69

Definitely real
Posted on July 6, 2019 by David M Willis
dunno what happened to the comments sorry, we're trying to figure it out

69 thoughts on “Definitely real”

  1. Wack'd

    I think this might be the first time I’ve ever actually hated Malaya.

    Like, I don’t care that she’s kind of a humorous jackass towards Sal because none of these characters are great at peopleing but like man. The fucking chutzpah to demand emotional intimacy from someone you hate is pissing me the fuck off.

    1. Nono

      Agreed. I know she’s ignorant but… ugh, no. Especially when Sal doesn’t even like her.

  2. ValdVin

    For some reason I didn’t think Malaya would throw the gauntlet.

    How far will Sal go to get Malaya for Marcie?

    1. Doctor_Who

      Depends on how invested she is in their combined couple name: Marcaya! Or possible Malacie!

      …That probably isn’t very much.

    2. He Who Abides

      Considering that Sal blames herself for what happened to Marcie, probably pretty damn far.

  3. Cheshrin

    There are just. Layers to how off-base Malaya is about Sal, all the time.

    1. Cheshrin

      Ours is an appropriate gravatar for this comment.

    2. Samantha Johnson

      Actually I am thinking that there is something missing here. Maybe Sal is being played and Marcie is running this on her to try to see if Sal will develop feelings for her. I have a hard time believing that Marcie’s brain is so far down in her shorts that she is willing to hurt someone she loves as much as Sal like this.

  4. Stephen Bierce

    *plays “Bare Trees” on the hacked Muzak*

  5. fire_daws

    This I want to see.

    …for science.

    1. ValdVin

      I’m on to you.

      http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1202

      1. fire_daws

        Nonononono, it is vital information to be used in some important…research projects.

        See? The comments section went down just because of the sheer magnitude of this possibility!

    2. jmsr7

      Lol, in our D&D campaigns, whenever we’re about to try something really stupid, we yell “For Science!”

      Although to be fair, we usually are trying to get information 🙂

      1. Kyoulkoa

        I will do science to it

  6. Aeromechanicalace

    Am I alone in hoping that it actually Does something for both of them and they just decide to actually hook up and ditch Malaya?

    1. DahliaRose

      You are not the only one 😀

    2. Nono

      Sal is extremely straight.

      1. BBCC

        Is that not the bedrock upon which fan fiction was based?

      2. Yet_One_More_Idiot

        Yes, but mathematics shows that parallel lines can meet at infinity, so I suppose even an extremely straight gal like Sal could be a bit, well…bent. 😉

        1. Agemegos

          “Parallel lines meet at infinity”
          Said Euclid, repeatedly
          Until he died and reached that vicinity
          And found that the damned things diverge.

        2. BarerMender

          Parallel lines don’t meet. Infinity isn’t a place. Euclidean geometry applies to Euclidean space, not the real world, and Sal & Marcie are real. In their world. Does a fictional world have an actual dimension of its own where the characters are real? Fantasy and science fiction writers have made hay with the concept, but no. No such space. By which I mean, there’s no reason to believe such a space exists.

    3. Viktoria

      I feel like that’s the best solution at this point. Like, Malaya is awful, and Marcie deserves better. Sal clearly cares about Marcie and is trying to help her. I doubt it lasts, neither of them seems like she’s looking for long-term, but it seems to work for the moment.

    4. DailyBrad

      Sal’s not into gals, but beyond that, I feel like it has the potential to be pretty damaging to her relationship with Marcie to spite fuck.

  7. DahliaRose

    Oh man I so hope they do “fake” kiss and it leads to them having actual feelings for each other. Like I would scream with glee. 😀

  8. ivy

    Honestly if someone talked like this to my best childhood friend at 19 they’d end up literally kicked to the curb.

    1. Ferret

      Unfortunately Marcie is thinking with neither her brain nor her heart.

  9. Tyler Durham

    The absolute fucking gall on display here is stunning. Malaya isn’t the worst person in this series by a long shot, but she’s still pretty horrible.

  10. MatthewTheLucky

    That’s a weird enough demand that I now suspect Malaya is running the same con on Sal.

  11. DarkoNeko

    Well, crap

  12. HeinousActsZX

    Re the alt-text:a tree acting fake-ass in the middle of a forest does make a sound, and that sound is “Sudowoodo”.

    1. Moon

      THANK YOU

    2. BarerMender

      Is that sud-o-wood-o, or sude-uh-woo-do?

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Sue d’oh woo dough

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      julia.gray@B719:~$ sudo woodo
      [sudo] password for julia.gray:
      sudo: woodo: command not found

  13. BBCC

    To quote the woman of the hour, ain’t THIS a completely foreseeable mess? This is gonna be super awkward.

    Also, Malaya, you know that’s not true – Sal’s desire to ram your teeth down your throat is perfectly genuine, for example.

    Now stop demanding people kiss when they tell you they’re dating. It’s creepy and weird, especially when you’re dealing with LGBT+ ladies. They get objectified enough.

  14. newllend(henryvolt)

    I really don’t know about this one, there are some friendships I just feel weird tainting like this. Usually I’d be all for this but….I feel like this is crossing some lines and jeopardizing something here.

  15. TemporalShrew

    Day 1939: I still hate Malaya.

  16. ValdVin

    I like Marcie’s cheese-eating grin in panel two.

  17. Alanari

    Umm. The only person who’ll ever tell me to kiss someone without things getting ugly will also declare me said someone’s wife. This is out of line.

    Also, not every kiss is genuine. A kiss can be just as fake as everything else.

    1. He Who Abides

      You get an order? I get punched in the stomach if I don’t get the hint.

      Not hard or anything. Actually, it’s more of a poke, now that I think about it.

      1. Bathymetheus

        Pretty sure Alanari is referring to the marriage ceremony.

        1. He Who Abides

          Ah. I thought they were referring to the missus herself. El baddo.

        2. Alanari

          Nah. Theoretically, my so is excluded from that rule. Practically, none of them has ever told me to kiss them. They just kissed me.

        3. He Who Abides

          Ah. There’s enough of a height difference between myself and my so that some form of communication is needed, especially if we’re standing.

          And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  18. DailyBrad

    Malaya has such a comically wrong read on Sal, it’s nuts.

  19. ValdVin

    It looks like the site is back. Amazing that it took “Let’s see Sal and Marcie kiss” to bring it down.

    Okay, not so amazing.

  20. jmsr7

    er-Sal has been genuine all along right? Not a phony as Malaya alleges, right? She’s just projecting or otherwise absurdly wrong?

    I ask because Malaya is pushing her outlook so strongly here if feels like she’s gaslighting me…

    1. Schpoonman

      Sal has been, yes. Malaya just fucking sucks.

    2. BarerMender

      Mostly. Her accent might be fake.

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        Kids will usually unconsciously adopt the accent of their peer group growing up. Thirteen is a little late, but Ted Koppel came to the US from England at the age of thirteen, so it can happen.

        Adults also usually unconsciously tend to adopt the accent of their peer group, but for most of them it tends to result in an in-between accent. Bill Bryson’s accent is an excellent example of what happens when an American lives in England for decades; Americans wouldn’t call it American, Brits wouldn’t call it one of the many English accents.

        I’d be willing to bet Sal’s Tennessee schoolmates hear her as having a Yankee accent, while non-Southerners hear hear as having a Southern accent. So pretty much for the rest of her life people are going to accuse her of having a fake accent.

        1. BarerMender

          I was referring to Malaya’s observation that Sal’s accent disappears when she’s mad.

  21. BBCC

    Well that bit with the comments was weird. Glad they’re visible again.

    1. Schpoonman

      I thought I had REEEALLY screwed up, but I haven’t been posting to the main page much since reactivating Patreon.

    2. Agemegos

      Yay! Comments!

      I thought I must have fucked up badly and got banned, and couldn’t figure what I might have done. Except for spoiling the revelatiion that Asher is the grandson of the boss of the mob that Blaine works for.

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      The weirdest thing is that now we’re in an alternate universe where everyone has forgotten about Charles Schultz, and Willis is going to achieve fame and fortune by redrawing Peanuts.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Who the hell is Charles Schultz? Why would drawing legumes get Willis famous?

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          Legumes are a certain path to fame and fortune. It is known.

          But I don’t know who Charles Schultz is, either.

  22. Sol

    This is just gonna end so badly.
    Also, fuck off Malaya.

  23. DonDueed

    This is not a good situation. Consider this real-life case: https://www.thecut.com/2019/06/lesbian-couple-assaulted-homophobic-london-attack.html

  24. Hinoron

    “I AM NOT GAY FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT!!”
    (or, you know, at all, but that’s beside the point!)

  25. JBento

    The dumb plan concocted by dumb people based on dumb movies has dumbly backfired. I am *puts fingers in power outlet* shocked.

  26. Amelie

    Just want to remind myself that Malaya has a serious problem with Sal, to a point where she can’t leave Sal alone but goes out of her way to find fault with anything Sal does or says, because: She thinks Sal is a private person who doesn’t show her genuine personality to everyone.

    She thinks she’s owed to watch Sal make out. That’s so important she immediately forgets being contrary. Nobody, or at least not Sal, is allowed to set their own boundaries. There’s only one way to be that doesn’t deserve Malaya’s abuse, and that’s being honest about your thoughts and feelings to Malaya’s satisfaction at all times. I wonder if she would care at all if she knew how Sal has been abused into learning not to trust people; that there are reasons she doesn’t feel safe expressing interests or depending on other people or even taking off her gloves. Or would those reasons never be good enough?

    1. jmsr7

      There’s only one way to be that doesn’t deserve Malaya’s abuse, and that’s being honest about your thoughts and feelings to Malaya’s satisfaction at all times.

      That isn’t possible since she’s living in her own world where everyone else is a faker, and it isn’t necessary since no one owes her an explanation.

      I agree with your assessment about her boundary violating behaviour and attitude towards it, but i don’t think this storyline is about her learning why it’s wrong and becoming a better person. I think it’s more likely to be a storyline about Sal and Marcie learning that some people are impossible to please and how to avoid being baited by them.

  27. Clif

    Do Eet!

    Yes, I know it’s a bad idea in so many ways, but do it anyway for Marcie. You can thank Carla appropriately later.

  28. TrueVCU

    Oh sure NOW she has evidentiary standards

  29. Solenoid

    Quit flirting with Sal, Malaya. She hates being around you for good reason.

  30. Crusading Barista

    Marcie: dewit.

  31. Bagge

    Goddamit Malaya

  32. Victor Riley

    Going a bit overboard… don’t say you’re “together”, Sal just needs to show she has feelings for Marcie. That would make Malaya want to block her.

    Because of COURSE she would challenge a blatant declaration. That’s what she does.

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