Oh cheese, this storyline… I really, really hope Becky learns ways to cope with her dickbag family, because I’m sort of in the market for examples/advice.
I mean, when you’ve thought panels 2.5-3 pretty much verbatim, multiple times over the course of a year…yeah. Becky has both my sympathy and my envy–she may have gotten caught, but at least she made it out of the house to a friend she can trust her life with.
I have to say, though, it is moments like these where I enjoy Willis’ work most–the “holy shit this is exactly how it actually feels” moments where he perfectly captures an experience that would be otherwise impossible to explain for yourself. In spite of the painful reminder of reality, there’s also a lot of comfort in knowing I’m not the only person who’s had experience with some of these things. So…thank you, Willis. 🙂
Where do you live? You might want to call a crisis line, they might be able to connect you with basic resources in your area, depending on what your exact demographic/situation is.
Whatever the details are (dunno if you're comfortable sharing) you are definitely not alone. Willis is writing this because this is how it feels for many people. Love to you.
Leorale
oh hey, also, regarding advice and scripts for dealing with really difficult family: you might like http://www.captainawkward.com
Deanatay
Sympathy via HEAVY internet contact. Lots of sympathy here, but by its nature, we can only be a secondary support system. Here’s hoping you have (or can find) your primary.
I can’t offer much more than sympathies, but you can have those! Leorale looks like she’s got a reasonable person to answer questions. If you’re looking for resources, then you might be able to find something by submitting a question to some librarians. It is their job to research things and find things out, and they may be able to help uncover resources that you might not be able to find out on your own. I don’t know how your local libraries operate, but where I am you can submit anonymous questions online whose answers will be sent to an email address you provide.
Having been through the same pattern, I can say there is an end to the cycle. At a certain point, all the process of rebuilding and finding stability and cutting out the toxic people from one’s life actually end and you get your life back in a new and pretty cool configuration. It might take a while and you might lose a bit in the process and it might feel never-ending while it’s happening, but I can at least confirm that there is an end to that tunnel.
Stability, real genuine stability is a thing you can actually have and do actually deserve and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Also, community can help a ton, especially for the rebuilding social nets phase of it all. Finding groups or organization that cater to a community you belong to can help get you in contact with cool people who can keep you going and also get you in contact with resources and opportunities and most of all can help in retaining hope during that ugly middle step.
Also, emotionally, forgiving yourself for slip-ups in building oneself is important. It can feel a lot like you have to be perfect in everything all the time to not fully slip off the edge and there’s a lot about the situation that seems to confirm that, but you can afford to be forgiving of yourself if you fuck up on something or just need a mental health break. It’s a lot easier to be your peak self in rebuilding stability if you schedule time to just check out into whatever your escapism method is and refresh yourself.
As for a lot of the practical sides of things, never be too proud to accept help when offered and to ask for help when needed and a lot of the breaks that finally dissipate the storm are the result of random chance, so keep throwing yourself out there so that random chance can occur, but not to the point where you’re working against your own mental health.
And additionally, it is not worth it to try to sacrifice yourself and your sanity to “repair” bridges with a toxic person who refuses to see you as a person or who regularly undermines your recovery. Even if there is a risk and loss of security in the short term, it pays off a lot in the long term. Don’t put yourself in physical or mental danger of course, but don’t fall into the trap of constantly hoping that a toxic person will somehow get better and stop hurting you.
Hey, I really hope you’re ok (well, as much as you can be?). No one else is mentioning, but I’m worried you’re under 18 and thus feel legally trapped, might have another dependency on your family that is legal and harder to transfer, or that regardless of age you’re in an area where you think people might notice if you tried to find information or seek help, or perhaps you have some worry about whether your family would be supported over you by local… people. (Not an exhaustive list!)
Stuff people have already said is still entirely relevant! If you’re stuck in what feels like a catch 22 situation, well, I’m going to add some voice in for “time helps.” If you fear significant consequences of leaving… most of us know when its time to leave, and its not something you can call for someone else. Don’t stay too long, don’t take too many risks, but do what you need to do to be the right decisions for you.
If you’re capable of making a plan ahead of time for emergencies, it can be very helpful. You’re more likely to remember money, clothes, or other important bits and pieces if you have, even in your head, the ideas of what you need (if you have time to get things – Becky didn’t – some people do but forget in the stress.)
I don’t know how much you feel safe sharing here – its quite public – but there are I think quite a lot of people who would be helpful and supportive (myself included.)
Lacking much else in the way of specific advice, but an agreement that I know Becky’s thoughts well, I’m going to wish you luck, and offer a listening ear such as I can. I’ve tried really hard to think of something I’ve got that’s heavily publicly associated with this name with a DM function and haven’t got there yet, but if it would be helpful then leave me a message here saying that and I *will* think of something. I’ve had a lot of help over the years and now I’m in a position to help others nothing is going to stop me from at least offering.
Good point about the anonymity while you’re living at home. If it helps, the crisis line that I know is sensitive to this, they’re free and they won’t show up on your phone bill at all. You can call them any time 24/7, whether it’s to get resources, to vent to a calm listener, to hang out on the phone while you catch your breath, whatever else. 775-784-8090 .
Leorale
Hey, Willis, this seems to come up frequently in the comments. Maybe there could be a FAQ of “hey if you REALLY relate to these characters’ situations, go here for a list of resources”. Kinda unusual for a webcomic FAQ, but it’s kind of an unusual webcomic, and this does come up a lot.
Kryss LaBryn
That’s a really good idea.
Jen Aside
dang, that’d be pretty cool
here, lemme start:
National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA): 1-800-799-7233
SzL
That’s an amazing idea! I know you’re already working hard but ifyou do get the chance that would be great.
Aaaaand there you just slipped up with informing us that this will be the last chapter of the book which mean the walking with dina arc will come to a end soon and will most likely start focus on others with the new book:-P
Yumi
Um… well, you could’ve already seen that this would be the last chapter of the book by clicking on the archive link (unless that was just updated), but aside from that, his comment doesn’t really tell us how soon this chapter will end.
Lord Stoneheart
Also, if we look at the Dumbing of Age tumblr, you can see a preview of something labeled as the second to last panel of the book. It even has a date attached to it when the comic will go on site. It’s not like Willis makes it a giant secret as to when chapters/books will end. It’s not slipping up when he does so repeatedly and intentionally.
David M Willis
is it like wile coyote walking off the cliff across the sky and looking down, does the chapter only end if you mention it’s a chapter
No idea, you have to ask my past self about that as it make no sense when i read it…. Sadly….he’s kinda busy with the…….well….past so i think it will be challenging to initiate contact to ask >_<
Just make sure y’all don’t mix up which tissue is which >.>
Betty Anne
Ha ha, gross. XD (Sorry, never been a jizz – of any sort – on my face kind of person.) I don’t know whether to give you all the Internets for making me laugh or just all of 4chan for the mental image. O.o;;
Well, by her rule set, she hasn’t been seen in comic doing first base and she did third base before this, so I’m pretty sure she’s running her home run lap backwards.
234 thoughts on “Goodwill”
Nightsbridge
“Will escalating physical contact provide further comfort?
“Oh good. That was kind of a stab in the dark.”
Stepping back from the joke, it is difficult to articulate exactly how many ways this strip destroyed me. Poor Becky!
HyogaKitsune
Congrats you are the second person to beat Jen ^w^
Darkoneko
Not really.
Freemage
second in a row, at least.
Mr. Random
Second even though Jen is trying?
Jen Aside
not that anyone cares, but I legit didn’t try yesterday, and today I was juggling TWO midnight posts =p
and when I don’t try at all, people think I died
can’t win!
Flipz
Oh cheese, this storyline… I really, really hope Becky learns ways to cope with her dickbag family, because I’m sort of in the market for examples/advice.
I mean, when you’ve thought panels 2.5-3 pretty much verbatim, multiple times over the course of a year…yeah. Becky has both my sympathy and my envy–she may have gotten caught, but at least she made it out of the house to a friend she can trust her life with.
I have to say, though, it is moments like these where I enjoy Willis’ work most–the “holy shit this is exactly how it actually feels” moments where he perfectly captures an experience that would be otherwise impossible to explain for yourself. In spite of the painful reminder of reality, there’s also a lot of comfort in knowing I’m not the only person who’s had experience with some of these things. So…thank you, Willis. 🙂
Leorale
Sympathy via internet contact. <3
Where do you live? You might want to call a crisis line, they might be able to connect you with basic resources in your area, depending on what your exact demographic/situation is.
Whatever the details are (dunno if you're comfortable sharing) you are definitely not alone. Willis is writing this because this is how it feels for many people. Love to you.
Leorale
oh hey, also, regarding advice and scripts for dealing with really difficult family: you might like http://www.captainawkward.com
Deanatay
Sympathy via HEAVY internet contact. Lots of sympathy here, but by its nature, we can only be a secondary support system. Here’s hoping you have (or can find) your primary.
Nightsbridge
I can’t offer much more than sympathies, but you can have those! Leorale looks like she’s got a reasonable person to answer questions. If you’re looking for resources, then you might be able to find something by submitting a question to some librarians. It is their job to research things and find things out, and they may be able to help uncover resources that you might not be able to find out on your own. I don’t know how your local libraries operate, but where I am you can submit anonymous questions online whose answers will be sent to an email address you provide.
Stay safe and stay strong!
Dana
Sympathy through internet commenting. Hang in there.
Cerberus
Having been through the same pattern, I can say there is an end to the cycle. At a certain point, all the process of rebuilding and finding stability and cutting out the toxic people from one’s life actually end and you get your life back in a new and pretty cool configuration. It might take a while and you might lose a bit in the process and it might feel never-ending while it’s happening, but I can at least confirm that there is an end to that tunnel.
Stability, real genuine stability is a thing you can actually have and do actually deserve and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Also *appropriate gesture of support* for it all.
Cerberus
Also, community can help a ton, especially for the rebuilding social nets phase of it all. Finding groups or organization that cater to a community you belong to can help get you in contact with cool people who can keep you going and also get you in contact with resources and opportunities and most of all can help in retaining hope during that ugly middle step.
Also, emotionally, forgiving yourself for slip-ups in building oneself is important. It can feel a lot like you have to be perfect in everything all the time to not fully slip off the edge and there’s a lot about the situation that seems to confirm that, but you can afford to be forgiving of yourself if you fuck up on something or just need a mental health break. It’s a lot easier to be your peak self in rebuilding stability if you schedule time to just check out into whatever your escapism method is and refresh yourself.
As for a lot of the practical sides of things, never be too proud to accept help when offered and to ask for help when needed and a lot of the breaks that finally dissipate the storm are the result of random chance, so keep throwing yourself out there so that random chance can occur, but not to the point where you’re working against your own mental health.
And additionally, it is not worth it to try to sacrifice yourself and your sanity to “repair” bridges with a toxic person who refuses to see you as a person or who regularly undermines your recovery. Even if there is a risk and loss of security in the short term, it pays off a lot in the long term. Don’t put yourself in physical or mental danger of course, but don’t fall into the trap of constantly hoping that a toxic person will somehow get better and stop hurting you.
Hopefully some of this helps.
SzL
Hey, I really hope you’re ok (well, as much as you can be?). No one else is mentioning, but I’m worried you’re under 18 and thus feel legally trapped, might have another dependency on your family that is legal and harder to transfer, or that regardless of age you’re in an area where you think people might notice if you tried to find information or seek help, or perhaps you have some worry about whether your family would be supported over you by local… people. (Not an exhaustive list!)
Stuff people have already said is still entirely relevant! If you’re stuck in what feels like a catch 22 situation, well, I’m going to add some voice in for “time helps.” If you fear significant consequences of leaving… most of us know when its time to leave, and its not something you can call for someone else. Don’t stay too long, don’t take too many risks, but do what you need to do to be the right decisions for you.
If you’re capable of making a plan ahead of time for emergencies, it can be very helpful. You’re more likely to remember money, clothes, or other important bits and pieces if you have, even in your head, the ideas of what you need (if you have time to get things – Becky didn’t – some people do but forget in the stress.)
I don’t know how much you feel safe sharing here – its quite public – but there are I think quite a lot of people who would be helpful and supportive (myself included.)
Lacking much else in the way of specific advice, but an agreement that I know Becky’s thoughts well, I’m going to wish you luck, and offer a listening ear such as I can. I’ve tried really hard to think of something I’ve got that’s heavily publicly associated with this name with a DM function and haven’t got there yet, but if it would be helpful then leave me a message here saying that and I *will* think of something. I’ve had a lot of help over the years and now I’m in a position to help others nothing is going to stop me from at least offering.
El Chupacabre
If this is in fact the situation you are in, http://www.scarleteen.com/need_help_now_a_guide_to_scarleteens_direct_services is probably a good resource for you
Leorale
Good point about the anonymity while you’re living at home. If it helps, the crisis line that I know is sensitive to this, they’re free and they won’t show up on your phone bill at all. You can call them any time 24/7, whether it’s to get resources, to vent to a calm listener, to hang out on the phone while you catch your breath, whatever else. 775-784-8090 .
Leorale
Hey, Willis, this seems to come up frequently in the comments. Maybe there could be a FAQ of “hey if you REALLY relate to these characters’ situations, go here for a list of resources”. Kinda unusual for a webcomic FAQ, but it’s kind of an unusual webcomic, and this does come up a lot.
Kryss LaBryn
That’s a really good idea.
Jen Aside
dang, that’d be pretty cool
here, lemme start:
National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA): 1-800-799-7233
SzL
That’s an amazing idea! I know you’re already working hard but ifyou do get the chance that would be great.
JoyceParty
Cuuuute
Yet_One_More_Idiot
D’awwww… huggles received from a triceratops are best huggles. 😛
Darkoneko
awwwwwwwwwww
Darkoneko
I wasn’t sure what Dina’s approach to contact would be, beside the “hand on shoulder” her roomate taught her.
And, well.
<3
Jen Aside
“Sympathy via INTENSE physical contact?”
“I don’t think that’s quite sympathy anymore, but YES PLEASE”
(awww)
Doctor_Who
Sympathy via Slipshine.
WolfLann
That was my first thought
Jen Aside
“also I made you this”
“…aww, how sweet??”
Darkoneko
Hahaha what 😀
zach
“Ouch!”
‘That’s how the ‘strait’ boys do it…’
Nightsbridge
“Hang on, lemme lock the door.”
Nox174
The feels. 🙁
Doctor_Who
Of the copping variety no less.
bhtooefr
Nice callback.
bhtooefr
Also poor Becky.
otusasio451
Sympathy via heavy physical contact = the name of the next Slipshine.
Darkoneko
Or book volume ?
gkheyf
no, he tends to call his shot in the alt-text on book titles
dmaxx
Well, the url promptly state straight up that this will be “book 5” called “walking with dina” soooo:-P
David M Willis
Actually, the URL states “04 Walking With Dina.” That 4 is for the chapter. It’s the fourth (and last) chapter of book 5.
David Weinehall
Dawwww, and here I was hoping that it was a typo for “Waking with Dina”
dmaxx
Aaaaand there you just slipped up with informing us that this will be the last chapter of the book which mean the walking with dina arc will come to a end soon and will most likely start focus on others with the new book:-P
Yumi
Um… well, you could’ve already seen that this would be the last chapter of the book by clicking on the archive link (unless that was just updated), but aside from that, his comment doesn’t really tell us how soon this chapter will end.
Lord Stoneheart
Also, if we look at the Dumbing of Age tumblr, you can see a preview of something labeled as the second to last panel of the book. It even has a date attached to it when the comic will go on site. It’s not like Willis makes it a giant secret as to when chapters/books will end. It’s not slipping up when he does so repeatedly and intentionally.
David M Willis
is it like wile coyote walking off the cliff across the sky and looking down, does the chapter only end if you mention it’s a chapter
how is mentioning it’s a chapter “slipping up”
dmaxx
No idea, you have to ask my past self about that as it make no sense when i read it…. Sadly….he’s kinda busy with the…….well….past so i think it will be challenging to initiate contact to ask >_<
gkheyf
yes. it will be the saddest research/copulation slipshine has ever seen. we will go through twice as many tissues
Tacos
Just make sure y’all don’t mix up which tissue is which >.>
Betty Anne
Ha ha, gross. XD (Sorry, never been a jizz – of any sort – on my face kind of person.) I don’t know whether to give you all the Internets for making me laugh or just all of 4chan for the mental image. O.o;;
Mr. Random
Sympathy is nice.
Plasma Mongoose
The feeling of boobies against your back is NICER!
gkheyf
“while they may appear to be mammary glands, the triceratops actually–”
{jumped by a becky}
Plasma Mongoose
Your Daisy grav fits your comment so well.
SzL
Have to second that!
Darkoneko
Why choose when you are offered both ?
Plasma Mongoose
SECOND BASE!
TParadox
Who’s on Second?
No, that’s What. Who’s on First.
I don’t know! Third Base!
Tacos
Then what’s Fourth? Or Fifth for that matter.
Deanatay
I always preferred base 16, myself. 0XFTW!
Karatesaul
You don’t even know what you’re talking about!
Darkoneko
A good time as any to relink the relevant XKCD
MrMyerst
is it bad that I thought the relevant XKCD would be: https://xkcd.com/383/
(I don;t know how to hyper-link or w/e you call it :P)
darkoneko
Wow, this XKCD is heart-breaking. I imagine what situation it is refering to 😐
SzL
Haha, yeah it was pretty good!
Dina’s base system was uber cute as she tried to think it through 🙂
Man, now I’m confused. I was sure Willis was saying “in her head” she got to first base, but does he mean in our understanding of the words?
WolfLann
I don’t give a darn!!!!!
Oh that’s or shortstop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg
Cerberus
Yup.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/04-walking-with-dina/evilutionist/
Tan
By Dina’s ruleset, she has already 3rd based. By xkcd ruleset… I think this would be “The Boring Zone”?
…Man, if this is “boring” I really don’t wanna see “The Interesting Zone”
Cerberus
Well, by her rule set, she hasn’t been seen in comic doing first base and she did third base before this, so I’m pretty sure she’s running her home run lap backwards.
liahansen
sympathy via crushing physical contact
Gangler