130

I-94
Posted on February 23, 2022 by David M Willis

130 thoughts on “I-94”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    whoops accidentally believable

    1. Doctor_Who

      Liz didn’t know to compensate for the Joyce Factor, which increases acceptable ridiculousness parameters by 400%.

      1. Rose by Any Other Name

        Yeah, that’s … true.

        I was gonna say that seemed like an very round-about way to have sex, but yeah, increased ridiculousness would make that work.

        1. The Wellerman

          A washing machine could also do the job.

          Or an earthbender, if you know one.

        2. Yotomoe

          Or just blasting Niel Pert through industrial speakers.

        3. Opus the Poet

          Has to be Tom Sawyer though.

        4. Madock345

          What she described there is a real thing known to happen at certain Christian universities

        5. ReverendJ

          And man do they get pissed if they catch you thrusting.

        6. Leadsynth

          At my local Christian college, the rule is that when people of the opposite sex are in a dorm room together, the door has to remain open, and at least one person has to have one foot on the floor at all times. Those are the actual rules…intended to prevent sex.

          This led to a lot of sex where the door was technically open and at least one person’s foot was technically on the floor.

        7. davidbreslin101

          …this all sounds like fetish rocket fuel. I can imagine a huge scandal where a sex-worker dishes the dirt on a pastor’s fondnes for a certain weird sexual position. His old classmates all read this and go: “But- but that’s not sex! Is it?”

        8. RassilonTDavros

          “an very round-about way to have sex”

          So which one of them will be the roundabout?

        9. The Wellerman

          *plays “Roundabout” by Yes on Hacked Muzak*

        10. Ana Chronistic

          Dylan will be the MAGIC roundabout

  2. Doctor_Who

    God I hope the driver has earbuds and a podcast on.

    I also hope that one day Joyce hears about this and we get to see her reaction.

    1. John Campbell

      Now I’m imagining Joyce is the driver.

    2. Wraithy2773

      My guess right now? The driver is the Dumbiverse version of Beef. Who only talks in grunts.

      1. Holly

        You’re all making me worried that the driver is one of those skeezy guys, friends of the one who tried to drug Joyce! 🙁

      2. Jason Rivest

        Beef has already appeared in Dumbing of Age.

        1. Wraithy2773

          Dang it!

    3. Rectilinear Propagation

      Isn’t that illegal? Or does that vary by state?

      1. Sam

        It is not illegal but you can absolutely be fined for careless driving and found at fault in an accident if it considered a factor that distracted you.

    4. Keulen

      Yeah I would hate to be the driver in this situation.

    5. zee

      Are you kidding? If i were the driver I’d be eating this shit up. Maybe they’re a drama fiend like all of us

    6. DrunkenNordmann

      Remember her frozen face of terror? Yeah, that one.

  3. ThunderNight

    So it was literally just the tip?

    1. Matt

      Well, no, even that’s a lie. At most she was lightly grinding on an erection through two sets of underwear and a pair of jeans in between.

      1. Yotomoe

        I hate how much that still sounds AMAZING to me.

      2. woobie

        “Just the tip” is ALWAYS a lie.

    2. John Campbell

      Nah, she didn’t get as far as tipping him.

      1. King Daniel

        Yeah, that was Mike’s job!

  4. The Wellerman

    Jump Humping….

    Pump It Up?

    HUMP It Up!!!!

    ???

    1. True Survivor

      Is that a Saturday Night Live reference from the 80’s?

      1. The Wellerman

        Ya ever been to a Pump It Up? ?

        1. True Survivor

          No I have not. Are they a gym or restaurant of some kind?

        2. BarerMender

          I think it’s one of those things at the gas station for fluffing up your tires. Not recommended for sexual gratification. Pressurized air is nothing to trifle with.

        3. ktbear

          Thats not what a fluffer brought to mind for me but ok.

  5. True Survivor

    Sarah spends too much time worrying about Joyce. I mean I know some statistically improbably bad stuff has happened to her lately but what are the odds of that happening again? Its not like she’s the protagonist of a long running comedic drama comic.

    1. Geneseepaws

      As far as I know she’s not a protagonist, I think she’s still an Athiest

      1. Sambo

        Thank you for making me chuckle!

    2. Opus the Poet

      She’s not a link-haired girl in an anime, so she’s good.

  6. Carms

    wait wait so Liz has clocked that Joyce was misrepresenting herself?
    Like I know Joyce isn’t super convincing but…

    1. Nathan

      I think it’s more that Joyce is the type of person who would accidentally wander into an orgy without realizing it.

      1. Yotomoe

        “You guys wrestlin? Playing a good ol’ game of twister? Hard mode, without the mat so you have to go based on memory? Wow college kids are intense!

        1. The Wellerman

          If Naked Twister hasn’t already been made into a video game I swear….

        2. Needfuldoer

          With VR tech progressing as fast as it has, it’s only a matter of time.

      2. catch10110

        CSB: I remember being at a party once in the wee hours, being pretty drunk and playing on a Playstation. The people in the next room basically let me know they were shutting the door because things were happening in there, and I shrugged and said, “Sure.” A freshman friend of ours wandered in, found me playing, and asked where everyone else was. I distractedly pointed to the door to the other room.

        I have never seen eyes so big on someone when she came back and said, “They’re all having SEX in there!” I had to pause the game and apologize for not being more clear.

    2. Andy

      That or she believes Joyce would never go along with such religious nonsense.

  7. Suet

    There’s so much to unpack, unlike Joe’s package eyooooo–

    –Who’s gonna tell her Joyce has been in a threesome with Dotty and Walky

    The Deluge Premium Sprayer has no price. It just comes to you whenever needed

  8. Pocky

    I mean, voyeurism might be one of those things the poor girl would awake to at this rate.

    But in all seriousness; don’t jump on the bed. Especially if its a 2-tier!

  9. Sam Smith

    So we’ve gone from Indiana to BYU?

    1. Sam Smith

      (Not really. Who ever heard of more than one black person at BYU?)

      1. zee

        Pfffft

      2. Opus the Poet

        Well they do have sports teams. And I have seen more than one of their basketball players and football players “melanin enhanced”.

  10. AlexaSpuds

    oh no the mormons are invading!

    1. Amós Batista

      oh, I’ve heard about it. So, is this legend is true about mormons?

    2. ValdVin

      Yeah…today’s installment is something I’ll have to pre-explain so my wife gets it. (And the mere fact I understand it shows what corners of the internet I tourist to.)

  11. BBCC

    Wrong denomination, Liz! XD

    Oh, she’s funny though.

  12. jmsr7

    Purity culture Rape culture is almost as fucked up as the loopholes horny teenagers use to get around it.

    1. Yumi

      I’d say it’s more fucked up.

      1. Needfuldoer

        But technically not really fucked up, so they’re still clean.

        /s

    2. Yotomoe

      “You’re doing it…IN THE EAR”

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Petah, I can’t believe owah dawwwdtah is getting fucked in the ears and you didn’t stowwwp her!

        1. zee

          I remember overhearing that episode when i was a kid and just accepted it as a real thing like necking, until i got old enough to actually think about sex and got really confused how something like that would work.

          I mean I’m pretty sure hentai has done it but i don’t really look at them to be the arbiter of what is possible

        2. Delicious Taffy

          Hold on, are you telling me there aren’t really giant pitcher plant demons with lures shaped like busty co-eds?

        3. zee

          …monster girl encyclopedia?
          I mean other hentai has probably done it but that’s very MGE

    3. The Wellerman

      I am a hacker.
      My only crime is that of curiosity.
      You can stop me.
      But you can’t stop us all.

      — Hacker Manifesto

    4. khn0

      Rape culture is ingrained in religious loopholes.
      See what was allowed to avoid having too much kids but still avoid men not be sexually satisfied by the medieval churches.
      See how priests had a reputation for fornication and rape from early in the civilizations circus.
      At this point it’s not loopholes anymore but the very foundation of religion as a system of inconsistencies based on getting caught

      1. C.T. Phipps

        That undermines misogyny as a secular concept as well. Also, misses that Christianity only came to power because it was initially supported by women due to its stance against infanticide, femicide, and honor killings. Too bad Roman men kept trying to make loopholes.

        1. khn0

          Not talking about christianity alone, sadly.
          I can get your point about misginy, but I have a tendency to consider all faith-based systems as religions, for example french revolutionary “supreme being cult”, soviet personality cult, or ancient greek beliefs, for examples, in the men being the seed of the personality of kids, or howSocrate was judged also for having brought foreign gods.

  13. Yotomoe

    *Writes that down*
    Hmm…Yeah I may have a new prompt.

  14. Delicious Taffy

    It’s a good thing Liz is super hot, or this entire situation might get awkward soon.

    1. Yotomoe

      This, but unironically.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Oh, I assure you I am entirely devoid of irony. Liz cute.

      2. Deanatay

        WYSEBWBS!

  15. Kirtro

    “Jump Humping” has now been added to my list of favorite word combinations.

  16. P!enapple

    This is going to be one of those stories the driver tells to eeevvvverybody later lmaooo

  17. timemonkey

    As long as he didn’t rub it on her tummy they’re fine.

    1. Yotomoe

      A lot of guys are into Navel Sex. Or would it be Abdominal sex?

      1. The Wellerman

        It would be Ticklish Sex!!! ?

        1. King Daniel

          I don’t think “navel sex” is that kind of sex, at least not if my Cursed Knowledge of a different kind of abdominal sex is any indicator of similarity

        2. Bicycle Bill

          That’s actually the punch line of a blonde joke —
          “Why did the blonde’s belly button hurt after sex?”
          “Because her boyfriend was blonde too.”

        3. King Daniel

          I was particularly referring to the idea of it being “ticklish sex”, but yeah that more or less is what I was getting at.

        4. The Wellerman

          I mean, belly buttons have to be at least slightly ticklish?

        5. King Daniel

          I imagine the sensation from having something (attempted to be) pushed into there would typically fast override any ticklish sensations.

          And that’s not even factoring in my Cursed™ knowledge–though it doesn’t exactly pertain to navels…

        6. The Wellerman

          FYI if it hurts that bad you’re not doing it right.

          Always remember to use lube!!! ?

        7. Nova

          You have a bellybutton. You are aware what bellybuttons feel like.

          I can’t imagine having a penis bumped into anything is particularly tickle-inducing, but especially not bellybuttons.

          I’ve said bellybuttons so much in this reply that the word has ceased to mean anything to me.

      2. Deanatay

        Nasal Sex – its the next big thing, Boss!

        Hrm, kinky…

  18. Queen Anthai

    I hate that I know what these things are.

    1. AFriskyJacket

      SAAAAAAAAAAAMMMEEE

  19. Dr. T

    You all want to talk about the sex jokes. I’d rather talk about Willis’ progression as an artist. Sarah’s never looked better in this webcomic.

    1. King Daniel

      Compare with Sarah’s very first appearance: https://www.dumbingofage.com/2010/comic/book-1/01-move-in-day/high/

      1. Martin Smith

        It’s weird looking back at early DoA and getting the same feeling as when looking back at early Shortpacked.

      2. Reltzik

        I think you mean her very first appearance.

        Also, Liz’s.

        1. StClair

          That’s what I thought the link above was going to be, yes.

  20. Rabbit

    I’ve been rereading and I just realized with all this that Joyce stated she wants to see Liz as a Role Model.

    Given what we now know about Liz, I get why Sarah was like: She’s not a good role model.

  21. DailyBrad

    God, soaking.

    In any case, I do get the impression Sarah isn’t aware that Liz IS basically all-talk.

    1. Zaxares

      Is that actually a real term nowadays? If it is, I’m in my early 40’s, have been involved with BDSM subculture for half my life, and the sex world can STILL find new things/terms to trip me up with. XD

      1. vlademir1

        Hell, I’m in essentially the same place here. Been rolling through various top of the slash roles for two decades and there’s always a new term to learn. That said, this is more like a new term on an old idea which I’m only aware of because my corner of SW Ohio is fairly ripe with people religiously similar to Liz, Joyce and Becky and I’ve had to know many for various reasons dating back to high school.

      2. zee

        It’s a Mormon thing, not a real sex term, so it makes sense normal people wouldn’t know it.

    2. Inbar Fink

      Honestly, considering how she called Liz a ‘fraud’ just a few hours ago (a few months from our perspective), and how she’s angry at Joe… I think she’s got a VERY good handle on Liz in that regard. She’s just worried that Joe (who she doesn’t know nearly as well as she knows her sister, and most of her impressions of him were pretty negative) might be the kind of sleaze to exploit Liz’s naivete and desire to be seen a Cool Secular Adult.

      Like, we talk a lot here about how Joe’s standards for being an ‘Ethical Horndog’ really should be a lot higher but I think Sarah’s brain might be going through this scenario – https://www.dumbingofage.com/2021/comic/book-12/01-sister-christian/sorry-5/
      But with a much Worse version of Joe.

  22. Francoinblanco

    I had feeling that “mormon” loophole will show up but i was beting that anal loophole/intact hymen show up first

  23. Darkoneko

    w-what the hell ?

  24. Wraithy2773

    And another comic where the so many folks in the comments are going “…that’s not actually a thing right?”, only to be proven horribly, horribly wrong one google search later…

    1. Keulen

      Yeah I had to look up those things to confirm they’re actually things. Though it sounds like they’re more a Mormon thing, and I didn’t think Liz was raised Mormon.

  25. Acher4

    Oooooooh, Joyce has been there already. 😛

    https://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-8/01-face-the-strange/early-2/

  26. Kaffeeteria

    Now I kind of want to see Liz’ Fakebook page.

  27. Eldritchy

    These kinds of loopholes always make me chuckle. For people who so fervently believe in God they are really looking down on him. Like, they believe that just because they are obeying the Letter of the law they won’t get in trouble while forgetting about the Spirit of the Law. Do they really think that God wouldn’t know what they are doing?

  28. C.T. Phipps

    Sarah is so cute in that last panel.

    And this really does explain why Sarah is so protective of Joyce. She’s basically just Liz and invoking all those unconscious feelings about being a protective older sibling. However, they’re not undermined by the anger over past issues between them.

    Joyce is McAwesome’s Liz.

  29. TallPacked

    Guys stop hugging these beds are so bounceable.
    G…guys?

  30. Rabisch

    The fact that Sarah has imagined Joyce in that kind of situation is both hilarious and kinda worrisome.

  31. Ereb

    Not a PIV person anyway, but “soaking” that sounds disgusting, worse than normal thrusting.

  32. APersonAmI

    … I did not need to know that. Gross.

  33. SlothfulCobra

    I thought that was just a mormon thing.

  34. Dan

    Right, this absolutely should be the new porncomic. It would be simultaneously hilarious and hot.

  35. Username Taken

    Liz bringing that up feels especially topical after Becky and Dina were navigating their own religious loopholes recently.

  36. Bagge

    I suppose this is the Liz/Joyce slipshine I have been hoping for

  37. Deviant

    I thought soaking couldn’t be real
    I stand corrected after googling it.

    1. Adept

      I knew better than to check. Dammit America… you’ve got issues.

      1. Bathymetheus

        You ain’t seen nothin’ yet . . .

  38. zee

    I made a joke about soaking a few weeks ago, i didn’t think it’d actually get name dropped in the comic .-.

    Anyway i hate music comments but i can’t resist so here’s noel millers loophole https://youtu.be/G7kep9440qo

    It’s about derfing not soaking but it’s still relevant

    1. CrazyJ

      You should check out Garfunkel and Oates Loophole song while you are at it (you’ll have to go to Vimeo if you want to watch it with the music video though).

  39. Alan in DC

    Show me any 19 year old male who would willingly “soak”.

    1. thejeff

      One trying to talk a naive virgin into having sex?

  40. RassilonTDavros

    Calling it now, the driver is Dana, and Sarah didn’t realize it because her anger at Liz is overriding her concern for the people she cares about. Realizing that will be a wake-up call.

    1. Spencer

      Dana then pulls her face off to reveal she is Mike.

      1. King Daniel

        Mike then unzips the full-body suit to reveal it was actually Agatha all along

        1. Pharmadan

          And the Agathas torso opens revealing a dimensionaly displaced Head Alien

  41. Mr. Random

    Me and my friends, after learning about “Soaking” had a lengthy conversation on what actually is required to consider something a threesome. (With tangents on how many bodies are required to have an orgy and if those bodies must each have a separate consciousness controlling it.)

  42. Ana Chronistic

    idk how I read past it but “I-94” gives me hives for the same reason I foam at the mouth at the idea of ever playing “Papers, Please”

    (it’s basically my job)

  43. Felian

    Soaking is the most ridiculous way to pretend you’re not having sex. Ever.
    My dear fellow humans, if you want sex this much, maybe reconsider whether following a christian rule that forbids it is actually in your best interest 😉
    It surely wasn’t in my best interest. If it makes you happy to wait until marriage, that is perfectly valid. But if you choose to do sexual things, there’s nothing to be gained in technicalities like this. It’s healthy and absolutely fine to have sex, to want sex, to talk about sex, as long as you and your partner(s) are consenting adults and everyone involved is having fun and respected.
    If there were a god i could still believe in, they would be one that looks down at me from whatever celestial abode they live in, and they’d be happy to see that i was living my best life.

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