251

Details
Posted on July 12, 2017 by David M Willis

251 thoughts on “Details”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “what if I put a Mets poster over it”

    “and that helps how…?”

    1. Ana Chronistic

      dang it

      1. Pablo360

        Did Willis change the hovertext again

    2. Gojira

      Hey, the Mets won in my lifetime.

      1. vlademir1

        If the leagues are fair, within a given lifetime period you’ll see just about every team in every major pro sport win at least once. Having lived just about 38 years, about 50% of the teams in the NFL & NHL have one at least once during my lifetime and 70% of MLB teams have won. Despite following both rugby and association football, unlike say basketball, I’m not trying to figure the percentages there both due to the huge range of national associations involved and past experience with hardline debates regarding governing bodies and amateur vs professional play.

        1. C.

          Don’t forget the promotion and relegation system.

        2. Matt Heath

          A bigger factor than either of those (in soccer, at least) is that the leagues *aren’t* remotely fair (in the sense that clubs have similar chances at the start of a season) and no attempt is made to even them out. In some national leagues (Portugal, say) the distance between a few elite clubs and the middle of the table is just ridiculous.

        3. Rukduk

          Like in US baseball, where the big cities with lots of money (most egregiously the New York Yankees) will poach all of the best players by making them an offer they’d have to be crazy (or a Boston native) to refuse.

      2. Djaevlenselv

        I first read this as “Hey, the Mets won in my timeline.”

        1. Delicious Taffy

          I wonder if that timeline is much better, or if they’ve got an Artificial Humans situation on their hands.

    3. Some Dude

      Gotta get her into a winning mindset.

  2. AndroidDreams

    Everyones willing to kill a puppy for billy

    On nintendogs

    1. Cephalo the Pod

      Holy shit, you can kill the nintendogs?

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        You can just throw the cartridge away. It would be like death for them.

        PROFESSOR SNUGGLESWORTH!

        1. Cephalo the Pod

          Highly debatable. Demolishing the cartridge would erase the past, present and future of that fictional universe.

          Less of a death and more of an uncreation.

        2. miados

          oh so like what happened in the maze of many in the goblins comic.

        3. Rowen Morland

          What if you opened up the cartridge and just rubbed off the bit that lets your save?

        4. Cephalo the Pod

          That’s more or less just stripping yourself of your godhood.

          Hm, a god whose main power resides in an element of the universe they create. That’s gotta be a main tenet of at least one religion out there.

      2. Delicious Taffy

        Nintendogs are from Universe 9, so technically they don’t exist anymore.

  3. AnvilPro

    Billie says she will never leave Ruth, but wait until she finds out that the RA across the street is an angsty redhead with family issues.

    1. Tarmaniel

      I’m reasonably certain the rules of drama dictate that this is Alice’s dorm.

      1. Neeks

        Even better, Alice is her new roommate/neighbor.

      2. Needfuldoer

        What if it’s the McAwesome’s to Read Hall’s Shortpacked? Everyone has a counterpart, everything is different yet oddly familiar.

  4. Doctor_Who

    Mary would kill a puppy.

    Not for Billie, just for kicks.

    1. Kernanator

      She’d do it for God.

      1. Doctor_Who

        She’d do it for a Klondike Bar.

        1. Yet_One_More_Idiot

          She’d probably do it for a Yorkie bar too, but – they’re not for girls!

          (according to their ads)

      2. bubba0077

        More like she’d do it just because and then justify it as being what God wanted.

    2. DrWattson

      I mean, why else was she so happy (I sincerely hope the hyperlink worked)

      1. DrWattson

        And I fucked it up. Hover over it for what I meant.

        1. Pablo360

          At least all of the elements you wanted were actually there, just in the wrong place, sometimes you ain’t so lucky

    3. Sam

      She would do it and say it was righteous because the puppy was sinning.

  5. Yumi

    Well, that’s horrifying.

    1. Fart Captor

      But still romantic :3

      1. inqntrol

        Nothing says romantic like killing a puppy for your partner.

    2. Yumi

      The dialogue…changed, right? I’m not losing touch with reality?

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        Definitely.

      2. miados

        it said puppy when i first checked.

      3. Yumi

        And it changed again, I think. I’m not enjoying this.

        1. Yumi

          Okay, maybe it didn’t change back and it was just my phone. Or a hole in the simulation. Okay.

        2. Halpful

          cache magic. 🙂

        3. Needfuldoer

          The Matrix runs on Amazon AWS, and it’s still recovering from Prime Day.

  6. JetstreamGW

    Puppy killin’ relationships are keepers, a’yup.

    … Amidoinitrite?

  7. Antonio

    Man, I saw John Wick. That’s more trouble than it’s worth.

    1. Rukduk

      Not gonna lie, that one scene made me cry. You know which one. That’s the second most evil thing a character played by that actor has ever done. (He also plays Theon Greyjoy, who literally killed children and even that still somehow feels only barely more evil than what he did in John Wick.)

  8. Passchendaele

    Well, Mary would be happy to do that, but only for evil/selfish reasons. because mary.

    1. Passchendaele

      damn it, somebody already made that joke, and it’s better than mine

  9. Shiro

    As someone who’s had a lot of long-distance relationships, this conversation is familiar.

  10. Machrocket

    I told my girlfriend today that I would not kill a puppy for her love.

    She understood.

    1. AGV

      Well, even in the abstract (as Dotty would say) it’s a horrible thing to do, at least for me

  11. miados

    how big a dog? some seem more effort than others.

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      If it’s true love, size never matters. *Eyebrow waggle.*

  12. BBCC

    Billie drives a hard bargain, like dang.

    1. ValdVin

      Last panel Billie’s words sound like something Faye Whitaker might say.

      1. ValdVin

        Also her facial expression there.

  13. fillerusername

    I understand Ruth’s fear but Billie hasn’t actually been in her assigned room for weeks so will this really change their situation much at all except removing the power imbalance. Are there rules about students staying in other dorms for extended periods of time? If there is I feel like Chloe might say something if Billie is always there like she plans to be.

    1. miados

      probably depends on the time frame. also while there are laws/rules they are often the ones that matter and the ones that if you have the time and desire to enforce it. or ones that are on the books only because nobody cared enough to remove it.

      1. Betty Anne

        ^ This. My campus had rules about entering and leaving via fourth-floor windows, but that didn’t stop students from doing it. :p

        1. miados

          yeah its a matter of how much they care to enforce the laws. I mean heck there are lots of laws on the books that nobody enforces in america. If i remember right for example

          in florida its illegal to sleep with your shoes on
          in michigan its illegal for a married woman to get a haircut without her hubbys consent
          and in one of those landlocked states like maybe montana its legal to kill whales
          and another i forget the state its legal to kill indians who are chasing you, but only if you are in a covered wagon.

  14. Stephen Bierce

    *plays the Stax School Students version of “Walkin’ The Dog” on the hacked Muzak*

  15. Achallenger

    Say what you will about Billie, at least the girl got standards

  16. Asmodeus

    I have had this conversation with my partner…

  17. Misteline

    Good. Dolphins are terrible.

    1. Kamino Neko

      Bloody rapists. Almost as bad as ducks.

      1. 3oranges

        It’s weird to me people write off whole groups like that. Even for ducks isn’t that behavior primarily the males? What did the females do wrong to get denounced?

        But even without them, I’m curious how typical that is of dolphins. There are lots of different species. And you hear even worse stuff about Homo sapiens, but I know it’s not all of them, just a very horrible percentage. Are dolphins more uniform in that?

        1. 3-I

          Alan Moore wrote an entire song about what the ducks do. Drinking, carousing, stealing cars, plotting and planning behind your back…

        2. Socks

          I think the thing where Dolphins will just kill sharks for fun is probably fun for the whole dolphin family. I don’t think we have any reason to believe that even if not all dolphins HAVE killed for fun, any of them would. They’re smart, and amoral, because… they’re animals. You can’t really call them evil for the same reason, of course, but they’re still a hell of a lot less likeable than puppies. Puppies are so cute and good! Dolphins might murder you and laugh at your corpse.

        3. thejeff

          Well, dolphins kill sharks when they can, but then, you know, those’re sharks.

          Dolphins are far, far less likely to attack people than those sharks that they attack.

          I’ve got a bit of a soft spot for dolphins, I admit. Basically though, you’re right. They’re animals and not neotenous domesticated ones. Thus talking about “murder” or “rape” isn’t really meaningful.

        4. 3oranges

          It doesn’t make sense to apply human standards to animals, but I have tough time describing them as uniformly amoral. I don’t know about dolphins, but some primates have culturally transmitted behavior and notions of fairness and reciprocity. And at that point, it makes sense to talk about individuals as good eggs or assholes, doesn’t it?

    2. ValdVin

      “They seem nice enough at first…”

    3. OnyxIdol

      Playful nature, high intelligence and amorality are a bad combination.

      1. Neeks

        So you’re saying dolphins are Faerie then?

        That would actually explain a lot.

  18. Rukduk

    Is it weird that I could not bring myself to harm a cat or a dog for someone else, but would be willing to kill another human for someone else? And is this something I should talk to my psychiatrist about? I’m genuinely curious.

    1. John

      I think you ought to reconsider the first part of that, anyway. Some dogs is assholes, man.

      — someone who as a child got bitten in the ass by a Doberman named “Nazi”, and had to get tetanus shots and stuff

      1. Rukduk

        Who the hell names their dog “Nazi”? That’s a sure sign of a bad owner, and a bad owner is what turns dogs into assholes.
        …
        Also, very sorry to hear about that horrid experience with dogs that you had. That would definitely leave a very bad impression.

        1. Skater Girl (@syleegrrl)

          To be fair, a human who became an asshole because they were raised by abusive parents is still an asshole. Same goes for dogs.

        2. Rukduk

          Oh most definitely. It’s just…when humans are assholes to each other it makes me angry. When dogs are assholes to humans it makes me sad. I don’t know why.

        3. John

          Probably would have been worse if I hadn’t known the dog’s name. She backed off when I yelled, “Nazi! NO!” at her.

        4. Roborat

          And probably some scars.

    2. ValdVin

      I forget where you are and that could be important due to cultural differences.

      In the US, and in Britain, animals, especially companion/domesticated, are revered. There’s a certain trust of people, especially dogs. And abusing that trust is monstrous and loathsome. It’s doing that to something which hasn’t got a wild animal’s.wariness (but hitting wild animals is bad too of course) or an adult’s ability to protect itself and be suspicious.

      The tropes “kick the dog” and also “would hurt a child” exist for a reason. Would a professional assassin kill, or a thug beat up, an adult? Yes. Would they kick a dog or hurt a child? Well, that’s too far.

      1. Trolldrool

        I wasn’t aware those were actual tropes, but historically the Nazis were the ones who created the first modern animal welfare organization with government funding and approval and support from the nation’s top leader. Although I don’t think that really improves their image that they considered animals to deserve basic human rights more than people that didn’t meet the demands of their twisted racial supremacy ideology.

        1. Rukduk

          Well, the Nazis weren’t anything if they weren’t crazy and inconsistent. They were basically the mad scientist trope with a huge dose of racism and a morbid focus on making warfare even crueler. Occasionally there were a couple advances that could be applied to peaceful purposes, the jet engine, green energy experiments, and pro-environmentalism (apparently Hitler thought the Germans needed so much territory in order to have an environmentally friendly country, and that only Germans deserved such a utopia) being prime examples. Everything else, horrible to a degree so extreme it makes one sick to even think about.

    3. Sam

      That is not weird in the slightest. There are big differences between them and adult humans.

      Morally, we find it monstrous to attack something that cannot defend itself or understand why it is being hurt when we know it can feel pain and are able to sympathise with it. Because you know what else that applies to? Babies. And we treat our companion animals like babies or children – we want to protect them from needless harm, they don’t deserve to be harmed in our minds unless they are actively attacking you or causing you harm because they don’t fully understand the impact of their actions or the possible consequences of them.

      And even with animals that we aren’t particularly fond of and don’t sympathise with as much as cats or dogs, we aren’t particularly fond of them being tortured needlessly or suffering needlessly because we know they won’t understand why that is happening to them.

      An adult human on the other hand should know society’s morals. They are generally more capable of defending themselves and understanding why you would harm them. You are more likely to lose sympathy for them and find it acceptable to inflict harm on them because they are old enough to know the full impact of their actions and all the possible consequences.

      Also, there is generally much less chance that a cat or dog or companion animal (excluding exotic ones that aren’t actually domesticated in the slightest) in general will do something to someone else that will make you want to hurt it than a human adult will.

  19. John

    So let’s just pretend that it always said “dolphin”, so everyone thinks everyone who posted above this can’t read.

    1. Pablo360

      Yeah that was pretty surreal

    2. Pablo360

      You could probably use comment timestamps to pinpoint the exact moment it happened

      1. Kamino Neko

        Nah. There’s still a bunch of people talking about the ‘puppy’ version later than people talking about the ‘dolphin’ version.

        1. ObiKemnebi

          I’ve updated it a couple times since I noticed the comments switch to dolphins. The comic still shows puppy for me…

    3. Rectilinear Propagation

      I just got here and was legit confused.

      1. Ed Rhodes

        Ditto

    4. Needfuldoer

      It was always “Berenstain Bears”.

  20. Bagge

    Ever the romantic.

  21. Badgermole

    Ruth, dating someone in a different quad doesn’t count as long distance.

    1. Bagge

      They might still want to take up sexting.

      “I FUCKING HATE YOUR FUCKING FACE!”
      “YOU ARE FAT AND ALSO DUMB”
      “…wanna fuck?”
      “keep the window open”

  22. Barf Ninjason

    Girl, I would snuff a puppy for you.
    I would give a baby a wedgie.
    I would tell a rabbit it was its birthday and that it should meet us at Applebee’s for the party and then when the rabbit got there, it would have to wait a long time to come sit down and listen to me day that it was not the rabbi’s birthday after all and that I had cancelled it’s credit cards and sold its family to some kids with shirts that said “I hate rabbits.”
    Oh yeah, girl, this is accurate.
    I’m just saying, puppies should watch out around me.
    Because I would kill them, girl.
    I would kill them for you.

    1. ValdVin

      Anyone else trying to hear Bruno Mars’ voice sing that in their head?

      1. rectilinearpropagation

        I did except for the rabbit part, which I read in Andre 3000’s voice (specifically that one bit from Roses).

  23. Irredentist

    Ruth abuses her power, and Billie is the one who has to leave? That still upsets me. I’m impressed Billie took such injustice so coolly.

    1. Josh Spicer

      The whole situation is a shit storm. Ideally Ruth wouldn’t be the RA anymore but because Mr. Grandshitlord has power apparently this is what we get.

      1. Irredentist

        Yeah it sucks. Basically fuck Ruth’s granddad.

        1. Orion Fury

          I am curious if she has an uncle named Robert.

      2. ESM

        I’m still very confused by that whole aspect. I understand why “Let me solve all your problems for you or I’ll beat this child” makes Ruth’s grampa evil, but I don’t understand how him solving all Ruth’s problems is bad. Billie’s weekend is ruined moving, but now she can Ruth can date openly and safely and without a weird power dynamic.

        1. Irredentist

          The point is that her problems are not solved. She is still the RA, which she doesn’t want to be, and which inhibits her mental health, and no she can’t “safely” date Billie because granddad doesn’t want her to.

        2. Halpful

          plus she’s got people mad at her for keeping her job even though she didn’t have a choice in the matter.

          and the lack of choice is itself bad for her mental health; feeling trapped and helpless just makes everything worse.

        3. Fart Captor

          Yeah, they could ALSO have dated openly without the power dynamic if Ruth was no longer an RA at all, and Ruth wouldn’t have had the additional source of stress and drain on her time and energy that are going to make her recovery more difficult.

          Like, even if she ends up pulling herself together and keeping the job ends up being a net benefit somehow, the fact that he at no point spoke to Ruth about any of it before deciding what must happen would still be absolute god awful shit parenting.

        4. Tadpole7

          It’s a control issue thing. he didn’t solve her problems, what he did was a straight power play designed to rob her agency. She doesn’t want the job, she’s shit at it, she knows it and it feeds into her depression . She needs room to recover and it was taken away. His moving Billy wasn’t a favor it was a display of control, the ability to move someone she cares about regardless of Billy wishes. It’s a threat and taints the real benefits of them being in different dorms.

          He arranged things to his pleasure, grounded her face into her failures much of which he arbitrarily assigned to her. Demonstrated he could affect those close to her. Ruth is trapped no actual problems were solved.

        5. StClair

          This.

  24. Shade

    Indeed, killing of aquatic mammals is the benchmark to which all true love stories should aspire.

    1. John

      Like Moby Dick. Or Star Trek IV.

      1. Rukduk

        I forget, is the rule we ignore all odd numbered Star Trek movies except for Search for Spock or is the rule we ignore all the even numbered Star Trek movies except for Wrath of Khan?

        1. Fart Captor

          They’re all great. It’s just that most of them are also terrible.

        2. Rukduk

          That is highly illogical, and yet completely correct.
          …
          I still say Wrath of Khan is the best Star Trek movie of all time (so far).

        3. John

          My rule is I ignore the all the Star Trek movies where Kirk is played by someone who isn’t Shatner.

          By my usual criteria of evaluating a “good movie” (do I frequently quote it in completely unrelated circumstances?), the best Trek movie is VI. You haven’t experienced Star Trek until you’ve seen it in the original Klingon.

        4. Vulcanodon

          That is a good criteria; I’m assimilating it.

        5. Rukduk

          I’ll give you “the original Klingon” quote, but only if you recognize the timelessness of “Khhhaaaaaannnnn!!!”

        6. Rukduk

          And also “You have been…and always will be…my friend” coupled with “Of all the souls I knew, his was the most…human”. Gets me in the feels every last time.

        7. thejeff

          “The needs of the many …”

          OTOH, my favorite ST visual is from Search for Spock – the Enterprise spinning away with the front half of the saucer destroyed.

        8. SgtWadeyWilson

          What about Galaxy Quest?

        9. Vulcanodon

          Wrath of Kahn, The Voyage Home, and The Undiscovered Country, in no particular order. They obviously had fun making them, and they’re fun to watch.

          Kirk’s reaction to Spock swimming in the whale tank, mind-melding with the whale, is priceless.

      2. Bagge

        The Mysterious Island by Jules Verne, one of VERY few good examples of the Mysterious!Dugong trope

  25. Tacos

    So… what sorta dolphin? Like a bottle nose dolphin? Or one of those Amazon River dolphins?

    1. Irredentist

      Hopefully not a Ganges dolphin.

    2. miados

      a puppy dolphin apparently.

  26. Josh Spicer

    True love is always defined by what animal they’re willing to kill to be with you.

    1. Orion Fury

      Tardigrades.

      1. Josh Spicer

        Oh god it looks like that flatulent pirate from Treasure Planet but much less endearing.

        1. Betty Anne

          You take that back, because tardigrades are the most awesome living thing in the universe. Literally. :O

      2. OnyxIdol

        Except you can’t kill tardigrades. Go ahead, try it. I’ll be on the sidelines, pointing and laughing.

        1. 3oranges

          People are impressed by how hard tardigrades are to kill by means that would obliterate us, like heat and cold and radiation and space.

          But they’re actually easy to kill by things we stand up to. They’re tiny. They get eaten and digested in large numbers by accident any time something is chewing up moss.

  27. StClair

    “I’m not trying to push you away. Just reminding you of the facts: I’m broken, worthless and entirely without positive qualities.”

    — Ruth Ruth’s depression

  28. Orion Fury

    Challenge accepted?

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      Not challenging enough?

  29. Mr. Random

    …
    I wonder if any relationship is ever so dramatic as to be going through a hard time because someone is moving literally one block away.
    (Yes yes more complicated. I know.)

    1. Pl0x

      Codependency yayyyy

      1. Aphrodite

        Can’t codependency also be a good thing, assuming both are happy and improving each others lives, wouldn’t codependency be a source for good?

        1. Sam

          No, because at the root of codependency is putting someone else’s needs excessively above your own for a sense of purpose or self-worth e.g. ignoring that your own mental health is falling to shreds while continually supporting someone else’s; always focusing on the problems of someone else while disregarding your own. It is taking on too much responsibility for others really – which then forces them to be hyperaware of your needs and feelings in return, which can then lead to them ignoring their own as well and becoming just as dependent.

          It is by nature not healthy because it involves excessive caretaking at the expense of yourself and if the person you are caring for gets better, then you lose all sense of purpose and all sense of self-worth as your entire identity became tied into looking after them.

  30. Gojira

    But what if you meet someone willing to snuff a whole whale?

    1. Reltzik

      Don’t join his doomed crew, especially if he’s Patrick Stewart.

      1. Rukduk

        But Picard got his “whale” in the end.
        …
        What’s this, we aren’t talking about the Star Trek movie involving the Borg and the Enterprise going back in time to the 2030s? Ignore me then.

        1. Reltzik

          Nope, we’re talking about the USA network miniseries that First Contact was Stewart’s audition for.

      2. StClair

        Things I’ve Learned from Star Trek:

        When your captain starts quoting from Moby Dick, it’s time to find an escape pod.

        1. ValdVin

          Things I’m figuring aren’t in Star Trek:

          When your captain starts quoting Billy Budd, ditto.

        2. UniqueSnowflake2

          The Caine Mutiny is another bad sign.

  31. BBCC

    Oh, huh, Willis changed puppy to dolphin.

    1. Gojira

      The puppy mafia is strong.

      1. Rukduk

        “That’s an awfully quiet baby you got there. It would be a shame if someone were to make it cry by barking at it, capiche? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a squirrel to ‘chase up a tree’ if you understand me.”

  32. Nicole

    It still says puppy for me but if I view on an incognito window I get dolphin. Had to do that to check because my friend and I were having a debate about what the comic said.

  33. Samantha Johnson

    Omg im so happy that this relationship is working. That they are actually in a more stable place and can be a good relationshipm billie iz being patient and not making it a big deal. Shes like checking on her and knows shes fragile and isnt taking ruths angry snark personally. Im rooring for them man

  34. Tyramisu

    Dolphins are evil buggers and full of Heresy. They deserve all the snuffing they get.

  35. Reltzik

    Besides, it’s difficult to DELIBERATELY choose to love someone else. Affection isn’t that easily reporpoised.

    1. BBCC

      Did you just

      1. Reltzik

        ….. did you forget to dolphinish your sentence?

        1. BBCC

          Dude, that one was WEAK. 😛

        2. Reltzik

          [Cetacean Needed]

        3. Betty Anne

          Whale, that was an A+ comeback. :3

        4. BBCC

          See, that’s better! 😀

        5. MatthewTheLucky

          Certainly a seaperior comment.

        6. Pablo360

          You stole that from what-if.xkcd.com

        7. Reltzik

          Not so! If you go to that what-if in question, you’ll discover that it’s version of that pun is still there!

        8. Brotato

          You’re hilarious.

  36. Spazzbot

    I just want them to be happy.

  37. SgtWadeyWilson

    I think “snuff a puppy” has a better ring to it. Not entirely cool with either as an actual activity, but it has an almost poetic, rhythmic quality that seems somehow superior to “snuff a dolphin.”

    That, or I just reread it so many times when I was still like: “Did she just? Did they just? Did Willis really?” and got too used to it.

    1. miados

      puppy flows better than dolphin and to be honest i dont know why it got changed. especially since dolphins can be awful in so many ways i dont think people would be as sad or stressed about ending a dolphin or having one ended compared to a puppy. kind of takes a lot of the impact away from what ruth is saying in my opinion.

  38. Nightsbridge

    I can hear Sir’s words ringing in her head.

    That fucker.

    I don’t know that I can find more words than that today.

  39. Keulan

    They’re in Indiana, where is Ruth gonna find a dolphin to kill anyway?

    1. Rukduk

      Is there a zoo nearby with an aquatic exhibit section?

    2. Bagge

      They can swim up the Ohio river

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-2/01-pajama-jeans/sharks/

      1. Roborat

        wouldn’t the sharks eat them?

    3. Aphrodite

      http://www.indianapoliszoo.com/conservation-and-education/education/family-youth-experiences/dolphin-in-water-adventures

      Evidently there is. 😛

  40. Fart Captor

    Don’t you see, Ruth?

    Billie’s saying you give her porpoise

    :V

    1. Emperor Daniel

      [cetacean needed]

  41. Emperor Daniel

    Does anyone have an archived image of the “snuff a puppy” version I hear once existed? Or must it be consigned to the realm of myth, like dragons, canals on Mars, and the film of The Last Airbender?

    …no reason, why do you ask?

    1. Yumi

      There is no film in Ba Sing Se.

      1. Doki

        OMG Yumi that’s perfect

    2. Rukduk

      Don’t you dare mention that movie ever again. Shyamalan must pay the blood price for that…

  42. Yumi

    So, is snuffing a dolphin more socially acceptable, or just more Refuge in Audacity than snuffing a puppy?

    1. Rukduk

      I actually think it’s both, a tank least in the US. Because dogs are damn near sacred here. And have been for quite a while. Hell, during the Revolutionary War George Washington returned General Howe’s lost dog when it came into his possession. That’s how much most people in the US (and the British Isles as well) love dogs.

      1. Ed Rhodes

        They actually made a Pedigree dog food commercial over that;

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3QiBLndU-k

    2. Delicious Taffy

      For some reason, people (at least in America) feel disproportionately offended when someone mentions harming a dog. I may get hate for this, but I’ve beaten the absolute shit out of a dog, in the past. Of course, it was an actual threat to me…

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Fuck, there was more to this, but now I forgot why I even brought it up.

      2. Sam

        If it was actually attacking you/being an actual threat, I’d say that’s not likely to earn you hate. There is a difference between a dog existing and you beating it up for no reason and you defending yourself from an actual dog attack.

        1. thejeff

          That’s also why the meme is usually specifically “puppies”, not “dogs”.

          Dogs can be threatening. Puppies are cute and harmless.

  43. Danni

    is this paradoxically the healthiest relationship in doa?

    1. Fart Captor

      I can’t remember either of them mentioning dinosaurs even once

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        Paradox averted by a future pair-of-docs? I think I’ve seen this time travel movie before…

    2. Heavensrun

      The healthiest relationship is probably Dina and Becky, though Dotty X Walky is (annoyingly) pretty stable and healthy. Jacob and Raidah are also doing fine for the moment.

  44. Heavensrun

    The following morning, Billie found a dolphin carcass strewn across her bed as if left behind by a giant cat.

  45. Smiling Cat

    Eh, Dolphins are assholes. Fuck dolphins.

  46. MissFortune

    Noooooo, Willis! “Snuff a puppy” has such wonderful assonance! Assonance, I say!

    1. Arian

      Don’t ask her what an assy-thingummy is. She’s only longing to be asked. Say nothing and perhaps she’ll go away.

      1. NickG

        A Narnia joke that doesn’t involve Aslan, excellent.

    2. Flakky

      That would remind them of Mary though.

  47. Plasma Mongoose

    Snuffing a dolphin? What porpoise would that serve?

    1. Bagge

      Wow, that’s a flippperant pun if I ever heard one.

      …You know, as in “flippant”, but with a reference to “Flipper”, the famous fictional dolphin who used to save Timmy when he fell down into a well…

      FINE, not my best pun.

      1. Bagge

        Not ONE pedant offering up that “Timmy in the well” comes from Lassie OR that it was actually NOT used in Lassie?

        I’m disappointed in you guys… or possibly in favour of you not taking easy baits like that. 🙂

  48. C.

    What was the original hovertext before the change to dolphin?

    1. JessWitt

      Same, but with “puppy” in place of “dolphin”.

  49. darkoneko

    Wooh double Billie release today.

  50. Aeron

    And just like that, Dumbing of Age loses its Dolphin Safe rating.

  51. Flakky

    Moving across the street? I hope their relationship can handle it. You know what they say, “short-to-medium-distance” kills relationships.

    What do you mean, nobody says that?

    1. blergh

      Eh, Billie seems to know that, but Ruth’s got her depression and Sir’s last comments to her ringing in her head.

      1. Doki

        And Rachel’s. :C

  52. Tualha

    Trying to remember whether either of these two has ever told the other “I love you.” I don’t remember them doing so.

    I really wish they would.

    1. OnyxIdol

      They did, not too long ago.

    2. Neeks

      They both have. I don’t have links for you, but it’s a thing.

    3. Sam

      They did a while back.

    4. Doki

      Here you go!

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/dynamite/

      1. Tualha

        I’d forgotten. How could I have forgotten? Ruth looks so terribly vulnerable in panel 3.

        Thanks to everyone 🙂

  53. Delicious Taffy

    I don’t understand why “puppy” was changed to “dolphin”. Are puppies suddenly a protected group, or something?

    1. Delicious Taffy

      The thought occurs that Willis may be intentionally attempting to create artificial controversy from people advocating for violence against dogs?

    2. John

      “Dolphin” is approximately 87% funnier.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Too bad it says “puppy” again. I have evidence.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          …but when I save the image, it’s “dolphin” on that file. But my web page shows “puppy”?

        2. Delicious Taffy

          You jackin’ my meme?

        3. Sam

          Is it a puppy? Is it a dolphin? IS IT A PHONE?

          NO, IT’S A KNIFE! RUN FOR IT!

        4. Remmington Steele

          IT’S A PHOFE!

        5. SgtWadeyWilson

          Dolphone.

  54. LWS

    That would be hard to pull off without the rest of the pod coming to their defense.

  55. JessWitt

    Oh, “puppy” is now “dolphin”. What a peculiar change; still funny.

    1. Aphrodite

      Mary is the puppy killer…thought this was established all ready.

  56. Bliisk

    I was up to early 2015 a few days ago and i caught up to the current strip gosh darn-it!

  57. Farmer_10

    Killing a dolphin’s setting the bar pretty low. Dolphins are the worst.

    1. Gasp

      originally it was a puppy, I guess he thought that was too extreme

  58. Pegaz

    Ruth is the exact figure of my ex-partner of 17 years; build, hair, glasses, humor, depression, suicide attempts and all. It’s been 7 years since we have parted our ways and both got new lives.

    My heart still bleeds when I read Ruth’s story.

  59. Benwhoski

    On the one hand, I do find it a little weird how Ruth acts like they’re moving her to another continent as opposed to “somewhere else on the same campus”, but on the other hand I know first-hand how depression can warp how you think about just about everything, and we’ve seen how her Grandfather fucks with her mind.

    1. Sam

      Her grandfather screwing with her mind is likely why she is thinking this. He said Billie would forget her when she moves. Was that logical? No, it isn’t like she is moving very far, but that wasn’t the point; he got Ruth hyperaware of her relationship and how little she feels she offers Billie which was another way to make her feel bad and powerless and like a burden.

      1. Cerberus

        Yup, picking at the insecurities so you do the hard work of destroying yourself.

  60. rectilinearpropagation

    I only require a romantic partner be willing to kill bugs for me. (Getting rid of bigger pests like mice are a huge plus but I think it’s reasonable to get professionals at that point.)

    1. Aphrodite

      Nonsense!
      Get a big tent to cover your house then make some sort of nerve gas. (Mustard gas for instants)

      Not like you would go to jail for pest control or anything… 😛

    2. thejeff

      mice are what cats are for.

      Not so good for romantic partners though.

  61. Aphrodite

    I’m confused, is there anything actually stooping Billie from just moving in with Ruth while officially living somewhere else?

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      Mary telling on them to the management?

      1. Aphrodite

        But Billie won’t be under Ruths jurisdiction ergo no conflict of interest.

        1. Eldritch Gentleman

          What I mean is a non-resident living at the dorm. Kind of like the issue they had with Becky squatting in Billie’s room. Though probably less problematic since she Does attend this school.

        2. MatthewTheLucky

          That’s just because Becky wasn’t paying for a room. The college won’t care where Billie sleeps so long as she’s paying.

        3. thejeff

          I think officially the policy limiting overnight guests applies to people from another dorm as well. If it’s anything like my old school, it’s likely honored more in the breach.
          It’s likely in place mostly so they’ve got something to point at when a roommate complains about suddenly living in a triple. Doesn’t mean it can’t be abused by someone like Mary though.

        4. Cerberus

          Wouldn’t that require a complaint from the roommate though? And Ruth lives in a single so there’s no roommate to complain. Plus Pudding Cup basically gave the wink wink nudge nudge for them moving right back in with each other again.

        5. thejeff

          Well, I doubt the actual rule says “Only if a roommate complains”, it’s just that they’re the most likely to have a problem with it.
          So when Mary raises a fuss…
          Or maybe even Rachel?

  62. Cerberus

    Holding on with the fingernails of both hands, trying not to drop into the abyss. But at least she’s holding on. And some days that’s enough.

    “sir” grampus’s bullshit has strong ties over her mind and there’s little doubt she is not replaying his message over and over again in her head, her depression making it seem as if a truth.

    And Billie, doing all she can to reassure her girlfriend and defeat that voice that can be louder than anything as often as she can in as many ways she can.

    And it’s working. Ruth is sitting up in that last panel. Having been in that state, I know how hard it can be to get to “sitting up”. And she’s arguing, which means she’s hearing Billie’s words through her depression.

    Their origins are horrible, but I can’t help rooting for them here because I’ve been on both sides of this situation so many times. I was in the Billie position last night.

    And we all want our partners to be well and survive that violent bully that is depression and its close friend and known associate PTSD.

    1. Halpful

      *agos*

      yeah, sitting up… walking… focusing enough to see/hear… amazing how exhausting they can be at times.

      I don’t wanna be depressed 🙁 I thought I was done with this shit.
      I’m bored and I don’t wanna do anything and everything feels all twisty and wrong, and knowing that the twisty feeling might be ocd only makes it suck more. stupid NVoice keeps beating me up about how there is no cure and I’m just supposed to fight against it 24/7 forever or else I’m a Bad Person and none of that makes any sense so why am I believing it? *sigh*

      it keeps tricking me with the “everything will feel horrible forever” myth. despite all evidence to the contrary. because depression. but I can’t seem to remember the way out. it seems pretty determined to make me feel miserable regardles., especially if I’m going in the right direction. so maybe pay attention to what pisses it off… like, why am I so convinced I can’t go to the gym? fucking hate the stupid gym and its stupid exercise. 😛 there’s always Reasons I can’t go, but they’re suspiciously vague and fluid. fuck it. maybe I’ll actually go today and find out how much BS that is.

      I don’t wanna fight, but I’m sure as hell not letting NVoice win 😛

      1. Cerberus

        *supportive hug* You will win against the NVoice! I believe in you!

        1. thejeff

          And one of those supportive hugs for you and your partner.

      2. Rukduk

        *hugs*

    2. Rukduk

      *hugs*
      I hope you and your partner are ok, and that your partner is in a better headspace now. I’ve been in the Billie role before as well, and for me it sucks more than when I’m the one depressed. Because at least when I’m depressed I know strategies that help me cope with it. But when someone else is depressed it feels like I’m powerless to help and I get scared for said person.
      …
      But in response to your comments about depression, it reminds me of college when I wasn’t with my best friends anymore. Coupled with four of the seven of them dying within the past three years, and my preexisting depression (thanks overbearing perfectionist dad) is way worse. Clinging by fingernails is a good way to put it. Currently the anniversary of one of the deaths and I’m barely even functioning enough to force myself to interact with the comments, if only because that will kick start my actually doing things instinct and will keep me from laying in bed all day.

      1. Halpful

        *hugs*
        I made it to the gym and actually had good feelings! 🙂 All I was hoping for was less badness.

        Hope your day sucks less too.

      2. Cerberus

        *supportive hug* I’ve got your back if you need it. And yeah, they seem better today. Yesterday was just super rough for them.

        1. Rukduk

          If it makes your partner feel better, feel free to let them know that a random Internet stranger who only knows that they are your partner offers them all the empathy, support, and sympathy possible.
          …
          Ok, I’m not sure that sentence is grammatically correct.

  63. Storel

    “If they’re not willing to kill a dolphin for me, then no deal.”

    That’s right, Billie, stick to your standards!

  64. ATN

    Ah, dolphins. The rapists of the seas.

    1. iforgetwhatiputhere

      Exactly! I would rate killing a dolphin pretty low on the “crazy murder love” scale on that basis…

  65. Bill M.

    And so, as it squeaks out its final squeak, it translates as “So long, and thanks for all the fish”

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