130

Couchjacking
Posted on November 6, 2019 by David M Willis

130 thoughts on “Couchjacking”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    I’d say “Dumbing of Age Book 10: Hey, Sometimes Us Kids Are Just Butts” …but… “SOMEtimes”…? =V

    totes get Leslie’s feel, tho, like… I know I’d be a shit parent, but it’s like, “c’mon, I could do better than THAT” )=’

    1. Doctor_Who

      Yeah, being a better mom than Robin seems like a low bar to clear.

      That’s like being a better kickboxer than a fish.

      1. Sunny

        I think there’s an argument to be made that some fishes, like thresher sharks, do kick. And biting was good enough for Mike Tyson, soo….

    2. Jamie

      Just start at “Us”. “Dumbing of Age Book 10: Us Kids Are Just Butts”.

      1. Kamino Neko

        Or, because it’s Willis… ‘DoA Book 10: Just Butts’.

        1. Felix

          “Just Butts”

          This.

        2. Needfuldoer

          With foreword, once again, by Jeph Jacques.

      2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Butts Disease intensifies.

  2. BBCC

    Joyce, answer your fucking phone young lady, this is important.

    Hank, text her if she’s not answering calls and book your ass over here in case there’s trouble.

    Leslie, when it comes to moming, you’re doing amazing sweetie.

    And Dorothy – you’re not wrong. In more ways than one, Becky probably feels like this could be a betrayal. Not only is she working for someone who hurt Leslie, but she’s been a heterocentric toolbag politician for years.

    1. Cyrus

      He’s a slightly technophobic old dude; are we sure he even knows how to text?

      1. BBCC

        I’m hoping so, because that’s a lot faster than driving and Joyce isn’t picking up her phone.

      2. Needfuldoer

        Give him a break, text messaging has only been around for a couple decades.

    2. Regalli

      I suspect it’s possible Hank’s dropped everything and hauling ass there, but it’s, what, four hours away?

      If he did start driving before now that would explain why he’s not texting. Not sure why he wouldn’t leave a voicemail, though.

      1. BBCC

        Yep. Four hours. Fuuuuck.

      2. DrWattson

        It’s likely he did leave a voicemail, but Joyce is ignoring it.

    3. vlademir1

      When it comes to text vs voice, something to consider is that text leaves a record of content that can be found by parties uninvolved in the specific communication. If Hank is worried about Carol seeing the contents of a text and having a negative reaction, say if he’s warning Joyce about Ross being free, where she wouldn’t be concerned about him calling Joyce then it would make more sense to call.

      1. BBCC

        Yes, but she’s not answering. Clearly calling isn’t working. He can delete a text from his own phone if he’s that worried about snooping.

        1. Tadpole7

          Some of us just don’t text.

        2. BBCC

          I get not liking it or not doing it normally, but this is an emergency and she’s not answering calls.

        3. Tadpole7

          It wouldnt occur to me to text, I would be leaving a voicemail and trying to get a hold
          Of her friends if I wasn’t getting a response. I never respond to or read text, so it’s not what I think of in emergencies.

        4. Swissaboo

          Open question whether hank knows he can delete a text from his own phone

  3. Yumi

    Well, now I’m worried about why Hank might be calling.

    1. Reltzik

      “Hey, Joyce, you and Becky need to be careful. Your mom just told me that the church got a financial windfall to bail Ross out of jail. Does the name O’Malley mean anything to you?”

    2. Jamie

      I’m not. I’m certain he’s calling about Toedad.

      1. FLUFFYWOLF

        Whatever it is, I have a ?????? bad feeling about why he’s calling.

        …though it’s probably Toedad. Or Hank is getting a divorce. Or he’s getting a divorce from his wife because of her support of Toedad.

        1. abysswatcher1993

          Divorce seems reasonable in this extreme circumstances. Toedad is a kidnapper and went to a college armed.

        2. Needfuldoer

          I can see that happening, but probably not any time soon for us given the comic’s time scale. Maybe if this is the last straw, or if he’s been burying resentment of her religious extremism for years.

      2. Marsh Maryrose

        I think so too — narrative, foreshadowing, etc — BUT —

        If he’s calling to warn her, why doesn’t he leave voicemail? Even if it’s just something like, “Honey, I don’t want to alarm you, but something really important has come up and I need to talk to you.”

        Or he could like text her, which is what you’d think anyone would do nowadays.

        1. Cass

          He could be, and she’s just not listening to it either. I basically never check my voicemail regardless of who’s called.

        2. Pablo360

          Hell, I don’t know I’ve gotten a voicemail unless someone texts me about it

        3. not someone else

          I got my first cell phone fifteen years ago in college and I still haven’t gotten around to setting up my voicemail. Just text!

        4. DSL

          I know people who don’t even bother to leave voicemails; the call recipients are expected to keep tabs on the “missed call” log on their smartassphones.

        5. vlademir1

          That is exactly the reason I tell people they need to either text first or leave a voicemail if I’ve given them my number. I do not answer my phone if I don’t know the number calling me just as I don’t engage with email that I don’t personally know the source of.

  4. Reltzik

    Yeah, sometimes being a parent figure to a newly-independent teenager is a hankless job.

    1. Clif

      Bad Reltzik!

      No Internets for you.

    2. He Who Abides

      Go directly to Pun Jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 Internets.

      1. Reltzik

        I’m sorry, I stopped reading that sentence after the first word. Since, you know, you told me not to pass it.

        1. Commodore Counterintuitive

          But wait, if you didn’t go past it, how did you know not to go past it?

        2. Reltzik

          Quantum computing!

  5. ValdVin

    This is the day after Joyce skipped church, right?

    Hank knows. He just knows something is off, somehow.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Man I hope it’s something that tame.

      There’s a scent of toes on the wind, and I don’t like it.

      1. King Daniel

        How do toes smell what do toes smell like?

        1. Tacos

          Feet.

        2. darkgloomie

          It’s the scent of de feet

        3. Khyrin

          Feet smell of Butyric acid. if you’re being generous, that’s one of the compounds that gives Parmesan cheese its distinctive bouquet. If you’re being uncharitable, it also is part of the scent of human vomit.

        4. CJ

          Butric acid is one of the best practical examples of
          dosage is everything.
          It’s an important component of flavor in lots of milk-based food, an indicator that the stuff is off when the note becomes intense and absolutely awful when pure.

      2. ValdVin

        It’s late, so my cat is kneading on me before she goes to sleep.

        I know what the scent of toes is like.

  6. Kyrik Michalowski

    Bad Joyce, if anybody calls you three times in one day it might actually be important, pick up you little shit.

    And Dorothy continues to offer readon and logic to the situation, makes me wonder if she has managed to level herself out?

    1. No Name

      As Marten said: Friendsight is 20/20. This applies to teachers as well.

  7. ian livs

    Joyce is just callin’ me out here. (Glances at the string of mom texts that I just straight-up don’t feel like responding to, partially bc Don’t Wanna and partially bc, well, mortal fear of parental judgment, haha.)

  8. Stephen Bierce

    *plays “Talkin’ ‘Bout My Generation” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. ValdVin

      Can we follow that up with Cracker’s I Hate my Generation?

      1. AbelUndercity

        And then Your Generation by Generation X?

  9. Newllend(henryvolt)

    Hank must of cought wend of Ross getting bail and he’s trying to warn Joyce and Becky. Joyce should pick up lives might be at risk.

    1. FLUFFYWOLF

      Y’know, there’s something that always bothered me about that scene in Joyce’s church:

      …where was Hank, anyway? Was he there and wishing he was anywhere but? Church is a huge part of his life. It doesn’t seem possible that he wouldn’t know something. Course, this raises the question of how he wouldn’t know…

      1. Newllend(henryvolt)

        Maybe not EVERYONE in that church was a part of the meeting, growing up in church a remember mine had 5 to 6 different programs weekly and I barely went to any of them. Chances are he was probably off doing some other church related activity while was apart of this secret “Let’s get Ross out of prison” program.

        1. Newllend(henryvolt)

          *While Carol

        2. Bryy

          Hank was most likely 100% not even made aware of that meeting. Joyce’s church (and mom) seem like the type that are fully aware of how their actions are viewed to the outside world. They just care, because THEY KNOW that whatever they do is in the right.

          Carol’s dialogue in that strip was “we’re only trying to raise our kids right”, implying that this has not only happened before but that she sided with Ross.

        3. Axel

          He also may have just been at work or something.

      2. Norah

        It wasn’t a service, it was a meeting.

  10. Axel

    noo joyce he’s trying to warn you and becky

    and if I’m right jfc hank, please text her

  11. Joe Moose

    Joyce, answer your damn phone. It probably a warning about Toedad.

  12. TemporalShrew

    You’ve heard of 4 Non-Blondes.

    We’re happy to present: 3 Non Blondes!

    1. Liquid Len

      Still asking What’s going on!

  13. Jeff K!,

    Notably, for all the blondes, they all have different hair colors, something some artists don’t bother with.

    1. ValdVin

      And that’s before we get into Mike, Daisy, Agatha and Grace, plus whomever I’m forgetting.

      1. JessWitt

        Alex, Tony, Eric, Conquest…

        1. ValdVin

          …Jason…

        2. JessWitt

          D’oh, that one was obvious.

  14. Keulen

    DoA Book 10: A Part Of Me Will Always Live In Mortal Fear Of His Judgment

  15. FLUFFYWOLF

    …Uh.

    Joyce, it’s very possible that being homeschooled may leave you out of touch with this, but if your parents try to call you during class hours, chances are they ?????? need to talk to you.

    I’ve got a bad feeling about this

    1. Keulen

      Especially since Hank has tried to call her three times. I suspect it’s something important, maybe involving Ross.

      1. FLUFFYWOLF

        You and most of this comment section, I’m afraid 😛

        The comment I made on that one is from personal experience, btw. Whenever mom’s had to call me to say anything that couldn’t be done through messenger or text, it was…

        well, sometimes it was good news, sometimes it was bad news, but it was always Important. If it’s something Hank can’t or won’t say in text form, it’s a bad sign.

    2. abysswatcher1993

      Everyone has been missing calls… these kids are dumber than normal kids, and that is saying something.

      1. DrWattson

        I mean, the comic’s not called Smarting of Age.

        1. abysswatcher1993

          Yeah, but there’s dumb and then theres’s… whatever the characters of Willis do. There are standards of stupidity.

        2. Reltzik

          Well, it’s pretty well established that this is a Halloween storyline and we’ve got at least two stalkers in play. I think the standard in question is “horror movie protagonists” levels of stupidity.

      2. StClair

        I assure you, “normal” kids can absolutely be this dumb.
        Especially the ones who are so sure they’re adults now.

        1. Norah

          Especially someone like Joyce, who is trying to break away from parts of her upbringing, after being helicoptered for 18 years. She

  16. Alexander Krizak

    See, but that’s why I love your work, Willis. Three blondes, yet none of them actually have the same hair colour.

  17. abysswatcher1993

    It’s okay if Becky got a job with a manchild congress woman. It is not okay that the news of toedad haven’t been relayed to Becky and Joyce faster!

  18. Regalli

    Yeah, three times in short succession is never a good thing. I suggest you maybe try texting the short version, Hank? She’ll probably call back for that before freaking the fuck out.

    Or at least put Dorothy and Leslie on speakerphone, together they might all manage a collective amount of chill to actually strategize a bit instead of panicking.

  19. Bagge

    Dorothy is momming good.

    1. Shane Wegner

      Dotty is extra Insightful today.

  20. Deadjolras

    Yeah, if your parents are trying to reach you several times, it’s probably something really important. Joyce, pick up the phone!

    1. Agemegos

      It’s probably something that they think is really important. Joyce’s experience of her parents will probably colour what she expects of a thing that think is really important. That is, she has every reason to expect that it is something about church, praying, or reading the Bible.

      1. Needfuldoer

        She’d expect nothing else from Carol, but from Hank?

        1. Agemegos

          His sudden transformation was only a few weeks ago, Joyce’s time. For most of her life he has been like ,a href=”http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/moral/”>this and this. “Important” to him was shunning people like Dorothy.

        2. Agemegos

          Dammit. http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/moral/

        3. Norah

          And don’t forget she just skipped church for the first time in her life, she’s starting to question her relationship with God, plus the lying to Jacob’s brother. She doesn’t want to have to talk to her dad—for all she knows he’s going to talk to her about the Bible or church.

  21. Tacos

    Three missed calls? Ah he must’ve been trying to warn her about Toedad being out of jail. Well that’s not good.

  22. Lingo

    Did Hank get Walky’s number? Is that why Walky’s phone buzzed a few strips ago?

    1. Clif

      That was Joyce’s phone.

      1. Norah

        Walky’s phone buzzed too.

  23. BenRG

    I’ve no doubt that Hank is trying to warn Joyce that Ross is back on the streets and that the congregation’s new treasurer is a deeply disturbing individual, no matter how good he is at getting people to like him.

  24. Geneseepaws

    Ok, here’s the wind up, and the pitch. Sadly the batter’s not paying attention, or even holding the bat. Looks like an automatic out. Looks like Toe-dad scores an automatic walk home. Wait, I’m mixing my meta-fours.

  25. Rycan

    Such a rebel.

  26. Amelie

    Now it seems a bit dumb if Leslie doesn’t just get Becky’s number from Joyce and texts her something along the lines of “You kind of made me worry when you disappeared, I’m not mad but can you call me to let me know you’re okay? This is Leslie, the teacher.”

    But maybe I’m foolish to bring reasonableness into the story of Toedad ambushing Becky huh.

    1. Shane Wegner

      How else will we build up Leslie’s guilt to the point where she releases all her chakra to perform one last Forbidden Jutsu, saving everyone she swore to protect at the cost of sacrificing her own life, expiring with a smile? What, it’s not that kind of manga? Isn’t it though?? Oh it’s really not? WELL MAYBE IT SHOULD BE check Naruto’s sales numbers.

  27. GUIGUI

    “awful lotta blondes in this strip”
    I am quite sure Joyce is actually Brown.

    1. BenRG

      Joyce will always be blonde at heart 😉

    2. Bagge

      Funny, I see her more as Gray…

      …as in Julia Gray

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Joyce with grey hair? What a strange idea.

  28. Icalasari

    “…So is this going to be on the final, or…?”

  29. Thomas

    Seems Dorothy is entirely too well-informed on the ins & outs of her teacher’s private life. Leslie has been oversharing.

    Is this a problem that needs to be addressed.

    1. thejeff

      What’s Dorothy too informed about here? Everything she’s said is about Becky, not Leslie’s private life.

      Admittedly, Leslie did overshare earlier about the sexy dentist, but Dorothy doesn’t mention that.

      1. Thomas

        I was under the impression that the episode where Robin stayed on Leslie’s couch was not something students needed to know about, but it’s been in the media, so of course it’s common knowledge.

      2. BBCC

        Honestly, as far as bad teacher behaviour goes, slightly oversharing about your personal life is pretty low-key. I’ve had lots of profs, and even elementary and high school teachers, talk about their personal lives for a minute or two or use their families as examples. Some profs are very informal and so long as the actual lessons get done, the school probably won’t care.

        Now Leslie ditching class and leaving Roz to do her job on the other hand, THAT might get Leslie in trouble if anyone found out.

    2. Jay

      I mean. They’re college students not high schoolers. I know tons of people friends witht heir college proffs

    3. Bagge

      Leslie?

      Mixing her private and professional life in a way that is not 100% perfectly in line with the expected professional conduct of someone in her position?

      I never!

      Gasps, faints, drop monocle.

  30. Rabisch

    Awww. Leslie want to be a good mother for Becky is so sweet ♡.

  31. DarkoNeko

    All blondes, each with distinct shades !

  32. hof1991

    Darn kids these day with not answering the miracle computers we buy for them. Just testing out my new Hank gravitar.

  33. Vulcanodon

    Joyce, don’t you recognize foreshadowing when you see it?

    1. Vulcanodon

      Also, Hank, learn to text. You just want to make sure Joyce knows that Toedad is out on bail, right?

      1. Bagge

        Text? Who do you think he is? Steve Jobbs?

  34. Robert

    I sense a little foreshadowing going on…What do you think Joyce is going to hear once she opens her dads voicemail messages? Maybe a possible warning about Blaine and Toedad?

    1. Seregiel

      This. “Joyce, stay safe, toe dad made bail… ps I’m getting a divorce because your mom helped. I love you little girl”

      1. Bagge

        “Poop emoji, poop emoji, poop emoji Help, why does the phone write hieroglyphs? In my time a phone was used to make phone calls, not butcher dead languages.”

  35. CJ

    Totally OT: is there anything I can do about the question if I want personalized ads popping up every few days? (Unfortunately the Browser has no setting to whitelist acceptable cookies and just never care about the rest ever again.)

    1. BBCC

      If they’re aggressive ads, you can try reporting them to hiveworks.

      1. CJ

        No, unfortunately it’s aggressive asking for allowing cookies required by European DGSVO. I just don’t understand why I have to refuse permission every three days.

        1. BBCC

          Boo. Maybe it requires an account to remember your settings?

        2. CJ

          Google tries that.
          Setting up an account (which requires my age, name and address) with I company I don’t what to have my data to tell them I don’t want them to collect my data doesn’t seem like a strategy that reaches my goals.
          But I don’t think it’s the case here.
          I have to do it on all the hiveworks-sites when it happens, maybe I should ask them…

  36. lightsabermario

    Completely unrelated to this comic, is anybody else having trouble seeing the alt-text on mobile? You used to be able to tap the blank area to the left of the “first” arrow, and that would make the alt-text appear. Now that doesn’t seem to be working. EDIT: I tried holding in on clicking the comic itself, and that revealed most of the text, but it cuts off some of it with an ellipsis. How do I see the rest of it?

    1. Needfuldoer

      Try tapping the empty space below the right end of the comic.

      1. lightsabermario

        Yeah, that does nothing anymore.

  37. Cerberus

    Add in Agatha and this becomes the opposite of Four Non-Blondes.

  38. kilgaen

    “a good host”
    . . .
    Damn you, Willis.

  39. plasticwrap

    Joyce is me nearly every day of my life. I literally only answer my phone in a heartbeat if it’s the child of a friend. I just assume they need help.

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