148

Drinks
Posted on February 9, 2011 by David M Willis

148 thoughts on “Drinks”

  1. addude

    I’m calling it now, Joe will be the first to die on dumbing of Age in about two strips

    1. ADHadh

      He’ll die from face-punching.

      1. Nathan

        In the FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

    2. SherBeans

      At least he’ll be thinking happy thoughts in his death.

      1. The E-man

        Your icon is the best thing EVER

  2. RaijinK

    Gallasso’s is a family establishment. Namely his family. And it’s a messed-up family. Don’t bring your kids there.

    1. David Herbert

      It’s like Hooters, with more yelling.

      1. Matt

        And only the one girl.

        1. Mnk

          (and subs)

        2. CWR

          Wait, there’s FOOD at Hooters?

        3. Plan D

          I know somebody who orders take out from Hooters.
          (doing it wrong)

        4. Mally

          Considering the best part of Hooters is an entirely different part of the bird than what the name would suggest? I’d say he’s doin’ just fine.

  3. arjay2813

    i really want him to hit on her and get hit by Mike (his job), Galasso (his daughter), joyce (jealousy & unclean thoughts), and whomever is dating Conquest. that would be overkill of awesome..that may be to many for just his face though

    1. Bek359

      He wouldn’t get hit by Galasso. IIRC, in the regular universe, Galasso was pretty desperate for ANYONE to knock up his daughter. Since aliens (the lack of which being the key to this universe being different from the regular Walkyverse… wow, that’s a jumbled sentence) are seemingly not the cause of Galasso’s insanity, I see no reason to believe this has changed.

    2. Chase

      Actually, I’m one of those people who kinda want to see Joyce get punched at this point. o-O

      1. Jack

        And then she’d think impure thoughts.

        1. Technyx

          Your avatar has made that sentence the greatest thing ever.

  4. Matt of Steel

    Don’t worry Joe. Conquest will make your head feel better.

    1. Cha

      His head, or his head?

      1. Eri

        His head.

        1. photoman86

          His head, but which head?

        2. Bickendan

          Yes.

        3. Tristan J

          No.

        4. Soundbucket

          Perhaps.

      2. A.non

        His FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

    2. milk experiment

      With his penis.

  5. Ragnal

    Does anyone know anyone that’s like Joyce? I don’t even mean over fifty Bible thumpers, I mean…our generation.

    Seriously, name one adult that can keep their mind THIS clean.

    1. David

      I dunno which “our” generation you’re talking about specifically, but I did not swear until I was 22.

      1. Tristan J

        I didn’t start swearing until I was a little older than Joyce here.

      2. brasca1

        Strangely enough I recall when “friggin” and “slut” (words Joyce has already said) would get a wag of the finger from the church ladies of my family.

        1. alicemacher

          I remember when a prominent Anglican cardinal here in Canada got flak for saying “frigging” in an interview or address or other public comments of some sort.

        2. AlienCowThatMoos

          I recall a specific time that I said the word “bugger” (having no idea what the British meaning was) and my Mom freaked out on me from somewhere else in the house. It had me paranoid all of the time after that.

        3. AlienCowThatMoos

          This icon pleases my magnificence.

        4. Leo

          Dunno why your Mum freaked out, bugger isn’t a strong word in England, its used as often as damn is, and its said to kids quite often in phrases like “don’t go playing silly buggers”. There’s a few words Americans think are strong in English English which aren’t – twat being another one.

        5. gangler

          I know a lot of people like Joyce who are my age. Stupidly pure. Half the men from church I can’t even get to admit that a girl is attractive without flustering them. Being raise Mormon is awesome that way. Can’t throw a stone without hitting a sexually repressed youth, and God help you if you swear in their presence.

          Fun story. Once my brother caught Mono. Because of some of his habits (not following curfew) we weren’t sure if it was from kissing a girl or from sharing a needle. Mom was equally appalled by both possibilities. It’s all sin to her.

          To this day I still hide from her the fact that I enjoy the occasional coffee on a rough morning.

        6. Rowen Morland

          A viceless life sounds pretty harsh. Do you still get Tea?

      3. Malph

        Seeing how old everyone else was when they started makes me feel like a horrible person for starting at like 10.

        However, I don’t swear aloud in public or in front of anyone I don’t know is ok with it.

        1. zuche

          Don’t be too hard on yourself. My mother used to swear a blue streak at us if we took too long getting ready for church.

        2. airfox

          Same with me. My father usually avoided using “bad words” if we (my sister and I) were present, but my mother didn’t show such restraint … specially while driving.

          There was a time when my dad swore with us in the car, because he forgot we were there … we were very surprised.

          -airfox

        3. dchorror

          That’s alright, I started about that early too. I also learned restraint because of that, so it’s a bit two fold.

      4. airfox

        Wha? Really?

        I don’t remember my age when I first swore, but I think it was in high school, so I was younger than 22.

        I still don’t swear when in the company of my parents. My friends deserve the cursing, they don’t. 😉

        -airfox

      5. RachelEvil

        My girlfriend claims the same thing.

        Me? My first word was “shit.”

    2. Wolf

      My girlfriend has never used the F-word in her life, and I have another friend at my college who honestly believes that sex (even for procreation) is a sin and that God wants us to reproduce by in-vitro.

      1. katosen27

        Ironic in that your girlfriend was not created by in-vitro means. How does she believe that sex, period, is a sin? O.o

        1. Wolf

          It’s not my girlfriend who thinks that (fortunately), it’s another of my friends. I honestly don’t know; when I pointed out that humans wouldn’t exist except for sex, she said that the desire to preserve the species was a temptation we need to overcome.

        2. Ivy

          That is really quite amazing. Golly, some people can defend the most inconsistent and flawed reasoning.

        3. John Harmon

          She has no boyfriend does she?

        4. Derik

          So what does she do online? Cyber-Celibacy?

    3. Matt

      I only did it in hushed tones until about 19, and still never in front of a girl.

    4. goatman95111

      Oh yes, I know one. Her name was Taylor, and she was in the dorms during my freshman year. To give you an idea of how clean a Mormon type she was, there’s this great little story. She was telling this group of friends about her guitar (she played regularly), and asked a few of the guys if they wanted to see her new g-string.

      She meant the guitar string (the “g” note or thickest string, obviously). Everyone else just flipped out at that.

      It took a few minutes to get her from being beet red… AFTER being told what a g-string was.

      1. Sven8705

        My g-string is always breaking

        1. Bickendan

          Aptly, Joe’s your avatar there.

    5. MaxGoof

      I’m only 28 now, but I was squeaky-clean at Joyce’s age. Didn’t swear till I was 24, didn’t go on a date till 21, and never had alcohol till I turned 28. And I’m definitely no Bible-thumper. So it happens.

      Musta been all that Care Bears I watched as a kid…

    6. Vanessa

      My husband used to have a friend who said he wouldn’t even hold hands with a girl until they were married… I’m amazed he’s not married yet. Although he goes to a nearly all male school, School of MInes in Golden, CO.

  6. Shift

    Gotta love her priorities. Joe is getting assaulted and SHE’S concerned about language? She’s going to be one of those mothers that protests TV shows like the Simpsons for episode content, all the while ignoring the fact her child just stole a car for a drug problem, isn’t she?

    And yay for Conquest!

    1. ScytheAkse

      DEFINETLY

  7. Kindra

    Yay, Conni!

    1. Kindra

      … *snerk* Galasso as my gravatar makes that unreasonably hilarious.

  8. Tristan J

    Joe’s making a boob of himself. He’s discovering the meaning of tit-for-tat. At least he’s putting on his breast effort.

    1. Kamino Neko

      He’s right on rack.

      1. Tristan J

        He helps that he has a one-rack mind.

        1. Alice Macher

          And that he gives a hooter. It’s hard to jug-gle so many conflicting impulses.

        2. zuche

          As long as we’re not expected to mammaries this strip, it’ll be fine.

        3. George

          Joe shouldn’t be in the general areola of Mike’s fists.

        4. Kumata

          Heh. I tittered at all of those buns.

        5. Kumata

          Sorry, I just realised that ‘buns’ doesn’t quite tit. I was trying boob hard-on to milk the situation.

        6. Tristan J

          I love the internet.

  9. Ryune

    Hooray for Conquest!

  10. cappadocius

    mmmm, Conquest.

    Thank you, Willis. I’ll sleep easier tonight.

    1. Alice Macher

      ♫ Pictures of Conquest, made my life so wonderful
      Pictures of Conquest, helped me sleep at night…       ♫

  11. Cha

    Yay Connie!
    Hopefully she doesn’t get pizza sold by sleeping with everyone in sight…

    1. NCP19

      What’s this “hopefully” that you speak of?

  12. Confuzor

    Betcha Mike’s violence turns Conni on!

    1. Remy

      betcha a room at room temperature turns Conquest on.

  13. Amberlynne

    I did… I was roommates with a woman who was just like Joyce, except more neurotic and fit to cry at the drop of a hat… for 2 and a half years in college!

    She thought for sure that I was the devil. Surprisingly, though, not the worst roommate I’ve ever had… O_O

    1. Kamino Neko

      … Sarah, is that you?

      1. Bickendan

        !

      2. Amberlynne

        ah, no, haha. Not Sarah. ^_^

    2. NickD

      at least you roomy did not threaten to eat you, like my friends did. She actually threatened to EAT Cat. And Cat is pretty badass.

  14. zuche

    I admit, forgetting her name and reading the tags first gave a very wrong impression of what was going to happen here. We’re talking creepy 70s romance novel levels.

  15. Da Amron'ed One

    Im THIS late and no one’s done it yet? oh..come ON!! i thought at least someone would have done it already…..:sigh:
    “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERESE CONNIIEEEE!!”

  16. NF

    Worst. Date. Ever.

    And that appears to be true for both of them.

    Mike on the other hand…

    ( I really want to see the epilogue to this date be Joyce, Walky, and Billlie in Billie’s room, where Billie is so drunk she is eating some of Walky’s McNuggets, Walky is in some sort of McNugget nirvana, and Joyce is completely self-absorbedly complaining to both of them about how awful her date was and how it’s just not fair.)

    1. dchorror

      Why in Billie’s Room?

      1. Gianni

        Because Billie probably won’t be able to move after a few sips from the hidden flask…

  17. Eri

    Connie!

    And god, I cannot believe I’m Joyce now. I feel like swearing.

  18. Joebo

    woo, fan service!

  19. BD

    I am suddenly very frightened by the thought that we haven’t seen Faz yet. It’s kinda like, if you can’t see Batman in front of you, it may already be too late.

    …or have we seen him?

    1. Cassidy

      faz will probably turn out to be a little toy or something, that Joyce’s dog chews on. that talks in the third person, with his penis.

      1. Trae Dorn

        UNLESS FAZ IS AMAZIGIRL!

        1. NF

          No, everyone knows Faz is Ultracar.

        2. The E-man

          No AMBER is Ultracar! You can see her tires under her shirt!

    2. ArchSchnitz

      I see one of two things: Faz works at the local comic store (so he can feel superior to those he serves) OR the little sycophantic bastard works at Galasso’s.

      Faz probably attends college, and though I want to go the stereotype route and say “ENGINEERING!” I think Faz would actually pick a major that will “give him success with the ladies”, but which will actually give him success with Ninja Rick, like drama.

      Of course, this is a different timeline, these characters have different ages in several cases. Ninja Rick probably grew up with a different set of stimuli and fixated on another aspect of Japanese culture in this world. With his strong profile, I can see him going by “Rickatron” and always wearing that short-lived hoodie that Hot Topic sold, the one that was colored in G1 Megatron’s colors.

      1. ArchSchnitz

        Also, I forgot to postulate as to whether or not Conquest is the village bicycle in this version of reality.
        Hm. Just looking at her stance and actual gainful employment, I want to say no, but it’s really too early to say.

      2. BD

        The other thing is, the characters don’t have (all of) their crippling psych issues this time around – Amber starts off confident, for example. So, without the past that gave Faz his FAZZiness… I’m going out on a limb and guessing a campus job – maybe faculty.

        And as for Conquest… she’s still working at her dad’s business, but for some reason, I doubt Joe would take Joyce to an establishment wherein a server (or owner) would come and demand heir-producin’ hanky-panky.

        Two words: Gundam Rick. …Rick Dias Rick. Rig Shacko Rick. Re-GZ Rick. RF-Rick. …etc.

        1. BD

          In retrospect, ‘crippling psych issues’ probably wasn’t the best choice of words. Shorten that down to just ‘issues’.

        2. The E-man

          Why has no one suggested Pirate Rick?

        3. ArchSchnitz

          Because the presence of a Ninja Rick precludes the possibility of a Pirate Rick in any other reality. If such a thing happened, the Walkyverse would collapse into a singularity.

          … and then explode.

  20. Someone

    What I can’t figure, is why she’s comfortable with the level of violence,but not the language or whatever thoughts he might have in his head. … And good God, why hasn’t Joe just left yet? He might be just as crazy as her to stay there!

    1. Someone

      Ruth!? But I don’t even like femurs.

    2. Mute

      I was thinking the same thing. Joe is showing a supernatural level of patience, considering he barely even knows Joyce at this point.

      1. Croaxleigh

        One must be willing to Joe the extra mile when one hopes to Joe someone with his penis.

      2. NickD

        That is what really makes the difference between a real ladies man and the impression – the ability to turn dates like this into useful. will he? NAH. but he will try, and trying relentlessly is how one may bring about a sort of victoryl.

        1. dchorror

          If he can survive this date, he can get another, and a chaperon may not be necessary the second time.

    3. alicemacher

      What I can’t figure, is why she’s comfortable with the level of violence,but not the language

      She’s the TBS channel to Joe’s SpikeTV!

    4. Cheredarenee

      What I can’t figure, is why she’s comfortable with the level of violence,but not the language

      Have you not read the Bible?

  21. ScytheAkse

    DAMN… thats my way of saying joe is doomed… does anyone else wonder when joes gonna lose his temper and turn on mike?

    1. shovels

      with his penis?

      1. Cassidy

        He is going to Joe Mike in the hammers with his penis?

        1. ScytheAkse

          hey will joe him with his penis.. in the faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace. then he will turn his attention to the blonde.. who im interested in finding out how she reacts

        2. ScytheAkse

          he will* fail!

  22. Black_Fedora

    On the bright side for Joe, he’ll have a stronger jaw for it. Bruce Lee would Break a pane of glass every morning to break down the bones in his hands and wrists, be cause the body would constantly build them back stronger, denser when the calcium would be sent to repair the daily damage.

    Butler: “Master Bruce, your morning paper, your breakfast and your morning plate glass for your coffee table.”

    Mr. Lee: “Thank you, Jeeves. that will be all”

    Butler: “Of Course, Sir. I’ll be sure to send the maid to clean it up after you’re done with breakfast”

    1. Strephon

      Whenever I’ve had a long night fighting to the death on a mysterious island, one of Jeeves’ morning pick-me-ups is just the thing to have with the eggs and b. I know it contains cobra venom and tiger bile, but the rest of the ingredients are, as Jeeves puts it, an “ancient Chinese secret.”

  23. OhNoUDiNt

    Totally called it yesterday. Joe. Sex. Conquest. With his penis.

  24. Henry

    So keeping his mouth clean isn’t enough for Joyce, Joe has to keep his mind clean as well? I don’t think she’s thought that through really.

  25. XRL

    and there’s Conquest right on cue.

  26. NF

    “…please keep your mind clean.”

    Methinks the lady knows not who she is speaking to.

  27. Pingback: Tweets that mention Dumbing of Age - Drinks -- Topsy.com

  28. TPTBeyond

    I see the “cencored” nature of Joyce and Walky doesn’t apply to this comic. Not that it bothers me.

  29. ziggy78eog

    Before this night is through, Mike is going to have to switch hands from all the face punching.

  30. MuleyBob

    I don’t have anything to add, but I like seeing that avatar I get when I post.

  31. Richie9999

    I completely forgot that with Galasso, Conquest wouldn’t be far behind. This pleases me.

  32. Janette

    I want to punch Joyce in the face.

    I think she could use a good facepunch.

  33. NinjaNick

    “No punch.”

    Whoo! Connie’s here! 😀

  34. That Canadian Guy

    <_<

    Wow… just… Wow.

    Maybe it's because I'm Canadian and we're a little less repressed up here compared to the souther states of the US. Maybe its because I never went to church, on account of the first time I went, I was 3, stripped naked, and took a bath in the holy water while no one was looking, causing a pretty big uproar.

    Regardless. I started swearing at 8. Skipped more school dats then I attended in highschool. started doing weed and drinking around grade 9… but only while I played video games with my buddies, in my paren'ts basement.

    Started doing sexual things with girls as early as grade 6.

    I did ALL this. And I maintained an 90+% grade average all through highschool. I currently have an excellent job as an Engineer, making more money than I know what to do with, and not a single thing on my crimminal record.

    Oh, and for the record, I dated a biber thumper for a year. Took me only 3 months to turn her from Joyce into. "SEX IS AWSOME"

    1. Doom Shepherd

      Well, since we’re comparing…

      I was that one skinny, smart, bespectacled kid everybody knows one of. The guy who was smaller than everybody else, because he started earlier or skipped a grade? The kid everybody hated because he threw off the grading curve? The painfully shy kid the bigger boys tried to get to curse or misbehave for sheer entertainment value? Hi.

      I knew all the swear words at a very early age, but didn’t swear because I felt it was “beneath me.” (I’ve never been religious, so I never had that reason to repress.)

      I cussed for the very first time in public in ninth grade, as a direct result of a screaming dodgeball hit to the face which broke my glasses and cut my nose… and I had already been tagged “out.” So I called the bully who had fired the shot a F***ing A**hole. The gym teacher ruled it as justified. The thrower got detention.

      I didn’t curse on a regular basis until college, where it was pretty much required to fit in. Girls had been alien to me for almost as long. I’d had one serious relationship my senior year in high school, that never went beyond 2nd base. (If 2nd base is still what it used to be.)

      Of course, by grad school, all of that had changed, My last year, I dated a girl who wanted to be a nun… before she met me. By the time I was through with her, she knew she was bisexual. I also had the lowest score on the ol’ “Purity test” of anyone in my social circle, and was well on my way to becoming an alcoholic. (I’ve since quit entirely.)

      So yeah, it’s all a matter of degrees, I guess. In my experience, early repression (for whatever reason) leads to later explosion.

  35. Jason

    I’m really curious how old Conni is in this universe. The same age as most of the cast (freshman), older, younger? Younger than 18? Does she go to college or just work at her dad’s?

    1. Jason

      OK, actually I posted just to see who my new avatar would be. Wasn’t expecting Tony!

      1. Jack

        Wanna trade? 😛

        1. Jack

          Scratch that, my gravatar works.

    2. BD

      Isn’t there an age requirement for evening shifts? That would make her 18 at least, right?

  36. Chrisby

    Joe’s FAAAAAAACE is gonna be sore in the morning.

    It’s good to be The Mike right about now.

  37. Dahlia

    And so Conquest appears!!

    I wonder if speculations about her being Sarahs ex-roomie were right o:

  38. AsinineAxioms

    This is all part of Galasso’s plan.
    Do not doubt the great mind of Galasso.

  39. airfox

    Connie!!!

    Conquest should be a regular, both here and in Shortpacked!

    -airfox

    1. Jack

      This, this, and some of this.

    2. Jack

      This, this, and some of this.

    3. Lan Mikoto

      But if that happens then doesn’t that mean that the conquest has officially taken over the multiverse?

  40. Gianni

    Her date is getting constantly punched in the face and all Joyce is worried about his language…

    If she doesn’t get a lot of alone time after this I’ll be shocked.

  41. Faaace

    YES for conquest.

  42. Mary Sue

    Joe. Get out. Get out now. They’re all crazy and it’s not gonna get any saner from here.

  43. Lord Harlock

    I want more Conquest in strips.

  44. Richie9999

    Wonder if Joyce is realizing that Joe isn’t the kind of guy she’s looking for?

  45. Kelsey

    Conquest? In DoA? YES.

  46. Lis

    CONNIE

  47. j-bear

    god, this is so much better the second time through, after reading the other comics

  48. Maycroft

    theeeeeere’s Conquest!

  49. DarkoNeko

    Hey, hello Conquest !

  50. Rheios

    Galasso has a special. If you can finish an entire pizza in a 10 minute sitting and come up with 1 method of world domination you may provide him an heir.

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