310

Gorilla
Posted on August 18, 2013 by David M Willis

310 thoughts on “Gorilla”

  1. otusasio451

    This is the most satisfying thing I have ever read.

    1. Yotomoe

      I think
      “You beat QWOP”
      was the most satisfying thing i’ve ever read.

      1. Andrusi

        You beat QWOP?

        Wow, I see what you mean. It’s even satisfying to type.

        1. Squall

          http://squallloir.tumblr.com/post/58573578408/qwop-nasa-edition

    2. David Herbert

      There’s just something about the way his mouth bleeds that works so well.

      1. Rex Hondo

        That’s not blood. She cracked a hole in his mortal shell and that’s the darkness and filth within him leaking out.

        1. Hawkwing

          Maybe those medieval leach doctors were really treating a different disease and we’ve been wrong all along!

      2. Icalasari

        He bleeds all purdy like

  2. Plasma Mongoose

    *SMOOCH* 😀

    1. Wonder Wig

      Dat ass?

      1. Squall

        Iz hott

  3. Yusaku777

    You other physicists can’t deny.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      That when a fist lays you to waste

    2. Yotomoe

      When a girl walks in with a low center of gravity and a round fist in your face you get punched

      1. Demon Something

        +1

      2. Yusaku777

        And you notice that jaw was struck.

        1. JBO

          Deep in your face the fist’s crunching.
          I am hooked and I can’t stop cheering.

        2. Yotomoe

          That homegirl tried to warn him
          But Now he’s getting that face punched in

        3. Lamachine

          My schoolboys tried to warn me but that science makes me feel so geeky

        4. Yusaku777

          So, shippers? Yeah?
          Shippers? Yeah?
          Has Amber got the butt? Hell yeah!

          So punch him, punch him, punch that asshole dad.
          Amber’s got back.

        5. Squall

          Why in Cheese’s name would you ship Amber and Blaine?!

        6. Mr. Random

          To screw with the squeamish.

        7. Felix Kütt

          we ship the relationship wherein amber kicks her dad’s ass, duh… 😉

          (although, I reckon it would be preferable if the dad wouldn’t be a prick at all)

        8. Nightscoolwind

          And now his own blood he’s wearin

    3. Gram91

      No I can’t

    4. Frogboy

      “Oh my God, Dina. Look at her fist. It is so bloody. She looks like one of those female MMA fighters. But, you know, who understands those MMA fighters?”

  4. Jackson

    This is even more cathartic than yesterday’s.

    1. Regalli

      Seriously. One punch and get the fuck away from this asshole.

  5. Jen Aside

    And while you’re down there kissing it

    *FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART*

    1. timemonkey

      And now my monitor is covered in lemonade.

    2. The Phantom's Belch

      You win +10 Internets. 🙂

    3. Duall

      I honestly thought that said “FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE” for a while. Good show, old chap.

  6. SUGauthor

    I suspect a really awkward conversation with Dina’s parents next strip.

    1. Yotomoe

      “Is he literally supposed to kiss her ass? I don’t know how these fight things work.”

      1. The Candyman

        “So, what do you people do for fun?”
        “I actually have numerous textbooks-”
        “I’m out of here.”

      2. Tomaj

        Faz would have a chart for that.

    2. Rheinman

      No, a strategic withdrawl (retreat) without even ackowledging their presence.

  7. etyb

    Dat ass.

    1. Totz the Plaid

      Indeed.

    2. piemanpie24

      And the Gravatar is yet again perfect for the comment.

      1. etyb

        No one else but Joe would suffice.

    3. Cheryl

      Ive got a raging large hadron collider right now!

      1. Yotomoe

        I misread that and was disgusted but now I know you just want to create mini black holes.

        1. etyb

          Let’s make some singularities.

        2. Rex Hondo

          The great thing about black holes is that they swallow.

          Everything.

        3. Squall

          They also suck really well. And the time dilation means you can last longer

        4. VizardJeffhog

          But none can suck better than moms with nickels.

      2. VZG

        GASP. Just like the gypsy woman said, Carol!

        1. Rex Hondo

          I’ve really got to start going to that gypsy woman she keeps talking about.k

        2. Cheryl

          RIGHT?!

      3. etyb

        Let’s smush some atoms together, babe.

  8. Nono

    Amber, you’re leaving Dina and her parents alone with him. Baaaaad Amber.

    1. xain

      but on the other hand Blaine tries anything then he’ll have even more court orders to adhere to

    2. NF

      The next strip should just be four panels of Dina’s parents staring at Blaine with horrified looks on their faces.

  9. Lord Fuhrer President Penguin

    oooooooo burn

  10. Juliecat

    I was so afraid we were going to flip to another storyline today. Whew 🙂

    1. Yotomoe

      There’s always tomorrow.

    2. xain

      same here i was “I really want to know how this resolves which means it’s time to switch” and then I was all “wait , what? God Bless Willis”

  11. Sir Robin

    Even Faz seems thrown off, is that his hand blocking his mouth, or Dina’s?

    1. Yotomoe

      Faz would have some GIANT hands if those were his.

      1. Sir Robin

        For holding large charts with

        1. Yotomoe

          Well you know what they say about guys with large hands.

        2. Lamachine

          They tend to buy large gloves?

        3. AsimovSideburns

          They have a hard time using touchscreen keyboards?

        4. Yotomoe

          They can hold large burgers easily.

        5. Jetstream

          The most delicious cliche of all.

        6. VZG

          Their cuticles are hell to deal with?

        7. Badeyes

          I thought this was just a thing, never attributed it the size of my sandwich holders.

        8. AgentKeen

          No, but worry not, for Faz has a chart to tell you.

        9. Jack Finch

          They can handle bigger buns.

        10. Badeyes

          mellons too!

  12. The Candyman

    If only Blaine was smart enough to back off here.

  13. xain

    blaine you already got your ass handed to you by your daughter the only way your coming out ahead of round 2 is if you sell tickets

    1. xain

      because who wouldn’t pay to see blaine get his ass kicked?

  14. Totz the Plaid

    Fat-bottomed girls make the rocking world go round.

    1. Yotomoe

      CAN I GET AN AMEN!!!

      1. AsimovSideburns

        AMEN, BROTHER!

      2. Squall

        !!!NEMA NA TEG I NAC

      3. Kiggy

        AMEN HALLELLUJAH!

    2. Rex Hondo

      I would submit that in this case, fat bottomed girls make their cockhole dads go down.

      1. kateastrophe

        PHRASING

        1. Rex Hondo

          fall down.

        2. Boom

          Say that the first time! Oh god! OHGODOHGODOHGOD!

          I CAN SEE IT IN MY MIND!

        3. Rex Hondo

          Sorry! Once again, I have cause to lament the lack of an edit function. 🙁

        4. Narf

          BOOM!

  15. VizardJeffhog

    Well, if she insists.

  16. Gram91

    No you Willis for this satisfying follow up. Glad I didn’t have to say “damn you Willis” …. For the moment.

    1. Gram91

      I don’t know how I put “no” instead “thank”

      1. Yotomoe

        Your body refuses to thank Willis, for he has wronged you too many times.

        1. LtSaraD

          this is a good start to makeing up for it.

  17. showler

    Oh good. Her self-awareness is still up.

  18. AsimovSideburns

    If I were to attempt to scientifically calculate Amber’s hotness at this moment, the personality variables ALONE would crash the system. ANY system.

    And that’s BEFORE inputting her merely amazing physical attractiveness.

    1. Yotomoe

      She’s already reached 400 MegaBillies.

      1. The Candyman

        That’s 3 KiloSals. And she isn’t even trying.

        1. David

          How many milliHelens would that be? A milliHelen being the well-known unit of attractiveness required to launch one Greek ship?

        2. Hadrian

          Well, I imagine the amount of Amber shipping has just increased dramatically. Since I reckon it was reasonably high to begin with, I’d say 3-4 deciHelens (300-400 milliHelens).

        3. Buckybone

          At least five. I’ll have to get back to you later with the exact numbers…

      2. AsimovSideburns

        …I may have had to adjust the readouts.

        Those aren’t MEGABillies, they’re… GIGABillies.

        1. The Candyman

          My God.

        2. Svata

          Bees?

  19. Raen

    Y’know, I’ve got this horrible fear that if Blaine or Faz doesn’t report this, Dina’s parents will. Not to say she was wrong to do what she did, but if this had been my first introduction to Amber, I might well fear for my daughter’s safety.

    1. Hythrain

      Now that you’ve mentioned it, yea, that actually seems like a possibility. Hopefully, though, Dina would explain things to her parents before they do (Since Amber explained to Dina), which could sway them.

    2. Fox

      Nah. Dina’s parents are actually sorry about letting Blaine in. I think they can understand this outburst. But repercussions will certainly ensue.

  20. Yotomoe

    I love people with low centers of gravity. Unless your center of gravity is SO high you just become a living fulcrum.

  21. Sir Robin

    Bones are for the dog, MEAT is for men

    1. The Candyman

      Dogs actually like meat quite a bit, though you seem to be using a metaphor here.

      1. Squall

        But why leave the best part for the dog? The marrow is a real delicacy.

    2. taekwondogirl

      You should be ashamed of comparing women to bones. There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking women of larger sizes, but that doesn’t mean you need to put down other body types. Shit like this gave me body dysmorphic disorder.

  22. Rex Hondo

    Even though it’s a minor detail, I have to say bravo for showing that she hurt her hand.

    1. Pyr05

      Nah, she didn’t hurt her hand. She has to feign it to protect her identity!

      1. Rex Hondo

        You make a compelling point, and pending further developments, I shall incorporate it into my head-canon on a provisional basis.

  23. Kennerly

    Many dinosaurs practiced cannibalism.

    1. LtSaraD

      awesome.

      1. Matthew Davis

        Perfect gravitar.

  24. Somebody

    Real strength comes from within.

    …too much?

    1. Boom

      Within yo’ ass!

  25. Count Dracula

    I love the shocked reactions from all the people in the room, and the complete lack of response from Faz.

    1. AsimovSideburns

      I’m gonna get depressing and say that Faz is probably used to domestic violence, and maybe even doesn’t know that you’re not supposed to hit your family members when you’re upset with them, depending on how long Blaine has been his father figure.

      And yes, Amber’s mom left Blaine three years ago, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a part of Faz’s family for a long time before that without her knowledge.

      1. Yotomoe

        Which makes me now not want anyone who wants to punch faz in the face to punch faz in the face. Poor thing. Poor gross thing.

        1. AsimovSideburns

          It would explain why being antagonistic towards him never pushes him away.

          To him, that’s what love looks like.

      2. Regalli

        Actually, what Amber says was that he didn’t tell her anything for three years. That might not mean the divorce was three years ago (that flashback a while back seemed to imply it might be longer, didn’t it?), it could just mean it was the last time they saw each other, or the last time he contacted her.

        1. AsimovSideburns

          That’s true, I misread that.

          Unfortunately, that seems to support my incredibly depressing headcanon.

          And it means that I can no longer hate Faz, but only pity him.

          For now.

        2. diremoi

          What’s particularly sad about your headcanon is that in Shortpacked, Faz’s one redeeming quality was his desperate need to meet his father (Faz is Blaine’s actual son in SP, as opposed to step-son). He didn’t get to do that until Blaine was dead.

          So his one wish in Shortpacked is fulfilled in DoA, and… turns out that it may have been for the best he didn’t know his dad. Depressing.

        3. Regalli

          Seriously. If he’s been there longer, that just makes that headcanon even more likely and Faz just tragic. 🙁

        4. Rex Hondo

          It gets even more depressing when you realize that it’s very probable that, even in this universe, Faz is still Blaine’s illegitimate biological son who Blaine refuses to acknowledge even when married to his mother.

    2. Yotomoe

      “This happens everytime we go anywhere dad. I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO FINISH FLIRTING, GOD, DAD!!!”

    3. Andrew_C

      Faz hasn’t reacted because he’s to busy planning on copping a feel.

      1. Rex Hondo

        “Now is Faz’z chance to touch pert, college-aged asian breasts. Her distraction is obviously being feigned in order to invite the Great Faz to said touching.”

  26. Officer 1BDI

    I’m torn between elation over Amber’s response and uneasiness about what Blaine might do next.

    1. Pyr05

      I’m looking forward to Ruth happening to be in the hall going back to her room. Blaine vs Ruth in the Hallway! Ready?!? FIGHT! -cue Mortal Kombat music-

      1. Rex Hondo

        But, if he lost, isn’t he out of the tournament?

        I don’t know what’s true any more!

      2. Mattyos

        ruth’s a hockey fan…blaine is right fucked if she catches him and wind of what he’s done/doing.

      3. timemonkey

        Who needs Ruth? Amber’s doing just fine.

        1. Pyr05

          Nobody said you NEEDED Ruth, just that he goes after Amber, and she IS there.

      4. Ocbrad1

        Oh the levels of awesomeness from this are incalculable! Maybe not for Yotome, but the rest of us mere mortals…woooo!!

  27. Rex Hondo

    Ah yes. A “lucky shot.” Refuge everywhere for dickwhistles who get their asses flattened by their erstwhile victims.

    1. Yotomoe

      You were cheating! Stop doing that combo!!!

      1. Rex Hondo

        Well, if you’d actually bother to block instead of hitting the taunt button over and over…

        1. Yotomoe

          As we like to say at my school, STOP BLOCKING WITH YOUR FACE.

        2. carl320

          “Stop blocking wiith your FAAAAAAAACE”

        3. Squall

          http://squallloir.tumblr.com/post/58574912112/paid-for-by-supporters-of-canvashat-and-the-help
          Face shield!

  28. Pyr05

    Alas, the last frame brings to mind: “You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!”

  29. asdsadafa

    I feel like Dina’s parents should be intervening. I hope that if I ever see a confrontation like that between a parent and a child, I would stop the parent.

    1. asdsadafa

      Although, she does seem able to take care of herself

      1. Valerie

        I think they’re just too shocked to have any reaction anyway.

        1. Yotomoe

          If that’s the case then the Saurazu family is in a constant state of pure shock.

        2. Safgaftsa

          I think it’s Saruyama, not Saurazu.

        3. DrunkenGator

          Somehow… SOMEHOW… I read that as ‘constant state of punk rock.’ Granted, if that were the case, they most likely would have thrashed Blaine like a cheap hotel room by now.

        4. Andrew_C

          I would kill someone (preferably Blaine) to see a drawing the Saruyamas giving Blaine a good shoeing with their Docs.

        5. Yotomoe

          If you’re serious I would totally draw that for money.

        6. begbert2

          Unfortunately all that’s been offered is a hit. Is there anybody you don’t like much?

        7. asdsadafa

          I suppose. I guess in this situation I would be way to confused to act, let alone act promptly.

        8. Mr. Random

          I think each character has a main flaw that they each need to work through during college. Each is represented by their parents. Joyce needs to be open minded, her parents are controlling and narrow minded. Danny needs to be independent and less whiny. His parents are emotionally manipulative and controlling.

          And Dina needs to be more active. Her parents are the picture of passivity.

        9. Kiggy

          Eeyup

        10. Curacaobill

          Holy shit!!!! You cracked the code!!!!!! You solved the puzzle!

        11. Leorale

          Well put. And it makes me very curious to see more Walkertons.

          I think Mike’s parents are mainly for laughs, though. We all know he’ll never learn not to be an asshole.

        12. AsimovSideburns

          No, see, he ALREADY overcame his character flaw of being a nice, considerate, caring person.

        13. The Candyman

          So Amber needs to get over sleeping with random strangers?

          Also, Dorothy’s parents seem nice.

        14. Mr. Random

          I think Amber needs to get over the petty rage behind Amazi-girl, and the passivity of her normal life persona. Her mom’s already taken huge strides in that way, to show that Amber has as well.
          Dorothy’s parents are nice. She herself just seems to have no MAJOR character flaw. Just works too hard. And she relaxes more often now.

        15. KKoro

          I would say Dorothy’s, if anything, is viewing the world as her story, about her, and so she has a bit of a problem with empathizing with others, thinking about things from their PoV. Not on the level of being a scandal, but stuff like going to Danny’s to ask for shoes for her new boytoy, or being honest about her lack of religion when Joyce was begging her just to drop it.

          Just a bit of pride there.

        16. Jon P

          Makes sense. It’s worth noting, though, that it’s probably been about 15, maybe 20 seconds from “You have a lot of comic books” to “Kiss my ass”. It’s easy to be frozen for that length of time, especially if you’re relatively passive and averse to having your own face punched in.

    2. Boom

      Personally I wouldn’t get involved. With a stranger. Lots of ways in which any well-intentioned action could ’cause all kinds of pain and grief. If I knew them and knew the situation… Blaine would be on the floor clutching his head with a murderous look on his face while I hovered over him with a cricket bat.

      1. Somebody

        You could try to call security.

    3. Pat

      There’s physical violence between two people who seem quite good at it, and they’re tiny. I’m not sure they’re really capable of intervening.
      Her mother, at least, already seemed intimidated.

    4. diremoi

      It’s probably likely that, barring such things as Autism (which Dina hasn’t really exhibited), anyone who raises an awkward turtle such as Dina has probably got to be pretty socially unaware themselves.

      1. Alyssa

        Autistic traits run in families anyways.
        (Also, Autistic person poking in to say that I totally read her as being autistic, though probably undiagnosed/unaware of this, and no obligation of anyone else to agree with me there.)

  30. LtSaraD

    weeeeee, i hope she gets to hit him again.

  31. Valerie

    God, I have this insane urge to sex Amber forever. o_o She is made of so much win.

    1. Makkabee

      That’s not an insane urge. That’s the sanest urge you can have in this crazy world.

      1. Ocbrad1

        Absolutely!

        1. The Candyman

          Second only to the urge to punch out Blaine.

  32. valis_kr3

    Awesome

  33. Jake

    Taking all bets folks! Taking all bets!

    I’ve got 15 to 2 odds on walking bursting in and winning round three with an uppercut!

    6 to 5 on Faz roundhouse kicking all occupants of the room and still losing!

    Come one, come all! Witness the greatest fight since Mike Tyson vs Hitler! Since Abraham Lincoln vs the entire Persian army!

    1. AckAckAck

      Jimi Hendrix vs The Lost Boys?

      1. Curacaobill

        +1 Internet gained

    2. Rex Hondo

      Since Jesus and General Custer fought the Nazis at Bunker Hill?

  34. VZG

    “Here, I’ll point to it in case you’re confused as to what I was referring to.”

    1. Notebooked

      “…That is to say, my donkey. My miniature donkey standing right below me.”

  35. timemonkey

    Meanwhile Faz watches and learns how to defeat his step-father. Someday Faz will defeat Blaine himself and assume control of the family, Blaine will shower him with paternal affection for his success.

    1. Rex Hondo

      Never happen. This isn’t Galasso we’re talking about, after all. Now, Blaine vs Galasso is the confrontation I have a perverse desire to see.

      1. timemonkey

        What does Galasso have to do with anything?

        1. Rex Hondo

          While Blaine is not the type who would ever acknowledge being bested by anybody, Galasso is actually someone who would be proud of a surrogate son who managed to supplant him, in his bizarre faux Ra’s al Gul way.

        2. timemonkey

          Faz tried that in Shortpacked. Gallaso choked him for it. It’s FAZ’s delusion.

        3. Rex Hondo

          Therein lies Faz’s problem. He only tried.

        4. Boom

          That… is why you fail.

    2. Yotomoe

      I’m imagining Faz sitting on a throne with lots of women around him, using Blaine as a footrest.

    3. VZG

      And then the universe collapses in on itself?

    4. Björn

      Unfortunately, the great Faz has a bottom that is not sufficiently great.

  36. Kaci

    Allow me a moment here, as I step from behind the veil of the internet for a bit of truth and gut-spilling.

    I was abused by my parents when I was a kid. To be honest, I never got over it; it’s hard to, without closure, and knowing that it didn’t stop with me. It didn’t help that it was swept under the rug, and that my mom reacted a lot like Amber’s did, let alone my grandparents ignoring it.

    So, when later, I got married and my husband started doing it, I was JUST LIKE Amber’s mom. You give up, because you don’t think there’s a way out, or there’d be no point.

    Until one day, he hit my son. My three-year-old son.

    Then, I clocked him just like Amber did here, me, who’s only 4’8 and him being over 6 feet, and told him never to touch my boys.

    I would like to say, it was really good seeing Amber stand up to her dad… And that it’s a very hard thing to do. I know she’s fictional… but it reminded me so much of that moment I started crying. Willis…. David… Thanks.

    And now I have to step back behind my mask before it gets too personal. Seriously, thanks though!

    1. Pyr05

      Touching stuff. I feels. And I applaud what you did. My hat’s off to you.

    2. AsimovSideburns

      Thank you for trusting us enough to share that.

      I’m glad you were able to get away from that; sometimes I feel like the only place where people escape from their abusers is fiction.

      So, good on you, and thank you.

      Alright, back under the mask I go.

    3. David Willis

      I teared up a bit drawing it, so in that small respect, I am there with you.

      Thank you for sharing your story. Hearing tales about abuse reminds us of how terrible humans can be, but stories like yours remind us that we can remove ourselves from these situations, which is a wonderful thing. As you say, it’s easy to give up hope when a life of abuse is all someone ever knows, and it takes courage to give life the finger and find someplace better to be. You are one of my heroes.

    4. Leorale

      That’s awesome of you to get through all that, and to protect your kid like a badass. Thank you for sharing. Best wishes.

      1. Rex Hondo

        Five of the most important words to take to heart in the the english language are “Don’t FUCK with momma bear.”

    5. Tenn

      I got teary-eyed reading that. Thank you for sharing it, and bless you for nipping your son’s potentially horrible future in the bud.

    6. clodia

      I’m delighted on multiple levels. On the one hand, Amber continues to be completely badass. On the other hand, she realizes that her tendency toward rage isn’t a healthy one. As much as yesterday’s punch was warranted, I was concerned that she was unaware how much the potential for violence was moving her life. Willis, you’re a damn fine storyteller.

      1. clodia

        That…wasn’t meant to be located under your post. I’m thrilled that you found your way out of a horrible situation and that you felt comfortable sharing that with us.

  37. CollyWolly

    Tremors would like a word with you, Blaine:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvMYPF-gnQU

  38. Fay

    “This changes nothing.”

    No, Blaine. It changes /everything/.

    1. Pat

      If it didn’t, he wouldn’t be saying that.

  39. andrew

    http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/013/034/yeahsciencebongo.PNG

  40. Friendlytroll

    Did anyone else hear an air horn and someone yelling ‘GOOOOAAAAAAAAAL!’, because I did.
    Bless this moment. Bless Amber for reclaiming who she is away from this son of a bongo.

  41. AckAckAck

    Einstein: “I approve of that statement.”

    1. Rex Hondo

      From what I hear, he would also approve of dat ass.

  42. Sock

    And thus a conviction on battery charges ended her chances of attending a more prestigious university.

    All actions, no matter how satisfying, have consequences. Especially when there’s vindictive pricks around to press charges.

    1. Jelli

      Pressing charges means Blaine would have to admit she’s stronger than him to the point of hurting him. Not gonna happens.

      1. Jelli

        By “admit she’s stronger than him” etc, I mean to Blaine’s weird sexist world-view. I don’t want to imply that people who press assault charges are weak or any junk like that.

    2. Potatamoto

      She told him to leave, he didn’t. In fact, he responded by looming over her with veiled threats that alluded to his physical abuse of her mother. There are three witnesses to all of this. A judge would take one look at this case and toss it out.

      1. Aulayan

        ….In an ideal world a judge would. I’m sure in this story, a judge would.

        In real life…Sadly, not always.

    3. Thor

      In order for Blaine to press charges he has to admit that he was violating the terms of his restraining order. Bit of a sticky wicket, that.

      1. Dara

        In what strip is it stated that he has a restraining order against him? I remember reading in the comments section that someone ought to file one against him, but I don’t think one actually exists at this point.

        1. David Willis

          It hasn’t been stated that there is one.

    4. andmangrewproud

      I reject your reality and substitute my own!

    5. lilith

      Unfortunately there are other ways for Blaine to have his revenge than via justice system. I wonder if he still works with Korean mafia in this universe. Then I’m very scared of that thought.

      1. Curacaobill

        O_o forgot about that…. Huh

      2. Chubsius

        Ah, but the Saruyamas are secretly heads of the dinosaur yakuza. Thus begins an epic gang war, with one superhero caught in the middle…

        1. The Candyman

          And then the maple syrup mafia (which Ruth’s grandfather is the don of) get involved.

        2. The Phantom's Belch

          And let’s not forget the resident Mad Engineer, Joe. He might not have the superscience world of the Walkyverse backing up his sapient super-car, but he can probably out-do the Mach 5 for sheer badassery and gimmicks.

          To quote Vin Diesel in xXx, “I want all that…” *points to a pile of weapons* “… in there.” *points to the GT.

  43. TrueVCU

    This continues to be incredible.

    Also incredible: how the Saruyamas have not yet died of awkward.

  44. Fuzzydaemon

    I am just amazed at how incredibly well you portrayed a wife and child abuser, Willis. I grew up in an abusive family, married and divorced a man who eventually became violent, and I had a hard time viewing these strips because I spent so many years not knowing anything else but abuse. I have had a boat load of therapy and none of my former abusers are in my life, but I will always have triggers. I am also glad to say that I removed my daughter from the situation and she has no scars.

    Blaine is the epitome of the male who believes he owns the women in his life and who will do anything to put them in “their place,”which to him is totally under his control. His words about Amber’s possessions and the court ordered tuition making her dorm room his are so much like that of my ex, along with the angry sneering sarcastic face. Blaine is a criminal, maybe not out in the world in this universe, but certainly within the home and a big part of me is hoping that he just falls over and dies.

    I say Kudos to Amber. Blaine kept escalating the situation and my gut feeling is that she socked him before he had a chance to hurt her physically. Sometimes violence is the only solution.

    1. David Willis

      I’m actually pretty personally frightened by how apparently well I portrayed a wife and child abuser! Sometimes I fear stuff like that is somewhere in me. I mean, yeah, sure, A+ for accuracy, Willis, but yikes.

      I am glad that you were able to recognize the problem and remove yourself and your daughter from that awful crap. It’s always easier to just do nothing, and I’m proud of you for doing the opposite, especially when you’ve been immersed in that environment all your life.

      1. Curacaobill

        I see what you mean. This level of accuracy just about falls into uncanny valley for some people.

      2. Jack Finch

        I’ve noticed that actors that play awesome villains on screen or stage are often super gentle sweeties in real life.

      3. Annamarie Jones

        It speaks of your ability to empathize with the victims and see things from their perspective. Think of it that way.

      4. KKoro

        You really, really portrayed him accurately….like to the point of it looking like my father and saying stuff he said.

        Just saying, make sure you’re not accidentally engaging in witchcraft or anything spooky to make these stories. If TV has taught me anything, that always ends dangerously.

    2. Leorale

      You rock for getting the hell outta there and protecting your kid. Thank you for breaking the chain of abuse in your family, and thank you for sharing.

  45. Tex

    Seriously? We’re talking about punching here, right? Google any of the top boxers of all time and see how many of them are below an average man’s height.

    1. showler

      That’s reach, not strength.

  46. RobHagen

    All I hear is White Goodman coming out Blaine’s mouth.

    “Nobody makes me bleed my own blood – nobody!”

    Hmm….now I want a Billie/Amber makeout scene…

  47. Kyle

    Nope, her dad’s just a buttmonkey.

    How unfortunate for him, for he has now encountered the buttmaster.

  48. Mr. Random

    I read the strip and smiled a proud smile. Then I read the name of the storyline, I then smiled a sad yet proud smile. Then I read some of the very personal stories. My face is showing a few too many emotions. I think it might break.

  49. Andiemus

    Or longer limbs, or a large mass behind it, or fast-twitch muscle fibers, or dense bones/hard objects without much give. Actually, with a uppercut like she threw, I don’t think a low center of gravity has much to do with it. She just drops and comes back up so the lever action is in her knees, not her waist.

  50. Kiggy

    I’d kiss that sexy derriere,

    I other news, yeah! Take that, ape-man!

    1. newllend

      You got a freaky ass faddish man

      1. Heavensrun

        “Fetish”.

  51. newllend

    Wow, her dad is a bongo

  52. Gottawonder

    Your strips are amazing. Tonight there are two abused people who have come out to say that they have been there, and only way out is to fight back, and to share what they went thru. is amazing.
    This arc gives me chills because I know where she’s coming from. You have a rare talent.
    Go Amber, Go David.

  53. ridtom

    Einstein has the Theory of Relativity

    Amber has the Theory of Ass-Kicking

  54. so279

    Maybe I’m being optimistic, but I really think this may be building up to a showdown between Joe’s dad and Amber’s dad. Maybe. If that happens, I am STOKED.

    1. Kyrros

      … Hmm… quite plausible.

      I’d give it decent odds (assuming that the plot has already been mapped out by the artist).

      1. David Willis

        I’m just a few strips away from finishing drawing the end of this storyline.

        1. bibulb

          Knowing approximately how long your buffer is, please then say that this goes for eight weeks of Amber punching Blaine again and again and again.

          I am not proud.

      2. Kyrros

        This also means that Amber and Joe might possibly end up related by marriage?…

        *BWAHAHAHAHAH*

      3. JeffEpp

        And, given that last time we saw Joe’s dad, he was romancing Amber’s mother…

        Him going Riker style on this dude is highly likely.

    2. LiquidPoison

      It’s possible, but I suspect unlikely. Up to this point, DOA has always made a point that it doesn’t need to be a male to ride into the rescue.
      If you remember back to Joyce being attacked at the party, it was Sarah who rescued her, none of the male cast showed up.
      Personally, I think Amber appears to have reached the point where she is more than capable of looking after herself.
      Although, more people punching Blaine can’t be a bad thing!

      1. The Candyman

        Yeah, but Sarah rescued Joyce partly because it made sense for her as a character to look out for Joyce’s safety. Her gender didn’t really have much to do with it.

  55. Darnel

    Actually I expect Dina’s parents to help throw him out.
    Yeah,.. this “sperm Donor” needs to leave.
    ( I can’t tolerate people who threaten/intend to beat those weaker than themselves simply because they can.)

    Good byplay by the group on “Baby’s got Back”.

  56. Makkabee

    Well, can’t argue with science.

  57. bibulb

    “I… I have never been so lesbian in all my life.”

    And I’m a dude.

    I’ve been binging on old SP!s for the past few days, and really seeing something. For all the “Amber’s a quiet shut-in” that she was introduced with, she was ALWAYS a bad-ass. She just became more OBVIOUSLY so as the series went on.

    1. Leorale

      The power was within her all along!

      1. Rex Hondo

        The power to turn men into lesbians? Yes, indeed it has. We can only hope that she continues to use her power for good instead of evil.

        1. nothri

          Holy crap….I like women….my god, I’ve been a lesbian all my life and never even realized it. Mind=blown.

  58. Jesse

    I was hoping he’d crawl away like a little bongo, but this will do.

  59. Björn

    Of course Faz’s mouth had to be obscured when he could not be shown grinning.

  60. Wigii!

    This feels so mucg better than yesterday. Kudos killis

  61. Cas A Nova

    This resonated with me, because I know how hard it is to fight back. I feel like people who are abused and have it almost normalized by others, or pushed away by others, usually learn to either say nothing to any abuse, or just say something when it happens to another that they care about. I know in highschool you could hurt me physically or emotionally all you wanted and I would take it because I knew it so deeply, but the moment you wrong someone I care about, I’d become incredibly overbearing and overpower you, no matter how much you towered over my five foot nothing frame.

    And then Amber did this.

    She did what it took me years to realize i could do. I have always wanted to punch (or worse) my father, and this made me sob violently because she did the thing. I loved it. And also, I am terrified.

    Because I have done the defend myself thing. And it has not always worked out for me. And it hurts. Sometimes I would rather just walk away, and it hurts. It hurts.

    I can’t even explain how much it hurts, and I am a damn writer. I should be able to voice it.

    Willis, thank you for writing this. You portray it so amazing that I almost am afraid you had to face this same fear, though you seem to deny that in other comments.

    It’s wonderful and terrible and beautiful, and thank you.

    1. Leorale

      You rock. Thinking of you.

  62. Ophannin

    It’s days like today that I’m pretty glad I got Joyce’s life, rather than the alternatives.

  63. Chubsius

    Please let the Saruyamas begin growling in unison and chase Blaine out like a pack of velociraptors. Don’t bite Faz, though, he might enjoy it…

    1. Leorale

      Man. I wish! RAR RAR RAR CHOMP

    2. Rex Hondo

      And thus to the Surayamas (Amber having proven herself to be the alpha) become her crime-fighting backup, the dinosaur-themed Amazi-Pack!

  64. Mike

    I’m really loving this Amber. SP Amber was a little weak, at least at first. This one is an asskicker!

  65. Sir Robin

    Guys … what if Faz isn’t grinning because he realizes this will get taken out on him later?

    1. The Candyman

      Oh Faz is grinning, alright, his face is just obscured.

  66. Arkadi

    Amber’s finest moment EVER! I love how basically she told her dad “I’m not *too much* like my mother; I’m a lot like you and that’s the problem. Way to put him in his place. Whatever happens after this, it was totally worth it ^^

  67. KiTA

    She’s goading him into attacking her from behind. I anticipate a bit of an over the shoulder throw when he tries.

  68. LookingIn

    Poster material with her panel 3 and 4 dialogue!

  69. Michael

    I must kiss it. FOR SCIENCE!

    1. Badeyes

      Yes THIS, What took so long!

  70. Tomas

    I’m suddenly reminded of the theory that future generations of women will be shorter and fatter, because tall skinny women are more likely to die in childbirth.

    1. Bunivasal

      That’s a great theory if medical science didn’t exist.

      1. The Candyman

        Especially since all tall and skinny women should have died out several centuries ago, based on that logic.

    2. Rex Hondo

      Absent medical technology, that might be true, but some form of C-Section has been around for centuries.

  71. hof1991

    Previously, someone mentioned in comments that Indiana has a stand your ground law (though maybe not in this universe). If so, Amber would have been justified in shooting Blaine. Odds of police making an arrest would be zero. Odds of campus security arresting a student – also very near zero. The consequences will be less formal than that – support payments, harrassment, Korean mafia, reaction from fellow students. Drama deluxe, but there should be no criminal liability, depending upon how Willis has designed this universe.

    1. Chrissy

      Basically today’s strip takes place in today’s world, tomorrow’s strip in tomorrow’s world, etc. Illinois has such a law, so I suppose she could be fine, assuming the wording of the law protects all acts of self defense and not just acts of lethal force (assuming she isn’t a grand master of karate or something, and her hands would therefore count as lethal force)

  72. Super Duper

    “Strength comes from a low center of Gravity, so science says you can kiss my ass.”
    Holy shit, this is the best comic ever.

  73. Tenn

    No matter what Blaine does next, “you’re weak” will still be a lie.

    But I sure hope he is the pathetic coward he’s always seemed to be (in Shortpacked as well). The kind who thinks he can scare anyone into submission because it’s always worked before, because he’s never met any real resistance. For Amber’s sake, I don’t want him to be who he claims to be. Amber is strong, mentally and physically, but she’s not invulnerable.

    1. Leorale

      But she is invulnerable to criticism.

      1. taekwondogirl

        I don’t think she’s quite picked up that power in the Dumbiverse yet.

  74. Drillgorg

    You could totally rhyme platitudes with latitudes for some sick rhymes.

  75. Bill D.

    “Talk about your Psalms, talk about John 3:16… Amber 3:16 says I just whooped your ass! And Science 3:16 says you can kiss mine!”

    1. Rokk

      And thats the bottom line cuz Stone Cold Amber O’Malley says so!

  76. Charles RB

    AWWWWW SNAO

  77. Notebooked

    Man, this is…hatred just beams off these two. Intense hatred for everything about the other. (I wonder about Amber’s ‘violent rage’ line, there–does she hate that because she fought back or hate him because he made her have to fight back? Does she think she could have taken another path?)

    1. Shade

      She hates him because she gets her capacity for violence from him. Think “Like father like daughter”, and you’ll have it.

  78. Nonfatyogurt

    BURN!

  79. Dierna

    A lucky shot nothing. There’s female boxers for gods sake Blaine so your Women Are Weak things argument is invalid.

  80. The Phantom's Belch

    From what I see, that’s Dina’s hand obscuring Faz’s face. Now, the big question is: Is Faz grinning, or in a state of shock himself? His squinty eyes are not enough to go by for his emotional state; even in SP!, you had to go by his mouth to tell his emotions (nearly always a smug grin, but there were times it wasn’t).

    Of course, now would be a good time for Beef, Volunteer Campus Security, to poke his head in. (And we know Beef exists in Dumbiverse, as he was at the party!) He doesn’t even have to say anything, just glance between Amber and Blaine, then glare at the latter.

    Followed by Amber saying, “Oh, by the way, dad, I’VE GOT FRIENDS! You go after one of us, you come after ALL of us!” Cut to Dina grinning like a raptor. :]

    1. Chrissy

      Someone mentioned in another comment that Blaine could well take out his anger, embarrassment, and frustration on Faz (or Faz’s mother). I’m assuming Faz is concerned at the very least.

  81. ServantofCygnus

    jesus christ
    JE
    SUS
    CHRIST

  82. diremoi

    You know what? I’ve been thinking about this for a few days and I really want to commend Willis on the way he writes women. Not just because they’re well-rounded, interesting people with different wants, desires, beliefs and ways of expressing their worldviews (the spectrum of religious beliefs and attitudes is also worthy of praise, but I’ll save that for another day)…

    No, the level of *agency* his female characters have is excellent. Amber is the third instance of a girl clocking someone who has wronged her in the face. Not that violence is always the answer (and in Joyce’s case with Joe, it wasn’t), but it’s good that in situations where girls are being intimidated by someone physically larger than them and intent on doing them harm, these girls *fight back*. That’s important. More webcomics need to be doing it. My hat, David Willis, is tipped to you.

    1. LiamAldam

      Heh, well-rounded…

  83. Honsuo

    Well, you told us there would be parents worse than Ethan’s. You were right.

  84. Bill M.

    I have a hadron like you wouldn’t believe right now. (Yes, I meant to type hadron.)

    1. Tenn

      Just one? I have about 4 x 10^28.

  85. Mjoellnir

    Girls with a low center of gravity make the rockin’ world go round.

  86. Nena

    Man, I wish that I did that to my father and beat the living shit out of him.

  87. Bemmie

    This arc had provided the ship no one wanted (Dina/Faz) with the ship everyone didn’t know they wanted (Amber’s Dad/Amber’s Fist)

    1. Badeyes

      i grinned

    2. Rex Hondo

      Eh. Blaine/Amber’s Fist is so last week. It’s fun and satisfying for a while, but it doesn’t really have any long-term potential.

      I’m currently shipping Blaine/Cancer.

  88. Kintrex

    And now EVERYBODY has forgotten the Sal cliffhanger.

    1. Dean

      All unresolved cliffhangers will be abandoned. The sight of Amber’s dad running away while sobbing hysterically will make everyone forget what they were talking about.

    2. Animal

      Not everybody.

    3. ninja_jesus

      I warned David about this. I told him once that he was unable to do cliffhangers anymore since he has to update 7 days in a row.

  89. mrman643

    So you gotta have a booty to be strong?

  90. Chaucer59

    LOL. Compared to Amber thumping Daddy Dearest, I no longer care about Sal’s dress. Best week of the strip, Dave. I kept wanting to see this in the Shortpacked continuum. Worth.the wait.

  91. Somebody

    Hey, Willis? I think I should apologize for mocking you a few comics ago.

  92. Locke

    This was more satisfying than the punch.

  93. Quitekaiser

    Physics likes big butts? Well, I need to go change my name.

  94. DarkoNeko

    Da sass

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