Amber, man. Amber, man.
Doing whatever Amber can.
Spins about the Pokéstop
Throws a ball to make Sal drop.
Look out!
Where is that Amber, man?
Is she strong? Listen, Sal,
She’s in League of Legends, pal.
Can she cling to the roof?
Take a look, see the truth.
Hey, there,
There is that Amber, man.
I’m really starting to hate Amazi-Girl. LISTEN TO AMBER FOR ONCE, YOU STUPID JERK. She’s not afraid of Sal hurting her or Ethan. She’s afraid she’ll be triggered, lash out, and hurt SAL. And telling her not to be scared of Sal is not helpful. Fear rarely works that way.
My issue is that AG is clearly ignoring what Amber is saying she’s scared OF. “Sal won’t hurt you or Ethan.” – Great, but that means nothing when Amber’s afraid SHE is going to hurt SAL.
Showler
She is scared she will hurt Sal because she identifies Sal as a threat. It’s not like Amber goes around wanting to hurt everyone. AG is trying to convince her that Sal is no more of a threat than anyone else.
BBCC
Amber is afraid of Sal because she was traumatized by losing her temper and stabbing her 5 years ago. Again, Amber’s temper and capacity for violence is one of Amber’s greatest fears. She needs to be told that just seeing her is not a guarantee she’ll stab her, not that Sal’s not a threat. That’s not what Amber is disputing here.
Yeah, I think AG is making it more and more clear that she doesn’t actually listen to Amber and just follows whatever idea of the scared girl at the corner store she’s got of Amber.
Which, that might just be a “golden alter” trait. Like, the sheer level of fucked up shit my “golden alter” did to my poor “anger alter” was nightmare inducing. Torture, violence, abuse, locking her up in cages and boxes so she “wouldn’t get out” and be heard. Made all the worst by my “anger alter” carrying a bit of a torch for my “golden alter”.
Which I guess, it’s hard to build yourself up as the embodiment of everything good without also tearing down another alter as therefore being the embodiment of everything bad.
BBCC
EEK. Jesus, that sounds intense. *appropriate gesture of support*
If you don’t mind, do you mind answering what you mean by locked up? As in physically or mentally?
Mentally. Basically extreme suppression of ability to participate with intense feelings of confinement and pain for the alter making them even more likely to rage because she was being mistreated. The “golden alter” tended to describe it like caging a wild animal, so all too willing to cede lots of power to the “golden alter” “in order to protect others from harm”.
thecerpent
That sounds pretty similar to how I “handled” my anger issues growing up, though I mostly just bottled or caged my rage beast to try and keep it from breaking free. Didn’t work that well, and it led to a lot of self-loathing because I couldn’t excise it permanently.
Eventually, I decided that if I wanted to be able to love myself, I had to love all parts of myself – including the parts I hated. I uncaged and embraced my monster, loved and accepted it as part of myself, and now I have a much better handle on it because I work to understand my feelings instead of hide them away.
Aw, yikes, that sounds awful. I’m glad things have improved since. For both of you *hug*
Znayx
Why should improving as a person NOT require trimming out negative traits? If you don’t, you get a personality crisis about which way you act is really your hands on the wheel and which way is of you is the side that panics and crashes the car. I understand specifically for this circumstance, supposing she does truly have a multiple personality disorder or whatever (schizophrenia?). But in general, people improve by managing unnecessary baggage and becoming at peace with stepping away from it — which is usually immediate and natural because who doesn’t want to improve? The only people I see struggling with improvement are those with addictions holding them down.
Okay, I’ll give in that self-loathing/depression make people feel unworthy of improvement. But that usually doesn’t involve shoving the bad stuff into a back pocket, usually that just involves stagnating and being hesitant.
Li
There’s so much wrong here? What makes you so convinced that “trimming negative personality traits” (what?) isn’t just shoving bad stuff into a back pocket? Who has so much control over their personality that they can just shed traits at will?
Someone with a bad temper can learn to manage it but I’ve never heard anyone seriously suggest that they just cease having a bad temper by “trimming” it.
IllogicalBobcat
“What makes you so convinced that “trimming negative personality traits” (what?) isn’t just shoving bad stuff into a back pocket? Who has so much control over their personality that they can just shed traits at will?”
Can’t reply on that one apparently. If you’re not actually shoving stuff into the back pocket then it’s not a quick process where you “just shed traits at will”, but it’s entirely possible. Some degree of doing so is a pretty normal part of growing up. Most people just don’t have some kind of PTSD-induced split-personality disorder, though.
*whacked with the DSM for being another person who can’t be arsed to at least Google the difference between schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder*
Seriously, I don’t even know how that became a thing. That’s like confusing the common cold with cancer. Or on a less medically-related note, like confusing a sports car with a cardboard box lying on the side of the road.
thecerpent
In 1908, Eugen Bleuler introduced the term schizophrenia to represent a revised disease concept for Emil Kraepelin’s dementia praecox.[82] Whereas Kraepelin’s natural disease entity was anchored in the metaphor of progressive deterioration and mental weakness and defect, Bleuler offered a reinterpretation based on dissociation or “splitting’ (Spaltung) and widely broadened the inclusion criteria for the diagnosis. A review of the Index medicus from 1903 through 1978 showed a dramatic decline in the number of reports of multiple personality after the diagnosis of schizophrenia became popular, especially in the United States.[83] The rise of the broad diagnostic category of dementia praecox has also been posited in the disappearance of “hysteria” (the usual diagnostic designation for cases of multiple personalities) by 1910.[84] A number of factors helped create a large climate of skepticism and disbelief; paralleling the increased suspicion of DID was the decline of interest in dissociation as a laboratory and clinical phenomenon.[79]
Starting in about 1927, there was a large increase in the number of reported cases of schizophrenia, which was matched by an equally large decrease in the number of multiple personality reports.[79] With the rise of a uniquely American reframing of dementia praecox/schizophrenia as a functional disorder or “reaction” to psychobiological stressors—a theory first put forth by Adolf Meyer in 1906—many trauma-induced conditions associated with dissociation, including “shell shock” or “war neuroses” during World War I, were subsumed under these diagnoses.[82] It was argued in the 1980s that DID patients were often misdiagnosed as suffering from schizophrenia.[79]
thecerpent
In short, Dragon, it’s a decades-long misdiagnosis problem that persisted well into the latter half of the last century, and the cultural impact of that misdiagnosis still haunts the public understanding of the two disorders.
It also doesn’t help that a lot of media during that time upheld the improper understanding.
Well, it might be important for folks to cut out “negative traits”, but that’s not what I had. I had an alter, so trying to cut her out meant that she fought back for her life and I made things mentally worse for myself and that nearly ended up killing me.
Recommended protocol with DID is to pursue integration, which means giving every alter no matter how “negative” a voice at the table and care and empathy even if they have no real control over your responses. Because an alter is like a person, thinks it is like a person, so has human needs like the need to be heard, the need for life, and so on.
And so when you pursue integration and a caring approach to alters it means overall better health.
And for me that was critical, because my “anger alter” wasn’t what my “golden alter” sold her as. My “golden alter” sold her as a monster, too dangerous to be allowed to speak, something needing to be caged and destroyed and hurt.
But what she actually is is someone who cares deeply about justice and equality. She’s the part of me that’ll put myself into contortions and knots to support others who are being mistreated. She’s the part of me that fights for friends and fights for myself.
A lot of those traits a lot of folks on here perceive as positive, what has most driven how hard I’ve fought for the student who was assaulted and for students who’ve been bullied and harassed?
She’s the one who drives those. Trying to kill her was a mistake. And it very nearly was a fatal one.
@thecerpent Thanks for that, I really did always wonder how and why people mept thinking they were the same damn thing
Halpful
Wow. Um. Cerberus, that… sounds familiar. My anger is out of its box and becoming quite helpful, but perfectionism/anxiety/NVoice is really hating on ADHD, except what it blames adhd for is sometimes actually an anxiety thing (and there are at least *two* separate aspects of anxiety too)…
thanks for the integration comment, I think that just made something click. it’s scary to even consider the possibility of integration with a part of yourself that’s hurling emotional abuse at other parts of you 24/7. I’ve been focused on setting boundaries instead – and I’m now remembering that I’ve been down this path before. When compassion feels unsafe, it’s been because of a lack of boundaries. Once my boundaries are strong enough to protect me, anger isn’t needed, and compassion becomes an option. The two are complementary skills. 🙂 I was doing the right thing all along… and knowing me, I’ll probably start on the compassion naturally when it’s time. 🙂
Thanks. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Halpful
also – any reading suggestions? all I know about DID is what’s on the wikipedia page. I’m just going off general cbt/mindfulness stuff (or the weird variants that I came up with to work around my mental blocks) and RBN stuff.
Halpful
aha, found the reading list below. 🙂 (for anyone else looking, it’s currently match #42 for “Cerberus” – I guess that’ll make it 43 – somewhere under #comment-1215649 )
How is “Laundry Girl” demeaning? It’s literally the only thing that she knows about Amber — the girl who dropped her laundry in the hallway, then freaked out and ran away.
You think a stranger would want to be reminded of the time they freaked out and ran away?
Laundry girl is a demeaning nick name, much like wonderbread is, I don’t know why Sal has a habit of giving people demeaning nick names but, to me, its a form of bullying
BBCC
Wonderbread started off demeaning (when Danny came out of nowhere annoying Sal) but by now it’s fairly clearly affectionate and Danny has voiced no objection to it when he’s had ample opportunity to. Same thing for calling Joyce ‘kid’.
chris73
It has to be very extenuating circumstances for Danny to say anything negative to a girl (he’ll make someone a fine doormat one day) and Joyce would pretty much accept anything Sal gives her
“Oh Sal you’ve given me a decapitated kitten how lovely, can I brush your hair”
BBCC
Even when Danny was at his doormat-iest, he had no problem telling a girl ‘hey, screw you!’ when he thought she was insulting him. That was Billie, right before he met Sal. And Joyce has definitely been squicked or shocked by things Sal’s done and has never had a hard time voicing when people she’s admired are upsetting her – see her parents insulting Dorothy, Dorothy ‘trying to change her’ during their marital set up, Toedad in general, etc. If she were really upset by Sal calling her kid, I’m fairly sure she’d at least say ‘Hey, uhh can you call me something else, please? Maybe you can come up with something while I brush your hair?”
trlkly
Uh, no, Danny FLAT OUT told Sal not to call him that anymore. That was a key point in everyone pointing out she was being a dick to him.
Nono
Please point out that specific strip, because the most Danny has told Sal is ‘go jump some stairs’. He’s never objected to being called Wonderbread, as far as I remember.
BBCC
No, he has not. I just ran through the archives through Sal and Danny’s interactions. He’s never told her anything of the sort.
Times She’s Called Him Wonderbread (To His Face) And His Reactions:
– First time, she also supplies her name. He says nothing regarding wonder bread and says he likes her name.
– Second time she’s coming up to ask for his DS cord, Danny happily greets her.
– Third time she’s waking up and remembering their math lesson, Danny’s just creeped out Joyce is invading his personal space.
– Fourth, she’s saying hi at the party and asking if a seat is taken, Danny just tells her it’s free for the moment.
– Fifth, she’s asking him about whether he’s dating AG, he simply confirms he is.
– Sixth, when she tells him to stop enabling AG, he just looks sad hearing how close AG came to biting it.
– Seventh, she’s about to ask if he’s talked to AG, he just asks what she’s doing there.
– Eighth, after he told her to go away after AG dumped him, he’s glaring possibly because she brings up him talking to AG (not knowing he just did and got dumped over it).
If it really annoyed him, I’d think he’d have said so after Sal pointed out how dangerous being AG was and that he was enabling her, because that day he actually WAS mad at Sal, but he’s never objected to the nickname at all, at least not where Sal could hear him. What you’re asserting is not a thing that has ever happened.
BBCC
* glaring PISSILY because she brings up him talking to AG. Damn you, autocorrect.
Also, glaring behind her back, so even if it were about the nickname, it’s not where she can see it.
She likes Danny, and it’s pretty clear she means it affectionately.
Besides, we have not once seen him object to being called that. If he had, but Sal kept calling him that, I would agree with you. But Danny has given her no reason to think he minds at all.
trlkly
Again, yes we have. Why do you guys conveniently forget that?
thejeff
Because we can’t find it? There aren’t that many Danny/Sal strips and a quick look didn’t see him objecting in any of them. Can you link?
BBCC
Because it’s not a thing that’s happened, as a quick run through the sal+danny strips will attest. You’ve been asked for a link every time this argument comes up. Either supply one or knock it off.
Nono
Sal hasn’t given Malaya a demeaning nickname. If she was going to give anyone one, it would be her.
Reltzik
Or Jason.
chris73
Well Little cumstain might have been attempted but I think Malaya disagreed with it somewhat
motorfirebox
Making up nicknames for people can, in some cases, be taken so far as to be bullying, but I don’t think this comes anywhere close to that level.
Well that makes it all right to refer to amber as laundry girl then because as everyone knows laundry is just the coolest thing ever.
If you don’t know her name don’t call her anything, is it unreasonable for Sal to say something along the lines of “excuse me I’d like to talk to you” but nope she jumps in with laundry girl
You’re being ridiculous here. I can understand being irked by her doing this, but you’re acting like Sal kicked your dog.
chris73
Derogatory nick names is something thats always bugged me. I had a work colleague do it and wouldn’t stop until I dropped him witha shoulder block.
Growing up my father had plenty of nick names for me, the least worst being pickaninny so yeah i might be a little sensitive to nick names but what Sal does, to me, is a form of bullying
Mr D
Have you ever heard of this little thing called projecting?
Don’t feel bad, loads of people in the comments section do it.
chris73
I have, I don’t and oh hell yes
BBCC
Dude, c’mon, don’t be like that. It’s okay for mileage to vary on whether or not ‘laundry girl’ is derogatory. Chris doesn’t have to like it.
chris73
Its cool, this strip does bring out vigorous debate and thats a good thing
BBCC
I don’t mind vigorous debate, but it seemed like Mr D was being a dick about this.
I think Sal is intending for it to be a term of endearment, but “teasing nicknames” are always a bit of a gamble that can lead to some epically hurt feelings if you misjudge. And intentions don’t cure that.
And as you note, a lot of folks have bad experiences with “teasing” nicknames that are actually intended as put-downs or slurs.
BBCC
If not a term of endearment, then a neutral nickname, yeah, is how I think Sal is considering it. She seems to do it with everyone.
I was about to say “I don’t see how Laundry Girl could be a slur” but I can totally see how Laundry Girl could be a slur and now I’m very glad Amber isn’t Latina. Or French.
348 thoughts on “Cornered”
Ana Chronistic
Amber, man. Amber, man.
Doing whatever Amber can.
Spins about the Pokéstop
Throws a ball to make Sal drop.
Look out!
Where is that Amber, man?
Is she strong? Listen, Sal,
She’s in League of Legends, pal.
Can she cling to the roof?
Take a look, see the truth.
Hey, there,
There is that Amber, man.
Durandal_1707
She’s got a watch with a schizo hand,
a paranoid hand, and a PTSD hand.
When they meet, it’s complete bedlam.
Crazy-ass man, Amber man.
Van Jealous
Shades of “The World’s Angriest Dog”!
Dragon_Nataku
Since people confusing schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder is a major pet peeve of mine *smacks you with the DSM*
Pablo360
I tried to order a copy of the DSM-V, but I had to stand in line for hours.
Durandal_1707
I think I can claim poetic license when “schizo” will fit the rhythm of the verse and “dissociative identity disorder” won’t. 😛
Fart Captor
If you refer to a Puerto Rican as a Mexican because it rhymes better, claiming poetic license isn’t going to make them less offended.
BP
In the neeeeest of chairs
Is where she spends her time
Between Pooooookestops,
She enjoys fighting crime!
Doctor_Who
It’s official. Amber’s new superhero name is Laundry Girl, just like Sal said. Look how she harnesses the power of static cling!
Can’t wait to see her crossover with Robo-Vac in the Household Chores Cinematic Universe.
Reltzik
I dunno. This seems more like the sort of experience to make her wet her sheets, than drier sheets.
butts
whoa hey, she really is Spider-Car
Ed Rhodes
Actually, I’m seeing James Bond in “Goldfinger.”
Gwen
Also, since there’s only one exit from that box, great way to reveal that *Amber* has the surprising physical abilities to be Amazigirl
motorfirebox
pweeeeeee
motorfirebox
rrrrrrrr
[splinter cell]pweeeeeee[/splinter cell]
BBCC
I’m really starting to hate Amazi-Girl. LISTEN TO AMBER FOR ONCE, YOU STUPID JERK. She’s not afraid of Sal hurting her or Ethan. She’s afraid she’ll be triggered, lash out, and hurt SAL. And telling her not to be scared of Sal is not helpful. Fear rarely works that way.
Nono
Amber is afraid. Amazi-Girl is actually the more stable and sensible one right now.
BBCC
My issue is that AG is clearly ignoring what Amber is saying she’s scared OF. “Sal won’t hurt you or Ethan.” – Great, but that means nothing when Amber’s afraid SHE is going to hurt SAL.
Showler
She is scared she will hurt Sal because she identifies Sal as a threat. It’s not like Amber goes around wanting to hurt everyone. AG is trying to convince her that Sal is no more of a threat than anyone else.
BBCC
Amber is afraid of Sal because she was traumatized by losing her temper and stabbing her 5 years ago. Again, Amber’s temper and capacity for violence is one of Amber’s greatest fears. She needs to be told that just seeing her is not a guarantee she’ll stab her, not that Sal’s not a threat. That’s not what Amber is disputing here.
Cerberus
Yeah, I think AG is making it more and more clear that she doesn’t actually listen to Amber and just follows whatever idea of the scared girl at the corner store she’s got of Amber.
BBCC
Yeah, AG’s kinda a mega asshole to Amber.
Cerberus
She really is.
Which, that might just be a “golden alter” trait. Like, the sheer level of fucked up shit my “golden alter” did to my poor “anger alter” was nightmare inducing. Torture, violence, abuse, locking her up in cages and boxes so she “wouldn’t get out” and be heard. Made all the worst by my “anger alter” carrying a bit of a torch for my “golden alter”.
Which I guess, it’s hard to build yourself up as the embodiment of everything good without also tearing down another alter as therefore being the embodiment of everything bad.
BBCC
EEK. Jesus, that sounds intense. *appropriate gesture of support*
If you don’t mind, do you mind answering what you mean by locked up? As in physically or mentally?
Cerberus
Mentally. Basically extreme suppression of ability to participate with intense feelings of confinement and pain for the alter making them even more likely to rage because she was being mistreated. The “golden alter” tended to describe it like caging a wild animal, so all too willing to cede lots of power to the “golden alter” “in order to protect others from harm”.
thecerpent
That sounds pretty similar to how I “handled” my anger issues growing up, though I mostly just bottled or caged my rage beast to try and keep it from breaking free. Didn’t work that well, and it led to a lot of self-loathing because I couldn’t excise it permanently.
Eventually, I decided that if I wanted to be able to love myself, I had to love all parts of myself – including the parts I hated. I uncaged and embraced my monster, loved and accepted it as part of myself, and now I have a much better handle on it because I work to understand my feelings instead of hide them away.
Cerberus
*supportive hug*
BBCC
Aw, yikes, that sounds awful. I’m glad things have improved since. For both of you *hug*
Znayx
Why should improving as a person NOT require trimming out negative traits? If you don’t, you get a personality crisis about which way you act is really your hands on the wheel and which way is of you is the side that panics and crashes the car. I understand specifically for this circumstance, supposing she does truly have a multiple personality disorder or whatever (schizophrenia?). But in general, people improve by managing unnecessary baggage and becoming at peace with stepping away from it — which is usually immediate and natural because who doesn’t want to improve? The only people I see struggling with improvement are those with addictions holding them down.
Okay, I’ll give in that self-loathing/depression make people feel unworthy of improvement. But that usually doesn’t involve shoving the bad stuff into a back pocket, usually that just involves stagnating and being hesitant.
Li
There’s so much wrong here? What makes you so convinced that “trimming negative personality traits” (what?) isn’t just shoving bad stuff into a back pocket? Who has so much control over their personality that they can just shed traits at will?
Someone with a bad temper can learn to manage it but I’ve never heard anyone seriously suggest that they just cease having a bad temper by “trimming” it.
IllogicalBobcat
“What makes you so convinced that “trimming negative personality traits” (what?) isn’t just shoving bad stuff into a back pocket? Who has so much control over their personality that they can just shed traits at will?”
Can’t reply on that one apparently. If you’re not actually shoving stuff into the back pocket then it’s not a quick process where you “just shed traits at will”, but it’s entirely possible. Some degree of doing so is a pretty normal part of growing up. Most people just don’t have some kind of PTSD-induced split-personality disorder, though.
Dragon_Nataku
*whacked with the DSM for being another person who can’t be arsed to at least Google the difference between schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder*
Seriously, I don’t even know how that became a thing. That’s like confusing the common cold with cancer. Or on a less medically-related note, like confusing a sports car with a cardboard box lying on the side of the road.
thecerpent
In 1908, Eugen Bleuler introduced the term schizophrenia to represent a revised disease concept for Emil Kraepelin’s dementia praecox.[82] Whereas Kraepelin’s natural disease entity was anchored in the metaphor of progressive deterioration and mental weakness and defect, Bleuler offered a reinterpretation based on dissociation or “splitting’ (Spaltung) and widely broadened the inclusion criteria for the diagnosis. A review of the Index medicus from 1903 through 1978 showed a dramatic decline in the number of reports of multiple personality after the diagnosis of schizophrenia became popular, especially in the United States.[83] The rise of the broad diagnostic category of dementia praecox has also been posited in the disappearance of “hysteria” (the usual diagnostic designation for cases of multiple personalities) by 1910.[84] A number of factors helped create a large climate of skepticism and disbelief; paralleling the increased suspicion of DID was the decline of interest in dissociation as a laboratory and clinical phenomenon.[79]
Starting in about 1927, there was a large increase in the number of reported cases of schizophrenia, which was matched by an equally large decrease in the number of multiple personality reports.[79] With the rise of a uniquely American reframing of dementia praecox/schizophrenia as a functional disorder or “reaction” to psychobiological stressors—a theory first put forth by Adolf Meyer in 1906—many trauma-induced conditions associated with dissociation, including “shell shock” or “war neuroses” during World War I, were subsumed under these diagnoses.[82] It was argued in the 1980s that DID patients were often misdiagnosed as suffering from schizophrenia.[79]
thecerpent
In short, Dragon, it’s a decades-long misdiagnosis problem that persisted well into the latter half of the last century, and the cultural impact of that misdiagnosis still haunts the public understanding of the two disorders.
It also doesn’t help that a lot of media during that time upheld the improper understanding.
Cerberus
Well, it might be important for folks to cut out “negative traits”, but that’s not what I had. I had an alter, so trying to cut her out meant that she fought back for her life and I made things mentally worse for myself and that nearly ended up killing me.
Recommended protocol with DID is to pursue integration, which means giving every alter no matter how “negative” a voice at the table and care and empathy even if they have no real control over your responses. Because an alter is like a person, thinks it is like a person, so has human needs like the need to be heard, the need for life, and so on.
And so when you pursue integration and a caring approach to alters it means overall better health.
And for me that was critical, because my “anger alter” wasn’t what my “golden alter” sold her as. My “golden alter” sold her as a monster, too dangerous to be allowed to speak, something needing to be caged and destroyed and hurt.
But what she actually is is someone who cares deeply about justice and equality. She’s the part of me that’ll put myself into contortions and knots to support others who are being mistreated. She’s the part of me that fights for friends and fights for myself.
A lot of those traits a lot of folks on here perceive as positive, what has most driven how hard I’ve fought for the student who was assaulted and for students who’ve been bullied and harassed?
She’s the one who drives those. Trying to kill her was a mistake. And it very nearly was a fatal one.
Dragon_Nataku
@thecerpent Thanks for that, I really did always wonder how and why people mept thinking they were the same damn thing
Halpful
Wow. Um. Cerberus, that… sounds familiar. My anger is out of its box and becoming quite helpful, but perfectionism/anxiety/NVoice is really hating on ADHD, except what it blames adhd for is sometimes actually an anxiety thing (and there are at least *two* separate aspects of anxiety too)…
thanks for the integration comment, I think that just made something click. it’s scary to even consider the possibility of integration with a part of yourself that’s hurling emotional abuse at other parts of you 24/7. I’ve been focused on setting boundaries instead – and I’m now remembering that I’ve been down this path before. When compassion feels unsafe, it’s been because of a lack of boundaries. Once my boundaries are strong enough to protect me, anger isn’t needed, and compassion becomes an option. The two are complementary skills. 🙂 I was doing the right thing all along… and knowing me, I’ll probably start on the compassion naturally when it’s time. 🙂
Thanks. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Halpful
also – any reading suggestions? all I know about DID is what’s on the wikipedia page. I’m just going off general cbt/mindfulness stuff (or the weird variants that I came up with to work around my mental blocks) and RBN stuff.
Halpful
aha, found the reading list below. 🙂 (for anyone else looking, it’s currently match #42 for “Cerberus” – I guess that’ll make it 43 – somewhere under #comment-1215649 )
Cerberus
My links are in one of the comments under this comment for those looking:
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/cornered-2/#comment-1215840
Delicious Taffy
She’s sprightly.
Stephen Bierce
*plays “Gallant Char” from the MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM soundtrack on the hacked Muzak*
Haven
Amber’s a cartoon! I love it.
chris73
Still disliking Sal and her use of demeaning nick names however this and the previous strip is still making me smile so that’s good
Pablo360
“laundry girl” is literally the only place Sal thinks she recognizes Amber from
Cholma
How is “Laundry Girl” demeaning? It’s literally the only thing that she knows about Amber — the girl who dropped her laundry in the hallway, then freaked out and ran away.
chris73
You think a stranger would want to be reminded of the time they freaked out and ran away?
Laundry girl is a demeaning nick name, much like wonderbread is, I don’t know why Sal has a habit of giving people demeaning nick names but, to me, its a form of bullying
BBCC
Wonderbread started off demeaning (when Danny came out of nowhere annoying Sal) but by now it’s fairly clearly affectionate and Danny has voiced no objection to it when he’s had ample opportunity to. Same thing for calling Joyce ‘kid’.
chris73
It has to be very extenuating circumstances for Danny to say anything negative to a girl (he’ll make someone a fine doormat one day) and Joyce would pretty much accept anything Sal gives her
“Oh Sal you’ve given me a decapitated kitten how lovely, can I brush your hair”
BBCC
Even when Danny was at his doormat-iest, he had no problem telling a girl ‘hey, screw you!’ when he thought she was insulting him. That was Billie, right before he met Sal. And Joyce has definitely been squicked or shocked by things Sal’s done and has never had a hard time voicing when people she’s admired are upsetting her – see her parents insulting Dorothy, Dorothy ‘trying to change her’ during their marital set up, Toedad in general, etc. If she were really upset by Sal calling her kid, I’m fairly sure she’d at least say ‘Hey, uhh can you call me something else, please? Maybe you can come up with something while I brush your hair?”
trlkly
Uh, no, Danny FLAT OUT told Sal not to call him that anymore. That was a key point in everyone pointing out she was being a dick to him.
Nono
Please point out that specific strip, because the most Danny has told Sal is ‘go jump some stairs’. He’s never objected to being called Wonderbread, as far as I remember.
BBCC
No, he has not. I just ran through the archives through Sal and Danny’s interactions. He’s never told her anything of the sort.
Times She’s Called Him Wonderbread (To His Face) And His Reactions:
– First time, she also supplies her name. He says nothing regarding wonder bread and says he likes her name.
– Second time she’s coming up to ask for his DS cord, Danny happily greets her.
– Third time she’s waking up and remembering their math lesson, Danny’s just creeped out Joyce is invading his personal space.
– Fourth, she’s saying hi at the party and asking if a seat is taken, Danny just tells her it’s free for the moment.
– Fifth, she’s asking him about whether he’s dating AG, he simply confirms he is.
– Sixth, when she tells him to stop enabling AG, he just looks sad hearing how close AG came to biting it.
– Seventh, she’s about to ask if he’s talked to AG, he just asks what she’s doing there.
– Eighth, after he told her to go away after AG dumped him, he’s glaring possibly because she brings up him talking to AG (not knowing he just did and got dumped over it).
If it really annoyed him, I’d think he’d have said so after Sal pointed out how dangerous being AG was and that he was enabling her, because that day he actually WAS mad at Sal, but he’s never objected to the nickname at all, at least not where Sal could hear him. What you’re asserting is not a thing that has ever happened.
BBCC
* glaring PISSILY because she brings up him talking to AG. Damn you, autocorrect.
Also, glaring behind her back, so even if it were about the nickname, it’s not where she can see it.
Fart Captor
She likes Danny, and it’s pretty clear she means it affectionately.
Besides, we have not once seen him object to being called that. If he had, but Sal kept calling him that, I would agree with you. But Danny has given her no reason to think he minds at all.
trlkly
Again, yes we have. Why do you guys conveniently forget that?
thejeff
Because we can’t find it? There aren’t that many Danny/Sal strips and a quick look didn’t see him objecting in any of them. Can you link?
BBCC
Because it’s not a thing that’s happened, as a quick run through the sal+danny strips will attest. You’ve been asked for a link every time this argument comes up. Either supply one or knock it off.
Nono
Sal hasn’t given Malaya a demeaning nickname. If she was going to give anyone one, it would be her.
Reltzik
Or Jason.
chris73
Well Little cumstain might have been attempted but I think Malaya disagreed with it somewhat
motorfirebox
Making up nicknames for people can, in some cases, be taken so far as to be bullying, but I don’t think this comes anywhere close to that level.
Fart Captor
It’s not even as if Sal knows Amber’s actual name
chris73
Well that makes it all right to refer to amber as laundry girl then because as everyone knows laundry is just the coolest thing ever.
If you don’t know her name don’t call her anything, is it unreasonable for Sal to say something along the lines of “excuse me I’d like to talk to you” but nope she jumps in with laundry girl
Fart Captor
You’re being ridiculous here. I can understand being irked by her doing this, but you’re acting like Sal kicked your dog.
chris73
Derogatory nick names is something thats always bugged me. I had a work colleague do it and wouldn’t stop until I dropped him witha shoulder block.
Growing up my father had plenty of nick names for me, the least worst being pickaninny so yeah i might be a little sensitive to nick names but what Sal does, to me, is a form of bullying
Mr D
Have you ever heard of this little thing called projecting?
Don’t feel bad, loads of people in the comments section do it.
chris73
I have, I don’t and oh hell yes
BBCC
Dude, c’mon, don’t be like that. It’s okay for mileage to vary on whether or not ‘laundry girl’ is derogatory. Chris doesn’t have to like it.
chris73
Its cool, this strip does bring out vigorous debate and thats a good thing
BBCC
I don’t mind vigorous debate, but it seemed like Mr D was being a dick about this.
Fart Captor
“…Mr D was being a dick…”
*muffled giggling*
Cerberus
I can see that.
I think Sal is intending for it to be a term of endearment, but “teasing nicknames” are always a bit of a gamble that can lead to some epically hurt feelings if you misjudge. And intentions don’t cure that.
And as you note, a lot of folks have bad experiences with “teasing” nicknames that are actually intended as put-downs or slurs.
BBCC
If not a term of endearment, then a neutral nickname, yeah, is how I think Sal is considering it. She seems to do it with everyone.
chris73
Thats probably how I should have put it first
Pablo360
I was about to say “I don’t see how Laundry Girl could be a slur” but I can totally see how Laundry Girl could be a slur and now I’m very glad Amber isn’t Latina. Or French.