287

Fudge
Posted on October 28, 2013 by David M Willis

287 thoughts on “Fudge”

  1. Mr. Random

    Well, That’s a start. I honestly don’t give an uck.

    1. David Herbert

      I couldn’t give an intercourse.

      1. m-no

        I don’t give a chainsaw.

        1. Parnifia the Bastard

          I have no frags to give over this.

        2. Neospector

          Who the duck cares?

        3. Whittier

          I don’t give a firetruck.

        4. Parnifia the Bastard

          No fricks were given.

        5. Lord Geovanni

          If you see Kay – a – y -o – I = fuseek
          See= c
          •°• and =

        6. That guy

          Not a fork was given that day

  2. KingMabel

    FUCK!!

    Can I ride now?

    1. Allcool-dontcare

      And you got joyce as an avatar nice.

    2. Toad

      Perfect Gravatar is perfect

    3. Skull025

      No. You need one fuck for a motorcycle ride. Two for a rollercoaster. Nine for the space shuttle. Four for your grandma’s scooter. Seven for those little lunch trays you use for beer sledding. And a grand total of eighteen fucks to ride Sal. Really only achievable if you’re a TA.

      1. Tachyon

        As a dearly departed friend of mine used to say: “If ya can’t take a fuck, joke ’em.”

        I see stand up comedy in Joyce’s future.

      2. NeverAgain

        But all the TA’s I know have zero fucks to give… ;-;

      3. Bizar

        I have 30, what does that get me?

    4. Shadow12000

      No.

      1. KingMabel

        OH COME ON!!! BUT I’M COOL!!

        aren’t I?

        1. Tahkuya

          no

  3. Mkvenner

    Fuck

    1. Doctor_Who

      Looking at your avatar, I now dearly want to see Dina curse. I just can’t really picture it. Best I can imagine is a sort of Takei-like “Oh my.”

      1. Wack'd

        I can’t even imagine Dina going that suggestive. It’d have to be closer to “holy smokes” or “great snakes.”

        1. Wack'd

          …actually, now that I think of it, “great snakes” is also kinda suggestive.

          …

          …and Hergé wonders why folks thought Tintin was gay.

        2. Ancestral Hamster

          Tintin seemed more asexual to me. No sexual cues at all.

        3. slicedtoad

          Yeah, sort of. I actually don’t think Tintin would have been considered normal if he was real. He was a strange mix of child and adult that somehow never caused any of the problems it should have.

          It’s an excellent comic but ultimately it was designed for kids and Tintin was kind of an impossible person in order to make the stories work.

        4. Wack'd

          Dammit, I just wanted to make a joke about “great snakes” being a euphemism for penises! I didn’t actually want to have this argument!

        5. Nathan

          Great Scott!
          Gad-zooks!
          Franklin Delano!
          I’m just listing stuff my grandfathers yell when they stub a toe or whatever.

      2. Riku

        I could see Faz or Joyce pushing her to curse

        1. Sammie1053

          Wait, Joyce pushing Joyce to curse?

        2. Bizar

          Joyception?

      3. zaratustra

        Maybe a very flat one after she sees the Creationist Museum.

        1. Doctor_Who

          “Bullshit.”

          Yeah, that sort of works.

        2. John

          I think Dina’s reaction to that would be more like, “Excuse me. I would like to notify you that your display is incorrect. T. rex was extinct millions of years before H. sapiens evolved, so this depiction of them coexisting is inaccurate.”

          If pressed, she’d move on to saying “RARR!” and hamstringing folks with the hooked claw on her foot, using her feathered wings to stabilize herself despite their struggles as she devoured them alive.

          Either that or rope traps.

      4. Kraang the Somewhat Wobbly

        I get a sort of “But why would I curse when the best response is to leap upon you and disembowel you with scythe-like toe claws?”

  4. Sir Robin

    Tomorrow strip: fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu …

    1. Joe

      Friday’s cliffhanger:
      uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccc

      1. Raoullefere

        Like Joyce is going to make it that far in a week. I’ll be surprised if she has the vowel going a month from now.

      2. Lieutenant Dan

        Next week:
        …cccchsia!

        1. carl320

          I can’t be the only one thinking a photoshop between Joyce and “FUUUUUU” guy would be a good idea.

  5. Darth

    Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

    1. Yotomoe

      How would you like to see the school principal!!?

      1. Mr. Random

        Ninja!

      2. Allcool-dontcare

        How would u like to suck my balls mr yotomoe

        1. Allcool-dontcare

          Just rolling with the script

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          *notes the Ethan ava* SURE it was just playing around… 😛

    2. Mr. Random

      What’s the big deal it’s not hurting anyone.
      How would you like to go to the principle’s office?
      “How would you like to suck my balls.”
      WHAT DID YOU SAY?
      I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
      I SAID, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, A-Mr. GARRISON.

      And then Kyle gets to ride the motorcycle.

      1. Mo

        Boys, I sincerely doubt that Mr. Garrison said, “Eat penguin shit, you ass-spelunker.”

    3. Doctor_Who

      I just realized that I am so corrupt and decadent, I can recognize individual strings of fucks. That one is from South Park: Bigger Longer Uncut.

      Some people can instantly identify fine wines or classical music pieces. I can identify memorable profanity.

      1. Mr. Random

        You have a gift. Use it for evil.

      2. gears

        I was thinking the same thing.

  6. Yotomoe

    Sal, you’re forgetting something. Sal wait! SAL NO!

    1. Kladeos

      Oh god I didn’t even notice what is wrong with me.

      1. AssmanManass

        Nothing is wrong with you.

        You don’t casually stroll around in your underwear?!?

        If not, I daresay you are restricting your enjoyment of life.

        1. Kladeos

          The second worst thing about not living alone anymore is not being to do that. The worst thing is, y’know, living with people.

        2. Nakari

          Be happy those people possibly wear underwear.

          THAT was an awkward morning at the apartment, let me tell you! Well, you and one Mr. Jack Daniels, my boon companion in this pantsless adventure!

    2. E.R.

      o.O

      Ok. Did not notice that…
      Why is Sal walking around half naked?

      1. Jen Aside

        Because she doesn’t give a shit and is OWNING THAT LIKE A BOSS

        1. saltchocolate

          My thoughts exactly!

      2. Quatoria

        She just woke up, she’s probably headed to the bathroom, like most of us, first thing in the morning!

        1. Kladeos

          Nah, she’s got a halfbath.

        2. Rusty

          I think that makes perfect sense, then I notice Ethan, and then I remember it’s just Ethan. He probably gets a special pass to allow it.

      3. Plasma Mongoose

        The real question is, why are the rest of them not walking around half naked?

        1. Ancestral Hamster

          The real question is why none of the girls are clothed only in their own beauty. “I am beautiful! Clothing is for the ugly!”

      4. AgentKeen

        She’s really owning that Mickey Mouse look.

    3. Zenithar

      Girls wing of the dorm! She’s probably just going to the bathroom across the hall.

      1. Kladeos

        Except her room shares a half-bathroom.

        1. saltchocolate

          Straight to the shower!

  7. Kladeos

    That went surprisingly well.

  8. Doctor_Who

    If Ethan’s sexuality wasn’t already obvious to all, I should think the fact that Sal just walked past in her underwear and he’s not even watching her go seals the deal.

    1. Yotomoe

      But what will happen if she walks in the vicinity of Joe?

      1. Mr K

        Hopefully he’ll keep his mouth shut

        1. Mr K

          He’s hopefully not a moron.

        2. Doctor_Who

          But then how will his tongue cartoonishly unroll like a firehose while he makes “Awooga” noises?

        3. Yotomoe

          How will he make a wolf whistle and bash his head with a hammer several time?

        4. The Candyman

          And how will his eyes pop out of their sockets before he runs after her and hits a wall?

        5. Leorale

          It’s difficult to see when your eyes have turned into cartoon hearts.

        6. Random Webcomics Junkie

          Those aren’t hearts, Leorale. For one thing, they’re upside down. For another, there’s that tube going sideways out the
          top…
          ______
          / ____)
          / \
          \_^_/

          OH JOE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR EYES

        7. Random Webcomics Junkie

          So apparently huge quantities of spaces all in a row are not allowed. Good to know.

      2. Skull025

        Oh, you KNOW what happens.

    2. Skull025

      Then again, Sal’s hair is legendarily long and covering up her booty most effectively.

      1. Zach

        The booty likes hide and go seek.

  9. Robbie C

    No Joyce! I’m relying on the trajectory of the speech bubble to pull through.

  10. E.R.

    … That actually seemed like pretty good advice from Sal.

    1. jnnrss

      It is excellent advice from Sal. Everyone listen to Sal.

    2. Leorale

      That’s true! I came to the comments section just to make sure that somebody had pointed this out. Rock yo’self!

  11. Plasma Mongoose

    Joyce, you need lessons from BRIAN BLESSED, now that’s a guy who knows how to fucking swear.

    1. Yotomoe

      You could also get some help from Louis CK.

    2. Doctor_Who

      “HELLO! I’M BRIAN BLESSED! AND I’M DOING THIS WEEK’S BBC RADIO FOUR APPEAL ON BEHALF OF THE DEAF!!!!”

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        “HELLO! I’M BRIAN BLESSED! AND I’M DOING THIS BLOODY WEEK’S BBC RADIO FOUR APPEAL ON BEHALF OF THE FUCKING DEAF!!!!”

        Fixed!

        1. Raoullefere

          I really don’t think either of you got it, but such are the limits of typography. To replicate the human bellow that is Brian Blessed, we really need something beyond caps.

        2. Jenny Creed

          You could go the extradialogical route of Terry Pratchett’s Death. Viz.

          “It’s very good of you to come in, Brian”, said John, the host.

          NO BIG DEAL, JOHN.

          “Let me just check some things and then you’re good to go”, said John, and tuned the pickup down as low as it could go. At less than 1%, maybe the recording equipment would survive, he thought, as he handed over the microphone with a small shiver.

          HELLO! I’M BRIAN BLESSED!

          The gauges reading volume level rocketed into the red, and then started spinning, accompanied by a low whining sound.

          “Just a little loud, Brian”, said John, in what he hoped was a breathless whisper. He couldn’t seem to hear his own voice.

          I’M DOING THIS WEEK’S BBC RADIO FOUR APPEAL ON BEHALF OF THE DEAD.

          “The deaf, Brian, please”, said John.

          SORRY, THE DEAF.

          Across the nation, radio receivers shivered and jumped. Some dusty machines that had not been turned on in years came to life, and several of their owners died in the ensuing chaos.

        3. slicedtoad

          yes

        4. saltchocolate

          Wow! You’re a writer!

        5. Jenny Creed

          Man, if I had a nickel for every time I wished someone would say that to me. . .

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          … you would score enough mums to rival Mike?

  12. Sammie1053

    Joyce in the last panel needs to become the new Classic Rage Face used in rage comics.

    1. Kintrex

      Well hey, as long as we’re dealing in hypotheticals, why don’t we just say those stupid comics “need” to stop existing.

  13. GoogerGeiger

    Aww, ffffffffffffffuuuuuuuudge.

    Only I didn’t say fudge….

    1. KingMabel

      Who told you that word?!

      1. Yotomoe

        The MUFFIN MAN!

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        “I Learned It By Watching You”

        1. Kernanator

          Oh, well played.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          ^_^ I’m in the zone today, fuck yeah!

      3. derick

        It was probably his father.

      4. Mr. Random

        Some guy at school. I hear he likes soap.

      5. DocHarleen

        SCHWARTZ!

    2. BeckHop

      I said the word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!

      (I may have watched this movie way too many times)

      1. DocHarleen

        No such thing as too many times!

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        The F-word is only third-place by modern standards, the C-word is somewhat more offensive at second-place and of cause the most offensive word of all by today’s standards is the infamous N-word.

        1. Nakari

          … Nutella?

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          GASP!!

        3. Jenny Creed

          There’s also the T-word, the K-word, the F-word (the other F-word)and the G-word depending on which oppressed minority you’re talking to, but I always had a special place in my hate heart for “sand n—–” as the most repulsive, ignorant, pure distilled bullshit conceived by the human speech processes.

          There’s a big difference between words that put down entire generalized population segments and swear words though.

        4. John

          I can’t even figure out what the other words you’re talking about are. I’m not sure how to feel about that.

        5. Kladeos

          It took me a couple of hours, and I only learned 2/4 of them recently because no one says that stuff in Canada. I still don’t know what the K-word is supposed to be. The F-word was the easiest for me to figure out and the one that doesn’t fit the pattern.

        6. Jenny Creed

          They are for trans people, jewish people, homosexual people and Roma respectively.

        7. Leorale

          I thought the G-word was for Italians, and now I feel bad for thinking of racist words.

        8. Reboot

          Belgium.

        9. Plasma Mongoose

          Now that’s just going toooo far! 😛

  14. Wonder Wig

    Joyce gets to ride a Scooty-Puff Jr.

    1. Yotomoe

      SAL RIDES A SCOOTY-PUFF SR.

    2. Mr. Random

      So Danny rides a Scooty-puff III?

      1. Ancestral Hamster

        Danny rides one of those stick-ponies for pre-schoolers.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Well Sal rode Jason’s stick-pony, so…

    3. sps48

      Scooty Puff Junior SUUUUUUuuuuucks…!

  15. Keroshino

    And Joyce loses this round…

    1. Yotomoe

      How many rounds has Joyce won?

      1. Jonathan S.

        Well, she won the round against her parents, for one.

  16. nothri

    But apparently pants aren’t required.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Pants are never required, at least they won’t be if I ever get elected into office.

    2. Yotomoe

      Have you ever rode a motorcycle without pants? Better than sex.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        The same could be said of a washing machine during the spin-cycle.

        1. Yotomoe

          But you have much less control over the washing machine. And the washing machine doesn’t go at 70 mph.

        2. Nakari

          Then you need a new washing machine.

      2. David

        In the movie “The world’s fastest Indian”, the protagonist rips off some asbestos pant parts for his ultimate race because they don’t fit.

        His legs don’t look pretty at the end…

      3. Andiemus

        I guess you’re into heat blisters.

      4. sps48

        Don’t ride a scrambler that way, you will scorch your calf.

  17. ironbillie

    Glad to see the Both Sal and I share the No Pants Sunday rule.

    1. Yotomoe

      Jesus didn’t wear pants and look how he turned out.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Yeah, they crucified him.

        1. Yotomoe

          They were jealous of his swagger.

  18. Allcool-dontcare

    Now to think about it speachless girl can hand sign fuck… no wait thats wat the middle finger is for

    1. Yotomoe

      Or the thumbs down in japan.

      1. Allcool-dontcare

        THE MORE YOU KNOW *

  19. Kernanator

    Oh Joyce, you are annoying and adorable at the same time.

    Annorable.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Adornoying.

    2. Mr. Random

      Addorying.

    3. Nena

      True that!

    4. Robin

      Andoyable.

  20. Gottawonder

    Roflmao. Excellent advice. And a good try on Joyce’s part to live it.
    Sal got the last word, not surprising.
    Love the look on Ethan’s face.

    1. David

      I don’t see that Sal got the last word. Joyce hasn’t finished yet.

  21. Yotomoe

    That’s why Billie got to ride. Fuck might be one of her favorate things to do, let alone say!

    1. John

      I’m pretty sure that Billie has said “fuck” more than everyone else in the comic put together.

      1. Kladeos

        You’d know, wouldn’t you Billie.

  22. nothri

    I like how Sal’s advice is basically the complete fucking opposite of how she lives her life.

    1. Kladeos

      Elaborate? Are you referring to the hair straightening and the presenting as staright-laced to her parents?

      1. Kladeos

        Also there’s the whole learn from your mistakes. Passing on what she’s learned minus all the crap that came along with learning?

      2. nothri

        Yes, I am talking about that thing.

    2. Yotomoe

      Well her advice is basically “Don’t become me” which is pretty easy to tell you how to not do that.
      Just think of things you do.
      Tell her to not do that.

    3. Vibbles

      Agreed. Funny how, of the three people in that strip, Joyce is the person who LEAST needs that advice. She’s usually quite cheerful to be herself and own the person she is; she just needs to figure out a few conflicts between her upbringing and the influx of new information, and wants to ride a friggin’ motorcycle. But Ethan and Sal? Urf.

      1. begbert2

        To be fair though, Joyce just came in and started spamming ‘needs that specific advice’ all over the room, so you can’t fault Sal for giving it to her.

        And also Joyce is as mired in denying herself as Ethan is. The main difference is that Ethan knows what he is and climbed back into the closet anyway, and she’s yet to embrace her lust-driven, sex-loving, possibly bisexual self.

        1. John

          Speaking of Joyce embracing her lust-driven, sex-loving, possibly bisexual self, I think I’m shipping Joyce/Anti-Joyce now.

        2. Hoboturtle

          Can we have an anti-Joyce? Not as a clone, but just someone who just so happens to look a lot like Joyce.

          Ppppppppllllleeeeaaaassseeee?

        3. Bill

          Someone uploaded a drawing of “anti-Joyce” on the Paheal Rule 34 site.

        4. Bill

          begbert, Joyce is not denying herself because she doesn’t know for certain what “her self” really is.  She is operating under 18 years of a certain style of behavior, and is not about to throw that over at a moment’s notice.  I have no idea where you are getting this “lust-driven, sex-loving, possibly bisexual” BS unless it is merely wishful thinking on your part.

        5. Vibbles

          Oh, I’m certainly not faulting Sal for giving it- it’s lovely advice, and I think it’s important for any character to remember.

          Joyce is NOT lust-driven. She’s a human who experiences lust, that is a long LONG way from being driven by it. A huge part of her character is, in fact, that she ISN’T driven by her lust, that she actively controls it. And controlling impulses that you do not want to act on isn’t denying your personality, it’s being a person with the ability to consciously decide on your actions. It’s kinda of one of the benchmarks of even HAVING a personality.

          She doesn’t love sex, because she has literally no idea how it works. That’s like saying someone is ‘chocolate loving’ even though they’ve never had chocolate because someone told them it tastes good once and they’ve kinda wanted to try it since. Again, she’s a sexual animal and therefore she has desires, and she doesn’t deny that. But she wants to control them because at this point in time she isn’t ready to have sex- partially because she wants to wait for marriage with the person she believes she’s destined for, and partially because let’s face it- she’s Joyce, she would have no clue what she’s even getting into going to bed with someone. And so she controls those desires. Because that is who she is.

          Possibly bisexual is the only one you’ve got there. And she doesn’t deny that either, although she really hopes it isn’t true. I mean, she goes from casually acknowledging a woman is pretty to panicking that she might be gay in half a second- she’d rather be heterosexual and is living like a heterosexual, but honestly, that’s how most bisexual people do for a while until fairly secure in our sexuality and find ourselves with a member of our own gender that appeals. At least, it’s how it went in my experience.

        6. Vibbles

          (And of course, it’s totally possible that she’s straight as an arrow and just capable of thinking other girls are pretty/attractive without wanting to have sex with them. We won’t know till she does~)

    4. dimblecon

      Sal’s advice is the advice you give when you’re a motorcycle-wearing badass who wishes she could be a hyper-white sweatervest museum

      1. Vibbles

        Only the truest of badasses wear motorcycles.

        1. Random Webcomics Junkie

          You only have to be a half-true badass to wear only one motorcycle.

  23. Raibean

    She’s walking into the hall in just undies and a shirt
    good 4 u sal I’m way too self-concious

  24. Gottawonder

    Humm. Just had it brought to my attention.
    Sal got the last word, and forgot her pants.

  25. Gottawonder

    Easier to give advice than take it nothri. Espcially when it pertains to yourself.

    1. nothri

      On the contrary I think it is extremely, believably, painfully human to offer advice knowingly or not that you are not adhering to yourself.

  26. caesaria82

    Ethan’s face in the last panel is cracking me up. He’s like wtf is even going on? I love it.

  27. Jay Eff

    “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFahrvergnügen!”

    -In other news: a local college student, in an attempt to swear, instead blurted out a pop culture reference that predates her own birth by several years..

    1. taekwondogirl

      Finally decided to google that. Huh. That explains why people always said it to me. I owned a VW bug for my first car.

      1. Nakari

        “Owned”? One never truly stops owning.. We rent them to other people.. How do you think they stay so easy to maintain? Feed them the blood of the blind…

        1. taekwondogirl

          What?

  28. Spliced

    The lol… A solid minute so far…

    May lose my lungs….

    Tell my children…. to totally read this…

    1. saltchocolate

      Walkin’ sweater vest museum!!! Best line in recent memory!

  29. isitsevenyet

    “Fartsticks” cracked me up! XD I might have to start using that.

  30. NF

    I’d like to note here that Sal is so eager to get away from Joyce that she is walking into the hall with only a t-shirt and underwear on.

  31. Pier

    FFFFFFFFFFFFffffffff-falafel!

  32. JessWitt

    Genuine good advice from Sal. With Mike, they are the BAMF Problem Solvers!

  33. dailybrad

    She’s probably headed for the shower, so I can see where she doesn’t give a fuck about pants.

    Joyce, don’t change too much.

    1. Kladeos

      Unless times have changed, you usually have to bring a towel and your toiletries to the shower. So not so much. Not washroom either, because she has access to that in her room, unless Sarah or Billie is using it.

      1. saltchocolate

        Okay, maybe Marcie lives across the hall? She can’t be going far.

        1. John

          Marcie lives in a different dorm. Sal just doesn’t give a fuck.

      2. David

        Warm water goes a long way, and for toweling she has a T-shirt.

  34. David

    Ethan is undismayed and unphased by Sal’s panty flash.

  35. milk experiment

    That’s actually really good advice from Sal, and Joyce’s response to it is adorkable. 🙂

  36. dethtoll

    This is appropriate. Today I said “son of a BEACHBALL” in front of my mom.

  37. etyb

    ffffffffffffiddlesticks

    time to get a moped

  38. Ben

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffffliberty-gibbet!… eh, a vespa is better…

  39. SDGlyph

    Since Sal’s situationally-variable accent was pointed out a few strips ago, I can’t stop noticing it. Adds an extra little bite of irony to the first panel – well played, Willis.

  40. Baker

    FFfffffffridge.

  41. Nakari

    To quote a shirt I overpayed for at a.. Well, day-long show..

    FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS!

    Alright, I didn’t overpay. I admit it. I had to buy my motto for whenever I risk grocery shopping.

    1. Tenn

      Fucking fuck the motherfucker!

      It’s outdated now, but that’s the first thing I thought of.

      1. Nakari

        I have to thank you for that link. I honestly have never encountered this before. Now I know what I’m e-mailing my friends if they complain about another song stuck in their head.

      2. saltchocolate

        So glad to know this exisits.

        1. saltchocolate

          *exists

      3. Tenn

        Yeah, Tim Minchin is pretty much the funniest blasphemous Aussie g**ger I know of. 🙂

        (Only a g**ger can call another g**ger “g**ger”.)

    2. David

      I thought the canonical reference was some army repair guy with
      “Fuckin’ fucker’s fuckin’ fucked. Fuck!” on some mechanical item.

  42. ninja_jesus

    Really? Nobody yet?

    *ahem*

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

    ~fin~

  43. Brando

    I fucking love this response from Sals.

    1. Brando

      dammit, from Sal.

  44. CRtwenty

    Sorry Joyce, “Fudge” only gets you a ride on a moped.

    1. Jenny Creed

      Fiddlesticks gets you a vespa.

      1. Alexis

        Frig gets you on a scooter, but the kind without an engine where you have to use your leg like a paraplegic Flintstone.

        Foot going slap, slap, slap across the ground.

  45. Charles Phipps

    This strip needs Rick as the Asian Studies teacher with Malaya as the girl he constantly calls on.

    1. CRtwenty

      I’m expecting Malaya to appear once we finally get to Sophomore year.

      So sometime around 2021 I’m guessing. :p

      1. Nakari

        If we’re lucky. I’m thinking there’s a chance that this webcomic won’t end, it will just be passed down, generation to generation..

        Maybe, if man is alive in 2525…

        1. NoOneOfConsequence

          .. i woman can survive
          ….
          (great song)

  46. ReFlex76

    Fuck. No way in hell am I riding bongo.

  47. Alexis

    You’ll get there Joyce.
    By the end of this storyline, you WILL utter the Word of F.
    I believe in you.

  48. hof1991

    The fudge is strong in this one.

    1. David Willis

      Only after she’s had a burrito.

      1. Random Webcomics Junkie

        I see why people call you Walky, Willis.

  49. Crumplepunch

    You can say words, Joyce.

    The power was in you all along.

  50. Clodia

    Awwwww, great advice.

  51. Delirio

    “Motorcycles are for people who can say fuck”
    Great, Sal, now I got a twisted Alec Baldwin earworm. “Put. That. Leather. Jacket. Down! A.S.F.: Always, Say, Fuck!”

    Joyce, your next goal in becoming a badbutt is walking down the hall with no pants on and not giving a fudge about it.

    1. Tenn

      I believe the proper term is “badtush”.

      1. ninja_jesus

        Badbooty.

        1. John

          Joyce did call Walky a “smartbutt” at one point.

  52. DSL

    Indeed, “fuck” is the last word of many a motorcyclist.

    1. DSL

      Especially when they realize they’ve forgotten their pants.

  53. mai876

    Who needs pants when you’re wearing gloves?

  54. Hoboturtle

    I have no trouble admitting that I occasionally use fudge instead of fuck.

  55. maycroft

    Half hour later: “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF”

  56. LordHaw

    I never used to swear at all. My friends always tried to get me to swear. I treated swears like Joyce does. Apparently what started me down the path to swearing was hurtling towards a rockcut in my dad’s truck. The guys with me told me I said “Oh Fuck!”.

    Obviously, we survived 🙂

    1. LordHaw

      So, Sal should give Joyce a motorcycle ride…a nasty, scary one. She’ll be saying “Fuck!” in no time flat 😉

    2. Roborat

      Unless your a G-G-G-GHOST!

      1. The Candyman

        Zoinks!

  57. tahrey

    I can confirm that Sal’s last comment is 100% true.

    Otherwise when things go wrong you’re going to end up shouting a lot of words that are going to make you look entirely silly. Especially if you attempt your own maintenance.

  58. All Else Fails

    I can say fuck! I can haz motorcycle ride naow?

  59. Hotsauce

    This strip is kind of perfect for the “Christ, what an asshole” treatment. (Google it)

  60. Lel

    A man once lived when skydiving with a faulty parachute, somehow. My theory is it’s because his chosen last words (recorded on video) were “Oh f*ck, I’m going to die.”

    1. tahrey

      Heh… death insurance = do something really embarrassing on camera, on purpose, just before you’re about to (apparently) snuff it.

      Then survive, and have to live with it the rest of your remaining lifespan. Swings & roundabouts.

  61. JA

    Sweatervest museum…yeah, Joyce really is the whitest person in the comic.

  62. Rhea

    Given Ethan’s presence, two to one odds she’ll be able to say “fuck” by the end of the week.

  63. Ryan

    She’s gonna blow! Hit the deck!

  64. Andrew Thomas Giarrusso

    You can do it Joyce.

  65. Steve

    I’ve been wondering: Is Ethan jaundiced, does gay have its own skin color in this universe, or is he Asian? Meeting his parents doesn’t preclude the third. He could have been adopted or ‘Dad’ had to use a stunt double to handle the she-cow. If it took Ethan seventeen years to realize he was gay it might take longer to realize he isn’t the same race as his parents…

    1. David Willis

      what

      1. Darth Cariss

        Ethan has the gay skin color. Which may or may not look Asian. That’s simple and easy to understand, right?

        1. David Willis

          Maybe? But why would you, like, type those kinds of thoughts were other folks can see them? Wouldn’t you stop yourself first and think, hey, that was kind of a troubling train of thought, maybe I should evaluate my biases? Instead of, well, you know, vomiting that all over the Internet.

        2. Jen Aside

          “You DO know we can hear you, right?”

        3. tahrey

          “This video only plays in the United States” … well, fooey. I mean fuck.

          Anyway, it’s time for another exciting installment of Dumbing Of Age Character Skin Tone Analysis! Hi, I’m your host, Tahrey Estée, and today I’ll be taking you through an in-depth comparison of Ethan Siegal’s apparent ethnicity and how it compares to that of his supposed parents, Naomi and Saul. According to some viewers, Ethan is “jaundiced”, and may even have a “gay skin colo(u)r”, suggesting he may be a homosexual asian relative of Ken from Shortpacked!, who was trans-universally adopted by the Siegals and fostered as if he were their own child, to the point where Naomi’s own nards are getting fussy that he hasn’t flooded some girl’s uterus with his seed yet.

          Anyway, without further ado, let’s compare. Taking our cues from the September 3rd strip, “Vicariously”, which features the whole family together, we can see the following values for the skin tones of the different family members – presented, of course, in our customary R/G/B – H/S/V – C/M/Y/K sequence.

          Ethan: 236/207/168 – 34/29/93 – 00/12/29/07
          Saul: 244/220/188 – 34/23/96 – 00/10/23/04
          Naomi: 236/207/168 – 34/29/93 – 0/12/29/7

          The early evidence of which suggests that Ethan’s skin tone matches that of his mother, and isn’t even that much different from his dad (whose hair he has inherited).

          For further confirmation, we also sampled their “shadow” skintones:
          Shadow!Ethan: 184/144/117 – 24/36/72 – 0/22/36/28
          Shadow!Naomi: 184/144/117 – 24/36/72 – 0/22/36/28
          Shadow!Saul: 189/153/131 – 23/31/74 – 0/19/31/26

          Hypothesis confirmed!
          Also, with a cursory exam, we can also see some shared heritage between both parents in the nose, ears, and most especially the eyes.

          Now, apparently his skin tone is a “gay” one. For this, we will have to identify some other gay characters, or at least, characters of alternative sexuality and gender presentation (my apologies for lumping you all together, LGBT folks … but then again, that IS an acronym that exists, I hope you don’t mind me co-opting it for convenience and ease of analytical categorisation).

          Ken is suggested as gay, though he doesn’t even appear here, and seems to have some sort of minor crush on Lucy and thus may at least be bi:

          Ken: 229/205/166 – 37/28/90 – 00/10/27/10
          Ethan: 236/207/168 – 34/29/93 – 00/12/29/07
          Saul: 224/220/188 – 34/23/96 – 00/10/23/04

          Ethan is similar in tone to Ken, but he’s not the same. However, they are somewhat closer than Ethan and Saul are. I’m not sure this proves anything though. If anything, it’s more accurate to say Saul and Ken are much closer in tone than Ethan and Ken…

          So Ethan (and Naomi!) have the “gay skintone”, whilst Ken and Saul have the “bisexual skintone”? Hmm.

          Other notable Willis-Multiverse gays:
          Shortpacked Ethan: 236/207/168… i.e. no change from DoA
          Drew: approx 242/218/202.5 – 23.5/16/95 – 00/10/16/05 (he changed slightly between the strips I sampled; most characters either have a constant tone in “normal lighting”, or only change by one RGB level here and there, which may be a photoshop output artefact as that’s less than one level in both HSV and CMYK, and thus I don’t bother mentioning it, but Drew changed by a whole two levels (wow! he might even have looked slightly different on a 16-bit display!) so I took the average)
          This is rather lighter and pinker than Ethan, but he’s easily as gay.
          Manny: 240/205/180 – 25/25/94 – 00/15/25/06 … sort of in-between the two, and about as different as Ethan is from Ken or Saul.

          Now some Lesbians. There’s a few more of them.
          Billie: 248/237/205 – 45/17/97 – 00/04/17/03 (the most “jaundiced” of all)
          Ruth: 239/203/188 – 18/21/94 – 00/15/21/06 (pretty pink)
          Robin: 249/185/142 – 24/43/98 – 00/26/43/02 (ok, she’s bi, shut up)
          Leslie: 255/220/189 – 28/26/100 – 00/14/26/00 (pretty pale)
          Malaya: 189/164/125 – 37/34/74 – 00/13/34/26 (admittedly more Robosexual than anything … maybe darker toned characters have a thing for droids?)
          Ultracar: 241/218/207 – 19/14/95 – 00/10/14/05 (arguably running a convincing simulation of a Malayasexual)

          Good luck finding any kind of homogeneity within THAT homo rainbow*.
          (* with apologies to Ween)

          Let’s round off with a couple of Trans characters, see if they share a colour:
          Jocelyn (aka Josh): 238/216/190 – 32/20/93 – 00/09/20/07
          Claire (from QC): 251/203/180 – 19/28/98 – 00/19/28/02 (cameoing in SP!)
          I think that’s a resounding “no”.

          For reference, a pretty much asexual character:
          Arnold: 247/228/197 – 37/20/97 – 00/08/20/03 … even HE’S paler and more yellow than Ethan.

          And Willis himself, in self portrait…
          …ah, what? Actually it turns out DW never seems to pick a consistent colour for his own skin tone when he cameos in SP. I only found the same colour appearing twice out of at least eight samples. In one case, he changed colour slightly between different frames of the same strip. In one case he was almost the same colour as Ken. In others, nudging much closer to Leslie. The average RGB is 247/225/197, but the range on any one value can be as much as 29 levels (and averages at about 20 across all three), which encompasses the spread of almost all of the fairer-skinned characters.

          So yeah. The idea that Ethan either has a “gay skin colour”, or is somehow widely divergent from his parents, is absolute horseshit. As is that of any unrelated character trait somehow being signified by said character’s ethnicity… except maybe that the agoraphobic neckbeards tend to be a bit paler, which is truth in cartooning really. I have a mostly indoor job, and after a bad winter my skin resembles paper (and can be paler than the pages in a cheap paperback). With even moderate sun exposure that turns to a slightly more healthy pinkish-olive tone, and managed an almost Walky-like “generic beige” during the longer and more active mediterranean vacations of my youth.

          :p

        4. tahrey

          well, shit. I should have posted that in a rather less nested reply so that the numbers didn’t get all cramped and the text didn’t take up too many column inches. It looked OK when I put it together in notepad with relatively wide text lines.

        5. LiaHansen

          TLNTR (too long not to read)

        6. LiaHansen

          But seriously, if Willis doesn’t post this on the Tumblr, I will be saddened. As someone who once wrote a two thousand word essay in a youtube comment section on why all the main Disney movies must take place in the same universe, I can appreciate the effort that went into this.

        7. Vash

          thank you please

      2. Steve

        Ethan’s skin color always seems to be the same as what you use for Ken…

        1. tahrey

          I think you need to get a new computer, so you can indulge in this newfandangled 24-bit colour depth the rest of us have been enjoying since the late 90s. Even on a 16-bit display they’d look at least slightly different, even if the more subtle variations would get posterised out.

          Ken in 18-bit VGA palette: 57/51/41. Ethan: 58/51/42…
          In typical 16-bit 5-6-5 representation, upsampled to 18-bit 6-6-6: 56/51/40 and 58/51/40
          In rough old Macintosh 15-bit (5-5-5): 28/25/20 and 29/25/20

          However, although that’s only one step (on the medium-sensitivity red scale, too), it’s quite a big one thanks to the 15-bit representation. It’s equal to roughly 8 steps of tru-color after all. You should be able to tell them apart if they’re put side by side – which they actually are in some SP strips. And I can tell you now, they don’t look the same in 24-bit, that’s for certain.

          Maybe you’re using an 8-bit display without any kind of dithering (which, if turned on, would be an even bigger telltale)?

        2. David Willis

          Some day Steve will learn that there are more than three skin tones, and that across the various races they can often overlap.

          Until then, he’s going to sound kind of racist and/or stupid, but definitely unobservant.

    2. Jen

      Most people focused on the skin color part, so I won’t rehash their rebuttals to your post, Steve. What I’m going to address is the terrible use of the term “she-cow” to refer to Ethan’s mom. That was a terrible and jerky thing to say about her or any woman.

      1. David Willis

        Plus cows are ALL shes! It’s like saying man-rooster!

        1. LiaHansen

          Heh. Man-rooster. Cock-a-doodle-doo.

        2. Hotsauce

          A dude’ll do indeed.

  66. Darnel

    LOL
    FFFFfffffffffffffffffffff,….

  67. xKiv

    …FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffinalword.

  68. John

    Hmm. Maybe Joyce was talking to Ethan before, but he vacated the premises upon realizing that Sal was rocking the Mickey Mouse look?

  69. Flare

    It’s gonna go onto the next page isn’t it?

  70. Jen Aside

    test

    [SEXY test]

    1. Jen Aside

      It’s universal? Huh. I thought it was maybe per-post.

      1. David Willis

        It is attached to your email address.

        1. Jen Aside

          I thought I’d seen it where it didn’t change, before. Maybe I was mistaken…

        2. tahrey

          testing

        3. tahrey

          *adds another megaphone* TESTING

        4. tahrey

          *adds several more megaphones* OH HEY HOW ABOUT THAT

        5. tahrey

          daw, I saw it work but then it got teh deleteds.

  71. Jack Finch

    Joyce start with Fart and work your way from there.

  72. Tahkuya

    fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffiddlesticks

    1. hof1991

      Fiddlesticks is one of the strongest swears I have ever heard my mom use. Considering the kind of kid I was, that is astonishing.

  73. Taigan

    I want to see Joyce on a motorcycle just to see the look on her face when that thing revs between her thighs. XD

    1. tahrey

      “Epiphany” is probably the word needed for that. It may well produce a minor AntiJoyce reprise.

  74. ajm5007

    Sal’s right. It’s actually part of the road test.

    1. tahrey

      Particularly if you have to take the Mod-1 swerve test in the rain. Anyone who gets through it without turning the inside of their helmet blue is automatically failed on the basis of being “a cold hearted fucking psychopath who won’t flinch for anything“.

  75. joeyo

    Next five comments are Joyce saying “ffffff……….” Next week she’ll say “-uck” and pass out from shock.

    1. joeyo

      That’s next five fucking comics for fuck’s sake. God, I fuck up so much when I type too fucking fast.

  76. Kelli

    Someone should try to get her to repeat the word “kewpha”.

    1. tahrey

      We were always fond of “Kirwan”, double-especially as it happened to be the name of a particularly unfortunate teacher of ours…

  77. Colin

    ….Joyce advocates the forced change in ownership of sweets?
    Granted, fudge is a pretty sweet thing to own… pun accidental, but accurate…
    And now I want to see Joyce robbing babies of candy. Possibly while wearing some form of mask.

  78. Caravelle

    This post on Slacktivist made me think of this comic so I’ll cross-post the links in the comment – it seems to me the two complement each other, in a concise summation/exhaustive analysis kind of way…

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/2013/11/04/lose-your-cool-backpacks-bowties-blue-hair-and-youth-ministers/

    Money quote : “Cool” is, among other things, the name we give to those whose actions align with their own core beliefs and identities, without regard for the opinions of others.

  79. Tealjoy

    It’s honestly adorable that she tried

  80. Edward Welbourne

    I *so* want a T-shirt of Sal saying that last speach bubble of hers …

  81. Onion

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF–
    DUCK!

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