Huff
Posted on September 15, 2016 by David M Willis

320 thoughts on “Huff”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “I *knew* I should’ve gotten the self-destructing model!”

    1. Opus the Poet

      That’s the new Samsung, out of Amber’s price range. Mine too just for reference.

      1. mister gray

        actually if she can get to a computer fast enough she can go to her settings, lock the phone and erase the data on it, she might lose her fav pics and such but it would help protect her identity.

        1. Walky_Talky

          Would she also lose all that smut……er, i mean……fanfic that she’s been writing?

        2. Disloyal Subject

          Only of she’s been thumbtyping it on that tiny widdle screen and neglecting to back it up online.
          So… probably, actually. Even aside from her sporadic access to her room and computer when she’s patrolling, there’s something about a smartphone that seems to be way better for hammering out smut. Probably the implicit spontaneity and need for both hands; at a computer it’s too easy to get distracted.

        3. nkh

          You know, cell phone novels (a practice originating in Japan) are actually a thing.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cell_phone_novel

        4. DCHorror

          I apparently needed this information in my life. Thank you.

        5. DCHorror

          No sarcasm, by the way. Totally sincere, though I’m aware saying that makes it sound insincere.

      2. Bicycle Bill

        It’s the ‘kill switch’, actually.  Samsung just shouldn’t have listened to the designer who suggested “Kill It with Fire”.

        1. Opus the Poet

          +1

        2. Hrafn

          Somebody was obviously taking “Halt and Catch Fire” a tad too literally. 😉

    2. Aeron

      The Note 7 JUST NOW came out, jeez, you can’t expect a college student to go through phones like that.

  2. miados

    yeah wants to do good but not be associated with people around her. makes total sense.

    1. Stu

      I think it’s more that she, as a lesbian woman, wouldn’t want to be caught openly at a campaign rally for a candidate who is PUBLICLY against gay marriage (even if there might be personal chemistry).

      1. qlx

        I think she’s also not supposed to be at partisan rallies on campus, as she’s a professor and that might cause strife within the classroom

  3. AnvilPro

    Why isn’t Jessica listed in the tags? What was her role in the original comics before her debut in this universe?

    1. Cedrick

      I hope you are kidding… That’s obviously Leslie…

      1. samae

        sure? because she said her name was jessica?why would leslie say that?

        1. miados

          you mean people would do that? lie on the internet? i mean real life……. yeah….. i mean nobody would lie at a political rally right?

        2. Dean

          Guys, Jessica is obviously the name of the sign.

        3. Fart Captor

          Why would Leslie even be there to say it?! She would never go to a political rally for a republican! That’s crazy talk!

        4. Bagge

          #desantohugehonkers

          NO, I MEAN, TO FORM AN OPINION ABOUT CURRENT POLITICAL AFFAIRS AND SHOW HER SUPPORT FOR A FEMALE POLITICAL ROLE MODEL EVEN IF SHE DOESN’T AGREE WITH HER POLITICS.

        5. Orion Fury

          #RelativeSize?

        6. Oberon

          She wouldn’t, unless she missed out on the doughnuts. And that will be her undoing!

        7. BagFaceMan

          Not the donuts! You monster!

    2. Jay Eff

      Jessica isn’t in the tags because she isn’t real.
      It’s an alias for “Heddy Roe Sexual.” Who’s totally a real character.

      1. Bicycle Bill

        “That’s HEDLEY!!”

        1. Bicycle Bill

          And if I had read *ALL* the comments before posting….

      2. trlkly

        Huh. In effort to figure out the reference, I type it into Google. It came back Hetty Rose Sexual.

        Yes, I know what it means, but there’s clearly some Hedley joke I’m missing.

        1. Fart Captor

          You apparently need to go watch Blazing Saddles.

        2. Willoughby Chase

          Just for your name, you have to watch it.

        3. Steven Fisher

          Fart Captor’s comment applies to everyone.

        4. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          trlkly is only pawn in game of life.

        5. trlkly

          It’s been forever since I saw it, and I was cuddling with a cute girl at the time.

    3. Tandel

      I, too, was disappointed by the missed opportunity.

    4. JepMZ

      Because it’s blasphemous

  4. Wheelpath

    Well played mouse-over text, well played

    1. Doctor_Who

      That’s Hedley!

      1. Doctor_Who

        Rats, Leorale beat me too it by a minute.

        1. Leorale

          huff huff
          You comment good

  5. Dana

    Uh, yay leslie?

  6. Leorale

    @alttext: That’s HEDLEY

    1. David M Willis

      mooooooo

    2. Jay Eff

      “What the hell are you worried about? This is 1874. You’ll be able to sue her. “

  7. Cattleprod

    My name is Les… sign. Lesign. It’s French.

  8. Fart Captor

    OH THANK FUCKING GOD

    1. Fart Captor

      Oh hell I just noticed the complete lack of confidence in AG’s eyes in panel 5.

      Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

    2. Gwen

      Amazigirl doesn’t sound that confident that her phone actually *was* locked. Unless you were referring to something else…

  9. David Herbert

    Screenlocked, unless it hadn’t powered down in the time between Amber dropping it and him picking it up.

    Someone should go check and see if he’s heading for Joyce now.

  10. Benjy

    … It’s not screen locked, is it.

    1. S P A C I N G

      Of course it is she definitely doesn’t look like she’s screaming internally

      1. Fart Captor

        EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY FINE, OKAY

        1. Cerberus

          Nothing to see here… (hyperventilating panic sounds)

        2. Fart Captor

          …JUST GONNA *HUUUFFF* …LIE DOWN FOR A MOMENT *WHEEZ* …BECAUSE I’M SO CALM!

          *fwump*

        3. Disloyal Subject

          I guess that’s one way to cope, but this is probably one of a vanishingly tiny selection of times when “PUNCH THE FUCKER REALLY HARD” is an acceptable and productive means of venting. It would be a shame to waste it.

      2. Orion Fury

        Becky’s is still one of my favorites.

    2. Dean

      Amber is frantically trying to remember whether she locked her phone, or if the screen locks automatically. And is it after 30 or 60 seconds? She spent 40 minutes deciding between wallpaper images, why didn’t she even glance at the lock settings?

  11. Mr. Mendo

    That girl looks like Mary. Coincidence? I think not!

    1. (((Mkvenner)))

      Well they are both morally bankrupt hypocrites.

      1. wwwhhattt

        So we know she’s a hypocrite? I mean, maybe she’s fine with being terrible.

        1. (((Mkvenner)))

          She works in politics being a hypocrite is kind of job requirement.

    2. trlkly

      She does. At first I thought that maybe Mary was actually helping out the party. Then I remembered how much she hated Robin.

      Like I said below, I forgot about the existence of Frieda.

  12. Alopex

    Jessica isn’t in the tags. Guess she’s just a one off character.

    1. Idontcarenomore

      She is Leslie.

      1. Paradoxius

        She pretty clearly said her name was Jessica.

        1. Sazazezer

          To be fair the continuity of the strip can be a little inconsistent, so i wouldn’t be surprised if it was both Leslie and Jessica.

          I mean, we’ve got both Amazi-Girl and Sal in the same panel at the same time, and that’s obviously wrong.

    2. trlkly

      Apparently a ton of Twitter users didn’t get that you were joking.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        The Internet’s reserves of cluelessness cannot be overestimated.

  13. Train Moblin

    Amazi-Girl’s phone is screen-locked, touch-locked, breath-locked, and mind-locked, her folder labeled “Ships” Is even more secure than that

    1. Doctor_Who

      Nah, the ships ARE the security. She wrote software so anyone who wants to access her phone must read hundreds of pages of fanfics, and then answer questions at the end to get in.

      When they get to Ryan, he’ll be a drooling mess, just babbling over and over “But WHY would Starscream fall in love with Windblade, it makes no sense! And I’m pretty sure energon is not useful as a lubricant!“

      1. Train Moblin

        To get into her tumblr you need to do an entirely different test with even more questions, the real kicker, her direct link is her barely used side blog, you need another one to get to the TRUE TUMBLR

  14. TheWrathAbove

    Oh thank God. The screenlock is there. What would we have done without it.

  15. AutobotDen

    Uh-huh. Sure, Leslie.

    AG, you are nine kinds of dumbass, but DeSanto is twice that.

    1. Kamino Neko

      While I agree Robin’s a dumbass, she’s not here to be dumbassy, so I don’t know why she’s being brought up.

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        It’s her rally. Political rallys attract all insults toward the politician. Politicians do that normally, but political rallys kick it up to eleven. I believe it’s an attempt to interfere with the usual blind loyalty.

        Umm… wait, that almost sounded serious…

        1. Orion Fury

          I thought you were until I read the last line, Sarge.

  16. Stephen R. Bierce

    I’m still expecting Ryan to run into something. An act of God. Old Testament God. Aimed at his old testament.

    1. tim gueguen

      Marcie?

      1. Leorale

        A previous comic specifically set up that security might arrive.
        It’s unclear whether Sal followed AG’s suggestion though.

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-7/01-glower-vacuum/cocked/

        1. Fart Captor

          It seemed more like it was setting up their intention of staying out if it to me.

        2. Andy

          Given Sal’s disdain for Marcie’s security job and authority in general, I think it’s very unlikely.

        3. Amazi-Stool

          But security already did arrive in the previous comic!
          Frieda: Why aren’t you stopping this?
          Security: i’unno, it’s Amazi-Girl

    2. (((Mkvenner)))

      Or Sarah and her bat.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        The difference is…
        [[aviator shades]]
        …academic.

    3. TlalocW

      I’d like for it to be Mike. I believe he’d punch a guy out even if it was the right thing to do… cuz he likes punching.

    4. SgtWadeyWilson

      So am I wrong in translation of the last bit, or did you just imply that “Old Testament God” is a dick god?

      Mostly wondering because it seems like a good description(in more ways than one), and honestly, lots of deities(or alternate incarnations thereof) would deserve it.

      If it was intentional, I believe the custom is to grant you an internet?

      1. Lipke the Articulate

        Well, Stephen was probably referencing this.
        While I’m no expert on the art of jokemaking, I would assume that Sarah said that because the Old Testament God could be described as… vengeful, to put it lightly.

        1. Lipke the Articulate

          It seems I messed up the link, here: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/06-yesterday-was-thursday/oldtestament/

        2. SgtWadeyWilson

          I know that bit. It was the “Aimed at his old testament.” bit that I was questioning

        3. Lipke the Articulate

          …YES! I knew that. Definitely didn’t misunderstand you at all.

          Aaaaaat aaaaaaall.

        4. Emperor Norton II

          That’s it, you have to sit in the internet penalty box for ten seconds and think about what you’ve done!

        5. Stephen R. Bierce

          I was also using my Double Entendre powers to reference a monologue from Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. Specifically the Rabbi’s lecture on Jonah.

    5. maxyai

      A new euphemism? Come to the bedroom and I’ll show you my “Old Testament.”

      1. Neeks

        So THAT’S why all hotel rooms have Bibles in the drawers.*

        *It’s not. I know there’s a different reason. That was the joke.

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          *Snickers.*

          “Bibles in the drawers” now also sounds like a euphemism.

        2. Disloyal Subject

          Hopefully they aren’t too abridged.

        3. SgtWadeyWilson

          I believe getting a hardcover copy is aslo important.

        4. Disloyal Subject

          What’s it need a cover for if you make sure you’re clean before reading?

        5. SgtWadeyWilson

          (Damn, should’ve gone with hardback.)
          Before? I hear people pray while they’re reading, often loudy. After enough reading, one should achieve… purity.

          (I think I’m out. I’m surprised I got this far, being a Pagan who really hasn’t read any holy book.)

        6. DonDueed

          The cover prevents unplanned bindings.

        7. a snow ʍousɐ

          That’s more of a cover sleeve

        8. Orion Fury

          It reminds you to be on your knees and also be missionary?

        9. Historyman68

          Do hotel rooms have Snickers in them now?

        10. Roborat

          I suspect the customers might be upset with a hamster running around the room.

        11. Fart Captor

          Its too bad dorms don’t allow pets. With DoA’s timescale, snkrs would be effectively immortal

        12. David M Willis

          In some very early Dumbing of Age brainstormings, I gave Joyce Snkrs as a pet. That’s why a photo of him can be seen on her dorm wall sometimes (their dorm wall was the very first thing drawn), but this was later replaced with one of Dorothy.

        13. thejeff

          Just because dorms don’t allow pets, doesn’t mean people don’t have pets in dorms.
          Friend of mine had ferrets.

        14. David M Willis

          Yes, but this is Joyce. Joyce is not exactly a lawbreaker. It took her 18 years to say a bad word.

        15. Fart Captor

          Ooo, but I’ll bet that wouldn’t stop Malaya

        16. David M Willis

          Oh, Malaya definitely has Fartface somewhere.

        17. Kamino Neko

          She probably lets Fartface board in Lucy’s bed. L’d be too nice to get Malaya in trouble, so she’d have to share her bed with an grumpy lizard.

        18. Fart Captor

          Both of them deliberately hog more than their share of the living space, but are constantly frustrated by Lucy failing to notice or mind

        19. Fart Captor

          How the hell do you hide ferrets in a dorm room? Unless those were the most lazy, well-behaved ferrets of all time I don’t see how it would be possible

        20. thejeff

          It helped that there was one RA for the (small) dorm and he rarely made it up to the 3rd floor.

        21. motorfirebox

          What’s really funny about that is the hotel Bibles are often just the New Testament…

        22. Joe Archer

          But who reads past page one?

  17. Mandy

    I wish we could comment gifs, I’d definitely add one of Li Shang saying “You.. You fight good.” XD

    1. Bicycle Bill

      You can always post a link.

  18. Foxhack

    Yeah, that’s Amber creeping out from Amazi-Girl. That’s her panic right there.

  19. leafirebender

    TRACK THAT PHONE

  20. S P A C I N G

    Pitt of course It’s screen locked why wouldn’t it be haha (internally screaming)

  21. Retrikaethan

    DAMNIT, AMAZIGIRL! LEARN SOME LESSONS FROM VIDEOGAMES! PRIORITIES, DAMNIT! PRIORITIES! RAGGLE FRAGGLE! /rant

  22. Leorale

    I love the shoutout to Jake Manley. Who was Frieda?

    1. Lipke the Articulate

      “My interns!” lady, I think.

      1. Leorale

        You’re right, but I mean in the previous comic world.

        1. Cheshrin

          According to Walkypedia, she was a Shortpacked customer; specifically, the one who made the “oh, if it doesn’t scan, does that mean it’s free lololol” joke to Amber and, later on, Sydney.

      2. trlkly

        It throws me because, to me, she kinda looks like Mary. Then I thought it was DeSanto, just without her glasses. I somehow had forgotten about the existence of Frieda.

        1. Fart Captor

          Geez, Robin is MUCH more adorable than that

        2. Disloyal Subject

          Also less pale, and less inclined to dress like an ornery lemon.

        3. trlkly

          FC: Well, yeah. But I couldn’t think of anyone else it could be.

  23. Shiro

    1.) God, AG, you don’t seem very sure about that. I hope hope hope you’re right.
    2.) Ahhh, and here comes the villainization from the party. That was always coming.
    And 3.) most importantly, dammit Willis, that first panel is grade A ship bait. Do not make me ship these two, there are obvious reasons why that wouldn’t go well >:c

  24. Lipke the Articulate

    Panel One:
    MUTUAL

    RESPECT

  25. Just Me

    Alright ladies, now might be a good time to make a run for it and try to catch up to Ryan.

    1. inqntrol

      And beat the crap out of him as well.

  26. Opus the Poet

    “in the tank”? I’m going to be 58 in a week and I don’t think I have ever heard this particular slur.

    1. Shiro

      I don’t think it’s a slur, afaik it only means that she thinks AG is supporting the other guy. It’s slightly disparaging maybe, but not offensive.

    2. Viktoria

      Not a slur, it basically means that AG is a blatant supporter of Manley and is working to get him elected on the DL.

    3. DSL

      It’s meant to =sound= disparaging and dismissive. The way “liberal!” is meant to sound like a swear word, with no further clarification needed among the faithful. Or Yosemite Sam calling Bugs Bunny a “fur-bearin’ critter.”

    4. Big Box

      Is it a reference to Dukakis? Though there wasn’t anyone ‘in the tank’ with him, so maybe not.

      1. Dellaran

        No, it just generally means “has already decided”. It’s usually used to describe someone who is supposed to be neutral, like a referee, but isn’t

    5. Orion Fury

      Oddly enough I read it ‘on the take’ at first. I had to go back and reread it to see that.

  27. Shade

    No one asked Jessica, geeze.

  28. Deimir

    Wait, why is Leslie tagged? I can’t find her. Is she hiding behind that Jessica person?

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Jessica is really Mystique shapeshifted into Leslie’s form.

      1. Deimir

        I will accept this without any further investigation. Thank you.

        1. Deimir

          Oops, apparently I used a different email address than my usual when I posted the earlier comment from my phone.

  29. DRA2840

    Now it’s time to track that phone… You may not have a name, but you may have a address… Not the best case scenario, but it’s something.

  30. Tacos

    Even if it’s screenlocked I’m sure there are ways to get around it.

    1. trlkly

      This is actually the direction I was thinking about yesterday. The phone is an older model. There may be exploits. If he has the right friends.

      Alternatively, it was locked, but he counts on her not knowing if it was and pushes some sort of blackmail. Though how he would contact her, I don’t know.

  31. Kernanator

    But the real question is, Is she doing a Christian Bale voice?

    1. Jay Eff

      But, of course!

    2. Disloyal Subject

      The navy speech bubbles confirm so. Ethan and Danny talked to each other about it.

      1. Kernanator

        I was talking about Leslie Jennifer.

    3. Willoughby Chase

      I like to think she’s a James Mason impersonator. Now he could do suave villainy.

    4. Willoughby Chase

      Blackadder meets The Shadow: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL-NNWoblxI

  32. miados

    i hope she has some form of password to prevent people getting into the phone.

    1. Fart Captor

      She must, or else it wouldn’t matter if it was locked. She doesn’t seem certain it’s actually locked, though.

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      The password is 12345.

      1. miados

        the password is….. password.

      2. A Scientist

        12345? That’s the kind of password an idiot would have on his luggage!

        1. Disloyal Subject

          12345? What a coincidence! That’s the same password I have in my luggage!

        2. Orion Fury

          Better go change the combination on my luggage.

    3. caesaria82

      Her password would so be ‘IhateSal’ or something to that effect, because underneath the mask she’s a broken little dork, bless her.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        Not Sal. Never her.

    4. EvolutionistX

      Amber is a competent person with an understanding of passwords, so I assume her password is actually decent, like BatmanXRobinSlashFic.

      1. Neeks

        Huh. Would a long string of ship names actually be a decent password? I feel like even if you knew all a person’s ships, it would still take a while to figure out the order…

        1. Amake

          My uncle’s password clue is “To boldly go”.

          Sounds really obvious, doesn’t it. Even my uncle thought so, until we had to use his laptop while he was sleeping. Then my cousin and I wasted three hours trying to think of different Star Trek references and ways to spell them.

        2. a snow ʍousɐ

          It wasn’t just “WhereNoManHasGoneB4” or something?

        3. Amake

          I never found out. >_>

        4. Orion Fury

          ALongTimeAgo?

        5. ety

          2TheBathroom?

  33. 6Qubed

    who, me? oh, I’m Reba Publican, which is a perfectly generic and unassuming name

  34. nerothewriter

    (Super generic announcer voice) Traumedy! Suspense! Was it really screen locked!? I don’t know either! Tune in next time for the answer! Hopefully. There might be a flashback. Or a cut scene. I just started this job. Tune in next time!

  35. darkoneko

    Hi lesbean !

  36. Romanticide

    I like that Leslie manages to be helpful even when she is trying to hide XD

    1. Fart Captor

      I’m guessing she’ll see Amber at some point later and immediately figure it out

  37. Derek

    Oh ok, so I got proven wrong about Ryan using similar tactics to get to Amber as Blaine did, I’m glad honestly.

    I gotta admire Sal for cooling down so quickly, I mean it was only minutes ago that Amazi-girl and the crowd were about to beat her (or try to) and now Sal after this fight with rapists/friends-of-rapists she’s rather calmly assessing the situation.
    Maybe it’s ironic but Sal is very qualified to be a police officer.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Even Evil Has Standards.

      1. Some1

        plus Blaine has known Amber her whole life, giving him much more insight on how to manipulate her.

  38. spriteless

    Amber can force printers to print code even when it is impossible. She should be able to hunt down Ryan.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Maybe she could track it or something.

  39. Fart Captor

    I have to say, Leslie’s presence here is making me unreasonably happy and I don’t know why.

    1. Lipke the Articulate

      Before I read Shortpacked!, I would just look at this comment, be like “meh whatevs”, and continue.
      Now?
      LESLIE’S PRESENCE MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER

  40. Some1

    What’s the appropriate response after knocking out three dudes through lots of punches? Do you call paramedics?

    1. Opus the Poet

      repeatedly kicking them in the crotch to ensure they don’t reproduce.

    2. Lipke the Articulate

      Depends on their Douchebag Level.
      0-3- Apply first aid, call an ambulance.
      3-5- Call an ambulance, leave.
      5-8- Leave.
      8-10- Kick ’em while they’re down, make sure they feel it when they wake up.

      Now, if Ryan was sitting there, it’d most certainly be a full 10. Those three are douchebags for sure, but I’d only rate them an 8. It’s completely up to Amazi-Girl and Sal to choose an option.

      1. Fart Captor

        How much of their blood do they really need, anyway? They can’t need ALL of it

        1. Lipke the Articulate

          Yeah, I mean their precious dudebro that they got knocked out defending lost a bunch of HIS blood and HE’S still walking, right? They can lose at LEAST as much as him.

      2. Some1

        It doesn’t matter what there douchbag level is. If Amber (or anyone) wants to be a superhero, she can only attack people who are immediate threats or need to be apprehended because if some crime. (Even this should be done as peacefully as possible.) Beating on already defeated enemies would be akin to police brutality.

        1. Lipke the Articulate

          Dude, chill. ’twas a joke.

          However, brutality or no, if it was, hypothetically, someone like Ryan, I wouldn’t care if he was out cold- I’d kick him in the dick ’til there was no dick to kick. Of course, I don’t want to be a superhero.

        2. Fart Captor

          ”Mercy is the mark of a great man”

          *kick*

          ”Maybe I’m just a good man”

          *kick*

          ”Well, I’m alright”

          *kick* *splorch*

          *shrugs*

        3. Lipke the Articulate

          Exactly!

      3. Disloyal Subject

        Ryan is awful, but even he’s not a 10. I think he needs at least 30% more smarm to qualify. He is, however, a top-tier asshole.
        Pray that we never see a Level Ten.

        1. Orion Fury

          No one should ever go full 10.

        2. Lipke the Articulate

          If an attempted rapist isn’t a 10… who is?
          Like, is that a spot reserved for Hitler and other genocidal dictators?

        3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          There is Evil, and then there is Epic Level Evil.

        4. ety

          It’s a logarithmic scale. Sort of like the Richter scale.

    3. SeanR

      From the last comic, her phone SHOULD be locked. It was closed when the subhuman picked it up and ran with it. If it locks at all, it should have locked when it was closed.

      That said, it may not lock. My last flip didn’t.

      1. Fart Captor

        It’s not a flip phone! It’s a smartphone with something like this, only built in!

    4. Reltzik

      Move on, because they’re mooks and they’re down and they’re not important any more.

      There’s lots of people here, and they’re all of the moral-upstanding-righteous-citizen variety. Surely none of them would just stand by witnessing a violent assault on one of their own and fail to call for medical assistance!

      1. Lailah

        You call an ambulance, yes. Because ^ invites the Bystander Effect.

  41. Cerberus

    Comic Reactions:

    Panel 1: It’s very nice to see that paranoia and obsession about Sal really fully leave AG. Like, Sal is still likely to trigger both her alters, I mean, that’s just how triggers tend to operate. But it looks like she’s not going to let that twist what she wants to be. At this point, it looks like she’s fully off her bad road and that can only mean good things.

    And for Sal, the excuse to let loose again, instead of just internalizing all the bullshit probably felt good. Especially as this time she’s not being shat on for playing the hero.

    Panel 3: Oh fuck ohfuck our public image! Get in front of the spin, quick, obfuscate! Obfuscate! Amazi-girl’s fists can’t melt steel beams.

    Panel 4: Welp, fuck. Law of drama says there’s no way he doesn’t get some sort of identifying information off of that, so I’mma guess Rapist Ryan is about to get a stalker add-on to complete his Shitstain Set.

    Panel 5: AG looks like she’s frantically trying to remember how long she set the screenlock for. Again, law of drama says she’s likely fucked. Certainly fucked for contacting loved ones and browsing slashfic during her boring Computer Science class.

    And I like seeing Sal’s excellent crisis management skills. Like, they don’t get as much billing as the punching, but the first aid for injuries, the check-in and empathy as AG is panicking, her tact in talking about Malaya with Marcie. She has a short temper sometimes… a lot of the time. But she’s really good at this kind of stuff and it’s nice to have that highlighted.

    Panel 6: I like the cut of this Jessica’s jib. I bet she would make a fine Gender Studies teacher.

    1. DinaWho

      The one thing I’m concerned about is Amazigirl’s remark earlier that she was ‘protecting’ Sal from Amber. I’m worried she might decide that her mistreatment of Sal (was the fight in the parking lot all Amazigirl? I can’t remember) is due to a ‘taint’ from the ‘bad’ Amber alter and that this could drive further unhealthy separation of the alters. I don’t have personal experience though – what do you think?

      (I’m sorry if this question is pushy or demanding)

      1. Cerberus

        Oh, very much so. Like, it seems AG is trying to fob AG’s boundary pushing, stalking, paranoid obsession, etc… all on Amber in order to hold on to the “golden alter” framing for AG. Oh, no, AG could never hurt Sal, ha ha, it’s only my other bad alter that wants to do that… nowthatiknowhowracistthatlooks.

        So, two steps forward, one step back.

        1. Bagge

          Goddamit Amazi-girl. Stop hogging all the good stuff.

        2. Charles Phipps

          Except Amber is the one who wants to murder Sal and who is pushing AG to do it.

        3. Lailah

          Um, Amber has fled like Sima Yi every time they’ve met since the story started. She stabbed her years ago, in the hand. Amazi-girl is the one who keeps stalking Sal. It’s definitely a convenient fiction to paint Amazi-girl as flawless, not the reality, that Amazi-girl is ‘protecting Sal from Amber’.

        4. Lailah

          Yeah, and it’s probably harmful to Amber’s recovery at that. At least it should mean no more harrassment.

      2. Idontcarenomore

        Not at all pushy imo. I wondered about that yesterday. It seems to show that Amber is still really separating her identities. Doesn’t seem to bode well.

      3. Emperor Norton II

        DinaWho: I wrote a long novel of an opinion about this yesterday, if you’re interested.

        I still have no idea if I’m anywhere near right.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Oh, actually, it’s two comics ago now. Sorry.

    2. Bagge

      Good point about how Sal handles the situation. She can think with a cold head while on her feet. Sadly, I’m 100% sure that comes from too much experience of this kind of things.

      I bet ROBIN would like the cut of ‘Jessica’s Jib”, eh, eh, eh? …sorry, I will be seated now.

      1. ety

        I doubt “merely” landing in catholic boarding school would take the vigilante out of young Sal on it’ own, unless there’s a lot between the Leland thing and the convenience store thing. I’m leaning towards even the convenience store thing being in the name of righting wrongs, though. Which, eventually, brings me to my point. She’s probably had her “doing the right thing” thing corrected many, many times over.

    3. Reltzik

      Three minutes later: “Hi, customer service? Wow, you really don’t have much wait time around midnight. I’m calling on the phone of a frie… old acquaintance because I managed to misplace my own phone. I think it ended up in someone else’s bag and they walked off. Yes, account number yadayadayada, yadayadayada, pin number yadayadayada. No, don’t bother ringing it, I had it on silent. Could you just give me the gps coordinates? What? It’s moving? Where is it now? Well that’s not far! I’ll just run and catch up and you keep on the line and keep telling me where it’s going.”

    4. Disloyal Subject

      “Amazi-girl’s fists can’t melt steel beams.”
      Don’t tempt her, she loves a challenge!
      (Thanks for that, first thing on DoA in a WHILE to blindside me enough for laughing out loud.)

    5. Orion Fury

      Is it bad that I’m surprised that almost no one is commenting on the cut of Jessica’s jib, while when we saw Leslie wearing that same outfit, it seemed like over half the comments were about it?

    6. Spencer

      I think what we’re seeing here is both Amber/AG coming to a realization, and also her revealing something to the reader.

      A core part of her hatred of Sal is that Sal was not a person, just a vaguely evil concept to defeat. Then the crowd dehumanizes Sal and Amber/AG is forced to come to her defense and recognize that Sal did nothing wrong, and we then get an actual, genuine compliment out of AG for her nemesis. Sal isn’t the concept to defeat anymore; she’s a person, and worse, a person that Amber stabbed in the hand.

      Likewise, we get another example of how the Amber/AG split works. Sal has to be fought in order to reclaim Amber’s sanity, Amazi-Girl’s dignity and their Danny, but Amazi-Girl needs to do it the right way. We’ll see how that gets complicated now that AG’s been forced to recognize Sal as a human being.

      What’s really interesting to me, though, is this piece of dialogue.

      “Why do you hate me so much?”

      “Not you. Never you.”

      It is entirely possible, maybe even likely, that the AG alter is starting to resent Amber (or depending on integration, Amber is pushing her self hatred through AG). I don’t think it’s about defeating Sal to reclaim Amber’s sanity anymore. It’s about boxing Amber out for everyone’s protection.

  42. Kris

    It’s Hedly!

  43. miados

    you are all worried about the wrong thing. the opposition is named jake manley? obviously thats a fake name to make people think he is rugged, buff and manly.

    1. Orion Fury

      #NoTinyHandsHere?

  44. Lipke the Articulate

    Okay I can’t be the only one who thinks Frieda looks like the cross-dimensional spawn of Billie and Dina, right?
    Right?

    1. Disloyal Subject

      The spawn of Billie and Dina, raised by people like Mary?
      …merciful heavens, NO. SUMMON THE SPOK!

      1. Roborat

        I misread that, I thought you were making a sporkman reference.

  45. caesaria82

    lmao I love Lesie here. She doesn’t wanna be seen bc she’s embarrased to be there, but she can’t help being nice and helpful. Teacher is so the job she was meant for^^

    1. Bagge

      Sticking out her neck for her students (all right, they don’t take her class, but they are still freshmen of her college) even when the wise choice would be to take a step back. A teacher all right.

      1. Nono

        I think she would have done it for anybody in that situation.

        Leslie is a Good Person.

    2. Fart Captor

      The best part is that neither of them is in any of her classes, so they probably wouldn’t recognize her anyway

  46. Bagge

    “Rallying Jessica

    My name is Jessica. I’m a sexually confident women who doesn’t let my political opinions get in my way for my pursuit of love and absolutely doesn’t hide behind signs like a dope. This is the story of how I seduced congress woman DeSanto… “

    1. Emperor Norton II

      “My sexy, sexy story…. Once we got past the dozens and dozens of embarassing moments. Which I will tell you all about first.

      And frankly, there were many embarassing moments during the sexy times as well. But still sexy. Sort of. If you like charming awkwardness and blushing. I know I do.”

  47. Reflex76

    “My name is Leslll- . . . -lemon. Leslemon.”

    1. a snow ʍousɐ

      My name is Lesbee

      1. a snow ʍousɐ

        My last name starts with N

    2. Orion Fury

      Hm, Leslemon? I like the cut of your jib.

  48. Tomas

    Jesbian.

  49. Arianod

    No, it’s not.

  50. jjX

    I clicked on the tag Leslie, read those comics, and went “ooooohhhhh…”
    “There have been WAY less scene jumps than I thought!”

    Dam you Willis, my mind is blown again. @_@

  51. TomB

    I don’t know about Amber, but any picture I take on my phone is uploaded to cloud storage (Google Photos in my case) within seconds of being taken. Even if he gets into her phone, the picture would be safe. (Obviously, if it’s not screenlocked, she’ll have other problems…)

    1. Idontcarenomore

      If he gets into her phone, why cant he figure out how to get to her pictures, contacts, etc?
      Cloud storage is not that safe. imo.

      1. wwwhhattt

        She sent it to Dorothy for confirmation, so the picture’s fine. Everything else on the phone however…

        1. Reltzik

          Also, if Ryan gets the phone unlocked, he’ll be able to see that it was sent to Dorothy. From the context of the text message conversation, he’ll know that she was a witness at the party, and he’ll get Joyce’s name (if he didn’t remember it from before), and know that she’s in regular contact with Joyce.

          He’ll also have Dorothy’s phone number and, since Amazi-girl is prepared for everything, address.

        2. Disloyal Subject

          I don’t know if she’d bother entering her next-door neighbor with whom she shares a half-bath’s address. To my way of thinoing, preparing for anything means omitting any sensitive information I have menorized when entering contact information, JUST IN CASE I lose it and someone unscrupulous happens across it.
          Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

        3. Reltzik

          Okay, true. But Dorothy’s not exactly hard to identify as part of the newspaper staff and the only one writing about Amazi-girl and Ryan’s about to be extremely interested in reading up on Amazi-girl. Lots of ways to track her down to a physical place and to know what she looks like.

  52. Bagge

    Well, Tyler, how did that go for you, Tyler. I hope you have learnt your lesson about jumping super heroes, Tyler.

    Goddamit, Tyler.

    1. Lipke the Articulate

      Who?

      1. Emperor Norton II

        I’ve forgotten already.

        1. Willoughby Chase

          Isn’t he the one with the same hair and bigger nose as … it’ll come to me …

        2. Reltzik

          Tyler: Tannest clone and the captain of irresponsibility.

    2. Reltzik

      “If you get a chance to jump a superhero, do it. Yeah you’ll get whupped but that’s a chance that never comes again and most superheroes will let you live to tell your grandkids about it.”

      1. Falling Star

        Hey, Reltzik, you’re finally Walky!

        1. Reltzik

          And I was trying not to call attention to it, because the cartoonist was threatening to upload new gavs and mess up the RNG the moment I got this one.

          But yes, I’m Walky now.

        2. Bagge

          To be fair, you might be a second twin in a pink mouse costume.
          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/02-i-was-a-teenage-churchmouse/babyyou/

  53. Darastrix

    Even if the phone is screenlocked and Ryan can’t access anything she has on it, she could still be screwed, since usually, you don’t have to go through the hassle of unlocking the phone to answer a call.

    So, if someone tries to call Amber, Ryan can just answer and not say anything, and the person on the other end would probably go “Hello? Amber?” This confirms for him that the person calling doesn’t know her phone’s been stolen, and then he can answer and say that he found the phone and wants to get it back to her, and do they happen to know when/where she has a class next or where she’d be right then. The person on the other end, thinking they’re helping Amber get her phone back just gives him the info he needs to find her, and then all he has to do is show up at her location, call “Amber!” and when she looks to see who’s yelling her name, identity 100% busted.

    Moral of the hypothetical story – never, ever give a friend’s info to someone you don’t actually know without talking to your friend about it first.

    1. Bagge

      “Hello, Amber, it’s your father…”

  54. BenRG

    I really think that Robin should consider getting a new campaign manager. Frieda seems more focussed on the budget than making her client look good and that’s not a good sign.

    I wonder how far Ryan ran whilst Amazi-Girl and Amber were pounding the Dudebros into paste? It’s probably too much to hope for that Amazi-Girl has an app to let her track the ‘phone’s location.

    1. Disloyal Subject

      It looked like he stuck around for a little while to watch in case his bro squad won, only bailing when they failed to put up significant resistance against experienced fighters. Couple that with the fight’s quick resolution and he probably hadn’t gone more than a couple yards until they started talking.

  55. quix

    Maybe it isn’t an identity revealing disaster coming up. Maybe it’s another gesture of goodwill as Sal lets Amber use Sal’s phone to remotely kill Amber’s.

    Maybe.

  56. Idontcarenomore

    Excellent!. Mutual respect at last.

    As has been stated, AG does not look at all good in the 5th panel, definite panic look. But why?

    I’d be surprised if the sci-major, gamer doesn’t have her phone locked. Could be trying to remember ‘how long from last action till turn off’ is her problem.

    So, got a feeling Willis has another shoe to drop on us.

    1. Needfuldoer

      You’d be amazed how many otherwise tech-savvy people really don’t have much knnowledge about information security.

      1. SarahSaur

        And of those tech savvy people who do have the knowledge, many choose not to use it.

        Though someone with a secret identity has like 10x more reason to actually pay attention to that.

        So i suspect that it does screen lock – but like idontcarenomore says – maybe not till after more time has passed than would have been necessary at that moment.

  57. Needfuldoer

    Plays ‘Jessica’ by The Allman Brothers on the hacked Muzak.

  58. NinjaNick

    I think Ryan’s gonna know because he’s just a rat.

  59. Queezel

    this ist not going well…
    on the bright side this could lead to some positiv Sal Amer development..or maybe everything goes down the drain and all we love is lost

    1. CianM1301

      I think it’s probably safe to assume the latter.

      1. Queezel

        There never was much hope. Just a fool’s hope..

  60. marr

    Since she already sent the picture to someone else, at least they will still have his picture to look him up with.

  61. Dandi_Andi

    “Kissing Jessica Sign”

    A congresswoman searching for the perfect man instead discovers the perfect woman… hiding behind a sign.

    1. Anna

      This is great on several different levels, thank you.

  62. newllend(henryvolt)

    Wait if they’re her interns why not just ask her for his name ?

    1. Fart Captor

      They probably will, but she’s already getting defensive and seeking to cover this up.

  63. Keulan

    Is “You fight good” referencing what I hope it’s referencing?

    Also, I love that “Jessica” is still hiding behind her sign.

  64. Willoughby Chase

    A mechanic’s car is ALWAYS in pieces:((

  65. Amake

    So I guess they should call her phone nonstop and see if they can run out the battery or hear it ringing, or if they’re really lucky Ryan is dumb enough to answer it? That is if Amazi-Girl can’t just call her Amber’s provider and have it bricked and/or tracked? I don’t know how smartphones work. Or where the closest phone is.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      She can call her provider (Squint/Im-Mobile/whoever) and have the phone suspended as a lost/stolen device to prevent anyone from using it to make calls or access data through the network, but this does not automatically wipe the data (contacts, photos, prior texts or email messages, etc) from the device.  So as long as the phone can be powered on Ryan can probably view anything that is in the phone’s internal memory and not screen-lock or password protected, and if he has a friend who is tech-savvy enough he might even be able to find a way past those as well.

      THAT’S the part we really need to worry about.  Given enough time and a person who is determined enough, NOTHING is absolutely, completely secure and impregnable.

  66. Bagge

    A little revenge fantasy of my own.

    Ryan get’s into the phone, pulls the photo from twittlr and then goes after Dorothy (who’s address he finds in the student directory or whatever) to get her phone as well.

    Joyce: “Becky is safe… Becky is safe… I can calm down, I don’t have to protect her right now…”
    Ryan: “Hi, I’m the local rapist of your nightmares going after your other best friend in the whole world. Don’t mind me.”
    Jocelyne: “That thing I said about anger…”
    Toedad: “I like the cut of your jib, son, but trust me on this one. Run.”
    Joyce: “Fight or flight… fight or flight… SARAH, GIVE ME THE BASEBALL BAT STAT BECAUSE OF THE REASON!!!”
    Sarah: “NO WAY, I HAVE A WAY TO EXPRESS MY CONCERN AND LOVE WITH VIOLENCE RATHER THAN FEELS. MY BASEBALL BAT. MY ACCEPTABLE TARGET. MINE!!!!!”
    Dina: “Becky, when you admired me biting your asshole father in the face, was that admiration specifically for me targeting him, or would assholes in general generate a similar response?”
    Amazi-girl: “THERE HE IS, COME BACK, PERSONIFICATION OF MY FAILURE AS A SUPER HERO AND CHANCE TO REMEDY THE SAME.”
    Blaine: “Seriously. Just run.”
    Sal: “IT’S OK TO HIT HIM, MARCIE, A WHITE GIRL SAID SO!!!!”
    Leland: “They are not kidding, bro.”
    Ruth: “I’m a failure as a person, I’m a failure as a partner, I’m a failure as an RA… thaaaaaat’s seems like someone assaulting the students under my care. I HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE AGAIN!!!!!!! MY FEMURS, MINE!!!!!”
    Billie: “RUUUUTH, I wanna spend time with you. Wait for meeeee.”
    Wild dogs *ears perk up*: “Food?”

    Dorothy: “Guys, I’ve already subdued him and called the police. Mind keeping the noise down a bit? I have an article to write.”
    Walky *half asleep*: “atta girl.”

    1. Falling Star

      Too many things happening at once.
      Worth it.

  67. motorfirebox

    Ironically, “Jessica A Very Common Name” is actually not a very common name.

  68. Falling Star

    Hedy Roe Sexual.
    Ah. Okay.

  69. Carolyn

    “What did you do to my interns?!”

    Beat the shit out of them, obviously. Geez, Frieda, try to keep up.

    1. Sam

      A+ commentary right there.

  70. Dex

    That’s not Jessica! It’s… a GIANT CHICKEN!

    “You raided a dresser
    To look like a human professor
    But you’re not a teacher
    You’re a Chicken-Boo.”

    1. Orion Fury

      Oddly enough, still a competent teacher.

      1. Dex

        That was always the funniest thing about Chicken-Boo. No matter what persona got adopted, Boo was always super competent at it, at least until being unmasked.

  71. Reltzik

    BTW, Frieda? This is you getting what you pay for. Do background security checks on your staff, and pay them so they’re willing to go through that process.

    1. Lailah

      A background check ain’t going to find this. It’s not ‘official’.

      1. Reltzik

        No, it wouldn’t. But paying would let you recruit people who…. aren’t dumb as rocks.

  72. SpoopyFox

    is nobody gonna make the Mulan connection?

  73. Reltzik

    …. also, it occurs to me that Leslie must have had either permissive or apathetic parents, because she never learned to lie convincingly at all.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      They taught her to lie by internally lying to herself inside her own head*. Lying externally, where you are saying things you know perfectly well are untrue is a different skill.

      * The most important lie being “I am straight and don’t really lust after women even if it feels like I do.”

      1. Reltzik

        Leslie isn’t really good at telling those internal lies either.

  74. Morp

    Amazin-Girl: I should be fine, there’s no way he would be able to figure out my password.
    *Meanwhile*
    Whats his face:…1…2…3…4…5…. Wait thats really the password? What kind of idiot makes that their password?

    1. Carolyn

      Amazing! I’ve got the same combination on my luggage!

      1. Orion Fury

        You too?

    2. Li

      I mean, she’s a comp sci major, so no.

      1. Falling Star

        Probes something more like:
        The St4rSp4ngledB4nner!

        1. Kamino Neko

          She seems more a Stucky type to me.

        2. Spencer

          It is indeed canon that Amber ships Stucky.

        3. Kamino Neko

          That would probably be why she feels like a Stucky shipper, eh? <_< (Unless that's from a Patreon only comic, not something I only remembered subconsciously.)

      2. Reltzik

        “In retrospect, the Fibonacci Sequence was pretty obvious too.”

    3. Reltzik

      Amazi-Girl: “Who would think he was clever enough to out-think reverse-reverse-reverse psychology!”

  75. Bagge

    Billie *raises hand*: “I have a question…”
    https://twitter.com/damnyouwillis/status/776274556394803200

  76. Ragingagnostic

    I’m so sick and tired of this guy escaping! If it’s meant to be a running gag, it’s not funny!

    1. Orion Fury

      Well if you call it a ‘brisk walk’, it just doesn’t have that same punch.

  77. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Robin will see a picture of “Jessica” and fall hopelessly in love. She will embark on a quest trying to find her again, by carrying that DeSanto campaign sign and measuring it against people until she finds the chest window that fits.

    (Starting with orphaned peasant girls is probably not the best course, however.)

    1. ninja_jesus

      Ahh, Signderella. Classic story.

  78. smylietron

    I’m a little confused.

    Does anyone have the photo, or did shit start going down before she could send/show it to anyone? She mentioned uploading, right? Is Ryan’s endgame just to steal the phone to stalk her?

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      There are two photos. One was from a distance, and was already sent to Dorothy to check that this was him. The second photo was a closeup and an upload was started. We do not know where the upload is to or if it completed. Ryan hopes to delete it.

    2. Spencer

      He’s probably hoping to delete it off of her phone. Amazi-Girl’s plan was to upload it to social media, and she probably hasn’t done that yet.

      Failing that, there’s always blackmail material.

  79. Rex Vivat

    Yeah, because a screen lock is so hard to break… and that’s assuming she’s not bluffing.

  80. Lu86

    I honestly have no idea who this Manley character is, but it sounds like one of those nicknames for David Ryder.

    The name makes me think Manley can eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing, shaves with an axe (his bear is too tough for puny razors), his mustache has its own mustache, and he writes by punching words in a thesaurus so hard they run away from the book and into sheets of white paper.

    1. Lipke the Articulate

      PfffffftHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      He’s like Robin only male and annoying

      At least, that’s how he was in Shortpacked!

  81. Space Budgie

    wouldn’t just “hedy roe” be the straight equivalent of “leslie bean”? i mean, technically, a name that sounds like “straight” would be, but that’s beside the point.

  82. DaAmron

    its also possible to remotely activate GPS with another phone or computer, so as to track the whereabouts of a phone if it is lost or stolen. (used to work tech support and customer service for nextel/sprint/boost). likewise, law enforcement has a way of turning on its gps even easier (as a post-911 countermeasure which ensured that all phones came with a gps). likewise, not sure how much of a headstart ‘scarface’ has, but im willing to bet he’s probably had a LOT of victims which is why he’s so eager to make sure he’s not seen, hopefully Amber’s screenlock is a code and not a swipe (depending on the phone, swipe patterns appear as streaks or smudges on the screen no matter how frequently you clean them)

  83. Tenn

    I like these friendly terms you’re on. Do continue. And kick Ryan in the balls.

  84. Carolyn

    Ah, Frieda, I can see the headline now:

    “DeSanto Aide Calls Potential Rape Victim a Liar”

    Something tells me Robin’s going to have some people to fire.

    1. thejeff

      I can see the headlines too: “Teenage campaign volunteers assaulted by vigilante and felon.”

  85. Jhon

    Good work, Ms. Jennifer! You are a model for concerned citizens everywhere!

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      If only there were 6 more of you!

  86. Rob

    Why’s this tagged for Les? She’s not in this one…

  87. Roborat

    I am looking forward to seeing Billy’s reaction when she sees pics of Sal and Amazi-Girl fighting together.

  88. Aslee

    Oh my god they’re Shang and Mulan and they’re gonna KISS willis please

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