“That is not perfectly anatomically correct, is it? Among mammalians the genital size and shape range include… *fifteen minutes lecture on comparable anatomy which is the completely opposite of sexy*”
Disillusionment. It doesn’t take a lot, just enough to make you feel what you used to think was hopelessly naive. A lot of people seek refuge in pessimism because it’s “safer” than further disappointment.
My guess is that a child version of Sarah would have been pretty similar to early-comic-Joyce, without the religion. Optimistic and certain. Because she thinks it’s sad but inevitable that the world will “break” Joyce.
I thought it was the situation with her former roommate, where she allowed her to get inside the “friendship” zone, turned a blind eye to drug use until she perceived it as SUPER destructive, and then reported her for drug use and got her kicked out of college and everyone blamed her for it.
If I had access to those chairs, there’s no way you could stop me from using four of them to build a little pod in which I could read with a flashlight undisturbed.
I would manage. I’m sure I could find people eager to be rid of me for an afternoon who would be glad to assist.
Also, when I eventually get out by pushing away the ones on top, I’m totally saying “Ah, after ten thousand years I’m free! It’s time to conquer earth!”
Someone
I Will not make a Majin Buu reference, I will not make a Majin Buu reference
Tacos
So is somebody gonna have to recruit a group of 5 teenagers with attitude?
JustCheetoDust
Or the Warners.
Reltzik
This was already done by the producers of every boy bad ever.
Cure worse than the disease.
Sunny
But if you let 4 teenagers do their thing, you get The Cure… And The Cure is awesome.
I’ve learned the easiest way to get a large object moved in the dorms is to go to the boys’ wing and shout in the hallway that you’ll buy lunch for anyone who helps you move said object.
Or at least it worked like a charm the time I needed to move my fridge from my room to my car at the end of a semester. (My dorm building had no elevator, and I lived on the third floor.) And the guys even graciously declined my offer to buy them food when they finished.
Disloyal Subject
Lifting heavy stuff is fun! Nice of you to offer food, though.
JustCheetoDust
Except when a two person effort gets uncoordinated, especially when stairs are involved.
KingoHrts
Having been on the downstairs side of such an uncoordinated move of a washer, I have to agree. Fortunately I managed to roll left at the bottom of the stairs and the washer get going straight.
Void
I honestly thought you would say something like “Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck”
I’m imagining a large box tucked off in the corner, with everyone wondering “what the hell” when faint sounds of giggling come out from between the cracks. Finally, the next day, four football players crack open the box and you come out, refreshed, with a stack of comic books and a Mag-Lite.
Not to mention a more normative girlfriend or boyfriend might make a bigger deal about her neurodivergence. I mean, look at Dina’s treatment with most of her friend circle who infantalize her on occasion, assume she couldn’t be dating, or lightly mock her “weirdness”.
Becky on the other hand doesn’t see anything “odd” and is just amazed at her smart, brave, sexy girlfriend who has awesome forbidden dinosaur facts.
Sometimes, when you’re a bit outside the norm in some respect, having a partner who is also outside the norm can help normalize your divergences and help them not feel like barriers to a good relationship.
achallanger
“Forbidden Dinosaur Facts” is my new elecronica band name, thanks for that
It’s not only that normal people confuse her, it’s also a lot of what Cerberus said: Normal people refuse to respect her as an adult.
It’s hard to explain how that affects you, and it’s one of those things where you don’t know how badly you need that respect and the base assumption that you are the one best-qualified to make your own decisions until you get it. It’s very hard to explain. I’ll try to talk about how it looks in practice.
Imagine if, even as a grown adult, people around you want to make your decisions for you. They don’t trust you to make your own decisions and live your own life (including making your own screwups).
Making decisions they disapprove of is met with intense pressure and criticism to change your decision, and if you still refuse is met with either active or passive sabotage (active sabotage meaning going out of their way to make it not work out – I’ve had my folks call up places and disclose my disability and suggest rather strongly that I’m not a good fit, frex – while passive sabotage is more passive-aggressive and takes the form of trying to set you up for failure – ensuring you don’t get to work on time, leaving important things out where animals or children can get at them, that sort of thing).
Nothing you achieve is ever your achievement for this sort of a situation. It’s the infantilizer’s achievement, if they approved of it. “I knew you’d do well at that, that’s why I did [whatever]!” Like, they re-frame what you did as only being possible with their help and aren’t they just the mostest wonderfulest friend/relative/coworker for helping poor little you achieve something? If they disapproved of it, you just got lucky. It worked this time, but you really need to be more careful and your success has to do with good fortune rather than good judgement and ability.
Oh, but if you fail, it’s all your fault – specifically, the fault of your unwillingness to turn over your free will to them. Let’s say you take on a public speaking task and there’s technical difficulties and the talk is received poorly as a result. Someone like that would be all, “I knew it would turn out like this. This sort of thing just isn’t what you’re suited for. You should’ve listened to me.”
And it’s important to note that even normal relationships have that sort of thing once in a while, but this is a pattern. Every time you succeed, it’s their success more than yours. Every time you fail, it’s because you didn’t listen or heed their advice well enough. And the underlying theme is that they do not trust your ability or judgement to make your own decisions – that you’re too naive/weird/childish/impaired/whatever to be trusted.
Dina encounters that on a daily basis from most of the people she deals with. Not always to that extreme – but think about it, how many of the people there don’t try to manipulate her into decisions they think are better for her than her own decisions, even after she’s expressed resolve about said decisions, rather than accepting that she’s an adult with the ability to make decisions for herself?
There’s Becky. And sometimes Joyce. Sarah doesn’t. Amber doesn’t. Ethan doesn’t. I could go on. And Sarah and Amber and Ethan are all decent, well-meaning people, but that doesn’t mean they view Dina as an equal, much less as an adult. They view her more as a kid sister who needs them to take care of her. That’s a problem.
That condescending brand of kindness can hurt every bit as much as hatefulness and brutality. And it’s harder to confront because the other person both is genuinely trying to be nice and genuinely thinks they’re helping, a lot of the time. When you are someone with social interaction difficulties, how do you explain to a decent, kind and well-meaning person that they’re being a condescending asshole? It’s not exactly easy. Much easier, IME, is dealing with the people who laugh and point and call me r****d when I’m too tired to put up my passing mask in public. Those people I can just tell to fuck off.
Hmm. I have no idea what genre she’d like. I wonder if even she knows? If might not have occurred to her to listen to unapproved music now that she’s had the opportunity; she’s had bigger fish to fry.
Clearly it should be a band that does a little bit of everything. The scientific method is working for her & Dina in romance; trial and error should apply well to music.
Sunny
Electronic post-punk with influences of jazz and blues?
Disloyal Subject
Sounds about right. I was thinking start with blues and work up to power metal.
I want to put two of them facing each other and a mattress inside. OPTIMAL LOBBY NAPS!
random832
At Purdue they actually banned lobby naps on the rather flimsy reasoning that someone might come through and assume the people sleeping in there are homeless rather than students.
doubleW
As opposed to using the rule to potentially chase out homeless people?
EvilMidnightLurker
They could pin their student IDs to… whichever side of their shirts would be facing up while they slept…? I got nothin’.
Guess it’s time to fall back on tradition and sleep in lecture halls, then!
Marius Wynyard
TO THE LECTURARIUM!!! *needs a Farnsworth profile pic*
Christine
My school banned campus centre naps. (I’m sure that if you booked a study room for a few hours you could get away with it, but be careful to not oversleep.) I believe it was more on the grounds of not wanting students to use the campus centre/gym showers combo to get away with not having housing. (In their favour, I think that this is less of a “break the bus shelters and benches” attitude, and more of a “fire the guy who refuses to wear safety glasses” one.)
283 thoughts on “Deviations”
Ana Chronistic
“in fact, would you like some privacy? just pull up a chair”
*introduces Dina to Other Jacob*
inqntrol
I don’t think she’s ready for that.
Doctor_Who
“Oh, I collect those. I name mine after various theropods.”
Reltzik
Wait, THERAPODS?
That doesn’t make sense.
Shouldn’t she be naming them after Ornithischia instead?
“This one I call Triceratops… for obvious reasons… this one’s Stegosaurus… this one’s Anklyosauros…”
JustCheetoDust
I wonder how many people don’t understand the “Other Jacob” reference and instead imagine a Jacob RealDoll with button eyes.
Disloyal Subject
Most commenters are probably familiar with it, if not all. It gets brought up pretty often.
JustCheetoDust
For whatever reason I was convinced it was the same few people.
trlkly
I figured it out when someone was nice enough to link back to the comic. As long as they do that every so often, it’s fine.
Peduncle
Just for the record (see the strip), here’s the first usage of the term that I can find. (Alas, there is no “other jacob” tag.)
Bagge
“That is not perfectly anatomically correct, is it? Among mammalians the genital size and shape range include… *fifteen minutes lecture on comparable anatomy which is the completely opposite of sexy*”
blackouthart
I do wonder what Sarah’s family situation is in this universe.
Jordan
Seriously, what made her so freaking pessimistic?
Havtorn
Disillusionment. It doesn’t take a lot, just enough to make you feel what you used to think was hopelessly naive. A lot of people seek refuge in pessimism because it’s “safer” than further disappointment.
My guess is that a child version of Sarah would have been pretty similar to early-comic-Joyce, without the religion. Optimistic and certain. Because she thinks it’s sad but inevitable that the world will “break” Joyce.
Stewart
I thought it was the situation with her former roommate, where she allowed her to get inside the “friendship” zone, turned a blind eye to drug use until she perceived it as SUPER destructive, and then reported her for drug use and got her kicked out of college and everyone blamed her for it.
Doctor_Who
If I had access to those chairs, there’s no way you could stop me from using four of them to build a little pod in which I could read with a flashlight undisturbed.
Ana Chronistic
what if they’re like 100 lbs each (but on coasters so they scoot)
Doctor_Who
I would manage. I’m sure I could find people eager to be rid of me for an afternoon who would be glad to assist.
Also, when I eventually get out by pushing away the ones on top, I’m totally saying “Ah, after ten thousand years I’m free! It’s time to conquer earth!”
Someone
I Will not make a Majin Buu reference, I will not make a Majin Buu reference
Tacos
So is somebody gonna have to recruit a group of 5 teenagers with attitude?
JustCheetoDust
Or the Warners.
Reltzik
This was already done by the producers of every boy bad ever.
Cure worse than the disease.
Sunny
But if you let 4 teenagers do their thing, you get The Cure… And The Cure is awesome.
Tabitha Desanto
Sorry power ranger ref not DBZ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkpS2Sdu2io
Someone
I think that idea has been used a lot
Tawdry Quirks
I’ve learned the easiest way to get a large object moved in the dorms is to go to the boys’ wing and shout in the hallway that you’ll buy lunch for anyone who helps you move said object.
Or at least it worked like a charm the time I needed to move my fridge from my room to my car at the end of a semester. (My dorm building had no elevator, and I lived on the third floor.) And the guys even graciously declined my offer to buy them food when they finished.
Disloyal Subject
Lifting heavy stuff is fun! Nice of you to offer food, though.
JustCheetoDust
Except when a two person effort gets uncoordinated, especially when stairs are involved.
KingoHrts
Having been on the downstairs side of such an uncoordinated move of a washer, I have to agree. Fortunately I managed to roll left at the bottom of the stairs and the washer get going straight.
Void
I honestly thought you would say something like “Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck”
Leorale
Then you get a snuggly friend to help!
Dana
Bigger on the inside?
Someone
If you had enough you could build a fort!
JustCheetoDust
An improvement on Krieger’s Fort Kickass!
Tacos
But would the fort be indestructible and of DOOM?
Allpurposeguru
I’m imagining a large box tucked off in the corner, with everyone wondering “what the hell” when faint sounds of giggling come out from between the cracks. Finally, the next day, four football players crack open the box and you come out, refreshed, with a stack of comic books and a Mag-Lite.
Just Saying
You’d only really need two and a sheet. Fort time.
butts
‘Excessive deviations?’ Sounds like Becky to me.
Doctor_Who
I think Becky would need to become more normal for Dina to stop liking her. Which makes sense, normal people confuse her.
Cerberus
Not to mention a more normative girlfriend or boyfriend might make a bigger deal about her neurodivergence. I mean, look at Dina’s treatment with most of her friend circle who infantalize her on occasion, assume she couldn’t be dating, or lightly mock her “weirdness”.
Becky on the other hand doesn’t see anything “odd” and is just amazed at her smart, brave, sexy girlfriend who has awesome forbidden dinosaur facts.
Sometimes, when you’re a bit outside the norm in some respect, having a partner who is also outside the norm can help normalize your divergences and help them not feel like barriers to a good relationship.
achallanger
“Forbidden Dinosaur Facts” is my new elecronica band name, thanks for that
ischemgeek
It’s not only that normal people confuse her, it’s also a lot of what Cerberus said: Normal people refuse to respect her as an adult.
It’s hard to explain how that affects you, and it’s one of those things where you don’t know how badly you need that respect and the base assumption that you are the one best-qualified to make your own decisions until you get it. It’s very hard to explain. I’ll try to talk about how it looks in practice.
Imagine if, even as a grown adult, people around you want to make your decisions for you. They don’t trust you to make your own decisions and live your own life (including making your own screwups).
Making decisions they disapprove of is met with intense pressure and criticism to change your decision, and if you still refuse is met with either active or passive sabotage (active sabotage meaning going out of their way to make it not work out – I’ve had my folks call up places and disclose my disability and suggest rather strongly that I’m not a good fit, frex – while passive sabotage is more passive-aggressive and takes the form of trying to set you up for failure – ensuring you don’t get to work on time, leaving important things out where animals or children can get at them, that sort of thing).
Nothing you achieve is ever your achievement for this sort of a situation. It’s the infantilizer’s achievement, if they approved of it. “I knew you’d do well at that, that’s why I did [whatever]!” Like, they re-frame what you did as only being possible with their help and aren’t they just the mostest wonderfulest friend/relative/coworker for helping poor little you achieve something? If they disapproved of it, you just got lucky. It worked this time, but you really need to be more careful and your success has to do with good fortune rather than good judgement and ability.
Oh, but if you fail, it’s all your fault – specifically, the fault of your unwillingness to turn over your free will to them. Let’s say you take on a public speaking task and there’s technical difficulties and the talk is received poorly as a result. Someone like that would be all, “I knew it would turn out like this. This sort of thing just isn’t what you’re suited for. You should’ve listened to me.”
And it’s important to note that even normal relationships have that sort of thing once in a while, but this is a pattern. Every time you succeed, it’s their success more than yours. Every time you fail, it’s because you didn’t listen or heed their advice well enough. And the underlying theme is that they do not trust your ability or judgement to make your own decisions – that you’re too naive/weird/childish/impaired/whatever to be trusted.
Dina encounters that on a daily basis from most of the people she deals with. Not always to that extreme – but think about it, how many of the people there don’t try to manipulate her into decisions they think are better for her than her own decisions, even after she’s expressed resolve about said decisions, rather than accepting that she’s an adult with the ability to make decisions for herself?
There’s Becky. And sometimes Joyce. Sarah doesn’t. Amber doesn’t. Ethan doesn’t. I could go on. And Sarah and Amber and Ethan are all decent, well-meaning people, but that doesn’t mean they view Dina as an equal, much less as an adult. They view her more as a kid sister who needs them to take care of her. That’s a problem.
That condescending brand of kindness can hurt every bit as much as hatefulness and brutality. And it’s harder to confront because the other person both is genuinely trying to be nice and genuinely thinks they’re helping, a lot of the time. When you are someone with social interaction difficulties, how do you explain to a decent, kind and well-meaning person that they’re being a condescending asshole? It’s not exactly easy. Much easier, IME, is dealing with the people who laugh and point and call me r****d when I’m too tired to put up my passing mask in public. Those people I can just tell to fuck off.
Cerberus
Well said! Also *appropriate gesture of support*
Bagge
That would be great on a t-shirt. Or possibly as a band name.
Now I want Becky to play in a band.
Disloyal Subject
Hmm. I have no idea what genre she’d like. I wonder if even she knows? If might not have occurred to her to listen to unapproved music now that she’s had the opportunity; she’s had bigger fish to fry.
Clearly it should be a band that does a little bit of everything. The scientific method is working for her & Dina in romance; trial and error should apply well to music.
Sunny
Electronic post-punk with influences of jazz and blues?
Disloyal Subject
Sounds about right. I was thinking start with blues and work up to power metal.
Mr. Mendo
Looks like ol’ Sarah’s waiting for the hammer to fall!
TheStranger
Here we stand
And here we fall
History won’t care at all…
Mr. Mendo
Make the bed, light the light
Lady Mercy won’t be home tonight.
Mollyscribbles
They’re wide enough they could probably be used for cuddling.
Bagge
Especially if you put two together.
thejeff
Well, it’s difficult to cuddle alone.
Wolf
Dina truly does care about Becky.
‘Tis a damn shame, Dallas.
Dallas
Didn’t I say to leave me out of this yesterday?
Hoxton
Let ‘im have his fun, Dallas. Better this than Tuesday’s murder spree.
Void
What is the deal with these clowns?
Kamino Neko
They’re the characters from Payday
Vagabond J
Even hardened criminals like David Willis’ Work.
Hoxton
Wait, didn’t we confiscate your phone, Wolf?
Dallas
We did. Is he using Jacket’s phone?
Kris
I’ve never actually seen one of those chairs before in my life.
Vagabond J
Trust me. You aren’t missing out.
Those chairs… more uncomfortable than whatever you can come up with.
Dara
I want to put two of them facing each other and a mattress inside. OPTIMAL LOBBY NAPS!
random832
At Purdue they actually banned lobby naps on the rather flimsy reasoning that someone might come through and assume the people sleeping in there are homeless rather than students.
doubleW
As opposed to using the rule to potentially chase out homeless people?
EvilMidnightLurker
They could pin their student IDs to… whichever side of their shirts would be facing up while they slept…? I got nothin’.
Dara
Purdue banned lobby naps. Seriously?
Guess it’s time to fall back on tradition and sleep in lecture halls, then!
Marius Wynyard
TO THE LECTURARIUM!!! *needs a Farnsworth profile pic*
Christine
My school banned campus centre naps. (I’m sure that if you booked a study room for a few hours you could get away with it, but be careful to not oversleep.) I believe it was more on the grounds of not wanting students to use the campus centre/gym showers combo to get away with not having housing. (In their favour, I think that this is less of a “break the bus shelters and benches” attitude, and more of a “fire the guy who refuses to wear safety glasses” one.)
random832
We didn’t have those chairs though.
John