141

Cord
Posted on February 12, 2013 by David M Willis
Even though Joel abandoned me to go have Boat Fun, I was kind enough to draw him a guest strip.  Stupid jerk. why did he leave me

141 thoughts on “Cord”

  1. Kernanator

    It’s like how Santa apparently didn’t want milk and cookies, he wanted beer and steak.

    1. Aizat

      Santa wants Oreos, not Chipsmore.

      1. Resne

        Forget the milk, leave out some peppermint Schnapps and you’ll hear some footsteps on the roof.

        1. somanycolors

          peppermint schnapps is such a wonderful beverage

        2. AckAckAck

          Bacon. It’s always bacon.

        3. James

          Sherry and meat pies.

        4. Leorale

          Gotta be bacon. It explains why he doens’t visit Jewish children.

        5. ironballs16

          But the TV told me it was Cheese.

        6. Witch [Soul] of Heart

          I was always told Vodka and a good sandwich, along with Nacho Cheese Doritos (or some other suitable chip offering).

    2. hexagenic

      Well, he gotta get to all the chimneys somehow.

      Santa needs protein.

  2. xain

    Silly danny a phone cord is the one fool proof way into any woman’s heart

    1. Aizat

      I thought it was a knife to the chest.

      1. xain

        that work too but phones cords have alot less clean up when your done

      2. mrelegos

        Knife to the stomach. Avoids rub cage,

        1. marr

          You would hate to rub the cage the wrong way.

        2. AckAckAck

          Rub Nicholas Cage’s forehead and he will grant you 3 hair related wishes.

        3. Aizat

          Bruce Willis tried that but instead lost all of his hair.

        4. N0083rP00F

          He didn’t loose any of it.
          It just migrated south.
          [Insert “There’s hair on your back!” soundbite]

        5. Raoullefere

          SMITE her beneath the fifth rib! That’s how you do it.

          What are we doing, anyway?

        6. Neospector

          Rubbing foreheads and stabbing chests, what else?

        7. begbert2

          You know that whole “can’t rub your head and pat your belly at the same time” thing? (Or was it…?) Well, this is that with knives.

      3. Somebody

        Can we just shrink down and enter her bloodstream?

  3. ASmellyOgre

    The moment he sees Amazi-Girl with glasses or Amber with contacts Danny is going to shit a brick.

    1. Yotomoe

      Which will devastate him both emotionally and anally.

      1. AckAckAck

        At least he doesn’t need that colonic treatment anymore.

      2. tahrey

        It’s alright, it’s only lego

        1. N0083rP00F

          But if it’s a DUPLO 2*4 …. ow?

        2. tahrey

          Eh, they’ve got quite smooth edges. Now, some of the longer Technic pieces… or, oh, one of those monster gears like they use in the pneumatic crane-truck… ouuuuchh

        3. Raoullefere

          Listen, if stepping on a lego is any indication, I, for one, don’t want to know what it’d feel like passing through my sphincter.

        4. tahrey

          Yes, but you don’t walk around on your anus do you? It’d be fine.

    2. Wack'd

      Hair mussiness is also a factor.

    3. xain

      and unfortunately amazi-girl can’t do the kryptonian amnesia kiss When he finally does find out … or can she?

      1. lightsabermario

        You mean all kisses don’t do that? What’s wrong with my brain?

        1. Ivan

          I’m betting that you’ve passed a few bricks too many and the blood loss has resulted in the usual negative effects.

      2. AckAckAck

        Maybe she can do “Kryptonian Boobs Amnesia Hug” instead?

        1. begbert2

          “Hmm, I think it started to work that time; a few more tries and I’m sure it’ll take.”

  4. David Herbert

    “She also wants a pony.”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      ”But I wanted a white one, daddy”.

    2. Aizat

      Get her Applejack.

      1. JIntegrity

        Beats the “white one”.

        1. AndaisQ

          like hell she does

  5. Sir Robin

    But what if she doesn’t have the same kind of phone that Amber does?

    1. tbf

      He should go with one of those Micro-USB with iDevice adapter packages. Given that DoA takes place in “the present”, I’d be surprised if Amazi-Girl didn’t have a smartphone.

    2. Random832

      Phone chargers are all the same now – except for iPhones.

      1. Historyman68

        And not even all iPhone chargers are the same any more, the f**king jerks

        1. Josh

          Under EU law they now have to make any new products with Micro-USB now, so any new models will likely have them.

        2. tahrey

          Nah, it’ll just come with an easily-lost adaptor. That costs £25 to replace.

    3. begbert2

      Not to spoil your fun, but he has seen Amazi-Girl’s phone before, remember?

      1. David

        He’s seen her 3DS.

        1. AckAckAck

          So that’s what young un call it these days.

        2. begbert2

          Honestly I don’t bother to keep track of which silly devices decide to include phone or voip service with their wireless and other varyingly similar services. It’s all the apathetic to me.

          Now get off my lawn!

  6. Doctor_Who

    I wonder if there’s a reality somewhere where Danny is not mild mannered, somewhat lacking in the spine department, and a little bit of a dope. That just seems like a universal constant.

    I can picture universes where Joe is a monk, Sal has a Boston accent, Ethan collects Gobots, and Mike wins humanitarian awards, but not one where Danny isn’t, well, Danny.

    1. T Campbell

      I’m sure there’s a universe of evil somewhere where he’s dead.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Then he’s that world’s nicest zombie.

        Know that Jonathan Coulton song with the reasonable sounding zombie who acts as if his desire to eat the listener is a mild workplace inconvenience, and he totally understands why you might not be totally on board, and he’s sure you can discuss the matter like reasonable adults?

        That’s Danny of the Dead.

        1. xain

        2. xain

          and here he is

          http://youtu.be/TGcrVBcKvQA

      2. Groove

        In the universe of evil Danny would be almost unchanged, just inefectually mean rather than kind of nice.

        1. AckAckAck

          Or he’s the genius criminal mastermind that control the whole world behind the screen. He rarely appears in public but when he does, he will wear a costume that’ll cover his face and voice. His archenemy is Amazi-girl, and he vow to reveal her secret identity someday.

          In his civilian disguise he’s Danny the mild mannered book salesman. Happily married to Amber(!) a stay at home housewife and having a son. They named him Joe.

          Joe like to play with his friends Walky and Sal. When His mother and father are out on an “errand” they will call Dorothy to babysit Joe.

          I can go on and on with this.

        2. Squeeeble

          Please do!

        3. George

          I want to read this as an actual fanfic.

    2. T Campbell

      Amber has discovered the perfect relationship.

    3. Regalli

      I can picture a universe where Mike wins humanitarian awards, too!

      But just after winning them, he reveals the satellite he created that will end all world crises ever is armed with a killer laser and uses it to destroy a small town for no reason other than “this kid I knew in high school bet that I couldn’t.”

      1. kiapdx

        In that AU, a lone Walky screams into the sky “SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!”

    4. taekwondogirl

      I like how Sal’s personality boils down to a specific type of accent.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Bostonian Sal also likes to leave via the fire escape, rides a Vespa, and has a thing for guys who wear a fez.

        1. AckAckAck

          No bowtie?

        2. Led

          Why oh why did I misread that as “guys who wear a faz”, which in turn made me unable to stop picturing Sal/Faz??? x_x

  7. Madock345

    I think Amber is projecting here. Just because You want a new phone cord, doesn’t mean everybody does. It always annoys me when people assume everybody wants the same things they do.

    1. Yotomoe

      She just needs to accept that she’s not amazi-girl and can’t get into her complex mindset.

      1. marr

        What she should do is tell him to mark it in some secret way so they can search for it later and discover her true identity.

    2. Raoullefere

      True, Modock345. After all, we’ve never even seen Joe with a cell phone, have we? Just the game whatsit when he’s Amazi-girl.

      1. xain

        thatwould be really odd if when joe was claiming to have threesomes he was actually serenading his best friend. And despite this serenading constantly telling Danny to give up on amazi-girl

        1. xain

          also if we had Joe serenading anyone in such a manner I hope it would be ethan.

        2. Raoullefere

          That’s exactly what Joe wants everyone to think! Fiendishly clever, that Joe.

          Too bad he’s wasting it on Danny, for whom mediocre sneakiness would do just fine.

  8. Regalli

    Yes. Give the gift of chargers. They are the best gift ever.

    Also, it is telephone day in the land of Willis comics, it seems.

  9. Count Dracula

    Keep on truckin’ Alex. Never change.

  10. Aizat

    You know, you could’ve ask for a new grappling hook set with interchangeable grapple for 19.95. And if you call now, we’ll even give you a three month subscription of Vigilante Monthly for absolutely free. So call now!

    1. AckAckAck

      Superheroes still read printed magazines?

      1. Aizat

        They read Capes and Costumes Monthly and Justice Weekly. Vigilantes used to have Cowls and Capes but the publisher of Capes and Costumes sued for copyright infringement.

  11. ridtom

    Yay Alex :D!!

  12. Plasma Mongoose

    Will Danny ever catch a clue??

    1. Wack'd

      Of course not! Danny takes his yearly clue vaccinations.

    2. Kernanator

      He needs to find the blue paw print.

      1. Zababcd

        Found it. It’s on her phone.

        By the way, my phone is from the times when mobile phones were just for calling people, so her phone is clearly a custom-made gadget and the interface does not resemble that of any real brand.

        1. Zababcd

          Wow, that was just a lazy effort from me. If I could delete my comment, I would. I can do better than that. I don’t know what I was thinking. Etc.

    3. AckAckAck

      He need to explore more.

  13. Wack'd

    So, quick question, why does my eight-year-old corded mouse work just fine but after five months my laptop charger is fraying from every imaginable joint?

    1. Random832

      Because a laptop charger costs eighty bucks and a mouse costs ten?

      1. Historyman68

        That makes so much sense it’s depressing.

    2. Heavensrun

      Your laptop charger is heavier, and you’re more prone to swinging it around by the cord, whereas your corded mouse is lightweight and is probably typically picked up and moved by the body. I can’t speculate more beyond that without knowing what your storage and transportation habits are.

  14. tbf

    If only my CS professors were as helpful as Alex.

    1. Kelly

      Bah, everyone knows it all about HTML5 now (and CSS3). XHTML is old news (though I would accept “the XML/XHTML serialization of HTML5”)

  15. Zack

    Am I the only nerd that facepalmed over the fact that he said XHTML and not HTML5. It may be that I have an allergic reaction to XHTML though.

    1. Kelly

      Nope, see above!

    2. David

      Today’s itinerary is taken from the actual course’s online syllabus.

      1. Blob Marley

        Good to know their tuition dollars are well-spent.

        1. David

          Well, it’s only the third week! It’s probably something useful to know in the build-up to more important stuff.

        2. JeffreyATW

          As a web dev teacher, I can safely say that XHTML is not worth knowing or building up to anything more modern. (Outdated public school syllabi are one big reason I started teaching independently…)

        3. JeffreyATW

          But of course, not blaming you!

        4. tbf

          Amber wasn’t any happier about the syllabus than you.

    3. Prior Semblance

      I took some college web design classes in 2012 and quite a few of the powerpoint slides had been written before the days of IE7, which I’m pretty sure was also the last time my professor had ever actually made a website. These were upper level classes too.

    4. Gargamel

      Schools are always out of date when it comes to Web Design.
      I remember taking a course a year or so back and they were still using tables instead of article, divs and such.
      Also XHTML isn’t entirely useless it promotes a much stricter way to write code and there are situations where it’s useful with XML back end programming (or so I’m told).

    5. Darkflame

      HTML5 is a crazy broad branding.
      It *should* just mean HTML with a little bit of updated tags and syntax, but for some reason its used to mean every updated web technology out there.
      eg. HTML5 games – no they are NOT. They are Javascript games….

      Sorry, this bugs me 😛

      1. Alan

        JavaScript games being rendered on an HTML5 canvas and using HTML5 audio. But yes, JavaScript.

      2. Gargamel

        I know some web designers don’t like it because JavaScript has been around awhile and you’ve always been able to make similar things possible with work arounds, hacks, plugins and so on, also technicaly HTML5 is paving the cow path (which again a lot of designers don’t like).
        But thematically speaking it being official and everything does represent a huge leap, or at least enough for W3C to establish conferences on html5 games.

        1. Darkflame

          Sure, but HTML4.1 is just the markup – HTML5 is treated as a whole family of technology standards.
          Its confusing if you just want to refer to the markup :p

  16. Blob Marley

    WOW DANNY YOU ARE SO SMART HOW DID DOROTHY EVER BRING HERSELF TO LEAVE YOU?!

  17. Kernanator

    DAnNY aM SmaRt!

    1. Aizat

      WhY Do My ShOuLdErs HuRt?

  18. Aizat

    Mate with it.

  19. Jehosaphat

    Metaphors!!

  20. Pyr05

    In reality, she’s hinting that Amazi-girl wants an ambilical cord. She wants babies now!!

    1. N0083rP00F

      I actually had to look that up but it turns out to be the American spelling of umbilical.
      As for begetting a littler of Danny Dots, I highly doubt it.
      She is highly analytical in all aspects of her life though it begs the question as to why him?

  21. Michael S

    xhtml is so last century!

  22. Cratacon

    Shaggy! Long time no see! Still solving mysteries in a van?

  23. AckAckAck

    Phone charger cord = her kryptonite?

  24. HeatPhoenix

    One must really go to a shitty school to get HTML/CSS as a class with Computer Science…

    then again, American education system.

  25. Guy

    I’m just now…at this very moment…almost beginning to get the impression that Amazi-Girl and Amber could possibly, just maybe somehow be interconnected. But that’s just crazy talk right?

    1. Heavensrun

      Well, -obviously- they’re interconnected. They form the base of a love triangle with Danny at the top. They’re going to inevitably have -some- things in common.

  26. Jackson

    Danny must be made of platinum. There is simply no other way to explain his density.

    1. Darkflame

      Its getting a bit like that Superman Muppet sketch.

    2. John

      Amazi-Girl + Osmium-Boy, OTP!

      1. Jackson

        His mind was rendered super-dense in a lab accident.

    3. Tenn

      According to the periodic table, there are at least 8 other ways to explain his density, not counting unstable elements. My bet is on lead; it’s probably the cheapest and easiest to come by.

  27. sandbridgekid

    No JoCo Cruise for the Willis? If commanded we WillisZombies™ would have provided…

    1. begbert2

      Actually we WillisZombies™ are actually just a large pile of spent matchsticks. In fact Willis has hallucinated the entire internet; the world at large is still on Arpanet, and liking it.

      1. Heimdallw32

        Hooray, I’m flammable!

  28. tahrey

    Actually there’s nothing wrong with her charger cord. She’s just trying, in vain, to insert it into the headphone jack.

    What kind of crazy phone has the charge socket on the TOP?

    1. Heavensrun

      The only reason you think that’s the top is because she’s holding it with that end up. But she’s holding it with that end up because she’s inspecting the cord and the socket.

      1. tahrey

        It also has the logo/camera lens nearest that end, Aslan. As far as I’m aware that pretty much universally marks it out as the “top”.

    2. Delimon

      mine has a mini-usb charger at the top.

      1. tahrey

        That’s just crazy. What is it?

  29. Vree

    Someone told me once that the best present you can give to any person is a new car tire.

    I think what he wanted to express was the value of practical gifts, same as this strip.

    1. tahrey

      Only if a/ they have a car, b/ they need a new tyre, c/ but ONLY ONE (OR: they have space enough to store it until it’s needed or they can afford another 1~3), d/ it’s the right size and a decent brand …

      I’ve actually found that, for young, new parents, the best gift is nappies/diapers. Bulk packs of. They love it.

  30. Shariku Onikage

    Well they’re sssslowly improving on the subjects in lesson, but when the lesson is essentially ‘go to the w3schools website and start absorbing basics’ it makes you wonder how long they expect to take.

    Though thinking about it, how long has the semester been going now? If we’ve made the move from Office applications to basic website design in a week or too, it probably isn’t too hard to imagine to see Ruby bouncing along by the end of the month.

  31. Khantalas

    Amber, you should stop using Dina’s phone charger and get your own.

  32. JA

    Wait…I’m in the process of teaching myself HTML and CSS right now, though I’ll eventually take a class for it. Is this what I should expect from the instructor?

    1. begbert2

      Depends. Are you a cartoon character? (Admittedly, you do look like one.) Of course if you are you’ll probably never go to class at all, as bests I can tell.

    2. Darkflame

      A good instructor will just point you to the W3 schools website then go home 😛

  33. James

    is everyone in this universe a cheap ass?

    1. Ember Quill

      You’re obviously not a college student.

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