152

Getting started
Posted on November 29, 2022 by David M Willis

152 thoughts on “Getting started”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    *spent a good chunk of time trying to decide if Ruth would be on F1 or J1 or managed to get GC/naturalisation in order to maybe do a quickie wedding and apply for F2 or other for Jason*

    *suddenly thought of G1 visa: GALASSO VISA, PROBLEM SOLVED FOREVER*

    1. Raen

      I thought it was a plot point that Ruth was naturalized, presumably as a minor, and hates that fact?

      1. thejeff

        I don’t think it’s ever been a plot point, but there’s no reason to think Ruth isn’t an American citizen by birth. My understanding is that Clint’s a citizen and that her mom married and moved to Canada. Ruth was born there, but as the daughter of an American citizen, she’s one also.

        It’s a character trait that she hates having had to move to the US, but I don’t remember citizenship coming up.

        1. Raen

          I thought it was said at some point that she and Howard can’t go back to Canada permanently, even after they graduate, which is what made me think they were naturalized.

        2. Ana Chronistic

          “relocated to another country”

          https://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/lesbian/

        3. Ana Chronistic

          next comic has Ruth suggest Howard was too young to miss their parents, so guess it’s been a while

          British Import Spouse mentioned having to go through naturalisation at ~16 otherwise it would’ve been harder later, so I suppose there’s that

        4. thejeff

          “Relocated” certainly, but that’s not citizenship.
          She was born and raised in Canada, but her mother at least would have been an American citizen so she would have inherited citizenship from her.
          Unless there’s a lot more to the story that we don’t know. Clint could have been Canadian and only moved to the US and naturalized after his daughter’s birth? Ruth’s mom could have renounced American citizenship before Ruth was born?

          None of that very likely though.

        5. Inahc

          I googled naturalization, and… it seems to just mean getting citizenship? I don’t see the big deal, unless the US is a real jerk about dual citizenship. my parents brought me from england to canada as a kid, after 4 years they did a citizenship test and I just signed my name very cutely (the signature is on my citizenship card and the i has a star for a dot).
          we’re citizens of both countries, they both moved back to england after I’d grown up. I had a british passport for a while too, mainly to stay in Berlin for half a year, but then fucking brexit happened so I didn’t bother renewing it.

  2. Nathan

    Wait, did they break up between strips or am I just forgetting something?

    1. Audkitten

      That’s what I was wondering, too

    2. Scruffy looking nerfherder

      She made it known that she was still very much not over Billie during their physical spat and told him that it was his choice to do with that info as he pleases, expecting him to leave her out of mistrust.

    3. Yeet

      Ruth pretty explicitly Ruthed about Jennifer in front of him, and seemingly assumed the worst

    4. RassilonTDavros

      Their last interaction was… kind of ambiguous.

    5. Moon

      https://www.dumbingofage.com/2022/comic/book-12/04-dont-stop-billie-ving/yourex/
      Easy to forget when we spent the entire following chapter in the blue-screen flashback hell, but I think the linked strip only happened like 2 days ago in universe, and presumably this is the follow-up to that conversation.

    6. thejeff

      Yeah, we kind of glossed over it in our excitement over halloween, but looking back it seems more obvious.

  3. Yotomoe

    I too would prefer to have Ruth as a Girlfriend than not as a girlfriend, if given the option.

    1. Doctor_Who

      And to have central heating over not having central heating, so really it’s win-win.

      1. Segnosaur

        He’s from England. I’m surprised he knows what central heating is.

        1. Doctor_Who

          He does since Mr. Scrooge learned the true meaning of Christmas and started providing a whole shovel-full of coal a day!

        2. Bobbi

          Oh, we have plenty of central heating; it’s air con that we don’t have!

        3. ValdVin

          The mere fact you call it “air con” makes me believe you’re from the British Isles.

        4. Ymbrael

          “Ye wan’ sum bloody air con, innit, gov’na?”

        5. Bobbi

          I’d assumed that it was obvious from the context of the comment that I’m from there ?
          I have British and Irish citizenship, so your observation is even more accurate than you could have guessed

        6. ValdVin

          But thats the thing-put on an accent, drop a few Britishisms about lifting the bonnet and going in with a spanner, and a good chunk of Americans (including me) will believe whatever you tell them.

        7. Andrews

          You wot mate?

        8. Daibhid C

          We got electric lighting recently too! There’s some talk of indoor plumbing by 2030.

        9. davidbreslin101

          I heard a rumour we’re getting some kind of home telegraph system next year – time to brush up on me Morse code!

        10. Psi Baka Onna

          England is pretty far up North, pretty sure we’d have all frozen to death by now without it.

          Saying that though, every family has that one member that insists that just putting a jumper on will suffice even during freak snow storms…

        11. Miri

          I married one of those! However, he buys me various USB portable warmers etc (and electric blankets/throws, footwarmers, etc… I don’t really care if I look a little bit like a convict with wires going down both legs to connect my electric sole heaters to the power pack – if I don’t have purple toenails this is a total win when I have to leave the house…) so we compromise and keep the house under 19°C (but over 18°C – thank you neighbours providing heating and insulation) when he’s home and he can sleep and I’m not in pain with the cold! Win win!

        12. Segnosaur

          With all those USB wires, you are one step closer to being a cyborg.

        13. milu

          We are all cyborgs already!

      2. Sirksome

        Yeah but Asher is dating Jennifer, has central heating, and has a cool motorcycle. That’s a win-win-win. So I think Jason isn’t as on top as some other people who came out well from the Ruthless split.

        1. BowlerHatGuy

          Pretty sure Asher is in on Raidah’s plan to pull Sarah and Joyces friends away from them.

          Either way, when Raidahs plan becomes plain to Jennifer, she’ll crash hard, and run back to Ruth. Messy three way hijinx ensues.

          Jason will probably bolt at that point. Cause those two onky pull each other down into the worst behaviors. And then cut to a scene of alarm clock rolling over to 7 am.

          They say we’re young and we don’t know
          We won’t find out until we grow
          Well, I don’t know if all that’s true
          ‘Cause you got me, and baby, I got you

          Babe
          I got you, babe
          I got you, babe

        2. Liara

          I don’t know if I count dating a (allegedly ex-)mafioso any kind of win

        3. Sirksome

          Asher actually seems to genuinely like Jennifer and be a good boyfriend. His mob ties are a red flag not to trust him but Jennifer does seem very happy with him. I doubt he’s willingly drag her into any criminal mess if that ever comes up again which is about a coin flip to me.

        4. BowlerHatGuy

          As slow as the timeline moves, we might not see Raidahs endgame for a year or two.

        5. BowlerHatGuy

          Asher is evil. He stole money from the mob/grandfather before “leaving” the mob.

          Ambers father threatened to rat out asher to mob/grandad if asher didnt help ambers dad kidnap the kids.

          Asher pulls fire alarm when the goons are all in place to kidnap the cast.

          Ambers father ends up in ER.

          And if i am not mistaken, Asher used some of that mob money, and some old mob connections, to convince a dirty cop to murder ambers dad.

          Jennifer is dating a cold ass killer and is WAY over her head. If she pisses off Asher enough, she would “disappear” no body ever found.

          Sal was trying to warn people about Asher, but sal is basically Cassandra, she knows the truth, but shes black, poor, and no one wants to believe her.

          Depending on how dark willis wants to take this, Jennifer could end up dead like Mike.

        6. Sirksome

          I actually used to agree with you but I’ve actually come around a bit on Asher, mainly because he does seem to genuinely like Jennifer unlike the rest of his “friend” group who are much more obviously manipulative.

          I think Asher is just a selfish scumbag who made dumb decisions as a kid he’s paying for now. Him stealing his grandpa’s money is the reason he’s back in contact with his criminal family even if only slightly from what we’ve seen. A vague text message doesn’t mean he planned the hit just that he had to report that it happened. He lied to Sal about splitting with his family. You can’t trust him and he’s multiple times now proven he values himself over others…..but that doesn’t make him evil.

          I think he really likes Jennifer and that is gonna lead to problems if the position he’s in with his family ever causes conflict in Jennifer’s life.

        7. BowlerHatGuy

          https://www.dumbingofage.com/2020/comic/book-10/03-when-it-crumbles/gone-too/

          https://www.dumbingofage.com/2020/comic/book-10/04-is-a-song-forever/blammo/

          The texts are on different sides of ashers phone.

          Asher SENT message after he pulled the fire alarm and helped kidnap the cast.

          Asher RECIEVED the text from the cop after he murdered ambers dad.

    2. The Wellerman

      even if she BDSMed you with even more locks then she did on Jason? ?

      1. Yotomoe

        Especially if.

        1. Taffy

          Yeah, like, is that even a question?

        2. The Wellerman

          I imagine one of those locks would possibly be on a chastity belt ?

        3. Taffy

          You and your belts. That’s more of a German Christmas activity, or at least it was when I was a little girl in the 60s.

        4. Liara

          Man, my country sure as shit (apparently) changed since then

        5. Taffy

          Well, it was a different time. Reagan was our President, they’d just started airing Sun Vulcan on the BBC, and it was still 7 years until we’d get WiFi. Had to do something with our time, didn’t we?

        6. a/snow/mous/e

          When you said the 60s, did you mean the 80s?

        7. Taffy

          I was trying to spread the anachronisms around a little more, but accidentally picked the wrong toku show. Funny enough Sun Vulcan did air on a BBC, but it was one in the Philippines.

          I don’t think there was WiFi in either decade, though. Also I was never a little girl. Or German. Just a real cascade of untruthfulness.

    3. Needfuldoer

      I don’t disagree.

  4. Francoinblanco

    Well, Json has a weakness for hot women and warm rooms

    1. Doctor_Who

      In my experience, Json’s big weakness is that it doesn’t allow comments or attribute tags like Xml does, but it is easier to read and takes up less space.

      (Sorry, I’ll go be a wiseass somewhere else now)

      1. StClair

        That box lets you be a wiseass across all of time and space… and from what I’ve seen, you take full advantage of that.

        1. BowlerHatGuy

          Cursed with immortality, they decide to insult everyone in the universe.

      2. Mark

        Somebody had to say it.

  5. Sirksome

    Ugh. Having trouble typing my name correctly on my phone. Stupid fat fingers. Jason is being okay. I had to type this three times!

  6. Stephen Bierce

    Hearts Afi~i~ire…

  7. DailyBrad

    Theirs is a dynamic I wasn’t originally into, but it’s growing on me.

    1. Erik

      It definitely beats watching Ruth and Jennifer reenact Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf (or eventually War of the Roses)…

  8. BBCC

    That’s fair and also unexpectedly sweet.

  9. Nono

    Gotta say, if I was in Jason’s shoes I would be a rolling ball of stress. Visa statuses are no joke.

    1. AeromechanicalAce

      I’m pretty sure Jason IS a rolling ball of stress. I’m just as sure he’s too big of a believer in the “Stiff upper lip” trope to ever show it to anyone.

  10. Thag Simmons

    good a reason as any i suppose

  11. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    In my dorm in college the heating was messed up. Room near the center were horribly over heated, such that we had to keep the window cracked all through the upstate New York winter. And the windows in the bathroom were open, which was handy for all the squirrels who stole toilet paper to build their nests in the ivy on the walls.

    I was told it had to be that way, or the rooms at the end of the building wouldn’t get any heat at all.

    That said, the excessive heat never did me any good on the romance front.

    1. Lexi

      Hey, my dorm room was also constantly overheated. Always blazing hot, to the point where I left the balcony door open all winter in a Canadian city.

      Eventually, I got maintence to come in, at which point they informed me that the person who had written “hot” and “cold” on the temperature dial had it wrong, and I’d just had the dial cranked to the hottest possible setting, because it said “cold”.

      1. darkoneko

        hahahahahahahahaha

      2. Just_IDD

        I’m so going to have to do that the next time I have the opportunity. Dislike cold much below 0c

  12. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Of course, the visa problem may not ever come up given how slowly the in-strip time advances. Like in Megatokyo.

  13. Dana

    Jason is quite the pragmatist.

  14. JepMZ

    Wouldn’t she know if they broke up?

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Not if she doesn’t read her text messages…

    2. StClair

      Just the other day, it was noted that lots of people’s response to hearing of Lucy dating Walky was “does he know?”

      1. Needfuldoer

        “It IS Walky!”

        “Yeah, but does he know?

  15. darkoneko

    You make a compelling argument

  16. Taffy

    Fuck him, Ruth. Right there behind the bar. He complimented your central heating, that’s man-speak for eternal devotion. Source: I’ve met lots of men.

    1. Daibhid C

      It took me two goes to realise you were saying “F**k him” literally, because I’m so used to people in this commentariat hating everyone.

      1. Taffy

        The only character I hate in this comic is Ryan. He’s not fun or interesting to me in any capacity. Everyone else I’m just loud about sometimes.

  17. Ari

    please break up please break up please break up…

    1. Taffy

      Does nobody want anybody to date in this comic? Every time there’s two characters on-panel, somebody has to say something about a breakup.

      1. Clif

        By now they should know that it only happens on Valentines day, Halloween or other special occasions.

      2. Amós Batista

        Dating is hard and expensive nowadays…

      3. The Wellerman

        To paraphrase Jason, “how much misanthropy do these people run on?”

        1. BowlerHatGuy

          Ruth and Jennifer are the two most disfunctional people in this strip. Of course they’re pulled to each other. No one else would put up with their shit.

          Experiejce has given me a zero tolerance policy for battery, little respect for anyone who stays with a physically abusive partner, and rage to anyone who thinks physical violence is acceptable. Ruth and Jennifer are just toxic bullshit.

        2. Taffy

          “Little respect for anyone who stays with a physically abusive partner” ?

          Might be a reason they’d stay (couldn’t possibly imagine what), but sure, blame the victim. Like, it’s not illegal to do that, I guess.

        3. Taffy

          Damn it, I closed the b with /I again

        4. David M Willis

          “little respect for anyone who stays with a physically abusive partner”

          oh c’mon man, jesus

          there’s literally articles written for people like you: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/why_leaving_abuse_is_hard/

          “And while seeking help to get out of these relationships is the most important thing, blaming someone in an abusive relationship is never okay. There is a big difference between judgment and responsibility. While someone might have used bad judgment by staying in an unhealthy or dangerous situation, it does not mean that they are responsible, or asking, for the abuse perpetrated against them.”

        5. BowlerHatGuy

          Children cant easily leave abusive parents. Financially strapped adults cant easily leave abusive partners. When a person is stranded with their abuser in some way, they cant just leave.

          For people who are stranded with their abuser, my heart breaks for them and i wish them stregth.

          Jennifer was not stranded with Ruth.
          Ruth was not stranded with Jennifer.
          And that was part of the point of moving jennifer to a different building. To keep them from stranding themselves with each other.

          And sure, Ruth has dead parents, an asshole grandfather, and needs meds. And Billy has shit parents, was top of her apparently fake world when she had the accident and everyone made clear they only cared about appearances, turned on her, and she hit bottom.

          But i’ve lost track of all the physical violence between them, both have initiated violence at one point or another. They are both abusers when it gets to the worst point of their relationship.

          Switch either of these two assholes to a male characteter and they’d wear a wife beater tshirt, be alcoholic, beat their partner, lose their job, nearly get thrown out of school. And blame his partner for his own decisions. And i should have any respect for that?

          They are clinically DEPRESSED. they need PROFESSIONAL HELP. they make each other WORSE. they are ENABLING the worst characteristics of each other. Yes they deserve the space to be human and be flawed, no they arent asking for abuse, but jesus fucking christ, these two were how close to double suicide? Hours?

          This isnt a simple victim blaming thing. Because both of these assholes are also the perpetrators. Both are the abuser of the other. I dont have any respect for that and the fact that they keep going back to each other, that ruth still isnt “over” her abuser and that ruth isnt over abusing jennifer, makes me think both these idiots thinks the abuse was ok.

          And so then im like hey, Ruth, Jenn, fuck both of ya’s you assault and barttery shitheads.

          There are 11 reasons for not leaving an abusive relationship in that article you linked. None of them apply to either of these two at this point in time. Not a single one.

          The closest one might be #2. But both of these two had no self esteem BEFORE the relationship started. And the spiral of physical abusive and near suicide should make clear they cant give the other self esteem, but instead make the other worse.

          And to be clear those 11 reasons for staying are nearly all unhealthy choices. Not leaving because your partner might kill you is the healthiest choice from a shitty list of options. But that one doesnt apply to ruth/jenn. And the rest are just unhealthy. Staying because of societal pressure? Unhealthy. Staying because your abusive partner has great apology sex? Unhealthy. Staying because abusive partner is gaslighting? Unhealthy. Staying because you “love” the person constantly abusing you for months? Unhealthy.

          No they might not be “asking for” tge abuse. But the way out of their abuse is to stoo any unhealthy behavior that is keeping them in an abusive relationship.

          There is no healthy reason for Ruth to still be pining for Jennifer. Their relationship was abusive enabling abusers enabling low self esteem driving them both damn close to suicide.

          If this is romeo and juiliet tragedy, then fine. Theyre tragic lovers circling the fucking drain of shakespearean romanticized death.

          But you’ve written them as real people who are just shit together. Theres nothing healthy about their relationship on any real level. Theres nothing loving about them being together. There is nothing healthy about Ruth pining for some romanticized version of what she thinks she and jennifer had. Odds are getting them back together will get somebody killed. If thats the plot line you are heading too, fine. If its a plot on rails then fine, ride the rail. But i dont have to respect these two moths to their deadly flames. Amd i sure as shit aint buying whatever romanticized bullshit Ruth is selling about why shes pining for the woman she repeatedly beat the shit out of for months. If they “loved” each other, then how is that different from a husband in a wife beater shirt standing over his wife whith a black eye telling her that he “loves” her?

          How is ruth any different than a wife beater husband? How is that not Ruth thinking physical abuse ok?

          Im not blaming the victim here, i am furious at the abusers that are ruth and jennifer who think their casual violence is ok or maybe some expression of their love.

        6. Taffy

          TL;DR
          Blah blah blah, any excuse in the world.

        7. WizardPantaloon

          This is exactly why I flipped my shit the other day.

        8. The Oracle

          “Healthy” this, “unhealthy” that. Whatever. You can just say you don’t like a character without saying weird shit about “respect” and physical abuse.

        9. BowlerHatGuy

          ““Healthy” this, “unhealthy” that.”

          Willis linked to an article that talked about people in unhealthy relationships and why they might not leave. “Healthy” or “unhealthy” occurs in the article 10 times. Its kinda a key point of the article that a relationship isnt “healthy” for one reason or another, and discusses several unhealthy reasons for staying.

          “without saying weird shit about “respect” and physical abuse.”

          Whats weird about saying i dont respect Ruth for pining for someone she repeatedly abused?

          Whats weird about watching Ruth tell her victim “just let me play the victim here. Let me blame you for not rushing back to me for more abuse” and me go wtf?

          If next week Asher shoves Jennifer against a wall, slams her to the ground, kicks her out of his place, then a week later berates her for not trying hard enough to come back to him, do you expect anyone to say “aw, theyre cute. I hope they work it out”? Cause that is seriously messed up shit.

          Does it make any difference if its then followed by a flashback showing Ashers terrible childhood in the mafia and we find out he is suicidal? Are we supposed to sympathize with abusers? Are we making excuses for abusers?

          Wtf

        10. Yumi

          It seems like you really struggle to understand what people say here. I don’t think you’re a bad person or that you mean to come off so unpleasantly, but sometimes it is rather… oof.

          The part of your post that people were objecting to was “little respect for anyone who stays with a physically abusive partner.” Then you go into all this rambling about Ruth and Jennifer– but that wasn’t the issue! The way you tie the comic and your reactions to it to statements about big, real life groups of people in such damaging ways is the issue. Don’t have respect for Ruth? Whatever. Don’t have respect for Jennifer? Okay. At the end of the day, who really cares, they’re fictional characters.

          But maybe someone on here has a mom or dad or other family member who stayed with an abusive partner. Maybe someone on here stayed with an abusive partner themself. And you’re just hear announcing that you have little respect for those people.

          Also, really feel like you missed the key point of the article– to help people understand why leaving can be complicated and help promote empathy in people who might say shitty things like how they don’t respect people who don’t leave.

        11. The Oracle

          “Are we making excuses for abusers?”

          Oh, shut up. ?

        12. Joy

          As expected from the fake dali lama quote guy…

        13. BowlerHatGuy

          “part of your post that people were objecting to was “little respect for anyone who stays with a physically abusive partner.” Then you go into all this rambling about Ruth and Jennifer”

          Because it was in reference to Ruth and Jennifer. I specifically name Ruth/Jennifer in the sentence beforr and i specifically name Ruth/Jennifer in the sentence after.

          Theyre not children trapped by an abusive parent. Theyre not a victim trapped by an abusive spouse who threatens to kill them if they leave. They are not a victim financially trapped by an abusive partner who controls all the money. Ruth/Jennifer could have left the other at any time. I lost respect for them when they both stayed.

          And its impossible to look at their relationship without seeing them both as abusers. Somehow their violence got normalized though. Ruth parents died and gramps is an asshole so its ok she hits Jennifer? Jennifer “loves” Ruth so the hitting is just an expression of that love? Its ok because they both hit each other? Or something? Fuck if i know. How are these two any different than some guy who had a shitty day at work, then comes home, and beats his wife? The wife sobs for an hour, and eventually the guy says “look, its just that i love you so so much, ok?”

          I should believe this gaslighting bullshit that ruth or jennifer “loves” the other? Why? Because we saw Ruth do a nice thing for Jennifer? Because we saw Jennifer try to help Ruth with her meds? Seriously? The guy in the wife beater shirt will on rare occaision bring home flowers for his victim. The guy in the wife beater shirt will, on rare occaission, try to take his victim out on a “nice date”. If the wife got sick and ends uo in the hospital, the guy wearing the wife beater shirt might remind her to take her meds when they get home.

          Can anyone explain how ruth/jennifer are any different than a guy in the wife beater shirt? Is it because ruth/jennifer “really” love each other? Give me a break. This is highly romanticized “love” bullshit indistinguishable from gaslighting, enabling, and normalizing abuse.

          This comic sees right through the bullshit when someone goes to church and then uses that to justify gaslighting, enabling and justifying abuse. But for sone reason, Ruth/Jennifer get presented sympathetically for doing the same thing.

          If Jennifer went to church, sang hymns about love, and praised the lord for his love, then came home and body slammed ruth, i imagine that behavior would get presented differently.

          I thought maybe ruth/jennifer path was eventually going to have them see what they were doing to each othsr without the gaslighting that tried to normalize abuse, and they would try to deal with their horribleness. I thought this recent nonsense was them heading the wrong way. But, apparently not. Apparently Ruth still “loves” her victim. Ugh.

          Back to the abuse normalization it is then….

        14. Yumi

          You’re creating arguments that people are not making while ignoring what people are actually trying to say to you. It’s exhausting, honestly.

        15. BowlerHatGuy

          “You’re creating arguments that people are not making while ignoring what people are actually trying to say”

          Im sorry i caused upset around this. If i had a time machne i would definitely go back and worded this differently. I wasnt saying victims were “asking for abuse”. I apologize for not being well versed in this stuff. I apologize for being shitty at putting things into words. And i apologize for what i thought was from the dalai lama. I tried to think of the words that have helped me, but i didnt know those words were so widely abused. I apologize for any hurt that caused. It wasnt my intent to abuse or be abusive.

          I dont know how to say this clearly and probably part of the reason is i have a strong gut reaction to Ruth and Jennifer that i feel but dont know how to put into clear words where it lands with everyone exactly how i intended, but i see Ruth and Jennifer have beat on each other so many fucking times, guilt tripped each other so many fucking times, gaslit each other so many fucking times, and i dont understand why I should not hold them in the same dis-regard as some guy in a wife beater shirt doing the exact same shit to someone, or some guy invoking jesus to justify doing the exact same shit to someone?

          Thats probably the closest i can get to the feeling and put into words. Actually, the feeling is pretty pissed off, so throw in a bunch more fucking fuckity fucks. And it might be accurate.

          And I dont know if there is a legit answer to this. I dont know if Im just missing something about these two that would make me go “oh i get it” or if they’ve crossed a line for me that no amount of explanation and backstory will ever allow me to see them in any other light that doesnt involve a wife beater shirt.

          Cause feelings are dumb and make no fucking sense.

        16. Yumi

          That’s honestly fine, and not, at all, an out-there perspective on here. (Though I don’t know about the repeated invoking of the “wife beater shirt”… like, why? I mean, I get it as a stereotype image, but like most stereotypes it’s messy at best.)

          You do not have to like Ruth and Jennifer or their relationship. Many here don’t. People who have different feelings and different ways of reacting to fiction does not mean you have to “get it.”

          “The relationship between Ruth and Billie was toxic and built on abuse”– yeah, many of us feel that way. It’s not, like, a hot take. It’s the other stuff that you threw in that was the issue, and the doubling down without understanding when people objected.

        17. BowlerHatGuy

          ” “wife beater shirt”… like, why?”

          Because wife beating characters wearing wife beater shirts are seldom presented in a sympathetic light. But it feels like Ruth and Jennifer have repeatedly committed violence but are presented sympathetically. A terrible childhood. Being ostracized. What have you. And because Ruth/Jennifer and none of the main characters suffers consequences for initiating violence.

          Joe had a sex list and did a donut apology tour. Joyce lied about being jacobs girlfriend, and lost Jacob as a friend. Joyce went militant atheist on becky and dorothy called her on jt and joyce eventually apologized for it.

          In ten ish years of comics i dont recall a single main character initiating violence and then suffering any consequences for it. Other than another character is violent back, maybe. The closest i can think of is when Sal figured out Amber was the girl who stabbed her, at some point Sal went to Amber and said “I forgive you” with no apology from Amber. Ruth and Jennifer? Have beat thr crap out of each other more than i can count. No apologies. No acknowledgment that it was wrong. No consequences. Nothing.

          So many of these characters deal with real world consequences of all sorts of different kinds of bad behavior, but violence is a joke (Ruth gonna rip out femurs) or comicbook vigilanteism or domestic violence with no consequences. Walky doesnt say “i love you” correctly to Dorothy and she breaks up with him. Ruth beats the shit out of Jennifer on their first floor meeting, and zip. More shoves and body slams over time. And then we hear Ruths parents were killed by a drunk driver so i guess we sympathize with Ruth for that and forget the violence? Its never addressed or acknowledged.

          Even weirder, all the main characters who commit violence are women and its generally portrayed sympathetically. Joyce gives gash face s scar. Ruth body slams Jennifer. Jennifer is violent to Ruth. Amber is a vigilante against thugs. Sal and Amber have pbysical fights, chokeholds, etc. Sal takes a bat to gash face. Amber stabs gash face 60 times. Its a disturbing relationship to casual violence.

          Joe? Danny? Ethan? Mike? Walky? Nope. Mike tackles Ambers dad, but that was literal life and death self defense. And he died as a result. Imagine Danny suplex Dorothy for dumping him on day 1? Would not be funny. Would not be acceptable.

          The men who initiate violence are all portrayed clearly in non sympathetic light. Ambers dad murders beckys dad. Beckys dad fires a gun on campus and kidnaps becky. Gash face roofies joyce. Asher helps with kidnapping and orders a hit on Ambers dad.

          I dont know whats going on. But it feels like this comic reoeatedly asks people to overlook and sympathize with violent women. But its still violence. Ruth and Jennifer are still abusing each other. But it gets a weird presentation that downplays what it is. Like its ok.

          The wife beater guy was a character i know wouldnt get the same symoathetic treatment. But i also just realized its some kind of gender thing in DoA.

          I dunno. I just know Danny supplexing dorothy would not get the sweep-under-the-rug treatment that Ruth gets for all the supplexing shes done. And it just weirds me out.

        18. Yumi

          You give really long answers for things that miss the point of what you’re replying to. Not that you don’t necessarily have a different, if separate, point in what you’re saying, but… oof.

        19. Nova

          Must be nice to be this fucking self-involved and unempathetic. Otherwise I can’t imagine why people like you stick to it so aggressively.

          Not reading that mountain of victim blaming horseshit, but I hope you grow up and learn to give a shit about people who aren’t carbon copies of yourself.

        20. Taffy

          Must be fuckin’ nice.

        21. Alan Lafond

          So, let me get this straight….

          YOU say: “Experiejce (sic) has given me a zero tolerance policy for battery, little respect for anyone who stays with a physically abusive partner, and rage to anyone who thinks physical violence is acceptable. Ruth and Jennifer are just toxic bullshit.”

          David posted an article in response to the part of your comment where you state “little respect for anyone who stays with a physically abusive partner” without in any way addressing your final sentence in his response to you.

          You then argue against David’s response, trying to apply the article he posted to your final sentence “Ruth and Jennifer are just toxic bullshit.”

          Congratulations! You just won the Completely-Sidestep-The-Actual-Point award!

        22. The Wellerman

          I am so glad I slept through this shitstorm. ?‍?

          Sorry if I caused it in any way with my initial comment.

        23. Taffy

          You definitely didn’t. Humans, y’know?

        24. The Wellerman

          ?☺️

      4. Raen

        If any couple in this comic were remotely healthy…

        1. BowlerHatGuy

          It pains me to say this, but Joe and Joyce are in the running for remotely healthiest couple. Joe expressed real feelings and joyce acknowledged him while managing her menstrual pain. It helps that joe is slightly cardboardish character. We know less about him than other characters and much of his dialogue is comedic relief(telling two arguing women they should make out, or “i like sex, isnt that funny!”, etc). And we practically have a world atlas of joyces internal machinations and she’s mostly trying to do right. Stealing Jacob was low. Her militant atheism towards becky was low. But she is, for the most part, trying to do right.

          Danny and Sal, maybe? Danny seems so… tentative? Or something? He keeps saying he’s trying to.figure himself out so many times that i cant tell if he has real feelings for Sal or if she’s magic marker tatoo sleeves to him. And Sal has improved. She used to play cool to supress her anger, and resolved a bunch of her anger. But she has something going on where she views a gift as ownership, even if she wants the gift. She paid danny for the bike gift. And she refused the flowers and then had ro “steal” one to maintain her “badass” facade. They both have some figuring out to do.

          Dina has a really healthy relationship towards Becky. Becky has the standard sex-is-evil programming to unlearn, but is currently turned up to 11. But otherwise has a good relationshio towards Dina. Sometimes Becky gives off a vibe that her whole happy-all-the-tine shtick is just an act. Like its a little too manic. And its maybe a way to avoid her sadness. Cause when Becky is sad, hooboy, she does nothing halfass.

          Walky and lucy act like middle school kids.

          Asher is probably in on Raidahs revenge plot and doesnt actually care about jennifer. Jennifer is so, so, broken.

          Ruth and Jason cone in last place for healthiest couple. Ruth is an abusive gaslighting alcoholic who beats her partners. If she were a male trope, she’d wear a wife beater shirt, be drunk all the time, and beat the shit of of her girlfriend. Shes the worst. Yes she has a tragic backstory. But shes still an asshole. And jennifer is just so, so broken that she still wants ruth. And jason is pretty flat compared to the others. Had sex with student, but at least takes ownership of his mistake. Rich evil father thing going on, but no details.

        2. Blume

          Did you mix up Danny and Sal? Sal is the one who’s tentative, and not sure if she’s okay with the label girlfriend. And Danny is totally accepting of that, and says they can be whatever she wants- he just likes hanging out with her. They’re a couple, but not labeled as such yet.

        3. Joy

          Bowler hat guy is the fake dali lama quote guy, you can ignore a lot of what he says.

        4. BowlerHatGuy

          “Bowler hat guy is the fake dali lama quote”

          He’s nothing but a low-down, double-dealing, backstabbing, larcenous perverted worm! Hanging’s too good for him. Burning’s too good for him! He should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive!

        5. Taffy

          I remember that quote from Nausicaä.

        6. Daniel M Ball

          ahem, “STERRRRNNNNNNN!!!!”

        7. BowlerHatGuy

          STERRRRNNNNNNN

          Hah!

        8. BowlerHatGuy

          I dont know what the best word for danny is, but he is always “trying to figure out who i am”. His magic marker tattoo sleaves kinda captures the feeling.

          Dont know, maybe im a tattoo guy. Lemme try some total body cover temporart tattoos to see how it feels. Maybe im a hat guy. Maybe im a ukelele guy.

          Given all that, i dont know if he feels about sal like he feels about whatever his current experimentation is, or what.

          Sal wasnt so much “tentative” of girlfriend label as she was used to being the “side chick” or the “hookup babe” or whatever terms but her into both a “bad girl” category, but also a “not worthy of a serious relationship” category.

          She asked Joe if Dannys parents would like her. He answered slightly negativly, and with that info Sal felt better about the “girlfriend” label.

        9. cbwroses

          Not sure you’ll ever see this, and I’ll probably not see anyone’s reply to this, but I hope you realize that searching in one aspect of life by no means equals searching in all aspects of life.
          People can be unsure of their goals in life, yet unsure of their relationships, and vice versa.
          He’s not even being indecisive. He’s not wobbling back and forth.
          He’s trying new things, which is pretty much the college life stereotype.
          And he’s also pretty much stuck with everything he’s tried.
          Had a hat, kept the hat until it blew away, then was given a new hat.
          Started playing the ukulele, still plays the ukulele months later on an almost daily basis.
          Even with his romantic relationships, he’s not the one who ends it.
          And he has been friends with Joe his whole life despite disapproving of Joe’s in behavior in a couple different areas.
          Writing this makes me realize that the guy is pretty steadfast in his decisions once he’s made them.

        10. BowlerHatGuy

          “searching in one aspect of life by no means equals searching in all aspects of life.”

          I get that.

          “Even with his romantic relationships, he’s not the one who ends it.”

          But isnt that how he ended up following Dorothy to a college he didnt want to attend?

        11. BowlerHatGuy

          Forgot Leslie and her girlfriend. Leslie is as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rabid pitbulls.

          Sarah and “other jacob” might get second place for remotely healthiest couple. Then Danny/Sal.

      5. Ari

        this ship does not particularly spark joy and i would rather see them with other people. it’s not that deep.

  18. The Oracle

    Who’s this guy? Is this his first appearance?

    1. BowlerHatGuy

      Thats Mr Bean, Walky knows him.

      1. a/snow/mous/e

        So Jason is Leslie’s dad?

    2. vulcanodon

      Click on his name in the character tag under the strip, and you will be able to see all his previous appearances

    3. a/snow/mous/e

      Jason used to be the calculus TA, but then he got fired for romancing a student (although the accusation was actually a lucky guess). Walky got him a job at the bar through bowtie-based gaslighting. He has a new haircut since the timeskip, and he’s been dating Ruth ever since she aborted her date with Daisy the newspaper editor.

  19. Amós Batista

    my goal in relationships is to be cool as Jason is

    1. Taffy

      He’s a little flaky, though. Like, where’s he go when all those monsters are attacking the town? And then he suddenly reappears when the attack is over? Little strange.

  20. Rabisch

    I really like Jason. He’s a sweet man, wants to be in a stable relationship, clearly has an open mind, ge really likes Ruth and he’s probably the best thing that’s happened to her in months. I think they are really compatible. I hope now Ruth can be happy and think seriously about this new relationship.

    1. Dr. T

      I mean, I like the Jason character and feel as though he has the potential for growth, but I do have mixed feelings about him. While I don’t feel he deserves the vitriol Sal holds for him (she initiated things and then expected him to fix her grades), but he also was not a good TA (not to mention the whole sleeping-with-a-student thing) and was obscenely self-absorbed.

      1. Joy

        I get the impression that season 2 jason is less self absorbed.i think he totally deserves vitriol from sal though.

      2. BowlerHatGuy

        He’s flawed, but seems to be trying.

    2. WizardPantaloon

      If Willis can actually show some intimacy, or at least some more depth to the relationship in the same way as Ruth was with Billie (minus the toxicity) then I wouldn’t mind them getting together. As of now though I’m still holding out that Ruth and Billie will manage to work things out.

  21. Thomas

    Is Jason fired from Galasso’s and now working in another bar?

    1. Liara

      That is Gallasso’s Bar. Exact same background as during Ruth and Daisy’s date

      https://www.dumbingofage.com/2021/comic/book-11/04-hompk/nood/

    2. vulcanodon

      He was fired from his grad student/teaching associate gig for sleeping with a student IIRC

      1. anon

        yep he hooked up with sal, and another teacher got fired for doing the same thign with others tho she “ratted him out” and didn’t actually know but yeah

  22. vulcanodon

    Ahh, the warmth of relationships…

  23. ValdVin

    Foghorn Leghorn once took interest in a hen for warmth in winter.

    (Fighting Legion is what my autocorrect wants to make it.)

    1. BowlerHatGuy

      I gaht… i say i say i gaht my vandages to keep me warm…

      1. ValdVin

        A well-spent youth for many of us Americans means not having to have to look up that line.

  24. BowlerHatGuy

    Asher standing outside dorm rooms after he pulls fire alarn and helps goon squad kidnap the cast

    https://www.dumbingofage.com/2020/comic/book-10/03-when-it-crumbles/gone-too/

    Asher standing outside hospital when dirty cop murders ambers father.

    https://www.dumbingofage.com/2020/comic/book-10/04-is-a-song-forever/blammo/

    Here’s the important detail: the texts are on opposite sides of the screen. Meaning the first one was FROM ASHER, telling ambers dad Asher pulled the alarm. And someobe texted TO ASHER right after the cop murdered ambers dad.

    Ambers dad knew asher stole money from mob/grandad and used that to blackmail asher into helping kidnap the cast. Asher had the cop murder dad so he wouldnt be able to keep blackmailing him.

    Asher paid to have ambers dad murdered.

    1. BowlerHatGuy

      This means Jennifer is dating someone who helps kidnappers and pays for murders. And Jennifer is stuck in Raidahs web of lies to extract revenge from Sarah and Joyce. Jennifer is waaaaaaaaayyyyy over her head.

      If asher is part if raidahs plot, then when the truth explodes out, it will go towards jennifer, and maybe Ruth or Jason are collateral.

      If asher is not in on the plot, the truth will probably explode towards raidah too, and who know where it bounces to. Maybe Jenn sees Asher as her hero for raidah getting hurt.

      Either way, Asher is a bad news

      1. Joy

        I have decided that I like asher.

  25. Wendy

    I don’t get these two at all, as a couple. I’m baffled. But it seems less toxic than Ruth and Billie were, so more power to them I guess?

    1. a/snow/mous/e

      They seem to be taking it slow. …Although I’m not sure what the handcuff stuff was about. But as far as emotional attraction, they don’t seem to have a deep connection yet, just enough to want to explore. They do seem to enjoy each other’s company, at least.

      1. a/snow/mous/e

        That’s my take, anyway. Probably not the best at reading people, lol

    2. Daniel M Ball

      Please keep in mind something: none of the main cast have matured to the point that they can distinguish between “Love” (which is messy, complex, and enduring) and “Being In Love” (which is a hormone-driven endorphin rush that wears off over time because nature wants bodies making babies…but sometimes gets the address and port wrong.) a “mature” relationship at this point ain’t-gonna-happen before I hit retirement.

      1. BowlerHatGuy

        “sometimes gets the address and port wrong.”

        Have you tried a power cycle?

      2. The Wellerman

        “sometimes gets the address and port wrong.”

        *Intelligent Design* my ass.

  26. Johan

    This is a messy relationship but it’s got some boundaries and the opportunity to grow.

    Well at the very least there hasn’t been literal bloodshed. Looking forward to the messy rebound relationship.

  27. CardinalFan

    In the immortal words of “The Dude” “It’s my lady friend man!”

  28. David Doty

    Sometimes it’s okay to just date casually with both of you knowing it isn’t going to be a long-term thing. That may be what’s happening here. And I think they could both use some non-drama pleasant time.

  29. Meagan

    I still ship these too.

  30. Beef

    I hate this relationship so much

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