Godpertunity
Posted on August 10, 2014 by David M Willis

349 thoughts on “Godpertunity”

  1. An Average Loser

    HOODIE FIGHT! !

    1. MrPotamus

      TO THE DEATH!…or until class.

      1. Bibblebeater

        Gladiatorial hoody cafeteria fight GOOOO! alright, alright get ya bets here! 3 to 1 for Joyce! whos wants ta place ya bets?!

        1. Darkproject8

          I got 10 internets on Walky!

        2. Disloyal Subject

          2 candy canes and a stale Cheerio on Amazi-Girl breaking up the fight before its conclusion!

        3. Rachel Roth

          Three Internets on someone breaking it up before an official winner is determined!

      2. L33tmaster

        FINISH HIM!!!!!

        1. Aeron

          GODTALITY!

        2. Felix

          Babality!

        3. Jarid Scott

          Wouldn’t that be Bibleity?

        4. Cheryl

          WIN!

        5. Transmutate

          I laughed very loudly when I read your comment. Thank you very much!

  2. Jen Aside

    Front row seats =D

    1. Rachel Roth

      Front and center!

      1. Anarchy 101

        I got the popcorn, and my bet is on Joyce smacking Awalky over the head with a Bible

        1. Yet_One_More_Idiot

          Then Dorothy comes on by and pulls them apart, before realising that they’re both in love with (and fighting over) her, and decides to let them have at it some more.

          Also I have all mai internets on Joycey to win. 😀

        2. Atomix26

          I say…. threesome.

  3. Idon'tcarenomore

    I love it.

  4. AgentKeen

    I did it, and there was only one other instance besides this page.

    1. AgentKeen

      Apparently, someone lost their job and couldn’t find a new one, so saw it as a ‘Godpertunity’ to go to seminary.

    2. Reltzik

      It’s spelled “opportunity”, and hence, “godportunity”. Except maybe with a capital G, but I’m just not feeling it.

      And yes, it got hits. Oh so many hits.

      1. Julez

        MAN that’s a lot of hits for godportunity… Sigh.

        1. ajm5007

          As Willis has pointed out MANY times, Joyce is (often) autobiographical, so I’m guessing he’s known pastors who actually used this term regularly.

        2. Chris

          Except in the hidden text he said that he made up the word and is currently just afraid to look it up to see if there are any other instances.

        3. Jalathas

          The mouseover text suggests otherwise. By which I mean directly states otherwise.

  5. Raine

    I like these super powers better.

    1. Rachel Roth

      The superpowers to remain in a room unnoticed then quickly disappear without being noticed, or the power to fit in tight places easily?

  6. Jen Aside

    …there’s ONE other non-DoA listing for “Godpertunity” =|

    1. licoricepencil

      Well, if it’s the one that I saw, he’s talking about it being a “Godpertunity” to be a youth pastor….
      dun dun dunnnn

      1. tinfoil theory

        Further proof of Willis’ genius.

        It’s not a typo, it’s a hint!

    2. Chris

      Found a few more under the spelling Godportunity, but I’m still surprised how many actually put it in writing.

      1. Thomas

        That’s SO NOT “a few more”. It’s a whole slew of ’em!

        But yeah, you need to know how to spell it to get there.

  7. Plasma Mongoose

    My mood has also improved. 😀

    1. newllend

      I’m ecstatic right now.

  8. Idon'tcarenomore

    Also love the hot text. it might be.

  9. Luzahn

    Listen to Walky, Joyce. He speaks wisdom.

    …I’m referring to the first comment, of course. Certainly not that last bit. Nope.

  10. advancecasette

    damn

    your youth pastor needs to die in a fire

    strong words from a hard man

    1. PsychokineticEX

      Personally, I take solace in knowing that I had better youth pastors to deal with.

    2. Stranger

      Considering the guy preys on the depressed to get them hooked on his stupid bullshit, I’d say that fire death is too good for him.

      1. Swerve

        A fiery death is a terrible way to die. I wouldn’t wish it on even the worst Decepticons (or ex-Decepticon leaders, including my captain) or even on Whirl. I’ve seen victims of the Smelting Pool, I’ve seen survivors of Gideon’s Glue; this is not something to joke about.

        1. deathjavu

          Yes, telling someone they’re going to burn forever in a fire is pretty fucked up, now that you mention it. Oh wait…

        2. Swerve

          Dude, I’m not Christian; Adaptusians don’t believe in The Pit or any other Hell-like After Spark.

          Oh wait, you’re talking about Joyce’s youth pastor. Whom we’ve never met. So we don’t know if he was a fire and brimstone peach or a “gospel of love” preacher. Either way, wanting someone you’ve never met to die in a fire (not spend the After Spark in a smelting pool) is sick.

    3. Deanatay

      A hard man is good to find.

  11. Emperor Kiva

    Walky, you’re a dumbass

    1. Liahansen

      To be fair, most of them are. Their universe is actually named after that fact.

      1. Mr k

        Except Marcie. She’s secretly planning to take over the world.

        1. Reltzik

          Now-now. Secretly planning to take over the world in no way excludes someone from being a dumbass, or vice-versa.

    2. Yotomoe

      Lemme direct you to panel 1, where Joyce is even more-so.

    3. Viktoria

      On a scale of 1-to-Joyce, he ranks at like a 4 here. There were better ways to say what he said in panel 2, and he shouldn’t have risen to the bait in panel 3, but he was not the primary problem in this discussion.

      1. hurocrat

        I beg to differ. Joyce is coming on strong here and her approach most definitely would not have helped Billie – Walky was right to stop her – but this isn’t actually a conflict between a fundamental Christian and an atheist. If it were, Joyce and Dorothy would never be friends. It’s a personality conflict in which they’re both equally guilty (in my view, Walky probably more so because he’s the one with the exposure to know better…albeit not by much)

        1. Robin

          Thing is, Joyce takes it easy on the God-stuff when Dorothy is around because she doesn’t want to drive her away, because she’s got a big ol’ womancrush on Dorothy.

        2. timemonkey

          She dials it down because she respects Dorothy. Walky however keeps insulting her so he does not get that same treatment.

        3. ninja_jesus

          Maybe because whenever Walky’s around, Joyce has never said anything worth respecting.

        4. Swerve

          The reverse is also true. When has Walky ever said anything mature or intelligent around Joyce, as opposed to around Dorothy.

        5. timemonkey

          Joyce has attempted to have several civil conversations with Walky, he turns each one into a chance to insult her.

        6. Swerve

          I feel like their interactions have devolved to the point where they’re acting like five year-olds whenever they are around each other.

    4. MM

      On the contrary, I think he’s never sounded smarter.

      1. Jimmy

        Saying someone should die in a fire sounds smart?

        1. begbert2

          Yep. Heck, even if Walky were speaking without hyperbolic exaggeration, a person who preys on children and the depressed and deliberately uses their vulnerability as a chance to twist their minds to his cult is a special kind of evil. He needs to be shut up somehow.

        2. Swerve

          So a violent, fiery death is the solution? I wonder what Optimus Prime Would Say to that? Oh right, “Freedom is the Right of All Sentient Beings”, even the ones we don’t agree with. We have no evidence that Joyce’s youth pastor did any of those things, and even if he did the answer is to call his supervisor and complain. The solution is not for Joyce’s youth pastor to die in a fire.

          Why am I being the voice of reason on this? I’m a metallurgist who runs a bar, plays practical jokes and hates being the voice of reason! And yet I’m saying that wanting someone else to die in a fire is wrong!

        3. Rachel Roth

          Okay, so what do you suggest? Should we try sending him to a messed up version of heaven for a day, where it’s obvious that God just wanted people who were easy to control, and that once you got there, you found you were just there for labor, and have no other purpose whatsoever? (that’s close to my idea of what heaven is, anyway. YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO!)

        4. Swerve

          Me? I’d recommend that they all come to my bar and have some non-alcoholic beverages and shoot the breeze, except my bar (and the entire Lost Light) have currently vanished.

          As for what you said, I have little experience with misotheism, but that seems to be the philosophy you’re attributing to Walky, rather than straightforward antitheism. I don’t think Walky’s really a misotheist, but he’s definitely an antitheist. Dorothy, meanwhile is an atheist, but she is not antitheistic (except insofar as she is critical of aspects of Joyce’s religious beliefs).

        5. Rachel Roth

          Nooo. . . I’m not attributing beliefs to anyone but me. I’m just saying someone needs to do something about that pastor. If you don’t have the bar, I don’t have the ability to send him to my version of heaven for a day, and Walky can only use hyperbolic expression, we may as well accept one with just enough religious reference to possibly break Joyce out of his control over time.

        6. Leorale

          What Would Optimus Prime Do

        7. Siggimus Maximus

          Rip someone’s face off.

        8. Siggimus Maximus

          Actually he’d say “KILL YOU ALL! DEATH TO THE HUMANS!”

        9. Sailor_Arashi

          Death is the right of all sentient beings!

        10. deathjavu

          The religious position is that everyone else is going to burn in a fire for all eternity, and I think Walky might even be referencing that.

          What’s fucked up, again?

    5. Tandel

      Panel one Walky could not be possessing of more truthiness.

      1. Deanatay

        Considering that’s a Bush-ism, it’s not a compliment.

        1. insomniac

          No, that’s a Colbert-ism.

          Strategery. Misunderestimate. Putting food on your family. Those are Bushisms.

          Truthiness is Stephen Colbert, and he coined it on his very first episode.

      2. hurocrat

        Panel 1 Walky is doing a pretty good impression of Mike. Doing the right thing and being as much of a jerk as possible about the whole process. Joyce needed to be held back; mission accomplished. Telling someone an authority figure she’s respected all her life should die horribly doesn’t help anything, even if you happen to think it’s true.

  12. SUGauthor

    Some place called funkhousers’. It’s the only site besides DOA to use “godpertunity”

    1. Rosie

      With such scintillating articles as Violence=Safety, so you know it’s legit.

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        My brain just broke. How can people possibly believe that?

        1. Anarchy 101

          Big Brother is watching you, thats how.

        2. Foxhack

          I’m gonna call his wife. Dude’s got better things to do, like look after his kid.

        3. Anarchy 101

          He doesn’t need a wife he has his two best friends ; Jack Daniels amd Sam Adams

        4. Rachel Roth

          Don’t even joke, unless it’s about the the internet. In that case, All your Internets are belongs to us. But seriously, if the internet gets damaged by corporate interest, Big Brother will arise and I WILL NOT BE HAPPY! I NEED MY INTERNETS. I need them badlies. Without them, I no get to read this anymore. 🙁

          Oops, lost a setting when making that reference. Hold on. . .
          Grammar = true
          That’s better.
          Warning: “All your base are belongs to us” references may lead to poor grammar later in the post.

  13. Ragnal

    This is the appropriate response.

    Second most appropriate is, indeed, lezzing out with Dorothy.

    1. Madeline

      Coming from Dorothy just makes that all the better.

  14. Idon'tcarenomore

    The more I look at that panel the better I like it.

  15. Dark Matter

    Unfortunately, “Godportunity” is a thing all over the damn place, including Twitter.

  16. Plasma Mongoose

    Godpertunities exist and there is even a twitter feed on the subject.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      https://twitter.com/hashtag/GODportunity

  17. thomas0comer

    Somebody patent “godpertunity” quick before Willis does

    1. Rachel Roth

      You may not have a patent, those are for physical designs only. We do however, have a few similar products for words, copyright and trademark. So, do you want a © or a ™?

      1. roguebfl

        A word can not be copyrighted (to short), it can be Trademarked within a limited context though.

  18. Yotomoe

    I’ll leave these blunt weapons here. Just so you know.

    1. sylvester crow

      If you need me, i’ll be right here, drinking my soda…maybe getting some popcorn.

    2. newllend

      Baseball bat check *

      Sledge hammer check

      Steel chairs check*

      nunchucks…web forgot the nunchucks!

    3. Disloyal Subject

      Don’t any of you have a stockpile of Roman shortswords? A gladius isn’t that pricey, and it’s a classic for a reason!

      1. ninja_jesus

        BLUNT weapons, not sharp! They can poke an eye out!

      2. Roborat

        Go check with Pip (Sequential Art).

  19. Jackson

    Well, this exists: https://twitter.com/hashtag/GODportunity

    (I’ll just assume her youth pastor is a bad speller. Or he’s making up words and can spell them however he wants)

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      We both had the same idea.

    2. Jen Aside

      OH NO THERE ARE LIKE MILLIONS OF THAT SPELLING D=

      1. Liahansen

        oh shiiiiiit I didn’t even notice

      2. Carriethedragon

        yeah I mean it DOES make more sense to spell it that way

  20. Rani

    Man of steel, woman of steel, hoodie of kleenix.

    1. sylvester crow

      Actually, he is a man of caramel.

      1. Yotomoe

        Woman of scripture.

        1. Zaphod Beeblebrox

          Still, hoodies of kleenex. Let’s see what happens next, shall we?

        2. nekobawt

          i want to make a rock/paper/scissors joke out of this but i’m flailing. ideas, anyone?

        3. Deanatay

          I think you mean a Kleenex/Scripture/Caramel joke.

      2. Arkadi

        That’s his super power. He is Walky, the Man of Caramel. Joyce is Scripturette, and she doesn’t care what you think that sounds like.

  21. Wonder Wig

    Godpertunity? Well it could be an apostlebility!

    1. Liahansen

      jesus christ

    2. Anarchy 101

      It could be a chance of massive popeortions

    3. AgentKeen

      You saw the godpuntunity, and you took it.

    4. Mass Confusion

      I laughed for ten minutes straight after reading that. Bravo

    5. Rachel Roth

      Explanation please?

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        You know Jesus’s disciples? Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Judas, all the rest… “Apostle” is a alternate word for “disciple” when specifically referencing Jesus’s disciples.

        So instead of a “possibility,” it’s an “apostlebility”…

        1. Rachel Roth

          Ah. To answer your rhetorical, no I do not know them. I know they exist, but little more (ie. names). Thanks for the explanation though.

        2. gwalla

          Technically, the apostles were a smaller group than the disciples. The apostles were Jesus’s inner circle (well, and Paul, who never actually met the guy but appointed himself an apostle). Luke was neither: he was Paul’s physician.

          The More You Know ミ☆

        3. StClair

          Always hoped that I’d be an apostle
          Knew that I would make it if I tried
          Then when we retire, we can write the gospels
          So they’ll still talk about us when we’ve died

    6. Chris

      Savior breath. She’s not even listening.

      1. Rachel Roth

        Hey, what did I do to deserve this punishment?

      2. Chris

        I don’t know. We were pun-ishing the comic.

    7. Kryss LaBryn

      If you guys don’t stop picking on Joyce’s religion, she’s gonna messiah guys up.

      1. Jen Aside

        Don’t be so religulous

    8. Leorale

      She has the drive. She has the disciplin’.

  22. Mangulwort

    I hate to say this but It looks like Billie is putting on quite the weight.

    1. Yotomoe

      >Hate to say this
      >Implying Billie putting on weight isn’t the best thing ever.

      1. Robin

        *pounce!*

        Rowwr.

    2. Boomwolf

      Hey Ruthless has been noting her weight since day one. And based on recent events, she hasn’t been wrong yet.

    3. Liahansen

      With a chick-fil A in their cafeteria, she’d be a fool not to!

      1. Anarchy 101

        I know I would! Those waffle fries

      2. Mangulwort

        Well “chick-fil-a” is certainly doing its job. Doesn’t Anyone in the main cast know how to cook?

        1. AgentKeen

          “Dorms” and this “cooking” concept of yours don’t often go together. There’s a reason for the Freshmen Fifteen.

        2. Kamino Neko

          Even in my residence at uni, where each house had a mini-kitchen, nobody cooked because…ew, who’d use the mini-kitchen that who-knows-who might have been using? (Also, 20 people, one mini-kitchen…if it had been used, it would have been a logistical nightmare.)

        3. Kernanator

          Every year I go to the dorms and think, “I should make a meal for at least one night this year”. And every year I fail to do it.

        4. L33tmaster

          Its ok we all do…..
          DAMN YOU CHINESE FOOD WHY ARE YOU SOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!

        5. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          Try making a pie from scratch with a friend. It’s fun, and it serves quite a few people so any moochers can have some too.

        6. Glacirus

          One time the room that passed for a kitchen in my dorm was used, we made non-microwave popcorn. As in, in the skillet with a little butter/oil (I forget exactly what we used) and covered it until popping ceased.

          Was delicious, but we all vowed never again.

        7. ninja_jesus

          @Gadgeteer Smashwidget: Did you invent the universe as well? I heard from great scientific minds that this is the required first step.

        8. Reltzik

          Bah! All you need is to cram in a hot plate on your desk next to your textbooks and ignore all fire codes!

        9. Kryss LaBryn

          They didn’t invent these things until long after I left college, but holy cow, they look like the best thing ever:

          http://www.amazon.com/Kalorik-Breakfast-Set-Griddle-Stainless/dp/B000J3MOES

          It’s–catch this–it’s a toaster oven/coffee maker/griddle combination unit. I gather the idea is one device you can cook bacon, eggs, toast, AND coffee on. Pretty sweet!

        10. RachelEvil

          Dorm rooms rarely have cooking equipment.

        11. hurocrat

          When I was a freshman, “cooking equipment” meant propping your iron upside down between two rocks.

          It’s not the best way to cook Easy Mac.

        12. Kryss LaBryn

          That is effing brilliant.

        13. Anarchy 101

          I’ll have to try that sometime

        14. HiEv

          Our dorm had a community microwave in the hallway.

          Sadly, I remember this mainly because my roommate stole it when he graduated. 🙁

    4. Fit-to-freak

      Can you not though

      1. Fit-to-freak

        Like god forbid a woman gain weight I guess

  23. Kruschack

    Anyone else actually picture a literal “jerky buttface”? ‘Cause I can’t atop laughing at the idea of a person who’s face looks like an ass made of Beef Jerky.

    1. Mo

      And he talks like “Macho Man” Randy Savage.

      AND NOW YOU CAN’T UNSEE IT EITHER

    2. Nono

      Squirrel Girl could have the buttface down at least.

  24. March

    On the plus side, they made Billie laugh, and that will probably make them both feel somewhat accomplished after this….this.

  25. Rob S

    Walky’s eyes rolled so far back they tried to escape through the hairline!

    Seriously, his eyes are just a little too high up in panel 3.

    1. jnzooger

      Thank God I wasn’t the only one. I thought he lost an eye at first and the cheek mark was like a wink or something.

    2. HiEv

      Yeah, I noticed it was a smidgen off there too. 😛

  26. Mr. Random

    Only one other site has used… Godpertunity.
    Funkhousers’ Net.
    A blog by, what I just kinda browsed, a minister of a church.

  27. Hoboturtle

    I actually ship Joyce and Walky cause they hate each other so much.

    1. Anarchy 101

      Spontaneous hate sex between Joyce/Walky! It must happen now

      1. Catullus

        In the middle of Chick-Fil-A?

        1. L33tmaster

          Its happen in weirder places.
          I mean just look at what happen with sal and the aid….

      2. Arkadi

        Spontaneous Hate Pre-Marital Hanky-Panky (SHPMHKtm)! 😀 Make it a thing!

        1. Anarchy 101

          Then dorothy comes along, gets mad at her best friend having sex with her boyfriend and then a hate threesome is born, in chik-fil-a

    2. gwalla

      Wait are we bringing in Homestuck-style shipping now?

  28. FuryOfFirestorm

    UGH. This is one of the things I hated when I was growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness. Anytime someone was going through a rough patch – like a death in the family – it was an opportunity to foist their bullshit on other people, instead of genuinely trying to comfort/reassure someone.

    Telling people that their loved ones will be resurrected in Paradise if they waste 90 hours a month to wake up strangers at 8 AM on a Saturday morning and go to the Kingdom Hall 3 or 4 nights a week is the last thing anyone mourning a loved one needs to hear.

    1. Foxhack

      I think it’s a form of schadenfreude.

      Make people suffer while you tell them how your deity is more awesome than theirs. REVEL IN THEIR PAIN. That makes the depression go away!

      At least that’s what everyone who keeps harassing us all over town makes me think. Don’t they have jobs or a home to attend to? Sheesh.

      1. FuryOfFirestorm

        It’s not so much telling people that your God is better than their God, but telling grieving people that they can meet their loved one again in a Paradise by joining their cult.

        That’s why the JWs keep canvasing the same neighborhoods over and over. They keep trying in hopes of catching people at their most vulnerable, making them easy prey for their bullshit cult.

        1. Arkadi

          I think “bottom-feeding” is the term for that? Yes?

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Many religions are perfectly willing to prophet from someone’s misery.

      1. Reltzik

        Yup! And the youngest generation of go-getting seminary graduates are guaranteed to rake in the reverend-new.

      2. Ben

        was that spelling of profit intentional?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          YES! ^_^

      3. roguebfl

        With that spelling though. Most honestly believe they are providing comfort though being a prophet and spreading the good news. Because many of the faithful find comfort in renew their faith in hard times.

        The ones that are to be despised are those that do so with the profit spelling.

        1. Stranger

          I think I’m just going to despise everyone since all they do is increase everyone’s misery in the end once the depression passes and they realize they were essentially scammed by Jesus peddlers.

      4. HiEv

        Actually, it’s more like the religions are praying on a person’s weakness.

        (spelling/pun intentional)

        1. xKiv

          Like a praying mantis.

      5. deathjavu

        This is where a large percentage of converts came from.and continue to come from. Look at the amounts of converts in hospitals and prisons, where people are extremely psychologically weakened and have very little freedom. This tendency to convert the weakened and vulnerable has been documented as both highly successful and extremely common.

    3. Mass Confusion

      And that’s why I’m agnostic

      1. HiEv

        Saying you’re agnostic doesn’t actually narrow things down. “Agnostic”, in this context, just means that you believe that you can’t know whether gods exist or not. It doesn’t clarify whether you actually believe they exist or not. You can be an agnostic theist or an agnostic atheist (or an agnostic deist, if you want to count that category as separate from theist), they’re not mutually exclusive terms.

        Agnostic and gnostic (lower case “G”) pertain to knowledge.
        Theist and atheist pertain to belief.

      2. Opus the Poet

        That’s why I’m Wiccan. We don’t “sell” until you come see us, no proselytizing allowed. If you ask we tell, other than that we leave you alone.

        1. ninja_jesus

          I like the concept of Wicca. It does help that I had a very great Wiccan friend, lol.

        2. Leorale

          No proselytizing in Judaism either. If somebody comes to convert, it’s traditional to actually turn them away three times.

  29. Boomwolf

    Kinda reminds me of my relationship with my little sister when we were runts… good times…

  30. Shadow12000

    Walky says what we all were thinking.

    1. L33tmaster

      I plead the fifth

  31. Mkvenner

    Constants and variables.

  32. Spiny Creature

    The first #Godportunity I saw on Twitter:
    “The only Muslim person in town offered me a part-time job. I’m thinking it’s a #Godportunity to build a relationship with him and his family.”

    …There are days when you remember born-again Christians are worse than any parody you could come up with. This is one of those days.

    1. Pantheon the Mantheon

      I foresee much pain being caused by these people. Mostly migraines but still…

      1. Leorale

        I initially read this godportunity tweet as “hey, by befriending some Muslims, I could totally expand my religious worldview and experiences, hooray”. …it seems I am wildly optimistic.

    2. Jesse

      If he has a family, he’s probably not the only Muslim in town.

      1. saltchocolate

        You are a winner!

    3. ninja_jesus

      I think #Allahportunity sounds better.

      1. xKiv

        #Lordportunity?

        1. Kryss LaBryn

          Lokiportunity?

          Cuz I don’t see this ending in anything but mischief and misery…

  33. Giant Speck

    I miss Chick-fil-A. 🙁

  34. ProfessorBlind

    Strange things are afoot in front of the Chick-fil-a.

  35. Pantheon the Mantheon

    I’m just learning all kinds of alternate functions for hoodies over here.

    1. Catullus

      They beat out neckties by a narrow margin as the most weaponizable article of clothing.

  36. Jesse

    Good news (Mostly). I just Googled it, and there’s only one mention that isn’t this comic, and it’s not about converting people.

    1. Dan

      I do believe you should google Godportunity instead.

      1. Jesse

        Oh, right. Bad news, it’s definitely a thing.

  37. Ben

    Pretty sure a fight that looks that hilarious would improve anyone’s mood.

    1. Leorale

      It sure helped mine 🙂

  38. Slowvehicle

    so…much…win…

  39. L33tmaster

    THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE

  40. newllend

    Wow Walky is on fire tonight, and I’m glad the Billie can find entertainment in this like the rest of us.

    1. nekobawt

      he’s not on fire yet, though give joyce some more time and she’ll sort that out

  41. Jimmy

    Whatever happens to Walky, he deserves it. Not saying either one of them is right or wrong, but it’s possible to disagree without being a complete asshole about it.

    1. newllend

      Tonight on DoA Def jam on PPV we have Joyce the fool crusader vs Walky the Grand Asshole in a no holds bare kitchen match, and for main event we have the long awaited match up for the eternal rivalry Sal the terror from the south vs Amazi-girl !

      1. tinfoil theory

        With Mike Warner as the referee.

    2. newllend

      Sorry didn’t mean to post that on your comment

    3. Sam

      Really the only right thing here is to tell Joyce no. She wants to help but her method would only make it worse. Chances are that she wouldn’t have actually listened to him if he just said ‘you are wrong because that would make her throw you out a second floor window’, she would have done a Joyce thing and turned it into a ‘God makes things better and will heal her’ speech or something. This was likely just faster. XD

    4. Stranger

      No, Walky is the one in the right here. That Joyce sees this as an opportunity to indoctrinate another sucker into her cult just shows how little she has grown.

      1. Jimmy

        No one should ever say that anyone “should die in a fire”. If Joyce had said someone “should burn in Hell” I bet everyone would be up in arms about it.

        1. Swerve

          Why is there even any disagreement that Walky shouldn’t have said that? All he had to say is “Your youth pastor is wrong, and if you try this, Billie will get worse”, and Joyce would have sadly agreed to try another tack. (Maybe baking a cake? Humans like cakes right? I heard that from this wacky AI I ran into once on a Quest.) Saying he should die in a very painful way? Have any of you seen someone suffer sever burns?

        2. Stranger

          Because her pastor is a monster, and the world would be better off if he died? I’m not trying to be funny here, I really hope he dies.

        3. Jimmy

          I don’t want anyone to die, even if I disagree with them.

        4. deathjavu

          Joyce has said that, and I don’t really think there was much comment on that part of the dialogue specifically. We are pretty used to Christians saying that hell is real and it’s what a certain class of people deserves (sinners or nonbelievers).

          Walky might even have been referencing that kind of fire and brimstone talk.

          Or he could just be being hyperbolic, like when we tell someone to “go fuck yourself”. That’s not given as a literal instruction, that’s just how some people talk.

        5. Jimmy

          It’s still inappropriate hyperbole. There are better ways of handling things. Of course in the DoA universe, very few people handle things the way the best way they should.

      2. timemonkey

        That’s not how Joyce sees it, she sees it as giving comfort. Being told that kind of thing would make Joyce feel better and she doesn’t understand other people don’t work that way.

        1. Swerve

          And all Walky had to do was quietly explain that he’s known Billie all their lives and that Joyce’s intended method of comforting Billie would backfire. That’s the mature way to handle this situation. But the only mature action Walky had taken since he found Billie this morning, was to go to Ruth for help. I realize that Walky is freaking out about what’s wrong with Billie, and maybe that’s why he’s resorting to such extreme hyperbole, but he’s not helping. Except maybe by providing small amusement value to Billie as he fights Joyce in slapstick fashion.

        2. gwalla

          Plus, when does Walky quietly explain anything?

  42. Sporky

    I don’t think Joyce is “gay for Dorothy,” but to be honest, given a couple things (talking about how beautiful she thinks Sal’s hair is, being entranced by Billie’s boobs during her sexuality freakout) I really have been reading Joyce as a closeted bisexual (to the point of not even knowing herself) in DoA. And Willis has said that the sexual orientations of the characters in DoA and the Walkyverse are intended to be consistent.

    Basically, what I’m saying if that this was confirmed to be canon, then bisexual Walkyverse Joyce could also be canon and I find that to be a very interesting and cool idea!

    1. Brigid Keely

      I grew up with ZERO positive depictions of bisexuality (bisexual men are gay men in denial! bisexual women are straight women who are just slutty sluts who want slutty attention!) so it was very confusing to be a woman attracted to both other women AND to men. I had a LOT of experiences like Joyce has had, including being “afraid” of being an OMG SECRET LESBIAN (the vast majority of my fear involved not God, but my parents disowning me). When you grow up in an aggressively heteronormative society/family and are taught that homosexuality is both a choice and deviance/sin, it’s really easy to not realize that you’re bisexual.

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        I know what you mean. I don’t think I even realized gay men were a thing until, oh, probably somewhere around being a young teen or a preteen, I guess, because I didn’t quite get the Blue Oyster Bar jokes in the Police Academy movies; and I didn’t even realize women could be gay as well until, I dunno, college or something. No idea when I found out about bisexuals but probably not until some point after I found out about lesbians.

        –Which makes being somewhere between bisexual and gay (let alone very slightly trans, or at least not cis-gendered) really, really weird, when you grow up not even realizing that that’s even a thing, I can tell you, so I sympathize completely.

    2. Orangey

      I doubt it would happen, but at the same time I also agree with you that it would be super cool and interesting if she was bi! I’ve been shit with my own sexuality (I think im bi then i think crap maybe im just straight and then sometimes I decide I don’t like the idea of being with anyone at all its great fun being me) so it would be nice to see someone else find it all a bit confusing and daunting as well. Though that’s just me being selfish lol.

      so uh tl;dr : bi joyce would be awesome

  43. Mass Confusion

    I’m in almost full agreement with Walky here. Seriously, trying to force religion down a depressed person’s throat has to be the most inconsiderate things anyone can do. And it’s not just Christianity, though they’re one of the worst offenders. It’s almost as if religion takes away a part of human decency

    1. MrMyerst

      I kind of agree…

      Although, a distinction should be made between faith and religion, I feel.
      Faith is when you believe something, with strong personal conviction, and act accordingly, religion is the cult that grows around faith.
      There are many people I have met who have a strong faith, but accept that this is their own personal conviction*- and often these people are admirable and kind, albeit I would often disagree them.

      Also, I when someone tries to shove religion down my throat, I’m allways reminded of a cat bringing in a dead mouse: “hey, I know you’re a shitty hunter, so I thought if try to look after you… What, why are looking at me like that? I’m trying to help you!”

      Just left torn between wanting to praise them for trying, or give them a smack on the nose to teach them how to behave… :p

      Does that kind of make sense?

      *the distinction isn’t allways clear, and isn’t a dictionary one… It’s just one that I use that makes sense of a lot of “arguments” to me…

      1. Mass Confusion

        I’m saying religion DOES have it’s place, to help many who need support. I’m just not all that into it. But your point is entirely valid, and I thank you for sharing it

      2. Just A. Thinker

        Religion does provide a significant amount of hope and comfort to a lot of people. Billie has been established as Catholic, so (depending on how Joyce went about this) reminding her of God could help provide hope.

        The only issue is that, from my perspective, it would be a false hope. But even a false hope can help people get their life back together.

    2. Swerve

      As a practicing Adaptusian, may I please say that your casual bigotry is repellent. Especially considering that atheists are just as likely to be aft-holes as the devout are.

      1. Mass Confusion

        No no no, you misunderstand. I hate atheists who are self-righteous and think they’re better than those who do practice religion. I’m honestly just sick of people trying to convince me that if I don’t give money to an already far richer than me church that I’ll burn in hell, and of the ones who say that their religion is the one true one, which atheism is guilty of as well

        1. Mass Confusion

          And by that I mean “You want to be religious? More power to you. Just don’t try to force me to be religious too. I’m an adult and can make my own decisions”

        2. tinfoil theory

          You may already be an atheist and just not know it.

          I have these pamphlets…

        3. Mass Confusion

          First off: Thank you for the laugh
          Secondly it’s more the “Hey christians, if god exists, then why Atheists:1 Christianity:0” kinds of people that I’m talking about. The ones who believe that just because they’re atheists they’re better than others. Kind of the same reason why I dislike hipsters

        4. Swerve

          Hey, some of my best friends are non-judgmental atheists: Ratchet, Perceptor, Brainstorm, Rung. And there are some pretty fanatical religious guys on the Lost Light. **cough**Cyclonus**cough**

          Besides, Adaptusians like me don’t evangelize: you either love having an Alt-mode or you don’t.

        5. Mass Confusion

          Exactly. Religion has it’s place, just not with me. Like I said, you want to follow a religion, it’s your choice. Live and let live

        6. Mr. Bawkbagawk

          your handle is apt and I am in fact better than the screw balls who need to get their morals for a 600 year old book. get over it.

        7. Spiny Creature

          What? Who do you know who is worshiping The Canterbury Tales?

        8. Swerve

          Hey, my holy book is ten million years old!

        9. Just A. Thinker

          Hah! My holy book is 13.7 billion years old (give or take), it’s written in the language of math and read with science, and for some reason, the more we read of it, the more difficult reading it becomes.

          Just making a joke – it’s not really a holy book, and more of a not-so-holy universe. One that tells me that it doesn’t give a f*ck about me.

        10. Rachel Roth

          Don’t tell Joyce that. She’ll freak.

      2. Stranger

        True, but the difference is, atheists dont go door to door trying to convince me that their viewpoint is right. Or demand that I give them money. Or that I go to their house once a week.

        1. Drakey

          I’ve known plenty who would do that sort of thing if they could be bothered to go to the effort, though. It’s pretty disturbing, honestly. At least most of the people (not all, but most) who push a religion on others believe that they’re pushing a way to support yourself emotionally and find comfort even if they’re actually just smearing a scaffolding for bigoted rhetoric or religious pyramid schemes.

          I’ve known people who would actually try to convince a true believer who takes real comfort and finds peace in their faith to “convert” to atheism. It’s uncomfortably like watching someone try to kick a crutch away from a crippled person.

        2. Stranger

          I dont really bother arguing religion with anyone because its fundamentally pointless, but I do get a kind of twisted enjoyment out of watching someone else lose their faith in something. And yes, I am aware that this is wrong, but I never claimed to be a good person either.

        3. Swerve

          “True, but the difference is, atheists dont [sic]go door to door trying to convince me that their viewpoint is right. ”

          You’ve obviously never seen Ratchet make a house call then.

        4. Just A. Thinker

          Who is Rachet?

        5. Swerve

          My ship’s medic. Really fun guy, though not as fun as he used to be. He’s seen too much death and despair to keep up the gallows humor these days.

          Here, read up on him: http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Ratchet_(G1)

        6. Stranger

          It does get pretty meaningless after a while.

      3. HiEv

        Mass Confusion comments pertained entirely to the religious belief system itself, not all of the people who follow it. It’s not “bigotry” to despise a belief system that misleads people and causes so many problems in the world.

        Belief systems weren’t people the last time I checked. 😛

        1. Swerve

          Give the Supreme Court of the United States a few sessions to correct that. 🙂

  44. artiekrap

    “Lez out already!” for next book title

  45. Ryune

    Guys guys guys. How about

    You BOTH

    Get with Dorothy

    1. Arkadi

      Why did I just hear that in Eleven (Matt Smith)’s voice?

      1. ninja_jesus

        With the wacky upward inflection of his voice and everything.

  46. shoeboxjeddy

    And Walky lands a powerful verbal jab. Joyce’s position is gonna be on the ropes…

  47. Glacirus

    In the words of Rooster Teeth: Fight! Fight! Fight! Kiss. Kiss…

  48. nothri

    The suffering of others= Best cure for a bad mood ever devised.

    1. nothri

      Or as Calvin and Hobbes would say: “The best cure for a bad mood is to spread it around”. Billie gets bonus points for doing it without even trying.

  49. NinjaNick

    Hood-wedgie! 😀

  50. Lone Wolf

    One day, Joyce will learn that not every situation calls for proselytizing.

    One day, Walky will learn how to be critical without being an asshole.

    That day is not today. Pass the popcorn.

    1. Tomas

      But it is not this day! This day we fight!

      1. Leorale

        yayyy

  51. Swerve

    “You all need to die in a fire.” The first time I heard that was on Declaration Day. I was at the local Adaptusian Temple, saying a long-winded prayer to Adaptus, when two dozen Decepticons kicked the door of the Temple in. While Runamuck and Runabout began spraypainting the Decepticon insignia and quotes from Megatron all around, the Decepticon leading this bunch of thugs pulled out a flamethrower. I lobbed the energon rations I’d brought as a donation into the path of the flames… and missed. Emirate Darix was smelted before my optic sensors.

    tl;dr Walky’s little spiel about murdering Joyce’s youth pastor: not cool. Not cool at all.

    1. Mass Confusion

      I agree. Walky should have toned down his reaction to that. I believe that the only people who deserve to die violently are people who’ve hurt people with malicious intent. Hitler falls into this category, as do his followers who enjoyed killing off so many people. The ones who only did it for fear of their own lives are forgivable because they, as I said, were doing it for self-preservation. Was the youth pastor a bit of a jerk? Yes. Does he deserve to die for it? Definitely not

    2. 3oranges

      …Pretty sure Walky is using a hyperbolic expression as a way to say he’s a real jerk, not actually declaring he now feels a deep need to track down and brutally assassinate this person.

      Sadly, I suspect seeing depression as a godpertunity isn’t hyperbole at all.

      1. Swerve

        Well it’s a crummy hyperbolic expression. Listen, I just finished fighting a four million year long war and I’ve seen victims of Gideon’s Glue. You shouldn’t even joke about wanting to see a sentient being die in a fire.

        1. 3oranges

          It isn’t a particularly good expression, no. Its literal meaning is extremely harsh, and I imagine if someone had ever seen something burn to death, it could trigger a lot that isn’t intended.

          It’s like when people describe the sexual assault they received from an exam. They shouldn’t be talking like that because of the connotations it has to other people. But you also shouldn’t imagine they are thinking of sexual assault in the least.

          Walky is repeating an expression he has heard places, that in most people’s heads it doesn’t actually have anything to do with burning people alive. It’s fair to fault him for not being more sensitive to that.

          But know it’s an accidental harm, and if you had to give a pass to either that or the very deliberate taking advantage of vulnerability that “godpertunity” implies, I think you’ve picked the wrong one.

  52. Wack'd

    “Webcomics. They know what I want!”

    1. nothri

      What I really really want is to zigga zay ahhh.

  53. Fit-to-freak

    I laughed at literally every panel in this comic.

  54. tinfoil theory

    In Joyce’s defense, her hoodie-vest is gorgeous.

  55. Spongegirl Circleskirt

    I hadn’t laughed out loud to this comic in a while. Thanks Señor Willis!

  56. Arkadi

    Billie: º3º

  57. Orangey

    I worried when I saw the title, but oh man this page is brilliant.

  58. Willoughby Chase

    Walky has all the smarts here, even though he lacks … diplomacy.

  59. acher4

    One of the best strips!
    LOL!

  60. Azrael

    JOYCE! JOYCE! JOYCE! JOYCE! 😛

  61. Heather

    I sometimes have Walkys thoughts on Joyce’s type of thinking- it’s my first immediate emotional reaction anyway. But then of course I realise these people believe they are helping. For them god is the answer to everything after all and it’s something they take comfort in or even makes them happy so they don’t see why it can’t work for others. Most of them genuinely believe they are helping- not only in the short-term but in the long-term. Heck even making it worse in the short-term/long-term might not deter some people- because after all what is being miserable in this life compared to suffering in eternity? I can get that mentality even though it is utterly repellent at the same time and I don’t believe in it.

    1. Robin

      Yeah. If I believed it would help you if I kicked you in the shins, it wouldn’t mean it’s okay for me to do that.

      1. Jimmy

        Talk about comparing apples to oranges

        1. Andiemus

          All Robin’s saying is that honest belief in doing the right thing isn’t a justification for unethical things. Whether Joyce realizes it or not she’s advocating preying on Billie’s vulnerabilities to get her to join a political and social movement.

          Even if I honestly believed that being a registered member of the DNC would make someone’s life better I’d still be a horrible person for going up to someone who’s child was killed in action in Iraq, for example, at their funeral to say “hey Democrats opposed the war” and that would still be a horrid thing to do, whether I realized it or not.

    2. Swerve

      You seriously think that Walky’s comments are okay? On Cybertron we have a term for someone who feels someone who they disagree with vehemently should be set on fire. We call them Decepticons.

  62. Crumplepunch

    Too bad, Willis.

    Too bad.

  63. Kerry

    joyce and walky are both kind of obnoxious

  64. ofu03

    I love that this conversation is taking place in front of chick-fil-a

  65. Lorcan Nagle

    I can’t believe I’m the first one to say this:

    I bet 500 Quatloos on the newcomer

    (cue Star Trek fight music)

  66. James Rye

    So nobody wants to be bet who gonna win this bloody brawl of hoodie pulling? I call 20 bucks on Joyce! She already got Walky pinned halfway and Walky’s defense is shit, plus he fights dirty by pushing his fingers into Joyce’s face/eyes. Not cool, bro!
    Also blunt wepaons are allowed so Joyce’s choice of weapon is a wise one.

  67. Eisen

    No one else caught that they’re fighting about being called gay in a Chick Fil A?

    1. Rachel Roth

      FINE. BUT ONLY ONE. NOT ALL; ONE INTERNET AND ONLY ONE! (you did earn it.)

  68. Stranger

    So, Joyce sees no problem at all preying on the weak and depressed when theyre at the most vulnerable? This is literally the christian thing to do in her eyes? Because I havent read the Bible in a while, but I’m fairly certain that most of what she’s done so far has been directly against actual christian doctrine.

    1. drs

      Helping people when they’re most in need, she’d say. Like doctors and sick people.

    2. motorfirebox

      Nope, she doesn’t at all. My most recent experience with this was at the funeral of an atheist friend of mine. It was held at a church because her parents were super-religious. Apparently I didn’t look pious enough, because I was accosted several times and reminded that I’d get to see her again in Heaven IF I had accepted Jesus into my heart. I might have taken that as attempts to be comforting if they hadn’t put such heavy emphasis on the latter part.

      S’okay, though, I take solace in the thinking about the fact that they had to clean up the truly mountainous assortment of dildos in her shower.

      1. Rachel Roth

        Wait. . . so you have to convert to go to the same place as an atheist? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?

        1. motorfirebox

          To be fair, if the Bible really IS the actual word of a divine creator, I’m pretty sure that converting to one of the religions that have sprouted around it is a really great way to find yourself wailing and gnashing your teeth in the outer darkness.

      2. chris73

        That was one helluva funny change between paragraphs

    3. deathjavu

      This is a common religious tactic among all beliefs, preying on the weak. It’s where deathbed and prison converts come from, after all, and since their belief is that these people are going to heaven forever after their conversion, all methods are acceptable.

      Where did you think this stuff came from?

  69. Golbez

    Once again, Walky validates his claim as voice of the people.

    1. Jimmy

      Not all people are arrogant asshole atheists.

      1. Haintsu

        That doesn’t have anything to do with being an “arrogant asshole atheist”. Putting aside the way Walky makes his point (which I do not condone by the way), I bet I can find a buttload of christians who would agree that what Joyce was planning to do is not the right thing to do.

        1. Jimmy

          I know it’s Walky we’re talking about here, but it’s better to just say “Don’t do that” and hold her back. That’s all I’m saying.

        2. Rachel Roth

          Yes, however BS is the natural human response to BS. Exactly what form of smart assy BS would you have preferred?

      2. apostateCourier

        Not all people are willing to deal with other people’s bullshit.

        1. Jimmy

          Just saying there are better ways to handle it.

        2. Kryss LaBryn

          True, but he’s sort of already had to deal with a lot of Billie-related crap this morning. He’s probably reached the limit of what he’s willing to deal with nicely.

    2. Swerve

      “Once again, Walky validates his claim as voice of the people.”

      Voice of the people? Which people? The Communist Albania? The Quintessons? The Decepticons?

      Look, this is me in my serious voice. That’s right, I have a serious voice. I reserve it for when people spew slag like what Walky said. I saw too many friends die during the war to put up with this. That’s where my whole happy-go-lucky personality comes from, y’know. Laugh so ya don’t cry. But I happen to be religious. I have been for millions of years. My religion celebrates transforming. We wroship Adaptus, who we believe taught Cybertronians to transform. You are welcome to disbelieve in Adaptus, but unless I’m acting like a Ratioist, telling you that you can’t switch alt-modes, why should my attempts to share my beliefs with you be a problem?

      More to the point, when Walky tells Joyce her youth counselor deserves to die in a fire? That right there? That’s wrong. That’s the sort of language that increases the ambient temperature of my innermost energon. Rodimus has been known to punch ‘Bots for less inflammatory rhetoric.

      As for Joyce… yeah, she shouldn’t try to evangelize to someone when they are at their most vulnerable. But that’s a lesser offense than Walky’s fire and brimstone speech.

      1. David M Willis

        I’m not sure how Walky’s harmless hyperbole regarding someone he’s never known and will never meet is somehow the “lesser offense” than Joyce declaring imminent intent to actually for-real right-friggin’-now shame Billie for her brain patterns when she’s at her lowest.

        If you consider Walky worse than Joyce here, it sounds to me like your religion celebrates itself and nothing else.

        1. Swerve

          Ah, I see the authorial intent now. I wasn’t sure what form of evangelism Joyce was about to inflict on Billie. So apparently it would be a form of shaming. And I agree that this would be the absolute worst thing for Billie right now.

          Is the reason Walky resorts to hyperbole that he’s freaking out from the situation with Billie? Because otherwise it seems to me the best way to keep Joyce from acting out would be to tell her “Joyce, you’re going to make things worse. Please don’t.” But if Walky isn’t mature enough to engage in anything but name-calling and violent hyperbole with Joyce, how is he going to provide the sensitivity dealing with depression requires? He is just as ill-suited to helping Billie as Joyce is.

          As for the comment in your second comment, I’ll have you know that I have several good friends who have embraced Monoformism!

      2. Kryss LaBryn

        I do get what you mean about saying someone deserves to GDIAF, but there is a difference between saying someone should go die in a fire, and saying someone who did die in a fire deserved it. Or saying that someone needs to die in a fire while holding a can of gasoline and a lighter, because one is harmless hyperbole and one isn’t.

  70. ninja_jesus

    So how much of this is autobiographical, Willis?

  71. John

    Yep, that’s how you cheer Billie up. Take her out for dinner and a show.

    1. Anarchy 101

      Just no wining and dining, cause the alcoholic thing and all

      1. Roborat

        And no whining and dining either.

  72. Charles Phipps

    Reminding people of God’s love and the community of religion isn’t a bad thing but MAYBE you should also note whether a person belongs to such or believes first. 🙂

    1. Swerve

      Agree 1000%. If Walky had the emotional maturity to raise his objection like that, I would have zero problems. But he doesn’t, and I now am very cross with him. I’m like, seriously, you did not tell Joyce one of her mentors deserve to die a horrible fiery death!

      1. John

        What, you mean like the mentors who have been telling Joyce her whole life that Walky and Dorothy and Ethan and Billie and probably everyone else that Joyce knows at college except maybe Mary are going to burn in Hell forever?

        1. Swerve

          Yes. They still don’t deserve to die, especially not the painful way that Walky is insinuating in panel one.

        2. Haintsu

          You don’t really think Walky was serious about that, do you? Of course being a joke doesn’t make it ok all of a sudden, but come on. My guess is that Joyce does know that he’s not serious about that part and is instead angry about Walky being dismissive about her beliefs.

        3. John

          I think you may have missed the fundamental irony that I was pointing out, which is that while you’re complaining about Walky jokingly telling Joyce that her pastor deserves to burn to death, this pastor, and basically all of Joyce’s “mentors”, have been telling Joyce her entire life, not as a joke but as a serious threat to control her behaviour, that Walky and Dorothy and Joyce herself if she gets out of line deserve to burn, without even the relief of death, forever and ever amen, because God, the fundamental root of all morality, has said so.

          That “Godpertunity” Joyce is talking about is, she believes because her youth pastor and her other “mentors” have told her, an opportunity to get Billie to submit to their terrible god and so avoid the fire. That’s why evangelizing to her friends is so important to Joyce. She doesn’t want them to die in a fire like her youth pastor said they will.

          Basically, Walky’s words aren’t very nice, but the youth pastor started it with much worse.

        4. Rachel Roth

          I think it’s a reference to hell; after all her pastor did suggest that EVERY ONE OF JOYCE’S FRIENDS WERE GOING TO LIVE ALL OF ETERNITY IN THE FIERY HELL PIT! At least death by fire ends, but eternity of torture by fire? That’s basically what he told her for her entire life would happen to these kind people that she is just now meeting.

          Think about that before going crazy over my poor gravitar’s comment.

  73. Whittier

    Godpertunity = 78 Google hits. I’m not digging too deep, but I saw one blogger using it to describe his chance to begin seminary studies.

    Godportunity = 7,800 Google hits.

    One letter changes everything, apparently.

    1. xKiv

      One letter is worth two zeroes? Good to know.

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        If the letter is “X”, it’s worth quite a few zeros, I gather. At least, according to Marvel.

  74. motorfirebox

    Scientists don’t fully understand the mechanics behind the creation of the universe! #GODportunity

    Islamic extremism is on the rise! #GODportunity

    Your atheist friend just died but the funeral is at a church because her parents are super-religious! #GODportunity

  75. DSL

    The strip is funny. The arguments among commenters about the spelling of a made-up word are even funnier, for reasons they will never, ever get.

    1. Swerve

      The last two panels are funny, but the first one? I’m still having a hard time getting past Walky’s reaction to Joyce want to console Billie and evangelize her at the same time, being that her pastor, who taught her to do this, should die in a fire.

      1. Regalli

        It’s extreme, yes, but it’s also hyperbole aimed towards someone he’ll probably never meet. Walky’s also been established as actively disliking religion, or at least Christianity, and therefore isn’t likely to give this person any slack for the fucked up things they’re teaching people. (Note that this is the second time in their conversation Joyce has mentioned something her youth pastor taught her – the first time was that whole “birth control isn’t that reliable” bit.)

        And considering the situation, I can’t blame him from going “No. No, THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND YOU SHOULD NOT SAY THIS TO SOMEONE EVER.” He’s not doing it effectively, because it’s Walky, but I appreciate that he’s trying. It’s almost certainly the first time Joyce has seen someone she cared about go through something like this, she genuinely doesn’t know better, but it is a supremely fucked up attitude to have.

        Because what she’s saying basically reads, as follows: Depression is something to be ashamed of (note that she says it in about the same way she says “pregnant” in the previous strip), and Billie can’t REALLY be depressed because she’s so nice and fun, and anyway depression only happens to bad people or people who God’s testing, so if she IS then all she needs to do is trust in God and the problem will just go away! Or else she did something to deserve it.

        People hear this shit all the time, okay. For all kinds of reasons. And in all kinds of variations. “It’s all in God’s plan for you”, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”, “You’re just being tested right now.” And it has never, ever, EVER been a good thing to say.

        Like, imagine saying that to someone whose child just died. You’re saying that death, that their entire LIFE, was all something that was planned to make them stronger, that their child never really mattered. Tell someone with cancer that God doesn’t give them more than they can handle, or who had a major accident, or whose child is disabled and dealing with a society that is stacked thoroughly against them.* Well then, they should be able to handle this no problem, and if not it’s their own damn fault. Tell someone who’s depressed they just need to trust in God, and if that doesn’t make everything better then I guess they’re just not trusting hard enough. Tell them they aren’t REALLY depressed, because depressed people don’t act like that. And when that doesn’t work, then it implies that whatever happened to this person that you said that to, they brought it on themselves.

        Joyce isn’t saying all of that here, but it’s an underlying attitude that is sadly all too common in real life and it doesn’t make things an ounce better. Difficult things happen to good people, and there’s nothing they can do about it and nothing they did to deserve it and it will keep happening because the world is not fair so stop pretending it is. And her youth pastor teaching people that attitude is completely, utterly fucked up. Walky recognizes it is, he’s seen she’s been taught other things that have totally warped her worldview, and he’s reacting to the fact that this is really fucking toxic stuff she’s learned. Also, the fact that if she says it to Billie it could very well make things worse.

        * My parents heard that when I was diagnosed with autism. Trust me, it is not at all a comfort when you have to wonder whether your child will ever be able to get a job or live on their own. It is not at all a comfort to the child to be reduced to a hurdle to be overcome, particularly when it’s something that child considers fundamental to who they are.

        1. Kryss LaBryn

          A friend of mine died a few years ago before he’d completed the basement they were putting in, and she had to get outside help for the plumbing and the drainage outside and stuff. And the guys who did the plumbing screwed up and left an access hatch on the main line out open, and her basement had a wonderful sewage leak. And someone from her church told her, NOT A WORD OF A LIE, that it happened because she didn’t cry enough about her husband dying.

          WOW. Just, WOOOOOOOOWWWWW.

        2. Arkadi

          In case we required any further proof that jerks will be jerks and belief makes very little difference to that. Any douchebag is capable of being a 100% legit religious person: whatever values their religion purports to instil will simply be filtered and edited by douchebag brains to conform to their douchebaggery. Fact.

        3. Roborat

          Good thing that didn’t happen to me, or someone would have been missing some teeth.

        4. Swerve

          @regalli: “And considering the situation, I can’t blame him from going “No. No, THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND YOU SHOULD NOT SAY THIS TO SOMEONE EVER.” He’s not doing it effectively, because it’s Walky, but I appreciate that he’s trying. It’s almost certainly the first time Joyce has seen someone she cared about go through something like this, she genuinely doesn’t know better, but it is a supremely fucked up attitude to have.”

          Agreed. Joyce is wrong, but Walky lacks the maturity to explain to her why she’s wrong. Dorothy or Ethan, or even Sarah (if she acquired some patience) could explain why, but Walky? He clearly knows Joyce will make things worse, but is there any more hyperbolic way to make his point clear?

      2. Me

        http://iamarg.com/2011/11/07/wishfulthinking/

  76. ShaggyDonahugh

    Well Willis, the bad news is Godpertunity has indeed been used. The even worse news is you went and made it absurdly popular on google.

  77. Brigid Keely

    Joyce is full of bad ideas right now, but dang, she’s dead accurate in panel 3.

  78. GBrown

    I couldn’t find Walky’s eyes in the third panel. I thought maybe they had rolled into his head

  79. Chronos

    No, not “Die in a fire”…

    *Drown* in a fire.

  80. ninja_jesus

    I hope that Walky is what makes Joyce use her first curse word. A great, big “Fuck you!” to Walky from Joyce would shatter everyone’s mind.

  81. Totoriter

    Walky has summarized why I don’t like Joyce. That’s EXACTLY what I think of her.

  82. Vex Godglove

    I never thought I’d say this, but I agree with Walky 100% here. I grew up around ppl like Joyce, and Walky worded perfectly how they sound to me.

  83. Tenn

    Awww, Joyce is replacing Billie as replacement sister. ^_^

  84. Kitschensyngk

    I don’t think Joyce realizes that there’s more to curing Billie’s depression than just saying “Smile! God loves you!”

    Although smacking Walky with a tray seems to be cheering her up a little.

  85. Kugai

    WWE Concessions are in the Carpark

  86. xKiv

    Is Joyce pert enough to justify the spelling?

    1. Anarchy 101

      Some parts of her are

  87. Wolfe & Windsilver

    Don’t worry David. You made it real.

  88. Jackson

    I love that Walky’s proverbial camel-back-breaking straw with Joyce was not some proclamation of willful ignorance or blatant insensitivity, but a cheesy portmanteau.

  89. Basudhara

    Am I the only completely baffled by Walky’s face in the third panel?

  90. Calinamour

    godportunities do exist, just spell it right! 😉

  91. Raptorman

    I’d of punched him in the dick girl! He deserves it for his atheist fascism.

  92. Sam

    Hey so I must have missed this comic the first time around. I wanted to read the whiteboard chapter from the start and holy crap. Way late to comment but I just wanted to say I had someone do this to me when I was in the hospital because of a suicide attempt. This really religious cousin of mine wrote me a very lovely letter (insert dripping sarcasm here) in which she encouraged me to turn to god for help with my depression. At the time I thought she just wanted to help, but over time she made it clear that it was a long-distance attempt to convert me to Christ.

    So. Good on Walky for putting a stop to that shit. Even if he did it in an immature fashion, that was probably the last thing Billie needed.

  93. auron

    oh my god it’s a thing.

  94. DarkVeghetta

    And then they made out (in a different universe).

  95. Onion

    SUCCESS!

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