197

Crossed
Posted on November 30, 2013 by David M Willis
A REMINDER THAT WEBCOMIC RAMPAGE (IN AUSTIN TEXAS) IS NEXT WEEKEND AND YOU SHOULD GO THERE

197 thoughts on “Crossed”

  1. lividjellyfish

    A concerned walky is a concerned audience…what are you doing to her Willis

  2. Keroshino

    No Billie, you can’t die!!!!!!

    1. Aizat

      Yes, we need you…and by we, I mean Keroshino.

      1. Keroshino

        Of course!

  3. Yotomoe

    Everybody can get with Billy’s crushes but Billie.

    1. John

      And everybody but Billie’s crushes wants to get with Billie.

    2. Ourorboros

      Everybody can get laid except Billie.

  4. ironbillie

    No, if she sleeps with you then she is dying Walky.

    1. Tunaro

      Man, if that happens the friggin’ universe ‘s imploding.

      1. Norj

        Reality will come undone, I will start liking chicks.

        1. lividjellyfish

          Stanz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats, living together! Mass hysteria!

        2. lividjellyfish

          Ignore the Stanz. That’s what I get for lazily copy-pasting.

        3. Jack Finch

          Ignore the Stanz at your peril!

        4. ironbillie

          Is this true?

        5. Varangian

          Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.

        6. Crotonhurst

          Yippee ki-yay….

        7. Ryugen

          Cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!

        8. Tunaro

          The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and Lady Liberty rampagin’ through New York.

        9. Rani

          IF THERE’S SOMETHING STRANGE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD

        10. Tunaro

          WHO YOU GONNA CALL?

        11. GoldStarz

          The Powerpuff Girls!-

        12. Aizat

          THE PIZZA GUY!

        13. cookie1995

          GHOSTBUSTERS!!!!!

        14. Rani

          You’re goddamn right

        15. James

          They may not save this joke, but the damn will Avenge it!

        16. Rani

          You’ve lost me.

        17. John

          Amazi-Girl?

        18. Mr. Bulbmin

          Seriously?
          I’ll call who I always lean on in times of Internet distress- the League of Amazing Characters!
          Current roster is composed of 27 of the greatest fictional characters in existence.
          Discuss who makes up the list.

        19. ThunderBeard

          where’s the discussion?

        20. thecanvashat

          All 27 of them are Shuckle. It has been decreed.

        21. Kyrros

          HE-Man…

          Duh.

        22. ThunderBeard

          I for one would nominate Ripred and Mulch to be on the team… but I wouldn’t go against He-Man.

        23. ThunderBeard

          oh, and don’t Fuckle with Shuckle.

        24. CthulhuPanda36

          If Harry Dresden isn’t on this list he needs to be.

        25. Riku

          Appropriate grav

  5. NightmareWarden

    AND THUS THE RIFT IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN WAS OPENED!

    1. lejwocky

      Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!

      1. Tunaro

        Oh God, Lovecraft was right!!! Quick, prepare the sacrifices!

        1. lividjellyfish

          Or the giant robots

        2. CthulhuPanda36

          IT’S AN ANGERU!

        3. Kiggy

          Launch Eva Now!

        4. Tunaro

          Big O! It’s SHOWTIME!!!

        5. lejwocky

          It’s the same as it was 15 years ago. That’s the way of disasters; they come without warning.

        6. GoldStarz

          Engage Sym-Bionic Titan!

        7. Aizat

          PILDER ON!

        8. gka

          Hey, man. Some people want to stand in the rain without an umbrella — that’s what it means to live free!

        9. Rani

          INITIATE THIRD IMPACT

        10. Tunaro

          Know what suddenly makes waaay too much damn sense to me right now? What if Big O takes place IN the Third Impact? Like what if that whole series just all happens inside the Tang?

        11. Rani

          I think Big O wants us to think that it takes place in Studio Gainax

          I’d rather go with your script, honestly.

        12. Aizat

          Please, I know that the Big O took place in the same universe as Giant Robo.

        13. Lel

          Where would you rather die? Out here? Or in a Jaeger?

        14. Roborat

          At least they have nize hats.

        15. Ryugen

          Because, as you know, chicks dig giant robots.

        16. Rani

          If you’ll permit me to generalize: WE dig giant robots.

        17. Tunaro

          I dig giant robots.

        18. GoldStarz

          Nice!

        19. Kiggy

          I Dig Rock and Roll Music

        20. Bill

          I rig giant Go-bots.

        21. The kid

          I got my robot from a landfill for two bucks!

        22. James

          All right you Wallis! You Come in here ruin my shipping! Create an alternate universe where the main characters are even stupider and side ones are so adorkable that I think half the ‘Net have diabetes now. AND YOU REFUSE TO SELL AMBER BODY PILLOWS!!!!!!!!!!

          …your going down…..

          *Puts his giant robot car into first gear!*

        23. James

          Yes I know I said the wrong name

          I’mon a roll here!

        24. Regalli

          They won’t save you! Just position yourself in his dark and terrible wrath and pray to be eaten first!

    2. Aizat

      GET ME THE MAZINGER ARMY, THE GETTER TEAM, KOTETSU JEEG AND GGG!

      1. Kiggy

        Awesome shoutout! Long Live King of Mecha Gô Nagai!

  6. Plasma Mongoose

    Billie proves that she’s a genius once again with her leet match-making skills.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      The comic I was refering to.

  7. Pyr05

    Suddenly, a rampaging Optimus breaks through the glass, killing Danny instantly with razor shards of doom!

    1. Yotomoe

      Joe Creams his pants as all his dreams were realized.

  8. Ourorboros

    You know, nobody pointed out that since Amber looks like Dorothy (reason for Danny’s initial interest), he should have guessed Dorothy.
    After all, she ran track in high school.

    The shock in Billie’s eyes that Danny is still standing is great. The doubt sets in.

    1. taekwondogirl

      But Danny has kissed Dorothy many times, so he’d recognize her kiss as well as her figure. Also, I think that that’s at least something he’s finally figured out and moved on from–the idea that Dotty would dress up and date him as an alter ego is not even on the radar for him. Good, because that’s pretty friggen out there and also narcissistic.

      1. Ourorboros

        But he hasn’t stopped being lazily narcissistic. The reason he didn’t have sex with Billie and was interested in/stopped pursuing Amber was because he wasn’t over Dorothy.
        I admit there is more potential for hilarity with Sal, this would actually fit his fantasy of kissing regular woman & superheroine and then finding out they are the same.
        Danny being clueless is taken as a given, from the looks of the comment section.

        1. taekwondogirl

          I really think saying he likes Amber because she’s like Dorothy is unfair to both ladies, as well as Danny. They look similar, but otherwise their personalities are very different. And there was nothing wrong with him declining sex with Billie because he wasn’t over Dorothy; it hadn’t even been a month since he got dumped.

        2. The Candyman

          That was the reason Danny himself gave. And he said it to Amber’s face, several times.

        3. John

          They don’t even really look all that similar, either, even disregarding hair color. They’re about the same height, and they both have glasses and roughly shoulder-length hair with long bangs, but neither hairstyle nor glasses are actually the same, and they have very different face shapes and builds. Amber’s face is heart-shaped while Dorothy’s is oval/oblong, and Amber’s way heavier and curvier than Dorothy.

        4. John

          (This does, admittedly, make them closer than Sal and Amazi-Girl.)

      2. Tenn

        I don’t remember him even considering the idea that Dorothy could be Amazi-Girl. Is this a thing that has happened?

        1. Ourorboros

          He hasn’t. But since everybody was pointing out how Sal is nothing like Amazi-Girl and how Danny should notice, why shouldn’t he notice the resemblance between Dorothy & Amazi-Girl?

        2. gka

          Because (a) he knows Dorothy is not a gamer, and (b) he knows Dorothy has a new boy.

        3. Thasvaddef

          What if Danny … is Walky? Like in Fight Club?

        4. MrSmiley

          brilliant!!

  9. Yotomoe

    Someone’s gonna get hit by a Bus.

    1. lividjellyfish

      He mentioned trucks…but busses are not trucks…

      RIP Billie

    2. fatso

      I don’t get this and other similar comments. Something to do with the old comics?

      1. Keroshino

        It’s about the Alt-Text for today’s comic

        “I keep telling everyone, nobody get hit by a truck”

        1. John

          ‘Cause in Roomies!, someone really did get hit by a truck.

    3. Bill

      More than one way to go than getting hit by a truck.  There’s monkey-humped to death, or perhaps throwing yourself on a bomb…..

  10. Wonder Wig

    Billie is the loneliest number.

    1. GoldStarz

      Would Billie be 811113 or 8i*11i*3?

      1. Mr. Bulbmin

        Wait, hold up. “i” is, technically speaking, the imaginary square root of -1.
        As such, Billie is, from a mathematical perspective, -264.
        Ouch. Negative worth.

      2. saltchocolate

        It took me far too long to figure out where the hell this particular number was coming from.

  11. Aakriti

    Poor Billie!

    Although I was expecting the next strip to be Amber passing by.

    1. saltchocolate

      It’s too soon for that. Willis is going to wait for maximum drama potential to build up. Meanwhile, Billie must ask herself once again if there is ANYONE at IU who has less chance of getting a date than she does. Not Joyce. Not Walky. Not even Danny (or so it appears). She can’t even take comfort in Ruth’s attraction, because she’s feeling guilty about her ongoing drinking. :::rip!::: (<– my heart breaking for Billie)

  12. Corronchilejano

    So, she feels completely alone, and the only one paying attention to her is a stalker.

  13. Aizat

    Well, he said a truck…no one said anything about…oh I don’t know…a tank!

    1. Kelly

      or a giraffe

      1. Thasvaddef

        Or a piano. Or a transformer. Or a boulder or a bicycle or a horse-sized duck.

    2. Jack Finch

      Gas Leak. Flood. Reactor Breach. Mad Bomber.

      1. Kiggy

        Food poisoning. Lightning strike.

  14. Carlos

    Wow, don’t think I’ve ever managed to comment this early. Anyway…. this set of circumstances seems to have much potential for much awkwardness. Basically it will be much bad… or will it?

    1. Carlos

      O no, I have Mike! I can’t live up to his standards of assholeitude. Quick someone take my grav. I CAN’T HANDLE THE PRESSURE!

      1. NoHeart

        Least ya don’t have Roz.

      2. Thasvaddef

        I’ll take it from here, my sober friend.

  15. Kladeos

    What’s wrong, Billie?

    1. John

      That nerd is making time with Sal! Billie wants to be the one making time with Sal!

      1. newllend

        Is she shore that she’s not a lesbian?

        1. timemonkey

          I don’t believe she’s ever denied an attraction to ladies.

        2. John

          What, everybody totally thinks about getting it on with other ladies all the time, right?

        3. taekwondogirl

          BISEXUALITY IS A THING THAT IS ALSO POSSIBLE

          What do we have to do to get people to remember we exist? 🙁

        4. saltchocolate

          I think a tv show would help . . . (Sad joke — I’m with you on this point, taekwondogirl.)

        5. John

          Billie’s creator explicitly saying that she’s bisexual hasn’t managed to get it across to people…

        6. Opus the Poet

          It’s binary thinking from living in a country that has gone almost totally binary. Most people have lost the ability to consider more than 2 alternatives. That’s why it’s so hard to get people to consider Complete Streets, because that’s for cars and trucks, but also of bicycles and pedestrians and transit users, which blows their minds having to consider that many alternatives. tl;dr People in the US can’t think of more than 2 alternatives at the same time.

        7. Ourorboros

          When I need to distract people, I toss Neopolitan ice cream at them.

          As for roads, motorcycles are on roughly the same scale as cars with the potential to move at the same speed.
          It is the self centeredness of people that keeps them from considering pedestrians and bicyclists.
          I understand there is a big problem with this in Britain, a multi-party parliamentry system of government.

        8. Thasvaddef

          So that’s why you never invented the triple-barreled shotgun!

        9. Tenn

          Tasteless joke incoming: Free threesomes would probably work, but I assume that’s not an option?

          I’ll rotten tomato myself on the way out, folks!

        10. taekwondogirl

          Yeah, pretty rotten. If I got a dollar for every time someone thought I’d be down for a threesome just because I’m bi, I’d have 23 dollars.

        11. Dragon_Nataku

          Or the people who think that bi means “we cheat on our significant others”

        12. Ghola

          “There’s no such thing as Bi, you’re only one foot in the closet.”
          *Bangs head into the wall while offering taek and dragon brownies*
          I know this pain.. yes I do..

        13. saltchocolate

          This one especially burns me up.

        14. Mr. Bulbmin

          We’re talking about trying to remind a society that believes it knows all (yet is incredibly closed-minded and uncreative) that something outside its norms exists?

          I bid thee the best of luck, for thou shalt need it direly.

        15. taekwondogirl

          Well, being gay is outside those norms, and gay people also sometimes forget that bi is a thing as well. Most people think that the only options are straight or gay, and there’s nothing in between. I can’t even imagine how frustrating it is for asexuals, aromantics and anything else, not to mention gender identities.

        16. vlademir1

          There is also the almost never acknowledged fact that sexuality and romance have spectra in dimensions other than primary gender interest or, for that matter, that sexuality and romantic interest, while strongly correlated at the norm, aren’t actual the same thing. It’s really a massively complex and fascinating topic that people, as a group, generally try to simplify into almost rote nothingness.

        17. Jenny Creed

          I forget I am bi a lot of the time – I tend to be into either boys or girls at any given time. We just have to keep reminding them every ten minutes I suppose. . .

        18. timemonkey

          Conquer the world and re-educate I?

      2. Kladeos

        But she should be loving Ruth!

        Glad to see it’s not that awkward between Walky and Billie, considering last night.

        1. John

          She can’t handle the guilt!

          I suspect Billie has probably stuffed Walky in a locker before, or at least stood by laughing while someone else did. A little implying that he might be a racist is barely a speed bump in their relationship.

        2. Kladeos

          That’s true. Nothing has ever stopped Walky from talking to Billie before.

          I managed to forget about that whole Ruth/Billie interaction earlier “today.” Damn.

        3. John

          He probably talks to her more when she’s pissed him off, because he knows it annoys her.

        4. Jack Finch

          The only thing that stops Walky is extreme sexual attraction.

  16. Jay Eff

    Walky: “You’re NOT dying? Good! C’mon, McDonald’s is doin’ their 50 McNuggets deal again! And they’re adding bacon this time!”
    Billie: “Are you trying to kill me?”

    1. Aizat

      Walky: Billie, if I am trying to kill you, I’d feed you something from Taco Bell.

  17. John

    Aw, sad Billie.

    This is just going to reinforce Billie’s stupid overconfidence in her ridiculous theory, isn’t it.

  18. Gottawonder

    From Billie’s expressions it ain’t good. Amber is not going to be trilled with it.
    Sal will bust a gut when she discovers Danny’s real motive for talking to her.
    And Danny…will just Danny it up one way or another.

    1. Carlos

      The sad part is I want to defend him. But he always makes it SO difficult

  19. Plasma Mongoose

    Billie’s highest possible cause of death: cirrhosis of the liver.

    1. John

      Or loss of femurs when Ruth finds out that she’s been cheating on the cold-turkey pact.

      1. Jenny Creed

        No no, Ruth will beat her to death with her femurs. The idea she’d die from femurectomy is just a paranoid fever dream born from Ruth telling her she’ll beat her to death with her femurs.

  20. Regalli

    DAMN IT! Just when it was getting good! *Flips popcorn bowl in a rage*
    … Eh, whatever. It was pretty stale.

    1. caesaria82

      A++ on keeping the popcorn narrative alive 🙂
      Dammit, now I want popcorn. It’s 10am, this can’t be good. OK WHATEVER, POPCORN BREAKFAST xD

      1. Mr. Bulbmin

        Technically, early America used popcorn with honey and blackberries in milk as the first breakfast cereal, so . . .

        1. saltchocolate

          I can’t decide what to think about this. Popped popcorn? In milk?? Yet, blueberries and honey! :::brain explodes:::

        2. John

          Well, butter is just thick milk.

          Hmm. I have air-pop popcorn, and milk, and blackberries, and honey. I may have to try this.

        3. saltchocolate

          Please report back!

        4. John

          Mmm… breakfast popcorn.

          It’s not bad, actually, though I think maybe I shouldn’t have used honey and berries. Or maybe just different honey. And, be warned: Soggies may rule.

  21. Mattyos

    that hover text does not bode well…

  22. Aizat

    You know, Billie should open a match-making service.

  23. Milosh

    So, we shouldn’t expect any Star Trek Into Darkness shiznit in which Billie saves Ruth from an oncoming truck while shouting “No regrets!”?

  24. Shanunu

    I just can’t wait for when Danny exclaims to Amber that he figured out who Amazigirl is and Amber gets all happy but then Danny points to Sal.

    It will be the day we readers will have broken the fourth wall and will kill Danny. It will be glorious.

    1. Kiggy

      ^^^THIS!^^^

      I would so be happy to join.

    2. Rani

      We will kill Danny. And then, using our fourth wall powers, we will make him watch.

      1. Mr. Bulbmin

        *Mr Bulbmin watched them all. The quiet grin forming on his face was an indicator to most that he’d gone mad, but then he raised his tongue and winked, sealing their fates- there was no longer a fourth wall. Fiction and reality were free to intermingle. In a word: chaos.*

    3. David

      Haven’t you read the Wizard of Oz? Go for the puppeteer.

      1. Rani

        Oof, calling out the author? You’re on thin fucking ice, my pedigree chum. And I shall be under it when IT breaks.

    4. taekwondogirl

      I think that would mean he talks to Amber first before he talks to “Amazi-Girl”. I don’t think that’s going to happen, since it would require him apologizing to her. As unrelentingly nice as Danny is, he has real problems acknowledging he screwed up and saying sorry.

    5. Carlos

      Break? Oh no, no, no. It shall not break, Shanunu, it will shatter like thin glass that will rain on Danny like a storm of pain which heralds the charge of the horde lusting for his blood to be spilled with a fervor unmatched even by the famed berserkers. THAT shall be glorious.

    6. caesaria82

      I can feel this development totally coming. And when it does, I will cry. And totally join you guys in the Danny murder plot.

  25. AI

    I’ve read enough of the walkiverse stuff to like Mike but not enough to hate Danny, I guess.

    1. John

      You don’t need to read the Walkyverse to hate Danny! These three strips should be sufficient!

      (For bonus hate-fuel, keep going after that last one and read about how Danny’s primary regret about cutting Amber out of his life is that it’ll lessen him in his parents’ eyes!)

      1. Gaiash

        That doesn’t really make me hate him since while it’s a poor choice on his part you can understand why and that it is a painful thing for him to do. It makes me call him a fool because he is, but I can’t hate him for being a fool.

      2. chris73

        Amber still could have salvaged it by telling Danny

    2. Null Set

      It’s not hate so much as frustration.

  26. Rob S

    So… it seems Billie has intercepted Walky before he could get curious as to why Danny is apparently hanging out with his sister.

    1. Ourorboros

      Sal just yelled at him yesterday(?) about being mom’s favorite.
      He doesn’t know much about Danny except that he is Dorothy’s ex who has a lot of shoes and had a bit of a snit fit.
      That worked out because Walky found out he meant something to Dorothy since she gave up getting info on Amazi-Girl to get him those shoes.

      But that is nothing that would worry a guy about a dude next to his sister.

    2. Ghola

      I’m not sure if Walky is the type to play over-protective brother against whoever is invading Sal’s lady bits.

      Sal’s probably beaten the habit out of him.

      1. John

        I’m now imagining Walky trying to fight Jason over his sister’s honor.

        1. shietka

          That is hilarious.

    3. Heavensrun

      I think mostly Billie was looking at the two people, both of whom have shot her down for sex before, apparently getting along, and was feeling lonely, so she grabbed the nearest thing to a friend in the immediate vicinity.

      1. Heavensrun

        (I mean, okay, Sal actually only turned down smooches, but the point stands)

        1. John

          I don’t think Sal even noticed the smooch attempt.

        2. Bill

          How do we know that wasn’t the liquor talking?  Wasn’t Billie bombed at the time?  

      2. ninja_jesus

        Or maybe she’s thinking about what Danny said about being worried for someone you really cared about, and used Walky as an excuse to go over and meet Ruth.

  27. Kiggy

    What a healthy chest :3 <3

    1. ninja_jesus

      I too was admiring the view.

      1. saltchocolate

        Your grav has a particularly good view of that view.

    2. chris73

      Is it my imagination or has her chest gotten bigger?

      1. Thasvaddef

        Actually it stayed the same while everything else in the universe got smaller.

  28. locixloci

    Aww Billie. Why must you always be the sad clown? :’-(

    1. Kiggy

      Now I have Smokey Robinson and the Miracles stuck in my head….

    2. Aizat

      Oh great, now I have Il Pagliacci stuck in my head.

      1. Rani

        Call me odd, but I was thinking Tony Soprano.

  29. taekwondogirl

    Any port in a storm, eh Billie?

    1. Aizat

      Any porn in this store….was the thing I that I thought Mr. Krabs said in one episode.

  30. Kyle

    sure, willis. you say that NOW.

  31. Epic

    Whatever you say Willis. I could see a truck coming from a mile away in that first panel. Trucks love huge windows.

  32. caesaria82

    Billie is suddenly starting to believe Danny was telling the truth about dating Amazi-Girl, isn’t she? Oh, Billie. (I mean, he is telling the truth, only it’s about an entirely different girl than they both think – my brain is about to explode lol)

  33. Thasvaddef

    Never underestimate how much of a player Danny is.

    1. Lel

      Eyyyyyy girl. Act with integrity.

    2. LiaHansen

      Dat social awkwardness.

      1. Narf

        Isn’t “Social Awkwardness” redundant? I mean, for something to even be awkward, isn’t a social component kind of necessary?

  34. The Candyman

    If only Billie knew about Sal’s one weakness: Mario Kart.

  35. LiamAldam

    Always the shipper never the ship.

  36. ijp92

    hmmm. Is this close enough to a successful seduction for me to win my 125 cookies?
    Or do I owe Polokun 50 cookies instead?

    1. timemonkey

      You’ll have to wait and see where it goes.

  37. Bilfred

    @alt-text: are you SURE???

    1. Fen_Star

      It says “truck.” That still leaves car, boat, train, cow, vespa, electric scooter or other motorized ground vehicle, (some of the ones I have seen college students make could, and have caused serious damage) quadcopter, (see previous parenthetical statement) battlebot, bike, golf cart, sled, horse…

      1. Fen_Star

        Of all the kids I know, the ECE students have the most scars.

  38. master of dicks

    When is the next update/when do you update?????

  39. man in black

    Great page

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