Yeah, I gave that a decade and change. Once I was debating killing myself or getting divorced I finally realized it wouldn’t be unreasonable to leave. (there was a lot more wrong than just sexual incompatibility) The joke of course is when thoughts of suicide came up during the reasons for separating, the ex thought I was talking about them, because they had no ability to consider my perspective.
P.S. I know I was an f’ing moron for staying in that as long as I did. It’s ok though, because my next relationship was way more toxic and only lasted two years. Sadly the repercussions from both are now generational and I deal with that every day.
Yikes, I can see why they’re an ex. You deserved better.
Demoted Oblivious
Cheers all. Didn’t mean to sympathy fish and obviously this is just my version of things. I’m trying to put a cap on that. Just, couldn’t let the idea of denying oneself their nature for their partner slide without speaking up.
Remember people, love isn’t giving yourself up for another[*], it’s you and your partner working to be more and actualizing, and empowering (not enabling).
*Caveat: parents doing extreme things for their kids is not covered by this.
Deanatay
It kind of is, though. A parent sacrificing themself for their kids is incredibly stupid and harmful to the kid (yes, I can imagine a few rare situations in which it is the least stupid and harmful option available to them, but it’s still stupid). A kid loses a LOT when they lose a parent, it can traumatize them for the rest of their lives. It’s much better for a parent to LIVE for their kids.
Demoted Oblivious
Agreed. But there’s a lot to go into there beyond dying to save a kids life and it’s not romantic love regardless.
Achallenger
Oy, yeah that sucks and yeah I hear you. I’m way too far in a similar feeling situation and it’s not a great day. Year… Lifetime
Becky has, on multiple happenings, both been told straight up Dinah wants sex and at least implied she knows Dinah wants sex, so I have no fucking clue what Becky’s hang-up is here. Unless it’s some weird confirmation bias thing where Becky is taking Dinah’s asexuality to mean that she was right and that sex is a sin.
Nono
‘I’m willing to have sex’ is different from ‘Bow chicka bow wow Becky you’re so fine looking, let’s skip class and make some clam jam’.
I’m exaggerating obviously, to some extent, Becky wants to feel desired and needed in a sexual context.
Needfuldoer
Fundamentalism. Whenever she thinks about it, she hears “PREMARITAL HANKY-PANKY!!” in her mind.
Sometimes we seem to forget that Becky and Joyce grew up in the same environment.
Delthor
Yep, this. Becky doesn’t acknowledge Dina’s willingness to explore sex because in Becky’s mind, that probably doesn’t even count. They can’t have sex until after marriage, so that’s a moot point. This leaves expressions of sexual lust as the sum total of sexuality, and if that’s your only standard for a sexual element in a relationship then yeah, a fully asexual person is just as incompatible with her as Joyce.
She probably also sees sexuality as purely lust and its satiation. I don’t think she can understand someone on the asexual spectrum being willing to have sex. If someone was ace, they’d never have sex, since they wouldn’t have any reason to sin or even bother with marriage to make it not a sin (or less sinful depending on the specifics of her beliefs).
I think this is going to be a huge struggle for her unless she gets a healthier attitude towards sex, attraction, and romance. My fingers are crossed that gender studies or something helps her get there.
Jason Rivest
Becky wants Dina to want her the way she wants Dina. I like their couple and I’m hoping for them to work things out. Maybe these are hangups Becky will be able to resolve as she learns to understand asexuality better. Or maybe that’s something she needs in her partner, and I feel compelled to say that is a valid way to feel.
I went back and re-read the strips and what Dina appears to be saying is that she’s horny sometimes but not horny other times, and Becky seems to interpret anything less than 24/7 burning sexual frustration as a sign that’s something wrong.
Also, given that Dina and Leslie haven’t ever interacted with each other on-panel, Leslie assuming that anyone who doesn’t constantly want to have sex with Becky is probably asexual is *kind of a leap*.
Spencer
Well Dina is confirmed grey-ace and Becky is telling Leslie that Dina doesn’t just not want to have sex but seems to have *zero* sexual inclinations (which is wrong, I’ll get to that), and I think the bigger issue is that Becky is telling Leslie her issues in a way that makes it sound much more catastrophic than it actually is. Becky’s conveying the issue as if Dina has zero sexual interest in her, and pointedly *not* saying that it’s Becky herself that’s rejecting sexual intimacy with Dina because of her repressive upbringing.
But yeah the crux of this particular strip is that Becky thinks not being able to invoke in Dina constant horny on main feelings is a personal failing on herself.
I think Becky’s insecurity is less that Dina doesn’t want sex but that she might not feel the same attraction to Becky that Becky does to her, which is the second time this has happened. We’ll see if Becky further elaborates on that. She might feel like she’s not attractive to girls, which is the wrong way to take it, but we can’t control what we think about ourselves.
^this, yeah- Becky is many things but prone to simple, direct problem-solving is not one of them. She might be considering breaking up with Dina because she specifically wants validation from her relationship, or she might just be overreacting- both are possible options
Dina’s canonically gray-ace on the sexuality spectrum, but her Walkyverse/Dumbingverse relationships + her statement in this ‘verse that she is “unconcerned” with gender may indicate that she’s panromantic (not necessarily the same thing as pansexual).
Sam
She could still be pan for both in addition to also being gray-ace. I say that because I myself am demisexual/romantic but I also consider myself pansexual/romantic at the same time and both are equally important aspects for me. Because yes my attraction is super rare, but it also is not limited to any one gender. Though I do not have the actual interest in sex that Dina does.
But she’s also said that she’s not attracted to Becky the way Becky is attracted to her. That’s what Becky wants: to be wanted, to be desired. To have that reciprocation. Otherwise she’s always going to feel like it’s something Dina is doing FOR her, which, it kind of would be. Even if Dina is enthusiastic to try, it’s because she just wants to have the experience or because she cares about Becky and wants to share this with her, not because it’s something she desires for her own fulfillment.
I don’t know where people are getting the idea that Dina herself cannot be fulfilled by or desire sex. Though I am not one of them, there are people all across the asexuality spectrum that have sex drives and want sex and don’t just do it for other people. You can not be sexually attracted to any specific person and still desire and enjoy sex.
Socks
This was an EXTREMELY Dorothy thing to say, just putting that out there.
miz
No, no, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Dina may be enthusiastic to have sex with Becky, and she may enjoy it very much if they did, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is not attracted to Becky. Becky wants Dina to WANT HER, the way Becky wants Dina. She is not seeking sex with Becky because she looks at Becky and feels an urge and desire to have sex with her. She is WILLING to have sex with Becky for any number of reasons, perhaps even eager, but she is still not ATTRACTED to her. And Becky wants her to be.
Sam
Oh, then I’m glad we are in agreement! It just came across to me as if you felt Dina wouldn’t get as much out of it as Becky. And yes there are sex-neutral and sex-repulsed people where this might be true, but it is very commonly assumed that no ace people can be sex positive and genuinely just enjoy it for themselves when that isn’t true.
I think Becky is concerned that when they explore this territory, Dina will be satisfied with way less interaction and leave Becky hanging. It is an option to not at all get into this if it is foreseeable. Dina being curious might not mean she will stay so after the first few tries. Like my husband who was really open to trying opening up our relationship when I suggested, but decided it was not okay for him after a few occasions. And that is a valid outcome of an experiment.
Thank youuuuuu, as someone who is also asexual that doesn’t feel sexual attraction but still likes to have sex, I’m glad this was said. Im hoping this is ISN’T the reason on why they break up, I’m very biased here but Becky seems like she’s way overreacting. Dina in the past has been very clear on how she would like to have sex and is willing to wait for whenever Becky is ready, seems a bit crappy on Becky’s end to not be able to accept this one thing about Dina and is asking other people if they should break up
Wanting your partner to be attracted to you isn’t some small thing. Dina could be totally eager and interested in having sex with Becky but Becky might always end up feeling like something is missing because Dina isn’t looking at her and thinking “Oh wow. Becky you are so beautiful and that shirt you’re wearing makes you look so sexy it makes me want to kiss you and touch you.”
Becky is still very young so she’s still figuring out if “partner feels sexual attraction for me” is something she needs in a relationship.
dralou
@Bix902: I would say that she already figured that one out: she needs to be physically desired by her partner.
The part she still has to figure out is, when such desire is lacking, is it a deal breaker for her or is it not if everything else shows that she’s loved and desired, just not physically.
Bix902
@dralou
Right, but I’m responding to the comment saying Becky is overreacting and being crappy by not accepting this ONE THING about Dina.
Needing to feel desired by your partner isn’t some casual little thing that can be easily brushed aside and it doesn’t make a person crappy if they are plunged into doubt and anxiety if they suddenly find out that their partner (who is still a good person whom they enjoy and care for) does not feel physically attracted to them
dralou
@Bix902: I totally agree with you. It’s even more understandable if, to you, being attracted to whoever you want is something you actually had to fight for, after years of hiding it.
I find it weird that Becky is so worried about this when she’s still got her religious beliefs about having sex before marriage or whatever, while Dina doesn’t have those beliefs and is willing to explore the sexual side of their relationship. Unless maybe Becky is reconsidering those beliefs already.
I think those beliefs are a big part of why she feels this way. If you can’t actually have sex, the next closest thing is at least sharing mutual attraction. That makes the attraction aspect way more important than it might be for someone who has both sex and attraction in their sex lives.
She probably files Dina’s willingness under her “temptation” mental folder rather than as part of her “healthy relationship” folder. Which means it doesn’t just not count, but likely feels like a negative.
The last two times Becky tried to move into sexytimes didn’t go well. She kissed her roommate at Anderson and ended up on the run. She kissed Joyce and realized that long desired accomplishment ended up in a dead end.
If she took a psych class they would teach her about avoidance/approach dilemmas. It’s quite common to want something and fear it too.
Yeah, I feel like this intense level of concern is premature. It’s a good thing to be thinking about, sure, and it’s a good thing to be able to discuss, but right now, it feels like Becky is borrowing trouble. Which makes complete sense as she’s 19 and going through *gestures vaguely at everything* so I’m not complaining. I just don’t share her perspective on the issue, and I hope she gives Dina (and herself!) the chance to work through this before deciding it’s all doomed.
It’s Dina! Relevant even though she’s not in this strip!
Demoted Oblivious
I’m honestly kinda confused. Despite people commenting on sudden changes, Sarah’s been with me for what feels like a long time.
Hmmm…. I wonder if our gravitars get archivally locked to particular comments, or if they shift when new grav’s are added and the algorithm updates.
Viktoria
The grav is based on your email(or account if you have one). Change the email(some people just adjust capitalization) and it gives you a new one at random. And when Willis updates the list, they’re re-randomized again.
King Daniel
And if you’re very lucky, it’s possible for two different randomizations in a row to give you the same grav, thus providing the illusion that it didn’t change for you.
Source: got the same grav thrice in a row at one point while I was doing grav roulette. 😛
Kryss LaBryn
Grav roulette?
Kryss LaBryn
Sweet!! 😀
Demoted Oblivious
Yeah I aware of the address mechanics for grav roulette. (I wrote them up) On top of grav-roulette, people have made comments like their gravatar changed without their choosing, based apparently on DyW adding new Gravs on the backend. (maybe it changes their order in the index or hash table or something). Maybe it’s also from peeps accidentally changing their input email, but I can’t control for that. The discussion around the mechanics for changing gravs is what evolved into the game of grav roulette we all know and love today. But now I want to know MOAR.
The Moar You Know!
______——–=======*
thejeff
You can’t have had that Sarah for too long, since it’s one of the new season gravatars. There hasn’t been a change in a little while though – I think the last was when he added glasses Joyce right after she first appeared.
People commenting since then are likely infrequent commenters who didn’t notice the change before. Or possibly fooled by posting from a different device with a differently capitalized email.
And yes, past comment gravatars shift, which makes some old conversations incomprehensible.
Demoted Oblivious
“And yes, past comment gravatars shift, which makes some old conversations incomprehensible.”
Indeed. Looking at last August I can see the same Sarah-grav. It’s a pitty they don’t get locked in on the posts. I understand why not, but it slso reveals the temporal nature and inherent decay in even electronic media.
timemonkey
If you find one you like you can just save the picture and set it as your default inn your profile.
Hold the phone. Didn’t Becky just get through an arc where Dina had to assure her that Dina wouldn’t rush the sexual side of things if Becky wasn’t comfortable yet? And now Becky’s concerned that Dina won’t want to rush things enough?
Nope, but let me try to break it down at least how I see it: Becky wants sex, but despite breaking free of the surface aspects of her fundamentalist upbringing and modifying her religious beliefs to accommodate her sexual identity, she never really got over the *culture* of being a fundie.
Becky is horny on main for Dina, but Becky can *never* act on that because premarital sex is a sin. However, Becky still grew up in a culture that told her that her value as a woman, as a human being, was predicated on having a partner and sexing them up to provide babies. To Becky, her ideal state is having a partner who constantly lavishes her with praise for being attractive, but never acting on that until they’re married under the eyes of God.
Becky craves and needs to be perceived as sexually enticing but is terrified of acting on that in a healthy manner, and meanwhile there’s Dina, who lacks the capacity to be as overtly sexually interested in Becky as Becky is into Dina, and this hurts her because in a way, Dina not being expressly, constantly attracted to Becky means that Becky is somehow failing her God-sanctioned role as a wife.
Becky’s a lesbian tradwife. She wants all the same fundie things she was told she needed to have, but she wants them with Dina, but Dina can’t give her that because Dina doesn’t do constant, overt sexual attraction, and she’d say the simple solution is that she and Becky just have sex as long as Becky is comfortable to have it, and Becky, as she is right now, never will be.
Is it also possible that (subconsciously) Becky buys into the whole “men are ravenous sexual beasts who can’t control themselves, so as long as the man initiates things, it’s not the girl’s fault if they do sexy things” viewpoint? Which is horrible but means you can do sexy things so long as you make it look kinda rape-y — but Dina is never going to do that, because she’s never going to be so turned on that she “loses all control” (due to Becky’s massive sexiness). So it’s not just that Dina’s not constantly attracted to her that way, it’s that she’s never going to do anything that gives Becky the out she needs to give in to her horniness.
Dina (well, except for her first kissing Becky) is by nature into consent. Becky’s been raised to not consent, or at least seem not to. These are somewhat incompatible kinks. Hopefully, Becky’s is curable.
Rabid Rabbit
Basically, they just need to find out about consensual non-consent, and then they’ll be fine.
vlademir1
That may be a first step. “May” here because CNC may or may not be within Dina’s capabilities to perform even if she does occasionally display some Primal tendencies. “First step” here because, even if both are onboard with the idea, CNC, like all such things, really needs them to sit down and have a frank discussion about what they want from the relationship and what they’re willing to do to achieve those desires.
228 thoughts on “Doomed”
Ana Chronistic
OR
you could one day lose all sexual interest, and THEN you’d TOTES be 100% compatible!
…
?
Demoted Oblivious
Yeah, I gave that a decade and change. Once I was debating killing myself or getting divorced I finally realized it wouldn’t be unreasonable to leave. (there was a lot more wrong than just sexual incompatibility) The joke of course is when thoughts of suicide came up during the reasons for separating, the ex thought I was talking about them, because they had no ability to consider my perspective.
Demoted Oblivious
P.S. I know I was an f’ing moron for staying in that as long as I did. It’s ok though, because my next relationship was way more toxic and only lasted two years. Sadly the repercussions from both are now generational and I deal with that every day.
C.T Phipps
I’m so sorry.
Ana Chronistic
holy crap. glad you got out of that!
BBCC
Yikes, I can see why they’re an ex. You deserved better.
Demoted Oblivious
Cheers all. Didn’t mean to sympathy fish and obviously this is just my version of things. I’m trying to put a cap on that. Just, couldn’t let the idea of denying oneself their nature for their partner slide without speaking up.
Remember people, love isn’t giving yourself up for another[*], it’s you and your partner working to be more and actualizing, and empowering (not enabling).
*Caveat: parents doing extreme things for their kids is not covered by this.
Deanatay
It kind of is, though. A parent sacrificing themself for their kids is incredibly stupid and harmful to the kid (yes, I can imagine a few rare situations in which it is the least stupid and harmful option available to them, but it’s still stupid). A kid loses a LOT when they lose a parent, it can traumatize them for the rest of their lives. It’s much better for a parent to LIVE for their kids.
Demoted Oblivious
Agreed. But there’s a lot to go into there beyond dying to save a kids life and it’s not romantic love regardless.
Achallenger
Oy, yeah that sucks and yeah I hear you. I’m way too far in a similar feeling situation and it’s not a great day. Year… Lifetime
Doctor_Who
Becky: Leslie, I followed your advice and got 20 different girlfriends. One of them is bound to be compatible!
Leslie: Becky, no!
Robin: Becky, yes!
Stephen Bierce
JOE: Becky…why is your harem bigger than MY harem?
Opus the Poet
Because with all her faults, Becky is still way more polite than Joe.
ValdVin
(Boy eating two skinless hotdog.jpg?)
Eldritchy
More like a Bodhisattva holding 20 girlfriends.
Sirksome
AH! That’s why Leslie’s the G.O.A.T.!!! Robin can sniff butts. Leslie’s best mom!
timemonkey
Dina already said she was both willing and looking forward to exploring the sexual side of their relationship.
a/snow/mous/e
thiiiisss
Jungle Dwayne
True. But Becky is not exactly, how you say, a great listener.
Bryy
Becky has, on multiple happenings, both been told straight up Dinah wants sex and at least implied she knows Dinah wants sex, so I have no fucking clue what Becky’s hang-up is here. Unless it’s some weird confirmation bias thing where Becky is taking Dinah’s asexuality to mean that she was right and that sex is a sin.
Nono
‘I’m willing to have sex’ is different from ‘Bow chicka bow wow Becky you’re so fine looking, let’s skip class and make some clam jam’.
I’m exaggerating obviously, to some extent, Becky wants to feel desired and needed in a sexual context.
Needfuldoer
Fundamentalism. Whenever she thinks about it, she hears “PREMARITAL HANKY-PANKY!!” in her mind.
Sometimes we seem to forget that Becky and Joyce grew up in the same environment.
Delthor
Yep, this. Becky doesn’t acknowledge Dina’s willingness to explore sex because in Becky’s mind, that probably doesn’t even count. They can’t have sex until after marriage, so that’s a moot point. This leaves expressions of sexual lust as the sum total of sexuality, and if that’s your only standard for a sexual element in a relationship then yeah, a fully asexual person is just as incompatible with her as Joyce.
She probably also sees sexuality as purely lust and its satiation. I don’t think she can understand someone on the asexual spectrum being willing to have sex. If someone was ace, they’d never have sex, since they wouldn’t have any reason to sin or even bother with marriage to make it not a sin (or less sinful depending on the specifics of her beliefs).
I think this is going to be a huge struggle for her unless she gets a healthier attitude towards sex, attraction, and romance. My fingers are crossed that gender studies or something helps her get there.
Jason Rivest
Becky wants Dina to want her the way she wants Dina. I like their couple and I’m hoping for them to work things out. Maybe these are hangups Becky will be able to resolve as she learns to understand asexuality better. Or maybe that’s something she needs in her partner, and I feel compelled to say that is a valid way to feel.
ESM
I went back and re-read the strips and what Dina appears to be saying is that she’s horny sometimes but not horny other times, and Becky seems to interpret anything less than 24/7 burning sexual frustration as a sign that’s something wrong.
Also, given that Dina and Leslie haven’t ever interacted with each other on-panel, Leslie assuming that anyone who doesn’t constantly want to have sex with Becky is probably asexual is *kind of a leap*.
Spencer
Well Dina is confirmed grey-ace and Becky is telling Leslie that Dina doesn’t just not want to have sex but seems to have *zero* sexual inclinations (which is wrong, I’ll get to that), and I think the bigger issue is that Becky is telling Leslie her issues in a way that makes it sound much more catastrophic than it actually is. Becky’s conveying the issue as if Dina has zero sexual interest in her, and pointedly *not* saying that it’s Becky herself that’s rejecting sexual intimacy with Dina because of her repressive upbringing.
But yeah the crux of this particular strip is that Becky thinks not being able to invoke in Dina constant horny on main feelings is a personal failing on herself.
Sirksome
I think Becky’s insecurity is less that Dina doesn’t want sex but that she might not feel the same attraction to Becky that Becky does to her, which is the second time this has happened. We’ll see if Becky further elaborates on that. She might feel like she’s not attractive to girls, which is the wrong way to take it, but we can’t control what we think about ourselves.
Diner Kinetic
^this, yeah- Becky is many things but prone to simple, direct problem-solving is not one of them. She might be considering breaking up with Dina because she specifically wants validation from her relationship, or she might just be overreacting- both are possible options
ThunderNight
Yeah, I thought from her interactions in the Dumbiverse and Walkyverse that she’s Pansexual
King Daniel
Dina’s canonically gray-ace on the sexuality spectrum, but her Walkyverse/Dumbingverse relationships + her statement in this ‘verse that she is “unconcerned” with gender may indicate that she’s panromantic (not necessarily the same thing as pansexual).
Sam
She could still be pan for both in addition to also being gray-ace. I say that because I myself am demisexual/romantic but I also consider myself pansexual/romantic at the same time and both are equally important aspects for me. Because yes my attraction is super rare, but it also is not limited to any one gender. Though I do not have the actual interest in sex that Dina does.
miz
But she’s also said that she’s not attracted to Becky the way Becky is attracted to her. That’s what Becky wants: to be wanted, to be desired. To have that reciprocation. Otherwise she’s always going to feel like it’s something Dina is doing FOR her, which, it kind of would be. Even if Dina is enthusiastic to try, it’s because she just wants to have the experience or because she cares about Becky and wants to share this with her, not because it’s something she desires for her own fulfillment.
Sam
I don’t know where people are getting the idea that Dina herself cannot be fulfilled by or desire sex. Though I am not one of them, there are people all across the asexuality spectrum that have sex drives and want sex and don’t just do it for other people. You can not be sexually attracted to any specific person and still desire and enjoy sex.
Socks
This was an EXTREMELY Dorothy thing to say, just putting that out there.
miz
No, no, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Dina may be enthusiastic to have sex with Becky, and she may enjoy it very much if they did, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is not attracted to Becky. Becky wants Dina to WANT HER, the way Becky wants Dina. She is not seeking sex with Becky because she looks at Becky and feels an urge and desire to have sex with her. She is WILLING to have sex with Becky for any number of reasons, perhaps even eager, but she is still not ATTRACTED to her. And Becky wants her to be.
Sam
Oh, then I’m glad we are in agreement! It just came across to me as if you felt Dina wouldn’t get as much out of it as Becky. And yes there are sex-neutral and sex-repulsed people where this might be true, but it is very commonly assumed that no ace people can be sex positive and genuinely just enjoy it for themselves when that isn’t true.
missilentmurmur
I think Becky is concerned that when they explore this territory, Dina will be satisfied with way less interaction and leave Becky hanging. It is an option to not at all get into this if it is foreseeable. Dina being curious might not mean she will stay so after the first few tries. Like my husband who was really open to trying opening up our relationship when I suggested, but decided it was not okay for him after a few occasions. And that is a valid outcome of an experiment.
Orangey
Thank youuuuuu, as someone who is also asexual that doesn’t feel sexual attraction but still likes to have sex, I’m glad this was said. Im hoping this is ISN’T the reason on why they break up, I’m very biased here but Becky seems like she’s way overreacting. Dina in the past has been very clear on how she would like to have sex and is willing to wait for whenever Becky is ready, seems a bit crappy on Becky’s end to not be able to accept this one thing about Dina and is asking other people if they should break up
Bix902
Wanting your partner to be attracted to you isn’t some small thing. Dina could be totally eager and interested in having sex with Becky but Becky might always end up feeling like something is missing because Dina isn’t looking at her and thinking “Oh wow. Becky you are so beautiful and that shirt you’re wearing makes you look so sexy it makes me want to kiss you and touch you.”
Becky is still very young so she’s still figuring out if “partner feels sexual attraction for me” is something she needs in a relationship.
dralou
@Bix902: I would say that she already figured that one out: she needs to be physically desired by her partner.
The part she still has to figure out is, when such desire is lacking, is it a deal breaker for her or is it not if everything else shows that she’s loved and desired, just not physically.
Bix902
@dralou
Right, but I’m responding to the comment saying Becky is overreacting and being crappy by not accepting this ONE THING about Dina.
Needing to feel desired by your partner isn’t some casual little thing that can be easily brushed aside and it doesn’t make a person crappy if they are plunged into doubt and anxiety if they suddenly find out that their partner (who is still a good person whom they enjoy and care for) does not feel physically attracted to them
dralou
@Bix902: I totally agree with you. It’s even more understandable if, to you, being attracted to whoever you want is something you actually had to fight for, after years of hiding it.
StClair
Becky?! Overreacting and overthinking?!
Keulen
I find it weird that Becky is so worried about this when she’s still got her religious beliefs about having sex before marriage or whatever, while Dina doesn’t have those beliefs and is willing to explore the sexual side of their relationship. Unless maybe Becky is reconsidering those beliefs already.
thejeff
It’s not the sex at this point, it’s the wanting. She wants to be wanted the way she wants Dina. Even if she’s still resisting doing the actual deed.
This isn’t insurmountable. They may well be able to get past it, but it’s not a simple problem.
Delthor
I think those beliefs are a big part of why she feels this way. If you can’t actually have sex, the next closest thing is at least sharing mutual attraction. That makes the attraction aspect way more important than it might be for someone who has both sex and attraction in their sex lives.
She probably files Dina’s willingness under her “temptation” mental folder rather than as part of her “healthy relationship” folder. Which means it doesn’t just not count, but likely feels like a negative.
hof1991
The last two times Becky tried to move into sexytimes didn’t go well. She kissed her roommate at Anderson and ended up on the run. She kissed Joyce and realized that long desired accomplishment ended up in a dead end.
If she took a psych class they would teach her about avoidance/approach dilemmas. It’s quite common to want something and fear it too.
pope suburban
Yeah, I feel like this intense level of concern is premature. It’s a good thing to be thinking about, sure, and it’s a good thing to be able to discuss, but right now, it feels like Becky is borrowing trouble. Which makes complete sense as she’s 19 and going through *gestures vaguely at everything* so I’m not complaining. I just don’t share her perspective on the issue, and I hope she gives Dina (and herself!) the chance to work through this before deciding it’s all doomed.
BBCC
Ohhhhhhhh, Leslie. At least she doesn’t believe in lying to her kid. Listen to the top balloon on panel 4, Becky, it’s helpful.
BBCC
Grav roulette, whaddaya got?
BBCC
Ooooh, good choice.
Sirksome
Wait what? Grav roulette??? Let’s get it done.
Sirksome
It’s Dina! Relevant even though she’s not in this strip!
Demoted Oblivious
I’m honestly kinda confused. Despite people commenting on sudden changes, Sarah’s been with me for what feels like a long time.
Hmmm…. I wonder if our gravitars get archivally locked to particular comments, or if they shift when new grav’s are added and the algorithm updates.
Viktoria
The grav is based on your email(or account if you have one). Change the email(some people just adjust capitalization) and it gives you a new one at random. And when Willis updates the list, they’re re-randomized again.
King Daniel
And if you’re very lucky, it’s possible for two different randomizations in a row to give you the same grav, thus providing the illusion that it didn’t change for you.
Source: got the same grav thrice in a row at one point while I was doing grav roulette. 😛
Kryss LaBryn
Grav roulette?
Kryss LaBryn
Sweet!! 😀
Demoted Oblivious
Yeah I aware of the address mechanics for grav roulette. (I wrote them up) On top of grav-roulette, people have made comments like their gravatar changed without their choosing, based apparently on DyW adding new Gravs on the backend. (maybe it changes their order in the index or hash table or something). Maybe it’s also from peeps accidentally changing their input email, but I can’t control for that. The discussion around the mechanics for changing gravs is what evolved into the game of grav roulette we all know and love today. But now I want to know MOAR.
The Moar You Know!
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thejeff
You can’t have had that Sarah for too long, since it’s one of the new season gravatars. There hasn’t been a change in a little while though – I think the last was when he added glasses Joyce right after she first appeared.
People commenting since then are likely infrequent commenters who didn’t notice the change before. Or possibly fooled by posting from a different device with a differently capitalized email.
And yes, past comment gravatars shift, which makes some old conversations incomprehensible.
Demoted Oblivious
“And yes, past comment gravatars shift, which makes some old conversations incomprehensible.”
Indeed. Looking at last August I can see the same Sarah-grav. It’s a pitty they don’t get locked in on the posts. I understand why not, but it slso reveals the temporal nature and inherent decay in even electronic media.
timemonkey
If you find one you like you can just save the picture and set it as your default inn your profile.
Rani
Hold the phone. Didn’t Becky just get through an arc where Dina had to assure her that Dina wouldn’t rush the sexual side of things if Becky wasn’t comfortable yet? And now Becky’s concerned that Dina won’t want to rush things enough?
Did I miss a strip or something?!
BBCC
Being down to fuck and being sexually attracted to someone are two different things. Becky is worried about the latter.
Bryy
That makes a heck of a lot of sense, actually.
Jungle Dwayne
As a horny Christian, Becky wants some company in her misery, and that’s one thing Dina can’t give her.
Spencer
Nope, but let me try to break it down at least how I see it: Becky wants sex, but despite breaking free of the surface aspects of her fundamentalist upbringing and modifying her religious beliefs to accommodate her sexual identity, she never really got over the *culture* of being a fundie.
Becky is horny on main for Dina, but Becky can *never* act on that because premarital sex is a sin. However, Becky still grew up in a culture that told her that her value as a woman, as a human being, was predicated on having a partner and sexing them up to provide babies. To Becky, her ideal state is having a partner who constantly lavishes her with praise for being attractive, but never acting on that until they’re married under the eyes of God.
Becky craves and needs to be perceived as sexually enticing but is terrified of acting on that in a healthy manner, and meanwhile there’s Dina, who lacks the capacity to be as overtly sexually interested in Becky as Becky is into Dina, and this hurts her because in a way, Dina not being expressly, constantly attracted to Becky means that Becky is somehow failing her God-sanctioned role as a wife.
Becky’s a lesbian tradwife. She wants all the same fundie things she was told she needed to have, but she wants them with Dina, but Dina can’t give her that because Dina doesn’t do constant, overt sexual attraction, and she’d say the simple solution is that she and Becky just have sex as long as Becky is comfortable to have it, and Becky, as she is right now, never will be.
RassilonTDavros
I think you’re pretty much right on all counts here.
Slartibeast Button, BIA
i was going to right something along those lines, but you did a much better job of it than I could. Thank you.
Rabid Rabbit
Is it also possible that (subconsciously) Becky buys into the whole “men are ravenous sexual beasts who can’t control themselves, so as long as the man initiates things, it’s not the girl’s fault if they do sexy things” viewpoint? Which is horrible but means you can do sexy things so long as you make it look kinda rape-y — but Dina is never going to do that, because she’s never going to be so turned on that she “loses all control” (due to Becky’s massive sexiness). So it’s not just that Dina’s not constantly attracted to her that way, it’s that she’s never going to do anything that gives Becky the out she needs to give in to her horniness.
Dina (well, except for her first kissing Becky) is by nature into consent. Becky’s been raised to not consent, or at least seem not to. These are somewhat incompatible kinks. Hopefully, Becky’s is curable.
Rabid Rabbit
Basically, they just need to find out about consensual non-consent, and then they’ll be fine.
vlademir1
That may be a first step. “May” here because CNC may or may not be within Dina’s capabilities to perform even if she does occasionally display some Primal tendencies. “First step” here because, even if both are onboard with the idea, CNC, like all such things, really needs them to sit down and have a frank discussion about what they want from the relationship and what they’re willing to do to achieve those desires.