190

Colts
Posted on March 10, 2014 by David M Willis

190 thoughts on “Colts”

  1. Mr. Random

    ……….no.

    1. Guest Person Dude

      His eyebrows are steadily declining per-panel.

      1. Rse

        O_O

      2. Sam

        No, they’re just waiting on the side of his head under his hairline!

  2. Jen Aside

    “Uh. Well… maybe?!”

  3. Levi

    oooh, wrong thing to say to a sports fan.

    1. JustCheetoDust

      Not if you’re trolling.

    2. Yotomoe

      Or if they’re a realistic Sports Fan.

      1. Ivan

        Not for a QB!

        A 105mph fastball? Rare, but a few + accuracy and harder curves are more likely. A QB? They can already throw the field. A lifetime of timing about their own aim and targeting would go straight to hell.

    3. Matt

      I’d say it’s just a general bad move to insult the interests of your romantic interest immediately after meeting them.

    4. Tachyon

      I’m gonna go with the crowd on this one. You’d think they’d have simply formed a steroid leauge for each sport, to make “cheating” irrelevant, by now…

      1. MrMercury

        >insulting the interests
        she posed a valid question

        1. nothri

          Valid questions are not exempt from being insulting.

        2. Blob Marley

          But if you’re insulted by a valid question, you should probably ask yourself why.

        3. Cody B

          And in this case the answer is faux pas.

      2. Ivan

        You see any countries turning back their gold medals from 1956 through 1980??

    5. JA

      Dammit Sarah

  4. The Meek Ninja

    *Cringe

    Bad memory! You stay repressed like you’re supposed to! Get back in the box!

  5. NF

    So this comic is set in 2012?

    1. Yotomoe

      In some parallel sliding timeline that is a combination of all years within the confides of late 2000s early 2010s.

      1. WaveRocker

        Oh, I remember those days

    2. Gordon Blvd

      yes, because Steroid use has COMPLETELY disappeared in 2014 Professional sports, right? lol

      1. Darryl

        He referenced “new Colts QB”. So it’s definitely 1998 (Manning), 2012 or 2013 (Luck). Trust me, no one was excited in Indy in 2011 for Kerry Collins, Dan Orlovsky, or Curtis Painter. Then he referenced them playing the 49ers, which didn’t happen in ’98 or ’12 (since the Indianapolis Colts and San Francisco 49ers aren’t in the same conference, they only play once/4 years). Therefore, this particular comic takes place shortly after 9/22/2013, as that’s the date that Luck led the Colts against the 49ers.

      2. Valmore

        I think he means Andrew Luck was the Colts rookie QB in 2012. It is now 2014. Luck has two years under his belt. He’s not new.

    3. Shadow12000

      Considering how long it takes a weekend to go by, it probably is.

  6. brionl

    This certainly is some typical weather we’re having…

    1. gangler

      Seasons, amirite?

  7. Tom T.

    Sarah’s playing in the No Fun League, all right!

    1. Gordon Blvd

      Sarah’s a League MVP ……………..

  8. Wonder Wig

    Sarah has been reading Jeph’s twitter feed.

    1. Gordon Blvd

      Sarah IS Jeph’s twitter feed lol

  9. MM

    Give him a second! He’s thinking about it!

  10. LiamAldam

    Yeah, that’s the problem with physcial relationships: nothing to talk about.

    1. Doctor_Who

      “Problem”? Joe would say that’s the best part!

      1. Aizat

        Well, the only thing Joe wanted to hear is..you know.

        1. Yotomoe

          The backboard hitting the wall?

        2. Doctor_Who

          He got it to play the opening drum solo from “Hot For Teacher” once. Best day of his life.

          Would have been even better if he’d been nailing a hot teacher at the time, but at least now he still has something to work toward.

        3. Opus the Poet

          Headboard, backboards hitting a wall is very bad. It implies severe spinal injuries.

        4. Yotomoe

          Or that they sleep in a giant basketball goal.

  11. Doctor_Who

    Still a better conversation about sports than I’ve ever had.

    “How about that game last night?”

    “I didn’t catch it. Did the team we support by default due to geographic proximity make the most score points?”

    1. Mr. Random

      Why yes. This means we can now consume alcohol in merriment!
      If we had lost, which can never ever happen because we are the greatest, we would drink our sorrows away.
      Either way, people are going to get drunk, someone’s going to miss a mascot, somehow a naked ass is going to show up on the local news. No one will know who they belong to.

      1. Reltzik

        “And in other news tonight, the mystery of the missing mascot has been solved! Don King the Donkey was discovered in the back yard of a local frat house, which insists that it has been framed. Still missing is Don King’s signature sweater.” *zoom in on the naked ass*

    2. Lizard

      “Oh, that’s okay then. So, about those webcomics you read… Did those imaginary characters resolve their imaginary disputes because of the author’s constructed drama?”

      1. Doctor_Who

        “No, but some girls kissed each other, so I’m happy!”

        1. Aizat

          “And there’s that one comic where Da Electric Snake shocks someone who’s turning on a lamp.”

      2. Haven

        This may be the best reply to this I’ve ever seen

      3. BigDrahma

        So much this.

    3. Yotomoe

      “I didn’t catch it. I think sports and all people who enjoy them are dumb. Out of my way Philistines!”

      1. Doctor_Who

        I would never call them Philistines. Peasants don’t understand such terms!

        1. Opus the Poet

          Yeah, and they really hate it when you call them proles, ’cause it makes them feel really stupid.

        2. Yotomoe

          I think peons works best because even if they don’t know what it means, it still sounds like Pee-Ons.

    4. Questionor

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dI7M4Om2ITw

    5. gangler

      Doctor Who – Literal Spoilsport.

    6. StClair

      “You like the Sportland Sports? They did so many points last game!”

    7. davidbreslin101

      Where I grew up, most people supported some famous team or other from some other town entirely. I never figured out how they chose.

  12. newllend

    This is to much can we go to someone else and come back to them please.

    1. SilverArrowArtemis

      Fool! Our suffering is for David Willis’s nourishment! He shan’t stop until he is fully satisfied! DAMN YOU, WILLIS!

  13. Aizat

    Steroids? Well, as long as the guy’s name isn’t Stare Roy.

    1. LiaHansen

      Wat

      1. Aizat

        What?

    2. Opus the Poet

      Go back an update for that one…

  14. Baker

    Next she’s going to approach Joyce about how to wear positivity and cheeriness.

    1. Yotomoe

      And then Joyce will reveal to the readers that she has been slipping opium ever day to keep herself so freakin’ peppy.

      1. newllend

        Well she doesn’t have much to be upset about….FOR NOW!

        1. Jaxx Sentinel

          Give it time, the drama is saving the best for last xD

      2. The Candyman

        Isn’t opium a sedative?

        1. begbert2

          It’s how she manages to be so laid back around heathens and atheists, and not kill them.

  15. Bill

    I know they’re in Indianapolis, but they’ll always be the Baltimore Colts to me.

    1. Opus the Poet

      +1

    2. Rex Hondo

      It’s been 30 years. Baltimore should really consider letting it go by now.

      1. David Willis

        I’ve seen Baltimore. They have nothing else.

        1. John

          They have exploding sewers!

          At least last time I was there they did.

  16. Super Duper

    Yup, this is me. So me.
    Just make Sarah a dude and it is so me.

    1. Bilfred

      ditto

    2. WaveRocker

      I assure you, you aren’t alone.

  17. Kernanator

    Don’t worry Sarah, he totally agrees with you!

  18. someguywithakatana

    Oh my God! Just ask if you can touch his butt or something!

    1. Opus the Poet

      For a nickle.

    2. Yotomoe

      That doesn’t ever work for me. Guess I gotta be cuter.

  19. Aizat

    I don’t care about sports…unless said sport involves people beating the heck out of each other.

    1. newllend

      I fucking love mma and wwe.

      1. Aizat

        So do I. Though I prefer WWE back during the Attitude Era.

        1. Yotomoe

          I like MMA in theory but I couldn’t watch it.

        2. newllend

          No sport is worth wathcing to me unless I see someone get kick in the face or thrown through something.

        3. Aizat

          And hit with a steel chair.

  20. The Uncomfortable Frogboy

    DAMMIT SARAH

  21. Pteropine

    I relate to Sarah on an emotional level

  22. Idon'tcarenomore

    That is funny.
    And so Sarah. But, at least she is trying.
    (I agree with her)

  23. Kas

    oh god sarah no honey this is hurting us all

  24. Doc Harleen

    Aw, poor Sarah. I’m equally awkward, even with my husband.

    Example from earlier today:
    Husband: Do you think they’ll turn out good? (referring to the cookie bars we just put in the oven)
    Me: I hope so. Well, my hand tastes good, so that’s promising!
    Husband: …
    Me: That’s one of those things I’m not supposed to say out loud, isn’t it?

    1. Opus the Poet

      No, that’s perfectly appropriate to say out loud to your husband, just before requesting a nickle.

    2. Yotomoe

      Naw. It’d be worse if you said. “I hope so. Well my hand tastes good, and that’s going to be inside you later tonight.”

    3. Chubsius

      That phrase seems perfectly normal to me. If he can’t grasp that, then who’s the real awkward one? If he were really smooth, he would have asked for a taste. 🙂

  25. GoogerGeiger

    [facepalming intensifies]

    1. SilverArrowArtemis

      (facepalm X ∞)

      1. N0083rP00F

        (facepalm X ∞) ^ 1000

  26. Wack'd

    So I take it she didn’t see that ludicrous display last night.

    1. Mo

      What’s Finger doing sending Walker on that early?

      1. AndromedaRage

        The thing about Arsenal is, they always try to walk it in!

  27. Darnel

    meh,…. she’s suffering, and he’s acting like he’s in a mindfield,..

  28. Darwin

    I love seeing Sarah so awkward. Usually she’s always in control. Seeing her in a situation where she has no control turns her into maximum adorbs.

  29. Yotomoe

    Jacob is now concerned that it may be indeed biscuits.

    1. Jay Eff

      Steroid biscuits?

      1. Yotomoe

        …what did I say that I somehow mistyped biscuits…

        1. Opus the Poet

          “be steroids”

        2. Opus the Poet

          And that one sounds like a candidate for “Damn You Autocorrect!”

        3. Opus the Poet

          How to tell the tenor of the comment from Opus the Poet’s Gravatars. Mike is an attempt to be funny, intended as humor. Guy in ugly shirt and khaki pants behind a strange looking bicycle, seriously intended reply or comment.

  30. Jay Eff

    “Say, Jacob, did you happen to catch a glimpse of the Sports Ball Tournament which was held last evening?”

  31. Throng

    I actually love this. Seeing this side of Sarah (as opposed to the usual Wise, Sassy Big Sister figure) is a fun change of pace. Given her backstory, I have to wonder whether the compulsive “looking around for the funeral when the air smells of flowers” act is a recent thing, or if she was like that as a kid or something.

    1. WaveRocker

      I too appreciate this contrast from her usual manner. I wonder if Willis is intentionally making her seem more like Joyce. Maybe something will cause Joyce to start acting like Sarah. hmmmmm

    2. timemonkey

      I suspect she was always somewhat like that and her previous year just set it in stone.

  32. Stephen Bierce

    *plays the Paul McCartney song “With a Little Luck” on the Muzak*

  33. SilverArrowArtemis

    You’re floundering up here. Think, girl. Think!

    1. WaveRocker

      Italics + dat Gravatar.

      You’re clearly Sarah’s mind

  34. Nym

    True love.

    1. Opus the Poet

      We’ll know if it’s “Romantic Comedy True Love” if they try to kiss and one knocks the other unconscious.

      1. WaveRocker

        Or any two people meet awkwardly for the nth time and one of them says “We have to stop meeting like this!”

  35. Barf Ninjason

    I am perplexed when people say “our,” “we,” “us,” etc. about their favorite sports team. Oh, are you on the team now, amigo?

    1. Heavensrun

      No, but he -is- a student at the college, and it is the college’s team. This isn’t just about association with a favorite team, he’s actually literally affiliated with the same organization as them.

      1. Bill

        The Indiana University team is called the Hoosiers.  Jacob’s talking about pro sports — the (Indianapolis) Colts vs the San Francisco (49ers), both teams in the NFL.  So Barf’s observation/comment is still valid.
        (explanation for the benefit of those who may not be familiar with American football)

    2. Heavensrun

      Though you could make an argument that the fans do contribute to the morale of their team, and are thus collectively part of the team. And I say this as somebody who has pretty much no interest in any sport.

      1. begbert2

        Similarly, you could argue that I’m a transformer, because I enjoy the shows.

        1. phroggonalog

          no.

        2. Heavensrun

          Transformers don’t perform better in front of a friendly crowd like sports teams do.

  36. Mo

    THIS IS INDIANA

    WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE BASKETBALL SEASON

    1. David Willis

      2021

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Wow, I will have become officially elderly by then.

        1. Hippoman

          All it takes is a little time, then everyone is elderly.

        2. Rutee

          You’ll be 65 in 2021?

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Nope 60 but that counts as elderly in my books.

          20-39 = Young Adult
          40-59 = Middleaged
          60-79 = Elderly
          80-99 = Old
          100+ = Ancient

        4. taekwondogirl

          I like how you skipped over “Adult” entirely. :p

        5. 3oranges

          The elderly, middle-aged, and young adults aren’t adults?

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          @taekwondogirl: 3oranges pretty much explained why I avoided using just the word adult in my line of reasoning.

      2. newllend

        ….2021 in our time, or 2021 in their time

        1. David Willis

          Yes.

        2. xKiv

          Won’t it be 2021 for them when it’s 2021 for us?

      3. Jaxx Sentinel

        …great, now I need to watch sealab x.x

      4. Scott

        Oh, the same year that Joyce figures out what a strap-on is…

        1. Tenn

          No, no, that’s for the very final panel of the very last comic.

  37. JessWitt

    Eh, I’m more of a rugby fan personally but for ogling reasons.

  38. etybolik

    I know this feel painfully well and I hate it.

    1. Aizat

      Hell, I hate it when guys asks me what’s my favorite football team. That’s soccer to the folks in America.

      1. begbert2

        The secret is to develop such an appallingly geekish and socially incompetent personality that people naturally assume that you have no interest in sports. That’s my approach, anyway.

  39. Robert

    Well at least she’s putting her best foot forward…

  40. Plasma Mongoose

    “Do you hear that sound, that is the sound of inevitability…”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIbEj1CIpuU

  41. teddydragon

    0h god, they both look so miserable…

  42. DannyIsOkay

    Well, hopefully for the good of Sarah’s character this is the last time she ever sees Jacob

  43. Scott P. Holman

    “So, how many home runs did the Colts get?”

    1. Knightsky

      “Just one, but they got it from the three-point line!”

      1. John

        “They got another kick in the basket, but the umpire ruled it offsides.”

  44. Reltzik

    Okay. So we’re looking for a year after the Nintendo DS was produced in which Indianapolis played the ‘9ers at San Francisco and won early in the season with an impressive showing by the quarterback. This also needs to be after the proliferation of wifi. Also, One Direction’s hit it big, at least in the female dorms.

    Assuming that this is Monday, the only possible date is September 23, 2013. Assuming this is now week 5 of the term, (Walky just said they’d been there 4 weeks, right?) classes started on August 19th. The Monday of Week 3 would have been Labor Day, yet on that day (if I’ve got the chronology right) we can clearly see that classes are in session, and Walky’s wearing Danny’s shoes. However, Labor Day is supposed to be a school holiday at Indiana University, according to their online catalog.

    Deany’s got some ‘splainin to do!

    ((And to think that Willis could have avoided fixing the date simply by picking a team that was in the Colts’ conference.))

    1. Reltzik

      …. and it looks like the residence halls at IU weren’t supposed to open until the 21st in 2013. More ‘splainin! Could this be week 4? That makes a bit more sense…. only the University would STILL have been open on Labor Day, as that would have been the day that Mike ordered the pajama jeans and they had classes then too.

      …. in other news, I need a better cure for insomnia.

      1. John

        Today is Monday of Week Four.

    2. Samuel Dickens

      He avoided fixing the date in other ways. Check the FAQ.

    3. David Willis

      Riley DeSanto has a 2DS. Those didn’t come out until October 2013. Amber owns Generations Tailgate. That toy hasn’t come out yet.

      So I’d give up.

      1. Reltzik

        Nonono! We can make this work! The next time the Colts and 49ers will play is in 2016! But they like to alternate home fields, so the next time they’ll be at San Francisco will be 2020! This allows for everything we’ve seen so far! Robin’s facing an election year! All the tech and stuff is out already! I’ve gone senile and have used too many exclamation points!

        Aaaaaaand….

        The upcoming basketball season will be 2021. Both our time and theirs. JUST LIKE YOU SAID!

        The. Code. Has. Been. Cracked.

        1. Reltzik

          Er, no, wait. Late-night math. Grump. Colts won’t play the 9ers in SF until ’21. I give up.

        2. Vree

          That was some amazing detective work, nevertheless.

      2. Heavensrun

        Aaaaalternaaaate uuuuniverrrrrse!!!!

    4. Hotsauce

      Continuity Cops: why DC editors get so many ulcers

  45. Kevin

    I talk too much around friends, but when I’m around a girl I’m interested in I freeze up and can’t think of jack shit to say, which usually leads them to conclude I am an idiot, or I am not interested in them.

    Doctors used to tell me this goes away with age or knowing the girl better. Nope!

    I feel your pain, Sarah. Conversing with someone you like just ruins the fantasy that you might actually be able to talk to them.

    1. StClair

      ” ‘Ello, Sue. I saw you in the room… I’ve got legs, have you? Oh yeah… Do you like bread? I’ve got a French loaf. *smack* Bye! … I love you!”

    2. begbert2

      It probably beats my approach: babbling like an idiot.

  46. Rutee

    My god, Sarah. The adorable, the awkward. It’s delicious XD

    Hey, how long to the sledgehammer willis promised? Or was that Ruth/Billie?

  47. David

    How will Danny ever find a job if Sarah graduates before him? There can only be one.

  48. Bernadotte

    that moment when I realize I’m even worse at conversations than Sarah

  49. Pyr05

    The answer is yes. Always.

  50. TJ Baltimore

    Sarah should have practiced more with the pop machine.

  51. Nono

    Is Jacob talking about Tony there? But wait, he said new quarterback, but Tony isn’t a freshman.

    That just made me realize we’re unlikely to get a lot of Tony. Or a lot of half-naked Tony. Drat…

  52. Carlos

    I can see that Sarah follows the all powerful code of “I DON’T NEED TO FLIRT, I’LL SEDUCE YOU WITH MY AWKWARDNESS!”

    1. JAD

      I used to do that but it never was powerful enough 🙁

  53. Jordan

    She definitely needs a hug/some pointers on how to small talk/flirt.

    1. Arkadi

      To be fair to Sarah, I’ve never known what to say when the other guy/girl brings up sports either. It’s an instant conversation killer :c

      1. begbert2

        But she brought up sports, so she really has only herself to blame.

        1. Arkadi

          True. She should have known better!

  54. CianM1301

    *cricket chirping*

    1. Cragalanch

      *tumbleweed goes by*

  55. caesaria82

    I love this flirting storyline so much. I feel you, Sarah, I can’t flirt either. Let’s meet up and punch some things. Or angrily yell at things. Much easier.

  56. Jen

    Aw! Don’t give up, Sarah! You can do it!

  57. randonimity

    Oh Sarah. Oh Sarah. You are my favorite character forever. I just want you to be happy but you’re in Mr. Willis’ world. My feeeeeeels.

  58. Cattus

    She is so socially awkward. I feel for her. I used to be like that and preferred to watch people from the sidelines rather than be embarrassed talking to them. I still find that I dislike ‘smalltalk’ and that’s decades later.

  59. Jaxx Sentinel

    I didn’t think that someone could fit a foot so far down their throat , yet still be adorable at the same time O.o

  60. nothri

    This strip is the embodiment of every bad date I’ve ever been on. MAKE IT STOP!

  61. stainedglassdeity

    They’re both trying so hard, it’s cute.

  62. mrmudkip

    Smooth

  63. Megatron

    Given how important mating is to your species survival, you people are surprisingly bad at it.

    1. The Candyman

      Modern medicine allows awkward people whose genes would’ve otherwise been weeded out to survive.

  64. xKiv

    Now she has reason to be pissed, and therefore talk.

  65. BrokenEye, True False Prophet

    “So… how ’bout that politics and religion?”

  66. Teddae

    maybe it’s just me, but I find steroids to be perfectly serviceable conversation.

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