222

Hey
Posted on June 23, 2023 by David M Willis

222 thoughts on “Hey”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “yeah, I got a fever, and the prescription is MORE COWBELL”

    1. Rose by Any Other Name

      …daijoubu moo…

      1. Dante

        Can’t go wrong with some Dior

        1. Pylgrim

          Unexpected Utena is always welcome.

  2. Animedingo

    Gay

    Gay

    Homosexual

    Gay

    1. PASchaefer

      Gaymosexual?

    2. yarrr

      Yessss.

  3. DarkoNeko

    :3

    1. DarkoNeko

      Nice to meet you, Kay

  4. AY

    here for it regardless of the obvious drama that would come with it

    1. Leorale

      here for it because of the obvious drama that would come with it.

      1. StClair

        Same.

        1. Clif

          That’s the spirit!

      2. DarkoNeko

        damn right XD

      3. Aslan

        [Plankton voice] CORRECT

      4. Queen Anthai

        There are two types of people.

    2. Nono

      I’m down for Willis putting them in a happy, stable, drama free relationship for years while the audience is on the edge of their seat waiting for something dramatic to happen.

      It never does.

      1. audkitten

        Ooooo he would too

      2. Angel

        or ethan knowing and willingly continuing like how amazigirl was able to tolerate and work together with sal

      3. TCS

        I was with AY on “regardless of the drama” but now I’m on your team lol

      4. Bryy

        “For years” translating into two weeks?

      5. Opus the Poet

        It would be nice to have a stable relationship in-comic.

    3. nicoleandmaggie

      Ditto.
      Drama about characters I feel ambivalent about? Yes please. (I’m probably being too harsh on Ethan… but…)

  5. Yumi

    “This was a lie, and Asher did, in fact, have several problems.”

    1. darkgloomie

      He got 99 problems but ogling Ethan ain’t one of them (because he isn’t ashamed of doing it)

      1. Yumi

        Ethan flat out says the opening lyrics to Asher, only he uses the term “bongo” and adds “(because I’m gay).” at the end.

      2. Yumi

        Hm, made the previous reply before I thought of this New Girl reference to give to Asher:
        “Like Jay Z, I have 99 problems. But unlike Jay Z, I have zero caveats.”

  6. Sirksome

    His last name’s Park? That’s more generic than his coolness level would imply.

    1. Yumi

      It’s real generic, but then, there is some protection in the obscurity of a common name, you know? Some people are a lot easier to look up on the internet than others.

    2. crys

      park makes up ~8% of korean surnames by prevalence! (lee makes up 20%, kim 15%) so it could’ve been even more common 🙂

      1. Yumi

        I will say that it’s also the most unambiguously Korean of those three names. Kim and Lee (which, by the way, I think you have their percentages switched– Kim is more common than Lee from what I’m seeing/know) are also common surnames from other cultures. Whereas “Park” I’m sure comes up other places, but not high at all on lists I’m seeing.

        1. Nate

          Park is only a surname in Korean, English, and Estonian. This according to an old linguist friend who was an Estonian with the last name of Park.

      2. vlademir1

        Regardless of the meatspace commonality of the name, Park is stupidly common as a character surname in manhwa and other fiction from the region. Lee is more common, but also carries an attachment to Chinese lineage in many Asian countries when used in fiction including in Korea (as Yumi implied above). Kim is so common in meatspace that it has similar generic cypher connotations to the surname Smith in English when used in fiction but also can conjure connections to a very specific Kim family in certain contexts.

    3. Taffy

      Having the same surname (and first initial) as a Power Ranger also helps.

    4. Angel

      lol korean mixed ethnicitiy aside, asher park also sounds like a location

      1. zee

        Where rowdy youths go to smoke after bedtime

      2. Opus the Poet

        Across town from MacArthur Park, where there are lots of soggy cakes.

  7. DailyBrad

    Asher Park is frightening in the dark. All the dinosaurs are running wiiiiiiiiild.

    1. Victor Riley

      I will always approve a Weird Al lyrical reference.

      *5 internet points to you*

      1. Ed Callahan

        Actually, it’s from the 1965 song McArthur Park, which was a hit for Richard Harris. I believe it was written by Jimmy Webb.

        1. DailyBrad

          It is both, kinda. Weird Al made a parody version of MacArthur Park called “Jurassic Park”, hence the “all the dinosaurs are running wild” bit.

        2. Durandal_1707

          Also, MacArthur Park is “melting” in the dark. Jurassic Park is the one that’s frightening.

        3. bengrue

          Melting cakes can be frightening!

        4. Ed Rhodes

          Granted, but THOSE lines parody the parody; “Jurassic Park” which Weird Al did based on Donna Summer’s disco REMAKE of “McArthur Park.”

    2. Durandal_1707

      I’m afraid those things might harm me, cause they sure don’t act like Barney, and I think that I’m their dinner not their friend, oh noooooooo!

  8. Dara

    is ethan going to be a Useless Lesbian but gay man instead here? because I could and maybe kind of want to see that

    1. Dante

      What model? There’s several, and one of them is the “mutual pining but they’re idiots” variety. It’s started a bit like “doesn’t realize it AND YET”, but I’d be down for any in our complex diversity

    2. Angel

      well usually that implies them being oblivious or flustered, even if ethan doesn’t notice, i don’t think he’s rly seeking any kinda relationship even a fling to take his mind off things, esp if it’s like “i don’t deserve to be happy while i’m still mourning mike” or so , even tho amber sent booster after him so they could ‘hookup’ possible lol

  9. tim gueguen

    Joke’s on us. Willis will never draw them together again.

    1. nicoleandmaggie

      ROFL

  10. NGPZ

    *plays “If I Had a Heart” by Fever Ray on passing car’s speakers*

  11. Wraithy2773

    And a million yaoi fans scream.

    1. Taffy

      Yeah, but they do that any time two guys are on screen together exist simultaneously

      Hm. Any time two guys, and let’s leave it at that.

      1. Net-Zero Joeyce Shipper (no engine, slowly following the current)

        t-two guys you say?? *blushes*

        1. Dante

          Kyaaaaa~ OwO!!

        2. Taffy

          Wait til you read my upcoming fanfic that features Kiba from Wolf’s Rain and Benjamin Franklin surviving in the world of The Walking Dead.

        3. Dante

          Kiba looks good with anyone, but I will only take trans!Thomas Jefferson in a Miku binder

        4. Taffy

          More power to people with creativity, but I’ll never understand the sort of mind that’s able to create things like that. Especially the ones that don’t even vaguely resemble the source material, so you’re left taking the artist’s word for it.

        5. Dante

          That thing was one of Tumblr’s more horrifying/entertaining dramas of the last decade and I stumbled upon it despite actively avoiding Hamilton stuff :’33 so yeaaaah…

        6. darkgloomie

          … i think i know vaguely what you mean.

        7. Yumi

          So, when I was in high school and would talk with my friends about which Founding Father we would hookup with if we had a time machine– you know, like teenagers do– my pick was Benjamin Franklin. I’d probably reevaluate now, but. Just so you know.

        8. Taffy

          He did invent lightning, which was nice of him.

        9. Clif

          By all accounts, the French ladies would have approved your choice.

        10. milu

          Does Thomas Paine count as a Founding Father? I’d let him use my naked back as a writing desk. (John Malkovich did that one time in The Dangerous Liaisons and now i’m stuck with that weird fantasy.)

        11. Ed Callahan

          Paine never was a political leader, but his Common Sense pamphlet is credited with building a lot of support for independence from Great Britain.

        12. Morleuca

          Hang on…John Malkovich used your naked back as a writing desk‽

        13. Ed Rhodes

          There was an Auto Store called “Two Guys,” in the Tri-State Area. When I lived in New York, I would pass through Christopher Street (the iconic “gay area” of Manhattan) and see the bars with newspaper ads for Two Guys in the window featuring their slogan; “Two Guys – Naturally.”

  12. Nono

    More like park ‘er ass on my face.

    1. Taffy

      Whose ass, specifically?

      1. Opus the Poet

        Why be specific? There are so many lovely lady asses in-comic, I’m torn between Joyce, Dina, Billy, and (damnit I knew I was pushing my luck) Joyce’s roomie.

  13. RassilonTDavros

    This is a disaster waiting to happen and I AM 100% HERE FOR IT.

  14. Taffy

    So, we should be extremely worried about Ethan’s safety now, yeah? Asher’s visibly plotting to murder him like he did Mike, and he’s even outright taunting him about it. Yikes-a-roonie.

    (apologies if “a-roonie” is some sort of bigoted dogwhistle now)

    1. HueSatLight

      If Ethan lets it slip that Amber is Amazi-girl, there could be some unsafety.

      1. Taffy

        It’s been more than five seconds since I read the second kidnapping arc. Does Asher even have any beef with Amazi-girl?

        1. darkgloomie

          No but Amber might; I doubt she’s getting theraphy

        2. HueSatLight

          The cop who shot Blaine asked him if Amazi-girl was Amber, before he shot him. I’ve never murdered anyone, so I may be way off, but I think they were trying to find her because Mike and her were seen together, and Mike knew what Blaine was doing for them. Or maybe it was pre-mortem chit chat, I’m not good at making conversation in even non-murder situations.

    2. NGPZ

      BTW, radical avatar, is that a monster krabby patty?

      1. Taffy

        It’s my favorite Yu-Gi-Oh! card, Hungry Burger!

        A level 6 DARK-attribute Warrior/Ritual monster with 2000 Attack Points, 1850 Defense Points, and no effect, summoned primarily via the spell card Hamburger Recipe. Until this month, it was only printed in an old-ass set, as a Common pull. Now, it’s got a brand-new set of support cards in the Nouvelles archetype, which is a set of Monsters themed around hoity-toity French cuisine and demons from the Ars Goetia. The boss monster is capable of using the opponent’s monster to summon out a copy of Hungry Burger, essentially cooking the enemy to bolster your own ranks.

        The burger itself was mostly a weird sort of curiosity, but it’s a perfect example of how weird and sorta creepy the old Monsters were, before everything was a robot, a dragon, a loli, or some hybrid between the three.

  15. JessWitt

    Meet cute? Nope it’s a meet brood.

    1. Dante

      Truly a “Sad Girl Emo on the Snow” moment.

    2. Angel

      my chemical romance albums all playing in the bckground every time they interact lol

  16. Jamie

    Shown: eloquence. Economy of language. The poetry of the unspoken.

    1. Dante

      Oh, THIS. It’s fucking sublime. I dubbed the ship “Ether” yesterday but there’s in fact a delicate quality to this scene that Gets To Me.

  17. k

    Happy Pride month to these two specifically

  18. Kravis

    Asher?

    More like Asser…

    1. NGPZ

      XD new slipshine when?

      1. Dante

        Literally begging it’s soon

        1. NGPZ

          Anyone got a goat or something we can sacrifice to the Slipshine Deities?

        2. Clif

          I believe cash may be a more effective sacrifice.

        3. Taffy

          Don’t give cash to deities. They’ll just use it for drugs and haircuts.

        4. Amós Batista

          what’s about 5 billionaries?

        5. Taffy

          This isn’t the place to share marinara recipes.

  19. Kyrik Michalowski

    I’m not sure whether he will dump Billie/Jennifer or she will dump him; if he gets into a new relationship immediately afterwards, how angry do you think Billie/Jennifer will be?

    Although I don’t want them to break up because Asher has sex with Ethan while he is still technically dating Billie/Jennifer. Cheating isn’t cool, even if you are ready to dump them you should break up first. Even if it is a text message, as you are currently flirting with someone, is better than nothing at all. Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

    1. Taffy

      Well, my thought is that relationships have no owed mourning period, especially if they haven’t lasted very long by the time they end. A text while he’s actively flirting with somebody seems more than fair, considering the quality of relationship Billie has been giving him.

      1. BarerMender

        Billy made a remark and walked away from him. I took that as a breakup.

        1. Taffy

          That’d be a weirdly abrupt breakup, but as long as Billie isn’t dragging somebody else down with her, I suppose it’d be a net gain.

        2. Dante

          At the very least grounds for one, yeah

        3. Jamie

          I think Jennifer is owed an explicit statement to that effect, but that might just be my NDness wanting explicitness.

        4. Taffy

          Wouldn’t it be Asher who’s owed the explicit statement, in this scenario? I thought we were talking about she abruptly dumping (abrumping) he.

    2. milu

      I don’t know, i don’t really get the problem with cheating.

      Now, i get that betrayal is bad. But cheating is not always betrayal. Idk, it’s like saying “lying is bad”. No it’s not, not inherently. Same with cheating. sometimes it absolutely is a terrible thing to do. Sometimes it’s more complicated.

      And breaking up by text being better than knowingly flirting while still romantically engaged? Seriously? This sounds deranged to me. So… legalistic.

      1. Taffy

        We might be working with different definitions of “cheating”. I tend to view it as like, you have a relationship, let’s say it’s two people of some description, and any deliberately sexual or romantic contact is assumed to be kept within that relationship, with any such activity taking place outside of the relationship either being communicated clearly and explicitly permitted within it, or going into the territory of “cheating”, breaking the rules to gain some sort of personal advantage. So like, if Gina is fucking Todd (I know, Todd sucks, bear with me) exclusively, and they both agreed to that, and then Todd goes off and fucks Sam without clearing it with Gina, that’s a trespass of their rules, so cheating. In that model, the model I understand is fairly default here, it’s totally a betrayal.

        Now, other people aren’t so strictly single-target with their spicy feelings, and that’s A-OK. Maybe you’re married IRL and still do six-hour ERP sessions with strangers in an MMORPG and then tell your husband about it the next morning over breakfast, idk, but if that’s considered cheating (despite being an allowed activity), we get into weirder waters.

        1. milu

          No i mean.. I agree on your definition of cheating i guess… But like.. It’s just bodies doing a body thing??? Maybe your partner is hurt, but like… Talk about it? See what exactly it is that hurts them about it? Figure out why you did it, maybe it can help you realize there’s issues in your couple?

          Look, idk, i know I’m the weird one for not seeing it when pretty much everyone agrees that cheating is definitely bad no debate, but to me it’s just ‘one of those things” that happens between humans, and depending on the humans and where they’re at in their lives it can (for sure) be a cataclysmic dealbreaker; or like, a Tuesday. Idk i guess its a deeply personal thing for a lot of people, that’s just my perception.

          Also i shouldn’t have called the text thing “deranged” that’s mean and unproductive. Sorry. I’m actually legitimately interested in this conversation

        2. Aslan

          From my perspective, it’s part of the way monogamy has become the default in most communities when there are alternatives that exist and should be more normalized. For me and my partner, we were both explicit that exclusivity and monogamy were something we both wanted and agreed upon as part of the relationship. If either of us were to break that rule, that’s a clear violation of an agreement we made at the beginning of the relationship and that would be reasonable grounds for the other to end it. I don’t know if most people set those expectations explicitly or if exclusivity is just assumed, but we both know people in non-monogamous, non-exclusive relationships so we both made it clear that we wanted both monogamy and excluvivity.
          That said, to your point about talking about it and realizing there’s issues, if you’re going behind your partner’s back and engaging in intimate/sexual activities with another person, there doesn’t need to be a conversation to unveil that there’s something wrong. That level of deception is already an indication that there are issues in the relationship, because if you’re not willing or able to communicate with your partner and instead resort to infidelity, that’s a problem. Beyond societal expectations for fidelity and monogamy, there are serious health risks that could occur as a result that your partner has no way of protecting themselves against because they don’t know what’s happening (if you’re engaging in sexual activities with other people, mind, which is where I draw the line).
          To tie it off, I know my definition of cheating is different and that some people have, frankly, unreasonable expectations that border on abusive or controlling. However, to answer the question of “what’s the big deal,” my answer is that there is a level of trust in exclusivity that most people take for granted because of how monogamy exists in the world. Sometimes, the trust is made explicit, but not always. Beyond that, betraying that trust, especially in a way that could put you or your partner at risk for disease, is seen as a red flag.
          Like you said, it varies from person to person, some people are more flexible, some relationships have different boundaries, you clearly have your own strong opinions and boundaries around breaking-up via text and there’s nothing wrong with that either. I think monogamy should be seen as an option rather than the norm and that people should have the option to explore alternatives so long as everyone involved is consenting and that exclusivity should be established explicitly if that’s what people want.

        3. milu

          i replied to you and Taffy at the same time below, but i also want to say another thing; idk that i have strong feelings about text breakups necessarily, but i do find the overall reasoning very odd and alien.

          essentially this is the same problem i have a lot of the time with folk over here. i’m an anarchist and many people aren’t, is i think what’s going on. i don’t like (or trust, or want to be bound by) property laws, is my fundamental issue, and the framing of a relationship as a contractual obligation leads to reasonings that kind of amaze me, such as the idea that any kind of breakup, no matter how rushed and one-sided, is better than “cheating”.

          this makes sense within the contractual metaphor: a contract can be voided at any time (unless it contains provisions requiring advance notice) by either party; but breaching a contract while it is in force is an offense that might justify damage claims.

          do you see what i’m saying here?

          i realize no one literally thinks of their relationships as contracts. We are all able to use metaphors while also seeing that they are imperfect approximations. But the metaphor is still quite powerful. i think. unless i’ve been reading this whole discussion wrong from the start

        4. thejeff

          This makes sense to me.
          I do have pretty strong feelings about cheating, but I do agree that the legalistic approach of firing off a text to end things before actually doing the deed doesn’t matter. For me, the order here wouldn’t make a difference.
          Have sex with someone else, come home and break up with me or break up with me because you want to have sex with someone else, the emotional impact’s going to be about the same. And it’ll pale in comparison to finding out you’ve been doing it for awhile without telling me.

          This came up before after the Jacob/Joyce kiss, but I think you’ve laid it out better here than I saw it then. (Or was able to articulate it myself.)

        5. milu

          thanks! i appreciate that you took the time to agree with me <3
          cos i have strong intuitions here, but i feel like i'm groping in the dark trying to express them.

        6. BBCC

          Most break ups are one sided. That doesn’t make them invalid. If you’ve agreed to a monogamous relationship and you find you want to do something with someone else, you either talk about it and redefine the terms of your relationship or you break up. It’s not fair to betray your partner that way.

        7. milu

          okay, but consider: i have sex with someone other than my (exclusive) partner. then i tell them: “i cheated on you, sorry, guess that means you don’t want me anymore.”

          my partner might very well say “damn right, don’t ever look at me again”
          or, they might surprise me by going: “oh. well, why did you do that?”

          it might end up reinforcing the relationship. maybe! it happens! life is not a simple Y/N algorithmic tree. things are not written in advance, especially when it comes to intimate bonds between humans. if i care about the relationship i probably shouldn’t take that chance obviously, but like, it’s not black-and-white is maybe what i’m laboriously trying to express.

          and look, maybe i’m a sex addict? maybe i have a substance problem? maybe i’ve actually been pressured into sex and haven’t yet expressed that to myself so it comes out as “guess i cheated on you” the next day? maybe maybe maybe, fill in the blanks. cheating is complicated, sex is complicated, relationships are complicated idk???

          (i’m not trying to excuse cheating or secure The Internet’s go-ahead to cheat or whatever. i’m just bothered by the *framing* here. to me this is a conversation about semantics more than ethics proper, i think.)

        8. BBCC

          Sure, shit happens. Maybe you can work it out without breaking up, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong.

          And yeah, there’s lots of potentials, and context matters (as you say, if coercion is involved or you’re not safe to leave your partner and so aren’t really ‘willingly’ with them, etc.) and but in general, yeah, I’d say willingly cheating on your partner is wrong. General rules are helpful for most people and so yeah, it can end up being stated pretty strongly.

        9. Taffy

          I think see now, I guess I misunderstood. If I’m reading properly this time, it sounds like you kinda just don’t assign nearly as much severity to the act itself as other people are generally prone to? That makes sense to me, I do think the reactions are sort of overblown at times, and taken to the extreme, “cheating” can be anything from fucking a dozen guys behind a rest stop (doesn’t have to be guys) to looking in the vague direction of a person who coincidentally has a gender your partner knows you’re into, all treated with the exact same severity depending who you talk to. It can start to feel like everyone is shrieking and pissing their pants about a whole lot of not very much.

          As someone who’s crossed a line in that regard, I can’t exactly defend it to any degree with a straight face (not that my face (or any of me) is straight anyway), so I’m basically talking out of my ass here, but I think I can see where you’re coming from.

        10. milu

          Yeah i think it’s the normativity of it that rubs me the wrong way. Like, people acting like being either non-exclusive or kind of apathetic about “cheating” are the exception to the way that “us uh.. yknow, regular folks” do things.

          I think a more subtly normative aspect too, is the idea that you typically know what you want the boundaries of your relationship to be from the get go when i feel like i am constantly evolving the rules of the “contract” (if we have to call it that) that I’m committing to. It sounds like an unsafe and scary way to live maybe, but i’d rather rely on shared empathy and willingness to work things through than hard and fast rules. To each their own, i guess.

          And also, this is partly in response to @Aslan as well, i think I’m suspicious of the seemingly airtight logic of “if you’re messing around behind their back, that means there’s a preexisting problem that you needed to address”: despite should’s and ought’s, partners are typically unequal in relationships, especially straight ones; i think many situations deserve more careful attention than “whoever cheated is automatically the bad guy”.

          Finally the STI thing (@Aslan again) is, like, off-topic as far as I’m concerned. Of course endangering someone is bad. You shouldnt do that. If you fuck around you should do it safely. “What if the condom breaks” blah blah yes, if that, then deal accordingly idk what to tell you. That again falls in the category of “things that happen” among humans, and will be best addressed differently in different situations

        11. Yumi

          I don’t think the STI thing is really off-topic– if you’re putting someone at a risk in a way they’re not aware of, that’s bad, and it’s ALSO a concern that goes along with a partner cheating. It’s possible for someone to not know they have and STI, and for it to spread to someone they have sex with (even with a condom), and then get back to that person’s partner. And that’s something that happens in some cases, and it’s a risk that’s there even in some other cases where it doesn’t happen.

          Your reaction to your partner subjecting you to that risk without your knowledge is also part of what you might have feelings about; the intensity of those feelings will, of course, vary between people.

        12. milu

          For sure, all of this.

          I guess i meant not so much that it’s o/t as that i felt that they were making two separate arguments and i was only interested in arguing one of those.

          Of course my attempt at sorting Aslan’s argument into two separate points is itself debatable

      2. Yumi

        There’s a lot of really strong, blanket condemnation of cheating and those who do that you see go around. And I do get that people can be really hurt by cheating, and they’re of course entitled to their emotions. But there’s a range, yknow? Some people absolutely do use cheating as part of a pattern of abuse, and some people make a mistake, come clean, and accept the consequences. But statements like, “if you cheat, you’re garbage” are both harsh and covering both those types of people.

        I agree with the legalistic view of the text breakup suggestion. It also goes to an area that I feel technically counts as cheating but not in a way I feel any sort of moral way about. Like, if you haven’t formally broken up with your partner, but it’s what you’re doing the next time you talk to them… eh? Generally– if it’s safe to do so, legalistically possible, fitting with the terms of your relationship, etc– I think it’s better to break up in-person than over text. Rushing to get that out of the way before you kiss someone else honestly feels worse to me.

        I understand it’s going to be subjective, which would feel worse to an individual, but from that, I’m not sure why a certain way is treated as the default.

        1. Yumi

          *logistically possible, I mean

        2. milu

          yep yep. i think my answer to someone who says, “they cheated on me” (or for that matter “i cheated on them”) is not an automatic “omg that’s awful” but a more circumspect variation on “how did that make you feel?” because that’s what matters ultimately, not the facts of who did what to who.

          also, another “type” of person that’s all too often filed under “guilty party” are people who are in an abusive, isolating relationship that they don’t necessarily feel safe ending (and go where? sometimes the options are bad). what technically counts as “cheating” may be part of a coping or survival strategy. i don’t know how common or marginal this might be, but i’m wary of whose complicated stories get erased by blanket statements like “cheating bad”

    3. Raen

      Honestly, I thought they’d both taken it as read at this point that it was over? The drama here is that Billie’s boyfriend, whom she took on in part to feel “normal” and convince herself that her last two flings with women were just some sort of youthful rebellion, is about to jump into bed with a man.

      1. Taffy

        He literally just introduced himself. What, is he Captain Jack Harkness now, where it’s taken for granted that they’re gonna fuck within the hour?

        1. Raen

          Yes. (Although seriously, I don’t think we’d be seeing this exchange if there weren’t something about to happen that would raise red flags for Jennifer’s internalized meme that “bisexual is a porn term.” After all, both Ethan and Asher have doubtless had countless casual greetings between strips.)

    4. Bryy

      Given that Jennifer’s response to Ruth dating and dating a MAN was to goad her into physically assaulting her…. not great.

  20. BBCC

    This is either gonna be a complete trash fire or the next Amber/Mike and I dunno which and I dunno which I want. Damn you, Willis!

    1. Dante

      I mean, Amber/Mike was a trash fire. That was a pretty significant thing that happened. [/meme]

      Thus, Ethan/Asher being a horny, codependent mess of a trash fire that’s also the healthiest thing to ever happen…… Would REALLY spite Billiefer.

      1. BBCC

        Yeah but they ended up an epic endgame, so they beat the trash fire! 😀

        1. Dante

          I did add “healthiest thing” ;33 Amber and Mike were the kind of crazy that perfectly complemented each other. May Ethan and Asher be so fortunate.

          (We really need to get to know Asher now, isn’t it. Like for realsies.)

  21. Dday

    Wait, wasn’t Asher in on Blaine’s plan in some manner? Is that possibly how he knows about/recognizes Ethan?

    1. Sirksome

      He was blackmailed into creating an opportunity for Blaine by pulling a fire alarm. He never even saw who was getting kidnapped and only knew Amazi-girl was a target. He likely doesn’t know who was involved except through news and gossip.

      1. Chubsius

        Jennifer will be just about to dump him, but Asher will beat her to it and dump her first. Because that’s the scenario that will infuriate Jennifer the most, and Jennifer continually suffers the consequences of her own actions.

      2. Dday

        Yeah that sounds about right. Either way, if Ethan finds out Asher was helping Blaine, this ship’s gonna sink.

    2. HueSatLight

      I think he recognizes that Ethan is attractive. Blaine probably didn’t show him the dossier, if he found out about the abductees it’d probably be from the news. He may have known about Mike and Amazi-girl from cleaning up Blaine’s mess and Blaine.

    3. JBento

      As far as we know, the only thing Asher knew about Blaine’s plan was that he had to pull the fire alarm.

  22. Chaucer59

    So, you want a blowjob or what?

    1. milu

      “eh, sure”

      (@Dante)

      1. Dante

        OH WOW. I LOVE IT DHHFKEHE it’s beautiful ;AAA; Love Ethan’s expressions in the sequence, love the colors, super hot third panel!! ???

        1. milu

          hee hee thank you ?

      2. not someone else

        Holy fuck <3

  23. Jon

    Pfft yeah, okay Ethan. You really showed him.

  24. RacingTurtle

    This is a terrible ship. I am instantly onboard.

  25. Joe Moose

    [Careless Whisper continues to blares on the hijacked PA system]

  26. VanVelding

    In recognition of pride month, Asher may get some dick.

    1. VanVelding

      Amazing job, avatar algorithm. No notes.

  27. Dante

    Ethan is so depressed he cannot recognize when someone is actively flirting with him (like Booster did). This was subtle like the first of winter suns, of course he’d be like “kay” – Is that a bit of a smile on him or…? I can’t tell.

    (Gotta say, he looks pretty like this in a way the former model never did.)

    1. Angel

      well you’d have to be pretty self confident and get a read on the other person if you don’t know them well because other than like a person approaching a dressed up guy/gal at a bar or another place public but considered a place for socializing, i’d think someone briefly staring and then introducing themselves wouldn’t necessarily be flirting unless they follow it up with “i think you look nice, wanna get a drink?” or continuing more than just an introduction

      1. Chaucer59

        Most of my hookups with guys in college involved a lot of furtive glances, intermittent eye contact, and pointing the way with our eyes. Can’t recall ever giving anyone my name. Not much talking at in, in fact.

        1. Chaucer59

          “…talking at all, in fact.” *sigh*

    2. eh, whatever

      That’s flirting??? My reaction would be “why is this random stranger suddenly talking to me, what’s his problem?”

      1. Dante

        I mean. If we hadn’t seen literally anything about Asher before, I wouldn’t have thought it had any significance either.

        So I meant it as a “he was a never going to pick up the vibes here”, because… Staring, introduction, leaving? It’s out of the blue and super short

  28. HeatherJean

    Cool! Now kiss….

  29. Queezle

    This is going to be a train wreck.

    1. Clif

      We can hope.

  30. MickeeC

    Oh they fuckin’.

    1. Teddae

      *prozd voice*
      OH THEY FUHKIN

  31. laura

    Would anyone like to play a game?

    Today’s title text reads, “My parents hate that I smoke. I’m like, ‘Well, maybe you shouldn’t have named me Asher.'”

    How many other predictive names can we think of?

    For example:

    “My parents hate that I drink. Guess they shouldn’t have named me Ginny, then ”

    Or

    “My parents hate that I’m a banker. That’s what they get for naming me Penny.”

    Or

    “My parents hate how obsessed I get with clocks. That’s what they get for naming me ‘little Ben’.”

    Or

    “My parents hate how many folks I date all the time. Too bad they named me ‘Dick’ then, I guess.”

    Does that pattern make sense?

    How many examples can you come up with?

    1. laura

      “My parents hate how I always want to go lift weights, instead of doing my homework. I’m like, ‘Well, in that case, how come you named me Jim?'”

      …Any takers?

      1. NGPZ

        “my parents hate that i do weed, well i guess they shouldn’t have named me Mary Jane”

        XD sorry i really tried

        1. Laura

          Of course!

      2. Dante

        I swear I’m trying to find some but I can only think of

        “My parents hate I’m a waitress at the maid cafe – but then again, they did name me Catherine.”

        1. Laura

          Ooh, esoteric!

      3. Rabid Rabbit

        “My parents hate that I love to sew because I’m a guy and they think it makes me gay, and I’m like ‘Well, you shoudln’t have called me Taylor then, should you?'”

        “My parents hate that I’m so competitive and approach everything in life from the viewpoint of beating someone else, and I’m all ‘Well, you shouldn’t have called me Victor then, should you?'”

        “My parents hate that I spend all my time getting laid. Shouldn’t have called me Randy, should they?” (Note: this one doesn’t work in North America.)

        “My parents were horrified to discover I’m a sub, but really, they called me Neil, what did they expect?”

        “My parents think I should be nicer to the people I manage, but they’re the ones who called me Hector.”

        “My parents could never believe I turned to a life of crime, and yet they called me Rob.”

        “My parents can’t get over how I just sort of smile whenever things don’t turn out right. What did they expect, naming me Riley?”

        “My parents hate the idea that I want to be a cartoonist, but they called me Drew.”

        I could probably go on…

        1. Taffy

          Randy works in North America, or at least the USA.

          I don’t get the one about Riley at all, though.

        2. NGPZ

          Speaking of which, when’s the last time we got to see Riley in comic anyway?

        3. BBCC

          Randy works for Canada too.

        4. Yumi

          Yeah, same reaction here. Best guess is it’s referencing the phrase “life of Riley”? Which to be honest, I never really got.

        5. Peep

          I think it’s a pun on ‘wryly’

        6. Taffy

          Oh yeah, that’s a word and not just a sound effect for hitting people with steamrollers.

        7. milu

          Neil ?

        8. Laura

          O! M! G!

          AMAZING!

    2. Dante

      “Why, way back in the day, my parents hated I always made it as Grand Marshal at Pride – Like they didn’t call me Gaylord themselves!”

      1. Laura

        Oh, yeah!

    3. milu

      My parents hate how sarcastic i am, Shirley they asked for it though
      My parents hate that i keep suing people, shouldnta called me Sue
      My parents hate that I’m a hairdresser, shouldnta called me Delilah
      My parents hate it when i hurt, shouldnta called me Dolores
      My parents hate that me and my siblings are all musicians, shouldnta called us Remi, Sol, Domi and Sido, like, come on. That’s super on the nose.
      My parents hate that i’m a neoclassical architect, shouldnta called me Pilar
      My parents hate how frank i am, but guess what they called me
      My parents hate how much i eat, shouldnta called me Phil
      My parents hate that my name is ridiculous, shouldnta called me Spoonqueef
      My parents hate that kids keeping kicking me, shouldnta called me Kickmelol
      My parents hate me, shouldnta called me anything and just put me up for adoption
      My parents hate that I’m an anarchist, shouldnta called me “A cab” as a joke
      My parents hate that i moved to France and came out as trans, shouldnta called me Jean
      My parents hate that i don’t get how jokes work, shouldnta called me Stephanie!!! Hahaha!!!…???!

    4. Gwyn

      My parents hate that I’m so hot, shouldn’t a called me summer.

      My parents hate that I touch their heads so often. Shouldn’t a called me Pat.

      My parents hate that I run so much. Shouldn’t a called me river.

      My parents hate that I babble so much. Shouldn’t a called me Brook.

      My parents hate that I’m always hauling stuff around. Shouldn’t a called me Carter.

      My parents hate how loud I am. Shouldn’t a called me Mike.

      1. Gwyn

        My parents hate that I’m lighter than air. Shouldn’t have called me Rose.

        My parents hate that I hang out with so many pushy people. Shouldn’t have called me Daisy.

        My parents hate that I play a string instrument. Shouldn’t have called me Viola.

        My parents wish I didn’t destroy balloons so quickly. Shouldn’t have called me Poppy.

        My parents hate that I became a phlebotomist. Shouldn’t have called me Ivy.

        My parents hate that I contain dinosaur DNA. Shouldn’t have called me Amber.

        1. Laura

          I am in awe. Simply in awe.

      2. Laura

        That’s the stuff!

    5. AndaR

      “My parents despise that I’m satanist, they should have thought about that before calling me Damon”

      Also works with: “If my parents really didn’t want me to end up as a hiper religious person, they shouldn’t have call me Christian”

      Sorry for weirdly christian-centric ones, but my son is literally called Christopher and I’m seeing myself in this picture and don’t like it

      1. a/snow/mous/e

        “My parents want me to stop crucifying people; shouldn’t have named me Christoffer” badum tss

        1. Laura

          Ka-POW!

        2. BarerMender

          If my parents didn’t want me hanging around public restrooms, they shouldn’t have called me John.

        3. Laura

          Ooohhh… a triple pun!

      2. Laura

        Hmmm… I see your point!

    6. Roborat

      My parents hate that I am a long distance swimmer, even though I am a quadriplegic. Guess they shouldn’t have called me Bob.

      1. Laura

        The piece de resistance!

  32. Angel

    LOL i don’t think ethan is even in a state of mind to rly ‘hookup’ unless he gets drunk first but who knows maybe it’ll be a good friendship

  33. Victor Riley

    Wait until Ethan finds out that that’s the guy that betrayed Sal when she robbed that Liquor store that traumatized him twice (when he was held hostage and when seeing his friend violently stab her in the hand). It’s like everyone that crosses paths with the friend group is somehow inexplicably connected to them from the deep past. Funny how that works out.

  34. AbacusWizard

    The ’kay that launched a thousand ships

    1. milu

      ??✨️

  35. LIGHTWEIGHT BAYBEE

    i’ll be honest
    not the biggest fan of emo parker ethan

  36. Needfuldoer

    Is this the first time Asher’s surname has been confirmed in-comic?

    1. Nono

      Surnames that have been confirmed in-comic are, I think: Joyce, Walky, Sal, Dorothy, Joe, Jennifer, Amber, Ethan, Mike, Becky, Ruth, Carla, Malaya, Roz, Robin, Leslie, Lucy, Booster, Asher.

      No Sal or Dina, I think.

      Danny was confirmed by proxy (Dorothy’s parents mentioned seeing ‘the Wilcoxes’), as was Jacob (Carla said ‘hi Mr. Williams’ to his brother). Jason’s was indirect (he referred to his father as ‘Chesterfield’).

      1. ischemgeek

        Dina has had hers confirmed, and Sal is Walky’s twin so it’s probably safe to assume her surname is the same as his.

        1. Nono

          Whoops, I meant Sarah, not Sal.

        2. milu

          Sarah Clinton, Dina Saruyama
          Marcie?
          Mary?

        3. milu

          Raidah?

        4. HueSatLight

          Mary Bradford, same last name as the cop that killed Blaine. (she’s not from Bloomington, though)

        5. BBCC

          Marcie’s is Diaz, Mary’s is Bradford and Raidah’s is Rasheed iirc.

        6. a/snow/mous/e

          Were those confirmed in DoA though, or just assumed from Walkyverse? Just curious

        7. elfroyalty

          dina’s last name in the walkyverse was actually sarazu! it was changed in doa to be a real name while still maintaining the pun – kind of like how Ruth-Anne Lesse became Ruth Lessick

          all the characters’ full names are on their character profiles so they are canon, even if they haven’t been explicitly stated in-comic.

      2. HueSatLight

        Sally Elizabeth Walkerton

  37. Jim Campbell

    Boyfriend-twins. It’s a thing.

  38. CrazyJ

    “I’m Asher Park and I’m putting together a crew”. *upbeat Jazz starts playing in the background*

  39. Raen

    You know, this comic has pictures, and words, but all I can see is a slow-motion trainwreck.

  40. JoyceisGoingtoHeck

    This college has the highest queer rate per capita

    1. Serendipity

      It really doesn’t.

    2. Taffy

      There’s like six gay people in the cast.

      1. HueSatLight

        Bryan, Thad, Eric, Tom, Manny. and who else?

    3. UnDrewsual

      Every time someone says that, Willis creates a new queer character.

    4. not someone else

      Have you been at any college

  41. Aslan

    BRING ON THE DISASTER BOYFRIENDS

  42. Amós Batista

    Asher and Ethan, pillow talking:
    – That was great.
    – Ethan, I need to tell you something.
    – What?
    – Peharps I’m considering be still with Jennifer, even she’s treting me badly. I have feeling for her, after all.
    – Don’t worry, it’s ok for me. Let’s not make this a thing.
    – Also, I helped kidnaped you, with help of some guys, including Blaine, that killed your friend Mike.
    – …
    – …
    – …
    – … ass?

    1. milu

      i’m confused (me, milu) (not continuing the dialogue) (just being confused by the concluding line) (is Asher saying “ass?”?) (what does that mean is that a reference to something)

      1. Yumi

        Yeah, like is he calling Asher an ass? Is he asking for Asher’s ass? Did a donkey suddenly appear in the room? We’ve made this word too versatile.

        1. milu

          By counting dashes I think it’s implied it’s Asher who is asking “ass” (or being baffled at the sudden donkey) after a long moment of silence

        2. Yumi

          Ah, yes, possibly. Someone could have taking two turns, as well. They could be tracing pictures on the other person’s back with their fingers, and it’s Asher turn to guess, and he thinks Ethan drew an ass. We just don’t know.

          (Though now, my guess would be that there’s an awkward silence following Asher’s admission, which Asher then breaks with the suggestion of more sex.)

        3. milu

          We just don’t know! it may very well be that they had a show on in the background (“netflix and chill”), and in that show someone just blurts out the word “ass” to break an awkward silence after they’ve dropped something momentous that left the other character speechless, and Asher is like, “did he just say ‘ass’?”

        4. Amós Batista

          ahaha yes

  43. nicoleandmaggie

    I admit, the hover-text made me snort.

  44. Taffy

    Ethan needs to stop vandalising wikis and maybe eat something iron-rich. The poor kid looks like he’s about to crumple into 17 distinct folds.

    1. bcb

      Do we know if he vandalizes wikis in the Dumbiverse or is that just a Walkyverse thing?

      1. Taffy

        I don’t know jack or squat about the Walkyverse, but I do know the kid needs a bath.

      2. Neeks

        Iirc Mike joined him in online Transformers discourse to woo him, so if not the wiki, then something along those lines.

  45. Bryy

    Now for the three year wait for them to actually hook up.

  46. RoyanRannedos

    Remember kids: heys lead to ‘kays.

  47. Juanoku

    Oh this’ll end well…

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