339

Decision
Posted on October 11, 2016 by David M Willis
Christine Love, one of my longtime Internet besties, has a new erotic comedy visual novel out today: Ladykiller in a Bind! It's FOR ADULTS OKAY and it's 10% off on launch week.  I'm reasonably sure it's going to be enjoyably snarky. vintagephoenix2016big2Also, here's a reminder that THIS FRIDAY, meaning in THREE DAYS, I'm gonna be in Bloomington, Indiana, again for all your Meet This Dude needs.  Find me at Vintage Phoenix Comics in downtown Bloomington, from 5-7pm!  I'll have all five books and some character magnets! Something tells me it'll be harder to sneak around Indiana University incognito this year for photo reference while dragging a double baby stroller.

339 thoughts on “Decision”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “it was my finest moment”

    1. Orion Fury

      “eh, it’s alright.”

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        I don’t know, if one aims to misbehave, I’d say that’d be up there.l

        1. Orion Fury

          You know, I think I may need to start citing my quotes…

        2. miados

          “bah”

          dogbert from the dilbert comics.

        3. Pablo360

          Quoting Dilbert seems rather uncouth these days, taking into account Scott Adams’… er… dipshittery.

    2. Cheryl

      Shes the RA we need but dont deserve.

  2. butts

    Yeah, but, I mean

    It was MARY.

    1. Doctor_Who

      That’ll get her promoted.

      1. inqntrol

        The other R.As will cheer for her.

        1. Orion Fury

          She deserves a raise.

        2. butts

          Screw it. Make her the dean.

        3. Orion Fury

          Why stop there? Ruth for Congress! She doesn’t have tiny hands, after all.

        4. crow

          make her prez shes not a war criminal or trump

        5. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Can’t be Prez because she isn’t 35.

        6. Orion Fury

          Gaia Queen!

        7. crow

          can the gaia queen be one of my moms? i have like 3 maybe 4

        8. Orion Fury

          @crow I don’t see why not.

        9. crow

          sweet i got another mom

        10. deathjavu

          Can’t be president because she was born in Canada.

          …she was born in Canada, right? I’m not misremembering that?

        11. Needfuldoer

          DeSanto/Lessick 2024!

          Ruth could be President if she has birthright citizenship through at least one of her parents. That’s how Ted Cruz is eligible, even though he was born in Ontario.

        12. podian

          It’d be almost like voting for Canada Party.

        13. Lailah

          Clinton is literally not a war criminal. She didn’t have authority over any engines of war to /be/ one.

          I mean, she probably /will/ be one, but meriken president, so she’s in a little club with, you know, basically every president who had the opportunity to be one.

        14. Lailah

          (And no, I doubt Sanders would avoid being in this club)

        15. Crow

          not getting in a debate but i read that clinton has been reported several times over the past how ever many years that shes been in congress as a warhawk and is always suggesting war? like shes a war criminal i dont see how shes not and yeah no if bernie won hed be going to war too no politician actually cares about anything other than how much money can they make and thats typically (like nearly 100%) money made from war ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ politics is bad

        16. thejeff

          Crow – Words actually mean things. Being a hawk or arguing for war do not make you a war criminal. There are certain things that qualify as war crimes and it’s not as simple as being a hawkish politician. Going to war is also not a war crime.
          Even voting in favor of a war in which war crimes were committed doesn’t qualify. Directly voting to authorize a war crime might. Of course, being in the chain of command and ordering one would.
          I’m not saying she absolutely hasn’t, but you haven’t offered any evidence to show it.

        17. Lailah

          A war criminal is someone who, you know, authorizes or orders or takes part in a /war crime/. That is /an actual fucking thing/, not merely the act of going to war. She is a hawk. A hawk is not sufficient to be a war criminal, although being a hawk is a grossly immoral thing to do (I will tolerate it given the rest of her platform, but it isn’t, itself, a /good/ thing)

          Now, again, she probably is going to be a war criminal. She’s going to be an american president who has the opportunity to be one. I think the only ones who aren’t are maybe Carter, and the ones who were in charge before the concept of war crimes was really codified

          And no, Bernie probably wouldn’t go to war. If you think taht’s where our war crimes are being carried out rn, you are nayve as fuck. Our war crimes aren’t carried out in declared wars atm. Because we aren’t in any. Your cynicism is, unsurprisingly, not accurate. Also, war is extremely unprofitable for most of the country – politicians included, as far as direct money. War does mean an opportunity for pork projects, but those don’t actually profit congress critters usually, but their constituents – none of which matters to the actual sitting president, as they don’t /have/ a constituency to pork barrel (Except the american people as a whole, who generally lose from an actual war). There’s a reason we’re not in actual wars atm. And Clinton probably isn’t going to declare any either (The only enemy de jure of the American people rn is a group who patently /can’t/ be fought by Americans with a war; and she’s actually good at politics and seems to recognize this), she’s just going to continue Cheney and Obama’s murderous policiies.

        18. Orion Fury

          What the hell happened to this thread?

        19. Reltzik

          Hey, she easily clears the bar for civil conduct set by Preston Brooks.

      2. The Gorram Batguy

        That’ll get her sainthood!

    2. Reltzik

      It was still a dick transfer move.

      1. The Gorram Batguy

        My brain first read that as a straightforward “dick transfer move” and so I’m imagining surgery.

        1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          There are much more interesting place on the body to put it. See The Hydrogen Sonata by Iain M. Banks.

  3. sun tzu

    “You’re my best RA! You assault people unprovoked, rely on physical violence and intimidation to keep people in line, steal students’ possessions, ignore problems you don’t feel like dealing with, and then assault students who demand you deal with said problems! MY BEST RA!”

    1. butts

      All she knows is that Ruth’s floor is quiet.

      1. Orion Fury

        Well, aside from the odd thunkingnoises.

      2. Orion Fury

        Well, aside from the odd thunking noises.

        1. butts

          “Yeah, what was that?”

          “Dubstep.”

          “…Dubstep?”

          “AHAHA YES LOTS OF DUBSTEP WUB WUB WUB”

        2. Orion Fury

          NOT WUB ENOUGH!

        3. Emeraldbeacon

          “What was that?”

          “…the beat must have dropped.”

        4. Lokitsu

          It was the sound of twue wub!

        5. Fart Captor

          I lived in a dorm for 4 years. It would be odder if there weren’t thunking noises.

        6. Orion Fury

          Ah yes, like having kids and not hearing anything is when you become concerned.

        7. LWS

          The dorm I lived in my sophomore year specialized in beer bowling. We had long hallways so they’d set up 10 empty beer cans like bowling pins at one end and then hurl frisbees from the other end. You learned to listen for the thunking noise of impact to know it was safe to stick your head outside your room. The RA was one of the players so you really couldn’t complain.

    2. Doctor_Who

      We’ve never seen him in DoA, but apparently the guys’ RA is the dude whose only personality trait is Star Trek.

      So yeah, Ruth = best RA.

    3. showler

      When are people going to understand that most of that came about because of Billie. Ruth’s reputation was mostly reputation prior to that and most of the people she was RA to actually like her.

      1. thejeff

        She did go to some effort to establish that reputation early on – threatening people and physically dragging them to the floor meeting.

        You’re right that, outside of Billie, she hasn’t been as bad as you might think.

        1. Charles Phipps

          Well, we know everyone hates her and that she blew off talking about the shooting on campus because not enough people wanted to know about it (or perhaps know about it from HER). So, yes, all round, Ruth sucks at her job.

        2. John

          My experience was that’s just how floor meeting attendance goes. The only reason 90% of the floor didn’t skip the previous two floor meetings was that Ruth was actively intimidating people into showing up.

          I mean, before Ruth started dragging people there by the scruff of the neck, the first floor meeting’s total attendance was Dina, Dorothy, and Joyce. And my experience is that attendance tends to drop off after the first meeting.

        3. Charles Phipps

          Well, if only one person wanted to talk about a shooting then….YEAH, you should still have that conversation. Because it’s a shooting.

        4. thejeff

          Though honestly I doubt any RA is actually qualified to have that conversation – beyond simple reading an announcement and pointing people to actual resources.
          They’re especially not qualified to have it with students directly involved in the shooting.

    4. Emperor Norton II

      Strictly speaking, most of the assaults are not unprovoked. And I’m not even talking about Mary’s little “scream in your face” provocation, I’m talking about how Ruth generally allows for the other person to start the actual violence before she responds. She’s very good at that, in fact.

      And that is why, I’m sure, people didn’t seem too upset with her when she threw Billie on the couch the first meeting. They all saw Billie trying her best to punch the RA in the face. They saw the RA standing there perfectly calm and waiting for that moment. They all saw Billie trying to actually punch her lights out. They saw her -counter- the violence, not initiate it.

      And in the aftermath, the rest of the floor were more in awe of her than anything, it seemed like.

    5. Idontcarenomore

      Intimidation yes, violence-not so much. She relied on reputation of ‘Ruthless’ as much as anything. Her attitude was as frightening or more so than her actions; as if ‘I don’t care if I kill you, so do it …’. Most people did it.

      She stole one students possessions: Billie’s HS Cheer gear, and that was because she wanted Billie and that was only way she could think to get her attention? Like a little kid hitting another little kid because ‘they liked them” sort of old screwed up thinking?

      I don’t think Ruth cared enough one way or the other about the dorm floor to go intimidate actively. She threatened and ignored them.

      Did she assault students who asked for help? Again, I think she just ignored them.

      Only the best RA because no one complained about her, because:
      -The only real louse on the dorm floor was Mary who would preach you to death.
      -Ruthless was an RA that wasn’t in your face-enforcing the rules.
      -No really big brawls on the floor that the floor didn’t handle themselves, until Carla and Mary got into and, and Mary broke up Ruth and Billie.

      Ruth lost Billie and that seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back.
      And brought the front office into the fray.

      1. Showler

        Willis specifically drew a comic where Ruth was nice and helpful to everyone on her floor except Billie. Also Ruth took Billie’s stuff to punish her, not get her attention. Ruth started out hating Billie for having been a drunk driver.

        1. thejeff

          Interesting question. When did that switch? Because the abusive behavior definitely carried through after the attraction started.

        2. Neeks

          Well, Ruth explicitly doesn’t believe she deserves nice things, so it sort of makes sense her subconscious or whatever would tell her to romantically/sexually pursue the one girl on the floor she hated(/gave any kind of a shit about). Heck, maybe the initial kiss was an attempt to get fired, but turned out to be reciprocated, and all kinds of escalation happened from there.

        3. Neeks

          Basically: Ruth (thinks she) doesn’t deserve nice things, thinks Billie is not a nice thing, thus she deserves Billie. Then she discovers Billie is, in fact, a Nice Thing, and thus she doesn’t deserve her.

          I do find it interesting that she lumps her grades into the pile of nice things she doesn’t deserve, though, because those TEND to be given out on relatively objective merit (depending on the class and who is doing the grading, I guess). Depressive logic, tho.

          Like the time I decided not to care what other people think and base my decisions and outlook on my own opinions and then realized that meant I was completely disregarding positive feedback too because other people’s opinions were irrelevant. Oops.

        4. Yet Another Laura H.

          That’s one of the things I love about this strip: It’s clearly a “depression lies” situation (and man, that is EXACTLY what depression says when it it lies), but Ruth DOES have areas she could and should improve. Too often, you see portrayals of Mary Sue/ Gary Lou/ Wil Wheaton, who are just pretty much perfect anyway, and it weakens my will to fight that you don’t see depressed people for whom depression uses the truth to strengthen its lies…

  4. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    No, Ruth, you don’t deserve Sal, but that’s not who you want, is it?

    Sal is hottest, says so right there in the poll. She’s even runoff proof.

    1. Orion Fury

      I keep coming up with ideas, but they’re all too crass. Gonna try a new spot.

      1. Jhon

        NOT CRASS ENOUGH

    2. TheAnonymousGuy

      Billies in second. Ruth must be one who roots for the underdog, I mean it makes sense, why else would she be a leafs fan.

      1. Reltzik

        Nonono. Going for second place is like rooting for the team who got to the championship and lost.

        The Leafs. THE LEAFS. That would be the equivalent of going after Mary.

        1. TheAnonymousGuy

          it still says something if a team gets to the championship and well, the leafs try

          (Said the guy who knows jack-shit about hockey :l )

        2. Rusty

          I’m just imagining that the Leafs are like the Mighty Ducks, as that is the extent of my hockey knowledge. I assume the other teams are

    3. SgtWadeyWilson

      You misspelled Malaya. (Also, in this make-believe universe, so did about 3000 voters in that poll.[I know that’s not how that works.])

      1. Orion Fury

        So then NOT MALAYA ENOUGH?

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Is anything really Malaya enough? (FYI, my other votes went to Carla and Billie, in that order, so I’d say Ruth wasn’t that far off.)

    4. Sheason

      What is truly worrying – even more than the fact that Mary is even ON the poll – is that there are, at time of typing, at least 199 votes for her.

      WHAT.

      1. Orion Fury

        I think they voted based on physicality only, and not personality.

    5. miados

      sal did get my vote. so did becky and carla…… i like red heads.

      1. BBCC

        Ditto, but replace Becky with Marcie.

        …

        Okay, fine, I picked three out of four members of one of my favourite groups, sue me.

    6. LimeSheep

      hey, i voted for sal AND billie

    7. podian

      Still salty how low in the poll Joyce, Amber and Dorothy are.

      On the other hand, apparently 199 people voted for Mary, so that poll should be taken with a grain of salt.

      1. trlkly

        Yeah. It’s not like she’s some evil hottie. She’s drawn like a little girl.

        I think it’s mostly just people wanting to be contrary. Or who find the idea of punishing her to be hot.

        1. BBCC

          Orrrrrr some people really DO think she’s pretty.

          She’s awful, but girl has style.

        2. Lailah

          Willis’ art generally doesn’t do it for me, so a lot of it is on attitude.

          Though Mary legit does have style,

        3. BBCC

          I hate her so much, but I want to raid her closet this is horribly unfair. Damn you, Willis, I guess?

        4. Rusty

          I will point out that some people like little girls or like people that have a look of a younger girl to them.

          Lolitas are totally a thing and I’ve found myself finding the lolita character in a game to be the most attractive. However, I am also asexual, so I’m not thinking like just physical attractiveness or sexual attractiveness. I just find them to be the most attractive overall in the same way that I find Captains Malcolm Reynolds and Jack Harkness to be two of the most attractive characters ever.

          The point being… Maybe some people like them young?

  5. miados

    I can relate to ruth so much in this comic….

    1. Bluewind

      Me too

  6. Orion Fury

    Awww, she thinks Billie’s pretty.

    1. -Sentinel-

      She unquestionably is.

    2. miados

      Well as pretty is purely visual I would have to agree billie is kinda cute when sober.

      1. Betty Anne

        Billie is SUPER hot, appearance-wise.

        1. miados

          its dependent on preference though. Like while they are contradictory as in i am not sure they can look good together I find red heads and Asians to be pretty/cute respectively.

        2. Orion Fury

          Over two thousand and one people can’t be wrong

        3. DarkVeghetta

          Of course they can. Happens all the time even. That sed, they have a point here.

      2. Orion Fury

        “Go Leafs”

    3. TheAnonymousGuy

      Her personality isn’t that bad, she just has a few anger issues.

      1. crow

        i think billies anger is a result of neglect based on how she would always be w/ wally to the point of them saying multiple times that shes more there family and then her parents not showing up on parents day

  7. AnvilPro

    Never forget that time Joyce was cool, and Ruth threw the cool out the window.

    1. Reltzik

      ……….. I am revoking your right to use the word “cool”.

      1. Deanatay

        Replace ‘cool’ with ‘adorkable’, and you’ve got it.

    2. Bagge

      But Dina did properly emulate being scared and was thus spared.

  8. Fart Captor

    Ruth, slapping that dick onto Mary’s face was a wonderful, beautiful thing. Don’t ever question that.

    1. sun tzu

      You know what? It… kind of wasn’t.
      Oh yeah, sure. Mary deserves it, and worse. But she was complaining about Ruth not doing her job, which WAS a perfectly legitimate complaint. Mary’s bongoiness does not justify Ruth’s physical violence.
      Heck, when Ruth started messing with Billie, I enjoyed it, because Billie was a gigantic jackass who had it coming. But then Ruth’s bullying of her just kept getting worse and worse, and it stopped being funny – it got disturbing.
      Ruth is, in all honesty, an absolutely terrible RA who should never have been given the job.

      1. BBCC

        No. No it was not. Mary asked Ruth what she was going to do about the dicks on whiteboards. Ruth said nothing RIGHT NOW because RIGHT NOW she was going to class. RAs do not have to drop everything to attend to a student’s whims, especially when the ‘problem’ is so petty and minor. It could easily have waited until Ruth got back from class. Mary proceeded to throw a fit and tried to call Ruth an invective for traditionally seen as female genitalia. Ruth slapped her in response.

        1. BBCC

          Which, y’know, isn’t GOOD, but don’t pretend that was just Mary trying to make Ruth do her job while she ignored it.

        2. BBCC

          My bad, Ruth had just gotten back from class – but the point that there’s no reason it can’t wait until she puts her stuff away stands.

      2. Cholma

        This… this doesn’t sound like the kind of thing Sun Tzu would say. He would analyze her tactics and the success or failure of such things. Right or wrong is not a factor in the Art of War.

        Are you… SURE… you’re Sun Tzu? ;p

        1. Orion Fury

          Reincarnation is a fickle thing, I’ve heard.

        2. Lailah

          Sun Tzu didn’t write the art of war! It was ghost written by someone who was pretending to quote someone dead for centuries to give his words gravitas, b/c that was the only way to get anyone to listen to you.

      3. Fart Captor

        She was screaming at Ruth for either not having already fixed a problem she’d only just been made aware of, or else for not patrolling the hallways at all hours to prevent dongs from being drawn on the whiteboards in the first place, and using some rather nasty language to do so.

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/male-anatomy/

        Considering Mary is willing to blackmail someone after finding out they want to die, I absolutely do not feel the tiniest bit bad she got slapped, and no I do not care that the slapping occurred long before the blackmail.

        I will, however, grant that Ruth has been a bad RA.

      4. Reltzik

        Still not justified.

        Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not shedding a single tear on Mary’s behalf. But person A being the bongo to end all bongos in no way means that person B should be a bongo either.

        … And to undo everything I just said, I dread the day that Willis gives Mary some sort of sob backstory or redemption arc so that we can no longer unequivocally hate her.

        1. BBCC

          Unjustified sure, but goes a good way to removing sympathy for Person A, and sometimes Person B biting back can be extremely gratifying.

    2. Chandra

      It would be my 6th greatest dream to see Ruth use that moment as an example of when she “went above and beyond to provide excellent service” if and when she starts applying to new jobs elsewhere.

      1. Dave the Inverted

        Well if nobody *else* is going to ask…what are your top five, then?

        1. Chandra

          Glad you asked. In no specific order, they are:

          1) Arranging a large-scale free-for-all nerf war between my friends.
          2) Spending a day out in public doing regular errands wearing a complete steampunk outfit.
          3) Learn to roller blade off ramps for insane amounts of air (and land safely afterwards)
          4) Acquire TONS of fan merchandise of all my favorite characters, TV series, cartoons, video games, etc. (in progress)

          and lastly,

          5) … erm, this one’s gonna be a place holder for when I can think up one last thing. ^^;;

  9. Plasma Mongoose

    This is what happens when you let the booze do the talking.

    1. inqntrol

      Booze is known to turn you into a whole new person(if you can’t hold your liquor too much), even if you don’t want that.

    2. Bluewind

      She was depressed before booze kicked her in the crotch. It was a cooping mechanism for her that spiraled out of control.

      1. Orion Fury

        Man, there’s a bad joke there about creative ways of getting drunk.

        1. Bluewind

          Crap. I didn’t see that what I said could be turned into a joke before posting. -_-

        2. Orion Fury

          I wouldn’t worry about it. After all, anything can be a bad/crass joke if you think long and hard enough about it.

        3. Jhon

          NOT CRASS ENOUGH

        4. Orion Fury

          Good thing that’s not what I was going for.

      2. Fart Captor

        And thanks to her parents having been killed by a drunk driver, the spiral was pretty intense.

        1. Reltzik

          Yeah, it’s pretty Jacked up.

    3. fillerusername

      How long has she been in the hospital? Definitely long enough to have sobered up. I think this is all self loathing and depression talking.

      1. thejeff

        Overnight.
        But she hadn’t been drinking since Friday, I think. The clean-up plan after Mary’s blackmail threats.
        So she’s not just sober but past the hangover and much of the physical withdrawal.

        1. Bluewind

          Agreed

  10. crow

    well thats certainly some relatable content dang

  11. Foxhack

    Huh, I thought Love’s game had been released some time ago already? Guess I was wrong.

    When’s it hitting Steam? 😛

    I’m not going to comment about Ruth since it’ll be seen as being in bad taste.

    1. ANeM

      It is unlikely that Ladykiller will hit Steam at any point. Valve basically has a “No Porn” rule for Steam and well, Ladykiller bills itself as an Erotic Visual Novel with sexy times right in the launch trailer.

  12. Skater Girl (@syleegrrl)

    I’ve been where you are, Ruth. I still get dragged back there at times. You’ll survive this. You don’t want to right now, but there will come a time when you are glad you did.

  13. Mika

    Literally cannot say how much I identify with Ruth right now, and how close I have been to that moment so many times. Usually had people to pull me out of that spiral, but I seem to have finally driven most of them away. So, cool.

  14. Ryan

    Sounds like ol’ Grandad talking.

    1. Dean

      The liquor, or her actual grandad?

      1. Aletheia

        …yes.

      2. Orion Fury

        Both? Ruth seems to be aware of all of the positive things going for her, and feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Perhaps liquor feeding the best know as “Sir’s” opinion?

    2. Delicious Taffy

      GRAND DAD!?

  15. Just Me

    That is one heck of big case of Self Loathing. I would tell Ruth to think about others. like Billie, before slipping into complete hopelessness.

    But hopefully she’ll find her own way out.

    1. Reltzik

      Except…

      … her (self-perceived) unworthiness visa-vis others, especially Billie, is part of what’s gnawing at her….

      ….a state of hopeless self-loathing in a life maintained only through a sense of duty to others isn’t that great of an improvement…

      … and the way out she’s most inclined to find is an early grave.

      What Ruth needs, besides having a bunch of people like us telling her what she needs, is something she can actually find joy in.

      I recommend a perpetual state of revenge against Mary.

  16. Tnoy

    That third panel really irks me. Chloe knows that being a good R.A. isn’t like… a reason to live, right? Does she not get that Ruth is dangerously depressed? It sounds like she’s on suicide watch.
    She kind of makes it sounds like the problem is her drinking, rather than drinking herself TO DEATH.

    1. Dean

      She thought that Ruth being a good RA meant that she had her shit together, unlike the collection of losers, wastoids and screw-ups that (presumably) make up the rest of the RA population.

      1. Cholma

        You mean the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads? They all think Ruth is righteous dude.

        1. Orion Fury

          No one cares about the crypts.

        2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          We can’t tell if anyone cares about the crypts, we can’t factorize the key primes before the Big Rip.

    2. Betty Anne

      Chloe isn’t a psych major, or she’d know that Ruth doesn’t want to be fired, she wants someone else to confirm her “worthlessness,” so that she can continue to justify it.

      1. Reltzik

        That, or she wants help cutting her ties to life.

        Or she’s just pissed off at the pussy-footing nonsense and is irritated about being handled with kid’s gloves.

    3. newllend(henryvolt)

      All that is completely true, hell I can’t even legitimately tell if she likes her job or not. But my question here is what’s causing the suicidal depression and why does she hate herself so much?

      1. crow

        she might not have a cause for it mental illness isnt always: traumatic experience happening and have a lasting effect on a person. it can just be a thing that happens to people like it can literally just happen – i dont have any kind of degree im literally a highschool dropout but this is something that 5/6 of my therapists have told me and i think its important to know? however im pretty sure for ruth its because of her grandfather

      2. Fart Captor

        Her abusive grandfather is responsible for the bulk of that self-hate.

        And perhaps a bit of survivor’s guilt, since her parents died in a car crash.

        Definitely some survivor’s guilt from having gotten away from her grandfather while her little brother was left behind with him.

        Plus guilt from having become an alcoholic when it a drunk driver is that killed her parents. And from being in love with an alcoholic who got a DUI after crashing her car.

        Also, as crow said; trauma from having lost her parents, trauma from having been abused, and just straight up depression.

        1. crow

          hello darkness my old friend

        2. miados

          Ugh i wanted to say something clever about darkness friending people on facebook but im dumb and couldn’t think of anything.

        3. Reltzik

          You can reject friend requests. This is darkness tagging her on a billion unflattering photos faster than she can remove the tags. Some of those photos are of pigs, dogs, and various animals’ behinds.

          ….. I hadn’t actually started out this post trying to make Darkness into a cyberbully, but it works.

        4. Crow

          you both failed one of you was supposed to say “ive come to talk to you again” and the other was supposed to say “because a vision softly creeping” how am i supposed to deal w/ my mental illness via self depricating humor if no one gets the jokes

        5. Zach

          Because “In the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter…”

        6. thejeff

          “I am leaving, I am leaving.”

        7. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          And after it rains
          There’s a rainbow
          And all of the colors are black

        8. Reltzik

          But….

          … but that song’s about speaking one’s original truth rather than conforming like blind sheep to the messages of mass media.

          ….

          … er, I mean, “I’ve come to talk to you again.”

  17. newllend(henryvolt)

    You know what the interesting thing is ? This tells me that even if she didn’t kill herself there’s a chance that she would have just turned herself in.

    1. StClair

      … as a prelude to trying to kill herself.

      Of course, the depression-brain would find some way to twist that bit of “unfinished business” into another justification/proof that she’s a worthless fuckup. It’s quite versatile, that way. You can feed any input into it, and the output is always “you suck.”

  18. Valerie

    Aw. ?❤️

  19. Tenchan

    Damn it Ruth! You’re tearing yourself apart more than you’re tearing us apart! :'(

    1. Delicious Taffy

      She is the Lisa to our Johnny.

  20. tenkiforecast

    That depression catatonia, that sense of being a waste to the world…I remember that feeling. Those were a bad two months in college, if I hadn’t gone to seek counseling, I don’t know what would have happened to me. It’s a terrifying place to be, and anyone in that situation I have complete empathy for…it took a year of weekly psychiatrist appointments and another two years of bi-weekly appointments for me to reach a place where I’m mostly content with myself, and it’s a grueling path to getting better.

    1. Bluewind

      Congrats on that Ten. I’m glad you’re in a better place than you were. I really mean it. Basically read anything I’ve wrote in the last several days and you can see I’ve been there too. You have more strength than me for getting help relatively early. Kudos my friend 🙂

      1. tenkiforecast

        Thanks, and you too!

        Seeking out help and trying to get through some of your own issues…problems of poor doctors, the stigma in many countries towards mental illness, it’s a scary step to make. I tried to hide I was getting counseling from people for about a year…it’s scary admitting it to people because they assume it’s just like film depicts depression. Anyone that seeks help, no matter when, it’s a sign of strength.

        1. Bluewind

          I’ve never seen myself as strong, just as someone who has the worst luck ever and is still alive despite it all. 😉

          I know! My least favorite of the stereotypes thrown in my face is how if you aren’t sad all the time, then you aren’t depressed. I had one friend tell me that therapists are legalized brainwashers and unnecessary and an additional tirade about meds. I also have OCD and I get asked way too often if I’m a neat freak, if I will clean someone’s house because I like that stuff, or how often do I wash my hands.

          Now I am basically exploding closet Becky when it comes to the parts of myself that people say I should be ashamed of or hide.

        2. Emperor Norton II

          I can only say to this: Nuke that stupid closet!

        3. Crow

          not always safe nuking the closet can result in homelessness unemployment abuse (physical/verbal/etc) and the worst possible thing i can think of: conversion therapy (therapy to make lgbt folks not lgbt and encourages suicide bc then “your no longer a dirty queer at least”

        4. Emperor Norton

          True. I meant this commen particularly for Bluewind, but it’s painfully obvious that it could look like general advice too. My apologies for not making this distinction.

        5. Bluewind

          I might have opened in some on my traditional closet sense yesterday. My friends know I’m bi as well as my dad, one of my nephews, exes, and internet strangers, but a lot of my family doesn’t. So I posted it for National Coming Out Day at the end of a Facebook status update (which I do like two of a month). The funny part? I learned that nobody really reads my posts XD

        6. tenkiforecast

          I know the feeling–I need to convince myself of positive traits a lot–it’s something that saddens my mother when I use self-deprecating language. Honestly, that you’ve probably gone through worse things than me, you’ve got more inner strength than I do.

          Yeah. The best way I’ve tried to explain what depression really does is make people remember the Dementors from Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling based them on her own struggles with the disease. It’s…any mental illness is usually poorly represented in the media, this is one of the exceptions. The only difference is you can make the dementors go away.

          I know the feeling–I’ll tell people I have depression if it’s something that’s relevant to the conversation. If someone’s actually willing to listen, it does help.

        7. Bluewind

          I describe it like soul cancer. It eats away at you as it gets worse and destroys you from the inside out and if you don’t get treatment for it, it will eventually kill you.

        8. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Exploding Closet Becky will not kick in windows by herself.

  21. Bluewind

    It kinda makes her harshness towards so many in her wing make more sense now. She was trying to get fired this entire time. She wanted to die, but put on a mask to hide it from everyone. The thrown glove, the slap, the insults, all of it. I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, but could yall stop hating a girl just barely out of her teens because she acted like a bongo at times because she was trying to get fired from her job and push everyone away so she could take her life?

    1. Orion Fury

      If that’s the case, then what lead to it? Something over the summer after she got the job? Suddenly, green paneled backdrop’s are coming to mind…

      1. Bluewind

        Sometimes there is no reason or thing that led to something. Sometimes we fight every day to go forward even though our minds and bodies don’t want to. We get jobs and have families with it. I was even trying for kids before the second time I ended up in the hospital (I at least called for help when I knew I was at the point I couldn’t have stopped myself). She has probably felt like this for a while and it’s probably been building since her parents died and she had to move in with her abusive grandfather who destroyed whatever self worth she had left. She’s been needing help a long time but nobody has noticed until now.

        1. Orion Fury

          Ah. For me, there always feels like there’s a tipping point, where things just became that too much.

        2. Miri

          In fairness, babies give intrusive thoughts a hella lot of new fodder:

          ‘Everybody other than the WHO says your baby doesn’t really need milk any more and it’s time to wean her. Maybe you should kill yourself – that would be *a* way to get her used to the idea she can’t feed to sleep forever’
          She now cuddles to sleep. I’ve had a night away from her (and the husband cuddled her to sleep). Letting her cut down to bedtime and resettling feeds only on her own, so she had naturally gone a few days with only one feed, and over 24 hours betweeb feeds occasionaly, then starting to cuddle and sing to her instead at that point so she still had the closesness and comfort worked for us both (I reckon I would have had proper PND if I hadn’t breastfed – every time she dropped a few feeds a bit suddenly, I could feel the drop in my seratonin levels. Also, doing it gradually like that meant no engorgement issues).

          ‘You spend too long away from your baby when you work late. It upsets her and then she gets clingy. You’re an awful mother. You should kill yourself’

          ‘When you’re off sick and need to be in bed because otherwise will literally collapse [the husband did have to half-carry me up the stairs back to bed at one point this year] the baby feels rejected and has a sad. You’re a terrible mother. You should kill yourself’

          I have a little SAD light for my work desk this year, as well as my big one at home, so should be fine. I am aware that the intrusive thoughts are talking out of their metaphorical bottoms and that actually I’ve signed on until that’s taken out of my hands now and don’t have an early checkout option any more. (Especially as the husband has BPD. I don’t know for certain that he won’t take that route one day so I definitely don’t have a choice. Having to do it solo is more pressure than I can put on him. So living it is then, and being a positive role model, and present, loving parent… and most of the time it’s unarguably a good thing.)

        3. Yet Another Laura H.

          Oh, God. {{{{HUGS}}} from someone who’s been there. All the love.

        4. Orion Fury

          The ‘work late’ comment was a kick in the gut. Hugs indeed.

        5. Bluewind

          Intrusive thoughts are nasty little buggers that have a way of kicking you in the gut for things people on the outside looking in see as mundane. You’re a good loving mom and I’m glad you seen to drop her down off feeding slowly rather than risk your health. Hopefully you can get on a good medication/therapist combo that can help if you haven’t found one already.

          I gotta admit, part of my reason behind wanting a child at the time was having something to live for (I would have never told them that though). I loved children and wanted to be a good mom to a child if I was ever so lucky, but the struggle to not take my life was chipping away at my resolve to live and I needed someone who needed me to care for them and not die other than my dog and betta (a fish and yes he liked to be petted too).

        6. Orion Fury

          I was sure I didn’t want to be a parent, just too many people in the world. Then I had my first. Screw the world, that little bundle of joy there was, and is, perfect.

  22. Leorale

    Yep, switch just flipped from “please rip off the bandaid, so I can stop dreading getting fired” to “please enable me to plan my death further”.

  23. DinaWho

    Panels 4 and 5 are extremely, heartbreakingly relatable for me.

    1. miados

      I kinda wonder if willis researched or experienced some of this to make it as relatable as it is…….

      1. Leorale

        He’s shared that he’s struggled. I don’t know how much of Ruth’s experience is like his own, but dude researches in general, and either way, he knows what’s what.

        1. Bluewind

          He has to have done a lot of research if he did because the whole Ruth arch has been the most honest and realistic depiction of depression I’ve ever seen. When Chloe walked in and said “Oh Ruth”, I cried. The whole admission process was the most accurate portrayal of the whole thing that I have ever seen in any media. I wish I could thank him for creating this character and story. Her story is going to help a lot of people I think.

      2. Orion Fury

        I take solace in the fact that Ruth isn’t autobiographical (from what I’ve heard). But many people have been there.

      3. Scar Man!!!

        he does a lot of research, but this seems like something from the heart

    2. Eukie

      You’re not the only one. I can remember lying face-down in my bed with pretty much those exact thoughts running through my head.

      1. Lailah

        Ahahahaha
        hahahaha

        ha ha

        ha.

        1. StClair

          ha.

  24. RiverDelta

    And here come those memories of being that depressed while institutionalized. Ugh. This comic is painful.

    I want to not have them affect me, but I also want to know the plot, and so…Ugh.

    This really sucks.

  25. Scar Man!!!

    shit like this is why I never want to be in a position of authority. What do you even say to that? Do you fire her for starting a sexual relationship with one of the residents under her care, drinking and admitting to inflicting (admittedly richly deserved) physical violence and humiliation on another one? But it’s obvious that this will just give her further proof of her “worthlessness”, driving her deeper into her suicidal, destructive depression. So do you keep the job open for her?

    What do you prioritize? The clear infractions of very reasonable rules, or the employee in need of help? There is really no immediately right answer here.

    The best you could do is treat all of her prior discipline issues as being due to her alcoholism, hire a temp. RA and hope that when she recovers, she will not keep abusing her power. Even then, that’s a lot to hope for, and it brings up thorny questions of whether you are taking away her agency by denying the conscious intent of her actions

    1. Orion Fury

      This happens outside of authoritative positions. Sarah and Carla have been put in that place (with Dana and Ruth, respectively), and the comment section has been fairly divided on it, when it comes up. Though some of it could have been people just wanting to spread bigoted views.

      1. Scar Man!!!

        I am literally the sunshine and rainbows person from Mean Girls right now. Why can’t everyone stop being jerks and realize that all we have in this world is each other.

        When you have a meaningless void to live in, why waste your time complaining when you can make it the best 100-year-blip-in-the-chronal-stream that you can for you and everyone around you.

        Why can’t people see that they hurt themselves and their own happiness with the kind of paranoia and isolation that is the life of people like Mary or Mrs. Brown. Why doesn’t everyone see that we are killing each other both physically and psychologically with the fucking bullshit we pull. Why must we tear our minds apart because we just can’t fucking get along

        AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

        *sigh* depression, anxiety, ADHD and self-pity for fucking up all my schoolwork just sucks

        1. Orion Fury

          Because people are just…people? It’s just easier to misunderstand, to distance, to hate.

        2. Scar Man!!!

          yep. And everything I am learning in psychology class just backs that shit right up and drives another stake into my heart

          WE LITERALLY EDIT OUR OWN MEMORIES TO AGREE WITH OUR BIASES WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK BRAIN!!!!!

        3. Orion Fury

          Being better means putting others before you, which could make it less likly that you’d survive.

        4. Scar Man!!!

          except in the case of family. Forget the name of the effect, but the closer a person is related to us, the more likely we are to sacrifice ourselves to save them and thus carry on the family’s genetic line

        5. Orion Fury

          So much sorrow…

        6. Lipke the Articulate

          Ah, the unexpected horrors of a first-year psych class. My favorite* part of my high school psych class was when I learned about Pavlov.

          *read: the part that left me the most absolutely livid.

        7. Reltzik

          I’d ask WHICH part about Pavlov left you livid, but I wouldn’t want to suggest it was only one.

        8. SgtWadeyWilson

          [Obvious joke about trained responses to reading Pavlov’s name.]

        9. DonDueed

          Pardon me while I clean up the drool.

        10. Scar Man!!!

          what did you learn about Pavlov that made you so mad? Was it using electric shocks as part of his experiments with the dog? Or was it because of how his research got used in the novel “Brave New World”? Cause classical conditioning is a pretty good thing. It’s likely it was meant to help you instinctively take action at the early warning signs of something dangerous or something beneficial happening, before you even consciously connected the stimuli.

        11. Lipke the Articulate

          It was the blatant animal abuse, including the surgical integration of saliva-catching tubes into the dog’s mouths.
          Oh, yeah, and the fact that he did the same thing to children as well. Although, I didn’t learn that one in the classroom.

        12. Scar Man!!!

          @Lipke the Articulate
          oh. Yeah, fuck him. Did not know that. Science up till the last few decades (and even some of it today) could get pretty fucked-up. No one had put down ethical codes for research.

          What happened to Henrietta Lacks, the progenitor of the famous HeLa immortal cell line was almost as bad as that or worse. It’s only been in the past decade that some long overdue justice has been given to her family.

    2. Steven Campbell

      Ruth can’t be an effective RA or anything else at this point until she gets some help. If she’s not fired, she’ll probably keep acting out. Even if she is fired, she won’t have a reason to keep Billie at arm’s length anymore and will be forced to deal with that. (Which she will most likely try to do by trying to drive Billie away. On the other hand, those two have never been a shining example of a healthy relationship, so maybe that would be the correct way to go.) Whatever happens, it’s going to suck to be Ruth for quite a while yet.

      1. Scar Man!!!

        Off course she needs to get help first, but the question is whether there should be a job for her if or when she finishes treatment. We as the audience sympathize with her and would give it to her, but what effect has her behavior had on students who aren’t Mary or Billy?

        hope the comment section doesn’t kill me, but they are definitely an example of the type of unhealthy relationship where neither partner is the abuser, but the emotional atmosphere of their interactions reinforces unhealthy behaviors. It really would be best if they split up.

        1. crow

          i think most students werent really affected? like she was called ruthless and had a rep bc she was loud and to the point but she didnt really go after anyone except billie and mary (who honestly deserves to be suspended/expelled for her blackmail and bullying idk what the actual punishment would be for what she did to carla and then ruth ime nothing happened to the people who bullied me in hs for the same reasons that carla got bullied which im always angry about so im probably like bias about that one)

        2. Emperor Norton II

          Yeah, not healthy. At best, I think that Billie was basically holding a cloth against Ruth’s arterial bleeding to stop her from dying of blood loss right now. However, she never shouted for help to actually get the wound closed properly*, so all she was doing was delaying the inevitable. As soon as Mary took away that cloth, the bleeding started again.

          And if that’s the best part of their relationship, then no, it was not a very healthy one.

          *Partially because she was afraid of Ruth’s grandpa hearing the shouts and coming to rip the wound open again, bastard that he is.

  26. Nena

    Depression is an ugly beast.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      And a shapeshifter. It grabs whatever excuse it can to cloak the basic message “You suck”.

      1. Leorale

        Dementors are based on it.

      2. miados

        its a shadow that likes to look like its a part of you and never wants to leave you making you think it is suppose to be there in some subtle way.

  27. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    You may not be the RA we deserve, but you are the RA we need.

    1. Orion Fury

      And with any luck, she’ll live long enough to become the hero.

  28. Yotomoe

    http://imgur.com/a/vBrfi

    1. Orion Fury

      Nice.

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        I like it, but I feel like there’s not enough of something…

        1. Orion Fury

          Malaya?

        2. Jhon

          NOT MALAYA ENOUGH

        3. SgtWadeyWilson

          Indeed.

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Break Marcie’s heart, why don’t ya.

      1. crow

        why does it just have to be marcie and malaya malaya has 2 hands

    3. miados

      not sure if your art or just art you like but i like the second piece a lot.

    4. Bagge

      “I like the cut of your gib”

  29. Fart Captor

    I keep hugging my computer, but I think I must have a bad connection. Every time I look up Ruth still looks miserable. 🙁

    1. Orion Fury

      Is everything plugged in? Have you tried power cycling the EHD?

    2. Lipke the Articulate

      I blame Matthew for our collective EHD connection issues.

    3. miados

      just be glad its only that. someone once tried to hug me for reasons of me looking sad and i had to fight my desire to get them to let go via biting or some such means.

      Also is your computer compatible for 3d to 2d conversion?

      1. Bagge

        Ruth can totally kill you over your internet connection.

      2. SgtWadeyWilson

        You’re better than me, I usually forget to fight those urges.

        Coincidently, biting was part of how I made my first friend. I can never remember if I punched him or he bit me, but I know the story goes: petty arguement > punch to face > bite to hand that punched > friendship. I believe that friendship faded after kindergarten.

        I feel like the arguement had something to do with Pokémon…

    4. Bagge

      You have to install a plugin for that.

  30. Yotomoe

    Based on how Ruth ran her floor and she’s STILL the best, I have to assume the other wings have been completely razed. Boys wing F is Mad Max, and Wing C’s RA’s head is on a pike.

    1. Orion Fury

      You don’t want to know about Wing K.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Pull pin seven and loose the demon within.

    2. Tomas

      Who run C-Wing?
      Master Blaster run C-Wing!

    3. Lipke the Articulate

      Wing J just keeps calling me and asking my name, for some reason.

    4. crow

      which wing worships mothman (mothmans actually a girl and my girlfriend)

    5. Fart Captor

      Sounds about right.

      I once went upstairs around 1am to figure out what the hell was causing banging and hollering from all over the floor, and as I stepped into the hallway, was nearly flattened by three of several shirtless dudes playing some kind of football indoors with a pringles can.

      The floor below us was apparently home to several part-time nudists.

      We also once had the fire alarm go off because of an actual fire.

      1. crow

        before i dropped outta grade 10 my schools caf deep fryer caught fire we evacuated fire dept came put it out we go back in literally 4 minutes later (checked my ipod we went in at 12:27 back out at 12:31) its in flames again… best lunch ever tbh

        year before that my jr. high’s woodshop went up in flames and we had a week off bc the vents were so bad

    6. Bagge

      They play non-authorized words in scrabbles, burp without excusing themselves and don”t always sleep with their hands on top of the blanket.

      1. Emperor Norton II

        Do -you- sleep with your hands on top of the blanket, Bagge?

        1. Bagge

          …of course.

        2. Emperor Norton II

          That’s probably only because you let someone else have their hands under the blanket, isn’t it?

    7. Willoughby Chase

      Lord of the Flies Rules.

  31. Bagge

    *shakes laptop*

    YES YOU DO!!!!

    EVEN IF YOU ARE A SHITTY RA

    ACTUALLY I THINK BILLIE IS KINDA TURNED ON BY THAT

    1. Bluewind

      Slipshine agrees! 😉

      1. Bagge

        “I have proof for my statement.”
        “No, it’s behind a paywall so you can’t read it. Also, there is some naughty bits involved.”

        Sometimes life on internet is very similar to being a scientist!

        1. Reltzik

          I’d express skepticism over the idea of a branch of science that involves studying humans fucking.

          But I know better.

        2. Bagge

          There are scientists studying ALL KINDS of fucking.

          Usually there is a lot of giggling involved.

        3. Emperor Norton II

          The question is, when are they actually studying, and when are they just making an excuse for fucking?

        4. Emperor Norton II

          Not that I have anything against excuses for some good fucking, mind you.

        5. Jhon

          Since when does good fucking need excuses?

        6. Emperor Norton

          Strictly speaking, it doesn’t. But it’s often more fun that way.

        7. SgtWadeyWilson

          I feel like Faz has a chart for that.

        8. The Gorram Batguy

          Faz has a chart for his charts on that!

        9. Emperor Norton II

          …. Why did you have to ruin a perfectly good comment tree by mentioning Faz? Do you seriously hate us and happiness all that much? Are you Mike’s evil twin brother?

        10. SgtWadeyWilson

          In reply to the Emperor(and his Groove)
          1) Bwahahahaahahahaaa! *Clears throat.* 2) I resent the implication that I’ve done anything seriously! 3) No relation, why do you ask?

          (That first line was so fun to type!)

        11. Bagge

          The great Faz has a chart for his penis, which is great also.

        12. Orion Fury

          Parasexologist?

  32. Kater

    Ahaha! Ruth, quit quoting my journals!

  33. MatsuoTanuki

    Someone needs to hack the hospital intercom to play soothing songs about overcoming those sort of thoughts.

    Mine would be “Hold On” by Good Charlotte.

    1. Orion Fury

      What about “Black Parade”?

      1. MatsuoTanuki

        That’d be good too. Or Nickelback’s “Lullaby”

  34. bryy

    …. Mary’s brother is Ryan…. isn’t he…. ?

    1. BenRG

      Maybe and, if it all comes out, it might be Mary’s ‘Toedad Attacks’ moment in her assumptions about who is a good guy and who isn’t in this world.

  35. Reltzik

    Whelp, I was pointing out the other day that Chloe wasn’t going to fire Ruth for assaulting students, because the Chloe didn’t know about it.

    ….. yeah. That happened.

    I mean, on the one hand, you don’t fire someone while they’re in the state Ruth’s in. Or at least you don’t tell them.

    On the other hand, that’s very much a no-go instant-fire territory barring some extreme justification (eg, self defense, breaking up a fight, so on).

    … also, that other hand has a sharpie dick drawn on it. Just for surrealism.

    1. Charles RB

      This is the extra fun of this moment – Chloe just confirmed she has NO IDEA what Ruth has actually been DOING, she just knows everything’s quiet on that floor and therefore Ruth must be A-OK! Buth Ruth knows that Chloe don’t know spit

  36. poli

    if she’s from Sugar Rush, she has chocolate fudge over her vanilla ice cream.

  37. Nuclearxpotato

    Suddenly, I relate with Ruth way more than I ought to. Most of the times someone writes out a personality like mine, they make the person humble to the degree of using the phrase ‘Waste of Space’. In reality, you *sincerely* hate yourself and you *sincerely* think you don’t deserve anything.
    I seriously hate it when people go “Stop being so humble” because then I know they aren’t taking me seriously.

  38. SOOT

    >Prettiest girl.
    So many feels.

  39. BenRG

    Just a reminder that no-one could possibly hate Ruth as much as she hates herself.

  40. DarkoNeko

    Wow, that reminds me of a few people.

  41. Badgermole

    All kinds of similarities between Ruth and Amber, specially when you remember that the Amazi-Girl alter, like the Ruthless persona, is also viewed as being capable and awe-inspiring.

  42. Idontcarenomore

    Chloe may be a nice person in that she did not freak out and lay blame about, when she found Ruth and Billie in bed.
    But, she hasn’t got a clue what Ruth is going thru.

    Hell, I’m no phych genius, but I know that if I were to visit a person on suicide watch I’d be smart enough to know that asking them why they drank would not be a good idea(to damn complex for a straight answer) and acting as though being ‘the best RA’ has to be more than enough reason NOT to drink. Pay attention Chloe, RA’ing is last thing on Ruth’s mind, really.

    I mean really “you do want to be fired, don’t you?” all surprised. No, Chloe she wants to die. A lot more important consideration.

    1. BenRG

      In Chloe’s defence, she isn’t a doctor. She probably doesn’t even have any specific basic psychology training (being mostly an administrative manager). She probably wouldn’t know the warning symptoms of serious clinical depression unless a professional identified them for her. She’s trying to be a friend and a caring manager to Ruth, not realising that this wasn’t just a bad night of too much booze due to some work pressure but the culmination of a long period of mental illness and suicidal ideation.

    2. Volkai

      She wants to die, but getting fired is a key step towards that goal — if she dies while she’s an RA, she’s leaving people in the lurch. If she’s fired first, then she’s not responsible for leaving a job vacancy or a room vacancy when she goes.

      So yes, she does want to be fired.

      And it seems pretty clear that Chloe is not experienced with this sort of thing, but that’s not something to take her to task for. Let’s hope she’s figuring out the right thing to do as events progress.

      1. SundaesChild

        Exactly. Having people who care and responsibilities to fulfill makes suicide (feel like) a selfish act. If she’s got no job, no scholarship, and no potential (in her own mind), then it’s easier to rationalize.

        1. StClair

          Yup.

  43. motorfirebox

    Eeeeeesh. Somebody get Chloe out of there, she has no idea what she’s doing.

    1. DarkoNeko

      No one ever does.

      1. Orion Fury

        You don’t get “cured”, you just get better. Hopefully.

  44. adamrocketblack

    What I hate out about this page….
    Is that Billie didnt hear her say this.

    Maybe there is hope for these two yet.

    1. Volkai

      Here’s hoping!

      I want this ship to float.

      1. Orion Fury

        It is a nice ship. A seemingly hate-fueled ship, but still.

  45. joms tooper

    ruth’s got some 5-star inpatient facilities because mine definitely did not come with a tv or a (comfortable) hospital bed or people that cared

    1. Volkai

      Argh. You deserved better.

  46. brasca1

    That’s some deep self loathing right there. She was a competent RA even if she wasn’t a good person for most of her tenure and I certainly doubt the professors would just give her good grades and her relationship with Billie was built on mutual self loathing and nihilism so in a way she did deserve her and everything else. Forget Prozac. This girl needs lithium.

    1. The Gorram Batguy

      This is what depression is like. She sees all her flaws, and only her flaws, and cannot see her virtues. She feels like she doesn’t deserve to live, and hates herself, for those flaws and the (objectively few) mistakes she’s made in life. And given the perception that all of this is true, she concludes she doesn’t deserve the few good things in life she has.

    2. DinaWho

      Why would she need lithium? As far as I know, lithium is prescribed for bipolar disorder as opposed to unipolar depression, and there’s nothing I see in the text of this strip that would indicate BD over depression.

  47. Keulan

    If Ruth was the best RA, do I even want to know how bad all the other RAs were?

  48. The Gorram Batguy

    Saying, “get me fired so I can stop wasting space” is…a pretty obvious and overt cry for help, as it were. How can anybody interpret that as “you really do want to be fired, don’t you”?
    If a person who is obviously, and on record, as being suicidally depressed says to you, “put the gun against my temple, and pull the trigger, damnit!”, do you say, “OK, you obviously really want that”?
    I mean, she does “want” it right now, but that’s not coming from her healthy, whole self. Is Madam Puddingcup an idiot?
    I’d accuse the author of bad writing, but Willis is excellent and has proven his abilities to relate and realistically depict these kinds of scenarios, so I’m really puzzled by this exchange.

    1. Volkai

      I find it entirely believable that this is what someone would say in this situation, and at the same time that person would realize (a little while later, if not immediately) that it is a cry for help.

    2. trlkly

      The interpretation is correct. She wants to fired. the person saying they want the trigger pulled actually wants to die.

    3. Fart Captor

      I read ”you really want to be fired” as being as being as close to ”you really want to die” as Chloe was comfortable saying out loud and/or acknowledging.

      Uncomfortable avoidance of the subject of a person wanting to die, or simply not understanding or acknowledging it seems pretty realistic to me, though that’s based on intuition rather than experience.

  49. Crumplepunch

    Well this conversation is heading in the right direction.

    Let’s talk about Mary.

  50. Eukie

    Panels 4 and 5 were pretty much how I felt when I was in the worst throes of depression. I felt like I deserved nothing, that I was a piece of shit, and that I was just an impostor pretending to be the me that everyone else saw. And in the end I just wanted to spectacularly fail, to show everyone around me that I was just the worthless waste of space I knew I was, and not who they thought I was. (I’ve been on antidepressants for four and a half years now, so I feel like this much less.)

    1. Strife

      Yep. It seems we fail at understanding why people think we’re great while we are, in fact, flawed as shit. We feel like they expect more from us than we could ever achieve, while knowing deep down that they really don’t care, they’re just friends and family who want us to be well. But in our messed up, depressive minds, we believe they must like us for a reason, and it makes us so afraid to fail that we do everything to fail faster and harder. Just so they’d stop pressuring us with these expectations that, really, are ours more than theirs. Mostly because as we grew up people were amazed by our capabilities while we weren’t even trying. Then came a few times when we really tried our best and failed miserably, starting the endless spiral down to depression. I think part of what makes this comic so appealing to people like us is that most characters in the story are somewhere down this spiral. Ruth is at the bottom, Walky just entered it, etc. And we get to see how they manage to cope with it and try (with more or less success) to get out of it.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        One of the good things I’ve gotten out of informal online depression support groups is seeing other people saying self-deprecating things that are clearly false. In the middle of telling them why they are wrong about that I realize I do the same thing to myself.

        Yeah I can do the whole “But they are wrong about themselves while I am right about me” argument, but it wears thin after a while.

        1. exilon1

          The human ability to improve themselves by helping others improve is nothing short of fascinating 🙂

        2. SundaesChild

          That’s about the only thing that has kept me from a full relapse into the worst of my depression. I still *think* those things, mind you, but I’ve managed to hate hypocrisy juuuust a bit more than myself.

        3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          I want to make a Star Wars joke here, but maybe best not.

    2. Orion Fury

      I think I’ve been panel 2 for about the same length of time.

  51. Commodore Jeep-Eep

    Start fucking updating your fucking resume Chloe; you’ve been asleep at the wheel, and you’re lucky it’s the bigoted shitbird fundie who’s attacking Ruth with some idiot blackmail scheme that might be something you can discredit, instead of someone with some nounce and who’s just out to get rid of the RA who clotheslines people and tosses people’s stuff out windows – or that you didn’t have to explain a suicide to your superiors.

    1. Orion Fury

      A bit intense? Everything alright?

      1. Commodore Jeep-Eep

        She should count herself lucky that it’s not a lawsuit flying up the chain from someone on that level – it’s only by sheer luck that no-one’s been litigious enough to strike back after Ruth’s behavior – I am pretty damn sure that Billy and Mary aren’t the first folks she’s hit, and both her and Ruth should be lucky that Billy ended up reciprocating Ruth’s advances, because otherwise there’d be a sexual harassment suit coming their way.

        1. BBCC

          Might not be the first folks she’s hit, but probably the first folks she’s hit as an RA, as this is her first year.

        2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          But don’t RAs get selected in jungle combat on an island over summer break?

        3. thejeff

          Second year. Ruth’s 20.
          At the start of the year, she already had a reputation among the girls from the previous year.

        4. BBCC

          Nope. Word of Willis is first.

  52. Charles Phipps

    It’s an unfortunate situation. Ruth needs something to desperately hold onto and deserves happiness. However, she should be fired for all the other stuff she’s done (violence, theft, and ignoring her job) rather than depression or a relationship with a student.

    1. Commodore Jeep-Eep

      Chloe needs to start covering her own ass; she’s as responsible as Ruth for that because she didn’t keep her subordinates on a fucking leash and check in; she’s lucky it’s happening now, instead of a lawsuit.

      1. Charles Phipps

        Given how utterly awful Ruth is, I’m confused why Chloe keeps insisting she was a good R.A.

        1. BenRG

          She keeps the floor quiet; for Chloe, that is all that matters.

        2. Commodore Jeep-Eep

          Again, that should be enough to fucking fire her for neglect alone – no matter the age of the child, when things go quiet it’s time to investigate.

        3. Commodore Jeep-Eep

          And, as I’ve said before, under Ruth, a breakdown was inevitable, whether it was her, or one of her charges.

        4. thejeff

          Why would Chloe think she was doing a bad job?
          Have people on the floor been complaining?
          Have there been incidents that escalated to the point of outside intervention that were traceable to failures on Ruth’s part? (Fights, out of control parties, etc. The only event I know of that did require intervention was Blaine and Ruth handled that well.)

          Even now, as far as we know, the other girls on the floor have only shown concern for Ruth. There’s no evidence they’ve responded to this by telling Chloe horror stories about Ruth.

          I get the impression that some of the other RAs are keeping Chloe busy, probably by coming to her with things they really should be able to handle themselves. That’s why Chloe thinks she’s doing a good job. Not hassling her and no known troubles.
          Maybe Chloe should have been keeping a closer eye on her. That’s definitely been Ruth’s strategy though – explicitly spelled out early on. Keep things quiet so no one upstairs looks too closely.
          It’s been effective.

  53. Commodore Jeep-Eep

    Or finding a body.

    1. Commodore Jeep-Eep

      Should be in above comment chain.

  54. Triniking1234

    The best R.A.? Nah, I’m pretty sure Star Wars guy was giving her competition.

  55. yo.

    “Was it Mary? If it’s Mary, all is forgiven.”

  56. Greg

    Okay, I realize I’m late to the party here, but… when did Ruth’s eyes revert to dots again?

    1. Reltzik

      Some point after breaking up with Billie and before Carla checked on her and coined the phrase “murder cave”.

  57. Delicious Taffy

    Maybe Ruth should play some Persona 4 or Phantom Brave. I’m not saying that playing some old PS2 games will instantly cure her of her problems. I’m just saying that those are really good games and the characters have relatable issues she might be able to identify with and see how they dealt with them.

  58. Dex

    “Don’t be silly Ruth. We could never fire you. Your threat-to-femur ratio is the best on campus!”

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      The Mad Science Department Biology section has to get fresh material somewhere!

  59. SundaesChild

    Man, is this disgustingly relatable. Being a hard worker with depression is really confusing for others – “if you hate this job/relationship/your life so much, why are you still showing up? But yeah, just because one constantly holds themselves to a standard of responsibility, doesn’t mean they actually think they’re CAPABLE of meeting it. And so the cycle of self-loathing goes.

  60. Willoughby Chase

    Damnit Ruth. We are not going down that route, y’hear?

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      That would be route 666?

      1. Willoughby Chase

        Meet him at the crossroads.

  61. Jade

    #relatable

  62. Larkle

    If Ruth is the best RA what in hell are the other RAs doing? This isn’t so much something I’m faulting her with as I’d fault the administration which apparently values quiet students over the well-being of said students.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      The other floors just have all the students sealed up in virtual reality tanks, like in that movie.

      1. MatsuoTanuki

        Please tell me there are other movies that used that concept other than the film the future Wachowski sisters should have quit while they were ahead with.

  63. Vangaren

    “I used to think it was awful that life so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us were because we actually deserved them. Now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.” – Marcus Cole, Babylon 5

  64. HeyBabyHeyBabyWhatsTheMatterWithYa

    That’s as about as sincere a statement as “You’re my greatest pupil” in ‘The Venture Brothers’.

  65. Nezumi

    Wait, when did “Literally me” switch from being Dina to Ruth?

  66. Falling Star

    To be fair, she deserved it.

  67. Willoughby Chase

    You could always resign, Ruth. No, you want to be punished. Just to prove to that old shit how worthless you are, so you can be punished by him as well, is that about right?

    No, you’re not worthless. No, you don’t deserve punishment. You deserve love and help.

  68. Jerach

    That spiel about “not deserving what you have” hit a little close to home for me.

  69. Jen

    I love the depth, realness, and rawness you portray in these characters, Willis. You are an absolutely brilliant writer and artist. May you continue to educate the masses and open minds for years and years to come. 🙂

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