219

Functional
Posted on March 27, 2019 by David M Willis

219 thoughts on “Functional”

  1. Doctor_Who

    Quite a few of the cast have useful hidden features like that.

    Joe’s perma-stubble functions as a brillo pad. Mike’s hair can peel carrots. Dina’s hat is effective camouflage for sitting behind a flea market table being used to display Beanie Babies.

    And Billie can be used as an emergency flotation device.

    1. Yotomoe

      But wait there’s more. The jagged parts of Malaya’s hair can be used to cut open steel. You could grind meat on Jacob’s abs. Amber’s hair is actually completely aerodynamic making her an effective projectile. And Walky is coated with a viscus oily secretion that is somehow both slick and adhesive.

      1. Needfuldoer

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        1. Goshii

          Cash or money order acceptable? Asking for a friend, of a friend.

        2. Needfuldoer

          Check, cash, COD, bartering (except chickens), Mastercharge, and Diner’s Club are accepted. Must be eighteen or older to order. Batteries not included.

      2. Chris Phoenix

        “And Hufflepuffs, in addition to being hard workers, also contain bones that can be removed, sharpened, and used to stab someone.”

        1. elebenty

          Speaking of Hufflepuffs, panel 3 Joyce reminds me of Hermione. (I guess Joe broke Harry’s glasses completely and, uh, Ron got a hat?)

        2. Jon Rich

          HPMoR! You made my day with this reference.

  2. Ana Chronistic

    Danny, that’s what bags are for

    1. mrnoidea

      (how stale must that cookie be tho)

      1. Ana Chronistic

        Bags can be emptied and refilled! Sometimes several times a day!

      2. Seregiel

        Apt avatar to worry about stale cookies.

  3. AnvilPro

    Joe is figuratively falling apart, I expect two books from now he will be literally when he develops leprosy

  4. BBCC

    Same, Danny, same.

    I mean, not under my hat, but that’s not a bad idea.

  5. ShinyNeen

    That’s right, she wears a leather jacket now. She’s totally changed, it happens, eat it Joe.

  6. Humson

    Got to say….
    The unkempt Joe hair is really doing it for me.

  7. Stephen Bierce

    *West African Francophone jazz continues playing on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Ethics Gradient

      Nice tracks. It’s a great sound.

  8. chris2315

    So, uh… who’s that guy next to Joe again? The one with the hat?

    1. King Daniel

      Eglamore?

      1. Rowen Morland

        No, it’s Joyce’s father in disguise.

      2. Drakkin the Alien

        that guy?

      3. Astaphe

        I lol’d

        1. Opus the Poet

          Remember when Eglamore visited Sandra’s school in Sandra and Woo, for a fencing demonstration with Cloud? Yeah, I read too many web comics.

    2. Keulen

      Reginald, Duke of Thingley?

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Evelyn, Reginald’s secret bastard twin brother.

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      Egbert.

      1. abysswatcher1993

        No, John Egbert is cool… until act 6 where he is a jerk towards his sister, sinks the JohnVris ship, says Doctor Who is boring (he actually did it!) and becomes a depressed mess for not wanting to express his feelings.

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          I was thinking of Egbert, King of Wessex, who took on Mercia and won.

          They didn’t have any of those fancy foreign dukes in those days, but if they did, the King of Wessex would outrank the Duke of Thingley.

        2. Meagan

          He’s a *good* egbert

        3. Marsh Maryrose

          Eggzactly!

    4. FacelessDeviant

      Its ukulele hat granola bar guy!

  9. General Tekno

    Definitely concerned for Joe there. He feels like he’s spiraling.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Joe one week from now.

      1. chris73

        Pretty damn cool

        1. DailyBrad

          groovy, even.

      2. Catman

        MALE PRESENTING NIPPLE

  10. Zechariah Judy

    What, no marmalade sandwich?

  11. butts

    nobody gives a poop about danny let’s be honest

    1. LeslieBean4shizzle

      So true. So true.

    2. DailyBrad

      I know it’s probably not why, but part of me wonders if she would have been annoyed Sal would hang out with Danny before she ever got any quality Sal time.

      then again, don’t know if she knows about that. It’s probably moreso his status as Dorothy’s ex that’d make her indifferent to him.

      1. BBCC

        Maybe she’d have started to think that the way to get Sal’s attention is to start badly playing an instrument and wearing a fedora.

        I mean, it worked for Danny, but that’s not the point.

        1. Sunny

          It’s not a fedora, though, nor is it a trilby which are often confused for fedoras. It’s a flat cap according to Wikipedia.

        2. BBCC

          Fair enough. Clearly I am not a fashionista. I shall defer to Wikipedia’s expertise.

        3. Emperor Norton II

          Short introduction:

          Fedora: What Indiana Jones wears.

          Trillby: A woman’s hat that was so cool, a bunch of male assholes wanted it for themselves.

        4. BBCC

          I just looked at pictures of the two side by side. I can’t see an appreciable difference. 😛

        5. Opus the Poet

          Think of the differences between a 1969-70 Mustang and a 2006 or thereabouts Mustang, similar profile, but the proportions are different.

        6. BBCC

          I can’t tell differences between cars either. 😛

    3. Yotomoe

      Ironic for you say, as you are a butt. Or several of them.

    4. Meagan

      I love danny

  12. Raen

    Danny’s hat allows him entry to Boston.

  13. Dean

    Just imagine how may granola bars he could stash if he started wearing a top hat.

    1. moon

      hang on i just need my autogravatar thingie

      1. moon

        i was originally going to shop a top hat onto the boy but I raise you something even greater

        1. Dean

          I an defeated!

      2. 3-I

        You magnificent bastard, I read your BOOK!

  14. Keulen

    Functional and they also look kinda cool.

  15. Woomy

    I wish other college students noticed my wardrobe changes this much

  16. Ryek Hvek

    ….and functional is beautiful

  17. chris73

    I know its played for laughs but panel one Joyce is just being mean here

    1. chris73

      Damned if I’m not curious about what Joe means about the jacket being functional though…

      1. DailyBrad

        I took it that maybe he’s not terribly convinced by her explanation, but it also might be him surprised at her answer. last we saw him, he had lost faith that people could legitimately change.

  18. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    So is Joe wondering when Joyce started caring about practicality instead of hopelessly naive christian idealism?

  19. ian livs

    Might be a controversial opinion, but I really like all 3 of them’s looks here, haha.

    1. DailyBrad

      I kinda dig it, too. At least Joe looks nicer in this shirt than that awful tee he had on last time.

  20. Reltzik

    Danny, it’s okay to be a huge dork. You don’t need to keep it under your hat.

    ….

    *flees*

  21. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Not terribly up on other dimensions of the Willisverse. What were Joyce’s feelings regarding Danny in the other realities?

    1. BBCC

      She had a serious crush on him. Got very stalky and called Sal all sorts of nasty names for dating him (even though Sal was dating him before Danny even got to college and even years after she broke up with him because she ‘stole her boyfriend’).

    2. DailyBrad

      Obsessively smitten, I think it was? I’m fuzzy on it, myself.

    3. Regalli

      Obsessed to the point of creepy stalkerdom until her mind got wiped.

      1. BBCC

        Aaaaand once she got her memories back.

        1. someguywithakatana

          Wait, was she? I feel like by the time she got her memories back, she was pretty thoroughly with wally

        2. someguywithakatana

          Walky. Damn autocorrect

        3. BBCC

          Yep. After she had her memories back, she still called Sal things like ‘tramp’ for hugging Danny and got all sorts of salty about in Joyce and Walky (when she was frigging ENGAGED to Walky).

    4. Cholma

      Are you familiar with Overly Attached Girlfriend? Willis invented that. Except Joyce was Danny’s GF only in her own mind.

    5. someguywithakatana

      Everyone else is pretty spot-on save for 2 points.

      1.There are basically only 2 dimensions in willis-verse. Like we’ve seen others, but they were just little side stories. There’s really only roomie-verse and dumbi-verse.

      2 and more importantly. Joyce wasn’t just a stalker. She was straight up crazy pants. The highlight of her crazy, I think, was when Danny’s parents came to visit, she found them first and introduced herself as his fiancee in some bizarre attempt to guilt him into marrying her via his parents. Or something to that effect. Someone who’s re-read roomies more recently could probably correct me. Or Willis himself if he sees this. Also she decided he was her soulmate based on one semi-pleasant conversation during the first class of the year. Dumbi-Joyce is decidedly less insane. She gets way better during Itswalky, which you should def read over at itswalky.com

      1. Sporky

        3. She had a giant calculator

        1. someguywithakatana

          4. Danny had a giant bone he wanted her to help bury

  22. DailyBrad

    For some reason, Joe is giving me like, serious Bruce Wayne vibes. I guess since often when we see Bruce as just Bruce, he’s got stubble and Alfred’s telling him to go the fuck to sleep.

    Joe’s eyes in panel one, though, hmm. What to think of that…
    Is he surprised to see her and not particularly looking to have this conversation?
    Is he having a bit of a moment like Becky did?

    1. Corey

      Hes giving me more of a Tony Stark spiraling down vibe.

  23. abysswatcher1993

    How many other people think Willis hates Danny? I mean, I read Roomies, but Roomies Danny is really different from DOA Danny.

    1. DailyBrad

      I think he probably just likes messing with Danny a little. He’s honestly made DOA Danny a way better dude than Roomies Danny.

      1. abysswatcher1993

        That I agree. DOA Danny realized he has to be a better person without a love interest to motivate him. His story arc here was about him not needing a girlfriend to feel validated to his friends and his obnoxious parents. On the other hand, he might get a girlfriend… or a boyfriend. Ethan is already being a swinger.

    2. Drakkin the Alien

      mr Willys is also a very different person now than the Willys boy that draw Roomies…

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      Students of Willis’s juvenalia (i.e. his twitter followers) know that Danny was one of the very first characters he ever drew. I would guess that for Willis, Danny is more like one of those childhood friends with whom you have so much shared history that you can mock them endlessly.

  24. Stellar

    That’s not helping Danny. You should push the lack of uke to make up for the add of hat. Concentrate on the positives.

  25. Regalli

    That last line is among Danny’s most wholesome.

    1. MatthewTheLucky

      It is extremely Good Egg.

      1. JessWitt

        Eggs are good with granola.

  26. Yotomoe

    I wanna make a comment about Joyce unintentionally appealing to fetishes of some manner but I fear I’d simply be outing myself.

    1. DailyBrad

      that’s always been a thing for her, being accidentally hot, outside of when she was hanging around Jacob and being on-purpose hot. Not going to lie, her game face versus Raidah was pretty wowza.

      1. Yotomoe

        Intentional vs. Accidental hmm. On one hand there’s sort of an inherent appeal to someone who’s just super hot and not trying. On the other hand something about the idea of someone intentionally trying to flirt is appealing to. I mean you could be the plainest Jane but if you sell it well that means nothin’, y’know?

        1. thejeff

          And someone who’s both is the best. Unintentionally hot normally, but can turn it up when trying to flirt.

        2. Geneseepaws

          It’s o.k. We know about the box under ymy ur bed and alllll about your fetishes. Willis is using them for arc inspirations.
          You dont need to hide them anymore.

        3. Yotomoe

          I know for a fact that’s not true because I am a degenerate and no one would willingly subject themselves to that.

    2. newllend(henryvolt)

      You just did.

  27. William Leonard Reese Jr.

    Huh. . . Joe looks good in deep blue and tousled hair. Also the Joe X Joyce Ship is still flying high, despite some holes in the bow.

    Huh. . . Joe is reminding me of someone. . . If he had lighter skin and wasn’t as wide I would say Bruce Wayne. . . Why haven’t we had a black Batman yet? Or hell a Black/Brown/Arabic/Latino Bruce? That would be awesome! Especially on the Silver Screen.

    1. DailyBrad

      Well, we got Batwing, but I think the problem with a PoC Batman is that a big part of the character’s setup is being old money. That’s going to be pretty white, usually. it’s not undoable otherwise, but you have to put more work into explaining his resources.

      1. Bunny

        Batman is a superhero dressed as a bat who fights supervillains. You draw the realism line at a nonwhite batman being old money?

        1. JBento

          There’s a limit to my suspension of disbelief.

        2. David M Willis

          Be conscious of where the limits to your suspension of belief are.

        3. JBento

          That was mostly tongue in cheek, but to be honest, it’s already hard for me to qualify anyone in the US as “old money,” because you guys are only a few generations old. US non-whites as “old money” is even weirder, because at what point in time did they become “new money” so that they can now be “old money”? It raises worldbuilding history questions.

        4. Betty Anne

          “Old money” is generally someone who had money passed down from their grandfather (or more rarely, grandmother) or any generation older than that. The Nutsack-in-Chief is on the line between where Americans consider someone “old money” and “new money” – it was his grandfather who started the family fortune, but his grandfather was an immigrant who had fled poverty and conscription in Bavaria and followed opportunities for money, including brothels, gold speculation, and hotels, in the United States. Generally speaking, the upper classes in America consider him “new money” for this reason, while the lower-middle class and lower consider him “old money” because he inherited wealth from more than one generation.

          Many of our politicians, including some of the so-called “founding fathers” were old money in decline – descendant branches of royalty or nobility who were inheriting increasingly smaller properties and titles. These families often sent younger/youngest sons to colonial holdings hoping to raise their fortunes, and many did, though not to the extent they once were. (It is typically accepted that – outside of disaster or luck – it takes seven generations to raise or lower a family’s social status noticeably. Most European-Americans have not been in the United States for seven generations or more, and many – like Trump – are only third generation American or less.)

          Bruce Wayne’s storyline follows this pattern, with Thomas Wayne having inherited the family fortune from his father, Patrick Wayne. Patrick and Thomas are both old European names common in nobility (Patrick in particular being from Latin “Patricius,” meaning “nobleman”). Wayne is an occupational surname for wagon makers in England. Since the names Bruce, Thomas, and Patrick all overlap in the Norman world, and Wayne is centered in the regions of the Norman conquest of England, it would not be out of line for the creators to suggest the Wayne family is descended from landowners whose ancestors came to England with William the Conqueror. (This is also ridiculously common among white “old money” in the United States – the Norman invasion not only changed the face of immigrant history in Northern Europe, it also introduced the first extensive, detailed records of land ownership through the Domesday Book. When you can trace and prove your wealth, it’s easier to marry into wealth.)

        5. JBento

          Thanks.

        6. thejeff

          In the American context, it doesn’t really have to be European style “old money”, but old enough to have inherited a mansion and a butler when his parents died young – and thus almost certainly inherited it themselves. Third generation rich African-Americans are still pretty rare. That would likely put the founding of the fortune at least back 70 years or so?

          There were such of course. It’s not impossible. I’d probably actually want that to be more of the focus of the story/character than it would likely be in a Batman movie.

        7. JBento

          A movie that ENDS with Batman’s parents getting shot (the bang of the gun literally ending the movie) is certainly a welcome change from the current status of wasting the first freaking 15 minutes of every goddamn movie with Batman being devoted to killing the Waynes, if nothing else.

          I’m not sure there’s anyone left at this point that doesn’t know the Waynes and Uncle Ben get shot and Krypton blows up.

        8. ValdVin

          A question couched in”fresh from the headline” terms: If someone’s great-great-grandparent’s name is on a wing or a building at a university, does that make that person the American version of Old Money?

        9. JBento

          If the name was bought and they still have money, yes? Probably?

        10. JBento

          For frame of reference, here “old money” means your ancestors built a castle when building castles was “in”.

        11. David M Willis

          Destro has a castle and there was a black Destro once. Even outside the idea of whether there can be generations of rich non-white folks, all you need is for Bruce’s white dad to get married to a black woman. (that’s also how you get black Destros)

        12. BBCC

          ^ This is also a possibility if we don’t wanna go into the history of black old money in the US.

          Which is too bad, imo, because it’s fascinating. 😛

        13. BBCC

          Not necessarily. There are black old money families in the US, some who became wealthy in the 1700s and 1800s. Some were indeed descendants of people like sailmakers. Others were traders – the US has diplomatic relations with Africa dating back to the Revolutionary war at the very least. Indeed, Morocco was one of the first to sign a treaty with the US.

        14. Fart Captor

          Even if it were completely impossible for a black family in the US to be considered “old money” (even by American standards), it doesn’t seem like that should actually be an obstacle?

          Large periods of history get mashed together in one big mixing pot by people’s collective memory, even while people FROM those times are still alive. In twenty years, there’ll probably be movies set in the early 90s where everyone has smartphones and most people won’t bat an eye at it

          If a black Bruce Wayne broke the audience’s suspension of disbelief, I strong doubt that the Waynes being old money would make any real difference. Just seeing a black family depicted as being upper – much less being wealthy and influential as the Waynes – is something that very rarely gets depicted in mainstream American media, unless they’re foreign royalty of some kind (though even then the country they’re from is usually poor and backward, or at the very least “quaint”). Only a couple decades ago a show about a upper-middle class black family was a huge deal, and it’s still only recently that seeing middle class black families on TV has stopped being rare.

          If people didn’t find the mere idea of a black family just being rich and influential so alien, the “realism” of that family being old or new money wouldn’t matter any more than the “realism” of a team with a LITERAL GOD having any use for a dude whose main skill is archery.

          …which of course is all the more reason to do things like make Batman black. Black people with Old Money is something that aught to be AT LEAST as believable as Hawkeye and Green Arrow somehow surviving any fight tough enough that Thor or Superman couldn’t have just ended it in two seconds.

        15. BBCC

          Honestly, you are correct, but if it’s the old money that’s the sticking point, I’m just saying it’s not actually unrealistic. Especially since, as you point out, this is a world with multiple made up countries, aliens and literal gods walking around.

          And yeah, normal dude (albeit with extraordinary long range aiming skills and/or tricked out ammo) and a literal god is a fun combo because it covers the sheer range of heroism and I do think both Ollie and Clint offer important perspectives on their teams and are great fits personality balance wise, but it’s really only story convention and lack of imagination that keeps superpowered heroes from finishing everything in five seconds.

        16. thejeff

          Not unrealistic, but I suspect it would be harder to just be accepted as background. Somebody would decide it had to be a Plot Point that needed explaining and then it would tie into the story and it would be a whole thing and it would just turn into a disaster.

          Batman himself is essentially a normal dude, just like the archers everyone likes to make fun of. They’re Badass Normals. It’s a whole trope. Essentially in most of these cases it’s skill and determination taken to a superhuman level.
          But then pretty much everything in the superhero genre runs on story convention anyway. They’re not supposed to be realistic – or even “what would really happen if people had superpowers”.

        17. BBCC

          Not really – it wouldn’t be that hard to throw in a line like ‘The Waynes, descendants of traders who came in 1700s from Morocco’ etc. in the origin story. Longer stuff gets chucked into info boxes early on all the time.

          And honestly, that’s not quite it. Batman’s not the normal dude superhero trope except in power set – he’s the Billionaire Genius superhero, more like Tony Stark than Hawkeye. Yeah, they’re both Badass Normals in power set, but they fill very different roles and come with very different tropes and story conventions attached.

        18. BBCC

          Besides, lily white Bruce Wayne has a zillion stories where his family’s wealth, how they got it, and their role in the community has been a plot point. It’s just kinda a cornerstone of Batman stories, especially lately. Wanna inject a shot of pathos? Bring Bruce’s dead parents and/or their ancestors into it.

        19. Seregiel

          Look up Madame C.J. Walker! She was a self made WoC around 1900 (though she may have stole stuff from Annie Malone – another WoC business woman).

    2. timemonkey

      Because Batman is one of those characters where white privilege is kind of fundamental to the character.

      1. BBCC

        I mean, yeah, irl, I can’t imagine a particularly corrupt police force in the US allows a black vigilante to go around doing whatever, but superheroes as a genre are built in optimistic escapism, so let us dream. 😛

        1. thejeff

          It just means you move more into the “police hunt Batman” mode of the character, maybe with an “except for the atypically uncorrupt and non-racist Commissioner Gordon.”

        2. BBCC

          And probably stick to the harsher, ‘Batman’s a lawless vigilante’ media reaction than ‘he’s benevolent/an urban myth’, yeah.

      2. thejeff

        Plus the fascist themes wouldn’t work as well.

        1. BBCC

          See, I wanna argue, but as long as DC’s fixated on ‘dark and gritty’ Batman stories, those themes are gonna be around. Might as well reject canon and substitute our own.

          I mean, that’s pretty much what comic fans do anyways.

        2. thejeff

          For reasons, fascism’s been on my mind lately and Batman really does hit a lot of the fascist themes: The Crisis – the unending war against Crime. The need for a heroic almost more than human figure to stand against both the Enemy and the current Corrupt government.
          The big difference is that he’s generally cast as more of lone hero than an inspiring Leader type.

          And this is distinct from most other popular superhero themes – like Spider-man’s “with great power comes great responsibility” thing. I mean, they all go around beating up baddies, but the underlying themes are very different.

        3. BBCC

          Sure, that’s definitely a thing, particularly in more ‘Batman’s all about vengeance’ type things. I personally prefer the more hopeful iterations of Batman where he’s more focused on protecting innocents like he was from crime and funds Gotham’s infrastructure and poverty relief.

          Honestly though, the ‘war on crime and heroic figure who stands above enemy and corrupt government’ kinda falls apart when 1) Batman doesn’t usually fight corrupt governments, 2) That’s like…every superhero story set in dystopias, and 3) The corrupt cops and filthy crime strikes me as more of a callback to Batman’s roots in noir mysteries.

          I’d also argue Batman’s not really a loner. He hasn’t been since they introduced Alfred, not to mention Dick Grayson first showed up in 1940. The Batfamily’s only gotten bigger since then and Batman’s got plenty of friends in the super heroic community (when DC doesn’t do their best to hit the reset button like they like to try every few years or so).

          There have definitely been Batman stories where I can see fascist themes, but those stories tend to focus more on Batman as hyper-controlling, hyper-violent, and as dehumanizing at least one group into an ‘Other’ – all of which are also, imo more telling, fascist themes.

  28. Yotomoe

    I just like seeing the gang all back together. Now we just need Sal to show up and ruin their good time.

  29. Kinoko

    This strip is reminding me that I *really* need to get myself a good leather jacket soon. They look great on me, but I never could afford the nice ones. Now my last cheap one has finally worn through…

    1. Marisa Mockery

      Stalk thrift stores?

      1. Kinoko

        I have money now! The cheap ones were from when I was a poor college student. Might as well get the exact kind I want new. I just forgot that this is a Thing I Can Buy. 😛

        1. BBCC

          Hooray, money!

  30. C.T Phipps

    We don’t get to see Leslie dress Joe down in class?

  31. Dana

    But is it the peanut butter kind?

  32. Jess

    What’s Willis’ stance on fanart again? I don’t remember

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      Willis has regularly reblogged fanart on Dumblr of Age, so I assume his stance is (at least generally) pro.

    2. BBCC

      Willis has encouraged fan art and fan fiction everywhere that I can see, though he can’t read fan fiction himself.

    3. Amazi-Stool

      He also has published fanart on this very webpage (most recent example I could find). Just open http://www.dumbingofage.com and dig through the pages!

  33. someguywithakatana

    Joe, don’t turn up your nose at Danny when you look like you’re on day 3 with no personal hygiene

  34. Tan

    I should like to note that panel #1 is approximately how Walky and Amber wound up together.

    So, start your DannyxJoyce ship names.

    1. Kinoko

      Joyce was obsessed with Danny in Roomies (see alt-text), so I am thinking that ship will never set sail in the Dumbiverse.

  35. Catman

    Oh, so is Joyce trying to convince Joe that people can change, making her an ideological counterpart to Rachel?

    Adds more wait to the previous shower scene.

    1. BenRG

      Joyce and Rachel have been opposites in their reactions and perspectives on almost all occasions.

      1. Catman

        Yeah but apparently this is the first time I’ve noticed.

  36. Astro-L

    I already liked Joe’s new hair, but with the shirt and stubble too, he’s killin it. He looks way more like an actual player than ever.

    Danny, meanwhile, continues his descent into endearingness. Much like the current fav-character poll, he will fail to win the social prizes that a good and just world would confer upon him. But this will only make him more endearing.

  37. JessWitt

    I googled ‘hats with pockets’ and sure enough they’re real and I want one now.

    1. Opus the Poet

      I have had several since 2001, some with internal pockets, some with external pockets based on the Vietnam-era jungle hat. Still trying to find one with both the internal map pocket and the external camo band that is just the right size for old 35mm film canisters. Depending on your hat size the camo band could carry a weeks’ worth of food in waterproof containers. Granted that would be a week at 1200 Calories per day of mostly carbs and B vitamins (concentrated survival rations). But you could carry a map inside the crown of the hat to navigate your way out of danger.

      1. thejeff

        I’ve never carried food in a hat (partly because I rarely wear hats), but a caving helmet is the perfect spot to stash an emergency snack.

      2. JessWitt

        Nice. I’m not much of an outdoorsperson though so I think such headgear might be wasted on me.

  38. Josh Spicer

    Am I missing something here with Joyce and Danny?

    That being said…please let this Joe and Joyce conversation go on. New Joyce might be what Old Joe needs.

    1. Bagge

      I like the notion someone put forth in Patreon that it has to do with Danny’s ex.

      Joyce can be VERY jealous about her Dorothy.

      1. ValdVin

        Ooh, I should have recognized that!

  39. Bagge

    What’s the matter, Joe? Don’t like the new Joyce?

    1. BenRG

      More likely he’s one of those people for whom big changes are disorienting.

      1. Bagge

        I think you are right. Which is VERY ironic given his and Danny’s interaction.

        1. Rabid Rabbit

          It’s also another of those moments when Joyce is saying something and doesn’t realize its import, not unlike when she kept asking people if she should wear a strap-on. Remember, Joe keeps socks in his pockets too, but for a specific reason. (And I tend to assume they’re clean ones, as he has great respect for socks and won’t stand for them being made liars.)

    2. Zatar

      Joe doesn’t like being left behind.

  40. Delicious Taffy

    I have done almost nothing but job hunt and play Kingdom Hearts games for like two weeks (tax return well spent ftr). All I can think about, with Joyce wearing this outfit, is what kind of Keyblade and techniques would she use? What would any of these wacky kids use if they were a Kingdom Hearts?

    1. Solenoid

      anti-joyce in the walkyverse is simply the norted version of joyce send tweet

    2. Delicious Taffy

      Y’all, my eyesight keeps switching from fine to sharp and flowy. It’s like in an old CG movie when the frame rate is suddenly way higher for a moment. I think these video games are trying to download 4K video upgrades into my head.

    3. Emperor Norton II

      Good for you!

      Also, were you as disappointed with KH3 as I was?

      1. Delicious Taffy

        I’m only just now in Twilight Town, so I can’t speak to the overall quality. So far, though, I’m noticing a lot of frame rate drops.

  41. Ashley

    Danny is keeping that granola bar there to come out as bi in a glorious Sasha Velour emotional moment.

  42. BenRG

    This is why I sometimes flirt with Danny having a relationship with Joyce: The two of them are so similar in so many ways that I can imagine them making beautiful things together! They’re both kind, sensible and generally good people but they also have enormous eccentricities and struggle with selfish thoughts.

  43. Grant Barnes

    Wait, I’m kind of confused. Why is Joyce being kind of rude to Danny?

    1. BenRG

      Basically, she’s trying to be nice but this is difficult with someone who literally does not persist in your memory.

      1. dralou

        To me, it looks more like she doesn’t want to remember him. I couldn’t understand why, until Bagge pointed out the obvious: he’s Dorothy’s ex.

        Not only that, but Dorothy pretty much dumped him specifically because he wasn’t good enough. If he’s not good enough, why the hell would Joyce care about him ?

        1. Grant Barnes

          Ah, ok, yeah, that makes sense. Thanks! I just thought it was a little weird, but the Dorothy connection clears it up a lot, lol.

        2. RacingTurtle

          I think the in-universe explanation of the Dorothy connection is just the paper over the out-of-universe explanation given in the alt-text: Willis thinks it’s funny for Joyce to consider Danny a non-entity. Since I’ve read his other comics, I think it’s funny too! But I’m glad for the in-universe explanation. Imagine earlier Joyce thinking about the fact that Dorothy had pre-marital-hanky-panky in high school with *someone she’s met*!

          One additional in-universe thing: Joyce is so naturally gregarious that she’s developed friendships and friendly acquaintanceships with several male characters despite her upbringing, but they’ve had to come into her orbit via shared classes or romantic connection. Danny is too far removed. Doesn’t excuse the rudeness, but it does explain why two months hasn’t been enough time for him to make an impression, what with everything else that’s happened.

        3. Bagge

          I agree that the meta-joke is probably the best explanation.

          Another possible in-universe explanation is that she sends a message to Joe by being rude to his friend. “See, this is how little I care about you. See how much I don’t care.”

  44. HeySo

    That look of disgust upon hearing of a college student’s hygiene habits.
    Ah, so familiar..

  45. BenRG

    Calling it now: Those dirty socks will turn out to be a Chekhov’s Gun. The only question is exactly how!

    1. Sunny

      Maybe someone will need to poop really badly, and there will be no toilets anywhere near them.

  46. JoeCovenant

    Nah, that’s just straight up rude.

  47. Ethics Gradient

    Go stuff your rush to judge up your jacksie, Joe.

  48. Zaxares

    To be honest, if this is really the reaction that Danny gets from the majority of people he meets, then I’m really not surprised that he stands by Joe so much and clung to Dorothy so hard. When it seems like most people just don’t seem to care about you, you are all the more fiercely loyal to those who “see” you.

    Joyce is right about one thing though. You can never have too many pockets! 😉

  49. goggleman64

    GODDAMNIT IT DANNY STOP MAKING ME LIKE YOU SO MUCH

  50. geno

    I imagine Danny’s hatedom from the Walkyverse likes it too

  51. JBento

    And then Sal and Walky arrive, and Joyce gets another breakdown when Sal prefers to hang with Danny than with her.

  52. Ntrovert60

    Danny tries really hard to be a nice guy, which I appreciate. But there is definitely a part of me that thinks that Joyce is being a little shit.

    That part of me would be perfectly on board with Danny meeting the next instance of that behavior with a response like “Joyce, I know you don’t approve of premarital hanky panky, so why don’t you go fuck yourself?”

    1. JBento

      Joyce is DEFINITELY being a little shit. “I know your name, but I’ll pretend I don’t because you wear a hat and that’s uncool, and I won’t be seen associating with UNCOOL.”

      1. BenRG

        I’m pretty sure that Joyce doesn’t have a problem with Danny’s hat. In fact, it’s helpful because it actually gives her something around which she can form a lasting memory of him.

        1. JBento

          That’s not what the bolding of “hat” in her “I know you started wearing a hat.” tells me, but it’s entirely possibly I’m reading it wrong.

        2. BBCC

          Last time she was thinking about people she knew, she didn’t remember Danny’s name, only ‘some guy with a hat’.

        3. ValdVin

          I can’t decide whether “Joyce thinking Danny’s hat is uncool” is extra funny as she’s pulling on her Monkey Master socks.

        4. JBento

          Ah, that does bring context, thanks.

        5. BBCC

          Yeah, Joyce can be a little shit, but this is actually something she forgot. She narrowly escapes wrath. 😛

        6. BBCC

          I just ran through the archive and Joyce had heard his name before, but only in passing and with at least a couple weeks between them.

  53. Vulcanodon

    OK Joyce you lost me there being rude to Danny because he wears a hat.

  54. TheFlamingonator

    Joe stop dressing like Charlie Sheen did in Two and a Half Men

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Golf shirts are a gateway drug to railway homicides.

    2. Amazi-Stool

      But Joe, unlike Charly, wears long pants!

  55. Mandzia

    Why do I ship Joyce and Joe

  56. hof1991

    A jacket that doesn’t button (too tight) and doesn’t reach your waist is functional, just not in a “keeping warm” kind of way.

    1. Miri

      I think it reaches her natural waist with her shirt hitting hip-length? And it probably does do up – leather has stretch to it – but she’s indoors and is wearing it for fashion rather than warmth atm?

  57. Dang Fool

    Last strip, Joyce asked “Which is the most sterile chair?” Her answer is a non-chair. Do you suppose she has a pocket size surface cleaning kit?

    Of course she does. And it doesn’t work well on fabric.

    1. Opus the Poet

      I spent hours looking for the right comic in the El Goonish Shive archive, and I think this comic best encapsulates that emotion: https://egscomics.com/comic/2010-05-17

  58. DarkoNeko

    …woukdn’t the bar kinda melt ? I mean, Granola aren’t chocolate based but still

    1. Inahc

      Granola bars are fairly resilient by design. Unless they’ve got a coating on them.

  59. ziggy78eog

    Clearly Joe has never worn a leather jacket, or he would know of the utility of the pockets.

    1. RacingTurtle

      I’m already enjoying Joe’s look today and you had to go and make me imagine him in a leather jacket. Pretty sure I just made the face Joe himself is making in the first panel.

  60. Inahc

    What I don’t get is how people keep hats on their head – let alone hats with a granola bar sliding around underneath. I gave up on hats years ago. Even if the hat had string to tie under my chin, that just turned it into a kite trying to strangle me :p

    1. Captain Button

      In my experience there are two kinds of hats. Hats that are so tight they give you a headache, and hats that fall off anytime you move.

  61. Romanticide

    Women’s pants suck in the pockets deparment Joe.

    1. abysswatcher1993

      I have seen those pants. Why are they so tight?!

    2. BBCC

      My boyfriend is never so offended as he is when I show him women’s pant pockets.

  62. Daibhid C

    Man, I miss the flat cap I used to have where the peak had a Secret Velcro Pocket I could keep stuff in, providing I didn’t mind the hat looking extremely lumpy. Don’t know what happened to it, never seen another one like it

    1. Daibhid C

      Also, whenever I mention it, none of my relatives know what I’m talking about, so maybe it was a dream.

      1. Bagge

        That’s an oddly… Walkyesqe dream

  63. Zech Judy

    Can a Mod tell me what I did to be banned? Or, I assume I am banned. None of my posts go through. But I can’t remember saying anything offensive.

    1. Zech Judy

      This one seems to have gone through, but my earlier comment is still awaiting moderation. Strange. Did the phrase “Marmalade Sandwich” trigger something?

      1. RacingTurtle

        There’s only one mod. If there’s no chance you’ve engaged in secret assholery, you’re probably just stuck due to being new or because of the mysteries of the internet, and you’ll be released when/if he has time to clean out the trapped comments.

    2. BBCC

      If you’ve never commented before (or at least with this IP address) that’s why. All new IPs need to await moderation.

  64. Sol Karas

    Gotta say, Joe looks good with the scruffy hair.
    Jason also looked good with scruffy hair, back when he was getting drunk with Walky.

    Basically, all dudes should have scruffy hair.

    1. Sol Karas

      Also, I wonder if Joe is regretting/rethinking his attraction to Joyce in that final panel…?

  65. Opus the Poet

    How hasn’t anybody done the obvious emoticon joke yet? Joe- :/

  66. Deanatay

    Whaddya wanna bet that granola bar winds up being important later on?

  67. BKC

    Is this strip confirmation that Joyce’s toenail never fell off? I can’t imagine she’d want her gross dead toenail sticking to her brand new Monkey Master socks.

    1. Ana Chronistic

      I had one of those earlier this year, broken toenail. Finally caught on my socks enough that I felt comfortable clipping it off, after TWO MONTHS

    2. BBCC

      It can take a while to fall off. It’s not been that long.

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