Malaya has never been *the* brightest bulb. Like, she could snark at Mary and outwit Mary. But we also saw her attack AG when provoked and get knocked flat so we know she is easy to provoke. Her warped view of Sal, means that even though this is clearly not provoking her, Malaya still sees it as being provoked as if Sal were saying ‘that guy is hot and you could never take him away from me if I decided to get with him’.
Malaya needs to prove she’s better than people more badly than she needs anything else. Once she projects onto anybody her own belief that they think they’re better than her, she is relentless and single-minded. It’s hilarious, since she’s a fictional character, I just wish she was less true to reality.
Bryy
The cynic in me wants to believe Malaya has repressed feelings for Sal.
Yeah there’s a weird habit on the DoA comments section where people take every single joke and remark hyperliterally, especially when it reflects badly on a character they don’t like. This is a comedy webcomic y’all. It may not be Shortpacked, but it’s still a humorous comic and you can’t take every joke 100% literally.
thejeff
It’s partly because some of those jokes come back twisted around in a more serious fashion. The narrative itself takes them seriously. Sometimes.
I can’t believe Malaya is so easily manipulated like this! … No, wait, it’s pretty believable in hindsight. But I can’t believe it was Joyce and Becky that figured it out first!
They lucked out. They have most of their knowledge, such as it is, about romance from pop culture rather than learned experience. This is a very sitcom solution to the problem that just so happens to work in this instance.
keep in mind, their same background had it where Joyce was, for a time, convinced that Walky and Billie would be a good romantic pairing due to being childhood friends. So, their approach has some major blind spots.
Joyce and Becky are basically characters out of a Disney Channel original film, and as such have special Shenanigan Senses.
Like, if they adopted a puppy, that puppy would definitely win a skateboarding competition and save a rec center. If they went to space camp, they’d end up landing a rocket ship. They’ve taught so many curmudgeons the true meaning of Christmas there’s a yearly convention of them.
Looking back, it’s actually a pretty easily flaw, and very much following Sal’s exact words. Malaya is constantly trying to or dunking on Sal, and Marcie wants to bang Malaya but is having trouble getting her attention. Point Sal in Marcie’s direction and Malaya will be compelled to “interfere.”
I’m imagining Sal’s thick southern accent in that fake bad acting voice people do on TV where they don’t use conjunctions and emphasize every syllable when she says “Ah am sexually interested in him” and it’s killing me
Wow, I have been trying for months tmarticulate why I think Malaya is a scumbag but she did it for me so easily. On the other hand this will totally get Marcie laid if that is what she wants. But I guess Sal’s question from yesterday is applicable, “An’ to what depths are you willin’ to sink?”
Yeah, Marcie might be reconsidering her desire for Malaya. But it’s interesting what’s revealed about Malaya. She finds herself inadequate as compared to Sal. It’s easier to tear Sal down than to find and build on her own strengths.
Anything that can be ruined by a little bit of truth and insight from a friend probably should be. (Before it’s ruined anyway by less sympathetic sources.)
I am glad you have never had to deal with a person like this because I have. There are absolutely Malayas in the world, that will hate people for no reason, harass them at every opportunity and turn every moment of existence near you into an argument. They can and do try to damage your friendships and steal your friends too. If Malaya started bullying little kids, she would be pretty similiar to one of my high school bullies.
Ugh, and this is where i realize Malaya is basically my first ex. Dude took over a bunch of my friends and then started studying math on the side because I was studying math on the side just to prove he’s better at it. Which he actually kinda pulled off. Still unsure whether to be impressed or creeped out.
More like: Instead of just leaping in to protect or help her friend, she is a)checking to see if she WANTS help, b)suggesting a plan, and c)seeking Marcie’s consent for her assistance, with the caveat that she will not help if Marcie declines.
This is the same thing we are taught in first aid: The FIRST thing you do when approaching someone is to ask if they need help. If they say ‘no’ then it’s hands off until you DO get consent, even if they’re spraying blood all over the place. If they fall unconscious, then you have implied consent until they return to consciousness, at which point you have to ask again.
CONSENT is probably the greatest moral advance of the last …century or so?… and drives proponents of traditional religions completely insane with rage. The idea that they have to *ask permission* of their ~~potential converts~~ fellow citizens who are on an equal footing with them, legally speaking, drives them nuts and is quite satisfying to watch.
…What is a derivative music taste? I mean all music you like will have been liked by someone else first unless you wrote it and played it for yourself.
I dunno. Preferring a Fifth Dimension cover to original Laura Nyro? Liking late-20th-Century country singers without being aware of the middle-20th-Century singers they imitate? (Hey, I’m old. I have no idea what’s going on in current popular music.)
I would think derivative music taste is something along the lines of following some batch of trends instead of having some personal reason for following a particular segment of music. Think liking whatever is top-40 rock right now because it’s top-40 rock or listening to My Chemical Romance to fit in with the emo crowd. If you’ve never followed a band beyond their most popular singles your tastes might be considered more derivative.
I think Malaya defines it as “He listens to music other people find popular, but I don’t like, which makes it too popular, ergo could possibly enjoy with actual pleasure, but listen to it to be part of a crowd”.
152 thoughts on “Exploitable”
Ana Chronistic
Malaya cheat codes
Screwball
Up up down down left right left right B A ShowInterest/DislikeForThatPersonOverThere…
ShinyNeen
It IS like a cheat code! Oh, and then fanfiction is like romhacking!
Doctor_Who
It’s like the opposite of “Would you kindly” from Bioshock.
ValdVin
Malaya couldn’t detect the incredible directness of “Ah am sexually interested in him”?
I thought she was a bit brighter than that.
Regalli
She has a huge Sal-sized weak point, though. See previous ‘thought she was attracted to JOE.’
Sam
Malaya has never been *the* brightest bulb. Like, she could snark at Mary and outwit Mary. But we also saw her attack AG when provoked and get knocked flat so we know she is easy to provoke. Her warped view of Sal, means that even though this is clearly not provoking her, Malaya still sees it as being provoked as if Sal were saying ‘that guy is hot and you could never take him away from me if I decided to get with him’.
HMH
Malaya needs to prove she’s better than people more badly than she needs anything else. Once she projects onto anybody her own belief that they think they’re better than her, she is relentless and single-minded. It’s hilarious, since she’s a fictional character, I just wish she was less true to reality.
Bryy
The cynic in me wants to believe Malaya has repressed feelings for Sal.
Geneseepaws
OMG! Marcie wants Malaya, Malaya wants Sal, Sal wants Marcie’s friendship, perfect triangle.
Questionor
I don’t find it realistic either but it makes for a fucking hilarious strip so it gets a pass.
GoblinScribe
Yeah there’s a weird habit on the DoA comments section where people take every single joke and remark hyperliterally, especially when it reflects badly on a character they don’t like. This is a comedy webcomic y’all. It may not be Shortpacked, but it’s still a humorous comic and you can’t take every joke 100% literally.
thejeff
It’s partly because some of those jokes come back twisted around in a more serious fashion. The narrative itself takes them seriously. Sometimes.
ShinyNeen
I can’t believe Malaya is so easily manipulated like this! … No, wait, it’s pretty believable in hindsight. But I can’t believe it was Joyce and Becky that figured it out first!
DailyBrad
They lucked out. They have most of their knowledge, such as it is, about romance from pop culture rather than learned experience. This is a very sitcom solution to the problem that just so happens to work in this instance.
keep in mind, their same background had it where Joyce was, for a time, convinced that Walky and Billie would be a good romantic pairing due to being childhood friends. So, their approach has some major blind spots.
Andrew_C
Appears at the moment to work. May work. Will still most likely end in tears and crushed friendships.
Doctor_Who
Joyce and Becky are basically characters out of a Disney Channel original film, and as such have special Shenanigan Senses.
Like, if they adopted a puppy, that puppy would definitely win a skateboarding competition and save a rec center. If they went to space camp, they’d end up landing a rocket ship. They’ve taught so many curmudgeons the true meaning of Christmas there’s a yearly convention of them.
Bagge
Joyce and Becky should TOTALLY adopt a puppy
ShinyNeen
… Those are very specific examples and I approve.
Also yeah, what Bagge said!
Robert
Blessings on your head for that. Biggest laugh I’ve had today.
Schpoonman
Looking back, it’s actually a pretty easily flaw, and very much following Sal’s exact words. Malaya is constantly trying to or dunking on Sal, and Marcie wants to bang Malaya but is having trouble getting her attention. Point Sal in Marcie’s direction and Malaya will be compelled to “interfere.”
DailyBrad
This is goddamn hilarious.
Keulen
It really is.
BarerMender
I must be a soft touch. I’m sorry for Malaya and her feelings of inadequacy and for the way they’re messing up her life.
Beef
I’m imagining Sal’s thick southern accent in that fake bad acting voice people do on TV where they don’t use conjunctions and emphasize every syllable when she says “Ah am sexually interested in him” and it’s killing me
Jude Deluca
I swear I’m reminded of that one scene from the Futurama episode with the giant garbage ball.
“Now that the garbage is in space, doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.”
“With gusto.”
Sal: Now that ah’m here Malaya perhaps ya can help me with my sexual inhibitions.
Malaya: MOVE OVER, LOSER.
Keulen
I often imagine Sal as sounding like Applejack.
Needfuldoer
See also: every homeowner on This Old House.
Ryek Hvek
This was first heard by some of the readership here, in the form of a Hanna-Barbera cartoon character who would declare “Ah am puzzled and perplexed”
Axel
It isn’t Hanna-Barbera but I expected that link to be a Foghorn Leghorn clip
Pablo360
This is basically the Heartbleed vulnerability.
Diner Kinetic
this is so beautiful- and I can’t believe an evil plan designed to get sal closer to marcie is being framed as a good plan to get marcie laid
Schpoonman
So, explain the first part of that to me? I thought Sal and Marcie already repaired their friendship.
BBCC
They did.
Thulcandran
Oh! This is WAY better than Sal just hitting on Marcie until Malaya gets jealous and Marcie gets confused.
Leorale
Strongly agree! I’m bored of predictable plots where everything would be solved with a little basic communication. This is better in every way.
Kyrik Michalowski
Wow, I have been trying for months tmarticulate why I think Malaya is a scumbag but she did it for me so easily. On the other hand this will totally get Marcie laid if that is what she wants. But I guess Sal’s question from yesterday is applicable, “An’ to what depths are you willin’ to sink?”
BarerMender
Yeah, Marcie might be reconsidering her desire for Malaya. But it’s interesting what’s revealed about Malaya. She finds herself inadequate as compared to Sal. It’s easier to tear Sal down than to find and build on her own strengths.
desolation0
Far more obvious and damaging flaws have been overlooked for the sake of sex before.
BarerMender
This sounds like the voice of experience. Do tell.
tim gueguen
Dammit, Sal, don’t ruin this for Marcie! That’s Malaya’s job.
JetstreamGW
Well, I mean, realistically… Malaya is the one ruining this.
Sal’s just making it obvious 😛
And Marcie’ll probably still go for it.
Shane Wegner
Anything that can be ruined by a little bit of truth and insight from a friend probably should be. (Before it’s ruined anyway by less sympathetic sources.)
Liliet
I don’t think anything is ruined. Marcie is just seeing what Sal’s getting at.
Jonah Sanville
oof
Stephen Bierce
*”Bodhisattva” concludes*
poofdepoof
Malaya has never seemed realistic to me but I’m not concerned because this is at least quite fun to watch 🙂
Sam
I am glad you have never had to deal with a person like this because I have. There are absolutely Malayas in the world, that will hate people for no reason, harass them at every opportunity and turn every moment of existence near you into an argument. They can and do try to damage your friendships and steal your friends too. If Malaya started bullying little kids, she would be pretty similiar to one of my high school bullies.
Masumi
Ugh, and this is where i realize Malaya is basically my first ex. Dude took over a bunch of my friends and then started studying math on the side because I was studying math on the side just to prove he’s better at it. Which he actually kinda pulled off. Still unsure whether to be impressed or creeped out.
BBCC
Aaaaaand the weak point of Malaya’s reflexive contrarianism rears its head.
Seriously though, Sal could use this for serious hilarity if she weren’t trying to be a good wing woman.
ValdVin
Sal: “Ah am interested in playing in traffic.”
Malaya: “You think all those buses and trucks belong to you?”
abysswatcher1993
Preacher: “We are here to say goodbye to a belo-I mean bratty young woman whose mistake was to be contrarian even if it was against common sense.”
Indiana Bones
*Malaya, back from the dead* “Think you got rid of me that easily, huh? In your dreams.”
John Smith
Plot twist: this is what Marcie has been doing all along, except Sal would rather murder Malaya than shtup Marcie.
thejeff
There’s definitely been an element of “I can take Marcie away from you” in this whole plotline.
motorfirebox
*hacker fingers* “I’m in.”
Needfuldoer
*Frantically typing on the same keyboard as three other people as text scrolls by in random terminal windows opening and closing on screen*
Good. Get in there, do what you have to, and get out as fast as you can. I don’t know how much longer we can keep this firewall open.
CJ
Well, that’s how computers with AI work, right? ?
brionl
Is it a Venn diagram? I love me some Venn diagrams.
Agemegos
What about Euler diagrams? I think Euler diagrams are even more fun.
Taking a chance with the html. Wish we had previews.
FLUFFYWOLF
Oh my God, Marcie is ACTUALLY LISTENING TO SAL ON THIS?!
WOW
BarerMender
I’m not surprised. Sal has always had more ego than Marcie, going back to playground days.
jmsr7
More like: Instead of just leaping in to protect or help her friend, she is a)checking to see if she WANTS help, b)suggesting a plan, and c)seeking Marcie’s consent for her assistance, with the caveat that she will not help if Marcie declines.
This is the same thing we are taught in first aid: The FIRST thing you do when approaching someone is to ask if they need help. If they say ‘no’ then it’s hands off until you DO get consent, even if they’re spraying blood all over the place. If they fall unconscious, then you have implied consent until they return to consciousness, at which point you have to ask again.
CONSENT is probably the greatest moral advance of the last …century or so?… and drives proponents of traditional religions completely insane with rage. The idea that they have to *ask permission* of their ~~potential converts~~ fellow citizens who are on an equal footing with them, legally speaking, drives them nuts and is quite satisfying to watch.
jmsr7
D’oh, forgot i’m not on reddit again. ~~potential converts~~ was supposed to be strikethrough like this (testing):
potential convertsEve
…What is a derivative music taste? I mean all music you like will have been liked by someone else first unless you wrote it and played it for yourself.
BarerMender
I dunno. Preferring a Fifth Dimension cover to original Laura Nyro? Liking late-20th-Century country singers without being aware of the middle-20th-Century singers they imitate? (Hey, I’m old. I have no idea what’s going on in current popular music.)
desolation0
I would think derivative music taste is something along the lines of following some batch of trends instead of having some personal reason for following a particular segment of music. Think liking whatever is top-40 rock right now because it’s top-40 rock or listening to My Chemical Romance to fit in with the emo crowd. If you’ve never followed a band beyond their most popular singles your tastes might be considered more derivative.
CJ
Listening to your Spotify channel?
ValdVin
I think Malaya defines it as “He listens to music other people find popular, but I don’t like, which makes it too popular, ergo could possibly enjoy with actual pleasure, but listen to it to be part of a crowd”.
Jhon