278

The Etch-A-Sketch Song
Posted on April 19, 2014 by David M Willis

278 thoughts on “The Etch-A-Sketch Song”

  1. Jen Aside

    DAMMIT internet I want you to load the WHOLE comic, not just the alt text D=<

    1. Jen Aside

      So… best soundtrack wins?

    2. Lel

      We finally did it. We finally overcame Willis’ servers.
      It’s like the climax of a coming of age movie.

      1. Geminia999

        must resist a cumming of age joke

        or did saying that just do that?

        1. Blob Marley

          Eh, you tried

        2. Glynvel

          It’s kind of like bragging about how no one’s Rule 34’d your IP yet.

      2. Andrusi

        Or perhaps… a climax… of a Dumbing of Age movie?

        (I can’t believe I had to do that one myself. I’m extremely disappointed in you all.)

    3. Unkind fish

      So much brain washing must have happened in her child hood.

      1. TachyonCode

        Or, you know, the hoodie she’s wearing now.

  2. Ascension

    Try right clicking and hit “View Image.” It worked for me.

  3. LiaHansen

    Yes! Got on! And whoa, why did this song immediately have a tune in my head?

    1. Just for kix

      Haha, same here 🙂

  4. timemonkey

    Musical numbers can often be the best part of otherwise terrible shows.

    1. Aizat

      Or the most obnoxious part of a very terrible show.

      1. Subb

        Or an ok part of an otherwise great show.

        1. ninja_jesus

          Or the meh part of a meh show.

        2. das-g

          We all seem to agree that musical numbers can be a part of shows.

        3. nothri

          But they can also be stand alone numbers.

        4. PrincessCarlos

          Like 7.

        5. begbert2

          We seem to agree that musical numbers can be.

        6. das-g

          Well, that’s the least common denominator. Or was that also 7?

  5. Tomb

    What tune?

    1. Jen Aside

      I’m tempted to make a fan song of what I hear.

      BECAUSE I TOTES HAVE TIME TO BE DOING THAT I GUESS [/sarcasm]

      1. Jen Aside

        Actually, I still have Avanna installed, don’t I =o

        SONG TIME

        1. Jen Aside

          gotta be honest, “and erased me up” is throwing me off =p

        2. Jen Aside

          oh man, do I want to wait the like THREE HOURS it apparently takes to process a SIXTEEN SECOND video or just let y’all find it =|

          *checks clock*

          Welp, kids.

        3. Jen Aside

          oh there we go

        4. Drunken Nordmann

          Hearing the song is definitively more creepy than reading it. Thanks.

        5. Wesmaster160

          Are we just gonna ignore the recommended “Top 10 Evil Children From Movies” Video on the side?

        6. Ocbrad1

          I have to agree with Nordman, but great job regardless. Just…creepy.

        7. Hippoman

          That song is going to give me nightmares. Its the kind of thing I’d expect a supernatural child murderer to sing as it stabs me to death.

        8. John

          Gyah.

          The really, really frightening part is, that’s
          exactly the tune I was hearing          .

        9. LeslieBean4Shizzle

          slowclap.jpg

          I know I’m a little late posting this, but I missed the link the first time around. That was… enlightening. Thank you Jen Aside.

    2. Aizat

      Money for Nothing.

    3. Throng

      I’m imagining it as that sort of metal that sounds like the singer’s trying to imitate Cookie Monster.

      Definitely not accurate, but fun!

    4. Olivier

      I read this as a rap, a bit like a pissed Eminem o.O

  6. Plasma Mongoose

    It is much easier to choke someone with four hands. :3

    1. Subb

      Four hands makes a lot of things easier to do.

    2. Aizat

      Dude, if you have four hands….you can just rip people apart.

      1. Subb

        Just like Goro or Sheeva. Choking is for the weak when you have four hands.

    3. Yotomoe

      Plasma Mongoose confirmed for Goro.

    4. ninja_jesus

      I wish I could have four arms/hands. That would be fucking amazing.

    5. nothri

      Not really. The extra hands just get in the way. Now if people had longer necks I’d be right there with you.

      1. begbert2

        Meh, if we were used to them we’d figure out something to do with them. We find a way to survive turning a key with a single hand despite the other one just hanging there limply while we’re doing it.

    6. Spack

      When they join at the elbow is it really four arms? Or two sets of one-and-a-half?

      1. Leorale

        That form of arm-placement is unstable; from there, they always grow into terrifying fractal limbs.

  7. Pteropine

    Walky doesn’t seem too pleased back there.

  8. Dr. Zeus

    Sullen Walky is the best Walky. Also I love that his shoelace is untied.

    1. MacBone

      That’s a great detail. =)

  9. Geminia999

    Not one to usually say Joyce is adorable, but that’s cute L3

    1. Sensedog

      I agree, she is pretty fucking adorable here.

  10. newllend

    So I’m not the only one here who’s getting his internet fuck up?

    1. Yotomoe

      Nay!

    2. John

      Just DoA and BBR. Everything else was working for me.

      1. Saintslayer

        I never check it right when it comes out, I assumed it was a normal thing.

  11. Kafloo

    That…that’s a really messed up song, and it looks like Dorothy thinks the same.

    1. The Sound Defense

      Yep, that’s fucked up alright. This will lead to interesting discussion.

      1. Yotomoe

        Sorry about your childhood, but it was pretty fucked up Joyce.

        1. JJ

          No it’s not. Read it again, it would be akin to God saying “Hey you think the future you outlined for yourself is great right? Well think again after you see the future *I* am proposing to you”.

          Even then you’re still free to choose not do it His way but then you shouldn’t whine that you don’t get the same rewards His way does.

    2. astraea

      I don’t think it was the song itself so much as the *moves,* and the *C & D,* that was the problem.

      1. Jack Napier

        It’s not just the moves; the lyrics are pretty horrifying, especially for a kids show. They’re basically saying “Hey kids, guess what? You want to be a doctor, fire fighter, or astronaut when you grow up? Well, too bad, because God’s already got his designs for you, so embrace your lack of free will!”

        1. Tom

          Yet, everyone loves it when John Lennon said something similar in a song dedicated to his five-year old son. Ok, not everyone. I never liked the song, but it has nothing to do with that line.

        2. Jack Napier

          Just looked up the lyrics you were talking about. Beautiful Boy, right? I don’t see it as having the same message as this song. This is about letting someone else dictate who the singer is, someone whom they have never met and may not even exist; John’s song doesn’t have close to the same meaning.

        3. JJ

          What are your sources to say that’s what His message is?

          You should research more about how He acts instead of spewing the garbage you heard from people who never liked Him. If he didn’t want free will we’d all be pretty little robots who can’t do anything wrong to His eyes.

        4. David M Willis

          Anyone who thinks God is about free will has never really read the Bible thoroughly. Don’t get me wrong, it’s extremely beneficial to mankind that Christians believe that He is, and so I’m glad that they do believe this, but it’s not terribly accurate to the source material.

          Nevermind that we’re born into this world with Original Sin because of something done not by us but by our ancestors, which is mitigated only by an arrangement we had no agency in, but Paul himself says in Romans 9:18 that God has mercy on those he chooses to have mercy on, and he hardens the hearts of those he chooses to not have mercy on. God decides, not us. And how can he not? He knows the future, he knows whether we will go to Heaven or Hell as he creates us. Logically, that is something he must determine for us, if his powers are real.

          I was taught when I was a child what you’ve said, that the reason there is evil in the world is because God didn’t want to create a bunch of robots, and so he gave us the ability to choose to not obey him. It’s a nice sentiment, so long as you don’t think about it too hard. Once you do start thinking about it, you realize that God’s kind of an asshole. Is it really free will if the from-birth default position for us is we’re going to be subjected to eternal torment after we die, and the only way to avoid this fate is to pledge allegiance to the guy who put that situation in place?

        5. Bart

          Sheesh, the song isn’t terrible, it’s basically along the line of the real Garth Brooks song, “Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers”.

  12. Subb

    I can only place one pose. Doesn’t surprise me that Joe’s seen more porn than me though.

    1. PeterW

      I’m closest to certain about the middle one. The one on the left is a maybe, and the one on the right is a stab in the dark.

      1. Drunken Nordmann

        “Stab in the dark” could also be a porn title.

    2. Kamino Neko

      First panel – tweaking nipples. Second panel – jiggling boobs, or stroking a pair of penes. Third panel is the non-porn action.

  13. John

    Oh. Oh, Joyce.

    1. Subb

      I know right, singing so bad Dorothy’s gone a funny shade. Now how to tell her without hurting her feelings.

  14. Alex

    This is reminding me of Veggie Tales. Talking animated vegetables acting out bible stories… That alone is worth something, I think.

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      It’s the best damn religious show I’ve ever seen.

    2. Leorale

      It seems that Alex is envious, because he can’t sing, strong and sweet like the cucumber.

      ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13DvXLdr_H4 )

  15. Beachfox

    Dorothy is very very regretful of asking that question…
    And yeah, that totally has a tune in my head and I am not comfortable with that at all.

    1. John

      Yeah, same here. Strong enough that it was able to push through the TMBG I’ve got playing in the background. Scary.

      1. Subb

        Can I ask what that initialism stands for? I’m assuming it’s a band but I can’t think of one with those initials.

        1. Kelly

          They Might Be Giants

        2. Subb

          I thought it’d be pretty obvious if they were giants or not. In all seriousness thanks, I actually haven’t heard them before so I’ll check them out.

        3. John

          “Particle Man” and “Istanbul (not Constantinople)” are probably their most widely known tracks, thanks to Tiny Toons. They tend to be very earwormy, so an unheard tune that can override actually playing TMBG is really frightening.

        4. Elizabeth

          Not “Birdhouse in your Soul”? That would be my first reaction for well-known TMBG songs

        5. John

          “Birdhouse In Your Soul” is excellent, and might be the most iconically TMBG song – that or “Ana Ng”, I’d say – but it didn’t get the kind of general exposure that the ones that were on Tiny Toons did. Probably a lot of people who know those songs who have no idea they were TMBG. “Why Does The Sun Shine?” is the only other one that I suspect approaches that level of general familiarity.

        6. Subb

          Listening to their music it turns out I actually know quite a few of their songs, just didn’t know the band name. They’re quite nice to listen to.

        7. Freemage

          You are in for so much fun. TMBG are masters of upbeat, peppy songs that are about enjoying the music they’re playing.

        8. Kamino Neko

          They took their name from the title of a 1971 movie (based on a 1961 play), where it references Don Quixote and his tilting at windmills.

      2. Yotomoe

        Both of you, write it out on a songsheet so I can play it on ukulele.

        1. John

          I kind of suck at music (I can play the MP3 player), but I’ll give it a shot.

        2. Jen Aside

          Dangit, I had it all done but I missed a note and didn’t save the FruityLoops file to fix it quickly |=(

  16. TSB

    Damn, look at Dorothy’s expression in that last panel. I may be forgetting something, but I think this is the first time we’ve seen her not just disagree with one of Joyce’s beliefs, but have a strong negative reaction to it. Can’t quite tell how extreme her facial expression is; it might just be “wtf”, but at first I interpreted it as definitely a look of stunned horror. I think her body language supports the latter.

    Also, I love that she just nonchalantly gives Joe her book to carry in the first panel. It’s cute. Glad they’re getting along better lately.

    1. timemonkey

      Or she’s reacting to what Joe said.

    2. AgentKeen

      It definitely strikes me as “Oh, no, honey…” with a little bit of “Who do I have to fuck up for writing such a messed up song?”

    3. Salmo

      Considering the song was advocating conformity and literally erasing one’s individuality, I don’t blame her.

      1. Aizat

        Ah, conformity. No matter how much we want to break away from that, we will never escape it.

      2. Jackson

        Wow. Disturbing undertones that I did not even notice on the first pass because Joyce is so ridiculously adorable!

        1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          Seriously! I was all, “Awww, Joyce’s face is so adowable~’ but then I actually read the song and I was like, 0:

    4. cmd1095

      well that’s my reaction too, the song pretty much says “you can’t have your own dreams, I’m going to tell you what you’re going to do and you’ll shut up and accept it,” even in fiction a song like that makes me cringe

      1. JetstreamGW

        Reminds me of that “Veggie Tales” DVD we sold when I was working at Circuit City. The subtitle for it read: “A story about OBEDIENCE.”

        It was one of the most unnerving things I saw while working there.

        1. ninja_jesus

          Something like this?

          The whole episode was about the Battle of Jericho and about following God’s plan no matter what, lol.

    5. John

      Given the song’s lyrics, and Dorothy’s… Dorothy, I’m going with “stunned horror”.

      I totally ship Joyce/Joe. I mean, assuming that the “First Lady Joyce Keener” ship doesn’t work out on account of Dotty being inconveniently straight.

  17. Kernanator

    Screw destiny!

    1. timemonkey

      Use a condom.

      1. Kernanator

        Otherwise, you could get DesTDs or destibabies!

    2. Aizat

      Yeah, fuck Destiny. That was one of the horribly designed Gundams I had ever seen. It’s pretty much the Perfect Strike only with more horrible designs.

      1. Belades

        Are you kidding the Destiny looks great! The tear-shaped red right under the eyes is fantastic and that anti-ship sword is much better than the Perfect Strike (let me tell you it is one fantastic looking model kit to boot, especially the version with the wings of light.) It does everything about the Perfect Strike better than it! Don’t compare it to the trash that is the Strike Gundam (excluding the Strike Noir, that one’s pretty damn good looking.)
        The actual Destiny SERIES can go fuck itself however.
        I wonder what Joyce would think of Kira….

        1. Aizat

          Pfft…the Arondight is freaking step back to the Impulse’s Excalibur what with the unsharpened bit on Arondight. At least the Excalibur extends the beam over the unsharpened bit..and don’t get me started on the stupid “Shinn Finger” bullshit with the Palma Fiocinas.

        2. Belades

          THAT’S THE BEST PART!

        3. Aizat

          Dude, the Palma Fiocinas work more like Iron Man’s repulsor blasters. Heck, even in the show they pretty much just show how stupid Shinn is by using a ranged weapon like a freaking melee attack. Remember when he tries to catch beam swords with that? Yeah, doesn’t work well for him now is he?

        4. Belades

          They’re actually not ranged weapons. They’re categorized as “Extreme close range weapons” in everything but videogames. You wouldn’t use one of those teeny tiny pocket pistols to hit someone at a distance, they’re for surprising someone who gets all up in your face.

  18. Marisa Mockery

    I’m sorry, but…..can someone explain the AC&D thing to me?

    1. AgentKeen

      Cease and Desist.
      Her family boycotted the company that makes Etch-A-Sketch because they didn’t want it used in the song.

      1. Roborat

        Oh, they sent the C & D? I assumed it was who wrote the song that was being ripped off in the lyric swap.

    2. Salmo

      It’s not AC&D, it’s a C&D. It stands for cease and desist, meaning Etch-a-sketch threatened to sue the makers of Hymmel.

    3. Aizat

      It means Cease and Desist which is an order or request that one party should halt an activity and never do it again.

      1. MacBone

        Which is weird, since Polaroid embraced “Hey Ya,” while warning its customers not to actually “shake it like a Polaroid picture.”

        Then again, “Hey Ya” is actually a good song. =)

    4. C.

      A Cease & Desist.

    5. Ray Radlein

      Not “AC&D,” “a C&D” — a “cease and desist” order

    6. StrawGirl

      My guess was that she means a “cease and desist.”

      1. StrawGirl

        And it looks like we all did that at about the same time! I guess I was too slow. I feel like the Ruth Gravatar is judging me now.

        1. AgentKeen

          “Your stupid overconfidence [at replying first] is nostalgic.”

    7. DeadlyCreampuff

      A cease and desist.
      A cleric and a dentist.
      A cruise and dianetics

      1. Pope William T Wodium

        Curmudgeons and Dragons?

        1. Yotomoe

          Crackers and Doritos.

        2. Jay

          That sounds a lot like “apples and bananas”. I’m going to choose to believe this is the next stanza.

        3. Kryss LaBryn

          Chickens and Ducks.

          Poultry for everyone!

  19. newllend

    O don’t get it……Oh! Oh, well that’s slightly depressing.

    1. Aizat

      It can also be seen as someone strangling and shaking the baby.

      1. Subb

        Then holding up the aftermath triumphantly? What a disturbing image.

        1. Aizat

          Well, what’s more disturbing, a brain wash song….or baby strangling?

        2. Subb

          A song that brain washes people into strangling babies would probably trump them both. I’d go with a brain washing song out of the two though, because that’s actually doing harm whereas the other is just morbid and insensitive at best.

        3. Andrusi

          The baby might disagree with you on that.

        4. Subb

          Don’t think the baby is in any condition to be disagreeing with anyone.

  20. Blob Marley

    “I can’t believe she just did that in public…

    1. Aizat

      Blob, there are more horrifying things that people had done in public.

    2. Subb

      After the whole strap-on fiasco, Dorothy should be well aware that Joyce is capable of doing many shameless things in public completely unaware of how she looks or sounds to others. So adorably naive.

      1. David M Willis

        Dorothy has not been witness to “the whole strap-on fiasco.”

        1. Subb

          She has missed out on so much fun.

        2. Yotomoe

          She’s gonna be upset that she wasn’t the one to introduce her to strap-ons.

        3. Subb

          Someone is writing a fanfic as we speak. Or already have.

        4. Idris

          As we speak? What sort of dial up internet do you live on?
          By this point I’d be disappointed if there isn’t at least a dozen.

        5. Andrusi

          That doesn’t mean there isn’t still someone writing one!

  21. Saintslayer

    So, what is Dorothy’s expression in response to, exactly?

    1. Aizat

      The message of the song….and Joyce’s arm movements.

    2. Subb

      The choreography is rather sexual, and the message of the song is disturbing. Could be either but I’d bet on the latter

      1. cmd1095

        It could be both, since the message of the song is disturbing and it could be who a female is intended to “be” by the song is a subservient doll who exists to please her man and nothing more.

        1. Aizat

          Or that I have my own path….but I’ll just follow the crowd…after some “vigorous shaking”.

        2. Subb

          I just assumed it referred to people in general conforming, I didn’t realise it meant woman specifically.

        3. Nunc Pro Tunc

          I mean… if one accepts the central tenant that surrendering to divine will is the cornerstone of a faithful life I don’t see why it is disturbing. Obviously one can disagree with the premise but ultimately faith is simply a matter of submission, although this is thematically slightly more Muslim theology than Christian, by like an iota.

        4. David M Willis

          Ignorantly making up fake stuff about Muslims IS thematically more Christian, though.

        5. Nunc Pro Tunc

          I mean that only insofar as the doctrine of tawhid seems more straightforward than the trinity in its assertion of a single absolute truth that must be bowed too. Submission is essential to Islamic thought by name and as demonstrated by the story of Iblis’s refusal to bow before Adam.

        6. ninja_jesus

          Iblis?

        7. MacBone

          The word Islam literally means voluntarily submitting to God, though. The writer Peter Kreeft in his book “Between Allah & Jesus: What Christians Can Learn from Muslims” actually advocates this point. The acts of a few radical Muslims is no more indicative of the majority of Muslims’ beliefs than the late Fred Phelps’ vile protests are of most Christians’ beliefs.

        8. Nunc Pro Tunc

          No argument there. Given that all mortals are given free will submission must be a voluntary act, however this doesn’t change the fundamental denial of agency implied by this religious ideal. Perhaps I’ve been overly vague and should just stipulate that the Qu’ran seems to me to be the most honest about the implications for self in this particular regard, although I’m sure there are many passages in both old and new testaments that could bolster similar arguments.

        9. MacBone

          Oh, I agree with you. It seems like with the Bible, most of us pick and choose which parts to follow and which to write off as cultural or what have you. With Islam, one doesn’t have that option. In some ways, Islam is a lot more honest.

        10. Subb

          Even understand that it’s just something that doesn’t sit right with me. You have to live your life in this way, don’t think any differently. I find it harder to see why anyone could find it not disturbing.

        11. Aizat

          Well, in Muslim theology though the path is set, you can change the path if you put in the effort.

        12. Jenny Islander

          Over in my bit of wishy-washy mainstream Christianity, we make that kind of face at that type of song because conversion and dedication are things adults do. Expecting children to dedicate their whole being when they don’t even have a full-size brain yet is 0.o

  22. Wonder Wig

    Porn? Looks like the movie Cocktail to me.

    1. Subb

      Cocktail would probably make a pretty decent porn movie title. All of Joyce’s poses could be included quite easily as well.

  23. cmd1095

    even though it’s a fictional character singing a fictional song, this song makes me cringe in disgust. Normally I find Joyce’s antics amusing, but this, just… it just exceeds my ability to treat it as a joke and see the humor in it

    1. takashid

      pretty sure Dorothy agrees with you, based on her body language and the look on her face in the last panel

      1. cmd1095

        yes, that face in the last panel was my face reading this

  24. DoggySpew

    Just a nitpick, but I think for the comic layout, the textballoon of Joe needs to be on top and the textballoon of Joyce on the bottom, since it looks like it was intended as a reaction to Joe’s comment.

    1. T Campbell

      There’s another reason for Dorothy to have that reaction, though…

    2. David M Willis

      I kind of wish people had used the order of the elements in the panel to determine what Dorothy was reacting to, rather than assume that the panel is organized wrong so as to force the desired answer.

      1. DoggySpew

        *Facepalm* Stupid me for not knowing what Ohio Art Company is, and then getting confused by Joe’s reaction. But to be fair, I’m Dutch and Etch a Sketch never really was a big thing here, so me not knowing who the Ohio Art Company is should be understandable. Sigh.

    3. Joebo

      I would disagree with your nitpick.

    4. Subb

      I don’t think that’s what Dorothy is reacting to. If you meant Joyce’s dialogue was in response to Joe’s I don’t think that’s right either. Go through Joyce’s song again and then think about what we know about Dorothy as a person.

      1. MacBone

        The order here is Joyce’s song, Dorothy’s reaction, Joyce’s explanation, and Joe’s comment, right? The elements look ordered correctly to me. =)

        1. Subb

          I aint no Willis, but that certainly sounds right.

        2. Roborat

          I agree, that is how I read it as well.

  25. T Campbell

    Here’s the REALLY weird part. Yes, this is a disturbing song about celebrating the complete absence of free will and Dorothy’s reaction is fully justified. And yet… there’s a GRAIN of truth in there, and it’s related directly to one of the central ideas of Dumbing of Age, at least the way I’m reading the title.

    Joyce has her own plans for herself right now, and so far, the world (or God, if you must) has shown precious little interest in allowing her to fulfill them. Joyce’s belief that those plans come FROM God is not really relevant. In fact, of the four people present, the only one fully following through on the life-plan he had when entering college is Joe.

    1. someguywithakatana

      Can we really say that Joe has a life-plan? That seems like more than a bit of a stretch, unless there’s some comic I’m forgetting where he’s said “Oh by the way, I’m majoring in blehblehbleh so I can pursue a career in wingdings and then make sparkles all over the mountain.”

      Or some variation thereof.

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        He’s majoring in sleeping with ALL of the ladies.

        1. Subb

          All the ladies is a lot of ladies. Truly a life time plan if I’ve ever heard of one.

    2. MacBone

      I see what you’re saying, but Dorothy is mostly on target, although it would have been better for her to just go to Yale in the first place (but then we wouldn’t have her in the comic, and we’d be poorer for it (= ). Walky’s just there to enjoy himself, and he seems to be doing ok so far. Yeah, Dorothy’s pushing him to apply himself, but he still manages to have a good time.

      Joyce is the only one who seems off-plan. Her relationship with Ethan isn’t going to lead to her idealized hetero marriage, but her relationship with Dorothy is a good one. She’s been able to see past the “atheists = evil” that she was brought up with, and she’s growing as a person.

  26. Dr. Zeus

    You’ve drawn you’re life on an Etch-a-Sketch,
    And you had you’re own plans for you
    So you’ve explored it adored it and moved on up
    And you’ll do what you hafta do

  27. Yotomoe

    Alright guys. Someone photoshop eroneous body parts into 2/3 of that dance sequence.

    1. David M Willis

      Erroneous body parts? Like a dolphin fin?

      1. someguywithakatana

        Or a strap-on

    2. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      Perhaps a mongoose leg?

      1. Yotomoe

        My fetish.

        1. Yotomoe

          http://i.imgur.com/1ZD3Aq2.png

        2. Drunken Nordmann

          You made me chuckle.

        3. Riku

          That dolphin is fucking adorable

  28. Philip Petrunak

    That last line makes me wonder what a Joyce pornographic would be called titled.

    1. Subb

      There’s got to be some kind of play on words involving her last name and the act of preserving her virginity but it just won’t come to me.

      1. Bill

        “What won’t Brown do for you” doesn’t work, huh?

      2. Leonou

        Serving the Lord fills me with Joy ?
        How I learned what a Strap-On is and enjoy the Secular World ?
        Protestant Girl gone Wild ?

    2. someguywithakatana

      PRE-MARITAL HANKY PANKY!

      or

      How my body was cast into the cragged shame-pit of the lust wolves.

      1. Subb

        Do the wolfs elicit lust in others, or do they themselves feel lustful?

        1. Aizat

          I thought wolves are curious creatures. Why else does the spirit of inquiry(and BLOODLUST) choose wolves?

        2. Subb

          The image of Joyce unable to contain her lust because of the sexy sexy wolves of the shame pit is too powerful, and hilarious, for me to accept any other interpretation.

        3. Andrusi

          You say that like they’re mutually exclusive.

    3. Lou

      “Joyce doesn’t preform a sex because it would be a sin before marriage but there are totally some loopholes that allow for other fun stuff. – a pornographique”

    4. Jen Aside

      Joyce and Ethan Rub a Thing on Her Belly

      or

      Adventures on the Washing Machine While Doing the Whites

    5. drs

      Joyce Does Jesus
      Joyce Does Jericho

    6. Kamino Neko

      Casti Connubii?

      (Yeah, it’s a Catholic thing, but I don’t know any Protestant writings on marital sex!)

    7. xKiv

      The Joyce of Sex?

      1. Bill

        I like this one better than the one I came up with.

      2. Roborat

        Behind the Brown door?

    8. Riku

      We’ll find out when she makes her way to slipshine.

      That’ll also probably be when I finally cave and subscribe

  29. Lone Wolf

    I guess I’m one of the few lucky people who didn’t have a tune for the song pop into my head when I read this; I suspect having the BGM for Dynasty Warriors: Gundam stuck in my head helped.

    Also, count me among those who are horrified by what the song is preaching.

    1. Aizat

      I got Money for Nothing. Yes, and I am also imagining the CGI dudes too.

  30. XMinusOne

    The Etch-A-Sketch song can’t be any more annoying than the ‘Barney’ song of years ago. That used make my teeth ache it was so cloyingly sweet and all the little kids knew it.

    1. ninja_jesus

      Which Barney song? I know several!

  31. Nunc Pro Tunc

    Although looking at it now, I can’t help but see 3/3 rather than 2/3

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      I see 1/3. Third one looks like she’s milking a cow suspended in the air.

      1. Subb

        If it exists, someone has a fetish for it.

      2. TSB

        I can see the third one as kneeling and grasping someone’s hips. I know the first one is an interaction you could have with penises but I can’t imagine having the tip twiddled would be remotely pleasurable.

        1. Dr. Zeus

          I assumed that was meant to be twisting nipples. The third was, I assumed, the one clean one.

        2. Subb

          After much contemplation, I do believe the first one is tweaking the nipples and the second one is “skiing”, as I know it to be called. She’s stood up so I never saw that image in the third pose.

  32. Cat

    All I got out of this comic is “Joyce is adorable,” and it seems like I’m alone, haha. I didn’t even notice the dance was sexual until Joe said something, and my mind autocorrect economy the song into meaning “plans dont work out, and that’s okay, you don’t have you be anything.” Like, accept that you may fall short of expectations and that’s okay? I don’t know. Joyce looks adorable though.

    1. Subb

      Joyce says “who I hafta be”. Which implies obligation. As in god decides your path and you must follow it. Or at least that’s what I’m getting. Don’t get me wrong, Joyce is absolutely adorable in this strip but the song is definitely not just about accepting that things might go wrong with your plans.

      1. Heavensrun

        Yeah, it’s basically about how you shouldn’t think for yourself because God’s got a plan for you.

        1. MacBone

          I love that you have an Aslan avatar for that comment =)

        2. Drunken Nordmann

          And he’s staring at us.

        3. Jackson

          Even Aslan is like, “Oh shit, that is some bad theology.”

        4. Heavensrun

          Aslan disapproves -20

    2. Bill

      Just between you and me, Cat, I’ve always thought Joyce was adorable.
      Although I would like to know how she got her hands back into those sleeves so fast.

  33. MacBone

    This song isn’t all that different from “He’s Still Working on Me”:

    He’s still working on me
    “To make me what I oughta be
    It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars,
    The sun and the moon and Jupiter and Mars
    How loving and patient he must be
    He’s still working on me.”

    Of course, for a Christian, this idea is true, that we’re constantly changing, hopefully for the better. Change that last line from “You’ve drawn who I hafta be” to “You’ve drawn who you want me to be,” and many Christians are probably going to agree with it (doesn’t scan as well, though).

    As the movie Her explores, we’re always changing, evolving, becoming different people. The question of whether we conform (to society, our parents, God, the environment, fate, etc.) or be our own individual is the story of most of us, I think. It’s the whole “My will/Thy will” thing.

    Is Joyce and/or Hymmel (I can’t avoid the Hymen pun (= ) Calvinist? That “hafta” is pretty key. The song could be “should” or “oughta”, but it’s “hafta.” Sounds pretty Calvinist to me. =)

    1. ninja_jesus

      Whoa whoa whoa… the moon was made twice?

      1. das-g

        Twice? There’s a new moon every month!

      2. MacBone

        I’m probably misremembering it. =) “The sun and the earth,” maybe?

      3. Andrusi

        Yeah, but one of them is actually a giant laser cannon meant to be used to wipe out all life on Earth in case of alien robot interference.

        1. Kernanator

          Which is also a space colony/station. Too bad it was shut down 50 years ago by the government.

        2. Andrusi

          Professor Gerald Robotnik, possible Vok sympathizer.

        3. Sean

          It’s last captain called abandon ship some thousands of years ago during a mutiny.
          Now it’s waiting on a worthy successor to fly up and assume the mantle of captain and save the human race from the centaur things.

        4. 3oranges

          Despite its appearance that is not actually a moo…wait, I think I messed up the line.

  34. -JAD-

    AC&DC!

  35. Noxx

    I don’t know why, but the lyrics had me humming the tune to mojo nixons “tie my pecker to my leg”

  36. Idon'tcarenomore

    Cast my vote for the ‘horrific’ message of that ‘song’.
    And yeah I know Joyce is Naïve. And innocent. And adorable.
    Add stupid to the list….nobody can be that naïve, innocent and adorable…and live.

    I base this misanthropic statement on this fact: after all the fuss Joyce made about ‘getting a size 6 strap-on’, and not getting a (are you ready for this) straight answer: she just forgets it? She didn’t go on-line and look it up? She didn’t pursue it until she found out what it was everyone was talking about?

    Come on Dorothy: IF you are her friend, drag Miss adorable into the dorm and have a little talk with her. Friends don’t let friends keep making fools out of themselves over and over again.

    Yes I know. We all put up with weird behavior of friends because …they are friends, we like them. But this is not weird behavior…this is…I don’t know…wrong on too many levels.

    1. David M Willis

      I have it on very good authority that I am still alive.

      1. I don't know what to put here.

        A likely story.
        Take him in, boys!

      2. Mkvenner

        I have it on very good authority (you) that you are not that naïve (anymore).

        1. Riku

          I was like that at her age, and I was alive (in the biological sense) then too! Granted there was a lot of over compensation going on there but point remains

        2. S

          I was much like this, though more secular.
          I’m still holding it against several of my classmates. 15 years of holding a grudge, and the rest trying to forget and forgive. Doesn’t work.
          High school reunion coming up, and I’ll be facing the class that enjoyed my naivete as a source of comic relief.
          I go to church with the parents of two of them (all four good people), work the mothers of two of them, (both good people), and have to turn off the radio whenever I hear the voice of a third hawking floor covering.

          If she were a good friend, she’d at least have warned Joyce that the dildo comment was sexual in nature so she’d not walk into the next one.

        3. David M Willis

          Dorothy doesn’t know about any dildo comment. She was not present.

      3. Kelly

        Are you doing science?

      4. Swerve

        I believe the term “adorable” was included in that list, right? 😛

        I’m just kidding! Wow, it seems like a lot of folks here have not been paying attention to continuity, since 1) Dorothy missed the whole “strap-on incident” and 2) said incident occurred before Joyce’s Math class, and she’s only just finished her Gender Studies class. Joyce hasn’t had a chance to look it up. (Though Mike want to make himself scarce for a while if she does find out. Speaking as a ‘Bot who was responsible for lots of shenanigans, I can say that you need to lay low when the Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord discovers you’ve accidentally flooded his quarters with Potassium Nitrate.)

        Those lyrics are kind of horrifying. They almost remind me of the way The Institute would force ‘Bots to undergo Shadowplay, completely rewriting their personalities in the process. Look, I know a lot of devoutly religious ‘Bots. Heck, I’m sure folks like Ratchet consider me somewhat religious, given how quick I am to dash off on a quest at the drop of a bolt (especially when those quests involve quasi-religious artifacts like Luna, the Knights of Cybertron, Cyberutopia, the Titans, and Chromedome’s left leg). But rewriting your personality so completely is a bit weird. The only ‘Bot I’ve ever known to do that willingly was Drift. He was seriously messed up in his brain module. Personally, I blame the circuit boosters he used to take.

    2. gangler

      What would the talk even be? “Please stop referencing values and experiences tied to the part of your life before you entered this institution, even if specifically asked about them?”

    3. theskeuomorph

      Erm, I grew up in similar circumstances. It’s not easy to go and challenge people’s world views. A big part of the reason this type of church is successful in the long-term is because they pre-condition their attendants to recognise ideological threats, and given them a rationale to reject them without experiencing or understanding them. And it works because it’s inherently much easier to reject things (and get affirmation for doing so) than to deal with them.

    4. Jason

      She hasn’t had a chance to look up what a strap-on is, she’s been going to classes all morning (yes, it’s still the same morning)…and it wouldn’t surprise me if she doesn’t have a data plan that doesn’t let her check the internet on her phone.

  37. Pyr05

    Way to work on atoning for your smut-peddling.

  38. Esc

    “Purify my brain; hose down my soul”

  39. Throng

    Hymmel is best Hymnal!

    (looking forward to the fanon, btw. 😉 )

    1. Bill

      In regard to the name “Hymmel the Humming Hymnal” — the word “himmel” (spelled with an ‘i’ rather than a ‘y’) is the German word for “heaven”.

      Clever boy, Willis!!

  40. hof1991

    Song doesn’t horrify me any more than “life is what happens while you are busy making other plans”. You get free will, but you aren’t in control of circumstances. Dorothy won’t control whether she gets in an Ivy. Joyce probably can’t make the DOA Ethan even partially straight.

    1. Daibhid C

      If it was “erased the plans” then I’d see your interpretation, but no, it’s “erased me”. Joyce’s very self, or at least her self-image, has been erased, and replaced by who she “has” to be.

      The message Joyce has got from this song is the exact opposite of “you can’t make Ethan straight”. Of course she can make Ethan straight, because he’s “meant” to be straight.

  41. showler

    Ehh, if Kazumi Evans sung it I’d probably watch.

    1. StClair

      Becoming Godlier (The Kind of Hymn That Every Hymnal Should Know)

  42. timemonkey

    Guys, the thing is, if Joyce’s beliefs are accurate then the song is totally right. Dream whatever you want but God decides your future. Same goes for anyone who believes in destiny.

    1. gangler

      Joyce’s beliefs didn’t just happen on their own… It’s not like we’re talking about some adult who read some literature and decided that her own hopes and dreams were irrelevant in the face of the divine plan laid out for her.

      1. timemonkey

        Yes, she learned it from her parents who are following their religion.

        BUT if their religion was correct then the message of the song is correct as well.

        It kind of is anyway since the whole thing is a comic, the characters can have whatever dreams and desires they want but it’s up to the writer to decide what happens to them.

        1. gangler

          She learned it from multiple sources. Her parents, various congregations, her general community, and Hymmel the Hymnal.

          The Hymnal doesn’t come out of this blameless just because Joyce’s parents believed it before her.

    2. 3oranges

      Que sera sera doesn’t translate into people get erased up and redrawn with someone else. That’s scarier and vaguely dehumanizing.

  43. Harry

    Normally I feel like Willis does a really good job of making Joyce seem like more than a straw man. And I don’t mean to sound like I’m saying he’s making her a straw man here, just that… God, that’s the most horrifying “song” I’ve ever heard of, and if there’s a real-world counterpart to that…

    Oy…

    1. Salmo

      Well, Hymmel is based on Psalty the Singing Songbook, and while I can’t think of any offhand that are quite this blatant, there’s a lot of creepy ones. Search Youtube for “Take All of Me”, for instance.

      1. Jaxx Sentinel

        -listens to said song- …yeah this is ranked just a Bit under Clay Aikens “If I was invisible” on the creepy level

      2. Vehryn

        Psalty! Cripes, I’d completely repressed any memory of that.

  44. dropping.keys

    If I can add a common belief from my branch of Christianity (which is not Joyce’s, granted), God tells you what He wants you to do by giving you a passion for it, so if you’re not being stubborn “what I hafta be” is also what you will want to be.

    I could interpreted Joyce’s song two ways: either “No, seriously, this applies to your parents too so go to bed/you can’t watch that show/eat your turnips.” (because this is a children’s song, and there are priorities);

    or “God knows where you should be and will lead you there, so make sure you’re paying attention or you’ll miss it.” (which is still theologically troubling).

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      What branch of Christianity are you a part of?

  45. What was the question again?

    David Willis and his con-bros will have to do this dance at the next con he goes to.

  46. Mkvenner

    Ok I don’t understand the boycotting over an Ohio art company over enforcing what I assume is their copyright against a the creators of a low grade direct to video show who used their product with out permission.

    1. Kernanator

      I guess they believe that the rights of the divinely inspired trump copyright law.

      1. StClair

        and the Constitution! Who needs that silly old “separation of church and state”, when there’s God’s plan to be enacted?

    2. Kelly

      Ohio Art Company is the company that makes Etch A Sketch

      1. Kelly

        oops, misread that, nevermind

  47. Karfsma778

    In the words of the Cinema Snob from his review of Rock and Roll: Its Your Decision, “Because fuck free will!”

  48. SilverArrowArtemis

    Joyce, Joyce, Joyce. *holds his head in his hands and groans*

    1. SilverArrowArtemis

      What was Joyce’s popularity rating again?

      1. Bill

        I don’t remember, but it had to go up at least 25% after today’s antics.

  49. Kitty

    that song…just described the season 3 MLP:FiM season finally. I’m kinda terrified

    1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      wait, how?

  50. Jason

    The funny thing is, I’ve had the song “Afternoon Delight” stuck in my head for the last few days, so that’s what I heard when I read Joyce’s lyrics!

    1. Roborat

      Crap, now it’s stuck in my head, thank you SOOOOOO much!

  51. Creaks

    Is… Is this a real thing? Id google it… But im kinda scared of the kind of community i would find… This is kinda creeping me out.

  52. ZORK

    I don’t know why, but until recently, I kept reading Hymmel the Hymnal as Hymmel the Hyena. And I didn’t even really questioned why the protagonist of a Christian cartoon is a freaking hyena.

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