485

Dark presence
Posted on June 11, 2016 by David M Willis

485 thoughts on “Dark presence”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    I’m surprised they can withstand the proximity of each other’s mere presence… doesn’t the universe a splode if that happens?

    1. Doctor_Who

      They’ve been voted “Room most likely to be the site of a murder investigation” by the others on the floor.

      1. Sambo

        It was closely followed by Ruth’s.

        1. Shade

          Nah Ruth has the good sense not to murder in such an obvious place to search for clues.

        2. Ana Chronistic

          “Idiot, the FIRST PLACE they’ll look is the rooms STRAIGHT UP from where the body hit the ground!”

        3. Deanatay

          Let the bodies hit the floor
          Let the bodies hit the floor

        4. Silvester Crow

          Ruth: Alright, I’ve got everything I need to rip out their femurs and beat them to death…but my room is the first place they’d look for a body and if that ain’t damning evidence I don’t know what is.

          Billie: Mary’s room?

          Ruth: Now I remember why I love you.

    2. Edhead

      Soul Calibur meets Soul Edge.

      Brb thinking of witty joke.

      1. Orion Fury

        I wonder how many people have been hit with Roz’s “Heaven’s Gate” maneuver.

      2. SgtWadeyWilson

        But aren’t both swords metaphors for toxic religion? The whole series always seemed to be: ‘kill a bunch of people to claim your rightful power and get what you want.’ Especially with Soul Calibur V having the whole: “Hey, I’m the good sword, now help me kill your sister because she is totally evil! Also, I’m totally your mother and not just using her to get to you!”

        Anyway, I’m just saying they can’t both be Mary.

      3. TheGrammarLegionary

        … making one truly epic sword: Soul Edge-Calibur.

        1. Morleuca

          Edge-Calibre: The Soul Sword Saga

    3. Rukduk

      Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. May they cancel each other out?

    4. SmilingNid

      Don’t underestimate the universe and the amount of hate, misery, and pompous arrogance it can sustain, after all the US presidential is hasn’t killed it/us yet.

    5. Kris

      You all act like Mary is sooo hard to be around. “perfect glory’s gentle reminder” Turns out it’s actually real easy. You just have to delude yourself as much as she does.

      1. Idontcarenomore

        Or lock her in a closet.

        1. Anorak

          That Becky will then proceed to nuke. I like this plan.

        2. Clif

          There will be fall-out.

        3. NoRAd

          I’ll just have to crawl out through the fallout, baby, to your lovin’ arms.

        4. DSL

          Perhaps she’s already in a closet.

      2. Viktoria

        Noise-cancelling headphones and a lot of nights spent on friends’ futons can go a long way. I’d also look into changing rooms, because if she’s mad over skating in the halls in the middle of the day, you probably can’t breathe in her room without her shouting over a noise disturbance.

        1. Orion Fury

          Less noise, more noise-maker, there.

        2. Viktoria

          True, Mary would hate to be hypocritical about something.

        3. Orion Fury

          I’ve heard she hates a lot of unchristian things.

        4. All-Purpose Guru

          I had a friend who had a roommate like Mary. She fixed the problem handily by proceeding to fuck the living daylights out of her boyfriend every time she was in the room.

          She changed rooms rather quickly after that.

        5. Disloyal Subject

          I’m guessing that last ‘she’ refers to the roommate.
          And that ‘her’ means that your friend was banging her own boyfriend, not the roommate’s.

        6. Roborat

          I am sure banging the roommate’s boyfriend would also have done the trick.

        7. NelC

          Mary can’t be that sensitive to noise; after all, she knows about Roz’s vibrating toys, which kind of implies that Roz has used them enough for Mary to notice… unless there was a comic I missed that had Roz trying each of her toys in turn, trying to find the quietest one while Mary complained about the racket.

        8. Disloyal Subject

          Mary didn’t hear the phone buzz, so she could easily be assuming Roz has vibrators and trying to shame her over it, because ‘obviously’ the “hellbound slut” would own such ‘devilish’ contraptions.

        9. Cerberus

          It’s almost like the noise complaint was an excuse and the real problem is “sinners” living in “her” space… *thoughtful chin rub*

      3. Some1

        I could get along with Mary fine, I’m pretty good at connecting with pretty much anyone who isn’t currently trying to stab me. Plus you have to do something really fucking awful to really piss me off, Ryan and Blaine both pass that limit, as does Toe Dad.

        1. Falling Star

          I don’t get riled up easily either, but Mary’s lack of good things to say + her unerring close-mindedness + her justification of her words with her religion = she’d be dead within a month.

        2. Cerberus

          Sadly that’s the exact reason why I wouldn’t be able to get along with Mary.

    6. TheAnonymousGuy

      I’m surprised someone who preaches to others so much also takes the lords name in vain so openly and opportunistically.

      Also, could we get an entire story that’s just mary and roz,(something like walking with dina)I’m really interested in seeing how these two live together and make things work given they’ve shared a room for – five weeks now?

      1. Pope William T Wodium

        I haven’t been Christian for a long time, but I’m pretty sure that mentioning His name when talking about His will doesn’t count as taking His name in vain. The “in vain” part implies a lack of purpose.

        1. TheAnonymousGuy

          I was referring to all of her blatant unapologetic uttering of the GD (god d…) in this comic. that would count as taking (using) his name in vain

        2. Needfuldoer

          Wasn’t Mary a major hypocrite in the old continuity?

        3. Falling Star

          That changed???

        4. jy3

          No, she literally wants God to damn everyone and everything.

        5. Disloyal Subject

          That, and ‘God’ isn’t a name so much as YHWH’s job description.

    7. SLICEY

      i was just wondering if mary is now a jesus/christian hipster as she is wearing one of the most ironic shirt ever!

      if she is she sucks more.

    8. Azrael

      Only in they come into physical contact. Like matter / anti-matter. 😛

      As an aside: I didn’t think it was possible for me to detest Mary any more than I already did. Well played, Willis. Well played.

  2. Nono

    Robin and Mary in the same storyline?

    Eunngghhh.

    1. Durandal_1707

      Yesterday: Robin and girl who looks like Mary.

      Today: Girl who looks like Robin, and Mary.

      1. Pyrpyr

        #CONSPIRACY

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Hashtags are so yesterday’s comic.

        2. Pyrpyr

          #Hashtagsareforever

        3. Amias

          That hashtag is way too long though. I mean, eighteen characters? You’re doing better than Robin, but not by much.

          And the word “hashtag” is so five minutes ago. Everybody who’s anybody knows the right term is “octothorpe”.

        4. Falling Star

          #IHateTheStandards

        5. Apostate

          #longhashtagsbesthashtagscan’tstopwon’tstop

        6. SeanR

          Now, I want to see a one hundred forty ONE character hashtag.

        7. sirconanad

          @SeanR: John Oliver has you covered.

          #WeUnderstandThatAsCorporateEntitiesOurPresenceInCertainDiscussionsIsNotAlwaysRequiredSoWeWillStriveToLimitOurActivitiesToJustSellingYouShit

        8. JustCheetoDust

          #Hashtagsareforever

          I read that and I can’t help but think it’ll be the name of a douchey James Bond remake after Daniel Craig leaves.

        9. Deanatay

          #hashtagsgoonforever, you mean.

        10. JustCheetoDust

          Well played.

          Gronkowski for the next Bond

        11. Willoughby Chase

          Now I’ve got Shirley Bassey in my head singing “Hash tags are
          for ever” over and over …

          I tried watching one of the Craig Bond films. I like Craig, he’s a good actor – Layer Cake, Sword of Honour etc. I lasted 5 minutes of preposterous “action” before switching off.

          Even Ian Fleming found Bond boring after two books. Like most British heroes, he’s a shallow thug with charm.

        12. JustCheetoDust

          Now I’ve got Shirley Bassey in my head singing “Hash tags are
          for ever” over and over …

          Yeah, that’s what I heard as I typed out my post. That, and the visual of Kanye West in the studio making this happen.

        13. Willoughby Chase

          #jetbeamsdontsteelmelt

      2. Mkvenner

        Oh shite.

      3. Reltzik

        This story can only end with Roz waking up in bed with Frieda and Robin waking up in bed with Mary.

        …..

        …. actually, given everyone’s orientations, I’m pretty sure it CAN’T end that way. Unless there is much screaming.

  3. Mr. Mendo

    Mary’s learned very little from yesterday…

    1. inqntrol

      I don’t think she learned anything.

      1. magicallady

        mary learns?

        1. Nemirthel

          Not that we’ve seen…

        2. JustCheetoDust

          So, more shenanigans inspired by Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry?

        3. Rycan

          It’s very selective learning.

        4. Willoughby Chase

          She learnt that most of Roz’s toys vibrate. How is a mystery.

    2. crois

      Mary’s job is to never learn

      1. Durandal_1707

        Everyone else’s job is to learn from Mary’s perfection.

        1. hijackzee

          Hail Mary, full of grace.

        2. Paul

          In Jesus’ name we go to FIFTH BASE!

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY

        3. Willoughby Chase

          So a totally legal back-door!

          Thank-you Thank-you I’ll be here all week. Try the veal!

      2. Abel Undercity

        Which tells me that she’s only at college to be a plague to others.

    3. Palamdrone

      Seeing her where the “More him Less me” shirt, I thought it might be a sign she’s lost some pride, finally realizing she’s not god’s greatest creation everyone should revere and aspire to be. And then she opened her mouth.

    4. Mkvenner

      That implies she can learn.

      1. Reltzik

        I am fully confident that she can learn various techniques to be even more annoyingly noisome-Christian. No, I don’t by into the notion that there is a maximum rank for that skill.

    5. Falling Star

      If anything, she may feel justified in her thinking.

  4. inqntrol

    “Gentle reminder”?( bursts into laugh)

    1. Idontcarenomore

      Oh yeah.
      rolf at that self description/deluded statement.

    2. Falling Star

      Kinda reminds me of this.

  5. brumagem

    Mary even you should know that you of all people are not “gentle”

    1. Palamdrone

      Well, she’s never threatened anyone with a shotgun for being a sinner.

      1. Palamdrone

        When that’s your idea of a firm, but acceptable amount of force, Mary is as gentle you can get.

      2. Reltzik

        …… is that MORE or LESS horrific than threatening them with literally eternal literal torture that is literally beyond any pain that can be experienced by a living person?

        1. Sam

          Depends if other people will see and be traumatised by the torture.

        2. Reltzik

          Um, let’s go with the idea that the people in heaven get to look down and see the people in hell being tortured, but maybe they were hoping to see just that, and spent a lot of their lives saying so.

        3. NoRAd

          I’m not threatening you with eternal torture, I’m warning you that it’s going to happen if you don’t change your ways.

          Of course if you do change your ways and accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, confess all your sins, and eat this cracker, you don’t get to hang out with all the other cool people getting tortured in hell.

        4. badmartialarts

          That’s the plot of the video for Engel by Rammstein.

        5. DSL

          “I’m not judging you. But I’m kind of looking forward to hearing the verdict.”

  6. Sporky

    It must be exhausting to live with a person who isn’t even capable of holding a casual conversation with you. I feel for ya, Roz.

    You still kind of suck ass though. (But way better than your Walkyverse version.)

    1. AeromechanicalAce

      Eh, what’s she DONE really? Aside from make a sex tape with Joe (which he consented to) and chewing out Joyce that one time? (Which, considering the last time they’d met, Joyce was slut shaming her over the sex tape, i’d say was warranted, but that’s me)

      1. Viktoria

        She released the sex tape without Joe’s consent, though.

        And Joyce had just made improvements in her worldview, which Roz took as a chance to slam on her. Now, Joyce needs to be taken to task on occasion, but that was the worst time to do it, as Roz stood a good chance of driving her back to fundamentalism. That doesn’t make Roz a horrible person, but it reminds me of some horrible people I know.

        1. Charles Phipps

          Joe said, clearly, he knew about it and consented.

        2. Lena

          Not with it being shared though.

        3. Greenygal

          No, she told him she was going to do that.

      2. Palamdrone

        She uses a message of sexual openness and acceptance as a bludgeon to hit people over the head. It makes me resent her even more.

      3. Sporky

        She’s just been kind of a jerk overall. Nothing compared to some of the things her Walkyverse counterpart has done, though.

      4. Sam

        1) Treated Joyce like trash for taking longer to reach the point of acceptance she was at and attacked her for it.

        2) Tried to pin the responsibility of teaching Joyce on Dorothy for some reason as if it is her fault that Joyce took time to get there???

        3) Essentially told Leslie, a lesbian, that she should be outraged at Joyce taking time to learn LGBT+ views that she finds more acceptable.

        In general Roz is someone with the right views and right intentions but her methods are horrible and her anger is misplaced.

        She released a sex tape, giving people all the incentive needed to slutshame her in an effort to argue AGAINST slutshaming – this is a terrible way to go about it as it backfiring wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone ever.

        She wants to get people to have the same views as her but she goes about it by shouting at the people learning them and talking over the very people she is supposedly protecting.

        Roz’s heart is in the right place, but her ways of going about it have been seriously wrong.

        1. Drath

          Don’t forget the part where she was constantly preaching about protection in sexual encounters, then proceeds to film a “bareback” tape

        2. Maveric1984

          Wait, it was bareback? I don’t remember that detail. It’s especially weird since she’s shown using a condom in a Slipshine comic

        3. Cerberus

          Not bareback, it’s been confirmed in Slipshine that all her sexual encounters are done with condoms.

        4. m-m

          There’re all kinds of reasons to not like Roz so there’s no reason to make stuff up. Roz + Joe totally used protection. trust me

      5. Cerberus

        Looking up the list above me, I’m just going to casually and quietly note that the character who has been shown on screen to have absolutely fantastic consent practices and who has gone out of her way even while sleepy to try and be inclusive to her sister and who has reached out every time except that one when she’s realized she’s hit a nerve gets pilloried for made-up stuff about her consent practices and sexual dynamics and the time she was an asshole to Joyce and Leslie (which is totally her bad)

        While the character with absolutely terrible consent practices on screen, who has been seen sexually harassing multiple characters, and who has regularly attacked Joyce including when she’s already visibly upset and college famous for having been through recent trauma, tends to get “gosh, this guy is awesome” and praised for his theoretical positive sexual practices.

        And then I’m going to highlight the words “double standards”.

        1. Fallingivy

          Pretty fucking much.

  7. Plasma Mongoose

    I feel sorry for Roz right now.

    1. AeromechanicalAce

      She has to deal with Republican Robin AND Mary all in one day. If i were in her shoes SOMEONE would be getting shanked (and i can’t guarantee it’d be just one.)

      1. DarkoNeko

        Meep. Everyone slowly steps away from the homicidal maniac.

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Everyone? Do I have to?

        2. Falling Star

          Nah, I’m staying in the Crazy Club too.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        But at least you will know that Roz will put a rubber on her shiv

        1. Wizard

          She practices safe stab?

        2. Reltzik

          She knows all the techniques and devices. She’s a mistress of lay-techs.

        3. Willoughby Chase

          She’s caring. She doesnt want her victims to die of blood-poisoning.

  8. broughtlight

    Is that t-shirt for sale? :p

    1. Ana Chronistic

      yeah! Roz’s shirt would go well with a sweater vest!

    2. JustCheetoDust

      Along with a talking Mary body pillow that keeps you up all night with incessant chastising.

  9. BlackScarabZ

    You know, it had been a few days since I remembered how much I hate Mary. It’s always nice to be reminded of why.

  10. Dara

    So fucking humble I mean damn so humble.

    1. JessWitt

      Shouldn’t being born-again entail learning humility?

      1. Spidergirl

        I think Mary missed the memo.

      2. Mkvenner

        You’d think.

      3. Reltzik

        She IS humble. It’s the God speaking THROUGH her that deserves praise and worship.

        1. Bratty Roger

          In her deluded dreams. ??

    2. Bicycle Bill

      Somebody needs to get Mary to re-readLuke 18:9-14.

      1. Rukduk

        For some reason a lot of more conservative and fun die communities like to ignore Luke and focus on Mark or Matthew instead. It seriously disturbing that so many people who identify as Christian forget about passages like this.

        1. Rukduk

          Supposed to be “fundie” not “fun die” but I think it works both ways now that I look at it carefully.

        2. Mkvenner

          I think puts everything in perspective.

  11. DarkoNeko

    Sure yo uare Mary. Sure you are.

  12. magicallady

    the power of christ compels you to ignore the vibrators

  13. Cattleprod

    Roz must have some AMAZING self control since Mary’s still alive.

  14. Rikunda

    Mary is a “gentle” reminder why, if there is heaven or hell, I would choose hell. Imagine a lot of people like her!

    1. DarkoNeko

      Wouldn’t they be in hell, too ?

      1. Bill M.

        Yes, but based on Jesus’ description of hell, you wouldn’t ever see them. You wouldn’t see demons either. You might see people across an uncrossable chasm enter into heaven, but no matter how much you shout they won’t hear you. Whomever meets them there might, but, y’know, uncrossable chasm and all. Also, the agonizing fire.

      2. Reltzik

        I think that’s part of what makes it hell.

    2. Mkvenner

      I think you have it backwards.

    3. Some1

      My main problem with hell is that there is nothing on this planet you could do that would warrant it, you could launch every nuclear bomb at once, and you would not build up enough bad karma to warrant suffering forever.

      1. Reltzik

        ARGUABLY you could bioengineer a disease that never gets cured and causes suffering for the entire lifespan of the human species (and any descendant species).

        ….

        But yeah, it’s a really disproportionate punishment even if you DO buy into the idea of retributive justice (as opposed to, say, restorative).

        1. Some1

          Plus, I could never be truly happy in Heaven, if I knew that there were people suffering in Hell.

      2. Ana Chronistic

        look, they had to invent SOMETHING to put the fear of God into people

        too bad on Earth they let all the truly horrible people committing the gravest of atrocities off with a slap on the wrist, because white dudes

        1. Falling Star

          If you think about it, everything was fine until the Europeans decided to expand their territory.

        2. Lizzie

          While England got really nuts with it so that the sun wouldn’t set on the British empire, it in’t just Europe known for imperialism. China’s expansion was nightmarish for a number of peoples due to a very high emphasis on class. But a number of Europe’s moves were motivated to push religion, whether it was France trying Protestants with heresy against the Catholic church, or Henry VIII’s Protestant reformation which would be eventually used to excuse many atrocities done to a mostly Catholic Ireland.

      3. Drath

        I doubt hell would be horrible in the long run. There is no torture, no matter how painful, that the human mind will not eventually fetishise after long exposure to it.

    4. Abel Undercity

      “Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” – Mark Twain

  15. GoogerGeiger

    What’s Mary holding in panel 2?

    1. magicallady

      shower basket

    2. Toad

      Towel and shower caddy.

    3. Says

      It looks like a shower basket thing to bring soap/shampoo to the shower room

      1. DarkoNeko

        She’s probably just back from cleaning the mess Carla did on her face.

        1. Rachel McCall

          Phrasing.

        2. OnyxIdol

          +1

        3. DarkoNeko

          Such things don’t happen by coïncidence

  16. Captain Batson

    Thanks for this strip. After the brief few days since last we saw her, I was beginning to forget how awful Mary is. Was? Subject-verb agreement can be tricky.

    1. Orion Fury

      I’d say ‘is’, since presently Mary can be described as awful.

    2. Reltzik

      I think this phenomenon is because we simply want to forget Mary. Period.

  17. Toad

    Why doesn’t Mary like Robin? Usually fundamentalists are big into Family Values candidates, right?

    1. Captain Batson

      Because “all DeSantoses are MONSTERS”

      1. Mr k

        Obviously. The horns are well hid by the hairdoes.

    2. AgentKeen

      She probably doesn’t think Robin is tough enough about things.

    3. Jumanji83

      Maybe it’s because Robin forgave Roz for the sex video and general promiscuity. Mary isn’t much into forgiveness. Her family values is about shaming people and coercing them into the “righteous” path, not forgiving their sins and loving them as they are. Plus, Robin isn’t sincere in her platform of family values, she’s just doing it for popularity ratings and votes. Mary, as Roz’s roommate, would likely be aware of that. http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/06-yesterday-was-thursday/forgiveness/

    4. John

      Mary hates everyone.

    5. Cerberus

      If I had to guess the reasons are probably:

      1) Catholic (never underestimate how much fundies hate catholics)
      2) Relation to Roz (cause remember her going off on Riley)
      3) Catholic (seriously never underestimate how much fundies hate catholics)

  18. Genuity

    I’m sort of surprised that Mary is that vehemently opposed to Robin. Usually the Republican representative is the favoured one of Christians like Mary. Is it just because she’s related to Roz? Is she not sufficiently ‘Christian’ for Mary?

    1. Charles Phipps

      Because she’s Hispanic and a woman maybe? I put nothing past Mary now.

    2. Mkvenner

      Well there is the “Constitution” Party which is mostly Christian far-right but just short of Christian Identity.

      1. SeanR

        Maybe it’s the primaries?

        1. Mkvenner

          This a congressional race not the presidential race. Also the Constitution Party is a real political party. Unlike the libertarian party.

  19. Tacos

    How is it that they haven’t tried to kill each other yet? Or at least a climactic sword duel while atop a train or something.

  20. Jason M. Bryant

    I’m at the point where Mary isn’t funny anymore, she’s just unpleasant.

    1. Sheason

      We passed that point LONG ago.

    2. Viktoria

      Yeah, this, though that happened about 2 strips in for me. I’m torn between “At least she’s a good villain” and “If the wood chipper is still working after Blaine and Toedad, maybe we can also guarantee Mary will never show up again.”

    3. FirePrincessLily

      Mary was ever funny?

      1. Mkvenner

        When we first met her for like one panel.

      2. Zasz

        She was funny when she had a penis on her cheek that one time.

      3. Reltzik

        And also when she was covered with pie.

        1. FirePrincessLily

          AH! YEs… Her covered in Pie was humorous. But I consider that to be more attributed to Carla’s brilliance

      4. Jason M. Bryant

        I was okay with Carla riffing on her. Right now, I feel like I’ve hit my Mary quota. Even it this strip is setting her up for some pain later, it’s not worth it.

    4. Zatar

      Honestly this strip is the funniest she’s been in a long time.

  21. Cephalo the Pod

    @AltText Wait, so Robin is Tarkin…
    Does that make the Aide Darth Vader?!

    1. Reltzik

      No, but I think it means that destroying Robin’s campaign involves firing photon candy into her thermal exhaust port (mouth).

      1. Dean

        Fanart of Leslie as an X-wing pilot is needed!

    2. Deanatay

      “You are a member of the Liberal Alliance and a traitor! TAKE HER AWAY!”

  22. figureaddict

    How has Roz not murdered Mary?

    1. DarkoNeko

      She makes love, not war.

      1. Mr k

        Boy, the hatesex must be great.

    2. tim gueguen

      She’s being paid a large sum of money not to?

    3. Reltzik

      She derives schadenfreude from the knowledge that she is making Mary’s existence just as miserable as Mary is making hers.

      1. Bratty Roger

        ?Hmm…
        That kinda makes sense. ?

  23. JessWitt

    Lord, thy holy mouthpiece sounds like barbed wire on a thousand chalkboards. Change thy system posthaste. Amen.

  24. newllend(henryvolt)

    Damn it Lucifer (Mary) will you shut up your ego is what got you kicked out of Heaven the first time.

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      That comparison is just plain mean! I mean, c’mon Lucy doesn’t deserve to be equated to Mary!

  25. some nerd, who cares

    “more him less me” wow i didn’t think i’d ever find a tshirt that’d ever upset me more than that stupid “good, better, best” marriage shirt but welp there it is

    1. Conuly

      JOY – Jesus first, others second, yourself last

      THIS IS A REAL SLOGAN THAT REAL PEOPLE TAKE TO HEART.

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        I propose OMG- Others equal to Myself, Gods can take care of themselves. I also propose 24/7 sarcasm.

        1. Reltzik

          …. I assume you propose it sarcastically.

        2. SgtWadeyWilson

          Yeah, totally. Unless, were you being sarcastic just then?

          Crap, I’m stuck in the Sarge/Grif sarcasm argument! Never acknowledge the sarcasm for a secomd joke!

        3. SgtWadeyWilson

          *second

    2. Viktoria

      That shirt on “I am the messenger of God, listen to what I say!” Mary is especially hilarious.

  26. Mandy

    Dear god, poor Roz. She definitely wins the “worst roommate on the floor” award.

  27. Mav

    “Wow, thanks Mary! But don’t trouble yourself. Really.”

  28. AgentKeen

    Mary, listen to your shirt.

    1. JustCheetoDust

      She only does that on laundry day.

  29. Raen

    I kind of thought Mary would be a fan of Robin.

    1. Dr. T

      She isn’t a fan of anyone.

    2. tim gueguen

      Maybe Robin is Catholic, and Mary is one of those conservative Protestants whose church still considers the Roman Catholic Church as the Whore of Babylon.

      1. Mr k

        Reminds me of Jack Chick, who blames literally everything, from Islam to Nazism to Communism to Freemansonry on the Catholics.

        1. Rukduk

          Ok, I can maybe kinda see Nazism (Hitler growing up in a Catholic Austrian family and some of his earliest supporters being far-right Bavarian Catholics and all that) but c’mon Communism and Islam as well? Liberation theology didn’t start until nearly a century after Marx who called religion “the opiate of the masses” and Muhammad would have had contact with Coptic, Nestorian, and Monothelite Christians. Why does no one ever study history?

        2. Mr k

          It’s Jack Chick. His tracts read like the ravings of a paranoid lunatic.

        3. Raen

          Read “Mama’s Girls.” You will/won’t regret it.

          (Short version: according to Chick, Khadija was Catholic, and Communism was a conspiracy to degrade Orthodoxy.)

        4. Reltzik

          Uh… I thought he blamed stuff on DnD?

        5. Arianod

          Since when is DnD not a Catholic CommieNazi conspiracy?

        6. Drath

          Actually according to chick tracts dnd is a pagan witch cult. Something I don’t really understand as a deterrent. I mean, “Do this and you will gain magical powers, so don’t do it !” does not sound really convincing .

        7. LordHaw

          Wow, I played a lot of D&D in my day and I never gained any magical powers. Must not have been doing it right

        8. Bratty Roger

          ??????

  30. Nena

    How haven’t they killed each other yet?

    1. Cerberus

      At this point? Probably just the Willis ban on death in this comic.

  31. Arveras

    Wow. That is some extraordinarily bad roommate matching.

  32. Pyrpyr

    “God’s gentle reminder”

    More like Nybor’s Gentle Reminder
    Really just a lot of un-gentle pain

    (3E, damn I’m old)

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      Ah, 3rd Ed D&D, I… well homestly I kinda hated it. I do miss Regdar though, the one I played and the one in Scourge of the Worlds.

    2. Will

      3E means you’re old? Oh, sweet summer child…

      1. Pyrpyr

        Ok true, though I was around for 1E too.

  33. Kernanator

    Gentle like sandpaper.

    1. Opus the Poet

      40 grit wet-or-dry

  34. Michael Steamweed

    She’s perfectly full of glorious bullshit. 🙁

  35. BeckyHop

    I agree with your shirt, Mary. Less you. At this college. GO AWAY.

  36. dethtoll

    that shirt is not only really creepy, but given Mary’s sociopathy it’s rather incongruous too

    1. DarkoNeko

      The irony is staggering.

    2. theheroesofcrash

      If Mary’s a reminder of anything, it’s that many Christians can be pretty darn un-Christian.

      “Love thy neighbor as I have loved you.”
      “We can still hate the gays and the foreigners, right?”
      “Okay, I’m gonna run that by you again…”

      1. Viktoria

        Matthew 25:35-25:46 is pretty damn clear, and pretty damn ignored these days.

        1. Rutee

          Nearly all days, not these ones.

  37. Rukduk

    Jesus Christ, could you please smack Mary upside the head? Or at least send some good karma Roz’s way? She kinda deserves a reward for somehow not murdering Mary, and still trying to be slightly friendly to her.

    1. Reltzik

      “HEY! I just got smacked upside the head by some brown-skinned curly-haired guy with one of those jew hats! HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME! Christians are so persecuted in this society!”

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        “Was he wearing a green polo and a blue sash? What’s that about?”

  38. Rycan

    …just where the hell do you think Roz keeps her phone, anyways?

    1. John

      She’s a little unclear on what the term “phone sex” means.

  39. Dr. T

    Here I thought I could not despise a fictional character more. Mary proved me wrong. I’ve met too many real people like her.

  40. DudeMyDadOwnsADealership

    In the next panel, Roz bursts out laughing. Mary then angrily claims she was serious. Roz starts laughing so hard her sides really start to hurt.

  41. Some1

    For some reason, I can’t hate Mary. I don’t agree with her in any way shape or form, I love Carla, and any other transgender/gay characters. But for some reason I don’t have the same intense hatred that everyone else has. Maybe if I actually had to deal with her, I’d hate her more. Although I have had people describe me as way too forgiving.

    1. Idontcarenomore

      I don’t hate Mary. I just can’t stand her.

      I am a long way from perfect, but I know it. Mary does not, will not, can not.

      There appears to be absolutely no one on that campus that meets her self imposed rules of conduct. No one she approves of, no one she likes.

      If anything I feel sorry for her, but I have no problems feeling sorry for her from the other side of town.

      1. Some1

        I’m the kind of guy who is really hard to really piss off, but once you do…run.

        1. Rukduk

          So just like Jesus? (Exhibit a. Fig tree. Exhibit b. Coin changers in the Temple grounds)

        2. Drath

          You know, that fig tree event is kinda weird from the side of the apostle.
          “I will record my teacher yelling at a tree in front of everyone”

        3. SeanR

          Our church just got finished going over John 15:1-17.
          For five weeks.
          In light of that, and my tendency to rarely open a bible otherwise, the Fig tree story takes on a different light.

          But on the other hand, Mary really gets my goat. Or at least she strongly reminds me of one.

        4. Pyrpyr

          *insert Bible reference about “separating the sheep from the goats” here*

        5. SeanR

          That was just the reference I was aiming for.

    2. OnyxIdol

      I agree. Maybe it’s because I never actually had to deal with people like in rl.

    3. Cerberus

      That makes sense. I grew up with Mary types so Mary tends to be deeply deeply familiar to me, and so I envy anyone who has managed to mostly avoid the Marys of the world.

  42. Professor Fate

    Perfect anal orifice is more accurate. Those who think they’re perfect like holy-go-pious Mary really annoy those of us who are.

  43. SundaesChild

    Gentle reminder? More like blasting foghorn…or, if we want to get biblical, clanging cymbal.

  44. TarPaperShackMontegoBay

    Mary is the most entertaining character while Walky is the most believable. It’s not close in either instance

  45. z4nd4r

    A Star Wars quote? I didn’t think you liked Star Wars, David

  46. magicallady

    so mary wants jesus inside her?

    1. Mr k

      Her internet history must be interesting.

  47. Jess

    Or, you know, not-so-gentle reminder.

  48. theheroesofcrash

    If Howard Stern and Rush Limbaugh were female college teens who shared a room, I think they’d be these two. Opposite in beliefs, yet both unbearably loud and obnoxious.

    1. Reltzik

      Cue the Howardina/Rushine slashfic in three… two…

  49. Charles Phipps

    Is Mary racist or sexist against Robin? Or is Robin (officially) Catholic? What?

    1. danuis

      Robin is a sexlady; Mary hates it.

    2. danuis

      Wait, no, confused Roz and Rob. Hmm. Maybe she feels that Rob is too lenient on Roz and the like?

      1. Dean

        Robin is related to Roz, Roz is terrible, therefore Robin is terrible. Mary hates Riley for the same reason.

    3. Cerberus

      Yes. All of that.

  50. DinaWho

    If Mary’s not being sarcastic in panel 2, then probably she dislikes Robin as insufficiently steadfast or genuine in her religious conservatism. Probably would have favoured Cruz over Trump in the 2016 R primary.

    1. linkman0596

      even mary has parts of her that are only crummy as opposed to being a total bongo.

    2. DSL

      For some True Believers (no matter the cause), being insufficiently enthusiastic about their “side” is the same as being on the opposite side. See: Willisverse Mary, most Libertarians.

    3. SeanR

      I favored pretty much everyone over Trump in the primary.
      Still haven’t decided about the General Election, but a third-party is looking more defensible and appealing.
      I want to be able to say I didn’t vote for either, and yet still be able to say I voted.

      1. Jonathan S.

        Sad to say, Sean, that 2000 showed us that voting for a protest candidate is in effect voting in favor of the person you least want in office. (At least, I feel pretty secure in believing that if Nader had sat that one out, none of the people who voted for him would have gone with Bush.)

        And this election is the one where I hear the words of Lazarus Long most strongly: “If you live in a society that permits you to vote, do so. There may not be anything or anyone you wish to vote for – but there’s bound to be someone you want to vote against.“

        1. SeanR

          Well, I couldn’t vote in ’92. I didn’t vote for Her in ’96, and Trump’s the Eminent Domain candidate, so I don’t want to vote for Him either.
          So I very much want to vote Against both of them.
          Maybe we’ll be really lucky and there’ll be a quorum of others who also want to vote against the both of them. Or at least enough that congress stays at the Presidents throat, knowing there is no favor to be had for cozying up to either one.

  51. Dellaran

    How is one of them not dead yet?

    1. Bill M.

      For Roz, she knows killing Mary is the last thing her sister needs. Hell, look at how much shit was raised when Roz, a consenting adult, had consensual sex with Joe, another consenting adult, and said consensual sex was recorded consensually (both parties doing the sexing knew about the filming and were okay with it) and it was released online.

      For Mary, I’m betting she had a long hard talk with her youth group leader at her church (either her home church or the one she attends at college) which set her on her “God’s gentle reminder” kick for such a heathen as Roz.

      Other than that, good diet, exercise, and avoiding high risk situations like Toedad’s gun spree on campus…

      1. Rutee

        I really doubt that Roz has been, AT ALL, motivated by making her sister’s campaign look good. Dean Dean stopped her from making more sex tapes by offering to throw her out of the dorms.

    2. Spidergirl

      I believe it has something to do with the fact that murder is illegal, definitely grounds for expulsion, and (I think) a violation of the Bible. “Thou shall not kill” and all that.

      1. Dr. T

        That “Thou shalt not kill” thing isn’t something that the truly committed actually believe in. Hell, just last year there was a Christian conference that then presidential candidates Mike Huckabee, Ted Cruz, and Bobby Jindal all took part in. These presidential candidates all came out and gave speeches after their host, Kevin Swanson, gave a uproarious speech about how the government needs to round up all the gays in the country and execute them. No, I am not making that up nor am I putting words in his mouth. His speech, which none of those candidates criticized or disavowed when they gave their follow up speeches, is easily found online and boy, does he sound unhinged.

        1. Drath

          At the words of firefly.
          Zoë: Preacher, don’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin’?
          Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps

        2. Hielario

          I have to watch Firefly one of these days.

    3. Cerberus

      Roz: She has a strong moral code and murdering would be a strong violation of those moral codes.

      Mary: Nowhere to stash the body.

  52. Some1

    Look, I’m sorry but I saw this on Willis Tumblr and now I really have to see if actually works, because if it does, thats awesome

    She was only trying to study

    1. Some1

      Aw 🙁

      1. Orion Fury

        Filter check?

        1. Some1

          yep

        2. Orion Fury

          ‘It was Tuesday’ for the ‘SJW’ ‘bongo’.

          Though now I wonder if this’ll get deleted.

      2. David M Willis

        Oh, it’s caps sensitive. That’s the hitch.

        1. Some1

          she was only to study

        2. Some1

          Well I fucked that up

          she was only trying to study

        3. Some1

          Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

        4. Ana Chronistic

          wow, now I really wonder what filter that is

          is there a cheatsheet somewhere?

        5. Orion Fury

          A cheatsheet with the story behind each one could bee an interesting read.

        6. rectilinearpropagation

          Oh man, I can’t wait until someone legit tries to say that in a comment.

          Heeeeeee! ?

        7. Emily

          That is the most perfect thing.

        8. Drath

          Let me test something Else.

          I’m coming from 4chan

        9. trlkly

          So why not cover all common capitalizations?

    2. adam

      Let me try one:
      “Its about Ethics in studying”

  53. Idontcarenomore

    I think Roz deserves Saint status or something for not having locked Mary in a closet and thrown away the key.

    I wonder where Robin keeps her phone?

  54. Ridureyu

    Killing Mary, or someone like her, is not murder. It’s like killing Hitler.

    1. Some1

      there might be a slight difference between bigoted 18 year old vs guy who committed genocide.

      1. Orion Fury

        A few years and a few followers?

        1. inqntrol

          And the fact that he had control over most of Europe?

        2. Orion Fury

          To my knowledge that followed the years and followers.

      2. Rukduk

        Charisma, an abusive childhood, a quack Doctor pumping them full of drugs, four years of military experience in trench warfare, and a failed art career? Wait. That last one and maybe the second one are both possibilities for Mary…

    2. Rutee

      I mean, killing Hitler in his sleep would still be murder, it’d just be justified because it was /fucking hitler/.

    3. podian

      Okay, full stop. When you advocate for killing someone because they’re a jerk, you’re acting *worse* than Mary.

      1. Some1

        Problem is hating Mary, means I have to ignore my own shortcomings…I don’t think I’m as bad as Mary, but neither does she.

    4. hof1991

      Mary’s death is a fixed point in history. Even the Doctor can’t change it.

  55. Zasz

    Mary seems a lot more forced these days. Backlash from the ‘only trying to study’ incident maybe?

    1. David M Willis

      yes, when sad bigots shit their pants last week i totally traveled back in time to march 9, 2016 and drew today’s strip

      http://dumbingofage.tumblr.com/post/140736487397/twitter-voted-for-roz-june-11-2016

      i even put up a twitter poll that day to ask people which panel they wanted to see, roz or mary, before hopping back into my time machine

      https://twitter.com/damnyouwillis/status/707491280394305536

      1. Some1

        I knew it!

      2. Orion Fury

        Had a rousing week of whack-a-mole?

      3. Zasz

        What does that have to do with how she’s speaking?

        1. David M Willis

          I…..

          ….I can’t “respond” to something from a week ago with something I wrote three months ago?

          Like, time is linear, man.

        2. Zasz

          You certainly can edit dialog before the comic is posted. To make Mary much more clear-cut nuts than she might have come off back in January when all the ‘sad bigots’ started bongoing. If you want to say it was like this all along then just say so, no need to be condescending about it.

        3. David M Willis

          Maybe I’m condescending because you’re repeating an annoying pattern of hostility I’m fucking tired of. Again and again, I write some sort of marginalized person in trouble, some sea of offsite trolls takes the side of the villain, and then when the villain continues being kind of terrible, I am accused — again, repeatedly — of going back and changing things just to win some dumb Internet argument. Because the simplest answer isn’t “oh well maybe this character was just always awful and maybe we’re a little bit wrong,” it’s “CONSPIRACY AGAINST US!” The piece of strip that makes them wrong must somehow be de-legitimized. I’m “forcing” Mary to be worse, now! It’s not like she was protesting Riley DeSanto’s visit in 2013 by waiting out in the hallway like a monster person — it’s not like she was slutshaming Billie while secretly sleeping around in friggin’ 1999 — no, Mary is only terrible NOW, because I guess her misgendering Carla just wasn’t actually all that bad and now I have to make her worse. So, yes, I’m going to be AMAZINGLY condescending. You’re pushing a bonkers fantasy narrative that, whether intentional or not, placates a bunch of wrongheaded delusional bigots. Condescending is the least of what I should be.

          And no, other than the final two words of the strip (which folks can see on Patreon), this strip has not been altered since I drew it in March.

        4. David M Willis

          (as an aside, I thought this strip would sidestep that trend by depicting a Mary who’s kind of softly hilariously jerky in a nonbigoted way, and not as an absolute total Nazi, BUT HA HA HA NO)

        5. Drath

          Not wanting to be pedantic here, but what exactly has fundamental Christianity has to do with national socialism ?

        6. Willoughby Chase

          The same way Nazi’s are related to soup, perhaps. That’s a Seinfeld reference.

        7. trlkly

          If it makes you feel any better, I was all ready to post about how Mary might be getting a bit better–with that bit about hating Robin, and the fact that her last comment sounds more like a joke.

          It actually surprised me how many people think she’s being even worse than before.

        8. Orion Fury

          It felt like she was channeling Mike for me. If it wasn’t for the bigot-fueled storyline that just passed I’d probably find her to be a comic relief/foil.

        9. Cerberus

          Well, semi-seriously to Drath, there’s the fact that the nazis were heavily motivated by religious bigotry, specifically Lutheranism. That’s a little thing we tend to erase in the west in favor of a narrative of them being evil pagan science atheists whose religious arguments for the extermination of Jews was coincidental at best.

        10. Zasz

          I find your response reprehensible. If I am a bigot, so are you. You cannot handle criticism. You feel you are entitled to insult anyone and anything that raises an eyebrow at your lackluster writing and generally poor storytelling. You respond with insults and condescending retort that show a severe lack of confidence in your own work.
          While you were unaware of it, I am a PoC female who doesn’t appreciate being bullied by you or your cronies for pointing out a negative. But hey, you’re a CIS White Male so I should go to the back of the bus and be quiet.

        11. David M Willis

          Me: “I get a very strong feeling that you are arguing in bad faith, let me put on my snarky face.”
          You: “You’re being so mean to me.”
          Me: “Fine, let me explain exactly why I feel you are arguing in bad faith!”
          You: “I’VE ALWAYS HATED YOU AND YOUR DUMB STRIP”
          Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

        12. Falcon

          May I suggest you stop responding to Zasz directly after this particular point Willis? Your deadly sin is Wrath, and that makes trolls eye you like a delicious steak.

          As a fan of your strips, I’d rather you have a happy life than trying to quash conspiracy theorists.

        13. David M Willis

          but i like wrath

        14. SgtWadeyWilson

          I’m kinda torn on that, his wrathful rants are usually inspiring, but I also don’t want his time to be devoured by moderating the comments section when said trolls do crop up.

        15. Falcon

          And I like being lazy. Yet here I am in law school for some weird reason.

          Well, it’s merely a suggestion of course. Prioritize as you like.

        16. Cerberus

          I mean, I don’t want to see Willis go through any type of pain and suffering, but speaking only for myself, seeing him go off on some bigot definitely makes the space feel a bit safer and welcoming to marginalized bigots. Also, from personal experience, I know ripping apart bigots can be hella therapeutic in moderation.

        17. Cerberus

          Damnit, Willis, the ruse has been rumbled. You might as well reveal the secret time machine you’ve been using to win petty arguments against conspiracy-addicted bigots.

          Cause, it’s not like you could possibly prove them wrong by continuing to present a character as she is rather than as they want her to be to stick it to marginalized people.

          On a side note, it never ceases to amaze me how full of themselves bigots are. Like, the arguments that trans people are just transitioning to fool or confuse cis people or the arguments that gay people will of course find homophobes so irresistible that they’ll just be immediately drawn into assaulting them or this argument here.

          It really seems like they are fundamentally incapable of grasping that part of the world has nothing to do with them or their daily life.

        18. Zasz

          I enjoy how you paint me as a bigot merely for pointing out an inconsistency with Mary’s dialog.

        19. showler

          You didn’t point out an inconsistency with Mary’s dialog. You pointed out a perceived inconsistency with Mary’s dialog and then basically accused Willis of editing the comic in response to what happened last week, despite the fact that he has repeatedly, repeatedly stated that he doesn’t ever do this.

        20. DarkVeghetta

          What the hell did happen last week? I never get these references. I might need to watch news again >.< .

        21. Orion Fury

          Comment section DV, I believe. People stating their dislike of Mary, and Zasz saying that Mary’s ‘evilness’ here is being shoehorned in response to it, when this comic was written months ago, and it’s just her character, not pandering to the comment section.

        22. DarkVeghetta

          ^ I got that part, I red the entire above thread; but they kept referencing some event I wasn’t aware of. *shrug*

        23. adam

          BuT *Actually…*
          from a non-linear , non-subjective viewpoint Its more like….

        24. DinaWho

          *applause*

        25. Tenn

          Yes, I see your point: things are what they are.

          But what if they weren’t? I’m not claiming that they definitely aren’t, just acknowledging the possibility that they might not be. Neither you nor I can know with certainty that x equals x, so it would be intellectually dishonest to claim that it does. Therefore, my statement that x does not equal x has the same validity as your statement, and any disagreement on this point would be a violation of my Freedom of Speech.

  56. Lan

    I’m hoping that eventually Mary just winds up being that one mom everyone knew growing up who worked at Wal-Mart because her degree is the most useless piece of crap because she’s an ass.

    1. Orion Fury

      That implies that she procreates. You want more of her genes running around? Granted, it could turn out fine, but is it worth the risk?

      1. Pyrpyr

        Nah, she *will* find a husband to procreate with, because her god so commands her.
        An unfortunate reality of the situation, really.

      2. Deanatay

        a) Christians breed like rabbits, it’s, like, a commandment, or something.
        b) Idiocracy had it right.

        1. Orion Fury

          Good Little Irish Catholics grow up to make more Good Little Irish Catholics?

  57. Orion Fury

    That implies that she procreates. You want more of her genes running around? Granted, it could turn out fine, but is it worth the risk?

  58. Ann

    I kind of feel like this is a surprisingly good roommate match, or at least not the worst. Mary likes to target people she thinks are weak or vulnerable, but I feel like Roz would push back on Mary’s bs, and they’d both more or less tire of arguing with each other after like a week or two. It weirdly balances out a little.

    1. Cerberus

      It’s still no fun to be the Roz of the equation (sadly know that one from experience). And if she’s anything like I was back then, I imagine she’s bailing out of far more arguments than she’s pursuing.

  59. Kraken

    I can’t believe Mary…

    That shirt violates their roommate agreement!

    1. PSadlon

      Even if it didn’t, Mary does not follow what it espouses very well. She is pretty damn self centered.

      1. Cerberus

        No, it does:
        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/05-media-rumble/dumb/

        No referring to God as exclusively male.

  60. Iceholder

    As gentle as a vuvuzuela, maybe.

    1. m-m

      brilliant simile!

  61. Mkvenner

    No Mary. Deep down Roz is a decent person while you have no redeeming qualities what so ever.

    1. DarkVeghetta

      Deep down? I find her to be a nice person straight-up.

  62. Some1

    first I would buy a puppy, then I would give the puppy to Mary and waited tell she bonded with it, then I would give Carla a new pair of skates. In disguise I would later steal both items, while leaving a note for both of them, creating a series of challenges forcing them into some form of teeth clenched teamwork.

    1. Clif

      How could you be so evil and cruel.

      That poor puppy.

      1. inqntrol

        Don’t worry, Some1 ain’t the type of person who harms puppies. Right, Some1?

        1. Some1

          I don’t harm puppies, nor can I ever see Mary harming a puppy, she’s evil but that’s a sin reserved for a special type of monster.

    2. Rukduk

      Don’t you dare hurt that puppy Some1!!! Don’t you dare hurt it!!!

      1. Some1

        Wait I’m confused, am I harming the puppy because I’m giving it to Mary or because of the whole dognapping thing? Cause I wouldn’t actually hurt the puppy, I’m not a monster.

        1. Rukduk

          The dognapping. As horrible as Mary is, I maintain a belief that relatively few people will hurt a puppy. Even someone as spiteful as Mary. Said belief might be unrealistic, but it’s one of the few things keeping me sane in this world, so I will stand by it.

        2. Gamaran Sepudomyn

          She wouldn’t intentionally hurt the puppy. But she seems about as stupid as the person who starved a dog because they weren’t willing to believe that dogs are carnivores.

        3. SgtWadeyWilson

          Then the best course of action is to raise the hypothetical puppy yourself, as giving a puppy to Mary may harm the puppy emotionally. Also, dorms are not known for their allowance of pets.

        4. Orion Fury

          Perhaps a stuffed one, in a downwards pose? Could tell her it’s praying, and that’s how it sustains itself, so it needs neither food nor drink nor walks?

        5. Some1

          Funny enough the puppy thing was my least evil plan, my most evil planned involved kidnapping both Mary and Carla, tying up Carla and giving Mary a gun loaded with blanks. I would then say something to Mary like, “so if you really hate her that much, here’s your chance to be rid of her, or you could walk away and Carla would go free, make your choice Mary Bradford…show me what your are in the dark.”

  63. Shiro

    Shouldn’t Mary like Robin, as the conservative candidate? Or have I got the politics of this strip all wrong?

    1. Rodimiss

      That’s what I was wondering, too. Maybe she dislikes Robin as a person, or thinks she doesn’t truly believe and is just catering to votes?

    2. Mkvenner

      This kind of thing does happen.

    3. TheStranger

      She has it in for the DeSantos. She thinks Riley’s a monster.

      Now, whether she thinks that because of her roommate, or her roommate’s sister, or some unholy combination of the two, who knows.

    4. Reltzik

      It’s possible that Mary is from a branch of Christianity that regards all politics as worldly and all politicians as having turned away from God to pursue worldly power.

      1. Abel Undercity

        Also possible: Mary doesn’t like anyone. At all. Anywhere.

    5. SeanR

      My theory is this is still the primaries, and they’re both the Republican candidate pandering for the conservative vote.

      Or, it could be a case where, like NY and OK.
      What do you call a NY Republican? A Democrat.
      What do you call an OK Democrat? A Republican.

      1. Mkvenner

        They don’t have primaries in congressional races. Robin is running for congress not the presidency.

        1. SeanR

          You don’t? We do. Is your state a de-facto one-party state?
          I don’t recall ever voting between multiple Republicans, (or “Republicans”), and multiple Democrats in a November election, for any seat.
          Maybe my memory is just flawed, but a quick check of my states election board webpage suggests otherwise.

        2. Dara

          We have that. It’s a top-two primary so sometimes it’ll be D vs. D or R vs. R or very occasionally D vs. Lliberatarian or D vs. Green or Socialist. Where I’m from in Seattle it’s pretty hilarious – we have like three tiny socialist parties and one Maoist in the form of the Revolutionary Communist Party. They get three digits in votes sometimes!

        3. Mkvenner

          That’s a general election. A primary election narrows the field of candidates (usually within political parties) before a general election. There still in September I think.

        4. TheStranger

          Incorrect. You may have districts where nobody is willing to challenge the incumbent but House and Senate races still have primaries.

  64. ninja_jesus

    I like this strip for humanizing Mary. Like, I dunno, this banter feels pretty natural to me. I will never like her as a person, but giving her some downtime from being the mean rotten bigot seems like a good change of pace.

    1. Reltzik

      …….

      …. wait, this is her NOT being a mean rotten bigot?

      1. Rutee

        I mean, yeah. Right now she’s just a terrible, arrogant jerk. She’s not behaving bigoted towards anyone this moment.

        1. Rutee

          Strike that, people who have sex, derp.

        2. Some1

          That’s still pretty low on levels of awfulness compared to what Mary has done in the past. When she has no right to condemn her, at least the sex is an actual choice.

        3. ninja_jesus

          Specifically, people who masturbate.

        4. Cerberus

          So… nearly everyone?

  65. WingedBeast

    Mary, this is something I wind up saying to a great many Christians.

    Hubris does not become humility when you hide it behind God.

    That’s a nice way of telling you to get over yourself.

  66. Bagge

    Heh, I really enjoy their banter. These are two people with very little love for each other who nevertheless had decided to stay somewhat civil because they share a room.

    I truly believe Mary tries to agree with Roz in the second panel, just in a very… Mary way.

    It was a finely crafted snide remark in the fourth panel.

    1. Emily

      One of my favourite relationship (not necessarily romantic) dynamic tropes is “Two People Who Can’t Stand Each Other.”

    2. Cerberus

      I want to imagine this is Roz’s every morning. Waking up, trying to make some pleasant small talk with Mary, and then remembering why she never bothers.

  67. Totes anonymouse the first

    Why Rep. Robin, I’m surprised, to see you here, your worship.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NQ9ZRj_vtA&t=7m27s

  68. HiiroArana79

    DOA Mary is uglier and more vicious than Roomies Mary. She reminds me of a girl I met at my first cast party. Before, the play she bragged how she wasn’t like other cast members and couldn’t be corrupted. At the casting party she made out with a number of people men and women. I guess what I’m saying is: Mary seems like the kind of person who needs an invitation and she hasn’t gotten it yet. You have to be open to such things, too . Or maybe she keeps it on the DL like in Roomies?

  69. James

    …see, if it were coming from someone capable of humor or self-deprecation, Mary’s dialogue might be moderately finny banter. From her it’s just unironic awfulness.

    1. Z Man

      Finny banter is for sharks only

      1. Brian K. Pittman

        Listen here, chum…

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Don’t give them more puns, they’re just baiting you!

        2. James

          It was an honest typo, no need to take that tuna voice with me.

        3. Skilltagz

          You guys fell for it hook, line and sinker

  70. J

    Heh, more like dank presense, amirite? … I should stop speaking. In general.

    1. J

      Oh god. And I misspelled. presence. All the more reason.

  71. Raven Stromdans

    Mary makes me want to punch my computer screen. Props to David for inventing characters that illicit such powerful emotional reactions.

    ~rubs raw knuckles~ …but he still owes me a new computer screen.

    1. Some1

      How are you posting!?

      1. Rukduk

        My guess would be mobile device.

        1. Orion Fury

          Does Nokia make smartphones?

        2. inqntrol

          *smartbricks

        3. SeanR

          Nokia used to make good phones.
          Didn’t M$ buy them?

  72. Brian K. Pittman

    Yes. His perfect reminder that bad things can happen to good people. And that those things are sometimes named Mary.

    1. Henry

      Mary is her reminder that everyone makes mistakes. Even God. After all, Mary exists.

  73. Historyman68

    Mary’s lines are pretty clever actually, too bad she’s such a dingus.

  74. BenRG

    The worrying thing is that I really think that Mary believes that. This explains so much about her personality and behaviour. It also seriously opens the door to her having an undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder.

    1. Some1

      Wait, what if she was diagnosed with something, but rather then get her proper therapy and care her parents had her try to use religion to solve her issues?

    2. DSL

      Not everything requires a mental-illness explanation. Some people are just metaphorical solid waste discharge ports.

      1. Gamaran Sepudomyn

        Asshole-ism is actually significantly less likely in those who have mental illnesses, at least if you look at crime statistics. Those with mental illnesses are far less likely to commit crimes and far more likely to become the victims of them, especially violent crimes.

  75. Pogo

    Honestly if I roomed with Mary, and then heard Joyce spout the things she usually says in gender studies/around Roz, I’d probably be harsh against Joyce too. Unfair I know! But like it’s easy to displace it.

    1. m-m

      good point – i never really juxtaposed those two things in my mind. makes a lot of sense. i like.

      1. Cerberus

        Yup, it doesn’t make it right, but it’s a big part of the reason she went off on Joyce that one time.

  76. TheHabbadasher

    I wonder if it takes a lot of practice to be this awful. I mean, does Mary have to stand in front of the mirror every morning and practice being the most awful and evil version of herself she possibly can be, or does it just come naturally to her?

  77. KSClaw

    Oh please Mary, you’re about as gentle as that extra rough sandpaper one uses on sharp edges.

  78. Yotomoe

    Mary is like a hole from which God’s Glory can escape. A Glory hole, if you will.
    I doubt I’m the first to make this joke, but I’m not about to read all those comments.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      And a proud Glory God hole she is.

    2. Orion Fury

      I didn’t see one. Could have missed it.

  79. The Aussie Bloke

    “Perfect Glory’s gentle reminder”

    … Of what NOT to be

  80. BadRoad

    Evidently, Mary is the kind of Christian who wants her glory on Earth.

  81. Chaucer59

    Mary’s about as gentle as a rabid wolverine with crabs.

  82. Henry

    If I had to choose between a punch in the balls every morning, or having Mary as a roommate, I would still probably pick Mary, if only because it would be easier to preemptively kill her than it would be for a disembodied punching apparatus.

    But by god, it would be close.

    1. Bleeters

      You could always wear a cup.

  83. Spencer

    Mary just kind of makes me laugh at this point. She’s so friggin’ toothless it’d be like getting mad at the Brain for trying to take over the world.

    Both of Mary’s evil plans have been foiled by pies to face and Ruth not caring enough to be blackmailed. Step up your game, Mary. You’re only running on 0.03 kilorosses at this point.

    1. podian

      0.03 kiloross = 30 ross

      I think you’re severely underestimating Ross.

  84. NinjaZaku

    Can someone so ignorant yet so simultaneously smug actually exist?

    *glances at the current presidential election* Nevermind.

    1. SeanR

      I am SeanR and I approve this message.

  85. Amake

    Oh, now Mary makes sense to me. She’s like that movement that wanted to make life on Earth so horrible and brutal people would go to Heaven faster and feel better once there. While Atheists work to create Heaven on Earth, Mary tries to be Hell to everyone around her.

    1. BrokenEye, The True False Prophet

      Makes you pine for the days of self-flagellation and vows of silence, doesn’t she?

    2. Charles Phipps

      I don’t think any branch of Christianity does that. That’s just Mary.

      1. SeanR

        Well, there is that “church” of “Baptists” in Kansas…

  86. podian

    I asked myself how come both Mary and Roz are against Robin, but then I remembered that in Shortpacked! Robin was Catholic.

    1. BrokenEye, The True False Prophet

      Mary’s against Robin because she’s against everybody. If the good lord Jesus Christ himself rose from the grave, she’d probably burn him as a witch.

      1. LadySol

        Well, you know Historical Jesus was a character in Shortpacked, so it could happen. Not sure how, since DOA is supposed to be grounded in reality, but it could happen.

        1. Orion Fury

          Perhaps an on-campus non-denominational priest? So not literal, but someone who expouses faith in a caring, non violent way?

  87. podian

    If that shirt said “more me, less you” it’d more accurately reflect Mary’s attitude to others.

    1. inqntrol

      You can say that she’s full of herself.

      1. Jonathan S.

        Well, she’s definitely full of something…

  88. BrokenEye, The True False Prophet

    Going by the Old Testament, Mary might actually qualify as what God considers a “gentle reminder”, and by “gentle”, I of course mean that nobody dies.

  89. OnyxIdol

    Eh, I ship it.

  90. Daisy

    Mary is still one of the absolute worst but this is a pretty good snark.

  91. Falling Star

    The thing is, she has a point in panel 4.

  92. SDGlyph

    Huh. I’m actually kinda surprised that Mary *isn’t* a fan of Robin.

    Given her presumed political standpoints and all.

    1. SDGlyph

      Unless she was talking about Riley. Which was my first thought, but didn’t seem to fit.

    2. Paul

      Well, a real, honest-to-Rush-Limbaugh Christian would never approve of a woman in public office. 1 Timothy 2:12 and all that.

      1. Parzival

        Yeah, no true Scotsman would ever do such a thing.

  93. Aprion

    ugh, next time instead of a pie to the face she needs a brick to the face.

  94. Jimmy

    The only time I will defend Mary is panel 2. I thought that’s where Roz was going with what she said in panel 1.

  95. nothri

    Yeah, Mary, your totally like God’s right hand.

    You know, like Lucifer before he resigned.

  96. Paul

    I would like to learn the nature of Roz’s influence over her sister’s congressional aide.

  97. rectilinearpropagation

    Even when Mary isn’t wearing the wrist warmers we can’t see her wrists.

    1. Orion Fury

      Perhaps Willis drawing her wrists are like feet for Liefeld? Or there’s a darker plot point there.

  98. masterofthez

    I feel like I’d tolerate Mary a lot more if her last line in this was meant to be sarcastic. I mean, I’d also have to ignore everything else she has ever done ever, but still.

  99. hof1991

    less Mary, more historical Jesus.

    1. Phildog

      Historical Jesus would be perfect for a crazy homeless guy living around campus. He’d be all like “I am Jesus, your savoir! Someone bring me a fish and I’ll clone it for you.”

      1. cesium133

        If he’s cloning fish, he’s more likely a graduate student in genetics. It’s sometimes easy to confuse graduate students for crazy homeless guys, though.

  100. Phildog

    Hey walky, are you sure you can’t violate your “nobody dies in DoA” rule for just this one character? Please?

    1. 3oranges

      Mary doesn’t even have to die! She just has to stay hidden, even from her roommate. I…I really thought after Carla’s brilliant humiliation of her, that’s what should happen, for a few months at least.

      1. Icalasari

        A few in universe months, correct?

  101. Carolyn

    Geez. I’m not a huge fan of Roz, but I wouldn’t wish living with Mary on my worst enemy.

    1. Some1

      You must have fairly nice worst enemies, the one guy who I know personally who could be considered my worst enemy is so much worse. Think, Sexist Blaine like asshole who harassed high school girls and resigned after it turned out he was cheating just so so much.

  102. John Madden

    Mary is a reminder that religious extremism comes in all forms.

    And, like kebab, it should be removed.

    1. rectilinearpropagation

      Like kebab?

    2. Hielario

      I’d also like to know how does your simile work. It should be sheared with a slicer thingie?

  103. Pat Myers

    Oh my god, that t-shirt is horrible. Perfect match for Mary.

  104. Resulli

    Mary needs more ultra pies.

  105. QWERTY

    Willis- please run over Mary

    1. Mkvenner

      Or drive her around the bend.

  106. Reltzik

    Dear Willis.

    I know that you have promised never to kill anyone in DoA, due to the negative emotional impact that would cause.

    Let me promise you that Mary’s death would not have this consequence. If she got hit by a truck we’d be less grieving and more dancing.

    Just putting that out there.

  107. JBento

    I’ve been staring at this strip for 10minutes now, trying to figure out why I love it so much, and I finally got it: it perfectly exemplifies the importance of context!

    If this is your first run-in with Mary, then her last line, hells, even her EXPRESSION, comes out as snarky. It’s only for more familiar people that it becomes “uh, no. Pick up a dictionary.”

    CONTEXT!!!!

    1. Orion Fury

      I have a feeling the comment section would have spawned far less vitriol if this was her first appearance.

  108. cmd1095

    Apparently we need more pies

  109. Parzival

    I keep forgetting just how despicable Mary is.

    Which is hilarious in hindsight, because she was originally designed as a perfect girl, like twenty years ago.

  110. tei

    this is where you drop kick her. you have the high ground. (physically and morally.)

  111. drs

    Mary is rude and unpleasant, but panel 2 is pretty funny, whether she genuinely dislikes Robin or is simply snarking in response to panel 1. It also seems a bit nerdy… which isn’t surprising given that Mary’s here for anime-style art lessons.

  112. Liliet

    I
    I ship it

    1. Genuity

      They’d make a pretty good thwartship, I gotta agree.

  113. Kater

    Yay Roz! I am excited for this storyline.

  114. H3xx

    … Oh I do believe I would have murdered Mary a long time ago. Not because she’s religious, but because she’s so conceited that she believes herself to be an exemplary member of her chosen “tribe,” for lack of a better term.

    I would do worse than spell my name out in laser light. I would be constantly preaching the language of science to her… Like an evangelical Dina.

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      The power of evolution compells you! Go and learn some more! Something something square of the hypotenuse… something something… light?

      Yeah, monotheism is not my subject.

  115. Vi0l33t

    The name Mary means Sea of Bitterness. It’s so very fitting.

  116. Weeeee

    So, I’m really interested in Joyce’s fathers future character development. I think it’s going to say a lot about Willis’ view of religious/conservative people. I wonder if he will be able to be portrayed as both religious/conservative and reasonable. I think all other characters have been portrayed as one or the other.

    I also wonder if Joyce, as a reasonable but misguided character will be become an atheist at the end of her character arc or if she will find some sort of middle ground. Basically I’m hoping that Joyce, her brother and her father, break the trend of this dichotomy between religion and reason.

    1. JBento

      Joyce is, to a certain extent, autobiographical – I *think* Willis is an atheist (but Jesus was an okay guy), so that’s likely where Joyce will end up. I s’pose Hank will end up wherever Willis’s father wound up?

      Also, counterpoint: you can either be a religious conservative or reasonable – there is no overlap. If you mean either religious or conservative, and reasonable, there’s plenty of characters that fit the bill. The only atheists around seem to be Dorothy and Dina.

  117. Kyle Voltti

    Oh the irony of that shirt. If Mary was any more about “ME” she would produce a gravitational field

  118. Deviant

    I am just counting down the days until the reason for Marys obnoxious behavior is revealed, showing her to be a flawed human coping with some form of heavy duty problems, making me feel like an ass for hating her right now.

    1. Palamdrone

      And then there’s Mike, or Galaso. Some characters don’t need reasons.

      1. SeanR

        There’s something wrong with Galasso? I mean, there is, but I think it’s congenital, not a state of maliciousness.
        Hard to hate someone for being so gender blind he’s suffering a social handicap.
        Now, how he survived high school with that ego, I’ll never understand.

        1. Gamaran Sepudomyn

          Presumably, by actually being as smart and ridiculously over the top awesome as he claims to be.

      2. Deviant

        They will also be shown as just normal, flawed human beings, mark my words.

  119. Indiana Bones

    Y’know, it’s funny. I’ve been reading this strip since it began (and I read all of Roomies and Shortpacked before this), but it’s only occurred to me just now that Mary has to truly believe that everyone sees the world as she does.

    …it is one friggity weird thing to realize

  120. Victor Riley

    Oh man, Mary is so fucking horrible.

  121. Vree

    Those were actually pretty witty comebacks.

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