156

Functional
Posted on February 20, 2025 by David M Willis

156 thoughts on “Functional”

  1. shadowcell

    Daisy from the top rope

  2. Animedingo

    Savage

    1. clif

      On the other hand, Jennifer now has a new story assignment.

  3. Nono

    *looks at tags*

    I knew it, Daisybot is actually Dorothy in disguise! A way to both knock Jennifer off her pedestal, and to channel her inner sapphic feelings!

    1. Thag Simmons

      If Daisy’s had her own tag prior to this wouldn’t that imply that Dorothy is only just now replacing her as part of some sinister plot?

      1. Mr. Random

        Clearly she kidnapped the real Daisy recently and CHOSE her to explore those inner sapphic feelings.

  4. NGPZ

    Jennifer, NO. Where Dorothy is right now is NOT something you should envy.

    In the end you shouldn’t even have to climb ladders and compete for attention to be valid.

    Ya wanna be the Alpha Bongo Problem Solver for REALS?

    Ditch Raidah’s clique, and track down Paul, and throw him into a cement mixer, and fill the local Chick-fil-A with raw sewage.

    1. NGPZ

      … preferably with nobody still in it

      1. Tofusmith

        Why would sewage have people in it?

        1. Devin

          What are you, a cop?

        2. Taffy

          Buddy, sewage is like 25% decomposing human corpses. Anything that’s not pure liquid probably has at least a few square centimeters of somebody in it.

        3. Steamweed

          Interesting gravatar!

    2. ian livs

      I would pay so, so much money to see that

    3. Coatl

      It’s Jennifer, she’s always going to look for conflict no matter what.

      Also, I highly doubt that she would actually dare to contradict Raidah, most likely she will get rid of Jennifer when she is no longer useful to her.

      1. Archieve

        I could see Jennifer burning bridges with Radiah first in this state, every personal disappointment is compounding her anger and she’s not even trying to be diplomatic right now.

    4. zee

      I don’t think she implied envy anywhere? The last line is more of a “go be an actual journalist and stop bothering me” imo

    5. Opus the Poet

      I have been where Dorothy is for decades. Simple answer: “You summon the spoons, and carry on.”
      Slightly longer answer you just do, and sometimes you just have to stop and take a rest for a couple of days, weeks, or months, hopefully on days you’re not otherwise needed.

  5. Thag Simmons

    Horny disaster Daisy is fun, but I always enjoy her moments of no-nonsense professionalism

    1. mindbleach

      Apparently she’s downright biting when her libido is off.

      Also, apparently, Jennifer’s not doing anything for her.

      1. jeffepp

        Jen-a-Billie isn’t doing a whole lot for anyone, including herself.

      2. Thag Simmons

        Despite her editorial biases, Daisy avoids directing her horniness at her subordinates, probably because that’s the point when it goes from funny quirk to serious problem.

        1. Tan

          You may have forgotten both https://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/03-the-first-step-towards-recovery/favors/ and https://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/02-guess-whos-coming-to-galassos/likethis/

        2. Azhrei Vep

          Hey now! The very next page after the second one she makes it very clear to an empty courtyard that she never actually hired Jennifer, so she isn’t her boss.

        3. mindbleach

          Leslie, disaster lesbian (affectionate).

          Daisy, disaster lesbian (derogatory).

    2. Archieve

      Daisy’s seems to be losing patience with Jennifer who never takes her advice for improving but comes to her like she has priority for good stories.

      1. Needfuldoer

        It’s simple. She thinks she does, therefore she does.

  6. Dean

    Hey, the tag is wrong. It should be Daisy, not Dorothy.

    1. Steamweed

      A fixed-thing now.

  7. Cholma

    Jennifer’s story: (on Page 6) Amazi-Girl was supposedly spotted in the cafeteria today, but this reporter was not on-scene to verify. When questioned, one witness said, “No comment.” More as this story develops.

    1. Jeremiah

      The no comment actually comes from her talk with Sal.

      1. Archieve

        It’s weird how Jennifer thinks that this was enough for a story, clearly if no one else reported anything there just wouldn’t have been a story.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Does IU have a student-run gossip tabloid? Maybe she should go work there…

        2. Archieve

          Not that I remember but if the newspaper still has space to fill i could be that being her calling.

        3. Archieve

          see*

  8. cbwroses

    I took the “her” that Jennifer didn’t see as AG and thought “well that’s why you didn’t get credit for the story”.
    I had to read it a second time to realize she meant Dorothy.

    1. a/snow/mous/e

      ohhh, thanks

    2. Mturtle7

      Oh god, thank you, I was so confused!

  9. Archieve

    only one no comment? common Jennifer, you had atleast one quote from Sarah and Tony that Amazi girls new villian may or may not be some guy named Paul.

    1. Brendan of 6

      Fr

      1. clif

        Fr indeed.

  10. Rikunda

    Jennifer seems to think she did a lot, but all she did was “no comment”… Doesn’t help she assumes she knows who it is based on her own ego.

  11. Yumi

    Jennifer could have had some good information, too– like, I don’t think Dorothy knows the Incelerator’s name is Paul. But that’s not what Jennifer pursued when it came to talking to Tony…

    1. Archieve

      what’s makes this such a fail is that Tony volunteered that info even though he was irritated and she apparently just didn’t register it.

      1. Charles Phipps

        Jennifer didn’t bother to do any other reporting. Probably because she was interviewing Amazi-Girl herself.

        1. Yumi

          I hope that one day, Jennifer sees Amber putting on the outfit while Jennifer is standing next to Sal. And then she’ll turn to Sal and say, “When did you decide to pass on the mantle?”

      2. Yumi

        Right, like one follow-up question– “How do you know Paul?” or such– and you have a story. But Jennifer was forgetting how to words.

        1. Taffy

          In her defense, a lot of blood was being diverted to her dick in that moment.

      3. Thag Simmons

        She’s so fucking bad at this, she’s great

    2. Deanatay

      You’re right, she might have good info. Someone should interview Jennifer about interviewing Dorothy about interviewing Amazi-Girl!

      Hrm, maybe get Amber to do it…

  12. HueSatLight

    Have Jennifer tried inserting herself into the story and then lying about it?

    1. Archieve

      Probably why she can get past Sal. She cant make it about her having special superhero access if she accepts that she doesn’t know Amazi girl personally.

      1. Archieve

        cant*

        1. Charles Phipps

          I mean Walky TOLD HER it was Amber.

        2. Archieve

          Yes but Amber wasn’t her roommate or really even much of an aquintance so not surprising she doesn’t want to belive it. It sounds less impressive to say I know someone who knows Amazigirl.

        3. Taffy

          Sure, with that phrasing. A tiny little spin and it comes back around to a hot tip. “I don’t know who she is, but I know who does. I’ll be back in two hours with something you can publish.”

        4. Archieve

          I agree, but one of Jennifer’s flaws as noted earlier by dlDaisy is her need to make stories all about herself. there’s also the fact the Jennifer is very proud of the fact that she thinks she knows Amazigirls identity.

      2. HueSatLight

        I do not share that assessment.

  13. Shakes

    Three sparkling social interactions so far, really hitting it out of the park today Jennifer.

    1. Jeremiah

      An striking the the floodlights and causing a fire in the stands.

  14. Mr. Random

    Ah yes, Jennifer actually believes she’s the main character and should automatically be given all credit the moment she’s involved.
    Damn, the ego on this woman.

    1. Jeremiah

      It is the size of mount everest, and just like it, it’s full of rich people trash.(Don’t think about it too hard)

    2. DashWallkick

      Jennifer could be amazing at things if she stopped having delusional levels of self confidence that she’s already that great.

  15. LEE

    Did Billie cut her hair?

    1. Thag Simmons

      No. Exact opposite really, it’s long enough that she’s tying it back again

    2. Mark

      She did that last semester as part of becoming oh-so-grown-up Jennifer. It’s been growing out again for a while.

  16. BBCC

    I mean, that interview might be useful for someone if Dorothy would admit to. being depressed.

    1. Astariel

      She volunteered that she was having a psychotic break a little while back, so depressed doesn’t seem like a stretch. Granted, that wasn’t in a public setting.

  17. Thag Simmons

    I want to place a bet that Jennifer is going to run into Daisy on a date with Alice later this arc. Feels like long odds but I’m rooting for it

  18. Suet

    Where would you even put that story on, the op-ed? The advice column? Special edition?

    Reading functional as fictional is a classic blunder owing to implications to Panel 4. How’s the Bulmeria protest?

    1. clif

      You’re paying attention.

  19. jeffepp

    “Oh, and find out if she’s single, and into girls. Just for her profile. For the paper.”

  20. Charles Phipps

    So, Billie, you didn’t actually DO a story and yet you wanted credit for it?

  21. Joy

    She seems less out of it, but still out of it. Like someone recovering from a concussion. She’s recovering from a concussion. I hope the comments section remembers that.

    1. NGPZ

      Yeah, envying someone like Dorothy who’s in autistic burnout isn’t exactly something you do when you’re in the best of places. 🙁

    2. HueSatLight

      ?

    3. Reaver

      Confused, when did she get a concussion?

      1. NGPZ

        not even a year ago, her drunk driving accident

        1. Reaver

          I don’t think you suffer a concussion THAT long, I don’t think it’s a valid excuse here lol

        2. NGPZ

          mind you she’s also experienced several concussions throughout the year, one of them fairly recently:

          https://www.dumbingofage.com/2022/comic/book-12/04-dont-stop-billie-ving/beautiful/

        3. Taffy

          One of the hottest strips in the series, tbh.

        4. zims

          Getting hit doesn’t automatically mean a concussion.

        5. David M Willis

          I was very careful to only draw impact starbursts around her shoulders! Jennifer did not hit her head here!

        6. aSnowyEvening

          Depending on the injury, concussions absolutely can take that long and even longer to recover from. I have more than one family member who took 1.5 – 2 years to fully recover from their concussions, and that was with physiotherapy (which there is no mention of Billifer undergoing). A concussion hadn’t occurred to me, but honestly the more I think about it… Maybe?

          However, she did honestly seem more functional in some ways in first semester. And there’s been no evidence of her being affected by lights, sounds, or having balance issues. She’s still walking across campus with no stated challenges. And even though she’s struggling in her social interactions, it honestly strikes me as more like mental / emotional stuff that is best treated in some form of talk or art-based therapy.

          Obligatory Statements: I’m not a doctor, also if you even suspect you may have a concussion go and get properly addressed ASAP so that you can recover quickly and completely.

        7. Opus the Poet

          When I was hit by the truck I had a TBI which I admit is worse than a concussion, but I’m still affected by it 24 years later.

      2. Thag Simmons

        In the flashback I guess, but that was like a year ago

    4. Jeremiah

      I remember that, I will still make fun of her because I love her.

  22. Pocky

    Woof, the denial of her own depression is literally going to cause her to crash out hard.

  23. IntangibleMatter

    This is a classic “depressed burnout failing to recognize it in themselves calling the kettle black” situation

  24. DailyBrad

    I find Daisy’s annoyance with her hilarious here. I mean, I get it, I probably like Jennifer/Billie more than most readers do these days, and even I would be irritated with her whining here.

    1. Jeremiah

      You do not like her more that me! I make fun of her every single time she appears! Get off my corner.

    2. Jamie

      I mean, I like Jennifer the same way I like Michael Bay Transformers movies.

      Explosions are cool.

      1. NGPZ

        Jennifer is the Michael Bay Films

        Joyce is Transformers One

        and obviously Dina is the 1986 animated film

        1. Taffy

          Ruth is Beasties: Transformers, naturally.

        2. MickeeC

          You can just call it Beast Wars, the censors won’t hurt you.

        3. Taffy

          She’s from Canada. The joke is that she’s Canadian and that’s what it’s called in Canada. Canada joke. The joke is about Canada.

  25. Dark_T_Zeratul

    I’m starting to think Jennifer might not, in fact, be a very good journalist.

    1. Jeremiah

      Ridiculous, next you gonna tell me Elon Musk is not the world best gamer.

  26. M!a

    …join us again for BILLIFER JENNINGSWORTH, SHITE REPORTER!

    *cue outro music*

    1. NGPZ

      funny part is, them news corpos are a bunch of attention hungry, clout chasing stenographers beneath it all,

      so Jennifer’s already 2/3 the way there

  27. Francoinblanco

    -10 points for slytherin

  28. NGPZ

    and this a makes 69 comments XD

  29. JessWitt

    Even Daisy is hinting that Jennifer needs to get her prescription checked. Or work on her environmental awareness.

    1. Archieve

      Or that she thinks Jennifer didn’t actually do anything and just made up the “no comment”. Couldn’t blame her since Jennifer claims she was able to track down Amazigirl but somehow missed her very public fight.

  30. PedanticJerkass

    As if you’re not depressed yourself, Jennifer.

    1. Jeremiah

      That is why is not fair! Dorothy should be as much of a trash fire as she is! This is bullshit!

  31. morhek

    I feel like some pennies are going to drop in an extremely wrong but hilarious way. “Of course Dorothy’s always around when Amazi-Girl is…”

  32. Thing2

    So, apropos of nothing to do with this particular strip, I just finished going right back to the start and reading the whole lot again (took a while!). And apart from the discovery that I missed a whole shitload in the middle (how?) on my first read, but managed to barely notice, and work it all out… what I have to say is:
    Willis is a damn fine writer!
    The way the story is told, the way it progresses, the hints to the future that you only consciously notice if you go back, the way the thing builds up behind you like a wave ready to flip you… I’m fucking impressed.

    1. Taffy

      It works especially well when read as a cohesive unit, rather than the day-to-day steady drip we get used to. There’s a reason it’s the only webcomic I’ve shelled out money for hard copies of.

    2. Rotunda

      This is so, and he’s good with the artwork and cinema-like considerations that go into comics work. He writes the stories and dialog, does the acting, directing, and cinematography, designs and builds the sets, and runs the business.

  33. Fuzzy3158

    JJ! did you really give the Spiderman story to Parker again?

    1. Thomas

      More like Perry White giving the Superman story to Lois Lane again, but yeah.

      1. Thomas

        …unless you believe Dorothy is actually Amazi-Girl, of course.

        Also, you forgot the hypen in Spider-Man, which is very important to visually distinguish his logo from Superman. Stan Lee explained this somewhere.

  34. Taffy

    I love how little anyone is putting up with her lately. Lucy tossed her out of the room to fuck some guy, Walky continues to act up, Asher moved on instantly, Raidah talks shit about her when she’s not around, Daisy doesn’t give a fuck about her half-assed “journalism”, Ruth bashed her head into the floor, Alice just blatantly fled from her pretty much on sight, and it all adds up to Billie being more or less alone right now. Like, who can she even talk to anymore? Nobody wants to deal with her bullshit except maybe Joyce.

    1. zims

      Actually I’d be interested to see Joyce and Jennifer interact now. Jennifer is a whirlwind of oblivious self-centeredness, Joyce has changed so much from the sheltered church girl that was dazzled by a pair of boots, and is actively trying to change more. If Jennifer tries putting her in the same box as last time she might not have the patience to be nice. Or maybe they’ll help each other. Outside perspective and honest feedback can do wonders.

      1. Doopyboop

        I’ll give Jennifer this, she HAS shown that she’s not liable to put Joyce into a box of not understanding she’s changed. ( https://www.dumbingofage.com/2022/comic/book-12/04-dont-stop-billie-ving/missus/ ) Despite the joke about her glasses, I do think Jennifer sees and respects Joyce’s changes and has tried to be supportive, including giving Becky a nudge to be supportive ( https://www.dumbingofage.com/2022/comic/book-13/02-turning-saints-into-the-sea/validate/ ). I do think the way she was a bit ableist in her reaction to learning Joyce might be autistic, but that’s more out of Jennifer-tier ignorance than anything else. Joyce really might be the only one who’d want anything to do with Jennifer.

        1. clif

          To the contrary, Ruth was quite clear that she would. https://www.dumbingofage.com/2025/comic/book-15/02-the-one-where-jocelyne-returns/bloodinthewater/

    2. Leadsynth

      Not to mention Tony! Tony put up with Jennifer even less than anyone else, when Jennifer tried to “rescue” him from Sarah.

  35. Arianod

    Billie is putting up her dukes!

    1. Effie

      putting up her Daisy dukes

    2. Alan in DC

      Whoa… fists up?

      You really don’t want that reporting gig, do you?

  36. Jeremiah

    Man, some times I fell Jennifer make dunking on bed too easy. It’s like the basket is at eye level.

    1. Jeremiah

      *on her

      1. AGV/Ruby

        I mean, it kinda works

  37. adrianghc

    Surprised not to see anybody comment on Daisy’s slightly ominous “important stuff” remark, which I would guess refers to the protests.

  38. AlexaSpuds

    Honestly I really relate to Billie here, people that are able to function despite being depressed make life super unfair.

  39. Juanoku

    Well Daisy seems more put together than usual, but it might just be that she’s standing next to Billie

    1. Leadsynth

      Right??? My guess is that Daisy is in Super Sharp Focused Journalist Mode because she’s on her way to cover the Bulmeria protest.

  40. Maddie B

    Dorothy has issues, but she’s working on them and it’s probably helpful not to be a moron.

  41. Zamperla

    I feel like at some point Jennifer sort of taken like. Ok so you have a concept of Who You Are. You’re a cheerleader. You’re a Problem Solver. And all credit to Jennifer she’s still very much that person sometimes.

    But when she’s at her… not worst, but at her ‘not doin great’ you get these moments where she’s decided she’s Better Now, so she’s once again Person Who Does Things! Just.

    Without doing things.

    1. Wilde

      Yep, sometimes people get so sure about Who They Are that they go into denial about the reality of how they feel or behave . And sometimes, they double down on trying to project that imaginary self rather than do any self-examination.

      Very human, very real, and very frustrating to watch in real time!

  42. Charles Phipps

    I wonder how much of this is due to Jennifer’s attempt to set Daisy up and that failing.

    1. yak

      Maybe some, but Daisy does have good reasons to do this, lol

  43. darkoneko

    Ooh interviews of the protests

  44. Yeet

    really not sure what you expected out of this interaction jennifer

    1. Charles Phipps

      Daisy to acknowledge Billie is the greatest reporter ever, obviously.

      Oh and apologize and make her the star.

      1. Bryy

        Literally this.

  45. BadRoad

    For a journalist, Jennifer is remarkably incurious. She’d make a better politician.

  46. Hof1991

    Billie would be a terrible local reporter. She would fit in on a national broadcast where she could publicly not understand what’s happening. Fox News but she is not blonde.

  47. Kyulen

    Jennifer is not very good at noticing things for someone trying to be a journalist. It doesn’t help that she still thinks Sal is Amazi-Girl.

  48. HueSatLight

    I mean, she’s not wrong. She doesn’t know how it’s not fair, but it isn’t. Her reporting wasn’t great, but Dorothy scooped her because she orchestrated AG’s return. Dorothy is “functional” because the way she addresses her depression is by fixing her projects.
    It’s something Dorothy and Jennifer have in common, the belief that their own judgment is extraordinary is central to their identity.

    1. Jeremiah

      That is kind of a big stretch.

      1. HueSatLight

        no

      2. Taffy

        I dunno, Dorothy did put a decent amount of work into getting AG back into action. Billie may have half-assed this, but Dorothy absolutely had an advantage Billie couldn’t have known about given the circumstances. Without that work, it’d be pretty fair, even considering Dorothy knows how to find AG in the first place (since she also put in early work to find her while Billie was doing other stuff and constantly being wrong).

    2. Daibhid C

      Hmm.

      Two days ago: Dorothy says to AG “I think you should go back to crimefighting.”

      Yesterday: A riduculous supervillain accosts Dina, Becky, Joyce, Joss and Joe.
      Joyce calls AG.
      Dorothy hears that AG is there and hurries to talk to her and the people who saw it.
      Jennifer also hears that AG is there, and does not hurry to talk to her and the people who saw it because obviously AG isn’t there, she was just talking to Sal somewhere else.

      I don’t think “orchestrating AG’s return” was the deciding factor here.

      1. HueSatLight

        AG said she didn’t think it was a good idea to get back into crimefighting. Dorothy convinced her to ignore her better judgment.
        This doesn’t come from nowhere, Dorothy thinks she orchestrated it.

        1. HueSatLight

          She’d been waiting for AG to do something, she altered her costume. Jennifer tried to interview Dorothy, and Dorothy lied to her and then scooped her.
          Like I said, Jennifer didn’t do a good job. She didn’t follow up, didn’t interview more people, was oblivious to Paul. Dorothy scooping Jennifer is more than just Dorothy getting interviews with AG. She’s advising her.

        2. thejeff

          Which relies on Dorothy knowing who AG is – which Jennifer doesn’t because she didn’t believe when she was told.

          Still, I don’t really see Dorothy’s connection with AG playing a huge role in this scoop, unless it’s eventually shown she was actually with Amber when Joyce’s text came in and persuaded her to go. Otherwise, even if she’s ultimately responsible for AG putting the costume on again, that doesn’t really lead to advantage in getting this story.

  49. Leadsynth

    “Important stuff going on in this campus”… I bet Daisy’s on her way to cover the Bulmeria protest. Maybe she’ll interview Jocelyne!

    1. Charles Phipps

      Poor Jocelyn has already been dragged off to a Bulmerian blacksite in Muncie.

  50. thumb

    Time for Jennifer to have her own storyline that may bring her one step closer to the edge as she’s about to break.

  51. UrsulaDavina

    I am going through a brutal depressive period for the past couple months and it doesn’t seem to be abating and I am suspecting Jennifer is also depressed but I have to say don’t scream out someone’s elses mental state in open forum with people around.

  52. Mr.Morningstar

    side note thank god daisy isnt being overtly horny.

    I cant speak for everyone but i feel the jokes a bit played out.. And makes me just a smidge uncomfy

  53. Bryy

    Wow, Jennifer thinking Dorothy is Amazi-Girl is about getting fucking TOXIC, isn’t it?

    1. Taffy

      What?

  54. Jess

    This may be me watching Gilmore Girls a ton recently, but I’m getting Rory Gilmore V Paris Geller Vibes here.

  55. Dot

    It’s great how much more well-adjusted Jennifer is than Billie

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