190

Cussed
Posted on November 16, 2013 by David M Willis
COMFYCON IS THIS WEEKEND! IT'S AN ONLINE-ONLY WEBCOMIC CONVENTION! I HAVE A PANEL ON SUNDAY, DETAILS IN GRAPHIC ON LEFT

190 thoughts on “Cussed”

  1. Xydux

    So adorable…yes…that is how Joyce will take over the world, I believe.

    1. KingMabel

      Joyce? I’m sorry, but that’s not how you spell “Dina”

      1. Doctor_Who

        Dina secretly does rule the world. She simultaneously exists behind every door, emitting mind control rays with her hat.

        How else could she have won the favorite character poll, when she doesn’t even wear totally hot glasses like the 2nd and 3rd picks?

    2. Tunaro

      Like Hello Kitty, her cuteness will worm its way into every crevice of society until her image becomes burned into human life itself.

      1. Neospector

        You know what the freakiest part of that statement is? When you think about Hello Kitty like that, it’s true.

  2. Tunaro

    No, you know what? She’s more like a surly kitten than a chihuahua.

  3. Fisk08

    Oh poor angry Joyce.

  4. Geminia999

    Joyce’s mouth will soon get so pouty it will stop existing soon.

    1. Jen Aside

      “…darn you! Soon my face will FREEZE this way!”

    2. Shrugs

      It’s going to end up in one of her eyes

      1. MR K

        Gross.

  5. KingMabel

    In the end, aren’t we all cheese bags?

    1. Wack'd

      In the end, we are all bagged in the Cheese.

      1. saltchocolate

        I believe that Walky is *the* cheese bag — or does a bag of nachitos count?

      2. John

        And then Ruth noogies you?

        1. CapnPanda

          No, she takes your femurs away.

  6. The Candyman

    Joyce is getting cranky.

    1. Glynvel

      Joyce, while starting to grow and turn green: “You wouldn’t like me when I’m cranky.”

      1. What was the question again?

        “HOYCE SMUSH!”

  7. nothri

    I feel like this is going to end with Joyce going on a rampage with a chainsaw….and yet still being adorable, much to her rage.

    1. Hoboturtle

      That’s Joyce for you. “A turbulent loop of innocence and psychosis”

      1. Larkeith

        So same as in it’s Walky?

        1. MM

          It’s called the Triangle Grin Constant.

  8. Plasma Mongoose

    Soon, Joyce’s hair will turn gold, her eyes will go green and she will be able to make sailors blush with her cussing.

    1. Hythrain

      Wouldn’t she only be even more incapable of cussing, instead with her attempt at it becoming far more adorable for us to handle?

  9. Bill

    Mount St. Joyce about to blow in five…. four…. three…..

  10. clodia

    Oh yes. I remember well getting into trouble for using substitute swears, because my mom knew what I “actually” meant by it.

  11. EvergreenFir

    Next comic… just you wait

    1. MR K

      She’ll manage to say “crap”.

  12. dailybrad

    Stay fresh, cheese bags!

    1. HD23

      An excellent comment.

    2. The Phantom's Belch

      You win +1 Internets for this. 😉

  13. Doctor_Who

    Joyce needs to do what I did as a teenager to keep a civil tongue; use fake curse words fro science fiction.

    Frack, zark, smeg, scrap, bastiche, frag, slag, plevit, gimboid, Belgium…you can curse like a sailor and say nothing that isn’t technically rated G.

    Then again, I can’t imagine Joyce enjoying Science Fiction very much. the word “Science” is in there. Monkey Master is probably the closest she can endure, that really became more science-fantasy after season three.

    1. Cholma

      This is why I’ve never understood the taboo of swearing. Words are only offensive if you WANT them to be; it’s the intent & tone behind the words that matter, not the actual word itself. Just saying “oh fuck” or something shouldn’t make some old lady gasp and grab her chest in shock.

      If you’re so weak of spirit that you find offense just by hearing a word, especially when it isn’t directed at you . . . maybe you should sit down and re-evaluate your life.

      1. Mr. Morningstar

        I curse like, every five minutes of my life.
        So now whenever someone tells me to watch my language I just sorta stare at them for a minute.

    2. badmartialarts

      “Smeg” is short for “smegma” and is a pretty standard British curseword.

      1. JeffEpp

        That’s totally babies!

      2. LiaHansen

        Which, if I’m not mistaken, is what we Americans refer to as “dick cheese”, so Joyce’s choice of “cheese bags” actually wasn’t far off!

      3. ninja_jesus

        Pretty sure “slag” is also a British curse word too, derogatorily referring to certain kinds of women. <_<

        1. davidbreslin101

          We used it when I was at primary (=elementary?) school in ’80s Cambridgeshire; I think we even had a vague idea what it meant.

        2. davidbreslin101

          whoop, wrong place. Was talking about “smeg” but it’s true for “slag” too.

      4. Louu

        I have never even heard of the word smeg, let alone it be a standard curseword in Britain! Slag is definately a common one though.

        1. Logician

          smeg was popularised by the show Red Dwarf, which it is hard to believe you could have missed. Watch series 1-6, but don’t bother with 7 or 8.

        2. Kamino Neko

          It was COINED by Red Dwarf, and Grant and Naylor have denied any connection to ‘smegma’.

      5. Rose

        No it isn’t. I’m British and I’ve not heard ‘smeg’ used outside of Red Dwarf.

        Oh and while I’m at it – ‘bloody’ is a British curse word but it’s quite old fashioned these days so it’s mildly irritating when American authors have teenage girls using it. I suppose ‘bloody’ is useful because it’s a very mild swearword so it wouldn’t be censored.

        1. Toad

          I mean, JK Rowling is actually British, and she uses it an awful lot…

        2. Hythrain

          I’ll admit, this is kinda interesting to me. I mean, in a lot of respects bloody is just a regular word that can be used to describe something: “This steak is really bloody.” So how it can be considered a curse word in Britain is highly interesting to me. I want to know more to get the logic behind it.

    3. MR K

      I never understood why the characters on Battlestar Galactica spoke mostly normal English, but used words like “Frack” in place of swearing.

      1. Glynvel

        I always figured it was so that they didn’t have to
        A: Have a show with a bunch of bleeped out profanity, and
        B: Have a bunch of grown-ass men and women on a military vessel talking like Joyce.

      2. Jack Finch

        The censorious rays of the neopuritans permeate the galaxy.

    4. IndigoRei

      There is also frell and dren from Farscape. As well as grife, sprock and fud from The Legion of Superheros.

      1. Kamino Neko

        Don’t forget Nass from post-ZH Legion.

        Also Grok and derivatives (such as Grok-Bokking) from LEGION.

    5. ProfessorZoot

      Smeg is a brand of refrigerator. One I would never be comfortable with . . .

  14. Cattleprod

    Isn’t ‘a-hole’ marginally worse than ‘d-bag’, though?

    1. Doctor_Who

      The “A” clearly stood for Atheist.

  15. Plasma Mongoose

    “I cuss, you cuss, we all cuss when we’re forced to eat asparagus!”

    1. Narf

      -1 Internets for bad meter.

  16. Shrugs

    Clearly what needs to happen here is that Joyce needs to take lesson on being scary from Ruth, so she can just glower people to death without even saying anything.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Mike could help with that as well.

      We still don’t know the results of him trying to stare down Ethan’s Roadblock poster in SP. but the fact that he’s not a pair of shoes with smoke coming out suggests it was close.

      1. saltchocolate

        That pouty face in panel 6 is pretty damn scary…

      2. ninja_jesus

        And then Joyce underwent intense training under Sensei Ruth and Sensei Mike…

        1. The Phantom's Belch

          I prefer the term “sifu” over “sensei”, really, but that’s because my preferences for Asian imports were more Hong Kong Theatre over anime.

          Maybe Sensei Ruth and Sifu Mike?

    2. Dimonite

      As someone who doesn’t curse (ever) I can attest to the fact that a good glower is key to making people take you seriously.

      1. Doctor_Who

        And as someone who looks like a befuddled puppy when angry, I can attest that a salty tongue aids in conveying my consternation.

        1. drango

          People cussing has never made me respect anyone, nor made me take them more seriously.

          Actually, I think it has the opposite effect on both counts.

        2. Sammie1053

          I think in this case it’s not meant to command respect. Swearing is best known as a sign that someone is pissed off, and they said it’s hard for people to tell when they’re pissed off, ergo he (she?) swears to clarify his rage.

        3. Mr. Morningstar

          Where I’m from people just use curses in everyday conversation. Neither as a sign of anger or trying to command respect.

        4. sps48

          In my (former) military experience, every third word began with F. “F-in pass the f-in butter, f-er”.
          And it was easy to stop while home for the holidays.

        5. brionl

          I figure if you go around cussing all the time, what are you going to do when you really need it?

        6. Logician

          Someone did some serious research recently which proved that swearing has a significant painkilling effect, but only if you use words that are “worse” than what you are used to. Saving it for accidents makes sense!

  17. SplashBoogie

    Precision F-Strike…aaaaaany second now

  18. Kernanator

    Yeah, this is definitely looking like the “pay-to-swear” storyline.

  19. Keroshino

    sorry Joyce…you trying to swear is nothing compared to Fluttershy trying to be assertive!

    1. asmcint

      I second that awesome motion. /)

  20. Pizzathehutt

    Joyce is going to let out a big FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!

    1. Jack Finch

      It’s going to come out the way her rebellion over Dorothy came out. All at once.

  21. GoogerGeiger

    Yeah, I’m totally shipping Joe and Sarah now…

    1. nothri

      Wouldn’t bet against it. History has been known to repeat itself. Even alternate history.

      http://www.bringbackroomies.com/comic/i/

  22. BlueRam

    It’s funny, but at the same time I had a friend just like Joyce who never “really swore”. I remember that one night, we were walking home from class and I actually got her so Cheesed-off she actually whispered “you asshole”. She was pretty upset that I “took her swearing virginity” too.

    ….these days, she lives in Michigan and swears more often than a sailor eager to show off her vocabulary.

  23. Sensedog

    “Come on…SAY ‘FUCK’. SAY ‘FUCK’! FUCK FUCK FUCK, FUCK FUCK FUCK, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. He said ‘fuck’, she said ‘fuck’, you should say ‘fuck’ too!”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      This is how you do it.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xQl2NXJE3Q

      1. Glynvel

        I would say this is a better “How to” for swearing.

        http://youtu.be/xf7frtuyF14

        1. saltchocolate

          That is a truly impressive cut.

      2. nothri

        Listening to that thing I keep expecting the music from “Major Tom (Earth below Us)” to kick in.

        1. nothri

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0sb1SZxCAs

          See what I mean?

        2. Bill

          The only “Major Tom” I’ve ever heard is the David Bowie one (subtitled “Space Oddity”).  Thanks for posting this.

  24. Tacdud2

    I’m assuming that Dorothy is the one saying that Joyce is adorable and with that Dorothy hooking up with Joyce seems much better.

    1. MR K

      Walky won’t mind, as long as he gets to watch.

  25. Plasma Mongoose

    If that special Stephen Fry did with BRIAN BLESSED on the subject of swearing is to go by, if Joyce ever had to do something painful, she would gain far more pain-killing powers from shouting hardcore swear-words than if she was the type to swaer casually.

  26. Emoroffle

    Angry Joyce is totally adorbs.

  27. Wonder Wig

    Side-effects include cheese bags…

  28. Sammie1053

    “Cheese bag” doesn’t really sound anywhere close to any known swear to me, so I’m not sure why they’re laughing so hard. It could essentially just be a cartoony PG insult not meant to sound like anything.
    Still, i agree. That is ADORABLE.
    Also, now I want cheese curds. DAMN YOU WILLIS! Is this how you take revenge on us Chicagoans for the deep dish pizza thing a few nights ago?!

    1. Biege

      they’re laughing because it dosen’t sound like any real swear word.

  29. LiaHansen

    kill them all

    1. Kernanator

      “They laughed, LAUGHED, when I wouldn’t swear. Well, who’s laughing now?!”

      1. The Phantom's Belch

        “They laughed at me when I swore without swearing. They laughed at me when I got angry. Well, she who laughs last laughs best. For I am JOYCE, HARBINGER OF THE APOCALYPSE! I shall charge over this den of atheists on my black horse and cleanse the campus of Atheists and homosexuals!

        “Oh schiess, that’s my best friend and my boyfriend…..”

        1. The Phantom's Belch

          This would work much better with the condom-head Joyce avatar….

        2. Kernanator

          Lemme try. Ahem.

          “They laughed at me when I swore without swearing. They laughed at me when I got angry. Well, she who laughs last laughs best. For I am JOYCE, HARBINGER OF THE APOCALYPSE! I shall charge over this den of atheists on my black horse and cleanse the campus of Atheists and homosexuals!

          “Oh schiess, that’s my best friend and my boyfriend…..”

        3. saltchocolate

          Ha!!

        4. Bill

          Minor point, but you’ve misspelled “scheiss” (or “scheiß”, if you want to be 100% accurate).

        5. Kernanator

          Take it up with The Phantom Belch. TPB’s the one who said the whole thing, I just copied it to see how it’d look with my Gravatar.

  30. David

    I see a motorcycle ride coming up.

    1. Bill

      Not really.  Sal’s not there to witness this, and when Joyce finally does let one fly anyone within earshot will be so absolutely, totally, and completely shocked into a mind-blown silence that they will never be able to speak of the incident ever again.

  31. Gram91

    I’m guessing either a showcase of yelling and cursing or showing off her moves gained from growing up with older brothers.

  32. John

    Shh, Joyce, you’re not supposed to swear by the Cheese in this world!

    Still totally adorable.

  33. Yotomoe

    Panel 4: Cutest Sarah. 10/10 would smooch

  34. Aeron

    It’s gonna happen… IT’S GONNA HAPPEN! *readies cellphone camera*

    1. MR K

      Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner, bongo, muff, pussy, conga, butthole, Barbra Streisand!

      1. Tahkuya

        Dog shit taco

  35. Biege

    I can’t help but feel this plotline was spawned by the recent swear counter thingimajig…

    despite Willis stating he has a buffer. its like my mind rejects the idea the two pieces of information could exist inn the same universe

    1. Bill

      I don’t doubt that there is a buffer, but I also would assume that Willis has the ability to rearrange or insert things into the buffer queue at his discretion or whim.

      1. David Willis

        It is enormously tedious to move strips around in ComicPress. First I would have to delete a buffer of 13 weeks of comics, or 91 strips, so that I could renumber all of these comics’ filenames to match their new publication dates. Deleting the update pages isn’t enough. There are four different directories with four iterations of each comic. So that’s deleting 364 files. And then after renumbering the 91 comics for the website to reflect the new dates, then I rename the print-sized and layered versions of the files in my computer’s directories to keep them all sorted properly, and then I rename their various iterations across all of my file backups.

        Then I reupload these files, all 91 of them, and then re-tag and re-hovertext all of them — hopefully I was smart and spent an hour or so copying down what the 91 hovertexts were into a text file so I don’t have to remember what I wanted to say.

        So, no, I don’t insert much into the buffer. It would require something amazingly important to undertake that sort of massive clusterfuck.

        Furthermore, I talked about wanting to do a storyline about cussing back in the first Dumbing of Age book, which was published over a year ago. There’s your buffer.

        1. Random832

          So why exactly do you put all the 13 weeks of comics into ComicPress, instead of just keeping them on your hard drive and uploading them a week at a time?

          I mean, the only reason that makes sense is so that we don’t find out until three months later if you get hit by a bus, but we’d notice your absence from the comments pretty much immediately.

        2. David Willis

          I don’t consider myself done with a comic strip until it is uploaded. It is the emotional cap to the process.

          Also, yes, if I die I want my comics to run. If I don’t have a strip uploaded I worry I will be hit by a car and no one will see it.

      2. John

        Also, he frequently posts preview panels on Tumblr, and panels from this arc were appearing like a month ago. I only did the F-bomb count two weeks ago. (I posted it in the comments for the Nov 3rd strip, spent a couple days before that doing the actual count.) Unless you want to believe that Willis has re-written all of the dialogue for already-drawn strips to make them about something different, or has a time machine, that pretty well rules out any possibility of the inspiration going that direction.

        In fact, it was the first strips in this cussing arc, where Sal was telling Joyce that she didn’t get a motorcycle ride unless she said “fuck”, that got me to go, “Oh, what the hell, I’ll actually count and see if Billie really does say ‘fuck’ more than everyone else put together.” So, no, it’s not coincidence that the F-bomb count appeared when it did, but it’s because I was inspired by the strip content, not the other way around.

        1. Badeyes

          Willis has a time machine!?!?
          That explains so much yet spawns so very many questions.

        2. Roborat

          Actually, he is Doctor Manhatten, except of course, he wears clothes. Although, on reflection, some of those shirts he wears appear to glow.

  36. The Specter

    NO! Don’t do it Joyce! Resist! Don’t cuss!!! as someone who tries not to cuss *sometimes failing* I can only point out that in this situation, if Joyce cusses… She will only get shocked looks from Dorothy and Sarah while an amazed Joe congratulates her (which will only make Joyce feel worse) *upside: if Joyce cusses… The resulting “ashamed/guilty look” will be *on a scale of 1-10* about a 14.

    First time posting O:-)

    1. The Specter

      Rats! Why did I get a roz avatar? :'(
      *she’s my least favorite character *of regular appearance*

      \/ \/
      –.–
      /\

  37. cliff

    Anyone else feel like these past two days have been an enormous “WAIT FOR IT…..”?

  38. Joebo

    **APPROACHING CRITICAL MASS**

  39. Joebo

    Wait… who is Dorothy’s room mate?

    1. Shrugs

      Sierra

  40. Gottawonder

    Standing 5′ tall, weighting 100 lbs, and having freckles and glasses and red hair (that’s me), I found swearing is an enormous personal relief. However, like Joyce, who could look at me and take it serious. I looked like I was 12 until I hit 18, and then I looked 15. Sigh.
    I mastered the icy glare, a la Sarah, along with the ‘raised eyebrow’: I can scare 200 lb. 6 footers with a well places stare and eyebrow 😉 More fun too.
    Still, sometimes a good swear can do ya good.
    So Joyce, either take lessons from Sarah, or learn to swear…. correctly ;).

    1. Jason

      It’s a mini-Ruth!

    2. Badeyes

      They fear for their souls.
      :^)

    3. C.W. Roden

      Joyce, listen to me. Take this from another Christian….Jesus will forgive a few F-Bombs. Trust me. Swearing won’t damage your soul. Indeed it might be pretty therapeutic.

      I just worry that when she does finally start cussing she will go overboard. She really needs to find a happy medium.

  41. StrawGirl

    Honestly, Joyce is a little stronger than I am, in that I would get up and leave at this point. I don’t cuss either, but I don’t get so… creative with my stand-ins. I usually stick to words like “frick” or “jerk” or other such things.

    A conversation about me not cussing came up a while back, and my friends weren’t nearly so insulting about it. I almost dropped the F-bomb when I was really angry with my boyfriend a while back, and he claims it counts as cussing since I got halfway through the word. >_>

    But I do *not* put up with “friends” being so insulting about something that clearly matters to me. It’s very important to Joyce not to cuss, and as her friends, they shouldn’t be picking on her for it. It’s her life choice, not theirs. And it’s honestly just cruel to laugh at her like this. I’m liking these guys less and less. I would be leaving at this point to go cool off. That in itself is enough to make them realize how insulting they’re being. The last time I got furious enough to get up and leave the cafeteria was late in high school (about 5 or 6 years ago), it was on a Friday, and I didn’t talk to the person who was bothering me again until Monday. He had had a dramatic transformation into a super-nice person after he had been a judgmental and annoying person for the past year or so. He apologized and literally started going by his middle name so he could start a new life as a kinder person. By the end of the school year, he’d fallen by the wayside a little bit (because it was honestly a little scary to see him being that nice all the time), but I’ve run into him a few times since then, and he’s still nice enough. What I learned from this is that silence has power. Joyce doesn’t have to put up with this. If she’s strong enough to stand up and walk away (Not everyone is, and that’s all right), then that could be a very good option for her.

    1. ninja_jesus

      That’s how I imagine the next strip going. I mean, I have no qualms with using the full extent of the English vocabulary, and though I have teased a friend or two for not using swear words back in, like, high school, it was never in a genuinely mocking way like how they are in the strip.

      And yes, that’s how I rationalized my swearing when I first started to use them. “Curse words are part of the English language, and in order to be a verbose and eloquent speaker and writer, I must first free myself from the restraints that society has placed on me regarding these ‘taboo’ words.” 😀 And now I don’t really mind swearing, as long as its within my own rules of proper context for them.

    2. John

      If it helps, I don’t think it’s Joyce’s choice not to swear that they’re laughing at, so much as the completely ridiculous alternatives that she’s coming up with. If she’d just say, “Hey, I’m right here, you jerks!” instead of making up wrongswears like “cheese bags”, like she’s censoring movie dialogue for network television, I don’t think she’d be getting nearly as much laughter.

      And while Joyce never really swears, I noticed when I was doing the F-bomb count that she uses bowlderized swears a lot more than I’d realized. I think it’s less a deeply held belief than yet another thing, like her lust and her anger, that she’s paneled over with a thin veneer of what she’s been taught is proper behaviour and tries to pretend isn’t there. She filters what’s coming out of her mouth, but she’s cussing in her heart.

      1. Andiemus

        Yeah, the joke isn’t that she didn’t say douchebags, it’s that she did say cheese bags.

      2. ninja_jesus

        Well yeah, her substitute insults are silly as fuck, but it’s no right to make her feel bad. She was genuinely trying to defend her friend and everyone laughed at her.

        1. Mr K

          I really don’t think that Sarah needs Joyce of all people to defend her.

        2. ninja_jesus

          That’s not the point; Joyce was doing something for her friend because she knows what Joe is like, and wanted to protect her, and they mock her for it.

        3. Mr K

          To be fair, it is pretty funny.

        4. StrawGirl

          I’m on the same boat as ninja_jesus’s previous post–they shouldn’t be mocking her for wanting to stand up for her friend (whether the friend needs it or not is irrelevant).

          But I would like to point out that laughing at people when they’re angry is pretty much guaranteed to make them even angrier.

          I guess this isn’t my sort of humor, and that’s okay. If someone is angry, I can’t find myself able to laugh at what they’re saying or how they’re saying it, even if it is ridiculous. Everybody’s different, and while I think it’s not funny, I’ll just have to say that I don’t get the humor in it and will let everyone enjoy it in their own way. This definitely isn’t the first time I’ve not understood other people’s senses of humor, and it certainly won’t be the last. It’s a good reminder that everybody is different. 🙂

    3. davidbreslin101

      I sometimes wish I’d stuck with very rarely swearing. These days, it can get out of hand when I’m feeling cranky- my downstairs neighbor must be thoroughly fed up with me yelling insults at my crappy laptop.

  42. Varangian

    As cute as Joyce is–and she is cute–this storyline keeps making me love Sarah.

    1. saltchocolate

      Why, thank you! . . . . I mean, I agree. 😀

  43. Spliced

    So this is what being around me is like

  44. ninja_jesus

    Seeing as Joyce is meant to be autobiographical, David, were you ever this cute when you used PG swears in college? :O

    1. David Willis

      I didn’t swear until probably my very early twenties, but I had a lot of movie quotes that I liked that had swears in them that made my love of them difficult. For example, you could often hear me exclaim how, “Gosh, I love being a turtle!” And Johnny Five’s line in Short Circuit 2 where he tells Oscar that he’s really pissed off… I had trouble finding mild enough euphemisms for my use. “Ticked” was also off the market. I may have said “P’d off.” Or maybe that was also too close. I forget.

      When Doc Brown says “damn” like five times in a row, I thought that was scandalous.

      1. John

        … What’s wrong with “ticked”?

        1. Tahkuya

          it makes sense if it is to be used … unlike cheese bag

      2. Jackson

        “If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you’re gonna see some serious crud!”

      3. Thasvaddef

        Who said that? Who the heck said that? Who’s the slimy little Communist poop twinkle-toed c-word sucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy frigging godmother said it! Out-pooping-standing! I will P.T. you all until you fudging die! I’ll P.T. you until your a-holes are sucking buttermilk. Was it you, you scroungy little cheesebag, huh?!

        1. Glynvel

          What have we got here, a freaking comedian? Private Joker. I admire your honesty. Heck, I like you, you can come over to my house and commit premarital hanky-panky with my sister!

      4. Random832

        If you couldn’t say “ticked”, how come Joyce can say “A-hole”?

        1. David Willis

          How come you think deciding which swears are terrible and which are acceptable is a completely rational undertaking? It is entirely about how you are introduced to the words and what authority figures will tell you about them. If you’re five and your mom says “ticked off” isn’t acceptable, then you’re going to grow up thinking it’s dirty and you’ll avoid it. But maybe the very idea of saying “a-hole” is something you bumped into on your own, perhaps later on, as a band-aid over your own inability to interact with other people. “How come this but not that?” feels like missing the point. Joyce’s entire life is a sea of contradictions, and I’m not sure why the words she vets for use is exempt from this.

  45. Mr. Morningstar

    I swear like a sailor, usually with most sentences involving the word fuck.

    1. Andiemus

      According to Charles, sailors don’t actually swear that much anymore.

      1. Mr. Morningstar

        well i know that its just an expression

  46. Tahkuya

    So the word douche also counts as a swear? She could have also said dirt bag.

    1. Charles

      In the Navy, we called them “earthsacks”.

      With many nods and winks to the political-correct atmosphere of the time.

  47. Ace

    Wow, what Sarah said was completely awful. Just awful.

    1. Jack Finch

      She puts the Miss in misanthropy.

      1. Varangian

        For Pete’s sake, it isn’t like she means it. She’s practically adopted Joyce after that incident with Ryan, and that’s why this whole sequence works at all, is she’s the gruff older-sister figure who pretends she doesn’t care about people at all (partly because of the whole Dana/Raidah state of affairs, but I think the issues might well go deeper).

        (You want a Sarah who’s completely awful, go read Roomies, where she’s just awful 24/7 and all her relationships are based on her vague contempt for everyone.)

  48. nick

    Me and most of my friends swear all the time, but I’m such a taciturn person in general that when I do get angry (which is almost never) I can still intimidate people with swears (although the glaring definitely helps).

  49. The Phantom's Belch

    “These Humans are crazy. They swear by sex, religion, and excrement; no one else does.”

    “Why, that’s a goddamn fuckin’ piece of shit right there, and you know it.”

  50. Crumplepunch

    “There used to be mad, silly, prissy people who used to say swearing was a sign of a poor vocabulary. Such utter nonsense. The people I know who swear the most tend to have the widest vocabularies and the kind of person who says swearing is a sign of a poor vocabulary usually has a pretty poor vocabulary themselves… The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest is just a fucking lunatic.”

    – Stephen Fry

    1. Daibhid C

      I don’t swear myself, but as with so many things, I’m in agreement with Mr Fry on this one. Me not swearing is my choice; you swearing is your choice and doesn’t indicate anything else about you.

    2. Narf

      Love that quote! Totally going to use it.

  51. Kladeos

    Sarah actually seems like she’s warming up to Joe! Love her face.

    What’s the alt text today? Mouse chewed through my laptop charger cord so checking on my phone for now.

    1. Lone Wolf

      “because d-bags is too evocative of the actual swear”

    2. Blue Dragon

      because ‘d-bags’ is too evocative of the actual swear

    3. Oldfart

      Kladeos, you can see at least some of the alt text/hovertext on a smartphone by tapping and holding. My phone cuts off at 52 characters in landscape mode, so I can see the shorter ones.

  52. John

    Oh, and I never thought I’d say that Joyce reminded me of Nick Zerhakker, but… Joyce is reminding me of Nick Zerhakker. I can’t stop imagining her wrongswears coming out in Courier Bold.

    Hey, maybe Joyce should date Nick. He’s her type: tall, dark, and Jewish. And he’s straight, but still totally safe on account of being a helicopter.

  53. Taigan

    Her problem isn’t that she doesn’t swear. I’ve known people who didn’t swear who could still make you feel an inch tall. Her problem is that she keeps trying to swear but then using nonsense words.

    1. Gaiash

      This. I don’t swear (not for any moral reasons, when I was in my early teens I decided I wouldn’t swear until I turned 18 so now when I do swear is feels odd even though swearing doesn’t bother me) but I just use other terms rather than replace a swear word with something that makes no sense.

  54. Bill

    Just a thought or two on the word “fuck”.  If you can find a copy of Allan Sherman’s book (and yes, it’s *THAT* Allan Sherman) “The Rape of the A*P*E*” — it’s out of print, try a library; remember those? — read chapter two entitled “Short Chapter, Long Footnote”.  I don’t know if Sherman ever met George Carlin, but I think the two of them would have gotten along quite well.

  55. James

    Epic F-bomb is on the way!

  56. XMinusOne

    Joyce reminds me of guys I knew in boot camp who were flabbergasted when the D.I.’s and everyone else swore continuously and they weren’t used to it. They caught on quick, though. 🙂

  57. Marisa Mockery

    So the only way to get respect is to say ‘fuck’? *sigh*

    1. Narf

      Conclusions.

      You’re jumping to them.

    2. Kernanator

      To paraphrase John further up, they aren’t laughing because she isn’t swearing, they’re laughing because of her ridiculous non-swears. If she had used “jerks” instead of “cheese bags”, it would not be nearly as silly.

  58. Foxhack

    This is the first strip that actually made me laugh out loud.

    I find things funny, I’m just really hard to get to laugh.

  59. Tenn

    Keep it in just a little longer, Joyce! It’s going to feel so much better when you finally let it out. >:)

  60. ShadowWing Tronix

    I’m adding “cheesbags” to my list of pseudo-curses.

  61. C.W. Roden

    Joyce, I’m Christian and I cuss every 2 minutes or so (especially watching football). Trust me the good Lord will forgive a few F-bombs.

  62. maycroft

    See joyce, a side effect of swearing and cursing is people knowing you’re serious.

  63. Kintrex

    I never used to swear, but then I played God of War, and while platforming through Hades I pretty much figured I had hit the point of no return.

    1. Tahkuya

      for me it was playing DOOM on Nightmare

  64. man in black

    Found another great comic

  65. nikofintikis

    poor Joyce not getting token seriously

  66. Mkvenner

    the cuss you are.

  67. ProjectXa3

    Uh boy, I smell an explosion coming…

  68. nekobawt

    i prefer the epithet “toolbag” or “toolbox”, myself. it implies that the individual of which i speak is not just a tool, but a whole bag/box of them!

    1. JA

      I prefer “bag of dicks”

  69. JA

    Cheese bag…I can see that being a legit insult.

    1. ZORK

      I think the same. I gotta have to use that one on occasion.

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