414

Disown
Posted on September 12, 2014 by David M Willis

414 thoughts on “Disown”

  1. Jen Aside

    IT WAS THE ONE-DONGED MAN

    1. Maveric1984

      But that’s every man!

      1. Vex Godglove

        What about transmen?

        1. Leorale

          Or men who like wielding toys?
          Endless dong/gender possibilities!

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          I’m not up on the latest advancements in sex-change operations but as far as I know, it’s still easier to ‘dig a hole’ than ‘build a pole’.

        3. Jen Aside

          Yeah, that’s pretty much the reason I haven’t transitioned =/

        4. jeanine

          uh just so you know it’s totally possible and done often~ <3

        5. TheSpectre

          Plasma said it was less easy, not impossible.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          Maybe one day, they will be able to take some stem cells, add the male sequence to one of the X sex chromosomes and then print off a dong/nutsack and attach it somehow.

        7. Opus the Poet

          Right idea, wrong sequence. You don’t add to make a y out of an X, you subtract. That’s why so many sex-linked diseases are transmitted from the mother to the son, dear old Mom has backup from the other X, while that backup is missing from Dad’s Y, causing Sonny to have a disease carried on a damaged X. tl;dr make a y out of an x by snipping a random leg.

        8. Plasma Mongoose

          If they altered one of the Xs and turned it into a Y, it may be rejected by the main body but adding just the bits of code that causes the change should be able to avoid rejection.

        9. Pat

          …The Y is physically smaller, but it still has the male genes that aren’t present on the X. You can’t just trim the X to the same size and call it good.

          Male genes are dominant traits, you definitely need to add them.

          Which has nothing to do with the fact that females have two Xs, so I dunno why you even brought that up.

        10. Opus the Poet

          The “change” as you put it is not anything added, it’s what’s missing. Us guys are literally broken women. The missing leg on the Y chromosome is what makes men, men. And don’t ask how, because that bit of knowledge is way outside my paygrade.

        11. Kai

          What about Triple-X? I don’t think he’ that much of a female?

        12. Anonymous

          A reply to your 1:56 comment in the form of links:

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testis_determining_factor
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XY_gonadal_dysgenesis
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XX_male_syndrome
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turner_syndrome

        13. Leonou

          Opus, I believe you have it Wrong.

          X and Y chromosomes are not named after their appearance; both have the form of an X (in fact, two identical parts linked in the middle by the centromere).
          One cannot “turn an X chromosome into a Y” by cutting a leg, it would just damage a chromosome. A genetic masculinization would pass through the insertion / activation of specific genes normally carried only by the Y chromosome. Also, maybe the inactivation of some other genes, as to avoid diseases like the Klinefelter syndrome ( XXY ).

          Can someone confirm this ?

        14. Skellig

          And Thus was the day that the Dumbing of Age chat section decided to have an in-depth conversation about genetics instead of the usual movie/song/book references, endless distinctions of different sexualities, or actual plot related conversations.

        15. TJ Baltimore

          It’s been a while since my sexual differentiation course in grad school, but I feel like there’s only one “male” gene: SRY, or sex-determining region Y. It turns on the other male-associated genes, which have female analogs but are never activated in females without SRY (ignoring other disorders of sexual differentiation, which can happen). I don’t know if there’s a female, inactive analog of SRY.

        16. butting

          Sorry, Skellig, in my head I heard this whole exchange as a dialogue between Rutger Hauer and Joe Turkel.

        17. tinfoil theory

          You don’t need to alter the DNA to print organs.

        18. Plasma Mongoose

          You might if you want that printed male sex organ to be able to produce viable sperms.

        19. qlx

          Just so you know, that kept me from transitioning for a while too but now I’m so glad I did — Hormone treatment changed my genitals quite a bit (i noticed growth even just 1 week in) and my bottom dysphoria is almost completely gone now. Don’t lose hope!

      2. Znayx

        Could be diphalic dude…

    2. Maveric1984

      I guess it rules out this guy (link is text, links inside the thread are NSFW)

      1. Ivan

        I was slightly envious until I read more, and then saw his Goatse stretch “after some more fisting…”. I guess I’ll just live with my 16 inch instead of dual 8s.

    3. Packy

      Jen, I’m betting that reference just flew over the heads of all these kids. sigh.

      1. Maveric1984

        I didn’t kill my wife!

        1. Jen Aside

          I don’t care!

        2. Dean

          IT’S TIME TO STOP RUNNING!

        3. TachyonCode

          *cue dramatic music*

      2. Leorale

        Flew over mine. Do you feel old yet?

      3. lejwocky

        Without chemicals, she points.

        1. lejwocky

          Oh, derp. I love that movie, but I guess my Twin Peaks fandom blinded me.

        2. Ivan

          It was a TV show LONG before it was a movie.

      4. Opus the Poet

        Not a kid, but I got the reference. Also saw the show in both incarnations, the prime-time and the daytime version. Wasn’t Richard Jannsenn the protagonist?

        1. Norah

          Yes.

        2. Opus the Poet

          Conflated the first name of the character and the last name of the actor.

          Character Dr. Richard Kimble

          Actor David Jannsenn

          And Barry Morse as Gerard. I liked him better in Space 1999

        3. fogel

          A series with a well done finale, too.

      5. Norah

        I remember the original one! I’m really old.

      6. Kryss LaBryn

        I got it!

        We’re a better-read–er, watched group than you may suspect… 😉

      7. StClair

        *puts up a glove, catches it*

    4. Charlie Spencer

      And I thought it was the butler. Or Colonel Mustard, in the hallway, with a Sharpie.

    5. runchydunchygrunchygoo

      so definitely not

    6. runchydunchygrunchygoo

      so definitely not this guy

      http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1u75hh/i_am_the_guy_with_two_penises_ama

    7. PedanticJerkass

      Man I hope this mouse-over-text-in-the-comments thing is just a fad that will run its course very quickly.

    8. Oberon

      No! It was the six-assed turkey!

      Alternatively, it was the six-donged man, but damn, I’d rather there were a six-assed turkey…

      PS: I am amused by the fact that my Firefox spell checker is calling my attention to “six-assed” as a typo, but not to “six-donged.” I supposed this means that it is indeed the six-donged man, since that obviously really exists while the six-assed anything is just an error.

  2. Camachri

    Place your bets everyone! We’ve got 4 to 1 on Mike, 10 to 1 on Mary or Carla, 20 to 1 on the great Faz and 100 to 1 on Walkyverse Head Alien!

    1. Kernanator

      I’m going all in on Mary!

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        In right up to your balls. 😀

        1. David Herbert

          *slow clap*

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Just as long as it doesn’t result in :D”>the clap.

        3. nkh

          Man, Plasma Mongoose is ON FIRE!

          … with gonorrhea…

        4. TachyonCode

          Someone’s gonna be crabby in the morning…

      2. gwalla

        Comment + gravatar = perfection

      3. Oberon

        It’s a Hail Mary!

    2. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      I’m preeeeeetty sure she thinks it’s Ethan.

    3. MrSirk

      I don’t know…..I’m guessing….Ethan. But I don’t know why he would.

      1. Winter

        That COMPLETELY flew over my head when I read the comic! But it makes more and more sense now that you’ve said it.

        Ethan wants Amber to make friends and open up to the other girls on the floor she lives.

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/support/

        It would be nice if she opened up to him, but it doesn’t have to be.

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/valid/

        Learning the html to contain the link in the text is on my to-do list.

        1. NoneOfYourConcern

          Leslie was kinda disowned.

        2. JWLM

          We don’t know that in this universe, do we? For all we know, her parents were supportive — after all, Willis didn’t kill off Blaine in DoA, so maybe he’ll balance the scales by making Leslie’s parents human?

        3. tinfoil theory

          <a href=”linky-link”>your text</a>

        4. Winter

          Like this?

        5. Winter

          ??

        6. Winter

          YAY SUCCESS! Thank you

        7. Gigafreak

          (a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ”)Example(/a)

          Swap the parentheses for the appropriate brackets and get:

          Example

        8. Oberon

          It’s BBcode, a bit different from HTML markup.

          Replace braces (‘[‘) with greater-than/less-than signs (I’m not gonna type them, they tend to be treated as markup tags and ruin the post).

          [a href=”PARK YOUR FULL URL HERE”]TYPE THE THING YOU WANT TO SHOW UP IN YOUR POST HERE[/a]

    4. The Aussie Bloke

      All in on Faz

      1. Foxhack

        I’m sure he’d like that.

    5. Jen Aside

      I note Galasso is not on the list, so it MUST be him

      1. Camachri

        One does not rule the world by drawing dicks! One rules the world by making pizza! FOOL!

        1. Deanatay

          (and subs)

    6. Kerry

      I don’t want it to be ethan, and it doesn’t really make sense for it to be ethan, but it seems like that’s the conclusion amber is coming to anyway?
      whatever, I’m still voting mary

      1. Leorale

        Amber could even accuse the wrong person.
        (If she does, Dina can correct her. She was there the whole time and probably did it, too.)

        1. MrSirk

          It would be super hilarious if Dina knew the whole time but with held it because no one asked her.

        2. MindLink

          Or maybe Dina did it, and is wondering why everyone is getting so upset of her attempts to depict the little known dickosaurus.

      2. timemonkey

        Even if that is where her mind went it doesn’t mean she’s right.

      3. AustKyzor

        I can see it being Ethan – but based on how… detailed the on on Joyce and Sarah’s door was, I suspect that Mike helped, whether Ethan wanted him to or not

    7. Mrak

      Joyce.

      Clearly.

      1. Billy

        This. Clearly.

      2. Mrak

        Having reread the story I’m absolutely convinced it was her – the reaction when Dorothy’s a suspect, her speech pauses when Amazi-girl is first called in, her bed head when she opens the door, all of it.

        The only question throwing doubt is – where would she learn what a variety of penises would look like? They’re a bit varied for Joyce’s knowledge, I’ve have thought.

        1. Disloyal Subject

          Aside from seeing other people’s (Sarah’s, Mike’s) renditions – which explains the close similarity in some of them – “Surprise, I’ve seen the internet.”

        2. Serpentotia

          She Googled ‘strap-on’, remember? I doubt you can search for something like that and not have pictures of the real thing pop up.

          I am thoroughly convinced it was either Joyce or Ethan. It makes more sense to me for it to be Joyce though, because she’s the one who tries harder to suppress it rather than coming to terms with it.

          My guess? She was probably trying it out on her own whiteboard first, hence why it was the most detailed of the bunch. When she tried to rub it out, she realised she had been using permanent marker. She then panicked and drew on everyone else’s boards too in order to make it less obvious.

        3. Mrak

          Yep. I hadn’t thought it through, but that’s *exactly* how it went down.

        4. Deanatay

          Joyce has always revealed herself to be better educated than most people assume of a home-schooled girl. She knows what a dong looks like, she just… represses it well.

          And that’s the key. Joyce probably did this subconsciously.

      3. Birke

        Agree.

      4. Fillan

        I’d even say it was “Anti-Joyce” 😀

    8. AgentKeen

      3rd Amber persona.

      1. Robert

        Amber is Typhoid Mary?

      2. Joe

        Yep, Amber#3, one she would like to disown?

    9. HoshiHikara

      Faz! Going all in on Faz.

    10. The Cozburger

      How much for Joyce sleepwalking? I’ll take a piece.

      1. Charlie

        Ooh, that’s a nice theory! I’m not sure whether it’ll be true, but that would be really interesting if it were!

    11. Lawzlo

      I know who drew them… WILLIS! Think about it, can you cite a single dong in this comic that WASN’T drawn by Willis?

      QED.

      1. Jen Aside

        TWIST: WILLIS DREW THE MAIN COMIC BUT ALL OF THE DONGS WERE DRAWN BY MAGGIE

        1. gwalla

          I would laugh forever if this was true.

      2. Bibulb

        Damnit, you stole my theory before I could post it!

    12. direhuman

      Ethan’s the whiteboard bandit, but Krum catches the snitch.

    13. ZanAzoth

      Dorothy.

    14. Adam Black

      Its Faz— that is a literal description of that object of Ambers description.

      He either copied Mike, or Mike put him up to it.

      1. nooB

        Faz would have put a rendition of his own member on all the boards, since Faz has the perfect and ultimate penis.

    15. orcasauce

      Needs to be Joyce

    16. Sir Robin

      I’m going with it being Faz

    17. lipstick_suckerpunch

      I’m putting my money on Joyce.

    18. Asurasur

      What are the odds on Joyce? Going all in on Joyce!

    19. Darkproject8

      I’m betting all my internets on being Faz!!

  3. NCP19

    Hinty-a-de-hint hint, eh, Danny?

  4. advancecasette

    *extremely joseph joestar voice*

    oh my god!

    1. Yotomoe

      Next you’re gonna say “Who IS the white beard Bandit!?” TOYU!!!

      1. Jen Aside

        “You were expecting Ethan, but it was I, Dina!!!”

        1. Dedlok

          HOLY SHIT! /josephjoestar

        2. advancecasette

          Can you remember how many dings you’ve donged in your life?

        3. Yotomoe

          Joe, Are you sneaking into the girl’s dorm again?
          “YES, I AM!!!!”

        4. juan

          if it was dina the dick would be Jurassic

        5. Opus the Poet

          Dinosaurs don’t have external genitalia. Just like their descendants, birds.

        6. Kryss LaBryn

          Well, like most of them, anyways…

  5. Yotomoe

    Or should I say the “White Boy Ding Dong Bandit! Danny, you’re coming with me.”

    1. newllend

      Again.

  6. Username Taken

    It’s a sleepwalking Joyce.

    1. sps48

      Wide Awake Joyce.

  7. Maveric1984

    Ethan is my guess

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Mine too.

    2. Safgaftsa

      Seems like it. You beat me to the comment.

    3. Leorale

      Amber’s text does indeed sound like Ethan. But he’s so nice, why would he do that?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Sexual repression maybe?

      2. Maveric1984

        For attention from her. He regrets that this whole episode with Joyce is damaging their relationship, and so he’s trying to get her attention again by appealing to the superhero in her. It’s also why he’s hanging with her boyfriend.

        Well, that and Ethan seems to have a hard time keeping it in his pants when he sees a nice pair of eyes.

  8. NCP19

    Orgasms lead to deductive reasoning. I don’t know why this is usually left out of the Sherlock Holmes stories.

    1. Jen Aside

      Doyle had his own Slipshine Holmes stories on the side for a little bit extra

      1. JWLM

        Yeah — did you ever read his short story “A Tumble in Bohemia,” about what happened when Sherlock met Irene during off-hours.

    2. Maveric1984

      Well, slash fiction didn’t sell as well in Victorian England as it would today.

      1. Jen Aside

        I dunno about that…

        1. Leorale

          Awesome.

    3. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      But if it was, then my Watson/Sherlock slashfic would be canon, and that wouldn’t be any fun!

      But I can attest to this. Orgasms and showers are very… relaxing, I think.

      1. caesaria82

        How would that not be fun? That sounds 100% fun.

    4. Yotomoe

      More of a Jame’s Bond thing, really.

    5. AgentKeen

      Sherlock just got lucky. Deductive reasoning is his fetish.

    6. Plasma Mongoose

      If you read the original Sherlock Holmes, you will be aware that there was a LOT of ejaculating going on, in fact there was one example of a guy ejaculating from the 3rd floor window.

      1. StClair

        “I say, Holmes!”

  9. Geminia999

    So, I guess Ethan? Don’t get why though

    1. Jesse

      He probably thought he could put himself off men by drawing dicks over and over.

      1. 4th Dimension

        Yes, but why draw dongs in the FEMALE wing of the dorms? Here they can be considered harasment and he would be easier to spot because guys don’t often roam their hallways.

      2. That Damn Rat

        I suspect he (or Joyce I’m kind of 50/50 in which one) was sleep-dicking, so it’s all subconscious.

        1. gwalla

          He sleepwalked to the women’s dorm?

    2. newllend

      Or Joyce , either one by my logic

      1. mr. purple

        Yes, I thought that too, but Amber doesn’t know Joyce well enough to realise it was her, so it has to be Ethan

        1. timemonkey

          She knows enough to know she’s a sexually repressed hyper religious type.

  10. astronomifier

    pretty cute how amber switches voices when she realizes something amazi-girl related, tbh

    1. JessWitt

      Hah, didn’t notice the voice switch. Her Amazi-voice must be akin to a precious commodity – she saves it for the most Amazi of occasions, like the last panel.

      1. gwalla

        It hurts your throat to do a gravelly voice for too long.

  11. Mandy

    Ooh, based on that comment, I’m going with Joyce.

  12. buckybone

    Poll needs moar Ultra-Car.

  13. PlainMarie

    Whoa. Disassociative episode?

  14. Emperor Kiva

    FINALLY SOME PROGRESS! Wait, did all it take for her to figure it out was Danny fucking her?

    1. Yotomoe

      Fucking Danny makes you reevaluate a lot of things about your life.

      1. Maveric1984

        Like whether or not you want to take up journalism as a major.

    2. timemonkey

      Danny’s penis is the secret to success.

  15. MrSirk

    How?! How does she know who the bandit is?!

    1. Geminia999

      I’m guessing it’s one of those say something, than realize it relates to whatever. So “Awful version you want to disown”=???

      I’ll let you figure it out

      1. LiaHansen

        My first thought was Joyce and Ethan’s time trying to fake it together, but that’s still going on so I dunno. It being Sal would give the plot a reason to bring Sal and Amazigirl back together, but what was her “brief-but-awful version”? The time she robbed the store? That would make sense in that Amber would think of it, but I don’t see any connection between that and petty dingdong vandalism.

        I am stumped.

        1. Leorale

          Sal would match the comment, but I just can’t imagine her caring enough to draw dongs on every whiteboard down the whole hall. She’s got the gumption, but not the motive or follow-through.

      2. Kryss LaBryn

        Yeah, that’s why I’m voting Mary.

        Joye is repressed as all get-out, but while she doesn’t like it, I don’t think she actually hates anything.

        Mary, though. Mary hates.

        1. Cybersnark

          She would make a good Dalek.

        2. gwalla

          Joyce definitely hates the part of herself that is a sexual being. The only way I can see Amber knowing about that, though, is secondhand through knowing that she’s dating Ethan. Joyce was playing up the outrage a bit earlier and was suspiciously quick to try to deflect suspicion from Dorothy even though she couldn’t have known for a fact that it wasn’t her unless she was a witness or perpetrator.

  16. ProjectXa3

    “…that you want to disown”. My money’s on Faz.

  17. Leorale

    Brief-but-awful version of yourself that you want to disown.
    I don’t think Amber knows about Billie’s new self-hatred, but now I dunno who it could be.

    1. Leorale

      Dina!

    2. Jen Aside

      Brief-but-awful version of yourself could easily be Faz, tho

      1. Leorale

        Also true. I accused him initially because we’ve never seen him leave campus. However, I’m not sure Faz would be a sufficiently funny bandit for non-Shortpacked! readers.

  18. EvergreenFir

    It was Mary.

    1. Hollister Dixon

      Not a bad guess, Waddles.

  19. waterbuffalo

    Oh my gosh oh my gosh it was ETHAN literally no one saw that coming (except for the dicks who guessed all the characters hoping one would be right). So he’s drawing dicks while sleepwalking then?

    1. timemonkey

      Ethan was one of the first people guessed due to sexual repression, same as Joyce.

  20. Sye

    Faz is the only one manly enough to place his penis-marking everywhere, for all women equally everywhere, to enjoy.

    1. Yotomoe

      The great Faz’s drawing ability increased over the course of drawing these ding-dongs. If you look at this chart…

      1. Sye

        .. Then you will clearly see how your arousal at the sight of Faz and his mastery of the male form directly correlates to how pleasing Faz will be to your female-parts.

  21. caesaria82

    This feels like it needs a bit of dramatic cliffhanger music at the end there.

    1. JessWitt

      The swap to dark dramatic text bubble makes up for that.

  22. astronomifier

    also the bandits gonna be Joyce expressing her sexuality

  23. Sam

    Ethan! It cant be Ethan..can it?

  24. Yotomoe

    Dorothy and Danny have a lot in common. Danny also threw Amber a bone.

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      oh snap, that was a pun, people won’t know how to take it, Yoto

      1. Yotomoe

        My jokebook don’t want none unless you got puns, son.

        1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          See, that was just a pseudo-rhyme, it doesn’t work.

        2. Yotomoe

          It’s less of a pun and more of a reference.

        3. Opus the Poet

          Sir Mix-a-lot…

  25. Lifefire940

    It was Dorothy, I guarantee it.

    1. Juliecat

      It’s Dorothy. Now that Amber’s seen Danny’s dong she knows who the bandit is modeling off of.

      1. Kerry

        danny has quite the variety of penises?

    2. artemi

      Dorothy is where my money is, too. I think she’s trying to drum up some good will for Amber by having her floormates thank her for being on the case, to show Amber that she has some fans and she’s doing good work. It also makes for a nice story she can report on in the paper, now that she can’t actually report the Amber/Amazigirl scoop.

      1. artemi

        I forgot to mention this comic. This lays the whole plot out, in Dorothy’s own words. “I just want Amazi-girl to persist. I think she’s important… All I wanted to do was tell her story.”

        And then Amber tried to push that aside, and say she just wanted a normal human life. This is a plot to try to show that she’s needed, in both selves.

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/03-up-all-night-to-get-vengeance/alter-ego/

        1. artemi

          That conversation with Dorothy and Amz-girl is also LITERALLY the last thing that happens before the Whiteboard Dong Bandit story arc starts. The VERY NEXT COMIC, it’s morning and dong time.

          Darn no edit button!

  26. Jesse

    Ethan did it. He is SO Takei.

  27. Mo

    Holy crap, you guys, it’s Dina.

    1. LiaHansen

      why?

      1. Leorale

        Because she has the self-doubt to potentially match Amber’s comment (she once said something like, “being me is precisely the problem” to Amber), the motive (she saw others drawing them and wants to imitate to fit in), and the morning stealth to do it. Plus she was there the whole time.

        1. LiaHansen

          OHHHHHHHH, that’s good!

        2. Kodra

          My favorite bit of “proof” for Dina is the first comic in the series. Assuming these whiteboards are shown in the order they were drawn on, we see Dina’s first dong is big and detailed, but it’s also on her door. The first dong drawn on a strangers door is tiny and quickly scribbled. The next dong is a progression up from that, but the final dong is highly detailed and drawn on the own girl she has the most antagonistic relationship with (Joyce).

        3. Strain Of Thought

          I think the tiny simple inoffensive ding dong is such because it’s on Dorothy’s door and Joyce felt extra guilty about defacing Dorothy’s whiteboard and tried to soften the blow.

    2. SUGauthor

      That’s just what I was thinking. It just makes me feel bad for her though.

    3. Kodra

      I’ve thought it was Dina from a long time ago, but I felt like this comic weakened that prospect rather than strengthened it. Why do you think this indicates it’s Dina? (I have tons of evidence from earlier, mostly around the way Dina revels in the reactions people take to the dongs)

      1. LiaHansen

        You’re right, the emphasis on “brief-but-awful” makes me question. I’m hedging my bets between Sal and Joyce at this point.

      2. Leorale

        Amazi-Girl could accuse the wrong person. That’d take her down a peg, too, in this universe that hates her.

        1. Kodra

          That was my initial thought reading this comic.

  28. caramelundqueer

    Hmmm. I think it’s either Sal or Billie.

  29. Hoboturtle

    Its Ethan, if not then Mary or Joyce.

  30. Barf Ninjason

    It was Colonel Mustard in the dorm hall with the ding-dongs.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Almost, it was with the Hob-nobs. 😀

    2. Jen Aside

      It was Mrs. PeaCOCK on Mrs. White(board) with Other Jacob

  31. Sock

    “All those dingdongs look just like Ethan’s!”

    Well, maybe not…

    1. Sock

      (it’s gotta be the Faz)

  32. Koms

    Does Amber think she herself is the bandit?

    1. caesaria82

      That was weirdly my first thought after reading this, kinda like a sleepwalking or sci-fi memory loss/blackout trope thing lol.

    2. PlainMarie

      That was my thought too.

  33. Stephen Bierce

    *plays Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out” on the Muzak*

  34. LiaHansen

    Gotta be Ethan or Joyce, right? Or… Sal? Maybe?

    1. Maveric1984

      Joyce doesn’t even know what a penis looks like to be able to draw one. Her anatomy textbooks had fig leaves in it.

      1. gwalla

        She did google strap-ons and recognize “man-dangle”.

  35. arank11

    I’m still betting on Other Rachel

  36. Leorale

    I’m voting Dina! Amber knows that Dina has self-doubt, and nobody’s actually asked her yet whether she did it.

  37. MattR

    Joyce.

  38. Cattleprod

    It’s… um… Dorothy, because they mentioned her? Something about creating news or whatever. Or Blaine, they kind of talk about him too. Anyone else would require actual thought into figuring out how Amber had this realization.

  39. Ragnal

    Well…Faz was never actually shown leaving the campus, was he?

    1. newllend

      That is actually a good bet.

  40. DrDarkheart

    I’m all alone with my bet on Joe.

  41. Flight03

    That’s too out of character for Ethan, and it just doesn’t seem like a Carla thing. But who else has anything to do with “disowning” penises?

    I’m just going to assume it was Galasso.

  42. GoogerGeiger

    Amazi-girl: I’m the last person I would have suspected, but I was looking for me the whole time! It’s the perfect crime!

  43. newllend

    Calling it , its Ethan Drawing dicks in his sleep because of his repressed desire for gay intimacy…Then again I think I made the same prediction for Joyce.

  44. LiamAldam

    Joyce is the obvious answer so I’m going with Ethan, the one I most medium suspect.

    1. Jen Aside

      It was the never-before-seen-by-anyone-Sydney the last time Willis had a pseudo-mystery in one of his comics, so that’s in fact the obvious answer.

  45. Dave

    Making an account just to post my theory.

    Maybe she realizes its her split personality amber, and she drew it so she could solve the crime a la fight club. Just a thought.

  46. showler

    Gonna guess someone drew it on Carla’s door and then panicked and drew it on every other door to disguise the nature of the crime.

  47. Michele

    …how is no one guessing Joyce? JOYCE is the one who has that kind of weird love/hate relationship with sex and dongs…
    being the Bandit seems a natural progression from the weird sex dream she had

    1. timemonkey

      Because everyone guessed Joyce on the very first strip of this story. It’s so obvious people are looking elsewhere just for variety.

  48. witchita

    throwing joyce into this betting pool!

  49. Cthulhu's Intern

    It was Squirrel: http://www.dumbingofage.com/tag/squirrel/

    1. Leorale

      Poor squirrel just wanted to see more nuts.

  50. Boomwolf

    kinda forgot he was a thing…

  51. Yotomoe

    “Wait a minute…
    BUTT SEX!
    Butt sex requires a lot of LUBRICATION.
    Lubri-Chupi….
    CHUPICABRA!!!
    The goat killer of Mexican Folklore…
    FOLKLORE is stories from the past that is often fictionalized…
    FICTIONALIZED to heighten drama…
    DRAMA STUDENTS!!!
    STUDENTS in college usually have Bicycles!
    BICYCLE-BI-BINARY CODE!!!
    THE DICKS ARE ALL BINARY CODE!!!

    1. gwalla

      Correct, boy wonder!

      1. StClair

        (that was fantastic.)

  52. JessWitt

    It was Leslie all along! As part of some creative gender studies lesson.

  53. zebrathinker

    OH MY GOD it’s Joyce isn’t it

    holy shit

  54. Flimsyfishy

    “It was me! It was me all along!” says Amber as she whips off her mask and walks around the whiteboards writing more dongs on whiteboards with her amazi-ment marker.

    1. newllend

      “IT WAS ME ALL ALONG AUSTIN !”

  55. Ben

    Joyce!!!

    1. Ben

      $10 in everyone, send money to 529 Please don’t really send me your money way, I was just kidding City, ky and I’ll mail appropriate pay back to those who win.

  56. otusasio451

    I’m going with Ethan.

  57. Solar84

    My money’s on Ruth, the dong she drew on her band and subsequently printed on Mary’s cheek was identical to the one on the door behind

  58. Alexander Krizak

    Wait a minute, I forget. Has Sydney Yus even shown up in this comic yet?

    1. Jen Aside

      Nope, which is why it’s OBVIOUSLY her

      1. Strain Of Thought

        Right. When Sidney Yus does show up, it will be someone making a reference to her as if she has always been there the entire time and simply not been acknowledge up until that point- so she’s potentially the reveal every single time there’s a tense moment where it’s not clear who is going to be selected for something.

      2. TJ Baltimore

        I have been saying this the whole time!

    2. Kerry

      nope
      she permeated the boundary between the walkyverse and the dumbiverse as part of her latest grand scheme

  59. Archivist

    Good luck deciding which half of panel four is to your address, Danny.

  60. Sam

    Danny: Yes. Yes I do know what it’s like, hiding a bit of yourself from those you love. Incidentally, how hot is Ethan? Super hot.

    He turns around to find Amber/Amazi-girl left several minutes ago, not having heard a word he said.

  61. SUGauthor

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/dependable/

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/03-up-all-night-to-get-vengeance/assimilation/

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/03-up-all-night-to-get-vengeance/stamina/

    If it’s not Dina I’ll eat my hat.

    1. Tommy Bologna

      I’m putting my Bison Dollars down on Dina too.

    2. LiaHansen

      Agh gotta be Dina

    3. eromer

      Ooo…now that I read these, I may want to change my vote….

    4. Joebo

      I may not go so far as to consume my cranial vestment, but I too have reached the conclusion that Dina is the Ding-Dong Bandit.

    5. Leorale

      Yep, Team Dina as well.

    6. Kodra

      Dina is also the first person to cast blame on someone else (specifically Mike) and then is the last one hanging around the scene of the crime making failed attempts at jokes.

      1. hof1991

        Mike was the one that gave her a non-erasable marker and then suggested that it would be a good social moment to draw dongs. So it is Dina….and it is Mike. AG should give it to him good – but DYW has already drawn that one.

        1. Kodra

          That’s another thing, she noticed a number of people all drawing dongs on whiteboards, so this could be viewed as her trying to conform to social norms. She used a permanent marker because it seemed like it would be more effective.

    7. Opus the Poet

      It’s totally Agatha. The only person on the floor we haven’t seen yet.

    8. Kelly

      Oh wow. Hm…

    9. Sir Robin

      Damn, that is convincing

    10. halcyon1234

      +1 to this. I thought it would be her. She observed a joke, and took it to it’s next logical step. One penis is funny? How about all the penises? Dry erase marker is funny? Then permanent ink is funnier!

  62. Ailorn

    I vote Ethan

  63. MightionNY

    I’m gonna say Joyce, too. 🙂

  64. newllend

    Ethan or Joyce, witch makes more since.

  65. Raine

    120% sure it’s Carla. She was all sneaky about it, setting the standard she’d brag about it so no one would know when she would do the fun ones.

    Plus who else could do all of em as quickly and silently as a girl on wheels.

    1. Jen Aside

      Robin?

  66. eromer

    My first thought was Joyce…..

  67. Lonas

    Jocelyn?

    1. SUGauthor

      Has Amber even met Jocelyn?

  68. Reflex76

    (Anti)Joyce

    1. LiaHansen

      Oh man, she dresses in a devil costume she got at the Halloween store and her speech bubbles are dark red.

  69. FuryOfFirestorm

    It was Mrs. Scarlett in the Library with the Candlestick!

  70. kicho

    ANOTHER MISTERY RESOLVED BY SEX

    1. jy2

      And today’s hilarious gravatar award goes to…

  71. AgentKeen

    Twist: The perpetrator isn’t on the poll!
    (Ok, I don’t really think that, but it’d be amusing).

  72. Lonas

    Stanley Pines!

  73. Cynthia

    The dick on Amber and Dina’s door was by far the smallest one shown. However, the one on Joyce’s door was specially detailed… WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY MEAN

    1. Kodra

      This isn’t true, the dick on Dina’s door was actually the second most detailed. The dong on Dorothy/Sierra’s door is by far the smallest. (This makes a reasonable progression if Dina is actually the bandit which I believe. The first one was easy, but the second one felt more dangerous so she did it quickly and then ran away, building confidence until she gave her enemy Joyce a truly detailed dong)

  74. Ridureyu

    IT WAS JOYCE.

  75. Opus the Poet

    It was Mary! J/K, I have no idea.

  76. Leorale

    Remember, we can also rule out anyone that Amber/AG doesn’t know. She has to know something of their deal to accuse them! For example, not Billie or Malaya (even though the latter, to get Carla’s attention, would’ve been pretty great).

  77. Opus the Poet

    Well if the poll is anything to go by it’s Marcy.

  78. Pebblerocker

    Walky might want to disown his brief stint as adorable mouse extra. But I don’t think Amber knows that.

  79. jeanine

    Poll is rigged, it’s obviously Amber.

  80. Brady Kj

    Called it. I knew the page was going to be Danny and Amber again.

  81. J-Debs

    Aww. No option for Amber’s dad? Think about it. It’s the ultimate revenge!

  82. krg

    I know the speech clearly aims at Ethan, yet I’ve chosen Joyce, in a bunk bed, with a dildo. Wait, that’s different game. But yeah, still Joyce. Because I can’t wait for the story to make her overcome her inhibitions and become wildest beast of the cast. Good girls always go this way, once they get their own dong to play with and turns out being chaste ain’t half the fun as freakin’ out their virginal gal pals by giving head right in front of them.

    1. Gigafreak

      She jumps off the slippery slope so a dude can jump into her slippery something else?

  83. Maycroft

    ok, so I’m torn between Joyce and Dina:

    Joyce: The morning of the incident she looks the least rested and when someone accuses dorothy she’s very sure dorothy didin’t do it.

    My guess is that Joyce has the motive of taking revenge on the whole floor after the previous embarrasment.

    Dina: she has the self doubt, and skills to be the bandit. The whole “copying others to fit in” theory is plaussible but feels a little thin. A better motive is that she did it to mess with Joyce; but vengeful doesn’t seem to be part of Dina’s character.

  84. DontLookAtMe

    Does this mean Amazi-girl solved the case by going “undercover”?

  85. lightsabermario

    Isn’t it obvious? It’s Anti-Joyce!

    1. Maycroft

      *Crossing fingers*

  86. Pier

    For those who are on the Patreon, I gave a BlackWidow comment on Willis’ giveaway.

  87. SixByNine

    Maybe she recognised one of the dongs matched danny’s ding? Hints at Dorothy to me…

  88. Schroedinger

    Having been foiled in the Walkyverse just today, Sydney Yus is using a trans-dimensional scheme to defeat Galasso. I’m not sure what it has to do with white boards and the male reproductive system, but Sydney Yus’s plans seldom make sense to me, a mere mortal.

  89. Tofusmith

    My vote is for Nega-Joyce as well.

  90. Sporky

    Do you guys not know Scooby-Doo rules? Inconspicuous secondary characters who appear once and seemingly don’t have anything to do with the incident are responsible. Plus, taking into account the “past self you want to disown” thing – it’s gotta be Alice. Who is conveniently missing from the poll, I see.

    1. Brady Kj

      Inconspicuous, secondary character, appeared once, and seemingly don’t have anything to do with the incident.
      It was Asma! http://www.dumbingofage.com/2010/comic/book-1/01-move-in-day/reputation/
      But for the record, it was actually several people acting independently. However, Mike may have given supplied the permanent markers.

  91. NinjaNick

    Either Mary or Sarah. Not ruling out Malaya, for some reason.

  92. Em

    My first wild guess was “Oh my god it’s her!” Then I came to my senses, and these are my guesses:

    Joyce
    Mary
    Dina

    1. Em

      But now that I think about it, contextually it might make sense for it to be Ethan. But the whole “coming out” and “brief but awful self you want to disown” might be a red herring.

  93. Jacob Newburn

    Disow— My god… It’s been obvious this entire time… WILLIS! YOU MANIAC! IT’S WAS IN FRONT OF OUR FACE THE WHOLE TIME AND WE DIDN’T LOOK! GODDAMMIT! GOD-DAMM-IT! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND?! IT’S SO OBVIOUSLY, WITHOUT A DOUBT, THE TWINKIES MASCOT TWINKIE THE KID! MY EYES ARE NOW OPEN AND I SEE THROUGH YOUR LIES WILLIS! I SEE THROUGH YOUR LIES!!!!! (But seriously, I just now got who the WBDDB is, good twist)

  94. Heather

    Amber is probably suspecting Ethan, but the question is if she’s completely off wrong or not.

  95. Idon'tcarenomore

    Dina.

  96. takashid

    either Ethan or Joyce is my guess

  97. Totz the Plaid

    Twist: It was Amber all along!

    1. Totz the Plaid

      That is NOT a serious answer, but someone needed to say it.

      1. Jen Aside

        Twist:

        and shout

  98. WingedBeast

    It’s not Ethan. It’s not like being gay gives a man a desire to draw poorly sketched penises on whiteboards.

    Joyce, I’m guessing Joyce, here, someone with a desire for sexuality, a desire to control own mind, to assert herself, and also to be one of those women that “wins” patriarchy. She’s breaking and finding that faith can’t help you if you do not know yourself.

    1. The Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit

      “It’s not Ethan. It’s not like being gay gives a man a desire to draw poorly sketched penises on whiteboards.”

      speek 4 ur selv

      1. Kerry

        jason?!

  99. Aolbain

    Oh, so it’s Ethan?

  100. Megatron

    Who knows Amber is Amazi-Girl?

    Definitely:
    Dorothy
    Ethan
    Danny
    Dina

    Likely:
    Mike

    This is moving even closer to Lois and Clark than it already was.

  101. brumagem

    IT’S SYDNEY YUS.

    1. Kerry

      in sydney yus

  102. Jason

    Hmm, some very good arguments for Joyce, Ethan, and especially Dina. But I’ve doubled down on Walky, so I’ve gotta keep picking him.

  103. Jason

    Plus, I may not know for sure who the Bandit is, but I think I finally know who Agatha’s roommate is: Sydney!

  104. Robin

    IT’S ETHAN!

    1. Robin

      Also, apparently I can’t vote on the poll this time.

  105. Carmeops

    my bet is on her brother: remember how the father left and forgot his son behind?

    my guess is that he is still crashing around, annoying females

  106. nothri

    That….sounds like Ethan…

    1. Cephalo the Pod

      Yeah!

      Shit! I JUST voted for Dorothy!

  107. Zaxares

    $50 on Joyce!

  108. Adam Black

    “Bone — Dig it”

    worn by Joe,and now Dina. Is that a Ding-Dong bandit clue?

  109. bodug

    its Faz

  110. AmiRae

    It’s totally Joyce.

  111. TemplarKnight

    IT WAS AMBER ALL ALONG!

  112. Adam Black

    Another Clue: The dong Ruth slapped on Mary, is a match on the door behind Mary

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/male-anatomy/

  113. Jason

    Huh, if Billie didn’t look puzzled by the dongs earlier, I might have guessed it was her. After all, we know she was up late at night when she crashed in Walky’s room. She might have drawn all the dicks on the door just to get Ruth’s attention. Then she tried to erase them but couldn’t, but she left the Dry-Erase marker in Walky’s room this morning.

    (But how would Amber know any of that?)

  114. Charlie

    I think m main suspect is Ruth, but not strongly – more just I think she seems the most plausible to me, rather than any determined certainty it was her. I think it would be really interesting if it were Joyce or Amber, I don’t have a lot of faith in it being Ethan – it makes sense with a profile of him, but on a more personal scale he just seems too why and polite. I really hope it’s not Dina, but I do like the theory of her having known all along but not having told because nobody asked her.

  115. Yoohoo

    Amber has interacted with Joyce like, twice? It’s not her. You gotta narrow it down to people AMBER knows/knows their situations. Amber, the social recluse.

    Opinion: Ethan seems too obvious and too out of character.

    1. Kerry

      it doesn’t necessarily have to be someone amber knows
      she could be wrong

      1. Yoohoo

        We’re pretty far into the chapter, so assuming it’s wrapping up soon, I’m assuming Amber will be right. Permanent marker ding dongs as a recurring thing (imo) would get old fast, so it’s going to be solved in this chapter.

        If it’s not someone Amber knows, it’s someone who can easily be figured out.

  116. Strain Of Thought

    It’s totally Joyce. Totally.

    In the Walkyverse, Joyce mindwiped herself so she wouldn’t have to remember seeing pornography. It was one of her single most defining character moments. Previously in the Dumbiverse, Willis made a callback to a major Walkyverse event by having Joyce and Walky sort-of meet each other and then forget one another when they were little kids. This is a callback to when Joyce mindwiped herself so she wouldn’t remember seeing porn, because Willis considers having that psychotic break integral to his concept of Joyce as a character: Joyce saw penises, and now she’s done something in her head to try and forget what they look like, and that part of her brain has now gone crazy and is trying to force her to confront the reality of ding-dongs by drawing them in permanent marker on every single girl’s dorm room door. I’m sure if someone had the time and patience to dig around in the archive they’d find a bunch of hints that Joyce did it back during the last storyline and right at the very very beginning of this one.

    1. Kerry

      I was confused about the “sort-of meet each other when they were little kids” thing, but are you referring to when walky showed up in hymmel the humming hymnal?

      1. Strain Of Thought

        Yeah. Someone in the comments pointed out the similarity between the Hymmel The Hymnal incident and the Little Walky Rampage incident, and Willis himself replied and gave that person a gold star. I think this whole Whiteboard Ding Dong incident is a similar callback to another major character-defining Walkyverse event.

        If that’s the case, and this is a thing Willis is going to keep doing, then it might be possible to make a short list of Walkyverse events that Willis is going to revisit in some fashion simply because the characters involved aren’t the same people without that event. Amber didn’t really become Amber in the Walkyverse until she became Amazi-girl, even if that was always kept in the background outside of the few incidents where it helped her achieve a breakthrough; here in the Dumbiverse, it’s been made the front and center representation of who she is. The most obvious candidate for such a character-defining callback is Dina, but I think that’s something all of the old fans have always assumed is going to have to happen eventually anyway- except, Dina’s story had a very sad ending in the Walkyverse, and the Dumbiverse is just so different, that we’ve also all known that however Dina evolves will have to be radically different as well. But the callback will come, when Dina is ready. It has to.

        1. Kerry

          hmm, fascinating…
          now I’m tempted to go back and read as much as I can from the walkyverse to try and figure out how each major character event could be spun differently in the dumbiverse

  117. Nogre

    I think it’s Joyce, but if it was Ethan or at least that’s her suspicion here, it might lead to Amber outing Ethan to Danny. Which may help along my Ethan/Danny ship, so I’m starting to hope for that.

    The theories are all over the place, though. Excellent job with the mystery here, Willis.

    1. Kerry

      on one hand, I don’t want her to out ethan without his consent
      on the other, I need danny/ethan (or ethan/danny/amber)
      dilemma >:

  118. Martin Smith

    My money’s on Joyce.

  119. avstron

    ETHAN! I KNEW IT
    (Nope I thought it was Mike)

  120. sanddorn

    It’s Walky!
    Joyce and Walky!

  121. Damned

    DOROTHY

  122. Damned

    I MEAN JOYCE

  123. chase

    I’m probably SO wrong, but I feel like all the ones who have done something that more-or-less rules them out (but are still somehow being voted the highest) aren’t the ones who did it… I honestly don’t even have a good guess either. I’ll take a wild one, maybe, and say Ethan even though I REALLY don’t think it’s him, but at least if Willis totally tricked me, then I can still say I was right. C:

  124. Iggzy

    It was Joyce crazed by the thought of man bits and wanting to be free like other girls to discuss them then disgusted by her actions

  125. Triniking

    It was Amazi-bongo from Earth-3.

    Damn you, Earth-3 Willis.

  126. What

    It was either Joyce or Ethan. Or even better….BOTH of them on a doomed couples ding dong brigade

  127. Sterling

    I think it’s Dorothy. She drew dicks on all the whiteboards for the express purpose of giving Amazi-Girl a villain, a mystery to solve, some fun.
    (Then, they’ll kiss. In front of Danny.)

    1. chase

      Can I change my vote?! I love your idea.

  128. TJ Baltimore

    I have been saying Sydney this whole time, but I could easily see it being Malaya. She would want to get back at Amazi-Girl, she might be hurt on one side of her body from being thrown, and she is generally a dick anyway.

    1. TJ Baltimore

      Or it could be Amber/Amazi-Girl in a false flash thing to increase their own popularity.

      Or Mary, because she’s a bongo . . .

      Or anyone, really . . .

    2. gwalla

      Why would Malaya do it to get at Amazi-Girl? She has no way of knowing that Amazi-Girl would even find out about it. Literally all she knows about Amazi-Girl is that she gave them crap about underage drinking, was kind of fixated on fighting Sal (if Malaya was perceptive enough to pick up on that), and has a mean clothesline.

  129. Charles Phipps

    It’s Joyce.

    1. Deanatay

      Wrong. It’s ANTI-Joyce. This is Amazi-Girl’s epiphany.

  130. Marvelman

    It’s Joyce.

  131. Static Air

    I’m surprised no one’s even thought about or guessed Roz. Isn’t she still around? It might be something she would do.

    My guess is either her, or Dina, for the reason of, it would be the one person you’d never guess.

  132. Bibulb

    313 comments in and not ONE “DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUN!”?

    SON I AM DISAPPOINT

    1. Deanatay

      Actually, it’s ‘313 comments and _only one_ ‘DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUN’.

      Well, 314 and two, now.

  133. Tufto

    I’m saying Dina or Joyce. Ethan is an outside chance.

    1. Ailorn

      I doubt that it could be Joyce since I’m not sure she even knows what they look like enough to draw in multiple styles.

  134. Crumplepunch

    I think Mary, with an outside chance of Carla.

    (Think about how Carla’s conversation went earlier in the context of what Amber just said.)

  135. Edmund Grain

    Yus. Always Yus.

  136. hof1991

    Don’t need the slipshine. I got my wish. Amber and Danny together talking. Then AG came back and ruined the moment. DYW!!

  137. hof1991

    whoever it was, Mike swapped his non-erasable marker for theirs and maybe egged them on. They were unaware they were drawing with a non-erasable marker. Which de-escalates the vandalism.

  138. Bagge

    I hereby call that when the Whiteboard Dingdong bandit(s) is/are revealed, tons of people will say “called it” and then I will say “called it that you called it”

  139. Rani

    I swear this mystery is almost as gripping as whether Tony Soprano died.

    Clearly it’s Joyce by the way. The detail on her white board comes from her tracing over Mike’s not completely erased drawing

  140. Animal

    It’s so obvious, and none of you see it.

    The DingDong Bandit is…

    (stand by for resurrection of ancient boardie meme)

    …Adolphe Menjou.

    1. gwalla

      Four words:

      Menjou is the bandit
      Another ancient meme resurrected
      You can never escape

  141. Pinja

    I’m also guessing Joyce.

  142. Clif

    The first question is whether what she is saying has any relationship to Amber’s realization of the DDB’s identity. If it’s completely coincidental then the only thing we can conclude is that we need to reread the WBDDB carefully to see what Amber has noticed that we have not. And it could be something as simple as suddenly noticing that Mike never directly denied being the DDB or that with no white board he had no reason for having that kind of eraser.

    On the other hand, if there is a direct connection then we must assume that Amber is aware of the DDB having a brief but awful version of themself that they want to disown. This could be either them being the DDB that is the awful version they want to disown, or it could be something in their past they want to disown, something that Amber would know about.

    Let’s consider the suspect pool:

    Amber knows her own history best and she certainly has moments the might want to disown, particularly the robbery aftermath and the father beating incident. On the other hand, whatever her emotional problems, she’s clearly not broken. She uses Amazigirl and Amber as masks to express different parts of herself, and there are different modes that go with those identities. But she doesn’t actually have a split personality. There is no sign of memory repression. If she was the DDB she would know it.

    Joyce’s history is unknown to Amber. Joyce is having full blown delayed adolescence problems with the conflict between what her body wants and what her mind has been trained to think she wants. There is plenty of room for drawing dongs and then wanting to disown the self that did so. But in such case I think we would see a lot more angst about it on Joyce’s part. Likewise, Joyces subconscious is plenty active, but sleep drawing where the sleeper walks from whiteboard exactly drawing it differently each time. No, I think not, even allowing for the rule of funny. Not in this Willis universe.

    Sarah wouldn’t consider being the DDB to be something she would want to disown. She quite readily admitted to drawing one on her own door. She might want to disown her act in the past of saving her room-mate by ratting her out, but again this isn’t something that Amber would know and it isn’t clear how it would be relevant.

    Danny now has something he might want to disown, but it’s post DDB and Amber doesn’t know it. Also he hasn’t had a reason to hang around the girl’s wing pre reconnecting with Amber and so probably wouldn’t be drawing there.

    Ruth has plenty of problems but isn’t so much disowning them as intending to eventually end them by drinking herself to death. The DDB reflects on her job and since that seems to be something she takes seriously in her whip them in line by intimidation way, Ruth as the DDB seems unlikely, though not completely impossible. A drunk Ruth might think it was hilarious, but Ruth was on the wagon until her reunion with Billie.

    Sal might have the Robbery in the past committed as a self she wants to disown, but Amber wouldn’t know that she wants to disown it. Nor is Amber familiar with the rest of Sal’s past. Generally Sal seems too intentionally cool to do something so petty as draw dongs on whiteboards. Now it could be remotely possible that Amber reflecting on a self she wants to disown thinks of the selves she would want to disown, bringing up the robbery, bringing up Sal, and that’s right, we have a known villain on campus and so it MUST be her. But if that’s Amber’s reasoning I’m going to be very disappointed and disappointed in Amber as well.

    Ethan has a past which is certainly known to Amber and he has something he wishes to hide, but that’s not the same as being convinced that he himself is awful. Ethan, in fact, seems quite comfortable with himself. What he is majorly not comfortable with is other people relating to him solely through a single aspect of himself and having that define him. And so he deny’s but he doesn’t deny to himself and as with Danny is not really repressed except as it would define him. Again, if Ethan were the DDB, the fact he would be traveling to the girls wing to exercise his artistic gift is wholly unexplained.

    Billie certainly has events in her past she would probably like to disown. Her drunken accident, her retriggering of Ruth who she genuinely cares about. Further she was recently given to wandering the halls after drinking and wound up in Walky’s room to spend the night. She could have easily been the DDB. But there seems to be nothing known to Amber that would trigger that realization on Amber’s part.

    Walky is almost unique among the males in the suspect pool for having a motive for being in the girls wing at night. Walky is Walky and has some artistic bent and it’s not inconceivable that in a light hearted way he might have been inspired by all those white boards. Though the dickery of using a permanent marker seems somewhat out of character. On the other hand, it could have been what he had available. But the interaction between Walky and the Amazing Amber has been rather limited, first a chase and then a single conversation and none of that seems to relate to Amber’s sudden realization of the DDB’s identity.

    Joe shares Walky’s motive for being in the girls wing at night, a visit to or from someone’s room, and again this is something that could conceivably appeal to Joe’s sense of humor, but again there has been a lack of interaction between Joe and Amber. Joe, like Walky, is not impossible, but a long shot. A very long shot.

    The final male suspect is Mike. After having his drawing on Joyce’s door erased he could have come back at night to contribute a version which could be longer lived. The most detailed version is on Joyce’s door. Then he could have moved to Amber’s door, the next most detailed, and then worked his way back, drawing faster and simpler as he went to finish up. It is the fact of the permanent marker which non-the-less can be easily removed that most brands it as Mike’s brand of dickery. Finally we have the fact that Mike handled Amber’s questions without actually denying it and the fact that Amber felt it was reasonably to go back later to search through Mike’s stuff. Amber is very familiar with Mike’s back story as he is with her’s. On the other hand we are not familiar with Mike’s backstory. There might be an incident where Mike was briefly an entirely evil person he would want to disown and in fact that could be part of the way he is now. And this could be leading up to a flashback where we learn more about Mike. The thing is, Mike works better as a never wholly explained mystery and I’m not sure Willis would mess with that. But Mike remains an interesting possibility. The eraser aside, it’s not a sure thing.

    Dina is now aware of limitations she wants to disown, and though no evil is involved, that might be close enough to Ambers thoughts to trigger a realization. It is conceivable this is an experiment on Dina’s part on assimilation through imitation. The use of a permanent maker in Dina’s case could be a simple matter of not knowing the difference. In such a case with uncertain results, Dina is most likely to turn to the person she trusts to explain these things, Amber to discuss it. This has not happened but it is also possible Dina has not yet had the opportunity. So I don’t think Dina can be ruled out as the DDB, but at this point it would seem kind of a forced turn of events.

    Mary could have been the DDB in an attempt to highlight her moral superiority and punish Joyce for taking up with heathen like Dorothy, but in such a case it would make more sense to restrict the art to Joyce’s door (at which point we would have had to consider enemy’s from Sarah’s past) Mary could also have been taking a swipe at Ruth, but she had no motive for this until it appeared that Ruth didn’t plan to do anything. Altogether Mary would seem to be an opportunist in this. Additionally, if we consider Mary evil, then she isn’t temporarily evil and shows no desire to disown it. While satisfying in some respects, Mary doesn’t really fit.

    Carla seemed to be genuinely upset when she thought it was aimed at her and simply amused when it was not. There is a lack of motive.

    Dorothy is impossible to rule out completely but as she plans on being president someday this kind of prank on her record seems out of character. Again using a permanent marker would be out of character. She might or might not do prankish things to unwind occasionally, but we lack motive, and neither our or Amber’s knowledge of her backstory fit a person who wants to disown a temporarily worse version of themself.

    This leaves minor characters, and none of them readily fit.

    So if I had to make a pick it would be Mike, but it’s far from a sure thing.

    —-

    Argh! I typed this end yesterday and then went off and left my computer with the post comment button unpressed. I hope the strip hasn’t updated in the meantime (and hoping that would be a first for me). Hitting Post Comment now and hoping the Internet isn’t down.

    1. Clif

      Whew. Seem to have made it under the wire.

      Now I’m going to go way out on a limb and predict that tomorrow we will cut away to something completely different.

      Because Willis.

    2. Kerry

      this is possibly the longest comment I have ever seen on dumbing of age

      1. Clif

        Possibly. There’s a lot to consider.

        1. Clif

          And having read the other comments, I can see that I should have considered the possibility of Mike working through Dina. Technically this works. But my sense of who Mike is informed by other-universe Mike and using Dina as an innocent in this way doesn’t quite fit. Of course this is much younger undeveloped Mike possibly making bad choices, but in now way is Mike stupid and he would have realized the trail through Dina would inevitably lead back to him. He have wasted effort to dodge Amber’s questions so well. So interesting theory, but not really convincing.

        2. Clif

          For the lack of an edit capability….. 🙁

    3. m

      Dina has definitely had no opportunity to talk to Amber. Amber walked off the face of the Earth by turning into AmaziGirl. Dina doesn’t know where Amber is, therefore she has no way to tell her. When Amber takes off her costume, Dina will tell Amber everything.

      1. Ivan

        It’s a cartoon, not the journal “International Security.”

  143. JWLM

    I enjoy the fact that when Amber goes back to being AmaziGirl in the last panel she immediately loses her Amber blushies.

    1. Clif

      Yeah, that was a nice touch.

  144. JWLM

    From the outside, Joyce because of her subconscious memories of the time she was raped. From the inside (remember that Amber can be wrong,) I haven’t got a clue.

  145. Clif

    On a secondary issue when Amber asked with or without the mask, we never saw Danny’s answer. There was a preview picture that indicated that she was removing his shirt with her teeth wearing the mask, and in this presumably post-Slipshine moment she’s wearing the mask. Amber is certainly more comfortable with being aggressive with the mask. On the other hand, there were comments inclining me to the belief that without the mask is what he chose.

    The correct optimal answer would have course been “with the mask and maskless cuddling afterwards.”

    1. Clif

      To amplify, sex should be exciting and Amazigirl is exciting. But when you come down to it, cuddling is more important than sex and Amber is more important than Amazigirl. Why pick one when you can have both.

    2. JWLM

      Well, if you have good eyes — and a good edge detection system — you can look at the first page preview and figure out what happened re: the mask without buying the whole webpornic. No, I won’t tell you what it is.

  146. Inarx

    My money is on Joyce, actually.
    Though, that might just be because I’m terribad at remembering these comics, and barely(Read: don’t even) remember what everyone was up to when it happened.

  147. The Funkalicious Cale Andrew Baird

    I bet ya what’ll go down is Amazi-Girl think it’s Ethan, but then it turns out to be Joyce who has a split “sexified” personality when she sleepwalks.

    It’s weird that the most normal of the five webcomics is also the most bizarre.

    1. Zach

      I would very much like to know what the other 4 are, unless you mean other Willis Works.

      1. Kerry

        they’re probably referring to roomies, it’s walky!, joyce and walky, and shortpacked!

        1. The Funkalicious Cale Andrew Baird

          And you’ve won the top prize!

  148. Kintrex

    I knew it! It was Blaine!

    1. 3oranges

      “Try to keep me off campus, will they? I’ll show them – I’ll sneak in at night, and write my signature on every door.”

  149. John Madden

    She’s gonna kill him when she finds out he’s been playing Mario Kart with Sal, isn’t she?

    Also the White Board Ding-Dong Bandit is this guy

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNgxyL5zEAk

  150. fannypiggs

    So it was Joyce right?

  151. Spoilers

    It’s very likely that Joyce is the DDB. Joyce experienced a traumatic event; at a party, Amazing Girl attended. She has been ignoring lurid dreams, is dating someone ‘safe,’ and wants to forget the whole incident. Lastly, she has been shown drawing with dry erase markers in several scenes.

    Of course it could also be Mary, Ethan or ‘The Faz’; but sadly, it’s probably Joyce.

  152. Marc in MN

    “It’s…someone we’ve never met?”
    “The most shocking twist of all!!!!” 😉

    1. Clif

      And it has precidence.

  153. Tenn

    My money’s been on Joyce the whole time. The only doubt I have is that it was too bleeding obvious too bleeding soon. And the only regret I’ll have if it’s true is that people that aren’t me figured it out before it was too bleeding obvious.

  154. chris73

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/earliest/

    Guilty conscience much

    1. Clif

      Not really. It sounded to her as if Dorothy is being accused, and she’s already had to defend her to her parents.

  155. halcyon1234

    My other guess: Willis has drawn up an ending for each character. He’s going to monitor this thread and determine which one people didn’t guess for, and then post that. And then not have to put up with any “called it” shit on Monday.

    1. Clif

      Good plan, but every conceivable character has been guessed. And some that aren’t conceivable.

  156. Lume

    YES ALL MYSTERIES SHALL BE UNLOCKED VIA ORGASM

    1. Clif

      Put that on your tombstone.

  157. WikiDreamer

    Gotta be Joyce. After having read It’s Walky I’m convinced it’s her. Ethan’s too…genuine in a way to stoop so low to dick jokes even at his own expense. Mike has worse ways of dealing with people, Sarah acts FAR too stuck up to go out of her way to pick on anyone except Joyce. Dorothy has Walky and her reputation as does Walky, Dina’s too oblivious, Carla, Malaya and Co.wish they had done it and we all know what Ruth and Billie were busy with. Joyce is perfect: subconscious or not she was tired of being the butt of repression jokes so she wanted to prove she wasn’t so innocent. Hell, this could make for one awesome villain for Amazi-Girl, what with her playing the innocent church mouse card, but in reality she’s a cunning sultry villainess determined to make herself and her unmet sexual needs known by any vulgar means necessary.

  158. rachel

    ok but can we talk about how beautiful this strip is for amber? gaaaah good job. I’m sure this isn’t over but what a good Everything for her. <3<3<3 amber (obviously)

  159. Lord Geovanni

    Dammit Ethan we don’t get caught

  160. DarkoNeko

    Oh, it’s both tagged amazigirl and Amber today.

  161. Onion

    Johnny Bravo. Johnny Bravo. Dalton Ames.

    Wait, what

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