226

Creeeaaation
Posted on August 7, 2017 by David M Willis
Both of July's bonus strips are now up at the Dumbing of Age Patreon!  The first is about Joyce's dad, Hank Brown, because YOU DEMANDED IT.  The second is about a certain dating simulator.  No, not that one, the other one.  The one I made up.  And if you chuck a buck my way, you can go see what the hell I'm talking about. (and, a reminder, a pledge of $5 per month lets you always see TOMORROW's strip)

226 thoughts on “Creeeaaation”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “sucker”

    1. Ana Chronistic

      also would’ve gone with “Dream Batty” myself but whatever works

      1. David M Willis

        Previously I have learned through quoting certain lines of Batman dialogue that the second word there is somewheres considered a slur for those of the dude-on-dude persuasion, and so I decided…. no thank you.

        1. Shiro

          Y’learn something new every day, sometimes unfortunately

        2. David M Willis

          or, wait, i think that was only in conjunction with the word “boy”

          well

          anyway

          sidestepping just in case

        3. caesaria82

          Or “man”. It’s especially a British thing, I believe via Jamaican Creole (?). But yeah, it’s definitely a slur, so good call!

        4. Cholma

          Wait. *Which* word is the slur? “Sucker” or “Batty”? Because, the second one just makes me think of Roy Batty from Blade Runner.

        5. gender

          For future reference, saying slurs in an attempt to know not to say them is a very inneficient method

        6. Hana

          I mean, in a context where they’ve already been said, and one wants to honestly be aware for the future, and nobody present has yet taken offense, I think this might be a little strong.

        7. weirderthanweird

          Please clarify what an efficient method would be.

        8. Betty Anne

          If you’re ever in doubt, just throw the word in Urban Dictionary: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=batty

        9. SeanR

          I get the impression some of those definitions only exist in the poster’s own fecund and fetid imagination.

        10. Bicycle Bill

          What SeanR said.
          ‘Batman’, btw, was a term for a British officer’s orderly, valet, or aide-de-camp.

        11. Yumi

          Damn. I’ve spent a bit of time around speakers of Jamaican Patois and I’ve heard the term, but I never knew what it meant.
          I am deeply disappointed.

        12. Ana Chronistic

          er, ok I’ll trust you on that one

          (as I said, whatever works)

        13. Ana Chronistic

          actually, it’s really sad that we’re trending toward “every single word imaginable currently or will in the near future mean something unmentionable” =p

        14. kilgaen

          For future ref, and as a man fluent in Jamaican patois if it helps, “batty” by itself just means “bottom”. As in, somebody’s bottom. “Kick somebody inna dem batty” would be to “kick somebody in their butt”. You might even use it when talking to a kid as a childish word. It is occasionally vulgar depending on context, but not a slur.

          If you add “man” or “boy” to it, then it is definitely a slur. But I get sidestepping it just in case. Better to err on the side of caution.

        15. Beachfox

          …Learn something new ever day. Been awhile since I learned a new slur for myself.

    2. TheAnonymousGuy

      joyce to the rescue

      1. Nobody

        Not the hero they want but the one they need right now

        1. Gesc

          Not really, but comedy!

  2. Doctor_Who

    I would totally watch a film noir starring Joyce.

    1. Ana Chronistic

      to quote a friend, “She had legs all the way to the ground.”

      1. Delavan

        Is your friend Aaron Sorkin? https://twitter.com/sorkinese/status/307907231909806080?lang=en

        1. Ana Chronistic

          I guess he tries to be

    2. Emperor Daniel

      I suddenly remember Jocelyne Noir from over a year ago . . . starring the Diapered Chipmunks in a special guest role.

      1. TheGrammarLegionary

        Has it seriously been that long? I loved that so much.

        1. Emperor Daniel

          I was about to type “a few months ago”, but went ahead and looked it up out of curiosity before hitting send, and was surprised to find out that the last comic of that arc with Jocelyne was at the beginning of June 2016. So yeah, well over a year ago.

        2. Cephalo the Pod

          Well, that story was first written in response to Jocelyne’s re-appearance, which was well over a year ago.

        3. Bagge

          Awwww, thanks 🙂 I linked it below if you want to revisit the diapered chipmunks and the bonuz chapter about the Great Faz.

          Joyce would be a great apprentice to Jocelyne in the “Hardboiled private snoop” gig.

      2. Tacos

        I didn’t realize it was that long ago.

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      I have a hard time picturing her as a proper gumshoe though.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Mostly because Joyce would probably react to gum on her shoe the same way she reacts to shower drain hair.

        1. Cholma

          Joyce is the DoA version of “Tracer Bullet” from Calvin & Hobbes!

        2. Deanatay

          “I introduced the dame to a friend who’s very close to my heart. A little down and to the left, to be specific.

          My friend is a very eloquent speaker. He made three profound arguments while I excused myself from the room. I always leave when the talk gets philosophical.”

          “Ooooh, you’re in TROUBLE NOW, young man!”

        3. StClair

          Along with his drawing talents, of which much has already been said, Watterson was/is a fantastic writer.

      2. ValdVin

        Gumshoe refers to the shoe, not stepping in gum.

        Being sneaky and silent on your feet was a useful trait in detectiving. Gummo Marx was nicknamed for the same item.

    4. AnvilPro

      I think we’re about to

  3. Emperor Daniel

    CoolJoyce®

    1. Emperor Daniel

      Coming to a cinema near you.

      1. JessWitt

        No detective hat for her. Only the Head Alien cap.

    2. motorfirebox

      Not THAT cool. She doesn’t even have gloves on!

  4. Mr. Mendo

    The ensuing hijinks shall be potent! POTENT, I say!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Jinks most hi!

      1. Tacos

        The highest of jinkseses!

        1. Mr. Mendo

          I’m taking bets right now, who thinks she’s gonna set up a mystery date with a Lady and the Tramp theme?

  5. MatthewTheLucky

    Yes!

  6. Opus the Poet

    Stupidly romantic Joyce.

  7. Danni

    ooh cherry!

  8. bearfuz

    Love the Head Alien in the poster. Or whichever one he is.

  9. Some1

    My fanfic was more accurate than I thought

    1. Some1

      I mean, in my version Ruth comes to Joyce, Joyce has a tootsie pop to substitute for a cigarette, and the subject relates in some way to Mary. Also, I gave Joyce a stack of Dexter and Monkey Master posters, while Willis gave her a poster.

      1. Swoop

        Where could I find this? Please

        1. TheGrammarLegionary

          Go back to June 2016 in the archives, I’m told it’s been that long. Also, Some1, hi, huge fan… *awkwardly tries to play it cool*

        2. Emperor Daniel

          The “June 2016” date is for the final installment (or one of thereof) for Bagge‘s story Jocelyne Noir, which is not to be confused with Some1‘s more recent Noir Dumbing of Age, only about half a year old.

        3. Bagge

          Here is the full thing!

          https://baggebythesea.tumblr.com/post/145493643141/jocelyne-noir-authors-note-a-noir-parody-dumbing

          HEY, SOME1, HIGH FIVE!!!!

        4. Some1

          HIGH FIVE!

        5. ValdVin

          Yes, the highest of fives.

        6. Swoop

          Thank you too!

        7. Some1

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/02-everything-youve-ever-wanted/limitations/

          It starts on this strip and does have a definitive ending, if you search my name in the comment section it should come up. I tried to make a new chapter every strip, but I may have missed a few, so if you can’t find it on one strip just skip to the next.

        8. Swoop

          Thanks my dude!

      2. Some1

        (Stack of comics, not posters)

    2. DinaWho

      I was just thinking of your fic!

  10. Yumi

    I’m really hoping they’re going to Joyce with just the idea of “Mary might be in love” and not “find out if Mary’s in love with Carla” because that would go SO POORLY.

    1. Undrave

      Maybe Mary met a Reagan lookalike?

  11. Cattleprod

    I guess it’d be unreasonable for her to be chopping wood at a cabin in the mountains. Not at this hour.

  12. Kris

    Kind of a slow day in the ladies dorm that the mystery of if Mary’s gay is something worth investigating.

    1. Dean

      It’s the creepy old caretaker pretending to be Mary, and he would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids!

      1. Pablo360

        This intrigues me far more than it should.

      2. Proxiehunter

        I don’t care how creepy the caretaker is, he’s still less creepy than Mary.

        1. MatthewTheLucky

          Well you don’t wear a monster suit that’s less scary than you to get kids out of a dorm so you can steal the pirate’s treasure buried in the basement, now do you?

  13. Shiro

    Oh, this storyline is just going to be incredibly silly, isn’t it

  14. Victor Riley

    Hmmm… isn’t Joyce coming off a vindictive “wish someone were dead” rage high? Would she be feeling particularly romantic or busybodyish at the moment.

    1. Shiro

      She’s apparently had time to shore up her blood sugar and feel better

      1. pjeseb

        Remember Joyce and the ice-cream cone?

    2. John

      Joyce could be a romantic busybody while simultaneously stabbing a dude to death with her other hand. It’s her superpower. (That and flying.)

    3. Tacos

      One can always multi-task.

    4. Fart Captor

      Her sunny disposition cannot be held back for long

  15. Shiro

    Also, I can’t help but read the alt text in Tommy Pickles’ voice and I don’t know why

    1. Regalli

      It reminds me of The Godfather spoof in the intro to Rugrats in Paris. Or possibly the clown lamp episode. … If it wasn’t one in the morning I’d be sorely tempted to check Hulu and my Rugrats in Paris DVD to see if it is a direct quote.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        The Masked Defective is probably closest. No way Tommy would say heck though.

  16. rectilinearpropagation

    First reaction: Noooo, why is this going to be a thing?!

    Second reaction: Romance detective? Is she going to wear the hat?

    1. Well_Played

      Maybe Joyce can contact Jamie McJack for tips on being a Romance Detective.

    2. Emperor Daniel

      And who will be her Watson? Dorothy?

  17. Stephen Bierce

    *plays Jon and Vangelis’ “Friends of Mister Cairo” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Remmington Steele

      Followed by Stan Ridgway’s “The Big Heat” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arxG4gzJU5k

    2. Remmington Steele

      And Elvis Costello “Watching the Detectives” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snPDoXl9ZPs

    3. Stephen Bierce

      BTW, for the longest time I’d thought that the Go-Go’s song “Cool Jerk” was actually “Kojak”. What a missed opportunity for a filk!

  18. caesaria82

    The Triangle Smile Detective is on the case! 😀

    1. Dara

      yeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssss 😀

  19. Professor Fate

    “We’ll always have Paris … or Glassos.”

  20. Keulan

    Joyce is way too cheerful for film noir, which is why I must see more of Film Noir Joyce!

    1. DinaWho

      I’m vaguely wondering if this might be inspired by the Film Noir Jocelyne fic from the comments a ways back.

    2. Orion Fury

      That was an interesting story, but I think I missed the end of it.

  21. Deadlinedance

    agh Joyce is too cute agh

  22. Koms

    5th panel she’s channelling some Sal there.

  23. Passchendaele

    Mary’s probably spent the whole day walking back and forth in the hall, hasn’t she? Now I can’t stop thinking she’s like one of those guards in video games (with a predictable path) that you have to avoid, except more annoying than dangerous. :p

    1. Pat

      Aren’t those guards also more annoying than dangerous? If they’d just attack you they’d be much less frustrating.

      “We just beat up 20-ish of these guys! Why are we letting her throw us back into the easily-escapable cell?”

  24. Miguel

    Mary is gay confirmed????

    1. a/snow mous/e

      Mary has probably reached Mike levels of intricate schemes and is trying to act nice in hopes that people will let their guard down and/or assume she’s got a crush, which would allow her to infiltrate the LGBTQ

      1. a/snow mous/e

        or maybe she suffered a mental breakdown? maybe she got a pole through the head that changed her personality a la Phineas Gage but in reverse?

        1. Emperor Daniel

          I think if Mary got a meter-long iron pole thrust through her head, we’d have known by now.

        2. Eldritch Gentleman

          Maybe the stick she had up her bottom finally penetrated to her brain?

        3. Scar Man!!!

          *poke**poke*)

      2. butting

        She’s started craving pizza, so is laying some groundwork in.

    2. thejeff

      Certainly not confirmed.

  25. Orion Fury

    I got no challenge accepting a chocolate milk right about now. I also wouldn’t turn down a coffee milk either.

  26. QueerBitch

    This could help get Joyces mind off things…plus she may find out the REAL truth about Mary as they bond over Jesus or donuts or something. Because it is probably way more nefarious than a crush.

  27. tim gueguen

    Here we have another indication that perhaps Joyce’s parents have a cutoff for when they think pop culture became evil and anti-Christian.

  28. AnvilPro

    Dorky Joyce will always be the best Joyce

  29. John

    Carla’s really climbing up the F-bomb charts lately. That’s three in four days.

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      Wouldn’t that necessitate having been low on them?

  30. Dave

    Joyce was one hard dick. The thing you’ve got to know about dicks is that they stand firm under pressure, or at least the good ones do. Sure, Ms. Brown had seen her fair share of dicks what sagged under the intensity of a hot beat, who had let a couple of boobs put the squeeze on ’em, who wept their salt til they were dry thanks to some low-down bum throwing their weight around. Not Joyce. There hadn’t been a case yet that could make her go soft. A dick like that’s a tool like none other; so long as she had a tip at hand, a client to lead her on, you could be sure she’d hammer away without rest ’til eveyone felt satisfied.

    1. Scar Man!!!

      +1000 you magnificent bastard

      1. Lingo

        +10,000

  31. Tacos

    Welp, looks like there’ll be much shenanigans and hi-jinks ensuing.

  32. Beef

    Is that a rugrats quote?

  33. Owlmirror

    Given Mary’s history of malevolence, I cannot help but think that the point is simple entrapment: Be happy and nice to Carla; Carla will think Mary likes her and proposition her; Mary will file a sexual harassment complaint against Carla. With misgendered pronouns.

    I don’t believe in spontaneous heel-face turns with no prior foreshadowing.

    1. Lordhaw

      This unfortunately is exactly the sort of thought I’ve been having on this. I hope it’s not but given past history and Carla having a successful revenge prank on Mary it’s a possibility.

  34. A Scientist

    How long has she been sitting in that chair, lollipop in mouth, waiting for Ruth’s inevitable arrival?

  35. Rambling Idiot

    After the past few strips and just shit in general that’s been going on in the week I have to say, seeing Joyce smile like that makes me so fucking happy.

  36. JessWitt

    Yesss, Casablanca reference!

    It’s been far too long since we’ve had the two Holy Roller dormies together, Agatha exempted. This is going to be interesting.

    1. Ed Rhodes

      I think it would have been better as; “Of all the rooms in all the dorms in all the world; you had to walk into mine!”

  37. Owlmirror

    Oh, and seeing Joyce reminded me that I’ve just recently seen this commercial:

    https://www.mccannny.com/work/playthings

    One of those, uh, “playthings”, sure looks like what Joyce found.

  38. Josh Spicer

    I’m gettin some Rugrats vibes from that alt-text, though I know it’s a Casablanca ref.

  39. Reltzik

    Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan, and unreservedly endorse it.

  40. bryy

    This is going to quickly turn into an all too real Joyce confronting Mary about the shooting, isn’t it?

    1. Clif

      Wait. Mary has some kind of involvement with a shooting. What???

      1. rectilinearpropagation

        I think they’re referring to the incident with ToeDad.

        Confronting Mary about whether she likes Carla is inevitably going to lead to a conversation about Mary’s position on GLBT+ rights and/or what she believes her faith says. If that goes south there’s a chance that Joyce will ask if Mary agrees with Toedad’s actions.

  41. Eldritch Gentleman

    Her Sal impression is pretty good… her natural eager-puppy disposition is even better XD

  42. Cholma

    She walked through my door with the strains of “Everything Is Beautiful” playing in the background. Maybe I imagined the music, but there was: the dame to end all dames. Beautiful green eyes, gorgeous red hair, and great gams on her. I knew she was going to break my heart, just like the hockey team on her jersey had broken hers. I wondered if she owned a motorcycle . . . .

  43. Morrison

    Can we please get the second to last panel blown up? Best Joyce panel all year (besides her reaction to Dream Batdad)

    1. Morrison

      I have changed my mind. The last panel is best. Can we have it, please?

  44. Cerberus

    Comic Reactions:

    Panel 1: Again, the smiles seem genuine, but yeah the interactions with Billie and Carla do make me suspicious. But part of me hopes that she’s going through something positive that’s bringing out another side of her. A stirring art commission, a religious moment, something.

    It’s the part of me that wants the bigots who actively work and campaign to make my life worse to live their best life far far away from anyone that matters or anyone they could hurt.

    But yeah, the rest of me shares Carla’s perturbed waiting for the next shoe to drop.

    Panel 2: Ah, this.

    So, yeah, I’ve been doing depressing trans woman facts here a lot the last couple of days, but this is going to be another one of those. And that’s that we’re not allowed the same latitude as cis people to inquire about things like that or flirt with people without worry or pause.

    Like, a cis person can make innuendo, can directly ask if a person is showing interest, or show interest themselves. Now, there’s limitations on that for cis people. The most obvious being for queer people where showing interest to the wrong person can get you ostracized or beaten up and sometimes even killed.

    But they are amplified another level for trans folks and especially for trans women because trans women are so heavily in the hate spotlight specifically in terms of viewing us as dangerous and sexually predatory. That we’re only “sneaking” into restrooms to peek on people and assault folks.

    And it means that there’s a much stronger limitation on actions a trans woman can safely take in normative society. A lot of us learn to be a lot more cautious about following a seeming line of flirtation or showing our interest. A lot of us learn to be much more careful with our word choices, to dress more conservatively than a cis woman might in a similar circumstance, to be even more wary of our body contact with strangers.

    And it’s because we know the slightest movement or action can be interpreted by bigots as somehow “targeting” them and “seducing” them to “gayness” or so on. Just walking down the street and getting harassed can lead to the harasser wanting to kill us for “tricking his boner”. Just shaking hands with a feminist leader can get us written up as some “dangerous menace” with “a rapist’s hands”.

    Even things as minor as talking about how cis people get weird about pre-emptively rejecting us when we haven’t even expressed any interest or wondering why we should expect to get murdered if we don’t “disclose” on the first date even though that “disclosure” with someone unsafe can get us killed?

    They can get a giant dogpile from anxious cis people and their anxieties that we’ll get our trans cooties all over them.

    And so yeah, Carla’s line here hits home. Because yeah, if she were to ask Mary directly if she were interested in her, there’s very few possible ways that won’t end badly and is very likely to be read as an “attempt by the freak” to “inappropriately target her” and “recruit her”.

    And Ruth’s line before that shows that naivety to that reality (which I don’t blame her for, it’s not something a cis person would typically think about given that the standards typically are very different for cis people*)

    *And for Ruth who is in her first ever relationship with a girl, the majority of her experience has likely involved asking guys if they are interested in her which is a much less fraught proposition typically (not completely lacking in fraughtality, but still, definitely less).

    And I appreciate Carla seeing the trainwreck coming and seeing that there’s no good end to it and bailing. Hopefully, Joyce will be wise enough to leave Carla’s name out of it otherwise she might accidentally make a situation a lot worse for Carla.

    1. Andy

      > Just shaking hands with a feminist leader can get us written up as some “dangerous menace” with “a rapist’s hands”.

      I’ve tried Googling this, but haven’t found anything – do you have a cite? If you’d rather not, that’s perfectly okay.

      1. thejeff

        It was mentioned a couple days ago. I haven’t found a direct cite either, but it apparently has to do with Germaine Greer’s transphobia.

      2. Andrew_C

        Here is an article from vice.com that includes the full, rather obnoxious quote from Greer. She appears to be a full-blown TERF.

        1. Andrew_C

          This is something I had unfortunately managed to avoid knowing about Ms Greer until now. Makes me wonder about my judgement in picking people to admire.

        2. Li

          It’s always good to re-evaluate our judgment on that, but transphobia (and racism, and so on) are often heavily minimized when talking about people, so I don’t think you “managed to avoid” knowing it about her; I think a lot of school courses and feminists cite her without mentioning it, which in turn leads to people (including other feminists) not knowing it.

    2. rectilinearpropagation

      It does look like this story line is going to end up including ways non-hateful people still do harmful things to trans gender people. If this goes in the way folks are predicting it’s going to End Badly.

      Also another reminder that we should accept people’s “No” regardless of context.

      1. thejeff

        I suspect it’s not going to end in any attempt to force Mary & Carla together, even on Joyce’s part.

        Where it may well lead is to Joyce finding out Carla is trans.

  45. Heavensrun

    I know I’m not getting it, but I now desperately want the rest of this storyline to be black and white, narrated by a noir-inspired Joyce voiceover.

  46. DarkoNeko

    Y’know, one theory is that since Carla explicitly said that she would annoy Mary just “by existing”, Mary is trying to do the same by doing “nice” stuff that are totally unsettling.

  47. Cerberus

    Panel 3: Oh dear, no Billie, no Ruth, leave the snake be. It’s happy in the grass. Just take a long path around and leave it alone and prepare the snake bite kit just in case.

    Panels 4-6: Joyce is adorable here. You’ve got her love of play-acting roles, especially “tough badass” roles (see her attempt at being a “rebel” by emulating Sal’s style), but her overall sweetness and keenness and that aching desire to be shown approval for actions like that.

    But yeah, this is a disaster waiting to happen. Joyce as a romantic detective is cute but she could do a lot of harm to Carla and Ruth and Billie, especially as neither Ruth nor Billie tend to be very good at giving people all the information they need to lend support.

    So yeah, this will be a flaming train wreck of doom. An adorable flaming train wreck of doom, but a flaming train wreck of doom, nonetheless.

    1. pjeseb

      I can see how she could possibly hurt Carla, but how are you thinking Joyce could do harm to Billie and Ruth?

      1. Cerberus

        Clumsy questions, making it sound like Ruth was asking if she was interested in her, even inadvertently giving Mary some dirt to work with for her destroy Billie plan, and so on.

        Like, Joyce doesn’t know where any of the landmines are and what to avoid and tends to meddle in romantic affairs like a wrecking ball.

        1. emusam

          And that will be where this story intersects with Becky and Leslie’s.

      2. Regalli

        Invoking the full force of Mary’s wrath again, probably. Reminding her in case she managed to forget that queer people exist in this dorm in great numbers. Possibly, depending on how things go wrong, Mary filing a sexual harassment claim against Ruth. The possibilities are endless.

    2. Li

      I also love these Joyce panels.

      The other day I also thought Billie’s sparkly eyes were adorable.

      OUT OF CONTEXT, A LOT OF THIS IS CUTE. In context I don’t know what to feel about any of it. I certainly want to believe that Ruth and Billie are trying to “solve the mystery”, not hook up Carla with Mary, but good lord if it’s the latter I will just… /THROWS UP HANDS

  48. Packy

    Can we have a high-res of panel five? PLEEEEEEEASE?

    1. podian

      Pretty please?

  49. pjeseb

    So, private detectives tend to have pretty exorbitant rates. What is Joyce going to be paid in? Relationship updates? Gossip on the other floor mates? Hugs?

    1. Bagge

      Kisses, to be given between Ruth and Billie

    2. BenRG

      Well, we’re talking about Joyce here. Just convincing her that she’s going to make her dorm-mates happy with her intervention is probably riches beyond imagining from her perspective!

  50. Bagge

    SQUEEEEEEEE!

  51. Plume

    Lol Joyce looks like she’s out of a 1920’s crime novel.

  52. Bagge

    “I knew this one was Danger, but so was I. Jesus love was the name of the game, and I was the better player. Still, I could use a hand and I knew just the gal…

    “Hi sis! Can I ask you a tiiiiiiiny favor?”

  53. Mr D

    Guys, guys, So, hard thought here:
    What if Mary has ACTUALLY changed?

    1. Bagge

      Dunno, I think she spelled out a pretty plausible reason for her mood here

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/lie/

      1. thejeff

        And that was her last appearance before the gap and before she showed up all smiles and cheer.

        1. BenRG

          What is more, Carla over the past few days has made it clear that Mary has only been “Ms Mary Sunshine” that day.

          No wonder they’re all weirded out!

    2. Conuly

      Nobody changes that much, that fast.

  54. Mr D

    Non-Awkward question time!
    So, I saw in some site that someone made a shirt about arguments on who in the Metal Gear series was gay.
    So I bring the question to YOU.
    I’ll also add a long-ish post below this with my hard-thought opinions right below this.

    ALSO: I apologize if any of my reasonings are stupid, ignorant or maybe bigoted, do point them out so I can try to change them.

    1. Mr D

      SPOILERS AHEAD, BEWARE.

      Okay so, Ocelot is Gay. No questions asked.

      Big Boss is Bi, as shown in Peace walker’s mission dates.

      Venom Snake is an unknown, as he is a mind-clone of Big Boss. But he does fall in love with Quiet all on his own.

      Vamp is Bi according to Word of Kojima, and he is pretty obvious.

      Everyone is in love with Wants to fuck the Boss.

      Chico had a crush on Paz, no evidence on anything else so I’m setting him down as het.

      Solid Snake is hard to say, he had a brief relationship with Merryl in between MGS1 and 2, but he does have a strong relationship with Otacon. There is no outright evidence of Snake and otacon being in a relationship, but the subtext is there, as they mostly spent their late 30’s living together and raising an adopted child. On the other hand he did spend most of MGS1 flirting with all of his female coworkers. Also to be taken note of is the fact that Snake is a fast aging clone after MGS2, and he may just not believe himself worthy of anything after all the war and killing and PTSD. And by the end of MGS4, the man is literally too sick and old to do anything. On the Grasping hand, Snake seems to have a really hard time understanding romance and sexuality beyond playful flirting, so I’d say he could be asexual.

      Liquid? Fuck if I know, but according to the characterization we see in his appearances, I set him as Solid-Sexual.

      Raiden? Shit, most of MGS2 is about his relationship with Rose, and to be fair he doesn’t seem to understand the concept of non-het during it so I’m gona say he’s het. Besides, a lot of his personal storyline after MGS2 is about how much he loves his family and stuff.

      1. Yumi

        I have no idea what this is, but it seems like a decent amount of queer? I’m going to headcanon them all as queer, though, just to be on the safe side.

    2. Delicious Taffy

      First off, everyone’s gay for Big Boss.

      Snake and Otacon are brothers, best friends, and soulmates. They’re not gay, they’re just married. If someone offered a three-way, they’d be all-in, no favorites, but they’re still not into each other, that way. Sunny could not have had better dads.

      1. Li

        Can’t tell if serious or joke.

        Also, of course Snake and Otacon aren’t gay. They would be bi, because they’ve both also been into women.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          The first line is a meme. The rest just means Snake and Otacon are straight, but married.

        2. Li

          Strongly disagree, but to each his own.

  55. BenRG

    Yep, Mary’s definitely in love! The question is with whom?

    I’m not sure that Joyce is the right woman for this job. Yes, she’ll understand what Mary is thinking, coming from a similar background. Yes, she’s romantic in spirit and will likely see things through shipper lenses. However, she’s about as subtle as a brick to the face! If there was anyone who could annoy Mary just by making an innocent query it’s Joyce!

    1. John

      Herself, obviously.

  56. some guy

    damn joyce’s disarming smile, my heart of stone is turning to a softer, more malleable substance, not gold, but copper maybe? like dried playdough that’s been dropped in a puddle, but damn it all the same.

  57. Derek

    why is it so crucial to find out what’s making Mary happy? the original assumption that she ate a puppy or skinned a cat was good enough to leave be

    honestly? the way she’s going back and forth in the hallway seems that she’s seeing up AN ALIBI

    next comic she’ll say “hey Carla, got look so nice today! have you noticed is almost three on the dot? Mhm! three pm! fifteen hundred military time. Anyway it’s very important you and everyone in here remembers I was standing here complimenting got at 3pm”

    1. Derek

      she’s *setting up an alibi
      here complimenting *you at 3pm

    2. BenRG

      Because her behaviour is so out of character that Carla, Billie and Ruth want to know what the other shoe is before it drops and makes their lives worse.

  58. Delicious Taffy

    I appreciate this.

  59. newllend(henryvolt)

    I feel like this is Joyce talking to all of us.

  60. BenRG

    Okay, here’s my theory: I’ve said before that I think that Mary in love. Of course, that begs the question of ‘who’. My feeling is that it is not one of the existing cast, major or minor.

    We know that most of the Christian girls in the dorm go to a nearby evangelical church. Is it possible that Mary has met someone she liked there and the two have entered into a relationship. This has the advantage is that it explains how no-one could have had a clue that this was happening. Joyce, Becky and Sierra wouldn’t have necessarily noticed that Mary was regularly sitting next to an unknown guy in a large congregation. It is also likely that they meet for dates off-campus too. Most importantly, I imagine that Mary is always on her best behaviour in church so there is a very limited likelihood that her beau would have seen her more toxic behaviours.

    Given the fundamentalist girls’ general mindset that they’re at college to get their MRS degree, entering into a serious relationship would probably seem like a major personal achievement to Mary.

  61. ChessboardMan

    I was just thinking to myself, “how has Joyce ever even seen a noir movie?”, before I realised that I, myself, have never seen a noir movie, but I still recognise the setup, mostly from parodies.
    Which led me to the conclusion that Joyce probably thinks she’s referencing her cartoon…

  62. Zaidyer

    Calling it now: Mary’s composure is starting to crack.

    The only mystery here is how hard Joyce is gonna punch her after discovering her evil plot.

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      Serious Series Hard

    2. BenRG

      Utterly bizarre plot twist: Joyce decides to befriend Mary and teach her the “Non-evil” way to be religious. Although there is nothing in it except a bizarro mentor-student relationship, everyone assumes that they are romantically involved because they are always hanging out together and Mary tends to look at Joyce with worshipful eyes (as it due from the faithful to The Prophet); hijinx ensue.

      1. Djaevlenselv

        This would be really funny, and I’d like to see it, but it would require Mary to consider someone a higher authority on Christianity than herself.

  63. Zaxares

    So Joyce is into noir detective fiction now?

    I do not disapprove. 😀

    1. BenRG

      “The minute the cheerleader walked into my office, I knew she was trouble. She had the look on her face of a woman who had a burden she wanted to offload… Burdens that usually mean dealings with the wrong sort of people.

      “Still, troubles mean work and with a dog and a disowned sort-of-sister to support, work is the thing I need. Who am I? I’m Joyce Brown and I’m a Love Detective; that’s what it says on the door. As for what the call me? Well, that’s something else!”

      You all know that Joyce is going to write ‘Joyce Brown – Consulting Love Detective’ on the whiteboard on the door, don’t you?

  64. FacelessDeviant

    “With a lolipop between your teeth, you speak only in vowels

  65. shammers

    This may be my favorite Joyce post to date

  66. Abel Undercity

    As a firm believer that leopards do not change their spots – nor skunks their stripes – my theory is that Mary has learned something re: the university’s policies toward trans students and is gleefully anticipating the dropping of the hammer.

    1. Vukodlk

      You mean the policy of open acceptance? The school is clearly accepting of lesbian teachers, lesbian students and its implied the computer science teacher Alex is also trans.
      It’d be a thousand times more likely Mary is happy because she’s transferring to Anderson University(the school Becky went to before expulsion for being a Lesbian). And I still find that unlikely too.

      I think Mary is simply happy Bille is leaving to another building.

      1. Emperor Daniel

        “Implied Alex is also trans” nothing, we have word of god that Alex is trans.

  67. Clif

    Now I want the background poster.

  68. Trolldrool

    And this is the point where my respect for Ruth and Billie drops significantly. If someone has expressed a clear lack of interest in another person, then leave it be. I can’t even comprehend why they’re being so persistent on this. Carla is under no obligation to be interested in someone just on the off chance that they’re interested in her. She’s said, in no uncertain words, that she wants them to leave her out of this. That’s not a request for them to ask Mary on her behalf.

    1. kilgaen

      To be fair, that’s not what they seem to be trying to do. They’re trying to figure out what’s got Mary in a good mood on the basis that, whatever it is, it might be dangerous. Her being attracted to Carla, as far as they’re concerned and however misguided they may be to regard it as such, is best case scenario. At no point have they even implied that Carla has to return these feelings or even be nice to her.

      1. Trolldrool

        You’re probably right. I apologize if I was being hasty, but that’s the implication I often see whenever people begin shipping real life people together the way Billie appeared to do in yesterday’s comic and their use of the word romantic in this one only made me focus on that even further.

  69. Vulcanodon

    Even if Mary were somehow sweet on Carla, it’s still a big nope. She’s been horrible to other people. Like when you’re out on a date with someone and they’re nice to you but mean to the waitress, times a hundred.

    1. Vulcanodon

      In other words, trust Carla on this one, even if you don’t know exactly why.

  70. Phantom

    Dangit Joyce stop being so gosh darn cute!

  71. Rukduk

    Two days later in comic time…
    Ruth: “So did you find who Mary’s crushing on yet?”
    Joyce: “Yeah, about that…turns out she’s just been eating a couple of brownies every morning and they make her really happy for some reason.”
    Ruth: “Ah, shit.”

  72. OnyxIdol

    There’s some interesting and unusual shading in the last two panels. I like.

    1. OnyxIdol

      The perspective feels unusual as well.

    2. BenRG

      Willis is deliberately mimicking the art style of Noir.

      1. OnyxIdol

        Yes, and it looks great.

    3. ValdVin

      Would Joyce move her chair every five minutes, following the sun’s arc, just to get the effect? Yes.

      Heck, I can imagine her buying Venetian blinds simply for it.

  73. kilgaen

    Amazing!

  74. Arianod

    😀

  75. William Leonard Reese Jr.

    So I keep seeing comments about how bigots don’t change and Mary won’t either especially sense it seems overnight so I’ve decided to share something I tend to keep very very close to my chest.

    I. . .wouldn’t say I used to be a bigot, to hateful for what I was, but I held some very unkind opinions in the past. Back in High School and EARLY college days I was a Social Recluse he took apart every interaction with another person seeing what their goals and ulterior motives were. Never trusted anyone nor allowed anyone to get close to me emotionally. Thus I had become very emotionally, and partially mentally, stalled.

    When I first “discovered” sexualitys outside of being straight I did not react with disgust as some might assume but rather it fed right back into my “ulterior motives” paranoia I had going on but now I had to assume for this factor as well. As for Trans folk it just baffled me as to why one would want to “mutilate” themselves to be happy when happiness comes and goes.

    Perhaps the worst I ever got in my bigotry was the assumption that any HEAVILY in the autistic spectrum should be put down at birth, out of a misguided notion of mercy (I believed that my intellect was my end all be all and that a life where it is stunted and CAN NOT GROW would be a living hell), that it must be a fate worse then hell to live in such a mentally stunted place unable to fend for ones self I have two . . .lets say cousins as the actual relation is a bit foggy who can NOT live by themselves and at the age of 42 one of them is mentally at the age of 10 emotionally as well.

    The point I am trying to make is that I was a shitty person back then and this all began to change literally overnight when I woke up one day and began to analyze and actually examine outside of my perspective, I went out and talked to people, I did research, overtime I spent time with one of my cousins and realized just how awful my previous thoughts were. I still have issues empathizing with anyone outside of my family or VERY small group of friends but I’ve grown to actually sympathize with them. I no longer think the way I do because when I went out to talk to folks who DID have these “problems” I asked questions and they often kindly answered. I learned because of this.

    As for the Trans thing . . . .I’ll be honest I’ve just grown to accept it when people say that are male or female going with the flow as it were. I don’t understand it but I do accept it. Most of the concepts simply fly over my head and emotional understanding so I simply go with if it makes them happy fine just go with it and call them what they wish.

    So to get to the point of this ramble, I was an ‘unkind’ man back then only 4 years ago but I HAVE changed and I started to almost overnight. I can see Mary doing the same and it is slightly unnerving to see folks see that such change is impossible that people never change.

    1. Vulcanodon

      Props for your progress WLR! Was there some trigger to your re-examination?

      1. William Leonard Reese Jr.

        Not really no. I’d always been very introspective and at one point, as I said basically overnight, I realized that I was far more ignorant then I had realized and set out to fix that. Didn’t really make progress until a couple of years later when I dropped all of my depression medication where upon I grew leaps and bounds. But my depression issue I also took a rather . . .unusual way of handling it. But yeah I didn’t grow emotionally until around late 2015/mid 2016.

        *shakes head* But no there was no real trigger just one day realizing how little I actually understood.

    2. BBCC

      It’s possibly for Mary to change, but in context, I think it’s unlikely to be what’s going on at this time.

    3. Fart Captor

      I wouldn’t say it’s impossible for Mary to change at all, just not as quickly as she has. Her behavior goes well beyond ignorance and insensitivity into willfully malicious harm. She has deep-rooted beliefs backing up her bigotry.

      I myself was very much a privileged, insensitive turd as a teenager. I wouldn’t say I was a bigot or misogynist, and I sure as hell was never as awful as Mary, but that didn’t stop me from being a dick in ways I was totally blind to. I was very much a child of the nineties, when “gay” was every other insult, and transgender people were the butt of jokes in raunchy movies if they were acknowledged at all. Sexist jokes were “edgy” and racism was a rare occurrence. I never thought that POC, women, gays or transgender people didn’t deserve the same rights and respect as anyone else, but I was totally okay with making fun of them and issues that affected them but not me.* That alone took years to change, even once I started actively trying to change, and I will probably never stop finding new blind spots.

      * If you’ve ever wondered why I loath Mike as much as I do, it’s not because he remains me of bullies I dealt with as a kid (though he does) but because he reminds me too much of the jerk I used to be, and the insufferable asshole I very nearly became.

      Mary is much worse than the people you or I used to be. Only three days ago she was gleefully telling Billie that Ruth – her severely depressed girlfriend, fresh off a suicide watch – being back on the job meant that she had “something to lose”. Only the week before that she had helped put Ruth in the state that required she go to the hospital, and tried to keep Chloe from finding out and getting her there. All to maintain her leverage that allowed her to act however she pleased.

      I just can’t imagine a person capable of doing that changing as quickly or completely as it would appear on the surface. Even if she HAS, Carla is totally right not to trust her, or believe that any such change would last long. The fact that Mary is acting all sweet and friendly to the three people she has harmed the most, without so much as an apology is what seals it for me. She’s shown no hint of recognizing that anything she’s done was wrong, much less feeling remorse for it.

      People like her can probably change. I just don’t believe it can happen this fast, or that it’s what’s happening with Mary.

  76. Just Here

    Mary is either plotting something, she’s finally snapped, or she got laid.

    The first two will be funny to watch. If she’s plotting something, she’s not quite cunning enough to make sure it doesn’t catch her in the blast. If she’s snapped, we know the campus has an effective mental health system.

    And as far as the third possibility goes, huh.

  77. Griffin

    I’m not over Ruth’s haircut yet.

  78. NoOneLikesRobin

    You don’t need to write a bio for Joyce. Everything you need to know is those last two panels. She’s so cute.

  79. Ryan

    On the one hand, I’m glad they’ve realized Mary’s up to some bullshit. On the other hand, it’s dumb of them to think that she just suddenly developed a crush on her and that that crush changed her personality completely. On the third hand, at least they’re sending somebody to figure out what’s going on. On the fourth hand, that somebody is Joyce who may ignore or not see some obvious evil shit with Mary in an effort to childishly matchmake.

    I’m an octopus.

    1. CJ

      And what’s on the other four hands?

      1. Vulcanodon

        Plans for world domination.

  80. Cephalo the Pod

    I’m getting pretty frustrated that this is becoming a whole thing instead of a one-off joke.

    1. Bagge

      You and Carla both.

  81. ValdVin

    We already have Joyce as Bogart.

    Now we need to cast Claude Rains, Sidney Greenstreet, and Peter Lorre.

    That’s one “beautiful friendship” in-the-making, one rival saloon empresario, and one disposable schnick.

    Who do you all have?

    1. thejeff

      Don’t we need an Ingrid Bergman and a Dooley Wilson as well?

      Maybe Danny can be Wilson. He’s the only one we’ve seen show any real musical interest.

      1. ValdVin

        Yes, we do.

        Dooley Wilson, I believe, did not play the piano on Casablanca, but dummied it. And the real piano sound was played off-camera.

        Who could be the Ilsa to Joyce, who’d be her “We’ll always have Galazzo’s” (someone upthreae wrote, cleverly)?

        I was going to the character players first, as that’s my weakness in old studio movies, and DofA is nothing if not full of characters.

  82. Tenn

    Joyce is like the anti-thesis of “darker and grittier”. If she did a reboot of Batman, she’d make the Adam West version look like Sin City in comparison.

    1. zoelogical

      that’s like. bibleman, right

    2. Goshii

      She’d make RainbowBrite and the original MLP look like Hostel and Saw

  83. Nenja

    Joyce is so cute.

  84. Scar Man!!!

    That Panel 1 smile seems forced

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