187

Glaucoma
Posted on January 7, 2021 by David M Willis
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187 thoughts on “Glaucoma”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    *Becky hides the selfie video of hand-holding a swearing Joyce*

    BONUS WIN: Joyce hates Dotty *obnoxious end zone dance*

    1. TrueVCU

      She’ll be posting that to insta the exact second they leave that office

    2. Chris

      I suppose she’s holding the phone in her third hand?

      1. Doctor_Who

        Her foot.

        Takes practice, but capturing a genuine Joyce Swear on video is worth it. The people with mere Bigfoot and Nessie footage will be totes jealous.

  2. Sirksome

    Hope people are staying safe out there today. Also I count this as a solid win for Becky in the arbitrary who is the Joyce’s bestest friend competition!

    1. Demoted Oblivious

      Ironically while Becky may be Joyce’s best friend, it appears that Dorothy is a better friend.

  3. LiterallyJustSomeGuy

    I thought I was mostly joking about Dorothy and Becky being Joyce’s moms, but this is some Grade A parental support from Becks, here

    1. Jamie

      Does this make Leslie/Robin Joyce’s grandmoms?

      1. Librain

        This possibility pleases and disturbs me in equal measure.

        1. Somsphet

          …What about Sarah? Is she the vodka aunt, or the wine mom?

  4. Rose by Any Other Name

    Oh Thank God indeed Joyce.
    I’m very glad the Eye Scream is over.

    1. Mr D phone posting

      Yyyyeap a week and change of this was getting real old.

      1. Clif

        Wait for the other eye.

    2. Wizard

      But is it? Whati about the other eye?

  5. Alongcameaspider

    Becky will quote Joyce out of context frequently with that “I hate Dorothy”

    1. DailyBrad

      Eh, maybe, but seems the last couple of strips she’s laying off.

  6. Mra

    This makes the contact probe they use at my optometrists look so comfortable by comparision, although they uses a numbing agent, so mostly it just feels creepy watching the device approach the surface of the eye.

    1. Viktoria

      It is a seriously miserable test, which is silly. Objectively, giving blood is way more uncomfortable, and I volunteer for that. But holding your eye open until it waters, getting a puff of air directly in your eye, only to be told “You blinked. We’ll have to do it again. Look straight ahead please, and keep your eye open” is just the worst.

      1. Mr D

        I- I dunno if I’m a freak but I can flex my eyelids in a way that it is slightly hard to close them automatically, but it kinda messes with my next two or three blinks.

    2. crow

      I was wondering why I’ve never experienced the air shooter. I guess the contact probe is an alternative?

      (I’ve never asked what it’s for, only if it will hurt)

      1. Khyrin

        it is. the Air Puff test and the Contact Probe both measure intraocular pressure to test for glaucoma.

      2. Eclipsa

        I was told at my recent exam that the contact probe is more accurate, but the office I went to doesn’t use it unless the air puff test yields numbers out of normal range. So I had to get both. Yippee.

  7. Suet

    Curse count is now… 3? Still no F words.

    *starts replacing Arms with Eyes while singing Arms Wide Open by Creed*

    “I swear to God… wait no”

    1. King Daniel

      Depending on what you count, p sure it’s significantly higher than 3 now

      I mean, just with this word alone it’s already 3

      1. Reltzik

        Nope. This was a cuss, not a curse.

    2. Deanatay

      Wait, are you counting swears, profanity, or curse words? ‘Cause she just did a profanity, not swearing or cursing.

    3. Sigivald

      Came here to say that, Deanatay.

      There’s a difference between the three.

      (As a lifelong atheist I don’t care about the differences, but Joyce would certainly know and care.)

  8. Mra

    I have never had the air puff test. My optometrist used a contact probe when testing for pressure and glaucoma signs, and that used a numbing agent. If the air puff test is as uncomfortable as this makes it look, why do they not use any numbing juice?

    1. Lex

      The air puff test is honestly not as bad as Joyce is making it out to be. It’s this mildly uncomfortable feeling that goes away after a couple of seconds. Joyce is already anxious about getting the eye exam and about more changes happening in general, so she’s probably having a stronger reaction to it than she would if she was fully calm and prepared.

    2. Cholma

      It’s not really uncomfortable; Joyce is just being a big baby here. When the puff of air hits your eye, it just causes a startle reflex that is autonomic as the eyelid flutters. I can see someone jerking their head backwards the first time, but once you know what is coming, it’s easy to hold your head still.

    3. Bicycle Bill

      It is not that uncomfortable; Willis is exaggerating this for laughs.

      There are two ways to measure intra-ocular pressure, which is the determinant for glaucoma.  One is the eye-puff test (non-contact tonometry, or NCT) we see here; the other, more accurate measurement is direct tonometry, which requires the operator to actually place a sensor on the eye to measure the pressure.

      However, performing direct tonometry requires a highly-skilled tech to administer the procedure; it does require a mild numbing of the eye by administration of eye drops; and it involves actual contact to the eye by the sensor.  NCT is generally preferred to traditional tonometry in that it can be performed with less skill and can be done by a technician; it does not touch the eye, so there is no concern with contamination; and no eye drops are needed before the test.

    4. woobie

      I do not find the puff uncomfortable. It is holding your eye open when you know something is coming at it and your reflex/ instinct/ whatever is screaming “Protect the eye! Shut the lid! SHUT THE LIIID!”
      ymmv

    5. Rainhat

      It’s more annoying than uncomfortable.

    6. Keulen

      I’ve never had the air puff test either. They always did the test where they put eye drops on my eyes to numb them and then touched them with an sensor device or whatever it’s called. I kinda hope the air puff test is not as bad as this makes it seem.

    7. Kitschensyngk

      At least it wasn’t the moon hitting it like a big pizza pie.

      That would be what is known in medical terms as “amore.”

      1. Delicious Taffy

        “When the moon hits a big pizza pie like your eye, that’s amore
        When you’ve had too much wine, that’s amore”

        1. King Daniel

          When it lurks in a reef and has two sets of teeth, that’s a moray
          When its mouth opens wide and there’s another inside, that’s a moray
          When it goes for your leg and breaks it like an egg, that’s a moray

        2. JellyTubes

          I always sing jaws, because I’m from London and mouth comes out as a “moaff” – not lyrically pleasing

        3. He Who Abides

          “When you swim in the sea, and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray”

        4. Plain Marie

          When you swim in a creek/
          and an eel bites your cheek/
          That’s a moray

      2. thejeff

        “When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged,
        That’s our mores.”

        1. Geneseepaw

          All ya’alls take yer damn up-votes and go home.

          At the end of the day, some Tar’s boat’s in your way,
          “That’s OUR moor, eh?”

        2. SolomonK

          One internet to Jeffindor

        3. SolomonK

          One to Geneseepaw as well

    8. Sam

      The air itself probably isn’t that uncomfortable. But the anticipation, anxiety and startle reaction can all be really strong. It’s like if you are doing a rhythm based game – the anticipation can make you screw up the same part over and over and over not because the process itself is hard, but because the rising anxiety inside makes you react too soon. Hence why it worked the one time Joyce’s anxiety was reduced by Becky’s reassurance.

      1. Eclipsa

        This. Thank you.

    9. Lorien Inksong

      Its really not uncomfortable. Probably safer than sanitizing a probe and numbing someone’s eyes too. The problem people like Joyce and I have is anxiety and anticipation. In my case its a disorder bad enough that minor stumbles like me repeatedly failing the puff test can lead to me needing my meds.
      I don’t think Joyce is that bad, but seeing Becky support her is really nice.

  9. Bicycle Bill

    “Now the other eye…”

    1. brionl

      Joyce: Motherfudging cork slurper

      1. Cholma

        Joyce would fit right in with Eleanor Shellstrop and The Good Place.

      2. cmasta1992

        Monkey fightin’ glass bowl mother scratcher!

    2. Xccj

      Oh yeah, I think she’s celebrating victory way too early.

  10. DailyBrad

    Stay safe, people.

  11. CC

    Had to crop the left 80% of Becky out so we wouldn’t see her eyes bug out at “Shit!”

    1. King Daniel

      Joyce has used the word in front of Becky before. Multiple times. On-panel.

      (Joyce hasn’t in front of anyone else, though.)

      1. King Daniel

        (Any of Joyce’s friends, I should specify. Joyce has said it in front of Carol previously.)

  12. Kyrik Michalowski

    Well Becky, you got what you wanted, Joyce is all mad at Dorothy now. Congrats.
    On a semi related note, wonder what kind of glasses she is going to end up with?

    1. Katherine

      ones that she constantly leaves behind cause she either forgets, or ‘forgets’

      1. Khyrin

        I think Dorothy and Becky will team up to keep that from happening because they love her and want to see her flourish.

    2. Xccj

      I kinda wonder if she’d get the same kind of glasses as Dorothy and eventually use it as a way to bond with her.

    3. Keulen

      I’m assuming whatever glasses Joyce gets will make her look cuter, unless she picks some really weird design.

  13. LightPunster

    Hand. Fingers. Interlocked. Pat pat.

  14. BBCC

    I think they would after Toedad, Becky.

    The first time.

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      Once again, the wrong twin.

      1. Opus the Poet

        You know if you find one you like you can use it forever once you download it…

        1. King Daniel

          But that ruins the fun of future grav roulettes as an intermittently-occurring-whenever-Willis-adds-to-or-changes-the-gravatars thing.

    2. Yumi

      Your persistence makes me want to play gravatar roulette.

      1. Yumi

        Not on the top of my list, but then, neither is Daisy, really. I just kept that my gravatar because one time it updated and it was harder for me to find my own comments, and why adapt to change

        1. Clif

          Grav roulette is never really won until you figure out the underlying algorithm.

        2. Reltzik

          Good luck. Even if you could view the source code, it’s a random element selector seeded by a text field. Programmers always make a hash of that.

        3. Geneseepaw

          You did that on purpose.

        4. Clif

          And well done it was.

        5. Minim

          Yeah but it’s fun anyway.

        6. Minim

          yeeeessssssssss I got someone I can accept now <3

      2. BBCC

        Do it! Dooooo it!

      3. Sunny

        It IS a fun game.

  15. Stephen Bierce

    *plays Godley & Creme’s “Cry” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Bicycle Bill

      Followed by Jackson Browne’s “Doctor My Eyes”.

      1. Stephen Bierce

        I used that one some days ago. *shrug*

        1. Bicycle Bill

          Sorry, must have missed it.

  16. Dr. T

    Don’t tell anyone I cursed. I mean, everyone we both know heard me curse for about two straight weeks after your dad kidnapped you the first time, but I don’t want them to think me capable of doing it anyways.

    1. Diane

      Damn doesn’t seem to be a real curse in her head. Even after the damn floodgates opened, she couldn’t bring herself to say fuck, and spent an entire Sunday morning trying to bring herself to say it.

      1. Daibhid C

        I mean, same, honestly. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but at some point it became acceptable in my own head for me to say “damn” and “hell” (although I still tend towards “darn” and “heck” unless severely provoked). The s- f- and c- words remain unthinkable, even when I’m quoting someone.

        (And this has absolutely nothing to do with how I was raised, unless you count being raised by children’s television. It’s just me being me.)

  17. Clif

    Glower coma?

    It’s alright, Mike. Death will be easy-peasy.

    1. AntJ

      Is that like a glower vacuum?

      (I still don’t understand that storyline title)

      1. King Daniel

        Power vacuum?

    2. Suzi

      Yeah Google is failing me on this one too. Why are we bringing up Mike? Glower comes? I’m confused.

      1. Suzi

        I just realized the pun on glaucoma and feel kind of dumb.

        1. Reltzik

          If it makes you feel better, I went about 6 years without realizing that “Dumbing of Age” was a play on words.

        2. Joe Angel

          In your defense it’s not a particularly good one.

      2. Khyrin

        Also: “For a while, Mike was in a Glower Coma” is the Alt-Text.

  18. AntJ

    It’s really been a year since Mike jumped off a balcony

    1. brumagem

      It’s impressive that Mike was able to be thrown off a balcony and jump over a shark at the same time.

      1. a/snow/mous/e

        +1

    2. Clif

      Every year someone leaves a huge stack of nickels on his grave.

      1. drs

        What’s disturbing is how the nickels get spent after that.

        1. thejeff

          Or how the nickels were acquired.

          It’s never been entirely clear which way the transaction goes.

        2. Wizard

          It’s just an eternal circle of nickels. And moms.

  19. Bagge

    This is the sweet, sweet, Joyce-getting-support-by-her-two-ladies content I crave.

    That soft Becky-hand on Joyce’s is just so cute.

    1. Bagge

      Becky lifting up Dorothy is beautiful too.

  20. Airyu

    Her tears ;w;

  21. Derek

    Since everyone is sharing their eye puff/contact test stories, here’s mine: I had the eye puff done most of my life, but my most recent optometrist opted for the contact test.

    Something they don’t tell you: the numbing agent they put in your eye is made from Belladonna extract. As in, the poisonous plant. (Most medicines are diluted poisons). I had a BAD reaction to it, I nearly threw up and had to leave the test to go home and feel terrible for the rest of the evening. Luckily I had someone to drive me home.

    I’ll take the air puff over that any day!

  22. Keulen

    So that’s why this chapter is called “look straight ahead”.

  23. Kitschensyngk

    Has anyone ever had a VNG test? That’s when they blow hot and cold air into each ear to test your vestibular system. It makes you really dizzy for a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity lying on the table with the room spinning all around you.

    Worst time I ever had at an ENT clinic.

  24. Sporky

    I’m surprised nobody is talking about how when Joyce says she hates Dorothy, which is what Becky claims to have wanted the whole time, she immediately defends Dorothy

    1. Sombrero

      True victory is Joyce hating Dorothy even against Becky’s advice.

  25. Arianod

    I know most of you guys are American, so I’ll just say this: stay safe and stay strong. We aren’t laughing at you guys, we’re crossing our fingers for you :c

    1. BBCC

      This.

    2. Reltzik

      If you have some extra fingers, cross them in hopes that Trump doesn’t use this as a pretext to a declare an insurrection, impose martial law, and order the electoral process continued under guard of his handpicked soldiers.

      It wouldn’t work in the long run, because Congress isn’t quite that far around the bend and they’d get uppity, but it would escalate things badly.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Invoke the 25th. Now. He needs his hands tied before he escalates to an even more desperate, drastic tantrum show of force.

        Capitol Police needs to be investigated for their complicity in yesterday’s insurrection against the United States federal government.

        We are goddamned lucky the perpetrators of this attempted coup are so profoundly greedy and stupid, and that there isn’t a Republican majority in either chamber. They could have objected to every state’s results, leading to a tie between the House (voting to dismiss) and Senate (sustain), placing the final tiebreaker decision on the VP.

        It actually sounds like that may have been the plan, at least for the laundry list of swing states that have been points of contention. However, it sounds like the incident yesterday struck fear into some of the senators who initially backed the objections. (It was so satisfying to hear “unfortunately, no Senator signed this objection” multiple times last night.) Typical Republicans, nothing is a problem until they’re personally affected, then it’s an affront to truth, justice, and the American way when they find themselves on the receiving end. Good job, angry Walmart Karens and Duck Dynasty extras, you played yourself.

        I’ve said it before, but our system of government is too reliant on the assumption that everyone involved will act in good faith. That obviously doesn’t reflect reality. We need to reassess the processes that are in place, and build in safeguards to make the events we’ve seen since November 3rd more difficult to repeat. My fear is that this has all been a probing attack, the next wannabe dictator won’t be so overt, and it will be too late to stop them once they dig their claws in.

        1. Deanatay

          In its defense, all actors in our government DID act in good faith, for 225+ years, up until Trump. Now, of course, he’s created a horrible precedent, and every election from here on will be saddled with claims of ‘voting irregularities’. and calls for ‘impartial audits’ and recounts. This is how republics die.

        2. Agemegos

          Sadly, yes, it is.

        3. thejeff

          That’s not quite how it works.
          The GOP does have a Senate majority, but both houses need to sustain an objection for it to be sustained. The VP has no tie-breaking role here – only in Senate votes. If Republicans controlled the House as well, I would have been a lot more worried. As it turned out Republicans didn’t even vote in a block in either house for any of the states objected to, but that was at least partly because they knew it would fail.

          Objecting to every state would have just delayed the process, not actually changed the outcome.

          I agree that the 25th is the necessary step at this point, followed immediately by impeachment, but both of those need strong GOP support to accomplish anything. That there was even serious talk about them is a huge step though.

        4. Needfuldoer

          Okay, I checked again and you’re right. If an objection is raised in the joint session, and the House and Senate come back with opposing opinions, the votes go through as originally planned. Both chambers have to agree to discard the votes for that to actually happen. The VP’s role in the count is to basically be the host or master of ceremonies.

          Good thing the House didn’t flip in the election, otherwise this last-ditch hail Mary may have actually had a chance.

    3. Sombrero

      Spot on.

    4. CJ

      Hadn’t looked at the news before reading here, then went to look at the news. holy shit, things are looking about a s crazy as my mental worst case scenario.
      Stay safe.
      How to counteract that kind of madness?

      1. Reltzik

        Been thinking about this a lot over the past few months (or years).

        The root of the problem is that large swathes of the population have become practiced at reality denial, rejecting any message that conflicts with their echo chambers as fake news or part of (whichever) conspiracy. This sees a near-total overlap with the people who have been primed all their lives to treat blind, dogmatic, tribalistic, black-and-white us-vs-them faith as a virtue. The Republicans are the party of faith, after all.

        I don’t know how to beat it in the short term, but the long-term is going to have to involve dismantling the myth that this type of faith is virtuous.

        …. or maybe I’m just twisting this latest news into something I can shout from my normal soapbox. I dunno, I’m not exactly in a state where I can process this rationally yet.

        1. Agemegos

          Hear! Hear!

          Faith has been lauded as one of the cardinal virtues, but I’m much more fond of hope and love. Belief contrary to evidence is a deadly sin, and belief in the absence of evidence a venial one.

    5. Reltzik

      In other news, 2021 is shaping up to be even worse than 2020. Maybe the world doesn’t magically get better in sequence with arbitrary calendar changes.

      1. Agemegos

        Such wild speculation!

      2. drs

        The US is set to have an all-Democratic government (if barely so even if they scrap the stupid filibuster rules) and covid vaccines are still getting out there. Looks better than 2020.

        1. Reltzik

          A single Democratic defector spoils their control of the Senate, and there’s a handful that will definitely defect if they try to scrap the filibusterer. So thanks to the Republican Senators it’s going to be all obstruction, all the time, and then the Dems get blamed for nothing getting done.

  26. NinjaNick

    That’s a relief.

  27. BenRG

    There is so much that is sweet in this strip.

    1) Becky admitting indirectly that she and Dorothy have loving Joyce and wanting to help her in common;
    2) The almost parental way Becky reassures Joyce as if she were a panicking toddler;
    3) The very, very… young way that Joyce reacts in panel 5 to being ‘naughty’.

    Becky’s right. No-one would believe it. I don’t think that even Dorothy would believe and and she probably heard it!

    1. Needfuldoer

      Repressed fundie shame runs deep.

    2. Aaron DaMommio

      Seconding and thirding this. Super sweet.

    3. Jhon

      Dorothy would not believe it. Just Becky imitating Joyce’s voice.

  28. Reltzik

    I remember back when I was in elementary school and I’d have staring contests with classmates because… well, just because. We clearly defined the rules, but we neglected to specifically rule out a few bazillion ways of MAKING our opponent blink. Such as blowing a puff of air in their eyes.

    Clearly we all had bright futures in optometry.

  29. FacelessDeviant

    Whoa, alt-text went all darkness today.

  30. Blozor

    Awwww, baby’s first swear word.

    1. He Who Abides

      Not even close.

    2. Diane

      *points to the million god damn its Joyce has said since Becky’s first kidnapping* Mayhaps her first swear that didn’t invoke god damning whatever irked her. As initially pointed out by Dina: https://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/02-that-perfect-girl/pg/

      1. BBCC

        Nope, she said ‘shit’ in front of her mom and Becky knows that.

        1. Diane

          Ooh, I forgot about that one, that’s right.

    3. Jhon

      Her very first swear was in front of the Showalter fountain. And that was when I decided to become a Commenter.

  31. JBento

    Stay safe, ‘Muricans. Stay indoors if you can (most of you can’t, unfortunately).

    Friendly reminder that this is the fualt of not only the right-wingers but also of all the centrists who thought Clinton was terrible for calling these people “deplorables”, and went on about “economic anxiety” and how that trash wasn’t REALLY bad, really, and all the people who thought they were heroes for staying silent while Racist Uncle went on so that Thanksgiving wouldn’t be AWKWARD, omigosh. This is why fascists are to be punched at every opportunity and not, say, be allowed to have any wins in the name of “bipartisanship.”

    UNfriendly reminder that this is NOTHING compared to what you’ve been doing throughout the Middle East and Central America for decades to boost your bottom line.

    1. thejeff

      On the actual day of a fascist coup attempt, can we maybe not spin it around to blaming Democrats? Just once.

      We have the lame duck President inciting riots, Republican Senators and Congresscritters sticking with the election fraud narrative even after the Capitol was stormed and they had to flee, but the important thing is to make sure everyone knows that centrists are the real problem.

      1. JBento

        No, the real problem are the Republicans. Centrists are the adjutants, or do you think you’d be going through this if these fuckers had been firmly told “no” and gotten some consequences at any point in the last forever years?

      2. JBento

        Pelosi immediately went “this is an unforeseen attack on our democracy”, as if only a few months ago these exact same shits hadn’t pulled the same shit, but worse, in Wisconsin. This is a totally forseen attack. Everybody foresaw it.

      3. Jane

        This. It’s like everyone takes it as a given that Republicans are going to be evil, and so we should talk about who else is to blame as well, but, like… This was attempted treason. The sitting president egged on a violent mob to murder the legislature so that he could somehow find One Weird Trick to stay in office. And multiple Republican Senators just shrugged their shoulders, carried on trying to overthrow democracy, and then blamed the whole thing on antifa.

        These things are not remotely equivalent. By focusing our rhetorical efforts on people who are kind of to blame (Sanders for claiming the primaries were stolen, moderate Democrats who were afraid of the consequences of challenging Trump and failing) instead of the people who are obviously to blame (Hawley, Cruz, the rest of the Republican enablers), we let the Republicans get away with literal murder the next time they do this. And they will do this unless there are clear and obvious consequences for what they’ve done – something that will only happen if we let the focus be on Republican’s attempted treason, instead of turning it another circular firing squad.

        And just to be clear – this wasn’t inevitable. Eight years ago, Republicans were doing their best to destroy the country, but they wouldn’t have stood silent for treason like most of them are now. And eight years before that, they still wanted bad things for this country, but were willing to work with Democrats to keep the government running and make some progress in the right direction.

        The Republican party that exists today exists because its worst impulses have been embraced, and there has been no effective pushback against it – people just accept that to be Republican is to be evil, and that that we should expect them to be like this; like they were a shark, or a rabid dog. But these are actual people with the ability to choose their actions, and possess all of the responsibility that comes with it; they should be held to account for their terrible conduct. Even in today’s Republican party, Romney gave a stirring rebuke of Trump’s enablers yesterday, and voted to convict Trump during impeachment. Why can’t the rest of his party meet this extremely low benchmark of conduct? Why are we left praising him for not being a literal traitor, instead of condemning the rest of his party for supporting a would-be king over the republic?

        If we keep on giving Republicans a pass because we already expect the worst of them, they’ll just keep on sinking further, and Republican voters will follow behind because the alternative is voting for a Democrat. By loudly and repeatedly condemning their behavior, and demanding concrete consequences (such as expelling Hawley from congress for his support of the coup, or prosecuting that state senator who joined the mob), we can at least stop that downward slide – to ensure that in the future, behavior like this can still be treated as the shocking event that it is, instead of Republicans being Republicans.

        1. JBento

          Everything you’ve said is true (I’m not sure 8 years ago was the Republican complete breaking point, but since I haven’t found them tolerable ford ecades, I’m not sure it makes a difference). Here’s the thing, thoguh: I’m perfectly capable of condemning more than one group for being shits at any one time. It’s not even hard.

          And now a question. Who do you think is more liable to give Repubblicans a pass? Centrists like Joe “lI’ll unite the two parties” Biden and Nancy “sure, carte blanche funding for children concentration camps, why not?” Pelosi, or people like Ocasio-Cortez and Pressly? Exaclty how many consequences do you think Biden and Pelosi are going to push for for the people who invaded the Capitol and the Republicans who support them? Unless Biden delegates that whole thing on Harris – I don’t like her, either, but at least she cpmes off as a fighter.

        2. Jane

          You’re capable of condemning more than one group at once, but the general public is only capable of paying attention to one of them at once. I mean, just look at any argument online; is the crowd bickering over every little decision that went into why a movie flopped, or are they arguing over whether Actress X should quit the industry because her acting was a bit wooden? This is more important than that, obviously, but we’ve seen the same dynamic function for political scandals in the past.

          People with time and the requisite knowledge base might argue these things in depth, but that’s not the majority of the general public; they see headlines in the paper (maybe) and see the comments of their friends (if they’re on social media), and that’s as deep as they go. For them, it’s either side with the majority against the person responsible, or throw up their hands and give up because people are making it complicated and they need to head to work. For these people, you have one chance at making it clear and simple enough for them to get involved, and give them a clear target to get angry at.

          And as for your question, I’ll reiterate my position from the start – I’m not interested in circular firing squads when there’s an angry mob at the gate. This approach failed in the Spanish Civil War, and it failed in Weimar Germany. Things still aren’t as dire now than they were then, but I’d much rather be too early than too late when they’re already talking about seizing the government by force.

        3. JBento

          The problem with your objections is that Biden spent his entire campaign saying that the angry mob is great, actually, and he was going to let them in and we’d all be friends.

          Waiting until the Republicans stop being complete and utter shits to talk about the less-shitty-but-still-terrible people in the Democrat party just gets you to the same point that waiting until there are no mass shootings to discuss firearm legislation (it’s somehow always too early): it’s never going to happen. The only one of them that even has a sliver of a soul appears to be Romney, and I STILL wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire unless I somehow develop the ability to piss kerosene.

        4. Jane

          But the problem with your objection is that you aren’t saying “We need to be angry at this treasonous scum, and drive them out of office”. You’re saying “We need to be angry at these other people for not driving the treasonous scum out of office for us”.

          If we focus on blaming our own, then this ultimately means that the treasonous scum doesn’t actually face any pushback at all. Fox News is already blaming this all on Democrats for not investigating their fantasies enough, so there’s definitely not going to be any reflection on this from the right. So why the hell wouldn’t they do it again? They terrified their enemies, and faced no consequences from it – because we expect them to be evil, but set our own partners on fire as suspected traitors if they don’t agree with us completely on our response.

          Like, Biden is on the TV right now calling them terrorists. Our Democratic congressmen had to be evacuated from a mob that came to kill them. Representative Linda Sanchez told her husband where to find her will in case she died that day. With all due respect, you’d have to think that they’re cartoon caricatures instead of people to think that they don’t want to do something about this, because no real person would experience yesterday without fearing for their personal safety.

          Vote for a primary challenger next election if you’re dissatisfied with your representative, but today, we have to be unified against the Republican Party as a threat to our democracy. Blaming the Democrats for their response just gets us another “Dems in Disarray!” headline from Politico, and the Republicans off the hook for their crimes yet again.

        5. Regalli

          Also, you want the Dems as a whole to call for arrest and expulsion and you don’t know if they will?

          Pressure them. Pressure them A LOT. Call your local representatives if you can, but once it’s remotely safe to do so I would expect peaceful demonstrations (and I hate that I have to qualify that) to have this treated as the white supremacist attack on the government it is if necessary. (And that ‘remotely’ will be far before widespread vaccines.) It likely will be necessary to some degree – the Republicans of Congress have gotten very good at decrying Trump’s actions while doing nothing substantive, so they’re all fucking complicit and I’m not expecting THAT level of cleaning house off the bat – but the Democrats do actually change tactics to some degree when they know a policy is wildly unpopular. Organize, and then keep organizing, and keep pushing your community to do so after the immediate crisis.

          God knows I’m furious we got to this point and can see the many many steps along the way where it could have been circumvented, but ‘here’s what we do next’ is far, FAR more productive than assigning blame and nothing more. Blame the proximate cause first. Argue with anyone who’s still talking about unity afterwards. Don’t let infighting distract you from the people who are primarily at fault.

        6. JBento

          I mean, I’m reasonably certain that this ecosystem doesn’t need reminding that Republicans are complete and utter shits. If I’d written “Every Republican that could’ve voted for impeachment and didn’t is responsible for this shit, and this includes disingenious little shits like Collins”, I hardly think that’d be anything other than preaching to the choir here. In other venues I fire in different directions.

        7. JBento

          Additional qestion: does using the 25th* also prevent Trump from running for public office again, or is that just impeachment?

          *I’m leery at the 25th in this situation, because it equates Trump’s actions with mental disability, and heavens know the people who ACTUALLY suffer from it don’t need any more stigma thrown their way. Trump isn’t mentally disabled, he’s just a shitheel. If I had any hope for any Republican, I’d also say the impeachment would be additionally useful to get the names of whatever fucks think Trump is doing great, actually, but Republicans being Republicans, I’m pretty sure that would BOOST their electoral chances, if anything.

        8. Jane

          I understand your sentiment here – but I’d just ask you to bear in mind that preaching to the choir does have benefits, in keeping people full of righteous anger in times of injustice instead of succumbing to despair. Even if it can feel repetitious, it helps other people see that they’re not alone in the anger and disgust they feel, and that we do outnumber these traitors.

          As for the 25th, it doesn’t prevent him from running for office again, but would have been significantly faster to invoke – but it seems like Pence isn’t going to go along with it, so Pelosi has indicated she’s going forward with a second impeachment. I’ve no idea if the Senate will go along with it, though; I thought they might considering yesterday, but after their disgraceful call with Trump earlier today…

          One another note, though, there still needs to be an additional vote after a successful conviction to ban him from future office; it’s a separate provision. Though he’ll almost certainly be in prison before the next election either way, be it on state charges or federal charges.

        9. JBento

          WRT the 25th, I’ve also seen mentioned that, at the rate the rats* are fleeingthe ship, there might not be enough secretaries left to invoke the 25th soon. I’m not sure how the amendment works, so I dunno if that’s true.

          OMFG, what call? Will this shitshow never end? Is this a post-credits scene? I blame Marvel.

          Didn’t know that about the impeachment procedures, thanks.

          *Apologies to rats, which are incredibly intelligent creatures who look after their own and don’t deserve the comparison.

        10. JBento

          I just googled the call thing, and damn, I got to hand it to Republicans:

          No matter how low I set the bar, they still manage to go under it. Best limbo dancers in the universe, right there, though I suppose it’s a lot easier to bend like that when you don’t have an actual spine.

    2. Delicious Taffy

      Hey, screw that “what you’ve done” noise. I haven’t done shit, that’s been my worthless country’s more-worthless government. That’s like saying I exploit my coworkers because I work at the company that’s exploiting them. I vote and speak out against all that Middle East bullshit, because that’s what it is, and I don’t need blame thrown at me for it. I don’t know if you meant it that way, but that’s how it felt and how it always feels getting lumped in with the worst sorts of people just because I happen to overlap with a few of their qualities solely by virtue of how and where I was born.

      1. JBento

        *rereads post* Ah, I see. I started the post with “‘Muricans” and is therefore a logical assumption that when I use “you” in the third paragraph that’s who I’m referring to. My bad. That was the general, national “you”, i.e., “the United States”.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Apologies for the assumption and thanks for the clarity. I’m just a tad bit extra sensitive to this sort of thing because I used to be exactly the sort of person who’d be The Problem when I was younger.

        2. JBento

          No apologies needed, you dind’t really make any assumption. Or, rather, you did, if you consider an assumpion expecting water to come out when you turn the faucet. I don’t use “United States” in the post, so there’d be no reason for you to take “you” as United States.

  32. Vulcanodon

    Poor Joyce. Fundy parents infantilize themselves with their relationship to Jesus, and their kids with the relationship to them. Result is young adults who are afraid to just be honest with themselves.

  33. Rabisch

    FINALLY! Brava Becky♡!

  34. SlothfulCobra

    Some eye doctors don’t even use the air puff these days, they got a little handheld tool that they can just put on your eye when it’s closed to check the pressure.

  35. raultsi

    Joyce will transfer to Illinois where she can get a medicinal cannabis card and become a hippie

    or not

    1. Bagge

      I mean, she’s already attending a hippie church. Seems like a short step

  36. Needfuldoer

    Happy(?) Mikeversary, everyone. May he live on in our hearts and moms forever.

    1. Jake'm

      And suddenly the hovertext seems less outta-nowhere than before.

  37. Alaric

    So everyone’s talking about Joyce swearing and completely ignoring the far more shocking fact that Becky just stood up for Dorothy?

  38. Diane

    Don’t worry Becky, you can get evidence of swears when she gets the other eye checked.

  39. Lorien Inksong

    Now this is the friendship and character growth I signed up for! Look at Becky, she’s recognized the problem and Dorothy’s point, and is now being proactively helpful to Joyce instead of trying to freeze her up in a time capsule. And defending Dorothy!! So happy for these girls growing up and being better friends.

    Echoing other sentiments US residents please stay safe. Its not limited to DC area, and its really important to shelter in place if you can.

    1. JBento

      I heard Kansas and Georgia, and there’s probably more. Even if nothing has been announced in your location, bunker down if you can.

      1. thejeff

        Should be staying home if you can, due to Covid. Otherwise, probably a good idea in DC and to avoid state capitals, just in case.
        It’s not like the whole country is on fire

        1. JBento

          I was going to ask what are the pandemic measures over there, but then I remembered it probably varies from state to state with no baseline, because heavens forbid the current administration does anything that isn’t metaphorical shit. I assume no state has prohibited interstate travel either?

          Stay home if you can; if you can’t, wear a mask when outside. Remember to socially distance. Wash your hands.

        2. drs

          I don’t think US states can constitutionally prohibit travel. Some of them have made noises about requiring quarantine if you cross lines, but AFAIK only Hawaii had put much effort into enforcing that, helped by the whole island thing. I’ve heard of California airports making you fill out a form but I dunno if there’s any followup.

        3. Lorien Inksong

          I’m well aware the place isn’t on fire and people should already be avoiding outside due to covid. But the area I used to live in before I moved to a different country is more likely than not to be a bit of a mess. (Portland, OR) So I can’t help but fuss.

  40. Aaron DaMommio

    Super touched by Becky NOT speaking poorly of Dorothy here.

  41. HeySo

    @hover-text

    Too soon, Willis. TOO SOON!.

    1. HeySo

      Okay, regretting combining all-caps and italics there. As-is, it looks like it’s meant to be an advertisement for Toonami. -.-

  42. Jhon

    A swear, followed by a heartfelt ‘Thank God’.
    What kind of atheist does that?

    1. Agemegos

      The kind who say “goodbye”.

      1. Agemegos

        Which is to say, English-speaking ones.

    2. drs

      An atheist who absorbed it as part of the language and culture. No belief in God required or implied. It’s a convetionalized expression of relief.

      Plus in this case Joyce was recently Christian.

    3. Svankensen

      I usea bunch of catholic expressions and curses. “Gracias a dios” “Jesucristo” “Jesús, María y José”. I also curse like a sailor. Got that one from my mom, she won the “Prickly Rose” award a bunch of times as the most profane professor of the year. She’s a lutheran, I’m an atheist.

    4. Reltzik

      The kind that uses idioms.

    5. JBento

      The same kind that dedicates six days of the week to a different Norse god each, plus one to the sun itself.

      1. drs

        4 days. Saturday is to Saturn and Monday is to the Moon.

        1. JBento

          Huh, I thought Saturday was to Surtr. How did a Roman deity slip in there? And now I know! Thanks.

        2. Reltzik

          Saturn slipped in there by biding his time.

        3. Agemegos

          The days of the week were originally associated with the seven planet (Sun, Moon, Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Venus, Saturn) under their Babylonian names. When Babylonian astrology came to Rome the Romans re-named the planets after the Roman gods that they felt must be the same as the Babylonian gods that they were named after. Then, when the Christians introduced the Jewish seven-day week the Romans named its days after the corresponding planets in the Babylonian astrological system, using their Latin names (which were old Roman god’s names). Then, when time came to translate the weekday names from Latin into Anglo-Saxon they translated the gods’ names as the names of the English gods that they felt must be the same: Tiw is a warrior god, Woden is a wandering trickster god, Thunorr is a god of thunder, Freya is a sexy goddess. There was no equivalent to Saturn that the translator could think of so they left it.

  43. Seregiel

    So I find this particularly funny because my husband is a constant curse train, but today is the first day I’ve heard him curse AT someone. The usage/direction alone made my mind blown despite him leaking profanities for as long as I’ve known him.

  44. Kitsune

    Didn’t they prove on Mythbusters that cursing is more effective in helping you deal with pain if you don’t do it very often?

    1. Seregiel

      I dont recall the frequency bit, just that cursing while in pain reduces it.

  45. goggleman64

    aaaaahahahahaha that alt text

    bless you, willis

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