Look, Dina. I can’t bring you back to life, k? Not without the repayment of a thousand souls and fountains of blood from the enemies of Satan and yaddayaddayadda….. Please, just drop it.
timemonkey
But she’s already back from the dead….
Dreadhawk177
You think Willis just goes about raising people from the dead? Without a price?
Ali
Dina died??
winter
Re: Ali
Walkyverse Dina died back in It’s Walky and then showed up somehow alive for the Shortpacked! finale.
timemonkey
There was a price. A horrible price. SOGGIES MAY RULE
That never works, kind of like ‘switching to manual control’ or ‘ auxiliary power’.
At best, you’ll get ‘inconclusive’ results so you’ll have to beam over an away team, they’ll get infected by evil, then that’ll cause the holodeck to malfunction….etc. etc…etc.
jadedcynic
Meh; make it so, Number One. We can always fix whatever happens by reversing the polarity of the main deflector.
Drakey
Wait, wait… bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish first!
StClair
Excuse me, but switching SCE to AUX absolutely worked, and allowed Apollo XII to continue.
Rycan
There’s a difference between Star Trek and actual space exploration. One is ruled by cliches, while the other is governed by the laws of physics.
Negative. Set a course for the center of the Galaxy so we can find evil beardo god to kick his ass as per Star Trek 5: The terrible one.
fogel
Why does God need a spaceship?
Gigafreak
He doesn’t. He, like Batman, can breathe in space.
But if you were omnipotent and were not constrained by such mortal concerns as “budgets,” would you NOT have a space ship?
Questionor
God is Batman. Everyone knows if you can be Batman you should always be Batman. Since God is omnipotent, he obviously has the power to be Batman so God is Batman.
No. If I could be Batman, I wouldn’t be Batman. I don’t want to be batman. Considering he turned down Raven when she was seeking help (I so want the comic in which that actually happened, not just they went over it), Batman has reduced his worth as he gave up an epic opportunity to get to know an awesome person. Despite this, Raven ended up with a number of his kids (Yes, I said it all wrongstyle on purpose). Batman is he who I shall never be.
Halloween Jack
Same reason middle-aged men buy classic Corvettes, really.
Screwball
Why does God need a spaceship?.
*Shoots energy beams at Fogel from eyes…*
“As much as it pains me to do this… Mr. Worf, hail Satan.”
“Sir?”
“You know, the Prince of Lies, Lord of the Flies, the Adversary, the Imp, the Archfiend, et cetera.”
“Ah, the ‘devil’. Klingons do not have one.”
“Then who runs your Gre’thor?”
“Volunteers, sir.”
“I… all right.”
“Satan is responding.”
“Onscreen.”
“Jay-L! What up, dog? It’s been forever–well, not forever forever.”
“Your Infernal Highness…”
“Hey-hey! Told ya, it’s ‘Lucy’ to my friends.”
“Very well, then, ah, ‘Lucy.’ We would like to consult with you on a bit of a problem we’ve encountered.”
“Anytime, Jay-L, anytime.”
“We have encountered an entity of considerable power that claims to be, well, God.”
“No shit? Wow, that takes me back. Jim Kirk and his crew used to run across clowns like that all the time. Man, good ol’ Jim Kirk. No offense, buddy, but that was one cat who really knew how to party.”
“Well, ah, that’s nice to know, but with regards to the matter at hand–”
“I’ll ring up the real thing, let him know that another Q-wannabe is trying his hand at identity theft again.”
“You and God… talk?”
“What? Oh, you mean, are we still sore about that old thing? Shit, buddy, that was literally ages ago. Dang, haven’t even thought about the Fall in who knows how long. Yeah, we realized that we’re really in the same business with slightly different market foci and now we get together all the time to talk shop. Well, G-Dog’s son is mostly running things now, but he’s cool too. Yeah, we’ll get this thing straightened out.”
“Well thank you, Your–ah, Lucy.”
“No prob, my man. And needless to say, this one’s on me, although I wouldn’t mind the number of that dark-eyed stunner right next to you.”
“I’m afraid that contact information for my crew is off the–”
“Begging your pardon, sir, but I believe I can speak for myself. Lucy, text me at @Chocoluvr.”
“You got it, babe. Smell ya later, homies.”
“Counselor, did you sense anything in particular during the conversation?”
“Hot damn, sir, did I ever, if you know what I mean.”
“Number One, what did you make of our… friend?”
“Are you kidding, captain? Who do you think gave me the idea for the beard?”
by doing so did he just get Joyce out of a tight spot? Then yes. Joyce’s parents, particularly her mother seems the controlling type, and doing something that gives Joyce more freedom to be her own person is the right thing to do even if you have to lie to do it.
… Sorry, where’s the sarcasm? I can’t even tell satire if it’s too dry. 🙁 #IFail
Barf Ninjason
A good litmus test is to notice whether the thing being proposed is utterly ridiculous. Implied proposal: voting for Democrats is a more extreme course of action than ritually slaughtering a child. Verdict: probably sarcasm.
jadedcynic
Of course, a text-only medium often works it own ways to convey implication that would normally be shown via tone of voice or body language, doesn’t it? 😉
Republican extremists exist that truly believe what Joyce has been brought up to believe. Verdict: test fail.
I believed an entire paper about a person who was proposing that the poor sell their babies to the rich and that the rich eat them. Vertict: self fail.
Ultimate verdict: Fail.
ditrysia
Poe’s Law – it is impossible to create a parody of extremism or fundamentalism that someone won’t mistake for the real thing.
459 thoughts on “Hail”
DanMan9820
All hail Satan.
Dreadhawk177
Already done…
Crazy Dina
Has he responded?
Dreadhawk177
My profile picture was changed yesterday, and it wasn’t me.
Crazy Dina
So… you two are tight then?
Dreadhawk177
Look, Dina. I can’t bring you back to life, k? Not without the repayment of a thousand souls and fountains of blood from the enemies of Satan and yaddayaddayadda….. Please, just drop it.
timemonkey
But she’s already back from the dead….
Dreadhawk177
You think Willis just goes about raising people from the dead? Without a price?
Ali
Dina died??
winter
Re: Ali
Walkyverse Dina died back in It’s Walky and then showed up somehow alive for the Shortpacked! finale.
timemonkey
There was a price. A horrible price. SOGGIES MAY RULE
Nightsbridge
the price was soggies
oh god
soggies
All Hail Dina
Then you better make Carol and the rest of them friggen immortal, cause I’m NOT sharing my eternity with people who don’t believe in science.
Wookster
1000 souls? Does that cost more or less than 5,000 GP worth of diamond dust?
Deanatay
What do you think is IN the diamond dust??
Poor dinosaur souls…
Cholma
I’d have thought Mike was more of Hail Hydra kind of guy.
All Hail Dina
Yes, but he also knows that Mrs. Brown has no idea what Hydra is.
Disloyal Subject
That’s just what he wants them to think… right? Right?
Cheryl
LMAO
Wonder Wig
We tried hailing him, captain, but Satan wont respond. Shall we scan his ship for any life forms?
HMRC4EVR
That never works, kind of like ‘switching to manual control’ or ‘ auxiliary power’.
At best, you’ll get ‘inconclusive’ results so you’ll have to beam over an away team, they’ll get infected by evil, then that’ll cause the holodeck to malfunction….etc. etc…etc.
jadedcynic
Meh; make it so, Number One. We can always fix whatever happens by reversing the polarity of the main deflector.
Drakey
Wait, wait… bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish first!
StClair
Excuse me, but switching SCE to AUX absolutely worked, and allowed Apollo XII to continue.
Rycan
There’s a difference between Star Trek and actual space exploration. One is ruled by cliches, while the other is governed by the laws of physics.
Crazy Dina
But which one turns out to be which may surprise you.
All Hail Dina
NO! YOU DON’T SCAN FOR LIFEFORMS ON SATAN’S SHIP! *facepalm* You clearly scan for death forms.
nothri
Negative. Set a course for the center of the Galaxy so we can find evil beardo god to kick his ass as per Star Trek 5: The terrible one.
fogel
Why does God need a spaceship?
Gigafreak
He doesn’t. He, like Batman, can breathe in space.
But if you were omnipotent and were not constrained by such mortal concerns as “budgets,” would you NOT have a space ship?
Questionor
God is Batman. Everyone knows if you can be Batman you should always be Batman. Since God is omnipotent, he obviously has the power to be Batman so God is Batman.
Crazy Dina
No. If I could be Batman, I wouldn’t be Batman. I don’t want to be batman. Considering he turned down Raven when she was seeking help (I so want the comic in which that actually happened, not just they went over it), Batman has reduced his worth as he gave up an epic opportunity to get to know an awesome person. Despite this, Raven ended up with a number of his kids (Yes, I said it all wrongstyle on purpose). Batman is he who I shall never be.
Halloween Jack
Same reason middle-aged men buy classic Corvettes, really.
Screwball
Why does God need a spaceship?.
*Shoots energy beams at Fogel from eyes…*
I looked it up, sorry… 😛
Crazy Dina
Sorry man, but God doesn’t need a spaceship. He needs a TIMESHIP! Let’s see. I’m thinking the 60s and the 90s.
TachyonCode
Launch hail-filled torpedoes. If it doesn’t prompt a reply, at least it’ll prompt laughter…
MrSpkr
Just send over a couple of red shirts to check it out.
Ubuntu4Ever
Does the Universal Translator work for Abyssal and Infernal? Try soaking the communiations array in goat’s blood.
Halloween Jack
“As much as it pains me to do this… Mr. Worf, hail Satan.”
“Sir?”
“You know, the Prince of Lies, Lord of the Flies, the Adversary, the Imp, the Archfiend, et cetera.”
“Ah, the ‘devil’. Klingons do not have one.”
“Then who runs your Gre’thor?”
“Volunteers, sir.”
“I… all right.”
“Satan is responding.”
“Onscreen.”
“Jay-L! What up, dog? It’s been forever–well, not forever forever.”
“Your Infernal Highness…”
“Hey-hey! Told ya, it’s ‘Lucy’ to my friends.”
“Very well, then, ah, ‘Lucy.’ We would like to consult with you on a bit of a problem we’ve encountered.”
“Anytime, Jay-L, anytime.”
“We have encountered an entity of considerable power that claims to be, well, God.”
“No shit? Wow, that takes me back. Jim Kirk and his crew used to run across clowns like that all the time. Man, good ol’ Jim Kirk. No offense, buddy, but that was one cat who really knew how to party.”
“Well, ah, that’s nice to know, but with regards to the matter at hand–”
“I’ll ring up the real thing, let him know that another Q-wannabe is trying his hand at identity theft again.”
“You and God… talk?”
“What? Oh, you mean, are we still sore about that old thing? Shit, buddy, that was literally ages ago. Dang, haven’t even thought about the Fall in who knows how long. Yeah, we realized that we’re really in the same business with slightly different market foci and now we get together all the time to talk shop. Well, G-Dog’s son is mostly running things now, but he’s cool too. Yeah, we’ll get this thing straightened out.”
“Well thank you, Your–ah, Lucy.”
“No prob, my man. And needless to say, this one’s on me, although I wouldn’t mind the number of that dark-eyed stunner right next to you.”
“I’m afraid that contact information for my crew is off the–”
“Begging your pardon, sir, but I believe I can speak for myself. Lucy, text me at @Chocoluvr.”
“You got it, babe. Smell ya later, homies.”
“Counselor, did you sense anything in particular during the conversation?”
“Hot damn, sir, did I ever, if you know what I mean.”
“Number One, what did you make of our… friend?”
“Are you kidding, captain? Who do you think gave me the idea for the beard?”
Crazy Dina
LOL!!! PLEASE don’t give me away as I sit in the back of the library reading this! Too funny man. Too funny.
Screwball
Nicely done… 😛
StClair
*slow clap*
Kryss LaBryn
Fantastic. 😀
Falling Star
Yes.
AustKyzor
Explains how you managed to comment before Jen Aside
otusasio451
Walky…Walky, don’t do that.
NCP19
You’re a real hero, Walky.
newllend
Real heroes lie to their friends parents all the time.
That Damn Rat
by doing so did he just get Joyce out of a tight spot? Then yes. Joyce’s parents, particularly her mother seems the controlling type, and doing something that gives Joyce more freedom to be her own person is the right thing to do even if you have to lie to do it.
Twirls
They really do
begbert2
No kidding – if you tell your friends’ parents about your secret identity, then you don’t have a secret identity.
Steve Charb
I’m just here, rooting for the OTP to end all OTPs.
Badeyes
Walky to the rescue! Who’da thunk?
Will Walky become the anti-Mike?
Amazi-girl might lose some business if he gets a mask and cape.
GodtiernickCage
and if danny keeps it up, she will loose other buisness. Caramel colored boy heroes are in this year ive heard
das-g
No cape.
John
Counterpoint.
durkadurka
a real human bean
John
What’s Leslie got to do with this?
Lord Geovanni
Mike the destroyer and Walky the Savior.
nothri
He’s a sandwich?
Doctor_Who
Whoa, Walky, let’s not get carried away here. Sacrifice the child first, then see if you’ve calmed down.
Crazy Dina
EXCUSE ME! >.> Voting Democrat is not THAT bad!
Doctor_Who
Not surprised sarcasm was lost on Dina.
Crazy Dina
… Sorry, where’s the sarcasm? I can’t even tell satire if it’s too dry. 🙁 #IFail
Barf Ninjason
A good litmus test is to notice whether the thing being proposed is utterly ridiculous. Implied proposal: voting for Democrats is a more extreme course of action than ritually slaughtering a child. Verdict: probably sarcasm.
jadedcynic
Of course, a text-only medium often works it own ways to convey implication that would normally be shown via tone of voice or body language, doesn’t it? 😉
All Hail Dina
Yeah, not even that helps me sometimes. #IFail
Screwball
True. While these “emoticon” things do help tho, they’re not always enough to bridge communications gaps…
But it can still be fun posting them 😛 :3 😀 XD :$
All Hail Dina
:c>
:dc>
:c>
:dc>
Yum.
All Hail Dina
:c>
:pc>
:qc>
:c>
:pc>
:qc>
Yum.
All Hail Dina
Republican extremists exist that truly believe what Joyce has been brought up to believe. Verdict: test fail.
I believed an entire paper about a person who was proposing that the poor sell their babies to the rich and that the rich eat them. Vertict: self fail.
Ultimate verdict: Fail.
ditrysia
Poe’s Law – it is impossible to create a parody of extremism or fundamentalism that someone won’t mistake for the real thing.
Crazy Dina
🙁 Poor Colbert.
Solenoid
The big joke here is that that second example is literally A Modest Proposal summarized. You know, the big go-to example for what satire is.
All Hail Dina
Solenoid, it’s no joke. I actually believed the author believed what he wrote.