, her culture demonizes the impoverished as lesser both spiritually and in value than the child-molesting millionaires they are told to worship.

    And so insecurity exploits that gap to just plant the seed that this wonderful girlfriend she loves so much will one day see how worthless and poisoned she is and follow along to someone who’ll “deserve her”.

    Which doesn’t at all resonate for him… nope… not at all. Don’t feel that way about literally everyone in my life to the point where I actually feel deeply uncomfortable receiving praise or compliments because I feel that it’s only a matter of time before everyone sees some deep and abiding rot in me. Nope…

    Panel 5: Oh thank Bob Faz for that distraction.

    Also, yes, if there ever was a better embodiment of the self-absorbed cryptocurrency jackhole than Faz, I don’t know it.

    My hope is that this shakes Becky out of this moment of self-doubt and helps her realize that Dina wouldn’t be with her, wouldn’t be showing her all this love if she didn’t believe that Becky was worthy of it.

    And that Becky has so much to be proud of. The strength to risk everything to be true to herself, to sacrifice her life to protect innocents, the brilliance to do so much to undo so much carefully implanted ignorance, and the savviness to straight up turn a bigoted right-wing senator?

    She’s fucking amazing.

    But it’s so hard for amazing people to see and realize that.

    See Amber in the corner also doubting her own worth.

    1. Pl0x

      Hi Cerb. Welcome back!

    2. Pl0x

      I missed your posts! I hope you’re feeling well!

    3. JBento

      This is a mixed DoA day.

      On the one hand, Faz. On the other hand, CERBERUS!!! 8D

      I hope you’re feeling better!

      1. Clif

        So say we all.

    4. Reltzik

      I don’t think Amber’s doubting her own worth in that instant, so much as the worth of continued existence if Faz is present in that existence.

      Also, doubting Faz’s worth. In more senses than one.

      1. Pl0x

        I think Cerb was talking about Amber in the whole strip overall.

        1. Reltzik

          OooooOOOOoooh.

          Well, yeah, she’s been extra-into that since the showdown with Ryan, but even before then she had real low self-esteem. So yeah, pretty much the whole strip overall.

          ….

          *flees for dear literalizing life*

    5. Vulcanodon

      Hi Cerberus. I’m stuck in between not wanting to make you uncomfortable and being so glad to see you.

      1. Inahc

        I know right? although I was more worrying that I’d be making her uncomfortable by doing something wrong, not just by causing her JerkBrain to attack her. heh. :/

        what about hugs, receiving hugs is still ok right?

    6. Minder

      i don’t have commentary for your commentary, just passive ♥ ♥ ♥ spamming representative of positive vibes in your general direction if you care for that!

    7. Bagge

      I really hope Becky and Leslie find times among all shenanigans to sit down and talk, because I bet that Leslie knows EXACTLY that feeling, and has learnt to call bullshit.

    8. Inahc

      maybe this’ll sound weird, but FWIW… I don’t think I care if there’s some rot in you? like, if you were literally a child molester that would be a Problem. but general mediocre human imperfections? those are part of being human, and you deserve to be loved even with those imperfections, not just in some hypothetical future where you’ve perfectly eradicated every last one.

      mostly my feelings care that you helped me, and you say nice things, and the more logical parts of me care that *you* care about self-improvement and not hurting people.

      JerkBrain will probably find some rationalization for not believing all that, but eh, that’s what it does. and hey, maybe someday yours will start trying to be less of a jerk, like mine did. 🙂 (ohh how I wish I could teach that skill.)

  71. JBento

    Punch it, punch it NOW!

  72. DarkoNeko

    Oh god, he created the Fazbitcoins didn’t he.

    1. David DeLaney

      Surely you mean Fazdiccoins?

      –Dave, going to great lengths for that pun

  73. Reltzik

    I just realized.

    Dina wouldn’t want a cocktail party, but she might enjoy a cockatiel party.

    1. JBento

      Cockatiels are just dinosaurs who have evolved a more prominent means of showing mating interest.

      1. Andy

        we don’t know if any dinosaurs evolved elaborate mating plumage along with their feathers.

        1. JBento

          mah joke, it ded 8(

        2. Emperor Norton II

          “Alas, poor Joke-irk, I knew him well.”

        3. Clif

          Faz has had many knowings as is shown in this chart.

        4. 3oranges

          No, bird jokes are never dead, just resting.

  74. xms967

    i could’ve lived a long and happy life not reading the phrase “fazcoin is surging”

    and yet here i am, in the darkest timeline

  75. Geneseepaws

    And why is Faz referring to himself in the Formal Third Person form? We are unaware that Someone else is Royal Blood, here.

    1. geno

      He has always done that. Even back in Shortpacked

      1. Clif

        Third person is the only way to indicate the magnificence that is Faz.

    2. Mitsukara

      Because Faz is great, duh.

  76. Nola

    Did anyone else read the first panel and instinctively catch themselves about to offer a fictional character some cash to help out, or is that just me?

  77. Minder

    I am actually and shocked to be delighted to see Faz again, or at least a 17-year-old Faz whose enormous and boundary-blinding ego coupled with a pitifully obvious fragility of mind and body are softened by the fact that he’s still an adolescent instead of an adult and being written in a new webcomic about adolescents that sometimes learn from their shitty, shitty mistakes and if not then SUFFER KARMICALLY for them.

    1. geno

      Y’know it might actually be possible for Faz to grow up, and become a better person. I feel like that would take an entire comic strip of storyline rather than an arc, but it might actually be possible.

      1. Minder

        “Better person” feels like so much to ask it’d loop back around into being weird…

        Now, “awful, with occasional glimmer of potential humanity” or “pitiable enough to warrant some sympathy, as well as our incalculable scorn” I can work with. That feels Faz-ian.

  78. JBento

    So, Democrats have given up on DACA altogether, then?

    It’s a wonder that bus can still move with all the people thrown under it, though I suppose blood DOES make for good axle grease.

    1. hof1991

      They didn’t have the votes.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xb6F6kIqlxw
      Blame those who do the oppressing, not those who are working against it.

      1. King Daniel

        ^ This. Number-of-votes-in-Congress-wise, the only thing the Democratic Party has going for it is “At least the Republicans don’t have a supermajority!” They do their best to resist where and when possible, and when Congress flips this year – so long as enough people remember to vote – things will be different, but for now, not every battle can be won.

        1. JBento

          This pick your battles thing is ridiculous – it’s not like the Democrats have anything to lose by saying “no”.

    2. Tarmaniel

      The two sides are so far apart on this issue that the Trump proposal actually represents a reasonable compromise. Remember that Republican immigration hardliners favor the RAISE Act, a bill that would, quite literally, limit virtually all future US immigration to male one-percenters from the anglosphere and their immediate families. (Seriously, less than 2% of Americans would meet the minimum income/education/age standards to even submit an immigration application under the RAISE Act.)

      The current immigration level is about 1.1 million a year. The Trump proposal lets in about 675k a year and lets DACA people have citizenship. The RAISE Act would let in about 115k a year.

    3. BBCC

      I believe the deadline they negotiated for a DREAM Act is in March or later this month, isn’t it?

      I forget and I can’t really look it up right now.

      1. thejeff

        In theory, today. Providing a deal was reached to avoid a shutdown when the CR ended yesterday.

        1. BBCC

          Ah, crap.

  79. Bagge

    Becky means a “Y’know-tail-party”, of course.
    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/01-to-those-whod-ground-me/differnt/

  80. LordHaw

    I was wondering when Faz would show up again…and here he is. This should be interesting.

  81. Scar Man!!!

    Oh fuck, does this mean Blaine is back?

    1. BenRG

      If he is, I am confident that Faz will be completely incapable of keeping it secret. He’s just that kind of guy.

  82. Zee

    Ohhhh this is going to be fun

  83. Frost Magi

    Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! Faz has returned! We’re all doomed…

  84. Stoodmuffin

    I thought folks were kidding with all the Faz shit.

    Wait, is this making fun of crypto currencies?

    1. David DeLaney

      One does not KID … about the Faz.

      –Dave, in soviet russia, your penis references Faz

  85. fire_daws

    Nooooooooooope

  86. Elsendor

    NO

  87. FacelessDeviant

    Faz should have learnt his lesson the last time.

  88. Nenja

    HE’S BAAACK

  89. davidbreslin101

    Given the buffer for this strip, this can only be a sign that it was Willis who hacked Coincheck last week.

  90. Jeezy Creezy

    brb converting all my bitcoins to fazcoin

  91. Mitsukara

    I hope this is a prelude to a Faz / Wen pornographique.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      He is a minor.

      1. Some1

        This may be the first possible time that someone has defended Faz from sexual creepiness.

      2. Mitsukara

        …oh. I didn’t realize his age when I said that, because he was an adult in Shortpacked XD He’s so short I thought he was college age like everyone else. (But I also thought everyone else was around 20, not 17-18, so I’m not keeping good track of ages evidently. I thought most people didn’t go to college quite that young though.)

        Anyway, er, my apologies? Faz’s greatness should wait to show itself until Faz has matured like a fine wine. So 100 years from now when Dumbing of Age reaches the end of the semester there can be an epilogue a few years later, and THEN the pornographique. But it can tie into this strip somehow. And then Faz will cause the rapture, by which I mean Star Trek Enterprise season 5.

        1. David DeLaney

          > until Faz has matured like a fine whine.

          fixed that for you

          –Dave, cheese may also be involved

  92. Tommy Fresh

    I’m so glad Willis continually uses the phrase that Becky is homeless, because so many people dance around this situation that many LGBT youth find themselves in. It’s easy to say they’re crashing with a friend, staying with extended family, etc, but all that masks the fact that a teen kicked out of their home is literally homeless. It’s important not to forget that.

  93. Nope

    I forget, in this verse are they blood related still or step siblings?

    1. King Daniel

      Step-siblings in this ‘verse, I believe (unlike in Shortpacked!, where he was one of Amber’s many, many half-siblings).

  94. C.T Phipps

    Oh, Becky, you’re not homeless because Leslie would never turn you out under any circumstances. However, not nearly as many people are lucky to have someone like you.

    1. Yumi

      See: Tommy Fresh’s comment above.
      Becky’s homeless.

      1. C.

        Leslie is just one misstep from being homeless, and Becky would have nowhere to go.

        1. Inahc

          huh?

        2. C.

          Leslie could lose her job somehow (there’s no indication she’s tenured), and the viability of Becky going back to the dorms has been minimized since Billie moved.

        3. Inahc

          so, Leslie is just like 99% of humans?

  95. Just for kix

    Well, we were all wondering where Faz was. No? Only me? Ok.

  96. Nezumi

    I… is Faz even creepier in this universe? How is that possible?

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