Everybody
Posted on February 18, 2016 by David M Willis

682 thoughts on “Everybody”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “Let us read from the Scriptures, Isaiah 36:12 and Hermesian 4:29”

    1. -Sentinel-

      Isaiah 36:12: Ewwww.

      Never heard of the Hermesian.

      1. Robbzilla

        Hermesian 4:29 “A daughter’s reflection should be of the Lord and not of her mother who is rife with deceit.”

        1. Luzahn

          But the daughter becomes a mother in turn, doesn’t that mean the Lord is rife with deceit?

          I knew we couldn’t trust that guy, with his fire and his delicious apples and his murder…

        2. TPman

          Jesus Christ is my ideal woman.

        3. Silka

          Ya mean Carol? XD

      2. Nice

        -Sentinel- “Never heard of the Hermesian.”
        Because it’s not in the Christian Bible:
        “I couldn’t help myself. I had to get involved. Wouldn’t you? It’s just too delicious …. So, I used my time when I should have been working to invent bible verses and then take those fake verses and share them on each woman’s Facebook page. ”
        – “bible-verse-throw-down”

    2. Cholma

      Ruth: “Oh Lord, do we have the strength to tolerate Mary one more night, or are we just jerking off?”
      Everyone except Mary: “AMEN!”

      1. Taurmaurils

        Candygram for Mary! Candygram for Mary!

        1. lejwocky

          Mary only pawn in game of life

        2. Cholma

          Ruth: “Just give me 24 hours to come up with a brilliant plan to deal with Mary.”
          Girls: “NO!”
          Ruth: “You’d do it for Amazi-Girl.”
          Girls: “Amazi-Girl!”
          Dorothy: “Alright, Ms Lessick, 24 hours.”

        3. Robbzilla

          Dorothy: Uh-Oh, Ruth. I think Mary here’s taken a liking to you.
          Mary: Huu-huh, naw… Mary straight.

      2. Roborat

        And yet another reason I love this webcomic, a page about Mary immediately morphs into riffing on Blazing Saddles.

    3. LynziGraye

      I just Googled Hermesian 4:29, and that was actually a really amusing story. I wouldn’t have seen it otherwise. Thanks!

      1. Shay Guy

        And now the first result is this page.

      2. Znayx

        I can’t find it! All I can see is quantum chemistry “hermitian matrices”… And yes, DOA is on top of Google. But where’s this amusing story you speak of? The whole first page of Google doesn’t have it, and we all know that nothing significant is beyond the first page of Google.

        Help please?

        1. Mollyscribbles

          Use quote marks, that fixed it for me.

        2. Znayx

          Holy crap no wonder I couldn’t find it, there’s only 4 Google results, period. Thanks for the quotation marks trick!

          (tangential side note: You can say “quotes” or “quotation marks”. I don’t mean to be a grammar nazi, but I’m pretty sure “quote marks” isn’t a proper thing.)

        3. TC

          I’m old enough to remember grammar nazis saying that using “quotes” to mean “quotation marks” was not a proper thing, so I suggest we pick a different battle.

        4. N0083rP00F

          Bands then? I pick RUSH!

        5. Knightsky

          You have my hockey stick!

        6. Roborat

          Damn, beat me to it, okay, I am going with Cheap Trick then.

        7. Toes14

          Seconded. Ruth probably likes them too, since . . . Canada!

        8. DaveM

          Men without Hats & April Wine had their moments..

        9. GenericGuestName

          “From Alexander the grammarian, to refrain from fault-finding, and not in a reproachful way to chide those who uttered any barbarous or solecistic or strange-sounding expression; but dexterously to introduce the very expression which ought to have been used, and in the way of answer or giving confirmation, or joining in an inquiry about the thing itself, not about the word, or by some other fit suggestion.” – Marcus Aurelius

      3. Annie

        Yep, read the blog, liked the story enough that I bought her book. I’m going to need some snark and laughing after I finish the current book I’m reading. It’s pissing me right the hell off, but I can’t bring myself to just quit reading half-way through.

        That story is awesome, though. I might have to start quoting the book of Hermesian.

      4. fugacity

        Took me a bit to find the blog post with the story – for those too lazy to look for it but still curious, I found it at http://snarkyinthesuburbs.com/category/bible-verse-throw-down/

    4. Viktoria

      Also, Austin 3:16.

      1. Shawn L.

        RVD 4:20

        1. Flimsyfishy

          Sheamus 5:15

        2. Robbzilla

          That one’s a little smoky.

        3. Robbzilla

          Or hazy…

    5. Durandal_1707

      Now say an Our Father, and 10 Hail Marys.

      By which I mean, ask Our Father ten times to rain hailstones down on Mary.

      1. Doomprix

        don’t worry, I bet ruth will do something else and all hell will break loose. and poor mary will be the center of it.

      2. JaneDoe

        I’d like to thank you for the practice I just got in the art of laughing with food in mouth and not choking to death. It really is an important skill to have XD

    6. Leila

      Needs a like button

    7. Bicycle Bill

      “Will the congregation please rise?  I shall now read from the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke… …and duck!”

  2. JoyceParty

    Carol or Mary? No situation is good.

    1. Mr k

      If they meet, they’ll have sex, I’d bet.

      1. TachyonCode

        Is… your avatar seriously a Kyuubey gijinka? Where did that come from? 😮

        (I want to see.)

        1. DaCyclops

          I…. think I want to see the full-sized piece too…

          Then burn it. Burn it with nuclear fire. And then find a way to burn the ashes. Something involving matter annihilation…

        2. Roborat

          You closely mirror my sentiments. I have fallen in love with many fictional characters, but that is the only one I have ever hated.

        3. Owlmirror

          A little digging finds this web archive with the full image:

          https://web.archive.org/web/20120420231724/http://www.craneanime.com/2012/04/db-p-12.html

          I have no idea who this is or why they might look like that or why there are such negative reactions to this image.

        4. Marika Oniki

          Incubators, or Kyuubey (QB) for short, seem at first to be your standard Magical Girl mascot, granting young teen girls the ability to combat Lovecraftian horrors through the use of magic, forming contracts with the girls, granting a single wish in return for fighting these menaces, referred to as Witches. What they don’t mention is that A) the process of becoming a Magical Girl is irreversible, B) the girls are now, essentially, well-kept liches (their bodies do not age, and their soul is now stored inside a small gem called a Soul Gem that can’t go too far from their body, or they will die) and C) Witches are Magical Girls that have gone mad through grief or overuse of magic, and in order to “recharge” their magic, they need Grief Seeds, which are formed when a Witch is defeated… and are essentially the empty Soul Gem of the former Magical Girl.

  3. butts

    AUSTIN 3:16 MOTHERFUCKER

    1. Ctrl+C D@

      IF YA’ SMELLLLALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!
      WHAT THE ROCK!
      IS COOKIN’!

      1. Screwball

        Yes, yes I can…

      2. Wizard

        Have a nice day!

    2. Ana Chronistic

      oh yeah, I was gonna quote that too–glad someone did!

  4. Mr. Mendo

    Mary will soon learn that Canadians are not so easily bowed! 😉

    1. timemonkey

      Just because we’re Canadians doesn’t mean we won’t disembowel you and choke you with your own intestines if you fuck with us.

      1. CaptainBatson

        I thought that was the point of being Canadian; polite, but deadly.

        1. Shawn L.

          And we’ll do it on ice skates.

        2. showler

          We’d do it WITH ice skates.

        3. DarkoNeko

          That comes with all the poutine.

        4. N0083rP00F

          Poutine is an abomination created in Quebec and foisted on the rest to make us fart and lardy.

        5. N0083rP00F

          Fat and Lazy but auotocorrect has other ideas it seems.

        6. fishamaphone

          You know what? I think I like fart and lardy better.

        7. Opus the Poet

          Fart and lardy is what happens to the lactose intolerant when they eat poutine.

      2. Just Saying

        But you’ll apologise after, right? The internet hasn’t been lying to me, has it?

        1. -Sentinel-

          If you survive, we’ll provide you free health care.

      3. -Sentinel-

        We’ll be very polite about it, though.

        1. -Sentinel-

          Ninja’d twice.

      4. Tacos

        Sure but then y’all will apologize to the corpse >.>

        1. N0083rP00F

          It will be a very nice funeral.

      5. Doctor_Who

        Yeah, I wouldn’t mess with Canadians. They pour maple syrup onto snow so it solidifies, and eat it on a stick.

        They added unnecessary steps to syrup consumption just so they wouldn’t have to bother with pancakes and can directly consume more syrup. These people are crazy and not to be trifled with.

        1. Screwball

          Hmmm, looks good. Might have to try that…

          …Then rub it in Daniel the Human’s face that I’ve seen snow again & he still hasn’t…

        2. Dara

          It’s absolutely really good and you should try it.

        3. ischemgeek

          FYI: You have to boil it first. Get a cup of cold water, it’s ready when if you drop a small amount into the water to temperature shock it,, you can roll it into a ball that will deform slowly under its own weight.

        4. butts

          Hey, we do that in New England, too. Don’t knock it until you try it.

        5. butts

          Hey, we do that up in New England, too. Don’t knock it till you try it.

        6. Needfuldoer

          Try it with Autocrat coffee syrup!

        7. Someone

          Oh MY GOD THEY’RE MULTIPLYING!

        8. Leorale

          In fairness, it is delicious.

        9. Rukduk

          Hey, gotta prepare for the inevitable ice age that will obliterate all life too far north of the hemisphere save for Canadians, Alaskans, Finns, and Russians.

        10. No Name

          Don’t forget the Norwegians, Swedes and Icelanders! The Icelanders especially; they’ll use their volcanoes to grow bananas!

        11. Rukduk

          Oh yeah. Iceland is pretty much set to survive the apocalypse at this point.

        12. ChrisHerself

          I’ve wanted to try that ever since I read it in Little House in the Big Woods as a wee Chris

        13. Annie

          I wish I lived in a place where I had occasion to try things like that.

          It’s been spring here for at least 4 weeks. And during our “winter” it never once got below 40°F, let alone anywhere near freezing.

        14. Deanatay

          Fellow Californian?

        15. Akiosama

          Heck, it’s February and we’ve hit 90°F out here. Go figure. Winter? What’s that?

          Well, it’s enough rain to get in the way of cycling every day, but that’s about it.

        16. Annie

          I’m in South Texas. Similar temps, though.

        17. showler

          According to our Historical Minutes TV commercials, that method predates pancake syrup by a long, long time.

      6. StClair

        also? they’ll burn your damn house down.

        1. Leorale

          Yes, but only because we’re trying to keep warm.

        2. JustCheetoDust

          Forget peeing on yourselves each other, this is how you stay warm with class!

          On an unrelated note, missing the first few hours of the comments section for the past two days makes me regret agreeing to four hours of overtime every day for the whole work week.

        3. Undrave

          If it’s white.

      7. Thrabalen

        Wolverine is Canadian. Q.E.D.

  5. Architex

    Amen to that, Carla

    1. LeslieBean4Shizzle

      Yeah, pretty much.

  6. Ctrl+C D@

    So…what?

    1. Lia47

      what what? (in the butt)

      1. Ctrl+C D@

        No really, I’m very confused right now You wanna do it, in my butt?, what was the point of the blackmail if Ruth just doesn’t give a darn as usual?

        1. Lucretiel

          Well, now Mary has to make good on her threat, and we’ll see if Ruth’s up to the task.

        2. Lia47

          well i assume she’s trying pretty hard not to give a darn, and that this is just gonna make mary madder, resulting in plot advancement

        3. DarkoNeko

          So, like Joyce’ mom and Becky’s spat a few pages ago~

        4. Betty Anne

          The point was it gave Ruth time to kick Billie and her shit to the curb and get rid of the booze. With Becky gone, Mary can now run up and down all the admin halls crying wolf and there’s nothing for her to fall back on except her bigotry.

        5. Ctrl+C D@

          Okay, I can accept this then if it means Billie and Ruth get away from that toxic relationship.

          Felt like there would’ve been more…ooomf though.

        6. I Write Monsters

          Thing is, that toxic relationship was like Harley Quinn’s and Ivy’s. I’m not sure it was worse than the two of them separate.

          Nevermind. Harley and Ivy have a much healthier relationship in multiple realities than Ruth and Billie.

        7. Ctrl+C D@

          Harley and Ivy is a whole other can of worms that we just don’t have the comment space to talk about.

          Needless to say though, Billie and Ruth need to just have a threesome with Catwoman.

        8. Shawn L.

          Spoilers for Amazing Girl’s fan fic.

        9. 3-I

          You might be confusing Ivy with the Joker.

        10. Cerberus

          Mary thought she had bought herself a dancing monkey. But she underestimated a) how stupid her prayer idea was (if the choice is fired either way, might as well go with the fired with dignity), b) how little self-preservation Ruth is feeling right now, and c) the fact that Ruth is already in covering her tracks mode and feels she’s just about to have her place ready for her bosses’ inspection.

          This is Ruth making her dignity play to get back out of the blackmail. I’m betting we’re about to be in for Mary’s next power play now that her dancing monkey has refused to dance.

        11. 3-I

          Also, it probably didn’t help that Mary decided to exert her power in the most asinine way possible, including a LITERAL FRIGGIN’ BATTERY on top of the multiple ones she’s already committed.

          Like, seriously, if Ruth had broken Mary’s wrist yesterday, saying “She slapped my face and I moved reflexively,” no court would have convicted her for it. Mary should be happy she has her femurs right now. But since she’s not happy unless other people are suffering, we’re probably in for a power play. =/

        12. SomeUnregPunk

          how?
          she is just a freshman.
          A freshman that instead of going to the authorities with the information that she had, tried to blackmail Ruth.

          Ruth could just go to the authority herself and explain the situation while leaving out some details. So if Mary goes to the authority, the authority will react differently than how she expects they will react because they have been forewarned.

        13. TheLordMoccasin

          To be fair, Ruth’s given Mary quite a bit more than a pat on the cheek before.

        14. 3-I

          Hey, I’m just saying, Mary is lucky to still have all her bones after making that mistake.

        15. thejeff

          Though I have to admit, I was kind of interested in seeing what kind of prayer Ruth would have tried to lead, if she’d actually had to go through with it. I don’t think we have any idea of her religious background, but somehow I don’t think she’d be very good at it.

        16. mgmdrums

          “Dear Annoying Baby Jesus,

          Thanks for doing essentially nothing but pooping and crying because you’re a baby and SOME PEOPLE around here are trying to be a little bit TOO MUCH like you because they’re acting like BIG BABIES TOO.

          Et cetera and whatever,

          R’amen”

        17. begbert

          “Dear lord, thank you for making us kind, unlike Mary the asshole. Thank you for making us tolerant, unlike Mary the bigot. Thank you for making us humble, unlike Mary the wannabe tyrant. And most of all thank you for preventing your supposed followers from being raging hypocrites that make christians want to abandon christianity and non-christians want to ban christianity. Just kidding; Mary still hasn’t been struck by lightning. Anyway, that’s pretty much it, god. Peace, and grab a beer on your way out.”

        18. Doribi

          This is Ruth’s way of saying “You overplayed your hand, and this is but the start of my revenge.” Spite is a very strong thing to use, and Ruth is good at wielding it; although I would not be overly surprised if Willis decided to have this little snub backfire against Ruth and Billie; but knowing Mary’s personality she is going to try to push hard against Ruth and it is going to cost her well before this comes back to bite Ruth.

  7. Doctor_Who

    Carla is a worshiper of the Great Old Ones, so this sort of request isn’t out of line.

    1. Mr k

      I thought she worshipped Ultra-Car?

      1. Doctor_Who

        Ulra-Car is Cthulu’s ride, and slumbers in his two car garage in R’lyeh.

        1. davidbreslin101

          Thank you, that makes sense of a line I’ve been struggling with in my Mytho Studies class: “Phl’ngophrk R’lyeh ul’trkhha hrragh’n Cthulhu ghmphlui”, or “Cthulhu rides around R’lyeh in his little red Ultra-car”.

        2. Gigafreak

          I have decided that Ultra-Car’s nickname around the house is Carthulhu and I will not be convinced otherwise

    2. Ctrl+C D@

      You mean Disney and Warner?

    3. Gamaran Sepudomyn

      Considering how murderous he is in the bible, I think this makes about as much sense with the christian god.

    4. Joe

      It’s only out of line because it assumes that the Great Old Ones take suggestions from us.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Well, they’re gonna kill everyone, so no harm is making sure they are thorough.

  8. Psychotic Mantis

    AHAHA!

    This is the kind of shit that I look forward to.

    Also, Carla is fucking perfect in this strip. Her face is just so full of snark. Though, given some of Carla’s preview panels, I can’t help but worry.

    Oh well.

    1. Cerberus

      I love Carla so much! She just is completely out of fucks to give. She may be massively triggered. She may be feeling abandoned again. But she just puts on her “fuck everything” persona and rolls with it.

      She’s not worried about getting back on Mary’s radar in a bad way. She’s gonna snark at the asshole who ruined her stuff and dumped such toxic shit on her, because fuck that shit, no one takes her power away anymore.

      It’s really… yeah, no other way to put it other than I really love Carla in this universe!

      1. Inkblot

        No idea what Carla’s past was like in DoA-verse, but in my experience once you get taunted enough times to “grow a thicker skin” about insults <i?it eventually happens. Then you start waltzing up to people who are jerks to you and put on your biggest shit-eating grin as you ram your middle finger up their bums.

        1. MM

          Carla’s skin was quite literally designed to withstand pretty much anything.

        2. Cerberus

          Yup.

          Plus, after a certain level of shit, certain things sometimes cease to infuriate you altogether. There’s times when I’ll get the t-slur thrown at me and I just start laughing cause it’s like “really? This again?”

        3. merbrat

          Brings to mind the great insult scene, in Roxanne. (Steve Martin taunts the bully, who made the mistake of snarking at Steve’s Cyrano-esque nose. The room quieted. “That’s the best you could do?” and procceded to out-snark the guy, by coming up with 20+ better nose insults)

        4. Tyler Durham

          “Excuse me, is that a nose or did a bus park on your face?”

        5. Emperor Norton

          “Look, there’s a man that can satisfy two women at the same time!”

          (The real insult being, of course, that a real man would be able to satisfy at least four. Maybe, six if he’s capable of some fancy toe-wiggling.)

        6. Akiosama

          “Keep that guy away from my cocaine!”

        7. Roborat

          “I’d hate to see the grindstone”

        8. merbrat

          Yaassssss….

        9. ischemgeek

          Or you quit getting scared by threats. Or at least get tired of getting threatened so you challenge them just to see what’ll happen if you do.

      2. Inkblot

        To clarify, though, I’m not advocating for telling someone repeatedly to grow a thicker skin– it ain’t a nice thing to do. On occasion, though, people take it to heart.

        1. Cerberus

          Ditto this as well.

          And even for the people who can take the relentless blows that a) shouldn’t be the price they pay for life and b) still leaves its fair amount of scar damage including starting to genuinely believe that it’s your lot in life to just absorb abuse without complaint.

        2. Inkblot

          Oh, absolutely. It would be much nicer if people didn’t have to deal with insults– but I have found that unfortunately, sometimes getting people to be nice is not timely or practical. Putting on my nice shell, while ideally not my endgame, sometimes becomes necessary.

        3. ischemgeek

          Yeahthis.

          You and Inkblot both sounded more like “talking from experience of having had to grow a thick skin” so it didn’t bug me but probably the worst thing growing up when I was getting bullied was people telling me over and over that I was just “too sensitive” and needed a thicker skin if I “wanted to be that way.” It really sent the message that I deserved what I got.

          But there’s a big difference between “Get enough shit thrown your way and eventually you learn how to block some of it” and what basically amounts to telling someone that supporting and defending them from abuse is too much work so they should just not let it bug them. You’re doing the former. A lot of people do the latter.

          Loving Carla here, though. She’s great.

  9. AutobotDen

    HAHAHA! Well played, Carla.

    1. Screwball

      Wow, can’t believe a formr Decepticon like me is agreeing with an Autobot, but yeah, go Carla…

    2. Leorale

      Her giant grin is really what makes this comic for me. 😀

  10. I Write Monsters

    Oh, no. This isn’t the climax. This is the Act Two “Things Get Worse.”

  11. Luzahn

    You see, Mary? Even your god abandons you! You have nothing!

    1. Mr k

      At least she still has her anime drawings…

      1. winter

        That’s gotta be worth at least a couple of gods. (No saying which ones.)

        1. DarkoNeko

          Eh, shintoïsme has about eight millions of them anyway.

        2. Doomprix

          ahh shinto one of my favorites, need a god? we’ve got plenty to choose from!

    2. Ctrl+C D@

      She’s got some nice boots.

      1. Mr k

        I misread the “t” as a “b”

        1. Betty Anne

          Neither the boots nor the boobs make up for the assholery. Take it from someone who likes a nice set of either or both on a gal. :3

        2. Screwball

          “If your body is a 10,
          But your personality is a 3,
          Your a 3…”

          Can’t find pic that’s from right now, but still holds true. Besides, he boobs aren’t that impressive…

        3. Shiro

          Rating women by numbers is pretty skeevy no matter who it’s directed at…

        4. Ctrl+C D@

          I prefer rating people based on vegetables.

          Ruth’s a total Cauliflower.
          Billie’s an adorable Pumpkin.
          Carla’s a witty Tomato.
          And Mary’s an ass.

        5. Disloyal Subject

          Cauliflower? Ouch. She doesn’t even make broccoli?
          Dorothy, clearly, is a carrot. I suppose Danny’s a potato, but I’m unsure about Walky, Joe, and Amber.

        6. Harvey Janus

          Joe is Rapeseed, if only because of the analysis of him on one of the previous comics.
          Walky is Baby Corn, tiny but good
          Sal makes me think of eggplant for some reason.
          Amber is… An orange whose branch was grafted onto a lemon tree.

        7. Leorale

          Joe is asparagus: not that great, kinda phallic, and too much of him will make your pee smell weird.

        8. Doomprix

          So mary just munches away at the garden and shits over everything nice!

        9. Yotomoe

          But it costs way more money to get a better pair of boobs than it is to get a nicer pair of boots!

        10. N0083rP00F

          You would think that but think again
          The average cost of breast augmentation surgery is $3,708, according to 2014 statistics from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons.
          If you love cowboy boots enough to spend around $13,000 and don’t mind waiting a year or so to wear them, there’s a deal at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo for you.

        11. Yotomoe

          True, but you don’t HAVE to spend $13,000 on Cowboy Boots. You’re just making the decision that that is a good investment (For boots that expensive they’d better let me walk on walls and kick through steel)

  12. JessWitt

    The best of outcomes. Everything’s coming up Carla!

    1. butts

      Not quite. Carla hasn’t gotten to deck Mary one yet.

      1. Screwball

        Give it time…?

      2. Rukduk

        I give it 3 maybe 4 strips until she does get to. 5 strips minimum.

  13. John

    Does God answer asexual homoromantic trans girls’ prayers?

    1. Skizz

      Tomexactly the same degree God answers any other prayer.

      1. Mr k

        Not at all?

        1. Skizz

          You may well think that, I couldn’t possibly comment…

          Yep.

        2. Cerberus

          Heh, as an atheist asexual homoromantic transgirl, I’m amused as fuck by this exchange.

        3. trlkly

          Whew. Now I can call you “she” without worrying I was misgendering you. Yeah, I could have asked, but I thought it a bit gauche.

          I mean, I had in my head that you were a “she,” but I couldn’t remember why. And these avatars throw you.

          (I don’t have the best of one, since I’m a he, but it would be horrible to call Carla a he.)

        4. Someone

          Damn you englishes lack of a gender neutral pronoun!

        5. DavidMcG

          they

        6. winter

          To the degree that the person praying believes their prayers to have been answered.

          That a safe enough answer?

        7. I Write Monsters

          He ONLY answers asexual homoromantic transgirls’ prayers. Once people realize, there’ll be a sentai anime about it.

        8. Liliet

          to make a sentai webcomic you don’t need more people to realize
          just sayin

        9. Skizz

          So what? Language evolves and most words multiple definitions, depending on their context. Examples: Post. Dumb. Lame. Asexual. Special. Galah. Doctor. Welcome to the English language.

        10. Skizz

          Sorry, must have hit reply to the wrong post.

      2. Opus the Poet

        We will have to ask the Deity of this comic @damnyouwillis.

    2. Zak

      A whaaaaa? Could you break that down?

      1. Rose

        She doesn’t want to have sex with people, she wants to have relationships with folks of the male persuasion, and the docs said she was a male at birth but that didn’t really pan out in the end.

        1. Cerberus

          Other way around. She’s a woman even though she was assigned male at birth and she is romantically interested in other women.

      2. Cerberus

        Asexual- Doesn’t experience sexual attraction

        Homoromantic- Does experience romantic attraction (aka love, wanting to date someone, that kind of thing) with people of the same gender. As she identifies as a woman, this would mean other women.

        Trans- Does not identify as the sex she was assigned at birth. So, basically based on her doctor’s 5 second perusal of her junk at birth, she was erringly given an M on her official documents when she was born.

        Girl – … huh, okay, that one’s a bit of a new term for me. Has anyone else ever heard of this one?

        1. Leorale

          Oh, I know this one, ‘girl’ is the one with the skirt, long hair, and big eyelashes. Girls like doing their nails, playing with dolls, and running for elected office. I’m a step ahead of Galasso!

    3. Uniqueantique

      Human beings can not, from a biological standpoint, be asexual.

      1. John

        That’s okay, she identifies as an automobile.

      2. winter

        A word can develop new usages. A word can have multiple definitions. When talking about human beings, people are not usually using the biological definition of that word.

      3. I Write Monsters

        If it’s neurological wiring caused by genetic variation, they can. Or if it’s psychological.

        1. I Write Monsters

          Basically, if I can be wired to find Carla sexually attractive regardless of whatever she has in her pants (which I am), I could be wired to find nobody sexually attractive.

          Humans are vast. We contain multitudes.

        2. CleverTrousers

          They were talking about asexual reproduction and being an intolerable pedant.

      4. Skizz

        So what? Language evolves and most words multiple definitions, depending on their context. Examples: Post. Dumb. Lame. Asexual. Special. Galah. Doctor. Welcome to the English language.

      5. Lolly

        But they can be uninterested in sex slash have no sex drive. It’s more common than you think. Humans just can’t reproduce asexually by budding (yet) ^.^

        1. Liliet

          science is working on it

      6. I Write Monsters

        If sexuality is genetic (BIG IF), there’s nothing to rule asexuality out of natural selection. An asexual member of an early human group would still protect their genetic relatives, ensuring the survival of their kin group and making the total difference . . . negligible. With enaging in hanky-panky and scoodly-poopin’, the selfish genes still win.

        1. winter

          I agree with you, but what the rest of us assumed Uniqueantique meant is that humans cannot be asexual in the context of the traditional science-y definition of the word. So humans cannot reproduce asexually, where a single organism would make genetic copies of itself.

        2. I Write Monsters

          That’s more credit than I gave.

        3. winter

          Fair enough.

        4. Cerberus

          Yeah, except Uniqueantique’s direct response to the term being used in the sexual orientation sense of the term. Soo… dismissive, erasing, and asserting a misapplied idea of “biology” in the face of real people’s identities and sexualities.

          Which, yeah. That’s super duper common.

          But also, that’s super. Duper. Common. And it gets a little eye-rolling when there’s the fifteenth gajillion instance of somebody cluelessly reiterating a puff of seventh grade life science in the face of real sexualities.

          Especially when one is a science teacher.

        5. winter

          I’m not asexual (and a linguistics major) so perhaps that’s why I was more willing to meet Uniqueantique within the terms of how they intended the statement. And their statement is pretty ridiculous on its own terms. I don’t know why people are so resistant to language usage changing. Like why are people actually invested enough to complain loudly about how the meaning of ‘literally’ has flipped?

          And, well, I still think it’s fine to give Uniqueantique the benefit of the doubt. But you’re right – there is a whole ‘nother layer of dismissiveness, and lack of awareness that letting people define their sexualities is more important that arguing about words. I’m sure it becomes very frustrating from your perspective, and I didn’t mean to undermine that.

        6. I Write Monsters

          I reacted the way I did because the tone reminded me of theists who tell me, “Well, atheists aren’t real,” when they know I identify as one.

        7. winter

          Yeah. I just read it as annoyingly pedantic, but I can totally see how you read differently now. I was really just thinking you might not have known about how people have used the word ‘asexual’ historically. Sorry, I shouldn’t have butted. Your response was reasonable, and I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to justify it.

        8. a snow ʍousɐ

          They don’t believe in atheists? What does that make them, a-atheist-ists?

        9. ischemgeek

          10 years ago, people pulled that shit with the word “bisexual.”

          So, give it a decade and asexual folks can move “up” to being fetishized and/or nature documentaryized (that thing where news people play pseudoanthropologist to go around and ask marginalized folk to be a Walking Museum Exhibit about their lives and marginalization, happening a lot with trans folk right now – excuse the neologism, I’m not sure if there’s a term that already exists for it) on TV and accused of only being in it for the attention!

          (I am kidding, if the scare-quotes didn’t make it clear)

        10. Cerberus

          Oh, very much so. It’s definitely part and parcel with where the rights movement is right now. Based on that though, I’m super excited for my life, because if the staggering stays about where it is, one of my identities will always be in the sweet spot of being actively hated by the major mass of bigots for the totality of my life.

        11. John

          Even traditional science-y definitions of words can vary depending on context. “Fusion” means a very different thing in cellular biology than it does in nuclear physics, and something else entirely in cooking, or music. It was actually as a result of discussion in this very comments section that I learned that the biological definition of “endothermic” is exactly the opposite of the thermodynamics definition…

        12. ischemgeek

          Actually, for fusion it’s worse than that: Fusion means different things depending on which branch of physics you’re talking about. If you’re talking nuclear/quantum, it refers to nuclear fusion. If you’re talking thermodynamics, it refers to the phase change of melting.

          Because science jargon.

        13. davidbreslin101

          In a medical situation, you really don’t want someonne who insists on the physics definition of “plasma”.

      7. caesaria82

        There’s really no need to make this comment tbh. You know exactly what this word means in the context people use who identify as such or you wouldn’t have said it.

      8. Cerberus

        There I go again, not existing again… or is it not being biological? Am I impossible or a robot? My existential crisis may need more information on the exact flavor of your intended erasure.

        1. I Write Monsters

          Shit, someone get a dog to sniff Cerebus. S/he may be from Skynet.

        2. Cerberus

          That’s… crazy… talk… (quick, send the Terminators, they know!)

        3. Cerberus

          Though if I had a nickel for all the times smug allosexuals have said to me that asexuality is impossible for a human to be because (complete misinterpretation of something they half remember from their HS bio class or some essentialist garbage about how sexual attraction is universal and necessary for humanity), I’d be a goddamn millionaire.

        4. I Write Monsters

          Yup. I’m throwing this conversation topic over to the kids in my GSA tomorrow.

        5. Disloyal Subject

          That’s… Bizarre. They can’t distinguish between classifications of biological reproduction and classifications of human sexuality? I’m disappointed in humanity.

        6. Cerberus

          In many ways it’s very similar to all the smug cis people who quote “biological sex” to me to try and disprove trans people based on their ignorant HS misunderstanding of how chromosomes, hormone patterns, assigned at birth sex, etc… actually work.

        7. I Write Monsters

          Glob, there was a smug schmuck caller on the Atheist Experience a few weeks ago JUST LIKE THAT. I wanted to AAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

        8. Bagge

          I always get confused by comments like that. Should I be offended as a somewhat decent human being who doesn’t like discrimination, or should I be offended as a scientist who doesn’t like people swinging around a fifty year old dumbed down scientific concept as if it was gospel?

          Is it just a misunderstanding? I mean, would it actually help if I sat down and tried to explain the intricacies of hormones, genes, chromosomes and external factors, and how THAT interacts with cultural and social norms to form our ideas of sex, gender and sexuality?

        9. Bagge

          Because that always work so well for trans people…

        10. Cerberus

          Totes!

          The scientist in me always gets prickly about these types of misinformed attempts to preach the gospel of biology.

          It’s like… but that’s not actually how biology works. Like the original argument wasn’t even right the way he used it because “biologically speaking” the human organism does not undergo asexual reproduction (even though mitotic division happens all the time inside a human organism and is a key component of tissue repair and upkeep).

          But that’s nowhere near the same thing as being asexual and-

          And I could rant for hours on that sort of thing.

        11. davidbreslin101

          In any case, even if their ideas about “natural” sex and sexuality were somehow “right”…. we’re humans. Practically everything about our lives is “unnatural” by the the standards of most other animals, and sex is the least of it. Two women raising a child concieved using sperm from an otherwise uninvolved male? perfectly natural, albatrosses have been doing it for thousands of years. Driving a car? get outta here, you sicko.

        12. Emily

          If you’re gonna say asexuality is invalid because “biological imperatives” then you have to say the same thing about homosexuality.

        13. hof1991

          And celibacy. And birth control.

        14. Opus the Poet

          Celibacy, the ultimate perversion. (per vertare, to turn away from “normal” sex)

        15. Nightsbridge

          Shit. They know. I mean, I feel insulted by your need to check with that captcha I love breathing oxygen.

      9. Lamia M

        As a biologist with a degree, I feel compelled to point out that words have multiple meanings. There is 1. asexual (adj) – without sexual feelings or associations*, 2. asexual (noun) – a person without sexual feelings or associations* and 3. asexual (adj) – of reproduction, not involving the fusion of gametes.

        * I could go into more detail, but I’ll save that for when it’s requested.

      10. Killian

        Asexual is no longer a term in the biology community. Biologists use the term “agametic”.

        1. I Write Monsters

          And there’s another way my class textbooks is obsolete!

        2. a snow ʍousɐ

          All my professors use “asexual”, so I suppose I’ll have to remember “agametic” once I graduate.

        3. Captain Whoever on the Planet of Things

          Google Scholar search since 2015 for agametic: 23 results
          Google Scholar search since 2015 for asexual: 13500 results

          Further to that, agametic doesn’t mean asexual, as evidenced by the line “Animals that can reproduce by both asexual agametic reproduction and sexual reproduction” in one of the 23 hits for agametic.

      11. 3-I

        Everyone else seems to have this pretty much covered, but I’ll just chime in with a “You just decided to act like we’re inventing new meanings for words/using words wrong when these terms have been around in feminist and queer discourse for decades now, which you would know if you were even half the authority you like to pretend you are, you self-righteous marimba.”

        Because it’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poison rationality.

        1. Songbird

          Points for the reference, but it’s “poise AND rationality,” not “POISON rationality” (pedantic, I know, but there’s two different meanings conveyed there).

        2. 3-I

          I meant what I said. c.c

    4. Smiling Cat

      God answers all prayers. Sometimes the answer is “Fuck Mary all the way to hell.”

  14. Skizz

    Ooooooooh, just not taking her seriously. That has to burn. Not the ideal solution, but it beats all the drama meltdowns and violence everyone else here seems to be advocating.

    Also, I assume this is just part one.

    1. Fwip

      Second.

  15. miados

    best way to deal with that.

  16. Fwip

    Aaaand pretty much perfect.

  17. Stephen R. Bierce

    *sets the hacked Muzak on “shuffle”*

    1. Knightsky

      Slips in Halestorm’s “Amen” on the hacked Muzak.

  18. Pantheon the Mantheon

    HA! REKT!!!

  19. Gangler

    Wonder how Mary would react if somebody cited Matthew 6:5-6 right now?

    1. Screwball

      *Looks it up on net*
      5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
      Eh? So, don’t be all flashy about stuff? But I like flashy, especially with my explosions…

      1. Disloyal Subject

        You don’t have to share the explosions, though.

        1. Screwball

          Hmmm, true. Less cops chase me if there’s no people around…

      2. a snow ʍousɐ

        So go pray by yourself, Mary! Close the damn door, nobody wants to see your private relations with God!

  20. Badeyes

    Ruth is now grumbling her prayer of thanks that the meeting was hella short.

  21. Terrabeau

    What makes Mary think Ruth even knows how to lead a prayer? I would have precisely 0 ideas on what to say in that situation.

    1. Just Saying

      Because when you’ve been heavily indoctrinated into something for your entire life it is difficult to separate what is ACTUALLY common knowledge from things that were common ONLY in your social group back home.

      If you’re smart you learn and grow past it, if you’re a butthead you get make people uncomfortable for a while until everyone knows to avoid you.

      1. Cerberus

        Yup. It’s pretty clear that Mary’s main deal is that she’s noticing that things aren’t quite as they were in her little suburban bubble and instead of growing and adapting to that like Joyce, she’s trying with all her might to force it to be exactly the same by any means necessary, whether it’s by enforcing unreasonable expectations of total silence in the middle of the day or by literally blackmailing her RA into letting her try and force her type of prayers.

        1. 3-I

          Except instead of it being for Joyce’s reason- i.e., the difference is freakin’ her out- it’s because she’s a self-righteous jerkass who is high on a sense of moral superiority to everyone around her.

          She may be a water-creature out of water, but she’s less a fish and more Yertle the Turtle.

    2. Cerberus

      As it says in 1st Canadians…

      1. Leorale

        In the big… um… whatever we have for hockey instead of ‘innings’, God created the heavens and the Tim Hortons.

        1. Opus the Poet

          That would be “period”. Hockey has 3 20 minute periods per game plus one overtime and a shootout if tied at the end of regulation. When I was a kid they didn’t have shootouts and would end on a tie after 3 overtimes (basically a second game after the first ended). Whee! Hockey Night in Canada sometimes lasted well into the next morning.

        2. Leorale

          Perfect.
          And there was evening, and there was morning, a first eh.

        3. Dellaran

          Youngsters these days. When I was a kid, they didn’t play overtime at all except in the playoffs. If regulation ended in a tie, tough. And we liked it that way. Get off my lawn.

          *puts on vintage Atlanta Flames cap, grumbling*

        4. Dara

          [waves an antique pennant for the Seattle Metropolitans]

          [waves a much newer pennant for the Seattle Thunderbirds]

        5. Dellaran

          OK, you win. 🙂

        6. Opus the Poet

          Juggles souvenir pucks from Salt Lake Golden Eagles…

      2. Rukduk

        And God spoke unto Moses, eh, “Fuck bro, tell that fuckin’ hoser pharaoh to let my people go eh, bro. And then bro, lead my people to a land of hockey and syrup eh.”

      3. Needfuldoer

        And in the third period, God ran out of nails, pipe tees, and Oreos, so He created the Canadian Tire, and He saw that it was good.

    3. winter

      Not advocating giving into Mary’s stupid demands, but how hard can it be?

      “Hi, God! Thanks for not letting anyone here get shot during that shooting the other day. Peace.”

      How’d I do?

      1. Screwball

        But that would be giving in to Mary’s demands. And since Billie should be finished covering their tracks, plus Becky is over 4 hours away, Mary has no evidence, so it’s her word Vs the Floor RA’s word, which apparently carries more weight…

        1. winter

          I was just throwing out an idea about how to wing a prayer since Terrabeau had none. (And making fun of my own ignorance. Tho, I like to think that should God exist, he cares more about content than form.)

          I was not saying that anybody should actually let themselves be blackmailed into praying.

        2. Halcyon42

          If you’d like the actual course on faking a prayer in a way Mary would find authentic, it’s way easier than you think. Say whatever you think sounds vaguely appropriate, but replace all the “um”s and “ah”s and whatever confused sounds you normally make with “Lord.” I’m not kidding, that’s basically all you need to do.

        3. Just Saying

          Extra points for using a unique variation of “Lord” each time. “Our Father”, “God”, “Lord”, “Jesus”, “Almighty” etc. I swear some of the people at my church as a kid were playing a secret game of bingo.

    4. I Write Monsters

      “I’ve never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it.”

    5. Yotomoe

      I dunno about you but I’d be like
      “Yo, ‘sup God. How’s it hangin’. So check it. It’s cool that you’re like watching over us and junk and contributed to our existance. Hopefully you can make some good shit happen for all those peeps who ain’t got shit. And me too, if you’ve got the time. I mean of course you do. You’ve got all the time. You’re like an 8 year old’s superhero. You’ve got EVERY POWER. Anywho, I figured since everyone talks to ya like the boss I thought I’d just shoot the shit with ya all casual like. You know, for a change of pace. Hope you get my message and also exist. See ya when I die, maybe. Deuces”

      1. winter

        Sounds good to me.

      2. ScarvesandCelery

        That’s a pretty solid prayer, really.

    6. IslandWhut?

      Best ever -Roger Zelazny’s Agnostic’s Prayer – hilarious. http://homepages.inf.ed.ac.uk/rmayr/zelazny_agnostic.html

    7. Harvey Janus

      How to start a group prayer as a Catholic: Make the sign of the cross, most Protestants will be confused, you have now identified your prey. Continue with prayers specifically to saints, then go for the jugular with your teeth. Finish group prayer with the blessing said after meals.

      1. Rukduk

        Through in a little gratuitous Latin if you know any. The easiest way is to do so while making the sign of the cross. Or perhaps a little Greek. Kyrie Eleison usually works.

        1. Harvey Janus

          You only throw in Greek if you’re Eastern Orthodox. For Gratuitous Latin you say the Ave Maria while holding up an icon of the Mother of God and little baby Jesus. Bonus points if it has any putti on it.

    8. GLaDOS

      This is what comes of not watching the Bruces sketch.

      “Oh Lord, we beseech thee, have mercy on our faculty. A-men.”

  22. Saaaam

    Ruth you are still doing a bad job

    1. Ctrl+C D@

      Aw whatever, let the next RA deal with it.

    2. Bad Monkey

      Not that bad. Kind of just recognizing that a meeting for so few would be something even a good and diligent RA would have to re-do when she had a higher attendance. Threw the information at those in the room and left it to deal with another time…IF she gets away with still being RA.

  23. timemonkey

    And so it begins!

  24. cmd1095

    Ah sweet satisfaction seeing Mary get her just desserts

  25. Jay Eff

    Panel 4:

    Is Ruth implying that they don’t have Toe-Dads in Canada-Town?

    1. Mr k

      Nah, they have finger-fathers.

    2. timemonkey

      America has a school shooting on pretty much a weekly basis. Canada does not have this problem. We have pretty low gun related crime.

      1. Jay Eff

        Well, yes — I am aware of that fact.

        We Americanos excel at firing Shootin-Irons at people, unfortunately..

      2. TamiDOA

        Actually it does happen in Canada, (4 dead in school shooting in Saskatchewan less than a month ago), and Sweden and Japan …

        America just does it more ’cause guns outnumber people in America.

        1. M.A

          In Sweden, the school killing was a knife/sword attack. The only guns involved were the police’s.

        2. Laika

          Actually, what we’ve had in Sweden in recent times was a school knifing/swording…

        3. Just Saying

          Okay, OBVIOUSLY it’s not okay that people got hurt. But…school swordings are way, way cooler than school shootings from a purely hypothetical standpoint.

        4. timemonkey

          Does it happen on a weekly basis? No. I said low gun crime, not no gun crime.

        5. Christine

          I was very confused by this too. I know that Ruth more has fond memories of Canada than anything else, but wasn’t she 12 or so when they left? We have a thirty-year-old school shooting as part of our national identity, how did she miss that?

    3. Cerberus

      She’s deliberately blocking out Alberta and the Harper government from her mind.

      1. Fwip

        We elected probably the only world leader of the past couple decades that marched -in favour- of the South African Apartheid. Please, don’t let us live that down for a while, okay? Not a mistake we should really ever make twice. Or even once.

        1. butting

          *consolations*

          Damn near half our country turned out to wrestle for or against (sorry, the for was for rugby and had nothing to do with politics or human rights, I keep forgetting), and not only did a total nosewipe of a cretin who can’t remember what his position was get himself elected on a Bush-lite platform, the prick’s in his third term.

      2. Jezi

        Hey, Alberta went hard in the paint for the NDP this last time around, right? Change can happen!

        1. Fwip

          Yeah, but maybe not for the reasons you’d hope. Alberta’s Conservative Party has been so laughably corrupt and broken for years now that even its own voter base couldn’t stand it anymore. In 2008, the Wildrose Party formed, which is even more conservative than the Alberta Conservative Party. Since the Liberals stand a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting elected, the result was a kind of unprecedented vote-splitting for the right-leaning segments of Alberta.

          Even though the right-wing parties got nearly 50% of the vote, the NDP won with an unprecedented 40% of the popular vote.

          Change can happen, it does happen, but this is just a case of good luck.

        2. ischemgeek

          See also: The Maritimes went red not because there was a sudden surge in progressive good-feelings but rather because Harper was damn near determined to make that region of the country starve (never mind that some of the port cities there are both under-used and ideal locations to use as shipping hubs, but yeah sure let’s spend money flying shit out of Pearson to export it to Europe or trucking it all the way to fucking Florida to ship to Europe rather than sending it on a direct train line that already exists to the East Coast which is already set up with one of the shortest shipping routes to Europe.

          Cuz that makes sense.

          (it does in Harperland)

          The hilarity to me right now is that rather than taking a good hard look at themselves to figure out why they pissed off so much of the electorate, Canadian conservatives instead made up the expression, “Haper Derangement Syndrome” because y’know, apparently people’s disgust with the federal Conservatives didn’t have to do with $13 orange juices and $2 million temporary fake lakes from a party that claimed to be fiscally responsible or the tightest control on information in Canadian history from a party that ran on transparency, or the widespread voter suppression efforts (including robocalling and changing the election ID laws and then preventing Elections Canada from doing outreach to be able to make sure people knew about it – which kinda backfired because it outraged everyone on the Left so much that we did the job for Elections Canada) from a party that claimed to care about the strength of the Canadian democracy, or screwing over veterans from a party that claimed to be pro-veteran and pro-military, or being the only sitting government to be found in contempt of Parliament for refusing to let the opposition have the info it needed to adequately debate laws before the House or I could go on this legit doesn’t even scratch the surface.

          But, yeppers, people who voted against Harper (including some folks I know who’ve voted Tory for their entire lives) just have an irrational hatred for Harper that’s blinding us to understanding the “real issues”. Yep. */sarcasm*

        3. Belle

          This sounds terrible, but it’s a bit refreshing to hear about terrible politics coming from somewhere OTHER than America….

          Also, all that stuff is terrible and I had no idea. :/

        4. Christine

          Sorry to disappoint, but the messed-up government we managed to turf recently was pretty much using “copy the laws favoured by the most conservative lawmakers in the US” as their playbook. (Well, except when said conservative lawmakers had finally realised that they didn’t work, and spoke out against them.)

        5. ischemgeek

          Yeah.

          When Texas(!!!) says, “Whoa, hold on a minute, Canada, what the hell are you doing with your criminal justice system? Why are you copying us?! What we’re doing is ridiculously expensive and doesn’t work! We know, we did it for decades! And now we’re copying you because your system actually works halfway decently and is a buttload more cost-effective!”

          When Texas says that, you know you’ve got a Reformer in charge. Fiscal responsibility! Now let me blow $3 million on a 2-day summit and copy the least efficient criminal justice system in the entire fucking world whole cloth in the name of being tough on crime.

        6. ischemgeek

          … it really doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of how terrible our last government was. So glad we turfed them.

          Other things:
          *forbade government scientists from speaking to the press without permission
          *destroyed the single best library on forestry and lake science in the world
          *destroyed decades of scientific records that were still being used for research of trends and environmental changes
          *slashed funding for fundamental science
          *slashed funding for the CBC (which exists to be an impartial news source in Canada – idea being that by having them be taxpayer-funded, they won’t be beholden to corporate money and thus will be safer to pursue investigative journalism without worrying about losing advertising contracts) in retaliation for the CBC reporting on government scandals
          *Appointed a creationist chiropractor homeopath as science minister

          … I could go on. I really could. At one point, it felt like a new scandal was breaking every week. There are dozens and dozens of them.

    4. Ctrl+C D@

      Yeah, this strip is a little awkward with what just happened a month ago.

      But Willis has a four month buffer so it’s a bit understandable that he didn’t anticipate this.

      1. Opus the Poet

        Since this strip was written and drawn there have been almost 60 mass shootings pf some kind or another in these United States, most of which get zero attention beyond local media.

        1. 3-I

          Also, a fuckton of random shootings of unarmed young people by people in positions of authority, so that’s good too.

  26. Tacos

    Huh. I expected more…. I dunno, drama I guess. This worked out rather good. So far.

    1. Shiro

      Don’t assume so yet…

      1. Tacos

        Tis why I said “so far.”

    2. Detective Boomwolf

      To be fair, Carla and Mary are still in the same room. Plenty of ways for it to hit the fan here.

  27. Shiro

    So say we all, Carla. Amen.

  28. Unluckycharm

    so much for Mary’s forced prayer circle. Oh how I love the unity of the girls floor.

  29. Mkvenner

    Amen!

  30. Cerberus

    Dear God…

    1. Dreadhawk177

      Awww. Saw XTC as the artist, and got my hopes up for some serious trance.

    2. Screwball

      Interesting song, with some interesting lyrics. I believe some meatsacks would call it “deep? Did I do that right?

  31. Detective Boomwolf

    And around the world, for some odd reason, people felt the inexplicable urge to cry out “AMEN”!!!

    1. Screwball

      “AYEMEN SISTAH!!

    2. KarkatTheDalek

      Pity we seemed to have skipped the Browns saying grace – that would have been a great cutaway gag.

      (Do Baptists say grace before meals? I checked Wikipedia, but it doesn’t list them)

      1. Opus the Poet

        They did when I was one.

  32. Shanunu

    Okay but what did Mary expect

    1. Emperor Norton

      Well, let’s just say that Mary does not have a one-to-one scale relationship with reality and leave it at that.

    2. Bagge

      I think she expected Ruth to force everyone to do the prayer thing because she’s her monkey. As for why it didn’t work… yeah, Emperor Norton said it.

      1. Emperor Norton

        On a side note, never change your avatar, Bagge. Not only is it a good one in itself, but I think it really suits you in particular.

        1. Bagge

          Thanks 🙂 I might go back to Happy-blue-panel Becky at some point, because I love it, and you just know that the future has some awesome Becky-faces in store for us, but for now Becky’s triumph over ToeDad is THE BEST.

          Oh, and I love your username and the man it comes from!

        2. Emperor Norton

          Strictly speaking, it is Emperor Norton II*. See, just like Joshua Norton decided that USA needed proper guidance, so did I discover that the internet needs the same. Therefore, I proclaimed myself the emperor of the internet, to help it through any dark times. Since he inspired me, I thought it fitting to also take his name for this task.

          Have you read the Sandman story about Emperor Norton I, by the way? I have a feeling you have, but pays to be sure. Good story.

          *And strictly speaking, I can in fact put in the II at any point in this particular comment field. But it’s far too much work.

        3. Bagge

          Then I bow my head to you in recognition of your sovereignty, my liege!

          Indeed I have. My favorite part of the entire sandman mythos is the parallel between what Norton says in that arc and what Morpheus says in a completely different book. The scarecrow blabs about him and Morpheus says something to the effect of “the fool may point of that the emperor has no clothes, but he is still emperor.” Norton says “Let them laugh, I am still king.”. Very poignant, or something.

          Norton also knew Mark Twain, which is a bonus.

        4. Emperor Norton

          I would say the bonus was on Mark Twain for knowing Emperor Norton.

  33. Briny

    Sara didn’t lie! She said she’d never miss a floor meeting again. 🙂

  34. Caelum

    [joins in on carla’s prayer]

  35. motorfirebox

    I’m kinda getting a Leslie Bean vibe from Ruthless.

    1. John

      Leslie is the best.

      1. butts

        We all want more Leslie.

        1. Ctrl+C D@

          Where’s Leslie?

        2. Mr k

          Currently getting ready to start a sex scandal with Robin, I bet.

        3. 3-I

          Better question: Where’s historical Jesus Christ?

        4. John

          He got tortured to death by the Romans a couple thousand years ago.

        5. inqntrol

          And then came back to life without a single scratch.

        6. John

          Not in this universe. Galasso doesn’t have access to that kind of technology here.

        7. Opus the Poet

          Fighting Soggies in SP!

  36. Betty Anne

    YAAAAAAAAAAS Carla. Perfect. :3

  37. Pat

    Mary, actively screaming orders at your victim in front of witnesses is not how blackmail works.

    Your grasp of blackmail is barely better than your grasp of prayer.

    1. Screwball

      Or outside-your-religious-bubble reality…

  38. LimeSheep

    well, at least carla stayed!

    even though as far as she knows mary has free reign to treat her however she wants. why did carla stay

    1. Emperor Norton

      My first guess: She’s recuperated from the gut punch she received earlier. Now she knows what sort of person Mary is. And this time she (thinks she) is ready to deal with it.

    2. Yotomoe

      Carla realized Mary’s actually just a harmless chihouhou and for all of her bark has basically no bike. So Carla can stand at the end of her leash and let her bark.

      1. Screwball

        Yep, Mary has no bike, so she has to run from class to class…

        …while still being an ass… 😛

        But yeah, I think I get what your saying. Carla sees Mary as just 1 of those yapping little dogs who just make a lot of noise, her earlier noise just hitting a nerve…

      2. a snow ʍousɐ

        *chihuahua

        1. Yotomoe

          DAMN YOU PERSON WHO MADE THAT WORD. YOU’VE OFF AND MADE A FOOL OF ME AGAIN!

    3. Betty Anne

      Carla was within earshot when Ruth told Mary she’ll be glad to look the other way when someone decides Mary needs to become intimately acquainted with a hard, flat, surface. Carla has as many options as Mary does, here.

    4. John

      Mary hasn’t got blackmail leverage over Carla, and since Ruth’s already (however apologetically) thrown Carla under the bus, Carla’s honestly pretty justified in returning the favor.

      And if Mary goes over Ruth’s head in a conflict with Carla, all she’s got on Carla is, “Yeah, I was skating in the hallway. Sorry. My bad,” while Carla can counter with vandalism of both her property and the dorm’s in an attempt to injure her, and bigoted slurs creating a hostile living environment.

  39. Zatar

    There is a severe overload of awesome redheads kicking Mary’s ass in this one. May it become a trend.

    1. Emperor Norton

      You feel like you have the right gravatar for saying that?

      (Note: In case Zatar later changes their gravatar, it is currently one of Mary looking angry.)

      1. 3-I

        Maybe she just admires the view of Mary being unhappy.

        1. EmbraceEvil

          its a default gravatar

      2. Zatar

        I have precisely the right gravatar to say this. Even Mary’s face thinks that Mary is a terrible person.

        1. zoelogical

          mary’s face is not responsible for mary’s actions and would vacate the premises if it could

        2. Emperor Norton

          Good point.

  40. Rukduk

    Amen and Allelujia Carla! Amen and Allelujia!!

  41. Ancestral Hamster

    My dorm had meetings on Tuesday nights, since that did not conflict with anything that residents might actually want to do. Does IU actually have dorm meetings on a Friday night?

    1. Emperor Norton

      Might be a special/emergency meeting because of the whole shooting incident a few days earlier.

      1. Dara

        Yes, was specifically mentioned as such… I forget how long ago, but in strip.

        1. John

          Here.

        2. Ancestral Hamster

          Ah ha, so Ruth scheduled a mandatory meeting on a night without regard for attendance. Thanks for the answers.

  42. pjeseb

    Well, didn’t see that coming. I figured Ruth wouldn’t go along with the prayer “request,” but I didn’t expect her to cancel the meeting.

    How many people are missing, exactly? Sal, Joyce, Sierra, Rachel, other Rachel, Mandy…

    Huh. I guess that is a lot of missing people.

    1. John

      Grace, Roz, Billie of course, all those unnamed girls who used to populate the background before Willis imported the rest of the minor characters from the Walkyverse…

      Even not counting the unnamed girls, there are more missing than present.

  43. Adj

    One thing that bothers me about Mary’s desire for a prayer isn’t that she wants a prayer to be closer to God, but to have power over Ruth.

    Faith should be about lifting you up, not bringing someone else down.

    1. Charles Phipps

      I really would be interested in knowing what Mary’s baggage is.

      1. butts

        Same as Joyce’s, except she’s an asshole.

        1. Charles Phipps

          I tend to think it takes a bit more than that to turn someone into a blackmailing sociopath.

        2. Disloyal Subject

          Some people are just empty from the start.

        3. ChrisHerself

          Yeah. Sociopaths. And it’s sad and shitty.

        4. Someone

          Doesn’t calling her a sociopath just make her more sympathetic? That just means she has mental health issues that need to be addressed.

        5. ChrisHerself

          Full disclosure this is a sensitive topic for me.

          IMO it’s right below Pedophile on the Mental Illnesses We Should Feel Sorry That People Have scale. It’s sad they are how they are, and great if they are able to get help. But they cause untold suffering to their victims and asking a victim to defend how sympathetic their “illness” makes them is frankly just fucked to me.

          If Mary is one she’s unlikely to ever come to that conclusion herself, or wish to change. And she’ll just keep on gleefully with the abuse and power grabs over others. That’s the nature of true sociopathy. Contrast that with many pedophiles who actually understand that their mental illness is harmful to themselves and others. Sociopaths do not. Nor do they care to. Therefore they never seek help. Help is for the weak and they are not weak. And the weak are to be used and preyed upon. And the behaviors manifested in their mental illness include things like physical abuse, mental abuse, blackmail, rape, intimidation, terrorization, dehumanization of their victims, and they do it all with a smile on their face and a warmth in their heart that they are right and superior in their lot in life, the concept of ’empathy’ a folly that others fall into, but that they have risen above. To us, it’s a mental illness, to them, it’s a superpower.

          Which is why, for this one, particular mental illness, no. I don’t feel any more sorry for her than I do for the people who have sexually assaulted me. I’m not that far in my emotional evolution yet.

    2. Screwball

      …And yet that’s exactly how it’s been used for hundreds if not thousands of years?

      Daniel here, raised Roman Catholic if I remember right (still barrack for the Big Guy, but been a while since I’ve been to church). Gotta admit, since I learned about all the “translations” the Bible’s been put through (IE people adding their own parts, meanings, etc.), all those Bible-Bashers do now is just get annoying, ESPECIALLY the ones who get in your face with “If you don’t follow THIS SPECIFIC version of the Bible, you’re going to Hell”.

      Mary’s definitely giving off a “that’s what I’ll be doing later in life” vibe, she’s definitely got the “holier than thou” aspect down pat. To me, she seems to have the mentality that she’s above everyone there, & since she’s got leverage over people, she’s gonna make her dancing monkeys work! Definite religious nut with a strong hunger for power, judging everyone else impure & therefore inferior…

      “Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself…”

      “Love one another, as I have loved you.”

      Hmmm, pretty self explanatory. Wonder if those bits have been edited out of HER version of the Bible…

  44. Charles Phipps

    I’m actually disappointed with Ruth in this again. She claims she’s looking out for her followers but doesn’t give a shit about the fact a man came with a gun to kidnap someone for being gay and almost killed Dinah (not that she bothered to care about it). Really, I love Ruth but she needs to not be an R.A. because it’s not a sincure job with no responsibilities. Someone should have this job who can actually do it, especially if they can use the money for their own education.

    1. Inkblot

      RAs typically don’t give information to students if the students aren’t interested. The RA isn’t your mommy and she’s not going to spoon-feed you important information– if you want something, ask for it. It’s on the RA to start the meeting, but they’re not going to run through a list of information if nobody wants to hear it.

      1. Charles Phipps

        Yet, that’s WHY they’re here isn’t it?

        1. Cerberus

          There’s also the fact that her heart is extra not into it because of the being blackmailed thing (on top of the not caring thing), so she’s not in the mind to do the usual hunting for students she does for student meetings.

          Though I wonder if it stings/worries her at all that the floor has so grown out of being scared of her that they all feel super safe ditching the mandatory RA meeting after her litany of threats last time.

        2. Rukduk

          Plus, Ruth is technically correct. This kinda shit does not happen in Canada. Which means she’s even less equipped to deal with an issue like this, because she doesn’t have the same cultural experience. It must have been a real culture shock for her when she was forced to move to the states as a teen and she found out how common mass shootings were. As a result Ruth simply does not know how to handle this.

        3. Rukduk

          Dammit, didn’t know THAT happened last month. Now I feel like an idiot. I’m just super glad the cousins I have in the area are ok. They didn’t mention this at all when it happened.

        4. a snow ʍousɐ

          I don’t see why you should feel like an idiot if it only happened a month ago. Ruth moved before whatever shooting event you refer to happened, so it’s irrelevant to the issue

        5. Christine

          Even aside from La Loche being such a big deal, I would argue that the Montreal Massacre is a fairly strong part of the Canadian identity. (And don’t feel like an idiot. Taking the occasional media break is good for you, and trying to catch up on everything afterwards somewhat defeats the purpose.)

        6. Pat

          A mandatory meeting she gave no notice for and expected them to all show up immediately. The person the meeting’s for is out of town; Ruth didn’t know she was gone and Joyce doesn’t know the meeting is happening.

          Now that’s a list of failures, but people not showing up isn’t on it.

        7. Captain Button

          Another part may be the depression. Doing such a meeting right looks incredibly hard, so you just procrastinate and have another drink. Once you finally get up to it, you throw something completely inadequate together and put it our there. It was lousy, but at least you can say you did it and stop worrying.

          The RM may be pissed at you for that, but worry about that when it happens.

      2. Yotomoe

        Guess it’s just safe to assume none of the…6-7 people there actually cared about it. I mean to your point, they did immediately file the fuck out of there, but damn, I’d expect one of them to at least say “What happened”.

        1. Betty Anne

          Half of them were involved and the rest certainly heard about it. I’m pretty sure most of them wanted to spend as little time thinking about it as Ruth did.

        2. trlkly

          Pretty sure everyone knows what happened. It was on the news and everything.

    2. I Write Monsters

      Ruth is not good.

      Ruth is Godzilla.

      Mary . . . is just King Ghidorah.

      Which makes Dina and Amber the Mothra larvae?

      1. Ctrl+C D@

        And I am Ebirah, forever destined to get shit on.

        fucking toho can’t even release a good statue dammit grrrrr

        1. I Write Monsters

          Yeah, you got killed by HUMANS on foot in Final Wars, man. No respect.

        2. Ctrl+C D@

          THEY WERE MUTANTS DAMMIT! MUTANTS!

        3. I Write Monsters

          That one, I’ll give you.

      2. timemonkey

        Amber is Rodan. Not evil but highly destructive, not friends with Godzilla but can team up when a greater threat arises.

        1. I Write Monsters

          I like it! Ooooh, or she’s so tenacious, she’s Anguiras, willing to bite Ghidorah while he flies off!

        2. Tacos

          Then who’s Zilla?

        3. I Write Monsters

          . . . Who holds the record time for getting punked in the Walkyverse? Two panels tops, we’re talking here.

          Faz?

        4. timemonkey

          Would Howard be Minila?

      3. Screwball

        “Mary . . . is just King Ghidorah.”

        LOL read that as “Mary… is just king GONORRHEA.”
        If that was true, & it got out, it would SO shatter her “holier than thou” attitude… XD

      4. 3-I

        It may sound primitive and unscientific, but through the baby dinosaur lesbians, we could ask Mothra to help.

    3. Uniqueantique

      It is not that Ruth does not care Charles. She didn’t know anything about it. She was in her room doing what she usually does. Ignoring current events and drinking.
      Imo she cares, because after she jumped on Billie for hiding the freeloader in the dorm from her: Billie told her who it was and why she was hiding there. That was when Ruth said, ‘tell her to find a room, somewhere, I don’t want to know about it.’ And also told Billie to move her butt also.
      That way Ruth breaks all the ‘holds’ Mary has on her, and can pound Mary into the pavement with Mary’s own bigotry and tripping Carla with glue etc.
      Ruth cares, finally she’s going to make things right on her floor.
      I hope she keeps her job, I think she’s learned something. But I think she’s ready to be kicked out if she has to be.

      1. Charles Phipps

        Except, then isn’t it her job to actually do the research on the subject? Many of the people on her floor know Becky and may want to know if she’s alright. That would hurt her plausible deniability but THAT IS LESS IMPORTANT THAN BECKY. Yeesh. Of course, yes, Becky depends on that but it’s just another crazy thing.

        1. Greenygal

          Given that the entire floor has apparently been hiding Becky from Ruth, it seems evident that they a) know she’s as okay as you can be after something like that and b) would really prefer that Ruth didn’t talk to her about it. Ruth’s a terrible RA, but I don’t think not checking on the girl everyone has been concealing from her is why. (Not checking on Joyce and Dina is another story.)

  45. Carms

    Man, Carla is actually the closest thing Mary has to a friend here, isn’t she? Christy

    1. Tacos

      Naw I think Carla’s just there to be snarky to Mary.

      1. Carms

        Carla’s the only one who even interacts with Mary. Oh I know there’s no love lost, but seriously, even that antagonism is closer to friendship than what Mary’s developed with anyone else working on the classic ‘love and hate are opposites, but indifference is much further from either than they are from each other’ philosophy.

    2. LimeSheep

      the start of a beautiful* relationship

    3. Screwball

      Especially after the “you belong in the male dorm” type comments Mary did earlier? No way Carla’s a friend, she’s just rubbing in the failed forced-prayer attempt in Mary’s face.

      I’ve seen nothing that shows Mary has ANY friends here, maybe not even at home…

  46. MrInsecure

    Oh, bless you, Carla, for giving the best possible prayer under the circumstances.

    1. I Write Monsters

      “Lord, please kill Tim. Lord, please kill Tim. Lord, we beseech thee, please kill Tim.”

  47. caesaria82

    lmao this is actually so cute. I was worried this meeting would go a lot worse. I mean, I doubt this thing with Mary is over, but this was really a nice bit of comic relief for now 🙂

  48. Yotomoe

    I drew something for this but there’s a good chance it’ll make people mad at me.

    1. Ctrl+C D@

      We’re all reasonable people here, we can handle stuff as long as it’s not horrible.
      …
      It’s not pomegranates is it?

      1. Yotomoe

        Shit, you caught me. I redrew the strip, but everyone’s pomegranates.

        1. Ctrl+C D@

          Sounds fruity.

    2. Cerberus

      Let me guess, Carla and Mary making out?

      1. Ctrl+C D@

        I’m not gonna’ lie, I’d like to see that.

        Just so I can say I have.

      2. Yotomoe

        Naaaaaaaaaaaaw

        1. Ctrl+C D@

          You’re a horrible liar Carla.
          Also your face is melting ya’ might wanna’ get that looked at.

        2. inqntrol

          “You dropped your face…I’ll get you a new one!”

    3. Luzahn

      Well damn, now I’m just curious.

    4. Yotomoe

      Ok, I couldn’t help it. It’s like my favorite trope when the two characters who hate each other are attracted to each other. So if you don’ wanna see that don’ click it. Or Ticket!

      1. Cerberus

        Heh, called it. And it’s awesome. Great job!

      2. Ctrl+C D@

        Bongo
        “Have you guys seen my clipboard, turns out I need that.”
        Carla’s the big spoon
        8/10, would’ve been perfect but you forgot the “Ayyy” Jesus in the background.

        1. Yotomoe

          I didn’t forget him. You just aren’t believing hard enough.

        2. Ctrl+C D@

          You’re right.

          I’m gonna’ go say fifty Ayyy LMAO’s and a quick pray to Broseidon, lord of the Brocean.

        3. Leorale

          I especially liked the bit where her bugging eyes broke her glasses. [[O.O]]

      3. Mr k

        I wonder if that would actually happen. Mary’s just a giant tsundere.

        1. Yotomoe

          That’s been my headcanon for a while.
          After all, Mary’s most memorable personality trait for me is hypocrisy.

        2. Ctrl+C D@

          So was boys dorm just Mary’s nickname for her…naughty bits?

        3. Luzahn

          Ohh, this is why Mary is being all transphobic! If she pretends Carla’s a boy she’s not actually gay and God will still love her!

        4. Cerberus

          Sadly, that’s actually sometimes a thing.

          Not that frequently, mind you, but still.

        5. Eukie

          The entire nation of Iran!

          (To explain the joke: the government of Iran is more OK with trans people than with gay people, so members of gay relationships are encouraged to go through sex change in order to have “hetero” relationships. Yes, it’s pretty messed up.)

        6. Luzahn

          Ah yes, that age-old woe. Whenever you think of something terrible, it’s already been done at least once.

          I guess we just celebrate human ingenuity, then. =P

        7. ChrisHerself

          So….. Rule 34 predates the internet? *Chews glasses* I find this significant. But what does it mean?

        8. Someone

          Great Cerberus, you made me kinda sympathize with transphobic/homophobic people. I thought the only way that could happen if someones parents were killed in a horrible accident at a gay pride parade.

      4. Luzahn

        Wait, is this not what everyone is expecting to happen?

      5. Bagge

        And there was all the hatefuck!

      6. trlkly

        Meh. Fine with me. Heck, the comic did it already with Ruth and Billie. Must’ve made you squee!

        1. Yotomoe

          I don’t make that noise. I’m far too dignified. I just quietly took a sip from my drink and said “This is good”.

      7. Cacturne

        Where can we find an archive of all of your DOA fan art?

        1. Yotomoe

          Nowhere. For your own good. TRUST ME. You don’t want to see ALL of my DOA art.

        2. Cacturne

          Dude pls, I wanna show it to a friend
          These 24 hours between DOA pages won’t kill itself

        3. Eukie

          Don’t be so sure…

        4. ChrisHerself

          Some folks would……

          Alsoaskingforafriend

          >_>

      8. Roborat

        Heh, very nicely done. And great drawing skills. You have got to start your own webcomic, you have some serious talent there.

        1. Yotomoe

          I may be good at doin’ sketches but I’ve got the SHITTIEST work ethic. Hell I should’ve been working on animations and instead I drew that.

  49. LimeSheep

    can mary stop looking so cute while doing this stuff though, really.
    look at her little face waiting for her prayer. its outrageous.

    1. LimeSheep

      waiting for her redemption arc so i can stop being conflicted.

      1. Rukduk

        Here. Have a thermometer. You’ll need it to tell us when hell freezes over.

        1. LimeSheep

          i mean ruth has come back from worse

        2. I Write Monsters

          I don’t know if Ruth’s back yet. She’s just swung from antagonist to tragedy.

        3. LimeSheep

          the narrative presents her positively now though, and while a lot of commenters still hate her for the awful stuff she did the majority are at least nominally on her side

        4. 3-I

          No… No, she hasn’t. There continues to be a gulf of difference between Ruth and Mary, about the width of “Massive Hatred.”

        5. Spencer

          I mean, Ruth was a violent abuser who also committed sexual assault, and she’s still someone we’ve come to sympathize with.

          I don’t particularly want or expect a redemption arc for Mary, at the least if it’s something that happens it needs to fully acknowledge that she did something horrible to Carla and not give her a by on it or pretend that she never engaged in flagrant hate speech, but horrible shitty people who grow to be less horrible and shitty is something that’s happened before in this series with Ruth and Hank.

      2. AeromechanicalAce

        There’s really only one way that’s happening without the fandom exploding in rage.

        http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RedemptionEqualsDeath

        1. LimeSheep

          noooooooo

        2. Someone

          Mary: Oh I’m not here to challenge you, Carol. Quite the contrary, I’ve got something you want, the only thing you want.

          Carol: The fundamentalist life equation….

          Mary: My gift to you

          Amazi-Girl: Lex Dont!

          Sal: Its too late!

          Carol: Its beautiful isn’t it

          Mary: Yes..yes it is.

        3. KarkatTheDalek

          https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/34/c8/13/34c813637d9d9daa105ffa3e062ebeca.jpg

          😀

          (So, Mary’s called Lex now? Does she get a “power suit”?)

        4. Spencer

          oh my god

        5. Someone

          Aw shit, I put the wrong name in one of the lines 🙁

      3. winter

        While I’m not sure I’ll ever get it, I have an almost powerful need for a Mary redemption arc.

        It’s a dream, maybe, but I want to believe there is hope that some of the Marys of the world can still change and be better.

        Or maybe it’s because there are things in Mary I can sympathise with? I don’t think I’ve ever been as hurtful as Mary, and certainly I’ve never been as spiteful, but her compulsive need to be right… that desire to feel superior… vindictively desiring control… I’ve felt shades of that, and that kind of thing can easily hurt yourself as much as the people around you (although maybe not in this specific case). I don’t know how much of this I’m reading into her character, but at the very least I don’t think anyone can spit that much venom without swallowing some of it. I wonder, if Mary has to drag other people this low to feel superior to them, how shitty does she think she, herself, is?

        None of this excuses what Mary’s done, ofc. Mary’s actions are 1000% unacceptable and, even if she walks away a better person in the end, I wouldn’t expect anybody to forgive her.

        But even if Mary doesn’t walk away any better, I hope the narrative will shed light on the fact that Mary’s kinda… pathetic? Pitiful? She’s playing a losing game, and she doesn’t even realise it. She’s never going to walk away with the kind of control she wants to have over her world.

        At the very least, Wilis will probably do better than pregnant-stabby-Roomies!Mary. Not too high a bar to clear.

        1. trlkly

          Hey, don’t beat yourself up. If you’re missing those parts, then you’re not like Mary. Always thinking you have to be right is not Mary’s problem.

          You’re Roz, not Mary.

        2. winter

          Oh, thank you! Lol, I’m not very much like Mary or Roz, actually. I’m not very much like any of these characters, although certain parts of Amber, Danny, and Walky probably come closest. But most people I can identify with on a couple of points at least…? Or at least feel bad when they get hurt…?

          I personally think Mary and Roz are pretty similar in some ways, although they handle it differently. And Mary’s horribleness also has that weirdly misplaced religious slant. But I still think there’s something kind of… universally relatable and sad about it, when you boil it down…?

        3. ChrisHerself

          Heh. If you feel bad when others get hurt and describe things as “relatable and sad” then you don’t strike me as being like Mary at all. 🙂

          The religious aspect to Mary’s horribleness complements her need to be right and her sense of superiority; a twisted positive feedback loop.

        4. Leorale

          You and me both, excessively able to relate to everyone, even jerks.

          Actually some of what you said reminds me of the One personality type on the enneagram, with the central need to be good and in control and perfect.

          Mary’s unlikely to get redeemed, imo, because I don’t know how Willis could do it without cheapening her awful behaviour. But you’re a real person, you can do what you wish. 🙂

        5. winter

          Brief reply but, your response makes sense to me on pretty much every level. 🙂

          And you always seem so calm in these comments, Leorale, which I admire. Is it a natural gift, or lots of practice?

        6. Leorale

          Thank you! And huh, I dunno! That’s neat to come across that way; I suspect that writing calms me. 🙂

  50. MM

    *looks around floor meeting attendees* Yeah, a prayer was going to have a lot of impact on that group anyway.

    1. Ctrl+C D@

      I mean from what I can remember, at least two other girls are religious. I can’t remember what branch, but I’m sure I remember that being mentioned before.

      1. Leorale

        Agatha is Mormon.

        1. Ctrl+C D@

          Agatha
          Her parent’s must’ve been huge Poirot fans.

        2. inqntrol

          Let’s not draw wrong conclusions…she didn’t disappear for 11 days.

      2. Rukduk

        Pretty sure Sierra the other one.

        1. Betty Anne

          Yes. She went to church (and everywhere else) without shoes on when they all went to church together that one time.

        2. Spencer

          Amber is also Catholic per Word of Willis.

        3. zoelogical

          that’s…very daredevily…

        4. zoelogical

          i like it

  51. Lim

    Its
    Fuck,
    Mar(r)y
    Kill

    Get it right Carla.

  52. Jon P

    My favorite mealtime prayer is “Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yay God!”

    1. ChrisHerself

      I like “God’s neat, let’s eat” because it’s the fewest syllables separating me from delicious food.

  53. Smiling Cat

    Sooo… umm, Ruth, La Louch this january?
    Toronto in 2014?
    Gatineau in 2013?
    Toronto again in 2010, 2008, 2007?

    I won’t pretend that the US is doing well when it comes to gun violence, but…

    1. Lolly

      I was reading an article about this and in one year (2012) the US had 8,813 gun homicides, while Canada had 172. It’s really different there.

      1. Smiling Cat

        Yes, I know, once again, I don’t need to be told that.

    2. Carriethedragon

      You could name many more examples than that for the U.S.; we have them often enough that you don’t always really hear about them, even though some are country-wide news stories.

      1. Smiling Cat

        Yes, I know. For the US I can do so without googling, that’s not the point. Ruth’s statement was “This shit doesn’t happen in Canada”. It does. Not nearly as much, and it’s nothing for the US to be proud of, but it does.

        The pendulum of ridiculous hyperbole is always bad wherever it swings.

        (though this rant isn’t necessarily about guns on my part, it’s really just because it’s election season)

        1. GuillaumeHJ

          That, and 2014 is only a school shooting in a technical sense (a gun accidentally going off at a school, nobody hurt). 2013 maybe too. (a murder-suicide targeting one specific victim and involving no shots at anyone but the targeted victim and perpetrator). Not really what most people have in mind talking about “school shootings”.

          But in any case, seems to me Ruth is using the fine literary art of hyperbole to make the point this is exceedingly rare in Canada (which it is, especially in comparison to the US).

        2. Smiling Cat

          They’re tracked as school shootings using the same standard used in the united states. Example, according to a washington post article on the subject, a significant majority of american school shootings are actually suicides (this is actually true of gunshot deaths worldwide regardless of venue).

          Very few school shootings are what people actually have in mind when they talk about school shootings (for that matter, the one in Dumbing of Age wasn’t either. No casualties sustained from the two shots fired during the course of the event). This is part of the problem, all we see is the “glamourous” and media friendly stuff that grabs ratings and as a result, we’ve got no concept of what’s actually going on.

        3. Carriethedragon

          It’s not really ridiculous hyperbole, it’s just hyperbole. It’s not technically factual, but the sentiment is accurate: in Canada, it isn’t a problem anything like how it is in the US.

        4. Smiling Cat

          It was especially poorly timed.

        5. Smiling Cat

          Also ridiculous. Any “my nation is inherently superior to yours” is usually ridiculous.

        6. Pat

          It’s not inherent. We can do the things Canada does and fix it.
          That’s the point.

        7. Smiling Cat

          Except the part where it doesn’t “fix” it. Because Canada hasn’t “fixed” it either. Once again, hyperbole.

          That’s the problem I have. It’s the inherent promise of the statement. There is no middle ground or rational discourse. There’s either “the gubment’s gonna take all ar guns away so we cant protect ourselves!” or “people don’t shoot each other outside the US”. Both are inherently false and ridiculous, and in the end, neither serve to actually fix the problem.

          They’re clubs each side uses to beat the other over the head. No matter the intention of individuals, it’s all swept up in manipulated statistics, buzzwords, and people shouting down other people, and even the best intentioned policymakers are caught up fighting less for the cause and more for keeping their side in power.

          (please note, I actually am in favor of increased gun controls. It grates on my conservative love of freedoms, but reducing the supply of guns is demonstrably effective in reducing the number of people who die from guns.)

        8. Smiling Cat

          Also, I detest the “not technically true, but…” argument

          Especially during Election season. I might be more receptive to the argument if I wasn’t seeing a cancerous tumor bluster his way closer and closer to the presidency.

        9. Skizz

          Heh, I love the whole disingenuous, “it will only make things 99% better, so its not perfect, so it isn’t any good” dismissal. It is right up there with the whole, “how dare you talk about it now?!? Not now. Never NOW!” Cop out.

        10. Smiling Cat

          See… stuff like this. “Will only make things 99% better”. It’s a quick, easy statement that makes you feel superior without even having to back it up.

          We need to fix our gun laws. Tighter gun controls will help, closing ridiculous gunshow loopholes, mandatory waiting periods, that sort of thing. I like the idea of licensing and mandatory safety courses like the canadian system uses.

          But pretending that swapping in canadian gun laws for ours is going to magically fix almost every problem is ignorant, and ignores every other contributing factor to the problem, from the fact that there are already two hundred and seventy MILLION guns (or more) floating around the united states, to social and economic problems, to a crippled and ineffective mental health system (fueled by a pervasive stigma against those who might seek help from it), to, hell, the Media’s tendency to make really “successful” shooters into household names.

          Fix all that, and you can say that things will be 99% better.

    3. Shiro

      The difference is, you’re naming five instances across 7 years while in the US, it’s a nearly daily occurrence.

      1. Smiling Cat

        The difference is that it isn’t a competition. I’ve no interest in slamming canada or defending the US.

        I will however, state that it’s arguably in poor taste to gloat about the lack of school shootings in canada less that a month after a fucking school shooting in fucking canada. The dead don’t get a prize just because there’s fewer of them.

        1. Smiling Cat

          In retrospect, the last part was unfair to Willis. I’m fairly certain this comic was already written long before the saskatchewan shooting. Apparently in my earnest grumpiness I forgot our host is not a master of time and space.

    4. Trolldrool

      I don’t get the impression that Ruth actually believes murder and gun violence never happens in Canada. The impression I’m getting is that she’s just repeating the stereotypical response that always appear in these situations because she’s all out of fucks to give. “Never happens in Canada” could just as well have been replaced with “Yadda yadda yadda.”

      1. ChrisHerself

        Plus it’s been established via the conversation with her brother that she defaults to ‘Canada is WAY better than the US’ mode.

    5. Christine

      As a Canadian, it drives me nuts when there’s the “oh, Canada’s doing better than the US” comparisons, because there’s often an implied “therefore we’re doing well”. This has really allowed a lot of people here to blind themselves to serious problems we have (less with gun issues, but with health care and racism).

      It’s annoying enough when the “better than” comparison is factually accurate, but in a case like this, there’s really no excuse.

      1. Smiling Cat

        Oy, yeah.

    6. RP

      I don’t think that was meant to be taken literally.

  54. Arianod

    Haaaamen 😀

  55. Marvelman

    Do people like Mary really believe they are good Christians?

    1. AeromechanicalAce

      Yes, and that’s WHY they’re so terrible. No one is capable of greater crimes than someone who thinks the infallible will of the universe is behind them.

      1. TamiDOA

        The battle cry of the ultimate evil: “God is on our side!”

        1. Palamdrone

          God wills it.

    2. Cerberus

      Not only that, but that everyone else who calls themselves Christians aren’t even really Christians because they don’t worship the One True Lord correctly.

      1. Jacques Cornelius Parrot III

        I’m waiting for Ruth or Carla to bite into a communion wafer in Mary’s face just for spite.

      2. Rukduk

        I feel like someone should pull out a rosary while around Mary, just to see what happens.

    3. Yotomoe

      I think most people in the world like to think they’re good. We’re all the protagonist of our own story. Whether or not you are seen as good or bad depends mostly on the company you keep and people’s perspective of you.

      1. Pat

        Anti-heroes are still protagonists.

  56. Rani

    I want to say something, but I don’t know whether I should do it here, or wait until Mary gets made an example of.

    1. Heavensrun

      It’s going to be awful, isn’t it?

  57. Spongegirl Circleskirt

    Mary thought she had a dancing monkey, but what she got was a silver backed gorilla.

  58. Anywhere

    I don’t understand why any person would want to start a 10-minute floor meeting with a prayer circle, why does this situation warrant praying out loud in groups? It’s not a meal, it’s not like someone’s dying [yet]. Is this Mary just trying to push Ruth’s buttons or would this be something she’d want, even without spite?

    …Does Mary want anything without spite?

    Then again, Protestant timing & method of formal GROUP prayers has never made sense to me.

    Ultra Carla’s prayer makes sense tho.

    1. Carriethedragon

      In the Protestant perfect world, prayer would happen much more often. And hey, I may not really believe that it actually has any effect on God anymore (don’t ask me whether I believe God exists, that’s a whole other can of worms), but prayer performs a social purpose, and it can be a good thing. It can help a group voice their priorities, draw attention to issues, and solemnize meetings.

      All that aside, of course, Mary just wants to yank Ruth’s chain and probably also probably something something put God back in this country cause it’s going to Hell in a handbasket and it used to be a great Christian nation until the secular devils made us stop talking about religion. Y’know. Standard stuff.

    2. trlkly

      I could see it in a Christian college. Though I would expect it more to end with a prayer, rather than begin with one. The only beginning prayer I can think of would be one along the lines of “God, help us learn what we need to learn today.”

      A prayer at the end could, on the other hand, sum up the meeting. “God, we ask you to keep us safe from harm and to help those of us who are scared. We thank you for keeping us safe so far. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.”

      As for why: because God is this big huge guy who can do things for you if you ask Him.

    3. Jezi

      I’m in the Bible Belt, and pretty much every kind of public meeting or ceremony, held by anybody ever, private or public, is opened with a prayer.

      Like, the last one I remember was at the ribbon cutting for a new Corner Bakery. And the Chamber of Commerce’s annual awards gala/ceremony. It’s incredibly common.

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        My husband had a boss who liked to open every business meeting with a prayer, which was awkward as hell for us (it was a small business out of their house so I was there for some of them as well) because we’re both Heathen. They also wanted him to write a little “Tech Tips” column for the newsletter they sent out to their customers; but they had religious stuff in that too. In the end he told them he wasn’t really comfortable with putting his name on articles in an unsolicited newsletter that was being sent around to promote their religion, which he didn’t follow himself, but that didn’t end very well either, as they were very insulted that he would want to separate his employment from religion and he left there shortly after.

        Some businesses and societies and things are intrinsically religious by their very nature (Christian bookstores, etc) and okay, one shouldn’t really be very surprised that a group so closely entwined with religion should have religious practises at their meetings and whatnot; but honestly, even when I was a practicing Christian it made me feel uncomfortable to have prayers in school or at work and such. I was probably a very bad Christian, heh; but it seemed to me to distinctly not be the place for it.

  59. That Damn Rat

    The Lord helps those who help themselves Carla, she’s right there.

    1. Disloyal Subject

      That’s from Aesop’s Fables, not the Bible.
      …which would, admittedly, make it funnier to quote at Mary.

      1. No Name

        And from what I remember, the Lord in question is actually a Lady!

      2. That Damn Rat

        It is oft co-opted by religious types though, I certainly remember it being said on numerous occasions during my upbringing.

      3. ChrisHerself

        Maybe Mary just has a thorn in her paw which makes her SUPER mean and grumpy to everyone, and her redemption arc is Carla pulling it out!

        1. Leorale

          That’s why she wears wristbands, to cover the irritating corsage of thorns that she got from Jesus at prom.

  60. Uniqueantique

    I’m not sure what Ruth is up too with this meeting? If she had a full house -with more witnesses,would she have faced down Mary for Mary’s bigotry and tripping up Carla with glue, and her insults to others: not to mention the unmentionable attempt to blackmail Ruth herself. Or is this another step in setting herself up for a confrontation in the office and another nail in Mary’s coffin.
    Ruth – “yes and in our last dorm meeting, Mary demanded a prayer circle. Now about the charges I want to bring against her on behalf of my floor…”?

    1. Just Me

      Ruth was required to hold a meeting, the nature of that meeting was up to her. It seems perfectly within character of Ruth to not waste time on a meeting hardly anyone showed up for and about a subject she hardly has any information on.

      The best way to handle a situation like Mary is to force their hand and have them make a mistake. Mary will either eventually give up and back off, or she will try something and Ruth can turn that against her.

      Until then, keep pulling the cat’s tail and stay away from it’s claws.

    2. Cerberus

      I could definitely see that being the case. Best to disentangle from her as soon as possible and just use the threats as evidence for the bosses downstairs.

    3. Dara

      Ruth wasn’t up to anything. It was a meeting she was required to have to address the shooting; it didn’t have anything to do with Mary.

      1. Just Me

        Mary has made sure that everything Ruth does has to do with her. Now, understand that most on the floor prefer to sneak out or quietly avoid Ruth for fear of her wrath…Mary isn’t nearly as smart as they are.

      2. Dara

        oh good now there are two dara

        (there are NEVER TWO DARA it DOES NOT HAPPEN)

        i’ll have to go get a gravitar or something

        1. Dara

          OK I added one but we still seeing walky? LET’S FIND OUT!

        2. Dara

          nooooooooooooooo i still have the walky only now i carrrrrrrrrrrrrrre whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

        3. Dara

          YAY it caught up no more of the walky!

          (I don’t actually hate Walky, he’s just a doof and he’s over his head and I’m kind of sympathetic about that since I didn’t hit that brick wall until graduate school and it was a course I didn’t actually need to care about so just bluffed my way through because HEY GUESS WHAT YOU CAN DO THAT IN LOGIC SEMINAR! You just have to look terrified all the time, which I kind of do anyway. And you get a ‘should’ve talked more’ B and you’re good!)

  61. Just Me

    Stealth 101, a class everyone took, except Mary. Considering Mary got suckered so easily, she’d make a terrible Ninja.

    Now Carla, you should pray for someone’s death. A one-person Plague, however, is perfectly Old Testament.

    1. Eek

      That class is scheduled at the exact same time Mary wanders, barely naked, in her room.

    2. Just Me

      Caught a typo, correction:

      Now Carla, you shouldn’t pray for someone’s death. A one-person Plague, however, is perfectly Old Testament.

  62. ninjazaku

    I don’t think I’ve seen an adult throw a tantrum in quite the despicable, manipulative way that Mary does.

  63. DaveM

    Quick question. Have we ever seen Marys parents in the comic? I can’t seem to find them in the archives (and I can’t find Mary on the cast page either.. weird).. Just trying to figure out where she gets this attitude from.

    1. Yotomoe

      Mary only really needs one parent.

      Her Father. Her one TRUE FATHER. PRAISE HIM.

      1. Ctrl+C D@

        Praise David Hasselhoff!

        1. KarkatTheDalek

          He was there for Spongebob when he was needed most!

        2. Leorale

          She leapt, fully formed, from his forehead. Bam.

    2. LimeSheep

      they havent appeared. (and i think the cast page only shows the characters that have appeared the most; mary has yet to rise in the ranks)

    3. Jacques Cornelius Parrot III

      They have not appeared, and judging from how their daughter turned out, I’m a little bit afraid of what would happen if they did.

      1. Mr k

        It turns out that they are nice people with a jackass of a daughter.

        1. Nono

          So, Mike.

        2. Someone

          HER PARENTS ARE DEAD! okay probably not, but that would be one hell of a twist.

        3. Someone

          her parents were murdered by a fundamentalist parishoner, who raised her in secret and told her that her parents were killed by a transgender, gay, Catholic man.

    4. Cattleprod

      I think Willis commented that Mary’s parents are probably nicer people than she is, but nothing ‘official’ in the comic itself.

  64. Tomas

    “Crom! Grant me revenge! And if not then to Hell with you!”

  65. Jacques Cornelius Parrot III

    I like Carla’s prayer. Short, sweet, and to the point.

  66. TamiDOA

    Amber etc. used my old trick. I’ve used closed eye prayers to disappear more than once in the past. (Doesn’t work when they do the “Silent prayer” version.)

  67. Raen

    “Dear Willis…”

  68. Opus the Poet

    Carla is pretty much speaking for the commenteratti here, isn’t she?

    1. 3-I

      That girl’s got a gift with words, yo.

  69. StClair

    If not for Willis’ famous edict, I’d almost expect a bolt of lightning to strike right through the ceiling(s) and reduce Mary to a scorch mark on the carpet.

    1. Mr k

      Hey, beating her into a coma still counts as leaving her alive, right?

      1. LimeSheep

        nope

  70. Peny

    One time in Boy Scouts, my troop was assigned to say grace for a meal, and what we said was:

    Rub-a-dub-dub
    Thanks for the grub
    Go God
    Amen

    1. 3-I

      My brother was a seminarian for a while, and he used to really play it up. “Dear God, who watches over us, please grant your blessing of nourishment onto this food, and do not snatch away all the nutrition from it at the last second, as you are apparently known to do if we do not specifically ask. We give thanks for you not starving us, and also not putting whoopee cushions on our chairs when we were in the bathroom washing up, amen.”

  71. Bagge

    Poor Carla, so cowed by Mary’s threats that she keep to herself and barely dares to… HAH, AS IF!!!

    1. Cerberus

      I think Carla might be in a point in her life where she’s done being cowed by bigots.

      1. 3-I

        It helps that the whole room just simultaneously emptied as a giant fuck-you to Mary. ‘S easier to stand up when you know EVERYbody hates her guts.

  72. Bagge

    I love how even Dina and Dorothy manage to fart of with a few seconds notice. NO ONE wants to be caught in the crossfire of whatever is going on. (Actually, I suppose the rest of them just carried Dina with them in their wake as usual)

    1. Cerberus

      Heh, “crossfire”.

      1. ChrisHerself

        Crossfiiiiiiiiiirrrrrre!

    2. Captain Button

      Dina sees the danger and grabs Dorothy. She phases them through the couch down to the safety of the second floor lounge.

      (Or was that Kitty Pryde?)

    3. Zababcd

      Dina is still present. She just doesn’t want to be seen.

      1. Bagge

        That makes a lot of sense!

  73. EvilWriter

    Am I the only one who wanted Ruth to start out with,

    “Oh Lord… Ooooh you are so big… So absoLUTEly huge… Gosh we’re all really impressed down here I can tell you…”

    1. Songbird

      I didn’t think about it before, but this made me laugh and now I’m imagining it.

      “

    2. trlkly

      What is this a reference to?

      1. Captain Button

        Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life: Oh Lord! You Are So Big!

  74. Palamdrone

    Austin 3:16

  75. Killian

    I’m really hoping Mary will do something with witnesses again (like when she was throwing down with Carla earlier). Not because I wish ill upon any of the other characters, but because I want Mary to get caught by Ruth doing punishable offense and try to blackmail her way out of it. Because that’s the only way it becomes “Mary is doing something wrong and attempting to get away with it by accusing her RA of doing wrong things” and not “Mary was mistaken and misread a situation” no matter how Mary tries to play it to Ruth’s boss(es).
    Because I raised by someone just like Mary. If they can see their plans are backfiring, they’ll find a way to turn a major punishment into a slap on the wrist. Because Mary doesn’t believe the things she’s doing are righteous and moral. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have blackmailed Ruth to not get punished for her hate speech. If you believe what you’re doing is righteous and moral, you don’t wheedle your way out of a punishment. You scream from the rooftops that you don’t deserve to be punished. What Mary is after is control. She doesn’t want to be right. She just wants to win.

    1. Killian

      For clarity, I’m sure Mary believes she’s right, but the driving force behind her actions is a desire for control.

      1. StClair

        Mary is religious like Frank Burns was.

  76. Skizz

    I just realised, Clara got over there silently, hope that means she got her skates fixed.

    1. Shiro

      She looks like she’s back to normal shoes to me :c

      1. thejeff

        Hard to tell, but I was thinking socks.

  77. NinjaNick

    Amen.

  78. Squirrel

    No Carla. God doesn’t just do things for you. He provides you with the opportunity to do it yourself.

    1. Syndicaidramon

      He’ll even provide you with summoning powers if needed.

      “When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number.”

      – 2 Kings 2:24

  79. DarkoNeko

    Aah, Mary really is actually like a spoiled kid here.

    1. DarkoNeko

      But let’s be honest, I don’t think Ruth could lead a prayer even if she *wanted* to.

      1. Captain Button

        Of course she can’t. Redheads have no souls, so God cannot hear them.

        Everyone knows that.

        1. DarkoNeko

          …ah.

        2. Songbird

          I take it you’re not familiar with the South Park ginger joke?

        3. inqntrol

          There’s one thing worse than a ginger…a Cartman ginger.

        4. Spencer

          That stopped funny around the time redheaded kids started getting harassed for it.

        5. 3-I

          This is pretty much an accurate description of everything that South Park does, these days. Sure, it’s hilarious, right up until it spills into the real world and is imitated by jerks.

  80. Kraken

    Glad to see Carla is getting back at Mary in some way. Her complete silence after the incident didn’t quite ring true to me.

    I’d like to say I’m surprised but I’m not surprised that Ruth can’t even pretend to do her job long enough to buy Billie time to move out.

  81. 6Qubed

    y’know, I was gonna start praying for mary’s death in the comments section but decided not to because that would be creepy.

    so here comes carla with the layup and all I can say is “amen”

  82. Mackus

    Contrary to what Al Yankovic told us, Canadians DO bring their guns to the mall 🙁

  83. Nono

    The subtle storytelling bit is that the lack of participants for the floor meeting is showing that Ruth’s grip of fear is fading.

  84. Eusis

    As someone whose been atheist basically his whole life and just came out as some kind of genderqueer (I guess fundamentally I’m still a straight male just… questioning A LOT) I love this strip.

    1. Leorale

      Welcome out ^.^

    2. Emperor Norton

      I hope your journey and its eventual destination (wherever that would be) will be a pleasant one!

      1. Eusis

        Thanks you two!

  85. CianM1301

    At this point, Mary is acting like a spoiled younger sibling, threatening to tell on Ruth if she doesn’t get what she wants.

  86. Trolldrool

    I didn’t think Mary was being serious about the prayer group. I thought it was just another thing she demanded to piss off Ruth.

    1. thejeff

      Another thing about blackmail techniques. Don’t demand things just to piss your target off, with no expectation of actually making them do it. Once you don’t follow through, you start losing your hold, since they’ll expect you ro back off next time too.

    2. Bob Bobberman

      I forget, is this a religious school? I was thinking not but now I am wondering. If it isn’t then I suspect that forcing a prayer in a floor meeting would have about the same firing offense potential as getting caught for all the things Mary has on her. In that case where is her motivation to give in to Mary? Or do anything really other than just beat Mary to a pulp while she still is there to do so.

      I would say that the most important rule of blackmailing is to make sure that giving in to your request is actually easier on the victim then dealing with the blackmail material.

      1. Seraph4377

        It is not a religious school, and you’re right: an RA leading her residents in a Mary-approved, specifically Christian prayer would probably get in a great deal of trouble. Sleeping with one of her residents may still be slightly worse, given the potential for harassment and abuse there, but fired is fired.

    3. Seraph4377

      Of course she was. She’s the kind of religious person who feels that she’s being oppressed if everyone and everything around her doesn’t cater to her specific denomination and personal sensibilities.

      She probably thinks she’s living in a Chick Tract, where, immediately upon being forced to pray a “real Christian” prayer, everyone present converts to her specific denomination of Christianity (because even the other Christians were members of fake or lesser denominations), give up their sinful ways and start behaving as she sees fit, and shower her with praise for being the one to Lead Them To Jesus. And of course, she becomes even more Favored By God than she already is.

      1. Leorale

        Tbh, I’m not so sure Mary wants everyone else to be ‘saved’, even if it would reflect well on herself. I’d have to see her among people whose beliefs she likes, but barring that, I think she digs being the only holy-good-spiffy person around.

        1. GDwarf

          Yeah, Mary isn’t really about saving sinners, she’s about showing off how holy she is and, thus, how depraved everyone else is.

  87. BenRG

    Well, I guess I can’t blame Ruth for her attitude her. I mean… there’s been a psycho running around with a gun and these are the only ones who turned up? Because, of course, it’s Friday and the rest of the girls have better things to do than listen to potentially life-saving instructions!

    Mary has a lot to learn about human nature if she really thinks she could do anything that would make Ruth comply under these circumstances.

    The funniest part of this strip is how the room completely and silently emptied in the time-period whilst Mary had her eyes closed (which can’t be more than 10 seconds)!

    1. thejeff

      People might have gone home for the weekend, like Joyce did. Or just not even know about it. It was only first mentioned this morning.
      But yeah, this really is Ruth falling down on the job and in a way I don’t think she would have at the start of the semester. The depression is really cutting in to even her usually authoritarian leadership.

      And by life-saving instructions, you mean “Show up or lose your femurs”, right?

    2. Bob Bobberman

      Meh..

      I would actually be encouraged to see few people showing up for something like that. I mean really… how much is there to be said about a situation like that which isn’t already common sense? Is she going to tell them some magic incantation that will make them bulletproof the next time they see a crazed gunman on their campus?

      Lock your doors.
      Avoid dark lonely places.
      If you see something like this happening and can get away safely then do so.
      If he is looking right at you and/or has the gun already pointed at you then you should probably stand still and do what he says.
      If you do get away.. call the police. Unless they are already there. In that case.. keep out of their way and let them do their jobs.

      Anything beyond that is going to be about as effective as teaching kids to hide under their desks in the case of a nuclear war. It makes people feel better that they think they are doing something.. but no real safety value.

      If people recognize that the world isn’t always a good, safe place and that there isn’t always anything they can do about it.. but they are capable of going about their lives and being happy… all without ‘feel good’ meetings that only do lipservice to actually making people safer… If people really were more like that I would have more faith in humanity.

      1. thejeff

        OTOH, while there may be little in the way of practical advice other than making sure they’re aware of the various alert systems the campus has in place, there is always a ton of rumors and misinformation floating around after an event like this. Getting the correct (or at least official) story out there from an authoritative source can go a long way to calming the population.
        On the gripping hand, it doesn’t seem like Ruth was actually given any information, so that may not have been the intent. Or she just didn’t pay attention because she was depressed.

        1. BenRG

          Yeah, I’m with Jeff on this one. It wasn’t so much for the instructions as it was to give the students a chance to vent.

        2. Leorale

          Ditto. Tell the true/official facts (to combat rumors of dead students or gunman still at large or whatever is flying around), and give people a chance to process any feelings they have about it. Ruth wasn’t really provided with the first, as far as we know, and she lacks the skills to lead a discussion about the last.

  88. Spencer

    Wasn’t totally on board with this storyline at first but now I’m all for months of Mary being as effective as Cobra Commander.

  89. Les

    Well technically Ruth complied with Mary’s demand so she’s got no room to complain. The only question is whether her prayer will come true or not. It was amusing how everyone bailed out as soon as Mary closed her eyes…

  90. Zababcd

    ???

    424 comments, and not a single person has said that Mary doesn’t deserve to die, or that Carla shouldn’t be praying for Mary’s death? Well, probably I missed a few, and the possibility that Mary could change has been raised a few times. Still far less than I expected.

    Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but where I’m from it’s regarded as wrong to make light of the prospect of someone’s death, without exception.

    1. Russ

      I mean, it is technically wrong, and two wrongs don’t make a right, but I suppose it really matters on your background. A lot of people find humor comes from people joking about death, or someone in particular dying. It’s morbid, but it’s a part of our culture as a whole. The phrase “I’m gong to kill you” is one of our most commonly said among irritated friends and enemies alike.

      No, Mary doesn’t deserve to die at age ~18 for being a bigot, as there’s always a chance of change. But at the same time, she’s given Carla plenty of reasons to want her to die, and even then I don’t think Carla would actually enjoy it if it really happened.

      Basically, joking about death is common for a lot of people, and Mary is someone none of us like, so no one said anything. I’m sure for some the joke is still tasteless to some, and that’s understandable. But for me and a lot of others, the stark darkness of what she said combined with her huge smile got a big laugh.

    2. Spencer

      Mary is a cartoon character. It’s okay to want bad things to happen to her.

      You, know, within reason, certain commenters who take it way too far.

      1. TheNinthShader

        *cough* That kid who gets banned every other day for changing his IP *cough*

    3. BenRG

      I think that a lot of people would take it a lot more seriously if there was the slightest hint that Carla actually thought she was making a request for a deity rather than just mocking Mary.

    4. Haintsu

      It might be. I don’t want Mary to die and I don’t think Carla really does either. I read it as Carla’s way to get at least a tiny bit of revenge. Now you can still argue whether that is wrong or not and I don’t know if that makes me a hypocrite or a bad person but I don’t see it as a real problem. I wouldn’t have done it but I don’t mind Carla being a bit of jerk as long as she doesn’t cross the line into real threat territory.

    5. Shadow Eagle

      except for when you’re asking it of a mythological deity.

    6. Psychotic Mantis

      Read what I said last page.

    7. Trolldrool

      There’s a distinct difference between wishing for the death of a fictional character and wishing for the death of real people the character is based upon.

    8. Bob Bobberman

      How many people are there here who think prayer has the power to kill anyone? I suspect most of us just see her talking empty words to Mary in an otherwise empty room.

      1. Cerberus

        I’m pretty sure Carla at least doesn’t believe in the power of prayer, so this is more of her way of being really blasphemous to Mary because she’s trying to get back some of her power and show that she’s not going to cow and hide from her.

        That all being said, I can see being perturbed with the violent hate for a bigot character. And I don’t think Mary should die (at the most selfish level, she’s too good a potential villain for too many characters and captures an important aspect of oppression that would be difficult to capture without her).

        1. Cerberus

          All that being said… Mary faces zero actual threat of death from Carla (she’s a pacifist, dominant groups rarely are targeted for violence by minority members, etc…), whereas Carla actually probably has faced at the very least passive threats of murder just going outside (and has probably been directly threatened with death by a Mary type at one point just because that’s a thing that tends to happen pretty frequently to trans women) and has a real reason to expect that someday some dominant group member will kill her for how she is:
          http://tdor.info/

          So that somewhat informs how seriously this is taken as a “threat”.

        2. Haintsu

          Your link actually made me sick. On an intellectual level I knew about those kinds of murders but seeing it in context with names and (rough) circumstances attached…
          …I might have to lie down for a bit

    9. trlkly

      Aw. I wish I’d seen this before I wrote my post. This is biblically sanctioned.

      Psalm 55:15: “Let death take my enemies by surprise; let them go down alive to the realm of the dead, for evil finds lodging among them.”

      It’s part of the reason I’m no longer a literalist.

    10. TheLordMoccasin

      Personally, I just find it sort of tasteless.

      Would probably have been funnier if she’d just looked up and nobody was there.

    11. GDwarf

      I think it’s safe to say it’s hyperbole. Even if it wasn’t, Mary’s made it…pretty clear that she’d love a world where Carla didn’t exist.

      Now, I mean, I don’t casually wish people dead myself, but I know people who do, and it’s pretty much never meant to be taken seriously. It’s a general expression of “If the universe is just then something unpleasant will happen to that person”, rather than “I personally wish to bathe in their blood and laugh at their doom”.

  91. Tadashi

    Was that a Tim Allen quote?

  92. Ethan

    I don’t think anything more needs to be said. This punchline was long in coming and totally worth it. 😀

    Now, more family drama with Joyce! I’m biting my nails here.

    1. QWERTY

      I know this plot line is important but I need to know who’s going to figuratively bongo slap Joyce’s mom.

      1. Bagge

        We will cut back to Becky and hank eating nachos and making smalltalk at a fast food joint. No mention will be made of Joyce or Carol for a week. When we finally cut back to them there will be a crater where the house once stood.

        1. Gigafreak

          Standing in the epicenter of the rubble are Carol and Joyce, still staring down, glowing with power.

          “THIS FORM IS CALLED SUPER PRAYIN’ GODFEARING SUPER PRAYIN’!”

          The next five minutes of action will take up the entirety of Dumbing of Age Book 6.

        2. Ethan

          Dumbingball Z?

        3. Roborat

          so, the piety will be over 9000?

  93. TheNinthShader

    Damn.

  94. TheNinthShader

    ¨Make sure you use locusts and boiling blood, like in the good old days¨

  95. Joey245

    And all God’s people said…

    1. TheNinthShader

      ¨HALLELUJAH, THE MARY DEVIL IS DEAD¨

  96. Just Me

    Minor possible glitch. Mary had to go across the room to catch up with Ruth, which would have placed her near Carla. In the final Panel, Mary is back where she was before but not Carla is standing next to her. You can tell by the position of the window and the Pool Table.

    So, either Mary returned to the spot she had staked out originally and Carla moved near her for some reason, or it was just easier to draw it this way.

    Not that it matters all that much.

    1. BenRG

      Carla walked back to stand level with Mary for reasons of mockery (well, it seemed funny in her own head).

  97. trlkly

    Got a better one for Carla: Psalm 55:15

    “Let death take my enemies by surprise; let them go down alive to the realm of the dead, for evil finds lodging among them.”

    That’s a Biblically sanctioned prayer. There’s a reason why Joyce said what she did about the Old Testament.

  98. TheNinthShader

    Man, Canada, all the good shit is there.

  99. Hoop

    “Is this everyone? It’s almost like someone didn’t feel like drawing new characters…”

  100. SpoopyFox

    wait but if mary was following ruth when she was leaving how does she wind up back near the same couch on the other side of the room in the last panel

    1. Quinn

      The power of prayer.

  101. Josh Spicer

    You don’t just say a prayer Ruth because you want everybody to be a Christian like you. You give them a choice, if they say no, you move on and try again later. Don’t force them to do something they don’t want to do.

    Jeesh, you’d think Christianity wouldn’t be so hard to understand but than I realize there are people like Ruth in real life.

    1. CRtwenty

      I don’t think Ruth is the one at fault here

      1. Jaxx Sentinel

        I think Josh means Mary but is thinking about Ruth?

        1. Josh Spicer

          That is correct, got my peeps mixed up.

        2. zoelogical

          it’s funny because they’re both Biblical names

          and Ruth is the potentially queer Biblical personage

          (Mary is the eternal virgin, obvs)

        3. Josh Spicer

          Knowing Willis, that was probably intentional.

  102. Seraph4377

    If Mary has a brain in her skull, she now starts to wonder why Ruth so casually flouted her “authority”, and begins to suspect that Ruth has taken action that negates her leverage, and tries to confirm that before she does anything else.

    If she’s a stupid bully who literally can’t imagine someone fighting back (and just possibly believes herself to be Favored By God), she’ll either confront Ruth in an attempt to bring her to heel, or go to Ruth’s boss in an attempt to punish her, either of which will shatter her hold completely.

    I’m going to bet on stupid bully.

  103. TheNinthShader

    BURN MOTHERFUCKA BURN MOTHERFUCKA BURN

  104. Lan

    Dammit Willis because of your alt text I REALLY want to grill me up some hot dogs but I’m out of propane. Nice job shafting Mary by the by.

  105. John

    I second Carla.

  106. Lord of the Realm

    This arc better end this way http://i.imgur.com/6xIs88E.png

    1. Sapphic-Sunshine

      I didn’t know I needed the arc to end like that until now, A++

  107. Mr.fat

    best prayer ever

  108. Liminality

    The only thing coming to mind right now is “gimme gimme doesn’t get”

  109. KSClaw

    And then God’s foot stomped down on Mary in true Monty Python fashion.

  110. RP

    Did Mary honestly think that an RA could *force* other students to pray? Or was the idea just to make other people feel shitty for having to sit through it?

    Either way, did she think that wouldn’t result in a complaint that would lead to Ruth’s boss telling her no more prayers in floor meetings?

    Basically, I’m wondering what Mary thought the result of this was going to be.

    1. Seraph4377

      One of two options:

      1) The “Chick Tract” ending, where everyone converts after participating in a “Real Christian” prayer. Despite my own comments earlier, I don’t think Mary is this naïve. Maybe Joyce when she first arrived, but not Mary.

      2) The primacy of (Mary’s particular version of) Christianity is asserted; all LGBTQ people and other sinners on the hall are put in their place and informed in no uncertain terms that this is not a safe space for them, and that Mary and those like her are in charge. I think this is what she expected. As you say, it’s not sustainable, but I don’t think she’s thinking that far ahead. After all, it apparently hasn’t occurred to her yet that Ruth might get rid of the evidence that gives her leverage.

    2. zoelogical

      honestly i think it’s just a powerplay to prove Mary can make Ruth do whatever she wants

      and then it backfires because her blackmail is not good enough

  111. Ragingagnostic

    I’m surprised nobody punched Mary while she had her eyes closed. She was rather asking for it.

  112. Keulan

    This strip reminds me of the fact that I pretty much never went to floor meetings after my freshman year of college.

    And if we’re gonna go with bible verses, my favorites are Ezekiel 23:20 and Judges 1:19.

  113. Kaos

    I am just laughing at Mary but surely she will try to blackmail ruth Again?

    1. thejeff

      Proper Blackmail technique fail: If you ask for something and they don’t do it, you have to pull the trigger. If you don’t this time, why would they expect you to next time? You’ve lost your hold.

      1. Zababcd

        That only works if you have multiple triggers to pull. If you’ve got one trigger to pull then your only hope is keeping it unpulled and convince them that your rational decision-making, which caused you not to pull it this time, is waning.

    2. Sazazezer

      The problem is Mary placed her chips on the bets that were easiest for Ruth to fix in her favour. It’s taken Ruth hours at most to hide all evidence of her relationship with Billie and the existence of Becky. She barely needed to do anything besides one talk and a bit of tidying up. Hell, Mary didn’t even aim to blackmail her over the alcohol and she got rid of that as well. When it came down to it, most of the threats were centered on events that would require Ruth’s boss to catch her in the act.

      Admittedly, Ruth still loses regardless. At least this way, no one else gets hurt.

      Now what Mary should have done was record one of Ruth’s and Billie’s arguments. Threatening your wards probably won’t go over well.

  114. Tenn

    And then, God accidentally the whole building.

  115. Eric

    I raise, and call. Okay Mary, you in, or you gonna fold?

  116. Kryss LaBryn

    Hey Willis, re: giving kids needles, have you heard of a topical anaesthetic called Emla?

    http://www.medicinesforchildren.org.uk/emla-cream-local-anaesthesia

    Great stuff and available across the counter in Canada so I assume they have it in the States as well. You find out where they want to give the injection, and an hour ahead of the appointment you put a pea-sized dot (about a gram) over the spot and cover it with either one of the special non-absorptive bandaids they give you, or a small square of saran wrap held in place with medical tape. Then give them some Tylenol half an hour beforehand (called “paracetamol” in the link, which is from the UK; the drug’s name is “paracetaminophenol”; they shortened it to “paracetamol”; we made it “acetaminophen”). If your wife is breastfeeding and they’re awake then breastfeed through it; otherwise a bottle will probably help too.

    It’s the greatest stuff; with the Tylenol and the Emla, they don’t even notice it. You’ll have a bunch more vaccinations over their first few years; definitely look into this stuff. Saved our lives. I use it myself for flu shots and things.

    Hell, if you can’t get it locally then let me know a mailing address for you and I’ll send you guys a tube.

    1. David M Willis

      American Health Care is not really flexible enough to be able to choose your own vaccinations. You get the exact kind and brand your insurance allows and that’s absolutely it.

      1. trlkly

        Unless you can prove that you’re allergic or something. I had to do that.

      2. Kryss LaBryn

        Oh, no, it’s not a vaccination. It’s a numbing cream you put on their arm or wherever before you take them in to the doctor, and then they don’t feel the needle going in.

        If the vaccination itself is one of those ones that stings, then it doesn’t really help with that (the Tylenol will, though); but the Emla does wonders for helping the kids get through the needle. 🙂

  117. Kitschensyngk

    FAIL MARY.

  118. SandyCheeks

    And Mary’s plan for blackmail is slowly starting to unravel. *rubs hands together and laughs maniacally*

  119. Lasenna

    I have to say that I really like this comic’s version of Carla a lot more than I liked her in previous comic’s, and not just because she delivered this awesome last line. Her whole personality is more likeable.

    1. Lasenna

      That should have read:
      more than I liked her in previous comic’s versions, …

  120. Rex Vivat

    AMEN.

  121. Harvey Janus

    So far every strip involving Mary being an over the top Fundie bongo, I’ve managed to look at it while the comments section is at 666. Mary confirmed as Satan.

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