186

Helpful
Posted on July 16, 2014 by David M Willis

186 thoughts on “Helpful”

  1. Jen Aside

    Relax, Walky, maybe it’s just… a realistic Billie doll?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Is there a line of merch Willis wouldn’t push? 😀

      1. Tunaro

        Off the top ‘a my head, Dumbing of Age adult diapers?

        1. Packy

          I’d wear DoA branded Depends. Astronauts wear diapers!

        2. Deanatay

          Diapers? Pff. So 60’s. Real astronauts use catheters.

        3. jbear

          depends on age

        4. OldFart

          Would be useful in my line of work. Hard to get to a bathroom when you need to.

        5. Doctor_Who

          It’s called Dumping From Age, and it’s a hot seller.

        6. Heavensrun

          Brilliant.

        7. Jen Aside

          They’ll sell like hot wipes!

          wait

        8. DSL

          You should definitely get them off the top, of your head.

      2. JustCheetoDust

        Wasn’t that already covered with the SP! Amber body pillow?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          A real doll would be far more expensive than a body pillow.

        2. MichaelHaneline

          God those things freak me out

        3. Jen Aside

          a real doll would also convincingly get you waved on by the cops in the HOV lanes

  2. Idon'tcarenomore

    Bless ya Walky, you got the right idea maybe.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Or the exact wrong one. That remains to be seen.

      Imagine if Danny did this exact thing, we’d all be screaming “YOU IDIOT!”

      1. Tom T.

        Excellent point.

      2. Deimir

        Well to be fair, if Danny did do this exact thing, then by the very nature of the universe it *would* be the wrong thing, but since it’s Walky doing this thing, we’ll have to wait and see how things turn out to see whether there was a better thing to be done.

        1. TJ Baltimore

          So . . . basically Danny represents the inverse of the Euthyphro dilemma in this universe?

      3. Sam

        Yeah, because from our experience of him, it WOULD be wrong if he did it. A lot of what he does goes wrong in horrible ways that make us want to cry at how badly it went wrong.

    2. Beige

      and now for another round of the internets favourite show: when common sense backfires!

      watch today when mr David Walkerton sensibly goes to authorities when his freind is depressed. little does poor david know that the authorities in this case are Billie’s former freind/lesbian love intrest and the depression comes from billie feeling like she betrayed Ruth

      oh the laughs we will have

  3. Maveric1984

    Ouch… that hurts…

  4. Plasma Mongoose

    Pass the buck.

    1. JustCheetoDust

      Pass the salt.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Salt the earth!

        1. Disloyal Subject

          Scorch the fields!

      2. Mattyos

        pass the courvoisier

        1. Lieutenant Dan

          Pass the kidney stone.

    2. Tunaro

      Sorry, but Mike only takes nickels. From your mom.

      1. Jostikas

        Isn’t it the other way ’round?

  5. Tacdud2

    Now to wait for the next strip….

  6. Mr. Random

    They’re both responsible for each other and neither for their own actions.

  7. Tunaro

    It’s like watching someone find a landmine, then deciding to light a firecracker right next to it.

    1. Yotomoe

      “C’mon, it’ll be funny”

      1. RobHagen

        “Hold my beer for a sec…”

        1. JWLM

          Watch this!

        2. Jadedcynic

          YM “Hey, y’all – watch this!” 😉

  8. Nono

    No alt text noooo

    1. JustCheetoDust

      I pulled up the source code to read it.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        Never mind, that was fixed.

    2. AgentKeen

      Wait, who’s the paper mache volcano in this scenario?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        The dorm itself.

  9. -Sentinel-

    Am I the only one not seeing the hovertext?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I seem to be missing hovertext too.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Oh there it is, it’s as good a metaphor as mentos and cola at least.

        1. xain

          mentos and cola technically work but baking soda and vinegar is the more well known reaction.

        2. tinfoil theory

          They work in different ways.

          For Menthos + Cola, the rough surface of the Menthos serves as catalyst for the sudden decomposition of carbonic acid into water and CO2. What you are left with is a wet Menthos and stale Cola.

          Baking soda and vinegar react to form sodium acetate in addition to water and CO2. Some fire extinguishers use this. You get a sour tasting foam.

        3. Roborat

          And now you know.

          (cue rainbow)
          .
          .
          .

          (dammit, cue rainbow)

        4. JacHunter

          What webcomic is your gravatar from? I recognize the character and I’ve been trying to remember the name of it forever so I can read it again.

        5. David M Willis

          http://www.lfgcomic.com/

  10. Rossalupus

    So close, and yet so far

    1. nothri

      Story of their lives.

      1. Shadow12000

        +10 x2 to both of you for an excellent gravitar/comment combo.

      2. Ocbrad1

        I wholeheartedly concur with Shadow and award both of you 1 full internet for the awesome situational Gravs.

  11. Idon'tcarenomore

    Sometimes you have to pass the buck, if it’s broken beyond your ability to help it.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Billie’s off warranty.

      1. Yotomoe

        You can always trade her in for a student of equal value.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          I’ve heard that Best Buy can be kinda dodgy in that department.

        2. Catullus

          Wal-Mart is always a good option for trade-ins.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          It depends on if Wal-mart delivers to Australia or not and at what cost.

        4. Leorale

          “This was delivered to me in error.”

        5. StClair

          “Instead of cheerleader package contained bobcat.”

        6. Lieutenant Dan

          In Billie’s case, how can you tell?

        7. Annie

          Oh god. Can you imagine if it was Faz that crawled in to Walky’s bed rather than Billie.
          I’m going to have nightmares now.

  12. JustcallmeSoul

    damn ruth, bit ruthless isnt it?

    1. JustcallmeSoul

      I REGRET NOTHING.

      1. -Sentinel-

        NO REGRETS

  13. liahansen

    Uh, is there no alt-text? Guys? Guys??? I’m freaking out guys

    1. liahansen

      oh thank god

  14. Idon'tcarenomore

    No Sentinel, I’m not seeing hovertext either.

  15. Emperor Kiva

    How sad

  16. Yotomoe

    I found your pet Billie in my bed. Please don’t lose sight of her again. There’s a leash law on this campus.

    1. JustCheetoDust

      All that talk about leashes made me think of this.

      1. E.R.

        That is terrible.

  17. Idon'tcarenomore

    “excuse me vinegar, I have this baking soda I need you to look at”
    is the hovertext.

    Instant volcano.

    1. Tunaro

      Mentos and Coke makes a better explosion in my opinion.

      1. 3oranges

        But vinegar is sour and baking soda is bitter, which is more accurate in this case.

        1. Deanatay

          And one is alcohol gone bad, which is even more accurate.

  18. Kernanator

    “I… I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. You see, Jennifer Billingsworth, she… she turned into a truck.”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      So not monkey?

  19. LeslieBean4Shizzle

    … is it just me, or does Ruth look particularly kissable this comic?

    1. John

      I think it’s just you. The girl is like 90% punching, and that expression isn’t making me think today is the other 10%.

      1. AtomsOrSystems

        Clearly, we find different qualities attractive in our prospective partners.

        1. John

          I like ’em willing. If you don’t, I don’t want to hear about it.

        2. AtomsOrSystems

          Not really sure where you got “non-consensual” from either of our comments. I thought I was pretty clearly making a joke about finding “aggressiveness” attractive.

        3. Deanatay

          True. ‘Punchy’ is not necessarily the opposite of ‘kissy’. However, I think Ruth’s wearing the ‘get out of my face’ face today, which is the opposite of ‘any social interaction’.

        4. John

          I’m getting “non-consensual” from Ruth, who seems today particularly much like someone who does not want to be kissed by skeevy strangers from the Internet, and who, as I implied in my first comment, I suspect would be likely to react to unwanted kisses with violence.

          And while I’ve got nothing against violent ladies, or being attracted to them, if you find ladies who are being violent because of your unwanted sexual advances against them attractive – and that’s the context here – you’ve got problems I don’t want to know about.

        5. Heavensrun

          Despite your insistence that that’s the context here? That wasn’t the context for any of the people you’re talking to. Ever.

        6. AtomsOrSystems

          I’m… not really sure how to respond to the idea that I, or anyone, intended to force kisses on Ruth?

          Let’s be clear that I have no intention of kissing Ruth. For one thing, we don’t know each other. For another, she exists solely as a collection of colored pixels on a computer screen.

          Also, I don’t see anyone here discussing “unwanted sexual advances” except for you. Food for thought?

        7. LeslieBean4Shizzle

          Ahem. Actually, I was implying that she looked sad in a particular fashion that makes me want to comfort her.
          It doesn’t hurt that Ruth looks a fair amount like my partner.

  20. nekobawt

    i also lacked hovertext at first and thought it was supposed to have us freaking out as much as walky is.

    judging by some of the comments, it’s working. XD

    1. nekobawt

      also, high five to walky for telling off mike. good to see him showing a backbone when it counts.

  21. Yotsuyasan

    I know I won’t be this lucky… Willis is a demon god who will never permit me happiness… But I hope that this might lead to Ruth and Billie having to be in the same room and having an adult conversation about their situation.

    Pweeese?

    1. JWLM

      An adult conversation about their situation would start with Ruth asking “Why are you sleeping around on me?” and deteriorate from there.

      1. dailybrad

        I doubt Ruth thinks Billie is getting any action. She looks too miserable.

        1. AtomsOrSystems

          “I doubt Ruth thinks Billie is getting any action. She looks too miserable.”

          We… we may not share the same memories of Freshman Year Sex(tm).

        2. Bill

          What is this ‘Freshman Year Sexᵀᴹ’ of which you speak?
          Must not have been available in the early ’70s.

        3. AtomsOrSystems

          It was around in the late aughts, but I have to say, the online reviews were misleadingly high.

      2. Yotsuyasan

        Well, to be fair, (a) it doesn’t look like Billie did much sleeping, and (b) I’m pretty sure she didn’t do any “sleeping,” either. (Even if Billie was interested in Walky that way, which she isn’t, I think Walky would have noticed her much sooner if that had happened. Even he isn’t THAT dense!)

        Not that that will stop Ruth from wondering why she is in Walky’s bed…

        1. John

          Journalism. The word is “journalism”.

        2. Kryss LaBryn

          Well, on it, anyways. Fully clothed. So I kinda doubt that’s a conclusion she’d be leaping to immediately, especially given Walky’s expression.

          Not that there aren’t butt-loads of other ways this can go wrong…

        3. JWLM

          I said ‘adult’. I didn’t say ‘mature’.

    2. newllend

      Request considered….Request denied.

      1. TJ Baltimore

        Lesbian request denied!

    3. Yotsuyasan

      Gah, I know probably no one was planning to click on the link that my name is in the above comment… But just in case someone was, I screwed it up. THIS comment has a corrected link… I’d describe what it is a link to, but it might be a bit crass to overtly advertise a Kickstarter in Dumbing of Age comments… (Although I suspect this correction removes any pretense of subtlety, anyway… Oh, bother…)

    4. takashid

      If they have a mature conversation it should start by adressing their latest problem i.e. Billie lying to ruth. Billie still has refused to take responsibility for that and just told ruth “i dont have a problem! your the one with the problem!”

  22. newllend

    Uuuuh, that hurts Ruth.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Hopefully for Walky that means there is less danger of walking back into his room and finding Billie and Ruth doing it on his bed.

      1. newllend

        And that’s a disappointment.

      2. Catullus

        But Mike’s still there, so anything is possible.

      3. AtomsOrSystems

        And that’s terrible.

    2. chatokun

      Didn’t she specifically ask a different RA to be responsible for Billy due to what happened between them?

      1. Leorale

        You’re thinking of Jason asking another person to be Sal’s TA.

  23. JessWitt

    Help her Ruth. You’re her only hope.

  24. Timinane

    Am I the only one imagining Walky walked there with no pants on?

    1. Yotomoe

      Not even underwear. “Billie’s ex-girlfriend. Weenus pointed”

      1. newllend

        “In the girls dorm with no pants, weenus pointed… Wait a minute how come there are weenuses everywhere?

    2. Björn

      Same here. 😀

  25. sps48

    I do like the Amazi-Girl and her protege Bat-Girl bannered at thepage top.

    1. Deanatay

      Not a protege! They’re Co-Equal Platonic Life-Buds!

  26. Raine

    Walky. Good choice.

  27. Boomwolf97

    Walky should know by now that helpful isn’t a part of Mike’s dictionary… or lifestyle… or thought process.

  28. newllend

    Walky:” hi I’m here to return this.”

    Ruth:” Do you have the Receipt”

    Walky:” umm, No?

    Ruth:” Sorry then your purchase can not be refunded. “

    1. David

      Get Joyce then. My mom happens to be also from La Porte, Indiana. I’ve had the “it’s broken after a few months, should really exchange that but do no longer have the receipt” situation. “Give me that, doesn’t matter”. I mean, she was something like 75 at that time and we are talking Germany, the land of regulations.

      Yes, she got it exchanged. No idea how she does that kind of thing, don’t really want to know. She’s, like, “I’ve put up with enough in my life”.

  29. Rosicrucian

    Just like in my fanfics.

    1. nekobawt

      kind of wish i could upvote this

  30. epershannd

    Ohhhh my gosh they’re finally going to probably interact with each other again. All is okay with the world (despite the ominous alt text).

  31. Rutee

    Welp, I’m interested in watching this drama.

  32. GoogerGeiger

    Good move, Walky.

  33. Vim-Hogar

    Dammit, Walky, now I’m freaking out!

  34. David

    Well, if this does not get the baking soda to rise…

  35. Ridureyu

    Remember that one time in Shortpacked when Walky just beat the crap out of Mike?

    It’s fun to reread without thinking of the context, and just transpalant it here.

    1. cmd1095

      I like to imagine that every time we see Mike

      1. MrBurrows

        But, Mike is awesome. His trolling has been instrumental to helping many situations by making a common enemy.

        1. thatindianguy

          Maybe but he’s still an unrepentant dick.

    2. AtomsOrSystems

      Just as an FYI if anyone is looking for this storyline, I’m pretty sure it’s in mid-to-late It’s Walky! rather than Shortpacked!

      1. timemonkey

        Right after Dina’s big moment.

        1. AtomsOrSystems

          Awwwww man, now you’re bringing back memories.

        2. timemonkey

          I’m sorry.

          It was the best I could do.

  36. Iggzy

    Walky might be doing a whole lot of good without knowing it

  37. MrBurrows

    Just blitz the comic in 3 days… and I get a cliffhanger? AHHHHHH!

    1. nekobawt

      in soviet dumbiverse, cliffhanger gets you.

      no but seriously, welcome to the wild ride that is following this comic as it updates. you think this is a cliffhanger? just wait, my sweet summerchild. 🙂

  38. Kathleen

    Okay- this arc is definitely the best one so far. I’m calling it.

  39. Pyr05

    YAY for going to the WRONG people to help someone!

  40. E.R.

    I’m trying to figure out if Ruth’s expression in the last panel is worried, upset, annoyed or neutral.

    Here’s (futilely) hoping it’s worried.

    1. Deanatay

      It looks to me like ’emotionally drained’. It can be hard staying angry at someone. It can be even harder to stop.

    2. Heavensrun

      That is the expression of someone who wants desperately to tell the person asking “Yeah, I’ll be okay” but can’t, because they’re not sure if it’s a lie.

      1. Joker Two

        Pretty much spot on.

  41. ChaoticNeutral

    Fucking FINALLY.

  42. takashid

    OH BOY HERE WE GO

  43. tinfoil theory

    “Pass.”
    Never before in the history of literature has a single syllable been so funny.

    “Used to be.” is clever as well. Walky is going to miss his class again, isn’t he?

    I wonder who Amazigirl’s companion in the top banner is. (Trying hard not to think about how Billie is meticulously planning her suicide.)

    1. nekobawt

      batgirl in her new batsuit.

  44. ianperiwinkle

    Oh, poor Billie. :<

  45. Kennerly

    Her meltdown would have been totally acceptable had it happened in her own bed, or in the bed of any guy who isn’t in a relationship already!

    1. nekobawt

      uh…i disagree that there are any circumstances wherein her meltdown is “acceptable”

    2. Yotsuyasan

      Acceptable? Strictly speaking, perhaps not. But very understandable.

      While it may be quite awkward to try to explain this to, say, Dorothy… And even Walky seems rather taken aback, as an objective observer I actually find it quite understandable. Billie is hurt, and even if she publically is trying to accept no blame, deep down I think she has to realize that that very much isn’t the case, and that a lot of her current woes are entirely of her own creation.

      This lack of wanting to take responsibility shows a corresponding lack of maturity. And so, when in her conscious mind the whole world seems against her, where does she go? Into Walky’s bed. Not for any adult reasons, but because part of her is still a scared little girl, seeking comfort from a friend. And unfortunately for her, this is the best way she has to articulate (or rather, not articulate) her needs in the situation.

      What Billie needs to do is to grow up. And I am hoping that, just maybe, if Ruth comes to Walky’s room, after a bit of initial blow up between them instead of one or both of them storming off angry (and Billie’s storming off taking her on a path to find her next bottle) they might actually have a conversation, and that conversation can start leading to Billie’s maturation.

      1. JWLM

        Actually, I think that Billie is starting to bottom out. Look at . That’s a pretty solid self-realization that she has a problem.

  46. OsoPescado

    It hurts me to see Ruth hurting so much… She’s my second favorite character (Amber being my first). Maybe this will somehow lead to things being better for her? :’O

  47. hoboshoe

    Is it just me or does anyone suspect Billie in the drawing of the penises. She has the means, the motive, and was clearly upset last night…

    1. Deanatay

      It’s been posited a few times over the last three days. Willis isn’t talking.

      1. Jen Aside

        OH SNAP IT’S…

        SYDNEY YUS, THE NEVER-SEEN R.A. OF THE OPPOSITE WING

        [Sydney can be a boy’s name]

  48. Orangey

    oh man if this cuts to some other characters tomorrow I don’t know how im gonna cope. Really hoping that these two have a chat!

  49. 4th Dimension

    So is it going to be a emotional trauma pileup of epic proportions if Amazigirl (looking for Mike), Ruth (looking for Billie to kick her back to her dorm), Walky and Mike all end up in that room at the same time?

  50. Sir Robin

    Walky left her alone with Mike!!! No good can come of this!!!

    1. hof1991

      Walky is off doing what Mike would do – something that might be good in then long fun but might be a train wreck right away. Meanwhile, Billie is still using her super saiyan face, minus the grunting.

  51. maarvarq

    This could lead to the big reconciliation scene (maybe).

  52. Yotsuyasan

    A thought unrelated to this specific comic, but related to the wonderful new image of Amazi-Girl and Bat Girl… How does Amazi-Girl’s cape attach? Because Edna Mode was right about capes, they can be downright dangerous in the wrong circumstances. (Just ask Dollar Bill from the Minutemen… Oh wait, you can’t! He’s dead!) And that’s what I find most fabulous about Bat Girl’s new costume… Cape gets caught in something, just reach up and undo the snaps! Problem solved.

    Maybe next time there’s a lull in the story, there can be a strip about Amber seeing the new Bat Girl design, and having a few ideas on modifying her costume? Especially regarding cape attachment?

    Anyway, that is just why, even as someone who isn’t a huge follower of superhero comics, I love the new Bat Girl costume. It actually looks practical for crime fighting. Snap off cape. Flat healed boots. Leather rather then spandex. And none of that stupid “I’m going to take valuable time away from crime fighting by carefully painting the skin around my eyes back!” crap. Where as most female superhero costumes are, “Look at my huge rack and my tight figure!” this one is all, “Yeah, I’m here to kick your butt, and maybe I just happen to look cute, too, but in a very practical way.” I like it a lot.

    1. Yotsuyasan

      (Grr… Wish I’d proofread before hitting “Post Comment.” Anyway, that should read, “‘… carefully painting the skin around my eyes black!'”

    2. Bagge

      I’m pretty sure the answer to that is in Dorothy’s interview with her. If we are really nice maybe we can read it at some point.

  53. Olin

    Unnnhhh… I just got caught up after binging this comic for a day. LOVE it. I feel like I can leave my room now, finally… boy is sunshine bright.

  54. Keith the verbos and boring

    Poor Walky, he seems a put out, shocked, perturbed…he’s definitely traumatized. Gods know, I would be.

  55. Deanatay

    I had a feeling something like this would happen. Walky is smart enough to not leave Billie alone in her current state. The best person to go to would be the dorm’s RA. Plus, it appears that Walky is at least somewhat aware of their relationship (I’ve gotten the impression they were at least trying to keep it on the down-low).

    1. tinfoil theory

      I think Walky went to Ruth because she is Billie’s RA, not because she is (or was) her SO.

      1. Deanatay

        Agreed, but he’s aware of it. Which makes me wonder how much he knows. Does he know about the betrayal? The smooching? Or does he think they still have an unfulfilled tsundere thing going on?

        1. Heavensrun

          Why do you think he’s aware of it at all? I don’t get that impression from this in the slightest.

        2. timemonkey

          Ruth and Billie were never officially anything. They were never dating and never a couple. Ruth kissed Billie and was rejected. They sorta became friend of a few days and then Billie kissed Ruth and itall went to hell again.

  56. Bagge

    It seems like Ruth and Billie are falling into a pattern of taking turns hurting to force the other one to comfort them.

    I’m pretty sure that’s an archetypical relationship type, and not a very positive one at that…

    1. Stephanie

      Well, it’s worked for many a Kirk/Spock fanfic since back in the olden days. 😉

      1. DSL

        For a certain value of “worked.”

  57. OmegaDez

    Every Billie strip has made me sad since 2013…

  58. rachel

    ow my heart

  59. Nena

    I am wondering if Billie didn’t pass out from booze poisoning…

  60. Clare

    i just marathon read this entire comic, and i have to say that it’s fuckin fantASTic

  61. Tess

    The alt text omg the alt text

    1. Onion

      HAHAHA CHEMISTRY JOKES

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